Are you struggling with visibility in your life or business? Do you question your worth and ability to show up confidently? In this episode, Tamsin Broster discusses why so many brilliant women stay stuck on the sidelines, watching others succeed while doubting their own expertise.
Tamsin, host of the Unshakable Confidence Podcast, shares her powerful journey from 20 years in the Ministry of Defense through burnout, perimenopause, and motherhood to becoming a sought-after coach who helps women overcome their inner critic. This episode dives deep into breaking free from beauty culture expectations, navigating hormonal changes during midlife transitions, body image struggles, the invisible mental load women carry, and stepping fully into your power—whether that's in your career, your business, or your personal life.
If you're tired of letting perfectionism, body image concerns, or midlife changes hold you back from living the life you deserve, this episode is your permission slip to stop playing small and start showing up authentically.
Key Takeaways
Unshakable confidence isn't about never doubting yourself—it's about trusting yourself enough to be centered and stable even when external factors try to knock you down
Body image and visibility are connected—making peace with your body (instead of constantly trying to "fix" it) frees up energy to show up boldly in your life and work
Midlife brings a reckoning—when perimenopause, motherhood, aging parents, and career collide, it forces you to stop giving endlessly and start prioritizing yourself
You're not responsible for everyone else's health and choices—women carry an invisible mental load managing other people's lives, and it's time to put that burden down
Stop waiting for permission—whether it's podcast invites, speaking gigs, or anything else, no one's coming to save you. Ask for what you want.
Playing small keeps you stuck—perfectionism, body image concerns, and waiting to be "ready" prevent brilliant women from being seen and claiming their expertise
Tamsin Broster is a confidence and visibility coach who helps women break free from the pressure to look perfect and be palatable so they can show up boldly, speak with authority, and grow a business that reflects who they truly are.
CALLING ALL EMPRESSES! Ready to stop feeling invisible and start stepping into your power?
📖 Empress Rising: Own Your Energy, Trust Your Wisdom, and Rewrite the Rules of Aging 👑
Don’t miss your chance to step into your reign as an Empress — your wisdom years are your most radiant yet.
Rose Wippich bridges ancient wisdom and modern life, teaching people how to tap into their natural healing abilities. As an Energy Alchemist, she guides women towards vibrant health and helps them rewrite limiting narratives around aging and step into their sovereign power. Discover how to protect your energy, honor your boundaries, and reconnect with your true desires. Your journey to energetic sovereignty starts here. 👑
Connect with Rose!
Rose's Website
IG: Rose Wippich
Youtube Channel: Rose Wippich Wellness
Email: rose@rosewippich.com
Please review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ via Apple Review or Podchaser.
Produced by Rose Wippich | Chat Off The Mat Podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Ready to unlock your most vibrant, authentic self?
Welcome to Chat Off the Mat,where holistic wellness meets
practical wisdom andextraordinary transformation.
I'm your host, Rose Whippich.
I'm a Qigong instructor, yogateacher, and a Reiki master.
So get ready for inspiringconversations with wellness
(00:21):
experts who understand yourunique journey, plus practical
tools for energy healing, lifetransitions, and conscious and
soulful living.
Your journey to radiant wellnessstarts now.
Let's create magic together.
Tamson Broster is a confidenceand visibility coach who helps
(00:43):
women break free from thepressure to look perfect and be
palatable so they can show upboldly, speak with authority,
and grow a business thatreflects who they truly are.
After 20 years in the Ministryof Defense, Samson knows exactly
how exhausting it is to hide whoyou are to fit in.
(01:04):
Now she brings that experiencealongside deep work around body
image, menopause, andself-confidence to help women
dismantle the voice in theirheads that says, Hey, you're not
good enough.
Her work is for women who aredone with hiding, done with
shame, and ready to grow theirbusiness and stop playing small.
(01:26):
Welcome, Tamsin.
Thank you for being here today.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited.
Me too.
So we'll just go right into it.
Um, talk about your journey, howyou got to being the um the
coach of uh unshakableconfidence.
SPEAKER_00 (01:41):
Yeah, I'm trying to give you a shortish story, I
suppose.
But I was in the MOD for 20years.
At 18, I got my first full-timejob.
I left college, went into thatjob, and I climbed my way
through this very male-dominatedspace that I was in, but I
really, really loved it.
And then when I got to about 38,I was I had my second child, and
(02:02):
I was in probably the mostsenior position I'd ever been
in, and I'd worked my way up tothat.
And perimenopause hit me,motherhood hit me, um, burnout
hit me, trying to survive in arole that was not created or
designed for me in an officethat wasn't designed for me.
And my mother got sick andeverything collided, and I had a
(02:26):
very serious burnout and left.
And I had some time off, and Ireally needed it actually.
I really needed to come back tomyself, find out who I was,
working out my new identity withthese two young kids that I had,
you know, and I was just tryingto find my myself and my way.
But I had always been veryfocused on how I looked.
I was very worried about alwaysworrying about my weight.
I was always really focused onlike I was always on a diet, I
(02:49):
was always talking about what Iwas doing to get thinner, I was
always trying something new, andI was just constantly in this
kind of war zone with my body.
And that downtime, that quietspace of just being at home with
the kids made me realize that Iwas putting so much time and
effort into worrying about whatI looked like and how my body
was shaped, that actually wastaking me away from the things
(03:10):
that I could enjoy.
And actually, I was justconstantly fighting against my
body.
And I did a lot of work on bodyimage and really helped get
myself to a place of peace.
And yes, that meant my bodyexpanded, but actually it I
really just started to enjoy mybody and started to really
understand that I couldn't forceit or fix it or do all these
things.
But like most women, I lovedthat message so much and I loved
(03:35):
that piece that I had found.
I wanted to give it to otherpeople because that's what we
do.
And I suddenly started lovingworking with women and I set up
my own business about 12 monthsafter I had left my full-time
job.
And I still hadn't reallydecided that that's what I was
going to do forever.
But um I realized that I neededto go all in and not go back to
my other job.
So I decided to resignofficially and really, really
(03:57):
actually, you know, pull theplug on that career.
And it's just been evolving forthe last five years.
It's just been evolving intothis, you know, amazing thing,
which I still talk about.
Body image, it underpins a lotof the work that I do.
But it's not the only thing thatI talk about because lots of
women struggle with like theirself-worth and their confidence
in so many different ways, andin so many different scenarios,
(04:20):
whether it be building abusiness, whether it's building
your career, you know, when yourlife changes and you get to
those like later sandwich yearswhen you've got young kids and
you know, older parents, agingparents, and all of the stuff
that life throws at us aroundthis um age group, that's kind
of what I focus on now.
So, yeah, that's that's how I'vegot to this point.
SPEAKER_01 (04:41):
Yeah.
So through your personalexperience, you were able to
gain some of this um, I guess,confidence in yourself to go out
and help others because youidentify that there's a need.
SPEAKER_00 (04:51):
Yeah, definitely.
There, and and because I hit allthose different things at the
same time, and I see this withmy clients now, they all of
these things just collide in thesame space.
You don't usually, it justsuddenly starts to have this
kind of domino effect, like onething and then it's another and
it's another.
And then all of a sudden yourealize that you have been
giving and giving and servingand serving.
(05:14):
And then when you need thatback, it's not coming.
Your estrogen's dropping off acliff, and you're no longer
putting up with it all.
And then you just have all thisstuff going on, maybe shame,
guilt, and you know, this kindof reckoning with yourself.
That's the only real way todescribe it.
It's like this becoming, but wesometimes resist that and end up
(05:35):
kind of, you know, wanting toget back to how we were and be
the nice girl that we were, andyou know, don't want to kind of
let that be.
And what I help women do is justjust to say, actually, this is
just not, this is not aboutgoing back.
This is about trying to meet whoyou're gonna be, who you are,
who you're becoming.
And um, when we've got theself-trust, that brings the
confidence in ourselves.
(05:55):
We really, really deeply trustourselves and have that inner
knowing that we can block outall that noise and we can, you
know, move forward in whateverdirection it is that we're
going.
SPEAKER_01 (06:04):
Yes, it's this acceptance that we have of who
we are and who we reallyuncover, who we want to be as
well, because we go throughchanges just like you did when
you worked.
And I just want to clarify youworked at the Ministry of
Defense.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Which was uh a huge job, right?
And and then you have kids, andthen you're the your kids are
older, so these transitions,you're you're almost um burying
(06:26):
yourself every time, you know,in in these earlier years of
your life.
And then you're opening up tothis like, who am I, where am I,
where do I want to go?
SPEAKER_00 (06:35):
And then you discover, well, maybe I'm afraid
to do anything because I haven'tdone anything or I've always
done stuff for everyone else,and I forgot what it's like to
be ambitious and do somethingthat I just I knew who I was who
I was expected to be, but I hadnever experienced being who I
(06:57):
wanted to be, or being or justexisting in a way that I wanted
to be.
I always knew that you know, beyou know, dieting plays a role
in that.
And I know that people can'talways make that connection, but
you know, dieting was aboutbecoming someone society wanted
me to be, about fixing my bodyin a way, and in in eating in a
way nobody cared, nobody caredwhether that meant that I was
(07:17):
struggling, whether that meantthat I had enough energy to look
after my kids, whether thatmeant that I was healthy or
happy as long as I was gettingthin, nobody cared.
And actually, it's it's not justdieting where that shows up.
I had a job that was sucking thelife from me, and yes, sometimes
I loved it.
Um, and there were many yearsthat I loved it, but I didn't
mean I was always gonna love it,but it was expected of me.
(07:38):
Nobody really cared about thatbecause it was like, well,
you've got the house and you'vegot a good salary and you've got
all this stuff, and you know, itmeans that you've got it was
like one of those jobs that waskind of had a bit of like
substance to it.
So when somebody said, What doyou do for a living?
And I'm like, Well, I look afterhelicopter contracts for the
military.
Well, great, you know, thatsounds good.
(07:58):
That sounds good, yeah.
It's like, wow, that soundsinteresting.
I'm like, yeah, it's not notreally.
Um, and it just kind of soundedgood.
So I knew that society waspraising me, but I didn't know
what I was, I didn't know howmuch peace there would be.
I just thought I was goingtowards that.
I thought I was were on theright path as such because it
was ticking all the boxes, butnot mine.
(08:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:22):
Well, that's uh great story.
Um so let's talk a little bitabout um how women can identify
if what is holding them back.
So you work with women to createthis unshakable confidence.
And what's the first step infirst identifying, hey, I'm not
really confident.
Well, how does that show up forpeople or for women?
SPEAKER_00 (08:44):
Yeah, I do know.
I was having this conversationwith somebody else actually just
yesterday when I was talkingabout what I do and we were
talking about how clients cometo find me.
You know, in the early days, Iused to talk a lot about binge
eating and emotional eating whenI first started my business.
I don't actually go into thatmuch anymore, but it was
interesting because I canremember a particular client in
those early days who came to mebecause she was like, I just
(09:05):
cannot get my hands out of thebiscuit tin.
When I'm at home and I'm workingon my own, I just can't seem to
hold back and I seem to have allthese things.
That led the coaching that wewent through, led to us finding
out that she had a really realkind of fear of being seen
because of an operation she hadwhich changed how she looked
significantly.
(09:25):
And it's so interesting that westarted off over here talking
about eating too many biscuits,but actually she was really
having she was soothing herself.
She was using food to sootheherself through the traumatic
experience of something that hadhappened to her post-having
children.
And I always still find thatfascinating that we can go from
(09:49):
one place to the other.
So the way that I start when Italk to people is I just ask
questions.
I am a bit like an investigator.
And I ask questions a bit likethe doctors do, that don't
always seem relevant, but theyare to me because I'm listening
for something.
And I that's the key skill.
As you know, when you'recoaching, you're listening.
You're listening more thanyou're talking, and you're
asking those significantquestions.
(10:10):
And then I will reflect it backto people, and there will quite
often be like this massive ahamoment, like, oh my God, that's
what's in the way.
And once we know what's in theway, once we have that
awareness, then we can changeit.
But when we're moving throughit, think she could still be out
there thinking, I've got aproblem with biscuits, I've got
a problem with biscuits.
And when I say biscuits, Ialways wonder whether people
(10:32):
know what I'm talking aboutbecause it's a British thing,
like, you know, it's cookies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cookies, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So she could have been reallytrying to solve that problem.
And how she would solve thatproblem is she would diet
harder, she would restrict more,she would move her body more,
she would exercise more.
But actually, when we got to it,that wasn't the thing.
It wasn't about that.
It was there was so much morebehind the reasoning why.
(10:54):
But once we brought herawareness to it, the binging and
the and the eating, theemotional eating stopped because
she was able to go, I'm justdoing that to try and soothe
myself.
What are the other things that Ican do to help myself feel
confident in the body that Ihave now got that I cannot
change because this thing hashappened to me and how can I
deal with that?
You know, is it therapy?
Is it um, you know, being justjust working on her confidence
(11:17):
in in her appearance?
Is it that she might dressdifferently, that she might have
a haircut or something?
I don't know, whatever it mightbe.
But it we're not focusing on thewrong thing.
And this is what I find,especially with business owners
as well, or people in theircareers, they seem to think that
their problem is some one thing,and they're working so hard
towards that, and it's not doinganything.
And then when we work throughit, we realize that actually
(11:40):
there's something else, and wecan then focus on that.
And it makes it the route tokind of clearing that is so much
quicker.
It you're not messing aroundwith things that aren't working
anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (11:49):
Yeah, that makes so much sense.
You know, I'm hearing you, andI'm thinking of I'm thinking of
my own binging eating that I do,and I eat a lot of crisps, and
I'm wondering which are chipshere in the US.
And I'm wondering, well, okay,well, what's happening with
that?
Like, am I bored?
What's going on?
And and um, so I need to figureout what's what's what's what
(12:09):
the deal is with that too.
There could be some underlyingthings when you're doing
something habitually, you're notrealizing it.
Um and there's also this thisfeeling of judgment and
criticism that you can often getfrom someone else if you're when
you're trying to put yourselfout there, make a change or do
something, you're worried aboutsomeone else saying, Hey, this
(12:30):
is not you, or why are you doingthat?
I'm sure you often come acrossthat as well.
SPEAKER_00 (12:36):
Definitely.
And I think, like for myself,let's take me for an example.
I had an identity.
I worked for the civil service,I'd worked for them my whole
life.
I was married to, and I stillam, married to my military
husband.
And, you know, we have four kidsbetween us.
We have two together, and his,he's got two from a previous
marriage.
We, you know, we live where welive and we, you know, do the
(12:57):
things that we do, and we hadthose identities.
So when um things change orthings are different, it's
unsettling for other people, andquite often it's that question
of, oh, is that the right thingto do?
And you get those kind ofquizzical things, you know,
especially, especially with me,no my whole identity was built
around being thinner.
(13:18):
My whole family always knew thatI was on some kind of quest to
get thinner, and it was alwayslike, Oh, you're working so
hard, well done.
And depending on where I had gotto on the scale, well done.
You can imagine me doing a full360 and going, I'm not doing
that anymore.
I'm not doing that anymore.
I don't my body can just be howit is.
I'm gonna concentrate on myhealth, I'm gonna make sure I'm
(13:39):
eating the way that nourishesme.
That means I have energy to showup in my life fully.
That means I can go for the runsthat I love doing, that means I
can go and lift the weights inthe gym.
Like I need to be able to, Ineed to eat to be able to do
that.
I cannot be existing on coffeeand diet coke like I was and
protein shakes.
Yeah, and just trying to andcalling it health.
Yes, it's not happening anymore.
And of course, people start tothen worry, but what about your
(14:02):
health?
But what about the, you know,what what about you know what
the doctors might say?
What about and then they startto do that, but that's not about
me.
And I have had to learn this.
This is this is about them andtheir fears and what they don't
want to let go.
And sometimes when your wholefamily have got you in their
category, in that box where youfit, you'll find that when you
(14:22):
decide to break out of that,which naturally you will at some
point with something in yourlife, whether it's a career
change, whether it's arelationship breakdown, people
will question whether you'redoing the right thing, you know.
I remember leaving myex-alcoholic long-term boyfriend
who I owned a house with, and mydad was not concerned about my
(14:44):
what I had been through and whyI was breaking up with.
He was more concerned that I waslosing my house.
And but well, hang on, whatabout for the financial gain?
And I understood where he wascoming from.
But do you see what I mean?
That was about his fears, hisfears of losing a property and
losing money.
I did lose a property, I lost alot of money, but I gained my
health, my mental health, and myfreedom.
SPEAKER_01 (15:03):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (15:03):
And that to me was more important.
But for my dad, he thinksdifferently to me.
He's very logical, he was veryum, you know, he was always
worried about concerned aboutthe five.
It's not because if I had toturn around and said to him, no,
you know, I need to leavebecause of my own safety and
sanity, he would have absolutelyunderstood.
(15:23):
But his first reaction was aboutwhat he was worried about
because that's so that's what wehave to remember.
Anytime you're making a bigchange or a big shift in your
life, or you're you know,absorbing like a new identity,
you have to realize that youwon't take everybody with you.
They will drop off, they willchange how they see you.
They've got to fit you into anew category now, and that's
(15:44):
okay.
We have to just that's not forus to manage.
SPEAKER_01 (15:48):
Right.
Yeah, and and and we can andit's the same with other people.
If they need to make a change,we need to realize that's their
their their journey, their path.
How did you feel once youdecided, hey, I'm good, I'm
gonna just do what makes me feelgood.
I I have accepted who I am.
How did that must have made youfeel like you you know it's so
(16:10):
good?
SPEAKER_00 (16:11):
I think it's the headspace that you get when
you're not thinking in numbersevery time that you eat and
you're not weighing out everysingle thing, and you're not,
you know, it's it's theheadspace and the freedom and
the the space to just be andlike letting go of the job and
discovering who I am.
But then alongside that, thereare some things where you doubt
yourself and you can think toyourself, well, is this the
(16:32):
right path?
Should I stick with thatsensible nine to five?
And you know, I still sometimesit crosses my mind now, and I
think when you have a difficultmonth in business or anything
like that, you suddenly think,Oh, is this the right path?
Am I but I just trust myself tolead myself and lead the way and
not kind of um I I want to makesure that even when I make a
(16:54):
decision that it's my own peaceand that my own energy is
protected, because that I can'tbuy that.
There's nothing that I've neverhad that before, and I don't
want to let it go now because itfeels so precious, having that
space in my brain to concentrateon living.
SPEAKER_01 (17:11):
Yeah, it's a it's a mindset, and and I love what you
said about having your energy.
Um I forgot what you exactlywhat you said, but you're at
peace and you have your ownenergy, and you know, you've
worked at getting to this point,and it feels good.
It's work to get to that place.
SPEAKER_00 (17:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think it's it is so uniqueand different for everybody
because everybody's in adifferent position.
I help people that are incareers that want to stay in
those careers but are strugglingwith their confidence, maybe
have hit perimenopause and aresuddenly struggling to speak up
in a meeting, or finding thatthey are second-guessing
themselves, they're findingtheir brains not as organized as
it used to be when they were intheir 20s, and suddenly things
(17:51):
are muddly and we're forgettingthings and we can't think on the
spot, and and we're climbingthat ladder but in our careers,
but maybe not feeling asconfident in ourselves as we go
further, and that is verycommon.
Um, but I also help people whoare maybe starting out and doing
that transition specificallyfrom like a job where they have
(18:12):
that identity, where that isthey know you know that paycheck
comes into the bank, they knowwhat they're doing at work, but
it's sucking the soul from themand they they have found
something new.
And so often I help people movefrom a little bit like I did
with like a military backgroundcareer, um, and having that very
formal, kind of known careerinto something that's a bit more
(18:34):
kind of soft, coaching, youknow, things that are like, you
know, where they might begetting into more kind of
spiritual side of things, likecrystals and and you know,
thinking about um you nourishingthemselves through different
rituals that maybe their familyjust don't see them as that kind
of person.
It's a new identity.
(18:54):
So we're helping, you know, I'mhelping people move from that
space but with confidence toreally own it and say, Do you
know what?
I don't know what I'm doing, butI want to explore it and I want
to be okay with that.
But they have to be okay withthat in themselves first.
So quite often people will thinkit's actually about what other
people think of them.
What we uncover through coachingsessions is it's actually not,
(19:17):
it's about what you think ofyou.
And it's the it's the barrieryou have about that identity and
the things that you hold up, thesame with weight and the same
with body size.
It's the identity shift that youhave to do for yourself, not
necessarily other people.
Does that make sense?
Like, so yeah, for me, I wasalways trying to be thin.
I was either thinner than I amnow, or I was trying to get
(19:39):
thinner.
So I was being a good girl if Iwas uh ever in my plus size
body.
I was always on track as headingto away from it.
So everyone was like, oh, it'sokay, because you're trying.
I was either trying or I wasgetting there.
And then when I stopped tryingand I just existing in this
body, I had to accept that thatwas okay.
(20:00):
And there's a tendency whenpeople first do that work and
they work on themselves withtheir relationship with food and
their body and feel like theyhave to really prove that
they're healthy.
And I was like that in the firstbit.
I was really like, but I youknow, I'm still doing this and
I'm still doing that, and I hadto, I don't prove anything to
anyone anymore.
Like that's just too much for myenergy.
And I that's what help peopledo.
(20:20):
You don't have to prove anythingto anyone, and it's the same
with anything.
I've got a client at the momentwho's transitioning from a very
safe job, um, respectable job,into being a coach.
And she is feeling like she'sgot to prove that she's not
doing anything um silly, she'snot taking too much risk, that
(20:43):
she can still earn the sameamount of money, but she's got
to prove it to herself becauseuntil she can get to the place
where she believes that inherself, she won't, she will
struggle.
She will just sit in this placeof struggle where she's trying
to, you know, prove to her lovedones, her partner, her family,
that she's not doing anythingsilly.
Women are always we don't wantto be seen as silly, taking
(21:04):
risks.
We're not, we're not, we're notsocialized that way.
So that's the process that we gothrough is this un, this like
shedding of these beliefs, butthey're your beliefs, not other
people's, because we can'tcontrol other people.
And it's letting go of like whatwe I can't control what people
think of my body.
I can walk down the street, andsome people would be like, oh my
gosh, she looks great, you know,and won't won't, you know, say
that I am fat or plus size oranything else.
(21:26):
And then other people will thinkthat I'm huge because that's
their perception of body size.
It does I am not in control ofthem, it matters what I think of
me, and that that's all thatcounts.
And it's taken me a very longtime to get to that place.
SPEAKER_01 (21:39):
It can't.
And a lot of people, and you'retalking about women who are
transitioning and not feelingconfident, but there's a lot of
this imposter syndrome, and Iknow this is a term that gets
tossed around a lot.
And even when I became a yogateacher and I first learned how
to do that, I was so worriedabout teaching because I'm like,
who am I to teach?
I just learned, and but I knewit was something that I needed
to do.
It was like a life's purpose ora part of my life's purpose.
(22:03):
Even when I became a Reikiteacher or a Reiki practitioner,
like people are like, What'sReiki?
And I'm like, I was afraid totalk about it.
But I knew in my heart this iswhat I'm intended to do.
Now it's more mainstream.
But um, you just have to own it.
SPEAKER_00 (22:18):
Yeah.
And that and that's what you'reright in what you're saying
about imposter syndrome.
You know, some people sort ofsay it's made up, and I agree
with that, but it's still a termthat people recognize and
understand, so it's still talkabout it.
Because it is something that Ithink women are linked to much
more often with this impostersyndrome, because we are not
taught to, we're not taught tobe like owning our identities,
(22:44):
are we, or things that we love,our passions.
They always have to come last.
The kids have to come first, thepartners have to come first, and
then even careers have to comefirst.
We're always, everyone's alwaystalking about what we're doing
for other people, and we're nottaught to really lean into what
lights us up or what brings usjoy, especially if that is seen
as something a little bit kindof odd to other people.
Whoa, whoa, we're odd.
(23:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
And you know, I try not to usethat term because I think it's
just it's just joy.
That's all it's that's all we'retalking about.
When I sit here with my, youknow, oracle cards in the
morning.
Me too, zero idea whether thisis like I will be honest, I
don't really sit and thinkwhether it's something that is
real or not real.
(23:25):
It doesn't matter.
It brings me so much joy to justget those cards out and say,
what message do I need to heartoday?
You know, and I love the factthat I keep getting the same
card every day for the lastweek, driving me crazy.
But I agree, doesn't it?
It's just something that I takepleasure, it's not harming
anyone.
And I think we I see loads andlots of women, especially around
(23:45):
that sort of age where they sortof come into perimenopause,
wanting to lean into more ofthose things.
We're searching for something,and we want some purpose and we
want some um guidance and wewant to feel that way, and we
often look to dieting, beauty,those kind of things to give us
that.
And that is why we still feellike we're chasing something
(24:08):
because we're clinging on tosomething that's kind of making
other people money, and it's notreally fulfilling for us.
We think we're gonna befulfilled when we get rid of all
those wrinkles and we lose thatweight, and actually we get
there and then we realize it'snot actually true.
SPEAKER_01 (24:21):
I know you you also mentioned perimenopause and
menopause, and how does thatimpact?
Well, I'm gonna say women,entrepreneurs, uh, their
confidence and self-image.
So I want to talk a little bitabout you know, transitioning
into that and embracing thechanges that occur.
How can women do that?
SPEAKER_00 (24:40):
Perimenopause is a big shift.
It's a big shift in identity.
You can feel it.
There's something different,there's this anger, there's
rage, there's a lot of like Icall it our good girl hormone,
Easterden, decides to leave thebuilding.
And when she's gone, you areunfiltered and you are like
rageful.
And I think I had, I think Ican't remember what I called the
episode now, but I had a podcastepisode of like, you know, are
(25:03):
you perimetopausal or do youjust literally hate the fact
that your husband's leaving hissocks on the floor?
Because actually, sometimes weblame our hormones, and my
mother always said this to me.
Sometimes she said it is yourhormone.
She said, but more often thannot, it's because someone's
being an idiot and annoying you.
And actually, we've got to stopblaming ourselves and our
hormones.
But actually, it all it's doingis removing this layer.
(25:23):
So there's so many differentthings that go on for women as
they're going through thisstage.
Our bodies are changing and ouridentity is shifting, but we've
also got lots of other thingsgoing on externally to that.
So there's lots of things likewe are probably at the height of
our career, we are probably inthe most senior position that
we've ever been in.
We have probably got otherpeople that are starting to rely
on us that we have not had thatbefore, like maybe aging
(25:44):
parents, maybe um young kids,maybe teenagers or kids going
into adulthood that are relyingon us in different ways.
And there's so many layers ofthings, and then all this stuff
going on in our body.
And our bodies change.
And because society pushes womeninto this box of we should look
like this, we should act likethis, we're still trying to fit
(26:05):
ourselves into that mold, butall of these other things are
stopping that from working.
And it's, I call it like a it'slike a wake-up call.
It's like nature's way ofsaying, no, no more.
That's it.
You've done your time, you'vedone all the stuff for everybody
else.
Now is the time to come back toyourself and come home to
yourself.
But that's so difficult becausewe're still going, but I've got
to be as thin as possible, butI've got to be as good as
(26:27):
possible, but I've got to be,you know, and then we've got we
see the poster women forperimenopause.
And I'm in the UK, it's likeDavina McCall.
I don't know what you've gotmaybe in the States, but this
woman is amazing, but she islike washboard abs, she's like
running marathons, she's doing,do you know, like most of us?
I mean, not absolutely not.
(26:47):
That's what we're that's whatwe're comparing ourselves to.
That's what we are told.
You know what?
If you just work hard enough,this could be your reality.
And in in truth, it's not that.
There's so much at play.
Genetics, there's um economicstatus, there's education,
there's there's so many otherfactors that are at play.
This is why I'm always saying towomen, like, what do you want?
(27:08):
What would you enjoy?
You know, I've taken upweightlifting in my um 40s
because I know it's gonna helpmy body, my perimenopausal body.
And it makes me feel so strongand so I love it.
Right.
But I never would have got therebeforehand because I wasn't
interested.
And now I love it, but itdoesn't, it's it you've got to
do the things that light you up.
I have time for that, I have themoney for that.
(27:29):
Like there's so many otherthings.
And we've got to stop blamingourselves.
Like, what would feel good toyou with the resources you have,
in the body you have, in thetime that you have, what would
feel good to you?
And it that's what that's whatthis kind of time is is about.
And I think the other thing thatI didn't mention there was quite
often women at this stage oflife get um their you know,
diagnosis with ADHD, autism, allthe things that were missed when
(27:52):
we were covering it up all ofour whole lives.
Some of those become, they riseto the surface, everything just
floats to the surface.
SPEAKER_01 (28:00):
Yes, that's true.
I and we have to get rid of, butwe we still have to get rid of
some of these labels.
Like, I don't like when peoplesay, Well, I'm menopausal and
perimenopausal, that's why I'mdoing that.
I'm like, yes, but don't takethat on as a label, you know,
it's okay with what you're goingthrough.
Accept it and and allow it tohappen, but don't say, you know,
(28:22):
don't don't because then otherpeople will just say, Oh, she's
menopausal.
That's why she's raging, orthat's why she's acting that
way, or whatever.
SPEAKER_00 (28:29):
And that's the problem, that we don't then get
the help that we need.
We don't have to make it ourentire personality.
It can be something that we areworking through because there's
so many different phases, andlots of women sort of, you know,
come out the other side um andthink, well, what was that?
And then some women don't comeout the other side, it just
becomes their new normal.
So it's very individual and notthere's not a one-size-fits-all
(28:51):
at all.
SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
It is hard navigating the menopause,
perimenopause environmentbecause I mean there's a lot of
information out there more nowthan there ever was.
Um, the support is there.
Seek support.
Don't feel like you'renavigating things alone.
I think that's another thing.
People don't ask women.
Women don't ask for help.
Women are like, I got it.
(29:12):
I've got this.
I've raised children, I've had ajob, I've done this.
What about like people likeyourself that they can reach out
to, someone that can help them,doctors.
Maybe there's a maybe not, Idon't know.
Not so many doctors that helpwith perimenopause and
menopause.
But there's gotta be resourcesout there that help you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:30):
There's there's a lot.
I we I um I'm part of amenopause group on Facebook
actually, and I, you know,there's there's many experts in
there, and I provide theconfidence side of things and
talk just about that.
And there's other people that dolike the HRT and the you know
the natural remedies and therelaxation.
There's like there's loads ofhelp out there.
I think you're right, we have tostop thinking that we've got to
struggle alone because this is atime of our life where it can
(29:53):
get dangerous to struggle alone.
It can get really dark andreally hard, and you think
you're broken and you think thatyou're Body is failing you, or
you know, at least um beingunfair to you.
And actually it's because of theexpectations externally that
we're putting on ourselves.
When we come back, come back tothere, you'll find that actually
(30:14):
your body's just doing what itneeds to do.
SPEAKER_01 (30:16):
Yeah, you know, when you said that about fixing
ourselves, I mean, my whole bodyjust was like it hit home what
you said that because I feellike constantly, maybe me
personally, I just feel like,oh, there's always something I'm
trying to fix, whether it's likemy body or my health or my image
or my words or my mental.
(30:37):
Every day, sometimes I'm like,oh my god, please, Rosh, just
stop talking in your head.
SPEAKER_00 (30:41):
You know, just turning that internal chatter
off, or turning that internalchatter into.
I always think you can'tactually turn her off, like
she's part of you, not really.
Um, but you can let her speak,and when you let her just have
her say, and I just like todisagree with her and go, Yeah,
yeah, I get I get what you'resaying, but actually, I've got
this.
Like, I'm okay.
I'm gonna do it my way becausethat just is, and then she's
(31:04):
just quieter.
And I always talk about thislike balance of wanting to bring
that quiet, knowing,self-assured part of you, which
is in there.
She's just quieter, so we've gotto let the noisy one speak, and
then when she's had her say, shewill be quiet, and then the
other one can kind of comethrough.
So it's but most of us live ourlives with just this constant
(31:27):
noise of you need to be thinner,you need to be faster runner,
you need to be doing, you know,educating more, you need to be,
oh, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (31:35):
Like, there's such a list of things we're so hard on
our on ourselves.
I've tried to manage that voiceby saying, Listen, you know,
when it starts to say somethinglike, I've got this, okay, I'm
good, I'm good.
SPEAKER_00 (31:46):
Yeah, that's a great way to approach it.
Because I think sometimes wedon't even start.
Women typically don't even startthings.
Meditation is a perfect example.
The amount of women I comeacross, they're like, Well, I
tried it, but I don't reallyknow how to do it.
It's because they're trying tomake it look like it could be
put on Instagram.
Like it doesn't, that's not howit looks in real life.
Actually, we we're not cheatingif you go for a guided
(32:07):
meditation.
If that's the only way you canswitch your brain off, do it.
I never ever left guidedmeditation.
I've never got into anythingelse because that's a good idea.
SPEAKER_01 (32:15):
Guided meditation is fabulous because it really helps
you, it really is a great way tostart.
Yeah.
And I just wait I every morningand I started this ritual, and
it really helps me.
Before I get out of bed, even Ijust, I just I have uh either a
crystal next to my bed orsomething, I put it on my heart,
and I just like, you know, prayor ask for guidance.
SPEAKER_00 (32:36):
It's karma.
You're starting from a karmaposition, and this is what I
talk about in terms of morningroutines.
It's not necessarily what weshould be doing because
everybody's gonna feel differentin their routine.
It's the things that bring uslike stress or shame.
Like going on our phones, firstof all, and getting all that
information that we don't reallyneed to be looking at at that
first point in the morning, oryou know, telling ourselves in
(33:00):
our head that we're not allowedto eat until a certain time
because we fear what that means,or as soon as we put our feet
down off the bed thinking, I'mgonna go weigh myself to see how
much I weigh today.
Why?
All of those things are justbringing you shame and stress,
shame and stress, like over andover again.
And that is when you startremoving those things and you
start your day in like a calmerway, like you're saying.
(33:21):
I think people think theirmorning routine should look a
certain way, and then they gethung up in that, and then they
feel like, oh, I can't do it.
So they but actually it's notabout that, it's like removing
the things that actually createthat feeling, and then you'll
start to replace them with whatfeels good for you, and that
could be anything.
If we take away some of those,you know, stress and
shame-inducing triggers thatplan out the rest of our day
(33:44):
completely, because especiallylike for things like you know, I
encourage women to give up thescales because when you're
always in the morning that westep on them, and actually that
dictates how you feel in yourclothes, how you're gonna talk
to yourself all day, what you'regonna eat or not eat all day,
you're not gonna nourishyourself, you're panicking,
thinking, oh, if I just skipanother couple of meals, and
(34:05):
then by the end of the day,you're so tired and you're just
diving into all the food andyou're thinking, Oh, start again
tomorrow, and then you just feelgonna go to bed with that shame.
So you're going up with thatshame, go to bed with the shame.
Like, we've got to get out ofthat.
SPEAKER_01 (34:16):
So terrible cycle, yes.
You start hitting the biscuitsand the crisps, and that's it,
you're done.
No, I I have to start ditchingthat scale because I'm convinced
that scale is messing with meevery day.
SPEAKER_00 (34:26):
Yeah, it's just uh it's just another stick to beat
ourselves with.
SPEAKER_01 (34:30):
It doesn't tell us anything.
You know, I know that nutritionand diet is a whole nother topic
that uh is is constantlychanging, and we don't have to
dive deep here, but you know,I'm starting to to hear more
about so so fasting is a bigtopic, and like I said, we're
not talking details here, butpeople talk about fasting, but
for women to do something likethat, I'm learning that it's not
(34:52):
um not the correct form ofdieting for them because fasting
may actually cause harm forwomen.
So I I guess this is just mesaying to women out there before
you start going down the hole orthe or a program that may not be
the best thing for you, justkind of tune in to notice like
(35:13):
how you're feeling after doingit for a couple of days.
Not about losing weight, but howhow are you feeling?
Like, is it messing you up?
Yeah, it can mess it, mess youup.
SPEAKER_00 (35:22):
I've had some good conversations about this
actually, and and I think it's Ithink it's probably I'd just
give it just give you a sort ofuh a little kind of snapshot of
my thought process on this,because I obviously don't
advocate anyone doing anythingto to do with their body.
And as we're in this world ofweight loss drugs now, with like
this is here, and people aretaking that left, right, and
centre, even people who don'tneed to take it.
(35:42):
Yeah, and that is a frighteningtime.
And for perimenopausal women, Idid a whole episode in this on
my previous podcast about weightloss drugs because the effect it
has on your bone density is veryalarming and concerning if you
don't manage it the right wayand you don't have those tools.
Like we're gonna you're gonna bestart losing muscle and you're
(36:04):
gonna start losing bone density,and that is frightening because
we, as we know, osteoporosis andall that stuff happen around
that menopause agent, it couldaccelerate that significantly.
So that's the only thing I'd sayabout that.
But I think what I would comeback to is you always have body
autonomy.
This is what I always say topeople is I'm not here to tell
someone that they should orshouldn't diet because you know
how you feel in your body.
(36:25):
Like I am in the biggest bodyI've ever been in, but I
actually feel healthy andenergized.
Now, if I didn't, that would bedifferent.
Because I would maybe bethinking, well, how can I feel
energized and healthy?
Because there's no good, I don'twant anyone to say, well, I'm
not gonna diet anymore,therefore sod it.
Like that's not that's not fun.
That's not a fun place to bewhere you're just saying, well,
I just can eat everything Iwant.
(36:46):
In fact, if I have clients thatcome to me and say that, that's
a bit of a red flag to me.
What you we want to be sayingyes and no and maybe and not now
and tomorrow and you knowanother day for food and things
with nutrition because we'rethinking about that bigger
picture.
But when it comes to things likeintimate fasting, exactly like
you said, if there are likesigns that it's not working for
you, it's not giving you thething that you wanted in terms
(37:08):
of like energy and sleep and allof those things, and all you can
think about is like you'reclockwatching to the time that
you can eat, and then you'regetting all the food in, and
you're like, I had somebody whoI was talking to, she was like,
Oh, I love fasting, and she wastalking to me about it, and I
was like, Oh, great.
And then she was like, Oh, Ijust wish I could stop just
eating so much when I am allowedto eat.
And I was like, but it's becauseyou're it's because of the it's
(37:29):
because of the restriction thatyou're if you can fast and then
calmly, calmly eat in a normal,relaxed way, great, fine.
If it feels that would feelgood, that would be fine.
But I don't I don't recommend ornot recommend anything.
I think everybody has autonomyto do whatever they want with
their body, but you've got tojust go inwards.
We've just this comes back tothe same thing.
(37:50):
Going back to yourself, goingback to what works for you,
because what works for oneperson won't work for someone
else.
And with especially with thingslike diets and fads like this,
the information of you should bedoing this is just wafted around
freely.
Never does anyone ever say, Howdoes that feel in your body?
How can that fit into your life?
Does that work for your familydynamics?
(38:12):
Does that work for how you whatyou're doing for a living, the
shift work you might be doing,whatever it might be?
Like you've gotta, we've gottacome from an internal place.
SPEAKER_01 (38:21):
Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?
SPEAKER_00 (38:24):
No, I don't think so.
I think we've covered just sucha wide range of stuff.
Like thing, we just keep comingback to the same thing, which is
which is coming home toyourself.
And that's really what I try todo with this unshakable
confidence.
And the reason I talk aboutunshakable confidence is because
that's what I want you to findis the confidence that can't be
knocked by something external,like it can't be like wobbled
(38:45):
around, because actually it thengoes back to being stable again
because you're centered and youare really you trust yourself
and you believe in yourself andall the things that you want and
you don't mind getting it wrong.
And that that's when you knowyou could see a million social
media posts that tell you you'vegot to be thinner or you gotta
look a certain way, but you'rein you you're in your own
(39:05):
knowing.
You you're not you'reunshakable, you're not moving.
SPEAKER_01 (39:08):
Yeah, I love that.
Um, talk about what you offerthen too, or your offerings and
where we can get it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:13):
Yeah, well, at the moment I'm working with um
business owners who want to stopholding themselves back because
of how they look or maybe howthey feel about themselves.
And I've got this program comingup called Known, which is about
helping them get known for whatthey do.
So they may have some expertisein a certain area, and they can
really shed this idea that theyhave to be small, charge, you
(39:34):
know, very little, wait forspeaking gigs to come along, you
know, wait for the podcastthings, wait to write the book,
wait for the PR.
They can do it themselves.
Like you're no, we're notwaiting for people to save us
anymore.
Known is about getting known forwhat you do and really owning
it.
And um, that starts on June the3rd.
So I've got that coming up.
And then I have a few kind offreebies.
My podcast is one of them, whichis the Unshakable Confidence
(39:56):
Podcast.
And I have another freebie,which is how to pitch yourself a
podcast that you can guest likeI do.
Um I kind of package that upinto something because people
were asking me, like, how do youget so many?
I'm like, Well, I just kind oflisten to some I like, and then
I reach out to the person andI'm like, Can I come on as a
guest?
And these are my so I I put itin a PDF so people could do it
themselves.
(40:16):
Lovely.
Because um so many women arelike, oh, no one ever asked me.
And I'm like, no one ever askedme, though.
I asked myself.
You know, that's how I get outthere.
SPEAKER_01 (40:24):
I think you get to a certain age, and I even tell
people, just ask, what do yougot to lose?
It's costing nothing.
Exactly.
Yes, it's great.
If they say no, then it's notmeant to be.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (40:35):
So often you think about, well, people must know
this, right?
And then I realize they don't.
So I put it in a um put it in afile, and somebody messaged me
the other day.
Uh, she's a really good friendof mine, actually, but uh but
owns her own business.
She was like, This is gold, likethis is just contains so much
you should have charged for it.
But it is my freebie.
It's just one of the things thatpeople kind of get when they
sign up and come and into myworld and get a little bit more
(40:58):
confidence.
So uh yeah, lovely.
SPEAKER_01 (40:59):
Uh this has been great conversation, Samson.
I really appreciate you beinghere.
And um I just encourage everyoneto go out there and find you and
listen to your podcast because Iit's great.
I've been listening to yourpodcast as well, and I love it.
So thank you so much for beinghere.
Oh, thank you for having me.
I've loved it.
Thank you for sharing thissacred time with me today.
(41:20):
If today's episode resonatedwith you, I'd be so grateful if
you'd share it with the friendswho might need these gentle
reminders.
And speaking of support, yourreviews help other women find
our community.
So please take a moment to leaveone wherever you listen to
podcasts.
Ready to go deeper?
Visit rosewippage.com to exploremy personalized healing
(41:44):
sessions, courses, andworkshops.
Until next time, remember, youare exactly where you need to
be.
Ready to unlock your most vibrant, authentic self?
Welcome to Chat Off the Mat,where holistic wellness meets
practical wisdom andextraordinary transformation.
I'm your host, Rose Whippich.
I'm a Qigong instructor, yogateacher, and a Reiki master.
So get ready for inspiringconversations with wellness
(00:21):
experts who understand yourunique journey, plus practical
tools for energy healing, lifetransitions, and conscious and
soulful living.
Your journey to radiant wellnessstarts now.
Let's create magic together.
Tamson Broster is a confidenceand visibility coach who helps
(00:43):
women break free from thepressure to look perfect and be
palatable so they can show upboldly, speak with authority,
and grow a business thatreflects who they truly are.
After 20 years in the Ministryof Defense, Samson knows exactly
how exhausting it is to hide whoyou are to fit in.
(01:04):
Now she brings that experiencealongside deep work around body
image, menopause, andself-confidence to help women
dismantle the voice in theirheads that says, Hey, you're not
good enough.
Her work is for women who aredone with hiding, done with
shame, and ready to grow theirbusiness and stop playing small.
(01:26):
Welcome, Tamsin.
Thank you for being here today.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited.
Me too.
So we'll just go right into it.
Um, talk about your journey, howyou got to being the um the
coach of uh unshakableconfidence.
SPEAKER_00 (01:41):
Yeah, I'm trying to give you a shortish story, I
suppose.
But I was in the MOD for 20years.
At 18, I got my first full-timejob.
I left college, went into thatjob, and I climbed my way
through this very male-dominatedspace that I was in, but I
really, really loved it.
And then when I got to about 38,I was I had my second child, and
(02:02):
I was in probably the mostsenior position I'd ever been
in, and I'd worked my way up tothat.
And perimenopause hit me,motherhood hit me, um, burnout
hit me, trying to survive in arole that was not created or
designed for me in an officethat wasn't designed for me.
And my mother got sick andeverything collided, and I had a
(02:26):
very serious burnout and left.
And I had some time off, and Ireally needed it actually.
I really needed to come back tomyself, find out who I was,
working out my new identity withthese two young kids that I had,
you know, and I was just tryingto find my myself and my way.
But I had always been veryfocused on how I looked.
I was very worried about alwaysworrying about my weight.
I was always really focused onlike I was always on a diet, I
(02:49):
was always talking about what Iwas doing to get thinner, I was
always trying something new, andI was just constantly in this
kind of war zone with my body.
And that downtime, that quietspace of just being at home with
the kids made me realize that Iwas putting so much time and
effort into worrying about whatI looked like and how my body
was shaped, that actually wastaking me away from the things
(03:10):
that I could enjoy.
And actually, I was justconstantly fighting against my
body.
And I did a lot of work on bodyimage and really helped get
myself to a place of peace.
And yes, that meant my bodyexpanded, but actually it I
really just started to enjoy mybody and started to really
understand that I couldn't forceit or fix it or do all these
things.
But like most women, I lovedthat message so much and I loved
(03:35):
that piece that I had found.
I wanted to give it to otherpeople because that's what we
do.
And I suddenly started lovingworking with women and I set up
my own business about 12 monthsafter I had left my full-time
job.
And I still hadn't reallydecided that that's what I was
going to do forever.
But um I realized that I neededto go all in and not go back to
my other job.
So I decided to resignofficially and really, really
(03:57):
actually, you know, pull theplug on that career.
And it's just been evolving forthe last five years.
It's just been evolving intothis, you know, amazing thing,
which I still talk about.
Body image, it underpins a lotof the work that I do.
But it's not the only thing thatI talk about because lots of
women struggle with like theirself-worth and their confidence
in so many different ways, andin so many different scenarios,
(04:20):
whether it be building abusiness, whether it's building
your career, you know, when yourlife changes and you get to
those like later sandwich yearswhen you've got young kids and
you know, older parents, agingparents, and all of the stuff
that life throws at us aroundthis um age group, that's kind
of what I focus on now.
So, yeah, that's that's how I'vegot to this point.
SPEAKER_01 (04:41):
Yeah.
So through your personalexperience, you were able to
gain some of this um, I guess,confidence in yourself to go out
and help others because youidentify that there's a need.
SPEAKER_00 (04:51):
Yeah, definitely.
There, and and because I hit allthose different things at the
same time, and I see this withmy clients now, they all of
these things just collide in thesame space.
You don't usually, it justsuddenly starts to have this
kind of domino effect, like onething and then it's another and
it's another.
And then all of a sudden yourealize that you have been
giving and giving and servingand serving.
(05:14):
And then when you need thatback, it's not coming.
Your estrogen's dropping off acliff, and you're no longer
putting up with it all.
And then you just have all thisstuff going on, maybe shame,
guilt, and you know, this kindof reckoning with yourself.
That's the only real way todescribe it.
It's like this becoming, but wesometimes resist that and end up
(05:35):
kind of, you know, wanting toget back to how we were and be
the nice girl that we were, andyou know, don't want to kind of
let that be.
And what I help women do is justjust to say, actually, this is
just not, this is not aboutgoing back.
This is about trying to meet whoyou're gonna be, who you are,
who you're becoming.
And um, when we've got theself-trust, that brings the
confidence in ourselves.
(05:55):
We really, really deeply trustourselves and have that inner
knowing that we can block outall that noise and we can, you
know, move forward in whateverdirection it is that we're
going.
SPEAKER_01 (06:04):
Yes, it's this acceptance that we have of who
we are and who we reallyuncover, who we want to be as
well, because we go throughchanges just like you did when
you worked.
And I just want to clarify youworked at the Ministry of
Defense.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Which was uh a huge job, right?
And and then you have kids, andthen you're the your kids are
older, so these transitions,you're you're almost um burying
(06:26):
yourself every time, you know,in in these earlier years of
your life.
And then you're opening up tothis like, who am I, where am I,
where do I want to go?
SPEAKER_00 (06:35):
And then you discover, well, maybe I'm afraid
to do anything because I haven'tdone anything or I've always
done stuff for everyone else,and I forgot what it's like to
be ambitious and do somethingthat I just I knew who I was who
I was expected to be, but I hadnever experienced being who I
(06:57):
wanted to be, or being or justexisting in a way that I wanted
to be.
I always knew that you know, beyou know, dieting plays a role
in that.
And I know that people can'talways make that connection, but
you know, dieting was aboutbecoming someone society wanted
me to be, about fixing my bodyin a way, and in in eating in a
way nobody cared, nobody caredwhether that meant that I was
(07:17):
struggling, whether that meantthat I had enough energy to look
after my kids, whether thatmeant that I was healthy or
happy as long as I was gettingthin, nobody cared.
And actually, it's it's not justdieting where that shows up.
I had a job that was sucking thelife from me, and yes, sometimes
I loved it.
Um, and there were many yearsthat I loved it, but I didn't
mean I was always gonna love it,but it was expected of me.
(07:38):
Nobody really cared about thatbecause it was like, well,
you've got the house and you'vegot a good salary and you've got
all this stuff, and you know, itmeans that you've got it was
like one of those jobs that waskind of had a bit of like
substance to it.
So when somebody said, What doyou do for a living?
And I'm like, Well, I look afterhelicopter contracts for the
military.
Well, great, you know, thatsounds good.
(07:58):
That sounds good, yeah.
It's like, wow, that soundsinteresting.
I'm like, yeah, it's not notreally.
Um, and it just kind of soundedgood.
So I knew that society waspraising me, but I didn't know
what I was, I didn't know howmuch peace there would be.
I just thought I was goingtowards that.
I thought I was were on theright path as such because it
was ticking all the boxes, butnot mine.
(08:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:22):
Well, that's uh great story.
Um so let's talk a little bitabout um how women can identify
if what is holding them back.
So you work with women to createthis unshakable confidence.
And what's the first step infirst identifying, hey, I'm not
really confident.
Well, how does that show up forpeople or for women?
SPEAKER_00 (08:44):
Yeah, I do know.
I was having this conversationwith somebody else actually just
yesterday when I was talkingabout what I do and we were
talking about how clients cometo find me.
You know, in the early days, Iused to talk a lot about binge
eating and emotional eating whenI first started my business.
I don't actually go into thatmuch anymore, but it was
interesting because I canremember a particular client in
those early days who came to mebecause she was like, I just
(09:05):
cannot get my hands out of thebiscuit tin.
When I'm at home and I'm workingon my own, I just can't seem to
hold back and I seem to have allthese things.
That led the coaching that wewent through, led to us finding
out that she had a really realkind of fear of being seen
because of an operation she hadwhich changed how she looked
significantly.
(09:25):
And it's so interesting that westarted off over here talking
about eating too many biscuits,but actually she was really
having she was soothing herself.
She was using food to sootheherself through the traumatic
experience of something that hadhappened to her post-having
children.
And I always still find thatfascinating that we can go from
(09:49):
one place to the other.
So the way that I start when Italk to people is I just ask
questions.
I am a bit like an investigator.
And I ask questions a bit likethe doctors do, that don't
always seem relevant, but theyare to me because I'm listening
for something.
And I that's the key skill.
As you know, when you'recoaching, you're listening.
You're listening more thanyou're talking, and you're
asking those significantquestions.
(10:10):
And then I will reflect it backto people, and there will quite
often be like this massive ahamoment, like, oh my God, that's
what's in the way.
And once we know what's in theway, once we have that
awareness, then we can changeit.
But when we're moving throughit, think she could still be out
there thinking, I've got aproblem with biscuits, I've got
a problem with biscuits.
And when I say biscuits, Ialways wonder whether people
(10:32):
know what I'm talking aboutbecause it's a British thing,
like, you know, it's cookies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cookies, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So she could have been reallytrying to solve that problem.
And how she would solve thatproblem is she would diet
harder, she would restrict more,she would move her body more,
she would exercise more.
But actually, when we got to it,that wasn't the thing.
It wasn't about that.
It was there was so much morebehind the reasoning why.
(10:54):
But once we brought herawareness to it, the binging and
the and the eating, theemotional eating stopped because
she was able to go, I'm justdoing that to try and soothe
myself.
What are the other things that Ican do to help myself feel
confident in the body that Ihave now got that I cannot
change because this thing hashappened to me and how can I
deal with that?
You know, is it therapy?
Is it um, you know, being justjust working on her confidence
(11:17):
in in her appearance?
Is it that she might dressdifferently, that she might have
a haircut or something?
I don't know, whatever it mightbe.
But it we're not focusing on thewrong thing.
And this is what I find,especially with business owners
as well, or people in theircareers, they seem to think that
their problem is some one thing,and they're working so hard
towards that, and it's not doinganything.
And then when we work throughit, we realize that actually
(11:40):
there's something else, and wecan then focus on that.
And it makes it the route tokind of clearing that is so much
quicker.
It you're not messing aroundwith things that aren't working
anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (11:49):
Yeah, that makes so much sense.
You know, I'm hearing you, andI'm thinking of I'm thinking of
my own binging eating that I do,and I eat a lot of crisps, and
I'm wondering which are chipshere in the US.
And I'm wondering, well, okay,well, what's happening with
that?
Like, am I bored?
What's going on?
And and um, so I need to figureout what's what's what's what
(12:09):
the deal is with that too.
There could be some underlyingthings when you're doing
something habitually, you're notrealizing it.
Um and there's also this thisfeeling of judgment and
criticism that you can often getfrom someone else if you're when
you're trying to put yourselfout there, make a change or do
something, you're worried aboutsomeone else saying, Hey, this
(12:30):
is not you, or why are you doingthat?
I'm sure you often come acrossthat as well.
SPEAKER_00 (12:36):
Definitely.
And I think, like for myself,let's take me for an example.
I had an identity.
I worked for the civil service,I'd worked for them my whole
life.
I was married to, and I stillam, married to my military
husband.
And, you know, we have four kidsbetween us.
We have two together, and his,he's got two from a previous
marriage.
We, you know, we live where welive and we, you know, do the
(12:57):
things that we do, and we hadthose identities.
So when um things change orthings are different, it's
unsettling for other people, andquite often it's that question
of, oh, is that the right thingto do?
And you get those kind ofquizzical things, you know,
especially, especially with me,no my whole identity was built
around being thinner.
(13:18):
My whole family always knew thatI was on some kind of quest to
get thinner, and it was alwayslike, Oh, you're working so
hard, well done.
And depending on where I had gotto on the scale, well done.
You can imagine me doing a full360 and going, I'm not doing
that anymore.
I'm not doing that anymore.
I don't my body can just be howit is.
I'm gonna concentrate on myhealth, I'm gonna make sure I'm
(13:39):
eating the way that nourishesme.
That means I have energy to showup in my life fully.
That means I can go for the runsthat I love doing, that means I
can go and lift the weights inthe gym.
Like I need to be able to, Ineed to eat to be able to do
that.
I cannot be existing on coffeeand diet coke like I was and
protein shakes.
Yeah, and just trying to andcalling it health.
Yes, it's not happening anymore.
And of course, people start tothen worry, but what about your
(14:02):
health?
But what about the, you know,what what about you know what
the doctors might say?
What about and then they startto do that, but that's not about
me.
And I have had to learn this.
This is this is about them andtheir fears and what they don't
want to let go.
And sometimes when your wholefamily have got you in their
category, in that box where youfit, you'll find that when you
(14:22):
decide to break out of that,which naturally you will at some
point with something in yourlife, whether it's a career
change, whether it's arelationship breakdown, people
will question whether you'redoing the right thing, you know.
I remember leaving myex-alcoholic long-term boyfriend
who I owned a house with, and mydad was not concerned about my
(14:44):
what I had been through and whyI was breaking up with.
He was more concerned that I waslosing my house.
And but well, hang on, whatabout for the financial gain?
And I understood where he wascoming from.
But do you see what I mean?
That was about his fears, hisfears of losing a property and
losing money.
I did lose a property, I lost alot of money, but I gained my
health, my mental health, and myfreedom.
SPEAKER_01 (15:03):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (15:03):
And that to me was more important.
But for my dad, he thinksdifferently to me.
He's very logical, he was veryum, you know, he was always
worried about concerned aboutthe five.
It's not because if I had toturn around and said to him, no,
you know, I need to leavebecause of my own safety and
sanity, he would have absolutelyunderstood.
(15:23):
But his first reaction was aboutwhat he was worried about
because that's so that's what wehave to remember.
Anytime you're making a bigchange or a big shift in your
life, or you're you know,absorbing like a new identity,
you have to realize that youwon't take everybody with you.
They will drop off, they willchange how they see you.
They've got to fit you into anew category now, and that's
(15:44):
okay.
We have to just that's not forus to manage.
SPEAKER_01 (15:48):
Right.
Yeah, and and and we can andit's the same with other people.
If they need to make a change,we need to realize that's their
their their journey, their path.
How did you feel once youdecided, hey, I'm good, I'm
gonna just do what makes me feelgood.
I I have accepted who I am.
How did that must have made youfeel like you you know it's so
(16:10):
good?
SPEAKER_00 (16:11):
I think it's the headspace that you get when
you're not thinking in numbersevery time that you eat and
you're not weighing out everysingle thing, and you're not,
you know, it's it's theheadspace and the freedom and
the the space to just be andlike letting go of the job and
discovering who I am.
But then alongside that, thereare some things where you doubt
yourself and you can think toyourself, well, is this the
(16:32):
right path?
Should I stick with thatsensible nine to five?
And you know, I still sometimesit crosses my mind now, and I
think when you have a difficultmonth in business or anything
like that, you suddenly think,Oh, is this the right path?
Am I but I just trust myself tolead myself and lead the way and
not kind of um I I want to makesure that even when I make a
(16:54):
decision that it's my own peaceand that my own energy is
protected, because that I can'tbuy that.
There's nothing that I've neverhad that before, and I don't
want to let it go now because itfeels so precious, having that
space in my brain to concentrateon living.
SPEAKER_01 (17:11):
Yeah, it's a it's a mindset, and and I love what you
said about having your energy.
Um I forgot what you exactlywhat you said, but you're at
peace and you have your ownenergy, and you know, you've
worked at getting to this point,and it feels good.
It's work to get to that place.
SPEAKER_00 (17:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think it's it is so uniqueand different for everybody
because everybody's in adifferent position.
I help people that are incareers that want to stay in
those careers but are strugglingwith their confidence, maybe
have hit perimenopause and aresuddenly struggling to speak up
in a meeting, or finding thatthey are second-guessing
themselves, they're findingtheir brains not as organized as
it used to be when they were intheir 20s, and suddenly things
(17:51):
are muddly and we're forgettingthings and we can't think on the
spot, and and we're climbingthat ladder but in our careers,
but maybe not feeling asconfident in ourselves as we go
further, and that is verycommon.
Um, but I also help people whoare maybe starting out and doing
that transition specificallyfrom like a job where they have
(18:12):
that identity, where that isthey know you know that paycheck
comes into the bank, they knowwhat they're doing at work, but
it's sucking the soul from themand they they have found
something new.
And so often I help people movefrom a little bit like I did
with like a military backgroundcareer, um, and having that very
formal, kind of known careerinto something that's a bit more
(18:34):
kind of soft, coaching, youknow, things that are like, you
know, where they might begetting into more kind of
spiritual side of things, likecrystals and and you know,
thinking about um you nourishingthemselves through different
rituals that maybe their familyjust don't see them as that kind
of person.
It's a new identity.
(18:54):
So we're helping, you know, I'mhelping people move from that
space but with confidence toreally own it and say, Do you
know what?
I don't know what I'm doing, butI want to explore it and I want
to be okay with that.
But they have to be okay withthat in themselves first.
So quite often people will thinkit's actually about what other
people think of them.
What we uncover through coachingsessions is it's actually not,
(19:17):
it's about what you think ofyou.
And it's the it's the barrieryou have about that identity and
the things that you hold up, thesame with weight and the same
with body size.
It's the identity shift that youhave to do for yourself, not
necessarily other people.
Does that make sense?
Like, so yeah, for me, I wasalways trying to be thin.
I was either thinner than I amnow, or I was trying to get
(19:39):
thinner.
So I was being a good girl if Iwas uh ever in my plus size
body.
I was always on track as headingto away from it.
So everyone was like, oh, it'sokay, because you're trying.
I was either trying or I wasgetting there.
And then when I stopped tryingand I just existing in this
body, I had to accept that thatwas okay.
(20:00):
And there's a tendency whenpeople first do that work and
they work on themselves withtheir relationship with food and
their body and feel like theyhave to really prove that
they're healthy.
And I was like that in the firstbit.
I was really like, but I youknow, I'm still doing this and
I'm still doing that, and I hadto, I don't prove anything to
anyone anymore.
Like that's just too much for myenergy.
And I that's what help peopledo.
(20:20):
You don't have to prove anythingto anyone, and it's the same
with anything.
I've got a client at the momentwho's transitioning from a very
safe job, um, respectable job,into being a coach.
And she is feeling like she'sgot to prove that she's not
doing anything um silly, she'snot taking too much risk, that
(20:43):
she can still earn the sameamount of money, but she's got
to prove it to herself becauseuntil she can get to the place
where she believes that inherself, she won't, she will
struggle.
She will just sit in this placeof struggle where she's trying
to, you know, prove to her lovedones, her partner, her family,
that she's not doing anythingsilly.
Women are always we don't wantto be seen as silly, taking
(21:04):
risks.
We're not, we're not, we're notsocialized that way.
So that's the process that we gothrough is this un, this like
shedding of these beliefs, butthey're your beliefs, not other
people's, because we can'tcontrol other people.
And it's letting go of like whatwe I can't control what people
think of my body.
I can walk down the street, andsome people would be like, oh my
gosh, she looks great, you know,and won't won't, you know, say
that I am fat or plus size oranything else.
(21:26):
And then other people will thinkthat I'm huge because that's
their perception of body size.
It does I am not in control ofthem, it matters what I think of
me, and that that's all thatcounts.
And it's taken me a very longtime to get to that place.
SPEAKER_01 (21:39):
It can't.
And a lot of people, and you'retalking about women who are
transitioning and not feelingconfident, but there's a lot of
this imposter syndrome, and Iknow this is a term that gets
tossed around a lot.
And even when I became a yogateacher and I first learned how
to do that, I was so worriedabout teaching because I'm like,
who am I to teach?
I just learned, and but I knewit was something that I needed
to do.
It was like a life's purpose ora part of my life's purpose.
(22:03):
Even when I became a Reikiteacher or a Reiki practitioner,
like people are like, What'sReiki?
And I'm like, I was afraid totalk about it.
But I knew in my heart this iswhat I'm intended to do.
Now it's more mainstream.
But um, you just have to own it.
SPEAKER_00 (22:18):
Yeah.
And that and that's what you'reright in what you're saying
about imposter syndrome.
You know, some people sort ofsay it's made up, and I agree
with that, but it's still a termthat people recognize and
understand, so it's still talkabout it.
Because it is something that Ithink women are linked to much
more often with this impostersyndrome, because we are not
taught to, we're not taught tobe like owning our identities,
(22:44):
are we, or things that we love,our passions.
They always have to come last.
The kids have to come first, thepartners have to come first, and
then even careers have to comefirst.
We're always, everyone's alwaystalking about what we're doing
for other people, and we're nottaught to really lean into what
lights us up or what brings usjoy, especially if that is seen
as something a little bit kindof odd to other people.
Whoa, whoa, we're odd.
(23:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
And you know, I try not to usethat term because I think it's
just it's just joy.
That's all it's that's all we'retalking about.
When I sit here with my, youknow, oracle cards in the
morning.
Me too, zero idea whether thisis like I will be honest, I
don't really sit and thinkwhether it's something that is
real or not real.
(23:25):
It doesn't matter.
It brings me so much joy to justget those cards out and say,
what message do I need to heartoday?
You know, and I love the factthat I keep getting the same
card every day for the lastweek, driving me crazy.
But I agree, doesn't it?
It's just something that I takepleasure, it's not harming
anyone.
And I think we I see loads andlots of women, especially around
(23:45):
that sort of age where they sortof come into perimenopause,
wanting to lean into more ofthose things.
We're searching for something,and we want some purpose and we
want some um guidance and wewant to feel that way, and we
often look to dieting, beauty,those kind of things to give us
that.
And that is why we still feellike we're chasing something
(24:08):
because we're clinging on tosomething that's kind of making
other people money, and it's notreally fulfilling for us.
We think we're gonna befulfilled when we get rid of all
those wrinkles and we lose thatweight, and actually we get
there and then we realize it'snot actually true.
SPEAKER_01 (24:21):
I know you you also mentioned perimenopause and
menopause, and how does thatimpact?
Well, I'm gonna say women,entrepreneurs, uh, their
confidence and self-image.
So I want to talk a little bitabout you know, transitioning
into that and embracing thechanges that occur.
How can women do that?
SPEAKER_00 (24:40):
Perimenopause is a big shift.
It's a big shift in identity.
You can feel it.
There's something different,there's this anger, there's
rage, there's a lot of like Icall it our good girl hormone,
Easterden, decides to leave thebuilding.
And when she's gone, you areunfiltered and you are like
rageful.
And I think I had, I think Ican't remember what I called the
episode now, but I had a podcastepisode of like, you know, are
(25:03):
you perimetopausal or do youjust literally hate the fact
that your husband's leaving hissocks on the floor?
Because actually, sometimes weblame our hormones, and my
mother always said this to me.
Sometimes she said it is yourhormone.
She said, but more often thannot, it's because someone's
being an idiot and annoying you.
And actually, we've got to stopblaming ourselves and our
hormones.
But actually, it all it's doingis removing this layer.
(25:23):
So there's so many differentthings that go on for women as
they're going through thisstage.
Our bodies are changing and ouridentity is shifting, but we've
also got lots of other thingsgoing on externally to that.
So there's lots of things likewe are probably at the height of
our career, we are probably inthe most senior position that
we've ever been in.
We have probably got otherpeople that are starting to rely
on us that we have not had thatbefore, like maybe aging
(25:44):
parents, maybe um young kids,maybe teenagers or kids going
into adulthood that are relyingon us in different ways.
And there's so many layers ofthings, and then all this stuff
going on in our body.
And our bodies change.
And because society pushes womeninto this box of we should look
like this, we should act likethis, we're still trying to fit
(26:05):
ourselves into that mold, butall of these other things are
stopping that from working.
And it's, I call it like a it'slike a wake-up call.
It's like nature's way ofsaying, no, no more.
That's it.
You've done your time, you'vedone all the stuff for everybody
else.
Now is the time to come back toyourself and come home to
yourself.
But that's so difficult becausewe're still going, but I've got
to be as thin as possible, butI've got to be as good as
(26:27):
possible, but I've got to be,you know, and then we've got we
see the poster women forperimenopause.
And I'm in the UK, it's likeDavina McCall.
I don't know what you've gotmaybe in the States, but this
woman is amazing, but she islike washboard abs, she's like
running marathons, she's doing,do you know, like most of us?
I mean, not absolutely not.
(26:47):
That's what we're that's whatwe're comparing ourselves to.
That's what we are told.
You know what?
If you just work hard enough,this could be your reality.
And in in truth, it's not that.
There's so much at play.
Genetics, there's um economicstatus, there's education,
there's there's so many otherfactors that are at play.
This is why I'm always saying towomen, like, what do you want?
(27:08):
What would you enjoy?
You know, I've taken upweightlifting in my um 40s
because I know it's gonna helpmy body, my perimenopausal body.
And it makes me feel so strongand so I love it.
Right.
But I never would have got therebeforehand because I wasn't
interested.
And now I love it, but itdoesn't, it's it you've got to
do the things that light you up.
I have time for that, I have themoney for that.
(27:29):
Like there's so many otherthings.
And we've got to stop blamingourselves.
Like, what would feel good toyou with the resources you have,
in the body you have, in thetime that you have, what would
feel good to you?
And it that's what that's whatthis kind of time is is about.
And I think the other thing thatI didn't mention there was quite
often women at this stage oflife get um their you know,
diagnosis with ADHD, autism, allthe things that were missed when
(27:52):
we were covering it up all ofour whole lives.
Some of those become, they riseto the surface, everything just
floats to the surface.
SPEAKER_01 (28:00):
Yes, that's true.
I and we have to get rid of, butwe we still have to get rid of
some of these labels.
Like, I don't like when peoplesay, Well, I'm menopausal and
perimenopausal, that's why I'mdoing that.
I'm like, yes, but don't takethat on as a label, you know,
it's okay with what you're goingthrough.
Accept it and and allow it tohappen, but don't say, you know,
(28:22):
don't don't because then otherpeople will just say, Oh, she's
menopausal.
That's why she's raging, orthat's why she's acting that
way, or whatever.
SPEAKER_00 (28:29):
And that's the problem, that we don't then get
the help that we need.
We don't have to make it ourentire personality.
It can be something that we areworking through because there's
so many different phases, andlots of women sort of, you know,
come out the other side um andthink, well, what was that?
And then some women don't comeout the other side, it just
becomes their new normal.
So it's very individual and notthere's not a one-size-fits-all
(28:51):
at all.
SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
It is hard navigating the menopause,
perimenopause environmentbecause I mean there's a lot of
information out there more nowthan there ever was.
Um, the support is there.
Seek support.
Don't feel like you'renavigating things alone.
I think that's another thing.
People don't ask women.
Women don't ask for help.
Women are like, I got it.
(29:12):
I've got this.
I've raised children, I've had ajob, I've done this.
What about like people likeyourself that they can reach out
to, someone that can help them,doctors.
Maybe there's a maybe not, Idon't know.
Not so many doctors that helpwith perimenopause and
menopause.
But there's gotta be resourcesout there that help you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:30):
There's there's a lot.
I we I um I'm part of amenopause group on Facebook
actually, and I, you know,there's there's many experts in
there, and I provide theconfidence side of things and
talk just about that.
And there's other people that dolike the HRT and the you know
the natural remedies and therelaxation.
There's like there's loads ofhelp out there.
I think you're right, we have tostop thinking that we've got to
struggle alone because this is atime of our life where it can
(29:53):
get dangerous to struggle alone.
It can get really dark andreally hard, and you think
you're broken and you think thatyou're Body is failing you, or
you know, at least um beingunfair to you.
And actually it's because of theexpectations externally that
we're putting on ourselves.
When we come back, come back tothere, you'll find that actually
(30:14):
your body's just doing what itneeds to do.
SPEAKER_01 (30:16):
Yeah, you know, when you said that about fixing
ourselves, I mean, my whole bodyjust was like it hit home what
you said that because I feellike constantly, maybe me
personally, I just feel like,oh, there's always something I'm
trying to fix, whether it's likemy body or my health or my image
or my words or my mental.
(30:37):
Every day, sometimes I'm like,oh my god, please, Rosh, just
stop talking in your head.
SPEAKER_00 (30:41):
You know, just turning that internal chatter
off, or turning that internalchatter into.
I always think you can'tactually turn her off, like
she's part of you, not really.
Um, but you can let her speak,and when you let her just have
her say, and I just like todisagree with her and go, Yeah,
yeah, I get I get what you'resaying, but actually, I've got
this.
Like, I'm okay.
I'm gonna do it my way becausethat just is, and then she's
(31:04):
just quieter.
And I always talk about thislike balance of wanting to bring
that quiet, knowing,self-assured part of you, which
is in there.
She's just quieter, so we've gotto let the noisy one speak, and
then when she's had her say, shewill be quiet, and then the
other one can kind of comethrough.
So it's but most of us live ourlives with just this constant
(31:27):
noise of you need to be thinner,you need to be faster runner,
you need to be doing, you know,educating more, you need to be,
oh, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (31:35):
Like, there's such a list of things we're so hard on
our on ourselves.
I've tried to manage that voiceby saying, Listen, you know,
when it starts to say somethinglike, I've got this, okay, I'm
good, I'm good.
SPEAKER_00 (31:46):
Yeah, that's a great way to approach it.
Because I think sometimes wedon't even start.
Women typically don't even startthings.
Meditation is a perfect example.
The amount of women I comeacross, they're like, Well, I
tried it, but I don't reallyknow how to do it.
It's because they're trying tomake it look like it could be
put on Instagram.
Like it doesn't, that's not howit looks in real life.
Actually, we we're not cheatingif you go for a guided
(32:07):
meditation.
If that's the only way you canswitch your brain off, do it.
I never ever left guidedmeditation.
I've never got into anythingelse because that's a good idea.
SPEAKER_01 (32:15):
Guided meditation is fabulous because it really helps
you, it really is a great way tostart.
Yeah.
And I just wait I every morningand I started this ritual, and
it really helps me.
Before I get out of bed, even Ijust, I just I have uh either a
crystal next to my bed orsomething, I put it on my heart,
and I just like, you know, prayor ask for guidance.
SPEAKER_00 (32:36):
It's karma.
You're starting from a karmaposition, and this is what I
talk about in terms of morningroutines.
It's not necessarily what weshould be doing because
everybody's gonna feel differentin their routine.
It's the things that bring uslike stress or shame.
Like going on our phones, firstof all, and getting all that
information that we don't reallyneed to be looking at at that
first point in the morning, oryou know, telling ourselves in
(33:00):
our head that we're not allowedto eat until a certain time
because we fear what that means,or as soon as we put our feet
down off the bed thinking, I'mgonna go weigh myself to see how
much I weigh today.
Why?
All of those things are justbringing you shame and stress,
shame and stress, like over andover again.
And that is when you startremoving those things and you
start your day in like a calmerway, like you're saying.
(33:21):
I think people think theirmorning routine should look a
certain way, and then they gethung up in that, and then they
feel like, oh, I can't do it.
So they but actually it's notabout that, it's like removing
the things that actually createthat feeling, and then you'll
start to replace them with whatfeels good for you, and that
could be anything.
If we take away some of those,you know, stress and
shame-inducing triggers thatplan out the rest of our day
(33:44):
completely, because especiallylike for things like you know, I
encourage women to give up thescales because when you're
always in the morning that westep on them, and actually that
dictates how you feel in yourclothes, how you're gonna talk
to yourself all day, what you'regonna eat or not eat all day,
you're not gonna nourishyourself, you're panicking,
thinking, oh, if I just skipanother couple of meals, and
(34:05):
then by the end of the day,you're so tired and you're just
diving into all the food andyou're thinking, Oh, start again
tomorrow, and then you just feelgonna go to bed with that shame.
So you're going up with thatshame, go to bed with the shame.
Like, we've got to get out ofthat.
SPEAKER_01 (34:16):
So terrible cycle, yes.
You start hitting the biscuitsand the crisps, and that's it,
you're done.
No, I I have to start ditchingthat scale because I'm convinced
that scale is messing with meevery day.
SPEAKER_00 (34:26):
Yeah, it's just uh it's just another stick to beat
ourselves with.
SPEAKER_01 (34:30):
It doesn't tell us anything.
You know, I know that nutritionand diet is a whole nother topic
that uh is is constantlychanging, and we don't have to
dive deep here, but you know,I'm starting to to hear more
about so so fasting is a bigtopic, and like I said, we're
not talking details here, butpeople talk about fasting, but
for women to do something likethat, I'm learning that it's not
(34:52):
um not the correct form ofdieting for them because fasting
may actually cause harm forwomen.
So I I guess this is just mesaying to women out there before
you start going down the hole orthe or a program that may not be
the best thing for you, justkind of tune in to notice like
(35:13):
how you're feeling after doingit for a couple of days.
Not about losing weight, but howhow are you feeling?
Like, is it messing you up?
Yeah, it can mess it, mess youup.
SPEAKER_00 (35:22):
I've had some good conversations about this
actually, and and I think it's Ithink it's probably I'd just
give it just give you a sort ofuh a little kind of snapshot of
my thought process on this,because I obviously don't
advocate anyone doing anythingto to do with their body.
And as we're in this world ofweight loss drugs now, with like
this is here, and people aretaking that left, right, and
centre, even people who don'tneed to take it.
(35:42):
Yeah, and that is a frighteningtime.
And for perimenopausal women, Idid a whole episode in this on
my previous podcast about weightloss drugs because the effect it
has on your bone density is veryalarming and concerning if you
don't manage it the right wayand you don't have those tools.
Like we're gonna you're gonna bestart losing muscle and you're
(36:04):
gonna start losing bone density,and that is frightening because
we, as we know, osteoporosis andall that stuff happen around
that menopause agent, it couldaccelerate that significantly.
So that's the only thing I'd sayabout that.
But I think what I would comeback to is you always have body
autonomy.
This is what I always say topeople is I'm not here to tell
someone that they should orshouldn't diet because you know
how you feel in your body.
(36:25):
Like I am in the biggest bodyI've ever been in, but I
actually feel healthy andenergized.
Now, if I didn't, that would bedifferent.
Because I would maybe bethinking, well, how can I feel
energized and healthy?
Because there's no good, I don'twant anyone to say, well, I'm
not gonna diet anymore,therefore sod it.
Like that's not that's not fun.
That's not a fun place to bewhere you're just saying, well,
I just can eat everything Iwant.
(36:46):
In fact, if I have clients thatcome to me and say that, that's
a bit of a red flag to me.
What you we want to be sayingyes and no and maybe and not now
and tomorrow and you knowanother day for food and things
with nutrition because we'rethinking about that bigger
picture.
But when it comes to things likeintimate fasting, exactly like
you said, if there are likesigns that it's not working for
you, it's not giving you thething that you wanted in terms
(37:08):
of like energy and sleep and allof those things, and all you can
think about is like you'reclockwatching to the time that
you can eat, and then you'regetting all the food in, and
you're like, I had somebody whoI was talking to, she was like,
Oh, I love fasting, and she wastalking to me about it, and I
was like, Oh, great.
And then she was like, Oh, Ijust wish I could stop just
eating so much when I am allowedto eat.
And I was like, but it's becauseyou're it's because of the it's
(37:29):
because of the restriction thatyou're if you can fast and then
calmly, calmly eat in a normal,relaxed way, great, fine.
If it feels that would feelgood, that would be fine.
But I don't I don't recommend ornot recommend anything.
I think everybody has autonomyto do whatever they want with
their body, but you've got tojust go inwards.
We've just this comes back tothe same thing.
(37:50):
Going back to yourself, goingback to what works for you,
because what works for oneperson won't work for someone
else.
And with especially with thingslike diets and fads like this,
the information of you should bedoing this is just wafted around
freely.
Never does anyone ever say, Howdoes that feel in your body?
How can that fit into your life?
Does that work for your familydynamics?
(38:12):
Does that work for how you whatyou're doing for a living, the
shift work you might be doing,whatever it might be?
Like you've gotta, we've gottacome from an internal place.
SPEAKER_01 (38:21):
Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?
SPEAKER_00 (38:24):
No, I don't think so.
I think we've covered just sucha wide range of stuff.
Like thing, we just keep comingback to the same thing, which is
which is coming home toyourself.
And that's really what I try todo with this unshakable
confidence.
And the reason I talk aboutunshakable confidence is because
that's what I want you to findis the confidence that can't be
knocked by something external,like it can't be like wobbled
(38:45):
around, because actually it thengoes back to being stable again
because you're centered and youare really you trust yourself
and you believe in yourself andall the things that you want and
you don't mind getting it wrong.
And that that's when you knowyou could see a million social
media posts that tell you you'vegot to be thinner or you gotta
look a certain way, but you'rein you you're in your own
(39:05):
knowing.
You you're not you'reunshakable, you're not moving.
SPEAKER_01 (39:08):
Yeah, I love that.
Um, talk about what you offerthen too, or your offerings and
where we can get it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:13):
Yeah, well, at the moment I'm working with um
business owners who want to stopholding themselves back because
of how they look or maybe howthey feel about themselves.
And I've got this program comingup called Known, which is about
helping them get known for whatthey do.
So they may have some expertisein a certain area, and they can
really shed this idea that theyhave to be small, charge, you
(39:34):
know, very little, wait forspeaking gigs to come along, you
know, wait for the podcastthings, wait to write the book,
wait for the PR.
They can do it themselves.
Like you're no, we're notwaiting for people to save us
anymore.
Known is about getting known forwhat you do and really owning
it.
And um, that starts on June the3rd.
So I've got that coming up.
And then I have a few kind offreebies.
My podcast is one of them, whichis the Unshakable Confidence
(39:56):
Podcast.
And I have another freebie,which is how to pitch yourself a
podcast that you can guest likeI do.
Um I kind of package that upinto something because people
were asking me, like, how do youget so many?
I'm like, Well, I just kind oflisten to some I like, and then
I reach out to the person andI'm like, Can I come on as a
guest?
And these are my so I I put itin a PDF so people could do it
themselves.
(40:16):
Lovely.
Because um so many women arelike, oh, no one ever asked me.
And I'm like, no one ever askedme, though.
I asked myself.
You know, that's how I get outthere.
SPEAKER_01 (40:24):
I think you get to a certain age, and I even tell
people, just ask, what do yougot to lose?
It's costing nothing.
Exactly.
Yes, it's great.
If they say no, then it's notmeant to be.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (40:35):
So often you think about, well, people must know
this, right?
And then I realize they don't.
So I put it in a um put it in afile, and somebody messaged me
the other day.
Uh, she's a really good friendof mine, actually, but uh but
owns her own business.
She was like, This is gold, likethis is just contains so much
you should have charged for it.
But it is my freebie.
It's just one of the things thatpeople kind of get when they
sign up and come and into myworld and get a little bit more
(40:58):
confidence.
So uh yeah, lovely.
SPEAKER_01 (40:59):
Uh this has been great conversation, Samson.
I really appreciate you beinghere.
And um I just encourage everyoneto go out there and find you and
listen to your podcast because Iit's great.
I've been listening to yourpodcast as well, and I love it.
So thank you so much for beinghere.
Oh, thank you for having me.
I've loved it.
Thank you for sharing thissacred time with me today.
(41:20):
If today's episode resonatedwith you, I'd be so grateful if
you'd share it with the friendswho might need these gentle
reminders.
And speaking of support, yourreviews help other women find
our community.
So please take a moment to leaveone wherever you listen to
podcasts.
Ready to go deeper?
Visit rosewippage.com to exploremy personalized healing
(41:44):
sessions, courses, andworkshops.
Until next time, remember, youare exactly where you need to
be.
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