July 10, 2025 • 56 mins
🗓️ New episodes every Thursday | Hosted by Blaine & Reed
Blaine opens up about a relationship that nearly cost him his life.
What began with over-the-top romance — flowers, gifts (include a cadillac SUV), nonstop texts — quickly spiraled into control, isolation, and a trip to the emergency room.
In this deeply personal episode, we unpack how one partner’s “love bombing” turned into fear, gaslighting, and physical violence behind closed doors. Blaine and Reed speak candidly about LGBTQ+ domestic violence, sharing hard truths, a little dark humor, and a whole lot of heart.
Yes, the title leans into viral clickbait — but what’s inside is all too real.
This was a hard one to record. Blaine opens up about the night he feared for his life, the aftermath in the ER, and the comments that hurt most: “Well, it was your fault for staying.”
This episode sheds light on why so many victims can’t just leave, and why victim shaming is not just cruel — it’s dangerous. If you’ve ever felt stuck, scared, or ashamed, this one’s for you. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone.
🧠 What You’ll Hear
- When romantic gestures cross into emotional manipulation
- How love bombing creates trauma bonds
- Why Blaine didn’t leave — and why that question misses the point
- The aftermath: the ER visit, the shame spiral, the rebuilding
- What healing actually looks like (hint: it’s messy, but possible)
💬 Key Takeaways
- Love bombing is manipulation wrapped in flattery.
- LGBTQ+ people face equal or higher rates of domestic violence, yet often lack tailored resources.
- Leaving is not always safe — especially for queer victims.
- Shaming survivors only protects abusers.
- Telling your story can help someone else get out.
⏱️ Chapters
00:00 — Introduction & Setup (a “viral” title with a serious story)
01:45 — Love-Bombed: When the honeymoon phase feels like a dream
05:30 — Red Flags: Jealousy, isolation, and the slow creep of control
10:20 — Walking on Eggshells: Gaslighting and daily fear
15:45 — Breaking Point: The night everything turned violent
20:10 — Aftermath: Waking up in the ER and confronting the truth
24:00 — The Shame Spiral: “It was your fault for staying”
30:15 — Support Systems: Friends, therapy, and safe people 35:40 — The Healing Journey: From broken to rebuilding
40:00 — Speaking Out: Why Blaine’s finally telling this story
45:30 — Closing Thoughts: Hope for anyone who feels stuck
🔊 Sound Bites
- • "It felt like a fairy tale at first."
- • "By the time the first punch came, I already felt trapped."
- • “I said: Please don’t kill me. Thin
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
like a Dayline special.
I thought it was.
I thought he was going tomurder me.
Welcome to Coffee with Gaze.
I'm Blaine, I'm Reid and thisis episode 25.
And we are titling this one.
It started as love bombing andI ended up in the ER.
Yes, it's a deeply personalepisode for me, something I have
(00:23):
wanted to talk about and I kindof think it's time and maybe
something someone needs to hear.
It's an episode about domesticviolence.
So if it's something thattriggers you, just trigger
warning on that one.
I was in a domestic violencesituation and a bad relationship
and we thought it would be agood time to talk about gay
relationships.
(00:44):
Red flags yes, dating red flags, Dating red flags.
Obviously, I have not alwayslistened to the red flags and
recently did not listen to thered flags yeah Right and ended
up with a fractured vertebrae.
I was hit over the head with acomputer which we'll talk about
later and almost was killed inmy own apartment.
(01:07):
So that is the teaser to thisstory.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Extremely traumatizing.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, so we're going to offer some tips and tricks on
you know how to look for thosered flags in dating.
I think we've both seen themNot all traumatic like my story,
but we do want to talk aboutthat and kind of also give you
know our advice there.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Right, right, though Blaine's personal circumstance
or situation was very traumaticand we all are here for you for
that, thank you.
We also do have somelighthearted stuff.
We will talk about love asidefrom red flags and happy moments
as well.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
But yeah, welcome, yeah, welcome to the show.
I want to also say welcome tothe 3,000 new subscribers.
After our Pride arc, which didreally, really well, we had a
really good Pride arc with ourfirst episode, which was about
celebrity gay celebrities whichdid super awesome from old
(02:06):
Hollywood.
That was a really fun episodethat we did.
And then we had a two partepisode our friend Matt, who
came out after 35 years that didphenomenally well as well.
We had that one in the bank fora year and so we want to just
thank everyone who's beenfollowing us and following along
and, yeah, we're here and wejust have been listening to all
(02:27):
the comments and responding andReid has been loving all of your
comments about him andeverything that he has said, so
keep them coming.
We love it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Oh, Blaine, wasn't one of the comments something
about me giving.
What did the person say?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
About what I was giving.
What vibes, dusty vibes We'llmove on.
Let's move on to the game.
We'll do a little fun gamefirst, before getting into the
serious part of this topic.
I'm here for it.
We'll call, calling it, flag itor fix it.
So Fix it or flag it.
Flag it or fix it, so Fix it.
Or flag it.
Flag it or fix it.
(03:07):
All right, I'm here.
Okay, so he you're on.
I know you're not on datingapps allegedly, but To be clear,
I'm on no dating apps Zero.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Not a single dating or hookup app, None.
So those of you that say I'mnot on Grindr but I'm on Scruff,
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I'm on none of them.
That is very clear.
We've already posted a videoabout this.
There's a lot of catfishing.
Reid is not on Grindr, but hehas a fake Grindr profile.
We're just making that clear.
Okay, he messages Sup at 1.38AM and says he's a relationship
guy.
Is that a flag or a fix?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
What do you think?
So I have follow-up questionsto this.
But have you chatted with himbefore or is this like an
initial?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
initial like sup, it's 1 38 in the morning, but
it's like his profile's like I'mreally just a relationship guy
I wouldn't necessarily call it ared flag.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
I I guess, depending on it's obvious, he's looking
for Right.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
A good call yeah.
Yes, for sure, I agree.
I still think he could be arelationship guy.
But you know, it's okay, Iwould say it's still a fix-it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, honestly, I know plenty of people that have
had like one-night stands turninto long-term relationships.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah Okay, like one night stands turn into long-term
relationships.
Yeah Okay.
Next one Getting too drunk onthe first date.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
You know, listen, I love having a drink on the first
date, just like the next person.
But y'all, I've experienced twofirst dates that were
belligerent.
It was, it was embarrassed.
I felt I was embarrassed forthat person.
Yeah, it was bad.
I felt I was embarrassed forthat person.
Um, yeah, it was bad.
I definitely say limit yourliquor on the first date, at
(04:48):
least on the first date.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I agree with you.
I have a great story about thisone.
I went on a date with a guy tothis place Bob's Steak and Chop
House and, no joke, he fell outof the booth during the date and
the waiter had to help me pickhim up and put him back in the
booth.
And I immediately got an Uberhome and had to put him to bed
like, put a blanket on him andthen, by the way, found pictures
(05:12):
of him and his ex-girlfriend.
So yeah, he was like framedphotos photos.
He was still like kind of likestill carrying that candle.
Yeah, um, okay, only hassnapchat, like no other socials
wait, is that a question?
Yeah, like he just doesn'treally have any other socials,
(05:36):
just snapchat can you ask that?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
so you're saying is it a red flag if a guy strictly
has snapchat and no othersocials?
How, how did you meet him?
Otherwise, like, how did youguys, how did you get his
Snapchat?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Like again, like Grindr, like again.
If you're just like on Grindrand like he just only has a
Snapchat.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Let me back up real quick.
So are all these initialconnections via Grindr.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, I'm just saying yeah, Like you're a normal gay.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Like a normal gay.
Like a normal gay.
Yeah, honestly, I feel like ifhe only had Snapchat, then he
probably wouldn't have a Grindr,but it's probably a red flag, I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, I think so too.
Yeah, it's a little shady.
He wants something real andyou're dating him, so it's been
like, let's say, a month, but hestill hasn't deleted his dating
apps.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
How do you know he still hasn't deleted his dating
apps?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Because they're still on his phone.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
How would you know it's still on his phone unless?
Speaker 1 (06:31):
you're going through his phone.
Are you the red flag then?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
No, if after a month you're digging through the guy
that you're talking to.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
But if you see it on his phone, like you, just happen
to see it.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
If you're, if you wake up to get a drink of water
or go pee or something and ifyou're just sitting next to each
other watching tv and grinderlike chirps in.
I mean that you guys have aconversation.
I wouldn't necessarily call ita red flag.
I think everybody is.
I think everybody, with theexception of me, has this
(07:01):
problem.
I run into that issue with guysthat I've dated where, but
where it's your month in, yourmonth in, I would say it's a
conversation.
Yeah, sure, okay.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
So it's a fix it.
I would also call it a fix ittoo.
I would agree.
I'd agree.
Okay, Suddenly acts like twodates is a relationship Red flag
?
I completely agree he dubs.
I went on a day with this guyand he was a flight attendant
and he sent me a breakup textafter our second date and I was
(07:35):
like I didn't realize this was arelationship.
You don't have to break up withme after two dates.
It's perfectly fine that you'renot ready for a relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
That's that meme new phone.
Who dis?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, exactly, and then okay, Well, this is totally
red flag Grainy photos thatlook like they were taken in
2005 on his dating profile 2015.
By the way, this actuallyprobably really applies to you
because you actually find peopleon Facebook.
(08:10):
So grainy photos that look likethey were taken on 2005 on
Facebook, because you meetpeople on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I mean you're gonna have to rephrase that.
People friend me on Facebook.
Yeah, I know I don't gosearching at all.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
But they're like grainier photos.
They look a little older.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
So I don't know, I feel like these days there are
so many bots or whateverwhatever they're called like
fake profiles out there, or likewhen I was on, when I was on
Tinder, I I felt like I wasgetting a lot more fake profiles
and I was real profiles.
So I don't know, it's reallyhard to determine these days
with all the AI stuff andwhatnot.
Remember, do you remember thatguy that was sending me pictures
(08:49):
and he sent me a video and weboth but like I asked you and
Ryan, I was like dude, is thisguy real or did he completely
CGI the video?
It was completely.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
So for see, for me that would be a totally red flag
, but for you?
You kept asking.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Well, yeah, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So there you go, I'm a little naive.
For you that would be a fix it,For me it would be a red flag.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
It would be a red flag.
I need human to humaninteraction, like I need to hear
your voice, like see you inperson.
I need that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I'm needy, so that kind of stuff I'm needy, so yeah
.
Yeah Well, red flag, there yougo, red flag for sure.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
There you go, and that's what's.
What's the next one?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
That's it, Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Those are all of the did you red flag most of them or
no?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Pretty much red flag.
That's my.
I think there's a.
There's a few fixes there.
Yeah, Well, great, Okay, somoving in.
Okay, let's get into the meatof it.
Yes, so the ultimate red flagis I recently dated recently,
like last beginning of last yearended up dating somebody who
(09:59):
came up to me at a bar Wait canI, can I pause here?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Go ahead to me at a bar.
Wait, can I pause here, goahead?
So just from what I knew, I wasunder the impression that you
met this guy not long before NewYear's, maybe like the end of
December, isn't that right?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah, end of.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
December.
Alright, so you met him at theend of December.
Then New Year's came around,which I didn't attend the New
Year's Eve party that you guyswent to but I did hear a lot
about it after the fact.
I think we actually even talkedabout it on one of the episodes
.
Yeah, one of the first, briefly, the first.
Yeah, we actually did talkabout it, the first episode.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
We did yeah on our New Year's episode.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
But because Blaine is such a forgiving guy, he went
ahead and forgave what happenedon New Year's and gave him a
second chance.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, yeah, you know he came up to me at a bar and,
speaking of dating apps andeverything, I really was kind of
over meeting guys on datingapps and I think there's a lot
of questions around like wheredo you meet guys these days?
And I really have stoppedmeeting guys on dating apps and
I want to get into this laterbecause now I'm kind of back on
(11:08):
the apps but I really startedmeeting people in real life,
like literally, I haven't beenon dating apps for a very long
time and I've been meetingpeople in real life and I have
been very happy with that.
And he came up to me at a bar,asked about my height I'm six
foot five and you know what'sthe weather like up there.
(11:29):
I thought it was super cute.
He was very cute and veryflattering.
So you know, immediately thelove bombing started and it was
just like a whirlwind of a night.
You know I mean sleep togetherfive times, go to brunch with my
friends the next day, which Inever do.
(11:50):
Red flag number one Well, firstof all, on my part, never take
a guy to meet your friends dayone.
But you know, I kind of was tothe point of just like I always
try to separate.
I don't know what do you doLike?
Do you keep your guys apartfrom your friends right at the
beginning?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah, I would say so.
So it would have to depend onthe first date.
The first date is me and him.
Right, we're getting to knoweach other Probably the first
week.
I don't even tell anybody aboutthe person I'm dating until
probably a month or so in.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, I was at a four month kind of thing because my
friends are harsh, to say theleast.
But I kind of had this newtheory where I was like I'm just
going to vet everyone realquick and just get them out of
the.
You know, get them out ifthey're really bad.
So I took them to brunch andthere were just a lot of red
flags at brunch, by the way.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Again, this brunch happened before New Year's.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Before New Year's.
Yeah, it was like literally theday after we met and my friend
noticed he had a wedding ring on.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Back up.
That's not one of the red flagquestions.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
No, it is Totally.
And he said, and my friendtexted me during brunch and said
he has a wedding ring on.
And I go shit, didn't noticethat one, you know.
And we had a text like fivetimes that I was like, oops,
didn't know I'm going to slip upa married man and uh, and so,
like you know, my friend isgoing like, what's the wedding
(13:20):
ring about?
And it's like, oh, you know, Ijust wear it, you know.
So people don't hit on me atbars which come to find out he
had been married to a woman, hada daughter, hadn't told me any
of this, I know.
So, literally, like the storiesstart coming right at the
beginning and then, you know,end up spending more time with
(13:45):
this guy and ending up getting alot of stories and and I again
like I'm.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I'm trying to follow a timeline here.
So this was what.
The week before new year's,before new year's, okay.
So week before new year's youmet him.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You took him out to brunch, yeah, and then after
that brunch, I find out we got adaughter, we got an ex-wife,
right, yeah, and then we end upspending pretty much the entire
week together because it's likea whole love bomb, like right.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
So brunch was in between christmas and new year's
.
Right after that brunch, thenyou guys, what did new did New
Year's or, like, inadvertently,he ended up going with you to
the New Year's Eve thing I tookhim to my friend's New Year's
party.
Now tell me about how that went.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
So I ended up taking him to a New Year's party.
I find out all this stuff abouthim.
You know, allegedly greatChristian goes church all the
time, like I said, daughter,wife, ex-wife, and then I accept
all of this.
He's, by the way, super pushingme to be his boyfriend, which
I'm like.
You know, I don't want to be aboyfriend right away, but I did,
like I said, invite him to myfriend's New Year's party.
(14:58):
And the second we get there, hesays he's not going to drink a
lot.
And I also find out he isbipolar, which he's told me by
this point too.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Like clinically bipolar.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Clinically bipolar, but allegedly on medicine and I
say that's okay.
You know, I never want to judgeanyone for a mental problem or
anything no.
And you know, and I've had myown issues and everything, so I
believe in you know, everybodygetting help.
So we go to the party andeverything and he says he's not
going to drink a lot, he's goingto make a good impression with
(15:33):
my friends and the second we getthere he has one whiskey Coke
and then literally within 20minutes of getting there, he is
three whiskey Cokes in, superdrunk and he just starts
harassing all of my friends,literally face to face with
people.
It was such a nightmare.
I mean my friends were justliterally like face to face with
(15:53):
people.
Like it was such a nightmare.
I mean my friends were just souncomfortable the whole night.
I mean it was just a nightmare.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
So before the ball even drops, he's already.
Yeah, okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
It was very uncomfortable.
Everybody basically hated him.
And then I just basically hadto put him in timeout throughout
the night in one of thebedrooms and, needless to say,
even the nicest of the friendswere like dude, you need to back
off.
Like he was just so aggressive.
And you know, we just had thislike super, like sexual
(16:25):
relationship too, and of coursethat happened as well that night
.
And then, you know, the nextday, I just ended up forgiving
everything and then heapologized.
And you know, I kind of justdecided, you know what, I just
ended up forgiving everything.
And then he apologized and Ikind of just decided you know
what, I just won't bring themaround my friends, and then
it'll be okay.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
So because you were attracted to him and because he
seemingly apologized, you werekind of forgiving the obvious
red flags in the room right,like you were kind of okay.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I got you.
Yeah, we had this like reallybig connection right, like you
were kind of okay, I get you.
Yeah, we had this like reallybig connection Right, like
really great sex connection.
Yeah, that was part of it.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
And then because, outside of the sexual connection
, what did you guys spend mostof your time doing?
Him apologizing and youforgiving yes.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Yeah, that.
And then I will say there wasthis other time that my mom
happened to be here and then hewas like over here and he would
like, he like prayed with herand did this whole Christian act
thing too, which she reallyloved and really liked him too,
total freaking con artist.
Man is allegedly like amissionary, and Jordan and this
(17:35):
is another thing I will probablyalways be running a background
check too, because I think someof this stuff was wow I mean, I
learned it was like on a, like awatch list at some point as
well like it was just completelywild some of that right now,
just to say not all love bombsor not all quick relationships
or quick, I don't know actionsare bad or red flags, just to
(17:55):
say, but this has like yeah.
I mean because the assaulthappened in March, so like we're
literally talking like end ofDecember to like March 5th, and
it felt like so much longer thanthat.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Okay, so let me fast forward.
After the New Year's Eve party,we recorded and filmed our
first podcast of the year.
Right, it was about what?
January 6th, 4th, 6th,whichever and by that point you
guys were done.
You guys were broken up.
Oh, yes you did.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Oh, yeah, we did yeah .
Speaker 2 (18:29):
You guys were done and you were like it's probably
for the best.
New Year's Eve was bad.
You know, you live and youlearn Probably not going to talk
to that one anymore, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You are right.
And then he like, roped me backin.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah, which I didn't even realize, that he roped me
in.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
That's when I said like, oh, what I'll do is I'll
just keep him away from myfriends.
And that's what I think reallycaused a lot of issues with my
friends in this is that Istarted seeing him again.
He convinced me and then itjust got really intense and,
like I said, he really convincedme like to be his boyfriend,
(19:05):
even though I like really waslike not going to do that and it
was against everybody's advice,which really caused a lot of
problems with my friendshipslater down the road.
And then I did end up tellingeveryone that we were together.
I did, and they accepted it,kind of kept him away from
everyone.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
So, like looking back , just to say you can see his
manipulation.
He was starting stuff with yourfriends off the bat so he could
remove the friends from theequation, get you alone, get you
to himself.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
The isolation is true , and you know, he's not the
first one to do it to me, whichis, like, I think, what upset me
the most and I think this is acommon thing with men, because
my last boyfriend in LA did thesame thing the one I lived with
for five years and he wasn't anaggressive personality like this
, he was actually very oppositebut he also was very like
(20:03):
isolating too.
He didn't like me hanging outwith my friends at all.
So it's something I'm unpackingin therapy now because I'm like
why do I allow guys to?
I'm a I'm a very socialoutgoing person with a ton of
friends Like, why do I allowguys to do that?
I don't understand how thathappens.
It's a very odd thing.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
So the last guy I dated, not to get off topic but
the last guy I dated.
Um, our first date amazing.
Our second date actually didn'thappen for probably a month or
so, but that's strictly becauseof scheduling.
So our first date was awesome.
It was just the two of us.
I loved how he has a reallyclose best friend and a part of
like the first few dates was thefirst one was him and I
(20:51):
no-transcript, he was anacquaintance from a long time
ago but had a date with him andhis best friend.
And then another date was me,him and his son.
Well, yeah, it's not the friend, it's not the giant friend
group that you have, but somepeople do do the whole,
incorporating your friendssolely into it.
I mean, yours had so many redflags right off the gate.
(21:14):
I mean, I'm not saying thatyou're an idiot either.
Like everyone has a naivemoment for sure.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
I mean, like I said, I've told everybody that I was
completely naive.
I mean, sex was the part of thepart of it, you and the love
bombing.
I mean it is a thing for real.
It was all the text and all thegifts.
I've never had a guy give megifts and I'm not a gift person,
(21:46):
I don't do gifts.
He bought me an Apple Watch.
By the way, I ended up buyingmyself this Apple Watch because
I had bought myself anotherApple Watch that like wasn't the
big Apple Watch, and then Ibought myself this one after I
gave it back after the incident,because I was like I can buy my
own damn Apple Watch.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Yep, you're an independent one.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
You know I'm an independent, I don't need him.
But he bought me this AppleWatch one day and I was like
nobody's ever bought me a giftlike this.
And it was just this likemoment of like and I told him I
was like go take this stupidthing back, I don't need an
Apple Watch, I already have one.
And he's like oh, it's thesmall one, you know, you need
the big one because you're 6'5".
And I was like my God, like noone's ever done this for me.
(22:29):
It's just weird, right, and itgets really crazy because he
ended up buying me a car.
So just hold up.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Right, oh, the assault.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, yeah, no, I remember that yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
So like it's just like these kind of crazy things
that were like kind of screwingwith my head and I was just like
okay, like I Like I justhaven't had anyone do those kind
of things for me and I just itjust like roped me in and that's
, I think like where that likelove bombing kind of stuff
happens Right.
So I don't know, Fast forward toyou know, March, March it just
(23:04):
he had been arrested because hehad a fight with his family, had
a worn out, and I finally hadkind of had it with the crazy.
He had already accused me ofcheating on him when I had gone
to DC.
We had had a huge fight.
He had gone through my phoneand blocked hundreds of people,
Blocked me, yeah, Blocked you,blocked a business partner of
(23:27):
mine, blocked so many people.
And so I kind of had it withthe crazy, the bipolar thing.
So I ended up breaking up withhim after he got arrested the
first time and then I told allmy friends, I broke up with him
at brunch and then he ended upgetting this car from his
grandmother and then gave it tome, this Cadillac, and that
(23:48):
night that he brought me thiscar as a gift.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
You guys.
So let me just stop you there.
I recall you telling me thatyou guys were booking your plane
tickets to like Greece orsomething.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Yes, yeah.
He had also decided that he wastaking me to Greece and we were
planning a trip that nightactually to Greece, and he was
like going to sell his grandma'shouse and like, with the money
he was going to take us toGreece, and that's what we were
planning that exact night.
He was like going to sell hisgrandma's house and like, with
the money he was going to takeus to Greece, and that's what we
were planning that exact night.
And we had driven the Cadillacthat he had bought me to Total
(24:21):
Wine and you could tell he wasin a total manic state.
And I told him he was in amanic state and he was just on a
high, like a high, and youcould tell.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Were you comfortable, Like had you guys had just to
say, because he spoke about himbeing a bipolar or multiple
personality, had you had aconversation and felt
comfortable enough to say hey,listen, I think you're having a
manic episode.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I told him, I told Awan, and I said I think you're
manic right now.
I was like because he wasbuying like very strange things,
like a decanter and stuff, likestuff that we just didn't need,
because I was like I have needCause.
I was like I have that and he'slike no, we need this, we need
that.
Had you ever seen hismedication?
Uh, no, I.
He said he was on it and Ihadn't seen it.
And he said he was like gettinganother kind of medication and
(25:08):
I was like I don't know if he'son it, because he was definitely
having manic episodes like morefrequently.
I felt you ever see him do drugs.
I hadn't seen him do drugs, butI wouldn't be surprised if he
was, because he was just reallylike out of it and it just that
night he was on just anotherlevel.
(25:29):
So we were at Total Wine.
He was just completely,completely going crazy, trying
to buy hundreds of dollars worthof stuff, and just crazy stuff
too, even like gift bags.
It was like, oh for the gram,it was just crazy.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Sounds like somebody on drugs.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
I mean he might have been, I have no idea and so we
ended up coming back here.
We planned this whole trip toGreece and he ended up falling
back here.
We planned this whole trip toGreece and he ended up falling
asleep on my shoulder because hewas just so like manic and I
think he just got like tired.
And I ended up finding out onhis phone because it's sent like
the Greece itinerary.
It said we were planning it onGemini and he was obsessed with
(26:09):
this Gemini thing, sent it tohis phone, sent it, sent it to
his phone, sent it to his phoneand I was trying to find it on
his text messages.
And then, when I went throughhis text messages, I ended up
finding out that he was also aerotic masseuse that I didn't
know and also that he was like Idon't know, trying to like hook
up with dudes like four in themorning on a night that he
(26:32):
wanted me to come over but Ididn't.
So he was like totally cheatingon me and I was like cool, woke
him up, was like what the hellis this so back?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
up.
He falls asleep on yourshoulder.
He has no password on his phone.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, his phone was open.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I was doing the Gemini thingini thing okay, so
he had fallen asleep on yourshoulder while you were on his
phone.
Yeah, okay, that's on him.
That's his first of all.
I don't condone going into likebecause, in all honesty, I
think these days your phone isjust your phone.
There's so many things.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I'm not as good'm not a student either.
I don't do that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Right, and I'm not saying that you or I or anybody
has anything on the phone thatcould be incriminating, but
these days there's so much on myphone that could come off as
incriminating or whatnot, thatI'd rather just you ask me and I
give it to you Don't forget, hewent through my phone and
blocked a bunch of people.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
No, no, I'm not forgetting.
I haven't forgotten that at all.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Yeah, I don't know how I would have gone about that
, though I would have.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, I saw him like sucking a bunch of guys' dicks
and, you know, doing a bunch oferotic massage and everything.
It was really heartbreaking.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
And this is all between January and March, right
, oh?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
yeah, yeah.
And then he found out he was anerotic masseuse.
And you know, if he had told methat and everything, I would
have been like because I kind ofdid wonder where he got his
money and stuff I'd have beenprobably okay with it Whoa, whoa
, whoa.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Back it up.
I thought he was a personaltrainer.
When I asked you what he didfor a living, he was telling me.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Okay, so you thought he was a personal trainer, but
then out of nowhere he's doingan erotic massage.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Not that erotic massages are bad For those of
you that do that for a living,like hey, no judgment, by the
way, I'm probably one of themost sex-positive people.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Again, I probably wouldn't have cared.
And also like, by the way, like, and then during his manic
episodes, he's sitting therelike calling these guys that he
used to hook up with.
Anyway, I was just so pissed,especially after he had, like,
accused me of cheating on him.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I just was so pissed, so you wake him up after you
read the text messages.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, I wake him up.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Okay, just to clarify , you both are in your underwear
, obviously, right yeah, Likenot dressed.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, not dressed.
Trying to you know, and then,you know, I confront him about
it.
We end up talking about it forlike an hour.
He ends up just getting soangry.
At some point he was just likehis eyes were just doing this
thing that I can't explain, andI've only seen it one other time
(29:13):
.
It was when he thought Icheated on him and he went like
literally crazy, had me film avideo of him.
Then he just lost it on me andstarted beating the shit out of
me, yeah, and he ended up.
I mean it was a very long it wasabout a 45 minute situation
(29:39):
where he started in yourapartment and ended the
highlights where he basicallytook my laptop at one point, hit
me over the head multiple timesand I begged him to stop and I
thought it was going to be likea dateline special.
I thought it was.
I thought he was going tomurder.
Like a Dateline special.
I thought it was going tomurder me.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Well, he tried choking you.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
And he did choke me and I passed out at one point
and I told him you're going tokill me and I said think of your
daughter and I somehow I have avery long apartment and I
somehow made it out of myapartment and was able to fight
him off.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
So it started in the way Blaine's apartment is.
You enter in the front door,you go just a long apartment
that goes all the way to likethe floor to ceiling windows
that overlooks whatever he's onthe 16th floor.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
It started in the back of the apartment and you
made your way from it started inthe bedroom and then I ended up
going to the kitchen, which isin the back, which was not a
great idea.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
No.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And that's where the worst of it happened.
And that's when he hit me overthe head and I started bleeding
and that's when the bloodstarted coming.
He hit me with the computer andthe blood came down and that's
where he choked me.
And then that's where I wastrapped and I thought, my God,
I'm going to die here, Right.
I was like how am I going tomake it the hell out?
(30:58):
And that's where I had to fightall the way back up to the
front.
And then I got to the hallway.
I didn't even know where myphone was.
I have no idea.
I don't think I had my phonethe whole time and I ended up
getting out into my hallway andthen I was against a wall and I
just started beating at a wall,screaming for help.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
From my neighbors Was it two o'clock in the morning,
three o'clock in the morning 30in the morning.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
At this point and it was my neighbors didn't come out
.
I mean my building's kind ofbuilt like a fortress and also
like I have a feeling everybodythinks I'm crazy.
All my neighbors, by the way tothis day like, ignore me.
And then, uh, got down theelevator but he followed me and
beat me the whole time All theway down the elevator, ended up
(31:40):
attacking my concierge too.
After I was taken up bysecurity, they separated us,
took me up stairs and then heattacked my concierge and A
female that's downstairs.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Was it a male or a female?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Female concierge.
Yeah, and so he escalated afterI was even gone and the cops
were just shocked by it.
He broke like computersdownstairs, everything.
So yeah, it was just he was.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
He has some serious issues and so so at the end of
the night he gets arrested, hepressed charges, he goes to jail
.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
And that's the last you've ever you've seen of him.
That is a lot.
Yeah, well, he ended upharassing me after the fact.
Uh, he ended up, uh, contactingmy boss after that, trying to
accuse me of assault, and hecontacted a charity organization
I'm a part of trying to accuseme of assault and a bunch of
other illicit stuff.
He tried to.
So, yeah, he tried to get mefired.
And what else did he do?
Oh, he stalked me.
(32:38):
He sent somebody that he was injail with to my house to
collect the car keys and showedup and like my whole building
staff that's here like was liketerrified.
So, yeah, it was just like Iendured about another three
weeks of stalking after that.
So that was, I mean, it wasjust like I endured about
another three weeks of stalkingafter that.
So that was, I mean, it wasjust like horrific.
You know, I think the thingthat was the weirdest thing for
(33:01):
me is one you're kind of like Ifeel bad.
I understand women.
Now, after this Number one,thank God I live in this
building called the Ashton herein Dallas and thank God to the
building staff here.
They were amazing because itwas really terrifying.
Like number one, he was sendingpeople here.
He was hanging out around thebuilding and you're just kind of
(33:23):
left like to your own devices.
Like the cops that were herethat night, they were amazing, I
have to say, dpd, but thedetectives were shitty.
They did like absolutelynothing.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Well, what were they supposed to do?
He's already incarcerated, he'salready in jail.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
No, jail for like 12 hours.
Then he was out and then he washarassing me.
He had his grandma sending metexts.
He had like random peoplethreatening to sue me if I
didn't return his Apple Watchand his car and all this other
stuff.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
So all the gifts that he got you he wanted back.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
All the gifts he wanted back immediately.
By the way, it was completelyillegal.
I had an emergency protectiveorder and what he was doing was
illegal and the detectives weredoing nothing, the cops were
doing nothing and he just keptthreatening me.
I had huge text messages whichI was sending to them and they
were doing absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Well, I mean.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Like.
I said he was sending peoplethat he was in jail with to my
building and he can't have24-hour surveillance.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
No, no, exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
But my point is what he was doing was violating the
protective order and cops shouldhave gone and picked him up and
they weren't.
So I'm just saying like, ifyou're a woman, like living in a
house by yourself, like thatwould be like terrifying.
I was lucky that I'm in aprotected building and I felt
like protected.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Right, you're in a condo and it's 16 floors up Like
.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Like I felt protected , but like I see why people are
terrified of people like this,for sure, and you know, just to
be clear, like after this hashappened, he's now.
He was arrested a month afterthe fact for assaulting a
hospital worker, stalking at thesame time also stalking
somebody else and harassing awitness, and Denton.
(35:11):
And Denton, yeah, and then, andthen a month later in Kansas he
was, he was arrested again Forlike assault in the gym or
something For assault, battery,destruction of property, and
he's been in jail since then fora month and a half on $175,000
bail.
So he's literally super, duper,dangerous, like, so, like,
(35:34):
literally like.
It started with me and it justescalated and escalated.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Well, I thought you found out before he got arrested
.
He was arrested before too.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
And he was arrested before.
Well, obviously, a week beforehe assaulted me, he was arrested
.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
So, like this guy was dangerous from the beginning
and you know, like I said, hewas doing those harassing things
to me for three weeks and thecops wouldn't do anything.
I was begging them to dosomething.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Well, just think to yourself all the, all the red
flags questions that you wereasking the beginning of the game
.
None of them, like Exactly hedidn't do any of them, though
Did he Didn't do any of what thered flags that we came up with
at the beginning of the gameBeginning?
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Did he?
No, I mean he was Well, yeah, Imean he did.
I mean he did plenty of redflags, but he was charming.
He was charming, but he did.
Yeah, he had plenty of redflags.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, he had plenty of red flags.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Yeah, yeah, he did.
Then I mean, I think from a copand a criminal standpoint he
was like had tons of red flags,right, and the cops like didn't
do anything after the fact.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yeah, I mean, did you get his?
Speaker 1 (36:52):
this is a stupid question but did you get his
full legal name when you guysmet?
I actually did.
I had his driver's license andeverything because his driver's
license was expired, so I had tohelp him get a driver's license
appointment.
God, I'm such an idiot.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Hey, you wanted to talk about this.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
I know, you know I got to tell you, though I want
to say, like the people who didthe right things in this
situation, because I think therewas a lot that went good when I
went to the hospital, like Iwent to Parkland and for people
(37:24):
that don't know, like Parkland'sthe public hospital, oh yeah.
Jfk went to the originalParkland, but there's a new
Parkland but it's where the likeif you're poor and you have no
money to go.
And when I was on the there whenI was on the gurney, I was like
they were like Baylor's full,which is the private hospital,
(37:45):
and I was like, oh my God,please don't take me to Parkland
.
That's like where the homelesspeople go.
God, I have to tell you, thenurses and the doctors of
Parkland were so incredible tome.
I mean, there was this nurse,they, I you know, I'm going to
do like pictures and measureeverything and it'll help with
(38:17):
the case.
And if you don't feelcomfortable, like you don't have
to do it, I can come back.
You know, I know this is athing and it's going to take
like an hour and a half orsomething.
And I was like and you're justso tired and like out of it,
like I mean I had a majorconcussion.
You know I obviously hadfractured vertebrae and
everything, neck bruising, right.
Yeah, I mean I had.
Yeah, obviously my neck wasbruised and all this stuff.
(38:40):
And you know, it was like fiveand six in the morning.
I just was just out of it and Idid ask her to come back and
then she did, and then she'slike you know, I don't have to
and then she was just amazing.
I have to tell you they werejust complete angels.
I just really appreciateeverybody at Parkland how nice
(39:04):
they were to me and just kind.
Everybody told me not to goback to him and I was like, by
the way, do not worry, I willnot.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
You didn't right, Like this is okay.
Yeah, the way, do not worry, Iwill not.
You didn't right Like this isokay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Not even crossed my mind, but I will say I mean I do
know like a lot of people goback into abusive relationships.
I would never in a millionyears go back, not like I had
the opportunity, kept going backto jail but he never contacted
me again because he had an.
I mean there was a protectiveorder and I took every
precaution to stay away from him.
Had I mean there was aprotective order and I took
every precaution to stay awayfrom him.
(39:37):
But I mean clearly a lot ofpeople would go back, I mean,
and I was warned by everybody tonot go back.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I kind of feel like these days, a lot of people have
this fear of being alone, whichI mean I get it.
It's not fun being single.
It's not fun, you know, doingthings by yourself.
I get it, and as humans, we dorequire whatever a part of
domestic violence.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
They don't really report it and some do go back
and I've been really shocked byhow many people this has
happened to.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Well, I mean you're talking.
Your situation was physical,mental, emotional, like abuse.
This guy was a straight carnercoroner.
That you know was alsophysically.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
But I've heard a lot of guys that I've known now that
have actually been in thehospital, been beat up, that
have showed me pictures, andthen they went back to these
people.
I'm, I can't believe it.
I, I did not, I would never Um.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I just not.
I would never.
I don't know anybody that wouldtake like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I've now heard multiple stories.
I would never do it, but I haveto say like and like I said, I
had this woman, veronica, fromthe family place in Dallas.
She reached out to me and theDallas police work with them.
They reached out.
I mean, there's so many supportresources for people out there
If you are a victim of domesticabuse, so you aren't like left
(41:18):
alone, but you kind of aresometimes.
So there was a lot of stepsalong the way.
I will say the Dallasprosecutors were amazing too.
I got a five-year protectiveorder against him and she spent
I don't know an hour and a halfgoing through my story and got
him served with a five-yearprotective order, which is more
than the two years that theytypically do.
(41:38):
And he's also not allowed topost on social media about me
because that's what he was alsodoing trying to torture me.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
But you're allowed to talk about him on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Well, I'm not saying who or what, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
That's right, we did not use names, correct.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
No names, just hypotheticals.
But yeah, I have to say theprosecutor has been amazing and
it was, it's been, it was, theywere really amazing.
And I just have to say, like Ithink my heart goes out to
everybody that's been a victimof domestic abuse, because it's
just been like it was a lot.
The other thing I will say it'sreally weird how people act
(42:15):
around you after this happens.
What do you mean?
Because I think people don'tknow how to act and I do think
there's a lot of judgment.
What?
Because you I'm sorry, becauseyou got yourself into this mess.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
I mean, listen, I will say I use the term and I
was brought up this way.
If you're going to be dumb, youbetter be tough, which is why
I'm really really tough.
Yeah, because I do really dumbthings sometimes.
So I'm just glad that you'reokay and that's all that matters
to me.
Person that you are, you willtake the circumstances and
(42:54):
experience and turn it into alesson and make sure that nobody
else has to learn that lesson.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Yeah, Look, I'm not saying I'm not dumb for getting
into a bad situation and being avictim of domestic violence,
but like I would have neverexpected him to do that to me
and literally lose it.
I don't think anybody, Ishouldn't think that anybody
would expect that I don't thinkanybody does, but I think what I
do think is people need to givepeople that are in that
(43:24):
situation a little grace, and Ijust think that maybe people
just don't know how to react andthey have a hard time with it.
But I will say, for victims ofdomestic violence, I do think
there's probably a little victimblaming there.
Really I do, I just do and Idon't blame anyone for it.
(43:45):
But I do feel like maybe I feltlike a lot of people were like,
well, you kind of let it happenand, by the way, by the way, in
my situation in particular, hehad been arrested right before
and went back and then I didn'ttell anyone.
(44:07):
So I was kind of stupid and Iget it and, in all fairness to
the people in my life, like theywere really scared for me.
So I understand.
But, then it also feels likelike it's like, oh well, you
should have known better.
So it's a very complicatedthing, I think relationship wise
with your family and yourfriends Right.
(44:28):
But I will say there's likethere's certain people that,
like I know, didn't judge at all, but like I do feel like for
people that have been throughthis, I see where people feel
like very judged and I just wantto say to everybody out there,
like if you feel judged, nodon't feel I Like.
I totally understand why.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Getting physically assaulted is different than
going back to your ex and thencrying about him breaking up
with you or something over andover.
That's one thing.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I've heard people when they like, especially women
that have been insulted, saythat they feel judged.
And I understand that.
Now I've heard it and Iunderstand because, like, I felt
judged and it was like, it waslike you know, he kind of like
let that happen to him and Itotally like, yeah, I mean I
kind of put myself in thatsituation.
(45:17):
I was stupid, but I get whypeople kind of I don't look at
that at all.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
I look at the situation as in yes, there were
red flags and yes, there weresigns, Right, but nothing in
your mind was telling you thisguy is going to fucking lose it
and try to kill me with my ownlaptop or try to choke me out
Like nothing was telling youthat I'm also 6'5" and I would
(45:42):
never have thought I could nottake him in a million years, and
I just—.
So that, I think, is a scarythought, you know, because I'm
not 6'5" right and I'm 5'9 rightand I'm five nine and I'm I'm
super skinny, but like I feellike I can take on whomever
tries to like attack me.
I don't know why, right?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
yeah, I've always felt that way too, but so that
had to have been a terrifyingsituation, thinking that like
literally telling him you'regonna, you know, like I feel
like that's the scariest thingBecause you know I've traveled
all over the world and I told myfriend I'll give my friend
Whitney a shout out here becauseshe's always we've traveled
together and I always tell her,like oh, whitney, please like
(46:26):
stop being scared.
Like you know, I'm six, five.
Like I'm not, you know I'mbasically invincible.
That was the first night I knewI wasn't invincible and I knew,
like I could die.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
That was, I think, the scariest thing.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Well, yeah, without even thinking, you know I worry
about people that I don't knowwho I was talking to about this.
Was I talking to you about this?
How?
I'm afraid that, oh, no, no,buddy's ex-wife, the guy that
we're gonna have on next.
I was like listen, dude, Iwould be afraid that you would
(47:01):
fall asleep next to her if youguys got back together and she
would kill you in the middle oflike, kill you while you were
sleeping.
Like this, like the things thathis ex-wife is doing to him or
his current wife is doing to himsoon to be ex-wife makes me.
I told him I was like I fearfor your, your safety.
I feel fear for your life.
I feel like she is going tomake sure that she has a life
(47:23):
insurance policy set up.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Come home one day, make you a drink or something,
put you to sleep and then murderyou at night well, and to this
point and I think this gets intolike who you date and who you
say like even let stay over yourhouse at night, like it's crazy
.
I now think that, like who Ieven let in my home?
(47:44):
I actually now have cameras inmy house, I have a camera in the
studio, I have a camera in myliving room and I do because you
know, just in case somethinglike that ever happens again,
you know I am somewhat protectedor have it documented because,
like I'm again like notinvincible up in your sleep and
(48:18):
uh, you know I wouldn't, youwouldn't have a chance.
So, yeah, it gave me a reallybig perspective on life and and
you just gotta be a lot morecareful about people than you
think and I definitely won't beletting um people in anymore, um
, like I used to, or, you know,getting that close.
Now I will say I have starteddating again.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
But I am.
I just started dating again.
I am back on Grindr and the andsome apps and some apps.
I'm in therapy and it's beengood.
It's been good.
By the way, I have to say, thestate of Texas has a lot of
really good resources forDomestic violence.
(49:06):
Domestic violence.
Yeah, the office of Ken Paxton.
I know nobody likes Ken Paxton,but they actually do a lot.
You don't have to pay foranything and they actually told
me that at the hospital theysaid don't worry about any of
your medical bills, which thankGod, because they did a full
body CAT scan on me, full bodylike everything, head to toe,
(49:29):
which is how I found out aboutall my fractured vertebraes and
everything and, by the way, I'mfine.
Physical therapy and everything.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Plastic surgery.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
But they do cover all your medical bills.
They cover three years oftherapy.
They cover everythingRelocation services You're
allowed to move for three years.
I mean they cover literallyeverything.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
Do they pay for your moving?
I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
Relocation services.
Like everything, they cover alot.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
You told me all I needed is some dude to beat me
up.
And then I'm just kidding, I'mjust kidding, you're going to
get your ass handed to you inthe comments for this stuff.
I'm'm sorry, my sincerestapologies.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
My heart goes out to anyone that's gone through
domestic but I have to say Stateof Texas, ken Paxton's office,
and they're very responsive.
They were very quick atapproving everything for me
getting the money there.
It has been really incredible.
And then I actually work withthe Resource Center of Dallas,
which is our gay center here inDallas, and my therapist is
(50:39):
through there and they have beenamazing.
So I want to thank them as well, and my therapist, noelle.
So, anyway, that's why I'm ableto talk about all of this.
Anyway, there's a ton ofresources out there.
There's an organization calledRAIN and then, like I said, the
Family Place, and Veronica wasamazing.
They do a liaison work with theDallas Police Department.
I'll put all those resources inthe show notes.
(51:01):
What was I going to talk aboutnext?
Sorry, cut this part ofsomething.
So what are your final notes onred flags and how to prevent
them?
Speaker 2 (51:16):
I don't think red flags are preventable.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Do you Google your date?
Speaker 2 (51:21):
No, I don't.
So here's the thing assurprising as this may be, I'm a
firm advocate of love andthings like.
In a perfect world, my futurehusband or my soulmate would hit
me with his car in the gymparking lot or the parking lot
of a dog park or something likethat.
That would be, you know, myideal situation.
(51:44):
But because we're in 2025, Iknow that apps happen and social
media happens and that's howyou connect and meet people.
I think sometimes, after havinga great connection for a little
while, sometimes therelationships go sour.
I don't know.
Sometimes they go southHopefully not as south as
Blaine's relationship went butit's important to remember that
(52:09):
being patient and getting toknow someone is okay sometimes.
Yeah, of course, do yourbackground checks for certain
things.
If you see a red flag, or ifyou come across a red flag, do
your due diligence.
I don't recommend to anyonegoing into anyone else's phone.
I don't recommend that becauseI feel like that's a huge
invasion of privacy and for manyreasons.
(52:30):
I mean, your phone these daysis your, like that's your link
to your jobs.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
So it could also cause really big fights, not
like Blaine's.
But just have patience, behonest, be upfront with each
other, don't cheat on each other, unless that's something that
you guys have agreed upon orsomething I don't know.
But yeah, if you see red flags,do your due diligence, tell a
friend, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
I will say I do think love bombing is a red flag.
I do think getting into andthis is like I said I shouldn't
have gotten involved too quickly.
Again, I told myself I wouldn'tGonna work with my therapist on
this one.
Don't get into something tooquick.
I did the last time.
I did too, when I was in LA.
Didn't work out.
(53:19):
I did Google him, by the way,and there there was nothing.
Now my friends have all startedusing some app to start looking
up their phone number and doinglike little mini background
checks.
I have those, you have those.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, I have like been verified and that kind of
stuff.
Yeah, I mean.
So just to say I don't look uplike the last guy I dated.
We'll call him C.
I didn't look up his backgroundbecause he was pretty upfront
with me on his first date thathe wasn't divorced as of yet
when we went on our first dateand that was fine he had moved
(53:52):
away from his ex and he had toldme he was honest and upfront
about it.
So I think that's anotherreason why we took things very
slow.
I don't know.
But yeah, if you want to doyour background check, do your
background check and just don't.
That's like looking atsomeone's Facebook and going
through other pictures and going, oh, I don't know, I don't like
him, look at this.
I don't like him, look at this.
Give it a second.
(54:18):
You know, give people a chance.
I'm an advocate of love.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
Don't, I don't know, don't, don't judge a book by its
cover.
Okay, I mean you think you'reright.
I think, like I said, all thewarning signs for my person was
there, obviously.
And look, even my guy from WestHollywood.
I knew, you know, after a fewmonths probably Hollywood.
I knew, you know, after a fewmonths probably it wasn't going
(54:41):
to work, but I had already movedin with them after like six
weeks.
So, and yeah, I think you haveto cut them.
Cut them when you know it's badand then, uh, definitely just
see when you see those red flags, just cut them off and get done
with them.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
I mean, give us your dating advice, chime in and give
us your, your dating red flags.
What are your red flags?
What to look for, what not tolook for?
Speaker 1 (55:01):
God love to hear what they would have to say what's
your most chaotic red flagmoment?
Speaker 2 (55:07):
I want to hear people's top 10 red flags Like
where, where's your, where'syour?
All right, this is number 10.
That's it, I'm done.
I'm out Like 10 red flags, fivered flags, whatever it is.
How long do you wait until youfinally let someone go when
you're dating them and thingshaven't progressed?
Speaker 1 (55:24):
That would be great.
Well, thank you so much forjoining us today and listening
to my story and my trauma.
And you know, if you'relistening to this and you feel
trapped, scared, confused, alone, you're not.
Speaker 2 (55:40):
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (55:41):
There's always a way out and you can always get out.
So you're not crazy or weak andit's not your fault, that's a.
No, I'm just saying it's notyour fault, ever it's not your
fault and.
Speaker 2 (55:54):
It's not your fault.
Speaker 1 (55:57):
And, by the way, you're not alone, Mm-hmm.
So anyway, this has beenanother episode of Coffee with
Gaze.
Thanks for joining us.
Thanks to all the new followers.
Again, Follow Coffee with Gazefor more episodes like this one.
I want to say we actually havea lot of exciting new episodes
coming up.
We have some authors we'regoing to be interviewing the
(56:18):
queer authors that we're reallyexcited that is coming up next.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
Some straight people, straight people.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
And with some very interesting stories.
Oh yeah, and we're reallyexcited for these new format
shows of Coffee with Gay.
So thanks for joining us and welook forward to seeing you next
time.
Speaker 2 (56:34):
Thanks, guys, see you later Thanks.
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Cheers.
like a Dayline special.
I thought it was.
I thought he was going tomurder me.
Welcome to Coffee with Gaze.
I'm Blaine, I'm Reid and thisis episode 25.
And we are titling this one.
It started as love bombing andI ended up in the ER.
Yes, it's a deeply personalepisode for me, something I have
(00:23):
wanted to talk about and I kindof think it's time and maybe
something someone needs to hear.
It's an episode about domesticviolence.
So if it's something thattriggers you, just trigger
warning on that one.
I was in a domestic violencesituation and a bad relationship
and we thought it would be agood time to talk about gay
relationships.
(00:44):
Red flags yes, dating red flags, Dating red flags.
Obviously, I have not alwayslistened to the red flags and
recently did not listen to thered flags yeah Right and ended
up with a fractured vertebrae.
I was hit over the head with acomputer which we'll talk about
later and almost was killed inmy own apartment.
(01:07):
So that is the teaser to thisstory.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Extremely traumatizing.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, so we're going to offer some tips and tricks on
you know how to look for thosered flags in dating.
I think we've both seen themNot all traumatic like my story,
but we do want to talk aboutthat and kind of also give you
know our advice there.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Right, right, though Blaine's personal circumstance
or situation was very traumaticand we all are here for you for
that, thank you.
We also do have somelighthearted stuff.
We will talk about love asidefrom red flags and happy moments
as well.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
But yeah, welcome, yeah, welcome to the show.
I want to also say welcome tothe 3,000 new subscribers.
After our Pride arc, which didreally, really well, we had a
really good Pride arc with ourfirst episode, which was about
celebrity gay celebrities whichdid super awesome from old
(02:06):
Hollywood.
That was a really fun episodethat we did.
And then we had a two partepisode our friend Matt, who
came out after 35 years that didphenomenally well as well.
We had that one in the bank fora year and so we want to just
thank everyone who's beenfollowing us and following along
and, yeah, we're here and wejust have been listening to all
(02:27):
the comments and responding andReid has been loving all of your
comments about him andeverything that he has said, so
keep them coming.
We love it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Oh, Blaine, wasn't one of the comments something
about me giving.
What did the person say?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
About what I was giving.
What vibes, dusty vibes We'llmove on.
Let's move on to the game.
We'll do a little fun gamefirst, before getting into the
serious part of this topic.
I'm here for it.
We'll call, calling it, flag itor fix it.
So Fix it or flag it.
Flag it or fix it, so Fix it.
Or flag it.
Flag it or fix it.
(03:07):
All right, I'm here.
Okay, so he you're on.
I know you're not on datingapps allegedly, but To be clear,
I'm on no dating apps Zero.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Not a single dating or hookup app, None.
So those of you that say I'mnot on Grindr but I'm on Scruff,
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I'm on none of them.
That is very clear.
We've already posted a videoabout this.
There's a lot of catfishing.
Reid is not on Grindr, but hehas a fake Grindr profile.
We're just making that clear.
Okay, he messages Sup at 1.38AM and says he's a relationship
guy.
Is that a flag or a fix?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
What do you think?
So I have follow-up questionsto this.
But have you chatted with himbefore or is this like an
initial?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
initial like sup, it's 1 38 in the morning, but
it's like his profile's like I'mreally just a relationship guy
I wouldn't necessarily call it ared flag.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
I I guess, depending on it's obvious, he's looking
for Right.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
A good call yeah.
Yes, for sure, I agree.
I still think he could be arelationship guy.
But you know, it's okay, Iwould say it's still a fix-it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, honestly, I know plenty of people that have
had like one-night stands turninto long-term relationships.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah Okay, like one night stands turn into long-term
relationships.
Yeah Okay.
Next one Getting too drunk onthe first date.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
You know, listen, I love having a drink on the first
date, just like the next person.
But y'all, I've experienced twofirst dates that were
belligerent.
It was, it was embarrassed.
I felt I was embarrassed forthat person.
Yeah, it was bad.
I felt I was embarrassed forthat person.
Um, yeah, it was bad.
I definitely say limit yourliquor on the first date, at
(04:48):
least on the first date.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I agree with you.
I have a great story about thisone.
I went on a date with a guy tothis place Bob's Steak and Chop
House and, no joke, he fell outof the booth during the date and
the waiter had to help me pickhim up and put him back in the
booth.
And I immediately got an Uberhome and had to put him to bed
like, put a blanket on him andthen, by the way, found pictures
(05:12):
of him and his ex-girlfriend.
So yeah, he was like framedphotos photos.
He was still like kind of likestill carrying that candle.
Yeah, um, okay, only hassnapchat, like no other socials
wait, is that a question?
Yeah, like he just doesn'treally have any other socials,
(05:36):
just snapchat can you ask that?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
so you're saying is it a red flag if a guy strictly
has snapchat and no othersocials?
How, how did you meet him?
Otherwise, like, how did youguys, how did you get his
Snapchat?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Like again, like Grindr, like again.
If you're just like on Grindrand like he just only has a
Snapchat.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Let me back up real quick.
So are all these initialconnections via Grindr.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, I'm just saying yeah, Like you're a normal gay.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Like a normal gay.
Like a normal gay.
Yeah, honestly, I feel like ifhe only had Snapchat, then he
probably wouldn't have a Grindr,but it's probably a red flag, I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, I think so too.
Yeah, it's a little shady.
He wants something real andyou're dating him, so it's been
like, let's say, a month, but hestill hasn't deleted his dating
apps.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
How do you know he still hasn't deleted his dating
apps?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Because they're still on his phone.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
How would you know it's still on his phone unless?
Speaker 1 (06:31):
you're going through his phone.
Are you the red flag then?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
No, if after a month you're digging through the guy
that you're talking to.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
But if you see it on his phone, like you, just happen
to see it.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
If you're, if you wake up to get a drink of water
or go pee or something and ifyou're just sitting next to each
other watching tv and grinderlike chirps in.
I mean that you guys have aconversation.
I wouldn't necessarily call ita red flag.
I think everybody is.
I think everybody, with theexception of me, has this
(07:01):
problem.
I run into that issue with guysthat I've dated where, but
where it's your month in, yourmonth in, I would say it's a
conversation.
Yeah, sure, okay.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
So it's a fix it.
I would also call it a fix ittoo.
I would agree.
I'd agree.
Okay, Suddenly acts like twodates is a relationship Red flag
?
I completely agree he dubs.
I went on a day with this guyand he was a flight attendant
and he sent me a breakup textafter our second date and I was
(07:35):
like I didn't realize this was arelationship.
You don't have to break up withme after two dates.
It's perfectly fine that you'renot ready for a relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
That's that meme new phone.
Who dis?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, exactly, and then okay, Well, this is totally
red flag Grainy photos thatlook like they were taken in
2005 on his dating profile 2015.
By the way, this actuallyprobably really applies to you
because you actually find peopleon Facebook.
(08:10):
So grainy photos that look likethey were taken on 2005 on
Facebook, because you meetpeople on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I mean you're gonna have to rephrase that.
People friend me on Facebook.
Yeah, I know I don't gosearching at all.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
But they're like grainier photos.
They look a little older.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
So I don't know, I feel like these days there are
so many bots or whateverwhatever they're called like
fake profiles out there, or likewhen I was on, when I was on
Tinder, I I felt like I wasgetting a lot more fake profiles
and I was real profiles.
So I don't know, it's reallyhard to determine these days
with all the AI stuff andwhatnot.
Remember, do you remember thatguy that was sending me pictures
(08:49):
and he sent me a video and weboth but like I asked you and
Ryan, I was like dude, is thisguy real or did he completely
CGI the video?
It was completely.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
So for see, for me that would be a totally red flag
, but for you?
You kept asking.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Well, yeah, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So there you go, I'm a little naive.
For you that would be a fix it,For me it would be a red flag.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
It would be a red flag.
I need human to humaninteraction, like I need to hear
your voice, like see you inperson.
I need that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I'm needy, so that kind of stuff I'm needy, so yeah
.
Yeah Well, red flag, there yougo, red flag for sure.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
There you go, and that's what's.
What's the next one?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
That's it, Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Those are all of the did you red flag most of them or
no?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Pretty much red flag.
That's my.
I think there's a.
There's a few fixes there.
Yeah, Well, great, Okay, somoving in.
Okay, let's get into the meatof it.
Yes, so the ultimate red flagis I recently dated recently,
like last beginning of last yearended up dating somebody who
(09:59):
came up to me at a bar Wait canI, can I pause here?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Go ahead to me at a bar.
Wait, can I pause here, goahead?
So just from what I knew, I wasunder the impression that you
met this guy not long before NewYear's, maybe like the end of
December, isn't that right?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah, end of.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
December.
Alright, so you met him at theend of December.
Then New Year's came around,which I didn't attend the New
Year's Eve party that you guyswent to but I did hear a lot
about it after the fact.
I think we actually even talkedabout it on one of the episodes
.
Yeah, one of the first, briefly, the first.
Yeah, we actually did talkabout it, the first episode.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
We did yeah on our New Year's episode.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
But because Blaine is such a forgiving guy, he went
ahead and forgave what happenedon New Year's and gave him a
second chance.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, yeah, you know he came up to me at a bar and,
speaking of dating apps andeverything, I really was kind of
over meeting guys on datingapps and I think there's a lot
of questions around like wheredo you meet guys these days?
And I really have stoppedmeeting guys on dating apps and
I want to get into this laterbecause now I'm kind of back on
(11:08):
the apps but I really startedmeeting people in real life,
like literally, I haven't beenon dating apps for a very long
time and I've been meetingpeople in real life and I have
been very happy with that.
And he came up to me at a bar,asked about my height I'm six
foot five and you know what'sthe weather like up there.
(11:29):
I thought it was super cute.
He was very cute and veryflattering.
So you know, immediately thelove bombing started and it was
just like a whirlwind of a night.
You know I mean sleep togetherfive times, go to brunch with my
friends the next day, which Inever do.
(11:50):
Red flag number one Well, firstof all, on my part, never take
a guy to meet your friends dayone.
But you know, I kind of was tothe point of just like I always
try to separate.
I don't know what do you doLike?
Do you keep your guys apartfrom your friends right at the
beginning?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah, I would say so.
So it would have to depend onthe first date.
The first date is me and him.
Right, we're getting to knoweach other Probably the first
week.
I don't even tell anybody aboutthe person I'm dating until
probably a month or so in.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, I was at a four month kind of thing because my
friends are harsh, to say theleast.
But I kind of had this newtheory where I was like I'm just
going to vet everyone realquick and just get them out of
the.
You know, get them out ifthey're really bad.
So I took them to brunch andthere were just a lot of red
flags at brunch, by the way.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Again, this brunch happened before New Year's.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Before New Year's.
Yeah, it was like literally theday after we met and my friend
noticed he had a wedding ring on.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Back up.
That's not one of the red flagquestions.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
No, it is Totally.
And he said, and my friendtexted me during brunch and said
he has a wedding ring on.
And I go shit, didn't noticethat one, you know.
And we had a text like fivetimes that I was like, oops,
didn't know I'm going to slip upa married man and uh, and so,
like you know, my friend isgoing like, what's the wedding
(13:20):
ring about?
And it's like, oh, you know, Ijust wear it, you know.
So people don't hit on me atbars which come to find out he
had been married to a woman, hada daughter, hadn't told me any
of this, I know.
So, literally, like the storiesstart coming right at the
beginning and then, you know,end up spending more time with
(13:45):
this guy and ending up getting alot of stories and and I again
like I'm.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I'm trying to follow a timeline here.
So this was what.
The week before new year's,before new year's, okay.
So week before new year's youmet him.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You took him out to brunch, yeah, and then after
that brunch, I find out we got adaughter, we got an ex-wife,
right, yeah, and then we end upspending pretty much the entire
week together because it's likea whole love bomb, like right.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
So brunch was in between christmas and new year's
.
Right after that brunch, thenyou guys, what did new did New
Year's or, like, inadvertently,he ended up going with you to
the New Year's Eve thing I tookhim to my friend's New Year's
party.
Now tell me about how that went.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
So I ended up taking him to a New Year's party.
I find out all this stuff abouthim.
You know, allegedly greatChristian goes church all the
time, like I said, daughter,wife, ex-wife, and then I accept
all of this.
He's, by the way, super pushingme to be his boyfriend, which
I'm like.
You know, I don't want to be aboyfriend right away, but I did,
like I said, invite him to myfriend's New Year's party.
(14:58):
And the second we get there, hesays he's not going to drink a
lot.
And I also find out he isbipolar, which he's told me by
this point too.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Like clinically bipolar.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Clinically bipolar, but allegedly on medicine and I
say that's okay.
You know, I never want to judgeanyone for a mental problem or
anything no.
And you know, and I've had myown issues and everything, so I
believe in you know, everybodygetting help.
So we go to the party andeverything and he says he's not
going to drink a lot, he's goingto make a good impression with
(15:33):
my friends and the second we getthere he has one whiskey Coke
and then literally within 20minutes of getting there, he is
three whiskey Cokes in, superdrunk and he just starts
harassing all of my friends,literally face to face with
people.
It was such a nightmare.
I mean my friends were justliterally like face to face with
(15:53):
people.
Like it was such a nightmare.
I mean my friends were just souncomfortable the whole night.
I mean it was just a nightmare.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
So before the ball even drops, he's already.
Yeah, okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
It was very uncomfortable.
Everybody basically hated him.
And then I just basically hadto put him in timeout throughout
the night in one of thebedrooms and, needless to say,
even the nicest of the friendswere like dude, you need to back
off.
Like he was just so aggressive.
And you know, we just had thislike super, like sexual
(16:25):
relationship too, and of coursethat happened as well that night
.
And then, you know, the nextday, I just ended up forgiving
everything and then heapologized.
And you know, I kind of justdecided, you know what, I just
ended up forgiving everything.
And then he apologized and Ikind of just decided you know
what, I just won't bring themaround my friends, and then
it'll be okay.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
So because you were attracted to him and because he
seemingly apologized, you werekind of forgiving the obvious
red flags in the room right,like you were kind of okay.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I got you.
Yeah, we had this like reallybig connection right, like you
were kind of okay, I get you.
Yeah, we had this like reallybig connection Right, like
really great sex connection.
Yeah, that was part of it.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
And then because, outside of the sexual connection
, what did you guys spend mostof your time doing?
Him apologizing and youforgiving yes.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Yeah, that.
And then I will say there wasthis other time that my mom
happened to be here and then hewas like over here and he would
like, he like prayed with herand did this whole Christian act
thing too, which she reallyloved and really liked him too,
total freaking con artist.
Man is allegedly like amissionary, and Jordan and this
(17:35):
is another thing I will probablyalways be running a background
check too, because I think someof this stuff was wow I mean, I
learned it was like on a, like awatch list at some point as
well like it was just completelywild some of that right now,
just to say not all love bombsor not all quick relationships
or quick, I don't know actionsare bad or red flags, just to
(17:55):
say, but this has like yeah.
I mean because the assaulthappened in March, so like we're
literally talking like end ofDecember to like March 5th, and
it felt like so much longer thanthat.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Okay, so let me fast forward.
After the New Year's Eve party,we recorded and filmed our
first podcast of the year.
Right, it was about what?
January 6th, 4th, 6th,whichever and by that point you
guys were done.
You guys were broken up.
Oh, yes you did.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Oh, yeah, we did yeah .
Speaker 2 (18:29):
You guys were done and you were like it's probably
for the best.
New Year's Eve was bad.
You know, you live and youlearn Probably not going to talk
to that one anymore, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You are right.
And then he like, roped me backin.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah, which I didn't even realize, that he roped me
in.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
That's when I said like, oh, what I'll do is I'll
just keep him away from myfriends.
And that's what I think reallycaused a lot of issues with my
friends in this is that Istarted seeing him again.
He convinced me and then itjust got really intense and,
like I said, he really convincedme like to be his boyfriend,
(19:05):
even though I like really waslike not going to do that and it
was against everybody's advice,which really caused a lot of
problems with my friendshipslater down the road.
And then I did end up tellingeveryone that we were together.
I did, and they accepted it,kind of kept him away from
everyone.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
So, like looking back , just to say you can see his
manipulation.
He was starting stuff with yourfriends off the bat so he could
remove the friends from theequation, get you alone, get you
to himself.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
The isolation is true , and you know, he's not the
first one to do it to me, whichis, like, I think, what upset me
the most and I think this is acommon thing with men, because
my last boyfriend in LA did thesame thing the one I lived with
for five years and he wasn't anaggressive personality like this
, he was actually very oppositebut he also was very like
(20:03):
isolating too.
He didn't like me hanging outwith my friends at all.
So it's something I'm unpackingin therapy now because I'm like
why do I allow guys to?
I'm a I'm a very socialoutgoing person with a ton of
friends Like, why do I allowguys to do that?
I don't understand how thathappens.
It's a very odd thing.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
So the last guy I dated, not to get off topic but
the last guy I dated.
Um, our first date amazing.
Our second date actually didn'thappen for probably a month or
so, but that's strictly becauseof scheduling.
So our first date was awesome.
It was just the two of us.
I loved how he has a reallyclose best friend and a part of
like the first few dates was thefirst one was him and I
(20:51):
no-transcript, he was anacquaintance from a long time
ago but had a date with him andhis best friend.
And then another date was me,him and his son.
Well, yeah, it's not the friend, it's not the giant friend
group that you have, but somepeople do do the whole,
incorporating your friendssolely into it.
I mean, yours had so many redflags right off the gate.
(21:14):
I mean, I'm not saying thatyou're an idiot either.
Like everyone has a naivemoment for sure.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
I mean, like I said, I've told everybody that I was
completely naive.
I mean, sex was the part of thepart of it, you and the love
bombing.
I mean it is a thing for real.
It was all the text and all thegifts.
I've never had a guy give megifts and I'm not a gift person,
(21:46):
I don't do gifts.
He bought me an Apple Watch.
By the way, I ended up buyingmyself this Apple Watch because
I had bought myself anotherApple Watch that like wasn't the
big Apple Watch, and then Ibought myself this one after I
gave it back after the incident,because I was like I can buy my
own damn Apple Watch.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Yep, you're an independent one.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
You know I'm an independent, I don't need him.
But he bought me this AppleWatch one day and I was like
nobody's ever bought me a giftlike this.
And it was just this likemoment of like and I told him I
was like go take this stupidthing back, I don't need an
Apple Watch, I already have one.
And he's like oh, it's thesmall one, you know, you need
the big one because you're 6'5".
And I was like my God, like noone's ever done this for me.
(22:29):
It's just weird, right, and itgets really crazy because he
ended up buying me a car.
So just hold up.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Right, oh, the assault.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, yeah, no, I remember that yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
So like it's just like these kind of crazy things
that were like kind of screwingwith my head and I was just like
okay, like I Like I justhaven't had anyone do those kind
of things for me and I just itjust like roped me in and that's
, I think like where that likelove bombing kind of stuff
happens Right.
So I don't know, Fast forward toyou know, March, March it just
(23:04):
he had been arrested because hehad a fight with his family, had
a worn out, and I finally hadkind of had it with the crazy.
He had already accused me ofcheating on him when I had gone
to DC.
We had had a huge fight.
He had gone through my phoneand blocked hundreds of people,
Blocked me, yeah, Blocked you,blocked a business partner of
(23:27):
mine, blocked so many people.
And so I kind of had it withthe crazy, the bipolar thing.
So I ended up breaking up withhim after he got arrested the
first time and then I told allmy friends, I broke up with him
at brunch and then he ended upgetting this car from his
grandmother and then gave it tome, this Cadillac, and that
(23:48):
night that he brought me thiscar as a gift.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
You guys.
So let me just stop you there.
I recall you telling me thatyou guys were booking your plane
tickets to like Greece orsomething.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Yes, yeah.
He had also decided that he wastaking me to Greece and we were
planning a trip that nightactually to Greece, and he was
like going to sell his grandma'shouse and like, with the money
he was going to take us toGreece, and that's what we were
planning that exact night.
He was like going to sell hisgrandma's house and like, with
the money he was going to takeus to Greece, and that's what we
were planning that exact night.
And we had driven the Cadillacthat he had bought me to Total
(24:21):
Wine and you could tell he wasin a total manic state.
And I told him he was in amanic state and he was just on a
high, like a high, and youcould tell.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Were you comfortable, Like had you guys had just to
say, because he spoke about himbeing a bipolar or multiple
personality, had you had aconversation and felt
comfortable enough to say hey,listen, I think you're having a
manic episode.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I told him, I told Awan, and I said I think you're
manic right now.
I was like because he wasbuying like very strange things,
like a decanter and stuff, likestuff that we just didn't need,
because I was like I have needCause.
I was like I have that and he'slike no, we need this, we need
that.
Had you ever seen hismedication?
Uh, no, I.
He said he was on it and Ihadn't seen it.
And he said he was like gettinganother kind of medication and
(25:08):
I was like I don't know if he'son it, because he was definitely
having manic episodes like morefrequently.
I felt you ever see him do drugs.
I hadn't seen him do drugs, butI wouldn't be surprised if he
was, because he was just reallylike out of it and it just that
night he was on just anotherlevel.
(25:29):
So we were at Total Wine.
He was just completely,completely going crazy, trying
to buy hundreds of dollars worthof stuff, and just crazy stuff
too, even like gift bags.
It was like, oh for the gram,it was just crazy.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Sounds like somebody on drugs.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
I mean he might have been, I have no idea and so we
ended up coming back here.
We planned this whole trip toGreece and he ended up falling
back here.
We planned this whole trip toGreece and he ended up falling
asleep on my shoulder because hewas just so like manic and I
think he just got like tired.
And I ended up finding out onhis phone because it's sent like
the Greece itinerary.
It said we were planning it onGemini and he was obsessed with
(26:09):
this Gemini thing, sent it tohis phone, sent it, sent it to
his phone, sent it to his phoneand I was trying to find it on
his text messages.
And then, when I went throughhis text messages, I ended up
finding out that he was also aerotic masseuse that I didn't
know and also that he was like Idon't know, trying to like hook
up with dudes like four in themorning on a night that he
(26:32):
wanted me to come over but Ididn't.
So he was like totally cheatingon me and I was like cool, woke
him up, was like what the hellis this so back?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
up.
He falls asleep on yourshoulder.
He has no password on his phone.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, his phone was open.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I was doing the Gemini thingini thing okay, so
he had fallen asleep on yourshoulder while you were on his
phone.
Yeah, okay, that's on him.
That's his first of all.
I don't condone going into likebecause, in all honesty, I
think these days your phone isjust your phone.
There's so many things.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I'm not as good'm not a student either.
I don't do that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Right, and I'm not saying that you or I or anybody
has anything on the phone thatcould be incriminating, but
these days there's so much on myphone that could come off as
incriminating or whatnot, thatI'd rather just you ask me and I
give it to you Don't forget, hewent through my phone and
blocked a bunch of people.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
No, no, I'm not forgetting.
I haven't forgotten that at all.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Yeah, I don't know how I would have gone about that
, though I would have.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, I saw him like sucking a bunch of guys' dicks
and, you know, doing a bunch oferotic massage and everything.
It was really heartbreaking.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
And this is all between January and March, right
, oh?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
yeah, yeah.
And then he found out he was anerotic masseuse.
And you know, if he had told methat and everything, I would
have been like because I kind ofdid wonder where he got his
money and stuff I'd have beenprobably okay with it Whoa, whoa
, whoa.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Back it up.
I thought he was a personaltrainer.
When I asked you what he didfor a living, he was telling me.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Okay, so you thought he was a personal trainer, but
then out of nowhere he's doingan erotic massage.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Not that erotic massages are bad For those of
you that do that for a living,like hey, no judgment, by the
way, I'm probably one of themost sex-positive people.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Again, I probably wouldn't have cared.
And also like, by the way, like, and then during his manic
episodes, he's sitting therelike calling these guys that he
used to hook up with.
Anyway, I was just so pissed,especially after he had, like,
accused me of cheating on him.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I just was so pissed, so you wake him up after you
read the text messages.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, I wake him up.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Okay, just to clarify , you both are in your underwear
, obviously, right yeah, Likenot dressed.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, not dressed.
Trying to you know, and then,you know, I confront him about
it.
We end up talking about it forlike an hour.
He ends up just getting soangry.
At some point he was just likehis eyes were just doing this
thing that I can't explain, andI've only seen it one other time
(29:13):
.
It was when he thought Icheated on him and he went like
literally crazy, had me film avideo of him.
Then he just lost it on me andstarted beating the shit out of
me, yeah, and he ended up.
I mean it was a very long it wasabout a 45 minute situation
(29:39):
where he started in yourapartment and ended the
highlights where he basicallytook my laptop at one point, hit
me over the head multiple timesand I begged him to stop and I
thought it was going to be likea dateline special.
I thought it was.
I thought he was going tomurder.
Like a Dateline special.
I thought it was going tomurder me.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Well, he tried choking you.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
And he did choke me and I passed out at one point
and I told him you're going tokill me and I said think of your
daughter and I somehow I have avery long apartment and I
somehow made it out of myapartment and was able to fight
him off.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
So it started in the way Blaine's apartment is.
You enter in the front door,you go just a long apartment
that goes all the way to likethe floor to ceiling windows
that overlooks whatever he's onthe 16th floor.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
It started in the back of the apartment and you
made your way from it started inthe bedroom and then I ended up
going to the kitchen, which isin the back, which was not a
great idea.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
No.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And that's where the worst of it happened.
And that's when he hit me overthe head and I started bleeding
and that's when the bloodstarted coming.
He hit me with the computer andthe blood came down and that's
where he choked me.
And then that's where I wastrapped and I thought, my God,
I'm going to die here, Right.
I was like how am I going tomake it the hell out?
(30:58):
And that's where I had to fightall the way back up to the
front.
And then I got to the hallway.
I didn't even know where myphone was.
I have no idea.
I don't think I had my phonethe whole time and I ended up
getting out into my hallway andthen I was against a wall and I
just started beating at a wall,screaming for help.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
From my neighbors Was it two o'clock in the morning,
three o'clock in the morning 30in the morning.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
At this point and it was my neighbors didn't come out
.
I mean my building's kind ofbuilt like a fortress and also
like I have a feeling everybodythinks I'm crazy.
All my neighbors, by the way tothis day like, ignore me.
And then, uh, got down theelevator but he followed me and
beat me the whole time All theway down the elevator, ended up
(31:40):
attacking my concierge too.
After I was taken up bysecurity, they separated us,
took me up stairs and then heattacked my concierge and A
female that's downstairs.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Was it a male or a female?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Female concierge.
Yeah, and so he escalated afterI was even gone and the cops
were just shocked by it.
He broke like computersdownstairs, everything.
So yeah, it was just he was.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
He has some serious issues and so so at the end of
the night he gets arrested, hepressed charges, he goes to jail
.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
And that's the last you've ever you've seen of him.
That is a lot.
Yeah, well, he ended upharassing me after the fact.
Uh, he ended up, uh, contactingmy boss after that, trying to
accuse me of assault, and hecontacted a charity organization
I'm a part of trying to accuseme of assault and a bunch of
other illicit stuff.
He tried to.
So, yeah, he tried to get mefired.
And what else did he do?
Oh, he stalked me.
(32:38):
He sent somebody that he was injail with to my house to
collect the car keys and showedup and like my whole building
staff that's here like was liketerrified.
So, yeah, it was just like Iendured about another three
weeks of stalking after that.
So that was, I mean, it wasjust like I endured about
another three weeks of stalkingafter that.
So that was, I mean, it wasjust like horrific.
You know, I think the thingthat was the weirdest thing for
(33:01):
me is one you're kind of like Ifeel bad.
I understand women.
Now, after this Number one,thank God I live in this
building called the Ashton herein Dallas and thank God to the
building staff here.
They were amazing because itwas really terrifying.
Like number one, he was sendingpeople here.
He was hanging out around thebuilding and you're just kind of
(33:23):
left like to your own devices.
Like the cops that were herethat night, they were amazing, I
have to say, dpd, but thedetectives were shitty.
They did like absolutelynothing.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Well, what were they supposed to do?
He's already incarcerated, he'salready in jail.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
No, jail for like 12 hours.
Then he was out and then he washarassing me.
He had his grandma sending metexts.
He had like random peoplethreatening to sue me if I
didn't return his Apple Watchand his car and all this other
stuff.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
So all the gifts that he got you he wanted back.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
All the gifts he wanted back immediately.
By the way, it was completelyillegal.
I had an emergency protectiveorder and what he was doing was
illegal and the detectives weredoing nothing, the cops were
doing nothing and he just keptthreatening me.
I had huge text messages whichI was sending to them and they
were doing absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Well, I mean.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Like.
I said he was sending peoplethat he was in jail with to my
building and he can't have24-hour surveillance.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
No, no, exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
But my point is what he was doing was violating the
protective order and cops shouldhave gone and picked him up and
they weren't.
So I'm just saying like, ifyou're a woman, like living in a
house by yourself, like thatwould be like terrifying.
I was lucky that I'm in aprotected building and I felt
like protected.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Right, you're in a condo and it's 16 floors up Like
.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Like I felt protected , but like I see why people are
terrified of people like this,for sure, and you know, just to
be clear, like after this hashappened, he's now.
He was arrested a month afterthe fact for assaulting a
hospital worker, stalking at thesame time also stalking
somebody else and harassing awitness, and Denton.
(35:11):
And Denton, yeah, and then, andthen a month later in Kansas he
was, he was arrested again Forlike assault in the gym or
something For assault, battery,destruction of property, and
he's been in jail since then fora month and a half on $175,000
bail.
So he's literally super, duper,dangerous, like, so, like,
(35:34):
literally like.
It started with me and it justescalated and escalated.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Well, I thought you found out before he got arrested
.
He was arrested before too.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
And he was arrested before.
Well, obviously, a week beforehe assaulted me, he was arrested
.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
So, like this guy was dangerous from the beginning
and you know, like I said, hewas doing those harassing things
to me for three weeks and thecops wouldn't do anything.
I was begging them to dosomething.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Well, just think to yourself all the, all the red
flags questions that you wereasking the beginning of the game
.
None of them, like Exactly hedidn't do any of them, though
Did he Didn't do any of what thered flags that we came up with
at the beginning of the gameBeginning?
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Did he?
No, I mean he was Well, yeah, Imean he did.
I mean he did plenty of redflags, but he was charming.
He was charming, but he did.
Yeah, he had plenty of redflags.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, he had plenty of red flags.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Yeah, yeah, he did.
Then I mean, I think from a copand a criminal standpoint he
was like had tons of red flags,right, and the cops like didn't
do anything after the fact.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yeah, I mean, did you get his?
Speaker 1 (36:52):
this is a stupid question but did you get his
full legal name when you guysmet?
I actually did.
I had his driver's license andeverything because his driver's
license was expired, so I had tohelp him get a driver's license
appointment.
God, I'm such an idiot.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Hey, you wanted to talk about this.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
I know, you know I got to tell you, though I want
to say, like the people who didthe right things in this
situation, because I think therewas a lot that went good when I
went to the hospital, like Iwent to Parkland and for people
(37:24):
that don't know, like Parkland'sthe public hospital, oh yeah.
Jfk went to the originalParkland, but there's a new
Parkland but it's where the likeif you're poor and you have no
money to go.
And when I was on the there whenI was on the gurney, I was like
they were like Baylor's full,which is the private hospital,
(37:45):
and I was like, oh my God,please don't take me to Parkland
.
That's like where the homelesspeople go.
God, I have to tell you, thenurses and the doctors of
Parkland were so incredible tome.
I mean, there was this nurse,they, I you know, I'm going to
do like pictures and measureeverything and it'll help with
(38:17):
the case.
And if you don't feelcomfortable, like you don't have
to do it, I can come back.
You know, I know this is athing and it's going to take
like an hour and a half orsomething.
And I was like and you're justso tired and like out of it,
like I mean I had a majorconcussion.
You know I obviously hadfractured vertebrae and
everything, neck bruising, right.
Yeah, I mean I had.
Yeah, obviously my neck wasbruised and all this stuff.
(38:40):
And you know, it was like fiveand six in the morning.
I just was just out of it and Idid ask her to come back and
then she did, and then she'slike you know, I don't have to
and then she was just amazing.
I have to tell you they werejust complete angels.
I just really appreciateeverybody at Parkland how nice
(39:04):
they were to me and just kind.
Everybody told me not to goback to him and I was like, by
the way, do not worry, I willnot.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
You didn't right, Like this is okay.
Yeah, the way, do not worry, Iwill not.
You didn't right Like this isokay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Not even crossed my mind, but I will say I mean I do
know like a lot of people goback into abusive relationships.
I would never in a millionyears go back, not like I had
the opportunity, kept going backto jail but he never contacted
me again because he had an.
I mean there was a protectiveorder and I took every
precaution to stay away from him.
Had I mean there was aprotective order and I took
every precaution to stay awayfrom him.
(39:37):
But I mean clearly a lot ofpeople would go back, I mean,
and I was warned by everybody tonot go back.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I kind of feel like these days, a lot of people have
this fear of being alone, whichI mean I get it.
It's not fun being single.
It's not fun, you know, doingthings by yourself.
I get it, and as humans, we dorequire whatever a part of
domestic violence.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
They don't really report it and some do go back
and I've been really shocked byhow many people this has
happened to.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Well, I mean you're talking.
Your situation was physical,mental, emotional, like abuse.
This guy was a straight carnercoroner.
That you know was alsophysically.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
But I've heard a lot of guys that I've known now that
have actually been in thehospital, been beat up, that
have showed me pictures, andthen they went back to these
people.
I'm, I can't believe it.
I, I did not, I would never Um.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I just not.
I would never.
I don't know anybody that wouldtake like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I've now heard multiple stories.
I would never do it, but I haveto say like and like I said, I
had this woman, veronica, fromthe family place in Dallas.
She reached out to me and theDallas police work with them.
They reached out.
I mean, there's so many supportresources for people out there
If you are a victim of domesticabuse, so you aren't like left
(41:18):
alone, but you kind of aresometimes.
So there was a lot of stepsalong the way.
I will say the Dallasprosecutors were amazing too.
I got a five-year protectiveorder against him and she spent
I don't know an hour and a halfgoing through my story and got
him served with a five-yearprotective order, which is more
than the two years that theytypically do.
(41:38):
And he's also not allowed topost on social media about me
because that's what he was alsodoing trying to torture me.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
But you're allowed to talk about him on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Well, I'm not saying who or what, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
That's right, we did not use names, correct.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
No names, just hypotheticals.
But yeah, I have to say theprosecutor has been amazing and
it was, it's been, it was, theywere really amazing.
And I just have to say, like Ithink my heart goes out to
everybody that's been a victimof domestic abuse, because it's
just been like it was a lot.
The other thing I will say it'sreally weird how people act
(42:15):
around you after this happens.
What do you mean?
Because I think people don'tknow how to act and I do think
there's a lot of judgment.
What?
Because you I'm sorry, becauseyou got yourself into this mess.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
I mean, listen, I will say I use the term and I
was brought up this way.
If you're going to be dumb, youbetter be tough, which is why
I'm really really tough.
Yeah, because I do really dumbthings sometimes.
So I'm just glad that you'reokay and that's all that matters
to me.
Person that you are, you willtake the circumstances and
(42:54):
experience and turn it into alesson and make sure that nobody
else has to learn that lesson.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Yeah, Look, I'm not saying I'm not dumb for getting
into a bad situation and being avictim of domestic violence,
but like I would have neverexpected him to do that to me
and literally lose it.
I don't think anybody, Ishouldn't think that anybody
would expect that I don't thinkanybody does, but I think what I
do think is people need to givepeople that are in that
(43:24):
situation a little grace, and Ijust think that maybe people
just don't know how to react andthey have a hard time with it.
But I will say, for victims ofdomestic violence, I do think
there's probably a little victimblaming there.
Really I do, I just do and Idon't blame anyone for it.
(43:45):
But I do feel like maybe I feltlike a lot of people were like,
well, you kind of let it happenand, by the way, by the way, in
my situation in particular, hehad been arrested right before
and went back and then I didn'ttell anyone.
(44:07):
So I was kind of stupid and Iget it and, in all fairness to
the people in my life, like theywere really scared for me.
So I understand.
But, then it also feels likelike it's like, oh well, you
should have known better.
So it's a very complicatedthing, I think relationship wise
with your family and yourfriends Right.
(44:28):
But I will say there's likethere's certain people that,
like I know, didn't judge at all, but like I do feel like for
people that have been throughthis, I see where people feel
like very judged and I just wantto say to everybody out there,
like if you feel judged, nodon't feel I Like.
I totally understand why.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Getting physically assaulted is different than
going back to your ex and thencrying about him breaking up
with you or something over andover.
That's one thing.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I've heard people when they like, especially women
that have been insulted, saythat they feel judged.
And I understand that.
Now I've heard it and Iunderstand because, like, I felt
judged and it was like, it waslike you know, he kind of like
let that happen to him and Itotally like, yeah, I mean I
kind of put myself in thatsituation.
(45:17):
I was stupid, but I get whypeople kind of I don't look at
that at all.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
I look at the situation as in yes, there were
red flags and yes, there weresigns, Right, but nothing in
your mind was telling you thisguy is going to fucking lose it
and try to kill me with my ownlaptop or try to choke me out
Like nothing was telling youthat I'm also 6'5" and I would
(45:42):
never have thought I could nottake him in a million years, and
I just—.
So that, I think, is a scarythought, you know, because I'm
not 6'5" right and I'm 5'9 rightand I'm five nine and I'm I'm
super skinny, but like I feellike I can take on whomever
tries to like attack me.
I don't know why, right?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
yeah, I've always felt that way too, but so that
had to have been a terrifyingsituation, thinking that like
literally telling him you'regonna, you know, like I feel
like that's the scariest thingBecause you know I've traveled
all over the world and I told myfriend I'll give my friend
Whitney a shout out here becauseshe's always we've traveled
together and I always tell her,like oh, whitney, please like
(46:26):
stop being scared.
Like you know, I'm six, five.
Like I'm not, you know I'mbasically invincible.
That was the first night I knewI wasn't invincible and I knew,
like I could die.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
That was, I think, the scariest thing.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Well, yeah, without even thinking, you know I worry
about people that I don't knowwho I was talking to about this.
Was I talking to you about this?
How?
I'm afraid that, oh, no, no,buddy's ex-wife, the guy that
we're gonna have on next.
I was like listen, dude, Iwould be afraid that you would
(47:01):
fall asleep next to her if youguys got back together and she
would kill you in the middle oflike, kill you while you were
sleeping.
Like this, like the things thathis ex-wife is doing to him or
his current wife is doing to himsoon to be ex-wife makes me.
I told him I was like I fearfor your, your safety.
I feel fear for your life.
I feel like she is going tomake sure that she has a life
(47:23):
insurance policy set up.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Come home one day, make you a drink or something,
put you to sleep and then murderyou at night well, and to this
point and I think this gets intolike who you date and who you
say like even let stay over yourhouse at night, like it's crazy
.
I now think that, like who Ieven let in my home?
(47:44):
I actually now have cameras inmy house, I have a camera in the
studio, I have a camera in myliving room and I do because you
know, just in case somethinglike that ever happens again,
you know I am somewhat protectedor have it documented because,
like I'm again like notinvincible up in your sleep and
(48:18):
uh, you know I wouldn't, youwouldn't have a chance.
So, yeah, it gave me a reallybig perspective on life and and
you just gotta be a lot morecareful about people than you
think and I definitely won't beletting um people in anymore, um
, like I used to, or, you know,getting that close.
Now I will say I have starteddating again.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
But I am.
I just started dating again.
I am back on Grindr and the andsome apps and some apps.
I'm in therapy and it's beengood.
It's been good.
By the way, I have to say, thestate of Texas has a lot of
really good resources forDomestic violence.
(49:06):
Domestic violence.
Yeah, the office of Ken Paxton.
I know nobody likes Ken Paxton,but they actually do a lot.
You don't have to pay foranything and they actually told
me that at the hospital theysaid don't worry about any of
your medical bills, which thankGod, because they did a full
body CAT scan on me, full bodylike everything, head to toe,
(49:29):
which is how I found out aboutall my fractured vertebraes and
everything and, by the way, I'mfine.
Physical therapy and everything.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Plastic surgery.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
But they do cover all your medical bills.
They cover three years oftherapy.
They cover everythingRelocation services You're
allowed to move for three years.
I mean they cover literallyeverything.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
Do they pay for your moving?
I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
Relocation services.
Like everything, they cover alot.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
You told me all I needed is some dude to beat me
up.
And then I'm just kidding, I'mjust kidding, you're going to
get your ass handed to you inthe comments for this stuff.
I'm'm sorry, my sincerestapologies.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
My heart goes out to anyone that's gone through
domestic but I have to say Stateof Texas, ken Paxton's office,
and they're very responsive.
They were very quick atapproving everything for me
getting the money there.
It has been really incredible.
And then I actually work withthe Resource Center of Dallas,
which is our gay center here inDallas, and my therapist is
(50:39):
through there and they have beenamazing.
So I want to thank them as well, and my therapist, noelle.
So, anyway, that's why I'm ableto talk about all of this.
Anyway, there's a ton ofresources out there.
There's an organization calledRAIN and then, like I said, the
Family Place, and Veronica wasamazing.
They do a liaison work with theDallas Police Department.
I'll put all those resources inthe show notes.
(51:01):
What was I going to talk aboutnext?
Sorry, cut this part ofsomething.
So what are your final notes onred flags and how to prevent
them?
Speaker 2 (51:16):
I don't think red flags are preventable.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Do you Google your date?
Speaker 2 (51:21):
No, I don't.
So here's the thing assurprising as this may be, I'm a
firm advocate of love andthings like.
In a perfect world, my futurehusband or my soulmate would hit
me with his car in the gymparking lot or the parking lot
of a dog park or something likethat.
That would be, you know, myideal situation.
(51:44):
But because we're in 2025, Iknow that apps happen and social
media happens and that's howyou connect and meet people.
I think sometimes, after havinga great connection for a little
while, sometimes therelationships go sour.
I don't know.
Sometimes they go southHopefully not as south as
Blaine's relationship went butit's important to remember that
(52:09):
being patient and getting toknow someone is okay sometimes.
Yeah, of course, do yourbackground checks for certain
things.
If you see a red flag, or ifyou come across a red flag, do
your due diligence.
I don't recommend to anyonegoing into anyone else's phone.
I don't recommend that becauseI feel like that's a huge
invasion of privacy and for manyreasons.
(52:30):
I mean, your phone these daysis your, like that's your link
to your jobs.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
So it could also cause really big fights, not
like Blaine's.
But just have patience, behonest, be upfront with each
other, don't cheat on each other, unless that's something that
you guys have agreed upon orsomething I don't know.
But yeah, if you see red flags,do your due diligence, tell a
friend, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
I will say I do think love bombing is a red flag.
I do think getting into andthis is like I said I shouldn't
have gotten involved too quickly.
Again, I told myself I wouldn'tGonna work with my therapist on
this one.
Don't get into something tooquick.
I did the last time.
I did too, when I was in LA.
Didn't work out.
(53:19):
I did Google him, by the way,and there there was nothing.
Now my friends have all startedusing some app to start looking
up their phone number and doinglike little mini background
checks.
I have those, you have those.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, I have like been verified and that kind of
stuff.
Yeah, I mean.
So just to say I don't look uplike the last guy I dated.
We'll call him C.
I didn't look up his backgroundbecause he was pretty upfront
with me on his first date thathe wasn't divorced as of yet
when we went on our first dateand that was fine he had moved
(53:52):
away from his ex and he had toldme he was honest and upfront
about it.
So I think that's anotherreason why we took things very
slow.
I don't know.
But yeah, if you want to doyour background check, do your
background check and just don't.
That's like looking atsomeone's Facebook and going
through other pictures and going, oh, I don't know, I don't like
him, look at this.
I don't like him, look at this.
Give it a second.
(54:18):
You know, give people a chance.
I'm an advocate of love.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
Don't, I don't know, don't, don't judge a book by its
cover.
Okay, I mean you think you'reright.
I think, like I said, all thewarning signs for my person was
there, obviously.
And look, even my guy from WestHollywood.
I knew, you know, after a fewmonths probably Hollywood.
I knew, you know, after a fewmonths probably it wasn't going
(54:41):
to work, but I had already movedin with them after like six
weeks.
So, and yeah, I think you haveto cut them.
Cut them when you know it's badand then, uh, definitely just
see when you see those red flags, just cut them off and get done
with them.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
I mean, give us your dating advice, chime in and give
us your, your dating red flags.
What are your red flags?
What to look for, what not tolook for?
Speaker 1 (55:01):
God love to hear what they would have to say what's
your most chaotic red flagmoment?
Speaker 2 (55:07):
I want to hear people's top 10 red flags Like
where, where's your, where'syour?
All right, this is number 10.
That's it, I'm done.
I'm out Like 10 red flags, fivered flags, whatever it is.
How long do you wait until youfinally let someone go when
you're dating them and thingshaven't progressed?
Speaker 1 (55:24):
That would be great.
Well, thank you so much forjoining us today and listening
to my story and my trauma.
And you know, if you'relistening to this and you feel
trapped, scared, confused, alone, you're not.
Speaker 2 (55:40):
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (55:41):
There's always a way out and you can always get out.
So you're not crazy or weak andit's not your fault, that's a.
No, I'm just saying it's notyour fault, ever it's not your
fault and.
Speaker 2 (55:54):
It's not your fault.
Speaker 1 (55:57):
And, by the way, you're not alone, Mm-hmm.
So anyway, this has beenanother episode of Coffee with
Gaze.
Thanks for joining us.
Thanks to all the new followers.
Again, Follow Coffee with Gazefor more episodes like this one.
I want to say we actually havea lot of exciting new episodes
coming up.
We have some authors we'regoing to be interviewing the
(56:18):
queer authors that we're reallyexcited that is coming up next.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
Some straight people, straight people.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
And with some very interesting stories.
Oh yeah, and we're reallyexcited for these new format
shows of Coffee with Gay.
So thanks for joining us and welook forward to seeing you next
time.
Speaker 2 (56:34):
Thanks, guys, see you later Thanks.
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Cheers.
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