June 9, 2025 • 29 mins
Welcome back to Jizz June on the Bad Advice Only podcast! Get ready, Rat Pack, because this episode is going to blow your mind with things you didn't know you could do with human cum. We're diving headfirst into the wild, weird, and utterly fascinating world of jizz recipes, products, and, yes, even cum jewelry!
First, join us as Tara gives her expert ranking on how truly New York an encounter with a pigeon is – because why not? Then, prepare to have your culinary horizons expanded as we explore bizarre recipes for jizz, including the infamous 'Macho Mojito' with a super-secret ingredient. We're even reviewing a real cum cookbook (you heard that right!).
Ever wondered, 'What's a cum slut?' or 'Am I a cum slut?' We're getting to the bottom of it all, so get ready for some hilariously honest self-reflection. Plus, we'll talk about a brilliant woman with a jewelry-making hobby who found a unique hole in the market, creating one-of-a-kind pieces from jizz. We'll also brainstorm some wild new jizz products that the world absolutely needs.
This episode is packed with unfiltered sex talk, NSFW discussions, and the most outrageous advice you'll ever get. If you're into sexual exploration, unconventional recipes, or just looking for a podcast that dares to go where no one else will, tune in! Your Jizz June just got a whole lot more interesting.
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#JizzJune #Cum #JizzRecipes #CumCookbook #JizzJewelry #CumSlut #SexPodcast #BadAdviceOnly #RatGirls #NSFW #SexualHealth #Unfiltered #AdultContent #PodcastForWomen #ShockingTruths #SexualWellness (ironically) #DIY #BodyFluids #Humor
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
We have some exciting news, listeners.
We do have an email, which youcan reach us at in the show
notes.
It is badadviceonlynyc atgmail.com.
And we would love to hear fromyou.
If you have any questions youwant us to answer during June,
please write us ASAP.
(00:30):
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
to Bad Advice Only.
SPEAKER_00 (00:35):
We're just three New York City rats talking about
scurrying around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Leave us a review and follow uson Instagram and TikTok at
BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
Hey, lady rats.
(00:55):
Hi.
Oh, thank God.
I thought I was going to be onmy own there.
I forgot, to be honest.
I saw Nora's little teeth comingout and was like, oh, no.
Teeth forward.
You've got to bare your teethfor the sound to be right.
Great episode last week beforewe dive in.
I was thinking about it while Iwas listening to our episode
about how to ride.
Guys, I was thinking, there aremen listening and they're like,
(01:19):
why am I listening to these dogfaces?
Give up.
Sex tips.
About how to make themselvescome with no regard for the man.
Yeah.
I was cackling so hard listeningto it.
It was for pleasure only.
We don't care what that thingis.
We're just on it.
Red for the O.
So for this week on the month ofJizz June.
(01:41):
Jizz June.
Jizz June.
Woo! We're going to be talkingabout things that you didn't
know you could use jizz for.
Oh.
Yeah.
You can make things?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
And you know me, Allie.
You know I went into the darkweb and looked.
That's not what the dark web is,but okay.
(02:01):
Oh, God.
What's the dark web?
It's like for child pornography.
And how to make things out ofjizz.
Okay, there was no childpornography in my research.
Allie! Oh, no.
We're cutting back.
That's not staying.
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
I'm
SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
keeping it.
So anyways, before we dive intowhat use is cum is for, I wanted
to tell y'all a little bit abouta very New York moment that I
had walking to the studio thismorning.
And I want y'all to rate it oneto five, five being the most New
York moment.
Five being Cardi B
SPEAKER_01 (02:35):
fake nails coming off the subway, getting a bodega
sandwich.
Y'all are going to be sodisappointed now that Nora's
made that.
SPEAKER_00 (02:43):
It's a rating?
It's a one.
SPEAKER_01 (02:46):
That's a five.
What I described is a five.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
I was walking, and a pigeon flew through my leg and
tripped me.
A live pigeon.
Wait, if it flew through yourleg, how did it trip you?
I know y'all don't know soccer,but when a soccer ball goes
between a player's legs, like adefender's legs, it was gliding,
flew in between my leg, and Iobviously freaked out and
(03:12):
tripped over it.
Did it touch you?
You kicked it.
And it just kept on flying.
And I look around and no one.
Were you straddling?
What was the leg distance?
This bird either has suchprecise landing optimization to
be able to go through like avertical normal walk, you know?
(03:32):
Or were you just straddlewalking?
Tara's fucking bowling.
This is how we find out herthigh gap is more than fucking
two inches.
Yeah, girls.
I just have a really big thighgap.
No.
The thigh gap's so big
SPEAKER_01 (03:44):
a bird can fly through it.
A big-ass
SPEAKER_00 (03:47):
pigeon.
Hot girl summer.
All right,
SPEAKER_01 (03:50):
rate
SPEAKER_00 (03:50):
it,
SPEAKER_01 (03:50):
y'all.
I'm going to give it a three.
I slipped in a dead pigeon once,and I think that's a four, New
York.
SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
I was wondering where your dead pigeon would
land.
It's a four.
Allie, what do you think aboutmy live pigeon encounter?
I think it's really disgusting.
I will also give it a three.
I feel like pigeons are prettyborderline.
Pretty New York.
Like, they're New York.
It's not a rat.
A rat is peak New York.
But I hear it all the time.
(04:16):
Oh, a rat ran across my feet.
Okay.
It's still pretty New York.
It didn't end up in your suit.
If you were like, what's therating of spectacularness that
this bird ran through your legsand tripped you, I'd say it's a
five.
Agreed.
I think
SPEAKER_01 (04:33):
physically
SPEAKER_00 (04:33):
it's a
SPEAKER_01 (04:34):
five.
SPEAKER_00 (04:34):
That's
SPEAKER_01 (04:34):
crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (04:35):
Yeah, the talent was impressive.
The talent of the bird.
I mean, this just shows weshould keep pigeons around.
Like, they're pretty versatile.
UNKNOWN (04:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:43):
I forgot what I was going to say, but we need to
move on was my point.
I was just laughing.
All right.
So no more pigeon talk here.
All right.
So there's going to be no seguepossible.
Guys, you have to try.
All right.
Can pigeons jizz?
Oh, I just remembered.
SPEAKER_01 (05:01):
Sorry.
My thought was I really likethis segment, and we should make
a new How New York Is Itsegment.
SPEAKER_00 (05:07):
Oh, that's fun.
Okay, yeah.
We got to do more things.
We got to get out of theapartment.
We got to get out more, ladies.
We got to get out of theapartment.
the studio and the apartment.
It's going to be hard.
Off to June, episode two.
What do we got cooking?
We all...
We're cooking.
We're cooking.
What do we got?
Jizz.
Allie Ratt, that is such a goodsegue.
(05:27):
We are cooking with jizz today.
So I know we're talking jizz allJune.
J-J-Jizz June.
J-J-Jizz June.
But I really wanted to take itin a different direction.
Yeah.
You know, quirky like that.
She's so proud of it.
She's so New York.
UNKNOWN (05:43):
She's so New York.
SPEAKER_00 (05:45):
So Ratt ladies, we've all heard it from men.
You should swallow.
Cum is good for you.
Okay.
Protein.
It does whiten your teeth.
SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
No, it doesn't.
Right.
There's so many rumors.
SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
There's so many urban legends about what cum
does for your...
I haven't even gargled with cum.
Not on purpose.
Okay, we'll get into that.
We'll be able to fit that intothe outline somewhere in here.
But first, let's talk a littlebit about a man named Paul
Pfotenhauer.
He is the leader of semen...
(06:20):
The company.
What's the leader of semen,Tara?
Is this just what I'm callinghim?
Is this like a church?
A leader of semen.
He has two different books out.
A cookbook for semen and then acocktail.
UNKNOWN (06:35):
Get it?
SPEAKER_00 (06:38):
It's called like sementology or something like
mixtology.
Oh, my God.
It's very dysclectic.
And then also a cosmetic sectionas well.
Oh, This is a man, a straightman or a gay man.
It's important.
I couldn't tell.
SPEAKER_01 (06:57):
It's a
SPEAKER_00 (06:58):
little gay.
I watched a video this morningof him making what was called
the macho mojito.
Yeah, he's definitely gay.
Happy Pride Month, refs.
Happy Pride.
Let's go, Phillip.
What did you say?
Let's go, Phillip.
Isn't his name Phillip?
Nope.
Roger Fotenhauer.
Let's go, Fody.
(07:19):
Paul.
Sorry, Paul.
I knew these rat ladies weren'tlistening.
They only heard cookbook andlost their damn minds.
Get back in the kitchen, ladies.
I have so many questions onsmell and consistency, but go
on.
I'm so glad you brought that up.
Where does he get the cum?
So he mostly uses his.
This morning I watched the videoand it made me laugh so hard.
(07:42):
I wondered if you heard megiggling in my room this
morning.
Yeah, there's a YouTube video ofhim making it.
I have to sneeze.
Can you not on the mic?
Sorry.
He's making cum.
Did it show him making the cum?
You mean jerking off?
(08:03):
No.
So in the video, I'm justgiggling.
It's 5.30 a.m., listener.
And there's the mojito glass,the mint, the rum or whatever
goes in.
I don't drink mojitos.
So the liquor and then thisreally small dish with like a
cloudy substance.
I'm just like...
Was it
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
thick or thin?
SPEAKER_00 (08:26):
Well, he had to thicken it up.
With what?
Like flour?
Powdered sugar.
And then, y'all, y'all, he saidwhisk.
No, he used a frother.
He frothed his cum.
He frothed his cum.
This man's fucked up.
SPEAKER_01 (08:42):
What were the comments?
Did you read the comments?
Because you know I'd gostraight.
SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
I love YouTube comments.
I'll send it to you to read the
SPEAKER_01 (08:46):
comments.
I'll look through.
SPEAKER_00 (08:47):
Here's the thing.
Everyone...
Okay, so when I went to look uphis cookbook and stuff, it's
obviously on...
Amazon if you're interested.
What's it called?
What's it called?
It's on Amazon.
Oh, sorry.
Let me tell you.
The listeners might want to buyit.
This whole time I wasenvisioning in this video this
man just jerking off with adirect cum shot into a frying
(09:09):
pan.
I don't understand why y'all areso vulgar.
We're not the one buying a cumdumpster cookbook.
People watching a man make acum-hito at 5 a.m.
A macho cum-hito.
Super manly.
So for the listener, if you'reinterested, it's called Natural
Harvest, a collection ofsemen-based recipes.
(09:31):
It's not as enticing as I wouldlike it to be.
I'm buying that for our coffeetable.
Wait, is it?
Okay.
I have a lot of follow-upquestions.
Let me know if you're going toget there.
One, is it safe to Eat your ownjizz.
Second of all...
Does it have an expiry date?
Like surely, like if you...
Ooh, good question.
Like how long does cum stay for?
(09:52):
You could freeze it likebananas.
So Nora will like this.
There's actually...
Well, obviously you can freezeit.
People do it for...
I've got a vacuum sealer, y'all.
Okay, that's where I was going.
SPEAKER_01 (10:04):
I've got a vacuum sealer and a label maker,
ladies.
SPEAKER_00 (10:06):
But the smell, the smell must get more potent over
time, no?
No, I think it's...
A vacuum sealed cum bag?
Well, there's not going to bebad smell.
Would you
SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
add additional...
Or is it just one load?
SPEAKER_00 (10:17):
I cannot wrangle you wraps right now.
Can you season it?
I really didn't.
Does it smell like parsley ifyou throw parsley and come
together in a bag?
Oh, my God.
It's like butter, like when youinfuse butter.
Now, let's add this to the foodnetwork and put it in a chopped
basket.
Wrangle it back.
Get back.
You've got us so excited.
(10:38):
Okay.
Okay.
But Nora does have a really goodpoint.
I feel like semen would be bestmade into butter.
Yeah.
Sprinkled.
Add it on toast.
Yeah.
What is it used for in themojito?
Yeah, what ingredient is it?
It's not a thick mojito.
Why are you thinking it?
He just poured it over theactual mojito.
He made a mojito and then pouredhis sugary.
Does he drink it?
(10:58):
Yeah.
He kept tasting the jizz.
Now that's a new kink.
That's a new kink I've neverheard of.
I just got goosebumps.
I can see them from here.
Oh my God.
Okay, so for the listener, backto the description.
So the jizz was in a little dishand And he poured like a tiny,
not even a teaspoon, I don'tknow what, I don't know
(11:19):
measuring.
So much juice gone to waste.
He poured a little bit ofpowdered sugar in and whisked it
or frothed it, which I likedeven more.
And so it got really frothy.
And then he put his finger in,licked it, and he was like, oh,
I could use a little bit morepowdered sugar.
It's not something I want totry.
Is it for the health benefits?
Like is that what he's doing itfor?
(11:40):
He thinks there's healthbenefits.
Remember, listener, this is badadvice only.
So take it how you want.
Take it how you want it.
Yeah.
If you want to try it.
If you want to make a jazmito.
Try it.
A jazmito with a sharknado.
You two are broken right now.
(12:01):
This is almost as bad as chainrestaurants.
I'm really fucked up right
SPEAKER_01 (12:05):
now.
Chain restaurants.
Listener, go back and listen tochain restaurants.
Yeah.
If you want to have
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
another chaos.
Just another uncontrolled,chaotic.
conversation.
SPEAKER_01 (12:16):
If you want to set Allie and Nora off, talk about
semen butter chain restaurants.
SPEAKER_00 (12:21):
Jesus Christ.
Chick-fil-A, not a
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
sponsor.
SPEAKER_00 (12:24):
Would
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
never be a sponsor.
Back to Allie's question oflike, is it safe to eat your own
semen?
I think so, as I eat
SPEAKER_00 (12:32):
tons of semen.
But we eat other people's semen.
We don't eat our own.
Oh, you don't think you shouldeat your own semen?
I think that's the most healthyor safest thing.
It's already been through thewhole ringer.
I'm just asking.
It's like women trying theirbreast milk.
Allie, do you eat semen yeah butI eat someone else's semen I'm
not eating my semen yeah everytime I don't spit sometimes it
(12:52):
goes sometimes it'll go on myface I don't spit we're gonna
put a pin in that because we'restill on cooking sorry damn it
were you just curious or wereyou trying to slight me for
something To answer your otherquestion, Allie.
Fuck.
To answer your other questionabout the smell, really glad you
(13:14):
asked about that, too.
So one woman read about PaulFotenhauer.
Was it you?
Yes.
One woman.
I did some cooking last night,ladies.
She had to question this and hadto know.
In one of his chapters in hiscookbook, there's a ham and
cheese crepe.
(13:35):
Fuck.
That's so gross.
UNKNOWN (13:36):
That is so gross.
SPEAKER_01 (13:37):
This is the stupidest cookbook.
It's just like a
SPEAKER_00 (13:40):
cookbook.
No mayonnaise.
No problem.
Yeah, that's the thing.
It's not even replacingsomething.
It's not like a meatless, youknow, chili.
It's just cook a quesadilla andthen dunk it in some jizz.
Dip it in jizz.
Jizz or cream.
Anywho, so the woman did trycooking with it.
(14:04):
And she said the moment the jizzhit...
The skillet for the crepe, shesaid the smell was heinous.
She was like heated up.
SPEAKER_01 (14:14):
I have the goosebumps so hard I'm like
shaking.
SPEAKER_00 (14:19):
This is a judge-free zone, but we can still have
that.
I'm not judging him.
SPEAKER_01 (14:22):
I'm not judging him.
It's just giving me goosies.
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
Your arm muscles look incredible.
Thank you so much.
What?
Her arm muscles.
Solid core.
Wow.
Don't say it.
We haven't gotten any money fromthem.
Okay, so she said the minute thejizz hit the pan and it started
to heat up, she said the smellwas atrocious.
Does she recommend putting it ona lower heat?
I was going to ask that too.
That's kind of rude to just likeblow up your husband's spot like
(14:49):
that.
Not all jizz is smelly jizz.
So like maybe it was just a badbatch.
Honestly.
I do think it's from heating itup.
I'm sure it smells justcompletely normal.
Well, as normal as Jess cansmell.
So good advice, lower heat.
Keep that shit on ice.
We're getting
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
to real advice on cooking jizz now.
You want low heat when you cookyour jizz.
SPEAKER_00 (15:12):
So her journey with cooking with jizz doesn't end
there.
Although she said she got usedto the taste of the jizz crepe,
she wouldn't recommend it again.
She wouldn't eat it again.
But the next day she wanted tocontinue trying things.
So she made the mojito, themacho mojito.
Is this
SPEAKER_01 (15:29):
like
SPEAKER_00 (15:30):
a review of the book?
Basically.
She was just curious.
Food critic.
You know, I'm really glad shetook it seriously because
everyone else's reviews werelike, best gag gift ever.
That's rude.
This is his craft.
It is a gag gift because it'sdisgusting.
I'm buying this bitch.
One review said that he wouldhave spent$12 on it but not$22
(15:53):
on it because of the size andthe small size and its
flimsiness.
Is that a penis reference?
What's he trying to get at here?
It was weak.
Anyway, so yeah, she made themojito she said that she thinks
she must have done it wrongbecause his in the video in Paul
Fotenhauer's video the jizz kindof stayed on top of the mojito
(16:17):
of the mojito it's like afloater so he didn't drink it
yet it's like a floater and herssunk to the bottom okay that
just sounds like a consistencyof jizz situation I don't think
she frothed it properly that'swhere I'm going not everyone
owns a frother for their jizz
SPEAKER_01 (16:33):
do you think they use that frother for both their
milk and their jizz Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:37):
Prowlers are hard to clean.
Listener, maybe we can tag thisvideo, the YouTube video
somewhere because it is reallyfunny listening while he's like
frothing it.
After words, he just like knocksit on something to like hit it
off.
So you just hear him banging thedish.
I'm imagining like an egg white.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:53):
Guys, I must say, I love cum more than the average
person, and I am horrified rightnow.
Goosebumps feel like I'm goingto throw
SPEAKER_00 (17:05):
up.
What happens to it?
Now, you watched the video.
What happens to the cum when itfries?
Does it fry like an egg?
Oh, certainly there wasn't avideo for the frying of cum.
Oh, should we try this?
Would Piece of Shit be down?
Piece of Shit, we need adonation.
I don't want to try it for therecord or smell it.
All right, all right, all right,Rat
SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
Pack.
We're cumming.
Coming to you live, Rat Pack.
We need one donation.
We could get a donation.
Of semen.
We don't care who's.
Mail it in.
UNKNOWN (17:31):
Mail it in.
SPEAKER_00 (17:33):
Guys, I'm nervous laughing right now.
Someone's going to do it.
I don't want Expire to come.
I don't want somebody to mail itin and then the USPS takes.
No, you better.
Business days.
You better expedite it.
Expedite that.
Nora can't even talk.
She's so ill.
Okay, so to save Nora and puther in a more comfortable place,
we're going to pivot to another.
(17:53):
Another use of jizz.
I found also, I knew about this,so I did a deeper dive on it,
but I knew people made jewelryout of jizz.
Have y'all heard of this?
I have not.
No?
Jizzlery.
SPEAKER_01 (18:09):
No, I haven't heard of those things.
This is
SPEAKER_00 (18:11):
Allie's month.
I've heard of, I'm sorry, Gaze,but Allie is taking your month.
Allie's taking so much funcoming up with
SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
jizz.
This is
SPEAKER_00 (18:19):
not pride month.
This is jizz June.
It's jizz June, baby.
Allie has never had more funcoming up with jizz.
his words in her life.
Like, I'm so sorry to the queercommunity.
I'm not.
Well, we're talking about a gaycookbook right now.
We don't know if it's
SPEAKER_01 (18:33):
gay.
Also, now that I know he'seating his own cum, I don't know
if he's gay.
Like, he's just...
I
SPEAKER_00 (18:37):
know a lot of straight men won't touch their
cum, which
SPEAKER_01 (18:40):
I think
SPEAKER_00 (18:41):
is really, really bitchy.
I hate when a guy...
SPEAKER_01 (18:43):
jizzes all over your face and then won't kiss you i'm
like
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
hello
SPEAKER_01 (18:47):
that's kind of the point
SPEAKER_00 (18:48):
all right perfect segue my cum slut sister pearl
necklaces yes yeah okay sothere's a couple different there
are real pearl necklaces yeahand so there's a few different
jewel what are they called jewelwrists Jizzlers?
Like people who make jewelry.
No idea.
Jewelers.
(19:08):
Jewelers would be the correctword.
God, we're fucking dumb.
SPEAKER_01 (19:13):
No every word for jizz, zero words for
SPEAKER_00 (19:16):
jewelry makers.
We can come up with 1,800 wordsfor coming, but not jeweler.
Anywho, so there's two women inparticular that I really liked.
They have a beautiful Instagram.
Shout them out.
You know, I'm going to leavethem alone.
They seem really sweet.
The first woman This is fucked,y'all.
(19:36):
Okay, buckle up.
She started doing jewelry,making jewelry.
She started making jewelry whenshe became a stay-at-home mom
and just wanted a hobby andstress relief.
And one of her friends who losther son asked her if she could
make jewelry out of his ashes.
Oh, I
SPEAKER_01 (19:56):
thought you were going to say jizz.
I thought you were going to sayjizz.
I did, too.
I thought you were going to sayjizz.
When
SPEAKER_00 (20:00):
I was reading it, y'all.
I think the ashes is just asbad.
Like, to each their own.
You've got to cope how you wantto cope.
Exactly.
That also is a little...
Why do you have hands on yourson's jizz?
Why do you have...
to be fair the jizz is in theashes the jizz is in the ashes
no it's trash it's ash
SPEAKER_01 (20:14):
okay so she made the ash the ash jewelry next thing
you know
SPEAKER_00 (20:20):
next thing you know someone wrote in and was like
would you make it out of my jizzand she said she was a little
offended at first but then Iwouldn't be offended but then it
planted a seed did she upchargeyou know I didn't go into the
prices we've tried talking aboutprices before on our episodes
and it never goes well
SPEAKER_01 (20:40):
question in the jewelry is the jizz still liquid
like encased or is it solidified
SPEAKER_00 (20:47):
like a locket with just jizz in it no
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
like I'm thinking like a large pearl that like you
could
SPEAKER_00 (20:51):
shake like a snow globe oh yeah wow I'm sure you
could a jizz snow globe is thaton your list of shit that you
could make a jizz globe hole inthe market
SPEAKER_01 (21:00):
jizz snow globe
SPEAKER_00 (21:02):
woo okay it's coming to our merch store soon it's a
little dick in the middle it'scoming to our merch it swirls
the dick or tits Guys, there areso many.
It's ours.
Don't come at us.
Do not steal that, listener.
That's ours.
I'm already Googling how totrademark it.
I've already made it.
I've already had jizz on us.
We already have a prototype.
I used Nora's vacuum sealer.
(21:23):
Saved some a piece of shit ofjizz already.
It's got a smell function.
To answer your question aboutthe, what is it, the state it's
in, it's solid.
So she has to use chemicals tomake it solid.
She's using it as almost likeshe...
incorporates it to make it anepoxy type jewelry.
I don't know what that word is.
I just made that up.
(21:43):
I think it's actually for woodmaking.
She's a scientist, though.
She's a semen scientist.
Stay at home mom.
Semen scientist.
That's incredible.
What a job.
What a fun job.
So,
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
question.
It seems to be men keep tryingto get their own jizz made into
stuff for themselves.
That's not what I thought peoplewould want.
Making women do it.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (22:05):
Here's the thing.
I thought
SPEAKER_01 (22:05):
that they would want to give it to their girlfriends.
SPEAKER_00 (22:07):
They are a Okay.
You guys are so stupid.
You think men are wearingjewelry?
First of all.
It's 2025.
Look at Gen Z.
I don't know who.
They're just decked out in jizzyjewels.
I just want guys, a girl, agirl's a guy.
It's all, they all don't look atme.
You sound like a boomer.
Anywho.
She's a boomer.
I was wondering what kind ofclientele would like this type
(22:30):
of stuff.
And this is where it goes reallynicely for our cum slut, Nora.
Cum sluts.
Cum slut.
She just singled you out.
I seem to be just fine.
Well, I'm a proud cum slut.
I don't know about you.
Nora is a self-proclaimed cumslut.
I don't know if you are, Allie.
What's the definition?
It's like you really love cum.
Like you want it all over youand like in your mouth.
UNKNOWN (22:51):
Nope.
SPEAKER_01 (22:52):
I didn't know either if she was a cum
SPEAKER_00 (22:55):
slut.
Yeah, we had this debate at like6 a.m.
this morning.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
Literally 6 a.m.
this morning.
We were like, does Allieswallow?
SPEAKER_00 (23:00):
I do swallow.
Anywho.
But not a cum slut.
SPEAKER_01 (23:04):
You don't want to be baked in it.
Let me give you a cum slutscenario to like help you know
whether you're a cum slut ornot.
And listener, follow along.
If you would like the idea ofbeing cummed on like in your
face and body and then beingfucked post with like the cum
all over you, you might be a cumslut.
Which I love that idea.
SPEAKER_00 (23:21):
I'm so excited.
That is so subby that I'm like,if the guy wants that, I'll do
it.
But, like, do I want that?
Not my favorite.
Not really.
The one dom in here wants tojust barf.
Jizz on us.
SPEAKER_01 (23:32):
Oh, you don't like that?
SPEAKER_00 (23:33):
No, I hate that.
I absolutely hate that.
Like, you're not going to makeme messy unless I tell you to
make me messy.
I love being messy.
No.
With cum.
Anyways.
I'm not going to start.
Shower cancel.
SPEAKER_01 (23:46):
What was your point?
The cum sluts want this.
SPEAKER_00 (23:48):
So there's a really big clientele in the BDSM world.
I read one comment that waslike, they can be in your DMs,
but my jizz is on your hand.
And it was like a ring with hissemen in it.
So pretty cute.
It was a cute...
Some of the drawings were reallycute.
As a cum slut, I don'tparticularly find it hot
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
to wear...
the calm,
SPEAKER_00 (24:11):
I want it fresh.
It seems more like a territorialthing.
Like you have issues, likeyou're like, oh, Like, it's a
territorial, oh, he's in yourDMs, but I'm wearing his
contacts.
Yeah, it's, like, dom and subby.
So, like, one of the jewelerssaid that her number one request
is collars.
So that makes a lot of sense,right?
That makes sense.
Dommy, like, ownership.
And we all know Nora loves acollar.
(24:32):
I do love a collar.
I have two.
Do you have a shock collar?
No, just regular old collars.
Nora's next level.
She's just wearing girlfriend's,tiny girlfriend's shock collar.
This married girlfriend doesn'thave a shock collar.
Yeah, what?
We don't have a shock collar.
for a 10-pound dog.
Doesn't she have a bark collar?
It sprays her with water.
This whole time I thought itshocked her little body.
SPEAKER_02 (24:53):
She
SPEAKER_00 (24:56):
hates it.
Anywho, what would y'all getmade if you wanted to get some
jizz jewelry?
An anklet.
That's
SPEAKER_01 (25:03):
cute.
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
Inklets are cute.
Do you want to get a slutty toering or anything?
I used to have a toe ring, butit depends on who's making it
because, you know, if it turnsyour toe green.
I'm sure that this woman hasgood quality cum materials.
SPEAKER_01 (25:17):
How does she get the cum to make the jewelry?
SPEAKER_00 (25:21):
So they have to vacuum seal it and they mail it
on ice.
Guys, vacuum seal it.
On ice.
It needs to be cold.
What happens if it's hot?
Because it comes
SPEAKER_01 (25:30):
out hot.
They got to put it on ice andvacuum seal.
If my vacuum sealer companyisn't the first sponsor of this
goddamn podcast, I'll be pissed.
SPEAKER_00 (25:38):
That's all we have to hear about Nora now is her
vacuum sealer.
I bought the vacuum sealer.
Do you have it?
Oh, no, you bought it for me.
I'm certain Nora reimbursed you.
No, she did.
But I was like, can you takecare of those?
And then I'll do anything foryou.
Lastly, before we wrap, therewas one other use people, not
use, but another request forthis jewelry that it's real
(25:59):
hedged.
scratcher for me and i'm reallyterrified to share it because
the world is already reallyreally misinformed on sex ed so
buckle up again they for thelistener they both just mimed
buckling up
SPEAKER_01 (26:17):
we
SPEAKER_00 (26:17):
need video for our listeners um so anyways uh Wives
have requested jewelry of theirpartner's jizz before they get a
vasectomy.
SPEAKER_01 (26:29):
Oh, I kind of get that.
Explain to me.
Oh, wait, but you still jizz?
You still jizz, so you
SPEAKER_00 (26:34):
don't
SPEAKER_01 (26:34):
get it.
But
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
they want the baby jizz.
They want the sperm inside thejizz.
For safekeeping.
Okay, so here's where I'mworried about the
misinformation.
Like, men still cum.
Yeah, they still cum.
The exact same.
The same person.
Amount.
Post vasectomy.
Post vasectomy.
There's just no babies in there.
(26:56):
There's just no babies.
I'm terrified of our populationthat thinks that you can't jizz
post vasectomy.
Also,
SPEAKER_01 (27:04):
if vasectomy took away your jizzing ability, no
thank you.
Why keep
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
it?
What?
Oh, you mean the baby jizz?
The baby jizz.
I don't know.
I think it's so weird.
Are they drinking it?
Are they taking a shot?
No, it's jewelry.
It's being made into jewelry.
Keep up.
It's not a shot that you'reordering.
I'm sorry, but there are a lotof things at me and I can't eat.
Listener, Allie has a plate ofher breakfast in front of her
(27:29):
and she has completely stoppedtouching it.
My lazy eye can't even focus.
I'm just thinking about too manythings.
Guys, guys, I've got an idea.
SPEAKER_01 (27:38):
Again, trademark.
SPEAKER_00 (27:40):
Let's start a bar.
SPEAKER_01 (27:41):
And the bar will just be jizz shot.
It'll be called jizz shots?
It's going to be called jizzshots.
SPEAKER_00 (27:46):
Yeah.
Right on the money.
We'll tell them it's coconutwater.
No, we'll tell them it's jizz.
We're going to lose our license.
What's wrong with it?
We're going to lose our jizzlicense.
Do you know how many men woulddonate their jizz?
People would definitely do that.
And this is why they pay for eggdonors and get jizz.
Jizz costs like two bucks.
We should go to the box andstart there.
(28:09):
Like something underground.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you want an undergroundstart?
I don't
SPEAKER_01 (28:13):
feel like explaining what the box is.
SPEAKER_00 (28:16):
What I'd love to hear from our lovely Rat Pack
is...
How y'all would cook with semenor make a cocktail.
I want to hear your thoughts.
Or if you'd make anything else.
Yeah, have y'all ever madeanything?
Like a snow globe.
Perfect example.
Nor a snow globe.
I didn't really make the jizzglobe.
I didn't really make the jizzglobe.
Wait, it already existed?
No.
(28:37):
No one's made the jizz globe tomy knowledge.
We have in our minds.
That's how prototyping works,okay?
But not only that.
Tell us what kind of jewelry youwant and ask your questions.
What do you want to hear from usfor J-J-J's June?
J-J-J's June.
Don't forget to download andrate wherever you get your
podcasts, five stars only.
(28:58):
Thanks, Bratz.
See you next time.
As always, thanks for listening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atBadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, Bratz.
We have some exciting news, listeners.
We do have an email, which youcan reach us at in the show
notes.
It is badadviceonlynyc atgmail.com.
And we would love to hear fromyou.
If you have any questions youwant us to answer during June,
please write us ASAP.
(00:30):
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
to Bad Advice Only.
SPEAKER_00 (00:35):
We're just three New York City rats talking about
scurrying around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Leave us a review and follow uson Instagram and TikTok at
BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
Hey, lady rats.
(00:55):
Hi.
Oh, thank God.
I thought I was going to be onmy own there.
I forgot, to be honest.
I saw Nora's little teeth comingout and was like, oh, no.
Teeth forward.
You've got to bare your teethfor the sound to be right.
Great episode last week beforewe dive in.
I was thinking about it while Iwas listening to our episode
about how to ride.
Guys, I was thinking, there aremen listening and they're like,
(01:19):
why am I listening to these dogfaces?
Give up.
Sex tips.
About how to make themselvescome with no regard for the man.
Yeah.
I was cackling so hard listeningto it.
It was for pleasure only.
We don't care what that thingis.
We're just on it.
Red for the O.
So for this week on the month ofJizz June.
(01:41):
Jizz June.
Jizz June.
Woo! We're going to be talkingabout things that you didn't
know you could use jizz for.
Oh.
Yeah.
You can make things?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
And you know me, Allie.
You know I went into the darkweb and looked.
That's not what the dark web is,but okay.
(02:01):
Oh, God.
What's the dark web?
It's like for child pornography.
And how to make things out ofjizz.
Okay, there was no childpornography in my research.
Allie! Oh, no.
We're cutting back.
That's not staying.
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
I'm
SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
keeping it.
So anyways, before we dive intowhat use is cum is for, I wanted
to tell y'all a little bit abouta very New York moment that I
had walking to the studio thismorning.
And I want y'all to rate it oneto five, five being the most New
York moment.
Five being Cardi B
SPEAKER_01 (02:35):
fake nails coming off the subway, getting a bodega
sandwich.
Y'all are going to be sodisappointed now that Nora's
made that.
SPEAKER_00 (02:43):
It's a rating?
It's a one.
SPEAKER_01 (02:46):
That's a five.
What I described is a five.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
I was walking, and a pigeon flew through my leg and
tripped me.
A live pigeon.
Wait, if it flew through yourleg, how did it trip you?
I know y'all don't know soccer,but when a soccer ball goes
between a player's legs, like adefender's legs, it was gliding,
flew in between my leg, and Iobviously freaked out and
(03:12):
tripped over it.
Did it touch you?
You kicked it.
And it just kept on flying.
And I look around and no one.
Were you straddling?
What was the leg distance?
This bird either has suchprecise landing optimization to
be able to go through like avertical normal walk, you know?
(03:32):
Or were you just straddlewalking?
Tara's fucking bowling.
This is how we find out herthigh gap is more than fucking
two inches.
Yeah, girls.
I just have a really big thighgap.
No.
The thigh gap's so big
SPEAKER_01 (03:44):
a bird can fly through it.
A big-ass
SPEAKER_00 (03:47):
pigeon.
Hot girl summer.
All right,
SPEAKER_01 (03:50):
rate
SPEAKER_00 (03:50):
it,
SPEAKER_01 (03:50):
y'all.
I'm going to give it a three.
I slipped in a dead pigeon once,and I think that's a four, New
York.
SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
I was wondering where your dead pigeon would
land.
It's a four.
Allie, what do you think aboutmy live pigeon encounter?
I think it's really disgusting.
I will also give it a three.
I feel like pigeons are prettyborderline.
Pretty New York.
Like, they're New York.
It's not a rat.
A rat is peak New York.
But I hear it all the time.
(04:16):
Oh, a rat ran across my feet.
Okay.
It's still pretty New York.
It didn't end up in your suit.
If you were like, what's therating of spectacularness that
this bird ran through your legsand tripped you, I'd say it's a
five.
Agreed.
I think
SPEAKER_01 (04:33):
physically
SPEAKER_00 (04:33):
it's a
SPEAKER_01 (04:34):
five.
SPEAKER_00 (04:34):
That's
SPEAKER_01 (04:34):
crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (04:35):
Yeah, the talent was impressive.
The talent of the bird.
I mean, this just shows weshould keep pigeons around.
Like, they're pretty versatile.
UNKNOWN (04:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:43):
I forgot what I was going to say, but we need to
move on was my point.
I was just laughing.
All right.
So no more pigeon talk here.
All right.
So there's going to be no seguepossible.
Guys, you have to try.
All right.
Can pigeons jizz?
Oh, I just remembered.
SPEAKER_01 (05:01):
Sorry.
My thought was I really likethis segment, and we should make
a new How New York Is Itsegment.
SPEAKER_00 (05:07):
Oh, that's fun.
Okay, yeah.
We got to do more things.
We got to get out of theapartment.
We got to get out more, ladies.
We got to get out of theapartment.
the studio and the apartment.
It's going to be hard.
Off to June, episode two.
What do we got cooking?
We all...
We're cooking.
We're cooking.
What do we got?
Jizz.
Allie Ratt, that is such a goodsegue.
(05:27):
We are cooking with jizz today.
So I know we're talking jizz allJune.
J-J-Jizz June.
J-J-Jizz June.
But I really wanted to take itin a different direction.
Yeah.
You know, quirky like that.
She's so proud of it.
She's so New York.
UNKNOWN (05:43):
She's so New York.
SPEAKER_00 (05:45):
So Ratt ladies, we've all heard it from men.
You should swallow.
Cum is good for you.
Okay.
Protein.
It does whiten your teeth.
SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
No, it doesn't.
Right.
There's so many rumors.
SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
There's so many urban legends about what cum
does for your...
I haven't even gargled with cum.
Not on purpose.
Okay, we'll get into that.
We'll be able to fit that intothe outline somewhere in here.
But first, let's talk a littlebit about a man named Paul
Pfotenhauer.
He is the leader of semen...
(06:20):
The company.
What's the leader of semen,Tara?
Is this just what I'm callinghim?
Is this like a church?
A leader of semen.
He has two different books out.
A cookbook for semen and then acocktail.
UNKNOWN (06:35):
Get it?
SPEAKER_00 (06:38):
It's called like sementology or something like
mixtology.
Oh, my God.
It's very dysclectic.
And then also a cosmetic sectionas well.
Oh, This is a man, a straightman or a gay man.
It's important.
I couldn't tell.
SPEAKER_01 (06:57):
It's a
SPEAKER_00 (06:58):
little gay.
I watched a video this morningof him making what was called
the macho mojito.
Yeah, he's definitely gay.
Happy Pride Month, refs.
Happy Pride.
Let's go, Phillip.
What did you say?
Let's go, Phillip.
Isn't his name Phillip?
Nope.
Roger Fotenhauer.
Let's go, Fody.
(07:19):
Paul.
Sorry, Paul.
I knew these rat ladies weren'tlistening.
They only heard cookbook andlost their damn minds.
Get back in the kitchen, ladies.
I have so many questions onsmell and consistency, but go
on.
I'm so glad you brought that up.
Where does he get the cum?
So he mostly uses his.
This morning I watched the videoand it made me laugh so hard.
(07:42):
I wondered if you heard megiggling in my room this
morning.
Yeah, there's a YouTube video ofhim making it.
I have to sneeze.
Can you not on the mic?
Sorry.
He's making cum.
Did it show him making the cum?
You mean jerking off?
(08:03):
No.
So in the video, I'm justgiggling.
It's 5.30 a.m., listener.
And there's the mojito glass,the mint, the rum or whatever
goes in.
I don't drink mojitos.
So the liquor and then thisreally small dish with like a
cloudy substance.
I'm just like...
Was it
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
thick or thin?
SPEAKER_00 (08:26):
Well, he had to thicken it up.
With what?
Like flour?
Powdered sugar.
And then, y'all, y'all, he saidwhisk.
No, he used a frother.
He frothed his cum.
He frothed his cum.
This man's fucked up.
SPEAKER_01 (08:42):
What were the comments?
Did you read the comments?
Because you know I'd gostraight.
SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
I love YouTube comments.
I'll send it to you to read the
SPEAKER_01 (08:46):
comments.
I'll look through.
SPEAKER_00 (08:47):
Here's the thing.
Everyone...
Okay, so when I went to look uphis cookbook and stuff, it's
obviously on...
Amazon if you're interested.
What's it called?
What's it called?
It's on Amazon.
Oh, sorry.
Let me tell you.
The listeners might want to buyit.
This whole time I wasenvisioning in this video this
man just jerking off with adirect cum shot into a frying
(09:09):
pan.
I don't understand why y'all areso vulgar.
We're not the one buying a cumdumpster cookbook.
People watching a man make acum-hito at 5 a.m.
A macho cum-hito.
Super manly.
So for the listener, if you'reinterested, it's called Natural
Harvest, a collection ofsemen-based recipes.
(09:31):
It's not as enticing as I wouldlike it to be.
I'm buying that for our coffeetable.
Wait, is it?
Okay.
I have a lot of follow-upquestions.
Let me know if you're going toget there.
One, is it safe to Eat your ownjizz.
Second of all...
Does it have an expiry date?
Like surely, like if you...
Ooh, good question.
Like how long does cum stay for?
(09:52):
You could freeze it likebananas.
So Nora will like this.
There's actually...
Well, obviously you can freezeit.
People do it for...
I've got a vacuum sealer, y'all.
Okay, that's where I was going.
SPEAKER_01 (10:04):
I've got a vacuum sealer and a label maker,
ladies.
SPEAKER_00 (10:06):
But the smell, the smell must get more potent over
time, no?
No, I think it's...
A vacuum sealed cum bag?
Well, there's not going to bebad smell.
Would you
SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
add additional...
Or is it just one load?
SPEAKER_00 (10:17):
I cannot wrangle you wraps right now.
Can you season it?
I really didn't.
Does it smell like parsley ifyou throw parsley and come
together in a bag?
Oh, my God.
It's like butter, like when youinfuse butter.
Now, let's add this to the foodnetwork and put it in a chopped
basket.
Wrangle it back.
Get back.
You've got us so excited.
(10:38):
Okay.
Okay.
But Nora does have a really goodpoint.
I feel like semen would be bestmade into butter.
Yeah.
Sprinkled.
Add it on toast.
Yeah.
What is it used for in themojito?
Yeah, what ingredient is it?
It's not a thick mojito.
Why are you thinking it?
He just poured it over theactual mojito.
He made a mojito and then pouredhis sugary.
Does he drink it?
(10:58):
Yeah.
He kept tasting the jizz.
Now that's a new kink.
That's a new kink I've neverheard of.
I just got goosebumps.
I can see them from here.
Oh my God.
Okay, so for the listener, backto the description.
So the jizz was in a little dishand And he poured like a tiny,
not even a teaspoon, I don'tknow what, I don't know
(11:19):
measuring.
So much juice gone to waste.
He poured a little bit ofpowdered sugar in and whisked it
or frothed it, which I likedeven more.
And so it got really frothy.
And then he put his finger in,licked it, and he was like, oh,
I could use a little bit morepowdered sugar.
It's not something I want totry.
Is it for the health benefits?
Like is that what he's doing itfor?
(11:40):
He thinks there's healthbenefits.
Remember, listener, this is badadvice only.
So take it how you want.
Take it how you want it.
Yeah.
If you want to try it.
If you want to make a jazmito.
Try it.
A jazmito with a sharknado.
You two are broken right now.
(12:01):
This is almost as bad as chainrestaurants.
I'm really fucked up right
SPEAKER_01 (12:05):
now.
Chain restaurants.
Listener, go back and listen tochain restaurants.
Yeah.
If you want to have
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
another chaos.
Just another uncontrolled,chaotic.
conversation.
SPEAKER_01 (12:16):
If you want to set Allie and Nora off, talk about
semen butter chain restaurants.
SPEAKER_00 (12:21):
Jesus Christ.
Chick-fil-A, not a
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
sponsor.
SPEAKER_00 (12:24):
Would
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
never be a sponsor.
Back to Allie's question oflike, is it safe to eat your own
semen?
I think so, as I eat
SPEAKER_00 (12:32):
tons of semen.
But we eat other people's semen.
We don't eat our own.
Oh, you don't think you shouldeat your own semen?
I think that's the most healthyor safest thing.
It's already been through thewhole ringer.
I'm just asking.
It's like women trying theirbreast milk.
Allie, do you eat semen yeah butI eat someone else's semen I'm
not eating my semen yeah everytime I don't spit sometimes it
(12:52):
goes sometimes it'll go on myface I don't spit we're gonna
put a pin in that because we'restill on cooking sorry damn it
were you just curious or wereyou trying to slight me for
something To answer your otherquestion, Allie.
Fuck.
To answer your other questionabout the smell, really glad you
(13:14):
asked about that, too.
So one woman read about PaulFotenhauer.
Was it you?
Yes.
One woman.
I did some cooking last night,ladies.
She had to question this and hadto know.
In one of his chapters in hiscookbook, there's a ham and
cheese crepe.
(13:35):
Fuck.
That's so gross.
UNKNOWN (13:36):
That is so gross.
SPEAKER_01 (13:37):
This is the stupidest cookbook.
It's just like a
SPEAKER_00 (13:40):
cookbook.
No mayonnaise.
No problem.
Yeah, that's the thing.
It's not even replacingsomething.
It's not like a meatless, youknow, chili.
It's just cook a quesadilla andthen dunk it in some jizz.
Dip it in jizz.
Jizz or cream.
Anywho, so the woman did trycooking with it.
(14:04):
And she said the moment the jizzhit...
The skillet for the crepe, shesaid the smell was heinous.
She was like heated up.
SPEAKER_01 (14:14):
I have the goosebumps so hard I'm like
shaking.
SPEAKER_00 (14:19):
This is a judge-free zone, but we can still have
that.
I'm not judging him.
SPEAKER_01 (14:22):
I'm not judging him.
It's just giving me goosies.
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
Your arm muscles look incredible.
Thank you so much.
What?
Her arm muscles.
Solid core.
Wow.
Don't say it.
We haven't gotten any money fromthem.
Okay, so she said the minute thejizz hit the pan and it started
to heat up, she said the smellwas atrocious.
Does she recommend putting it ona lower heat?
I was going to ask that too.
That's kind of rude to just likeblow up your husband's spot like
(14:49):
that.
Not all jizz is smelly jizz.
So like maybe it was just a badbatch.
Honestly.
I do think it's from heating itup.
I'm sure it smells justcompletely normal.
Well, as normal as Jess cansmell.
So good advice, lower heat.
Keep that shit on ice.
We're getting
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
to real advice on cooking jizz now.
You want low heat when you cookyour jizz.
SPEAKER_00 (15:12):
So her journey with cooking with jizz doesn't end
there.
Although she said she got usedto the taste of the jizz crepe,
she wouldn't recommend it again.
She wouldn't eat it again.
But the next day she wanted tocontinue trying things.
So she made the mojito, themacho mojito.
Is this
SPEAKER_01 (15:29):
like
SPEAKER_00 (15:30):
a review of the book?
Basically.
She was just curious.
Food critic.
You know, I'm really glad shetook it seriously because
everyone else's reviews werelike, best gag gift ever.
That's rude.
This is his craft.
It is a gag gift because it'sdisgusting.
I'm buying this bitch.
One review said that he wouldhave spent$12 on it but not$22
(15:53):
on it because of the size andthe small size and its
flimsiness.
Is that a penis reference?
What's he trying to get at here?
It was weak.
Anyway, so yeah, she made themojito she said that she thinks
she must have done it wrongbecause his in the video in Paul
Fotenhauer's video the jizz kindof stayed on top of the mojito
(16:17):
of the mojito it's like afloater so he didn't drink it
yet it's like a floater and herssunk to the bottom okay that
just sounds like a consistencyof jizz situation I don't think
she frothed it properly that'swhere I'm going not everyone
owns a frother for their jizz
SPEAKER_01 (16:33):
do you think they use that frother for both their
milk and their jizz Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:37):
Prowlers are hard to clean.
Listener, maybe we can tag thisvideo, the YouTube video
somewhere because it is reallyfunny listening while he's like
frothing it.
After words, he just like knocksit on something to like hit it
off.
So you just hear him banging thedish.
I'm imagining like an egg white.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:53):
Guys, I must say, I love cum more than the average
person, and I am horrified rightnow.
Goosebumps feel like I'm goingto throw
SPEAKER_00 (17:05):
up.
What happens to it?
Now, you watched the video.
What happens to the cum when itfries?
Does it fry like an egg?
Oh, certainly there wasn't avideo for the frying of cum.
Oh, should we try this?
Would Piece of Shit be down?
Piece of Shit, we need adonation.
I don't want to try it for therecord or smell it.
All right, all right, all right,Rat
SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
Pack.
We're cumming.
Coming to you live, Rat Pack.
We need one donation.
We could get a donation.
Of semen.
We don't care who's.
Mail it in.
UNKNOWN (17:31):
Mail it in.
SPEAKER_00 (17:33):
Guys, I'm nervous laughing right now.
Someone's going to do it.
I don't want Expire to come.
I don't want somebody to mail itin and then the USPS takes.
No, you better.
Business days.
You better expedite it.
Expedite that.
Nora can't even talk.
She's so ill.
Okay, so to save Nora and puther in a more comfortable place,
we're going to pivot to another.
(17:53):
Another use of jizz.
I found also, I knew about this,so I did a deeper dive on it,
but I knew people made jewelryout of jizz.
Have y'all heard of this?
I have not.
No?
Jizzlery.
SPEAKER_01 (18:09):
No, I haven't heard of those things.
This is
SPEAKER_00 (18:11):
Allie's month.
I've heard of, I'm sorry, Gaze,but Allie is taking your month.
Allie's taking so much funcoming up with
SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
jizz.
This is
SPEAKER_00 (18:19):
not pride month.
This is jizz June.
It's jizz June, baby.
Allie has never had more funcoming up with jizz.
his words in her life.
Like, I'm so sorry to the queercommunity.
I'm not.
Well, we're talking about a gaycookbook right now.
We don't know if it's
SPEAKER_01 (18:33):
gay.
Also, now that I know he'seating his own cum, I don't know
if he's gay.
Like, he's just...
I
SPEAKER_00 (18:37):
know a lot of straight men won't touch their
cum, which
SPEAKER_01 (18:40):
I think
SPEAKER_00 (18:41):
is really, really bitchy.
I hate when a guy...
SPEAKER_01 (18:43):
jizzes all over your face and then won't kiss you i'm
like
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
hello
SPEAKER_01 (18:47):
that's kind of the point
SPEAKER_00 (18:48):
all right perfect segue my cum slut sister pearl
necklaces yes yeah okay sothere's a couple different there
are real pearl necklaces yeahand so there's a few different
jewel what are they called jewelwrists Jizzlers?
Like people who make jewelry.
No idea.
Jewelers.
(19:08):
Jewelers would be the correctword.
God, we're fucking dumb.
SPEAKER_01 (19:13):
No every word for jizz, zero words for
SPEAKER_00 (19:16):
jewelry makers.
We can come up with 1,800 wordsfor coming, but not jeweler.
Anywho, so there's two women inparticular that I really liked.
They have a beautiful Instagram.
Shout them out.
You know, I'm going to leavethem alone.
They seem really sweet.
The first woman This is fucked,y'all.
(19:36):
Okay, buckle up.
She started doing jewelry,making jewelry.
She started making jewelry whenshe became a stay-at-home mom
and just wanted a hobby andstress relief.
And one of her friends who losther son asked her if she could
make jewelry out of his ashes.
Oh, I
SPEAKER_01 (19:56):
thought you were going to say jizz.
I thought you were going to sayjizz.
I did, too.
I thought you were going to sayjizz.
When
SPEAKER_00 (20:00):
I was reading it, y'all.
I think the ashes is just asbad.
Like, to each their own.
You've got to cope how you wantto cope.
Exactly.
That also is a little...
Why do you have hands on yourson's jizz?
Why do you have...
to be fair the jizz is in theashes the jizz is in the ashes
no it's trash it's ash
SPEAKER_01 (20:14):
okay so she made the ash the ash jewelry next thing
you know
SPEAKER_00 (20:20):
next thing you know someone wrote in and was like
would you make it out of my jizzand she said she was a little
offended at first but then Iwouldn't be offended but then it
planted a seed did she upchargeyou know I didn't go into the
prices we've tried talking aboutprices before on our episodes
and it never goes well
SPEAKER_01 (20:40):
question in the jewelry is the jizz still liquid
like encased or is it solidified
SPEAKER_00 (20:47):
like a locket with just jizz in it no
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
like I'm thinking like a large pearl that like you
could
SPEAKER_00 (20:51):
shake like a snow globe oh yeah wow I'm sure you
could a jizz snow globe is thaton your list of shit that you
could make a jizz globe hole inthe market
SPEAKER_01 (21:00):
jizz snow globe
SPEAKER_00 (21:02):
woo okay it's coming to our merch store soon it's a
little dick in the middle it'scoming to our merch it swirls
the dick or tits Guys, there areso many.
It's ours.
Don't come at us.
Do not steal that, listener.
That's ours.
I'm already Googling how totrademark it.
I've already made it.
I've already had jizz on us.
We already have a prototype.
I used Nora's vacuum sealer.
(21:23):
Saved some a piece of shit ofjizz already.
It's got a smell function.
To answer your question aboutthe, what is it, the state it's
in, it's solid.
So she has to use chemicals tomake it solid.
She's using it as almost likeshe...
incorporates it to make it anepoxy type jewelry.
I don't know what that word is.
I just made that up.
(21:43):
I think it's actually for woodmaking.
She's a scientist, though.
She's a semen scientist.
Stay at home mom.
Semen scientist.
That's incredible.
What a job.
What a fun job.
So,
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
question.
It seems to be men keep tryingto get their own jizz made into
stuff for themselves.
That's not what I thought peoplewould want.
Making women do it.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (22:05):
Here's the thing.
I thought
SPEAKER_01 (22:05):
that they would want to give it to their girlfriends.
SPEAKER_00 (22:07):
They are a Okay.
You guys are so stupid.
You think men are wearingjewelry?
First of all.
It's 2025.
Look at Gen Z.
I don't know who.
They're just decked out in jizzyjewels.
I just want guys, a girl, agirl's a guy.
It's all, they all don't look atme.
You sound like a boomer.
Anywho.
She's a boomer.
I was wondering what kind ofclientele would like this type
(22:30):
of stuff.
And this is where it goes reallynicely for our cum slut, Nora.
Cum sluts.
Cum slut.
She just singled you out.
I seem to be just fine.
Well, I'm a proud cum slut.
I don't know about you.
Nora is a self-proclaimed cumslut.
I don't know if you are, Allie.
What's the definition?
It's like you really love cum.
Like you want it all over youand like in your mouth.
UNKNOWN (22:51):
Nope.
SPEAKER_01 (22:52):
I didn't know either if she was a cum
SPEAKER_00 (22:55):
slut.
Yeah, we had this debate at like6 a.m.
this morning.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
Literally 6 a.m.
this morning.
We were like, does Allieswallow?
SPEAKER_00 (23:00):
I do swallow.
Anywho.
But not a cum slut.
SPEAKER_01 (23:04):
You don't want to be baked in it.
Let me give you a cum slutscenario to like help you know
whether you're a cum slut ornot.
And listener, follow along.
If you would like the idea ofbeing cummed on like in your
face and body and then beingfucked post with like the cum
all over you, you might be a cumslut.
Which I love that idea.
SPEAKER_00 (23:21):
I'm so excited.
That is so subby that I'm like,if the guy wants that, I'll do
it.
But, like, do I want that?
Not my favorite.
Not really.
The one dom in here wants tojust barf.
Jizz on us.
SPEAKER_01 (23:32):
Oh, you don't like that?
SPEAKER_00 (23:33):
No, I hate that.
I absolutely hate that.
Like, you're not going to makeme messy unless I tell you to
make me messy.
I love being messy.
No.
With cum.
Anyways.
I'm not going to start.
Shower cancel.
SPEAKER_01 (23:46):
What was your point?
The cum sluts want this.
SPEAKER_00 (23:48):
So there's a really big clientele in the BDSM world.
I read one comment that waslike, they can be in your DMs,
but my jizz is on your hand.
And it was like a ring with hissemen in it.
So pretty cute.
It was a cute...
Some of the drawings were reallycute.
As a cum slut, I don'tparticularly find it hot
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
to wear...
the calm,
SPEAKER_00 (24:11):
I want it fresh.
It seems more like a territorialthing.
Like you have issues, likeyou're like, oh, Like, it's a
territorial, oh, he's in yourDMs, but I'm wearing his
contacts.
Yeah, it's, like, dom and subby.
So, like, one of the jewelerssaid that her number one request
is collars.
So that makes a lot of sense,right?
That makes sense.
Dommy, like, ownership.
And we all know Nora loves acollar.
(24:32):
I do love a collar.
I have two.
Do you have a shock collar?
No, just regular old collars.
Nora's next level.
She's just wearing girlfriend's,tiny girlfriend's shock collar.
This married girlfriend doesn'thave a shock collar.
Yeah, what?
We don't have a shock collar.
for a 10-pound dog.
Doesn't she have a bark collar?
It sprays her with water.
This whole time I thought itshocked her little body.
SPEAKER_02 (24:53):
She
SPEAKER_00 (24:56):
hates it.
Anywho, what would y'all getmade if you wanted to get some
jizz jewelry?
An anklet.
That's
SPEAKER_01 (25:03):
cute.
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
Inklets are cute.
Do you want to get a slutty toering or anything?
I used to have a toe ring, butit depends on who's making it
because, you know, if it turnsyour toe green.
I'm sure that this woman hasgood quality cum materials.
SPEAKER_01 (25:17):
How does she get the cum to make the jewelry?
SPEAKER_00 (25:21):
So they have to vacuum seal it and they mail it
on ice.
Guys, vacuum seal it.
On ice.
It needs to be cold.
What happens if it's hot?
Because it comes
SPEAKER_01 (25:30):
out hot.
They got to put it on ice andvacuum seal.
If my vacuum sealer companyisn't the first sponsor of this
goddamn podcast, I'll be pissed.
SPEAKER_00 (25:38):
That's all we have to hear about Nora now is her
vacuum sealer.
I bought the vacuum sealer.
Do you have it?
Oh, no, you bought it for me.
I'm certain Nora reimbursed you.
No, she did.
But I was like, can you takecare of those?
And then I'll do anything foryou.
Lastly, before we wrap, therewas one other use people, not
use, but another request forthis jewelry that it's real
(25:59):
hedged.
scratcher for me and i'm reallyterrified to share it because
the world is already reallyreally misinformed on sex ed so
buckle up again they for thelistener they both just mimed
buckling up
SPEAKER_01 (26:17):
we
SPEAKER_00 (26:17):
need video for our listeners um so anyways uh Wives
have requested jewelry of theirpartner's jizz before they get a
vasectomy.
SPEAKER_01 (26:29):
Oh, I kind of get that.
Explain to me.
Oh, wait, but you still jizz?
You still jizz, so you
SPEAKER_00 (26:34):
don't
SPEAKER_01 (26:34):
get it.
But
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
they want the baby jizz.
They want the sperm inside thejizz.
For safekeeping.
Okay, so here's where I'mworried about the
misinformation.
Like, men still cum.
Yeah, they still cum.
The exact same.
The same person.
Amount.
Post vasectomy.
Post vasectomy.
There's just no babies in there.
(26:56):
There's just no babies.
I'm terrified of our populationthat thinks that you can't jizz
post vasectomy.
Also,
SPEAKER_01 (27:04):
if vasectomy took away your jizzing ability, no
thank you.
Why keep
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
it?
What?
Oh, you mean the baby jizz?
The baby jizz.
I don't know.
I think it's so weird.
Are they drinking it?
Are they taking a shot?
No, it's jewelry.
It's being made into jewelry.
Keep up.
It's not a shot that you'reordering.
I'm sorry, but there are a lotof things at me and I can't eat.
Listener, Allie has a plate ofher breakfast in front of her
(27:29):
and she has completely stoppedtouching it.
My lazy eye can't even focus.
I'm just thinking about too manythings.
Guys, guys, I've got an idea.
SPEAKER_01 (27:38):
Again, trademark.
SPEAKER_00 (27:40):
Let's start a bar.
SPEAKER_01 (27:41):
And the bar will just be jizz shot.
It'll be called jizz shots?
It's going to be called jizzshots.
SPEAKER_00 (27:46):
Yeah.
Right on the money.
We'll tell them it's coconutwater.
No, we'll tell them it's jizz.
We're going to lose our license.
What's wrong with it?
We're going to lose our jizzlicense.
Do you know how many men woulddonate their jizz?
People would definitely do that.
And this is why they pay for eggdonors and get jizz.
Jizz costs like two bucks.
We should go to the box andstart there.
(28:09):
Like something underground.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you want an undergroundstart?
I don't
SPEAKER_01 (28:13):
feel like explaining what the box is.
SPEAKER_00 (28:16):
What I'd love to hear from our lovely Rat Pack
is...
How y'all would cook with semenor make a cocktail.
I want to hear your thoughts.
Or if you'd make anything else.
Yeah, have y'all ever madeanything?
Like a snow globe.
Perfect example.
Nor a snow globe.
I didn't really make the jizzglobe.
I didn't really make the jizzglobe.
Wait, it already existed?
No.
(28:37):
No one's made the jizz globe tomy knowledge.
We have in our minds.
That's how prototyping works,okay?
But not only that.
Tell us what kind of jewelry youwant and ask your questions.
What do you want to hear from usfor J-J-J's June?
J-J-J's June.
Don't forget to download andrate wherever you get your
podcasts, five stars only.
(28:58):
Thanks, Bratz.
See you next time.
As always, thanks for listening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atBadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, Bratz.
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