Ep. 1 - There’s a Landmine in my Happy Marriage

A love story can look solid on the outside and still fracture in the quiet hours. We open up about how a decade of loyalty, drive, and shared goals slowly bent under the weight of identity shifts, corporate pressure, and a move that erased our community. Abby and Megan retrace the path from Bentonville meet-cute to an Atlanta executive apartment where letters on countertops replaced conversations and intimacy turned into red light, green light. It’s raw, sometimes funny, sometimes brutal, and entirely human.

You’ll hear how a health-coaching calling collided with expectations for corporate ambition, why context matters when a couple relocates without their support system, and how small resentments become a script when they’re never named out loud. We talk about the Nashville landmine, the six-point grievance list, and the moment money and control took center stage. There’s also the messier middle: the intermittent tenderness after hard words, the journal that kept reality straight, and the way humor and faith became armor when logic didn’t land.

This story isn’t legal advice. It’s an honest lens on divorce dynamics: the cost of carrying all the blame, the danger of excusing outbursts as one-offs, and the quiet power of documenting, setting boundaries, and choosing yourself without becoming hard. If you’ve ever felt whiplash from mixed signals, you’ll recognize the pattern, and the relief of stepping off the ride. 

Subscribe for more real stories of divorce, resilience, and rebuilding. Share with someone who needs proof they’re not alone, and leave a review to help others find us.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to Bitter or Better Real Stories of Divorce
and Resilience.
The podcast that gets real aboutthe messy middle of divorce and
what it takes to come outstronger on the other side.
I'm your host, Abby England,marketer, national board
certified health and wellnesscoach, and author of the
upcoming book Bitter or Better,and I've personally earned my

(00:21):
divorce Kevlar.
This podcast isn't legal advice.
It isn't tips and tricks anddon't forget and hacks and
how-tos.
There's plenty of other podcastsout there interviewing lawyers,
therapists, accountants, allsorts of divorce scientists.
This podcast is raw, realconversations with everyday

(00:42):
people who have jobs, kids,responsibilities, and
commitments, and yet they'veweathered the heartbreak,
rebuilt their lives, and foundunexpected strength along the
way.
Because while divorce can breakyou, it can also make you
better.
You are not alone.
Let's hear someone else's storyand see what resonates.

(01:02):
Can you introduce yourself,please, to the audience?
Yeah.
My name is Abby England.
I am a marketer, a NationalBoard certified health and
wellness coach, uh podcast hostand producer, and an aspiring
author who's working on herlighthearted feel-good divorce

(01:23):
memoir.
Just kidding.
Nothing about the experience waslighthearted or feel-good, like
yeah, when you're going throughit.
But now that some time haspassed, um there are some funny
moments and things thathappened, and I wouldn't really

(01:44):
call it like ha ha funny.
I'd call it more like WTF funny.
Yeah.
So, and I think humor just helpsyou get through times of
tragedy.
Um, yeah, it can really kind ofbe a protective layer.
Um, so I think humor isimportant.
It's also who you are.
I mean, you were one of thefunniest ladies I've ever met.

(02:06):
One of the funniest.
Oh, okay.
One of the funniest.
Who are these other women thatare also in your top five?
My other best friends.

unknown (02:14):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (02:16):
And you are?
Oh, my name is Megan Braza.
I'm Abby's best friend.
Uh what, going on 15 years now?

unknown (02:24):
Wow.

SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah.
You've been through a lottogether.
Yeah, we have.
Through a couple house moves,two marriages, one divorce, two
kids, three dogs.
Yeah.
There's a lot of life.
Yeah.
Lots of life.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And that's why I wanted you tointerview me, is because um one,

(02:44):
my therapist said he wouldn't doit.
But then also, I called you likeevery day during the shit storm
of it.
And uh, you were just there likea lifeline.
So I remember, I remember everyday.
Yeah.
So we're gonna laugh.
We're gonna cry.

(03:05):
Yeah.
We're definitely gonna cry.
Yeah.
So I'm ready.
Let's fire away.
It's your turn.
Yeah.
How do you feel about that?
I'm nervous.
I'm uh yeah, I'm nervous to siton the other side of the chair
and answer the questions.
Which I've answered thequestions in therapy, like
probably hundreds of times.

(03:26):
And I've told the story topeople, but it's always been in
like a three-minute container.
Yeah.
And now it's aside from mytherapist, my lawyer, uh, you
and probably my cousin, like Idon't know if a lot of people
know the the real story ofeverything that happens.
Details, yeah.

(03:46):
Yeah.
So we're here, and that's whattoday is for.
And what made you want to shareall those vulnerable deep
details?
This whole idea for a divorcepodcast that allows everyday
people, not therapists, lawyers,accountants, counselors, not
divorce scientists.
We're just everyday people whohave our lives, our jobs are not

(04:11):
divorced.
Um, we've got other commitmentsand responsibilities.
So some have kids, other thingsthat we want to do, yet we still
have to kind of get throughlife.
A guest said that divorce is oneof the most traumatic things
that someone can go through.
And for those of us who are partof Divorce Club, I think we'd

(04:34):
all agree, yeah, it's traumatic.
Sharing stories of the shit showthat can be divorced and knowing
that you are not the only onegoing through it.
Um and it's gonna do probablyone of two things.
You're gonna either hear a storyfrom someone else that resonates
really deeply with you, andyou're like, yes, I feel that.

(04:58):
Or you'll hear someone else'sstory, and maybe they've got it
a little worse than you do.
And so you might feel a littlegrateful for the situation that
you're in.
So it started with my own story.
I wouldn't ask someone to sharetheir story if I wasn't willing
to share my own.

(05:20):
So I thought it important to setthe stage and the con the
context and kick off thispodcast by sharing my own story
of divorce and resilience andhow I made a choice every day,
bitter or better.

(05:40):
Set the set the groundwork andtalk about context of um where
you guys met, what attracted youto each other.
So let's start with where youguys met.
Yeah.
After grad school, I got a jobwith Walmart in Bentonville,
Arkansas.
The last place a 23-year-oldwould want to go, as you know.

(06:02):
Yes.
It was a dry county at the time.
So you had to go to Fayettevilleto go out to go party.
But yeah, there was kind of arookie group of us that started
in a specific department, a kindof a new department in Walmart.
And I got a really great job outof grad school.
Like I was really lucky to getthat job.

(06:23):
Uh, a coworker was like, HeyAbby, you want to go sit on this
project with me?
I was like, Yeah, okay, surething.
And so he took me over to thefinance area or finance.
Finance, yeah.
If you're in finance, you callit finance.
But everyone else calls itfinance.
It's finance.
So um, and there was this seniormanager of finance who was

(06:46):
working on uh a big project forthe company.
And uh he walked us through hisExcel sheet of pivot tables and
V lookups and all these things.
The keys to your heart.

unknown (07:01):
Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
And I just remember thinking, oh, he's kind of cute,
kind of shy, reserved, um, nottypically my type.
Um, but he's cute.
And damn good with an Excelspreadsheet.
And pretty pretty good with apivot table.
I think it was then Halloween.
So I would have that would havebeen right when I started,

(07:26):
around like summer or latesummer of 2008.
And then around like Halloween,I was out with a friend.
Um, I was dressed as a sexy HoltHogan, and she was, then she was
dressed as a referee.
Uh huh.
We were out on Dixon Street, andhe was he happened to be like
also out with his friends, andhe was on the other side of the

(07:49):
street, and he ran over to wherewe were, because we were like
walking to another bar orsomething, and he ran over to
where we were, and I I was like,Hi! And I gave him like a big
tipsy hug, and that kind ofbroke the barrier between us,
and then I'm a pretty socialperson, and so I would organize

(08:10):
a lot of social events for youknow the mid-20-year-olds in our
in our area, and uh, I would Iwould invite him to things, so
it kind of started as like grouphangs.
Okay, when did that change?
Uh oh yeah, it changed uh at oneof those group hangs.
We were at Buffalo Wobblings,like sexy place.

(08:31):
One of like the four places thatyou could go in Bentonville at
the time.
Um, we were at Buffalo Wobblingswatching basket college
basketball.
Okay.
And uh like the group haddispersed, um, but he and I were
left and I didn't have cable inmy apartment.
You were 23.
I know and uh I think I had afuton.

(08:53):
And he was like, Do you want tofinish watching the game at my
apartment?
And I'm like, Yeah, sure, let'sgo.
And so we That was bold.
That was bold to the apartment.
Yeah.
So we need to live like rightdown the street.
So we went back to his apartmentand finished watching the game,
and he said something, and Ijust kind of like held the gaze
for a second, and he kissed me.

(09:15):
Oh, yeah.
Okay, and so that would havebeen the the breaking of the
physical barrier.
Okay.
Not like that.
I didn't do that or that night.
Not going that deep.
Not not that night, but yeah,then that's the night we kissed,
and that's when things kind ofchanged.

(09:35):
So you started dating thatnight.
Um uh we started like I I wantedto keep things private because I
was still the kind of the newgirl at Walmart.
And I didn't want to like get areputation.
Correct.
And so I wanted to keep thingsprivate because he and I
actually were on like a projecttogether as well.
So you're working together,yeah.

(09:56):
Yeah, and so I didn't want it tobe like awkward in those
meetings with everybody elsebecause everybody else would
know, you know, becauseBenderville's a small town, very
small, yes, and it was smaller17 years ago.
Yeah, I wanted to keep thingsprivate, and that so I would
kind of like refer to him as myspecial friend.

(10:16):
I love that doesn't sound great,but um but and that worked until
it didn't, and so we like cameout and and formally kind of
announced, yeah.
I think it was a Saturdaymorning meeting.
Oh more kidding, we were it's aninside joke for Walmartians.

(10:38):
Wall Martians.
So but we just came out withthings and and said that we were
dating.
So yeah, and then we dated, andthat moved into you know getting
engaged.
Getting engaged and then gettingmarried.
Yeah, yeah.
So describe what your marriagewas like um in regards to like
family dynamics, yeah, yeah.

(10:58):
Um yeah, I'll I'll say I'll justkind of rewind and say that like
the engagement is a perfectstory of like the way he thinks.
Okay.
In that, so we were in Hawaii,and I had like won a trip or
something to Hawaii.
We were coming back from dinner,like walking along the beach,

(11:22):
and it was like dark out, andreal kind of awkwardly, he was
like, Let's go sit over there onthe sand.
I'm like, okay.
Knowing him, I know this is sofunny.
Yeah.
Like, sure, okay.
So we go and sit on the sand,and we're just kind of like
nestled in.

(11:44):
And I say this, I'm like, tellme a story.
And so he goes into a story ofhow he um uh, you know, after
his first divorce, he wasmarried before, but after his
first divorce, he found someoneenergetic and outgoing and
extroverted.

(12:04):
Found his like what else?
Uh-huh.
Um and found his best friend,and he asks me to marry him.
He pulled out the box, and thisis where he's like his
personality.
He knew it would be dark out,and so he had the jeweler

(12:25):
install like a light in the box.
Thinking ahead.
Thinking ahead.
And so, because he knew it wouldbe dark, and he wanted the ring
to sparkle.
Yep.
And so when he opened the box,the light turned on, and that
baby sparkled.
Yeah, yeah, like a big old ring,and it sparkled.
Yeah, but that that's just him.
He he he anticipates things, hesees around corners, and that's

(12:50):
one of the things that I lovedabout him and appreciated about
him was his ability to see whatmost people don't.
But then we got actually marriedin St.
Louis.
I that was important to me askind of where I'm from.
I kind of wanted a biggerwedding with friends and family.
I just wanted a party.
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (13:08):
And so it was a great party.

SPEAKER_00 (13:10):
Yes.
Um, and then the marriage.
I would say so, um, he did havea daughter from a uh a previous
relationship, uh a collegerelationship.
Um they never married, um, butthen he was married after that
to someone else.
Um he was divorced when I methim.
And that almost gave me a senseof like a safety net.

(13:34):
Like he's been divorced already.
Yeah, he's been divorced before,and it was actually um from what
he shares in a fair situation,uh, infidelity.
And so he knows what it feelslike to be cheated on, to be
left.

(13:54):
Um that was a bit of like asafety net for me.
Yeah, for sure.
And he was so loyal, he got megapoints for his loyalty.
He he got mega points early onfor loyalty.
And I compare that against kindof my college boyfriend.
He and I went on a backpackingtrip after grad school

(14:17):
throughout Europe, and it wasour last night in Spain, and we
had like met some people outthat day, and so we were out at
a bar with them.
Um, and we had to catch a trainthe next morning to France, and
I was tired and just like readyto go home, ready to be in bed.
Um, tomorrow's gonna be a longday, but he was life of the

(14:40):
party guy.
That's that's my typical guy,yeah, is life of the party, and
that's who he was, and he wantedto stay out, and so we got into
a tiff about it, and I walkedhome drunk, alone at night, in
Barcelona, back to the hostel.
I have no idea how I made itback to the hostel.

(15:00):
So I'm back at the hostel, andit's like a giant room with just
a bunch of bunk beds, and so I'mI I'm in the top bunk.
Um, and so I climb into bed andI hear these three French guys
walk in and they kind of walkover to my bunk, and one of them
starts climbing up the ladder.

(15:22):
And luckily, I'd taken fouryears of French in high school,
and so I was like, arete, arete,which means stop.
They stopped.
Um, somehow I fell asleep orlikely passed out.
And when I woke up, I had tang,like orange powder.
Yeah.
Wow.

(15:42):
Orange tang powder like all overme.
My my hair, my my bed sheets, myclothes, like all over me.
So they had tanged me thatnight, and I like lean over on
the the bottom bug, and myboyfriend at the time was
sleeping.

(16:03):
No tang, nothing.
I was livid.
Yeah, I was so mad.
I just knew that my ex-husband,he wouldn't regardless of like
how mad we were at each other,he would never let his
girlfriend walk home alone atnight in Barcelona.

(16:26):
So he got mega points for forloyalty.
Yeah.
So the marriage, I would say,was pretty easy, I guess.
We didn't have kids of our own.
I mean, he did have uh hisdaughter from that relationship.
So I was a stepmom.

(16:47):
Um, she lived in uh out of statethough with her mom kind of
full-time, and she would come.
She played soccer prettycompetitively.
Um, and so her schedule was um alittle tighter than most kids.
But she would come up or wewould go down to soccer
tournaments and things.
But overall, I would say likeour careers were really

(17:08):
important to us.
Yeah.
He worked, I worked many, many,many nights were just us on the
couch with our laptops open,both working.
Like we were really supportiveof each other's careers because
that was important.
Did that impact your intimacy atall?
Just being on the computer nextto each other all the time?

(17:29):
Um, I I think so, but um we werestill having sex like a couple
times a week.
So not all yeah, so I would sayit was pretty easy.
Okay.
There's obviously I won't sayobviously, I think hopefully not

(17:51):
all marriages, but manymarriages have kind of
trapdoors, so to speak.
Yep.
And so there were definitelytimes where there were fights,
of course.
There were tempers, there wasanger.
Um I I think every marriage hasthat.
But and you know, there weremoments where things got tough.

(18:13):
Like his his mom got reallysick.
Um, she eventually passed, butshe got really sick, and so that
was a tough time.
And uh I remember being in thehouse, and everyone had like
being in his parents' house, andeveryone had like gone into the
kitchen for whatever reason, andshe and I were still in the
living room, and I was about togo into the kitchen with

(18:35):
everybody else.
Um, and she was sitting in thislike blue velvet recliner in
their living room, and she'svery sick at this point.
We all know what's happening,and um, she's in this blue
velvet recliner, and she grabbedmy forearm kind of as I passed,
and she goes, She said, Abby,take care of him.

(18:57):
I feel like I did that.
I feel like I was you did dothat.
I feel like I was a good wife.
Um so yeah, there were that'show I would describe the
marriage.
Overall happy, supportive, youknow, with with some bumps along

(19:20):
the way.
Yeah, naturally.
Yeah.
So I know at Walmart you guysyou said you're happy, right?
There were some different lifechanges that happened.
Do you want to talk about thosenow or you want to talk about
those um a little bit later?
So at Walmart, um, I also, youknow, I moved from Walmart to
Sales Club when I became adirector at Sales Club at age
27.
Yeah, yeah, I had never manageda person in my life.

(19:44):
And I go from managing zeropeople to managing a team of 10,
who's then responsible formanaging 500 people, never
managed a budget before and goto tens of million dollars worth
of managing a budget.
Um I just I didn't know how tolead at that, you know.

(20:07):
Typically in your career, youtake it like a stair step
approach or like ladders, youknow, one ring at a time.
I feel like I skipped severalstairs or several rings of the
ladder, and I didn't know how toto to lead at at age 27 at that
level.

(20:28):
So I did what I what has kind ofserved me in the past, and I
just worked harder and longer,and I didn't know how to
delegate at the time, so I justdid it all.
And I was working myself sick.
I didn't see kind of a light atthe end of the tunnel.

(20:51):
Um there was a huge, huge, hugeproject that like nearly killed
me.
And so after it was kind of likeimplemented um and kind of on
its course, I decided to leave.
And not everyone has aparachute, but I had one, and
that my family owned a um amanufacturing business.

(21:15):
And so I had severalconversations with my mom and uh
you know she had bought it.
You know, she's she's a realinspiration.
And she had said, why don't youcome back and and lead marketing
for the company?
And so I was able to downshift,left CM's Club, was able to

(21:36):
downshift and lead marketing formy family's company.
And um which was based inSouthern Illinois, and so I had
to um those first couple years Iwas traveling quite a little
bit, about like 25% of the time.
I typically leave on a Mondayand come back on a Thursday, and
I did that like twice a week.
Yeah.
Um those are like the least sexydays of the week, anyway.

(21:59):
Right.
Just working on the couchtogether.
Right.
And so I did that.
And then that ratcheted back.
After a few years, it was likeonce every three weeks and then
once a month.
And then during COVID, it wasn'tat all.
So it really ratcheted back.
But during that time, I got alot of windshield time because
there's not a lot of directflights out of Bentonyville,
Arkansas.

(22:20):
So I was driving to SouthernIllinois and I got a lot of
windshield time.
And I just started listening toall these podcasts around health
and wellness.
I became really interested,isn't even like the right, it
doesn't appropriately capturethe level of interest that I had

(22:42):
in health and wellness.
Oh, I remember your smoothiesand the PowerPoint you made in
how to make the smoothie.
Which people asked me about.
Yeah, that was my first piece ofcontent.
It was.
It was great.
Yeah.
Um, I just it became a passion,like a burning passion, health

(23:03):
and wellness.
And I would share articles andvideos and podcasts and all
these things, whether you askedfor it or not.
Like if you wanted to talk to meabout health and wellness, I was
like, all right, let's go.
Yeah.
So I didn't know what to do withthis.
And then I remember you taggedme on something on Facebook

(23:24):
because Facebook was it in thetime.
That's right.
You tagged me on something onFacebook and it was about health
and wellness coaching.
Oh yes.
Yeah.
And up until then, I wasconsidering like going back to
school to become a functionalmedicine doctor or a registered
dietitian.
All those would have taken like20 years.
Like I can't do that.
But this health and wellnessprogram, uh health and wellness

(23:47):
coaching program, would allow meto stay working and kind of do
this nights and weekends.
And so I enrolled in that.
It was a couple year program,two, two and a half year
program.
I remember that.
You were very busy.
Yeah.
I was working full-time.
Yes.
I was studying.
I was coaching clients.

(24:07):
Like it was, it was a busychapter.
How was the support from yourspouse at that point?
Oh.
Very good.
Okay.
Yeah.
He was totally supportive of it.
Because it was expensive.
It was like 10 grand to enrollin this program.
So I talked to him about it.
You know, we we talked about itand he was very supportive of
it.

(24:27):
He let me like let me, but youknow, he understood like I had
to do a lot of coaching onSaturdays and Sundays, you know,
just for like an hour or two.
Um, but still, it yeah, itimpacts your schedule.
And he was supportive of that.
Um, so I finally sat for thenational board exam and became
board certified, which was ahuge win.

(24:50):
Yeah, it was a huge achievementfor me.
I don't know, it just had mekind of question one's career
versus one's calling.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the marriage sounded likeit was great.
You guys didn't have any fightsreally here and there, yes and
no, lots of support throughdifferent job changes.

(25:10):
So let's get into like whathappened.
Yeah.
There's a saying, like, how manyhappy marriages end in divorce?
The answer's just zero.
Like, zero happy marriages endin divorce.
And even as I sit here today, Ican't really articulate what

(25:40):
shifted.
Yeah.
It doesn't sound like any partof your story there was a major
rub or blind spots that werethat were came about all of a
sudden.
And people have asked me, whatdo you think it was?
And at this point, I've stoppedguessing.
I've stopped spending timetrying to figure it out.

(26:05):
It kind of goes back to that NewYork Times article.
I may never know.
Right.
And I have to accept that.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's hard to it's hard totalk about the what happened
without rewinding the clock alittle bit.
During COVID, we stayed at mymom and former stepdad's house

(26:28):
in Sarasota.
Because it's like, wait aminute.
Everybody's working from home.
Why are we in Bentonville,Arkansas?
Let's go live in Florida.
So we were in Florida.
I remember one day I was in thekitchen making us lunch, and he
comes in after like a Zoom call.
He comes into the kitchen and hegoes, I was just like, go for a

(26:50):
Walmart.
And like I was shell-shocked.
Yeah, because had anything beensaid up until no, he always got
like exceeds, he's very good athis job.
Yeah, very good at the corporategame, if you will.
Um, now we kind of knew it mighthappen because his EVP left.

(27:14):
And if you're in corporateAmerica, you know that when a
new EV comes in, typically theybring in their people.
So we thought like it mighthappen, but the timing
blindsided us.
And so he said he was let go.
And my the first thing out of mymouth was, What do you need from

(27:34):
me?
Which was an amazing wiferesponse, by the way.
Thank you.
Like to be blindsided like that,and then to have that response,
that's very like emotionallymature of you.
Thank you.
Yeah, he shared that uh with amentor, and the mentor was like,
That's a good woman right there.
Yeah.
Thank you.
So that kicked off a job searchprocess.

(27:57):
And he was interviewing with aton of different companies.
He did have a Walmartnon-compete though, and so we
had to.
I mean, we couldn't just like goto Target or you know, uh we
couldn't go to a competitor, andhe made way more money than I
did.
He was an executive at Walmart,yeah.
Way more money.
He was the breadwinner.
So I I mean, I was working, butlike I we have to kind of wait

(28:25):
to to see where we land, youknow, because you're the
breadwinner.
Uh, but that led us to a just acareer leapfrog opportunity for
him to be the chief supply chainofficer of a fortune 500 company
uh headquartered in Atlanta.
And I had never been to Atlanta,uh aside from like getting to

(28:49):
Atlanta like from Bentonville toFlorida.
Yeah, like the airport's great.
I think he had gone for likeguys trips or something, but I
had never been to Atlanta.
No friends, no family, nonetwork there.
But I was I was up for anadventure.
It was such an amazingopportunity for him.
And I was up for a newadventure, and so um we sold the

(29:12):
home in Bentonville, we sold thelot in downtown Bentonville, and
we picked up our stuff and wemoved to Atlanta, Georgia.
Uh and we lived in temporaryhousing at the time.
So what year was this?
So this would have been so wemoved there in February of 2022.
February 2022.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so we would have been inexecutive housing, which the
couch wasn't ours, the bedwasn't ours, the dishware, the

(29:34):
cups, the plate.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But at like yes, yeah.
We had our clothes, our books,our dog, things like that.
But everything else was in theexecutive housing.
Um, and we had bought a homekind of outside of Atlanta in
suburban Atlanta.
But it was a it was a newconstruction, so it wasn't gonna
be done until around December.

(29:54):
Okay.
So basically the whole year atexecutive housing.
So I moved to Atlanta.
He's, you know, kind of goingback into the office every day.
Um I'm trying to pursue healthcoaching.
And and this and this this movekicked off a plan that we had

(30:18):
started to talk more seriouslyabout.
And that was for him to become aCEO somewhere.
It was very, you know, like Italked about, careers are
important to us.
Yes, very driven.
And I was A was totallysupportive of his career.

(30:38):
Um so much so that I knew likehow stressful it is to be an
executive at Walmart that Itried to make the home not very
stressful.
Because I I you don't needstressful work and stressful
life, and I'm pretty easygoinganyway, but like I was just

(30:59):
cognizant of how much stress thejob puts on you.
And at that point, I I was letgo from my job because I
couldn't work.
Uh they wanted me in the officemore often, and I couldn't do
that.
You know, my life was inBentonville at the time, and
then we moved to Atlanta andremote option.

(31:21):
Uh, the the option to workremotely just wasn't uh
available to me.
So I was let go uh from my job,but I kind of saw it as a
blessing in that I wanted topursue health coaching
full-time.
My client in a new city.
I got clients all over the USnow.
We Zoom, it's all virtual.
And so this plan that he and Ihad talked about, uh him

(31:43):
becoming a CEO, that requiresmoving every three to five years
to the next best opportunity.
Because he had seen enoughWalmart leaders kind of do that
rotation, right?
Come in, do a couple of years,and then you're off to the next
thing.
And at that next company, you'rethere three to five years, and

(32:05):
then you go to the nextopportunity.
So that I was signing up forlike this hopping around in
order for you to become CEO.
And health coaching gave you theperfect opportunity because you
could just pick up and movewhenever you wanted.
Exactly.
It was extremely flexible tosupport his career pursuits.
He was going into the officeworking, and I was at home

(32:28):
trying to uh build this healthcoaching business in a city
where I didn't have any familyor friends.
And so we would try to findthings to do, you know, fun
things to do on the weekend inthe city.
Atlanta has a lot to do, whichis awesome.
It's a great city.
And then I guess there was ahidden landmine in the marriage

(32:52):
that I didn't have any idea wasthere.
And I stepped on it Labor Dayweekend of 2022 in Nashville
when we were visiting hisdaughter.
We met his daughter for dinner,and then we came back, just he
and I, you know, came back tothe hotel and I had a couple of

(33:14):
martinis, so I was feelingfeeling good, you know.
And I changed and put on thislike coral lingerie.
You have the best lingerie.

unknown (33:27):
The best.

SPEAKER_00 (33:38):
Absolutely of how the night would go.
And so I walk out of thebathroom and he's like on the
bed on his phone, and I walk infront of him, and the the hotel
had a patio.
So I walk in front of him and Igo out to the patio on the hotel
wanting him to come out thereand follow me and like let's get

(33:59):
things started on the patio.
I don't I don't know how long Iwas out there.
Five seconds, five minutes, Idon't know, but long enough for
long enough, and he didn't comeout there, and so I come back
into the room and I'm like, whatthe hell?

(34:19):
And the next thing I know, hethrows his glass on the you
know, his drinking glass on thepatio ground, and he's yelling
at me, I'm ungrateful.
All I do is swipe the creditcard, swipe, swipe, swipe.
You left Sam's Club to go toNevco and you left me.

(34:40):
You're entitled, like all thesethings, and I have no idea where
this is coming from.
Right.
Like no idea where this anger,this like pent-up anger is
coming from.
And so we talk, but I to behonest, like I didn't recall the

(35:05):
conversation that night.
You're probably in shock.
Yeah.
It's like, what is happening?
Yeah, like I'm in coral, don'tyou ready here?
And you're yelling at me, andyou're throwing glasses, and
you're like, Where is this notwhat I was thinking was gonna
happen?
Yeah.
Um so we go to sleep, we wakeup, I think we had sex that
morning, um, but it's still likethick between us, you know.

(35:28):
Drive home is silent, and thenthat Monday, so that would have
been like Saturday, gave homeSunday, and that Monday of which
would have been Labor Day, wehad a um a calmer conversation
about it.
And I was like, it feels like wemaybe need to consider therapy
because we've got some knots tountangle, and I don't know if we

(35:53):
can untangle them ourselves.
And he just said something like,I don't know what therapy is
gonna do.
So not interested in pursuingtherapy, which was a little odd
because we had done therapybefore.
Right.
So what is the switch now?

(36:13):
So he kind of went through hissix-point plan.
The list of grievances againstme.
That made you feel really good.
Yeah, the first one, I leftSam's club to go to Nevco.
That was my parents' company,and I I I abandoned him for half

(36:36):
the marriage.
Okay.
I was like, um, okay, half themarriage.
We've been married for X number.
I haven't been we I think wewere married at like seven years
at that point.
I haven't been gone three and ahalf years, but you know, in his
perception, half the marriage.
And he didn't he supported youthe whole time.

(36:56):
We just talked about that.
There was support only.
There's no grievances duringyeah, no, yeah.
Um so that was like grievancenumber one.
Okay.
Two was I was no longer bringingin the money that I did when I
worked at NEVCO.
Like, yeah, because I got let gofor your job so we could move to

(37:17):
Atlanta.
And oh, by the way, I don't havea network here in Atlanta.
Right.
I know zero people.
I'll go get a job, but I knowzero people, and we don't even
know how long we're gonna behere.
Right.
Your non-compete is up in twoyears.

(37:37):
It just so happened that thisparticular company, the its
revenue fell like underneathWalmart's threshold.
So it wasn't technically acompetitor.
Like that's how we we got here.
Your non-compete's gonna be upin two years.
And we've kind of talked aboutlike what then?
Like, where are we gonna gothen?

(37:58):
Because then the world's youroyster, like you can go
anywhere.
Yeah.
So And don't forget that I'vebeen working on my health
coaching business, which you'vebeen supportive of as well.
And there were other um littlecomments that he had made when
we were back in Florida.
Um, when he found out that hegot the job, he made comments

(38:19):
like, the increase in my salarycovers your salary.
And when we sold, when we soldthe lot in Bettonville, he said,
the sale of that lot covers yoursalary.
And then he made a uh like ajokey comment.
And it was like, now I've gotyou.
Meaning you're not workinganymore.
So now I've got you.
Like in a jokey faithfulcontext.

(38:41):
So I took those comments aswe're on the same page.
Right.
And then the third grievance,I'm not the person that I was
when he met me 15 years ago.
I I lost my corporate ambition.
Ugh.
And I to anybody who knows meknows that I'm like a type A
achiever personality.

(39:01):
And I said, I'm still ambitious,I'm just channeling it into
something different, like adifferent career, not a
corporate career.
Um, that didn't seem to resonatewith him though, and he just
kind of clung to the wordscorporate, career-driven.
Yeah.
So, like a little bit alignedwith that third point is you

(39:25):
know, me not being the personthat he fell in love with 15
years ago.
It just was like, you used tolike to go out and party and
drink.
Yeah, I I don't argue with that.
You that was 27.
Right.
I'm 37.
And I'm a health coach.

(39:46):
Right.
Guess what?
Right.
Alcohol is terrible for you.
I've just lost half mylisteners.
Yeah.
Oh, use three one.
Take that one too.
Oh, definitely use alcohol likewhen you're going through a
divorce.
Yeah.
I've just lost half mylisteners, but alcohol is
terrible for you.
I can't unknow that.
Yeah, it's hard to unknow it.

(40:07):
Yeah.
And, you know, if I do some trueself-reflection, I think I got a
bit of an overindulgence problemwith it as well.
You know, it's hard for me tolike just have one.
Especially when you use it forstress.
If you guys are stressed all thetime with your work and you
cooked with that.
Yeah.
Um, oh yeah, like those nightson the couch, there was always

(40:27):
each out of drink.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely each out a drink.
Absolutely.
Every night.
Right.
Um, and I just I've I'mexperiencing health challenges,
my sleep is impacted.
Yeah, I don't have the energythat I used to.
And I'm in Atlanta where I knownobody.

(40:48):
I I don't have any socialoutlet.
Right.
And so that's why he was like,that's why I stay at late at the
Braves game as long as I can,because that's fun.
And I just know you're at home,kind of in bed.
And then he said, our intimacyis gone.
Um you just had pink or corallaundry on.

(41:09):
What are you talking about?
It's like, given the threepoints above, he's like, maybe
that's why I get so angry sofast, is because the intimacy is
gone.
And I'm like, okay, well, whenyou get home, you still work.
You still have your laptop onyour lap.
Right.
And yeah, we're watching a showor something, but you're

(41:29):
working.
And I am supportive, again, ofyour career that I'm not gonna
nag you and be like, hey, let'sspend an hour of time together
talking, watching the show ortalking and connecting.
Yeah, I'm gonna let you workbecause you just started a new
job at a new company.
I get it.

(41:50):
I get the hours that you have toput in.
And then there's like the faithGod thing.
I, in the last few years, havegrown in my faith, you know,
through the health coaching,really feeling that that was
like a deeper calling.
I remember even having friendsor having lunch with a friend,
Jody, you know, our mutualfriend.
And at that point, it had beenlike three years, and I'm like

(42:13):
bugging people with like healthfactoids, dropping health facts
all the time.
And she's like, maybe it's a Godthing.
And at that point it hadn'tregistered as that that's what
it could be.
And I was like, oh, maybe it is.
And so, and then I went toZambia and like go to a third

(42:34):
world country and don't cut backa changed person, like in your
faith.
Oh my gosh.
And we had started to to go tochurch in Bentonville.
Um and he attended with you, andhe attended with me.
Yeah.
Uh, and then COVID hit, and thenwe got, you know, that kind of
just let world the world wasdifferent after that, obviously.

(42:58):
But when we got to Atlanta, uhafter a few months, I said I I
wanted to find a church and hedidn't want to.
So that's fine.
You know, I it's about eachperson's own relationship.
I'm not gonna push it on you.
Um, but again, a little oddbecause we were going to church
back in Bettonville.
So there was this like six-pointplan.

(43:20):
This this list of grievancesthat he had.
And I was the the commondenominator on all of them.
And you've never heard any ofthese before.
No, I carried around that somuch guilt that I caused the

(43:43):
marriage to get to this point.
Yeah, everything is your fault.
Ever everything is my fault.
Everything he said is yourfault.
There's no ounce of taking anyof that responsibility on
himself.
It's it's all my fault.
So I carry all this guilt.
And so I tried to do everythingI could to save my marriage.

(44:10):
I remember this.
The only thing I had, I mean, Ihad you, I had my cousin
Meredith, I had, you know,people in my life.
Of course, my mom and my dad,like I had people in my life.
But the outlet I had was ajournal.
So I started to keep a journal.
I after that Labor Day weekend,that Tuesday, you know, the next

(44:32):
Tuesday, I wrote in my journalfor hours.
And I just that became kind oflike a daily practice.
I documented everything.
I've got a 300-page journal.
I was gonna say how many pagesis it?
And it's typed out! It's inhandwriting.
It's like typed outsingle-spaced.

(44:53):
So that journal, like I keptthat during this entire period.
So, which served me absolutelygoing through the divorce
access.
So, you know, advice or tip likeyou need an outlet.
I'm a big fan of journaling.

(45:13):
Yeah.
So I I did everything I I couldthink of.
I bought books, I found acounselor for me because he said
he didn't want to go, so I foundone for me.
I remember buying this videoseries of like inside your man's
mind.
Oh so I watched that.
Like I I even had like a list onmy phone of like I would find

(45:38):
all these articles of like howto improve intimacy in your
marriage, and I would have likelists on my phone, and I would
literally like check things offthat I would do.
How exhausting.
It yeah, it's to not only likecarry the guilt, but then also
like the responsibility of liketrying to get us back.

(46:01):
Right.
Yeah, it was awful.
So that was early September.
Okay.
Um I tried to make every weekendlike fun and sexy.
Yeah, what are we doing thisweekend?
Fun and sexy, Abby is back,okay?
And I remember one weekend KevinHart and Amy Schumer came into

(46:26):
town.
Um Kevin Hart was on Friday, AmySchumer was on Sunday, and we
went to dinner before KevinHart, and then went to Kevin
Hart.
I had drank.
Um, and we were I would say backto normal.
Was this like October?

(46:47):
No, no, no.
This is still September.
September.
Like mid-September at thispoint.
Okay.
And we went to a place fordinner, and I remember him, we
had a couple of drinks.
I wore this like super sexyoutfit.
We were crossing the street togo to our car to head to the

(47:07):
Kevin Hart show, and he goes, hekind of held out his hand, and
he was like, Hi, baby.
Really soft.
And I was like, Hi.
And we like kissed on the cornerof the street.
Then when we got to the KevinHart show, um he like uh pulled

(47:29):
up the armrest between us, andso I like snuggled in, and his
hands were like all over me.
Um then when we got home, we hadlike really good sex, and then
that next Saturday was just kindof like a loungy recover day.
It was still kind of it wasdifferent between us.
Like I was hoping like back tonormal, considering the night

(47:52):
that we just had, but it wasstill different between us.
And then Amy Schumer was thenext night, and I wanted to try
and recreate Friday night sobad.
So we went to dinner before theshow, and then uh we went to the
Amy Schumer show, and then wegot out like fairly early at
like 8 30, and so we went to geta burger someplace and we were

(48:14):
coming up from the burger place.
It was a really good burger, bythe way.
He does love your burgers.
We were like coming up from theplace.
He touched like the small of myback, and he was like, Did you
not wear any underwear?
And I pinned it, I like turnedaround and I pinned him against
the wall, and I was like, Nope.
And I kissed him hard, and thenlike one thing led to the other

(48:37):
in the car, and we had sex thatnight as well.
We had so much sex, like funhappy's back, yeah, so much like
I am eager to please, easy toplease.
Like, I am just trying to notrock the boat, yeah, keep my
marriage together.
Like that is the that is gettingall my energy right now.

(49:01):
Um, and then a couple weekspast, it's late September, and I
had like just gotten this eyesurgery in one of my eyes.
So I'd like to look like apirate.

SPEAKER_01 (49:15):
Come on over here.

SPEAKER_00 (49:16):
I wake up and I see a letter on my laptop, and my
heart and stomach like just dropout of your body.
Because you know what thatmeans, or what?
Yeah, I mean you see a uh typedletter with your name on it on
your laptop, and you're like, ohshit, what what is this?

(49:37):
Yeah.
And so I read it, and he kind oflike reiterated the points from
that Monday conversation.
You know, he doesn't think we'recompatible, you know, but just
kind of reiterating thosereasons.
And I write a letter back.

(49:58):
It takes me hours because I cansee out of like one eye.
So I'm trying to like read aletter and write a response and
get my words right.
You know, I love I love words.
Like, why use 10 words when ahundred words will do?
I love words.
So I I spend like hours, I thinkeven sent it to my cousin

(50:21):
Meredith to kind of like look atproofread.
And then I sent it back to him.
I sent him my letter back.
Basically countering all hispoints.
Like, I this I'm blindsided bythis.
This makes no sense.
These don't seem strong enoughto end a 10-year marriage, a
15-year relationship.

(50:43):
Let me just like counter everyone of your points.
Yeah.
And oh, by the way, I love you.
We took vows.
Uh so he comes home that night,he gives me a hug.
We go to dinner, I think.
Have you already given him hisletter?
Yeah.
He okay, so you sent his letterwhile he was at work.

(51:04):
Oh, yeah, he was at work.
Yeah, so he read it like laterin the middle.
So he comes and gives you a hug.
Yeah.
After reading the letter, yeah.
He comes home, gives me a hug.
I think we have sex that night.
I'd have to go back to myjournal.
2022.
I call this period red light,green light.
It is gear stripping to do this180.

(51:31):
I don't know what the day isgonna bring.
I don't know if today is gonnabe we're not compatible, or
we're having sex, or I see us asfriends, or we're having sex.
Yeah.
Like it is red light, greenlight.
So that and and then we likewent to or um the highlands in

(51:54):
North Carolina, like we weretaking trips also.
So that took us to October.
Okay, and I made it very clearduring all of these
conversations and letters that Ido not want to get a Doris.
I love you, I keep my promises,these are vows.
And I try to explain, like, Ithink it's contextually around

(52:17):
us, not us.
Meaning, we're in a whole newcity where we don't know
anybody, we don't have ourgroups of friends.
Um, you don't e you don't havelike the guys that you can go
out with each Wednesday that youused to do.
I don't have friends here.
All of our stuff is in storage,our bikes, our cooking
equipment, like things that werejust hobbies to us.

(52:39):
We don't have any of that.
Yeah, in executive housing, andyou're starting a new job in a
new company.
I know you want to perform well,that's stressful.
I was like, I was trying to makethe case like it's everything
around us.
Right.
It's not us, it's just adifficult period.
And so I made it clear that I donot want a divorce.

(53:03):
And I remember we had aconversation out on the patio of
the apartment, and he saidsomething, and then he was like,
Who cares?
About vows?
Yeah, who cares?
And I was like, I fucking care.
Hello, yeah, your wife.
I fucking care.
And so I said, You've got adecision to make.

(53:26):
I don't want this.
And so he said, All right, I'lllet you know what I decide.
And so again, more red light,green light.
We're still living together.
We're still living together,okay.
Yeah.
Um, and that takes us to lateFebruary, okay, Halloween Eve, I
think.
Late October.
Or I'm sorry, yes, yeah.
Uh late October.

(53:46):
Halloween Eve.
Uh, maybe not Halloween Eve,yeah, but somewhere in October.
Uh, we're supposed to go to agala one Saturday.
And uh let me just tell youabout this gala.
Okay, because I had the mostamazing dress for this thing.
This was the Natural HistoryMuseum gala.

(54:06):
And a couple years prior, Ifound this amazing one-shoulder
strap leopard print dress at anupper consignment shop for like
120 bucks.
I tried it on and I'm like, Ihave no idea where I can wear
this.
It's like tool, it's black tool,it's amazing.

(54:28):
It's beautiful, and and it'sleopard print.
It looked great on you.
Like, that's wonderful.
And I'm like, I don't know whereI'm gonna wear this, but I'm
gonna buy it for 120 bucks.
Yes.
Get it.
Fast forward to like the summerbefore before Labor Day weekend,
before all that, summer inAtlanta.
We're at the Brains Game.
His company has a suite, sowe're there.

(54:50):
And I started talking to, Ithink she was like the VP of an
investor relations or somethinglike that.
Anyway, I start talking to her,and um she says something about
a gala and the natural historymuseum, and my ears perk up.
I'm like, oh, a place to wearthe dress.
Yeah, okay.
So I work this girl all night,and my flirting paid off.

(55:16):
Eventually she was like, I don'tknow how it got to this, but I'm
probably like, and what are yourphilanthropic hobbies?
And she goes something like, Doyou like natural history?
I'm like, I love natural course.
So she was like, You guys shouldcome.
Like, in I got got the invite.

(55:39):
So we were supposed to go tothis gala.
And he we're we're sitting sideby side on the couch.
I think I was doing some work.
I thought he was doing somework, but then all of a sudden I
get this email that comes to me.
And he wrote me side by side.
He wrote me another letter.

(56:00):
Sent me an email.
So I need to learn a cutechicken, you gave personal like
so I like see it, I read it.
I wish you would have been like,you need to read this to me.
Read it to me right now.
Megan, I I was trying to notrock the boat, though.
Oh, that's that would have beenconflict.
Super conflict.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
I like that idea though.
Um, so you read it.

(56:21):
So I read it, and then I he waslike in the bathroom cleaning or
something, and I'm like, I wasliterally about to go pick up my
dress from the dry cleaner fortonight.
And he was like, I I get it.
So I left and then I called mycousin Meredith and like talked
about.
What did the letter say?
Oh, it was just the same thing.
It was the same.
It's all the same pointsreiterated over and over.
There's there's like some newpoints that he had like

(56:44):
sprinkled in, whether throughconversations or letters, of
like the way you travel, likenitpicky stuff, the way you the
way you travel with like allthese bags and water bottles.
I'm like I usually have the dog.
So maybe you could hold the dog,and I could have one less bag.

(57:05):
Yeah.
And and the fact that like Ilike to listen to podcasts in
the car and he likes to listento music.
Okay.
He's reaching.
Like reaching too much.
Don't seem like compellingenough reasons to throw away a
marriage.
Right.
And not work on it.
Yeah.
Not go talk about this incounseling.

(57:27):
Yeah.
Right.
You want me to Okay, fine.
I'll change the way I travel.
Okay, we'll split the radiotime.
Like, okay.
And and then, like, the the thecorporate career-driven thing,
actually.
I said several times.
I was like, okay, I'll just gofind a job.
Like, I was a VP of my lastcompany.
My resume's pretty good.
I'll just find a job.

(57:48):
But again, we don't know howlong we're gonna be in Atlanta.
Right.
So, okay, I'll and I did that.
I hired a resume writer.
You know, we worked on myresume.
I brushed up on some things.
Like, I took those steps.
I was like, pursuing healthcoaching is not worth ruining my
marriage over.
Right, right.
And I took those steps.
Um, so they just it it was justlike reiteration of the same

(58:13):
points, which is why I keptbringing up therapy and
counseling.
It's like we are just saying oursame talk tracks over and over.
Like therapy is gonna help usget deeper.
And every time he was notinterested in doing counseling
or therapy.
So I left to go pick up mydress, get a black clutch.

(58:39):
And while I was out, he textedme that he didn't want to, given
the state of kind of wherethings were at with us, he
didn't want to go to the galaand be around work people.
Um, and he didn't think it wasgonna be that much fun.
I'm like, speak for yourself.
I've never met a gala I didn'tlike.
Okay.
We're spon.

unknown (58:57):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (58:58):
Okay, but he was like, but let's go to dinner.
I'm like, fine, let's go todinner.
Again, I'm not rocking the boat.
Right.
True.
Uh uh so we go to dinner orsomething.
Then Halloween Eve, kind of thethe morning of Halloween Eve.
Um was a weekend.
Okay.
Uh, and so I decided to go to aCrossFit class.

(59:18):
Oh, never, I know, never been toone in my life, but I had heard
that CrossFit is a great way tojust kind of meet people.
You always hear about like theCrossFit community.
I'm like, okay, that could belike in their health conscious,
like that could be a way for meto for me to meet people.
And so because my health isdeteriorating at this point.

(59:41):
I'm not eating.
Um, like really, I'm not eating.
Um I was like, Abby, you're theworst health coach in the world
because you're not doing thesethings.
My sleep is crap.
I'm still meditating, like Istill have a meditation
practice.
My stress levels are you know,are busting up the scenes.

(01:00:03):
I'm trying to keep it alltogether.
I I've lost probably 10-15pounds at this point.
And I'm skinny.
Yeah, my you, my sister, or theywere and people were like, you
look really skinny, likeconcerningly skinny.
And I was.
But man, my abs were popping.

(01:00:24):
Ab, Abby.
That's right.
My abs had abs.
Okay.
But again, not in a good anybodycan get abs if you're not
eating.
Yeah.
So but I go to this CrossFitclass, I come back, and there's
another letter on the kitchenisland.
And this one is I've made mydecision.

(01:00:46):
I see us as friends, I want tomove forward separately.
No mention of divorce.
He has yet to say the worddivorce.
Oh.
Okay.
Like, it's always like synonyms,but I read the letter and I'm
fucking pissed.

(01:01:06):
Yeah.
The fact that he again wrote ina letter and not wasn't like
wasn't a man and told you toyour face.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Another letter.
That that he gave like while Iwas out, so I came back and
found it.
Like, so I grabbed I'm a I'm ahoarder, I keep cards, I just
keep things.
And so I went around theapartment and I picked up the

(01:01:28):
birthday card and theanniversary card and the
Valentine's Day card, like allthese cards, and I like freaking
threw them across the room orthrew them in the trash.
Poor London was so scared.
And then I was gonna throw themaway.
And then I was like, wait aminute, I might need these.
Like something was like, maybethey go into these.
And so I like fished him out ofthe trash and I got him.

(01:01:49):
And I didn't, I didn't text himback for hours and hours and
hours.
And then finally he texted me,and he was like, I'm not sure
what I should do.
Should I, you know, happy totalk about it?
Um should I stay at Airbnb?
And I was like, Yeah, I thinkthat's a good idea.
And like, yeah.
So we decided to talk the nextday, which will be Sunday.

(01:02:14):
I'm pissed, I'm angry, I stillhave guilt, so much guilt, I'm
anxious, but then I'm also I'mall those things, but then I'm
also trying to be empathetic anduh understanding uh to whatever
he's going through.

(01:02:36):
And so I gave myself a pep talk,I remember, on the way to to
lunch with him, or brunch withhim on that Sunday.
I was like, Abby, you're acoach.
This is a client, just becurious, let the client talk,
just probe deeper, ask you know,curious questions, just treat

(01:03:00):
him like a client.
And so I went into thatconversation, like mentally
preparing myself to kind of be acoach, right?
Just figure out like what'sgoing on.
And so again, same same reasons,I held my composure throughout
it pretty good.
Wow, yeah, and then we like gotup to leave, and he gave me a

(01:03:25):
hug goodbye.
He like gave me a hug, and Iremember holding the hug, and I
just lost it.
That's when I lost it, so I'mcrying, and then I'm I'm yelling

(01:03:45):
at myself stop, stop, stop it,like stop crying, and like
literally, not in my head, likethese this is out loud.
I'm like yelling at myself, andI'm like kind of walking away
from him, and he's kind of liketrying to walk towards me.

(01:04:07):
I just walked away and got in mycar, and he got in his car, and
we went our separate ways.
Then later that night, um hecalled me and we talked, and he
was like, I miss you.
What?
You're my best friend.
This is the this is the redlight, green light.

(01:04:30):
This this is the I cannotbelieve you lived in this state
for so long.
This is the red light, greenlight of the push and the pull
and and the feeling of hope andthen you know grief, yeah, you
know, hope and guilt.
Like it's I'm a cocktail ofemotions.

(01:04:51):
Wow.
And I remember it's I go to bedthat night, I hear a knocking at
the door at 145 in the morningat our at our front door of the
apartment.
Okay, and I hear the knockinglike through the bedroom door at
145 in the morning, and it'shim, and he couldn't get in

(01:05:12):
because it's like a doublelatch.
Uh so he had a key, but he, youknow, I latched the other one
and he couldn't get in.
And he's at the door at 145 inthe morning, and he's like, Can
I stay here tonight?
And um, and I say, Yeah, ofcourse.
Like, yeah, sleep, sleep in thebed.
And so we slept in the bedtogether.
And after your brunch.

(01:05:33):
This is the night of yourbrunch.
Um, yeah, yes, yeah.
I'm just calling morning of.
Okay.
Um.
And the next morning he'sgetting ready for work, and I
got up and was like giving him ahug and a kiss.
Because I again I'm trying to bemore intimate.

(01:05:53):
Right.
Like, so that means getting upearly to say bye to him, to even
just have a few minutes with himin the morning, give him a Hug,
give him a kiss.
Yeah.
And so I I like give him a kissand he kind of like pulls away
and he goes, I don't want you tothink anything has changed.
What?
What?

(01:06:14):
Like so this is We're gettingwhiplash from the back and
forth.
Yeah.
Yes.

unknown (01:06:24):
Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 (01:06:26):
So Okay.
That's that takes us to the endof October.
So then in November, I had kindof just committed to myself,
like you're just gonna do thingson your own.
Yeah.
Um, so he was out at like someco-workers watching football or
something.
Well you were separated at thispoint.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, he was back living.
Oh yeah, I'm sorry.

(01:06:48):
And that was a just not comeback for the night, but come
back to live.
Come back.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He he Okay.
But he still said we're don'tget any ideas.
He he was like, I still don'twant you to think anything has
changed.
Okay.
So we're still so he's back now.
Okay.
He came back.
We're still going to bedtogether.
We're still Okay.
Bed sex.
Like Oh, okay.

(01:07:10):
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Megan.
Wow.
So much sex.
Yeah.
Even though he's like, no, no,no.
Yeah.
I don't want you get any ideas.
Yeah.
I'll use you, Abby, for yourbody, but I don't want any, I
don't want you get any ideas.
Wow.
What a man.
What a man.

(01:07:31):
Where I don't judge other peoplebecause it's it was my marriage.
Oh.
I'm just trying to keep ittogether.
100%.
Yeah.
Okay.
So then we fast forward to earlyNovember.
He's at uh Coworkers forwatching football or something.
I had vowed to just kind of likedo things by myself.
Like I'm not gonna stay in theapartment with a thick air.

(01:07:54):
So Georgia and Tennessee wereplaying each other in Athens.
And I was like, I've neverreally I mean I've been to some
Arkansas football games, butI've never really like been to
like a big SEC game.
And so I go to Athens and I justkind of like walk around the
town, and it's insane, but umjust walked around the town and
uh you know watched like half ofthe game at this like beer

(01:08:17):
garden or something, just kindof soaked up the tailgate
experience and then came back.
He still wasn't home, he wasn'tback from football yet.
Okay.
Um, and so I looked, I looked upa comedy show and there was like
a a late night comedy show, andso I went to that and I get a
text told him at the comedyshow, and he asks, How late are

(01:08:39):
you gonna be out?
When do you think you'll beback?
I said, uh, probably like 11 orso.
And so I come back around thattime and he's still up, he's
like on the couch, which is alittle odd versus being in bed
like at 11.
Yeah, don't you want to likeavoid your you know, because we

(01:09:00):
weren't like texting throughoutthe hey, how's your day?
Like it wasn't like that.
Like, don't you want to avoidyour wife?
Go to bed early.
But he's up, almost like waitingfor me, watching TV on the
couch.
And so he asked me about Athensand the comedy show.
And then there's not a great,there's not a great way to segue
into this.
And he just he got he asks me,I've got a materialistic

(01:09:23):
question for you.
Are you gonna go after half?
And I I'm like, well, at that,at that point, I hadn't talked
to a lawyer.
Yeah, I had talked to a fewfriends who have been through
it, and they all said the samething.
They they were all like, theypretty much just split it 50-50.
Yeah.
I mean, that's typically whatthey do.

(01:09:43):
Yep.
Um, but I hadn't talked to alawyer, and so I responded
almost like in a question tone.
I was like, well, don't theyjust split everything 50-50?
And this set him off.
He yelled things like, Youfucking cunt, you're gonna take
half my money that I earned.
I will piss on your grave.

(01:10:04):
I can only hope somebody fucksyou out of that money.
You're just like every otherbitch out there who thinks she's
entitled to half when she didn'tdo anything.
At that point, I froze.
Yeah, because I mentioned kindof the trapdoors earlier in the
conversation, and I he had hadsome anger management outbursts.

(01:10:30):
I've stayed at your housebefore, yeah, because of his
actions.
Yes, and so I'd kind of beenconditioned to just freeze.
Yeah, because if I don't if Idon't escalate with him, then we

(01:10:51):
can't keep like clicking up thenotches, if that makes sense.
And he's already at like a nine.
I don't know what happens afterthat.
Yeah, he has smashed thingsbefore, he's lifted up end
tables and smashed mirrored endtables on our living room floor.
He has thrown his BlackBerryagainst my dad's brick

(01:11:12):
fireplace, he has smashed ourfamily iPad, he has smashed his
sunglasses into the dashboard ofthe car with me in it.
He has had those like outburstsbefore.
And now you're talking aboutit's money.
And he called me a cunt.

(01:11:33):
Like that's a whole new level.
Yeah.
So I just froze.
Or anybody like looking in atthat moment, they would have
been like, girl, grab your shitand leave.
Yeah.
And I don't disagree.
But it was my marriage, and itit kind of happened before, and

(01:12:02):
things would, you know, comedown after that.
So I do remember mentioning,like, I haven't talked to a
lawyer.
Like, don't they just I think Iuse the word shared assets,
which not not common vernacular.

(01:12:23):
Very lawyer-esque.
And he was like, I know you'vebeen talking to someone.
And I, no, I haven't beentalking to a lawyer.
He's like, I know you have.
Like, okay, how do you know thatI have?
Right.
He said, Because I looked inyour computer and I read a
document between you and a guynamed Scott where he's talking
about shared assets.
Oh.
Oh, okay.

(01:12:44):
So you asked me how late I wasgonna be out.
So that he could so that youcould have time to get into my
password-protected computer thatwas not like the family
computer.
Right.
Like it was my Abbey Englandwellness computer that was
password protected.
Yeah.
And you rifled through severallayers of folders or went to

(01:13:08):
Word recent documents where Ihad taken some notes in a
conversation with my friendScott, who has been through a
divorce and shared along with myfriend, uh, two other friends
where I had taken some notes.
Right.
So, oh, okay.
Yeah, you you hacked into mystuff and found my notes.

(01:13:30):
Yeah.
That's how you know.
So we went somehow we went tobed that night.
I mean, this is like one and twoin the morning.
It's late.
Yeah.
We went to bed that night.
The next morning, we likecontinued to talk.
I think I go to church, I come,I then I went to Whole Foods, I

(01:13:54):
come back, and he comes upbehind me as I'm putting stuff
away, putting groceries away.
He comes up behind me and hegives me a hug and he says, I
don't know how to love youanymore.
And I turn around and I give hima hug back and I whisper in his

(01:14:17):
ear, Yes, you do.
So then, like, you know, we'rein the same bed.
Yeah, and we're having sex.
Green light, red light, greenlight, red light, green light.
And then it becomesmid-November, and he's in
Arkansas visiting some friends,and I call him and I'm like,
Where's your head at?
Yeah.
And he said, I just don't see usbeing compatible long term.

(01:14:41):
I said, Okay.
So I knew I had about 24 hoursbefore he got home.
And at that point, I talked tomy mom, my stepdad, my cousin,
and they were all like, leave.
There is no way you can uhactually, I had left the the cut

(01:15:02):
part out of the conversation,and when I told them that, they
were like, Leave.
Yeah, get out of there.
You cannot go through a divorcein the same apartment.
Get out.
Yep.
Um, and and my cousin, who'slike a spiritual mentor, what
was like, Abby, he's alreadyabandoned the marriage.
Like biblically, you can leave.

(01:15:23):
Yeah, he's abandoned you.
Like, go.
So I packed up my clothes, mydog, my books, my rollerblades,
you know, just the things.
All the essentials.
Yeah, the essentials, yeah.
My I mean, even like carpaperwork.
Like I grabbed it all, andsomehow, by the grace of God, it
all fit in my car.
True.

(01:15:43):
Barely.
And then, yeah, and then youdrove.
And then I drove to to Sarasota.
Yeah.
So that was mid-November.
And um.
Uh and you would think that thered light, green light ends
there.
But it doesn't.
It doesn't.
Thanks for listening to Bitteror Better, where we turn
heartbreak into healing andsurvival into strength.

(01:16:06):
As Brene Brown says,vulnerability is the last thing
we want to show, but the firstthing we look for in others.
That's what this is all about.
Real people showing up, sharingtheir stories, and reminding the
rest of us that we're not alone.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with someone who
might need to hear it too.
And remember, you have a choicebetter or better.

(01:16:29):
See you next time for more realstories, real people, and real
resilience.