Ep. 215 How to Disappointment-Proof Your Holiday in 6 Minutes Using This Unexpected Midlife Coping Skill for Stress and Anxiety

What if the secret to a peaceful Thanksgiving isn’t in what you plan—but in what you accept?
You’re not alone if the holidays bring a mix of love, pressure, and unrealistic expectations.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
1.    Why disappointment hits harder in midlife—and how to soften it with self-awareness.
2.    The one ingredient that transforms stress into calm (no gratitude list required).
3.    A simple coping skill that keeps connection strong, even when the day doesn’t go as planned.
 Take six minutes to reset your mindset, reduce stress, and create calm that lasts through the holiday—you’re worth it.

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Episode Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover the one
ingredient that helps you enjoythe holiday no matter what
happens.

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:08):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, the
podcast where you and I tacklestress and anxiety in midlife so
you can stop feeling like crap,feel more present at home, and
thrive at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching

(00:28):
practical science-backed mentalwellness.

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:32):
Welcome to the podcast.
Today's another mini episode,just six minutes to help you
head into the holiday with morecalm and connection.
On Monday, I shared my familytradition of writing short poems
for special occasions.
If you haven't listened, goback.
It's only four minutes, and Iinvited you to have a phone free

(00:52):
holiday.
It's a funny little poem thatyou can pass on to your guests
as a way of inviting them tohave more connection, because
let's be honest, holidays rarelygo as planned, but calm and
connection are always within ourreach.
Now I know that putting yourphone away for a while on this
holiday sounded simple onMonday.

(01:14):
But today, that's a wholedifferent challenge.
You up for it.
Just put that phone far awayfrom your guests and be present
to your day.
And if you didn't invite othersto join you, it's not too late.
You can still put a basket bythe door with a note that says,
welcome to a phone free holiday.

(01:35):
Two to four, or if you're eatingout, invite everyone to keep
their phones off the table andtruly be there.
It's a small act with a bigimpact because if the phone is
the ingredient to leave out formore connection, then the
ingredient to add for more calm,fun and joy is patient

(01:55):
acceptance.
Holidays are tricky.
There's so much planning andpreparation that your mind
starts imagining what the dayshould be like, and honestly,
that anticipation and planning,it's part of the fun.
It's what builds excitement andhope.
But when the day finallyarrives, those same expectations

(02:15):
can quietly set you up fordisappointment.
Remember Christmas as a kidyou'd imagine opening gifts and
feeling pure joy, but sometimesthere was a little
disappointment because what youimagine never perfectly matches
what happens.
So as you listen to this, checkin with yourself, what are your

(02:36):
expectations?
Would you be willing to let goof them for today?
Sounds easy, right?
But it's not still, it'spossible.
Here's where to start.
Notice who your expectations arefor.
Are you hoping your tworelatives who don't get along
suddenly well, that no one willbring up politics, that your

(02:58):
aunt won't bring thecranberries, or that people
won't drink too much?
If your expectations are aboutwhat other people do, how much
control do you really have?
Yep.
Zero.
Families are messy and they'reyours.
You might want them to fit yourideals, but they never will.

(03:18):
Not because they don't love you,but because every person at your
table is living their own storywith their own needs, their own
expectations, their own limits.
None of them will perfectlymatch yours this truth can
sting, but it's also freeing.
Maybe Uncle Joe or your collegenephew won't buy into phone free

(03:40):
holiday, but you and plenty ofothers can.
So the one ingredient to bringto your day is this, accept that
each person comes as they are,not as you wish them to be.
Patient acceptance isn't givingup.
It's choosing peace of mind overcontrol.
It's reminding yourself, I can'tmanage others, but I can manage

(04:05):
my own mindset.
And you get to choose how youmeet that truth.
Let me share with you one of myall time favorite stories from
the couch.
A few years ago, a client ofmine had found great calm in
writing a nightly list of fivethings she was grateful for.
She decided to bring that ideato Thanksgiving, asking her
family to each share somethingthey were grateful for.

(04:28):
When she suggested it, herteenage son rolled his eyes and
said, i'd be grateful if wedidn't do this dumb idea.
She burst into tears and leftthe table.
Her husband yelled at their son,her mother's sied, and said, we
never would've spoken to ourparents like that.
She sat in her room for a bit,had a good cry, and then

(04:50):
remembered this idea of patientacceptance.
She came back to the table andsaid, I'd be grateful if I could
join you all.
I'm sorry.
Her son apologized and said,okay, we can do it.
I'm grateful.
My parents let me say what Ithink and still love me.
Everyone laughed.

(05:10):
I love this story because it'sreal.
The spirit of a messy familydoing its best.
We all misstep and when we do,the goal isn't perfection, it's
repair.
You notice, you reregulate youremotions and thoughts and you
reach back out.
Trust me, your mindset is all inyour control.

(05:34):
In this episode, you discoveredthat the one ingredient to bring
to your day is patientacceptance, the calm,
understanding that every personat your table comes with their
own story, their own hopes,their own way of showing love.
When you let go of what shouldhappen and stay grounded in what

(05:54):
is happening, connection growsnaturally and gratitude follows.
Remember, holidays don't have tobe perfect to be meaningful.
They just have to be real.
If you found this episodehelpful, forward it to a friend.
Trust me, they will be gratefulfrom my home to yours, happy

(06:16):
holiday and thanks forlistening.
I'll be back on Monday with morecreating midlife calm.