Timeless Truths - Healing Doesn't Mean the Damage Never Existed... By Akshay Dubey

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In this episode I share a quote about healing... "Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life." By Tracee Ellis Ross.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi and welcome to Timeless Truths, where we discover injury
and wisdom through the lens of classic quotes here on the
Classic Advice Podcast. My name is Scarlett, your host.
Today's quote is this. Healing doesn't mean the damage
never existed. It means the damage no longer
controls your life, UN quote. And from what I found online,

(00:25):
this is commonly credited to Akshay Doobie.
A few weeks ago I did an episodeabout forgiveness and how it's a
work in progress, how there's noone time quick fix.
I did a quick breathing exercisein that episode around minute 13

(00:50):
that really, really helps in letting go of anger.
But it's, it's a process healingand forgive me, forgiving and
all of that is it's a journey. It's, it's a long hike, a
marathon, It's, it's going to take time and healing is the

(01:12):
same thing. It I love this quote because it,
it doesn't mean the damage neverexisted.
There are times in my life or something will happen and it
will trigger a memory and it will almost feel like I'm back
there in the moment of when it all happened.
And I feel hurt or maybe a panicattack or or something like that

(01:36):
where it just a big wave just knocks me off my feet again.
And it can be very discouraging if, if you have the mindset,
thinking that it shouldn't affect you anymore if you're
quote UN quote healed. And emotional pain is so

(01:58):
incredibly hard to deal with. It's, it's a, it's a not a
physical wound, right? So it's really tricky to
navigate all of that. And I think I just love this
quote because I think it's really important to acknowledge
the fact that, you know, if you forgive someone or if you heal
from something, it doesn't mean that the damage never happened

(02:23):
in the 1st place. You know you forgive someone
doesn't mean that you, you know that saying forgive and forget,
I really don't like it. I detest it, if I'm being really
honest, because to expect someone to forgive, to sorry, to
expect someone to forget that something traumatizing happened

(02:45):
to them is it's impossible. You're not going to forget the
bad things that happened to you,you know, So I'd never expect
that of myself and I would neverexpect you to completely forget
that something happens. And you know, for example, when

(03:08):
I, I don't remember how old I was, but it was a number of
years ago in two, I want to say 2014 or possibly 2015.
I was training my horse and she spooked, she bucked.
I tried to stay on. I'm not a bunk writer.
I when I fell off, I tried to tuck and roll, but I was just

(03:31):
not the ground was really, really hard.
And even though I tucked and rolled, I still just the way I
landed, I broke my arm and I ended up having to have surgery
on my left arm. They put a plate in with six
screws to hold the bone in place.
Just the way that it broke, it was very clean cut.

(03:52):
It wouldn't just not jagged right?
So it wouldn't stay together. Anyways, I now have a very big
scar on my left arm that goes almost from the bottom.
Well, it goes from the bottom ofmy shoulder all the way down to
almost my elbow and it's never going away.

(04:13):
There's damage there, there's evidence.
There's a visual reminder to myself that I'm not a wrong
rider. You know, maybe I should have
tried to jump off sooner. But the the damage is there and
to say or expect us to forget that the damage never it isn't

(04:38):
there is unrealistic. And healing means that you've
either come to that. Well, it's different for every
scenario. But say for forgiveness, for
example, you come to that acceptance stage and you let go
of that anger and that hate and you're moving on healing towards

(05:06):
maybe a traumatic experience or event in your life.
Is is it's going to look different for everyone, I think
to a degree. And it's going to be different.
And case by case, you got to figure out what that means for
you. But a lot of things like if, for

(05:31):
example, if someone hurts me emotionally and I've decided to
that I want to heal from that. I, I, I don't let it control me
anymore. I'm not going to let it take
away my happiness for today and basically shift my focus and

(05:54):
shift my mindset into a a healing journey and an
acceptance stage where yes, OK, that happened and it was crummy
and it was bad and it was sad. But I'm going to move on and I'm
going to let go. I'm going to leave it at that.

(06:15):
This was a very long, timeless truth.
But thank you for hanging out with me today before I totally
let you go. I'm going to read it one more
time. Is quote, healing.
It doesn't mean the damage neverexisted, it means the damage no
longer controls your life, UN quote.
And that is commonly credited toAkshay Doobie.

(06:37):
Again, thanks for hanging out with me.
We will chat with you in a few days.
Take care. Bye.