February 20, 2025 • 47 mins
In this episode, we dive deep into the reasons behind our decision to keep our kids off social media and the impact it has on their mental health, well-being, and development. From concerns about cyberbullying to the pressure of unrealistic beauty standards, we explore the risks and challenges that come with early social media exposure.
We also discuss the benefits of delaying social media use, including fostering stronger real-life connections, promoting hobbies and creativity, and reducing the pressure to conform. Tune in to hear how we navigate these conversations with our kids, handle peer pressure, and set boundaries around screen time.
Join us as we share our approach to parenting in the digital age and invite you to reflect on your own experience with social media and kids.
We'd Love To Hear From You: info@chasingbalance.info
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey everyone, I'm Matt.
(00:01):
I'm Deanna.
And this is Chasing Balance.
And in today's episode, we're talking about our opinion with our kids using social media.
(00:34):
All right.
So the premise of the show is to talk about why we don't let our kids use social media.
And I guess a quick story behind why we don't let our kids use social media.
(00:57):
And it really didn't start with the social media aspect of it.
I don't know if you remember this or not, but our kids first got their Kindles and they
were using like Minecraft on it.
Oh yes, I do remember that.
And they were using Roblox.
And we thought, you know, it's a kid's Kindle.
(01:19):
It's safe.
It's Amazon Kids.
Yeah.
So, you know, we thought that they could just, you know, use whatever app that they can download
on there because, you know, you pay $3.99 a month or $2.99 a month or whatever it is
and they get to download all these free games and it's all secure and it's all secure.
So one day we kind of peer over their shoulder and we're like, what are you playing?
(01:41):
I'm like, Oh, we're playing Roblox.
Like what is that?
And it was now, if you can picture this, it was a content creator made Roblox room or
server for kids to get into.
And it was set up in like a hospital setting with curtains and everything divided off.
(02:06):
And the theme was Peppa the pig.
However, you were going around and murdering Peppa Pig.
Yes.
So there was blood, there was knives.
Yeah.
Peppa Pig was dead.
Yeah, it was pretty gruesome.
And this was on very disturbing.
A kid's Kindle.
And obviously, I mean, or not obviously, but since then it has morphed even worse.
(02:31):
Yeah.
It has gotten like a lot worse.
Like this was probably what?
Six years ago.
But that happened.
Yeah.
And since then it has gotten a lot worse on Minecraft and, or I'm sorry, on Roblox.
Yeah.
And, but I mean, once that happened, once we realized it was banned in our house.
Yeah.
(02:51):
Roblox was banned.
It was definitely, you know, we, we, we definitely were checking in on even kid approved apps.
Yeah.
After that.
So it kind of, it kind of woke us up.
Like not that we were like oblivious or anything to the stuff, but it woke us up to be like,
(03:13):
even the, the kids content is not safe.
Yeah.
It's not a hundred percent safe.
And then that also led me down a rabbit hole of other things where it's like, okay, well,
even kids YouTube wasn't really safe.
It's not completely secured and locked down.
Yeah.
So then I banned YouTube.
I just went on a banning spree.
I took away everything because I didn't know enough.
(03:37):
So on a side note, a thing that I saw is that they are doing deep fake things with AI.
This is a new thing that they're doing that they're finding out online where they're taking
like these characters, like kid friendly characters, but they're giving them, they're making AI
look at deep web or dark web stuff of like murder.
(03:59):
And they're having that transposed into kid stuff.
So what's like really satanic, like scary kids stuff.
I don't know.
Just what is wrong with youth?
Yeah.
Seriously.
Like if the intelligence is there, can we please just like channel it to make it?
Yes.
Like something was created to help me do laundry.
(04:19):
Yes.
A hundred percent.
You think our kids would be interested in that?
I don't care.
Like, no, I understand.
You know why?
I don't know.
So yeah, they're deep faking stuff to, they're basically, and then they should find out who's
creating that stuff and then like thoroughly investigate and like interview that person
and be like, what's going on in your, in your noggin there?
(04:41):
Why do, why are you thinking we should attack children?
So it's all messed up.
Everything, everything on the internet is going to be able to, is, is really going to
be able to either attach or connect to our kids somehow, some way.
So even if it's on a kid's app, that's supposed to be secure by this large corporation like
(05:05):
Amazon or a large corporation like YouTube that has YouTube kids, they still can't control
everything that gets put on there, right?
They just can't.
This is very uplifting.
So I didn't, I didn't know that.
So this is the direction that we're going.
So thank you for adding to my overwhelming anxiety.
(05:26):
I mean, I guess ignorance is bliss, right?
Why not know what, what is out there instead of just being like, well, I think that they're
okay.
So going, so let's start off with the social media stuff on how like the brief overview
of current social media right now, right?
Like let's talk about what you and I see as adults when we log onto social media.
(05:54):
Like I know we both have our own algorithm.
Yeah, we do.
But yours is very fucked up.
So we both have our own algorithm.
But the thing is, is that no matter what you, you look at, it's completely different from
when you know, my first social media platform that I was on, which was my space, you know,
(06:14):
it's completely different.
So, you know, you'd log onto my space when you first run social media and you'd be like,
oh, who's got some new songs or who's got, what song is the most popular on somebody's
profile right now?
Or who am I going to put in my top 10?
Who am I pissed off at?
That was the big one.
Who's in a relationship?
Who's the complicated relationship?
(06:36):
How do I get those like sparkly backgrounds?
Do you remember that?
It was like you had to like actually do coding and like web stuff.
You had to find like HTML to put on there and all that stuff.
That was fun.
So it went from that, like the worst thing that could happen to you basically is maybe
a little online comment of like maybe your song sucks or something.
(06:56):
But really if you got removed from somebody's top 10 or top five, you're like, oh my God,
what happened?
Yeah.
You know, that's the worst thing that can happen on there.
And now, you know, when you log in, I mean, we have, we have news of, you know, horrible
news of, you know, wars, crimes, the state of the world.
(07:18):
Yeah.
I mean, it's basically on social media is what the reason why we don't watch the news
stations you turn, you turn news on and it's someone was murdered.
Someone was dealing drugs, you know, somebody, you know, some, I don't know, some congress
person slept with somebody else.
It's just all bad stuff.
And that's all we get fed on social media.
(07:41):
Like there's almost, almost never anything uplifting.
I've learned how to garden.
I mean, mind you, half my garden died, but still like that.
Those are the small elements that I was able to pull.
So I guess, and I, once again, it could be the algorithm, right?
(08:01):
So, so unfortunately I feel no matter what your algorithm is, whether it's like, you
know, you watch standup comedy shorts, or if you watch gardening videos or things like
that stuff, you're still going to get shared the negative things in this world.
Yeah.
You're going to get, it's somehow going to make its way through whether it's like mild
(08:22):
negativity or like full blown, right?
Like the world's falling apart.
That's what catches people as people's attention, right?
War, sex, drugs, crime, that's something that typically really grabs your attention.
That's probably why news stations, you know, put all that stuff on there instead of feel
good stories and the good things that are going on in the community.
(08:42):
They'd rather report about something that's, you know, jaw dropping or, you know, the
next hot topic about who was killed, murder, drive by shooting, things of that nature.
Your neighborhood is under attack.
We'll tell you about this at nine o'clock.
Yeah.
And it's four o'clock in the afternoon.
So yeah, I think more scare tactics are what are, is sold, shared, promoted on social media
(09:08):
from the adult perspective.
I think yes.
Yeah.
From the kid perspective, I think that it's there, but then there's also the element of
like the cyber bullying, right?
When, when, you know, you bring that into, because that was never a thing when we were
younger.
No.
I think the biggest cyber bullying that I could think of would be prank, prank phone
(09:30):
calls, getting removed from the top 10 in my space.
And I don't know, maybe being ignored or blocked on AIM.
Oh yes.
Oh my gosh.
Like those were good times.
You would just like sit there in front of your computer for like hours and just like
to chat, wait for them to like respond or like see it.
Or like come back because you know how you, it was like basically like teams.
(09:55):
You could like flag away or like there.
BRB and all that stuff.
Good times.
Kind of went off topic there.
It was nostalgia.
Yeah.
I mean it was good times.
And I mean you couldn't, you know, speaking of like bullying stuff, you couldn't talk
shit about somebody.
(10:16):
You couldn't bully them until you saw them at school the next day.
Exactly.
And typically, you know, like the keyboard warriors that we see out here now wouldn't
do that to your face.
Nope.
So I'm sorry, this, this gets me heated.
I just, I just can't stand negativity.
The people online, the people that share horrible stuff and the people that try to go after
(10:40):
young kids and try to manipulate their minds or do worse.
So I wanted to highlight some statistics that are in studies than the impact of early social
media exposure.
An article online stated that children who use social media at a young age are at higher
risk for experience and negative impacts like cyberbullying, bullying, low self-esteem, anxiety,
(11:02):
depression, poor sleep habits, and body image issues.
You know, this kind of goes back to, you know, when we were talking about, you know, parents
making friends or parents social life, that episode, how we're talking about, you know,
people on social media portray this image that they have a perfect life.
(11:24):
And then you feel guilty about the life that you live because it's not, it doesn't align
the way that theirs is.
You don't look like this person even though they have three filters right then.
Or so yeah, that can definitely hurt your, your, your, your image.
It hurts your, your, your vision of yourself mentally of your body image or even your,
(11:47):
like your class, your, you know, your social class of friends and things of that nature.
So excessive social media use can significantly contribute to these problems.
Once again, cyberbullying, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, poor sleep from depression
and random thoughts going through your mind about what you've seen on social media.
(12:11):
And typically these are due to the factors of inappropriate content and pressure to conform
to unrealistic standards when trying to compare yourself to others online.
Yeah, that's a lot.
That's too much for, for kids and their psyche.
It is.
Just sort through.
(12:32):
Right.
Yeah.
They're already trying to figure it all out and then you just add somebody else's opinion
into the mix.
And I mean, especially like, okay, if you think about it, like middle school and high
school would probably be the timeframe in which kids start to inquire about social media
or like wanting it.
And those years are so challenging.
(12:54):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Preston, so I guess our experience probably go out of order of my order notes, but you
know, going over our experience, you know, we started off with, you know, the Kindles
and stuff.
And obviously we had that issue with the roadblocks.
And then we went on to kids messenger, which I see what Zuckerberg was trying to do there,
(13:16):
get, you know, younger age kids on Facebook, which they weren't really on Facebook, but
they actually, they at least had that name branded in their psyche.
Right.
Yeah.
It was safe.
It was safe.
Quote, unquote.
Right.
Kids messenger was just a fricking headache because the kids didn't know how to type.
They didn't know how to text.
I mean, it was just, you know, they'd report each other just to be jerks.
(13:39):
Right.
Yeah.
You know, so that was dumb.
And then I want to say about two years ago, our oldest, maybe when he was 10, he started
inquiring about social media because, you know, the school friends were able to use
Tik Tok or there, which was baffling to me.
Were you able to use Tik Tok or go on YouTube shorts and all those other social media platforms?
(14:04):
And you were just like, no, like, absolutely not.
This isn't even use that.
Right.
You know, I haven't even, I never even used Tik Tok until we started this podcast and
started putting stuff out there.
And I guess you could call me a hypocrite for it, but I'm actually putting good stuff
out there or, you know, conversation pieces out there instead of just dance videos.
(14:30):
And you know what, dance videos are okay, but like other stuff, do you know what I'm
saying?
I'm not putting garbage.
I don't feel like we're putting garbage out there.
No, we are.
So yeah, we kind of, we put our foot down, put the line on the sand.
No, no social media.
And I know we're going to have to let go of those reins here in the next two or three
years.
Yeah.
(14:51):
I said that we weren't even going to discuss it until he was like 15.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, and I'm sure that once I get to that point, I mean, I tend to do that.
I tend to put like unrealistic timelines on things.
I'm like, I'll just, future Deanna will handle this.
And then it comes and I'm like, ah, fuck.
So future Deanna does not want to deal with this.
(15:14):
So Preston asked for it.
You told him when you're about 15.
Right now.
I don't know.
And this is probably a conversation that, you know, we should have with them maybe,
but you know, is there peer pressure for you to use social media?
You know, I don't, I don't know if there is like, I don't think there's peer pressure.
(15:35):
Honestly.
I think that it's because all of his friends still share all of like the stuff they'll
like send him.
They'll like text him YouTube short videos or like tick tock videos.
And then he gets them and he can't watch the tick tock stuff because he doesn't have an
account.
He can watch like the YouTube shorts because iPhone isn't as secure as like Google.
(15:59):
And that's what's crazy.
And that drives me crazy.
You can.
So our two kids have cell phones and we lock them down.
We're under the parent app on Google.
Yeah.
It's a family account.
Yeah.
So what's crazy is we can block you to, we can block all these other apps, but they can
(16:19):
still get shared messages with videos in them and watch them.
Like it doesn't block the content that comes through text messaging.
So none of these corporations have the ship figured out.
They just don't know.
You know, we, we approve the games that they're allowed to, you know, we sound like dictators,
(16:41):
dictators.
Yeah.
But whatever we approve the games that are on there.
And sometimes they get pushed free games for no reason.
Yeah.
And I mean, okay, so then let's talk about that.
So my mindset is the world sucks.
Yeah.
And it will slowly but surely come into place once our kids start to get older and they'll
(17:02):
realize how shitty the world is and they'll have to navigate that.
Right.
So I can't keep them into in a bubble forever.
I'm not going to be able to do that.
But right now I can.
And if they have questions about things, I will honestly share those answers, but I would
rather them ask me those questions than find it on a YouTube or find it on Insta or find
(17:25):
it on Tik Tok and then given the wrong information.
And then that's the fucked up thing because I mean, anything you want to know, right?
Like you can search anything you want.
Like should I get a dog?
And it'll tell you reasons why you should get a dog.
Should I not get a dog?
And it'll tell you reasons why not to get a dog.
(17:48):
Should I do this?
Should I do that?
And you'll get answers for it no matter what, no matter if the answer is wrong, whether
it's a serious question, a not serious question.
So you can get fed tons of information that is just absolutely crap that they should not
have in their minds whatsoever.
Yeah, no, I agree.
(18:09):
So I mean, but with that being said, my mentality is to try my damnedest to raise our kids like
they live in the 80s.
But in 20, you know, in the 2020s, you know, so we have those limitations as much as we
can.
And social media is not something that I'm going to budge on because like I've said a
(18:32):
hundred times when he asks me, it's literal trash.
And with that being said, we've always said that if it comes to something educational,
if you want to learn how to play a new instrument, if you want to learn how to do something,
we will find that on YouTube if you want to watch a video on that.
But we aren't going to sit there and watch a bunch of YouTube shorts because that's not
(18:54):
going to further anything.
It's just going to make you into a potato.
So the risks of social media for kids.
We talked about anxiety, comparison culture is huge, right?
Like comparing yourself to somebody else, what they have, what you don't have, giving
(19:15):
the child low sense, sense, self-esteem off of either image or, you know, physical possessions
or, or what the, you know, the kids on vacation or something like that.
And maybe the other kids can't afford it.
And then there's obviously fear missing out and not quite measuring up to other kids,
(19:39):
you know, lives, you know, status that they see online.
So the mental health and wellbeing is one of the risks for social media.
And the reason why we don't allow our kids to use social media, social media, and then
exposure to inappropriate content.
(19:59):
Boy, do we have a story for you guys about this.
So our oldest has a cell phone that is, you know, for the most part, 95% lockdown.
And then he loves music just like his mom and dad do.
Yes.
Music is huge in our house.
(20:20):
Yep.
So we got him a iPod touch.
They don't make the like iPod nanos anymore where that doesn't have a screen on it or
anything like that where, you know, the good old days where you didn't have to have it
connected to internet, you know.
So you, you have to basically buy an iPhone that doesn't have a plan.
Right.
Basically.
(20:40):
So that's what, that's what he got.
Well, you know, some of the limitations on there of us locking it down.
I was kind of lazy.
I couldn't figure out how to lock it down or had to do something with my, you know,
I've Apple likes to make everything so convoluted and difficult to even sign into fricking iTunes.
(21:00):
So yeah, I mean, before we get into this, this story, it's important to note that we
are a 95% Google family.
Everything that we have is like Google related.
But with the exception of one iPad that is ancient and an iPresson's iPod touch.
(21:21):
So when it comes to Apple, we are 70 years old.
Just not an Apple family, but we probably just lost our only subscriber because of that.
It is so challenging to figure out.
And I just don't have the, it's, it's not important enough for me to really care, but
(21:42):
it is in the fact that my kid uses it.
So I want to make sure it's safe, but also it's like, it makes me hate it even more when
I try to figure it out.
Right.
So the dangers of watching inappropriate content.
This is one of the factors.
So on this iPod touch that we don't have, we didn't have lockdown one night, our oldest
(22:05):
cannot fall asleep.
He does not want to stay in his room and he wants to sleep in mom and dad's bed.
And then he's 11, which I guess isn't crazy out of the ordinary, but it just came out
of nowhere.
Right.
So I instantly went to, Oh my gosh, he's sick.
Or he's having, he used to have like night terrors when he was very, very young.
(22:28):
And I was like, Oh my gosh, are we going through this again?
So then, yeah, he slept with us that night, but it wasn't in the morning.
We were like, okay, we need to discuss this.
So, yeah.
So he was talking about, I don't know.
I'm seeing things.
It says, I'm seeing things.
I think I need to see a psychiatrist.
And now, yes, he's very smart.
(22:50):
Yes.
But not to the point of where he needs to self-diagnose himself to go see a psychiatrist.
So I am racking my brain, trying to figure out why in the hell, what happened?
Like what happened to where, you know, is there something in his room that's scaring
(23:10):
him?
Is there something in his closet?
Is there something that's moving that, you know, is an inanimate object?
You go full detective mode.
You turn on the fan.
You sit there in silence and darkness trying to see.
Right.
Yeah, trying to see.
Is his posters moving?
Is there a light shining through that shouldn't be shining through?
You use all that like cop knowledge and you just dial in.
(23:35):
So he goes to school.
We grab his iPod touch.
I go through it and I'm looking through the text messages.
There's nothing there.
Right.
I'm looking through the Facebook messages, songs, whatever, just going through everything.
And I'm like, let me look at his history.
I look at the browser history and Safari and it's a bunch of YouTube shorts.
(23:59):
So I'm just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.
And then you see three or four of them that were people like the most scary hidden people
in bedrooms or spirits or something in bedrooms.
And it was just like paranormal.
Like dead walkers or death walkers style stuff.
(24:24):
And you would see, you know, a face hiding under a bed that was kind of like blurry or
you know, red eyes lit up someplace else or whatever.
So obviously when he came home, we called them on his BS that he wasn't looking up something.
And we told him, you know, that it wasn't real or he doesn't have to worry about it.
(24:46):
And obviously he stayed in his bedroom that night and he was perfectly fine once we had
that conversation with him.
But it's just this bullshit that's online that kids can come across, even if it's meant
for adults that the kids can come across and completely alter their sleep schedule, their
mental capabilities of understanding what is real and what is fake.
(25:13):
So I even told him, I'm like, this is the reason why we said no.
You're living the reason why we said no.
I'm like, there's so much stuff out there that is not for you that you're going to fumble
on once you start going down rabbit holes and you're going to.
And the problem with him is that he's so freaking smart and he's so creative that his creative
(25:38):
like the creative side of his brain just locks in on it and just does not like it just embellishes
and embellishes and embellishes.
And this is what I'm saying.
Like when I'm talking about our algorithm, like if I click on something that's some some
crap about Elon Musk and Donald Trump, that is what I'm going to be fed.
(26:00):
If you click on something that's gardening, dancing, whatever, that is what you're going
to be fed.
So if he clicks on this scary stuff, that is what he's going to be.
And I told him this was another conversation that we had with him.
Like, dude, you really messed up.
No more YouTube, even though he wasn't supposed to be using it.
No more YouTube shorts.
(26:21):
But you really messed up because there is so much great educational stuff out there that
you could be learning from music, for football, for baseball, all this stuff that's on the
Internet.
But we, we as, you know, humans, as a society, not just our kid, we decide to go watch this
trash instead of actually learning a new skill or learning something, something better.
(26:45):
And I can't fault the 12 year old for doing that.
Right.
Right.
And I mean, and to the point to that point, he he was like when we had that conversation
where we were like, it's trash, it's trash, and then I'm like when you're 15, he kind
of valied and he's like, well, then why do you use it?
(27:07):
Yeah.
And then that made me kind of take a second and self reflect.
And I'm like, I don't know.
And then after that, I really reduced the amount of Instagram time.
Yeah, my Instagram time.
And then that's when I started to like read a lot more so that he could see that I'm making
the smart choices and, you know, trying to be an example that he could follow.
(27:33):
And I mean, granted, I do sometimes still go on Instagram.
It's part of life now.
It is.
And I mean, but there are times where I just need a good laugh and there's some funny stuff
on there.
No, and I get it.
And that's, that's the difference.
You know, you're, you're watching comedy stuff or some, you know, influencers that make jokes
about stuff or parenting and things of that nature.
(27:54):
And obviously when football season's around, all I do is watch shorts of Detroit lions,
you know, or the other teams just biffing it.
Yeah.
But I mean, it's not for all the drama.
I love all the drama in football season.
I'm sorry.
And it is the algorithm.
Once again, if you watch Detroit lions shorts, you will be fed Detroit lion stuff, whether
(28:20):
it is true or false.
Right.
You will be fed these algorithms just to get you to click on it.
And once you get to click on it, then you're on a website or on a page that's going to
get paid for your views.
Or if you click off of it and then you go and buy something, then they get paid.
So it's just all about making money.
Yes.
(28:40):
The amount of clothes that you've bought me just of pure, we're not going to say the name
because we're not sponsored by it, but they do look nice on you.
So the benefits of delaying social media, obviously, the kids get to focus on real life
connections, right?
Like they get to go outside and play.
(29:01):
They get to go out and actually ask somebody, hey, how was your weekend instead of reading
about it on Facebook?
Right.
So focusing on real life connections and developing stronger friendships, face to face social
skills, right?
Being able to talk to somebody face to face.
(29:22):
And another benefit is more time for hobbies and activities, right?
Maybe not in our house because we have switches and electronics and stuff, but at least they're
not mindlessly aimlessly scrolling, right?
They're actually doing something with their brain or they're talking with their friends
while they're playing.
Yeah, I would agree.
(29:43):
The switches are basically our exception.
And then when they do watch shows, I mean, we still have those rules set in place.
Like no trash.
Like if you're going to watch something, have it be like a good heartfelt comedy or like
learn from something.
Adam Sandler or some wild crats.
Yes, wild crats or anything that's like PBS related.
(30:06):
I mean, and then there's like Preston will watch his own set of shows and he likes to
read the books and then watch the movie that style like documentaries.
He's super into documentaries.
I don't know where he got that from.
I have no clue.
I don't know.
How literally the only thing you watch and then there's less pressure to conform when
(30:29):
they're not on social media.
Right.
I mean, I mean, I don't care who hears us, but I mean, at Preston school, we go to pick
them up and every single kid that walks out of that school looks like a clone.
Yeah, they do.
It's very challenging to find.
They're all wearing the same clothes, the same shoes, same alpaca haircut.
Yeah, exactly.
And I would like to think my kid doesn't conform to them.
(30:52):
And maybe that's social media.
Maybe it's not.
Maybe he's not in, you know, in that group of kids.
I don't know.
But everyone looks like a clone and I'm pretty sure that some of that has to do with social
media.
Yeah, especially the girls.
And I mean, I think the girls are more influenced a lot when it comes to like, like all of them
(31:14):
walk out of that school as though they have a full on face routine.
Oh, yeah.
You know, makeup and everything.
Yes.
All the makeup.
And I granted at that age, I think it's because we're where we live to maybe probably school
they go to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And their kids probably are.
I'm sorry.
(31:35):
Those kids are probably parents of the people that are near our age.
And it's like that's like what's hot right now.
You know, having like this super complex face routine.
And then they see their moms and maybe their dads doing it and then they replicate it and
then they do, you know, that's all.
(31:56):
So how to approach the topic with the kids?
You know, we had just like in our previous episode, we talked to our kids like adults.
We have grown up conversations with them.
We don't we don't we don't beat around the bush like, dude, this is trash.
(32:16):
That's why we don't want you on there.
It's harmful.
There's predators out there.
There's people that want to put shit into your mind that should not be be there and
influence you.
Yeah.
I mean, and I think it lands really well with with Preston.
I think Braden tends to be a little bit more skeptical.
Like he he he's always like, you know, I'll know the difference between, you know, like
(32:40):
a predator or like a scammer.
Well, and that's the messed up thing.
No, but same thing that happened in my house, right?
Like not social media, but, you know, my older brother, he got to do stuff.
My older sister got to do stuff and they messed it up.
Oh, yeah.
They messed it up for the younger kids.
Exactly.
And unfortunately, Preston messed it up for the younger kids.
(33:02):
And you know, Braden's not allowed on YouTube.
No one's allowed on YouTube.
No one's allowed to have their phones unlocked.
Nothing like that.
You know, you get approved and you know, it's a lesson learned and I'm not going to feel
bad about it for, you know, protecting my kids from, you know, bullying, harassment.
Exactly.
You know, and I and I think that it's our approach, our approach when we went and we
(33:25):
talked to them and we're real and we talked to them like they're adults.
And then that gives them the opportunity to have that critical thinking encounter and
volley with us and say, like, why are you using it then?
And then it gives us that chance to kind of self-reflect.
Like what I'm saying.
So I think, I think that our approach to them was the right approach.
(33:47):
And it makes me extremely happy and proud that that type of questioning, it falls so
naturally to them.
It's not like an argument.
It's more like, well, this isn't adding up then.
Right.
And I mean, granted, he did argue.
But still, I just think that our approach with it is, is good for our family.
(34:12):
It is good for our family.
And we set age appropriate boundaries and expectations for, you know, what they're allowed
to do, how mature we think they are.
And I mean, yeah, when we're going to let them use it in the future.
And also, I just want to say it has a lot to do with what the parents are watching as
(34:33):
well.
Right.
And I think if they, if they come across us sitting on the couch with us or whatever,
and they see that you're watching a baking show or a comedy show or, you know, or if
I'm over here trying to figure out how to set up this podcast, because I couldn't figure
out how to set up this, this road caster, I'm doing YouTube research or Google research
(34:54):
to try to figure it out.
I'm not just sitting there watching trash.
Exactly.
And Braden will even say that he's like, can I learn how, can I ask Google to show me a
video on YouTube and how to draw, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he'll sit there and he'll learn how to draw all this stuff.
And he'll just draw and draw for like an hour.
That is okay in my head.
(35:14):
Yeah.
Preston will go upstairs and learn how to play the drums and like a little drum pad.
Right.
And, you know, you just hear the cracking of the sticks and everything.
That's okay in my head.
But just sitting there mindlessly scrolling.
Oh, thank you.
And it's when you're, it's when you're, when you think that they're doing something positive,
(35:35):
creative is when that other shit creeps in.
And that is what's going to suck them in.
Exactly.
But I mean, it even came down to locking down Disney.
Like Preston was questioning why he.
Oh, right.
Like why you can't watch like Deadpool on Disney.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
And then, yeah, because Disney used to be just Disney.
(35:56):
And then Hulu like came in and was like, Hey guys, you want to party?
And then everything went over there.
And now you can get like have facts and like all these documentaries and crap on Disney.
Yeah.
So I had to put like age restrictions and he's like, well, why did you put nothing above
PG 13?
Like how, how old are you kid?
Yeah.
(36:17):
You do the math.
You tell me.
Yeah.
And then he settles up for that because we do sometimes let them watch PG 13.
He just can't watch our TVM and stuff like that.
So how do we navigate and help them navigate peer pressure and external expectations with
(36:47):
their friends?
And this is actually a question I don't have an answer to because we haven't had this to
where it's really been where, you know, I don't think that our kids have been made fun
of because they can't go on Facebook or Instagram or Tik TOK or anything like that.
Obviously they have, they haven't shared it with me and they tend to share a lot with
me.
So you have to teach, you know, it goes back to, you know, talking to him, I like an adult
(37:10):
talking to him about how, you know, this is our family rules and teaching them that to
have confidence in their own choices and what our family plan is.
Right.
Right.
And that kid has nothing to do with your home life.
That kid has nothing to do with you.
So who cares what they say?
(37:33):
Yeah.
And I sometimes even say like, Oh, that sounds like a great idea for their family, but that's
not how it works in ours.
It's okay to be different.
Yeah.
And trust me, as shitty as it sounds, if they're judging, you know, my kid, trust me, I am
judging their parents are allowing them to use this bullshit at 10, 11, 12 years old.
(38:00):
That's insane.
Yeah.
They'll even be like, give me a, what's this kid's last name?
He's like, no, I'll talk to his parents.
I guarantee you, I guarantee you these parents do not know half of the stuff that they're
texting our kid, half of the stuff that they are sharing.
Yep.
And I mean, there's no avoiding it, right?
(38:21):
Like he can, he can be pulled into like even a text group and then get bullied within there.
We can't, we can't stop it from inevitably coming.
We can only secure what we can.
So this is what we're securing.
And this is how our family does it.
And I'm, I'm sure it works great for their family.
Kudos to them.
(38:42):
But this is how we work.
And you can't, and talking about texting and bullying, so like you can't even protect your
kids from, you know, getting them phones, you know, so they can go to their friend's
house or we can say in contact with them while they're at school.
Cause obviously our society's fucked up and we have school shootings and all that stuff
and lockdowns put in place.
So I want my kids to have cell phones, but then you also have these scammers calling
(39:04):
my kids, you know, trying to get money out of my kids or debt collectors calling my kids
for some reason.
So it's just, they don't have that.
That's the title of the show.
It's all fucked up.
So and then another thing is how would you deal with family members or friends or other
parents who might not agree with your choice?
(39:26):
Fuck them.
Exactly.
You stole the words right out of my mouth.
This is not your kid.
This is not your family.
I don't give a shit what you're doing.
I've seen your work and I'm not impressed.
I've seen how your kid acts.
So let's highlight the important of protecting our kids, you know, mental health, you know,
helping them not, you know, uh, have all their situations that they are put into like on
(39:51):
social media for negative aspects, negative image, uh, negative peer pressure to happen.
Um, you know, and once again, we've said it several times before, if it works for your
family, it is what it is.
This is our opinion.
This is our experience with it.
This is my view on social media.
(40:14):
I, I, I think it's trash, especially for kids.
Now, when I say trash, the majority is, uh, but there's definitely a lot of comedians
out there.
There's a good 10% of salad stuff out there that I love, that I enjoy, that I will share
with people.
(40:34):
And um, if you are an adult listening to this, which I'm sure you are, if you're sick of
the mundane shit that is out there on Facebook and other social media platforms, I, I, when
I am sick of scrolling through hatred and bullying and all that stuff, I typically go
on a, on a app called imager, which usually has a lot of like people's, you know,
(41:00):
It's called imager or Imdur, it's IMG UR, right?
I am, I am G U R. Yeah.
But I think it's pronounced imager, imager because it's images.
I've avoided saying that word for so many times.
So it's imager or IMG, whatever we're promoting it.
(41:21):
We're getting paid for this ad right now.
We can't pronounce it right.
Right.
Yeah.
And I hear a lot of like success stories, people getting new jobs, weight loss, people
that do a lot of crafts or like cosplay.
And it has a lot of positive stuff on there.
So that's where I go when I want to get out of this dark hell hole of Facebook or, you
(41:44):
know, any of the other social media platforms and YouTube shorts is pretty cool for adults.
I would say they have a lot of positive things on there as well.
As long as you're not, as long as your algorithm is right.
So I read a book or I watch 30 rock for the hundredth time or new girl for the hundredth
time.
I just, I just, I just wrapped myself in my little security blanket.
(42:07):
Just get off of social media.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get off your phone.
Yeah, pretty much.
And I just, I think that it's important that we say like, like Matt has said, if it, if
it's working for a family, perfect for our family, it doesn't work that way because they
just haven't responded well in the past.
(42:28):
Preston didn't respond well in the past.
We've given chances.
We have given multiple chances.
But the main thing that really comes into play for us is just the mindset of eventually
they're going to be too old to be in the bubble that I've created.
And while they're in this bubble, I want to build the best version or help them build
(42:51):
the best version of themselves.
So once they step outside of this bubble, they'll have a good grasp on their self-confidence,
a healthy mind, a healthy mind, hopefully.
I mean, these are my, my goals and they'll be able to be in an area where they might
interact with bullies or cyber bullies or peer pressure and they'll know they'll have
(43:16):
enough self-worth to be like, not my cup of tea.
Just let it roll off and keep moving.
And that's, that's my goal.
Yeah.
So a final thought, I'm finding balance in this digital world that we live in.
You know, find out that what works for you and your family.
(43:41):
We know what works, what doesn't work for our family.
Please check your children's phones.
Please look through them at least once a week just to see what they're doing.
Even if they're perfect angels, look through their history, look through their chats, look
through their deleted stuff.
It is your responsibility to see what they are up to.
(44:02):
Yeah.
I mean, there was an incident this morning where the press was getting like spammed with
like text after text after text.
And it was just like a kid.
And then of course we interject because he's sleeping because God forbid he wakes up before
11 o'clock on a Sunday.
Some kids, some random kid on the phone decided to wake up and be an asshole at eight o'clock
(44:24):
in the morning for no reason.
And I mean, we did, we kind of violated privacy.
We opened up his phone.
We definitely looked at the chain.
We kind of, we blocked that kid.
But the second that he woke up, we explained everything and we let them know that we didn't
engage, that we didn't act on his behalf.
(44:45):
This is what we did.
We're sorry for our actions, but this is kind of our job.
And then also what is this motherfucker's last name?
I need to, I need to find him on Facebook.
I need to find his parents.
So I'm, I'll find him.
I'll go to every single classroom.
I'll be like, Hey, is your younger sibling here?
So yeah, the final, the final thoughts, the final words on this is find your balance with
(45:11):
the social social media in your house.
Please do your due diligence and look at your kids, you know, devices.
And I'm not just talking about cell phones.
It could, God, it could be Kindles with roadblocks on it or something like that.
Just see what is being poured into your kids' brains and just make sure that it's safe.
You know, I guess we could share a couple of cool things that we found, you know, as
(45:35):
far as resources go, you know, PBS kids, that app is free on Kindles.
It's free on smart TVs.
It's got wildcrats, a lot of learning channels, things of that nature.
If you're looking for cool games on, you know, the iPad or anything like that, Osmo is an
awesome learning game for young kids.
Yeah.
(45:55):
It has like a whole soundboard.
You can be like a DJ, learn how to, and then they have like a pizza game where you can
learn how to be a clerk and also build a pizza.
And then there's like costume party and stuff.
It's amazing.
It's my favorite for them.
And I like to play with them.
There's a lot of cool stuff out there where your kid does not have to be connected to
(46:17):
the internet.
And then also endless wordplay.
Oh, yeah.
Endless wordplay was a learning game.
Those are our top.
Yeah.
For sure.
So, yeah, that's what we have here for our social media episode.
If we'd love to hear your comments, whether you think we're wrong or you think that we're
(46:39):
right, we want to know if you've had any experiences like that.
Did you have an experience where your kid was scared shitless and they couldn't sleep
in their room because of a YouTube short?
And then you had to play, you know, Dick Tracy and figure out why, why your kid was scared
to sleep in his own room.
Let us know.
We'd love to hear it.
You can reach us at info at chasing balance dot info.
(47:03):
We appreciate you listening.
Once again, this is chasing balance.
Real life parenting, one conversation at a time.
We'll see you guys later.
Bye.
Hey everyone, I'm Matt.
(00:01):
I'm Deanna.
And this is Chasing Balance.
And in today's episode, we're talking about our opinion with our kids using social media.
(00:34):
All right.
So the premise of the show is to talk about why we don't let our kids use social media.
And I guess a quick story behind why we don't let our kids use social media.
(00:57):
And it really didn't start with the social media aspect of it.
I don't know if you remember this or not, but our kids first got their Kindles and they
were using like Minecraft on it.
Oh yes, I do remember that.
And they were using Roblox.
And we thought, you know, it's a kid's Kindle.
(01:19):
It's safe.
It's Amazon Kids.
Yeah.
So, you know, we thought that they could just, you know, use whatever app that they can download
on there because, you know, you pay $3.99 a month or $2.99 a month or whatever it is
and they get to download all these free games and it's all secure and it's all secure.
So one day we kind of peer over their shoulder and we're like, what are you playing?
(01:41):
I'm like, Oh, we're playing Roblox.
Like what is that?
And it was now, if you can picture this, it was a content creator made Roblox room or
server for kids to get into.
And it was set up in like a hospital setting with curtains and everything divided off.
(02:06):
And the theme was Peppa the pig.
However, you were going around and murdering Peppa Pig.
Yes.
So there was blood, there was knives.
Yeah.
Peppa Pig was dead.
Yeah, it was pretty gruesome.
And this was on very disturbing.
A kid's Kindle.
And obviously, I mean, or not obviously, but since then it has morphed even worse.
(02:31):
Yeah.
It has gotten like a lot worse.
Like this was probably what?
Six years ago.
But that happened.
Yeah.
And since then it has gotten a lot worse on Minecraft and, or I'm sorry, on Roblox.
Yeah.
And, but I mean, once that happened, once we realized it was banned in our house.
Yeah.
(02:51):
Roblox was banned.
It was definitely, you know, we, we, we definitely were checking in on even kid approved apps.
Yeah.
After that.
So it kind of, it kind of woke us up.
Like not that we were like oblivious or anything to the stuff, but it woke us up to be like,
(03:13):
even the, the kids content is not safe.
Yeah.
It's not a hundred percent safe.
And then that also led me down a rabbit hole of other things where it's like, okay, well,
even kids YouTube wasn't really safe.
It's not completely secured and locked down.
Yeah.
So then I banned YouTube.
I just went on a banning spree.
I took away everything because I didn't know enough.
(03:37):
So on a side note, a thing that I saw is that they are doing deep fake things with AI.
This is a new thing that they're doing that they're finding out online where they're taking
like these characters, like kid friendly characters, but they're giving them, they're making AI
look at deep web or dark web stuff of like murder.
(03:59):
And they're having that transposed into kid stuff.
So what's like really satanic, like scary kids stuff.
I don't know.
Just what is wrong with youth?
Yeah.
Seriously.
Like if the intelligence is there, can we please just like channel it to make it?
Yes.
Like something was created to help me do laundry.
(04:19):
Yes.
A hundred percent.
You think our kids would be interested in that?
I don't care.
Like, no, I understand.
You know why?
I don't know.
So yeah, they're deep faking stuff to, they're basically, and then they should find out who's
creating that stuff and then like thoroughly investigate and like interview that person
and be like, what's going on in your, in your noggin there?
(04:41):
Why do, why are you thinking we should attack children?
So it's all messed up.
Everything, everything on the internet is going to be able to, is, is really going to
be able to either attach or connect to our kids somehow, some way.
So even if it's on a kid's app, that's supposed to be secure by this large corporation like
(05:05):
Amazon or a large corporation like YouTube that has YouTube kids, they still can't control
everything that gets put on there, right?
They just can't.
This is very uplifting.
So I didn't, I didn't know that.
So this is the direction that we're going.
So thank you for adding to my overwhelming anxiety.
(05:26):
I mean, I guess ignorance is bliss, right?
Why not know what, what is out there instead of just being like, well, I think that they're
okay.
So going, so let's start off with the social media stuff on how like the brief overview
of current social media right now, right?
Like let's talk about what you and I see as adults when we log onto social media.
(05:54):
Like I know we both have our own algorithm.
Yeah, we do.
But yours is very fucked up.
So we both have our own algorithm.
But the thing is, is that no matter what you, you look at, it's completely different from
when you know, my first social media platform that I was on, which was my space, you know,
(06:14):
it's completely different.
So, you know, you'd log onto my space when you first run social media and you'd be like,
oh, who's got some new songs or who's got, what song is the most popular on somebody's
profile right now?
Or who am I going to put in my top 10?
Who am I pissed off at?
That was the big one.
Who's in a relationship?
Who's the complicated relationship?
(06:36):
How do I get those like sparkly backgrounds?
Do you remember that?
It was like you had to like actually do coding and like web stuff.
You had to find like HTML to put on there and all that stuff.
That was fun.
So it went from that, like the worst thing that could happen to you basically is maybe
a little online comment of like maybe your song sucks or something.
(06:56):
But really if you got removed from somebody's top 10 or top five, you're like, oh my God,
what happened?
Yeah.
You know, that's the worst thing that can happen on there.
And now, you know, when you log in, I mean, we have, we have news of, you know, horrible
news of, you know, wars, crimes, the state of the world.
(07:18):
Yeah.
I mean, it's basically on social media is what the reason why we don't watch the news
stations you turn, you turn news on and it's someone was murdered.
Someone was dealing drugs, you know, somebody, you know, some, I don't know, some congress
person slept with somebody else.
It's just all bad stuff.
And that's all we get fed on social media.
(07:41):
Like there's almost, almost never anything uplifting.
I've learned how to garden.
I mean, mind you, half my garden died, but still like that.
Those are the small elements that I was able to pull.
So I guess, and I, once again, it could be the algorithm, right?
(08:01):
So, so unfortunately I feel no matter what your algorithm is, whether it's like, you
know, you watch standup comedy shorts, or if you watch gardening videos or things like
that stuff, you're still going to get shared the negative things in this world.
Yeah.
You're going to get, it's somehow going to make its way through whether it's like mild
(08:22):
negativity or like full blown, right?
Like the world's falling apart.
That's what catches people as people's attention, right?
War, sex, drugs, crime, that's something that typically really grabs your attention.
That's probably why news stations, you know, put all that stuff on there instead of feel
good stories and the good things that are going on in the community.
(08:42):
They'd rather report about something that's, you know, jaw dropping or, you know, the
next hot topic about who was killed, murder, drive by shooting, things of that nature.
Your neighborhood is under attack.
We'll tell you about this at nine o'clock.
Yeah.
And it's four o'clock in the afternoon.
So yeah, I think more scare tactics are what are, is sold, shared, promoted on social media
(09:08):
from the adult perspective.
I think yes.
Yeah.
From the kid perspective, I think that it's there, but then there's also the element of
like the cyber bullying, right?
When, when, you know, you bring that into, because that was never a thing when we were
younger.
No.
I think the biggest cyber bullying that I could think of would be prank, prank phone
(09:30):
calls, getting removed from the top 10 in my space.
And I don't know, maybe being ignored or blocked on AIM.
Oh yes.
Oh my gosh.
Like those were good times.
You would just like sit there in front of your computer for like hours and just like
to chat, wait for them to like respond or like see it.
Or like come back because you know how you, it was like basically like teams.
(09:55):
You could like flag away or like there.
BRB and all that stuff.
Good times.
Kind of went off topic there.
It was nostalgia.
Yeah.
I mean it was good times.
And I mean you couldn't, you know, speaking of like bullying stuff, you couldn't talk
shit about somebody.
(10:16):
You couldn't bully them until you saw them at school the next day.
Exactly.
And typically, you know, like the keyboard warriors that we see out here now wouldn't
do that to your face.
Nope.
So I'm sorry, this, this gets me heated.
I just, I just can't stand negativity.
The people online, the people that share horrible stuff and the people that try to go after
(10:40):
young kids and try to manipulate their minds or do worse.
So I wanted to highlight some statistics that are in studies than the impact of early social
media exposure.
An article online stated that children who use social media at a young age are at higher
risk for experience and negative impacts like cyberbullying, bullying, low self-esteem, anxiety,
(11:02):
depression, poor sleep habits, and body image issues.
You know, this kind of goes back to, you know, when we were talking about, you know, parents
making friends or parents social life, that episode, how we're talking about, you know,
people on social media portray this image that they have a perfect life.
(11:24):
And then you feel guilty about the life that you live because it's not, it doesn't align
the way that theirs is.
You don't look like this person even though they have three filters right then.
Or so yeah, that can definitely hurt your, your, your, your image.
It hurts your, your, your vision of yourself mentally of your body image or even your,
(11:47):
like your class, your, you know, your social class of friends and things of that nature.
So excessive social media use can significantly contribute to these problems.
Once again, cyberbullying, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, poor sleep from depression
and random thoughts going through your mind about what you've seen on social media.
(12:11):
And typically these are due to the factors of inappropriate content and pressure to conform
to unrealistic standards when trying to compare yourself to others online.
Yeah, that's a lot.
That's too much for, for kids and their psyche.
It is.
Just sort through.
(12:32):
Right.
Yeah.
They're already trying to figure it all out and then you just add somebody else's opinion
into the mix.
And I mean, especially like, okay, if you think about it, like middle school and high
school would probably be the timeframe in which kids start to inquire about social media
or like wanting it.
And those years are so challenging.
(12:54):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Preston, so I guess our experience probably go out of order of my order notes, but you
know, going over our experience, you know, we started off with, you know, the Kindles
and stuff.
And obviously we had that issue with the roadblocks.
And then we went on to kids messenger, which I see what Zuckerberg was trying to do there,
(13:16):
get, you know, younger age kids on Facebook, which they weren't really on Facebook, but
they actually, they at least had that name branded in their psyche.
Right.
Yeah.
It was safe.
It was safe.
Quote, unquote.
Right.
Kids messenger was just a fricking headache because the kids didn't know how to type.
They didn't know how to text.
I mean, it was just, you know, they'd report each other just to be jerks.
(13:39):
Right.
Yeah.
You know, so that was dumb.
And then I want to say about two years ago, our oldest, maybe when he was 10, he started
inquiring about social media because, you know, the school friends were able to use
Tik Tok or there, which was baffling to me.
Were you able to use Tik Tok or go on YouTube shorts and all those other social media platforms?
(14:04):
And you were just like, no, like, absolutely not.
This isn't even use that.
Right.
You know, I haven't even, I never even used Tik Tok until we started this podcast and
started putting stuff out there.
And I guess you could call me a hypocrite for it, but I'm actually putting good stuff
out there or, you know, conversation pieces out there instead of just dance videos.
(14:30):
And you know what, dance videos are okay, but like other stuff, do you know what I'm
saying?
I'm not putting garbage.
I don't feel like we're putting garbage out there.
No, we are.
So yeah, we kind of, we put our foot down, put the line on the sand.
No, no social media.
And I know we're going to have to let go of those reins here in the next two or three
years.
Yeah.
(14:51):
I said that we weren't even going to discuss it until he was like 15.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, and I'm sure that once I get to that point, I mean, I tend to do that.
I tend to put like unrealistic timelines on things.
I'm like, I'll just, future Deanna will handle this.
And then it comes and I'm like, ah, fuck.
So future Deanna does not want to deal with this.
(15:14):
So Preston asked for it.
You told him when you're about 15.
Right now.
I don't know.
And this is probably a conversation that, you know, we should have with them maybe,
but you know, is there peer pressure for you to use social media?
You know, I don't, I don't know if there is like, I don't think there's peer pressure.
(15:35):
Honestly.
I think that it's because all of his friends still share all of like the stuff they'll
like send him.
They'll like text him YouTube short videos or like tick tock videos.
And then he gets them and he can't watch the tick tock stuff because he doesn't have an
account.
He can watch like the YouTube shorts because iPhone isn't as secure as like Google.
(15:59):
And that's what's crazy.
And that drives me crazy.
You can.
So our two kids have cell phones and we lock them down.
We're under the parent app on Google.
Yeah.
It's a family account.
Yeah.
So what's crazy is we can block you to, we can block all these other apps, but they can
(16:19):
still get shared messages with videos in them and watch them.
Like it doesn't block the content that comes through text messaging.
So none of these corporations have the ship figured out.
They just don't know.
You know, we, we approve the games that they're allowed to, you know, we sound like dictators,
(16:41):
dictators.
Yeah.
But whatever we approve the games that are on there.
And sometimes they get pushed free games for no reason.
Yeah.
And I mean, okay, so then let's talk about that.
So my mindset is the world sucks.
Yeah.
And it will slowly but surely come into place once our kids start to get older and they'll
(17:02):
realize how shitty the world is and they'll have to navigate that.
Right.
So I can't keep them into in a bubble forever.
I'm not going to be able to do that.
But right now I can.
And if they have questions about things, I will honestly share those answers, but I would
rather them ask me those questions than find it on a YouTube or find it on Insta or find
(17:25):
it on Tik Tok and then given the wrong information.
And then that's the fucked up thing because I mean, anything you want to know, right?
Like you can search anything you want.
Like should I get a dog?
And it'll tell you reasons why you should get a dog.
Should I not get a dog?
And it'll tell you reasons why not to get a dog.
(17:48):
Should I do this?
Should I do that?
And you'll get answers for it no matter what, no matter if the answer is wrong, whether
it's a serious question, a not serious question.
So you can get fed tons of information that is just absolutely crap that they should not
have in their minds whatsoever.
Yeah, no, I agree.
(18:09):
So I mean, but with that being said, my mentality is to try my damnedest to raise our kids like
they live in the 80s.
But in 20, you know, in the 2020s, you know, so we have those limitations as much as we
can.
And social media is not something that I'm going to budge on because like I've said a
(18:32):
hundred times when he asks me, it's literal trash.
And with that being said, we've always said that if it comes to something educational,
if you want to learn how to play a new instrument, if you want to learn how to do something,
we will find that on YouTube if you want to watch a video on that.
But we aren't going to sit there and watch a bunch of YouTube shorts because that's not
(18:54):
going to further anything.
It's just going to make you into a potato.
So the risks of social media for kids.
We talked about anxiety, comparison culture is huge, right?
Like comparing yourself to somebody else, what they have, what you don't have, giving
(19:15):
the child low sense, sense, self-esteem off of either image or, you know, physical possessions
or, or what the, you know, the kids on vacation or something like that.
And maybe the other kids can't afford it.
And then there's obviously fear missing out and not quite measuring up to other kids,
(19:39):
you know, lives, you know, status that they see online.
So the mental health and wellbeing is one of the risks for social media.
And the reason why we don't allow our kids to use social media, social media, and then
exposure to inappropriate content.
(19:59):
Boy, do we have a story for you guys about this.
So our oldest has a cell phone that is, you know, for the most part, 95% lockdown.
And then he loves music just like his mom and dad do.
Yes.
Music is huge in our house.
(20:20):
Yep.
So we got him a iPod touch.
They don't make the like iPod nanos anymore where that doesn't have a screen on it or
anything like that where, you know, the good old days where you didn't have to have it
connected to internet, you know.
So you, you have to basically buy an iPhone that doesn't have a plan.
Right.
Basically.
(20:40):
So that's what, that's what he got.
Well, you know, some of the limitations on there of us locking it down.
I was kind of lazy.
I couldn't figure out how to lock it down or had to do something with my, you know,
I've Apple likes to make everything so convoluted and difficult to even sign into fricking iTunes.
(21:00):
So yeah, I mean, before we get into this, this story, it's important to note that we
are a 95% Google family.
Everything that we have is like Google related.
But with the exception of one iPad that is ancient and an iPresson's iPod touch.
(21:21):
So when it comes to Apple, we are 70 years old.
Just not an Apple family, but we probably just lost our only subscriber because of that.
It is so challenging to figure out.
And I just don't have the, it's, it's not important enough for me to really care, but
(21:42):
it is in the fact that my kid uses it.
So I want to make sure it's safe, but also it's like, it makes me hate it even more when
I try to figure it out.
Right.
So the dangers of watching inappropriate content.
This is one of the factors.
So on this iPod touch that we don't have, we didn't have lockdown one night, our oldest
(22:05):
cannot fall asleep.
He does not want to stay in his room and he wants to sleep in mom and dad's bed.
And then he's 11, which I guess isn't crazy out of the ordinary, but it just came out
of nowhere.
Right.
So I instantly went to, Oh my gosh, he's sick.
Or he's having, he used to have like night terrors when he was very, very young.
(22:28):
And I was like, Oh my gosh, are we going through this again?
So then, yeah, he slept with us that night, but it wasn't in the morning.
We were like, okay, we need to discuss this.
So, yeah.
So he was talking about, I don't know.
I'm seeing things.
It says, I'm seeing things.
I think I need to see a psychiatrist.
And now, yes, he's very smart.
(22:50):
Yes.
But not to the point of where he needs to self-diagnose himself to go see a psychiatrist.
So I am racking my brain, trying to figure out why in the hell, what happened?
Like what happened to where, you know, is there something in his room that's scaring
(23:10):
him?
Is there something in his closet?
Is there something that's moving that, you know, is an inanimate object?
You go full detective mode.
You turn on the fan.
You sit there in silence and darkness trying to see.
Right.
Yeah, trying to see.
Is his posters moving?
Is there a light shining through that shouldn't be shining through?
You use all that like cop knowledge and you just dial in.
(23:35):
So he goes to school.
We grab his iPod touch.
I go through it and I'm looking through the text messages.
There's nothing there.
Right.
I'm looking through the Facebook messages, songs, whatever, just going through everything.
And I'm like, let me look at his history.
I look at the browser history and Safari and it's a bunch of YouTube shorts.
(23:59):
So I'm just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.
And then you see three or four of them that were people like the most scary hidden people
in bedrooms or spirits or something in bedrooms.
And it was just like paranormal.
Like dead walkers or death walkers style stuff.
(24:24):
And you would see, you know, a face hiding under a bed that was kind of like blurry or
you know, red eyes lit up someplace else or whatever.
So obviously when he came home, we called them on his BS that he wasn't looking up something.
And we told him, you know, that it wasn't real or he doesn't have to worry about it.
(24:46):
And obviously he stayed in his bedroom that night and he was perfectly fine once we had
that conversation with him.
But it's just this bullshit that's online that kids can come across, even if it's meant
for adults that the kids can come across and completely alter their sleep schedule, their
mental capabilities of understanding what is real and what is fake.
(25:13):
So I even told him, I'm like, this is the reason why we said no.
You're living the reason why we said no.
I'm like, there's so much stuff out there that is not for you that you're going to fumble
on once you start going down rabbit holes and you're going to.
And the problem with him is that he's so freaking smart and he's so creative that his creative
(25:38):
like the creative side of his brain just locks in on it and just does not like it just embellishes
and embellishes and embellishes.
And this is what I'm saying.
Like when I'm talking about our algorithm, like if I click on something that's some some
crap about Elon Musk and Donald Trump, that is what I'm going to be fed.
(26:00):
If you click on something that's gardening, dancing, whatever, that is what you're going
to be fed.
So if he clicks on this scary stuff, that is what he's going to be.
And I told him this was another conversation that we had with him.
Like, dude, you really messed up.
No more YouTube, even though he wasn't supposed to be using it.
No more YouTube shorts.
(26:21):
But you really messed up because there is so much great educational stuff out there that
you could be learning from music, for football, for baseball, all this stuff that's on the
Internet.
But we, we as, you know, humans, as a society, not just our kid, we decide to go watch this
trash instead of actually learning a new skill or learning something, something better.
(26:45):
And I can't fault the 12 year old for doing that.
Right.
Right.
And I mean, and to the point to that point, he he was like when we had that conversation
where we were like, it's trash, it's trash, and then I'm like when you're 15, he kind
of valied and he's like, well, then why do you use it?
(27:07):
Yeah.
And then that made me kind of take a second and self reflect.
And I'm like, I don't know.
And then after that, I really reduced the amount of Instagram time.
Yeah, my Instagram time.
And then that's when I started to like read a lot more so that he could see that I'm making
the smart choices and, you know, trying to be an example that he could follow.
(27:33):
And I mean, granted, I do sometimes still go on Instagram.
It's part of life now.
It is.
And I mean, but there are times where I just need a good laugh and there's some funny stuff
on there.
No, and I get it.
And that's, that's the difference.
You know, you're, you're watching comedy stuff or some, you know, influencers that make jokes
about stuff or parenting and things of that nature.
(27:54):
And obviously when football season's around, all I do is watch shorts of Detroit lions,
you know, or the other teams just biffing it.
Yeah.
But I mean, it's not for all the drama.
I love all the drama in football season.
I'm sorry.
And it is the algorithm.
Once again, if you watch Detroit lions shorts, you will be fed Detroit lion stuff, whether
(28:20):
it is true or false.
Right.
You will be fed these algorithms just to get you to click on it.
And once you get to click on it, then you're on a website or on a page that's going to
get paid for your views.
Or if you click off of it and then you go and buy something, then they get paid.
So it's just all about making money.
Yes.
(28:40):
The amount of clothes that you've bought me just of pure, we're not going to say the name
because we're not sponsored by it, but they do look nice on you.
So the benefits of delaying social media, obviously, the kids get to focus on real life
connections, right?
Like they get to go outside and play.
(29:01):
They get to go out and actually ask somebody, hey, how was your weekend instead of reading
about it on Facebook?
Right.
So focusing on real life connections and developing stronger friendships, face to face social
skills, right?
Being able to talk to somebody face to face.
(29:22):
And another benefit is more time for hobbies and activities, right?
Maybe not in our house because we have switches and electronics and stuff, but at least they're
not mindlessly aimlessly scrolling, right?
They're actually doing something with their brain or they're talking with their friends
while they're playing.
Yeah, I would agree.
(29:43):
The switches are basically our exception.
And then when they do watch shows, I mean, we still have those rules set in place.
Like no trash.
Like if you're going to watch something, have it be like a good heartfelt comedy or like
learn from something.
Adam Sandler or some wild crats.
Yes, wild crats or anything that's like PBS related.
(30:06):
I mean, and then there's like Preston will watch his own set of shows and he likes to
read the books and then watch the movie that style like documentaries.
He's super into documentaries.
I don't know where he got that from.
I have no clue.
I don't know.
How literally the only thing you watch and then there's less pressure to conform when
(30:29):
they're not on social media.
Right.
I mean, I mean, I don't care who hears us, but I mean, at Preston school, we go to pick
them up and every single kid that walks out of that school looks like a clone.
Yeah, they do.
It's very challenging to find.
They're all wearing the same clothes, the same shoes, same alpaca haircut.
Yeah, exactly.
And I would like to think my kid doesn't conform to them.
(30:52):
And maybe that's social media.
Maybe it's not.
Maybe he's not in, you know, in that group of kids.
I don't know.
But everyone looks like a clone and I'm pretty sure that some of that has to do with social
media.
Yeah, especially the girls.
And I mean, I think the girls are more influenced a lot when it comes to like, like all of them
(31:14):
walk out of that school as though they have a full on face routine.
Oh, yeah.
You know, makeup and everything.
Yes.
All the makeup.
And I granted at that age, I think it's because we're where we live to maybe probably school
they go to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And their kids probably are.
I'm sorry.
(31:35):
Those kids are probably parents of the people that are near our age.
And it's like that's like what's hot right now.
You know, having like this super complex face routine.
And then they see their moms and maybe their dads doing it and then they replicate it and
then they do, you know, that's all.
(31:56):
So how to approach the topic with the kids?
You know, we had just like in our previous episode, we talked to our kids like adults.
We have grown up conversations with them.
We don't we don't we don't beat around the bush like, dude, this is trash.
(32:16):
That's why we don't want you on there.
It's harmful.
There's predators out there.
There's people that want to put shit into your mind that should not be be there and
influence you.
Yeah.
I mean, and I think it lands really well with with Preston.
I think Braden tends to be a little bit more skeptical.
Like he he he's always like, you know, I'll know the difference between, you know, like
(32:40):
a predator or like a scammer.
Well, and that's the messed up thing.
No, but same thing that happened in my house, right?
Like not social media, but, you know, my older brother, he got to do stuff.
My older sister got to do stuff and they messed it up.
Oh, yeah.
They messed it up for the younger kids.
Exactly.
And unfortunately, Preston messed it up for the younger kids.
(33:02):
And you know, Braden's not allowed on YouTube.
No one's allowed on YouTube.
No one's allowed to have their phones unlocked.
Nothing like that.
You know, you get approved and you know, it's a lesson learned and I'm not going to feel
bad about it for, you know, protecting my kids from, you know, bullying, harassment.
Exactly.
You know, and I and I think that it's our approach, our approach when we went and we
(33:25):
talked to them and we're real and we talked to them like they're adults.
And then that gives them the opportunity to have that critical thinking encounter and
volley with us and say, like, why are you using it then?
And then it gives us that chance to kind of self-reflect.
Like what I'm saying.
So I think, I think that our approach to them was the right approach.
(33:47):
And it makes me extremely happy and proud that that type of questioning, it falls so
naturally to them.
It's not like an argument.
It's more like, well, this isn't adding up then.
Right.
And I mean, granted, he did argue.
But still, I just think that our approach with it is, is good for our family.
(34:12):
It is good for our family.
And we set age appropriate boundaries and expectations for, you know, what they're allowed
to do, how mature we think they are.
And I mean, yeah, when we're going to let them use it in the future.
And also, I just want to say it has a lot to do with what the parents are watching as
(34:33):
well.
Right.
And I think if they, if they come across us sitting on the couch with us or whatever,
and they see that you're watching a baking show or a comedy show or, you know, or if
I'm over here trying to figure out how to set up this podcast, because I couldn't figure
out how to set up this, this road caster, I'm doing YouTube research or Google research
(34:54):
to try to figure it out.
I'm not just sitting there watching trash.
Exactly.
And Braden will even say that he's like, can I learn how, can I ask Google to show me a
video on YouTube and how to draw, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he'll sit there and he'll learn how to draw all this stuff.
And he'll just draw and draw for like an hour.
That is okay in my head.
(35:14):
Yeah.
Preston will go upstairs and learn how to play the drums and like a little drum pad.
Right.
And, you know, you just hear the cracking of the sticks and everything.
That's okay in my head.
But just sitting there mindlessly scrolling.
Oh, thank you.
And it's when you're, it's when you're, when you think that they're doing something positive,
(35:35):
creative is when that other shit creeps in.
And that is what's going to suck them in.
Exactly.
But I mean, it even came down to locking down Disney.
Like Preston was questioning why he.
Oh, right.
Like why you can't watch like Deadpool on Disney.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
And then, yeah, because Disney used to be just Disney.
(35:56):
And then Hulu like came in and was like, Hey guys, you want to party?
And then everything went over there.
And now you can get like have facts and like all these documentaries and crap on Disney.
Yeah.
So I had to put like age restrictions and he's like, well, why did you put nothing above
PG 13?
Like how, how old are you kid?
Yeah.
(36:17):
You do the math.
You tell me.
Yeah.
And then he settles up for that because we do sometimes let them watch PG 13.
He just can't watch our TVM and stuff like that.
So how do we navigate and help them navigate peer pressure and external expectations with
(36:47):
their friends?
And this is actually a question I don't have an answer to because we haven't had this to
where it's really been where, you know, I don't think that our kids have been made fun
of because they can't go on Facebook or Instagram or Tik TOK or anything like that.
Obviously they have, they haven't shared it with me and they tend to share a lot with
me.
So you have to teach, you know, it goes back to, you know, talking to him, I like an adult
(37:10):
talking to him about how, you know, this is our family rules and teaching them that to
have confidence in their own choices and what our family plan is.
Right.
Right.
And that kid has nothing to do with your home life.
That kid has nothing to do with you.
So who cares what they say?
(37:33):
Yeah.
And I sometimes even say like, Oh, that sounds like a great idea for their family, but that's
not how it works in ours.
It's okay to be different.
Yeah.
And trust me, as shitty as it sounds, if they're judging, you know, my kid, trust me, I am
judging their parents are allowing them to use this bullshit at 10, 11, 12 years old.
(38:00):
That's insane.
Yeah.
They'll even be like, give me a, what's this kid's last name?
He's like, no, I'll talk to his parents.
I guarantee you, I guarantee you these parents do not know half of the stuff that they're
texting our kid, half of the stuff that they are sharing.
Yep.
And I mean, there's no avoiding it, right?
(38:21):
Like he can, he can be pulled into like even a text group and then get bullied within there.
We can't, we can't stop it from inevitably coming.
We can only secure what we can.
So this is what we're securing.
And this is how our family does it.
And I'm, I'm sure it works great for their family.
Kudos to them.
(38:42):
But this is how we work.
And you can't, and talking about texting and bullying, so like you can't even protect your
kids from, you know, getting them phones, you know, so they can go to their friend's
house or we can say in contact with them while they're at school.
Cause obviously our society's fucked up and we have school shootings and all that stuff
and lockdowns put in place.
So I want my kids to have cell phones, but then you also have these scammers calling
(39:04):
my kids, you know, trying to get money out of my kids or debt collectors calling my kids
for some reason.
So it's just, they don't have that.
That's the title of the show.
It's all fucked up.
So and then another thing is how would you deal with family members or friends or other
parents who might not agree with your choice?
(39:26):
Fuck them.
Exactly.
You stole the words right out of my mouth.
This is not your kid.
This is not your family.
I don't give a shit what you're doing.
I've seen your work and I'm not impressed.
I've seen how your kid acts.
So let's highlight the important of protecting our kids, you know, mental health, you know,
helping them not, you know, uh, have all their situations that they are put into like on
(39:51):
social media for negative aspects, negative image, uh, negative peer pressure to happen.
Um, you know, and once again, we've said it several times before, if it works for your
family, it is what it is.
This is our opinion.
This is our experience with it.
This is my view on social media.
(40:14):
I, I, I think it's trash, especially for kids.
Now, when I say trash, the majority is, uh, but there's definitely a lot of comedians
out there.
There's a good 10% of salad stuff out there that I love, that I enjoy, that I will share
with people.
(40:34):
And um, if you are an adult listening to this, which I'm sure you are, if you're sick of
the mundane shit that is out there on Facebook and other social media platforms, I, I, when
I am sick of scrolling through hatred and bullying and all that stuff, I typically go
on a, on a app called imager, which usually has a lot of like people's, you know,
(41:00):
It's called imager or Imdur, it's IMG UR, right?
I am, I am G U R. Yeah.
But I think it's pronounced imager, imager because it's images.
I've avoided saying that word for so many times.
So it's imager or IMG, whatever we're promoting it.
(41:21):
We're getting paid for this ad right now.
We can't pronounce it right.
Right.
Yeah.
And I hear a lot of like success stories, people getting new jobs, weight loss, people
that do a lot of crafts or like cosplay.
And it has a lot of positive stuff on there.
So that's where I go when I want to get out of this dark hell hole of Facebook or, you
(41:44):
know, any of the other social media platforms and YouTube shorts is pretty cool for adults.
I would say they have a lot of positive things on there as well.
As long as you're not, as long as your algorithm is right.
So I read a book or I watch 30 rock for the hundredth time or new girl for the hundredth
time.
I just, I just, I just wrapped myself in my little security blanket.
(42:07):
Just get off of social media.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get off your phone.
Yeah, pretty much.
And I just, I think that it's important that we say like, like Matt has said, if it, if
it's working for a family, perfect for our family, it doesn't work that way because they
just haven't responded well in the past.
(42:28):
Preston didn't respond well in the past.
We've given chances.
We have given multiple chances.
But the main thing that really comes into play for us is just the mindset of eventually
they're going to be too old to be in the bubble that I've created.
And while they're in this bubble, I want to build the best version or help them build
(42:51):
the best version of themselves.
So once they step outside of this bubble, they'll have a good grasp on their self-confidence,
a healthy mind, a healthy mind, hopefully.
I mean, these are my, my goals and they'll be able to be in an area where they might
interact with bullies or cyber bullies or peer pressure and they'll know they'll have
(43:16):
enough self-worth to be like, not my cup of tea.
Just let it roll off and keep moving.
And that's, that's my goal.
Yeah.
So a final thought, I'm finding balance in this digital world that we live in.
You know, find out that what works for you and your family.
(43:41):
We know what works, what doesn't work for our family.
Please check your children's phones.
Please look through them at least once a week just to see what they're doing.
Even if they're perfect angels, look through their history, look through their chats, look
through their deleted stuff.
It is your responsibility to see what they are up to.
(44:02):
Yeah.
I mean, there was an incident this morning where the press was getting like spammed with
like text after text after text.
And it was just like a kid.
And then of course we interject because he's sleeping because God forbid he wakes up before
11 o'clock on a Sunday.
Some kids, some random kid on the phone decided to wake up and be an asshole at eight o'clock
(44:24):
in the morning for no reason.
And I mean, we did, we kind of violated privacy.
We opened up his phone.
We definitely looked at the chain.
We kind of, we blocked that kid.
But the second that he woke up, we explained everything and we let them know that we didn't
engage, that we didn't act on his behalf.
(44:45):
This is what we did.
We're sorry for our actions, but this is kind of our job.
And then also what is this motherfucker's last name?
I need to, I need to find him on Facebook.
I need to find his parents.
So I'm, I'll find him.
I'll go to every single classroom.
I'll be like, Hey, is your younger sibling here?
So yeah, the final, the final thoughts, the final words on this is find your balance with
(45:11):
the social social media in your house.
Please do your due diligence and look at your kids, you know, devices.
And I'm not just talking about cell phones.
It could, God, it could be Kindles with roadblocks on it or something like that.
Just see what is being poured into your kids' brains and just make sure that it's safe.
You know, I guess we could share a couple of cool things that we found, you know, as
(45:35):
far as resources go, you know, PBS kids, that app is free on Kindles.
It's free on smart TVs.
It's got wildcrats, a lot of learning channels, things of that nature.
If you're looking for cool games on, you know, the iPad or anything like that, Osmo is an
awesome learning game for young kids.
Yeah.
(45:55):
It has like a whole soundboard.
You can be like a DJ, learn how to, and then they have like a pizza game where you can
learn how to be a clerk and also build a pizza.
And then there's like costume party and stuff.
It's amazing.
It's my favorite for them.
And I like to play with them.
There's a lot of cool stuff out there where your kid does not have to be connected to
(46:17):
the internet.
And then also endless wordplay.
Oh, yeah.
Endless wordplay was a learning game.
Those are our top.
Yeah.
For sure.
So, yeah, that's what we have here for our social media episode.
If we'd love to hear your comments, whether you think we're wrong or you think that we're
(46:39):
right, we want to know if you've had any experiences like that.
Did you have an experience where your kid was scared shitless and they couldn't sleep
in their room because of a YouTube short?
And then you had to play, you know, Dick Tracy and figure out why, why your kid was scared
to sleep in his own room.
Let us know.
We'd love to hear it.
You can reach us at info at chasing balance dot info.
(47:03):
We appreciate you listening.
Once again, this is chasing balance.
Real life parenting, one conversation at a time.
We'll see you guys later.
Bye.
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