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January 31, 2025 43 mins

Big Shoes to Fill – Balancing Expectations for Your Kids

How much should we push our kids, and when should we step back and let them find their own way? In this episode of Chasing Balance, Matt and Deanna dive into the challenges of balancing expectations for children—academics, extracurriculars, friendships, and even their own emotions.

From structured discipline to self-discovery, we explore both sides of the debate: Should parents encourage their kids to push beyond their limits, or is it better to let them figure things out on their own? With personal insights, relatable stories, and a few laughs along the way, we’ll help you navigate the tricky middle ground of supporting your child without overwhelming them.

Join the conversation as we unpack the long-term impact of both parenting approaches, share practical tips for finding balance, and leave you with a thought-provoking question: What kind of balance does your child need most right now?

🎙 Subscribe, follow, and connect with us on social media—because parenting is a journey best shared!

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey everyone, I'm Matt.

(00:01):
I'm Deanna.
And welcome back to Chasing Balance.
In this episode, we're talking about balancing the expectations of your children.

(00:32):
So, balancing the expectation and expectations that you have for your children.
I think before we do that, we need to dive into what the weight of expectations have

(00:56):
on the children and what kids go through.
Kind of listing off the expectations that we have for them.
One being academic expectations.
Meaning the expectations that we put on our kids as far as grades go.

(01:16):
That we expect that there's a certain level, grade level, that they need to hit or succeed
in class.
Yeah.
And I mean, that's different for each of those age ranges.
We have higher expectations for the older kid because it's more social and seventh grade
is a time where you can leave the classroom and go to the next classroom.

(01:43):
It's that first year where they have different periods.
Then there's that social aspect.
So we have a lot more stronger academic expectations for him than we do for obviously the four
year olds.
Just like the grading system too though.
There's not really a grading system for the younger kids.

(02:04):
And I just push survival skills.
On the younger ones?
Yes.
Don't have glue, don't have marbles, don't stick anything in your eyes.
Be kind, stand up for yourself, talk to people.
So that's the academic expectations.
Then they also go through extracurricular expectations as far as sports, music, band,

(02:29):
whether they're joining a club, chess club or acting.
Then they also have their social expectations.
How we expect them to act with their friends.
With their friends' parents.
With their teachers.
How we expect them to act out in public when we are away from them.

(02:53):
Then we have their appearance expectations.
Now two of our children, our youngest, they go to an academy where their clothes are picked
out for them.
They wear the same thing every day for the entire school year for the most part.
Yes, they have a uniform.
They wear a different uniform every day.

(03:13):
I'm sorry, they don't wear the same exact clothes every single day.
I just wanted to make that clear.
Then our oldest, this is his second year in public schools.
We thought that would be better for his growth and education actually over the academy.

(03:36):
He does get to, it was kind of shocking because he does get to pick what he gets to wear.
So it's kind of new to him that he doesn't have a uniform basically laid out for him
every single day.
It started off a little rough.
Not really putting himself together.
It was a bit of an experiment.

(03:59):
The thing that I told him is that when you wake up and you go out, especially in public,
to a job or to school, that you should be looking, feeling and smelling like a million
bucks.
But after I put that in his head, it kind of stuck with him.
He's been improving.
In a good way.

(04:20):
The last thing, but not least, is emotional expectations.
Yeah.
Obviously, we can't really hold a lot of that with the four-year-old because that's an emotional
time bomb.
But we do have emotional expectations for our older kiddos and making sure that it's
not just temper tantrum based.

(04:43):
Everybody has emotions.
Express those emotions in the right way and make it concise and deliver it and show your
standpoint instead of throwing a fit and crying.
Right.
Talk about it.
Yes.
I mean one that's appropriate.
If crap happens, crying is the most appropriate response.

(05:04):
But talking through that and really so that we're either a source of you venting or a
source of you helping, like helping you.
So speaking of crying, how have we seen these expectations, these four or five expectations
that we just spoke about?

(05:25):
Do we see how they're overwhelming?
I see it with our oldest, Preston, more than I see it with the younger two.
The middle one, you don't see it too much.
The younger one, obviously he's four, so everything is emotional, whether it comes to naps, ice
cream, anything.
If he can't have a granola bar.

(05:49):
If he can't have a granola bar in his bed right before bedtime or something.
Yes.
If he can't fit something in a backpack and zip it up, that's twice the size of the backpack.
So that's expected.
And I guess we should think that it's expected for our oldest too that is 12, where he carries
himself with composure all day long, gets his homework done, good grades, focuses on

(06:12):
sports when he needs to, goes to practice.
Very rarely any complaining about that.
But then there's just times at the end of the day where he just loses it, whether it's
yelling or crying, and it kind of just blows us away.
But it's also kind of eye-opening once we're started talking about these things and writing
these show notes, the reason why this stuff is overwhelming.

(06:37):
Yeah.
I mean, it has to be a lot on his brain, but also a lot has to do with the fact that he's
12 and those hormones are just son of a bitch.
Yeah, there's sometimes where he just goes off and you just want to go lock yourself
in another room.

(06:57):
You're so scared.
Yeah.
I'm joking.
It's not that bad.
It's really not.
It's not like we live with the Hulk, but it kind of is like a Hulk-ish.
So every single kid, every single family is different.
Obviously we're going to raise our kids hopefully better than our parents raised us.

(07:18):
And that's not a knock on them.
No.
It's that you learn throughout the process what worked for you as a kid, what you didn't
like as a kid.
There's a hell of a lot of stuff that I let our kids do that I was never able to do.
Yeah.
Even as far as listening to rap music with swear words in it.

(07:38):
There was a lot of things that I was allowed to do that I don't let my children do.
So every family and child is different.
So you just have to find the right balance and the right balance is it's not one size
fits all.
So what works for us and what we talk about in this show doesn't necessarily mean that
it's going to work for you, but maybe we'll say something that kind of triggers something

(08:03):
and you think, wow, I never thought about that.
Maybe I should try it.
So going over the contrasting perspectives, let's start with the pros first.
I'm sorry, the point of view one, which is the case of pushing your kids, the case of
your kid doesn't want to go to football practice.
They don't want to go to baseball.

(08:23):
They don't want to try out for the soccer team.
They don't want to try out acting.
They don't want to do anything else, let alone go to school.
So one of the things while we were writing the show is that a quote or a podcast came
up from the St. Brown podcast where they had their dad on and their dad's name is John

(08:46):
Brown.
He has a podcast, by the way, the podcast name is Black Coffee with John Brown.
And then his sons have a podcast called the St. Brown podcast.
If you're not familiar with the St. Brown name, Amon Ross St. Brown is one of the top
paid wide receivers in the NFL and he plays for the Detroit Lions.

(09:06):
Yes, he's amazing.
His brother EQ plays for the New Orleans Saints as a wide receiver.
His other brother, these are all brothers, played college on a scholarship and had a
foot injury.
If that foot injury wouldn't have came about, he also more than likely would have been drafted

(09:27):
into the NFL.
His dad set expectations for his kids.
Mr. John Brown set expectations for all three of his kids that when they came home from
school, they had a set schedule.
They went and they worked out with their dad.
They did their homework.
They ate.
They did their chores, all that stuff.

(09:48):
And look what happened with John Brown pushing his kids, setting expectations for them.
And he potentially had three children grow up raised and go grow into and be drafted
into the NFL.
So one of the things I pulled from their podcast, the St. Brown podcast, talking about how it

(10:10):
is up to the parents to push their kids and it's not up to the children to make their
call.
So here is that little snippet from the podcast.
It's up to mom and dad.
It's not up to the kid.
So I'm not going to name names, but one of your buddies and his dad is my friend, his
son should have went to the NFL.
He didn't.
His dad was a great NFL player.

(10:32):
But his dad was the exception, not the rule.
His dad made it on his own.
No one helped his dad.
So his dad has a son.
He thinks, well, no one helped me.
Do it yourself.
You got to really want it.
No, that's the exception.
It's not the rule.
The rule is you as a mom and dad have to help your kids.
If you don't help your kids get a scholarship, that coach is not going to get you a scholarship.

(10:56):
Don't listen to them when they tell you that.
They told me, I got them scholarships for y'all, right?
But guess what?
All the coaches said they did, but they don't.
They don't get them scholarships.
Mom and dad got to get them scholarships.
So there's a lot of things you have to know.
You got to go to John Brown, Black Coffee, look at my podcast when it comes out, and

(11:17):
you will learn about all this stuff I'm telling you.
But you just have to do what I tell you.
There's no such thing as lazy kids.
Like you said earlier, it's only lazy parents, period.
Lazy parents, period.
What do you think about that?
I think it covers the whole extent of it, not just sports related.
I think that it covers everything.

(11:39):
Academics as well.
Academics, personality, like everything.
If you're an absent parent, how could you expect your kid to be successful with anything
in life?
Structure and discipline created these three, well actually two, but three NFL stars.

(12:03):
Yeah, we can say three.
I mean, he didn't make it because of an injury.
Right.
It's not because he wasn't ready.
Oh, he was ready for it.
I mean, he had a full ride scholarship.
Exactly.
Structure and discipline created these NFL stars off the back of their parents.
Their parents name John Brown and their mom's name is Miriam Brown.

(12:27):
So all of those things that he talked about, not being a lazy parent can lead to success.
Now even though that was very motivational, let's talk about the case of letting kids
find their own way without the parents pushing.

(12:52):
Now a quote I found states that kids thrive when they're allowed to explore their passions
and learn from their own experience.
Now let me say, I have never said you have to do what I'm telling you to do.

(13:13):
Do not go and try something new.
Just trust me and do what I say.
As they get older, what are you laughing about?
I have said that do as I say.
When it comes to silly things, but yeah.
So when it comes to rules.
I don't think you should drink that chocolate milk.
I've been sitting out for four hours.

(13:36):
I mean, even on that stuff, we've done that before.
So like Max, our youngest, letting them find their way, absolutely.
Four year old, he needs to learn his body.
He needs to learn what he likes.
He needs to learn what's going to be his hobbies.
He needs to learn his limitations, everything.

(13:57):
As they get older, yes, I want them to find their way.
But I do think that finding their way when they get older, and this is my opinion, is
going to be more social oriented than it is going to be academic and sports related.
I think that as a 12 year old, there is still that area where, yes, he can try new things.

(14:17):
So if he wanted to come up to me and say, Mom, Dad, I would really like to try the chess
club, say, sure, let's do it.
But if he doesn't want to do anything, that is when we're going to step in and push in
and say, you should try this.
You should try this.
What about football?
What about baseball?
Yeah, I feel like we've always had a pretty set in stone policy that we are doing something,

(14:43):
anything, during that season.
Winter, spring, summer, fall, we are doing something during that season.
And whether that is, like you said, chess or tennis or whatever, as long as you keep
your body moving and you're out there engaged in society and you're learning something new

(15:04):
about yourself or learning something like a whole new concept, you got to do it and
you have to stick with it.
So we don't force them to do something that they don't want to do.
They have to agree that they're going to do it and stick with it.
Right.
Yes.
So football, hell week was very hard.

(15:28):
They do hell week with 12 year olds and it's very long practices out in the sun, very hot
sun.
And it came down to a breakdown and we said, you are sticking with it.
So it was a voluntary, yes, I'd like to play football.

(15:48):
And it was a push of you are sticking with this.
Yeah.
You're going to finish the season, whether you'd like it or not, because you've made
that commitment and you can't let these kids down, your team down because you don't feel
like you can cut it.
And I mean, in that whole entire thing, we did have a long conversation because he's

(16:11):
like, I just, you know, it comes with the self-esteem part.
He's like, I just don't think that I'm as good as the other kids and I don't think I
can do it.
And, you know, half of these kids know all of the moves and what they're supposed to
be doing and blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, it's your first year, bud.
And no, I told him.
First week.
Yeah.
I told him flat out, like, if you think that everybody out there is full of confidence,

(16:35):
you are sadly mistaken.
And then it was, you talked to parents that week, right?
That following week, I talked to parents and every single one, we did like this very cheesy
thing where we had to go around and stand up and introduce ourselves.
And every single one of them was like, every single day after, after practice, they're
crying and you know, yada, yada, yada.

(16:57):
And I came home and I was like, do not breathe a word of this, but I got some tea for you,
kid.
And after that, he was like, oh my gosh.
Okay.
Yep.
So we talked about the pros of pushing your kid.
We talked about the pros of letting them find their own way.

(17:19):
Now let's talk about maybe finding the middle ground.
And one of the stories that come to mind or the experience that comes to mind for us is
when Preston did baseball last season.
So he ended the previous season on a high note.

(17:40):
It was his first season starting as a pitcher, several strikes, strikeouts, amazing hits.
He was leading his team.
I want to say they were either undefeated or they maybe lost like one game.
So they did very well.
They did very well.

(18:00):
Very impressed with them.
Very proud of them.
So in the off season, so we live here in Michigan, it's very cold.
There's nothing to do outside in the winter as far as sports go.
It's skiing and snowboarding.
We don't do that as of yet, hopefully in the future.
So we built a little field batting cage in our basements, little field, little pitching

(18:23):
area, pitching machine, all that stuff.
It's new, it's shiny.
So he used it for the first three or four weeks.
And then it just fell by the wayside and he stopped using it.
And we would remind him, why don't you go in the basement and practice?
Why don't you go in the basement and practice?

(18:43):
Why don't you go in the basement and practice?
I have nothing to do.
I'm so bored.
And we have this little, in our house, we have this little time frame after dinner that
there is an hour to hour and a half where they cannot do electronics.
They have to do their chores and they have to do something creative or active or something
like that.
And that's when they can go in the basement and do that type of stuff.

(19:05):
So it got to the point, kind of like nagging your kids to do their chores.
Yeah.
It got to the point where it was exhausting and we stopped pushing it.
Well, the next season came, he walked out onto that field and he lost all of his skills,
not all of them, most of his skills.

(19:27):
And while he was out there on the field losing his skills, he lost his self-confidence.
So it's kind of a middle ground there, us pushing and pushing and pushing, giving him
the right, you know, there's kids out there obviously with less that still practice.

(19:48):
Giving him the right tools, a fricking batting cage in his basement that I probably would
have killed for as a kid.
There's a lot of things that we give our kids.
If I had this when I was your age.
Like food.
It wasn't that bad.
So back to the story, he walked off of that field with his eyes basically glued to his

(20:15):
cleats.
He let himself down and it was kind of one of those moments.
Like not really, I told you so, but I could feel it that he knew he should have been practicing.
So it went from a pushing situation to a, he's getting older and I got other two kids

(20:38):
to be pushing into other things.
Let him do what he's going to do.
And unfortunately he figured it out the hard way.
So is there a middle ground to that?
I think there is, but just trying to figure out what that middle ground is for that particular
kid is the tricky part.

(20:58):
Because I know that at least with our kids, with Preston, it's, I can't suggest something.
He has to come up with it for him to be really into it.
So I've-
Going to practice or going to run or work out or something like that.
I've discovered that if I just kind of plant a seed, a thought, maybe make an off cuff

(21:26):
suggestion to myself and he picks up on it and then he thinks that it's his idea, then
he gets into it.
I get it.
And I have, I mean, in addition to that, I have noticed that when I work out during the
day, he will not work out.
But if I work out at night after he gets home from school, then he comes down and works

(21:50):
out with me.
Yeah.
You are the Beesonese.
He loves hanging out with you.
He loves doing all the cool stuff that dad does.
I never, I never understood that though, cause we have this and I still don't understand
it, which is probably just dumb on me, but like, you know, the kids can come down here
and practice whenever they want and you can practice by yourself.

(22:10):
Like we have, we have a pitching machine that will pitch to them.
We have a goalie and blockers and all that stuff and several soccer balls that you could
kick into the net.
You don't need somebody else there practicing your skills.
That's just how I was as a kid.
Like if I went to go do something and my little brother didn't want to do it with me or my
dad was off working 12 to 14 hours a day, I would throw the ball on the roof and catch

(22:35):
it.
I would throw the ball against the wall and catch it.
I would pretend like there was people there watching me or guarding me.
If I was playing basketball, that's what I don't understand about, I guess, our kids
minds and how they need to have somebody else down here.
It's kind of a little off topic, but I didn't have to practice with somebody else.

(22:56):
In their defense, I mean, I've been remote since Preston's been born.
I've been around all the time.
That's true.
I've been with Braden and I've been with, I've been with all of them.
And then you've also been alongside and just as present.
And I don't know if you know, but you're like super fun to hang out with.

(23:18):
Thanks.
So, I mean, every situation that the kids are in is like 10 times more enjoyable when
dad's there.
So it shouldn't limit them.
It shouldn't stop them from doing it.
No, but I know that they enjoy it a lot more when you're present, when I'm present.

(23:44):
And that's the tricky part because it's like when they get to the point and it's like after
dinner and we've done a full day of all the parenting chores and all of the house chores
and then working and then working out.
I don't want to do that.
It's hard.
I don't want to go downstairs and practice soccer.

(24:05):
You get done working.
Yeah.
You get done cooking dinner, eating dinner.
I just want to come down here.
Yeah.
Run anywhere between three to five miles.
Yeah.
And like, Hey dad, you want to play goalie?
I would not.
And then you feel like shit because you say no.
So, but going back to the topic of finding the middle ground.

(24:33):
And I think there is a little bit of finding it to a certain extent that how you said,
if the kids say they want to do something, then they need to follow through with it.
And we push that follow through as much as possible.

(24:56):
I even get to the point where I'm like, you only have four more weeks.
Is it going to kill you?
No.
And then at the end of the season, they're like, I can't wait to do it again.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So let's look at how the longterm impact of both can impact your child.

(25:18):
So pushing your children that aren't a hundred percent interested in a certain subject, sports,
extracurricular activity, anything like that shows a decrease in self-esteem.
Now I beg to differ with that.
Increased stress levels.
I can see that and potential burnout.

(25:41):
Burnout.
It really just depends on how much is on their plate.
So if you're talking about like what Preston Brayden did, like obviously Preston, that
was, that was eyeopening with football where he had school.
So there was hell week, whatever.
You basically go from summer, swimming in the pool, having a relaxing vacation, hell

(26:02):
week starts.
Then school starts with football afterwards.
So that is a huge...
But their hell week wasn't just a week.
They started in August and then school started at the beginning of September.
So yeah, it was two full weeks.
And then it didn't drop down that much.
It dropped down to instead of...
Three hours is like two and a half.

(26:23):
Yeah, two and a half, four times a week.
So I can see the burnout.
Or three times a week, I'm sorry.
But kids are resilient.
Now going back to increased stress, obviously that can be stressful.
Some stress I believe is healthy to put on kids.

(26:47):
And then also self-esteem.
So increased, I'm sorry, decreased self-esteem being pushed into something that they aren't
a hundred percent into.
Now I think that, and yes, these are the cons that we're talking about of pushing them into
it.
But I think that can be overcome with proper parenting of decreased self-esteem.

(27:08):
I understand that not every single kid is going to go out there and be the next Michael
Jordan or Amonois St. Brown.
Messy.
Messy.
Whatever it is.
But at the end of that practice, that tryout, if they fail, it is up to us as parents to
say, have that positive attitude, that positive talk.
What'd you like about it?

(27:29):
What didn't you like about it?
What can we work on?
What did you see other kids doing that maybe you should have known before coming into this?
Yeah.
And I mean, to that point, for example, Preston finishes football, finishes football season,
and then basketball tryouts are right after that.
So keep in mind, this child has not touched a basketball in a year, a solid year.

(27:55):
I'm like, Hey, do you want to do it?
He's like, yes, let's do it.
And he goes in and it's three days back or no, two days back to back.
And it was like two hour tryouts each day.
And he would come home and he's like, Oh, I had a great time.
I think I did amazing.
This person, this person, and this person were there.
And we had so much fun.

(28:16):
And then the weekend comes and then the coach sends out, you know, confirmation if they
want you to come back for the final tryout.
And Preston make the final tryout.
I was like, I'm sorry, buddy.
You didn't, you didn't make it to the next trial.
He's like, Oh no, it's okay.
I had a great time.
I had so much fun.
Yeah.
And, and then he's like, and I got a free workout out of it.

(28:39):
I was like, great.
And it's hit or miss.
Yeah.
And he's always that positive.
No majority of the time he is.
Yes, he is.
He's naturally positive, I think.
And obviously one of his close friends, family friend kid was in, was in there and he didn't
make it either.

(28:59):
And you know, he loves basketball.
So that was more crushing to him.
So obviously every single kid is going to be different.
Yeah.
And then to that point, Preston was very sympathetic and he went over and he like talked to him
the next day.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I think the whole idea and the whole entire experience was, was a positive

(29:19):
for him.
Yeah.
Even though he didn't make it.
Now on the flip side, let's talk about the pros of pushing your kid into things that
they aren't a hundred percent agreeable to or want to do.
So obviously pushing anybody, adults, kids, pushing them into something different, something

(29:42):
new will help develop new skills that will increase their, their, them building confidence
in themselves, being in a new situation, especially, especially if they succeed like Preston did
with football.
It increases positive habits, improves physical fitness.
If it's a sport, it also encourages a strong work ethic for kids, especially as you can

(30:09):
see for when school came back in session, there were still two and a half hour football
practices afterwards.
So I'm going to do this question.
This really isn't in the, the show notes.
Do you feel you were pushed enough on certain aspects of academics, sports, things of that

(30:34):
nature?
I could talk about this for hours on end, but we don't have hours.
No, we don't hours.
No, I don't think that I was academically.
I was kind of the child that was left behind, even though there's an act that supports that
from not happening.
I definitely was.

(30:58):
I was the kid that didn't know how to read correctly.
So I was dismissed from a lot of classes.
And that was, that had a huge impact on my outcome from a very young age all the way
up until I got shifted to a new school district in a new town in high school.

(31:18):
And then they worked with your dyslexia.
Yeah.
And, and at that point in time, it was, I didn't really have a choice of sports.
So I would go to school.
So to give you a little bit of context, when I transferred out of my old school district
into my new school district, my GPA was a, I think a 0.95.

(31:43):
A 0.95?
Yeah.
It was, it was extremely low.
I should not have been.
I thought I had a low one.
So I did, I went to school full time, obviously.
And then when I got home, I went to community college for three hours a night for-
During high school?
During high school.

(32:04):
I didn't know this about you.
And it was for reading and for practical knowledge or something.
It was kind of to learn all the things that you were supposed to learn when you were younger,
but I didn't.
So I would have-
Because they didn't want to leave you behind?

(32:24):
They left me.
They left you behind.
They locked that door.
Wow.
No.
So then I didn't really have a choice of sports for my freshman and sophomore year.
And then when I got to be junior, my grades, I brought my grades up and then I had a choice.
So then at that point in time, I tried out for hockey.

(32:51):
And my whole family has always been very big into hockey.
And during hockey tryouts, I got called over by the coach and he was like, are you related
to Steve?
Great.
And I go, yeah, he's my brother.

(33:12):
And he goes, you skate like him.
I skated directly off of the ice.
You thought it was negative?
I skated off of the ice.
I went over to the bench and I started to unlace my skates.
And he's like, what are you doing?
And I just said, fuck you.
And I walked out because I was extremely stubborn as a child and I didn't want anybody to set

(33:36):
expectations for myself that I didn't think that I was going to achieve.
And my siblings were above and beyond any sport level that I could ever achieve.
So I just nipped it in the bud and stepped.
And your parents didn't push you back in it?
My dad didn't.
I got into the car and he asked what happened.

(33:56):
I told him and he goes, okay.
All right.
And then he didn't push me.
But he did push you academically.
He did.
I mean, when I so my parents have been divorced since I was five.
Right.
So when I lived with my mom, I moved over to live with my dad in high school.

(34:18):
And when my dad had me in his house, he kind of got a full range of what was going on academically.
And then he was the one that kind of steered me in the right direction to get that under
control.
Right.
And to that I'm extremely grateful for.
But he never covered the sports again after the whole debacle that we had with golf.

(34:45):
And that he didn't push me after that.
So when I was younger, when I was a lot younger, he pushed me a little too hard into golf.
And that was when I would only spend every other weekend with him.
And he asked a lot out of me.
And it was just every other weekend, us arguing and arguing and arguing.

(35:08):
So this all being said, do you think that there was a healthy balance of pushing?
Or do you think there was pushing in the wrong areas?
I think there was pushing in the wrong areas.
And then my I mean, in my life experience, I think that there was a lot of other things
that were going on that family wise.
Yeah.

(35:29):
That it just it didn't make sense to me logically.
Like, why?
Why are we focusing on this?
Let's let's not ignore that.
So so I don't think that it was a healthy push for sports.
I don't think that there was a healthy push for academics when I was younger.

(35:50):
When I get older, there was definitely a healthier push in that regard.
And it really shaped the way that I became as an adult.
So I don't I don't know.
I don't I don't think that my childhood was a good example of how I do things.
Or maybe it is a good example of how I do things, because they see the importance in

(36:12):
both areas.
And I know what is good expectations.
I know how how far I can push my kids.
I know there's there tells I know that once Preston starts to become extremely emotional,
he needs a break.
Right.
I know when Braden starts to hyper fixate and get obsessively concerned about the calendar

(36:36):
and needing to know where what's going on and what like what time everything's happening,
he needs a little break.
Right.
I know when Max is throwing himself on the ground for silly things, he needs a break.
So that's interesting.
I just learned something about you.
I didn't know you went to college classes or Madonna or whatever it was or Schoolcraft

(36:58):
after.
Schoolcraft after high school.
I did.
Yeah.
Classes.
So I feel like I told you that directly after I would go home.
Yeah, I would take a nap.
I would eat something and then I would go to Scraff.
And then when I wasn't doing that in the summer, I would go to this old man, this old man's

(37:20):
house in his basement.
And he was a tutor.
And then he I mean, it wasn't anything sketchy.
He was a really nice man.
But and he would teach me how to read.
That's what they all say.
No, he was legitimately a nice man.
His daughter went to high school with me.
And it was like it was it was weird because I knew her.

(37:41):
Right.
And I was like, hey, I don't know how to read.
So so that's interesting about about you and how you were pushed in certain situations
and not pushed in the other ones.
And it would have been better if there was a little bit of healthier balance there.
And what they were pushed or put their foot down and said, you were we're pushing you
into everything or or.

(38:04):
So so from my side of things, I was just a stubborn ass as a kid.
I'm still stubborn now.
So my parents did give me a leeway with certain things.
And then when I screwed it up, they would push and then I'd screw it up even bigger

(38:24):
when they pushed and never really succeeded in any of those, I guess, aspects.
You know, I think my parents, especially my mom, was most proud of my track, you know,
quote unquote career.
She was always at every single track meet, which says a lot about her character, because

(38:47):
those just suck.
They do.
They're long and boring.
Oh, my God.
So but the one thing and it kind of irks me to this day is that my parents let me give
up on football.
That was the thing.

(39:07):
So freshman year of high school, that was my first real experience with tackle football.
I was second string quarterback.
Our team did well.
And after that, you know, some of the kids on the team were bullies, assholes, basically.

(39:29):
And the way that, you know, the coach would say it is, is that if you have a problem with
somebody, you settle it on the field.
Well, you're talking about the biggest asshole on the team was a linebacker.
You're talking about me settling a fight with a linebacker and I'm a quarterback.
How will that happen?

(39:49):
How is that really going to fix the situation?
That's like, you know, Alex Anzolone, golf going to fight him.
You tell me who's going to win.
Alex is going to win.
Does he have a broken arm at this point?
It doesn't matter.
He can take his arm off and beat golf with his arm.

(40:09):
So that's one thing that I really do wish that I was pushed more into.
But I have to say that, you know, I guess I was, you know, I was given more freedom
than I actually now that I'm thinking about it.
I was actually given more freedom than than what I thought as a teenager.
I always thought that they're ruining my life, you know.
Yeah, everybody does.

(40:30):
But they did give me more freedom with academics, friends, you know, sports, things I wanted
to do.
I said I didn't want to do football and they were fine with it.
Now if I said that I didn't want to do track, that would have been a different story.
So maybe it was the you know, the sense of, you know, my mom seeing me get sacked a couple
times hit a few times where my mom was like, you know what, I'm OK with that.

(40:52):
But I can sympathize with that.
It's terrifying.
So I do wish that I was pushed more in football.
Would I made it to the professionals?
Probably not.
But would I enjoy playing another three years in high school and possibly playing for a
local college?
Yeah, that could have been fun.
So a couple takeaways and the conclusion of this episode is understanding the perspectives

(41:21):
that fit the needs of your child, whether you think it's more pushing like Deanna, you
know, she was halfway pushed on some things and not the others.
And she wishes that the sports were pushed more.
And I didn't mind having that little bit of leeway.

(41:44):
But I do wish I was pushed on some aspects that later on I am now very passionate about
and look back on just want to kick myself that I didn't pursue them anymore.
So that kind of leads us with a question for our listeners is what kind of balance do you
think that your child needs?

(42:07):
We'd appreciate it if you share your thoughts, your comments.
Hopefully you gain something from this, even if it's just a laugh or thinking, oh, man,
these guys are crazy.
I don't know what the hell they're talking about.
We don't know.
We do want to thank you for listening.
The next episode's topics coming out.
And what is the next episode?

(42:29):
Matt misses the covid lockdown.
I do.
And you guys will see why.
It's a little juicy.
So I'm Matt.
I'm Deanna.
Thank you for tuning in.
Be sure to like, follow and share us on all the listening platforms and social media.
Remember that we are all about finding harmony in the chaos, chasing balance, real life parenting

(42:53):
one conversation at a time.
We'll see you guys later.
It's like it was my.
Oh, OK.
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