Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:01):
Coming to you from
North Central Ohio. We share
with you the voice of theNazarene. A week by week.
Venture into the Word of Godsponsored by the Bucyrus, Ohio
Church of the Nazarene. We joinour Pastor Reverend Ray LaSalle,
and the voice of the Nazarene.
Pastor Ray LaSalle (00:14):
I'm reading
to you from Matthew chapter 19,
verse four, here's the nittygritty. And he answered and said
unto them, Have you not read,that he which made them at the
beginning made them male andfemale, and said, For this cause
shall a man leave father andmother, and shall cleave to his
wife (00:39):
and shall twain shall be
one flesh? I believe that
staying together matters. If youdon't catch all of the message
just right and hit you just alittle bit wrong, I want you to
never forget those three words,staying together matters. And I
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know we all come from differentbackgrounds. Some come from
backgrounds that are so liberal,nothing matters. And some of us
have Pharisaical backgrounds,and it's all black and white,
and there's no give. But I wantyou to know that out of grace,
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sometimes I think God isrepresented so wrong. But I want
to say staying together matters.
One lady walked into the house,and she said to her husband,
said, pack your bags. And hesmiled and said, pack my bags.
She said, Yes, pack your bags. Iwon the lottery. Oh, he said,
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baby. He said, Should I pack forwarm weather or pack for cold
weather. No, she said, packeverything you're leaving.
Couple were celebrating their50th wedding anniversary. They'd
gone out and they'd eatentogether, and on the way home,
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passing a street light, shelooked over and saw a tear
glinting in his eye and startingdown his cheek, and she said,
Honey, are you feelingsentimental because of our 50th
wedding anniversary? And it wasquiet for a moment. He burst out
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into a sob, and he said, No, Iwas thinking about 50 years ago
when your father had a shotgunon me and said he would have
been thrown in prison for 50years if I didn't marry you. And
he said I was thinking tomorrowI would have been a free man.
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Now I don't know about thisthing about being free, but
seems like sometimes marriagestarts out as the ideal, and the
years pass and it becomes anordeal, and somewhere along the
way, people start looking for anew deal. Somebody said marriage
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is a three ring circus, anengagement ring and a wedding
ring and then the suffering. Idon't know about all that, but I
do know the divorce rate inAmerica is somewhere between 40
and 50%. So I did just a littleresearch knowing I was coming
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into the service, and the resultis I noticed that the divorce
rate dropped 18% between 2008and 2016, so I begin to research
why. And the background was themillennials. They really take a
rap the millennials. I mean,some of us in our generation, we
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just beat the millennials halfto death. But millennials have a
stronger connection andcommitment to marriage than many
other generations. For one, theydate a whole lot longer. They
get married a lot later, andmost of them have their career
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track already set before theyget married. But from 1990 to
2015 the divorce rate doubledwith those from 50 to 64 years
of age, but it tripled at 65years of age and older. I think
Ben Franklin said it best. Factscan be stubborn things. Somebody
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else said, Don't confuse me withfacts, I've already got my mind
made up. Well, here's what Iwant to say. I want to make
several observations, and then Iwant to give you some things I
hope from out of my pastor'sheart, I hope can be a blessing
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and a help. And I want themessage to be balanced this
morning. I want to say, firstand foremost, I'm not putting
anybody down. I think that guiltis the lowest form of
motivation. I wouldn't belittleanybody. Fact of the matter if
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I'm motivated, I want tomotivate from grace and not from
guilt. Just want to touch onwhat God's Word teaches. And the
first thing I want you tounderstand is that God hates
divorce. You say, Pastor, why doyou say that God hates divorce
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because he said that over herein Malachi, chapter two, verse
16, God hates putting away ourhe hates divorce. Now, our
marriage may start out inheaven, but many times it gets
marred by hell. Why does Godhate divorce, Pastor? Well,
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there are many reasons, but oneof the reasons, I believe, is
because God doesn't want hispeople to be hurt. God is a
loving God, and God loves youenough that he doesn't want you
to go through all of the hurtand the disappointment and the
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grief of divorce. Now thinkabout this. The subject that I'm
addressing is the very subjectthat Jesus Christ, while on
earth in shoe leather, addressedtwo different times. There, in
Matthew chapter 19 and in Markchapter 10, he addresses this
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issue of divorce. And if youread real closely into the
chapter, you'll notice that hesays three words, suffer little
children, knowing how hurtfuldivorce is. God not wanting any
of us to be hurt. He says aboutchildren, and I want to tell you
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something. It doesn't matter howyoung the children are or if
they're adults, neverunderestimate the effect of
divorce. I grew up in that kindof a home. You never quite ever
get away from the hurt. Goddoesn't want men and women and
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boys and girls to be hurt. He'sthat kind of a god. The second
thing I want to say is that Godloves divorcees. According to
Romans, 8:38, if you'll read it,he's saying that there is
nothing that can separate usfrom God. You will find it
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pretty hard pressed to provethat divorce is the unpardonable
sin. You say, Pastor, I've beenthrough a divorce. What about
me? God loves you. Well, I'vebeen divorced twice. Just going
to tell you, God still lovesyou, but you don't understand,
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I've been divorced three times.
Now I'm trying to come tochurch. I'm here to tell you
that God loves you. God loves useven in our brokenness. You say,
Well, Pastor, you don't know thegrounds. I don't even care about
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the grounds. You know the guythat went to the attorney and
talked about a divorce? He said,You got grounds? He said, Yeah,
40 acres. What's your wife doneto ya? He said she beats me up.
He said she beats you up. Yes,she gets up before I do. Then
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you can go on and on with thestory, but I really don't care
about the grounds. This is whatI know. God forgives people. I
don't care what background. Idon't care where you've been. I
don't care what church, whattheology you picked up along the
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way, in what college. God stillloves people. And I'm very hard
pressed to buy into the conceptthat if your life has been
messed up by divorce, that Godis going to punish you forever,
and that God can never use youagain. My little mother, she had
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raised two daughters, and by thetime I came along, I was just a
kid, when both of them hadmarried, just left, my brother
and I and mom married a man bythe name of LaSalle, who had
been married before. My brotherwas six and I was three. It's
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been more than 20 years ago.
Don't miss the humor.
And I watched as they had gottenmarried before they were
converted. And they weremarried, and they got into
revival, and they got saved. AndI watched them back of those
days when people were prettyhard on this thing about
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divorce. I mean, you can neverbe a member of some of the even
Nazarene churches. You can siton the back seat and pay your
tithe. You can show up, but youdon't ever come on the platform.
You see, God only forgives somefolk some sins, and other folk,
they can't get forgiven as much.
So you gotta go back and findout what they've done. So you
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know how far you can be forgivenor can't be, little sarcasm.
Anybody mad at me? I hope not.
I'm not here to belittle and I'mnot here to be harsh on any one
element. But I watched as a boy,my parents being ostracized,
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being preached at. I watchedthem being gossiped about. I saw
that they went through and theywere excluded. I attended bible
school with another boy from thesame city I was from, and the
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school was 70 miles away. Westayed in the dorm, and he said
to me, your dad's been marriedbefore, hadn't he? He said, You
know, if your mom and dad don'tseparate, they're both going to
go to hell. And I swallowed alittle hard and never said
anything. Was all I could do tokeep back the tears, because I'd
watched the pressure put on momand dad, and they would sit down
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and talk about separating, andI'd wondered when I'd go to
school when I came home, would Ihave a mom and a dad there?
Would I have a home. If dadleaves, can mama make it? What
are we going to do? And we livedunder that kind of pressure.
It's kind of ironic, this guycould out preach me by 20 miles,
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way more gifted, had the looks,had the brains. He hit the big
time and hit the big camps. He'sstill preaching. He's into his
third marriage now. You knowwhat goes around always comes
around. I'm not knocking him,I'm not criticizing, I'm just
saying, but the man that marriedmy mother said to me, I believe
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God's hands on your life, son.
People will never allow me topreach, but I believe that God's
put his call on your life. Andif you go to college and study
for ministry, I'll pay the bill.
I'll work extra jobs. We'll dowithout I'll wear my suits
longer, and I'll drive a usedcar. And you know, the only
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reason I'm in the ministriesbecause of that man. The only
reason I'm preaching today isbecause of that man. The only
reason I'm pastoring here at BNCis because of a man that had
been married before, but hebelieved in me and God kept the
home together. I believe stayingtogether matters. Here's the
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third thing I want to say, thereare biblical grounds for
divorce. Adultery is a biblicalgrounds, according to Matthew
chapter 19, look at verse nine.
I'm not making all this up. Partof it's true, okay. Sometimes I
wonder about abandonment.
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Somebody walks off and theyleave you and they never come
back. You have to go through therest of your life. Are you
trying to is there any mercy?
Does God have any mercy? I'mjust asking if you read in both
of those two chapters, it'sbrought up about Moses because
he said the hardness of yourhearts, God allowed Moses to
grant him a bill of divorcement.
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Do you know why those men, bythe time their wives, had had
about six or seven kids, andthey're 40 years of age and
they're out of shape, those hardhearted men would put their
wives out and go get em a young,20 year old, and God in mercy
knew the law said that theycould no longer marry. That
woman couldn't marry. She's gotkids to raise. She couldn't get
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a job, It was illegal for theJewish woman to get a job. The
only thing she could do was tosell her body as a prostitute.
And God in mercy told Moses,I'm not allowing that hard
hearted man to treat that womanthat way. She doesn't have to
become a prostitute give him abill of divorcement. I know
nobody preaches this. It's rightthere in front of you. Just
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study the Scripture. You makingexcuses, no I'm absolutely not
making any excuses that youought to go out now and get a
divorce. I'm saying stayingtogether matters, is what I'm
saying. And incidentally, if youwant to study about it, God
experienced divorce. God wentthrough divorce. I've never
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heard anybody ever mention itfrom the pulpit, but you read
Jeremiah chapter three and lookat verse eight. God said, Israel
committed adultery. He said, I'mputting her away and giving her
a bill of divorce. Read it, I'mnot making this up. And then he
turned around and married agentile bride, and you and I are
a part of that gentile bride.
You better be glad that he foundus and included us. Some of us
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needed to get in on someforgiveness. Sometimes abuse is
biblical grounds for separation.
I don't know if that would leadto divorce. I'm not going to
make excuse. I'm just saying Idon't believe any woman ought to
be beat up and and knocked downand blacked eyes and loosened
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teeth, and ought to put up withit for years, but I'll move
along while we're shoutinghappy. Number four, the perfect
will of God is for marriage tolast. That's what I'm pushing
for. God permits divorce undercertain criteria, but God never
commands divorce. There's 100%possibility that your marriage
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can make it if you'll do itGod's way. You say, but Pastor,
I'm into my second marriage. I'minto my third marriage. Okay,
here's what I found work fromhere on to make it the best that
you can. But what about my firstand second marriage? What about
them? I don't know. I just knowI can't resaw sawdust, I can't
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unring a bell. I can't put anegg back into a shell. I'm
saying make it the best. Work atit to be the best you can from
here on. Jesus never condemnedthe little woman that had been
married to five husbands onlyyou're shacking up with the guy
you're with now you need to getyour life straightened out. Just
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a little thought while I'mmoving along, but I want to give
you some warning signs,indicators that your family,
your marriage, could be introuble. If I mention a couple
and they affect you, don't throwin the towel. Just look it over.
But there's a whole bunch ofthem that affect you. It might
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be that you would want to takewarning and get some help. And
here's the very first thing Iwant to mention, lack of pre
marriage preparation. Son saidto his dad, Dad, I hear that men
in other parts of the worldnever knew their wife till they
got married, he said, Son,that's true in America also.
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Zoom there it went. Let me tellyou something, when I got
married in 1974 to my first wifewho died, better put that in
there. I didn't get any marriagecounseling. We never even heard
of it much back then it was sinkor swim and we swam and sank. Do
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you realize that for youngcouples, your chances for your
marriage to be a success is 30times greater if you'll get pre
marital counseling? Here's whatI understand all of us married
strangers. You say, Well, Idated, baloney. It's a whole
difference between dating for along time and being married to
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somebody. And you find whattheir breath really smells like
in their body odor and theirattitude. Yeah, you dated. Okay,
here's the second thing I wantto mention, coming from a broken
home, another warning sign.
Every time you divorce, there'sa 10% greater chance that the
next relationship will end indivorce. Children from broken
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homes have a greater probabilityof getting a divorce in their
life than those that came fromhomes that didn't experience
divorce. Pastor, you'redescribing me, here's what I
think. Why don't somebody decidewe're going to break the chain?
Why don't somebody say we'regoing to break the curse, we're
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not just going to keep allowingdivorce to happen all down
through the family tree. We'regoing to stop it right here and
now. Good preaching. You deservethe best. Now, here's the third
one, cohabitation. People thatcohabitate say they want to give
it a try and see how it works.
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Well, there's a 70% chance ofdivorce if you've tried that
route and then got married, 70%chance of divorce. And if you're
cohabitating with a man, there'sfour times greater chance that
he'll be unfaithful than if youwere married to the man. And if
you're a woman cohabitating witha man, there's a 8% chance the
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woman will be unfaithful to theman. She's not married to him.
We think it helps marriage, butit actually hurts marriage. And
I know we do it for differentreasons. A woman will do it to
secure the man and a man will doit to get the benefits without
being accountable or committed.
Women can stop that problem deadin their tracks. Well, I love
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you. Well, if you love me, takeme to a marriage altar, we can
stop it. Little ironic, pastor,I'm in that situation right now.
Well, you can deal with it ifyou want to. Here's a fourth
thing, a weak spiritualfoundation. You can't be the
husband and wife that you needto be if you don't have the
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relationship with God that youneed. I'm talking about your
acceptance of you, yoursecurity, your identity, your
your purpose, and if you don'tfind it in Christ, you'll be
trying to find your identity oryour purpose or your security in
a mate, and it's not there. Afifth thing is poor relational
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support. Proverbs, 13:20, Hethat walketh with wise men shall
be wise, but a companion offools shall be destroyed. Now,
First, Corinthians 14:33 says,Don't be fooled by those who say
such things. For bad company,corrupts good character. It's a
proven fact that people who havea marriage that lasts associate
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with people that have a pooropinion of divorce. You say,
Well, Pastor, I'm struggling inmy relationship right now. We're
struggling. Well, it's not timeto hang around somebody that's a
man hater then. And if you'restruggling in your relationship,
don't hang around somebodythat's a woman hater. If you're
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struggling in your relationshipright now, your marriage right
now, the answer is not in happyhour. You see the sign over in
Crestline about happy hour. Itsaid from four to seven. They
don't even know how long an houris. So if you're struggling, the
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answer's not in a strip bar, andif you're just, can I just be
real frank with you? Three ofyou said yes. Their name is
Frank. You'd do a whole lotbetter exercising running down
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the highway than you would goingto some of these gyms, where
they dress worse than people inunderwear. Well, moving along,
don't leave your notes up hereanymore, this could get me into
some trouble. Winners associatewith winners. Losers associate
with losers. And many times,when we're struggling with
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divorce, we hunt up somebodythat just went through one you
don't need any tips fromsomebody that's been divorced so
many times they've got ricemarks on their face. Chronic
criticism is the sixth,
Proverbs, 18 (22:54):
21, Death and life
are in the power of the tongue,
and they that love it shall eatthe fruit thereof. Now most
people know that little verse,first part, life and death and
the power of the tongue, butthey fail to notice the very
next verse, verse 22, Who sofindeth the wife, findeth a good
thing. So he's talking aboutdeath and life and the power of
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the tongue, and then he movesright into a relationship with
your wife. Do you know how Godcreated the world? He created it
with words. And your world willbe created by your words. If you
want a good world to live in,your words will make a
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difference. You want to poor onejust sarcastically say little
cutting things your words willcreate your world. And when we
worship over there in Psalm 100verse four, it said that we
enter into his gates withthanksgiving and into his courts
with praise, thanksgiving andpraise. So when we come toward
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God, we bring our thanksgivingand we bring our praise, and it
opens the heart of God to us.
Did you know what? When youbring affirmation to your mate,
it opens their spirit to you,and when you bring criticism, it
closes down their spirit. Factof the matter, Jimmy Evans said,
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for every one criticism, thereneeds to be at least seven
affirmations. We have to earnthe right through praise to
correct an individual. Hey, it'sa proven fact that an overweight
woman will live longer than ahusband that keeps mentioning
it.
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All people respond to raises ofpraises. Everyone does. Everyone
wants to be affirmed. And anagging wife is like a continual
raindrop, drip, drip, drip,drip, drip, drip, and nagging
never changes. Zig Ziglar saidabout his wife Jean. He said, I
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wish I was younger. She said,Well, honey, why do you wish you
were younger so I could bemarried to you longer? Bet you
he had a good evening. Whatabout unresolved conflict?
Ephesians, 4 (25:27):
26, be angry and
sin not. Let not the sun go down
on your wrath. Don't go to bedupset with one another. Why not?
Because verse 27 says you'regiving place to the devil.
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You're allowing the devil tohave a foothold. You give the
devil a stronghold, and thedevil is going to work on that
from here on. Some of us justdesperately need to grow up,
don't we? Don't criticize oneanother, don't attack one
another. Do you know there's noproblem so big that it can't be
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solved? There's only people whoare too little to solve big
problems. And then there's theblame transfer. This has been
going on since the eons of time.
God showed up Adam, where artthou and and he looks them over.
What in the world is going on?
You sinned? And Adam said, Yeah,but it was that woman you gave
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me. She said it was the serpent,and the snake didn't have a leg
to stand on. Zoom, there it wentagain. Instead of blaming him or
her, look in the mirror and fixyou. What about shoppers
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mentality? Well, we're marriednow, but you better stay in
shape. You better stay in shape.
We're married, but you betterkeep me in the lifestyle that
I'm accustomed to.
We're married but you need tomeet all of my needs. Yeah,
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you're married. You got ashoppers mentality. You're still
shopping. And let me just tellyou something. There's no blue
light specials. You've had it.
Well, I want the one God has forme. You got him, Matilda, you
got him, Henry, you got the onethat God gave to you. Now what
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are you going to do with makingthe marriage work? That's what
I'm talking about. I don't careif it's a hunk or a chunk. You
got him. I don't care if it'sWonder Woman or if you wonder if
it is a woman, you got her.
Adrian Rogers said, when you geton the marital plane, you throw
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away the parachute. I'll giveyou a last one. I think I'm
going to quit. I wish now Ihadn't got started. A secular
view of marriage. 45% of thepeople of America say they
expected to get a divorce.
That's scary to me. Is marriagea big deal, Pastor? I think so.
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It's a big deal that we'recommitted to one another. No,
no, no, it's even a bigger dealthat you made a vow before God,
government had nothing to dowith it. I don't know how they
got their hands on it anyhow,this was a God thing. Before
God, we make a vow, committingone to the other, but before
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God. Now, according to Matthewchapter seven, verses 24 through
27 there are two houses beingbuilt. One house is built on the
sand. Have you ever gone down tothe beach and nobody's around
and it's the warm and you laydown on the sand, and man, sand
is so comfortable. It just feelsso right. How can it feel so
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right and be so wrong sometimes?
And not only is it coverable,it's conformable. You can lay
down in the sand, just move alittle bit, and it just begins
to fit you. And if we're notcareful, we go through life and
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we want to get comfortable whenwe start believing what we want
to believe and start what wefeel good. But then there's the
rock, and the rock isuncomfortable. You know, the
real definition of commitment tomarriage? Is being willing to be
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unhappy sometimes and notthrowing in the towel. And I
don't care whether it's built onthe rock or built on the sand.
What you'd better worry about,there's a storm coming to your
family, and then you'll wish youto build on the rock and not on
shifting sands. The storm'sgoing to come, and your only
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survival is if you build upon arock, a rock of commitment, one
to the other, and before God.
Staying together really matters.
And you can go home and you canlook one another in the eye and
said, we're the ones that aregoing to make it. And from here
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on, it's kind of like thepreacher preaching about
tithing. Everybody loves to heara sermon on tithing. Preacher
walked off the platform, and hegot right down on the front
seat, and he pointed at a guy bythe name of Bob. He said, Bob,
do you pay your tithe? And hisface got red. He said, From now
on. And from now on, we can makethis thing of marriage work
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better than it's ever worked.
From now on.
Unknown (31:19):
Thanks for being a part
of the voice of the Nazarene.
Visit us every Sunday at 9amwith BNC's Pastor, Ray LaSalle,
for more information regardingBNC, visit Bucyrus nazarene.org.