February 6, 2025 • 36 mins
Welcome to the podcast Chasing Balance, where we discuss the pleasures and difficulties of relationships, motherhood, and everything in between. We explore the often hectic, frequently humorous, and always genuine realm of establishing friendships and sustaining a social life as parents in this episode, The Social Life of Parents.
Reentering the social scene can feel like a whole new experience after years of being engrossed in the realm of children and family life. Come along as we tell stories, laugh at the challenges, and talk about the highs and lows of reconnecting with people, finding time for friends, and rediscovering the social side of life when parenthood has taken precedence. This episode is for anyone who is attempting to find a balance between parenthood and their own social life, whether that balance includes balancing playdates, school functions, or simply trying to fit in a night out.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey everyone, I'm Matt. I'm Deanna and this is Chasing Balance. And in this episode, we're
(00:05):
talking about why I don't have any friends. Okay. That was obviously a joke. I'll stop
(00:35):
kidding around. I do have two friends and that's you and my dog. Or great friends. You
are great friends. Yes, the best. Yes. If I don't say so myself. So really in this episode,
we're talking about the social life of parents and how it's changed from us being in our
20s, you know, before having kids all the way now to us being in our mid 30s to now,
(01:03):
unfortunately, 40. And how I'm not 40 yet. No, I am. Okay. Well, I just wanted to clarify
that. Well, and how it's changed since we've gotten older and since we've added new additions
to our to our lives since we're in our 20s. Yeah. Um, so I was thinking the other day
(01:25):
and I was kind of doing some self reflection on the whole entire social concept right now
and how we how things have changed so much when we first started dating about 20 years
ago. Yeah. God, that's a long time ago. 20 years. Yeah. And I met you without even knowing
(01:45):
it the first time we met or we're in the same vicinity. We were skinny dipping. Yeah. And
didn't even know each other were there. So we met twice or we were in the vicinity of
each other twice before even meeting each other, which is crazy because we didn't even
go to the same school district. Nope. We were like 30 miles away from each other. Yeah.
(02:07):
So the idea is where it's paid. I hope so. We're here. We are. We are. Um, so yeah,
I was kind of thinking about that and how when we first started dating, we would go
out like twice, three times a week and we would be at the bars and we would do a lot
of your shows and, um, I would work the door and I would take all the money and, and, um,
(02:36):
yeah, it was a lot of fun and we had a good core group of friends at that point in time.
And then, you know, obviously things kind of evolved once we had our first kiddo and
we had to move away into a house that would accommodate a family. Right. And that just
(02:57):
a family, you know, I remember that trying to find a house the right price. Yeah. Um,
big enough, right school district, all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And you start thinking
about schools. Yeah. Once you start, you know, once you have your kid, you'd like, you know,
we could afford a house anywhere really, probably even a bigger house if it was not in the same,
(03:18):
you know, city. Yeah. And then, but you had to look at the schools. Yeah. And then we
didn't even stay with that school district. No, we didn't. We ended up going 20 miles
down the road.
And us, us building in that neighborhood, um, you know, introduced us to our new neighbors,
which were, you know, young families just like us, uh, just having their first or maybe
(03:39):
their second kid was on the way. So we all, you know, blended and meshed together. Yeah.
And we would hang out like every night in the summer. It was like, we would get done
with work and we would go outside and we'd hang out in the street and all of our kids
would just like hang out and we would do bonfires. And it was such an amazing point in time.
And we just had like a kind of village and our kids were, um, you know, growing up together
(04:04):
and it was magical. But then, you know, our family grew and we needed to get a bigger
house and accommodate that, that third kiddo. So when we moved, we've lost contact with
a good population of those, those friends hung onto some friendships, but mainly just
(04:25):
one family in particular, I would say. Um, but now time has kind of evolved and, you
know, the kids don't need me as much. Don't need to supervise them. Yeah. I don't need
to, you know, bedtime. I'm not required to be there. Um, it doesn't cause like a huge
(04:45):
meltdown. So I'm trying to like put my toe out into the social life again. Oh, I think
you were talking about like, I thought you were going along the lines of how we kind
of became friends with other people because, you know, the kids weren't old enough to go
out and play by themselves. So really the parents had to be out there. Yeah. Kind of
(05:07):
playing with the other adults while the kids, while the kids play. And now that the kids
are getting older, they don't need that supervision as much. They don't need, you know, two sets
of adults there watching their kid, making sure they don't fall or something.
Yeah. And we're kind of, we're in the age bracket of where we can drop our kid off.
Um, well, at least like Preston and Braden, the older ones, we can drop them off at, you
(05:30):
know, their friend's house and have a play date at the bar strip club, you know, and
they're fine. They call us when they, when they run out of money or they need to come
home.
Damn, a lot of singles. They take credit cards. Then, no, them. No, but so they're in a, they're
(05:53):
in a different point in their, you know, growth so they can go and hang out with friends,
that of families that I trust, but I know, right. And I feel comfortable with that. So
it goes the opposite direction too. Like I can actually go out with friends and, and
do stuff without feeling extremely guilty. However, I still do.
(06:17):
Um, I do feel guilty when you go out and have a good time. Sometimes I do, especially like
if it's a rough day and I'm like, I know that it's going to be a rough day and I know it's
going to be a rough night.
That's got it. Don't worry about it.
I know, I know that you're very competent or competent.
Confident, competent, both.
(06:37):
Confident and competent, competent. So I kind of wanted to touch on that a little and how
it's changed. And now that we're in this point where we're trying to establish relationships
with other adults and how it's so different compared to when we were in high school or
(06:59):
middle school and like making friends and it's,
Let's be clear.
It's so hard.
You're trying to make new relationships. Let that be known. She's trying to make new
relationships.
You have no desire.
I'm straight.
Good. Yeah. No, but I mean, and even like us going out, like we could go out on a date
(07:22):
and we could go and like do stuff.
Well, I, I also think, you know, I was thinking about that when you brought, when you, you
know, started writing this show topic is that yeah, we don't have as big of a social life
because of friends.
I'm sorry, because of kids. That's one thing. Our, our, our, our friends that we used to
(07:42):
hang out with don't, you know, they, they're off doing their own thing, which is completely
understandable with their young families.
And then the ones that we were closest to as a neighbor is they went off and, and moved
across the country.
Yeah.
And we can't really see them.
But you, you, you and I though.
Right.
Had a better social life.
At least you and I going out when we actually had people to help, right?
(08:03):
We don't have that help anymore.
Like, you know, obviously your dad passed away.
My mom passed away.
Like the two main people that would, would really help us out are now gone.
And obviously babysitters and nannies were unbelievably hard to find a good one.
A pain in the ass.
(08:24):
That was like an experience where I was just like, oh my gosh.
I don't want to do this.
I do not want to trust.
We literally had a nanny that lived across the street and she was like 15 to 45 minutes
a day.
Like, did you run into traffic?
Yeah, literally across the street.
Like that's not exactly.
The streets.
I see.
What's the problem?
(08:46):
So what I'm trying to get out is that I do think that you and I would have a better
social life between you and I.
And we actually had somebody that we could trust that wants to take care of three kids
for a few hours.
But it's crazy.
Nobody wants to do that.
Nobody wants to be with three boys for a long period of time.
(09:11):
But anyway, I was thinking about that and I was just, I don't know, like, why is it
so hard to just like go up to somebody and be like, Hey, I feel like we could hit it
off.
Maybe let's be friends.
I just feel like such a weirdo saying that.
(09:33):
And I did try.
I did try that once and it did not work out.
It did not.
It was so weird and I feel like it scarred me.
You went up to her.
Yes.
Is it a sporting?
Okay.
Sporting event.
So let's break it down here.
Okay.
So that was the season in which Brayden was in soccer and there was like a whole new group
(09:53):
of kiddos and he loved it and like the parents were like super awesome.
But there was this one mom in particular that I would like sit next to her at every game
and she was just like my same type of humor.
Out there.
Funny.
I really enjoyed it.
So then the season wraps up and I was like, Hey, I feel like we really hit it off.
(10:14):
I feel like we like really vibe.
Maybe we should hang out sometime.
And then she goes, she's like, find me on Facebook and then reveal my Facebook and let
me know if you want to be friends with me.
And I was like, okay.
And I walked away and I was like, that was fucking weird.
Why did she want you to review her Facebook?
(10:35):
I don't know.
Like to see if you guys like if she's a political things online because she said something political
based and I was like, that's a weird way to start an established a conversation in which
one I'm like, Hey, do you want to hang out?
And then because I'm dumb, I go to her Facebook and it's locked.
(11:00):
I'm like, bitch, you could have just told me that you didn't want to talk to me ever
again.
So it was private.
Yeah.
It was private though.
No, because I thought that was weird.
That's probably what she was saying is friend me on Facebook.
Maybe she was the same friend me on Facebook so we can message on there and then not, I
don't know, it's weird that she didn't exchange phone numbers.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So you put yourself out there.
(11:20):
Yeah.
It didn't work out.
You didn't.
But then you did it again in the future during Preston's football.
Oh yeah.
And you, you've gotten a new friend out of that, right?
Yes, I did.
And that was, I feel like, I don't know.
So the way that I'm very picky with your friends, with people.
(11:40):
I feel like that's part of my problem.
I don't have any friends.
I hate everyone.
I don't know why they don't like me.
Well, and I don't know because it's like, I can meet somebody and within five seconds,
five, 10 seconds, I know whether I like them or I don't.
Yeah.
What'd you think about me when you met me the first five seconds?
(12:01):
When I met you, I was there to meet, like I was set up on a blind date to meet your
friends.
Yeah.
But what do you think?
What's your first five second impression of me when you first met me?
I looked at you both because you both were on the stage and I was like, no thank you
to the guy that I was supposed to like be on a date with.
And I was like, what is his story?
(12:21):
And then our mutual friend said he's off the table and I was like, that is not, that's
not going to work.
That's not the case.
It's not going to work.
But so obviously I liked you within the first 10 seconds.
Oh, I appreciate it.
Tall glass of water.
Look at us now.
(12:42):
We're famous on a podcast.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
We're going places.
All right.
Go ahead.
So anyway, I mean, so I'm mentally weird where I just either.
No, I mean, you just get a vibe, right?
Yeah.
Like you meet somebody and you just get a vibe off of it.
I get the same way whether I become friends with them or not.
But I can, you know, I mean, from somebody at a, you know, a clerk at a grocery store
(13:06):
from, you know, the guy that was working on our pool, like I could tell, like, I love
the guy that was working on my pool.
Like I can see hanging out with that guy.
You know, it doesn't matter.
It's just, there's a connection there just off of the vibes that they give off off of
the, you know, the way that they portray themselves.
They talk their body language, their expressions to you.
You can see they're comfortable with you.
(13:28):
You're comfortable with them.
Yeah.
And it could work out, right?
So yeah, I understand you get that impression.
There's a lot of people that just rub you the wrong way off of jump.
Yes.
But I mean, the one friend in particular, we aligned pretty well right out the gate and
super funny.
(13:49):
I like her company.
So yeah, that was, that was a good connection that was made.
But after that, I mean, I feel like I have certain buckets, right?
That they have to fill?
No.
They have like different brand buckets.
Oh, I see.
I was sure there was like different buckets.
Like people have to fill these buckets like our laundry.
(14:10):
And if they don't do it right, they can't be your friend.
Like if they don't do the laundry, they can't be your friend.
But go ahead.
So you have buckets of friends.
I got it.
I'm here all day, folks.
(14:31):
No, okay.
So there's like the same schedule parents where like we have the same schedule.
Like our kids are on the same team.
We see each other, you know, we vibe while we hang out, but it doesn't really go past
that.
Like we see each other once twice a week from like practice and games or drop off, you know,
(14:56):
school parents and that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
And then there's like the work friends, you know, that one person that you kind of connect
with through the mess of, you know, putting out fires.
Yeah.
Understanding how everyone at work as an idiot, except this one person like you too.
(15:17):
The trauma based, you know, you know, companionship basically.
And then like the lifelong friends, the friends that you've had since like high school that
can go years without talking and, you know, connect and go out to lunch.
And it's like no time has passed.
Just pick up where you left off.
(15:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'm just saying like, why does it have to be so challenging to have to like film more
more people in those buckets?
It's kind of weird.
And like you, you there's almost like a few phases that you go through and making friends.
Right.
And you know, when you're a toddler, you're shy.
Right.
(15:59):
And you get a little bit older and you're all outgoing and you just meet so many people
and everyone's your friend.
You're invited to all these birthday parties and all this stuff.
Yeah.
And then you get into middle school and you get shy again.
And then you get into high school and you kind of just open up.
Everyone kind of just hangs out.
Right.
And then as you become a parent, you kind of get shut in again because you've created
(16:23):
your own family and you know what you know.
It's right there.
It's comfortable.
And then when you go to go out again, when it's time to go out again, it's a whole new
situation.
Yeah.
You're kind of nervous.
You don't want to embarrass yourself.
Right.
I mean, this is, this is how I look at things or at least how I try to look at things is
(16:44):
that whether it's friends or trying to make friends or taking the kids to school and
seeing other parents or taking them to football or soccer and seeing other parents are getting
on a plane and your kid is acting crazy.
I will never see these people probably again in my life.
So if I don't connect with them or if they think that I'm a bad parent or if they have,
(17:07):
if they're that judgy against me, knowing that they probably have their own flaws, screw
them.
Yeah.
And I've told that to other people too that have young kids that are worried about getting
on like a plane or something like that, like being embarrassed.
And it's like, you'll never see these people again in your life.
Yeah.
So I mean, that's what I look, I mean, if you're trying to make friends, I don't know
(17:31):
where you're laughing.
I feel like this is just an episode of like encouraging me to.
No, I mean, this is for anyone.
If you're trying to make friends and you're not trying to embarrass yourself, which in
a way you're trying not to be your true self.
Are you going to be that way through your guys's entire relationship?
I mean, it takes like usually when you meet somebody and you kind of connect with them,
(17:54):
it takes like one like stupid thing to happen where you guys both laugh at it and you realize
like, Hey, they're okay with me.
I'm okay with them seeing me like this.
This could be or is a good friendship.
So if they have a problem with you and fuck them.
Yeah.
And I do feel like that is the case with a lot of like the relationships that I have
(18:18):
in that, that one bucket, the same schedule bucket, you know, where it's parents that
I know at school or parents that I know at soccer that I don't hang out afterwards.
So I want to or maybe I don't want to, but I essentially reserve myself a little bit
and I make, you know, put my best foot out there, censor myself in a way.
(18:42):
Well, yeah, everybody puts a guard up when they go out in public, right?
Yeah.
But I mean, they don't know the authentic me.
They don't know.
They don't know me, me and how weird and crazy and hilarious.
You are pretty, pretty funny.
(19:05):
But look what happens when you do open up and you do meet people and they do see your
true pet personality, that's what I'm trying to say is that, you know, if you're trying
to impress somebody that's not going to like you for who you are, even if you guys do hang
out the first, second, third time you hang out, what the hell is the point?
It is.
I don't know.
(19:26):
I'm not saying go into the school and be all crazy and start, you know, spouting off
of the mouse, swearing and learning the, the newest joke that's inappropriate, you know,
telling everybody that, but I mean, it's also be free with who you are, right?
Yeah.
And I understand that's hard.
You know, I'm saying this and I don't do it.
I always have a guard up, but I'm saying that someone is going out, you know, to look for
(19:49):
a friend or someone is looking for other other friends to hang out with or looking to, you
know, broaden their horizon and growing their friend network.
If they don't like you for who you are, why even, why even fake it on the, on the first,
you know, time they meet them?
No, that's very true.
And I think I, I mean, I don't want to blame anything, but I feel like social media doesn't
(20:13):
help.
No, people are assholes on social media.
Well, the assholes and then also like the fake life, you know, or even not just the fake
life like, oh, look at my perfect family and everything.
And then you kind of aspire to do that and then you need like certain types of things
to fill those like spots.
And then you see them in person.
They're slapping their kid.
(20:33):
They have no makeup on.
They look just like us, right?
Yeah, perfect.
So, um, and that's, that's the same thing.
They're just doing it on social media.
They're putting a guard up.
They're showing something that they, they really aren't.
I mean, that's not, I mean, that's, that's also the reason for those podcasts, right?
Like we're not hiding anything.
We're letting you guys know everything that is wrong with us.
(20:56):
We are insane.
Um, and, and we're being open and honest.
Like, I mean, yeah, I don't get it.
But then there's also the other side of like the people that you actually know and like
what stage they're at in life and like what their social media like it exposes.
I said, you know, like, um, you know, the people that you know that don't have kids
(21:18):
and they're traveling and they're, you know, doing everything that they want to.
And then you're just kind of like, well, fuck.
Yeah.
Or like the, they're too late.
You can't drop the kids off at the fire.
They're too old.
You can't drop them off at the fire station.
Damn it.
Way past their expiration date.
But, and then like kind of switching gears a little, FOMO comes in to play also.
(21:42):
Fear of missing out with other people.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know, you see other people enjoying their life and, and, you know, with
like groups of people and then you're just kind of like, oh, well, you know.
Like other couples going on vacation with other families.
Exactly.
And then other, you know, couples going out to unlike dates, like group dates and everything.
We did that with the Schultz's.
(22:04):
We went out to Utah.
And maybe that's why it kind of hits me different is because we had that and it's like, it was
a lot of fun.
It was so much fun and I loved it and we would go to concerts and like it was, it was the
best.
Right.
They're the best.
Anyway, it's that play, that plays into the whole entire element.
(22:26):
But I mean, I guess I just really need to get to the point where I can be okay with the
way that, not saying that I'm not okay with the way that everything has evolved, but being
okay and letting it like sit inside of me and be okay with it being okay.
(22:47):
And essentially just finding a good balance between how our present parent life is and
also maintaining friendships, whether they be like the lifelong friendships or the new
friendships and that kind of stuff.
And like, it's like that tricky balance because we've spent so much of our life now being
(23:12):
in that parent bubble where we do everything and anything for them and now I'm dipping
my toes back into the social worlds.
And because even when I go out and do something, whether it be by myself or like with a girlfriend
or something like that, I do still feel that guilt, even though I know that you are fully
(23:33):
competent to maintain the home base.
But I guess.
You're guilt about going out and having fun.
Yes.
And that shouldn't obviously be there.
Like I shouldn't feel guilty, nor should you if you went out and did something.
I'm not going up.
Even if it's just like drive down the street park and just get away from us.
(23:54):
Just scream.
Just scream into the dark night.
I'll do that one.
Go down to the farm, pet the horses, traumatize them.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Screaming to the woods.
Sitting on a horse bareback crying.
Just petting it.
We see like on our Facebook, our neighborhood Facebook, there's that weird guy.
(24:18):
I was at the farm again.
Anyways.
So anyway, landing my plane.
I think that it's important for me and for everybody else out there that might be in
the same, you know, road as me where they're just starting to dip their toes back into
(24:42):
the social world to kind of get some perspective and set your tone and what you want that
to look like and scheduling intentional social time out there.
So like setting a time, setting aside time for yourself and also time for your core group
(25:03):
of people or even like putting yourself out there to get your core group of people.
You got to go out.
You get insane if you don't.
You're surrounded by just little people all the time.
You know, you just start singing Mickey Mouse clubhouse the entire day or something.
Seriously, no.
I mean, on a serious note, if I don't talk to another human.
(25:24):
I'm here.
Hello.
I know, but you don't count.
You're like an extension of me.
I'm one of the little people.
So if I don't talk to another human when I do talk to them, it's so awkward.
It's like I am so weird because you've just forgot how to communicate with an adult.
And then I'm just like, yeah, but I'm going to talk to me again, but it shouldn't be that
(25:48):
weird.
I mean, you talk to me.
I know I can be immature.
Sometimes you talk to me.
You talk to people at work.
I do, but I'm also the type of person that will think and nitpick every single thing
that they've said throughout the day and just like cringe at the weird things, even though
they're not that weird.
They could not be that weird.
Like there are times where I like reflect on my daily activities and what I've said.
(26:10):
And I'm like, that is weird.
And then I think about more.
I'm like, it's not that weird.
And then I circle back.
I'm like, that was fucking weird.
I'm going insane.
Someone give me a drink.
Oh man.
But anyway, studying intentional social time and whether it be date nights with your,
you know, significant other or friends hanging out or even virtual catch ups.
(26:33):
I feel like those are essential.
The first step in dipping your toe.
Like a zoom.
Yeah.
No, I mean, any of those things just like setting aside that time so that you can disconnect
from the little people and join the big people.
(26:55):
Get to the get to the big people's table.
Don't set up the kids table.
Yeah, exactly.
And then I mean, you could even like get creative and do like lunch meetings while the kids
are at school.
If you are at work and then just like set aside some time with that friend and whether
you guys work in the same vicinity and like just meet up at a restaurant or, you know,
(27:19):
even if it's after bedtime or and you just do like a FaceTime.
Now, do you wonder if some of the some of this stuff falls apart when you meet a new
friend or even if it's an old friend from high school, some do you think some of the
stuff falls apart because once again, there is you.
We're still trying to find that balance, right?
(27:40):
Yeah.
You're still, you know, chasing that balance.
Yeah.
You said it.
I said it.
There it is.
Um, because maybe, you know, when you meet someone, you want to go out, you have to start
planning.
Yeah.
You're already sick of the planning of planning the stuff for your kids.
You already had a full day of planning stuff at work.
(28:00):
You know, maybe that's where some of it falls apart and not, not etching out that time.
Yeah.
And maybe there even needs to be a little bit of time that's etched out just for planning
something for yourself.
And I mean, I will be honest.
There are times where I'll be talking with a girlfriend and we're trying to figure out
a date and I will literally want to just take a screenshot of my calendar and send it and
(28:23):
just be like, Hey, just invite them to your calendar and say, Hey, be my secretary for
like one moment and fill in a date for yourself.
This is what I have available, but I know that that would not, would not be ideal.
But that part is a pain in the ass.
Just like scheduling because that's all you do as a parent is just schedule.
(28:44):
And then now you want to do it so that you can have some free fun time.
And who's schedule comes first?
Them.
Yeah.
The kids comes first.
So you're scheduling everything around them.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's very exhausting.
Yeah.
But I will say told us to have kids.
Somebody, somebody, I don't know.
But I mean, the other part of it is so those are the key points that I kind of want to
(29:09):
drill down for anybody that's out there in the same bubble as me.
Put your phone number out there now for anybody that wants a new friend.
Anybody wants to be my friend.
This is basically just my social ad.
Yeah.
She's going to give out a number.
It'll be in the description of the show.
I'll be at the horse farm.
(29:31):
Bear back.
Yeah.
Bear back crying on a horse.
All right.
But then also the other part is I feel like, I feel like we, and just like as a society,
we just have so much guilt about holding on to friendships, whether they, you know, long
friendships because you've known this person forever and maybe that person no longer fits
(29:55):
that mold and that you've, you've evolved and maybe they haven't evolved.
And I think that getting to the point of, you know, reflecting on what's important to
you and the amount of time that you put into trying to make plans with trying to make plans.
(30:18):
You have to kind of take a second and think like, is it okay to put myself first?
And is this friendship no longer serving me?
It's no, and in essence, there's nobody's fault.
It is.
Like I said, you know, just like all of our neighbors that we all live together.
Yeah.
We all grew our families.
We all got new jobs or we all needed to get a bigger house.
(30:42):
We had other opportunities come up.
You know, and it's nobody's fault and life just goes on.
Right.
And it's, it's like just being okay with the fact that you can say goodbye to some friendships
because there's plenty of other people out there and that you can be friends with.
And I will say that, I mean, me as, as I've evolved and I've changed over the years, I
(31:07):
was the first to have kids within our, within my friend group.
And I have one lifelong friend who, you know, would come over and hang out with Preston.
But I think I saw her maybe like once or twice.
And I knew inside my heart, like, okay, she's not on the same page right now.
(31:29):
Right.
She's in a different, she's in her 20s.
Yeah.
She's enjoying it.
And then, you know, she eventually got married and then she eventually had kids.
And then we reconnected at that because we, we aligned better at that point in time.
And now we're in that stupid fricking thing where it's so hard to plan to see each other.
(31:54):
And granted, I mean, we have 45 minutes in between each other.
So there's the distance, then there's, you know, the time and everything.
And those are the kind of friendships where it's like, I, that does serve a purpose because
they are important to me.
Um, so I wouldn't necessarily cut that out of my life.
(32:15):
It just doesn't align right now.
And being okay with the fact that it doesn't align right now.
Cause if you force anything, it doesn't, it could be, you guys could connect next week.
Yeah.
It could be that you guys connect when you're 80 years old and you guys are playing shuffle
board in Naples, right?
Yeah.
I'm just knitting in a rocker.
(32:35):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So I hope this was helpful for everybody.
Um, or we hope that maybe we're just the only ones going through this.
I don't think we are.
I don't.
Um, at the least maybe it gives you a little bit of entertainment.
(32:55):
Yeah.
But we'll take pictures of me on that horse.
Yeah.
That'll be the cover.
Yeah.
You sign up for our mailing list.
That'll, you can go ahead and, uh, uh, get that picture from me.
Yeah.
So the main part is, I think that we all just need to realize that all the people that are
(33:18):
in this bubble along with me, that our social life isn't dead.
It's just different.
Yeah.
And that's okay.
And be okay with it.
It being okay.
And be kind to yourself because you're all just beautiful unicorns.
Yes, we are.
And this beautiful unicorn, if I have any closing points on this is just stop trying
(33:42):
to impress everybody.
Yeah.
Be yourself.
Be that unicorn.
Yeah.
You're only, you're not going to be happy if you're not yourself.
You're not going to be happy in a friendship relationship, whatever it is.
If you're just faking it the whole time.
Yeah.
And I know that we're not the only ones in this.
(34:03):
I know, I know I'm joking about it, but I know we're not the only ones in this friendships
will come along.
They'll come, they'll leave more will come in, you'll reconnect all that stuff.
So yeah, just be yourself.
You know, stay true to yourself.
And if anybody has a problem with it, you know, so we're going to close this off with
(34:27):
that.
Our podcast is now on all of the streaming platforms.
We appreciate everyone that has downloaded it so far and subscribed.
We do have YouTube shorts out there.
If anybody ever wants to send us an email with their, their stories or our email addresses
info at chasing balance.info.
(34:50):
So pretty easy or you can hit us up on any of our social media pages, which is chasing
balance podcast.
We appreciate everybody listening and for following the show.
And once again, yeah, please send us your comments.
If you have anything, any stories, any tips or tricks you have about making new friends
or getting through this kind of a little bit, I would love to hear them.
(35:10):
Any tips, any tricks, any stories, give them to me.
We need friends.
We're hiring.
I accept all resumes.
So point.
This is chasing balance once again, thank you for listening real life parenting one
conversation at a time.
(35:30):
We'll see you guys later.
Bye.
(36:01):
you
Hey everyone, I'm Matt. I'm Deanna and this is Chasing Balance. And in this episode, we're
(00:05):
talking about why I don't have any friends. Okay. That was obviously a joke. I'll stop
(00:35):
kidding around. I do have two friends and that's you and my dog. Or great friends. You
are great friends. Yes, the best. Yes. If I don't say so myself. So really in this episode,
we're talking about the social life of parents and how it's changed from us being in our
20s, you know, before having kids all the way now to us being in our mid 30s to now,
(01:03):
unfortunately, 40. And how I'm not 40 yet. No, I am. Okay. Well, I just wanted to clarify
that. Well, and how it's changed since we've gotten older and since we've added new additions
to our to our lives since we're in our 20s. Yeah. Um, so I was thinking the other day
(01:25):
and I was kind of doing some self reflection on the whole entire social concept right now
and how we how things have changed so much when we first started dating about 20 years
ago. Yeah. God, that's a long time ago. 20 years. Yeah. And I met you without even knowing
(01:45):
it the first time we met or we're in the same vicinity. We were skinny dipping. Yeah. And
didn't even know each other were there. So we met twice or we were in the vicinity of
each other twice before even meeting each other, which is crazy because we didn't even
go to the same school district. Nope. We were like 30 miles away from each other. Yeah.
(02:07):
So the idea is where it's paid. I hope so. We're here. We are. We are. Um, so yeah,
I was kind of thinking about that and how when we first started dating, we would go
out like twice, three times a week and we would be at the bars and we would do a lot
of your shows and, um, I would work the door and I would take all the money and, and, um,
(02:36):
yeah, it was a lot of fun and we had a good core group of friends at that point in time.
And then, you know, obviously things kind of evolved once we had our first kiddo and
we had to move away into a house that would accommodate a family. Right. And that just
(02:57):
a family, you know, I remember that trying to find a house the right price. Yeah. Um,
big enough, right school district, all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And you start thinking
about schools. Yeah. Once you start, you know, once you have your kid, you'd like, you know,
we could afford a house anywhere really, probably even a bigger house if it was not in the same,
(03:18):
you know, city. Yeah. And then, but you had to look at the schools. Yeah. And then we
didn't even stay with that school district. No, we didn't. We ended up going 20 miles
down the road.
And us, us building in that neighborhood, um, you know, introduced us to our new neighbors,
which were, you know, young families just like us, uh, just having their first or maybe
(03:39):
their second kid was on the way. So we all, you know, blended and meshed together. Yeah.
And we would hang out like every night in the summer. It was like, we would get done
with work and we would go outside and we'd hang out in the street and all of our kids
would just like hang out and we would do bonfires. And it was such an amazing point in time.
And we just had like a kind of village and our kids were, um, you know, growing up together
(04:04):
and it was magical. But then, you know, our family grew and we needed to get a bigger
house and accommodate that, that third kiddo. So when we moved, we've lost contact with
a good population of those, those friends hung onto some friendships, but mainly just
(04:25):
one family in particular, I would say. Um, but now time has kind of evolved and, you
know, the kids don't need me as much. Don't need to supervise them. Yeah. I don't need
to, you know, bedtime. I'm not required to be there. Um, it doesn't cause like a huge
(04:45):
meltdown. So I'm trying to like put my toe out into the social life again. Oh, I think
you were talking about like, I thought you were going along the lines of how we kind
of became friends with other people because, you know, the kids weren't old enough to go
out and play by themselves. So really the parents had to be out there. Yeah. Kind of
(05:07):
playing with the other adults while the kids, while the kids play. And now that the kids
are getting older, they don't need that supervision as much. They don't need, you know, two sets
of adults there watching their kid, making sure they don't fall or something.
Yeah. And we're kind of, we're in the age bracket of where we can drop our kid off.
Um, well, at least like Preston and Braden, the older ones, we can drop them off at, you
(05:30):
know, their friend's house and have a play date at the bar strip club, you know, and
they're fine. They call us when they, when they run out of money or they need to come
home.
Damn, a lot of singles. They take credit cards. Then, no, them. No, but so they're in a, they're
(05:53):
in a different point in their, you know, growth so they can go and hang out with friends,
that of families that I trust, but I know, right. And I feel comfortable with that. So
it goes the opposite direction too. Like I can actually go out with friends and, and
do stuff without feeling extremely guilty. However, I still do.
(06:17):
Um, I do feel guilty when you go out and have a good time. Sometimes I do, especially like
if it's a rough day and I'm like, I know that it's going to be a rough day and I know it's
going to be a rough night.
That's got it. Don't worry about it.
I know, I know that you're very competent or competent.
Confident, competent, both.
(06:37):
Confident and competent, competent. So I kind of wanted to touch on that a little and how
it's changed. And now that we're in this point where we're trying to establish relationships
with other adults and how it's so different compared to when we were in high school or
(06:59):
middle school and like making friends and it's,
Let's be clear.
It's so hard.
You're trying to make new relationships. Let that be known. She's trying to make new
relationships.
You have no desire.
I'm straight.
Good. Yeah. No, but I mean, and even like us going out, like we could go out on a date
(07:22):
and we could go and like do stuff.
Well, I, I also think, you know, I was thinking about that when you brought, when you, you
know, started writing this show topic is that yeah, we don't have as big of a social life
because of friends.
I'm sorry, because of kids. That's one thing. Our, our, our, our friends that we used to
(07:42):
hang out with don't, you know, they, they're off doing their own thing, which is completely
understandable with their young families.
And then the ones that we were closest to as a neighbor is they went off and, and moved
across the country.
Yeah.
And we can't really see them.
But you, you, you and I though.
Right.
Had a better social life.
At least you and I going out when we actually had people to help, right?
(08:03):
We don't have that help anymore.
Like, you know, obviously your dad passed away.
My mom passed away.
Like the two main people that would, would really help us out are now gone.
And obviously babysitters and nannies were unbelievably hard to find a good one.
A pain in the ass.
(08:24):
That was like an experience where I was just like, oh my gosh.
I don't want to do this.
I do not want to trust.
We literally had a nanny that lived across the street and she was like 15 to 45 minutes
a day.
Like, did you run into traffic?
Yeah, literally across the street.
Like that's not exactly.
The streets.
I see.
What's the problem?
(08:46):
So what I'm trying to get out is that I do think that you and I would have a better
social life between you and I.
And we actually had somebody that we could trust that wants to take care of three kids
for a few hours.
But it's crazy.
Nobody wants to do that.
Nobody wants to be with three boys for a long period of time.
(09:11):
But anyway, I was thinking about that and I was just, I don't know, like, why is it
so hard to just like go up to somebody and be like, Hey, I feel like we could hit it
off.
Maybe let's be friends.
I just feel like such a weirdo saying that.
(09:33):
And I did try.
I did try that once and it did not work out.
It did not.
It was so weird and I feel like it scarred me.
You went up to her.
Yes.
Is it a sporting?
Okay.
Sporting event.
So let's break it down here.
Okay.
So that was the season in which Brayden was in soccer and there was like a whole new group
(09:53):
of kiddos and he loved it and like the parents were like super awesome.
But there was this one mom in particular that I would like sit next to her at every game
and she was just like my same type of humor.
Out there.
Funny.
I really enjoyed it.
So then the season wraps up and I was like, Hey, I feel like we really hit it off.
(10:14):
I feel like we like really vibe.
Maybe we should hang out sometime.
And then she goes, she's like, find me on Facebook and then reveal my Facebook and let
me know if you want to be friends with me.
And I was like, okay.
And I walked away and I was like, that was fucking weird.
Why did she want you to review her Facebook?
(10:35):
I don't know.
Like to see if you guys like if she's a political things online because she said something political
based and I was like, that's a weird way to start an established a conversation in which
one I'm like, Hey, do you want to hang out?
And then because I'm dumb, I go to her Facebook and it's locked.
(11:00):
I'm like, bitch, you could have just told me that you didn't want to talk to me ever
again.
So it was private.
Yeah.
It was private though.
No, because I thought that was weird.
That's probably what she was saying is friend me on Facebook.
Maybe she was the same friend me on Facebook so we can message on there and then not, I
don't know, it's weird that she didn't exchange phone numbers.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So you put yourself out there.
(11:20):
Yeah.
It didn't work out.
You didn't.
But then you did it again in the future during Preston's football.
Oh yeah.
And you, you've gotten a new friend out of that, right?
Yes, I did.
And that was, I feel like, I don't know.
So the way that I'm very picky with your friends, with people.
(11:40):
I feel like that's part of my problem.
I don't have any friends.
I hate everyone.
I don't know why they don't like me.
Well, and I don't know because it's like, I can meet somebody and within five seconds,
five, 10 seconds, I know whether I like them or I don't.
Yeah.
What'd you think about me when you met me the first five seconds?
(12:01):
When I met you, I was there to meet, like I was set up on a blind date to meet your
friends.
Yeah.
But what do you think?
What's your first five second impression of me when you first met me?
I looked at you both because you both were on the stage and I was like, no thank you
to the guy that I was supposed to like be on a date with.
And I was like, what is his story?
(12:21):
And then our mutual friend said he's off the table and I was like, that is not, that's
not going to work.
That's not the case.
It's not going to work.
But so obviously I liked you within the first 10 seconds.
Oh, I appreciate it.
Tall glass of water.
Look at us now.
(12:42):
We're famous on a podcast.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
We're going places.
All right.
Go ahead.
So anyway, I mean, so I'm mentally weird where I just either.
No, I mean, you just get a vibe, right?
Yeah.
Like you meet somebody and you just get a vibe off of it.
I get the same way whether I become friends with them or not.
But I can, you know, I mean, from somebody at a, you know, a clerk at a grocery store
(13:06):
from, you know, the guy that was working on our pool, like I could tell, like, I love
the guy that was working on my pool.
Like I can see hanging out with that guy.
You know, it doesn't matter.
It's just, there's a connection there just off of the vibes that they give off off of
the, you know, the way that they portray themselves.
They talk their body language, their expressions to you.
You can see they're comfortable with you.
(13:28):
You're comfortable with them.
Yeah.
And it could work out, right?
So yeah, I understand you get that impression.
There's a lot of people that just rub you the wrong way off of jump.
Yes.
But I mean, the one friend in particular, we aligned pretty well right out the gate and
super funny.
(13:49):
I like her company.
So yeah, that was, that was a good connection that was made.
But after that, I mean, I feel like I have certain buckets, right?
That they have to fill?
No.
They have like different brand buckets.
Oh, I see.
I was sure there was like different buckets.
Like people have to fill these buckets like our laundry.
(14:10):
And if they don't do it right, they can't be your friend.
Like if they don't do the laundry, they can't be your friend.
But go ahead.
So you have buckets of friends.
I got it.
I'm here all day, folks.
(14:31):
No, okay.
So there's like the same schedule parents where like we have the same schedule.
Like our kids are on the same team.
We see each other, you know, we vibe while we hang out, but it doesn't really go past
that.
Like we see each other once twice a week from like practice and games or drop off, you know,
(14:56):
school parents and that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
And then there's like the work friends, you know, that one person that you kind of connect
with through the mess of, you know, putting out fires.
Yeah.
Understanding how everyone at work as an idiot, except this one person like you too.
(15:17):
The trauma based, you know, you know, companionship basically.
And then like the lifelong friends, the friends that you've had since like high school that
can go years without talking and, you know, connect and go out to lunch.
And it's like no time has passed.
Just pick up where you left off.
(15:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'm just saying like, why does it have to be so challenging to have to like film more
more people in those buckets?
It's kind of weird.
And like you, you there's almost like a few phases that you go through and making friends.
Right.
And you know, when you're a toddler, you're shy.
Right.
(15:59):
And you get a little bit older and you're all outgoing and you just meet so many people
and everyone's your friend.
You're invited to all these birthday parties and all this stuff.
Yeah.
And then you get into middle school and you get shy again.
And then you get into high school and you kind of just open up.
Everyone kind of just hangs out.
Right.
And then as you become a parent, you kind of get shut in again because you've created
(16:23):
your own family and you know what you know.
It's right there.
It's comfortable.
And then when you go to go out again, when it's time to go out again, it's a whole new
situation.
Yeah.
You're kind of nervous.
You don't want to embarrass yourself.
Right.
I mean, this is, this is how I look at things or at least how I try to look at things is
(16:44):
that whether it's friends or trying to make friends or taking the kids to school and
seeing other parents or taking them to football or soccer and seeing other parents are getting
on a plane and your kid is acting crazy.
I will never see these people probably again in my life.
So if I don't connect with them or if they think that I'm a bad parent or if they have,
(17:07):
if they're that judgy against me, knowing that they probably have their own flaws, screw
them.
Yeah.
And I've told that to other people too that have young kids that are worried about getting
on like a plane or something like that, like being embarrassed.
And it's like, you'll never see these people again in your life.
Yeah.
So I mean, that's what I look, I mean, if you're trying to make friends, I don't know
(17:31):
where you're laughing.
I feel like this is just an episode of like encouraging me to.
No, I mean, this is for anyone.
If you're trying to make friends and you're not trying to embarrass yourself, which in
a way you're trying not to be your true self.
Are you going to be that way through your guys's entire relationship?
I mean, it takes like usually when you meet somebody and you kind of connect with them,
(17:54):
it takes like one like stupid thing to happen where you guys both laugh at it and you realize
like, Hey, they're okay with me.
I'm okay with them seeing me like this.
This could be or is a good friendship.
So if they have a problem with you and fuck them.
Yeah.
And I do feel like that is the case with a lot of like the relationships that I have
(18:18):
in that, that one bucket, the same schedule bucket, you know, where it's parents that
I know at school or parents that I know at soccer that I don't hang out afterwards.
So I want to or maybe I don't want to, but I essentially reserve myself a little bit
and I make, you know, put my best foot out there, censor myself in a way.
(18:42):
Well, yeah, everybody puts a guard up when they go out in public, right?
Yeah.
But I mean, they don't know the authentic me.
They don't know.
They don't know me, me and how weird and crazy and hilarious.
You are pretty, pretty funny.
(19:05):
But look what happens when you do open up and you do meet people and they do see your
true pet personality, that's what I'm trying to say is that, you know, if you're trying
to impress somebody that's not going to like you for who you are, even if you guys do hang
out the first, second, third time you hang out, what the hell is the point?
It is.
I don't know.
(19:26):
I'm not saying go into the school and be all crazy and start, you know, spouting off
of the mouse, swearing and learning the, the newest joke that's inappropriate, you know,
telling everybody that, but I mean, it's also be free with who you are, right?
Yeah.
And I understand that's hard.
You know, I'm saying this and I don't do it.
I always have a guard up, but I'm saying that someone is going out, you know, to look for
(19:49):
a friend or someone is looking for other other friends to hang out with or looking to, you
know, broaden their horizon and growing their friend network.
If they don't like you for who you are, why even, why even fake it on the, on the first,
you know, time they meet them?
No, that's very true.
And I think I, I mean, I don't want to blame anything, but I feel like social media doesn't
(20:13):
help.
No, people are assholes on social media.
Well, the assholes and then also like the fake life, you know, or even not just the fake
life like, oh, look at my perfect family and everything.
And then you kind of aspire to do that and then you need like certain types of things
to fill those like spots.
And then you see them in person.
They're slapping their kid.
(20:33):
They have no makeup on.
They look just like us, right?
Yeah, perfect.
So, um, and that's, that's the same thing.
They're just doing it on social media.
They're putting a guard up.
They're showing something that they, they really aren't.
I mean, that's not, I mean, that's, that's also the reason for those podcasts, right?
Like we're not hiding anything.
We're letting you guys know everything that is wrong with us.
(20:56):
We are insane.
Um, and, and we're being open and honest.
Like, I mean, yeah, I don't get it.
But then there's also the other side of like the people that you actually know and like
what stage they're at in life and like what their social media like it exposes.
I said, you know, like, um, you know, the people that you know that don't have kids
(21:18):
and they're traveling and they're, you know, doing everything that they want to.
And then you're just kind of like, well, fuck.
Yeah.
Or like the, they're too late.
You can't drop the kids off at the fire.
They're too old.
You can't drop them off at the fire station.
Damn it.
Way past their expiration date.
But, and then like kind of switching gears a little, FOMO comes in to play also.
(21:42):
Fear of missing out with other people.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know, you see other people enjoying their life and, and, you know, with
like groups of people and then you're just kind of like, oh, well, you know.
Like other couples going on vacation with other families.
Exactly.
And then other, you know, couples going out to unlike dates, like group dates and everything.
We did that with the Schultz's.
(22:04):
We went out to Utah.
And maybe that's why it kind of hits me different is because we had that and it's like, it was
a lot of fun.
It was so much fun and I loved it and we would go to concerts and like it was, it was the
best.
Right.
They're the best.
Anyway, it's that play, that plays into the whole entire element.
(22:26):
But I mean, I guess I just really need to get to the point where I can be okay with the
way that, not saying that I'm not okay with the way that everything has evolved, but being
okay and letting it like sit inside of me and be okay with it being okay.
(22:47):
And essentially just finding a good balance between how our present parent life is and
also maintaining friendships, whether they be like the lifelong friendships or the new
friendships and that kind of stuff.
And like, it's like that tricky balance because we've spent so much of our life now being
(23:12):
in that parent bubble where we do everything and anything for them and now I'm dipping
my toes back into the social worlds.
And because even when I go out and do something, whether it be by myself or like with a girlfriend
or something like that, I do still feel that guilt, even though I know that you are fully
(23:33):
competent to maintain the home base.
But I guess.
You're guilt about going out and having fun.
Yes.
And that shouldn't obviously be there.
Like I shouldn't feel guilty, nor should you if you went out and did something.
I'm not going up.
Even if it's just like drive down the street park and just get away from us.
(23:54):
Just scream.
Just scream into the dark night.
I'll do that one.
Go down to the farm, pet the horses, traumatize them.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Screaming to the woods.
Sitting on a horse bareback crying.
Just petting it.
We see like on our Facebook, our neighborhood Facebook, there's that weird guy.
(24:18):
I was at the farm again.
Anyways.
So anyway, landing my plane.
I think that it's important for me and for everybody else out there that might be in
the same, you know, road as me where they're just starting to dip their toes back into
(24:42):
the social world to kind of get some perspective and set your tone and what you want that
to look like and scheduling intentional social time out there.
So like setting a time, setting aside time for yourself and also time for your core group
(25:03):
of people or even like putting yourself out there to get your core group of people.
You got to go out.
You get insane if you don't.
You're surrounded by just little people all the time.
You know, you just start singing Mickey Mouse clubhouse the entire day or something.
Seriously, no.
I mean, on a serious note, if I don't talk to another human.
(25:24):
I'm here.
Hello.
I know, but you don't count.
You're like an extension of me.
I'm one of the little people.
So if I don't talk to another human when I do talk to them, it's so awkward.
It's like I am so weird because you've just forgot how to communicate with an adult.
And then I'm just like, yeah, but I'm going to talk to me again, but it shouldn't be that
(25:48):
weird.
I mean, you talk to me.
I know I can be immature.
Sometimes you talk to me.
You talk to people at work.
I do, but I'm also the type of person that will think and nitpick every single thing
that they've said throughout the day and just like cringe at the weird things, even though
they're not that weird.
They could not be that weird.
Like there are times where I like reflect on my daily activities and what I've said.
(26:10):
And I'm like, that is weird.
And then I think about more.
I'm like, it's not that weird.
And then I circle back.
I'm like, that was fucking weird.
I'm going insane.
Someone give me a drink.
Oh man.
But anyway, studying intentional social time and whether it be date nights with your,
you know, significant other or friends hanging out or even virtual catch ups.
(26:33):
I feel like those are essential.
The first step in dipping your toe.
Like a zoom.
Yeah.
No, I mean, any of those things just like setting aside that time so that you can disconnect
from the little people and join the big people.
(26:55):
Get to the get to the big people's table.
Don't set up the kids table.
Yeah, exactly.
And then I mean, you could even like get creative and do like lunch meetings while the kids
are at school.
If you are at work and then just like set aside some time with that friend and whether
you guys work in the same vicinity and like just meet up at a restaurant or, you know,
(27:19):
even if it's after bedtime or and you just do like a FaceTime.
Now, do you wonder if some of the some of this stuff falls apart when you meet a new
friend or even if it's an old friend from high school, some do you think some of the
stuff falls apart because once again, there is you.
We're still trying to find that balance, right?
(27:40):
Yeah.
You're still, you know, chasing that balance.
Yeah.
You said it.
I said it.
There it is.
Um, because maybe, you know, when you meet someone, you want to go out, you have to start
planning.
Yeah.
You're already sick of the planning of planning the stuff for your kids.
You already had a full day of planning stuff at work.
(28:00):
You know, maybe that's where some of it falls apart and not, not etching out that time.
Yeah.
And maybe there even needs to be a little bit of time that's etched out just for planning
something for yourself.
And I mean, I will be honest.
There are times where I'll be talking with a girlfriend and we're trying to figure out
a date and I will literally want to just take a screenshot of my calendar and send it and
(28:23):
just be like, Hey, just invite them to your calendar and say, Hey, be my secretary for
like one moment and fill in a date for yourself.
This is what I have available, but I know that that would not, would not be ideal.
But that part is a pain in the ass.
Just like scheduling because that's all you do as a parent is just schedule.
(28:44):
And then now you want to do it so that you can have some free fun time.
And who's schedule comes first?
Them.
Yeah.
The kids comes first.
So you're scheduling everything around them.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's very exhausting.
Yeah.
But I will say told us to have kids.
Somebody, somebody, I don't know.
But I mean, the other part of it is so those are the key points that I kind of want to
(29:09):
drill down for anybody that's out there in the same bubble as me.
Put your phone number out there now for anybody that wants a new friend.
Anybody wants to be my friend.
This is basically just my social ad.
Yeah.
She's going to give out a number.
It'll be in the description of the show.
I'll be at the horse farm.
(29:31):
Bear back.
Yeah.
Bear back crying on a horse.
All right.
But then also the other part is I feel like, I feel like we, and just like as a society,
we just have so much guilt about holding on to friendships, whether they, you know, long
friendships because you've known this person forever and maybe that person no longer fits
(29:55):
that mold and that you've, you've evolved and maybe they haven't evolved.
And I think that getting to the point of, you know, reflecting on what's important to
you and the amount of time that you put into trying to make plans with trying to make plans.
(30:18):
You have to kind of take a second and think like, is it okay to put myself first?
And is this friendship no longer serving me?
It's no, and in essence, there's nobody's fault.
It is.
Like I said, you know, just like all of our neighbors that we all live together.
Yeah.
We all grew our families.
We all got new jobs or we all needed to get a bigger house.
(30:42):
We had other opportunities come up.
You know, and it's nobody's fault and life just goes on.
Right.
And it's, it's like just being okay with the fact that you can say goodbye to some friendships
because there's plenty of other people out there and that you can be friends with.
And I will say that, I mean, me as, as I've evolved and I've changed over the years, I
(31:07):
was the first to have kids within our, within my friend group.
And I have one lifelong friend who, you know, would come over and hang out with Preston.
But I think I saw her maybe like once or twice.
And I knew inside my heart, like, okay, she's not on the same page right now.
(31:29):
Right.
She's in a different, she's in her 20s.
Yeah.
She's enjoying it.
And then, you know, she eventually got married and then she eventually had kids.
And then we reconnected at that because we, we aligned better at that point in time.
And now we're in that stupid fricking thing where it's so hard to plan to see each other.
(31:54):
And granted, I mean, we have 45 minutes in between each other.
So there's the distance, then there's, you know, the time and everything.
And those are the kind of friendships where it's like, I, that does serve a purpose because
they are important to me.
Um, so I wouldn't necessarily cut that out of my life.
(32:15):
It just doesn't align right now.
And being okay with the fact that it doesn't align right now.
Cause if you force anything, it doesn't, it could be, you guys could connect next week.
Yeah.
It could be that you guys connect when you're 80 years old and you guys are playing shuffle
board in Naples, right?
Yeah.
I'm just knitting in a rocker.
(32:35):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So I hope this was helpful for everybody.
Um, or we hope that maybe we're just the only ones going through this.
I don't think we are.
I don't.
Um, at the least maybe it gives you a little bit of entertainment.
(32:55):
Yeah.
But we'll take pictures of me on that horse.
Yeah.
That'll be the cover.
Yeah.
You sign up for our mailing list.
That'll, you can go ahead and, uh, uh, get that picture from me.
Yeah.
So the main part is, I think that we all just need to realize that all the people that are
(33:18):
in this bubble along with me, that our social life isn't dead.
It's just different.
Yeah.
And that's okay.
And be okay with it.
It being okay.
And be kind to yourself because you're all just beautiful unicorns.
Yes, we are.
And this beautiful unicorn, if I have any closing points on this is just stop trying
(33:42):
to impress everybody.
Yeah.
Be yourself.
Be that unicorn.
Yeah.
You're only, you're not going to be happy if you're not yourself.
You're not going to be happy in a friendship relationship, whatever it is.
If you're just faking it the whole time.
Yeah.
And I know that we're not the only ones in this.
(34:03):
I know, I know I'm joking about it, but I know we're not the only ones in this friendships
will come along.
They'll come, they'll leave more will come in, you'll reconnect all that stuff.
So yeah, just be yourself.
You know, stay true to yourself.
And if anybody has a problem with it, you know, so we're going to close this off with
(34:27):
that.
Our podcast is now on all of the streaming platforms.
We appreciate everyone that has downloaded it so far and subscribed.
We do have YouTube shorts out there.
If anybody ever wants to send us an email with their, their stories or our email addresses
info at chasing balance.info.
(34:50):
So pretty easy or you can hit us up on any of our social media pages, which is chasing
balance podcast.
We appreciate everybody listening and for following the show.
And once again, yeah, please send us your comments.
If you have anything, any stories, any tips or tricks you have about making new friends
or getting through this kind of a little bit, I would love to hear them.
(35:10):
Any tips, any tricks, any stories, give them to me.
We need friends.
We're hiring.
I accept all resumes.
So point.
This is chasing balance once again, thank you for listening real life parenting one
conversation at a time.
(35:30):
We'll see you guys later.
Bye.
(36:01):
you
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