February 4, 2026 • 44 mins
We often assume that once our students have been accepted to college that means they’re ready. But many of the students we work with are not prepared for the academic, social and emotional demands of college life. In this episode, Vicki and Lynn identify ways in which parents can evaluate their student’s readiness. We share what to pay attention to and suggest some important conversations to help students and parents explore their next steps.
Thank you for listening!
- Much more information for college parents can be found on our website, College Parent Central
- Find us on Twitter at @CollParCentral
- Find us on Bluesky at @CollParCentral.bsky.social
- Sign up for our newsletter for ongoing information
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (01:02):
Welcome to the College Parent Central Podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already incollege, this podcast is for
you.
You'll find food for thought andinformation about college and
about navigating that delicatebalance of guidance,
involvement, and knowing when toget out of the way.
(01:24):
Join your hosts, Vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
support and a celebration of theamazing experience of having a
child in college.
SPEAKER_01 (01:40):
Welcome to the College Parent Central Podcast.
This is the place where we talkabout all things connected to
parenting college students.
It's a different role when incollege than in high school, and
it's still a very importantrole, but it's different.
(02:01):
My name is Lynn Abrahams, and Iam here with my friend and
colleague, Vicky Nelson.
We are both higher edprofessionals.
We're both professors in acollege, and we're both parents
of kids who have gone throughcollege.
I have two sons, and I am also alearning disability specialist,
(02:25):
so I work with uh collegestudents who have learning
challenges.
And Vicki, you can introduceyourself.
SPEAKER_02 (02:34):
Yes, hi, I'm Vicki Nelson, and uh I think my
parenting credentials maybe aremy most important ones.
I have three daughters.
Lynn has the boys, I have thegirls.
Uh they've all gone to college,they've finished college and are
out on their own.
And I teach communication, so Iwork every day with college
(02:56):
students.
And I also spent a few years asdirector of academic advising.
So I look through a couple ofdifferent lenses at this.
And Lynn and I just always aretalking about college students
and what's going on, so wedecided to share what we have to
say with some other people andhope that it might be helpful.
And we have an interesting topictoday.
(03:19):
We wanted to talk today a littlebit about the idea of college
readiness, uh students beingready for college.
And you know, I think I think wesort of came up with this topic
because there is this belief bya lot of people, parents,
(03:40):
teachers, uh, whatever, that mystudent has graduated from high
school, therefore my student isready for college.
And that's not always the case.
And it it's interesting becausethey have done some surveys of
high school teachers and alsocollege professors, and asked,
(04:02):
you know, are your studentsready for college?
And the high school teachershave rated that much higher than
the college professors, whichseems to suggest that you know
what what high school teachersare deeming as ready may not be
what college professors areexpecting as as being ready.
(04:26):
So it's it's interesting.
And and readiness has a lot todo with things beyond academics.
Academics are certainly part ofit, but there are a lot of
different things that that makea student ready.
So we wanted to think a littlebit about readiness and
(04:48):
specifically about trying tohelp parents think about how to
assess, how to how to measure,how how ready is my student.
Uh we may do another podcast, Ithink we plan to do another
podcast in the near future aboutsome things you can do if you
(05:08):
decide your student is ri isn'tas ready as you'd like them to
be.
But today it's really justabout, okay, what should I look
for?
What what can I tell?
What is this thing calledreadiness?
And just to start us off, Ifound one definition by the
Massachusetts College and CareerReadiness Association, and they
(05:32):
said college readiness meansthat students have the academic
knowledge, the experiences, andthe intellectual and personal
qualities needed to enter into acollege program or an
economically viable careerpathway.
Not everyone is going to go onto college.
(05:52):
So the academic knowledge,experiences, intellectual and
personal qualities.
And I think sometimes the uh thepersonal qualities part of it uh
gets lost because that is sooften what gets in the way.
So, yeah, so let's think alittle bit about college
readiness, what it is, and howparents can look at that.
SPEAKER_01 (06:14):
I have been getting quite a few questions from
parents asking me, how do Itell?
And you know, how and so that'swhat we're gonna go over today.
I can say that I have beenseeing more and more students, I
would say over the last fiveyears, which covers COVID, um,
(06:35):
students who are telling me theydon't think they're ready.
And I can see it.
I can see it in how overwhelmedthey feel, I can see it in how
um hard it is to manage thestresses of the college
environment.
Um I do think in uh COVID had animpact because I think that many
(06:59):
of our students spent twoyears-ish um doing school from
home.
And that really did not preparestudents.
Um, certainly did not helpprepare them in the social and
emotional ways that they neededto be prepared for college.
SPEAKER_02 (07:17):
And you know, I think even academically it made
a difference because I it it wasa fine line, and I know you know
the last two years we've beenprimarily in the classroom and
struggling with this same thingof being compassionate, being
empathetic, and saying studentsare having a really difficult
(07:37):
time, and maybe we should, youknow, cut them a little slack
and and take it easy on them,but still keeping academic
rigor.
So it you that balance has madea difference.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
It has definitely bec become more challenging.
Um I um there and we'vementioned you know academic,
social, and emotional.
It's the social and emotional,it's hard to quantify.
Yeah, it's hard to measure that.
Um but this is where we want tosay that parents are watching
(08:12):
their kids, and so they have alot to say here.
Usually when there's a problemin college, there were red flags
in high school.
And so we're asking you to payattention and watch and see, you
know, you know, trust your ownguts too about what you're
(08:34):
seeing as parents.
SPEAKER_02 (08:36):
And I think by talking about this, it it helps
parents be a little bitproactive because often you you
don't think about it until yourstudent is in college and then
starts to struggle.
Right.
And and then you know, hindsightis 20-20.
And so you look back and say,oh, yeah, you know, now I can
(08:58):
see that maybe there were somethings.
But perhaps if parents can thinkabout this now when when their
student is still in high school,or even during this summer
before their student heads tocollege, it's it's not too late,
and and begin to spot where someof the challenges might be and
(09:19):
and work on those and not waituntil the student crashes later
and then and then realize.
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
You know, I want to put um put a plug out for an
article that I read that Ireally enjoyed, um, and it is by
Lisa Endlick Heffern, and it's awebsite called Grown and Flown.
And um she says something reallyinteresting in the beginning of
that article.
She says, you know, if my kidswere accepted into college,
(09:49):
doesn't that mean they're ready?
You know, these areprofessionals, they look at all
their materials, you know, theymade a decision that they're
ready.
Doesn't that mean they're ready?
Well, you know, maybe not.
Um, because again,administration, I mean,
admissions folks are looking athow your kids look on paper,
(10:10):
they're looking at the numbers,they're not necessarily looking
at all the extra pieces, thesocial emotional stuff.
unknown (10:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (10:18):
And how a student is going to function uh um under
stress.
SPEAKER_01 (10:24):
Right.
I think that one of the firstareas to look um as a way to set
to ask, is my son or daughterready, is to look at the
application process and to seehow your kids respond to that.
I remember both of my kids wereactually really different.
One of them, um my older one,was very slow at this.
(10:49):
And he, you know, he was one ofthose kids that pressed that
submit button the night beforeat midnight.
Um, and then my other son wasvery quick, quick about it, you
know, did his research quicklyand made his decisions quickly.
So kids are certainly verydifferent.
But if you notice that your kidsare not involved at all, if you
(11:13):
notice that you are actually theone um doing it and not your
kids, that is a red flag.
Um if your kids are not involvedat all, and there's a lot of
steps to be involved with, youknow.
There are so many, you know,looking at colleges and where do
(11:33):
you want to go and researchgrants and scholarships and
organizing all that informationand writing essays and rewriting
them.
And so there are so many, manyum steps.
Um, and if they're not involvedat all, that's that's a sign.
SPEAKER_02 (11:51):
Yeah, it it is when when everything is coming from
me as the parent.
Um, and you know, the the theapplication, the admission
process has gotten moredifficult, yeah, and it has
gotten it it has moved back andback and back and back and back
(12:11):
in terms of high school.
So you know, it used to be backin the day, um you know, maybe
the end of your junior year, youbegan to think about visiting
some colleges, and then you didyour application in the fall of
your senior year, and that wasit.
And now students are are havingreally to think junior year and
(12:35):
sophomore year and even freshmanyear, you know, what should I be
doing in high school to buildthat resume and to, you know,
admissions and worrying aboutgrades much earlier and and all
of that.
And I think one of the thingsthat has gotten lost in all of
that is that sometimes we forgetto really sit down with our kids
(13:00):
and say, do you want to go tocollege?
And if so, if the college if thestudent says, well, sure,
because that's what everybodyelse is doing, um, to really
talk about why and and toexplore, because some students
just know they aren't ready.
(13:22):
Some students may be interestedin a different path, which might
lead them to college eventually,but maybe not right out of high
school.
Um, and some students may justknow they need a little more
time.
So so really starting all ofthis by starting early and
(13:42):
saying, Yeah, should we bethinking?
And if the student says, I don'tknow, that's okay.
Um, well, let's let's do someexploring, let's visit some
colleges or do, but not drivingautomatically, you're going to
go to college.
Right.
I i it's a scary conversation tohave because if you if the
(14:02):
assumption is that your studentis going to go to college and
that's what you've alwaysthought and that's what you've
planned, asking that question isscary because you might get a
no.
And but it's so it's soimportant.
SPEAKER_01 (14:16):
And I do think the environment is changing just
slightly, and maybe again that'sa result of COVID.
But um I do think it's becominga little bit more common to have
students not go right tocollege.
Um I do want to mention beforewe stop talking about the
application process, um, of um ascene from a film.
(14:39):
And um, I don't know if I'veasked you before, Vicky, if
you've ever seen the movieHarold and Maud.
Oh, it's not so long ago, Idon't remember.
So there is a scene that isabsolutely hilarious in that
film.
And the mom and the son aregoing are filling out the
application for collegetogether.
(15:02):
And the mom starts by having thepencil in her hand and asking
the son questions and writingdown his answers.
And before long, she doesn'teven listen to his answer, she
starts answering it herself.
And it's absolutely one of thefunniest scenes about this kid
is not ready, and the mom ismoving forward.
(15:25):
Um, anyways, we need to becareful, right?
Um, so the more um obvious thingto look at when you're thinking
about whether your kids areready um is whether they're
ready academically.
And um there are some prettyclear um signs when your kids
are not ready.
(15:46):
Um, you know, if your kids arereally having trouble handing in
assignments, completing theirhomework, getting up in the
morning, you know, those aresome keys that they're gonna
struggle in college.
You want to take a look at howmuch help they're getting.
Um I know I work with a lot ofkids who um have diagnosed
(16:10):
learning differences and theymay have a lot of support.
They may have extra tutorsoutside of school.
Well, colleges don't offer thatin general, you know, all that
extra support.
Um, you know, unless your kidsgo to one of the two colleges in
the country that are designedjust for kids with learning
(16:30):
differences, um, they're notgoing to get that.
So you want to look at um lookat that.
How much help are they getting?
How much help do they need tocomplete their high school work?
SPEAKER_02 (16:43):
And you know, I think the other side of that is
definitely you want to look andsay, are they getting too much
help that they can't do it ontheir own?
But but also do they know how toask for help when they do need
it?
Right.
Are they working with theirteachers?
Are they you know saying, Ithink I need to get a tutor?
(17:03):
Or or are they just feeling theyneed to do it all on their own?
SPEAKER_01 (17:08):
Absolutely.
That's the other side of it.
Yeah.
Um I would ask some questionslike, do they know how to study?
Do they know that they have tostudy in different ways for
different kinds of tests?
Do they know that studying isnecessary?
Do they know that you know theywill need to do a lot of reading
(17:32):
when they're in college?
Um, are they prepared for that?
Do they read in general?
You know, um, you know, thereare definite strategies for
textbook reading.
Um, so you know, do they knowhow to do that?
SPEAKER_02 (17:51):
Um and then go, do you want to say I wanted to jump
in um there because I think youknow, those are a lot of things
that that a lot of high schoolsare trying to teach students how
to how to do those things andyou know how to how to break up
a big chapter into smallerthings and how to how to
(18:11):
summarize, how to do, how totake notes.
Um yeah, I find that as a hugething in my classes.
Students either try to writeeverything down or they don't
write anything down.
Um, so how to filter and and dothat.
And I think a lot of schools areworking on that.
I think all of the academicpieces, the high schools are
(18:32):
trying.
But you know, you you mentionedreading.
Do they know how to read atextbook?
I I think another piece of it isdo they read?
Um, that's that's a a readinessthing that's that students are
comfortable reading things.
(18:53):
I'm uh shocked when I talk tostudents in my classes, and I'll
sometimes say, what's, you know,I'm trying to get to know them.
Well, what's the last book thatyou read that you didn't have
to, that wasn't required forschool?
And honestly, so many of themcan't think of one.
(19:14):
They can't remember anythingthat they've read for pleasure.
Uh, and even if they're readingmagazines, you know, sports
illustrated, or you know,whatever their interests are,
reading some things um beyondthe visual.
We they they watch videos allthe time, and I think you know,
(19:36):
a lot of adults are the sameway.
We watch videos, we watch all ofthat, but we're not reading in
the same way.
And a student who isn'tcomfortable reading is is going
to have right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:53):
I mean, reading and writing are really, you know,
two of the skills in college.
Um, I think of um writing, youknow, think about how your kids
approach a writing assignment.
So much of college has to dowith writing.
Um, you know, do they know howto, you know, brainstorm and
(20:17):
then organize information andthen write and rewrite and
proofread?
Um, the writing assignments areoften different in college.
It's not about um just feedingback information, it's about
summarizing and synthesizing andputting together information
from many sources.
(20:39):
Um, so it's it's a higher levelof thinking.
So you want to just take a quicklook at your kids and and you
can sort of size up.
You know, are they ready to dothis?
SPEAKER_02 (20:49):
And you you might even have a conversation with
High school teacher or highschool guidance counselor, how
is my student doing on these?
But the academic is reallythat's the most obvious obvious
one.
And and then it's all of theseother things.
SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
The you know, and when we say other things, we're
really talking about both socialthings and emotional things.
And sort of uh what I think ofas also life skill, you know.
I you know, the first thing thatcomes to my mind when I think of
those things is time management.
(21:25):
I mean, they really, there's areason why people talk about how
important time management is in,you know, in college.
Um, in college, students are notas structured and occupied as
they were in high school.
Right.
And so they have more on theirshoulders in terms of you know
taking responsibility fordeciding what they're going to
(21:46):
do and when during those blocksof empty time.
So, you know, there is so muchmore that rides on that skill in
college.
SPEAKER_02 (21:57):
Yeah.
So so just sort of watching howyour student functions and you
know, do they keep lists, dothey keep a planner, do they
keep, do they get themselveswhere they need to go on time?
Do they, are they always doingassignments at the very last
minute?
Yep.
Um, and all of that, and andseeing if they seem to be
managing.
So if if you're you know, we'retrying to think about it, you
(22:21):
know, how to observe and how totalk to your student and see how
they do in some of these areas.
And then I, you know, we'llwe'll we'll talk another time, I
guess, about about some somesuggestions we have for for
working with your student onthese, but how are they, you
know, how do they function interms of getting themselves
where they need to go andgetting things done that they
(22:43):
need to do without you remindingthem is the key.
Uh, you know, one of the thingsum that I saw was a list of
mindset attributes, list ofthings that you might want to
think about for these social andemotional uh things.
(23:03):
Um and I just sort of wanted torun through the list real
quickly just to throw some ideasout for parents to think about.
Um motivation to learn was oneof them.
These are college successattributes, things that are
going to help your student.
Um, you know, do they really aredo they care about learning, not
just I'm uh I do the minimum ofwhat I have to?
(23:25):
Um do they have a drive tosucceed?
Is it important to them to tryto do well on some of these
things?
Um you know, do they usejudgment?
Do they do they seek multipleperspectives and and try to make
decisions?
Um do they do they use logic andreason and investigation to to
(23:51):
make intellectual choices andand decisions?
Foresight, do they do they lookat the anticipate the
consequences of things that theydo or don't do?
Uh resilience, the ability tobounce back, to fail, and and
come back from it, and andcreativity, you know, thinking
in an original way about a lotof things.
(24:12):
So um so that's just a a list ofthings to think about, and then
some other ways to look.
You know, one thing is toconsider, especially if your
student is going to be goingaway to college, have they lived
away from home and from theirfamily ever before?
It's awfully hard if the veryfirst time a student ever lives
(24:35):
away from their family is the iswhen they go to college.
So have they gone to camp?
Have they gone on trips wherethey've you know had to function
for a few days at a time withouttheir family is is one thing to
think about.
SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
I know that when both of my boys went to college,
I did feel some reassurance thatthey both had been to camp.
Um, and they went to a summercamp that was you know seven
weeks in the woods kind ofthing.
Um but also camps are verystructured and they're told what
to do and what not to do, andthat doesn't happen in college.
(25:13):
So so the next step is to thinkabout how do they handle things
when there are when there'strouble and they don't have uh
parents or counselors orteachers to tell them what to
do?
You know, watch watch your kids.
What happens when they bump intoa wall?
(25:33):
What happens if they break upwith their, you know, girlfriend
or boyfriend?
What happens if they don't dowell in school?
What happens if they're reallydisappointed?
How do they deal with thatstuff?
Do they have friends to talk to?
Do they, you know, get drunk?
Do they um, you know, get stuckin video gaming for 24 hours
(25:57):
straight?
Do they, you know, how do theydeal with um difficulty?
Um again, you know, emotionalresilience is not just something
you're born with.
You can work on this.
And again, we will talk moreabout this, but take a look at
sort of where you think yourkids fit in that emotional
(26:18):
resilience um continuum.
SPEAKER_02 (26:22):
And you know, you talked about you know things
like a bad grade and and some ofthose.
And so the the other part ofthat is is when they make
mistakes, when they don't dowell, um, they make a poor
choice, they make a poordecision, do they seem to learn
from it?
You know, do they just repeatthe same mistakes over and over
(26:44):
and over?
Or are are are they or or arethey totally afraid of making
mistakes?
So either I'll do anything toavoid taking a risk and making a
mistake, or I make mistakes, butthen I keep making the same
mistakes.
Do you know do they learn andgrow from those sorts of things?
(27:07):
Um, and thinking about you knowthe importance of taking some
reasonable risks.
SPEAKER_01 (27:14):
Right.
I did have a student um in thecollege world who um just
couldn't make a mistake, andthat really, really impacted her
college uh performance.
She ended up only being able totake two classes at a time
because her expectation was toget the top grade for
(27:37):
everything, and and she couldn'ttolerate, you know, getting
less.
So so looking at that kind of umstuff, and you know, another
area is also the um how yourkids take care of themselves.
Um are they able to makehealthy, you know, choices
(27:57):
around sleeping?
Do they get enough sleep?
Do they eat healthy?
Do they because no one incollege is going to be reminding
them that they need to have someprotein with their sh sugar, you
know?
Um, or that they can't functionif they don't sleep.
Um, do they, you know, know howto do some of the basics like
(28:20):
dealing with, you know, money,dealing with doing their
laundry, making doctor'sappointments, um, taking their
own medication, getting up inthe morning.
You know, I do see a number offirst-year students who are
blown away by the amount of umchoices they can make in terms
(28:41):
of self-care.
And um it's also, you know, Ihave to say, even watching, you
know, my friends and you know,other adults, it is not easy to
be a healthy adult, you know, toknow what to do.
SPEAKER_02 (28:56):
There's constant choices, constant decisions.
It's not it's not a one-timething and then you're done.
I mean, it's a daily, dailything.
I do, you know, do I go to sleepor do I stay up and watch some
more video games?
Or do I, you know, do I pick upthe piece of cake or do I pick
up an apple in the in the in thecat?
(29:16):
It's it's constant.
And can students stay with it?
SPEAKER_01 (29:22):
Right.
Yeah.
Another area to look at is umhow your kids assess risk.
Um there's a lot, you know, inthe literature about students of
this age and and um havingdifficulty um or wanting seeking
risky situations or seeking thatthat stimulus.
(29:46):
Um but watching your kids andsaying, you know, how how do
they do that?
I mean, how do they make thosedecisions?
Do they um are they at the placewhere they say, perhaps I'm not
gonna do this because I may getcaught, or I may not do this
because of what could happen ifI do this?
(30:06):
You know, there that's adifferent maturity of level of
thinking.
You know, is it just aboutgetting caught, or is it just or
is it about thinking through toconsequences?
SPEAKER_02 (30:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (30:19):
Um there's a lot of social pressure on students in
college, and especially thatfirst year.
There's a reason that they saythat first semester, that first
six weeks are really, reallydifficult, and that's one
reason.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:33):
Um and and you know, in thinking about those risks
that that that they take, andand and then they do take the
risk sometimes, and sometimesthey're mistakes, and sometimes
things go well, and sometimesthings don't.
Um, I think another thing is iswhether they take responsibility
for the mistakes that they domake.
(30:53):
Yep.
Uh you know, or are they alwaysblamed, well, it it's it was my
teacher's fault, or it was myfriend's fault, or it was, you
know, the stars were aligned, oror whatever, or I made a
mistake, I own that.
Uh that's a real sign ofmaturity and readiness to go
(31:13):
ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (31:14):
One area that we sometimes forget to think about,
um, and we think it's just gonnauh happen automatically, is that
um students who live on campusneed to share a room.
And often they share very smallrooms, you know, with one other
person.
And so you want to look at yourkids and say, wow, you know,
(31:36):
have they ever shared a roombefore?
Do they what happens in thefamily when there are
disagreements, when there areissues that come up?
Um you know, how does that look?
Because it doesn't happenautomatically.
SPEAKER_02 (31:52):
Right.
So, so yeah, uh dealing withdisagreements and dealing with
conflict and and and thinkingabout that and uh living with a
roommate is a real life-changingexperience.
But so much character building.
SPEAKER_01 (32:10):
Oh, it's great, great stuff.
SPEAKER_02 (32:12):
But think but thinking about the the sharing
and the conflict and thenegotiating and and all of that,
you know, even with siblings andall how to how do they handle
that sort of thing.
And you know, I think the theother thing with um in terms of
of being ready, it kind of goesback to your time management
(32:34):
point, and that is the calendar.
Um, you know, do they uh do theysort of control their own lives?
Do they drive their own bus?
You know, that's the metaphor Ikeep talking to students about.
Um, you know, are theyresponsible for keeping their
own appointments and getting upand to school on time and and
(32:54):
keeping track of when they haveto go to the dentist and keeping
track of when they have you knowfootball practice and all of
that?
Um, so that rather than the bigfamily calendar on the on the
fridge, um maybe they'reresponsible for getting
themselves places and all ofthat.
Do they seem to be able to dothat?
Have they figured out how to howto maneuver all of the things?
(33:19):
High school kids are so busythese days, and and that's you
know, it's a good thing.
Sometimes I think they're alittle overly busy and they have
a lot of commitments, but arethey juggling those all
themselves?
Or are you or yeah, our ourparents doing that for them?
Right.
Um you know, I I think as as wesort of try to sum this up, just
(33:44):
we're really just throwing out alot of things for parents to to
think about and and look at,begin to talk to their students
about.
Um, I did find one thing thatthat I think might be helpful as
a starting point.
It's not a perfect tool.
Um the Southern Utah Universityhas um on their website a
(34:06):
college readiness assessment.
It's actually a a checklist ofthings that students can go
through and answer yes or no toa whole bunch of questions in
different categories and andhelp them think about their own
readiness.
It's not a perfect tool, andthere are some of the questions
that I think are a little odd,uh, and so you need to take it
(34:29):
with a little grain of salt.
Um, but I'm we'll put a link toit in the show notes here.
Uh and and it might be worth youknow having your student just
think about.
It divides readiness skills uhinto six different areas.
Um, talks about academic skills,and those are a lot of the
(34:52):
things we just talked about, youknow, in terms of writing and
reading and taking notes anddoing all of that.
Uh about five questions, answeryes or no.
Self-understanding.
This is a big one.
Yeah.
How much you know, how much dothey do they know about
themselves?
And that's a big piece thatstudents struggle with sometimes
(35:12):
in their in their freshman year.
Um do they, you know, do theyunderstand their own academic
strengths and challenges?
And um can they can theyidentify what supports they need
and and how to get them and howto advocate for them?
Um can do they feel as thoughthey're able to help other
(35:34):
people understand them, youknow, and who they are.
Um and how much do they worryabout what other people think
and how much does that uhinfluence what they do?
Uh third category isself-advocacy, being able to
stand up for yourself and andspeak up for yourself and know
what you need and work ongetting it, um, learning things
(35:58):
on your own, uh comfortablemaking decisions without your
parents telling you what to do,some of those things.
And then executive function, Iknow we're planning to talk
about.
I have a whole podcast on that.
It's it's huge, but um, can theyfocus on on the task at hand?
And um do they have strategiesfor completing things that are
(36:21):
difficult or prolonged?
And um, do they think about theconsequences?
You know, we just talked aboutthat.
And then there's a category onmotivation and confidence.
How you know how how how muchconfidence do they have in
themselves, so self-confident?
Um, do they know what they wantuh out of college and and have
maybe some strategies to seeabout getting that?
(36:44):
Um are they actually interestedin doing things beyond the
minimal class requirements?
And then and then just you know,thinking about college.
Um, do they see the benefits ofgoing to college?
Um what you know, have theythought about how much college
scares them and what they can domaybe to make it a little less
(37:05):
scary?
Um so yeah, I just thought thiswas an interesting place to
start.
Students can actually scorethemselves and figure out a
percentile.
Uh, I, you know, I I wouldn't Iwouldn't put too much weight on
that, but it's a good place tostart and to have some
conversations.
SPEAKER_01 (37:23):
So as we kind of bring this topic to a close, I I
do want to remind people thatour parents that, you know, our
goal is not just that our kidsget to college.
Our goal is that when they getto college, they can do well in
college, that they can access,you know, the resources, that
(37:44):
they can enjoy it, that they canum get the most out of it.
If they're not ready, they willnot get the most out of it.
SPEAKER_02 (37:52):
And everyone will be miserable.
SPEAKER_01 (37:54):
Right.
Yeah.
And it's a ton of money.
Um, so you know, I do um, I knowthat there are a lot of programs
out there designed to um helpstudents get ready for college.
Uh, I know there's one at BrownUniversity.
There are, you know, manycolleges and universities offer
(38:14):
programs um for high schoolstudents to work on the skills.
Um so just do a little researchand um you know look and and see
if there are things that wouldbe appropriate for your kids.
SPEAKER_02 (38:29):
And you know, I I think that's that's great, and
parents should look and andthink about those.
And and some colleges havebridge programs for their own
students, like a couple of weeksin the summer to get ready to go
in the fall.
Um a lot of those programs, Ithink, are uh largely academic.
Right.
(38:50):
And so I think I think it'sgood, and parents should look
into them and maybe talk totheir students about whether
they want that.
But really, a lot of thosesocial, emotional, life skills
are things that might be betteraddressed within the family.
And and parents, and it's hardbecause kids don't always want
(39:14):
to listen to their parents.
Uh, so it depends on how youapproach it and all of that.
But um some of these programswill help with those things,
especially if if you havesomeone who has never been away
from home.
And so, okay, go to this programfor two or three weeks in the
summer.
You're going to at least have asmall experience of being away
before we send you off inSeptember.
(39:36):
Um, but y you know, parents thata lot of the things parents need
to think about at home.
SPEAKER_01 (39:42):
Yeah.
Well, parents have a specialrole in that you know your kids
and you really know them in adifferent way than any school
school will know your kids.
And you um it's important foryou to pay attention to what you
see and have conversations withyour kids.
Every every single studentdevelops in their own pace.
(40:06):
And um and it's different forevery single student, and you
have a special role to play inthat.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (40:13):
Parents.
And and uh college may be uh uhan important uh step, but it may
or may not be the next step, andthat's very scary, I think,
sometimes for parents.
But for for many students, I Iand I see them, and I see them
in my classroom, and I canalmost always recognize them.
(40:34):
Taking a gap year, taking a yearin between high school and
college, and finding somethingelse to do gives them a break,
but also gives them time to workon those those life skills.
And it could be a gap yearexperience, it could be a post.
graduate year at a differentschool.
(40:55):
Or it could just be finding ajob and working and taking care
of yourself.
And if your student does that,it's important that parents back
off and let them do that and letthem work on that.
But that might be a way to go.
We actually did a a podcastepisode and it's back a ways
(41:16):
now.
I think it was um episode 11that was all about gap years.
And so you know you can ifthat's you're thinking about
that, you might want to go backand and look at that.
So the path is different for foreverybody.
Yeah.
Lots to think about.
So so I think I I I'm willing topromise that we will do another
(41:38):
episode relatively soon on onceyou've taken a look at these
sort of things and maybeidentified some areas of
challenge, areas of growth thatwe can offer some suggestions on
things to do to help build thoseareas and make sure your student
really is ready for that nextstep of college.
(42:02):
Lots to think about.
And we hope that this has helpedparents we hope it's helped you
think about some conversationsyou want to have with your
student and that you will if ifyou did find it helpful you will
share with other people word ofmouth is wonderful advertising.
And if you haven't already maybesubscribe to the podcast
(42:25):
wherever you like to listen topodcasts.
If you have an extra moment andyou're willing to leave us a
rating or a review we are reallygrateful for that because that
does help other people find thepodcast.
And we know there are people outthere that don't know about us
yet and might be able to usesome of this information.
(42:48):
So anything you can do to helpus spread the word we're really
really grateful.
And we're grateful that youspend time with us and if you've
stuck it through here to thevery end thank you for that too.
Be sure to visit the CollegeParent Central website
CollegeParentcentral.com lots ofinformation there.
(43:08):
We talked about the importanceof students reading maybe some
parents want to read somearticles too and we will put
show notes there with a fewthings we mentioned and
definitely that checklist sovisit the website leave us a
comment there tell us what you'dlike to hear on the website on
(43:29):
the podcast and thanks so muchfor joining us.
See you next time.
See you
Welcome to the College Parent Central Podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already incollege, this podcast is for
you.
You'll find food for thought andinformation about college and
about navigating that delicatebalance of guidance,
involvement, and knowing when toget out of the way.
(01:24):
Join your hosts, Vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
support and a celebration of theamazing experience of having a
child in college.
SPEAKER_01 (01:40):
Welcome to the College Parent Central Podcast.
This is the place where we talkabout all things connected to
parenting college students.
It's a different role when incollege than in high school, and
it's still a very importantrole, but it's different.
(02:01):
My name is Lynn Abrahams, and Iam here with my friend and
colleague, Vicky Nelson.
We are both higher edprofessionals.
We're both professors in acollege, and we're both parents
of kids who have gone throughcollege.
I have two sons, and I am also alearning disability specialist,
(02:25):
so I work with uh collegestudents who have learning
challenges.
And Vicki, you can introduceyourself.
SPEAKER_02 (02:34):
Yes, hi, I'm Vicki Nelson, and uh I think my
parenting credentials maybe aremy most important ones.
I have three daughters.
Lynn has the boys, I have thegirls.
Uh they've all gone to college,they've finished college and are
out on their own.
And I teach communication, so Iwork every day with college
(02:56):
students.
And I also spent a few years asdirector of academic advising.
So I look through a couple ofdifferent lenses at this.
And Lynn and I just always aretalking about college students
and what's going on, so wedecided to share what we have to
say with some other people andhope that it might be helpful.
And we have an interesting topictoday.
(03:19):
We wanted to talk today a littlebit about the idea of college
readiness, uh students beingready for college.
And you know, I think I think wesort of came up with this topic
because there is this belief bya lot of people, parents,
(03:40):
teachers, uh, whatever, that mystudent has graduated from high
school, therefore my student isready for college.
And that's not always the case.
And it it's interesting becausethey have done some surveys of
high school teachers and alsocollege professors, and asked,
(04:02):
you know, are your studentsready for college?
And the high school teachershave rated that much higher than
the college professors, whichseems to suggest that you know
what what high school teachersare deeming as ready may not be
what college professors areexpecting as as being ready.
(04:26):
So it's it's interesting.
And and readiness has a lot todo with things beyond academics.
Academics are certainly part ofit, but there are a lot of
different things that that makea student ready.
So we wanted to think a littlebit about readiness and
(04:48):
specifically about trying tohelp parents think about how to
assess, how to how to measure,how how ready is my student.
Uh we may do another podcast, Ithink we plan to do another
podcast in the near future aboutsome things you can do if you
(05:08):
decide your student is ri isn'tas ready as you'd like them to
be.
But today it's really justabout, okay, what should I look
for?
What what can I tell?
What is this thing calledreadiness?
And just to start us off, Ifound one definition by the
Massachusetts College and CareerReadiness Association, and they
(05:32):
said college readiness meansthat students have the academic
knowledge, the experiences, andthe intellectual and personal
qualities needed to enter into acollege program or an
economically viable careerpathway.
Not everyone is going to go onto college.
(05:52):
So the academic knowledge,experiences, intellectual and
personal qualities.
And I think sometimes the uh thepersonal qualities part of it uh
gets lost because that is sooften what gets in the way.
So, yeah, so let's think alittle bit about college
readiness, what it is, and howparents can look at that.
SPEAKER_01 (06:14):
I have been getting quite a few questions from
parents asking me, how do Itell?
And you know, how and so that'swhat we're gonna go over today.
I can say that I have beenseeing more and more students, I
would say over the last fiveyears, which covers COVID, um,
(06:35):
students who are telling me theydon't think they're ready.
And I can see it.
I can see it in how overwhelmedthey feel, I can see it in how
um hard it is to manage thestresses of the college
environment.
Um I do think in uh COVID had animpact because I think that many
(06:59):
of our students spent twoyears-ish um doing school from
home.
And that really did not preparestudents.
Um, certainly did not helpprepare them in the social and
emotional ways that they neededto be prepared for college.
SPEAKER_02 (07:17):
And you know, I think even academically it made
a difference because I it it wasa fine line, and I know you know
the last two years we've beenprimarily in the classroom and
struggling with this same thingof being compassionate, being
empathetic, and saying studentsare having a really difficult
(07:37):
time, and maybe we should, youknow, cut them a little slack
and and take it easy on them,but still keeping academic
rigor.
So it you that balance has madea difference.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
It has definitely bec become more challenging.
Um I um there and we'vementioned you know academic,
social, and emotional.
It's the social and emotional,it's hard to quantify.
Yeah, it's hard to measure that.
Um but this is where we want tosay that parents are watching
(08:12):
their kids, and so they have alot to say here.
Usually when there's a problemin college, there were red flags
in high school.
And so we're asking you to payattention and watch and see, you
know, you know, trust your ownguts too about what you're
(08:34):
seeing as parents.
SPEAKER_02 (08:36):
And I think by talking about this, it it helps
parents be a little bitproactive because often you you
don't think about it until yourstudent is in college and then
starts to struggle.
Right.
And and then you know, hindsightis 20-20.
And so you look back and say,oh, yeah, you know, now I can
(08:58):
see that maybe there were somethings.
But perhaps if parents can thinkabout this now when when their
student is still in high school,or even during this summer
before their student heads tocollege, it's it's not too late,
and and begin to spot where someof the challenges might be and
(09:19):
and work on those and not waituntil the student crashes later
and then and then realize.
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
You know, I want to put um put a plug out for an
article that I read that Ireally enjoyed, um, and it is by
Lisa Endlick Heffern, and it's awebsite called Grown and Flown.
And um she says something reallyinteresting in the beginning of
that article.
She says, you know, if my kidswere accepted into college,
(09:49):
doesn't that mean they're ready?
You know, these areprofessionals, they look at all
their materials, you know, theymade a decision that they're
ready.
Doesn't that mean they're ready?
Well, you know, maybe not.
Um, because again,administration, I mean,
admissions folks are looking athow your kids look on paper,
(10:10):
they're looking at the numbers,they're not necessarily looking
at all the extra pieces, thesocial emotional stuff.
unknown (10:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (10:18):
And how a student is going to function uh um under
stress.
SPEAKER_01 (10:24):
Right.
I think that one of the firstareas to look um as a way to set
to ask, is my son or daughterready, is to look at the
application process and to seehow your kids respond to that.
I remember both of my kids wereactually really different.
One of them, um my older one,was very slow at this.
(10:49):
And he, you know, he was one ofthose kids that pressed that
submit button the night beforeat midnight.
Um, and then my other son wasvery quick, quick about it, you
know, did his research quicklyand made his decisions quickly.
So kids are certainly verydifferent.
But if you notice that your kidsare not involved at all, if you
(11:13):
notice that you are actually theone um doing it and not your
kids, that is a red flag.
Um if your kids are not involvedat all, and there's a lot of
steps to be involved with, youknow.
There are so many, you know,looking at colleges and where do
(11:33):
you want to go and researchgrants and scholarships and
organizing all that informationand writing essays and rewriting
them.
And so there are so many, manyum steps.
Um, and if they're not involvedat all, that's that's a sign.
SPEAKER_02 (11:51):
Yeah, it it is when when everything is coming from
me as the parent.
Um, and you know, the the theapplication, the admission
process has gotten moredifficult, yeah, and it has
gotten it it has moved back andback and back and back and back
(12:11):
in terms of high school.
So you know, it used to be backin the day, um you know, maybe
the end of your junior year, youbegan to think about visiting
some colleges, and then you didyour application in the fall of
your senior year, and that wasit.
And now students are are havingreally to think junior year and
(12:35):
sophomore year and even freshmanyear, you know, what should I be
doing in high school to buildthat resume and to, you know,
admissions and worrying aboutgrades much earlier and and all
of that.
And I think one of the thingsthat has gotten lost in all of
that is that sometimes we forgetto really sit down with our kids
(13:00):
and say, do you want to go tocollege?
And if so, if the college if thestudent says, well, sure,
because that's what everybodyelse is doing, um, to really
talk about why and and toexplore, because some students
just know they aren't ready.
(13:22):
Some students may be interestedin a different path, which might
lead them to college eventually,but maybe not right out of high
school.
Um, and some students may justknow they need a little more
time.
So so really starting all ofthis by starting early and
(13:42):
saying, Yeah, should we bethinking?
And if the student says, I don'tknow, that's okay.
Um, well, let's let's do someexploring, let's visit some
colleges or do, but not drivingautomatically, you're going to
go to college.
Right.
I i it's a scary conversation tohave because if you if the
(14:02):
assumption is that your studentis going to go to college and
that's what you've alwaysthought and that's what you've
planned, asking that question isscary because you might get a
no.
And but it's so it's soimportant.
SPEAKER_01 (14:16):
And I do think the environment is changing just
slightly, and maybe again that'sa result of COVID.
But um I do think it's becominga little bit more common to have
students not go right tocollege.
Um I do want to mention beforewe stop talking about the
application process, um, of um ascene from a film.
(14:39):
And um, I don't know if I'veasked you before, Vicky, if
you've ever seen the movieHarold and Maud.
Oh, it's not so long ago, Idon't remember.
So there is a scene that isabsolutely hilarious in that
film.
And the mom and the son aregoing are filling out the
application for collegetogether.
(15:02):
And the mom starts by having thepencil in her hand and asking
the son questions and writingdown his answers.
And before long, she doesn'teven listen to his answer, she
starts answering it herself.
And it's absolutely one of thefunniest scenes about this kid
is not ready, and the mom ismoving forward.
(15:25):
Um, anyways, we need to becareful, right?
Um, so the more um obvious thingto look at when you're thinking
about whether your kids areready um is whether they're
ready academically.
And um there are some prettyclear um signs when your kids
are not ready.
(15:46):
Um, you know, if your kids arereally having trouble handing in
assignments, completing theirhomework, getting up in the
morning, you know, those aresome keys that they're gonna
struggle in college.
You want to take a look at howmuch help they're getting.
Um I know I work with a lot ofkids who um have diagnosed
(16:10):
learning differences and theymay have a lot of support.
They may have extra tutorsoutside of school.
Well, colleges don't offer thatin general, you know, all that
extra support.
Um, you know, unless your kidsgo to one of the two colleges in
the country that are designedjust for kids with learning
(16:30):
differences, um, they're notgoing to get that.
So you want to look at um lookat that.
How much help are they getting?
How much help do they need tocomplete their high school work?
SPEAKER_02 (16:43):
And you know, I think the other side of that is
definitely you want to look andsay, are they getting too much
help that they can't do it ontheir own?
But but also do they know how toask for help when they do need
it?
Right.
Are they working with theirteachers?
Are they you know saying, Ithink I need to get a tutor?
(17:03):
Or or are they just feeling theyneed to do it all on their own?
SPEAKER_01 (17:08):
Absolutely.
That's the other side of it.
Yeah.
Um I would ask some questionslike, do they know how to study?
Do they know that they have tostudy in different ways for
different kinds of tests?
Do they know that studying isnecessary?
Do they know that you know theywill need to do a lot of reading
(17:32):
when they're in college?
Um, are they prepared for that?
Do they read in general?
You know, um, you know, thereare definite strategies for
textbook reading.
Um, so you know, do they knowhow to do that?
SPEAKER_02 (17:51):
Um and then go, do you want to say I wanted to jump
in um there because I think youknow, those are a lot of things
that that a lot of high schoolsare trying to teach students how
to how to do those things andyou know how to how to break up
a big chapter into smallerthings and how to how to
(18:11):
summarize, how to do, how totake notes.
Um yeah, I find that as a hugething in my classes.
Students either try to writeeverything down or they don't
write anything down.
Um, so how to filter and and dothat.
And I think a lot of schools areworking on that.
I think all of the academicpieces, the high schools are
(18:32):
trying.
But you know, you you mentionedreading.
Do they know how to read atextbook?
I I think another piece of it isdo they read?
Um, that's that's a a readinessthing that's that students are
comfortable reading things.
(18:53):
I'm uh shocked when I talk tostudents in my classes, and I'll
sometimes say, what's, you know,I'm trying to get to know them.
Well, what's the last book thatyou read that you didn't have
to, that wasn't required forschool?
And honestly, so many of themcan't think of one.
(19:14):
They can't remember anythingthat they've read for pleasure.
Uh, and even if they're readingmagazines, you know, sports
illustrated, or you know,whatever their interests are,
reading some things um beyondthe visual.
We they they watch videos allthe time, and I think you know,
(19:36):
a lot of adults are the sameway.
We watch videos, we watch all ofthat, but we're not reading in
the same way.
And a student who isn'tcomfortable reading is is going
to have right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:53):
I mean, reading and writing are really, you know,
two of the skills in college.
Um, I think of um writing, youknow, think about how your kids
approach a writing assignment.
So much of college has to dowith writing.
Um, you know, do they know howto, you know, brainstorm and
(20:17):
then organize information andthen write and rewrite and
proofread?
Um, the writing assignments areoften different in college.
It's not about um just feedingback information, it's about
summarizing and synthesizing andputting together information
from many sources.
(20:39):
Um, so it's it's a higher levelof thinking.
So you want to just take a quicklook at your kids and and you
can sort of size up.
You know, are they ready to dothis?
SPEAKER_02 (20:49):
And you you might even have a conversation with
High school teacher or highschool guidance counselor, how
is my student doing on these?
But the academic is reallythat's the most obvious obvious
one.
And and then it's all of theseother things.
SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
The you know, and when we say other things, we're
really talking about both socialthings and emotional things.
And sort of uh what I think ofas also life skill, you know.
I you know, the first thing thatcomes to my mind when I think of
those things is time management.
(21:25):
I mean, they really, there's areason why people talk about how
important time management is in,you know, in college.
Um, in college, students are notas structured and occupied as
they were in high school.
Right.
And so they have more on theirshoulders in terms of you know
taking responsibility fordeciding what they're going to
(21:46):
do and when during those blocksof empty time.
So, you know, there is so muchmore that rides on that skill in
college.
SPEAKER_02 (21:57):
Yeah.
So so just sort of watching howyour student functions and you
know, do they keep lists, dothey keep a planner, do they
keep, do they get themselveswhere they need to go on time?
Do they, are they always doingassignments at the very last
minute?
Yep.
Um, and all of that, and andseeing if they seem to be
managing.
So if if you're you know, we'retrying to think about it, you
(22:21):
know, how to observe and how totalk to your student and see how
they do in some of these areas.
And then I, you know, we'llwe'll we'll talk another time, I
guess, about about some somesuggestions we have for for
working with your student onthese, but how are they, you
know, how do they function interms of getting themselves
where they need to go andgetting things done that they
(22:43):
need to do without you remindingthem is the key.
Uh, you know, one of the thingsum that I saw was a list of
mindset attributes, list ofthings that you might want to
think about for these social andemotional uh things.
(23:03):
Um and I just sort of wanted torun through the list real
quickly just to throw some ideasout for parents to think about.
Um motivation to learn was oneof them.
These are college successattributes, things that are
going to help your student.
Um, you know, do they really aredo they care about learning, not
just I'm uh I do the minimum ofwhat I have to?
(23:25):
Um do they have a drive tosucceed?
Is it important to them to tryto do well on some of these
things?
Um you know, do they usejudgment?
Do they do they seek multipleperspectives and and try to make
decisions?
Um do they do they use logic andreason and investigation to to
(23:51):
make intellectual choices andand decisions?
Foresight, do they do they lookat the anticipate the
consequences of things that theydo or don't do?
Uh resilience, the ability tobounce back, to fail, and and
come back from it, and andcreativity, you know, thinking
in an original way about a lotof things.
(24:12):
So um so that's just a a list ofthings to think about, and then
some other ways to look.
You know, one thing is toconsider, especially if your
student is going to be goingaway to college, have they lived
away from home and from theirfamily ever before?
It's awfully hard if the veryfirst time a student ever lives
(24:35):
away from their family is the iswhen they go to college.
So have they gone to camp?
Have they gone on trips wherethey've you know had to function
for a few days at a time withouttheir family is is one thing to
think about.
SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
I know that when both of my boys went to college,
I did feel some reassurance thatthey both had been to camp.
Um, and they went to a summercamp that was you know seven
weeks in the woods kind ofthing.
Um but also camps are verystructured and they're told what
to do and what not to do, andthat doesn't happen in college.
(25:13):
So so the next step is to thinkabout how do they handle things
when there are when there'strouble and they don't have uh
parents or counselors orteachers to tell them what to
do?
You know, watch watch your kids.
What happens when they bump intoa wall?
(25:33):
What happens if they break upwith their, you know, girlfriend
or boyfriend?
What happens if they don't dowell in school?
What happens if they're reallydisappointed?
How do they deal with thatstuff?
Do they have friends to talk to?
Do they, you know, get drunk?
Do they um, you know, get stuckin video gaming for 24 hours
(25:57):
straight?
Do they, you know, how do theydeal with um difficulty?
Um again, you know, emotionalresilience is not just something
you're born with.
You can work on this.
And again, we will talk moreabout this, but take a look at
sort of where you think yourkids fit in that emotional
(26:18):
resilience um continuum.
SPEAKER_02 (26:22):
And you know, you talked about you know things
like a bad grade and and some ofthose.
And so the the other part ofthat is is when they make
mistakes, when they don't dowell, um, they make a poor
choice, they make a poordecision, do they seem to learn
from it?
You know, do they just repeatthe same mistakes over and over
(26:44):
and over?
Or are are are they or or arethey totally afraid of making
mistakes?
So either I'll do anything toavoid taking a risk and making a
mistake, or I make mistakes, butthen I keep making the same
mistakes.
Do you know do they learn andgrow from those sorts of things?
(27:07):
Um, and thinking about you knowthe importance of taking some
reasonable risks.
SPEAKER_01 (27:14):
Right.
I did have a student um in thecollege world who um just
couldn't make a mistake, andthat really, really impacted her
college uh performance.
She ended up only being able totake two classes at a time
because her expectation was toget the top grade for
(27:37):
everything, and and she couldn'ttolerate, you know, getting
less.
So so looking at that kind of umstuff, and you know, another
area is also the um how yourkids take care of themselves.
Um are they able to makehealthy, you know, choices
(27:57):
around sleeping?
Do they get enough sleep?
Do they eat healthy?
Do they because no one incollege is going to be reminding
them that they need to have someprotein with their sh sugar, you
know?
Um, or that they can't functionif they don't sleep.
Um, do they, you know, know howto do some of the basics like
(28:20):
dealing with, you know, money,dealing with doing their
laundry, making doctor'sappointments, um, taking their
own medication, getting up inthe morning.
You know, I do see a number offirst-year students who are
blown away by the amount of umchoices they can make in terms
(28:41):
of self-care.
And um it's also, you know, Ihave to say, even watching, you
know, my friends and you know,other adults, it is not easy to
be a healthy adult, you know, toknow what to do.
SPEAKER_02 (28:56):
There's constant choices, constant decisions.
It's not it's not a one-timething and then you're done.
I mean, it's a daily, dailything.
I do, you know, do I go to sleepor do I stay up and watch some
more video games?
Or do I, you know, do I pick upthe piece of cake or do I pick
up an apple in the in the in thecat?
(29:16):
It's it's constant.
And can students stay with it?
SPEAKER_01 (29:22):
Right.
Yeah.
Another area to look at is umhow your kids assess risk.
Um there's a lot, you know, inthe literature about students of
this age and and um havingdifficulty um or wanting seeking
risky situations or seeking thatthat stimulus.
(29:46):
Um but watching your kids andsaying, you know, how how do
they do that?
I mean, how do they make thosedecisions?
Do they um are they at the placewhere they say, perhaps I'm not
gonna do this because I may getcaught, or I may not do this
because of what could happen ifI do this?
(30:06):
You know, there that's adifferent maturity of level of
thinking.
You know, is it just aboutgetting caught, or is it just or
is it about thinking through toconsequences?
SPEAKER_02 (30:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (30:19):
Um there's a lot of social pressure on students in
college, and especially thatfirst year.
There's a reason that they saythat first semester, that first
six weeks are really, reallydifficult, and that's one
reason.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:33):
Um and and you know, in thinking about those risks
that that that they take, andand and then they do take the
risk sometimes, and sometimesthey're mistakes, and sometimes
things go well, and sometimesthings don't.
Um, I think another thing is iswhether they take responsibility
for the mistakes that they domake.
(30:53):
Yep.
Uh you know, or are they alwaysblamed, well, it it's it was my
teacher's fault, or it was myfriend's fault, or it was, you
know, the stars were aligned, oror whatever, or I made a
mistake, I own that.
Uh that's a real sign ofmaturity and readiness to go
(31:13):
ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (31:14):
One area that we sometimes forget to think about,
um, and we think it's just gonnauh happen automatically, is that
um students who live on campusneed to share a room.
And often they share very smallrooms, you know, with one other
person.
And so you want to look at yourkids and say, wow, you know,
(31:36):
have they ever shared a roombefore?
Do they what happens in thefamily when there are
disagreements, when there areissues that come up?
Um you know, how does that look?
Because it doesn't happenautomatically.
SPEAKER_02 (31:52):
Right.
So, so yeah, uh dealing withdisagreements and dealing with
conflict and and and thinkingabout that and uh living with a
roommate is a real life-changingexperience.
But so much character building.
SPEAKER_01 (32:10):
Oh, it's great, great stuff.
SPEAKER_02 (32:12):
But think but thinking about the the sharing
and the conflict and thenegotiating and and all of that,
you know, even with siblings andall how to how do they handle
that sort of thing.
And you know, I think the theother thing with um in terms of
of being ready, it kind of goesback to your time management
(32:34):
point, and that is the calendar.
Um, you know, do they uh do theysort of control their own lives?
Do they drive their own bus?
You know, that's the metaphor Ikeep talking to students about.
Um, you know, are theyresponsible for keeping their
own appointments and getting upand to school on time and and
(32:54):
keeping track of when they haveto go to the dentist and keeping
track of when they have you knowfootball practice and all of
that?
Um, so that rather than the bigfamily calendar on the on the
fridge, um maybe they'reresponsible for getting
themselves places and all ofthat.
Do they seem to be able to dothat?
Have they figured out how to howto maneuver all of the things?
(33:19):
High school kids are so busythese days, and and that's you
know, it's a good thing.
Sometimes I think they're alittle overly busy and they have
a lot of commitments, but arethey juggling those all
themselves?
Or are you or yeah, our ourparents doing that for them?
Right.
Um you know, I I think as as wesort of try to sum this up, just
(33:44):
we're really just throwing out alot of things for parents to to
think about and and look at,begin to talk to their students
about.
Um, I did find one thing thatthat I think might be helpful as
a starting point.
It's not a perfect tool.
Um the Southern Utah Universityhas um on their website a
(34:06):
college readiness assessment.
It's actually a a checklist ofthings that students can go
through and answer yes or no toa whole bunch of questions in
different categories and andhelp them think about their own
readiness.
It's not a perfect tool, andthere are some of the questions
that I think are a little odd,uh, and so you need to take it
(34:29):
with a little grain of salt.
Um, but I'm we'll put a link toit in the show notes here.
Uh and and it might be worth youknow having your student just
think about.
It divides readiness skills uhinto six different areas.
Um, talks about academic skills,and those are a lot of the
(34:52):
things we just talked about, youknow, in terms of writing and
reading and taking notes anddoing all of that.
Uh about five questions, answeryes or no.
Self-understanding.
This is a big one.
Yeah.
How much you know, how much dothey do they know about
themselves?
And that's a big piece thatstudents struggle with sometimes
(35:12):
in their in their freshman year.
Um do they, you know, do theyunderstand their own academic
strengths and challenges?
And um can they can theyidentify what supports they need
and and how to get them and howto advocate for them?
Um can do they feel as thoughthey're able to help other
(35:34):
people understand them, youknow, and who they are.
Um and how much do they worryabout what other people think
and how much does that uhinfluence what they do?
Uh third category isself-advocacy, being able to
stand up for yourself and andspeak up for yourself and know
what you need and work ongetting it, um, learning things
(35:58):
on your own, uh comfortablemaking decisions without your
parents telling you what to do,some of those things.
And then executive function, Iknow we're planning to talk
about.
I have a whole podcast on that.
It's it's huge, but um, can theyfocus on on the task at hand?
And um do they have strategiesfor completing things that are
(36:21):
difficult or prolonged?
And um, do they think about theconsequences?
You know, we just talked aboutthat.
And then there's a category onmotivation and confidence.
How you know how how how muchconfidence do they have in
themselves, so self-confident?
Um, do they know what they wantuh out of college and and have
maybe some strategies to seeabout getting that?
(36:44):
Um are they actually interestedin doing things beyond the
minimal class requirements?
And then and then just you know,thinking about college.
Um, do they see the benefits ofgoing to college?
Um what you know, have theythought about how much college
scares them and what they can domaybe to make it a little less
(37:05):
scary?
Um so yeah, I just thought thiswas an interesting place to
start.
Students can actually scorethemselves and figure out a
percentile.
Uh, I, you know, I I wouldn't Iwouldn't put too much weight on
that, but it's a good place tostart and to have some
conversations.
SPEAKER_01 (37:23):
So as we kind of bring this topic to a close, I I
do want to remind people thatour parents that, you know, our
goal is not just that our kidsget to college.
Our goal is that when they getto college, they can do well in
college, that they can access,you know, the resources, that
(37:44):
they can enjoy it, that they canum get the most out of it.
If they're not ready, they willnot get the most out of it.
SPEAKER_02 (37:52):
And everyone will be miserable.
SPEAKER_01 (37:54):
Right.
Yeah.
And it's a ton of money.
Um, so you know, I do um, I knowthat there are a lot of programs
out there designed to um helpstudents get ready for college.
Uh, I know there's one at BrownUniversity.
There are, you know, manycolleges and universities offer
(38:14):
programs um for high schoolstudents to work on the skills.
Um so just do a little researchand um you know look and and see
if there are things that wouldbe appropriate for your kids.
SPEAKER_02 (38:29):
And you know, I I think that's that's great, and
parents should look and andthink about those.
And and some colleges havebridge programs for their own
students, like a couple of weeksin the summer to get ready to go
in the fall.
Um a lot of those programs, Ithink, are uh largely academic.
Right.
(38:50):
And so I think I think it'sgood, and parents should look
into them and maybe talk totheir students about whether
they want that.
But really, a lot of thosesocial, emotional, life skills
are things that might be betteraddressed within the family.
And and parents, and it's hardbecause kids don't always want
(39:14):
to listen to their parents.
Uh, so it depends on how youapproach it and all of that.
But um some of these programswill help with those things,
especially if if you havesomeone who has never been away
from home.
And so, okay, go to this programfor two or three weeks in the
summer.
You're going to at least have asmall experience of being away
before we send you off inSeptember.
(39:36):
Um, but y you know, parents thata lot of the things parents need
to think about at home.
SPEAKER_01 (39:42):
Yeah.
Well, parents have a specialrole in that you know your kids
and you really know them in adifferent way than any school
school will know your kids.
And you um it's important foryou to pay attention to what you
see and have conversations withyour kids.
Every every single studentdevelops in their own pace.
(40:06):
And um and it's different forevery single student, and you
have a special role to play inthat.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (40:13):
Parents.
And and uh college may be uh uhan important uh step, but it may
or may not be the next step, andthat's very scary, I think,
sometimes for parents.
But for for many students, I Iand I see them, and I see them
in my classroom, and I canalmost always recognize them.
(40:34):
Taking a gap year, taking a yearin between high school and
college, and finding somethingelse to do gives them a break,
but also gives them time to workon those those life skills.
And it could be a gap yearexperience, it could be a post.
graduate year at a differentschool.
(40:55):
Or it could just be finding ajob and working and taking care
of yourself.
And if your student does that,it's important that parents back
off and let them do that and letthem work on that.
But that might be a way to go.
We actually did a a podcastepisode and it's back a ways
(41:16):
now.
I think it was um episode 11that was all about gap years.
And so you know you can ifthat's you're thinking about
that, you might want to go backand and look at that.
So the path is different for foreverybody.
Yeah.
Lots to think about.
So so I think I I I'm willing topromise that we will do another
(41:38):
episode relatively soon on onceyou've taken a look at these
sort of things and maybeidentified some areas of
challenge, areas of growth thatwe can offer some suggestions on
things to do to help build thoseareas and make sure your student
really is ready for that nextstep of college.
(42:02):
Lots to think about.
And we hope that this has helpedparents we hope it's helped you
think about some conversationsyou want to have with your
student and that you will if ifyou did find it helpful you will
share with other people word ofmouth is wonderful advertising.
And if you haven't already maybesubscribe to the podcast
(42:25):
wherever you like to listen topodcasts.
If you have an extra moment andyou're willing to leave us a
rating or a review we are reallygrateful for that because that
does help other people find thepodcast.
And we know there are people outthere that don't know about us
yet and might be able to usesome of this information.
(42:48):
So anything you can do to helpus spread the word we're really
really grateful.
And we're grateful that youspend time with us and if you've
stuck it through here to thevery end thank you for that too.
Be sure to visit the CollegeParent Central website
CollegeParentcentral.com lots ofinformation there.
(43:08):
We talked about the importanceof students reading maybe some
parents want to read somearticles too and we will put
show notes there with a fewthings we mentioned and
definitely that checklist sovisit the website leave us a
comment there tell us what you'dlike to hear on the website on
(43:29):
the podcast and thanks so muchfor joining us.
See you next time.
See you
Popular Podcasts
Hey Jonas!
Hey Jonas! The official Jonas Brothers podcast. Hosted by Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas. It’s the Jonas Brothers you know... musicians, actors, and well, yes, brothers. Now, they’re sharing another side of themselves in the playful, intimate, and irreverent way only they can. Spend time with the Jonas Brothers here and stay a little bit longer for deep conversations like never before.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.
Betrayal Weekly
Betrayal Weekly is back for a new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. If you would like to share your story, you can reach out to the Betrayal Team by emailing them at betrayalpod@gmail.com and follow us on Instagram at @betrayalpod and @glasspodcasts. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations, and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience, and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack.