E65 Are You Angry?

E65 Are You Angry?

Hi Friends,

In this episode I talk about:

Anger. It's a powerful emotion and it run the show and leave us with a world of hurt and regret. Learning to recognize our anger and letting ourselves feel and have the emotion, it can tell us when we are uncomfortable with something and when we are loosing control of a situation.

Please reach out.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi and welcome to Classic Advice.
My name is Scarlett Classic yourhost.
Welcome everyone. To those of you that are new, I
share stories from my life on here in order to draw lessons
from them to inspire self improvement for a happier and
more fulfilling life for the both of us.

(00:21):
Are you angry? Anger does serve a purpose.
It lets us know when we're upset, when we're uncomfortable
with something. My very first episode that I did
for my show, as I called anger management, I talk all about
anger and the cop and it's it's got a lot of lessons.

(00:43):
It's one of my most listened to episodes, so I thought I would
just touch on it again since it's been a hot minute since I
started this podcast. And I went and started to listen
to it the other day and I'm like, oh man, that that's rough.
That's so raw. I yeah, kind of went on some
tangents, so I apologize, but anger is so when I, when I was

(01:10):
growing up, I, I didn't like anger and I didn't let myself
feel anger. Whenever I had feelings of anger
or grief or sadness, I wouldn't let myself feel.
I would push it down and just bury it.

(01:30):
I did that for a lot of years, alot of years.
Eventually I got to a space in my life where I was safe and
good and everything was hunky Dory, so to speak.
And all of those feelings that Ipushed down and I buried,
there's only so long you can do that for.

(01:50):
And eventually those feelings will resurface and come out and
it. And it wasn't pretty.
And I, I talked to my therapist at the time about it and I was
asking him about like, why am I going through such a hard time
now when everything is good? I have no reason to be sad.
I have no reason to have all these feelings, but I do.

(02:13):
And he told me that it was because I buried them for so
long and because I was in a safeplace.
Now those feelings resurfaced. So when I tell you guys that
it's really, really important when you have feelings like
that, like anger, to not not feel them because it, it might

(02:40):
work for the moment, might work for a few years, but it's not
going to be for everything. They're going to resurface one
way or the other. It's better to just deal with
them when you have them. I was actually talking to
someone recently that was struggling with anger and they

(03:02):
just felt so out of control and that it would catch them off
guard and they didn't know how to really handle it.
And anything they tried like I was like, have you tried
screaming into a pillow? Because that's one of the things
that works for me. Yeah, I tried that.
And it just never works. I just can't seem to control it.

(03:23):
And I, I told them and I will tell you, I said, sometimes we
feel like we're not allowed to feel angry and we're not allowed
to have these emotions. And The thing is, is you're
allowed to feel, you're allowed to have these emotions.
And they're not, I always feel very uncomfortable when I'm

(03:46):
angry. And I, I don't like feeling
them. But to give ourselves the
permission to say that it is OK feeling angry about XYZ anger is
one of those things that tells us that you're uncomfortable
with something, that you've maybe lost control of something

(04:10):
or that you are you're just yeah, you're you're you're
uncomfortable, you're upset. And it's to give yourself the
permission to be upset. And one of the things that I do
with my spouse is I'll tell him,I'll say, Roy, I feel this way

(04:36):
and I'm allowed to have all of these feelings.
You know, he might not understand why I feel this way
or whatever it may be, but I'm still allowed to have the
feeling. So I'll vocalize it to him.
And I, when I was talking to this person that was telling me
about their issues, I said, express, express how you feel to

(05:02):
people around you when you're going through the thing so you
can tell them, look, when you doXYZ, it makes me feel like XYZ.
And sometimes The thing is, is sometimes we assume that people
just know that people just know that when they do a certain

(05:26):
behavior, it makes us feel unloved or unwanted or unseen or
unheard. And then that will make us feel
angry because they're like, well, how, how could they do
that to us? How could they say it like that?
How could they not acknowledge the fact that I spent, you know,
five hours making a Turkey dinner and then they forgot to
say thank you or how good it wasor whatever it may be.

(05:48):
I'm just throwing that out as anexample.
But The thing is, it's we're notmind readers.
Nobody is. And if we don't express to
people how we feel and how we take things, they have no way of
knowing because they are not us and we are not them.
How do you cope when you have feelings like anger or

(06:15):
frustration or you're just plainupset?
How do you respond? Do you yell at people?
Do you throw things? Do you, I don't know, scream
into your pillow? Do you, I don't know, there's so
many different ways, but how do you, how do you cope with that

(06:38):
communication? And, and what I was telling the
person that I was talking to, I said communication is really,
really key. And if you are able to stay calm
when you're talking to someone, it's going to make a world of

(06:59):
difference. Because when we raise our voice
and when we yell, which you know, I'm guilty of it too, is
sometimes it can just not get our point across and people can
just turn off. As soon as we start yelling,
they just turn off and they're not hearing us anymore because

(07:19):
we've we've lost control of our emotions.
Our emotions have now taken a hold and they're running the
show. If we can manage to stay calm in
that situation, it's gold because then the emotions aren't
running the show in that moment and we can have a nice adult

(07:41):
conversation with someone to say, hey, when you do that, it
makes me feel this way. And then if we need to let go
and let loose and scream into our pillow after the fact,
that's the best thing that we can do.
When we, when our anger is hurting somebody else, that's

(08:06):
what makes it not OK. The lesson that I'd like us all
to take from this is, is if you have those feelings is don't
push them down, but let yourselffeel.
And if you are angry, wait untilyour emotions have calmed down

(08:31):
before you go talk. And I get it, I I'm guilty of it
too. My emotions get the better of me
some days too. And then I'm the one going and
asking for forgiveness. So please don't think I'm over
here and got it all together because I'm learning and and

(08:52):
striving towards self improvement too, just like you.
But if we can, that's one of thethings that I said in my social
media post is one of my favoritethings to do is I'll self
isolate in moments like that. I'll go to my room and I'll just
be by myself until my emotions have calmed down enough so that

(09:14):
I can have a nice calm conversation with someone.
And when the emotions are not running the show.
And if you can do that, if you can recognize it before you lose
your temper, that's that's awesome.
If we can learn to do that, that's that's really great.

(09:35):
Learning and finding ways to empty your cup, you know, the
screaming into your pillow, the self isolating, just journaling
and, and getting the emotions out in a healthy way before you
yell at someone, before you loseyour temper and, and having the

(09:56):
guts and having the courage to tell people how you feel when
they do XYZ. That's right into the challenge
of the week is, you know, learn to empty your cup.
Empty your cup this week. Be mindful of your feelings.
All the things that I just said is basically the challenge too.

(10:19):
Now before I let you go is let'sremember JJ saying to please
pause. Self recognition is the first
step and it's a hard one. Pause and reflect on how you're
feeling before you lose your temper, before you yell.

(10:40):
If you can catch yourself and pause, that is wonderful.
And love yourself enough to forgive yourself when you do
lose your temper. Love yourself and everyone else
around you enough to ask for forgiveness when you do lose
your temper. And be aware of your ripple

(11:00):
because we all have one in life.Yelling, not yelling, telling
people how you feel, having the courage, that's all part of your
ripple. Let's make it positive.
All right, we'll stay classically you, you guys, you

(11:21):
guys are the best and we will catch you next time.
As always, I would love to hear from you.
Website is in the show notes, but it is classicchronicles.ca.
Take care everyone.