Poured Out, Carried Forward

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Childless, never been a parent.
How can I speak into the livesof parents?
I went through a lot ofdifferent things.
Okay, God, let's let's let's geta checklist.
Let's get some tips.
Let's get some hacks.
That's how you do on TikTok.
You know, let's get the dancesgoing.

(00:21):
And then as I continuously justsought the Lord, He started to
impress upon me.
It's not a unique thing toexperience this parent-child
relationship.
A lot of parents go through, howdo I reach my kid?
A lot of parents go through, Idon't know what to do.

(00:41):
A lot of children, being a childmyself, have felt, man, they
have no idea what I'm goingthrough.
They have no idea what they'retalking about.
I'm gonna do my own thing.
But here's the beautiful thing.
Raise your hand if you're aparent in the room.
Let's see the hands.
Let's see the hands.
Alright, keep your hand, uh keepyour hand up if you've ever been

(01:02):
a child.
Every hand should go up.
Right?
The beautiful thing is whetheryou're a parent or you're a
child, we've all experiencedwhat it means to be raised up.
Okay?
And that's good because whatwe're about to talk about today
isn't like this side or thatside, what you could do better,

(01:23):
what you should be doing.
What we're about to talk abouttoday, this is really a message
for everybody in here, okay?
And it's for everybody becausethis is not about how parents
can better reach their childrenor how children can better
listen to their parents.
This is really a challenge of,are you willing to worship the
Lord?
Okay?
This is really a challenge of amI really looking at what God is

(01:48):
calling me to do, or am I caughtup in what the other person is
or isn't doing?
Am I more caught up in myfeeling or my emotion, or am I
willing to be obedient past whatI'm feeling?
Okay, this is a message aboutworship.
Again, this isn't like aparenting talk.
This isn't family tips andtricks.
We're going to walk throughtoday much, much deeper than

(02:11):
that.
Much, much deeper than that.
Okay, so so let's paint apicture for my parents.
Everybody in here that's aparent has experienced that that
silent moment after delivery,after hours of labor where
you're holding your child.
And you're looking at this newlife, and you're thinking to

(02:31):
yourself, two things.
One, I would quite literally diefor this child.
And two, you have no idea whatI'm doing.
You're laughing because youyou've been there.
You've been there where it'slike, all right, you're getting
discharged from hospital,they're wheeling you out, you

(02:53):
got your car, see it, and you'relooking back like where you
going?
We're not all going home?
We're not all getting in thecar.
I would do anything for thischild, and I have no idea what
I'm doing.
And in that moment, you'rereally, really experiencing a
lot of things, right?

(03:14):
Joy, excitement, maybe a littlebit of fear.
Maybe you're overwhelmed.
I want to speak to that realquick because I want you to know
those emotions are not byhappenstance.
What if I told you thosefeelings of fear, doubt, feeling
overwhelmed?

(03:35):
What if I told you that was bydesign?
What if I told you God wants youfirst to have the ability to
differentiate between a burdenand a weight?
A burden is meant to what?
Slow you down.
But what happens when there's aweight?
A weight is meant for producingsomething: strength, endurance,

(04:00):
flexibility.
Right?
Burdens, Jesus says, come untome, all who are come on.
Jesus don't want you carrying aburden.
Jesus wouldn't give you aburden.
But there are some things Godallows you to feel a weight.
He's trying to produce somethingin you.

(04:23):
Maybe instead of trying tofigure out how to lift a weight,
maybe sometimes weights aremeant to bring you down.
Maybe sometimes weights are madeto make you surrender.
Come on.
No, I go to a non-denominationalchurch.
They don't talk, but I knowy'all like to talk.
Come on.
Come on.
So that's by design.
It's by design.

(04:43):
And transparently, you don'thave to know everything up
front.
You don't have to haveeverything figured out.
Raise your hand if you're stilltrying to figure stuff out.
Me.
Come on.
But you know that everything wedo is first allowed and

(05:10):
orchestrated by the Lord.
We know it's also meant toproduce something.
Okay?
But oftentimes we get a littleconfused, right?
We get a little confused on whatam I supposed to do?
Right?
Where am I supposed to go?
Children, I've been a child, I'mstill a child, and I can tell

(05:30):
you, love y'all.
Love y'all.
Remember that.
I can tell you, I've looked atmy parents like, man, these
knuckleheads is crazy.
I'm like, so truthfully, loveyou.
For real.
Love you for real.
There was there have been timesin my life where I've literally

(05:52):
just sat and thought, wow, Godreally gave them children.
I'm like, wow, okay.
You know, it's again, it's meantto produce faith.
I'm faithful in the Lord, youknow what I'm saying?
Thank you.
But like a lot of times, it'soften in relationships where

(06:15):
we're starting to battle thepeople we're in relationship
with for love, respect, honor,dignity.
We think it's scarce.
We treat it like a a naturalresource that's dwindling the
more it's being used.
As opposed to remembering thateverything I pour out is first

(06:36):
something that's poured into me.
Okay?
So all these things, theweights, the emotions, the
fears, the doubts, they're allmeant to produce something.
And in a parent who doesn't knowwhat they're doing first time,
it's meant to produce something.

(06:57):
Are you willing to be completelysurrendered to the Lord?
For children, it's meant toproduce something.
Are you trusting in God whoplaced you in the family
purposely?
Are you looking for perfectparents?
Okay, so we're gonna talk just alittle bit from the thought of

(07:17):
poured out, carried forward.
Okay, poured out, carriedforward.
So before we can really get intoagain talking a little bit about
what it means to be a parent,what it means to be a child, and
how to have God-honoringrelationships between the two,
we first have to reallyunderstand the beginning.
You gotta go all the way back tocreation, okay?

(07:39):
So before God ever asked any ofus to pour into someone else, he
first poured into us first.
If you are a note-taker, pointone everything we pour into our
children flows from what Godfirst poured into us when he
made us in his image.
I'm a firm believer that if youreally want to understand God,

(08:04):
if you really want to get a uhan understanding of his heart,
feel his pulse, you have tounderstand his design when he
first created man in the earth.
See, there's this misconceptionthat God's design can only be

(08:25):
experienced when he comes backand when he reestablishes his
kingdom here on earth.
But we have this unique uh uhtext, we have this unique
opportunity that many uh saintsin the Bible that we read about
didn't have.
We have the Bible.
That's a tool, that's aresource.
Okay?
The Bible tells us a couple ofthings.
One, when God created the earth,he created everything plants,

(08:49):
animals, water, air, the ground,everything.
But when he created man, he didsomething really interesting.
Everything else has said Godcreated, God created, God
created.
When man was formed, he said,let us make man in our own
image.
Off-rip, God is saying, I'mconnected to man and women,

(09:12):
mankind in a way I'm I'm I'm notconnected to any other thing.
Okay?
So before we could talk aboutwhat it means to invest in our
children, and before we can talkabout how children should honor
parents, we gotta go all the wayback, okay?
We gotta go all the way back.
In Genesis 1, 26 through 27, Godsays, again, let us make man in

(09:32):
our own image according to ourlikeness.
That language is deliberate.
Okay?
That language is verydeliberate.
God wasn't mass-producingsomething, he wasn't just
sticking the label on somethingon the outside.
He says, I see fit to craft youwith deep intention and purpose.

(09:53):
That's an investment.
He said, I want to put some ofme into you.
We have an ability to connectwith God, unlike dogs, cats,
horses, whales, dolphins.
That's an investment in ourimage and our likeness.
God invested some of him intous, okay?
And notice he chose to put whathe made in his own image and in

(10:18):
his own likeness, okay?
So the very first investment inall of scripture is God placing
something of infinite value intothe hands of finite beings.
God says, I want to give yousome of my immutable
characteristics.
Okay?
But what makes the investmenteven more remarkable is that God
didn't stop at creating.

(10:39):
If you keep reading into Genesis2, you see God who walks with
what he made.
You see a desire.
Let's pause real quick.
There is a difference betweenrelationship that's rooted in
desire and that is forcedthrough obligation.
Some of y'all go to jobs becauseyou obligate.

(11:00):
Alright, man.
You walk in here, you try me onemore time.
I'm leaving.
It's an obligation.
You're there because you gottabe.
Maybe some of us have been inrelationships where we felt
like, man, this is the onlything I have.
I gotta be here.
I can't afford the house bymyself.
I gotta stay with him.

(11:21):
Some of us have honestly feltlike that with our parents, with
our family.
Man, I don't want to speak up.
I don't want to say that thathurt my feelings.
I don't want to say how I feellike you didn't show up for me.
Because I feel like I'mobligated to keep my mouth shut.
But when there's desire inrelationship, we see that

(11:42):
everything that happens, everywhich way that we conduct
ourselves, when we have a desireto be somewhere, comes from a
place that is much deeper thancan be seen, that can be seen
through our actions.
Right?
How many guys married?
Keep your hand up if you've everbeen frustrated by your spouse.

(12:05):
At least y'all honest.
He got two hands up.
Put one down, dawg.
Put one down.
Don't get in trouble.
Don't let me get you in trouble,dawg.
Let me get you in trouble.
Okay, all right, all right.
Some of y'all was too excited.
Me, me, me.
Call on me.
Okay.
Um we've we've been frustrated,right?

(12:25):
We've maybe had moments where wedidn't like something that they
did.
But we recognize that a feelingof frustration does not remove a
desire that was there longbefore I felt that.
See, obligation can be shifted,can be shooken, it can be taken
away.
If you do something I don'tlike, I'm leaving.
But when I have a desire to besomewhere, we see my presence is

(12:50):
not affected by performance.
God desired to walk with Adamand Eve, not because of what he
did, but because of what theymeant to him.
See, God's establishingsomething right here in
creation.
He's establishing some tips,some tricks for what healthy
relationship looks like.

(13:10):
Made in our image and ourlikeness.
That's investment.
Walking with Adam and Eve,that's desire.
Okay?
And then the scripture tells usthat he breathed.
That's sacrifice.
You want relationships to live,you want relationships to be

(13:31):
fruitful.
You're wondering why everyrelationship around you is
struggling.
I ain't got no friends.
My dating life sucks.
What have you sacrificed lately?
Are you investing in theserelationships?
Are you present looking forsomebody to perform for you to
give them something?

(13:51):
Or are you existing inrelationship, understanding that
nothing you do, nothing you saytakes away my desire because
first I'm here because of howGod has wired me.
I exist in relationship becauseof what was first invested in
me.
And so we see that God istelling us something really
simple about relationships.

(14:13):
If you want them to grow, therecannot be condition.
Okay?
If you want them to grow, therecannot be condition.
And so God establishes all ofthese things through
relationship, creation, all ofthese things.
Because he wants us tounderstand his heartbeat.
Genesis also talks about thateverything produced of its own

(14:37):
kind.
Why is that important?
If you are saying you are achild of God, if you say you
follow the Lord, then what youproduce should be of kind to
God.
If everything you touch isbroken, battered, beaten,

(14:58):
destroyed, I challenge you tofirst look inside.
How can you say you follow theLord?
The Bible tells when we are ofhis own kind, but you produce
nothing like the Father.
Creation establishes everythingfor which we live.
If you're confused, if you wantto know a little bit more about

(15:18):
God, go back and read the firsttwo or three chapters of
Genesis.
He tells us very plainly.
Okay?
So, point one, everything wepour into our children flows
from what God first poured intous.
Okay?
It was meant to be costly.
That's quiet.

(15:38):
It was meant to be costly.
You tired, you upset.
Yeah, it's supposed to cost yousomething.
You're giving something ofyourself, again, of kind to God.
It was meant to be purposeful.
There's vision for growth, notjust survival.
It was meant to be relational.
Again, presence should not beaffected by performance.
And it was meant to bepersistent.

(16:00):
Even when it's been mishandled,you don't walk away.
Okay?
Point two, God designed theparent-child relationship as a
two-way investment.
Everybody say two.
Say it again, two.
God designed a parent-childrelationship as a two-way
investment where parents stewardwith purpose and children

(16:23):
respond with honor.
I'm gonna say the last partagain.
Parents steward with purpose andchildren respond with honor.
Okay?
So Jesus actually answers a lotof questions when he speaks.
He talks in parables, you know,he talks about a lot of
different things, and he usedparables to answer a lot of

(16:45):
questions.
One of my favorite parables,we're gonna dive a little bit
into this right now, is Matthew25, the parable of the talents.
Okay, so it's a story about amaster who's about to go away,
and he entrusted three servantswith talents.
The Bible says he gave one five,one, two, and one one.
The Bible also says he gave eachto according to their ability.

(17:10):
That's really important because,and this is quick, just pause.
That's really important becauseoftentimes some of us we despise
what the Lord has given usbecause we think we should have
more.
We don't take account, we don'toperate in gratefulness and

(17:30):
gratitude with what God hasgiven us because we want more.
But if you look at the text, itsays the master gave to their
ability.
Another way to say that is themaster gave according to their
ability to be faithful.
What if God didn't give you whatyou wanted?

(17:52):
Because he knew that if he gaveit to you, your ability to be
faithful to the thing thatyou're asking for is not yet
present in you.
That's just besides the point.
Take that, do what you want.
But so he he gave them thesetalents, okay?
And so he goes, he comes back.

(18:12):
Uh the two servants with two, uhthe one servant with five, the
one servant with two, they bothbasically doubled their
investment.
He's like, appreciate you.
You did a good job.
Go ahead, go to the pizza party.
Um, I'm happy for you.
Thank you.
But the one, the one said, Yeah,I didn't do nothing with it
because I feel like you was likea really cool guy, and I feel
like you be working, you don'treally deserve what you get.

(18:34):
So yeah, I buried it.
Which is wild because again, itwas something that was not his,
that was given or entrusted tohim, and his response was even
though you trusted me withsomething you earned that I did
not, I decided what your returnshould be.

(18:58):
Parents.
You know, just chill, justchill.
I want to challenge you realquick.
Your child does not belong toyou.
Your child is not your property.

(19:19):
You have no ownership over yourchild.
They may share DNA with you.
Some of them may even look likeyou.
I got a big hair like my daddy.
But your child is somethinggiven to you by God that is
entrusted to you as aninvestment, not to your family.

(19:47):
I don't care if you, you know,average 20 points on varsity,
and now you want to, you know,go find somebody, produce D1
babies, and you want to.
I don't care about that.
I don't care if you want yourchild to be a doctor or a
lawyer.
I don't, I don't care.
That's not that's not why Godgave you the child for you to
decide a destiny that you haveno control over.

(20:10):
Your child is in is entrusted toyou as an investment to further
the interest of God on thisearth.
So if you want, if you want anidea of how to parent better,
remove all of your ambitionsfrom your child.

(20:31):
If the expectation isn'toutlined in scripture, take it
away.
Remember that weight.
It was meant to producesomething.
Why do we have parents who oftenlead with correction, who invest
more in disciplining their childthan building a relationship

(20:54):
with their child?
I'm not a parent.
I won't seek to speak intotality into that, but what I
can tell you is what I've seen.
I've seen parents who push theirchild into something God never
meant for them to be.
What if some of this rebellionyou're experiencing is because

(21:15):
first you rebelled against God?
What if some of the rebellionfrom your child you're
experiencing is because younever sought the Lord on who
they were supposed to be?
Now you're upset with a childwho has rebelled against you,
and God's saying the whole time,have you consulted me?

(21:37):
See, the thing about the twothat doubled what they were
given, it wasn't that themaster, you know, needed more
money.
It wasn't that he was lookingto, you know, invest in more
property.
See, that relationship was apicture of what happens.

(22:00):
When we take what we're givenand we seek out the will of our
master before we pursue our owndesires.
Some of what we're experiencingin these parent-child
relationships is because toooften we have parents who want
to be like that uh that that oneservant who didn't consult, he

(22:24):
didn't try to grow, he didn'ttry to invest anything of what
he was given.
He decided to bury it.
Let me also speak to you,parents.
I I'm I'm on social media.
Um again, I have a lot, I have agreat privilege of doing a lot
of great work.
I'm in schools, communities, alot of these things.
I see what you're seeing.
I see what they're doing withyou know with with sexualizing

(22:47):
our children.
I see the explicit content thatwe see online, I see the school
shootings, I see all thesethings that produce fear.
And sometimes we want to we wantto bury what God has given us.
Sometimes we want to we want tohide it.
I'm gonna pull you out ofschool, I'm not gonna let you do
that, I'm not gonna give you aphone, I'm not gonna give you a

(23:08):
tablet because I'm scared, I'mfearful, I don't want you to get
into this.
Can I just pause here for asecond and let you just just
know as much as you want toprotect your child, they're not
fragile, they're sacred.

(23:31):
We're not here to just keep thekids alive.
We're not here just so they canmake it to 18.
We're not here just so they canget a good education and get a
degree.
If that's all you're lookingfor, I would say that you're not
experiencing God to thefullness.

(23:53):
God has given you children sothat you can pour into them
again what was first poured intoyou.
It is not your job to fully havecontrol over what happens with
that investment.
It is your job to be faithfuland poor.
See, one thing I'm not likegreat with money, like I'm I'm

(24:14):
basic, right?
We budget, we we got ourspreadsheets.
But one thing I've always heardfrom people who invest is that
one, you gotta be patient.
Okay?
So, parents, are we looking forimmediate return from our
children?
Well, God, I put them in VBS andthey they serve and they sing
with the with the children'schoir and they went to KA.

(24:36):
Why why are they still actingup?
Why are they still notlistening?
Are you patient?
Another thing is back to thefear.
Sometimes the market is reallyvolatile.
It can be control, it can be uh,it can be it can fluctuate from
a lot of different things,oftentimes outside of your of

(24:56):
your control.
Are you faithful in the Lord?
God, I see what's happening inthe schools.
God, I see what they're tryingto do, but I know who you are, I
know who you've been to me, andmore than what I see, I have
faith in who you are to me andhow you can protect my child.
So, no, I'm not gonna react tothe world.
I'm gonna hit my knees, I'mgonna pray a little harder.

(25:16):
I'm not gonna react to what Isee on social media, I'm gonna
have faith in you.
And then lastly, are you tryingto experience the return for
yourself?
Or are you remembering thateverything you poured into your
child is meant for the kingdom?
Okay, parents, we gotta befaithful in the Lord, we gotta

(25:39):
be patient, and we can't lookfor immediate returns.
Okay?
Now, this parable doesn't justspeak to children, and God isn't
just saying, parents, parents,parents, right?
We know that Paul writes inEphesians that children honor
your father, for this is right.

(26:01):
And that word honor really meansgive weight to.
It means treat as significant,it means give gravity to.
So for the children, and thatincludes every child in this
room, whether you are a childand you're in high school, or
whether you're a child withchildren of your own, it's not
blind obedience.

(26:22):
It's not pretending that yourparents are perfect, it's not
pretending that your parentsdidn't hurt you, it's not
pretending that your parents,you know, aren't still figuring
it out.
And can I just pause here?
Like, we have to remember aschildren, as our as our parents
are pouring into us, we're alsopouring back into them.
We're helping them grow, we'rehelping them learn.

(26:43):
And so it's incumbent upon us aschildren.
We aren't looking for perfectparents.
I want to challenge thatthought.
If you are looking for somebodyto be perfect before you're
obedient, then your obedience isconditional.
And partial obedience is stilldisobedience.
You don't get to choose to obeywhat God has told you to do
because somebody did somethingwrong.

(27:05):
You don't get to choose to honoryour parents when they treat you
well or when they listen or theydon't listen, or you or they
don't listen.
You are not trying, you are notlooking for them to check a box
before you obey.
God tells us to obey.
God tells us to honor ourparents, and so that's what we
do.
So the call to the children,it's not blind obedience, it's a

(27:26):
decision to hold thisrelationship with the weight
that God says it deserves.
Now, what does that look likepractically?
Again, it looks like extendinggrace when your parent doesn't
have all the answers.
It looks like communicatinginstead of withdrawing, get off
your phone.
Take the headphones off.
Yeah, parents waking up now.

(27:47):
You know what I'm saying?
We're at dinner.
Get off the phone, take theheadphones off, engage.
If you want something from yourparent, ask yourself, are you
giving them the opportunity togrow in that?
Personally, I can tell you, Ihave had to learn through my
relation with my wife that if Iwant her to hear me better, it's

(28:07):
not about the expectation thatshe just doesn't.
It's about am I fostering anenvironment that gives her the
opportunity to practice and growin it?
And am I being honest andtransparent enough to tell her
how I feel?
Because if I want somebody tohear me, if I want somebody to
listen to me, if I want somebodyto be considerate, the question

is (28:24):
am I communicating what I need?
Am I giving opportunity andbreath for them to practice
these things?
Children, if you are frustrated,it's okay.
Communicate.
Don't withdraw.
Okay?
The child who extends honorisn't doing so because a parent
is flawless.
They're doing it because Godplaced them in this family with

(28:48):
purpose.
And honoring that relationshipis an act of worship.
Everybody say worship.
Not to their parent, but to who?
Come on.
Come on.
This is what makes theparent-child relationship more
than just family.
It's a two-way, two, say two.
It's a two-way investment whereboth sides are looking up.

(29:09):
And when both sides are lookingup, they can't help but grow
closer.
God doesn't want you to focus onwhat somebody else is or is not
doing.
It's not about what you woulddo, it's not about what they
didn't do.
It's about am I honoring throughmy obedience as an act of
worship to God?

(29:30):
Okay.
So point three, point three.
And this is where we're gonnawork for a little bit.
The mess doesn't cancel theinvestment.
God's grace enters thebrokenness and reminds us that
an honest relationship mattersmore than a perfect one.

(29:51):
So we've established that God isthe original investor and that
he calls both sides, both parentand child, to relationship, to
steward what he's been given,what they've been given.
But now we gotta talk about whathappens when it falls apart.
What happens when it gets alittle messy?
What happens when things don'tgo the way you think they

(30:15):
should?
Because the reality is it will.
Raise your hand if you've hadtrouble or turbulence in your in
your family.
Keep your hand up if you felthurt by somebody in your family.
Okay?
Keep your hand up if you've beenthe one that's hurt somebody.
It gets messy.
It gets messy.
That's just that's giving.

(30:36):
So what do we do when it whenthat happens?
Okay, okay, and so I need to behonest.
If I stood up here and told youthat doing everything that we've
talked about so far is going toguarantee a great and perfect
family, I'd be lying.
The Bible doesn't promise that.
In fact, we know the Bibleroutinely tells us like, hey,

(30:57):
strap in, bubble up, it's gonnaget hard.
Family ain't no different.
Okay?
So, and and really we can lookto different examples in the
Bible that tell us that.
Abraham lied to protect himselfand his family, and they put him
at risk.
Jacob's favoritism tore his sonsapart.
David, a man known as a manafter God's own heart, is

(31:22):
riddled with disobedience,adultery, abuse, murder, grief,
rebellion, like it, we can go onand on.
And these were people who loveGod, and their families were
still messy.
So if you're sitting in thisroom and your family doesn't
look the way you thought itwould, if there's distance, if

(31:43):
there's strife, there's hurt,there's an empty chair at the
dinner table, I need you to hearme say this.
The mess does not mean theinvestment failed.
And that is proven by a story,another parable that Jesus told
us.
The story of the parable of theprodigal son.
Essentially, the son looks athis father and says, Hey, big

(32:05):
dog, give me what's mine.
I'm dipping.
Don't need no talk, don't neednone of that.
Just give me what's mine.
And that's essentially in thatculture, the son telling him,
Hey, bro, I don't want nothingto do with you.
So he takes the money, he takeshis inheritance, and he leaves.
And we know from the story thathe just essentially squanders

(32:26):
it.
He completely screws it all up.
And at his lowest point, when hehas nothing, at his lowest point
where he's literally eating outof a trough with pigs.
He returns home.
And the father's like, well,well, well.

(32:48):
No.
He doesn't just welcome himback.
The Bible tells us he ran tomeet him.
He ran to meet him.
This is something I'd imaginemany of us have experienced,
whether we've been in thatsituation, whether we've seen
it, whether we've heard aboutit, we've seen it to where a

(33:12):
parent pours everything intotheir child.
They invest, they put them inall the right camps, they put
them in all the right programs,they get them in the best
schools, they got a collegefund, all these things.
And the child still says, Giveme what's mine.
I want nothing to do with it.
If we're honest, maybe there'ssome people in the room that are

(33:34):
still sitting in that tension.
Maybe there's some parents inhere that are still watching the
road.
Maybe there's some siblings inhere that are watching their
parents go through the hurt, gothrough the pain.
Maybe there's some children inthis room right now who still
don't feel like they can go backhome.

(33:58):
See, this is this is the tensionthat most of us exist in for a
majority of our life.
We struggle with how do Imanage, how do I get through a
relationship where somebody isliterally telling us, I don't
want anything to do with you.
See, that's the tough thingabout living for God.

(34:22):
Oftentimes, he doesn't just ask,he requires you to pour out.
And he requires you to continueand continue and continue.
If the father wasn't watchingthe road, he wouldn't know to
run and meet him.

(34:42):
If the son wasn't first raisedin a home where he knew his
father loved him, he wouldn'tknow to go back.
Some of us hear this and we'relike, hey man, I hear you, and
that sounds good, but what do Ido?
First, we have to remember thatour home is where all of this

(35:07):
teaching, all of this training,the Bible says train up a child
in the way that you know the waythey should go.
The home is where it starts.
So, parents, if you're waitingfor a child to come back, are
you stewarding the environment?
Did you remove the chair fromthe dinner table because they
left?

(35:27):
Did you clear out the roombecause they're gone?
Did you turn off the porchlight?
Are you willing to steward anenvironment even though they're
not wanting to be there?
See, and you know, what youknow, I grew up in a black home,
I'll be honest.
And you know, actually, yeah,yeah, let's go there.
Who here has said to theirchild, don't be slamming doors

(35:49):
in my house?
All right, all right, all right,yep, yep.
Okay, who who here has said totheir child, I heard this from
their parent, don't be runningin and out of here, you're
either in in your mouth.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,okay, okay, yeah, okay.
Who who has said, who also hassaid or heard, that's not your

(36:13):
room, that's my room, I'm whenyou live in.
Who here has heard or seen it?
I wish you would.
I don't know why.
As black folk, we like that, butyou know, it's an experience,

(36:36):
right?
It's an experience.
I wonder if we ever considerwhat we're inviting in when we
say things like that.
I wonder if we sit with, does mychild feel safe when I tell them

(36:58):
I wish they would?
I know I said child, I'm sorry.
But it's serious, right?
If we're called to steward,we're not just stewarding the
investment itself, we're also instewarding the environment in
which they grow up in.

(37:19):
Is this house somewhere a childfeels at home?
Or do they feel like they'rerenting a room until they're 18?
Does this child see the home asa safety net?
Or are we just both biding ourtime until they're an adult?

(37:39):
See, the father of the prodigalson doesn't just tell us what to
do when they return, he actuallygives us a map of how to act
while we're waiting.
As parents, I want to challengeyou.
If you want your children tocome to you about things, if you
want them to come to you whenthey're dealing with stuff, when

(38:00):
they're curious about something,you don't want to find out after
the fact, steward and create anenvironment where honesty,
transparency is the norm, is theexpectation.
When was you gonna have to putyour hands up for this?
When was the last time youapologized to your child for
something you did?

(38:24):
Do they only hear you evercorrect?
Or do you try to gloss over somemistakes that you made about,
hey, let's go out to eat.
Let's go get some ice cream.
If they never see you takeownership, how can you expect
that of them?

(38:44):
This may feel one-sided, butremember, God gave you the
investment.
Sometimes you have to realizeit's not about equal, it's about
equal, it's not about equalityor everything being the same,
it's about equitability.
Again, it shouldn't be I honoryou because you obeyed.

(39:06):
It should be I honor you becauseGod called me to.
And so the the the the mess, thethe the brokenness, the
ugliness, it's it's notuncommon.
And for us, we also have toremember to stay encouraged.
Just because it feels like orseems like the investment has
been wasted, that it's fallen,that it's pointless.

(39:29):
You don't give up.
What you do is you say, God, I'mgonna stay and I'm gonna
continue to pray.
I'm gonna continue to prepare,I'm gonna continue to seek you,
understanding that myfaithfulness to you is what
produces everything I experiencein life.
And so whether my child is here,whether my child is there,
whether my child is calling me,whether they're ignoring me,

(39:50):
whether they don't, whether ornot they want anything to do
with me, that's not gonna affecthow I honor and worship you.
The more we get in the mode ofdoing out of obedience instead
of doing out of performance, westart to see a difference in our
relationship with the Lord.
And again, as we continue togrow in Him, He continues to

(40:12):
invest in us.
And so, as parents, if thatchild is gone, if that child is
not returning, continue tosteward the environment.
Continue to cover that child inprayer.
And as children, I think there'salways, well, before I go there,

(40:35):
the thing I like about the storyis that when the son came back,
he didn't just run to meet him.
In a sense, he restored him.
He gave him a robe, he gave hima ring, he gave him a feast, he
gave him shoes.

(40:56):
Every one of those gifts weren'tjust materialistic things.
It was a father signaling thatyou always have a place here,
regardless of whether you'represent.
See, when the when the childcomes back, that's just as
important as while they're gone.
How do you welcome them back in?

(41:17):
Is it a long list of rules?
Is it is it, hey, you know,well, you were gone and we we
moved on and you just gotta getin where you fit in.
Or are they coming back to ahome that isn't just there but
is prepared for their existence?
Okay?
And so that's really God'sheart.

(41:39):
That's how he responds when hisinvestment, us, looks wasted.
He doesn't write us off, he runstoward us.
Okay?
He restores us by not justwelcoming us back in, but giving
us a place.
Okay?
But I don't want to miss theolder brother in the story
because he represents adifferent kind of brokenness
that doesn't always get talkedabout.

(42:01):
The brother stayed.
He did everything right.
He worked, he was there, stayedin the home.
And and when he heard the musicand the celebration for his
brother, he turned up, right?
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
He was mad.
He refused to go in.

(42:24):
And think about what he said.
He said, All these years I'veserved you and I never disobeyed
your command.
Yet you never gave me a younggoat to celebrate with my
friends.
Do you hear?
Do you hear that?
He said, I served you, not Iloved you.

(42:47):
He walked, not not I walked withyou, he served.
He saw himself as an employeeand not a son.
The older brother was therephysically.
He was at the table, again, hewas with the family, but
emotionally, he was like milesaway.
He might as well have been withhis brother.
In his mind, he did all theright things for all the right

(43:07):
reasons.
But in reality, he did all thatfor the wrong reasons.
And his resentment quietlypoisoned the relationship from
the inside.
As children, we have to rememberthat we're not earning anything.
As children, you have toremember we're not old anything.

(43:31):
And so, this idea that I do so Ican get.
I'm 16, where's my car?
New iPhone coming out, mom, dad.
I want to get the new iPhone.
Constantly frustrated that yourparents don't listen to you, but
your room's always dirty.

(43:55):
Are you there because you haveto be?

unknown (43:59):
Or are

SPEAKER_00 (44:00):
Are you seeking a relationship with your parent?
Are you desiring to be aroundyour parent regardless of what
they do or don't give?
Okay?
And so there may be people likethe other room, right?
Like the older brother in thisroom right now.
You stayed, you showed up, youfeel like you did the right
things.
And I I want to point out thefather's response to the older

(44:20):
son.
It was tender, it was it waspatient, it was gracious.
He didn't um he didn't wait forthe older son to come in.
He actually went to him andsaid, Son, you are always with
me, and everything I have isyours.
Again, this is relationship.
That's what that's what this isreally rooted in.

(44:40):
It's relationship.
And so we have to remember thatif we want to first see that
relationship grow, we have tomake sure we're stewarding and
pouring into every into ourparents.
Stewarding and pouring into ourchildren.
Okay?
But the mess is real, the pain'sreal, but God's grace doesn't
wait for you to get it right.

(45:02):
Okay?
God's grace isn't waiting forperfect families, okay?
It's always present, whether thetable is full or whether the
table is empty.
Okay?
Last point.
The return on a godly investmentisn't measured in your lifetime,
it's measured in what yourchildren carry into the world

(45:24):
for the kingdom.
Okay.
So, and I'm like way over.
I'm about to finish.
I'm sorry.
Um, one of my favorite storiesin the Bible is watching the
transition of David at the endof his life.
Okay?
He um he wanted to build thistemple, and I mean he wanted it

(45:45):
really bad.
Lord's basically like, nah.
But he still gave all the plansto David, he gave it to him, um,
and he saw it.
And what he told David was,you're not gonna build it, but
your son will.
Right?
And so uh Solomon builds thisgrand temple.
Um, it's really, really grand.
I encourage you to read it.

(46:05):
Um 2 Chronicles, read the firstseven chapters.
Really, really elaborate temple.
Um, and so we see though at theend in uh chapters 28 and 29 of
1 Chronicles, David doesn't getto build the temple.
The Lord says, Solomon will, andlet's look at David's response.
See, what David, the the day,the response that David shows

(46:26):
us, the response that Davidgives to not just Solomon, not
just to the Lord, but to theentire nation of Israel, is he's
telling them, even though Iwanted to do something, even
though I had a desire to dothis, God told me no.
My immediate response came froma heart that has always and

(46:49):
forever been rooted in honoringmy father.
Parents, raise your hand ifyou've had dreams and ambitions
that didn't come true.
Let's be honest.
Okay.
Raise your hand if you felt likemaybe you've shortchanged your
children because you didn'tfulfill everything you believed
you should have.

(47:12):
Let me help you out.
It doesn't matter what you didor did not accomplish.
What matters is the life yourchildren see you live for the
Lord.
God found favor, or God lookedupon Solomon with favor, not
because Solomon did anything.
He had favor from the Lordbefore he was ever king.

(47:35):
That favor was a spiritualinheritance he got from the way
his father lived his life.
Sometimes we're trying toproduce something out of our
kids that a faithful life willjust bring.
No amount of discipline, noamount of grounding, no amount,
none of that will ever producemore than what faithfulness and

(47:58):
obedience to God will.
And we see that again, David'sobedience and faithful to the
Lord didn't just inspireSolomon.
It inspired the council.
But see, again, it's about theinvestment, it's about the
example you set for yourchildren.
David gave over and beyond tothe temple, not out of Israel's

(48:20):
finances, but his own personalone.
You want your children to livefor the Lord?
You want your children to growup and follow God?
What have you sacrificed?
Do they see you living for theLord?
Do they see you just going tochurch on Sunday and Wednesday
and that's it?
Are you establishing a routinein your household that has

(48:40):
sequestered God to Sunday andWednesday?
Or, as Deuteronomy 6 tells you,everywhere you go.
When you're at the table, whenyou lay down, when you rise up,
on your doorposts, when you'rein the grocery store, when
you're dropping the kids off atschool, when you're picking them
up, on the way to games, familyvacation.
Are you living by these wordsfirst and then teaching them?

(49:06):
See, a faithful life will covereverything.
Because it's an example of howto live after you've left.
And here's the beautiful part.
This is what's so cold.
We know Solomon started offright, but he you know he was
tripping at the end.

(49:26):
God is not asking you tosolidify the result.
God has handled the result, He'sasking you to be faithful with
what you poured.
Sometimes we look at what thekids do and we're like, man, I
messed up.
Where did I go wrong?

(49:48):
What can I do better?
Instead of saying, God, I'm notsure how that happened.
I'm not sure why they ended uphere.
But I'm trusting you.
I'm gonna continue to befaithful.
I'm gonna continue to obey.
I'm gonna continue to discipleand be disciple.
I'm gonna continue to serve andpour out.
I'm gonna continue to befaithful with what you call me

(50:10):
to do, trusting you with theoutcome.
And so for children, when you'vebeen given this investment,
remember the words of David.
He told his son Solomon, hesaid, Know the God of your
father and follow him with awhole heart.

(50:38):
He didn't say, go listen to somesermons on YouTube.
He didn't say go to church.
He said, know God.
Where does that come from?
Where does the value of knowingGod come from?
It comes from when David was inthe field.
It comes from when David wasserving a man that got that was

(50:59):
sitting in his purpose.
See, a heart that follows theLord is not, it doesn't just
show up when you get a stage ora platform or when you get you
get delivered.
A heart for God is often forgedin private.
Knowing God is intimacy.
David was telling Solomon, beintimate with the Lord.

(51:21):
Allow him to establish a wholeheart in you.
And so again, the the the theimportant thing isn't trying to
figure out how do I reach mykid.
The important thing isn't tofigure out how can I impress or
please my parents.
The important thing here isremembering, just like any other
relationship, how you operatewith your children, how you

(51:44):
interact with your parents is areflection of your willingness
to be obedient, faithful, andworship the Lord.
So to my parents, the questionis what are you pouring out?
What are you giving?
What are you sacrificing?
To my children in the room.

(52:04):
The question is Are you willingto carry forward what has been
poured and invested?
Thank you.