Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
To have the best experience, okay?
Alright, so let's get into it.
Our scripture text for todaycomes from Romans 12, 1 and 2,
from the King James Version.
I beseech you, therefore,brethren, by the mercies of God,
that you present your body as aliving sacrifice, holy
(00:23):
acceptable.
Oh, y'all know it.
Come on, holy acceptable untoGod, which is your reasonable
servants.
And be not conformed to thisworld, but be ye transformed by
the renewing of your mind, thatye may prove what is that good
and acceptable and perfect willof God.
(00:44):
Y'all either memorize good oryou can read good.
Either one, we good.
Now, our our anchor stripscripture for today is actually
going to come from Romans, thesecond verse, and I'm going to
read it out of the living Bible.
Okay.
Oh, somebody with the LivingBible, come on.
Don't copy Romans 12, 2 out ofthe Living Bible.
(01:06):
Don't copy the behavior andcustoms of this world.
But be a new and differentperson with a fresh newness in
all you do and think.
Then you will learn from yourown experience how his ways will
really satisfy you.
(01:28):
That is the word of God.
Well, today, if you all wouldallow me and indulge me, we're
going to turn this Sundaymorning service into a
solution-focused group therapysession.
Alright?
If you are a therapist or if youhave been to therapy, you know
that typically it's 50 minutes.
If you uh charge insurance, it's53 minutes.
(01:52):
And if we're in a good mood,we'll give you 60 minutes.
But today, we only got 20.
Don't worry, Pastor.
I know.
I know how many minutes we got.
Don't worry about it.
And since we're at church, andthis is the church edition of
the solution focused therapysession, I had to come up with a
title because I get in troubleif you don't have a title,
(02:13):
because you gotta have a title,right?
So my title is This Ends Here.
From trauma to triumph.
This ends here.
And whether it's here in thisplace or here in this place,
this ends here.
(02:33):
Again, it's mental health month,it's mental health Sunday here
in Christ Community.
The World Health Organizationsays there is no health without
mental health.
A lot of times we confuse mentalhealth with mental illness.
Mental health is a state ofoverall psychological,
emotional, and social well-beingthat everyone has.
(02:55):
While mental illness, my paperis upside down.
Well, mental illness refers to adiagnosable condition that
disrupt thinking, mood, andbehavior.
Alright?
Some common mental healthstruggles are anxiety,
depression, burnout, emotionalexhaustion, grief, and trauma
(03:18):
responses.
There are numerous amounts oftrauma responses, emotional,
physical, and relational, justto name a few.
But today, for our Christianchurch uh solution-focused
therapy session, we're going tolook at a form of trauma that
sometimes tends to getoverlooked.
I've been doing this work a longtime, about 15 or more years.
(03:39):
I've seen lots of people, andsometimes we overlook this
certain amount of trauma, but Ididn't get this inspiration from
my years of Bible reading andstudying, or my years of paying
for a very expensive degree forme to put some letters behind my
name.
I was actually looking at TV.
unknown (04:01):
What's that?
SPEAKER_00 (04:01):
Y'all know I like TV.
I told you before, I like TV.
So I was watching this showcalled Blue Bloods.
Now, Blue Bloods is a, I'msorry, Boston Blue.
Boston Blue is a spin-off ofBlue Bloods.
Anybody seen it?
All right, all right.
It's like FBI, CSI, all thoseeyes.
(04:22):
And in this particular episodeof Boston Blue, the grandfather
was getting ready to go tosurgery.
And he said to May, hisdaughter, that she ought to tell
Lena, her daughter, aboutsomething that happened in her
life.
Well, then May got a littlespicy.
She said, because just like youdidn't tell me about what you
(04:42):
did.
So he was, she may was a littlespicy.
But then they said a term that Ihad never heard before.
They said, Lador Vador.
Y'all ain't never heard beforeeither.
Lador Vador is a Hebrew wordmeaning generation to
generation.
The family in Blue Blood, uh, Ikeep on calling Blue Blood,
(05:04):
Boston Blue, they have a legacyof everybody being police
officers.
They have a fine home, they'refinancially sound.
They meet every Friday night forShabbat.
They get together to play games.
They have all of these thingsthey passed down from generation
to generation.
But while he's on his deathbed,he's saying, You might want to
tell Lena what you did.
(05:25):
And she said, You might want totell me what you did.
From generation to generation.
Last week for Mother's Day,Pastor talked about how we
should pass down faith and graceand love and all the things
which we do.
We pass down Big Mama's recipes,we pass down granddaddy's good
work ethic, we pass down a wholelot of good things in our lives.
(05:48):
But sometimes, sometimes,sometimes, we pass down
generational trauma.
La door, from generation togeneration.
Generational trauma refers toemotional wounds, harmful
behaviors, survival patterns,and unresolved pain that are
passed from one generation toanother, from fam through
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families and communities.
Now, there are lots of emotionalpatterns that go on, but I'm
gonna talk about three commonones this morning.
Because we in our, you know, ifyou ever been to therapy or
you're a therapist, you'll bewatching that clock.
Okay?
Because either you want them toget on out or you want to get on
through.
Either one.
Three common emotional patterns: fear and anxiety. (06:28):
undefined
Families who live in instabilityand trauma pass down constant
worry, hypervigilance, fear offailure, and fear of
abandonment.
Children grow up sensing dangereven when they're safe.
If you grow up in a householdwhere they always fussing and
(06:51):
arguing and cussing and throwingand leaving, you feel unsafe.
And then you grow up as an adultand you're always feeling
unsafe.
Like somebody's out to get you,somebody's trying to do this to
you, somebody's got your, and Idon't have your back.
Nobody's there for you.
You are hyper-vigilant, you'reworking hard because I got to
have me, because ain't nobodygonna have my back but me.
(07:12):
I got to have me.
Fear and anxiety, emotionalsuppression.
Now, this is one when I wasdoing this teaching, you know, I
don't talk about y'all,sometimes I have to talk about
me.
When I saw this emotionalsuppression, I thought about the
fact that um uh you all know Ididn't have any bio kids, but I
helped Felicia raise herchildren.
(07:32):
And um emotional suppressionmeans don't cry, stay strong,
keep it to yourself what goes onin this house, stay in this
house.
I wish you would tell them,because if you tell them, I got
(07:53):
you.
And that ain't a good I got you.
And I thought about myself withthe kids.
There were times, you know, ourfamily, we when we talk, we talk
on FaceTime.
I mean, yeah, FaceTime.
I don't know why, but we do.
So if they call me and one ofthem tuned up to cry, I'm like,
what's wrong with you?
I'm not the sweet auntie, like,oh baby, what's wrong?
What's what's what's going on?
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Who did it?
I'm like, what is wrong with youand what you crying for?
You you you you you need to buckup.
You be okay.
It's a job, ain't it?
So why are you upset?
I ain't talking about y'all,don't worry about it.
I'm talking about me.
I'm talking about me.
I'm talking about the threechildren I had uh over the me.
(08:37):
But then they they don't learnto it creates emotional numbness
in the person that you're doingit to.
Inability to express feelings,because now, now I'm crazy and I
done told them what you'recrying for, stop crying.
Then I said, come on, you cantell when I when I ask them and
they say nothing, I'm like, no,you can talk to me.
Well, girl, you done told them,stop crying.
(08:57):
What is wrong with them?
How are they gonna trust you?
They're not gonna read it.
They're not getting ready tosay, well, Auntie, such and such
and so and so and so and so, soand so and so.
Because I'm gonna say, it's allright, ain't nothing wrong.
You fine.
We have to learn what goes on inthis house.
I grew up a child in the 60s inMonroe, Louisiana.
And my mama said, honey, don'tyou go up out of here and tell
(09:17):
none of our business.
Because what goes on in thishouse, what?
Emotional suppression.
Our third common emotionalpattern, anger and reactivity.
Living in trauma sometimesteaches people that aggression
(09:39):
is protection.
Oh no, you ain't never, ain'tnobody gonna never, I wish you
would, I knocked till I buck.
This shows up in explosiveanger.
You say one thing and youhooping it out.
What is wrong with you?
I just ask you where you be.
(10:00):
Defensively.
Well, I'm not defensive, Ididn't do it, and you're coming
up with all of these excusesabout why you did do it, but you
don't want to take ownership, soyou defend I ain't defensive?
Oh, really?
What was all that you just did?
Yelling, intimidation, andinability to regulate emotions.
(10:26):
This is where all the crashingout comes from.
Everybody wants to crash out.
You go up to McDonald's and theydon't, the fries ain't hot.
All you gotta do is tell thepeople the fries ain't hot.
Can you make them some make canthey make you some more?
But no, you've been ready totalk about them, their mama,
their cousins, everybody.
Cause the fries ain't hot.
Come on, y'all.
(10:48):
Emotional regulation.
While the Bible doesn't use theterm generational trauma, it
repeatedly shows how unresolvedpain and sin in one generation
can deeply affect the next.
The patterns began in the gardenwith Adam and Eve.
And Genesis 3, where shame,fear, hiding, and blame enter
(11:10):
human experience after fall.
And then the next chapter,Genesis 4, those emotional
fractures appear in the firstfamily through jealousy, anger,
and violence between Cain andAbel.
Throughout scripture, familypatterns continue to repeat.
Abraham and Isaac both strugglewith fear and deception.
Jacob's family is marked byfavoritism and sibling conflict.
(11:32):
David's household suffers fromviolence, grief, and fractured
relationships.
And then Israel carries thecollective trauma of slavery,
exile, and oppression.
This ends here or here, eitherway.
Romans 12.
Oh, I gotta run.
The clock is ticking.
Romans 12, 2, the living Bible.
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Don't copy the behavior and thecustoms of this world, but be a
new and different person with afresh newness in all you do and
think.
Then you will learn your ownexperience how his ways will
really satisfy you.
Now, here are our six points.
You know, you come to therapy,you gotta present the problem.
(12:16):
We just presented the problem,generational trauma.
Now we're gonna present theplan, alright?
Here's our plan.
And we got six points, but we'regonna move fast.
Number one, name it, also calledawareness.
Awareness is the first step totransformation because God can't
heal what's not revealed.
(12:40):
I'm gonna say it again for thosein the back.
God can't heal what's notrevealed.
So while you want to be secretand you don't want to talk about
it, I get it, you may feel away,but know that your healing comes
when you begin to reveal.
Awareness is the ability torecognize patterns, identify
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emotional wounds, acknowledgeunhealthy behaviors, and
understand how past experiencesshape present reactions.
Awareness is the moment in ourlives when you we just stop
saying, that's just how I am.
Like it or leave it.
I don't care.
29 people done told you you'renasty.
(13:24):
29 people done told you you gotanger problems because every
time they say you say somethingto them, uh you you pop off and
you just gone flying off thehandle.
29 people done told you this,and you keep saying they are
online.
What?
Awareness comes when you stopsaying, Well, you know what, I
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don't care what y'all say,that's just how I am, and you
either gonna take me like I amor leave me alone.
Well, whoop, some of them gonnaleave you alone.
And awareness starts when youstart asking yourself, why do I
respond this way?
Why do I do this?
I have some things that I do inmy life that I'd be like, girl,
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what is you doing?
See, I talk to myself like Italk to other people.
I'd be like, girl, what youdoing?
And why are you doing it?
You're acting silly, andsometimes, you know, we tend to,
we can fool ourselves like weare so high and mighty and pious
that we don't ever ask thequestion, but you ought to ask a
friend.
You need to phone a friendsometimes.
(14:29):
Like, friend, and don't justtell what they did.
Please tell what you did too.
Please, please don't don't bethe hero of your own story and
tell all about what they did,and they did this, and they did
that, and they did.
Well, do you think I was wrong?
No, they're not gonna thinkyou're wrong because you didn't
tell them what you did.
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You got to tell the whole story.
You gotta tell the whole story.
Ledor Vador, from generation togeneration, become because
continues because patterns arenormalized.
People grow up believing thatsilence is strength.
Anger is leadership, anxiety isnormal.
(15:11):
Dysfunction is simply this ishow my family is, child.
They just ignorant, and we justgo act a fool every time we get
together.
That everybody in jail,everybody do that.
That's just what it is.
So we just get used to thedysfunction.
Awareness interrupts automaticliving, just being on autopilot,
that it's all good.
(15:32):
Without awareness, people repeatsurvival behaviors
automatically.
You automatically repeat thosebehaviors without even thinking
about it.
You cannot break a cycle yourefuse to acknowledge.
Healing begins when honestyenters.
Number two, I'm watching theclock fasting.
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Own your part in it.
Agency.
Own your part in it.
For it is God who works in youto will and act in order to
fulfill his good purposes.
Philippians 2 and 13.
Agency is the understanding thatwhile you may not have been able
to control what happened to you,there are some things that have
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happened to us in our past thatwe had nothing to do.
We couldn't control it.
It happened.
We went through it, we survivedit, it was horrible, it was
terrible.
Some folks probably need to bein jail.
Uh, all the things I don't everdiminish what happens to us
because there are some severethings that happen to us in life
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from generation to generation.
But with God's power, we haveagency over how we respond.
Heal and move forward.
I try, I really try to, youknow, everything happened to
people to tell other things.
We we we we agree, we we we pet,we do other things, but please
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don't be 90 years old talkingabout what happened when you
were 10.
Come on, come on now, come on.
You left home when you was 20,so you done had seven years to
work on yourself, but you stillblaming and leaning in on what
happened when you were 10.
(17:21):
Come on, y'all.
Let's take agency, let's takeresponsibility.
We can't do nothing about whathappened.
Can't change it?
All the talking about it, allthe crying about it ain't gonna
change it.
It ain't gonna change it.
You gotta work on yourforgiveness.
Forgiveness don't meanreconciliation.
You gotta work on what you'regonna do.
You you you gotta figure it out.
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Don't spend your life blamingyour parents, blaming your
grandparents, blaming youruncles and your aunties.
Some of them, for real, forreal, some things aside, but
some of them, they just did whatthey knew to do.
From generation to generation,door for door.
They mama did it, they mama'smama did it, almost their mama's
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mama's mama did it.
They just did what they knew todo, they did their best.
And I've learned, I've livedlong enough to know that.
And it is such a freedom whenyou know that they was just
doing the best they could.
Because guess what?
Guess what?
You doing the best you can withyour kids, and they got they
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fussing about you.
There was no manual when you hadlittle Jojo and Ri-Ri and Ray
Ray and Soupai.
There was no manual that camewith them.
You was just doing the best youknew how to do, and you messed
up some stuff along the way,also.
Amen.
Agency is not pretending thattrauma didn't happen, it is
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deciding that trauma may haveshaped me, but it will not
completely control me.
Agency interrupts the mindset ofhopelessness, powerlessness,
emotional paralysis.
Sometimes we feel like nothingwill ever change.
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How is this my life?
My family has always been thisway, and they will never change.
And you know what?
That last statement may be true.
They may not change.
Your family may not change, butagency says that you can tell
them y'all carry on, y'all beyou, and I'm gonna be me, and
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you can change.
Agency means takingresponsibility for your healing,
not pretending you don't needhelp.
God can heal through prayer,community, wisdom, and
counseling.
In some of our communities, weteach people to just pray about
it, stay strong, and keep thefamily business private.
Prayer is indeed powerful, butcounseling can also be part of
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God's healing process.
Just as people seek doctors forphysical healing, they can also
seek trained counselors foremotional and mental healing.
Faith and counseling can worktogether.
Seeking counseling is not a lackof faith, it can be an act of
faith.
Number three, we gotta finishthe plan.
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Grieve what was missing.
You get to feel what you feel.
Most of the time we think ofgrieving when we think of
grieving, we think of grievingsomething that happened to us.
Some loss, some a job loss, adeath, all those things.
Excuse me.
But trauma victims sometimeshave to grieve what never
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happened.
What they never received.
What should have existed.
Some people are grieving parentswho are emotionally unavailable.
Childhoods filled withinstability.
You you went to five schools intwo years.
Relationships that never feltsafe.
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He said he was coming to pickyou up and he never showed, or
he took you over hisgirlfriend's house and they they
just dismissed you.
Affirmation that never heard.
You never heard, you're pretty,you look good, you did well, you
did good, you had good grades,you didn't get no money for your
grades.
You said you need to go toschool.
Just go to school.
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The neighbor had to come to yourgraduation programs and your
your school programs becauseyour mom and daddy wasn't
nowhere around.
And peace they neverexperienced.
Some people just grew up andjust held.
I'm sorry.
It was just terrible.
And that's what happened.
People who never grieve oftencontinue carrying emotional
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weight unconsciously.
Unprocessed grief can look likeanger, anxiety, numbness,
bitterness, and emotionalshutdown.
People who didn't get what theyneeded early on in life, they
sometimes, if they don't dotheir work, they don't know how
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to navigate life properly.
They begin to shut down.
You you say one thing to them,they feel like you just you just
own their back.
I just asked you, was you gonnabe on time to the meeting?
That's all I said.
Why why are you all upset, man?
I didn't attack your wholeperson.
I just said, can you be on time?
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Grief is not weakness, it'semotional honesty.
Unfortunately, in church, weteach teach to keep going.
It's okay.
Where's your faith?
Trust in God.
But we need to normalize lettingfolks know that it's okay to
slow down.
It's okay to mourn.
It's okay to take time.
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It's okay.
Jesus wept at the grave ofLazarus and he knew he was gonna
raise him.
But he wept anyway.
It's okay to not be okay.
You get to feel what you feel.
Healing can begin when youfinally allow yourselves to
mourn what your heart missed foryears.
Healing begins when you allowyourselves to mourn what your
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heart missed for years.
Psalms 147.3 says, He heals thebrokenhearted and binds up their
wounds.
Number four, replace thepattern, renew your mind.
And again, don't copy thebehavior and the customs of this
world, but be a new anddifferent person with a fresh
newness in all you do and think.
Then you will learn from yourown experience how his ways will
(23:40):
really satisfy you.
This ends here.
This ends here.
From triumph to trauma.
This ends here.
Romans 12 2, Paul is telling usthat believers do not continue
to be shaped emotionally ormentally by unhealthy, inherited
patterns.
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Instead, God offerstransformation through the
renewing of the mind by learninghealthier ways of thinking,
responding, and living.
Then he goes on to say, But beye transformed.
Transformation, ladies andgentlemen, is not behavior
modification.
Transformation is not turningover a new leaf.
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Because guess what?
If you turn it back over, thesame thing is on the other side.
So at any moment you can turnthat thing over and still start
acting crazy.
Okay?
Transformation involves changingthought patterns, confronting
unhealthy beliefs, learningemotional awareness, replacing
fear with truth, and developinghealthier relationship and
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coping skills.
Transformation teaches us how toreplace silence with
communication, rage withemotional regulation, isolation
with safe community, shame withtruth, fear with trust.
You cannot build a healthyfuture with old patterns.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's dothe work, let's go to work.
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And last, my last point passdown something different.
Let's do something different,intentional legacy.
Now I know you know we're allinto legacy, you know, passing
down wealth and houses andthings for our children, and
that's great.
That's great.
You ought to leave aninheritance for your children
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and your children's children.
But what are you leavingemotionally?
If you leave them five milliondollars and they don't know how
to handle it and know how toregulate and know how to carry
themselves and rooms that youwill produce for them, they're
gonna still mess up becausepeople are gonna think they
don't have good sense.
They just rich.
Ledore Vador, what will you passfrom generation to generation?
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We would definitely uh button,I'm sorry, we definitely want to
pass down generational wealth,but we also need to consider:
will we continue to pass downunhealthy patterns that
perpetrate fear, perpetuatefear, silence, shame, or
emotional distance?
Or will you do as Paul is askingus to do, to be transformed by
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the renewing of our mind,attending to our mental health,
because we have no healthwithout mental health.
A healing legacy perpetuateshonesty, emotional safety,
healthy communication, faith,and restoration.
The goal of healing is not onlypersonal for you to just be
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free, for you to just feel good,for you to just be alright, but
it's generational transformationthat your children will be fine,
and that your children'schildren and your children's
children's children will befine, that the cycle will be
broken.
Some people call it generationalcurses, but that they will be
broken.
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Somebody in the family linebecomes the repairer, somebody
becomes the truth teller,somebody becomes the emotionally
healthy example, and thensomebody becomes the cycle
breaker.
And at the end of all the pain,at the end of all the trauma, at
the end of all the brokencycles, we are left with one
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truth.
Jesus did not just come forsinful people, he also came for
wounded people.
Wounded people, broken-heartedpeople, burdened people, people
carrying generations of pain.
Psalms 34, 18 says, the Lord isclose to the brokenhearted and
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save those who are of a crushedspirit.
Jesus did not come only to savesouls for eternity, he came to
restore hearts, restore minds,restore families, restore
identities, and restoregenerations.
You may have inherited fear,silence, anger, abandonment, and
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emotional wounds, but Jesusoffers something stronger than
what was passed down.
He offers peace for anxiety,healing for shame, rest for
exhaustion, freedom frombondage, love for rejection,
counselors for direction, thedawn of the door from generation
to generation.
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This is here, shame is here,silence is here, bitterness is
here, untreated wounds in here,destructive spectacles in here,
whatever else you got doing onthe young family.
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Hallelujah.
Because if you do the work andthen you allow God to renew your
mind, He and He alone, incompany with you, can restore a
generation.
My time is up.
Somebody say this is here.
To have the best experience, okay?
Alright, so let's get into it.
Our scripture text for todaycomes from Romans 12, 1 and 2,
from the King James Version.
I beseech you, therefore,brethren, by the mercies of God,
that you present your body as aliving sacrifice, holy
(00:23):
acceptable.
Oh, y'all know it.
Come on, holy acceptable untoGod, which is your reasonable
servants.
And be not conformed to thisworld, but be ye transformed by
the renewing of your mind, thatye may prove what is that good
and acceptable and perfect willof God.
(00:44):
Y'all either memorize good oryou can read good.
Either one, we good.
Now, our our anchor stripscripture for today is actually
going to come from Romans, thesecond verse, and I'm going to
read it out of the living Bible.
Okay.
Oh, somebody with the LivingBible, come on.
Don't copy Romans 12, 2 out ofthe Living Bible.
(01:06):
Don't copy the behavior andcustoms of this world.
But be a new and differentperson with a fresh newness in
all you do and think.
Then you will learn from yourown experience how his ways will
really satisfy you.
(01:28):
That is the word of God.
Well, today, if you all wouldallow me and indulge me, we're
going to turn this Sundaymorning service into a
solution-focused group therapysession.
Alright?
If you are a therapist or if youhave been to therapy, you know
that typically it's 50 minutes.
If you uh charge insurance, it's53 minutes.
(01:52):
And if we're in a good mood,we'll give you 60 minutes.
But today, we only got 20.
Don't worry, Pastor.
I know.
I know how many minutes we got.
Don't worry about it.
And since we're at church, andthis is the church edition of
the solution focused therapysession, I had to come up with a
title because I get in troubleif you don't have a title,
(02:13):
because you gotta have a title,right?
So my title is This Ends Here.
From trauma to triumph.
This ends here.
And whether it's here in thisplace or here in this place,
this ends here.
(02:33):
Again, it's mental health month,it's mental health Sunday here
in Christ Community.
The World Health Organizationsays there is no health without
mental health.
A lot of times we confuse mentalhealth with mental illness.
Mental health is a state ofoverall psychological,
emotional, and social well-beingthat everyone has.
(02:55):
While mental illness, my paperis upside down.
Well, mental illness refers to adiagnosable condition that
disrupt thinking, mood, andbehavior.
Alright?
Some common mental healthstruggles are anxiety,
depression, burnout, emotionalexhaustion, grief, and trauma
(03:18):
responses.
There are numerous amounts oftrauma responses, emotional,
physical, and relational, justto name a few.
But today, for our Christianchurch uh solution-focused
therapy session, we're going tolook at a form of trauma that
sometimes tends to getoverlooked.
I've been doing this work a longtime, about 15 or more years.
(03:39):
I've seen lots of people, andsometimes we overlook this
certain amount of trauma, but Ididn't get this inspiration from
my years of Bible reading andstudying, or my years of paying
for a very expensive degree forme to put some letters behind my
name.
I was actually looking at TV.
unknown (04:01):
What's that?
SPEAKER_00 (04:01):
Y'all know I like TV.
I told you before, I like TV.
So I was watching this showcalled Blue Bloods.
Now, Blue Bloods is a, I'msorry, Boston Blue.
Boston Blue is a spin-off ofBlue Bloods.
Anybody seen it?
All right, all right.
It's like FBI, CSI, all thoseeyes.
(04:22):
And in this particular episodeof Boston Blue, the grandfather
was getting ready to go tosurgery.
And he said to May, hisdaughter, that she ought to tell
Lena, her daughter, aboutsomething that happened in her
life.
Well, then May got a littlespicy.
She said, because just like youdidn't tell me about what you
(04:42):
did.
So he was, she may was a littlespicy.
But then they said a term that Ihad never heard before.
They said, Lador Vador.
Y'all ain't never heard beforeeither.
Lador Vador is a Hebrew wordmeaning generation to
generation.
The family in Blue Blood, uh, Ikeep on calling Blue Blood,
(05:04):
Boston Blue, they have a legacyof everybody being police
officers.
They have a fine home, they'refinancially sound.
They meet every Friday night forShabbat.
They get together to play games.
They have all of these thingsthey passed down from generation
to generation.
But while he's on his deathbed,he's saying, You might want to
tell Lena what you did.
(05:25):
And she said, You might want totell me what you did.
From generation to generation.
Last week for Mother's Day,Pastor talked about how we
should pass down faith and graceand love and all the things
which we do.
We pass down Big Mama's recipes,we pass down granddaddy's good
work ethic, we pass down a wholelot of good things in our lives.
(05:48):
But sometimes, sometimes,sometimes, we pass down
generational trauma.
La door, from generation togeneration.
Generational trauma refers toemotional wounds, harmful
behaviors, survival patterns,and unresolved pain that are
passed from one generation toanother, from fam through
(06:11):
families and communities.
Now, there are lots of emotionalpatterns that go on, but I'm
gonna talk about three commonones this morning.
Because we in our, you know, ifyou ever been to therapy or
you're a therapist, you'll bewatching that clock.
Okay?
Because either you want them toget on out or you want to get on
through.
Either one.
Three common emotional patterns: fear and anxiety. (06:28):
undefined
Families who live in instabilityand trauma pass down constant
worry, hypervigilance, fear offailure, and fear of
abandonment.
Children grow up sensing dangereven when they're safe.
If you grow up in a householdwhere they always fussing and
(06:51):
arguing and cussing and throwingand leaving, you feel unsafe.
And then you grow up as an adultand you're always feeling
unsafe.
Like somebody's out to get you,somebody's trying to do this to
you, somebody's got your, and Idon't have your back.
Nobody's there for you.
You are hyper-vigilant, you'reworking hard because I got to
have me, because ain't nobodygonna have my back but me.
(07:12):
I got to have me.
Fear and anxiety, emotionalsuppression.
Now, this is one when I wasdoing this teaching, you know, I
don't talk about y'all,sometimes I have to talk about
me.
When I saw this emotionalsuppression, I thought about the
fact that um uh you all know Ididn't have any bio kids, but I
helped Felicia raise herchildren.
(07:32):
And um emotional suppressionmeans don't cry, stay strong,
keep it to yourself what goes onin this house, stay in this
house.
I wish you would tell them,because if you tell them, I got
(07:53):
you.
And that ain't a good I got you.
And I thought about myself withthe kids.
There were times, you know, ourfamily, we when we talk, we talk
on FaceTime.
I mean, yeah, FaceTime.
I don't know why, but we do.
So if they call me and one ofthem tuned up to cry, I'm like,
what's wrong with you?
I'm not the sweet auntie, like,oh baby, what's wrong?
What's what's what's going on?
(08:16):
Who did it?
I'm like, what is wrong with youand what you crying for?
You you you you you need to buckup.
You be okay.
It's a job, ain't it?
So why are you upset?
I ain't talking about y'all,don't worry about it.
I'm talking about me.
I'm talking about me.
I'm talking about the threechildren I had uh over the me.
(08:37):
But then they they don't learnto it creates emotional numbness
in the person that you're doingit to.
Inability to express feelings,because now, now I'm crazy and I
done told them what you'recrying for, stop crying.
Then I said, come on, you cantell when I when I ask them and
they say nothing, I'm like, no,you can talk to me.
Well, girl, you done told them,stop crying.
(08:57):
What is wrong with them?
How are they gonna trust you?
They're not gonna read it.
They're not getting ready tosay, well, Auntie, such and such
and so and so and so and so, soand so and so.
Because I'm gonna say, it's allright, ain't nothing wrong.
You fine.
We have to learn what goes on inthis house.
I grew up a child in the 60s inMonroe, Louisiana.
And my mama said, honey, don'tyou go up out of here and tell
(09:17):
none of our business.
Because what goes on in thishouse, what?
Emotional suppression.
Our third common emotionalpattern, anger and reactivity.
Living in trauma sometimesteaches people that aggression
(09:39):
is protection.
Oh no, you ain't never, ain'tnobody gonna never, I wish you
would, I knocked till I buck.
This shows up in explosiveanger.
You say one thing and youhooping it out.
What is wrong with you?
I just ask you where you be.
(10:00):
Defensively.
Well, I'm not defensive, Ididn't do it, and you're coming
up with all of these excusesabout why you did do it, but you
don't want to take ownership, soyou defend I ain't defensive?
Oh, really?
What was all that you just did?
Yelling, intimidation, andinability to regulate emotions.
(10:26):
This is where all the crashingout comes from.
Everybody wants to crash out.
You go up to McDonald's and theydon't, the fries ain't hot.
All you gotta do is tell thepeople the fries ain't hot.
Can you make them some make canthey make you some more?
But no, you've been ready totalk about them, their mama,
their cousins, everybody.
Cause the fries ain't hot.
Come on, y'all.
(10:48):
Emotional regulation.
While the Bible doesn't use theterm generational trauma, it
repeatedly shows how unresolvedpain and sin in one generation
can deeply affect the next.
The patterns began in the gardenwith Adam and Eve.
And Genesis 3, where shame,fear, hiding, and blame enter
(11:10):
human experience after fall.
And then the next chapter,Genesis 4, those emotional
fractures appear in the firstfamily through jealousy, anger,
and violence between Cain andAbel.
Throughout scripture, familypatterns continue to repeat.
Abraham and Isaac both strugglewith fear and deception.
Jacob's family is marked byfavoritism and sibling conflict.
(11:32):
David's household suffers fromviolence, grief, and fractured
relationships.
And then Israel carries thecollective trauma of slavery,
exile, and oppression.
This ends here or here, eitherway.
Romans 12.
Oh, I gotta run.
The clock is ticking.
Romans 12, 2, the living Bible.
(11:55):
Don't copy the behavior and thecustoms of this world, but be a
new and different person with afresh newness in all you do and
think.
Then you will learn your ownexperience how his ways will
really satisfy you.
Now, here are our six points.
You know, you come to therapy,you gotta present the problem.
(12:16):
We just presented the problem,generational trauma.
Now we're gonna present theplan, alright?
Here's our plan.
And we got six points, but we'regonna move fast.
Number one, name it, also calledawareness.
Awareness is the first step totransformation because God can't
heal what's not revealed.
(12:40):
I'm gonna say it again for thosein the back.
God can't heal what's notrevealed.
So while you want to be secretand you don't want to talk about
it, I get it, you may feel away,but know that your healing comes
when you begin to reveal.
Awareness is the ability torecognize patterns, identify
(13:00):
emotional wounds, acknowledgeunhealthy behaviors, and
understand how past experiencesshape present reactions.
Awareness is the moment in ourlives when you we just stop
saying, that's just how I am.
Like it or leave it.
I don't care.
29 people done told you you'renasty.
(13:24):
29 people done told you you gotanger problems because every
time they say you say somethingto them, uh you you pop off and
you just gone flying off thehandle.
29 people done told you this,and you keep saying they are
online.
What?
Awareness comes when you stopsaying, Well, you know what, I
(13:45):
don't care what y'all say,that's just how I am, and you
either gonna take me like I amor leave me alone.
Well, whoop, some of them gonnaleave you alone.
And awareness starts when youstart asking yourself, why do I
respond this way?
Why do I do this?
I have some things that I do inmy life that I'd be like, girl,
(14:06):
what is you doing?
See, I talk to myself like Italk to other people.
I'd be like, girl, what youdoing?
And why are you doing it?
You're acting silly, andsometimes, you know, we tend to,
we can fool ourselves like weare so high and mighty and pious
that we don't ever ask thequestion, but you ought to ask a
friend.
You need to phone a friendsometimes.
(14:29):
Like, friend, and don't justtell what they did.
Please tell what you did too.
Please, please don't don't bethe hero of your own story and
tell all about what they did,and they did this, and they did
that, and they did.
Well, do you think I was wrong?
No, they're not gonna thinkyou're wrong because you didn't
tell them what you did.
(14:49):
You got to tell the whole story.
You gotta tell the whole story.
Ledor Vador, from generation togeneration, become because
continues because patterns arenormalized.
People grow up believing thatsilence is strength.
Anger is leadership, anxiety isnormal.
(15:11):
Dysfunction is simply this ishow my family is, child.
They just ignorant, and we justgo act a fool every time we get
together.
That everybody in jail,everybody do that.
That's just what it is.
So we just get used to thedysfunction.
Awareness interrupts automaticliving, just being on autopilot,
that it's all good.
(15:32):
Without awareness, people repeatsurvival behaviors
automatically.
You automatically repeat thosebehaviors without even thinking
about it.
You cannot break a cycle yourefuse to acknowledge.
Healing begins when honestyenters.
Number two, I'm watching theclock fasting.
(15:55):
Own your part in it.
Agency.
Own your part in it.
For it is God who works in youto will and act in order to
fulfill his good purposes.
Philippians 2 and 13.
Agency is the understanding thatwhile you may not have been able
to control what happened to you,there are some things that have
(16:15):
happened to us in our past thatwe had nothing to do.
We couldn't control it.
It happened.
We went through it, we survivedit, it was horrible, it was
terrible.
Some folks probably need to bein jail.
Uh, all the things I don't everdiminish what happens to us
because there are some severethings that happen to us in life
(16:38):
from generation to generation.
But with God's power, we haveagency over how we respond.
Heal and move forward.
I try, I really try to, youknow, everything happened to
people to tell other things.
We we we we agree, we we we pet,we do other things, but please
(17:01):
don't be 90 years old talkingabout what happened when you
were 10.
Come on, come on now, come on.
You left home when you was 20,so you done had seven years to
work on yourself, but you stillblaming and leaning in on what
happened when you were 10.
(17:21):
Come on, y'all.
Let's take agency, let's takeresponsibility.
We can't do nothing about whathappened.
Can't change it?
All the talking about it, allthe crying about it ain't gonna
change it.
It ain't gonna change it.
You gotta work on yourforgiveness.
Forgiveness don't meanreconciliation.
You gotta work on what you'regonna do.
You you you gotta figure it out.
(17:46):
Don't spend your life blamingyour parents, blaming your
grandparents, blaming youruncles and your aunties.
Some of them, for real, forreal, some things aside, but
some of them, they just did whatthey knew to do.
From generation to generation,door for door.
They mama did it, they mama'smama did it, almost their mama's
(18:08):
mama's mama did it.
They just did what they knew todo, they did their best.
And I've learned, I've livedlong enough to know that.
And it is such a freedom whenyou know that they was just
doing the best they could.
Because guess what?
Guess what?
You doing the best you can withyour kids, and they got they
(18:29):
fussing about you.
There was no manual when you hadlittle Jojo and Ri-Ri and Ray
Ray and Soupai.
There was no manual that camewith them.
You was just doing the best youknew how to do, and you messed
up some stuff along the way,also.
Amen.
Agency is not pretending thattrauma didn't happen, it is
(18:53):
deciding that trauma may haveshaped me, but it will not
completely control me.
Agency interrupts the mindset ofhopelessness, powerlessness,
emotional paralysis.
Sometimes we feel like nothingwill ever change.
(19:13):
How is this my life?
My family has always been thisway, and they will never change.
And you know what?
That last statement may be true.
They may not change.
Your family may not change, butagency says that you can tell
them y'all carry on, y'all beyou, and I'm gonna be me, and
(19:39):
you can change.
Agency means takingresponsibility for your healing,
not pretending you don't needhelp.
God can heal through prayer,community, wisdom, and
counseling.
In some of our communities, weteach people to just pray about
it, stay strong, and keep thefamily business private.
Prayer is indeed powerful, butcounseling can also be part of
(19:59):
God's healing process.
Just as people seek doctors forphysical healing, they can also
seek trained counselors foremotional and mental healing.
Faith and counseling can worktogether.
Seeking counseling is not a lackof faith, it can be an act of
faith.
Number three, we gotta finishthe plan.
(20:20):
Grieve what was missing.
You get to feel what you feel.
Most of the time we think ofgrieving when we think of
grieving, we think of grievingsomething that happened to us.
Some loss, some a job loss, adeath, all those things.
Excuse me.
But trauma victims sometimeshave to grieve what never
(20:42):
happened.
What they never received.
What should have existed.
Some people are grieving parentswho are emotionally unavailable.
Childhoods filled withinstability.
You you went to five schools intwo years.
Relationships that never feltsafe.
(21:02):
He said he was coming to pickyou up and he never showed, or
he took you over hisgirlfriend's house and they they
just dismissed you.
Affirmation that never heard.
You never heard, you're pretty,you look good, you did well, you
did good, you had good grades,you didn't get no money for your
grades.
You said you need to go toschool.
Just go to school.
(21:24):
The neighbor had to come to yourgraduation programs and your
your school programs becauseyour mom and daddy wasn't
nowhere around.
And peace they neverexperienced.
Some people just grew up andjust held.
I'm sorry.
It was just terrible.
And that's what happened.
People who never grieve oftencontinue carrying emotional
(21:47):
weight unconsciously.
Unprocessed grief can look likeanger, anxiety, numbness,
bitterness, and emotionalshutdown.
People who didn't get what theyneeded early on in life, they
sometimes, if they don't dotheir work, they don't know how
(22:08):
to navigate life properly.
They begin to shut down.
You you say one thing to them,they feel like you just you just
own their back.
I just asked you, was you gonnabe on time to the meeting?
That's all I said.
Why why are you all upset, man?
I didn't attack your wholeperson.
I just said, can you be on time?
(22:30):
Grief is not weakness, it'semotional honesty.
Unfortunately, in church, weteach teach to keep going.
It's okay.
Where's your faith?
Trust in God.
But we need to normalize lettingfolks know that it's okay to
slow down.
It's okay to mourn.
It's okay to take time.
(22:51):
It's okay.
Jesus wept at the grave ofLazarus and he knew he was gonna
raise him.
But he wept anyway.
It's okay to not be okay.
You get to feel what you feel.
Healing can begin when youfinally allow yourselves to
mourn what your heart missed foryears.
Healing begins when you allowyourselves to mourn what your
(23:16):
heart missed for years.
Psalms 147.3 says, He heals thebrokenhearted and binds up their
wounds.
Number four, replace thepattern, renew your mind.
And again, don't copy thebehavior and the customs of this
world, but be a new anddifferent person with a fresh
newness in all you do and think.
Then you will learn from yourown experience how his ways will
(23:40):
really satisfy you.
This ends here.
This ends here.
From triumph to trauma.
This ends here.
Romans 12 2, Paul is telling usthat believers do not continue
to be shaped emotionally ormentally by unhealthy, inherited
patterns.
(24:00):
Instead, God offerstransformation through the
renewing of the mind by learninghealthier ways of thinking,
responding, and living.
Then he goes on to say, But beye transformed.
Transformation, ladies andgentlemen, is not behavior
modification.
Transformation is not turningover a new leaf.
(24:22):
Because guess what?
If you turn it back over, thesame thing is on the other side.
So at any moment you can turnthat thing over and still start
acting crazy.
Okay?
Transformation involves changingthought patterns, confronting
unhealthy beliefs, learningemotional awareness, replacing
fear with truth, and developinghealthier relationship and
(24:45):
coping skills.
Transformation teaches us how toreplace silence with
communication, rage withemotional regulation, isolation
with safe community, shame withtruth, fear with trust.
You cannot build a healthyfuture with old patterns.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's dothe work, let's go to work.
(25:07):
And last, my last point passdown something different.
Let's do something different,intentional legacy.
Now I know you know we're allinto legacy, you know, passing
down wealth and houses andthings for our children, and
that's great.
That's great.
You ought to leave aninheritance for your children
(25:28):
and your children's children.
But what are you leavingemotionally?
If you leave them five milliondollars and they don't know how
to handle it and know how toregulate and know how to carry
themselves and rooms that youwill produce for them, they're
gonna still mess up becausepeople are gonna think they
don't have good sense.
They just rich.
Ledore Vador, what will you passfrom generation to generation?
(25:53):
We would definitely uh button,I'm sorry, we definitely want to
pass down generational wealth,but we also need to consider:
will we continue to pass downunhealthy patterns that
perpetrate fear, perpetuatefear, silence, shame, or
emotional distance?
Or will you do as Paul is askingus to do, to be transformed by
(26:15):
the renewing of our mind,attending to our mental health,
because we have no healthwithout mental health.
A healing legacy perpetuateshonesty, emotional safety,
healthy communication, faith,and restoration.
The goal of healing is not onlypersonal for you to just be
(26:36):
free, for you to just feel good,for you to just be alright, but
it's generational transformationthat your children will be fine,
and that your children'schildren and your children's
children's children will befine, that the cycle will be
broken.
Some people call it generationalcurses, but that they will be
broken.
(26:58):
Somebody in the family linebecomes the repairer, somebody
becomes the truth teller,somebody becomes the emotionally
healthy example, and thensomebody becomes the cycle
breaker.
And at the end of all the pain,at the end of all the trauma, at
the end of all the brokencycles, we are left with one
(27:20):
truth.
Jesus did not just come forsinful people, he also came for
wounded people.
Wounded people, broken-heartedpeople, burdened people, people
carrying generations of pain.
Psalms 34, 18 says, the Lord isclose to the brokenhearted and
(27:45):
save those who are of a crushedspirit.
Jesus did not come only to savesouls for eternity, he came to
restore hearts, restore minds,restore families, restore
identities, and restoregenerations.
You may have inherited fear,silence, anger, abandonment, and
(28:07):
emotional wounds, but Jesusoffers something stronger than
what was passed down.
He offers peace for anxiety,healing for shame, rest for
exhaustion, freedom frombondage, love for rejection,
counselors for direction, thedawn of the door from generation
to generation.
(28:27):
This is here, shame is here,silence is here, bitterness is
here, untreated wounds in here,destructive spectacles in here,
whatever else you got doing onthe young family.
(28:54):
Hallelujah.
Because if you do the work andthen you allow God to renew your
mind, He and He alone, incompany with you, can restore a
generation.
My time is up.
Somebody say this is here.
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