Your Last, Best Chance at a Smokin' Hot Body

Our current guest on the Care Home Conversations Podcast is Deborah Threadgill, Funeral Director and owner of Threadgill's Memorial Services in Beaverton, Oregon.

In this episode, we have a great conversation with Deborah about the work of a funeral director, the importance of having a funeral plan, and as the title of this episode suggests - how Deborah uses humor to break down barriers and talk about a difficult subject with others.

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Hello and welcome to the care HomeConversations podcast, where we have important conversations
about at all care homes. Weare your host's Matt Gannon and Melissa Elton
McGuire. The care Home Conversations podcastis brought to you by Oregon care Home
Consulting and Training. To access allprevious shows, visit oregoncare home dot com,
forward Slash podcast, or search careHome Conversations on your favorite podcast app.

(00:28):
Melissa, would you like to giveus an update on the twenty twenty
three springcare Home Conference. Yes,I'm very excited to announce that registration is
now open for our Spring care HomeConference in Lake Oswego, Oregon, on
May eleventh. Attendees can earn eightcus. We also have a NONCU price
as well, so visit oregoncare homedot com for additional information and to get

(00:52):
the link to register for our conversation. Today, we are talking with one
of the presenters for the upcoming carehome conference, Debra Guil, funeral director
and co owner of Threadgills Memorial Services. The title for today's show is Your
Last Best Chance at a smoke andHot Body. Just as a warning to
listeners, we will be talking aboutsensitive topics related to death and dying.

(01:14):
Deborah, thank you for being withus today. Well, thank you very
much for having me. I'm lookingforward to it so great to have you
as a guest on the podcast,Debra, thank you and preparing for our
conversation today, Deborah, it caughtmy attention how you have been a small
business owner at different times throughout yourlife, and that you also used to
work in a group home for developmentallydisabled young women. But now, of
course you own Threadgills Memorial Services withyour husband, and it seems like you've

(01:40):
had a very interesting career path.So will you please share with us more
about yourself, including your educational andprofessional background. Well, thank you.
I have led a very diverse career. I was born and raised in New
Jersey, not too far from theJersey Mike sub. I was at the
original Jersey Mic sub and so Iwas happy that they have Jersey Mics here

(02:05):
because that's really the true sub Sandwich. But anyway, I graduated college back
there, and I majored in sociology. When I graduated, I was a
probation officer and a small rural county. And then after that I went my
position. I went cross country andthen I returned and I again worked in

(02:29):
a group home for developmentally disabled youngwomen, which I loved. When I
graduate college, I really wanted tofocus on service. I wanted to have
the kind of career that it wouldbe of service to people, and that's
what I've been kind of following.I'd like to say that God is in
the details. And so at onepoint I homeschooled my children and then I

(02:53):
opened up a private school for otherfamilies that wanted to also homeschool. And
then have also helped to remodel homesprepare them for sale, So that was
another thing that I enjoy doing.And then I have worked as a home
health and hospice billing specialist. Soagain I've had this variety of career choices

(03:15):
career path that really has led meto what we're doing right now. Well,
it's really great to learn more aboutyou and it has been an interesting
career path that's led you to whereyou are now. And it will say
too Jersey Mikes does have really goodsubs. So I agree with you on
that the field that you're currently in, it's probably a field that a lot

(03:37):
of people don't know about. Theyprobably don't think about very much, or
want to think about very much.They may not see it as a career
choice, but it's important work.Will you share with us just how and
why you decided to become a funeraldirector and also start your own business.
Well, that's a great question.If you had told me when I graduate
college that I would be a funeraldirector at age fifty, I would have

(04:00):
laughed because that was not something thatI would have aspired to because death really
is not the conversation that you haveamong your peers, and so it never
even showed up on my radar.But my husband and I had an opportunity,
and we are both entrepreneurs at heart, we had an opportunity to open

(04:21):
up a funeral home in nineteen ninetynine with another couple, and Steve was
the mortician. My husband then hadmarketing and sales experience. Steve's wife was
the bookkeeper. Our children were young, and so I would come in and
I would type up the death certificates, answer the phones, things like that.

(04:44):
We were very successful for about fiveyears, and then our business partners
decided that they want to go intoanother direction, and so we ended up
dissolving the partnership, which was reallyquite devastating because we came to love what
we did and we thought we wouldbe doing this for the rest of our
lives. And so after we thenleft that I felt like we were kind

(05:05):
of wandering in the wilderness for severalyears. And so after about three years,
families would come to us and say, you know, you really need
to get back into this industry.You do it like no one else does
it. Our children were a littlebit older, but we still we made
it a matter of fasting and praying, because part of what makes us successful
is that we're hands on. Wedo everything, and I'd like to say

(05:27):
when we go to care homes,I like to tell them that we are
we're very similar because we're on calltwenty four to seven. You know,
we're a very personal touch. Andso we decided then in two thousand and
four to open up thread Gills Memorialand we started small. Both my husband
were working full time. I wasdoing home health billing, and then as

(05:50):
things picked up that was sixteen yearsago, we started growing and then we
just made great relationships with hospices isin networking. We knew from our first
funeral home that advertising paid advertising wasreally expensive. And it wasn't the way
to go. It really was aboutrelationships, and so we have done a

(06:12):
ton of networking. We've made greatrelationships and really great friends. I think
a lot of our networking people thatwe meet have become like an extended family,
and so we are grateful for thoserelationships and that then has led to
them trusting us, and we havebeen able to meet various families under different

(06:33):
circumstances. We don't have a transportationcompany that we used. It's my husband
and I that do the transportation.We meet people, you know, at
two o'clock in the morning, whenit's very difficult for them to give their
loved one to a stranger. Ifwe've had an opportunity to talk to them
on the phone, that's been greatand it just kind of establishes that.

(06:53):
So that's kind of how we started. I like to do things differently.
Like I said, we're both entrepreneurs, and so as we have grown the
business, we attended like a deathcafe. That's where I learned about home
funeral guides, and I went toCalifornia and got trained as a home funeral
guide. To explain that it meansthat so baby boomers really wanted to circumvent

(07:16):
the funeral home because it's so expensiveor it can be, and so you
can actually have a funeral at homeand allow family members and this is really
what was done a couple hundred yearsago. We help advocate for families if
they want to have the loved onestaying at home and have a funeral there.
I've also was introduced to the endof life duelas, which I got

(07:39):
some training in that. And ifanyone doesn't know about end of life dulas,
most people are familiar with birthing duelaswell. End of life dulas on
the other spectrum, I've been associatingwith Evening Star duelas and then we also
were involved with aqua cremation, sothat's water cremation or alkaline hydrolysis. So
we've just gotten to do a lotof different things which really suits our personalities.

(08:03):
And the thing that we're really knownfor is our Harley Davidson motorcycle.
Hearse we love our Harley d It'sjust been a great way of starting conversations
with people around death. So that'skind of how we got into it.
We've been doing this for about sixteenyears. We love what we do.

(08:24):
We never would have thought, butwe are so grateful to be able to
have this opportunity. Thanks for sharingmore about that, Debra, I want
to look at today's title of ourshow, and you know, one of
the things I always really appreciate aboutmy family that started with my grandparents,
is they can find the humor inanything, and how important that is for
all of us as we travel throughthe life course. And so I want

(08:48):
to ask you why and how doyou use humor in your presentations, such
as the title of today's podcast,your Last Best Chance at a Smoking Hot
Body. Thanks Matt. Actually,when I started marketing and I was out
there networking, I actually started athe Tip club where you meet every week
and you have to introduce yourself andyou know, and it's like, I'm

(09:09):
never Threadgil with thread Guild memorial andthat was kind of boring. And then
I would go to networking meetings andpeople would just avoid me. They just
did not want to be around afuneral director or come up and talk to
a funeral director. I mean,really, who would I love to laugh?
And I didn't realize until this onemeeting where you know, we had
to go around the room and introduceourselves, and this one naturopathic position kind

(09:33):
of gave like a formula of yourlife span, and she said, well,
it depends on your height and yourgirth. You know, this kind
of gives you an idea of howlong you're going to be living. So
then we went up more people,and then this other gentleman said, well,
if that's the formula, then Iprobably won't last until about four o'clock
this afternoon, you know, Andthen everyone laughed. And so when it

(09:56):
came to my turn, I said, well, and if you let me
know where you're going to be atfour o'clock this afternoon, I'll come and
pick you up. And so thewhole meeting just roared. And it was
like I was hooked on making peoplelaugh. There's just this this juice about

(10:16):
making people laugh. And so asI've gone to different meetings, I found
this idea of saying, cremation byThreadgill's memorial your last best chance at a
smoking hot body. And when Isay that again, people just roar.
I'm much more approachable to people havinghumor. And when we were at Chamber

(10:41):
of Commerce meetings, and if wewere like at a fitness club or something
you know, it would become myturn. I would say something to the
effect, you know, you bettercome to this fitness club because you'll be
seeing me sooner than later if youdon't take advantage of what they have to
offer here. So what I've triedto do is really listen to people when
they're talking, and then so Ican kind of tag onto that. So

(11:05):
again, it's humor, and Ithink when people are able to laugh at
things that they are fearful of,it really allows you to start the conversation.
That's one of the reasons why Iuse humor, and when I do
my presentations, I use a lotof humor. And again it's just for
so people can laugh and kind ofloosen that nervous energy. And then again

(11:28):
it just makes me more approachable.I appreciate that. I appreciate your approach,
and for the listeners who can't seeour faces, Matt and I were
we were we were laughing, soit was you couldn't hear it in the
recording. But yeah, I appreciatethat approach because you know, you're really

(11:50):
using humor to break down those barriers, like he said, become more approachable
and to really talk about a topic. That a lot of people don't want
to talk about, but that reallywe need to talk about. And so
I really appreciate that. I thinkit's great. You know, I do
want to ask you, what wouldyou say makes your company unique? I
mean, I think you kind ofaddress some of these things with the Harley

(12:11):
and all that, but what makesyour company unique? Are different from other
funeral homes? Well, you know, we're small. We are one of
the few family owned and operated funeralhomes left in Portland. There's really just
a handful of us. I liketo compare ourselves in some way with care
owners. We love adult care homesbecause again they're smaller, they're more personal.

(12:35):
We think that we're similar to thatand that we have more of a
personal touch. It's my husband andI that will do the transports. We
have an office manager. We haveour son that can help us. He's
on the autism spectrum and so weuse his braun to help with some of
our transports. And we just reallytreat people like they're part of our extended

(12:58):
family. And we'll go into ahome and you can tell that the person
the family does not want to letgo of their loved one. So we'll
talk to them. We'll say,tell some stories. We'll ask, so,
what's their favorite music, because we'llplay that that song or that genre
of music as we depart in ourvan, and we've had all sorts of

(13:20):
different types of music, and I'vegone axe record and i just pull up
Spotify on my phone. I putit in our radio. We roll the
windows down, and then they heartheir loved one's favorite song as we are
pulling out of the driveway. Andwe've had family members that have actually come
back out of their home and they'reon the driveway and they're just kind of

(13:43):
swaying back and forth to this songthat their loved one knew. We also
will go back and we will makethe bed so that I don't want to
disheveled bed. So it just needsto not have this huge void. I
mean, there is a void,there's an emotional void, but it doesn't
have to be a physical void.So we try to make the bed so

(14:03):
it's not disheveled, and then we'lljust talk to the family about support and
again, we just really treat itlike we are part of their family.
Thanks for that, Deborah, It'ssounds like you really put some special creative
touches on it, and I canjust imagine, I was auld picture of

(14:24):
the family is swaying back and forthin the driveway as you were describing,
as that song is playing, andthe Harley vehicle is pulling away with their
loved one. That paints quite apicture. Great appreciation for the work that
you do. Talking more about thatnow, though, describe more about what
you love with the work that youdo, you and your husband and your
son, and what are some ofthe challenges. So what I love and

(14:48):
again, you know, I startedcollege wanting this desire to serve people.
What I love is the fact thatwe are able to serve a family in
the most emotional, most tender timewe can help them with. And we've
had people that have said that havebeen there, you know, friends or

(15:09):
neighbors when we have transported and shesaid, you have done it in such
a way that I was traumatized whenmy grandmother when they came to transport my
grandmother. But you do it insuch a loving way that I really feel
like I've been healed. And sothose kind of comments where people say you
have made such a difference, Youhave made such a difference in us being

(15:31):
able to say goodbye to our lovedone. And then I also love making
connections. I love relationships. Ilove being part of a community. That's
why I love the networking. Ilove a lot of the hospice workers that
we meet, like I said,friends in our networking community. So that
really has brought a lot of satisfaction. Some people say, I have no

(15:52):
idea. I could never do whatyou do, and I do think it
takes a certain personality, but it'ssomething I feel like that Ron and I
are gifted with. And I'm notsaying this to boast, but I do
feel like it's a God given giftthat we have to be able to extend
ourselves to people challenges. You know. I think it's when people are not

(16:15):
prepared. You know, we're adeath phobic society. People don't want to
talk about end of life, evenwhen they go on hospice and they're encouraged
to choose the funeral home. We'llhave families that will call us or hospice
will call us at two o'clock inthe morning and they'll say, we tried,
we tried. They're in denial.That's been difficult because we want to

(16:36):
be able to serve the family insuch a way that they feel peace,
that they feel like they knew thatwhat they were doing was right and they
weren't feeling guilty. When families arenot informed of end of life decisions,
they don't know what their parents ortheir loved one wants. Then they're left
to make that kind of decision andit's really really quite challenging. And so

(16:57):
for them to see them not onlybeing grief stricken, but to scramble trying
to figure out what would mom want? But we're not quite sure because you
never told us about this, andso they're guessing at what they're doing.
And I guess just for a plugfor end of life duelas. That's why
I think end of life duelas areso valuable because they can help families really

(17:19):
make some of those decisions, andthey can assist in those conversations, and
it's a gentle approach. It's theway to be able to have those conversations
that allow people to then delve intoa little bit more about what their loved
one wants. That's I guess themost challenging part of it. We're on

(17:41):
the Washington County Medical Examiner rotation,so when a death occurs at home and
they're not on hospice's to sudden death, there's not a funeral home chosen.
Then in Beaverton, we're one offour funeral homes in the Beaverton area that
are called. And again we havea rotation every three months, so it's
been really difficult is to go into do the transport, and again the

(18:04):
family is in such a disarray becausethis death has occurred very suddenly. Either
it's a heart attake, or it'san overdose, or it's death by suicide,
or it's a variety of what youcan imagine, and so the families
are in shock that that additional layerof what do we do now? What

(18:26):
do we do now? Now?That that preparation I think is so important,
and I think that's what a lotof people don't want to think about,
because if you have to think aboutthis and you have to prepare,
then you're thinking about the inevitable,which I think a lot of people just
don't want to think about. SoI think this is a really important topic.
And something that kind of came tomy mind, which as you were

(18:48):
talking, was that you work withindividuals who are deceased However, you're really
working with the people who are livingand you're working with the families, and
you're supporting them, and that's reallythe role that you have, and that
is I really appreciate what you do. I think it's so important, and
you know, we're really excited thatyou're going to be presenting at our twenty
twenty three Spring care Home Conference onthe eleventh of May, and of course

(19:11):
you'll be presenting on a really importantbut not often probably discussed topic about what
to do when a resident dies inan adult foster care home. I mean,
I'd like to briefly talk about this, even about planning before the resident
passes. You kind of really touchedon that in your last comments, but

(19:32):
care home providers cannot require that residentshave funeral plans in place, and unfortunately
a lot of them don't have theseplans in place. However, we know
it's really important. This planning isso important. Do you have any suggestions
for how care home providers can havethis conversation with residents. I was going
to address what you say before.A lot of times people feel like if

(19:53):
they have this conversation now, they'vejinx themselves. You know that now they're
going to I like someone said,well, just because you talk about childbirth
doesn't mean you're going to get pregnant. It just means you you're becoming aware
of things that you need to becautious of or be prepared for. So
in terms of really having that conversation, there's some games, there's some different

(20:17):
vehicles that care home providers can kindof provide for an activity. There's a
book called Talk of a Lifetime,and you really kind of go into a
person's life and then you talk aboutsome of their goals of the and then
you can somewhat start talking about sowhat do you think you want, you

(20:37):
know, at the end of yourlife, how do you want that to
look like. So it's not anabrupt Okay, tell me what you want
to do about your end of life. It's really about talking about making like
a game, and I'll probably presentthat at the mail level. I'll bring
some of these card games, differentthings like that, different ways that care
homeowners can approach that subject with moreof an activity approach than in an interview

(21:04):
where people feel like they're on thespot of having to make a decision.
People have a lot of choices andthat's one of the things that we really
like to discuss when I do alot of my other presentations, the fact
that people have a lot of choices. You know, it doesn't have to
be just cremation. You know,it can be awkward commission, and a
lot of times people don't know whattheir choices are. You know, they

(21:26):
can have a natural or a greenburial. You know, there's a new
form of disposition in Oregon called naturalorganic reduction, and it's terramation, it's
human composting. So and then there'sways that you can have your cremated remains
at a parting stone, so solidifiedremains. So I think it's people talk
about these more trendy ways, thenit kind of piques their interest and then

(21:52):
maybe you can kind of start havingthat kind of conversation, well, what
do you think you would like?And so that's kind of what I was
thinking along the lines for the presentation. Thank you for that, Deborah,
And let me ask you this tojust go off of what you were saying
there for a minute. Do youever have care home providers call upon you
saying that you know, I wastalking with one of the residents that lives

(22:12):
in my home and they would liketo have a conversation or maybe interview you
about your business before they make afinal decision, And are you willing to
go out and have those conversations withthe folks. We are always willing.
We haven't had a lot of peoplecalling us. There's been a couple of
care homes, but we are certainlywilling to come in and kind of do

(22:33):
an activity with residents. You know, again, part of what we want
to do is really to empower people, care homeowners, families with knowledge so
that they have the information that theyneed to make a decision. And you
know, as we've gone over alot of these options with families, they'll
say I can do it that way. I didn't know I could do that,

(22:56):
and so yes, yes, let'ssay well can I do this and
we say, well, yeah,we can make that happen. So again,
it's really opening up their vision ofwhat they would want. And a
lot of times people aren't afraid ofdying, they're afraid of being forgotten.
And so this whole idea of thenlike a legacy project that can lead into

(23:21):
how do you want to be remembered? So there's lots of backdoor approaches to
discussing end of life decisions. Andyou know, fifteen twenty years ago,
you know, fifty years ago,it was one way no and it was
a traditional funeral with a burial anda cemetery. And things have changed greatly.
Oregon is like ninety direct cremation andso a lot of things in the

(23:45):
pandemic has really turned the funeral industrykind of on its end because there were
several months there where there were nofunerals at all. We couldn't have any
gatherings, so we as a funeralhome had to be very creative, very
innovative. We could do grace sowe could do a direct burial and then
the family would come afterwards. Weactually had one where the family gathered.

(24:07):
There was a lot of field nextto the cemetery and we just had the
family members pull in with their carsand we were able to have like an
outdoor funeral service. We had oursound system and it was like a drive
in movie, so they will beable to participate. So it's things like
that, and then we've become moredigital. We do a lot of things

(24:30):
digitally. People don't even have tocome in and see us. We've made
things as convenient and as peaceful aspossible for families. I really appreciate just
listening to you speak about the workthat you do, the impact that you
have on people on a very sensitivetopic and part of their lives, being
able to bring in things like humor, but just making it special and less

(24:51):
of a heavy topic. So Ireally appreciate that, Debra. And before
we wrap up our conversation here today, though, for people that are listening
and would be interested in getting intouch with you, could you please share
with us your website address and emailaddress. Sure, it's Threadgill Memorial dot
com. I can be reached atDeborah D. E b O r A
h at Threadgill Memorial dot com.And I just wanted to clarify something,

(25:18):
Matt, when you said that wewould so. Our Harley Davidson hearse is
used really for like a funeral ofmemorial service. I don't want people to
get the idea that we pull upin our Harley Davidson hearst and transport their
loved one out of the home.That might be kind of scary for people.
But and again, our Harley dis another way that we can initiate

(25:41):
the conversation. That's how you cancontact me and we actually have calendars.
I'll bring them to the conference.We had a photoshoot that two years ago,
so we've got Harley d At kindof some iconic spots, Voodoo Donuts,
Tulip Gardens. So I'm looking forwardto the conference, and again,
thank you too very much for offeringthis for care homeowners. And I wish

(26:03):
we had the kind of support thatyou provide for care homeowners. It would
be great to be able to dothat for funeral homes, So thank you
both again. Well, thank you, Deborah. We really appreciate it.
We appreciate you just being a gueston the podcast. We appreciate your expertise,
your approach to humor, and yourwillingness to really open up the lines

(26:26):
of communication with people about this reallyimportant topic. And of course we look
forward to learning more from you atthe conference on me eleventh. So thank
you so much. Thank you.This has been care Home Conversations with your
hosts Matt Gannon and Alyssa Eltie McGuire, produced by Oregon care Home Consulting and
Training Engineering by Roger Smith, Musicby Brandon Elting. Have a question or

(26:48):
comment for us or a show topicyou'd recommend email us at podcast at oregoncarehome
dot com. If you haven't already, please sign up for our weekly newsletter
by visiting Oregon care home dot com. Be sure to join us next time,
and thanks for tuning in.