December 19, 2025 • 41 mins
Co-Host Myra Rhodes Communication and Culture Shock
Hi Friends,
In this episode me and my wonderful co-host Myra talk about:
Communication and culture shock. But don't be deceived even if you don't speak another language or live in another culture miscommunication can happen between two people that speak the same language, and culture shock and navigating relationships between two people that aren't brought up in the same home can be tricky. Myra and I have a fun conversation about all of this and what we can do when we run into problems.
Please reach out to Myra:
https://www.welearnitalianstepbystep.com
Please reach out.
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https://classicchronicles.ca/
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https://www.youtube.com/@ClassicChroniclesdotca
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ClassicAdvicePodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hi and welcome to Classic Advice.
I'm Scarlett Classic, your host.To those of you that are new, on
this podcast, I share stories from my life to draw lessons
from them to encourage self improvement for a happier and
more fulfilling life for the both of us.
Welcome everybody. I have a dear, dear, dear guest,
(00:24):
a new friend of mine that's Canadian but living all the way
over in Italy for for a few months out of the year.
Her name is Myra and she is alsoa podcaster.
We met on Dave's Meet up group for the How to podcast series.
Myra, say hi to everybody. Introduce yourself.
(00:46):
Hello, Scarlett and everyone. Thank you, Scarlett, so much for
having me on your show. I'm Myra and I have the podcast
We Learn Italian Step by Step orImperiano Italiano, piano, piano
for people who want to improve their Italian.
So if you've got a little bit ofItalian under your belt, you
speak a little bit. But now it's time to really make
(01:08):
some improvements in your ability to use the language.
That's what my podcast is all about.
That's awesome. I love it.
And it's, I, I lived over in Romania for five years and I, I
just learned through immersion. And it's, yeah, you get to 1
kind of level when you're learning and if you don't
(01:29):
consciously make an effort to get better.
I read a lot. I love reading.
And I would buy Romanian novels.And that was one way that I, I
guess, challenged myself to learn more in different words.
But yeah, you do kind of plateauat a point.
So I think it's really cool thatyou're doing that for people
over in Italy and that you're not native to the language.
(01:51):
You have a unique perspective toit.
So I love it. I listen and I don't know, You
don't know hardly anything. And I think it's really cool,
so. Well, that warms my heart to
hear that. And you are so right.
You know, when you're a beginnerin a language, there is a real
clear direction and you know exactly what you need to do and
(02:14):
what you need to practice. And there's an order to things
and real satisfaction as you learn each new grammar point,
each new conjugation. But when you get to a certain
level where you're able to speak, but you just feel like
you're spinning your wheels and you just don't know where to
turn to really make a differenceand feel like you've really
improved. That's where I got to.
(02:36):
And the other thing is whether or not the people or the courses
that you turn to, to learn from,whether they teach in a way that
you can learn. So I was finding that they
weren't quite often teaching in the way that I can learn.
And so I was making my own recordings and playing them back
and teaching myself that way. So it dawned on me that maybe
(02:58):
other people are a little bit more like me and maybe they can
benefit from my way of learning.So this is a way for me to
improve my Italian, to teach myself in the that I learn and
maybe bring a few people along with me.
That's that's wonderful. And that leads right into what
(03:19):
we want to talk about today, which is communication.
And Meyer and me have a unique experience in living in a
different culture where English isn't the primary language.
But if if you're listening and you're like, well, I don't speak
any other language other than English, this doesn't apply to
(03:41):
me, it will apply to you becausecommunication is key to every
relationship, even if you both speak the same language.
There is so many times where we without intentionally doing it,
we miscommunicate or we misunderstand what someone is
trying to tell us. And it can it can be hurtful to
(04:05):
relationships if that isn't discovered early on.
So even even me and my husband will will communicate in English
but he doesn't speak any other languages.
But we're raised in two very different homes.
And because of that, we miscommunicate all the time.
(04:27):
And then he has to say, oh, well, no, actually, this is what
I was meaning. This is, you know, or I'll say,
no, that's not what I meant at all.
This is what I was trying to say, right.
So that's that's one of the one of the things that happens in
relationships is just being understood and communicating in
a way that you are understood. When we were talking Myra about
(04:52):
what we were going to say today,you said something about sitting
in a group of people and gettinga lot.
Can you loss? Can you just?
Explain to the listener that probably what I consider the
most difficult situation is whenthere, when it's a gathering,
maybe a dinner, and there are somany people sitting around the
(05:15):
table and there's so many conversations going on.
They're talking to each other and I'm there.
I might be able to sort of insert myself into a
conversation. But being not a native speaker
with a group of native speakers,communication can be quite
(05:35):
difficult. And just, you know, like we were
saying, if you just missed one word here or one word there and
then somebody throws in a name or a place name, then the whole
thing is just a big confusion. Interesting mess.
Yeah, I totally understand what you're saying.
Even one of the things that I struggled with when I was in
(05:57):
that group setting is the tone that Romanians speak in is I
thought they were arguing with each other because I grew up in
a home where tone was very subtle in the sense that if you
just changed, like if either of my parents changed their tone
(06:19):
slightly, I knew I was in trouble.
Like they didn't have to really quote UN quote raise their voice
to quote UN quote yell. It was very subtle changes in
their tone and in their voice. And I'd be like, and then in
Romania, they're very lively. It's a Romance language.
(06:42):
They're noisy. And I thought everyone was
yelling at each other. And then after I learned the
language and I understood what was being said, I realized they
weren't, they weren't being harsh or yelling with each other
at all. That is just how they speak to
each other. And then I started doing that
too, because that's just how youspeak.
(07:04):
The language has that. Have you run across that at all
in? Your.
Encounters and yes. In Italian they can be extremely
expressive, but you know, sometimes their expressiveness
isn't just in the voice, it can be in the hand gestures.
(07:25):
There are so many underlying messages going on when Italians
are speaking. It's almost another language
itself, understanding what they're saying with their hands
and all the various different things, like they could be
somebody points at their cheek and turns their finger.
They're actually saying something tastes good.
(07:48):
OK, Yeah. And then there's go ahead.
No, that just, that's very interesting because I know I'm a
half deaf, so I know American Sign Language, and that's
actually a sign of like, I thinkit's either sweet or sour.
I don't really speak sign language a whole lot.
But yeah, it's interesting that they do that because it actually
(08:10):
means something. Yeah.
Yes. And then so there's that and
then there's also some I noticedalso with my husband and his dad
that they have kind of a silent way of speaking.
And it's I don't know if it's just a save your voice or
whatever it is. But if like he was up on one's
(08:31):
up on the balcony, one's down onthe street, a Canadian, an
American, whatever would probably be yelling down to each
other. But no, they're like pointing
over there. You know, this is where I want
you to go. Put the car there, then do this
and not saying a single word andjust being completely silent but
gesturing everything with their hands.
(08:51):
That's really interesting. I never knew that about.
I've never been to Italy. I'd love to go one day, but
that's really interesting, so. For maybe it's just this family.
I'm not. Every family is different.
That's why I say even if you speak the same language, totally
different families. Because yeah, Roy, my husband
(09:12):
will say something and I'll be like, stop yelling at me.
And he's like, I'm not, I'm not,I'm not.
Do I have tone? He'll he'll actually ask me that
now. I didn't mean to have tone.
Did I have tone? I didn't.
I wasn't paying attention. Especially when he's tired,
he'll speak in a way that I'm like, I don't like this.
And he'll be like, I'm not meaning to have tone hunt.
(09:34):
I'm just tired. This is just, you know, how I
am. So for the listener, when what
what I'd like to I guess cover and here is what do we do when
you're in that kind of situation?
Because especially if you're notunderstanding what's happening
(09:56):
because it's a completely different language.
So it's very relevant for peoplein that situation.
But even if, like when I was first dating, Roy and I was
getting introduced to like his parents, his family, his
friends, they had a way of talking with each other.
And I wasn't used to it. Even going from white collar in
(10:19):
the office. Now I'm blue collar, I'm out in
the field, I operate equipment. You know, it's a very different
culture. And you have to even within just
the one province, right? And you have to figure out how
to navigate communicating with everyone.
And if you're not bold enough tospeak up and say, hey, I'm not
(10:43):
understanding what's going on, can someone please tell me
what's happening or hey, are they arguing?
Are they just poking fun at eachother?
Like what's because blue collar,they do that all the time.
Everybody's poking at each other.
Everybody's, you know, and it's just their love language, right,
to do that with each other. But you can really feel left out
(11:08):
if you don't have the courage tosay something.
That's right. It's so true.
And on my podcast, quite often I've touched on the kinds of
things that you can say when you're in that kind of
situation. And that is to learn a few
sentences that will help you to let people know that you need
(11:31):
them to speak more slowly. And as a matter of fact, this
word piano, piano, it means stepby step, but it also means
slowly as well. It has a lot of different
meanings. But Paul Parlare on Paul piano
Perfavore, could you please speak a little slower?
(11:52):
Once people sort of realize thatyou are interested in their
language and you really want to participate, it can kind of turn
things around a little bit and they can have a little more
interest in, in really helping you and including you in the
conversation. The other thing is quite often
(12:13):
they'll say, oh, would you like me to speak English?
Then that kind of defeats the entire purpose of why you've
travelled all this way and you're trying so hard to to be a
part of the culture because you really have to do it.
You really have to stumble. You have to make your mistakes
(12:33):
and be corrected. The kindest thing that anyone
can do for someone who's trying to learn a language is to
correct them when they say something wrong.
And, and it's when you get corrected in those kind of
situations that for some reason it really sticks in your head.
It's an experience in your life.It's something that it's not
(12:57):
just somebody, something someonetold you in the middle of a
course in a long list of vocabulary, but it was an
experience in your life. And that is going to be
something that you're going to remember the next time.
Maybe you'll do it wrong again, but you're going to correct
yourself in your own head and you're going to catch yourself.
So that that is just really critical is the ability to
(13:18):
immerse yourself in the language, to be a part of it and
to get corrected by others. And and being OK with being
corrected and not not necessarily criticized, but it
is corrective criticism when someone corrects your mistake.
And we learn really well when wemake mistakes.
(13:41):
Just thinking of when you're, when you're in a different
setting, when you're introduced to a new group of people, it's
easy to just sit by and not say anything because it's easier to
just, you know, oh, it's OK, it's fine.
I'll be fine, you know. And then at the end of the
night, you go home and you're like, well, you know, you didn't
(14:03):
maybe. How do I word this?
It's to not get everything out of that night that you could
have, I guess, right? Like if you had just had the
courage to speak up and say, hey, I either don't understand
because I don't know the language or I didn't have the
courage to say something that I really like.
(14:27):
Hey, like, were they actually, you know, mad at each other or
are you guys? Or it might be directed at you,
you know, like if people like inthe culture that I'm in now,
blue collar, they poke fun at each other all the time.
And you can take that personallyif you don't understand that
they're just trying to connect with you and have fun with you
(14:52):
because it's it's it's a it's a culture.
It's the way that they communicate with each other.
And if you're feeling that you're misunderstanding because
everybody's laughing and having fun, right?
And and even in marriage, right like if thinking of your
marriage with with Paulo, he's native to it is.
(15:17):
He's a native Italian. He was.
And when did he come to Canada first or did you meet over there
or how did you guys meet? Oh, we met in Canada.
Yeah, we met in Canada. So did he already know English
really well when you met? Yeah, let's see.
You know, in most cultures otherthan English speaking ones,
(15:37):
everyone does learn English as atool for their life, right?
In order to get along in business, to progress in your
career, everyone learns English.It seems to me that everybody
has English in their back pocket.
(15:57):
So it's certainly his and he knows other languages as well.
But it was interesting because because I am native English
speaking and, and he is native Italian.
It's, it was quite interesting the the notable differences
(16:19):
between the noting something about your own language.
When you're when you're with somebody whose native language
is not English, then you realizethe kinds of things that you do
often. For instance, all the idioms
that we use, we use so constantly, the things that we
(16:40):
say, for example, hang on a second, hang on to what?
What are you talking about? We're on the same page.
It rings a bell out of the blue in the long run, the things that
we say to express ourselves, So much of it is just not the
(17:02):
literal words. If you took those words and
translated them literally, it wouldn't make much sense at all.
But so that being in a relationship with someone whose
whose native tongue is not English really did teach me
something about my own language.Strangely enough.
(17:24):
I kind of found that if I could think of a word that's a little
bit more complex than what I might say if I was speaking to
maybe a child, then he could twig with it because there was
something that he knew maybe in Italian or maybe it comes from
Latin that that he could identify with.
(17:45):
So it's interesting, but it's not always the easier kind of a
way of speaking that helps somebody, but something that
expresses the idea, even if it'smaybe a little more complicated.
Yeah, yeah, the one that just came into my mind was things
being swept under the rug. Yes, exactly.
(18:07):
You know, you'd say that. And if you're not native to
English that you'd be like, what?
And I do have some not native toEnglish listeners.
So that's just like if you sweepsomething under the rug.
Well, if you're sweeping your house, if you just sweep the
dirt under the rug, you're not removing the dirt from your
home. You're just hiding it.
(18:28):
And that's, you know, you can dothat in situations, you know,
just hide your mistake instead of owning up to it and be like,
no, I did this. I messed up, you know, or
whatever it may be. It can be anything.
But yeah. And I mean, I was like my ex.
(18:49):
I was with him for seven years. And he's not native to English.
So I know exactly what you mean by, like, I would explain some
things to him being like, oh, I didn't mean that.
I meant such and such and such or, hey, when you say that in
English, it actually has a wholedifferent meaning.
Maybe don't word it like that. And then, you know, he would do
the same thing for me, for Romanian.
(19:11):
But yeah, for if we're even just, you know, it's interesting
because in Canada we have so many different backgrounds.
And even more so I would say today than when I was a kid
because we like, immigration is huge right now.
There's a lot of immigrants in Canada.
(19:31):
So you don't really have to go far here to find someone that's
not not native to Canada. And even if you are like
thinking of me and Roy, there's been so many times, you know,
where just being raised differently.
Nobody, no two people are raisedthe same.
(19:52):
Even if you are from the same same culture.
And keeping in mind that for your marriage, for your
relationship with your kids, youknow, they come up with my kids
are entering their teen years. Well, the two of them are in
their teen years, and Riley's getting close.
He's almost 9. They they come up with their own
(20:15):
little sayings in school and their own little, you know,
shortcuts to the language that Ihave to be like, OK, explain
this one to me because that's new.
And, you know, Levi especially, he'll say something's.
Oh, they have a new word for cool drip.
That's so drip. And I'm like, what?
(20:38):
Like drip means like water's dripping out of the tap drop by
drop. No, if you're if you're dressed
a certain way, that's drip. Just I don't understand, you
know, communication. It's just so many arguments can
start when when things are just simply misunderstood.
(21:01):
And I think you know, the lessonfor us to all take because I
like to to draw lessons from every episode.
You know, it's, is it is don't be shy to speak up when, when
you're feeling in your gut that maybe you're not understanding
things right. Or if you feel hurt by a by a
(21:24):
tone or by something that somebody said or feeling left
out or feeling. Maybe that you were
misunderstood because someone took something and and they got
upset from what you said to justjust simply say something about
it in the moment to to not be afraid to speak up.
(21:45):
I guess, because, you know, someone might even be listening
to this podcast that are any of my episodes and be like, Oh,
well, you know, I don't agree with that.
And you don't have to agree witheverything that I say on here,
but, you know, being, especiallyas a podcaster, being
misunderstood is a big fear of mine.
Like I want to make sure that I'm speaking clearly in a way
(22:07):
that people are going to understand.
But I guess how we navigate this, like what if you had some
key take away points for people that if if they're feeling like
they're they're having an issue with maybe speaking up or being
understood or misunderstanding people, what would you, what
(22:31):
would you tell people, Myra? Well, I guess it has to do with
taking a step out of your comfort zone.
If you try it once, then you'll be, I'm hoping that you'll be
rewarded with the fact that it worked out for the better, that
(22:51):
you gained something, the other person gained something.
You took a little bit of a chance, you took a risk and you
spoke up and said, hey, do you mind just saying that again?
Or could you please speak sloweror recapping maybe what they
said so that they know that you understood.
(23:16):
And I think that having success with that sort of thing once or
twice allows you to feel a little bit more brave the next
time in order to be able to makeyourself better understood in
any situation, no matter what the kind of problem with the
communication is. So just take that first little
(23:39):
step and and take a risk and do what you can to fix what's going
on, to make yourself understood or to ask the question to get
the understanding that you need in whatever the situation
happens to be. Beautiful.
Beautiful. I love how you said that.
(24:00):
I do. I think it's it's yeah.
Be brave. Be brave, you guys.
It's, you know, it can, you know, especially if you're a shy
person. And this, I'm not a shy person
by nature, but my sister is. And I think too, if, if you are
(24:21):
in a group setting and, and you watch the people around you and
you notice that maybe someone isshy or you notice that they may
be reacting in a way that was, Iguess you could guess that maybe
they took something the wrong way.
(24:41):
You know, speak up for them and,and be there for the other.
Like we as people that are not shy, speaking for myself, need
to be there for the people that are shy and, and speak up for
them. And I think that will give those
people a lot of encouragement that, you know, you care and and
(25:06):
it'll give them the courage to speak up next time too.
And it's, you know, there's, there's, I guess, reminding
yourself there's no shame for being misunderstood or
misunderstanding something. You know, it, it is what it is.
It's just something that, you know, being married to Roy for
10 years now. Well, coming up on 10 years
January a few more weeks ago, but now it's just like a thing
(25:31):
like it it's, you know, oh, I misunderstood you or he
misunderstood me. It's just like, oh, whatever.
Like it is what it is. When you're brand new to a
relationship, though, it can be,it can be a little daunting.
I guess you maybe you feel like it's a hurdle that you're never
going to get over, but you will,you know, like it's
(25:55):
communication. It's, it's not, you know, you're
always learning. Yep, and it doesn't happen all
at once. It doesn't happen all at once.
And even being. Yeah, little step piano, piano,
little steps. And and yeah.
So have courage, you guys though, Myra, before we wrap
things up, what about culture shock?
(26:17):
That was something I went through living over in Romania.
I actually took a group of students over to Spain, we did a
course with them and the second-half of the course was
they had to go experience another culture for three months
and so we went to Spain with them.
Did you experience, I'm assumingyou did anything to do with
(26:39):
culture shock and how you navigated that?
Yeah, there are some major differences in in the cultures.
I found I was quite surprised the first time some people came
over for lunch and they we had alovely, lovely long lunch
(27:01):
together and lots of conversation and then sitting
down afterwards in in the livingroom and, and people just
relaxing and maybe even falling asleep spending the time.
And I'm sitting there going, my goodness, like, isn't it time
for people to go? And before you know it, we're
(27:26):
all getting ready for the next meal.
And it's just, it's like that, you know, a meal time is, oh,
there's an expression Nancy Invekia at Tavola.
One never gets old sitting at the table.
I wish I'd be there all the time.
(27:47):
But yeah, that's something to berespected is just to enjoy
yourself and enjoy the time withpeople when you're eating.
Whereas, you know, we're kind ofeat and go or take it in the car
with you and munch on it while you're driving and that sort of
thing. And it's a, it's a really
different point of view when it comes to food and, and that sort
(28:10):
of thing. And kind of along those lines
might be the fact that stores close for like 3 hours in the
middle of the day because peopleare closing and going and having
their their lunch and afternoon nap maybe.
(28:31):
But then they do work quite a bit later into the evening.
That whereas when I'm having to go somewhere to go to work, I
want to go as early as possible,finish my day as early as
possible so that I have the afternoon to myself at home.
But it's, it's a, yeah, a different way of thinking about
living, eating and working and how you spend your time.
(28:55):
That is so interesting. I have so many things to say.
That is so interesting. I'm so glad that we covered
that. Wow, Spain's the same.
They'll always close for siestas.
In the afternoon. It's yeah, it's and I don't
know, I'd like staying Spain, Sting.
Spain does get hot in the afternoon, so I'm wondering if
(29:17):
that might have a little bit to do with it as well.
Yeah. You know, in Canada especially
where where, you know, it's we're up in the north.
So we have really short stay short days in December, it gets
dark, right. So, you know that have an
afternoon siesta. You would just want to get home
and hide in the cold weather. Only mad dogs and Englishmen go
(29:41):
out in the midday sun, right? Yeah, yeah.
And so that's a similarity between Italy and Spain.
That's interesting. I never knew the Italy was like
that. But you know, the weather isn't
that much different here, although it depends on where you
are. Yeah, I could, yeah.
I would say, I would say so thatyou definitely have warmer
(30:02):
weather than I would say Romaniawould have.
You probably never get snow there, right?
They used to. They used to sort of like, you
know, in Canada there's less snow.
At least where I am on the West Coast, there's less snow than
there used to be, but and there used to be snow right where I am
right now. And it's not so much maybe just,
(30:26):
you know, maybe a week or so of snow, if that, but maybe none at
all. But other than that, the climate
is quite similar. I'm sort of in northern Italy.
You can think of maybe around Milan area.
OK. It's not that far from the 49th
parallel, which is where I'd be in Canada, maybe around 46th.
(30:49):
So why isn't that much different?
But the attitude towards the work ethic or just working
yourself to bits is quite different I think.
Yeah, that's interesting. And even just the thing that you
said about relaxing and and justtaking that time and they were
(31:12):
just chill and just hanging out and not going home.
That's hilarious. Like you had a great relaxing
home. That's such a good compliment,
but my where I was raised and and Roy, like, I don't know, I
think it might just be a me and my mom thing.
Like it's, I think she's like this too, but I in particular
(31:33):
have a really or I I'm better now, but I had a really hard
time just sitting and relaxing. I feel like I always need to be
doing something and being productive doing something or I
just feel like I've wasted my day and not that's a that's a me
(31:55):
issue, but it's the culture shock, I guess, getting into
Roy's family and we would go over to his parents house and
just everybody would just do thekind of their own thing and sit
and relax and we would visit with each other.
But to go in the living room andjust hang out and relax.
And I was like, sitting there. Like what?
(32:19):
Doesn't somebody have to do? Something doesn't, we have to do
something. Isn't there something to be
done? You know, like that's what like
it's, it's interesting because you can have, you don't have to
go anywhere to have culture shock.
It's, it can be within your own.When you get married to someone
or you're in a relationship withsomeone, there's going to be
(32:41):
those moments where you're butting heads and you're meshing
two families together. His family, the way he was
raised, your family the way you were raised or vice versa,
right? And it's it's something to me
navigated. So what did you, what did you
do? Like, was there something you
like? Do you have to consciously
(33:02):
remind yourself that when you invite people over, plan for
multiple meals because they might stay?
Well, that also, that particularoccasion might have been around
the holiday time. And so it was, you know, a lunch
and then which just evolves intothe main meal, which I thought
was already done. Right.
(33:25):
I don't know. I think just going with the
flow. You're in another culture.
It's beetle a difference. Yeah.
To enjoy the differences betweenthe cultures and.
Oh, you know, you might mess up,you might say the wrong thing,
you might, you know, una bruta figura in Italian, they like to
(33:52):
fare una Bella figura, which is to make, it's almost to make a
good impression, but it's to look look good in front of other
people. And it's something I guess we
all like to do, but I don't know, just maybe just let go and
(34:16):
enjoy the differences. Beautiful, beautiful.
Just enjoy the differences. It is.
Yeah. That's awesome.
Let's just stay for multiple meals.
I get a kick out of that. Oh, there's so many things to
probably talk about with the differences.
Yes, there's, there's, there's many, many different things.
(34:38):
And it's, you know, when, when Iwas living over in Romania that
there came a time, I remember that after so many years, they
expected me to, I guess, behave in a different way because I was
(34:58):
there for a long time. And I did try, I tried to change
the way that I was in order to fit better.
And I know I've mentioned this on the show before, but when I
did that, I felt like I lost a part of myself.
And you're. Being somebody that you're not.
And I was being someone that I really wasn't.
(35:20):
So then I stopped doing it. And then they were upset that I
stopped doing it and I wasn't more quote UN quote Romanian.
And I and I get it, but I just, I, I would change things to be
respectful and polite, but I hadto stand my ground and be like,
no, like I can't. I also need to be true to myself
(35:40):
and I also need to be who I am as a person.
So I guess just like there, there is some give and take
there, like there for you to understand their culture and not
be rude, but to also remember tostay true to you.
That's something I say at the end of my show all the time is
stay classically you stay uniquely you because I did a
(36:01):
whole episode on that and then Iwas like, I I need to just say
that every time because we can get so caught up in trying to
people. Please.
I used to be huge people pleaserthat I was changing who I was to
just try to be loved and accepted by people.
And I think it's important to understand and to not lose
(36:24):
yourself in the process and justand to stay true to you.
And the right people will love you.
The right people will stay for you and love you just for who
you are so. So were you trying to fit in as
a wife and maybe in the in a feminine role where certain
(36:44):
things were expected of you and you were probably quite young?
Yeah, that makes a difference, Ithink.
I think the older we get, the thicker.
The more we don't care. Yeah, I am who I am.
You like me. Great if you don't.
(37:04):
Whatever. Yeah.
But I just wish that I had learned that lesson earlier in
life. But I mean, what do?
You do well. This has been fun too.
Yeah, it has been fun. Is there anything else you want
to admire or is that a wrap? I think we can call it a wrap.
(37:25):
Right on. Cool.
Well, I always leave people witha challenge.
We covered a lot in this episode, not just about
communication, but we touched onsomething that we didn't even
plan on, which is my favorite thing is culture shock.
So I guess for communication, our takeaways, main takeaways
and challenge would be the next time that you feel like you're
being misunderstood or you're misunderstanding or you see
(37:49):
someone else that you suspect ismaybe too shy to say something,
is have some courage, be brave like Myra said, and and say
something. I'll add to that.
Yep. If it's a language situation,
just remember that they have their own language and they're
learning your language. So it's not because they're not
(38:14):
quite as smart as you or everybody else around, it's
because they have an additional challenge and a little bit of
understanding goes a long way. Exactly.
And for the culture shock part, there's different stages of
culture shock. And you will, it's just like
(38:36):
grief. You need to let it play out and,
and, and and ride the wave, so to speak.
But just remember to not lose yourself in the process and just
enjoy and embrace the differences like Myra was
saying. All right.
Already. So that is it, Myra, before we
(38:57):
close off, can you just tell people how they can connect with
you and find you? All the links will be in the
show notes. If you're out on a walk, you
don't need to write it down or anything, but can you just tell
people real quick? Sure.
The name of the podcast is We Learn Italian Step by Step or
(39:19):
Imperiano Italiano Piano Piano. My website is just We Learn
Italian stepbystep.com. Yes, and I listen and you have a
guest on your show, a Co host that is just awesome.
You don't have to want to learn Italian to listen to her show.
(39:41):
It's just if you want to laugh still listen to it because her
Co host Antonio is just the best.
Well, I am so pleased that you are enjoying it.
I'm so pleased that anyone is enjoying it because I do put an
awful lot of effort into the whole script and so on.
(40:02):
And so Antonio is. Is my my kind of imaginary
sidekick and his help personality has grown since the
since the day the first day thatI I sort of twig that this could
be a personality. Yeah, yeah.
So Myra has a story component toher podcast, which is is really
(40:23):
cool. She's so it's she's almost
taking you through like an audiobook novel where she's she's
reading a story about this girl and teaching you Italian along
the way. And Antonio is her AI voice
sidekick. That's hilarious.
So it's very, very well done. All righty.
Thank you so much, dude. You're welcome.
(40:45):
Thank you for coming on Myra. It's been an absolute pleasure
and I enjoy. I'm sure we'll probably see you
tomorrow if you're not busy. Right.
At the camp and meet up. Meet up.
And yeah, till till next time, Iguess for the listeners, please
keep in mind JJ saying to to pause, think about how you want
(41:09):
to communicate. Think about how you react to
culture shock and the different,different families and your
friends and your relationships. Take time to to pause and
reflect on that and love yourself enough to not slip into
the slippery slope of people pleasing and be brave.
(41:29):
Speak up and be aware of your ripple because we all have one
in life. And let's make it a +1.
As always, both me and Myra would love to hear from you.
Please go visit Myra, say hi to her and tell her how much you
love Antonio and her podcast. It's awesome.
And yeah, my website classicchronicles.ca, everything
(41:51):
is in the show notes. Take care everyone, bye.
Hi and welcome to Classic Advice.
I'm Scarlett Classic, your host.To those of you that are new, on
this podcast, I share stories from my life to draw lessons
from them to encourage self improvement for a happier and
more fulfilling life for the both of us.
Welcome everybody. I have a dear, dear, dear guest,
(00:24):
a new friend of mine that's Canadian but living all the way
over in Italy for for a few months out of the year.
Her name is Myra and she is alsoa podcaster.
We met on Dave's Meet up group for the How to podcast series.
Myra, say hi to everybody. Introduce yourself.
(00:46):
Hello, Scarlett and everyone. Thank you, Scarlett, so much for
having me on your show. I'm Myra and I have the podcast
We Learn Italian Step by Step orImperiano Italiano, piano, piano
for people who want to improve their Italian.
So if you've got a little bit ofItalian under your belt, you
speak a little bit. But now it's time to really make
(01:08):
some improvements in your ability to use the language.
That's what my podcast is all about.
That's awesome. I love it.
And it's, I, I lived over in Romania for five years and I, I
just learned through immersion. And it's, yeah, you get to 1
kind of level when you're learning and if you don't
(01:29):
consciously make an effort to get better.
I read a lot. I love reading.
And I would buy Romanian novels.And that was one way that I, I
guess, challenged myself to learn more in different words.
But yeah, you do kind of plateauat a point.
So I think it's really cool thatyou're doing that for people
over in Italy and that you're not native to the language.
(01:51):
You have a unique perspective toit.
So I love it. I listen and I don't know, You
don't know hardly anything. And I think it's really cool,
so. Well, that warms my heart to
hear that. And you are so right.
You know, when you're a beginnerin a language, there is a real
clear direction and you know exactly what you need to do and
(02:14):
what you need to practice. And there's an order to things
and real satisfaction as you learn each new grammar point,
each new conjugation. But when you get to a certain
level where you're able to speak, but you just feel like
you're spinning your wheels and you just don't know where to
turn to really make a differenceand feel like you've really
improved. That's where I got to.
(02:36):
And the other thing is whether or not the people or the courses
that you turn to, to learn from,whether they teach in a way that
you can learn. So I was finding that they
weren't quite often teaching in the way that I can learn.
And so I was making my own recordings and playing them back
and teaching myself that way. So it dawned on me that maybe
(02:58):
other people are a little bit more like me and maybe they can
benefit from my way of learning.So this is a way for me to
improve my Italian, to teach myself in the that I learn and
maybe bring a few people along with me.
That's that's wonderful. And that leads right into what
(03:19):
we want to talk about today, which is communication.
And Meyer and me have a unique experience in living in a
different culture where English isn't the primary language.
But if if you're listening and you're like, well, I don't speak
any other language other than English, this doesn't apply to
(03:41):
me, it will apply to you becausecommunication is key to every
relationship, even if you both speak the same language.
There is so many times where we without intentionally doing it,
we miscommunicate or we misunderstand what someone is
trying to tell us. And it can it can be hurtful to
(04:05):
relationships if that isn't discovered early on.
So even even me and my husband will will communicate in English
but he doesn't speak any other languages.
But we're raised in two very different homes.
And because of that, we miscommunicate all the time.
(04:27):
And then he has to say, oh, well, no, actually, this is what
I was meaning. This is, you know, or I'll say,
no, that's not what I meant at all.
This is what I was trying to say, right.
So that's that's one of the one of the things that happens in
relationships is just being understood and communicating in
a way that you are understood. When we were talking Myra about
(04:52):
what we were going to say today,you said something about sitting
in a group of people and gettinga lot.
Can you loss? Can you just?
Explain to the listener that probably what I consider the
most difficult situation is whenthere, when it's a gathering,
maybe a dinner, and there are somany people sitting around the
(05:15):
table and there's so many conversations going on.
They're talking to each other and I'm there.
I might be able to sort of insert myself into a
conversation. But being not a native speaker
with a group of native speakers,communication can be quite
(05:35):
difficult. And just, you know, like we were
saying, if you just missed one word here or one word there and
then somebody throws in a name or a place name, then the whole
thing is just a big confusion. Interesting mess.
Yeah, I totally understand what you're saying.
Even one of the things that I struggled with when I was in
(05:57):
that group setting is the tone that Romanians speak in is I
thought they were arguing with each other because I grew up in
a home where tone was very subtle in the sense that if you
just changed, like if either of my parents changed their tone
(06:19):
slightly, I knew I was in trouble.
Like they didn't have to really quote UN quote raise their voice
to quote UN quote yell. It was very subtle changes in
their tone and in their voice. And I'd be like, and then in
Romania, they're very lively. It's a Romance language.
(06:42):
They're noisy. And I thought everyone was
yelling at each other. And then after I learned the
language and I understood what was being said, I realized they
weren't, they weren't being harsh or yelling with each other
at all. That is just how they speak to
each other. And then I started doing that
too, because that's just how youspeak.
(07:04):
The language has that. Have you run across that at all
in? Your.
Encounters and yes. In Italian they can be extremely
expressive, but you know, sometimes their expressiveness
isn't just in the voice, it can be in the hand gestures.
(07:25):
There are so many underlying messages going on when Italians
are speaking. It's almost another language
itself, understanding what they're saying with their hands
and all the various different things, like they could be
somebody points at their cheek and turns their finger.
They're actually saying something tastes good.
(07:48):
OK, Yeah. And then there's go ahead.
No, that just, that's very interesting because I know I'm a
half deaf, so I know American Sign Language, and that's
actually a sign of like, I thinkit's either sweet or sour.
I don't really speak sign language a whole lot.
But yeah, it's interesting that they do that because it actually
(08:10):
means something. Yeah.
Yes. And then so there's that and
then there's also some I noticedalso with my husband and his dad
that they have kind of a silent way of speaking.
And it's I don't know if it's just a save your voice or
whatever it is. But if like he was up on one's
(08:31):
up on the balcony, one's down onthe street, a Canadian, an
American, whatever would probably be yelling down to each
other. But no, they're like pointing
over there. You know, this is where I want
you to go. Put the car there, then do this
and not saying a single word andjust being completely silent but
gesturing everything with their hands.
(08:51):
That's really interesting. I never knew that about.
I've never been to Italy. I'd love to go one day, but
that's really interesting, so. For maybe it's just this family.
I'm not. Every family is different.
That's why I say even if you speak the same language, totally
different families. Because yeah, Roy, my husband
(09:12):
will say something and I'll be like, stop yelling at me.
And he's like, I'm not, I'm not,I'm not.
Do I have tone? He'll he'll actually ask me that
now. I didn't mean to have tone.
Did I have tone? I didn't.
I wasn't paying attention. Especially when he's tired,
he'll speak in a way that I'm like, I don't like this.
And he'll be like, I'm not meaning to have tone hunt.
(09:34):
I'm just tired. This is just, you know, how I
am. So for the listener, when what
what I'd like to I guess cover and here is what do we do when
you're in that kind of situation?
Because especially if you're notunderstanding what's happening
(09:56):
because it's a completely different language.
So it's very relevant for peoplein that situation.
But even if, like when I was first dating, Roy and I was
getting introduced to like his parents, his family, his
friends, they had a way of talking with each other.
And I wasn't used to it. Even going from white collar in
(10:19):
the office. Now I'm blue collar, I'm out in
the field, I operate equipment. You know, it's a very different
culture. And you have to even within just
the one province, right? And you have to figure out how
to navigate communicating with everyone.
And if you're not bold enough tospeak up and say, hey, I'm not
(10:43):
understanding what's going on, can someone please tell me
what's happening or hey, are they arguing?
Are they just poking fun at eachother?
Like what's because blue collar,they do that all the time.
Everybody's poking at each other.
Everybody's, you know, and it's just their love language, right,
to do that with each other. But you can really feel left out
(11:08):
if you don't have the courage tosay something.
That's right. It's so true.
And on my podcast, quite often I've touched on the kinds of
things that you can say when you're in that kind of
situation. And that is to learn a few
sentences that will help you to let people know that you need
(11:31):
them to speak more slowly. And as a matter of fact, this
word piano, piano, it means stepby step, but it also means
slowly as well. It has a lot of different
meanings. But Paul Parlare on Paul piano
Perfavore, could you please speak a little slower?
(11:52):
Once people sort of realize thatyou are interested in their
language and you really want to participate, it can kind of turn
things around a little bit and they can have a little more
interest in, in really helping you and including you in the
conversation. The other thing is quite often
(12:13):
they'll say, oh, would you like me to speak English?
Then that kind of defeats the entire purpose of why you've
travelled all this way and you're trying so hard to to be a
part of the culture because you really have to do it.
You really have to stumble. You have to make your mistakes
(12:33):
and be corrected. The kindest thing that anyone
can do for someone who's trying to learn a language is to
correct them when they say something wrong.
And, and it's when you get corrected in those kind of
situations that for some reason it really sticks in your head.
It's an experience in your life.It's something that it's not
(12:57):
just somebody, something someonetold you in the middle of a
course in a long list of vocabulary, but it was an
experience in your life. And that is going to be
something that you're going to remember the next time.
Maybe you'll do it wrong again, but you're going to correct
yourself in your own head and you're going to catch yourself.
So that that is just really critical is the ability to
(13:18):
immerse yourself in the language, to be a part of it and
to get corrected by others. And and being OK with being
corrected and not not necessarily criticized, but it
is corrective criticism when someone corrects your mistake.
And we learn really well when wemake mistakes.
(13:41):
Just thinking of when you're, when you're in a different
setting, when you're introduced to a new group of people, it's
easy to just sit by and not say anything because it's easier to
just, you know, oh, it's OK, it's fine.
I'll be fine, you know. And then at the end of the
night, you go home and you're like, well, you know, you didn't
(14:03):
maybe. How do I word this?
It's to not get everything out of that night that you could
have, I guess, right? Like if you had just had the
courage to speak up and say, hey, I either don't understand
because I don't know the language or I didn't have the
courage to say something that I really like.
(14:27):
Hey, like, were they actually, you know, mad at each other or
are you guys? Or it might be directed at you,
you know, like if people like inthe culture that I'm in now,
blue collar, they poke fun at each other all the time.
And you can take that personallyif you don't understand that
they're just trying to connect with you and have fun with you
(14:52):
because it's it's it's a it's a culture.
It's the way that they communicate with each other.
And if you're feeling that you're misunderstanding because
everybody's laughing and having fun, right?
And and even in marriage, right like if thinking of your
marriage with with Paulo, he's native to it is.
(15:17):
He's a native Italian. He was.
And when did he come to Canada first or did you meet over there
or how did you guys meet? Oh, we met in Canada.
Yeah, we met in Canada. So did he already know English
really well when you met? Yeah, let's see.
You know, in most cultures otherthan English speaking ones,
(15:37):
everyone does learn English as atool for their life, right?
In order to get along in business, to progress in your
career, everyone learns English.It seems to me that everybody
has English in their back pocket.
(15:57):
So it's certainly his and he knows other languages as well.
But it was interesting because because I am native English
speaking and, and he is native Italian.
It's, it was quite interesting the the notable differences
(16:19):
between the noting something about your own language.
When you're when you're with somebody whose native language
is not English, then you realizethe kinds of things that you do
often. For instance, all the idioms
that we use, we use so constantly, the things that we
(16:40):
say, for example, hang on a second, hang on to what?
What are you talking about? We're on the same page.
It rings a bell out of the blue in the long run, the things that
we say to express ourselves, So much of it is just not the
(17:02):
literal words. If you took those words and
translated them literally, it wouldn't make much sense at all.
But so that being in a relationship with someone whose
whose native tongue is not English really did teach me
something about my own language.Strangely enough.
(17:24):
I kind of found that if I could think of a word that's a little
bit more complex than what I might say if I was speaking to
maybe a child, then he could twig with it because there was
something that he knew maybe in Italian or maybe it comes from
Latin that that he could identify with.
(17:45):
So it's interesting, but it's not always the easier kind of a
way of speaking that helps somebody, but something that
expresses the idea, even if it'smaybe a little more complicated.
Yeah, yeah, the one that just came into my mind was things
being swept under the rug. Yes, exactly.
(18:07):
You know, you'd say that. And if you're not native to
English that you'd be like, what?
And I do have some not native toEnglish listeners.
So that's just like if you sweepsomething under the rug.
Well, if you're sweeping your house, if you just sweep the
dirt under the rug, you're not removing the dirt from your
home. You're just hiding it.
(18:28):
And that's, you know, you can dothat in situations, you know,
just hide your mistake instead of owning up to it and be like,
no, I did this. I messed up, you know, or
whatever it may be. It can be anything.
But yeah. And I mean, I was like my ex.
(18:49):
I was with him for seven years. And he's not native to English.
So I know exactly what you mean by, like, I would explain some
things to him being like, oh, I didn't mean that.
I meant such and such and such or, hey, when you say that in
English, it actually has a wholedifferent meaning.
Maybe don't word it like that. And then, you know, he would do
the same thing for me, for Romanian.
(19:11):
But yeah, for if we're even just, you know, it's interesting
because in Canada we have so many different backgrounds.
And even more so I would say today than when I was a kid
because we like, immigration is huge right now.
There's a lot of immigrants in Canada.
(19:31):
So you don't really have to go far here to find someone that's
not not native to Canada. And even if you are like
thinking of me and Roy, there's been so many times, you know,
where just being raised differently.
Nobody, no two people are raisedthe same.
(19:52):
Even if you are from the same same culture.
And keeping in mind that for your marriage, for your
relationship with your kids, youknow, they come up with my kids
are entering their teen years. Well, the two of them are in
their teen years, and Riley's getting close.
He's almost 9. They they come up with their own
(20:15):
little sayings in school and their own little, you know,
shortcuts to the language that Ihave to be like, OK, explain
this one to me because that's new.
And, you know, Levi especially, he'll say something's.
Oh, they have a new word for cool drip.
That's so drip. And I'm like, what?
(20:38):
Like drip means like water's dripping out of the tap drop by
drop. No, if you're if you're dressed
a certain way, that's drip. Just I don't understand, you
know, communication. It's just so many arguments can
start when when things are just simply misunderstood.
(21:01):
And I think you know, the lessonfor us to all take because I
like to to draw lessons from every episode.
You know, it's, is it is don't be shy to speak up when, when
you're feeling in your gut that maybe you're not understanding
things right. Or if you feel hurt by a by a
(21:24):
tone or by something that somebody said or feeling left
out or feeling. Maybe that you were
misunderstood because someone took something and and they got
upset from what you said to justjust simply say something about
it in the moment to to not be afraid to speak up.
(21:45):
I guess, because, you know, someone might even be listening
to this podcast that are any of my episodes and be like, Oh,
well, you know, I don't agree with that.
And you don't have to agree witheverything that I say on here,
but, you know, being, especiallyas a podcaster, being
misunderstood is a big fear of mine.
Like I want to make sure that I'm speaking clearly in a way
(22:07):
that people are going to understand.
But I guess how we navigate this, like what if you had some
key take away points for people that if if they're feeling like
they're they're having an issue with maybe speaking up or being
understood or misunderstanding people, what would you, what
(22:31):
would you tell people, Myra? Well, I guess it has to do with
taking a step out of your comfort zone.
If you try it once, then you'll be, I'm hoping that you'll be
rewarded with the fact that it worked out for the better, that
(22:51):
you gained something, the other person gained something.
You took a little bit of a chance, you took a risk and you
spoke up and said, hey, do you mind just saying that again?
Or could you please speak sloweror recapping maybe what they
said so that they know that you understood.
(23:16):
And I think that having success with that sort of thing once or
twice allows you to feel a little bit more brave the next
time in order to be able to makeyourself better understood in
any situation, no matter what the kind of problem with the
communication is. So just take that first little
(23:39):
step and and take a risk and do what you can to fix what's going
on, to make yourself understood or to ask the question to get
the understanding that you need in whatever the situation
happens to be. Beautiful.
Beautiful. I love how you said that.
(24:00):
I do. I think it's it's yeah.
Be brave. Be brave, you guys.
It's, you know, it can, you know, especially if you're a shy
person. And this, I'm not a shy person
by nature, but my sister is. And I think too, if, if you are
(24:21):
in a group setting and, and you watch the people around you and
you notice that maybe someone isshy or you notice that they may
be reacting in a way that was, Iguess you could guess that maybe
they took something the wrong way.
(24:41):
You know, speak up for them and,and be there for the other.
Like we as people that are not shy, speaking for myself, need
to be there for the people that are shy and, and speak up for
them. And I think that will give those
people a lot of encouragement that, you know, you care and and
(25:06):
it'll give them the courage to speak up next time too.
And it's, you know, there's, there's, I guess, reminding
yourself there's no shame for being misunderstood or
misunderstanding something. You know, it, it is what it is.
It's just something that, you know, being married to Roy for
10 years now. Well, coming up on 10 years
January a few more weeks ago, but now it's just like a thing
(25:31):
like it it's, you know, oh, I misunderstood you or he
misunderstood me. It's just like, oh, whatever.
Like it is what it is. When you're brand new to a
relationship, though, it can be,it can be a little daunting.
I guess you maybe you feel like it's a hurdle that you're never
going to get over, but you will,you know, like it's
(25:55):
communication. It's, it's not, you know, you're
always learning. Yep, and it doesn't happen all
at once. It doesn't happen all at once.
And even being. Yeah, little step piano, piano,
little steps. And and yeah.
So have courage, you guys though, Myra, before we wrap
things up, what about culture shock?
(26:17):
That was something I went through living over in Romania.
I actually took a group of students over to Spain, we did a
course with them and the second-half of the course was
they had to go experience another culture for three months
and so we went to Spain with them.
Did you experience, I'm assumingyou did anything to do with
(26:39):
culture shock and how you navigated that?
Yeah, there are some major differences in in the cultures.
I found I was quite surprised the first time some people came
over for lunch and they we had alovely, lovely long lunch
(27:01):
together and lots of conversation and then sitting
down afterwards in in the livingroom and, and people just
relaxing and maybe even falling asleep spending the time.
And I'm sitting there going, my goodness, like, isn't it time
for people to go? And before you know it, we're
(27:26):
all getting ready for the next meal.
And it's just, it's like that, you know, a meal time is, oh,
there's an expression Nancy Invekia at Tavola.
One never gets old sitting at the table.
I wish I'd be there all the time.
(27:47):
But yeah, that's something to berespected is just to enjoy
yourself and enjoy the time withpeople when you're eating.
Whereas, you know, we're kind ofeat and go or take it in the car
with you and munch on it while you're driving and that sort of
thing. And it's a, it's a really
different point of view when it comes to food and, and that sort
(28:10):
of thing. And kind of along those lines
might be the fact that stores close for like 3 hours in the
middle of the day because peopleare closing and going and having
their their lunch and afternoon nap maybe.
(28:31):
But then they do work quite a bit later into the evening.
That whereas when I'm having to go somewhere to go to work, I
want to go as early as possible,finish my day as early as
possible so that I have the afternoon to myself at home.
But it's, it's a, yeah, a different way of thinking about
living, eating and working and how you spend your time.
(28:55):
That is so interesting. I have so many things to say.
That is so interesting. I'm so glad that we covered
that. Wow, Spain's the same.
They'll always close for siestas.
In the afternoon. It's yeah, it's and I don't
know, I'd like staying Spain, Sting.
Spain does get hot in the afternoon, so I'm wondering if
(29:17):
that might have a little bit to do with it as well.
Yeah. You know, in Canada especially
where where, you know, it's we're up in the north.
So we have really short stay short days in December, it gets
dark, right. So, you know that have an
afternoon siesta. You would just want to get home
and hide in the cold weather. Only mad dogs and Englishmen go
(29:41):
out in the midday sun, right? Yeah, yeah.
And so that's a similarity between Italy and Spain.
That's interesting. I never knew the Italy was like
that. But you know, the weather isn't
that much different here, although it depends on where you
are. Yeah, I could, yeah.
I would say, I would say so thatyou definitely have warmer
(30:02):
weather than I would say Romaniawould have.
You probably never get snow there, right?
They used to. They used to sort of like, you
know, in Canada there's less snow.
At least where I am on the West Coast, there's less snow than
there used to be, but and there used to be snow right where I am
right now. And it's not so much maybe just,
(30:26):
you know, maybe a week or so of snow, if that, but maybe none at
all. But other than that, the climate
is quite similar. I'm sort of in northern Italy.
You can think of maybe around Milan area.
OK. It's not that far from the 49th
parallel, which is where I'd be in Canada, maybe around 46th.
(30:49):
So why isn't that much different?
But the attitude towards the work ethic or just working
yourself to bits is quite different I think.
Yeah, that's interesting. And even just the thing that you
said about relaxing and and justtaking that time and they were
(31:12):
just chill and just hanging out and not going home.
That's hilarious. Like you had a great relaxing
home. That's such a good compliment,
but my where I was raised and and Roy, like, I don't know, I
think it might just be a me and my mom thing.
Like it's, I think she's like this too, but I in particular
(31:33):
have a really or I I'm better now, but I had a really hard
time just sitting and relaxing. I feel like I always need to be
doing something and being productive doing something or I
just feel like I've wasted my day and not that's a that's a me
(31:55):
issue, but it's the culture shock, I guess, getting into
Roy's family and we would go over to his parents house and
just everybody would just do thekind of their own thing and sit
and relax and we would visit with each other.
But to go in the living room andjust hang out and relax.
And I was like, sitting there. Like what?
(32:19):
Doesn't somebody have to do? Something doesn't, we have to do
something. Isn't there something to be
done? You know, like that's what like
it's, it's interesting because you can have, you don't have to
go anywhere to have culture shock.
It's, it can be within your own.When you get married to someone
or you're in a relationship withsomeone, there's going to be
(32:41):
those moments where you're butting heads and you're meshing
two families together. His family, the way he was
raised, your family the way you were raised or vice versa,
right? And it's it's something to me
navigated. So what did you, what did you
do? Like, was there something you
like? Do you have to consciously
(33:02):
remind yourself that when you invite people over, plan for
multiple meals because they might stay?
Well, that also, that particularoccasion might have been around
the holiday time. And so it was, you know, a lunch
and then which just evolves intothe main meal, which I thought
was already done. Right.
(33:25):
I don't know. I think just going with the
flow. You're in another culture.
It's beetle a difference. Yeah.
To enjoy the differences betweenthe cultures and.
Oh, you know, you might mess up,you might say the wrong thing,
you might, you know, una bruta figura in Italian, they like to
(33:52):
fare una Bella figura, which is to make, it's almost to make a
good impression, but it's to look look good in front of other
people. And it's something I guess we
all like to do, but I don't know, just maybe just let go and
(34:16):
enjoy the differences. Beautiful, beautiful.
Just enjoy the differences. It is.
Yeah. That's awesome.
Let's just stay for multiple meals.
I get a kick out of that. Oh, there's so many things to
probably talk about with the differences.
Yes, there's, there's, there's many, many different things.
(34:38):
And it's, you know, when, when Iwas living over in Romania that
there came a time, I remember that after so many years, they
expected me to, I guess, behave in a different way because I was
(34:58):
there for a long time. And I did try, I tried to change
the way that I was in order to fit better.
And I know I've mentioned this on the show before, but when I
did that, I felt like I lost a part of myself.
And you're. Being somebody that you're not.
And I was being someone that I really wasn't.
(35:20):
So then I stopped doing it. And then they were upset that I
stopped doing it and I wasn't more quote UN quote Romanian.
And I and I get it, but I just, I, I would change things to be
respectful and polite, but I hadto stand my ground and be like,
no, like I can't. I also need to be true to myself
(35:40):
and I also need to be who I am as a person.
So I guess just like there, there is some give and take
there, like there for you to understand their culture and not
be rude, but to also remember tostay true to you.
That's something I say at the end of my show all the time is
stay classically you stay uniquely you because I did a
(36:01):
whole episode on that and then Iwas like, I I need to just say
that every time because we can get so caught up in trying to
people. Please.
I used to be huge people pleaserthat I was changing who I was to
just try to be loved and accepted by people.
And I think it's important to understand and to not lose
(36:24):
yourself in the process and justand to stay true to you.
And the right people will love you.
The right people will stay for you and love you just for who
you are so. So were you trying to fit in as
a wife and maybe in the in a feminine role where certain
(36:44):
things were expected of you and you were probably quite young?
Yeah, that makes a difference, Ithink.
I think the older we get, the thicker.
The more we don't care. Yeah, I am who I am.
You like me. Great if you don't.
(37:04):
Whatever. Yeah.
But I just wish that I had learned that lesson earlier in
life. But I mean, what do?
You do well. This has been fun too.
Yeah, it has been fun. Is there anything else you want
to admire or is that a wrap? I think we can call it a wrap.
(37:25):
Right on. Cool.
Well, I always leave people witha challenge.
We covered a lot in this episode, not just about
communication, but we touched onsomething that we didn't even
plan on, which is my favorite thing is culture shock.
So I guess for communication, our takeaways, main takeaways
and challenge would be the next time that you feel like you're
being misunderstood or you're misunderstanding or you see
(37:49):
someone else that you suspect ismaybe too shy to say something,
is have some courage, be brave like Myra said, and and say
something. I'll add to that.
Yep. If it's a language situation,
just remember that they have their own language and they're
learning your language. So it's not because they're not
(38:14):
quite as smart as you or everybody else around, it's
because they have an additional challenge and a little bit of
understanding goes a long way. Exactly.
And for the culture shock part, there's different stages of
culture shock. And you will, it's just like
(38:36):
grief. You need to let it play out and,
and, and and ride the wave, so to speak.
But just remember to not lose yourself in the process and just
enjoy and embrace the differences like Myra was
saying. All right.
Already. So that is it, Myra, before we
(38:57):
close off, can you just tell people how they can connect with
you and find you? All the links will be in the
show notes. If you're out on a walk, you
don't need to write it down or anything, but can you just tell
people real quick? Sure.
The name of the podcast is We Learn Italian Step by Step or
(39:19):
Imperiano Italiano Piano Piano. My website is just We Learn
Italian stepbystep.com. Yes, and I listen and you have a
guest on your show, a Co host that is just awesome.
You don't have to want to learn Italian to listen to her show.
(39:41):
It's just if you want to laugh still listen to it because her
Co host Antonio is just the best.
Well, I am so pleased that you are enjoying it.
I'm so pleased that anyone is enjoying it because I do put an
awful lot of effort into the whole script and so on.
(40:02):
And so Antonio is. Is my my kind of imaginary
sidekick and his help personality has grown since the
since the day the first day thatI I sort of twig that this could
be a personality. Yeah, yeah.
So Myra has a story component toher podcast, which is is really
(40:23):
cool. She's so it's she's almost
taking you through like an audiobook novel where she's she's
reading a story about this girl and teaching you Italian along
the way. And Antonio is her AI voice
sidekick. That's hilarious.
So it's very, very well done. All righty.
Thank you so much, dude. You're welcome.
(40:45):
Thank you for coming on Myra. It's been an absolute pleasure
and I enjoy. I'm sure we'll probably see you
tomorrow if you're not busy. Right.
At the camp and meet up. Meet up.
And yeah, till till next time, Iguess for the listeners, please
keep in mind JJ saying to to pause, think about how you want
(41:09):
to communicate. Think about how you react to
culture shock and the different,different families and your
friends and your relationships. Take time to to pause and
reflect on that and love yourself enough to not slip into
the slippery slope of people pleasing and be brave.
(41:29):
Speak up and be aware of your ripple because we all have one
in life. And let's make it a +1.
As always, both me and Myra would love to hear from you.
Please go visit Myra, say hi to her and tell her how much you
love Antonio and her podcast. It's awesome.
And yeah, my website classicchronicles.ca, everything
(41:51):
is in the show notes. Take care everyone, bye.
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