January 7, 2026 • 41 mins
The transition to second semester of college is so important – and often hidden – that we’ve decided to share this episode again. You and your student may be taken by surprise when the start of the second semester of college seems so difficult. In this episode, Vicki and Lynn explore why some students may experience the “second semester blues” and why some parents feel they need to increase their involvement. We share strategies you can use to calm your fears and help your student make the most of this fresh start.
Thank you for listening!
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_04 (00:52):
Hi everybody.
This week is an encore episode.
We're re-releasing one of ourearlier episodes, Essential, at
this time of year.
You may have missed it the firsttime around, or maybe it wasn't
relevant for you at that time.
It's about the transition to thesecond semester of college.
(01:12):
You know, everybody talks aboutthat first transition that
happens in the fall, but there'sanother transition during the
second semester, and it's alittle more hidden.
So here you go.
Because this is such animportant topic.
Here's the second semester ofcollege, a transition no one
talks about it.
(01:33):
We hope it's helpful.
SPEAKER_00 (01:49):
Whether your child is just beginning the college
admission process or is alreadyin college, this podcast is for
you.
You'll find food for thought andinformation about college and
about navigating that delicatebalance of guidance,
involvement, and knowing when toget out of the way.
Join your hosts, Vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
(02:12):
support and a celebration of theamazing experience of having a
child in college.
SPEAKER_05 (02:23):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
I'm Vicki Nelson, and I am acollege professor and a former
director of academic advising,and I have three daughters who
have all gone to college andcome out on the other side.
We've all survived.
SPEAKER_02 (02:41):
And my name's Lynn Abrahams.
I'm a learning disabilityspecialist.
I work with college students.
I am also the mom of two sons.
So between the two of us, wehave the girls and the boys
covered.
And we're here to talk aboutparenting college students.
SPEAKER_05 (03:04):
And today, very specifically, we want to talk a
little bit about the secondsemester of college.
You know, the first semester ofcollege gets a lot of press and
a lot of thinking about whatgoes on.
It's a very busy semester oftransitions, of parents
(03:24):
worrying, of parents adjustingto the empty nest, parents and
students transitioning to newroles and a new life, learning
what college is about, both fromthe student perspective and from
the parent perspective.
There's a lot to think about anda lot that goes on in that first
semester.
(03:45):
And then we come to the end ofit and we think we're all done.
And really, there are seven moresemesters for most for many
students, and sometimes evenmore than that.
SPEAKER_01 (03:57):
Sometimes more.
SPEAKER_05 (04:00):
So the path continues.
And second semester has its ownsort of nature and rhythm.
So we thought we'd talk a littlebit about that today.
You know, everyone's unique, andevery student is unique, every
parent is unique, and therelationship between students
and parents are unique.
(04:20):
But but there's a certaintimeline, there's a certain
rhythm and some universals foreverybody.
So it may take some parents bysurprise when the second
semester seems a little bitdifficult.
And we think it's important thatyou know that you're not alone.
If all of a sudden this hasreared its head and you weren't
(04:45):
expecting it, because it feelsas though this should be a
breeze now, and there's nothingto it, and that there shouldn't
be a problem.
And because of that, no onetalks about it.
Everyone talked about thetransition in the fall.
Everyone talked about the emptynest.
Everyone talked about their kidsgoing away to college.
(05:05):
And by second semester, you'resupposed to be over it all, and
no one talks about it.
But we're going to talk about ita little bit today.
We're going to change that.
Um, because there is a kind of aloss again, just as there was in
the fall, but it's a differentkind of loss this time.
And it's it's partially becausethey've, for most students,
(05:27):
they've been home for a nicelong winter break over the
holidays.
You've had them home again.
They've been back under yourroof, and you realize how much
they've changed.
We have an earlier podcast aboutwhat to expect when they come
home for break, and that longwinter break, and you might want
(05:48):
to go back and listen to those.
And you do realize that that theperson who came home at at
winter break is not the personthat went away in the fall.
And so you're much more aware ofhow much your student is
changing as time goes along.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
I I think that impacts our role too, because
sometimes we feel that we're notas needed.
Ah, yes.
Because they're going off, youknow, they're going back.
And um and we don't uh, youknow, we don't have as much of a
role to play.
Um I do remember when um myolder son went back to college
(06:26):
on the second semester, and I doremember him saying that he
found his people.
And um it felt like he was quitehappy to go back.
Um and it just reminded me thatthat's a little step in the in
the development, you know, thatyou know, our kids are going to
take those steps away, and andthat's a good thing.
SPEAKER_01 (06:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (06:48):
Um but they've never feeling that.
SPEAKER_05 (06:50):
They've lived into that independence a little bit
in that that first semester.
And uh they're they're yeah,they're going back to their
people, to their friends, and toa life that they've begun to put
together for for many of them.
SPEAKER_02 (07:05):
Yep.
Sometimes it could go the otherway too, and they could um, you
know, be very nervous aboutgoing back.
And so um so that could be alsoa pretty emotional leaving
again.
SPEAKER_05 (07:19):
And I think we're surprised by the emotion on both
sides because we thought, well,you know, there were all those
tears in September.
Uh and and now it it's routine,but it's really not too routine
yet.
SPEAKER_02 (07:32):
I think any transition can be difficult for
at least a lot of students.
SPEAKER_05 (07:36):
And you know, as we talk about this, we also have to
recognize, too, that by the endof this long winter break, we
may be very happy that they'regoing.
SPEAKER_03 (07:44):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05 (07:45):
So so don't feel left out if you're doing a
little happy dance because it'stime for your student to go back
to school.
Right.
That's very normal too.
Um and it's this mix that'sthat's I sometimes so difficult.
Um and it's it's uh aninteresting time for students
too, and I I think it'simportant that we keep that in
(08:06):
mind that uh some studentsexperience a little bit of what
we sometimes call the secondsemester blues.
It's it's a a little bitdifficult, and really when you
think about it, it it's anatural reaction.
Uh it's winter, and in manyplaces in the country, that
(08:28):
means it's cold and it's dark,and uh you know, you don't see
the sunlight that much.
It's kind of hard to getenthusiastic about a lot.
You had this wonderful breakthat included holidays and
family and relaxing time, andthat's over.
We all experience that thatpost-holiday slump a little bit
(08:50):
once all of the celebration andexcitement is over.
So that long break waswonderful.
Uh, I mean, how many of us liketo go back to work on Monday
morning after we've had a longweekend?
Right.
Um, and also the novelty of thecollege experience is worn off.
They they students know the hardwork that's ahead of them, that
(09:11):
it it's not all fresh and newand uh celebration, it's now
just this move along to the tothe next step.
And and the idea that summervacation and May just seems a
lifetime away.
It seems like a long time untilthey're going to get a break.
So often both students and theirparents are taken by surprise
(09:36):
that that there's a lot goingon.
Uh and and so then we then wepanic a little bit because we
haven't heard about this before.
Whereas we worried about thatempty nest, but we knew that was
coming.
Um and so what we one of thethings that we can really do is
help our students to understandthat what they're feeling,
(09:56):
whatever it is, is completelynormal.
Uh and that other peopleprobably are experiencing it
too, maybe not talking about it,but feeling it, and that it it
does usually pass and they comeout on the other side.
SPEAKER_02 (10:11):
You know, some of the students um who I work with
um feel very proud of finishingthat first semester and feel um,
you know, thrilled that they cando it.
I mean, I often tell my studentsthat the goal of their first
semester is to end the semesterknowing they can do college.
(10:34):
Um and so they're excited to goback.
They might be very excited aboutgoing back.
So, you know, that's anotherone.
SPEAKER_05 (10:42):
As opposed to that uncertainty in the fall of can I
do it?
What's it going to be like?
And now, yes, I can do it.
I want to go do it again.
Yep.
And uh that uh sense of ofaccomplishment spurs them
forward.
Um so there are lots of specificthings, um, you know, just just
(11:03):
to think quickly about some ofthe things that might be causing
concern to students aboutreturning.
Um the it's it's a return toreality.
It you know, we I'm going to goback and I know there's going to
be a routine, I'm going to haveresponsibilities, I'm going to
have early morning classes, I'mgoing to have lots of work.
It's the same feeling thatreally that we all feel at the
(11:26):
end of a vacation when it's timeto go back to work.
As much as I love my job, uh, II there's a return to reality
that happens there.
Um, perhaps the optimism of newresolutions have already worn
off.
You know, we make those NewYear's resolutions, and some of
us make it through a week or twobefore we aren't keeping up with
(11:48):
our resolutions, so there may bethat.
Um and and there's really nofanfare this time.
It's just, you know, go.
Um there isn't a big welcomeweek and celebrations and a
convocation.
Really, the honeymoon is over,and now it's just down to doing
what you need to do.
SPEAKER_02 (12:04):
And sometimes students walk right into that
situation, you know, knowingwhat the workload's going to be,
what the situation is going tofeel like.
Um, but a lot depends on how thefirst semester went.
SPEAKER_03 (12:16):
Ah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (12:17):
Um, and um, you know, if it wasn't such a great
first semester, um, you know,students are concerned and
wondering how they can um, youknow, turn things around, how
they can um, you know, dig outof or or not feel as
intimidated, you know, by beingin college.
SPEAKER_05 (12:39):
Um that might be um we might, as parents, we might
add to that a little bit, maybeunknowingly, because if the
first semester didn't go verywell, we might have spent some
time over winter break havingsome conversations with our
student, which is a good thing.
But now there's a little addedpressure.
I expect you to do better thissemester.
(13:01):
I expect you to turn thingsaround, and so uh there's a
little more hanging over yourhead uh in that way.
Um, some students may beexperiencing some second
thoughts about their major.
Uh they they came in the fallsaying, This is what I want to
do, and perhaps and hopefullytook a class in that subject,
(13:25):
and now they're having secondthoughts.
And so this thing that I allthrough high school said, This
is what I want to do, isn'tright, but I haven't found a new
passion yet.
SPEAKER_02 (13:38):
So that um and sometimes that could be a good
sometimes that's a good thing.
Yeah, because um, you know, it'sit's a whole lot better to do
that questioning after the firstsemester than it is when you
grab after you graduate, youknow.
SPEAKER_05 (13:53):
Right.
Going into senior year anddeciding you hate your major is
a little bit tough.
Yeah.
Um, but it really does make itfeel like this is a moment of
decision.
And and it's hard, I think, forstudents to hit pause a little
bit and say, okay, that major'snot right, but I don't know yet
what is, and it's okay if I'm uhin between for a semester.
(14:14):
So it feels like, okay, uh I Ineed to make a decision.
And and another thing for manystudents is even at middle of
this first year, they may havesome friends who are not going
to be returning in the spring uhthat either decided that college
is not right, I wasn't ready, Ineed a break, and so they're not
(14:37):
going to be coming back, or whohave perhaps transferred to
another college, or just failedout.
Uh, for whatever reason, some ofthe people that that they were
close to in the in the fall arenot going to be coming back, and
and it feels a little bit at aloss.
Uh and and even some friends whoare coming back, student may be
(15:00):
thinking a little bit more uhthoughtfully about their choice
of friends.
Uh it may be time to move awayfrom those friends of
convenience from the firstsemester of the people who just
happened to live down the hallor were in this class, and you
know, maybe beginning to think,I need to think a little bit
(15:22):
more about who my social circleand and friends are.
SPEAKER_02 (15:26):
I think that's a really common thing that a lot
of students make immediatefriends when they get to college
and then um and then realizewhen they come back for that
second semester that that maynot be where they what they
want.
Um, and they may also be gettingmore involved in um, you know,
their major or they want toconnect with people who have
(15:48):
more similar interests and youknow, want to make some shifts.
And sometimes that's a reallygood thing.
SPEAKER_05 (15:52):
Yeah, yeah.
But the at the beginning offirst semester, uh, one of the
major concerns so many studentshave is will I have any friends?
Right.
And so anyone that they can sortof grab and and connect with it
works, but then as time goesalong, you begin to question
that a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (16:12):
I think that's one of the biggest sh um changes in
the second semester.
The first semester was a lotabout survival.
Yeah you know surviving it.
Yes.
And then the second semesterchanges can occur.
SPEAKER_05 (16:25):
Yeah, yeah.
Time to settle down and andrethink.
SPEAKER_02 (16:28):
Um and I think also um, you know, the coming back
from winter winter break andthat could could have been a
time of some shifting changeswith home relationships.
You know, um I think sometimeswhen people go away and then
they come back, some of theirrelationships change.
(16:51):
So either a romanticrelationship might split up, or
it might be that old friendsdon't quite feel like that's
where you know.
SPEAKER_05 (17:01):
That connection isn't quite there.
SPEAKER_02 (17:04):
So that could, you know, that could also happen.
Um and then of course there'sbeing home and hearing everyone
else's stories and hearing howgreat life is for everyone else.
That could be, you know, youknow, the the grass is always
greener everywhere else.
SPEAKER_05 (17:22):
And um so between being home and also social media
definitely feeds that thatpeople are posting the pictures
and the stories of everythingwonderful.
And it does always seem asthough, wow, everyone everywhere
else is having such a good time.
Why am I just having to work sohard or work so hard to find
(17:42):
friends or or something?
SPEAKER_02 (17:44):
And I think that um that means that sometimes this
is the time that students willtalk about transferring.
And I think that's a part of theit's often part of the process
of settling into college to talkabout transferring because it's
uh sort of thinking through,gee, I can go somewhere else.
(18:05):
Um and then often they theychoose to be where they are
after thinking that through.
Um and um sometimes that's notsomething to be afraid of.
I mean, I think as parents,sometimes we're we're get very
nervous when our students say,uh-oh, they're they've only been
in school for one semester andthey're thinking about
transferring.
And it's just not unusual at allfor students to think that
(18:29):
through.
It doesn't mean they're actuallygoing to leave.
SPEAKER_05 (18:31):
But just knowing that you have options helps you
make feel feel as thoughdeciding to stay, which many
students do, most students do,but the decision to stay becomes
an affirmative decision of achoice to do that.
So, in a lot of ways, with allof these things going on, second
(18:54):
semester, it it it really is amuch more thoughtful return to
college than that first one.
Students know what to expect.
Um, some of those are wonderfuland some of those are, you know,
reality difficult.
Um, and and they have some mixedfeelings.
Um, but everyone expects you tobe settled in, and you may not
(19:19):
feel that way.
So there's a little bit of adisconnect in in that way, um,
which is part of what oftencauses parents to worry.
There's this interestingphenomenon that happens that
often parents' involvementactually increases during
students' second semester ofcollege.
(19:40):
Um, and and really, when youthink about all the things we
just talked about, that's whatparents are seeing, that's what
parents are hearing.
Um, there were those goodexperiences in the fall and not
so good.
So we have lots of reasons toworry a little bit more and to
perhaps want to now step in alittle more than maybe we
(20:03):
should.
Um because we recognize that ourstudent is experiencing some of
those second semester blues.
Or maybe grades weren't verygood in the fall, and there were
other issues.
There, you know, there mighthave been social issues, there
might have been behavioralissues, and we say, okay, now we
(20:24):
see what college is like.
Um, will this continue?
We we want to step in.
Or maybe grades were great inthe fall, and we want to make
sure our student is able tomaintain those grades, and we're
worried about whether they'll beable to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (20:40):
You know, another thing that happens second
semester is spring break.
Uh-huh.
Which can be well can be a crazytime, or you know, it depends.
Some sometimes, you know.
You know, that's when our kidswant to go take a trip or take,
you know, go places that wheretraditional college students go
(21:01):
to do their party thing.
So it, you know, it's springbreak can can be uh And not all
spring about that sometimes butbut it's legend.
SPEAKER_05 (21:10):
Right.
And so as parents, we've heardabout it and and seen it in the
movies and uh and all.
And so we worry what is what ismy student going to want to do
for spring break?
And the reality is many studentsjust go home, or many students
do an alternative spring breakactivity where they go off with
a group and they go build housesfor habitat, or there are all
(21:33):
sorts of things that studentsdo, but there is this little
looming thing of spring breakthat can cause parents to worry
a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (21:43):
Um, and so if you find yourself getting more
involved in the second semester,you know, it's probably a good
time to stop and think throughwhat's going on and why you feel
that way.
Um so, you know, and part of itmight just be that um your
(22:03):
students um, you know, vent toyou and you've heard all the the
difficult times, you know, butkeep in mind, remember that
you're the one who gets the themost difficult stories.
I mean, you're the safe place.
And so when students need tovent, you're the one that
(22:23):
they're gonna go to.
So it's a good thing to keepthat in mind and keep some
perspective because becauseyou're the safe place.
SPEAKER_05 (22:33):
It really is almost a two-sided thing.
You know, what students put outvery often on social media, um
on their Instagram and whateverelse they're doing these days,
um, is all the wonderful.
Right.
And then what they come homeoften with for their parents are
is the venting about the thingsthat are not going so well,
(22:56):
about classes and professors andthese requirements and the dorms
and the food and the lack ofsocial life or too much social
life, and you know, you we beginto wonder how students could
possibly survive.
So there's lots that that's onour mind as we're we're sending
(23:17):
our students off and and thatcauses us to want to get a
little more bit more involvedperhaps during that second
semester, and and we need tothink carefully.
Sometimes it's probablyappropriate, um, but sometimes
we we just want to think aboutokay, why why am I feeling this?
Because no one's talking aboutthis second semester.
(23:40):
Um but what we also can keep inmind and and keep reminding our
students of is that this is afresh start.
Yes.
Uh the second semester is you'reat the same place m most of the
time, but it's new classes, newprofessors, maybe some new
(24:03):
friends, uh learning whathappened well and not so well in
the first semester, and nowbeing able to put that into
practice.
So it is a a new beginning anddoesn't need to be more of the
same.
And and students need to beprepared for those mixed
(24:25):
feelings, as do we, both parentsand and students.
Um, and break has its ownstress.
So it may be, it may feel verygood to return, not only for
parents who are ready to havetheir students out of house,
perhaps, but also that studentssay, okay, you know, now it's
time to get back into my normalroutine.
(24:48):
And uh a little wiser than I wasin the fall.
SPEAKER_02 (24:52):
And it always feels good to have a fresh start.
I have to say, one of the thingsI love about working in a
college environment is thatfeeling that every semester
begins new.
SPEAKER_03 (25:03):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (25:03):
And every semester um is a brand new start, and new
wonderful things can happen.
And yet we're basing, we'rewe're leaning on the experience
we have from that last semester.
So students are coming back, um,you know, having gone through um
the rhythm of one semester, andso they know more about what's
(25:29):
expected of them.
Yeah.
And often they're, you know, notas overwhelmed.
Um, they know a little bit moreabout how the social and the
academic pieces mesh together.
Um, they can build on some ofthat, you know, confidence.
Again, I've had a lot ofstudents who were so thrilled
(25:49):
that they've made it throughthat first semester and feeling
so good that they want to takethat next step forward, whatever
that may be.
SPEAKER_05 (25:58):
They really gain a lot of college knowledge during
during that first semester.
And that can give them that cangive them confidence, even if
the knowledge is now I know whatdoesn't work and I know what not
to do.
And and that can make all thedifference in it in how you
approach what you do in thatsecond semester.
SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
It is a good time to start thinking about getting in
more involved in the community.
Often students spend their firstsemester again surviving and
making sure they can do it.
And then the next semester is atime to get involved, you know,
get get involved in clubs, getinvolved in the in the
community, in the in the studentgovernment or you know,
(26:41):
whatever, um wherever they feellike they they fit.
SPEAKER_05 (26:45):
Um so many students when they come in September
first semester say, you know,I'm not going to I'm not going
to join any activities.
I just want to focus on my on mystudying.
Right.
And and that's a a great goal,but being involved in the campus
community, uh actually, youknow, students who who do things
(27:06):
like participate inextracurricular activities and
clubs, and even who have a asmall job on campus academically
do better.
Yep.
They they they need to be alittle more focused and and and
it's a good it's a good thing.
And second semester is a greattime to start to to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:27):
Um I have some students who um, you know, I've
spent time working with withthem around how to approach
their academics and how to use,for example, using technology to
help um help them with theiracademics.
And I have students who thefirst semester don't want to try
anything new and don't want todo, you know, uh try these these
(27:51):
new ways, um, but by secondsemester they're ready to roll.
And so they're getting theirbooks, you know, audio, audio
version, or they're deciding toum approach note-taking in a
different way, or or or somekind of try some kind of new
strategy.
SPEAKER_05 (28:07):
They can focus on one or two new things because
they've got some other thingsunder control and they they know
that they can do it.
Uh and and being involved in thecommunity also changes the way
you view your experience.
I think, particularly forperhaps some of those students
who were thinking about atransfer.
(28:29):
And as we said earlier, that'sit's not atypical.
Uh, a lot of students start tothink about transferring, and
those are some importantconversations.
I think, you know, we have awhole podcast we can do on
transferring and thinking aboutthat.
Um and they those studentsreally need to think carefully
(28:52):
about those options and whetherthat's really what they want to
do.
But sometimes just knowingyou're thinking about it opens
you up to enjoying yourexperience a little bit more.
I know we've mentioned on anearlier podcast about uh Harlan
Cohen's book, um, The NakedRoommate, and uh there's a whole
(29:14):
story in the title of that one.
We'll we we'll put a link to itin the show notes.
Uh but he talks about during hisfirst year deciding at mid-year
that he wanted to transfer.
And what just knowing he hadmade that decision opened up his
experience in the secondsemester.
(29:34):
The pressure was off, and he hada wonderful second semester.
At the same school.
At the same school, yes, justbecause the pressure was off.
I think he ended up actuallytransferring.
I think he did.
But I've talked to so manystudents uh who are juniors and
seniors and say, I thought aboutit and I am so glad I didn't
transfer, but just, you know,instead chose to participate in
(30:00):
more on campus.
So it it seems a littlecontradictory.
I'm thinking about leaving, butI want to do more, but it's a
way to really decide whether thecommunity is right for you, and
to set some goals for thesemester.
Here's what I want to do, andhere's what I hope to
accomplish, and maybe some ofthat is around some of those
extracurriculars.
(30:21):
So we've talked a little bit,well, we've talked a lot, I
guess, about a lot of the bigideas and the theoretical things
about why students might behaving mixed feelings, why
parents have mixed feelings andmay want to get more involved.
Um I think we it might makesense to go through a little bit
of some strategies, some whatare some things that parents can
(30:46):
actually do both to calm theirown fears and and and to help
their student at the same time.
Real kind of action plan.
And and so one of the thingsthat we've talked about is you
know, this is a time to listen alot.
(31:06):
And uh that doesn't mean thatyou need to have an answer or a
solution to everything, but justreally listen to your student
and hear what they have to say.
SPEAKER_02 (31:18):
And remind them that um, you know, that concerns are
pretty common the secondsemester.
Um they're not alone, and that'spart of what happens.
Um it might be a good time totake a look at, you know, your
own expectations um for yourstudent.
(31:40):
Um are they realistic?
Are you expecting um too muchfrom your students too quickly?
Um are you, you know, how whatare you expecting?
And remembering that this is ahuge transition um from high
school to college.
SPEAKER_05 (31:58):
Um it's still continuing.
And it's it's not something thathappens in the first couple of
weeks and then they're done.
SPEAKER_02 (32:04):
And every semester holds its own special little
challenges.
Um so yes, uh every semester.
So but but think about what youknow how you're supporting your
student.
Um this might be a wonderfultime um to connect with other
parents, um, either online or inperson.
Um talking to other people canbe um really um soothing and
(32:28):
calming and informative.
SPEAKER_01 (32:31):
Informative.
You get information too.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So that this could be a greattime to do that.
SPEAKER_05 (32:38):
And it's it's also a good time to perhaps hold back
from calling or texting yourstudent more than you have in
the past.
I think especially if there weresome issues in the fall
semester, uh, you know, wantingto perhaps stay in closer
contact, but um, giving themthat space uh is really the
(33:03):
beginning of that process ofshowing your student that they
can handle things and that youbelieve that they can handle
things and not to not to jump intoo much.
Um I think it also helps toremember as we as they're
getting ready to go and we'refeeling this concern that often
(33:24):
it's the leaving that's thehardest, uh that moment of
leaving.
I mean, think about you knowdropping them off in the in the
fall, and it's it's that whenyou have to turn and walk away,
or your student turns and walkaway walks away.
Or I remember dropping my mykids off at daycare and and
nursery school, and it was thatmoment of leaving that was the
(33:47):
hardest.
And sometimes, you know, theywere crying, crying, and then I
sat in the car and cried, andthen I called, and they the
daycare provider said, Oh,they're fine.
You know, two minutes after youleft, they were they were fine,
they moved on.
So, you know, we feel thosetugs, but remembering that um,
you know, it's that moment whenwhen they go after after break.
(34:10):
And one of the things that youcan do is to send them a you
know an absolutely wonderfulwelcome back to college care
package that it it gets therewithin the first couple of days
of them being back.
And just just that's a way ofreaching out and being involved
and and and just sending them amessage.
SPEAKER_02 (34:30):
And again, remember that our role is to be um in the
background, um, to to you know,listen, point our students
towards resources.
It's not our job to call theresources to call you know the
school.
It's our job to say to our kids,gee, if you're struggling, maybe
you could go here or go, youknow, talk talk to other people.
(34:54):
Um so our role is, you know, onthe back, um supporting them, um
helping them to create um somegoals and some action plans, um,
so that they have sort of amomentum, they can make this
semester move.
(35:14):
Um you know, if it's it'simportant to talk about last
semester again and learn frommistakes, learn from areas of
difficulty, learn from um, youknow, whatever happened.
Um, for some students, um, itmay be some challenges with
academics.
For some students, it may bechallenges um living in
(35:38):
residence halls, living with aroommate, um, the social piece.
Um, it's really good to have youknow talk honestly about some of
those things that have happened.
SPEAKER_05 (35:50):
Yeah, and I think uh reminding them again and again
that it's a fresh start.
Yes.
Uh and to take advantage of allof these things.
I think some students feelperhaps that they're they're
afraid to ask for help now inthe second semester because
they're supposed to know it allby now.
(36:12):
And, you know, it's one thing inin the middle of September when
I was brand new, if I needed toask where to find the advising
office or or where I could get atutor, but I shouldn't be asking
those things by January andreminding them that it's still
part of that learning curve.
Um and maybe, you know, justencouraging your student to plan
(36:34):
some new things, to do somethings differently this
semester, uh, whether that's newactivities or new ways of doing
things, uh just try somethingnew, shake it up.
It's middle of winter, you know,do do something that's a little
bit different.
Um, but not to make any majordecisions right now.
That that time when you first goback in the second semester may
(36:55):
not be the time to make a finaldecision about um perhaps about
changing your major or abouttransferring, you know, just
give it some time to settle intothat second semester a little
bit.
Um, maybe getting an on-campusjob if the if they haven't had
an on-campus job.
Not only because it's a littlebit of extra cash, which every
(37:18):
good student loves, but alsoit's a way to connect with
people on campus and get to knowpeople and get to know how
things work on on the campus,and that that's a good thing.
Um but if it's winter and it itis there are all of these things
going on, and if your student isreally seriously unhappy to
(37:42):
encourage them to take advantageof counseling.
Uh uh every school hascounseling centers.
And the people who work in thecollege counseling centers are
used to the rhythm of collegelife, and they're used to the
kinds of issues that collegestudents deal with, and so
(38:02):
they're really equipped to talkwith students and and help them.
So encouraging your student totake advantage of those sorts of
things.
So there are some things asparents that we could do to
actually feel as though we'rewe're taking some action.
Um, but all you know also toremember that there are some
wonderful things.
(38:23):
We've we've we've talked aboutall of these concerns, um, but
there's some wonderful thingsabout that that second semester.
That that newness of of classesand professors and uh ways of
doing things is is all brandnew.
Uh the fact that that studentsare returning with all of that
college knowledge that they'vegotten in the first semester,
(38:45):
they know how now to survive andto thrive a little more in their
college experience.
SPEAKER_02 (38:52):
And they know some of the mistakes that are common
to make and how to make changesto avoid them.
Um so this is uh it's awonderful new beginning to um to
redo some things if they needto.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (39:06):
Um build build on everything from that first
semester.
So this is a different kind ofgoodbye uh at the end of winter
break as your student returnsfor second semester.
And it may seem a little bitanticlimactic.
Um, it's not that high drama biggoodbye that uh that happens in
(39:30):
the fall when you first dropyour student off.
Um it's a kind of a send-offthat is a little more informed,
a little more considered, um,you know, and in some ways it's
a little more poignant.
There's a there's a there's thatemotional thing that's going on.
Um, but it's another opportunityto savor that moment um and
(39:52):
recognize it as just anotherstep along in that that long
journey that that continues.
SPEAKER_01 (39:59):
Yeah, each step is a step forward.
SPEAKER_05 (40:02):
Yes, yeah.
Sometimes there's a stepbackwards and then another step
forward, but it's all movingtoward that finish line of
commencement there.
So we hope that you found someuseful information here, and we
hope that you want to join usfor some future conversations.
Uh if you do, please subscribeto the podcast wherever you
(40:26):
listen to podcasts and spreadthe word.
Share it with some friends, andum maybe they'll listen and then
you will have some things incommon that you can talk about.
Um visit the College ParentCentral website for uh more
articles related to these topicsand some show notes.
We'll list uh some of the booksthat we talk about or some of
(40:49):
those things there.
And uh we hope.
You'll continue to join us, sotill next time.
Bye bye.
Hi everybody.
This week is an encore episode.
We're re-releasing one of ourearlier episodes, Essential, at
this time of year.
You may have missed it the firsttime around, or maybe it wasn't
relevant for you at that time.
It's about the transition to thesecond semester of college.
(01:12):
You know, everybody talks aboutthat first transition that
happens in the fall, but there'sanother transition during the
second semester, and it's alittle more hidden.
So here you go.
Because this is such animportant topic.
Here's the second semester ofcollege, a transition no one
talks about it.
(01:33):
We hope it's helpful.
SPEAKER_00 (01:49):
Whether your child is just beginning the college
admission process or is alreadyin college, this podcast is for
you.
You'll find food for thought andinformation about college and
about navigating that delicatebalance of guidance,
involvement, and knowing when toget out of the way.
Join your hosts, Vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
(02:12):
support and a celebration of theamazing experience of having a
child in college.
SPEAKER_05 (02:23):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
I'm Vicki Nelson, and I am acollege professor and a former
director of academic advising,and I have three daughters who
have all gone to college andcome out on the other side.
We've all survived.
SPEAKER_02 (02:41):
And my name's Lynn Abrahams.
I'm a learning disabilityspecialist.
I work with college students.
I am also the mom of two sons.
So between the two of us, wehave the girls and the boys
covered.
And we're here to talk aboutparenting college students.
SPEAKER_05 (03:04):
And today, very specifically, we want to talk a
little bit about the secondsemester of college.
You know, the first semester ofcollege gets a lot of press and
a lot of thinking about whatgoes on.
It's a very busy semester oftransitions, of parents
(03:24):
worrying, of parents adjustingto the empty nest, parents and
students transitioning to newroles and a new life, learning
what college is about, both fromthe student perspective and from
the parent perspective.
There's a lot to think about anda lot that goes on in that first
semester.
(03:45):
And then we come to the end ofit and we think we're all done.
And really, there are seven moresemesters for most for many
students, and sometimes evenmore than that.
SPEAKER_01 (03:57):
Sometimes more.
SPEAKER_05 (04:00):
So the path continues.
And second semester has its ownsort of nature and rhythm.
So we thought we'd talk a littlebit about that today.
You know, everyone's unique, andevery student is unique, every
parent is unique, and therelationship between students
and parents are unique.
(04:20):
But but there's a certaintimeline, there's a certain
rhythm and some universals foreverybody.
So it may take some parents bysurprise when the second
semester seems a little bitdifficult.
And we think it's important thatyou know that you're not alone.
If all of a sudden this hasreared its head and you weren't
(04:45):
expecting it, because it feelsas though this should be a
breeze now, and there's nothingto it, and that there shouldn't
be a problem.
And because of that, no onetalks about it.
Everyone talked about thetransition in the fall.
Everyone talked about the emptynest.
Everyone talked about their kidsgoing away to college.
(05:05):
And by second semester, you'resupposed to be over it all, and
no one talks about it.
But we're going to talk about ita little bit today.
We're going to change that.
Um, because there is a kind of aloss again, just as there was in
the fall, but it's a differentkind of loss this time.
And it's it's partially becausethey've, for most students,
(05:27):
they've been home for a nicelong winter break over the
holidays.
You've had them home again.
They've been back under yourroof, and you realize how much
they've changed.
We have an earlier podcast aboutwhat to expect when they come
home for break, and that longwinter break, and you might want
(05:48):
to go back and listen to those.
And you do realize that that theperson who came home at at
winter break is not the personthat went away in the fall.
And so you're much more aware ofhow much your student is
changing as time goes along.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
I I think that impacts our role too, because
sometimes we feel that we're notas needed.
Ah, yes.
Because they're going off, youknow, they're going back.
And um and we don't uh, youknow, we don't have as much of a
role to play.
Um I do remember when um myolder son went back to college
(06:26):
on the second semester, and I doremember him saying that he
found his people.
And um it felt like he was quitehappy to go back.
Um and it just reminded me thatthat's a little step in the in
the development, you know, thatyou know, our kids are going to
take those steps away, and andthat's a good thing.
SPEAKER_01 (06:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (06:48):
Um but they've never feeling that.
SPEAKER_05 (06:50):
They've lived into that independence a little bit
in that that first semester.
And uh they're they're yeah,they're going back to their
people, to their friends, and toa life that they've begun to put
together for for many of them.
SPEAKER_02 (07:05):
Yep.
Sometimes it could go the otherway too, and they could um, you
know, be very nervous aboutgoing back.
And so um so that could be alsoa pretty emotional leaving
again.
SPEAKER_05 (07:19):
And I think we're surprised by the emotion on both
sides because we thought, well,you know, there were all those
tears in September.
Uh and and now it it's routine,but it's really not too routine
yet.
SPEAKER_02 (07:32):
I think any transition can be difficult for
at least a lot of students.
SPEAKER_05 (07:36):
And you know, as we talk about this, we also have to
recognize, too, that by the endof this long winter break, we
may be very happy that they'regoing.
SPEAKER_03 (07:44):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05 (07:45):
So so don't feel left out if you're doing a
little happy dance because it'stime for your student to go back
to school.
Right.
That's very normal too.
Um and it's this mix that'sthat's I sometimes so difficult.
Um and it's it's uh aninteresting time for students
too, and I I think it'simportant that we keep that in
(08:06):
mind that uh some studentsexperience a little bit of what
we sometimes call the secondsemester blues.
It's it's a a little bitdifficult, and really when you
think about it, it it's anatural reaction.
Uh it's winter, and in manyplaces in the country, that
(08:28):
means it's cold and it's dark,and uh you know, you don't see
the sunlight that much.
It's kind of hard to getenthusiastic about a lot.
You had this wonderful breakthat included holidays and
family and relaxing time, andthat's over.
We all experience that thatpost-holiday slump a little bit
(08:50):
once all of the celebration andexcitement is over.
So that long break waswonderful.
Uh, I mean, how many of us liketo go back to work on Monday
morning after we've had a longweekend?
Right.
Um, and also the novelty of thecollege experience is worn off.
They they students know the hardwork that's ahead of them, that
(09:11):
it it's not all fresh and newand uh celebration, it's now
just this move along to the tothe next step.
And and the idea that summervacation and May just seems a
lifetime away.
It seems like a long time untilthey're going to get a break.
So often both students and theirparents are taken by surprise
(09:36):
that that there's a lot goingon.
Uh and and so then we then wepanic a little bit because we
haven't heard about this before.
Whereas we worried about thatempty nest, but we knew that was
coming.
Um and so what we one of thethings that we can really do is
help our students to understandthat what they're feeling,
(09:56):
whatever it is, is completelynormal.
Uh and that other peopleprobably are experiencing it
too, maybe not talking about it,but feeling it, and that it it
does usually pass and they comeout on the other side.
SPEAKER_02 (10:11):
You know, some of the students um who I work with
um feel very proud of finishingthat first semester and feel um,
you know, thrilled that they cando it.
I mean, I often tell my studentsthat the goal of their first
semester is to end the semesterknowing they can do college.
(10:34):
Um and so they're excited to goback.
They might be very excited aboutgoing back.
So, you know, that's anotherone.
SPEAKER_05 (10:42):
As opposed to that uncertainty in the fall of can I
do it?
What's it going to be like?
And now, yes, I can do it.
I want to go do it again.
Yep.
And uh that uh sense of ofaccomplishment spurs them
forward.
Um so there are lots of specificthings, um, you know, just just
(11:03):
to think quickly about some ofthe things that might be causing
concern to students aboutreturning.
Um the it's it's a return toreality.
It you know, we I'm going to goback and I know there's going to
be a routine, I'm going to haveresponsibilities, I'm going to
have early morning classes, I'mgoing to have lots of work.
It's the same feeling thatreally that we all feel at the
(11:26):
end of a vacation when it's timeto go back to work.
As much as I love my job, uh, II there's a return to reality
that happens there.
Um, perhaps the optimism of newresolutions have already worn
off.
You know, we make those NewYear's resolutions, and some of
us make it through a week or twobefore we aren't keeping up with
(11:48):
our resolutions, so there may bethat.
Um and and there's really nofanfare this time.
It's just, you know, go.
Um there isn't a big welcomeweek and celebrations and a
convocation.
Really, the honeymoon is over,and now it's just down to doing
what you need to do.
SPEAKER_02 (12:04):
And sometimes students walk right into that
situation, you know, knowingwhat the workload's going to be,
what the situation is going tofeel like.
Um, but a lot depends on how thefirst semester went.
SPEAKER_03 (12:16):
Ah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (12:17):
Um, and um, you know, if it wasn't such a great
first semester, um, you know,students are concerned and
wondering how they can um, youknow, turn things around, how
they can um, you know, dig outof or or not feel as
intimidated, you know, by beingin college.
SPEAKER_05 (12:39):
Um that might be um we might, as parents, we might
add to that a little bit, maybeunknowingly, because if the
first semester didn't go verywell, we might have spent some
time over winter break havingsome conversations with our
student, which is a good thing.
But now there's a little addedpressure.
I expect you to do better thissemester.
(13:01):
I expect you to turn thingsaround, and so uh there's a
little more hanging over yourhead uh in that way.
Um, some students may beexperiencing some second
thoughts about their major.
Uh they they came in the fallsaying, This is what I want to
do, and perhaps and hopefullytook a class in that subject,
(13:25):
and now they're having secondthoughts.
And so this thing that I allthrough high school said, This
is what I want to do, isn'tright, but I haven't found a new
passion yet.
SPEAKER_02 (13:38):
So that um and sometimes that could be a good
sometimes that's a good thing.
Yeah, because um, you know, it'sit's a whole lot better to do
that questioning after the firstsemester than it is when you
grab after you graduate, youknow.
SPEAKER_05 (13:53):
Right.
Going into senior year anddeciding you hate your major is
a little bit tough.
Yeah.
Um, but it really does make itfeel like this is a moment of
decision.
And and it's hard, I think, forstudents to hit pause a little
bit and say, okay, that major'snot right, but I don't know yet
what is, and it's okay if I'm uhin between for a semester.
(14:14):
So it feels like, okay, uh I Ineed to make a decision.
And and another thing for manystudents is even at middle of
this first year, they may havesome friends who are not going
to be returning in the spring uhthat either decided that college
is not right, I wasn't ready, Ineed a break, and so they're not
(14:37):
going to be coming back, or whohave perhaps transferred to
another college, or just failedout.
Uh, for whatever reason, some ofthe people that that they were
close to in the in the fall arenot going to be coming back, and
and it feels a little bit at aloss.
Uh and and even some friends whoare coming back, student may be
(15:00):
thinking a little bit more uhthoughtfully about their choice
of friends.
Uh it may be time to move awayfrom those friends of
convenience from the firstsemester of the people who just
happened to live down the hallor were in this class, and you
know, maybe beginning to think,I need to think a little bit
(15:22):
more about who my social circleand and friends are.
SPEAKER_02 (15:26):
I think that's a really common thing that a lot
of students make immediatefriends when they get to college
and then um and then realizewhen they come back for that
second semester that that maynot be where they what they
want.
Um, and they may also be gettingmore involved in um, you know,
their major or they want toconnect with people who have
(15:48):
more similar interests and youknow, want to make some shifts.
And sometimes that's a reallygood thing.
SPEAKER_05 (15:52):
Yeah, yeah.
But the at the beginning offirst semester, uh, one of the
major concerns so many studentshave is will I have any friends?
Right.
And so anyone that they can sortof grab and and connect with it
works, but then as time goesalong, you begin to question
that a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (16:12):
I think that's one of the biggest sh um changes in
the second semester.
The first semester was a lotabout survival.
Yeah you know surviving it.
Yes.
And then the second semesterchanges can occur.
SPEAKER_05 (16:25):
Yeah, yeah.
Time to settle down and andrethink.
SPEAKER_02 (16:28):
Um and I think also um, you know, the coming back
from winter winter break andthat could could have been a
time of some shifting changeswith home relationships.
You know, um I think sometimeswhen people go away and then
they come back, some of theirrelationships change.
(16:51):
So either a romanticrelationship might split up, or
it might be that old friendsdon't quite feel like that's
where you know.
SPEAKER_05 (17:01):
That connection isn't quite there.
SPEAKER_02 (17:04):
So that could, you know, that could also happen.
Um and then of course there'sbeing home and hearing everyone
else's stories and hearing howgreat life is for everyone else.
That could be, you know, youknow, the the grass is always
greener everywhere else.
SPEAKER_05 (17:22):
And um so between being home and also social media
definitely feeds that thatpeople are posting the pictures
and the stories of everythingwonderful.
And it does always seem asthough, wow, everyone everywhere
else is having such a good time.
Why am I just having to work sohard or work so hard to find
(17:42):
friends or or something?
SPEAKER_02 (17:44):
And I think that um that means that sometimes this
is the time that students willtalk about transferring.
And I think that's a part of theit's often part of the process
of settling into college to talkabout transferring because it's
uh sort of thinking through,gee, I can go somewhere else.
(18:05):
Um and then often they theychoose to be where they are
after thinking that through.
Um and um sometimes that's notsomething to be afraid of.
I mean, I think as parents,sometimes we're we're get very
nervous when our students say,uh-oh, they're they've only been
in school for one semester andthey're thinking about
transferring.
And it's just not unusual at allfor students to think that
(18:29):
through.
It doesn't mean they're actuallygoing to leave.
SPEAKER_05 (18:31):
But just knowing that you have options helps you
make feel feel as thoughdeciding to stay, which many
students do, most students do,but the decision to stay becomes
an affirmative decision of achoice to do that.
So, in a lot of ways, with allof these things going on, second
(18:54):
semester, it it it really is amuch more thoughtful return to
college than that first one.
Students know what to expect.
Um, some of those are wonderfuland some of those are, you know,
reality difficult.
Um, and and they have some mixedfeelings.
Um, but everyone expects you tobe settled in, and you may not
(19:19):
feel that way.
So there's a little bit of adisconnect in in that way, um,
which is part of what oftencauses parents to worry.
There's this interestingphenomenon that happens that
often parents' involvementactually increases during
students' second semester ofcollege.
(19:40):
Um, and and really, when youthink about all the things we
just talked about, that's whatparents are seeing, that's what
parents are hearing.
Um, there were those goodexperiences in the fall and not
so good.
So we have lots of reasons toworry a little bit more and to
perhaps want to now step in alittle more than maybe we
(20:03):
should.
Um because we recognize that ourstudent is experiencing some of
those second semester blues.
Or maybe grades weren't verygood in the fall, and there were
other issues.
There, you know, there mighthave been social issues, there
might have been behavioralissues, and we say, okay, now we
(20:24):
see what college is like.
Um, will this continue?
We we want to step in.
Or maybe grades were great inthe fall, and we want to make
sure our student is able tomaintain those grades, and we're
worried about whether they'll beable to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (20:40):
You know, another thing that happens second
semester is spring break.
Uh-huh.
Which can be well can be a crazytime, or you know, it depends.
Some sometimes, you know.
You know, that's when our kidswant to go take a trip or take,
you know, go places that wheretraditional college students go
(21:01):
to do their party thing.
So it, you know, it's springbreak can can be uh And not all
spring about that sometimes butbut it's legend.
SPEAKER_05 (21:10):
Right.
And so as parents, we've heardabout it and and seen it in the
movies and uh and all.
And so we worry what is what ismy student going to want to do
for spring break?
And the reality is many studentsjust go home, or many students
do an alternative spring breakactivity where they go off with
a group and they go build housesfor habitat, or there are all
(21:33):
sorts of things that studentsdo, but there is this little
looming thing of spring breakthat can cause parents to worry
a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (21:43):
Um, and so if you find yourself getting more
involved in the second semester,you know, it's probably a good
time to stop and think throughwhat's going on and why you feel
that way.
Um so, you know, and part of itmight just be that um your
(22:03):
students um, you know, vent toyou and you've heard all the the
difficult times, you know, butkeep in mind, remember that
you're the one who gets the themost difficult stories.
I mean, you're the safe place.
And so when students need tovent, you're the one that
(22:23):
they're gonna go to.
So it's a good thing to keepthat in mind and keep some
perspective because becauseyou're the safe place.
SPEAKER_05 (22:33):
It really is almost a two-sided thing.
You know, what students put outvery often on social media, um
on their Instagram and whateverelse they're doing these days,
um, is all the wonderful.
Right.
And then what they come homeoften with for their parents are
is the venting about the thingsthat are not going so well,
(22:56):
about classes and professors andthese requirements and the dorms
and the food and the lack ofsocial life or too much social
life, and you know, you we beginto wonder how students could
possibly survive.
So there's lots that that's onour mind as we're we're sending
(23:17):
our students off and and thatcauses us to want to get a
little more bit more involvedperhaps during that second
semester, and and we need tothink carefully.
Sometimes it's probablyappropriate, um, but sometimes
we we just want to think aboutokay, why why am I feeling this?
Because no one's talking aboutthis second semester.
(23:40):
Um but what we also can keep inmind and and keep reminding our
students of is that this is afresh start.
Yes.
Uh the second semester is you'reat the same place m most of the
time, but it's new classes, newprofessors, maybe some new
(24:03):
friends, uh learning whathappened well and not so well in
the first semester, and nowbeing able to put that into
practice.
So it is a a new beginning anddoesn't need to be more of the
same.
And and students need to beprepared for those mixed
(24:25):
feelings, as do we, both parentsand and students.
Um, and break has its ownstress.
So it may be, it may feel verygood to return, not only for
parents who are ready to havetheir students out of house,
perhaps, but also that studentssay, okay, you know, now it's
time to get back into my normalroutine.
(24:48):
And uh a little wiser than I wasin the fall.
SPEAKER_02 (24:52):
And it always feels good to have a fresh start.
I have to say, one of the thingsI love about working in a
college environment is thatfeeling that every semester
begins new.
SPEAKER_03 (25:03):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (25:03):
And every semester um is a brand new start, and new
wonderful things can happen.
And yet we're basing, we'rewe're leaning on the experience
we have from that last semester.
So students are coming back, um,you know, having gone through um
the rhythm of one semester, andso they know more about what's
(25:29):
expected of them.
Yeah.
And often they're, you know, notas overwhelmed.
Um, they know a little bit moreabout how the social and the
academic pieces mesh together.
Um, they can build on some ofthat, you know, confidence.
Again, I've had a lot ofstudents who were so thrilled
(25:49):
that they've made it throughthat first semester and feeling
so good that they want to takethat next step forward, whatever
that may be.
SPEAKER_05 (25:58):
They really gain a lot of college knowledge during
during that first semester.
And that can give them that cangive them confidence, even if
the knowledge is now I know whatdoesn't work and I know what not
to do.
And and that can make all thedifference in it in how you
approach what you do in thatsecond semester.
SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
It is a good time to start thinking about getting in
more involved in the community.
Often students spend their firstsemester again surviving and
making sure they can do it.
And then the next semester is atime to get involved, you know,
get get involved in clubs, getinvolved in the in the
community, in the in the studentgovernment or you know,
(26:41):
whatever, um wherever they feellike they they fit.
SPEAKER_05 (26:45):
Um so many students when they come in September
first semester say, you know,I'm not going to I'm not going
to join any activities.
I just want to focus on my on mystudying.
Right.
And and that's a a great goal,but being involved in the campus
community, uh actually, youknow, students who who do things
(27:06):
like participate inextracurricular activities and
clubs, and even who have a asmall job on campus academically
do better.
Yep.
They they they need to be alittle more focused and and and
it's a good it's a good thing.
And second semester is a greattime to start to to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:27):
Um I have some students who um, you know, I've
spent time working with withthem around how to approach
their academics and how to use,for example, using technology to
help um help them with theiracademics.
And I have students who thefirst semester don't want to try
anything new and don't want todo, you know, uh try these these
(27:51):
new ways, um, but by secondsemester they're ready to roll.
And so they're getting theirbooks, you know, audio, audio
version, or they're deciding toum approach note-taking in a
different way, or or or somekind of try some kind of new
strategy.
SPEAKER_05 (28:07):
They can focus on one or two new things because
they've got some other thingsunder control and they they know
that they can do it.
Uh and and being involved in thecommunity also changes the way
you view your experience.
I think, particularly forperhaps some of those students
who were thinking about atransfer.
(28:29):
And as we said earlier, that'sit's not atypical.
Uh, a lot of students start tothink about transferring, and
those are some importantconversations.
I think, you know, we have awhole podcast we can do on
transferring and thinking aboutthat.
Um and they those studentsreally need to think carefully
(28:52):
about those options and whetherthat's really what they want to
do.
But sometimes just knowingyou're thinking about it opens
you up to enjoying yourexperience a little bit more.
I know we've mentioned on anearlier podcast about uh Harlan
Cohen's book, um, The NakedRoommate, and uh there's a whole
(29:14):
story in the title of that one.
We'll we we'll put a link to itin the show notes.
Uh but he talks about during hisfirst year deciding at mid-year
that he wanted to transfer.
And what just knowing he hadmade that decision opened up his
experience in the secondsemester.
(29:34):
The pressure was off, and he hada wonderful second semester.
At the same school.
At the same school, yes, justbecause the pressure was off.
I think he ended up actuallytransferring.
I think he did.
But I've talked to so manystudents uh who are juniors and
seniors and say, I thought aboutit and I am so glad I didn't
transfer, but just, you know,instead chose to participate in
(30:00):
more on campus.
So it it seems a littlecontradictory.
I'm thinking about leaving, butI want to do more, but it's a
way to really decide whether thecommunity is right for you, and
to set some goals for thesemester.
Here's what I want to do, andhere's what I hope to
accomplish, and maybe some ofthat is around some of those
extracurriculars.
(30:21):
So we've talked a little bit,well, we've talked a lot, I
guess, about a lot of the bigideas and the theoretical things
about why students might behaving mixed feelings, why
parents have mixed feelings andmay want to get more involved.
Um I think we it might makesense to go through a little bit
of some strategies, some whatare some things that parents can
(30:46):
actually do both to calm theirown fears and and and to help
their student at the same time.
Real kind of action plan.
And and so one of the thingsthat we've talked about is you
know, this is a time to listen alot.
(31:06):
And uh that doesn't mean thatyou need to have an answer or a
solution to everything, but justreally listen to your student
and hear what they have to say.
SPEAKER_02 (31:18):
And remind them that um, you know, that concerns are
pretty common the secondsemester.
Um they're not alone, and that'spart of what happens.
Um it might be a good time totake a look at, you know, your
own expectations um for yourstudent.
(31:40):
Um are they realistic?
Are you expecting um too muchfrom your students too quickly?
Um are you, you know, how whatare you expecting?
And remembering that this is ahuge transition um from high
school to college.
SPEAKER_05 (31:58):
Um it's still continuing.
And it's it's not something thathappens in the first couple of
weeks and then they're done.
SPEAKER_02 (32:04):
And every semester holds its own special little
challenges.
Um so yes, uh every semester.
So but but think about what youknow how you're supporting your
student.
Um this might be a wonderfultime um to connect with other
parents, um, either online or inperson.
Um talking to other people canbe um really um soothing and
(32:28):
calming and informative.
SPEAKER_01 (32:31):
Informative.
You get information too.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So that this could be a greattime to do that.
SPEAKER_05 (32:38):
And it's it's also a good time to perhaps hold back
from calling or texting yourstudent more than you have in
the past.
I think especially if there weresome issues in the fall
semester, uh, you know, wantingto perhaps stay in closer
contact, but um, giving themthat space uh is really the
(33:03):
beginning of that process ofshowing your student that they
can handle things and that youbelieve that they can handle
things and not to not to jump intoo much.
Um I think it also helps toremember as we as they're
getting ready to go and we'refeeling this concern that often
(33:24):
it's the leaving that's thehardest, uh that moment of
leaving.
I mean, think about you knowdropping them off in the in the
fall, and it's it's that whenyou have to turn and walk away,
or your student turns and walkaway walks away.
Or I remember dropping my mykids off at daycare and and
nursery school, and it was thatmoment of leaving that was the
(33:47):
hardest.
And sometimes, you know, theywere crying, crying, and then I
sat in the car and cried, andthen I called, and they the
daycare provider said, Oh,they're fine.
You know, two minutes after youleft, they were they were fine,
they moved on.
So, you know, we feel thosetugs, but remembering that um,
you know, it's that moment whenwhen they go after after break.
(34:10):
And one of the things that youcan do is to send them a you
know an absolutely wonderfulwelcome back to college care
package that it it gets therewithin the first couple of days
of them being back.
And just just that's a way ofreaching out and being involved
and and and just sending them amessage.
SPEAKER_02 (34:30):
And again, remember that our role is to be um in the
background, um, to to you know,listen, point our students
towards resources.
It's not our job to call theresources to call you know the
school.
It's our job to say to our kids,gee, if you're struggling, maybe
you could go here or go, youknow, talk talk to other people.
(34:54):
Um so our role is, you know, onthe back, um supporting them, um
helping them to create um somegoals and some action plans, um,
so that they have sort of amomentum, they can make this
semester move.
(35:14):
Um you know, if it's it'simportant to talk about last
semester again and learn frommistakes, learn from areas of
difficulty, learn from um, youknow, whatever happened.
Um, for some students, um, itmay be some challenges with
academics.
For some students, it may bechallenges um living in
(35:38):
residence halls, living with aroommate, um, the social piece.
Um, it's really good to have youknow talk honestly about some of
those things that have happened.
SPEAKER_05 (35:50):
Yeah, and I think uh reminding them again and again
that it's a fresh start.
Yes.
Uh and to take advantage of allof these things.
I think some students feelperhaps that they're they're
afraid to ask for help now inthe second semester because
they're supposed to know it allby now.
(36:12):
And, you know, it's one thing inin the middle of September when
I was brand new, if I needed toask where to find the advising
office or or where I could get atutor, but I shouldn't be asking
those things by January andreminding them that it's still
part of that learning curve.
Um and maybe, you know, justencouraging your student to plan
(36:34):
some new things, to do somethings differently this
semester, uh, whether that's newactivities or new ways of doing
things, uh just try somethingnew, shake it up.
It's middle of winter, you know,do do something that's a little
bit different.
Um, but not to make any majordecisions right now.
That that time when you first goback in the second semester may
(36:55):
not be the time to make a finaldecision about um perhaps about
changing your major or abouttransferring, you know, just
give it some time to settle intothat second semester a little
bit.
Um, maybe getting an on-campusjob if the if they haven't had
an on-campus job.
Not only because it's a littlebit of extra cash, which every
(37:18):
good student loves, but alsoit's a way to connect with
people on campus and get to knowpeople and get to know how
things work on on the campus,and that that's a good thing.
Um but if it's winter and it itis there are all of these things
going on, and if your student isreally seriously unhappy to
(37:42):
encourage them to take advantageof counseling.
Uh uh every school hascounseling centers.
And the people who work in thecollege counseling centers are
used to the rhythm of collegelife, and they're used to the
kinds of issues that collegestudents deal with, and so
(38:02):
they're really equipped to talkwith students and and help them.
So encouraging your student totake advantage of those sorts of
things.
So there are some things asparents that we could do to
actually feel as though we'rewe're taking some action.
Um, but all you know also toremember that there are some
wonderful things.
(38:23):
We've we've we've talked aboutall of these concerns, um, but
there's some wonderful thingsabout that that second semester.
That that newness of of classesand professors and uh ways of
doing things is is all brandnew.
Uh the fact that that studentsare returning with all of that
college knowledge that they'vegotten in the first semester,
(38:45):
they know how now to survive andto thrive a little more in their
college experience.
SPEAKER_02 (38:52):
And they know some of the mistakes that are common
to make and how to make changesto avoid them.
Um so this is uh it's awonderful new beginning to um to
redo some things if they needto.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (39:06):
Um build build on everything from that first
semester.
So this is a different kind ofgoodbye uh at the end of winter
break as your student returnsfor second semester.
And it may seem a little bitanticlimactic.
Um, it's not that high drama biggoodbye that uh that happens in
(39:30):
the fall when you first dropyour student off.
Um it's a kind of a send-offthat is a little more informed,
a little more considered, um,you know, and in some ways it's
a little more poignant.
There's a there's a there's thatemotional thing that's going on.
Um, but it's another opportunityto savor that moment um and
(39:52):
recognize it as just anotherstep along in that that long
journey that that continues.
SPEAKER_01 (39:59):
Yeah, each step is a step forward.
SPEAKER_05 (40:02):
Yes, yeah.
Sometimes there's a stepbackwards and then another step
forward, but it's all movingtoward that finish line of
commencement there.
So we hope that you found someuseful information here, and we
hope that you want to join usfor some future conversations.
Uh if you do, please subscribeto the podcast wherever you
(40:26):
listen to podcasts and spreadthe word.
Share it with some friends, andum maybe they'll listen and then
you will have some things incommon that you can talk about.
Um visit the College ParentCentral website for uh more
articles related to these topicsand some show notes.
We'll list uh some of the booksthat we talk about or some of
(40:49):
those things there.
And uh we hope.
You'll continue to join us, sotill next time.
Bye bye.
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