Ep. 210 This Is What Science Says Really Happens To Your Brain When You're Triggered By Stress & Anxiety In Midlife

Have you ever wondered why you suddenly feel triggered by something small?
You’re not broken—your brain is simply reacting faster than your awareness can catch up.
In this episode, you’ll discover:

1. What’s really happening in your brain and body when you’re triggered.
2. The science behind why a small moment in the present can activate big feelings from the past.
3. Three ways to recognize when stress and anxiety have hijacked your calm—and how to start restoring self-trust.

 Take 11 minutes to understand what’s happening beneath your reactions—and begin to reclaim calm and clarity. You’re worth it.

Send us a text

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Episode Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover what's
really happening inside yourbrain and body.
When something triggers you.

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:07):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, the
podcast where you and I tacklestress and anxiety in midlife so
you can stop feeling like crap,feel more present at home, and
thrive at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching

(00:27):
practical science-backed mentalwellness.

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:31):
Welcome to the podcast.
Have you ever been triggered?
You're going along calmly andwhammo.
Your body lights up.
Suddenly you react in a way thatfeels confusing out of alignment
with your values or doesn't keepyou safe.
If you're like most people, youhate being triggered, you just
wish the world around you wouldbehave.

(00:52):
So your inside world didn't feelso outta control.
Pissed or scared.
But here's the truth.
No matter how hard you try, youcan't get people to behave in
ways that keep you from beingtriggered.
The good news with a littleunderstanding science and Inner
work, you can learn to manageany trigger.

(01:12):
Life brings your way.
I kid you not triggers.
While incredibly uncomfortableare your body's way of doing two
things, keeping you safe.
By signaling threat in invitingyou to do some Inner work that
can heal old pain.
Once you learn to recognize andprocess your triggers, you'll be
amazed at how much your sense ofself-trust and agency grow.

(01:36):
There probably is no other skillthat helps you develop healthy
relationships like learning torecognize and move through your
triggers.
In this episode, you'll discoverwhat a trigger really is and why
your body reacts so fast.
The science why it feels real inthe present, but is actually

(01:57):
connected to the past.
And three signs you're beingtriggered and the common
responses that make sensebiologically, but can quietly
erode your self trusts andrelationships.
Let's begin with the definitionof a trigger.
Triggers are deeplyuncomfortable, but they're your
body's way of protecting you.

(02:19):
Yep.
You might not think it, but itis the truth.
They signal potential danger andthey invite exploration.
Often leading to moreself-awareness and healing, a
trigger is any internal orexternal cue that reminds your
nervous system of a past threat.
The reminder doesn't have to beconscious.

(02:41):
Your body reacts first.
Your mind catches up later.
Think of it as your alarmsystem.
Misfiring.
The body senses somethingfamiliar, a tone of voice, a
smell, a facial expression, evensilence, and instantly moves
into protection mode.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

(03:03):
A client once told me he wastriggered when his spouse
rushing out the door, said, God,this house is a mess.
I can never find anything.
My client has a DHD and grew upwith constant criticism.
In that instant, his body froze.
His mind raced and he picked upa glass and without even
thinking, threw it against thewall.

(03:24):
While he said F you, he went towork tense, defensive, and full
of regret.
That's what being triggeredlooks like.
Your body isn't wrong.
It's doing exactly what it'sdesigned to do, but because
triggers come from storedemotional memory, they often
appear much larger than theactual moment, what does that

(03:45):
mean?
It means that the moment isdistorted.
We all get triggered.
Teachers, parents, therapists,CEOs, triggers don't mean you're
broken.
They mean you're human.
Your nervous system just hasn'tgotten the memo that it's safe
yet.
If the moment is full ofdistortion, then why do triggers

(04:06):
feel so real When a trigger hitsyour amygdala, the brain's alarm
center fires in milliseconds,flooding you with adrenaline and
cortisol, all this happens sofast that your prefrontal
cortex, the rational thinkingpart of your brain hasn't even
logged on yet.
Your body feels the alarm as ifit's happening right now.

(04:30):
Even when the real danger islong gone.
That's why something small, alook, a tone, criticism or being
ignored can feel huge.
The past pain has beenreactivated in the present and
together.
Whammo.
Years ago, one of my childrenwho had a learning difference

(04:51):
was melting down at the kitchentable while her dad was trying
to help her with homework.
I was making soup and suddenlywanted to crawl out of my skin.
I had to suppress the urge toyell or walk out of the room.
Later I remembered one of myfavorite clinical sayings.
What's hysterical?

(05:12):
Often historical throughreflection, I realized watching
her struggle connected me to myown frustration as a child with
a speech impediment That's Theconfusing part of triggers your
nervous system is shouting,protect.
Protect while your logical braininsists.
This isn't that big of a deal.

(05:33):
That internal tug of war createsanxiety, shame, self-doubt, and
can really be harmful torelationships.
Take a second.
Just notice what you're feelingas I talk about triggers.
Pause for a breath, let yourfeet press gently into the floor
and just process your reactionto all this information.

(05:56):
If you're feeling a little bittriggered, remind yourself
you're safe.
Right now you're listening to apodcast, Triggers are part of
being human, but I want you tobe able to recognize them so
then you can learn to managethem so you don't have regrets
and you don't lose trust inyourself.
So here are three signs.

(06:18):
Sign number one, your body andmind.
Jump into one of the fourprotective patterns.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
For most people, this happensbefore they even notice once
that response is activated, yourprefrontal cortex goes offline.
You can't think straight, andyou are vulnerable to acting

(06:38):
more like a child than an adult.
Ouch.
I know that hurts, but somebodyhad to say it because one of the
most difficult parts of whenyour triggered is you're not
usually acting out of your adultself.
You're Acting out of patternsthat were established in your
childhood, that were adaptiveand worked well then, but no
longer sign.

(06:59):
Number two, you lose access tocalm reasoning.
Why, as I mentioned before,you're flooded with lots of
emotion and your prefrontalcortex isn't online, so it's
easy to have brain fog to feeldefensive or detached.
You may even feel like you'veleft your body a type of
dissociation.

(07:20):
And sign number three.
Your reaction feels bigger thanthis situation.
Your emotional volume or perhapsyour behavior doesn't match
what's happening.
That's a clue.
A painful memory network hasbeen activated.
My client's outburst was a seenreaction.
My skin crawling moment was anunseen reaction.

(07:42):
Both didn't fit the situationand both can damage trust in
relationships and in yourself.
Most of us have a favoritepattern.
Some argue, some would draw,some numb out.
Some people please.
Each one of these made perfectsense.
When you were younger it keptyou safe, but left unexamined.

(08:02):
Those same strategies canquietly harm adult relationships
and chip away at self-trust.
When you understand this.
Compassion replaces criticism.
Reflection replaces avoidance.
Taming, replaces blaming.
You can move from asking what'swrong with me, or why are they

(08:25):
doing this?
And start asking what happenedto me and why is my body still
protecting me this way?
And remember, there's usuallysome truth in what's triggering
you, but it's the intensity ofyour reaction, the way the old
pain inflames the new momentthat makes it hard to see what's

(08:45):
really happening.
When you understand that blend,you can separate what belongs to
the past from what actually isunfolding right now.
So your Inner Challenge for thisweek is to notice what happens
when you feel triggered.
Ask yourself, do I see this assomeone else's fault or as my
own failure?

(09:06):
What if instead, I saw it asinformation, my mind and body
inviting me to do deeper Innerwork.
Even though being triggered isuncomfortable, it can be a
gateway to deeper connectionwith yourself, with others.
Most importantly, the truth.
What hurt you in the past, oftenreappears in the present.

(09:30):
You can't always heal oldrelationships, but you can build
healthier ones.
Now, relationships that comfort,connect and repair.
Understanding this helps youmove from, I need the world to
stop triggering me to when I'mtriggered, I can do my Inner
work when the intensity of beingtriggered shows up, try saying

(09:52):
quietly.
This is a memory, not mymarching orders, because when
you're triggered, your body issending you an old set of
instructions, survivalstrategies that once kept you
safe.
Now you get to decide whathappens next.
That awareness is where realcalm and connection begins.

(10:13):
Not from controlling the world,but from understanding yourself.
In this episode, you learn thata trigger is your nervous
system's way of rememberingdanger.
You discovered the science, howthe amidala fires before logic
can engage, and how that makesthe past feel alive in the
present.
And you recognize three commonsigns and responses that while

(10:36):
protective can quietly blocktrust and connection,
understanding this isn't aboutblame, it's about awareness.
So you can choose differently.
On Thursday, we'll build on thisidea and explore how to manage
triggers in real time.
Moving from seeing them asthreats and inconveniences to

(10:57):
recognizing them as genuineopportunities for growth and
calm just in time for theholidays.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Thursday with more
creating midlife calm