December 4, 2025 • 36 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(01:05):
Hi guys.
We are now in the month ofDecember, which is the busiest
time of the year, some people'sfavorite time of the year, but
it's the busiest and I wannahelp you find ways to make your
life easier.
And we're gonna do that byhelping you understand that
(01:26):
questions.
Are the best asset that youhave, the best tool, the best
skill to work on.
'cause there are two kinds ofleaders, folks, two of them, the
ones who solve everyone'sproblem, and the ones who build
people who can solve their ownand help other people learn how
(01:48):
to solve problems.
Only one of those leaders.
Create capacity in themselvesand others.
Only one of those leaders createtrust, and only one of those
leaders can survive seniorliving long term.
Doesn't matter what role you'rein.
What, what leader do you thinkit is?
(02:08):
I love this quote by TonyRobbins.
He says that the quality ofquestions create the quality.
Of your life, the quality of thequestions that you ask will
create the quality of life thatyou want.
And I'll add this.
Quality questions will create aquality leader, will create a
(02:32):
quality experience for thepeople that you serve.
Because the questions that youask determine the leadership and
the culture.
That you build.
So stay with me today becauseI'm going to give you the five
capacity building questions thatyou can start using immediately.
(02:54):
and one of them is so simplethat it will change.
It will change your standup or ateam meeting that you have
tomorrow.
So let's get into it, do youfeel right now today inside of
your community that everyone iscoming to you for answers?
Do you feel.
It necessary to solve themimmediately so you can move on.
(03:16):
That's a good question.
What's the answer to that one?
do you feel exhausted fromsolving all the problems all day
long?
Have you ever had those dayswhere it's like, I cannot make
another decision.
I don't care what you eat today.
I don't care if I eat today.
I'm done choosing.
I'm done solving decisionfatigue.
(03:37):
If that's you and you have moreof those days than not, and you
want to stop having more ofthose days, and you want to
start having a team that thinksfor themselves, this episode's
for you, we're gonna give youthe exact tools to do that.
This is in theory.
These are the same tools that Iused as an executive director or
(04:01):
will say that I learned over acourse of time as an executive
director that I have reallyleaned into now as a coach, as a
leadership executive coach, andwhat I believe innately I have a
strength in this area and Ididn't know it.
I just was a curious person andasking great questions.
(04:25):
But I struggled with wanting tosolve everybody's problems
because I wanted to be a herobecause of the dopamine hit of
somebody saying, thank you, thatwas great.
I, okay, so sometimes we justhave to get out of our own way,
and so these are the tools.
(04:45):
That I'm using now as a coachwhere my job is to ask better
questions, and I wanna give youthe five reasons as to why you
should start asking betterquestions.
you and I both know that we dealwith a lot of drama inside of
our communities, Most of ourtime and energy are sucked into
(05:07):
a drama vortex, whether it'sassociate drama, family drama
management, drama, vendor drama,market drama, corporate drama,
whatever it is, we get suckedinto it.
And there was a time where Ispent a lot of time trying to
(05:29):
understand.
Or give people time and space tovent.
But then I started realizing, mytime is valuable.
And I started seeing patternswhere the same people would be
returning to my office to havethe same conversation and there
would be no resolution.
(05:49):
I gotta stop giving people mytime.
And start helping people solvetheir own problems.
Otherwise, we're gonna besitting here doing the same
thing.
I had a friend who once said,stop picking the weeds when it
should be the roots that you'regoing after, right?
Don't just pick the surfacelevel weeds.
(06:11):
When you're picking the weeds.
Pulling the weeds.
Make sure you're getting theroot and take the time to dig
and try to find them.
'cause otherwise it's gonna keepcoming back.
So how did I shift my mentalityfrom giving people time, space,
and energy, and sometimes a longtime, a lot of energy to talk
(06:34):
their way out of it?
I started asking questions.
That's it.
Well, what did you think wasgoing to happen?
Why did you say that to her?
What do you want me to do aboutthis?
These are questions that I wouldask associates during their
drama and better questions thatI ask family members after
listening to their main concernsis, what does success look like
(06:57):
here?
What can I do to resolve thissituation?
I think one of the biggestopportunities that we have as
leaders is to really work on ourability to repair relationships,
problems.
Situations that didn't go rightand questions can help you do
(07:17):
that.
On a personal note, I will addthat I have a 13-year-old son
who's on the spectrum whoseenergy would make the energizer
bunny look like the tortoise andthe tortoise and the hare, and.
I have to ask him questions nowinstead of telling him what to
do and lemme tell you somethingthat's hard because I want him
(07:42):
to understand.
I wanna tell him what he didthat made me feel bad or how
what he said to somebody elsemade them feel bad or how he's
not listening.
But that doesn't work because heargues with me.
But when I say to him.
Did you mean to hurt myfeelings?
When you said that, did you meanto hurt their feelings when you
kept doing that after they askedyou to stop?
(08:02):
Do you want to choose goodbehaviors today?
If you do, you have to stopdoing that behavior and that
gets through to him more thananything else.
And in the moment, it is so hardto take a deep breath and learn
to respond appropriately.
To pull the best out of him toget the result I want, instead
(08:26):
of demanding that he understandssomething because he doesn't.
That's the difference.
That's the skill that I'm nowusing on a personal level that
I've used in a professionallevel that's making my life a
little bit easier.
the day that you realize this.
And life and leadership is theday that your life will change,
(08:49):
that you get the behavior thatyou reward.
And when I was rewarding peopleby coming and staying in my
office and really talking aboutit and having this venting
session and letting them feellike I honored and valued them,
guess what happened?
They wanted to come back.
Because it made them feel goodand I, my day was lost.
(09:09):
But when I transitioned, when Ishifted that session from
venting to real solutionoriented questions that caused
them to take accountability andbe responsible for the outcomes,
the times got less.
The people came less becausethey didn't want.
(09:30):
To take the accountability, theresponsibility, but it grew
them, and honestly, it grew mequestions, grow capacity, and
we're gonna talk about that.
So number one of the importanceof why it is in your best
interest.
To learn to ask questionsskillfully and intentionally is
(09:52):
that the answers, the bestanswers, that create the best
outcomes are the answers thatare already inside of the people
coming to you to solve theirproblem.
that person asking for helpknows more about the problem
than you do.
Maybe you have experienced,maybe you've solved similar
problems, but in this particularproblem, that person coming to
(10:15):
you knows more about the problemthan you do.
And if you're jumping in tosolve that problem too quickly,
you're robbing them of acapacity building moment.
You're robbing them of beingtheir own hero because those
people understand.
The work that's already beendone, they understand the
context, the barriers and thedetails, they what they need
(10:39):
from you.
More than the answer, more thanthe solution is just the clarity
of what to do and maybe what'sholding them back from doing it.
So if you have somebody comingto your office and they're
asking you to solve theirproblems over and over again.
I want you to think about thesequestions, so you may wanna
write these down, pause it,write'em down, or put take notes
(11:01):
inside of your phone.
These are some great questionsto ask a repeater, a problem
solver, repeater in your office.
What do you see that might bepart of the root cause?
I've noticed that this problemkeeps coming up.
I think that we're pulling theweeds without making sure that
(11:21):
we're getting the root.
So what do you think is a rootcause of this problem?
Can you tell me what feels offin this situation?
Is there something that we'remissing?
Is there something that I ammissing because I'm not really
understanding the big picture?
(11:42):
And if there was something thatyou could do.
To solve this problem with onesolution right now, what would
it be?
What could you do to make thisbetter?
And when they tell you whattheir thought would be and you
think it's a good idea, say tothem, that's a great idea.
What's stopping you from doingit to me?
(12:02):
When you allow people to answerand solve their own problems,
you realize that my job isn't tosolve every problem.
It's not to be the expert.
It's to reveal their expertise.
And let me tell you something.
If you are a leader insidesenior living and you want to
(12:23):
build more time in your schedulefor yourself and your family,
you want to equip.
And build leaders that can solvetheir own problems.
And if you were to stoplistening to this episode right
now, and you could change onething in your life right now, I
would tell you it's this righthere.
Ask questions.
(12:44):
Take a minute when somebodycomes to you, even if there's a
line of five people waiting totalk to you and help them solve
their own problems.
Don't be the solver, be theinfluencer and ask questions.
Be the equipper and askquestions.
(13:04):
All right.
Number two, why do I want tomake asking questions a skill
that I invest in?
Because questions will createbuy-in from your team.
One of the things that mostleaders struggle with or that
leaders in general.
Who may get fired is becausethey don't have the buy-in of
(13:25):
their team.
They can't convince their team,they can't influence their team,
and they can't control theirteam to do the things that need
to be done to win footballgames, to, create, experience
for the residents to do theproblems, solve the problems,
and create the products thatneed to happen.
Okay, buy-in is the reason thatleaders can't be successful.
(13:53):
Whether it's inside of acommunity or a football team, or
a car salesman, whateverindustry that it you're in,
whatever layer of leadershipthat you're in, if you can't get
your team to buy in, you're notgonna be successful.
Because you can't do it byyourself.
And in fact, if you're a leader,you're not supposed to, your job
is to influence people to get ajob done and done well.
(14:18):
Okay?
So buy-in.
If you're not successful rightnow, is what you're missing And
how do you create it?
And I'm here to tell you it's byasking questions.
People are more committed tosolutions that they generate
themselves.
Than the solutions that you justgive them because they asked.
(14:38):
I'm gonna say that again.
People are more committed andmotivated to do the solutions
that they generate themselves.
We as the leaders, often assumeresistance is a competency
problem.
But it's not always a competencyproblem.
(14:58):
It's actually an ownershipproblem.
and when we allow people to be apart of the solution to create
the answer, odds are they don'tsabotage it, they protect it,
they own it, they wanna see itthrough.
So if you wanna create morebuy-in for your team.
If you wanna create a teamsynergy, if you wanna build
(15:21):
confidence and capacity insideof your leaders, specifically
your department heads, and thenI'll go even further.
If you're working inside of acommunity, the nurses, the shift
leaders, right?
Stop solving their problems.
And let them start solving theirproblems by answering your
(15:41):
questions, because they willcreate buy-in if they want more
synergy on the shift they'releading.
They gotta start solving theirproblems themselves because
they'll just defer to you theentire time, which means that
you'll get called at two orthree o'clock in the morning to
solve a real simple problem.
(16:01):
Ever been there?
if you wanna create buy-in forthese shift leaders, for these
LPNs, these RNs, thesedepartment heads, and heck, even
yourself, here's a few questionsthat you can ask.
if I wasn't here or if I was ona cruise and my phone wasn't
working, what would you try,based on your experience, what
would you try?
What would be one solution, onething that can bring immediate
(16:25):
results right now?
What could you do to alleviatethe tension on the shift?
What is a creative way that wecan solve this problem, and what
do you think would make itstick, make it last, right?
People don't resist their ownideas, and I challenge you to
run an experiment on that insideof your community.
(16:47):
easy to think that resistance isa competency problem.
I am a great resistor, okay?
And it wasn't a competencyproblem.
I will tell you it was aconfidence problem.
It was a capacity problem.
It wasn't a competency problem.
So your job as a leader, when wecreate buy-in, when we see
(17:09):
resistance, is to try todetermine.
Is it competency or is itconfidence and asking questions
and using the questions as anexperiment to uncover if it's
competency or confidence, is bygetting them to create solutions
of their own and empowering themwith, that's a great idea.
(17:31):
Why don't you try it?
I like the way that you think,right?
Because if it's a confidenceproblem, you're going to have to
boost it.
They're going to have to try.
And if they fail, you can helpthem fail forward.
And that is building capacity,building buy-in because you're
building them up even thoughthey're trying and failing.
(17:53):
the next part is huge.
number three is.
An area that most leaders skipand it really ties in to buy-in.
It's building confidence.
You know, we've talked about ita little bit, but people don't
lack knowledge.
People don't resist because ofcompetency problems, right?
They don't necessarily lack theknowledge of what to do.
(18:15):
They lack belief, theconfidence.
That they can do it.
When you ask someone theiropinion, you're saying to them,
without really saying the words,I trust you.
I trust your experience.
I value your insight.
I believe that you can do this.
Tell me what you would do.
(18:36):
What could you do?
What do we think the realproblem is here?
This is capacity building in itspurest form because you're
understanding it's notcompetency, it's confidence.
And confidence is in the way ofthe majority of our leadership
inside the communities becausewe're scared to fail because we
(18:58):
believe the past and we don'tbelieve what's possible in the
future.
It's a huge opportunity for us.
To ask questions, to buildbuy-in, and to build confidence
inside of our leaders andletting them know that I have
your back and I trust you totry.
That's important.
So stop thinking that resistanceis a competence problem and
(19:20):
start investing andinvestigating if it's a
confidence problem and what istheir best tool for that.
Questions to pull it out of'em.
I have learned that when you sayout loud what you think, you get
embarrassed because what you sayout loud, you can actually judge
(19:42):
because it's real and peopleheard it.
But what you think to yourselfstays inside and it just
repeats.
And so that's when we're askingquestions we can pull out of
them, pull out the words thatare keeping them stuck.
Because we realize how silly,how silly it is to think that
(20:03):
we're not capable of solving ourown problems.
So here's some questions thatcan help strengthen confidence.
What part of this do you alreadyknow how to handle?
That's a good one.
What are you afraid that mightgo wrong?
Bing, Bing, bing, bing, bing.
That's it.
And what is the story thatyou're telling yourself as to
(20:23):
why you think that you can'tsolve this on your own?
Huge clarifying questions herethat build confidence.
And I'm gonna tell you theclarity or the lack of it, is
the reason why people staystuck.
Clarity in their strengths,clarity in their confidence,
clarity in their vision, clarityin.
The way that they think isreally holding them back.
(20:46):
It's huge.
Confidence grows the fastestwhen people hear themselves
think and realize, my God, thatjust sounds ridiculous.
Truly, it sounds ridiculous.
My husband gets mad at me allthe time because I still
struggle in this area.
Even though I preach it to you,I still struggle in this area.
(21:07):
He looks at me and he's justlike, what is wrong with you?
But I still do it.
I still overcome it.
It's still a default mechanismthat I'm trying to overcome.
number four, Questions, developleadership capacity.
Okay?
We already know that questionsthat people have the answers
inside of themselves.
When they come to you asking youto solve their problems.
(21:30):
You gotta realize that, numberone, you wanna respond instead
of react.
Number two questions, createbuy-in.
And all resistance isn't acompetence problem.
Number three, questions buildconfidence because usually they
just lack the belief what theythink that needs to happen.
And questions will buildleadership capacity.
And when your leaders have morecapacity, guess what?
(21:52):
You have more capacity and moretime.
if you didn't like the topthree, this one is for you.
Because if your leaders havemore capacity to solve the
problems and move on and buildand equip and empower other
leaders, you have more time, andnow they're creating more time.
But you have to be the one to doit first.
(22:15):
If they're not used to thisskill working in their favor,
leadership is a responsibility.
And it's accountability as well.
You build that responsibility,that accountability, by
returning responsibility back tothe leader or the person who's
(22:36):
asking you to solve the questionor solve their problem.
So if they're bringing a problemto you, what they're doing is
bringing the responsibility.
Of it to you and washing theirhands of it.
They're saying, here's aproblem.
Why don't you solve it?
Okay, now all of a sudden, theyhave no responsibility, they
(23:00):
have no accountability.
And when they, and when yousolve the problem and it doesn't
work out the way that it'ssupposed to, who is the person
that they will blame you?
Your job as a leader who wantsto save and build your own
capacity, your own time, yourown energy, is to say, Ooh, this
sounds like an interestingproblem.
What can you do about this?
(23:21):
How can you solve this?
Let's talk about it.
You're shifting that identity.
You're saying, oh, I see thisproblem.
It is a big problem.
What are you gonna do about it?
All of a sudden it moves frompassive to active on their part,
and you're gonna feel a littleresistance because they don't
want to solve the problem.
They're coming to you to solvetheir problem, and maybe you've
(23:42):
solved everybody's problem, butyou've turned over a new leaf
and you wanna build and equip,create, buy-in, create
confidence.
Create capacity inside of yourleadership team, and now you
want them to help solve theirown problem.
So maybe they feel a littleoverwhelmed at the beginning
showing a little resistance, andyou say to them, I know you're
(24:05):
capable of solving this problem.
I'm gonna be right here.
Let's figure it out together,but I want it to come from you.
So what's the next right step?
The.
Which is a question that I askmyself all the time, and it's a
question that most of us missbecause we're always just trying
to figure out the end result.
We're moving on, we're doingwhatever, but the next right
(24:27):
step is simple and easy tosolve.
What's the next right step?
Typically, it's communicatingsomething to somebody, repairing
something that went wrong.
Not ignoring it, identifying it,becoming aware.
What's the next right step here?
Who needs to know and what's theone thing that we can do
(24:49):
immediately to stop the negativemomentum?
It's those type of questionsthat don't just solve the
problems for people.
It pulls out the growth inleaders and they see it.
And they feel it themselves.
People change when they learnenough that it's easy.
(25:11):
And questions help people learnand grow confident enough to
take the next right step.
And there's one more, there'sone more reason why questions
matter, and it might be the mostimportant reason of all
questions.
Create authenticity andquestions, create trust.
I feel as if all of thesequestions, all five reasons as
(25:34):
to why questions become one ofthe best skills a leader has,
can look, be looked at from anoperational lens and a sales
lens.
Because authenticity and trustare required for change,
required for transitions,required for transformations,
and we know that change happensat the speed of trust.
(25:54):
And so what can createauthenticity and trust that can
speed up change, can speed up adecision that can speed and grow
capacity?
It's questions.
It's questions.
Everyone wants to be known, tobe valued, to be seen, and to
(26:14):
grow.
And the sit in the situation orthe role that they're in.
'cause if we're not growing inany kind of way, we're dying.
We're just stuck.
And questions are how peoplefeel seen cause they feel you
caring if you listen.
If you listen.
So asking meaningful questionscan communicate to people that
(26:38):
that they matter.
That your insight is valuable,that you want to understand
them, and then it means, I wantyou to solve these problems.
Create the solutions.
Let's talk about'em.
I'm here with you and I alsotrust that you can do this.
We're gonna do it together, butyou're gonna get the glory.
(27:00):
You are gonna solve the problem.
You are going to feel like thehero.
This builds the relational ship,the relationship capital inside
of your work environment, insideof the sales tour with the
families.
This is the foundation ofinfluence.
(27:21):
Influence based leadership isgoing to get you a lot further
than control and fear-basedleadership.
I'm gonna say that again.
Influence Will going, is goingto get you a lot farther than
fear or control basedleadership.
And so when you are askingpeople questions and listening
and they're able to speak outloud, some of the things,
(27:44):
holding them back, asking thequestions that help them solve
their own problem, that tie youas the solution to their
problems, if it's in sales, thatties them to be the solution.
Of the problem inside theirdepartment.
From a leadership standpoint,you're building trust, you're
form, you're allowing them to bevulnerable and to build
(28:06):
authenticity and courage throughthe process.
So what are some questions?
Some trust building questions,right?
From an operational standpoint,or even maybe from sales, you
can say something like, how'sthis landing with you?
How you feeling?
What's going through your headright now?
what do you wish that I knewabout your experience?
(28:26):
What is the one thing that'spreventing you from
understanding that thiscommunity is the solution to
your overwhelm right now?
And then what kind of supportfeels right, right now to this
family who may be struggling?
How can I support you?
How can I support you throughthis change, or transition
(28:48):
that's going on?
These are important questions,especially if you're on a
one-on-one meeting.
You know, how can I support you?
You know what feels right, rightnow?
What's in our way of collectingthe ar, right?
What's in our way of gettingthese assessments done?
How many more people do we needto hire to reduce the overtime?
(29:10):
These are questions that willallow people to answer with
authenticity, to be vulnerable,and to maybe look at the problem
from a different perspective,which is key.
So lemme summarize one moretime.
The answers are already insideof the people who are bringing
(29:32):
you the problem.
Don't take away their ability tobe their own hero and encourage
them to try and solve it withyou.
Okay?
you need to be able to take adeep breath and respond instead
of react and solve.
if you solve everybody'sproblems, you absolutely have no
time.
(29:52):
No time.
You will never have time.
Okay?
If you want more time, if youwant more energy, allow people
to solve their own problems witha little bit of help from a few
questions that you ask peopleown what they help create.
Resistance is not always acompetency problem.
If they solve their ownproblems, they're motivated to
(30:16):
actually do the work, ask theright questions in the moment,
questions will reveal confidencebecause normally, or you can say
there's a high probability.
That confidence is in the way ofthem being able to solve their
own problems.
They just need you to give themclarity questions, build
(30:36):
leadership responsibility andaccountability.
And when your leaders areresponsible and accountable, you
have more time.
And they learn that they canhelp train and equip and empower
their teams to be moreresponsible and accountable as
well.
And questions create real trust.
(30:57):
Between teams, they create andit helps create the buy-in.
And buy-in is important for thesuccess of your team and your
community.
So stop giving answers, stopreacting and solving.
Take a beat, take a pause,prioritize the right questions
in the moment, and then askthem, empower, and speak into
(31:20):
your leaders.
And your influence will growevery time You help them solve
their own problems and work, andit works with your own kids.
and maybe even with your spousetoo.
The other thing about questionsthat I think is interesting, and
I learned this from a friend ofmine, David Posner, and he says,
(31:43):
as a referee, as a basketballreferee, and he was actually on
an episode, of this podcast.
But he said that referees andleaders should not answer
statements.
You only answer questions.
Now, I want you to stop andthink about something.
How many times have you answeredstatements?
(32:05):
How many times have you sentemails where you expected a
response, but there wasn't aquestion in there for someone to
answer.
Answer questions, ask questions,but don't answer statements and
determine whether that statementdeserves your energy or if it
(32:27):
just deserves time to go on byand be forgotten That.
Is a maturity and a level ofleadership that will help reduce
the drama inside your mind andinside of your community.
Are you answering statements orare you answering questions?
It's important for you to knowthat, and it's important for you
(32:49):
to answer only questions.
And then don't get upset whenpeople don't respond to you if
there wasn't a question torespond to.
So think about the emails thatyou send, and if you want a
response, make sure at the endof the email you request a
response by asking a question.
This is a lot of the topics thatI love to, that I discuss inside
(33:11):
my a hundred percent leaderprogram, which is now open for
enrollment, and we start ournext group cohort January 14th.
A lot of this is stuff that Iwork with, my one-on-one
coaching clients and things thatI'm working with on personally
and reading and investing in formyself.
Your future inside yourcommunity is solely depending on
(33:32):
the growth.
And the effort and the capacitythat you're trying to build
within yourself.
Yes, your company can invest inyour leadership, but you can
invest in it too.
Take this opportunity to say, Iwanna be inside of a group of
like-minded, like-heartedindividuals who have the same
mission and who want to besuccessful to gain perspective.
(33:55):
Group programs like the 100%leader will multiply your growth
because there's multiple peopleto learn from when you change
your perspective.
You can change your life.
And when you see that otherpeople are going through the
similar things, then you don'tfeel so alone in the struggle.
(34:18):
'cause when you learn more,you'll change more, right?
People only change when theyfear enough that they have to,
when they hurt enough that theyhave to, or when they learn
enough they want to.
I want you to learn enough.
And to grow enough that change,that growth is something that
(34:40):
you want, I want you to learnenough that change isn't scary,
it's part of the process.
So.
Give 100% leader a chance.
And if you want one-on-onecoaching or if you're a company
who's listening and want toprovide a mentorship program
inside of your community, thatis what I do.
I want to grow your leaders sothey and everybody inside of
(35:03):
their community, including theiroccupancy will rise I appreciate
you.
listening to this podcast iscertainly an opportunity for you
to grow and to take what youlisten to and, apply inside of
your leadership and your life.
and thank you for your time.
I really appreciate and honorthe time that you spend with me,
(35:26):
and I would love to hearfeedback from you.
So follow me on LinkedIn, leaveme a note on the podcast
webpage.
I would love to know your bigtakeaways and if you take
anything from this episode andapply it into your life that
works, I would love to hear it.
Have a great day and as always,aspire for more for you, knowing
(35:46):
that you are already enough.
Hi guys.
We are now in the month ofDecember, which is the busiest
time of the year, some people'sfavorite time of the year, but
it's the busiest and I wannahelp you find ways to make your
life easier.
And we're gonna do that byhelping you understand that
(01:26):
questions.
Are the best asset that youhave, the best tool, the best
skill to work on.
'cause there are two kinds ofleaders, folks, two of them, the
ones who solve everyone'sproblem, and the ones who build
people who can solve their ownand help other people learn how
(01:48):
to solve problems.
Only one of those leaders.
Create capacity in themselvesand others.
Only one of those leaders createtrust, and only one of those
leaders can survive seniorliving long term.
Doesn't matter what role you'rein.
What, what leader do you thinkit is?
(02:08):
I love this quote by TonyRobbins.
He says that the quality ofquestions create the quality.
Of your life, the quality of thequestions that you ask will
create the quality of life thatyou want.
And I'll add this.
Quality questions will create aquality leader, will create a
(02:32):
quality experience for thepeople that you serve.
Because the questions that youask determine the leadership and
the culture.
That you build.
So stay with me today becauseI'm going to give you the five
capacity building questions thatyou can start using immediately.
(02:54):
and one of them is so simplethat it will change.
It will change your standup or ateam meeting that you have
tomorrow.
So let's get into it, do youfeel right now today inside of
your community that everyone iscoming to you for answers?
Do you feel.
It necessary to solve themimmediately so you can move on.
(03:16):
That's a good question.
What's the answer to that one?
do you feel exhausted fromsolving all the problems all day
long?
Have you ever had those dayswhere it's like, I cannot make
another decision.
I don't care what you eat today.
I don't care if I eat today.
I'm done choosing.
I'm done solving decisionfatigue.
(03:37):
If that's you and you have moreof those days than not, and you
want to stop having more ofthose days, and you want to
start having a team that thinksfor themselves, this episode's
for you, we're gonna give youthe exact tools to do that.
This is in theory.
These are the same tools that Iused as an executive director or
(04:01):
will say that I learned over acourse of time as an executive
director that I have reallyleaned into now as a coach, as a
leadership executive coach, andwhat I believe innately I have a
strength in this area and Ididn't know it.
I just was a curious person andasking great questions.
(04:25):
But I struggled with wanting tosolve everybody's problems
because I wanted to be a herobecause of the dopamine hit of
somebody saying, thank you, thatwas great.
I, okay, so sometimes we justhave to get out of our own way,
and so these are the tools.
(04:45):
That I'm using now as a coachwhere my job is to ask better
questions, and I wanna give youthe five reasons as to why you
should start asking betterquestions.
you and I both know that we dealwith a lot of drama inside of
our communities, Most of ourtime and energy are sucked into
(05:07):
a drama vortex, whether it'sassociate drama, family drama
management, drama, vendor drama,market drama, corporate drama,
whatever it is, we get suckedinto it.
And there was a time where Ispent a lot of time trying to
(05:29):
understand.
Or give people time and space tovent.
But then I started realizing, mytime is valuable.
And I started seeing patternswhere the same people would be
returning to my office to havethe same conversation and there
would be no resolution.
(05:49):
I gotta stop giving people mytime.
And start helping people solvetheir own problems.
Otherwise, we're gonna besitting here doing the same
thing.
I had a friend who once said,stop picking the weeds when it
should be the roots that you'regoing after, right?
Don't just pick the surfacelevel weeds.
(06:11):
When you're picking the weeds.
Pulling the weeds.
Make sure you're getting theroot and take the time to dig
and try to find them.
'cause otherwise it's gonna keepcoming back.
So how did I shift my mentalityfrom giving people time, space,
and energy, and sometimes a longtime, a lot of energy to talk
(06:34):
their way out of it?
I started asking questions.
That's it.
Well, what did you think wasgoing to happen?
Why did you say that to her?
What do you want me to do aboutthis?
These are questions that I wouldask associates during their
drama and better questions thatI ask family members after
listening to their main concernsis, what does success look like
(06:57):
here?
What can I do to resolve thissituation?
I think one of the biggestopportunities that we have as
leaders is to really work on ourability to repair relationships,
problems.
Situations that didn't go rightand questions can help you do
(07:17):
that.
On a personal note, I will addthat I have a 13-year-old son
who's on the spectrum whoseenergy would make the energizer
bunny look like the tortoise andthe tortoise and the hare, and.
I have to ask him questions nowinstead of telling him what to
do and lemme tell you somethingthat's hard because I want him
(07:42):
to understand.
I wanna tell him what he didthat made me feel bad or how
what he said to somebody elsemade them feel bad or how he's
not listening.
But that doesn't work because heargues with me.
But when I say to him.
Did you mean to hurt myfeelings?
When you said that, did you meanto hurt their feelings when you
kept doing that after they askedyou to stop?
(08:02):
Do you want to choose goodbehaviors today?
If you do, you have to stopdoing that behavior and that
gets through to him more thananything else.
And in the moment, it is so hardto take a deep breath and learn
to respond appropriately.
To pull the best out of him toget the result I want, instead
(08:26):
of demanding that he understandssomething because he doesn't.
That's the difference.
That's the skill that I'm nowusing on a personal level that
I've used in a professionallevel that's making my life a
little bit easier.
the day that you realize this.
And life and leadership is theday that your life will change,
(08:49):
that you get the behavior thatyou reward.
And when I was rewarding peopleby coming and staying in my
office and really talking aboutit and having this venting
session and letting them feellike I honored and valued them,
guess what happened?
They wanted to come back.
Because it made them feel goodand I, my day was lost.
(09:09):
But when I transitioned, when Ishifted that session from
venting to real solutionoriented questions that caused
them to take accountability andbe responsible for the outcomes,
the times got less.
The people came less becausethey didn't want.
(09:30):
To take the accountability, theresponsibility, but it grew
them, and honestly, it grew mequestions, grow capacity, and
we're gonna talk about that.
So number one of the importanceof why it is in your best
interest.
To learn to ask questionsskillfully and intentionally is
(09:52):
that the answers, the bestanswers, that create the best
outcomes are the answers thatare already inside of the people
coming to you to solve theirproblem.
that person asking for helpknows more about the problem
than you do.
Maybe you have experienced,maybe you've solved similar
problems, but in this particularproblem, that person coming to
(10:15):
you knows more about the problemthan you do.
And if you're jumping in tosolve that problem too quickly,
you're robbing them of acapacity building moment.
You're robbing them of beingtheir own hero because those
people understand.
The work that's already beendone, they understand the
context, the barriers and thedetails, they what they need
(10:39):
from you.
More than the answer, more thanthe solution is just the clarity
of what to do and maybe what'sholding them back from doing it.
So if you have somebody comingto your office and they're
asking you to solve theirproblems over and over again.
I want you to think about thesequestions, so you may wanna
write these down, pause it,write'em down, or put take notes
(11:01):
inside of your phone.
These are some great questionsto ask a repeater, a problem
solver, repeater in your office.
What do you see that might bepart of the root cause?
I've noticed that this problemkeeps coming up.
I think that we're pulling theweeds without making sure that
(11:21):
we're getting the root.
So what do you think is a rootcause of this problem?
Can you tell me what feels offin this situation?
Is there something that we'remissing?
Is there something that I ammissing because I'm not really
understanding the big picture?
(11:42):
And if there was something thatyou could do.
To solve this problem with onesolution right now, what would
it be?
What could you do to make thisbetter?
And when they tell you whattheir thought would be and you
think it's a good idea, say tothem, that's a great idea.
What's stopping you from doingit to me?
(12:02):
When you allow people to answerand solve their own problems,
you realize that my job isn't tosolve every problem.
It's not to be the expert.
It's to reveal their expertise.
And let me tell you something.
If you are a leader insidesenior living and you want to
(12:23):
build more time in your schedulefor yourself and your family,
you want to equip.
And build leaders that can solvetheir own problems.
And if you were to stoplistening to this episode right
now, and you could change onething in your life right now, I
would tell you it's this righthere.
Ask questions.
(12:44):
Take a minute when somebodycomes to you, even if there's a
line of five people waiting totalk to you and help them solve
their own problems.
Don't be the solver, be theinfluencer and ask questions.
Be the equipper and askquestions.
(13:04):
All right.
Number two, why do I want tomake asking questions a skill
that I invest in?
Because questions will createbuy-in from your team.
One of the things that mostleaders struggle with or that
leaders in general.
Who may get fired is becausethey don't have the buy-in of
(13:25):
their team.
They can't convince their team,they can't influence their team,
and they can't control theirteam to do the things that need
to be done to win footballgames, to, create, experience
for the residents to do theproblems, solve the problems,
and create the products thatneed to happen.
Okay, buy-in is the reason thatleaders can't be successful.
(13:53):
Whether it's inside of acommunity or a football team, or
a car salesman, whateverindustry that it you're in,
whatever layer of leadershipthat you're in, if you can't get
your team to buy in, you're notgonna be successful.
Because you can't do it byyourself.
And in fact, if you're a leader,you're not supposed to, your job
is to influence people to get ajob done and done well.
(14:18):
Okay?
So buy-in.
If you're not successful rightnow, is what you're missing And
how do you create it?
And I'm here to tell you it's byasking questions.
People are more committed tosolutions that they generate
themselves.
Than the solutions that you justgive them because they asked.
(14:38):
I'm gonna say that again.
People are more committed andmotivated to do the solutions
that they generate themselves.
We as the leaders, often assumeresistance is a competency
problem.
But it's not always a competencyproblem.
(14:58):
It's actually an ownershipproblem.
and when we allow people to be apart of the solution to create
the answer, odds are they don'tsabotage it, they protect it,
they own it, they wanna see itthrough.
So if you wanna create morebuy-in for your team.
If you wanna create a teamsynergy, if you wanna build
(15:21):
confidence and capacity insideof your leaders, specifically
your department heads, and thenI'll go even further.
If you're working inside of acommunity, the nurses, the shift
leaders, right?
Stop solving their problems.
And let them start solving theirproblems by answering your
(15:41):
questions, because they willcreate buy-in if they want more
synergy on the shift they'releading.
They gotta start solving theirproblems themselves because
they'll just defer to you theentire time, which means that
you'll get called at two orthree o'clock in the morning to
solve a real simple problem.
(16:01):
Ever been there?
if you wanna create buy-in forthese shift leaders, for these
LPNs, these RNs, thesedepartment heads, and heck, even
yourself, here's a few questionsthat you can ask.
if I wasn't here or if I was ona cruise and my phone wasn't
working, what would you try,based on your experience, what
would you try?
What would be one solution, onething that can bring immediate
(16:25):
results right now?
What could you do to alleviatethe tension on the shift?
What is a creative way that wecan solve this problem, and what
do you think would make itstick, make it last, right?
People don't resist their ownideas, and I challenge you to
run an experiment on that insideof your community.
(16:47):
easy to think that resistance isa competency problem.
I am a great resistor, okay?
And it wasn't a competencyproblem.
I will tell you it was aconfidence problem.
It was a capacity problem.
It wasn't a competency problem.
So your job as a leader, when wecreate buy-in, when we see
(17:09):
resistance, is to try todetermine.
Is it competency or is itconfidence and asking questions
and using the questions as anexperiment to uncover if it's
competency or confidence, is bygetting them to create solutions
of their own and empowering themwith, that's a great idea.
(17:31):
Why don't you try it?
I like the way that you think,right?
Because if it's a confidenceproblem, you're going to have to
boost it.
They're going to have to try.
And if they fail, you can helpthem fail forward.
And that is building capacity,building buy-in because you're
building them up even thoughthey're trying and failing.
(17:53):
the next part is huge.
number three is.
An area that most leaders skipand it really ties in to buy-in.
It's building confidence.
You know, we've talked about ita little bit, but people don't
lack knowledge.
People don't resist because ofcompetency problems, right?
They don't necessarily lack theknowledge of what to do.
(18:15):
They lack belief, theconfidence.
That they can do it.
When you ask someone theiropinion, you're saying to them,
without really saying the words,I trust you.
I trust your experience.
I value your insight.
I believe that you can do this.
Tell me what you would do.
(18:36):
What could you do?
What do we think the realproblem is here?
This is capacity building in itspurest form because you're
understanding it's notcompetency, it's confidence.
And confidence is in the way ofthe majority of our leadership
inside the communities becausewe're scared to fail because we
(18:58):
believe the past and we don'tbelieve what's possible in the
future.
It's a huge opportunity for us.
To ask questions, to buildbuy-in, and to build confidence
inside of our leaders andletting them know that I have
your back and I trust you totry.
That's important.
So stop thinking that resistanceis a competence problem and
(19:20):
start investing andinvestigating if it's a
confidence problem and what istheir best tool for that.
Questions to pull it out of'em.
I have learned that when you sayout loud what you think, you get
embarrassed because what you sayout loud, you can actually judge
(19:42):
because it's real and peopleheard it.
But what you think to yourselfstays inside and it just
repeats.
And so that's when we're askingquestions we can pull out of
them, pull out the words thatare keeping them stuck.
Because we realize how silly,how silly it is to think that
(20:03):
we're not capable of solving ourown problems.
So here's some questions thatcan help strengthen confidence.
What part of this do you alreadyknow how to handle?
That's a good one.
What are you afraid that mightgo wrong?
Bing, Bing, bing, bing, bing.
That's it.
And what is the story thatyou're telling yourself as to
(20:23):
why you think that you can'tsolve this on your own?
Huge clarifying questions herethat build confidence.
And I'm gonna tell you theclarity or the lack of it, is
the reason why people staystuck.
Clarity in their strengths,clarity in their confidence,
clarity in their vision, clarityin.
The way that they think isreally holding them back.
(20:46):
It's huge.
Confidence grows the fastestwhen people hear themselves
think and realize, my God, thatjust sounds ridiculous.
Truly, it sounds ridiculous.
My husband gets mad at me allthe time because I still
struggle in this area.
Even though I preach it to you,I still struggle in this area.
(21:07):
He looks at me and he's justlike, what is wrong with you?
But I still do it.
I still overcome it.
It's still a default mechanismthat I'm trying to overcome.
number four, Questions, developleadership capacity.
Okay?
We already know that questionsthat people have the answers
inside of themselves.
When they come to you asking youto solve their problems.
(21:30):
You gotta realize that, numberone, you wanna respond instead
of react.
Number two questions, createbuy-in.
And all resistance isn't acompetence problem.
Number three, questions buildconfidence because usually they
just lack the belief what theythink that needs to happen.
And questions will buildleadership capacity.
And when your leaders have morecapacity, guess what?
(21:52):
You have more capacity and moretime.
if you didn't like the topthree, this one is for you.
Because if your leaders havemore capacity to solve the
problems and move on and buildand equip and empower other
leaders, you have more time, andnow they're creating more time.
But you have to be the one to doit first.
(22:15):
If they're not used to thisskill working in their favor,
leadership is a responsibility.
And it's accountability as well.
You build that responsibility,that accountability, by
returning responsibility back tothe leader or the person who's
(22:36):
asking you to solve the questionor solve their problem.
So if they're bringing a problemto you, what they're doing is
bringing the responsibility.
Of it to you and washing theirhands of it.
They're saying, here's aproblem.
Why don't you solve it?
Okay, now all of a sudden, theyhave no responsibility, they
(23:00):
have no accountability.
And when they, and when yousolve the problem and it doesn't
work out the way that it'ssupposed to, who is the person
that they will blame you?
Your job as a leader who wantsto save and build your own
capacity, your own time, yourown energy, is to say, Ooh, this
sounds like an interestingproblem.
What can you do about this?
(23:21):
How can you solve this?
Let's talk about it.
You're shifting that identity.
You're saying, oh, I see thisproblem.
It is a big problem.
What are you gonna do about it?
All of a sudden it moves frompassive to active on their part,
and you're gonna feel a littleresistance because they don't
want to solve the problem.
They're coming to you to solvetheir problem, and maybe you've
(23:42):
solved everybody's problem, butyou've turned over a new leaf
and you wanna build and equip,create, buy-in, create
confidence.
Create capacity inside of yourleadership team, and now you
want them to help solve theirown problem.
So maybe they feel a littleoverwhelmed at the beginning
showing a little resistance, andyou say to them, I know you're
(24:05):
capable of solving this problem.
I'm gonna be right here.
Let's figure it out together,but I want it to come from you.
So what's the next right step?
The.
Which is a question that I askmyself all the time, and it's a
question that most of us missbecause we're always just trying
to figure out the end result.
We're moving on, we're doingwhatever, but the next right
(24:27):
step is simple and easy tosolve.
What's the next right step?
Typically, it's communicatingsomething to somebody, repairing
something that went wrong.
Not ignoring it, identifying it,becoming aware.
What's the next right step here?
Who needs to know and what's theone thing that we can do
(24:49):
immediately to stop the negativemomentum?
It's those type of questionsthat don't just solve the
problems for people.
It pulls out the growth inleaders and they see it.
And they feel it themselves.
People change when they learnenough that it's easy.
(25:11):
And questions help people learnand grow confident enough to
take the next right step.
And there's one more, there'sone more reason why questions
matter, and it might be the mostimportant reason of all
questions.
Create authenticity andquestions, create trust.
I feel as if all of thesequestions, all five reasons as
(25:34):
to why questions become one ofthe best skills a leader has,
can look, be looked at from anoperational lens and a sales
lens.
Because authenticity and trustare required for change,
required for transitions,required for transformations,
and we know that change happensat the speed of trust.
(25:54):
And so what can createauthenticity and trust that can
speed up change, can speed up adecision that can speed and grow
capacity?
It's questions.
It's questions.
Everyone wants to be known, tobe valued, to be seen, and to
(26:14):
grow.
And the sit in the situation orthe role that they're in.
'cause if we're not growing inany kind of way, we're dying.
We're just stuck.
And questions are how peoplefeel seen cause they feel you
caring if you listen.
If you listen.
So asking meaningful questionscan communicate to people that
(26:38):
that they matter.
That your insight is valuable,that you want to understand
them, and then it means, I wantyou to solve these problems.
Create the solutions.
Let's talk about'em.
I'm here with you and I alsotrust that you can do this.
We're gonna do it together, butyou're gonna get the glory.
(27:00):
You are gonna solve the problem.
You are going to feel like thehero.
This builds the relational ship,the relationship capital inside
of your work environment, insideof the sales tour with the
families.
This is the foundation ofinfluence.
(27:21):
Influence based leadership isgoing to get you a lot further
than control and fear-basedleadership.
I'm gonna say that again.
Influence Will going, is goingto get you a lot farther than
fear or control basedleadership.
And so when you are askingpeople questions and listening
and they're able to speak outloud, some of the things,
(27:44):
holding them back, asking thequestions that help them solve
their own problem, that tie youas the solution to their
problems, if it's in sales, thatties them to be the solution.
Of the problem inside theirdepartment.
From a leadership standpoint,you're building trust, you're
form, you're allowing them to bevulnerable and to build
(28:06):
authenticity and courage throughthe process.
So what are some questions?
Some trust building questions,right?
From an operational standpoint,or even maybe from sales, you
can say something like, how'sthis landing with you?
How you feeling?
What's going through your headright now?
what do you wish that I knewabout your experience?
(28:26):
What is the one thing that'spreventing you from
understanding that thiscommunity is the solution to
your overwhelm right now?
And then what kind of supportfeels right, right now to this
family who may be struggling?
How can I support you?
How can I support you throughthis change, or transition
(28:48):
that's going on?
These are important questions,especially if you're on a
one-on-one meeting.
You know, how can I support you?
You know what feels right, rightnow?
What's in our way of collectingthe ar, right?
What's in our way of gettingthese assessments done?
How many more people do we needto hire to reduce the overtime?
(29:10):
These are questions that willallow people to answer with
authenticity, to be vulnerable,and to maybe look at the problem
from a different perspective,which is key.
So lemme summarize one moretime.
The answers are already insideof the people who are bringing
(29:32):
you the problem.
Don't take away their ability tobe their own hero and encourage
them to try and solve it withyou.
Okay?
you need to be able to take adeep breath and respond instead
of react and solve.
if you solve everybody'sproblems, you absolutely have no
time.
(29:52):
No time.
You will never have time.
Okay?
If you want more time, if youwant more energy, allow people
to solve their own problems witha little bit of help from a few
questions that you ask peopleown what they help create.
Resistance is not always acompetency problem.
If they solve their ownproblems, they're motivated to
(30:16):
actually do the work, ask theright questions in the moment,
questions will reveal confidencebecause normally, or you can say
there's a high probability.
That confidence is in the way ofthem being able to solve their
own problems.
They just need you to give themclarity questions, build
(30:36):
leadership responsibility andaccountability.
And when your leaders areresponsible and accountable, you
have more time.
And they learn that they canhelp train and equip and empower
their teams to be moreresponsible and accountable as
well.
And questions create real trust.
(30:57):
Between teams, they create andit helps create the buy-in.
And buy-in is important for thesuccess of your team and your
community.
So stop giving answers, stopreacting and solving.
Take a beat, take a pause,prioritize the right questions
in the moment, and then askthem, empower, and speak into
(31:20):
your leaders.
And your influence will growevery time You help them solve
their own problems and work, andit works with your own kids.
and maybe even with your spousetoo.
The other thing about questionsthat I think is interesting, and
I learned this from a friend ofmine, David Posner, and he says,
(31:43):
as a referee, as a basketballreferee, and he was actually on
an episode, of this podcast.
But he said that referees andleaders should not answer
statements.
You only answer questions.
Now, I want you to stop andthink about something.
How many times have you answeredstatements?
(32:05):
How many times have you sentemails where you expected a
response, but there wasn't aquestion in there for someone to
answer.
Answer questions, ask questions,but don't answer statements and
determine whether that statementdeserves your energy or if it
(32:27):
just deserves time to go on byand be forgotten That.
Is a maturity and a level ofleadership that will help reduce
the drama inside your mind andinside of your community.
Are you answering statements orare you answering questions?
It's important for you to knowthat, and it's important for you
(32:49):
to answer only questions.
And then don't get upset whenpeople don't respond to you if
there wasn't a question torespond to.
So think about the emails thatyou send, and if you want a
response, make sure at the endof the email you request a
response by asking a question.
This is a lot of the topics thatI love to, that I discuss inside
(33:11):
my a hundred percent leaderprogram, which is now open for
enrollment, and we start ournext group cohort January 14th.
A lot of this is stuff that Iwork with, my one-on-one
coaching clients and things thatI'm working with on personally
and reading and investing in formyself.
Your future inside yourcommunity is solely depending on
(33:32):
the growth.
And the effort and the capacitythat you're trying to build
within yourself.
Yes, your company can invest inyour leadership, but you can
invest in it too.
Take this opportunity to say, Iwanna be inside of a group of
like-minded, like-heartedindividuals who have the same
mission and who want to besuccessful to gain perspective.
(33:55):
Group programs like the 100%leader will multiply your growth
because there's multiple peopleto learn from when you change
your perspective.
You can change your life.
And when you see that otherpeople are going through the
similar things, then you don'tfeel so alone in the struggle.
(34:18):
'cause when you learn more,you'll change more, right?
People only change when theyfear enough that they have to,
when they hurt enough that theyhave to, or when they learn
enough they want to.
I want you to learn enough.
And to grow enough that change,that growth is something that
(34:40):
you want, I want you to learnenough that change isn't scary,
it's part of the process.
So.
Give 100% leader a chance.
And if you want one-on-onecoaching or if you're a company
who's listening and want toprovide a mentorship program
inside of your community, thatis what I do.
I want to grow your leaders sothey and everybody inside of
(35:03):
their community, including theiroccupancy will rise I appreciate
you.
listening to this podcast iscertainly an opportunity for you
to grow and to take what youlisten to and, apply inside of
your leadership and your life.
and thank you for your time.
I really appreciate and honorthe time that you spend with me,
(35:26):
and I would love to hearfeedback from you.
So follow me on LinkedIn, leaveme a note on the podcast
webpage.
I would love to know your bigtakeaways and if you take
anything from this episode andapply it into your life that
works, I would love to hear it.
Have a great day and as always,aspire for more for you, knowing
(35:46):
that you are already enough.
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