April 14, 2026 • 38 mins
Trying to conceive or carry a pregnancy after loss brings a unique kind of fear...one that lives in both the body and the mind.
For many parents, the question isn’t just “Will this pregnancy work?”
It’s also: “Can I trust my body again?”
In this powerful episode of Cry It Out Loud, we’re joined by Gina Conley, a midwife, doula, pre/postnatal trainer, and author of Training for Two , to explore how the body holds grief, trauma, and healing after pregnancy and infant loss.
Gina works closely with women navigating pregnancy after loss, postpartum recovery, and preparing the body for birth, helping them rebuild strength, reconnect with their bodies, and feel supported through every stage.
This conversation goes far beyond fitness. We dive into the intersection of pelvic health, nervous system regulation, trauma, and rebuilding trust in your body after loss.
In this episode, we explore:
• How pregnancy loss can impact the body physically, not just emotionally• Rebuilding trust with your body when it feels like it “failed” you• Preparing your body for pregnancy after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss• The role of pelvic health and core function in fertility and pregnancy• How trauma and grief live in the body and how movement can support healing• Navigating fear and anxiety during pregnancy after loss• Birth preparation after loss both physically and emotionally• How to approach exercise safely when trying to conceive or during pregnancy.
Whether you are trying to conceive after loss, currently pregnant after loss, or navigating postpartum after a loss, this episode offers compassionate guidance, expert insight, and hope for reconnecting with your body.
Your body is not broken. Your grief is valid. And healing is possible both physically and emotionally.
Chasing the Rainbows provides free daily support, resources, and community for families navigating infertility, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant loss. 👉 chasingtherainbows.org
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
host Bernice Quisenberry. Pregnancy changes your body.
But pregnancy after loss changeseverything.
(00:31):
It changes how you experience your body, how you listen to it,
question it, and sometimes struggle to trust it again.
So many parents, the body that once felt strong and capable can
feel unfamiliar after loss, caring not just physical
challenges, but grief, trauma, and fear.
And while so much of the conversation focuses on
emotional healing, pregnancy andloss can also just have profound
(00:52):
impact on pelvic health, core function, and the physical
foundation of the body. So what does it look like to
come back into your body after loss?
To prepare for pregnancy again, for birth, for healing?
Today we're joined by Gina Conley, a birth doula, needle
trainer, and author of Training for Two, also a mother of four,
(01:13):
and she has also experienced 2 early term baby losses.
Gina specializes in pelvic mechanics, birth education, and
helping women reconnect with their bodies through pregnancy,
postpartum, and beyond. Her work focuses on supporting
women not just physically, but holistically.
Understanding how movement strengthen body awareness play a
role in both healing and preparing for birth, especially
(01:34):
after loss. Gina, thank you for being here,
for helping us have this deeper conversation about it really
means to come back into your body after loss.
Thank you for having me. Yes, and I would love for you to
share with our listeners, you know, your own personal story,
who you are and everything. So my name is Gina.
(01:54):
I'm the founder of Mama Stay Fit, which specializes in pre
and post anal fitness training and childbirth education, and I
started my business after my first baby was born about nine
years ago now. It's pretty wild how long we've
been doing this. I started primarily in person
and now we've expanded to a pretty large online platform
with tons of free education options in addition to paid
(02:16):
options and fitness programs, and I now have 4 babies of my
own. But between my first and second,
I did have two pregnancy losses back-to-back that were both like
within the first first trimester, but very different
from one another, but still verychallenging and really impacted
my subsequent births. And each pregnancy from those
(02:39):
losses was a little bit different as well.
And so I would love to share my own stories with pregnancy loss
in addition to kind of how I navigated afterwards 'cause I
typically, I have found that thepregnancy after loss is really,
really challenging and it's a very unique way.
And so yeah, I could, I could dive into that if that, if that
works. So after my first was born, I
(03:03):
wanted my kids to be close in age.
And so when my daughter was about a year old, my husband and
I started trying to conceive. I hadn't like quite gotten my
period back yet. So it was kind of like a hope to
catch like the first egg kind ofthing.
Maybe I'll never have a period again.
And it didn't really work out right away.
It took us a few months and thenwe, we were pregnant and I was
(03:24):
like, this is awesome. Like our babies are going to be
like pretty close in age. My sister was also pregnant.
And so we were going to like be in this together.
And we were like super excited about, I was like telling
everybody that I was pregnant. I'm, I was, I've never been like
a secret keeper with my pregnancies.
And I'm really glad that I, thatI told a lot of people I'm in
hindsight, around like 8 or 9 weeks of my pregnancy, I just
(03:48):
felt kind of like uneasy, like just something, I just needed
confirmation that everything wasgoing well.
But I just felt like oddly like anxious.
And so I went to my provider andI was like, I would, I would
like to have an ultrasound done or I would just like to check on
the baby. And they couldn't find anything.
So it's just like this black sack and, and they were like,
(04:11):
well, this ultrasound isn't thatgood.
Come to the clinic 'cause I, I was at labor and delivery with
my, my sister works there. And it's also the, it was also
the hospital in the clinic that I saw for my prenatal care.
And so they're like the, the ultrasound here on ultra labor
and delivery is like not that good.
Like go to the one in the clinicand we'll definitely see the
baby. So I went to the one in the
clinic and same thing. Couldn't really see anything,
(04:33):
but they could see like this like yolk SAC, which was like a
pretty big indicator that it hada miscarriage, which means that
at some point this baby was not developing anymore, but my body
had not like recognized it. And so they were like, well
maybe you're just like really early and I'm like, I could be
like a week or two off, but I'm not like a month off like that
(04:56):
like. So fortunately, my provider was
like really patient with me and we did ultrasound after
ultrasound for about two more weeks.
And by like the second week, I think like we had all accepted
that this was not a viable pregnancy.
I was like browsing forums aboutMiss miscarriage.
(05:16):
People were saying like I went in for my DNC and we did an
ultrasound and they found the baby.
And so I had kind of like convinced myself that this
provider is really bad at ultrasounds, the baby's just
hiding. And, but I wanted to give myself
some time and it gave me about two weeks to kind of process
that this was not happening. So we decided to do the, the
(05:37):
medication that you take at home.
And when I, I didn't really knowwhat to expect when it came to
the loss. And I had never heard anybody
else talk about this before. And so I apologize to any
listeners that maybe are not prepared to like hear this
conversation or maybe brings up something for themselves, but I
feel it's like important to share cuz I didn't know what I
(06:01):
was supposed to be looking for. So my pregnancy, I was only, I
was maybe at like 11 or 12 weeksat this point.
Granted it wasn't an 11 or 12 week old baby.
And so we took the medication athome.
They also gave me some pain likemedication that I could take to
kind of decrease any discomfort that I was feeling.
And I was just kind of like unsure what I was supposed to be
(06:22):
feeling. I felt some cramping, had some
bleeding. And then when I went to the
toilet, I passed some tissue, but I didn't really know.
I thought there was going to be a lot more tissue.
And so I just flushed it down the toilet.
And then in hindsight, I realized that that was the baby.
And so I was like really sad that I had just flushed it and
(06:43):
wish I had like pulled it out ofthe toilet and did like buried
it or something, but I just didn't.
I didn't know what I was supposed to be experiencing
because when I had given birth previously, there was a lot of
clots. There was like just like
tissues. So kind of coming out for a
period of time. So I just thought it was going
to be like that. It wasn't, it was bleeding.
(07:04):
It was, it was, I would guess like the same type of bleeding
as like a period for me. But then there was this like
mass that I thought there was going to be more of and there
wasn't. And so had I known, I would have
done something different with that tissue.
And so I'd like to share that because I, I would hate for
somebody to like recognize that after the fact as well.
Now, if you still want to flush it, that's fine.
(07:26):
But just know that that's, that was it, that was it.
So after that, because I had a miscarriage, the provider wanted
to do like, you know, like weekly blood work with me to
make sure that it wasn't a molarpregnancy, which I'm not like
super savvy on all like the different terms, but essentially
it's like a potential like precancerous type of pregnancy,
(07:47):
which is not good. And because it was a
miscarriage, the likelihood of it being that is like slightly
higher. And so they wanted my HCG levels
to go all the way down to confirm that this wasn't a molar
pregnancy. My husband though, was getting
ready to deploy and he was goingto be gone for a period of time
and I wanted my kids close in age.
So I was like, you know what, I'm sure it's fine.
(08:10):
We're going to try. We've got like a month to see if
we can do this before you leave.Let's just, let's give it a go.
And it didn't work out. He we didn't conceive.
My ACG levels went all the way down.
And then I just spent the next six months kind of dealing with
being not pregnant in a way thatI thought it was a bunch of my
friends were pregnant at the same time.
(08:31):
They all had their babies. My sister had her baby and then
my husband came home and it was I.
I never felt like angry at anybody else.
I know that sometimes can be a common feeling like I think if
anything, I just felt like sad for myself where I was like this
was an an experience that I was preparing for that I am not
(08:51):
getting to do. And it kind of sucks.
But I was never like angry at mysister or any of my friends for
having their babies. I was still really excited to be
there to support them as a doula.
I never felt like anger towards any of my Dulo clients that I
was still supporting, but I justwanted the experience for myself
too. And it kind of sucked.
So like be surrounded by this. And I had friends who had had
(09:12):
multiple losses kind of in the same time frame that ended up
needing to like remove themselves from birth.
Like they're like, I can't like this is too much.
And so I do think that there aredifferent kind of thresholds for
different people. For me at this point, I was
like, I it's OK. It's not, it's, it's fine.
I think I was kind of still in the denial as well.
(09:32):
So my husband came back and we tried to conceive again.
And after a few months we conceived and I again told
everybody I was like, we're pregnant, we're good.
We've moved on from that fluke thing that happened.
Nobody has more than one miscarriage.
And then I went in for blood work, they confirmed pregnancy
with my blood work. And then like 2 days later I
(09:54):
started bleeding and I was like,oh, this doesn't seem normal.
So I rushed to the ER 'cause I didn't really know what to do.
And the I, I since we told like the triage nurse that I was
having miscarriage. And she was like, well, don't
count yourself out. Sometimes you can have bleeding,
it'll be fine. And I was like, I appreciate you
trying to be hopeful. And the ER doctor was terrible.
(10:17):
He came in and he and we had been in the air for several
hours. He came in and he's like, well,
you were pregnant on Friday and today you're not.
So what are you here for? And I'm like, I guess a
miscarriage, Like I what, like, can we read the room a little?
So he was like, well, I don't think I have to do a pelvic
exam. So I'll just kind of like do
(10:37):
abdominal palpations. And at this point, I start like,
crying because I don't really know what else to do.
In hindsight, I look back and I'm like, all of the things I
could have said to this guy to like put him in his place, but I
was just like, it's such shock, right?
Of course. So I'm sitting there crying and
he's like, it's OK. My, my daughter had like a bunch
of miscarriages and she got like4 kids.
(10:59):
And I am just still like, what? Like like it's not a
competition. Like somebody else having this
like terrible experience also doesn't make me feel any better
right now. So it was it was not a good
time. And after that I went back to my
primary care provider and I had always been told that you have
(11:20):
to wait for three losses to kindof do work to do a workout.
But at this point, I had two in a row and I'm like, this is not
seem very normal to me. And so I was really lucky that
my provider was like, hey, and like she sat down and like got
on my level and she's like, thisis not normal.
Like people are not supposed to have more than one miscarriage
in a row. And I want to do a full work up
(11:40):
on you. Like we're going to do a bunch
of blood work. We're going to start getting
everything that we need prepped so that if at the end of this
cycle, if you have another loss,we can send you straight to
fertility because we have it like within the hospital.
And I was like, yeah, I, I wouldlike to do all of the things,
like I still want to extend my family.
(12:01):
I, I'm, yeah, let's do it. And so we did blood work and we
found that my thyroid antibody levels are really elevated,
which could or could not be associated with recurrent
miscarriage. And so I started some thyroid
medication. I did the autoimmune paleo diet
to get my levels down and I likeone month on that diet was like
(12:21):
phenomenal. I got my antibody levels like
super low back to where it was supposed to be and we conceived
our son during that cycle. And after that I was like at the
beginning of my pregnancy to my husband.
I was like, if we have another loss, I don't know if I can keep
doing this like three in a row. It's just, it's, I think it's
going to just be mentally too much 'cause I, I am mentally
(12:42):
unwell with like I am anxious every day.
I am checking every single tissue that I wipe with whenever
I use the restroom. I wake up every day wondering if
this is the day that I lose the baby and I have got like 9
months to go. Like this is a long time to be
super anxious and I spent a really long time in that
pregnancy really anxious. My provider in the beginning did
(13:04):
blood work like every few days just to confirm that the
pregnancy was progressing. Once that we can see a baby, we
were doing like weekly ultrasounds and that was like
really reassuring for me and something that for my friends
that I've had losses and they are navigating a pregnancy.
I was like, Hey, I found it really helpful just to see that
my baby was existing still like either through blood work or
(13:26):
through ultrasounds. Like because I, I didn't have
any signs that there was something wrong with my first
pregnancy. Like I had all the symptoms, but
I wasn't pregnant. My second one, it just kind of
happened pretty spontaneously. And so I was really anxious
every time I went to the bathroom.
And so I was like just seeing the baby with ultrasound just
was super helpful for me. So I've had a few friends that
(13:48):
have also had losses and they have done that.
I mean, they found it to be super, super helpful for them
mentally. Once I can kind of like feel my
baby moving. It was, I was much more
reassured at that point, like, OK, I could feel them like
they're there. They're still, they're still
moving inside. I, I stopped doing the
ultrasounds quite as frequently once I could see the baby.
(14:09):
And so once I was in my second trimester with my son, my, the
OB provider was like, hey, I, I feel like you're no longer like
a high risk pregnancy. If you feel comfortable, like we
can move you to like a midwife like here, 'cause we had both
within the clinic and you can like, I would consider you like
a low risk pregnancy now. And at that point, I was like,
you know what? I think I do feel comfortable
(14:31):
and I shifted my care to the midwives, but I still stayed
pretty anxious that whole pregnancy.
I didn't like buy anything for my son.
I felt like really detached fromthe pregnancy.
And it wasn't until I was nearing my third trimester when
I had connected with somebody onInstagram who had had two
pregnancy losses later in pregnancy.
So I think she was in her secondor almost like third trimester
(14:53):
when she had her losses. And something that she told me
was that she had never regrettedbonding with her babies, even
though she lost them. And I was like, oh, that's,
that's pretty profound. I, I think I'm, I'm aligned with
that. And after that I was like, you
know, it's, it's going to suck either way.
(15:14):
Like it's going to suck if I completely detach myself and I
lose this pregnancy or if I'm completely like and deeply in
love and bonded with this baby, it's going to suck either way.
And I would rather know that during this pregnancy, I had
given this baby as much love as I could.
And so I went to the store and Ibought him like a little onesie.
I don't remember what onesie it was, but I went and bought him
(15:36):
some stuff and, and then COVID happened.
And so now I was like, Oh my God, Now I'm really anxious
about like what's happening in the world.
And so I just, that whole pregnancy was filled with so
much anxiety. We ended up having a home birth.
Things went beautifully. It was a perfect birth and labor
for me, but I stayed really anxious postpartum and I dealt
(15:59):
with a lot of postpartum anxietyand postpartum OCD.
And of all of my pregnancies or all of my postpartums, that was
the hardest postpartum for me, like mentally.
And so I sought therapy and thatwas super helpful for me.
And then over time, I just started to feel more confident
with being pregnant and being postpartum and knowing that my
babies were going to be OK because I just, I just spent so
(16:21):
much time so anxious during pregnancy that it just carried
over into postpartum for me. My next two pregnancies though,
I felt much better mentally, I was still anxious.
It definitely wasn't like my first pregnancy where it was
just like bliss and ignorance and everything.
Those things happen to other people, They don't happen to me,
(16:43):
but they did happen to me. They happened to me twice in a
row. And so I still got the early
ultrasound so I could see the baby every week until I can feel
them 'cause that was like reallyhelpful for me, like anxiety
wise. But overall in the pregnancy, I
just felt at more peace because I think I had AI had a
successful pregnancy. Like I gave birth to a live baby
(17:03):
and my son is thriving. And so I just felt a little bit
more confident with the, with mythird baby and I was like, OK,
like still anxious, but like, yeah, I, I feel good.
Like I, I feel like I've, I can take the steps to set the
conditions in my fever. I'm doing the things that can
make me feel more confident in this pregnancy and that
postpartum I felt much better. And then with my 4th baby, it
(17:25):
was the same thing, like same ultrasounds in the beginning of
the pregnancy, but I had two successful pregnancies at this
point. And so now I feel a little bit
more confident in it, but I alsowas like, I almost like
surrendered to it a little bit more.
I'm like, I would really love for this baby to be born.
If they are not born in the way that I want them to be.
I'm just, I'm going to surrenderto all the things that can
(17:48):
happen. And that whole kind of pregnancy
and labor was just a lot about like letting go of my
expectations and just kind of like letting things kind of
unfold the way that they want to, which took a lot of pressure
off me. And then this postpartum was
fantastic as well. But that first one after, after
two losses in a row was really hard.
It was really, really hard. And for those that are maybe
(18:12):
navigating that first pregnancy after loss, especially if it was
after multiple losses, I think it's, it's probably pretty
normal to be like not unwell mentally.
It's, it's hard to go from having, if you've had a
successful pregnancy before to having no issues with that
pregnancy and suddenly having a lot of problems or if you
(18:33):
haven't had a baby yet. It's, it's really, it's a real,
it's a confidence killer. Like you're like, oh geez.
Like if there's anything that we've been told is like this is
my like one big role in life is to produce children.
Obviously we have other other roles as well, but like, it's
like this is the one biological function that I'm supposed to do
and I can't even do that. Like it's, it's, it's really
(18:55):
it's, it's, it's a confidence killer.
And so I completely sympathize with folks that are struggling
through that. And then when you do get
pregnant, it is really hard mentally and it's a lot.
It feels like forever. It feels like the longest
pregnancy ever. And for me, I had a lot of like
postpartum, like mental health stuff that I needed to work
(19:15):
through because I just spent so much time so anxious.
But it does get better for, for me at least, I found that every
pregnancy from the losses, I just felt a little bit more
confident in how it was moving my body, how it was feeling in
my mind. Like the way that I was just
navigating the pregnancy and thebirth and the postpartum just
felt easier compared to that first one.
(19:37):
But it was still kind of like lingering there for me.
So those are kind of my stories.I like sharing my stories 'cause
I after my first loss, because Ihad told everybody that I was
pregnant, I also had to tell everybody that I was not
pregnant. And in that process, I found
that a lot of my friends that had pregnancy losses that never
told anybody and they just kind of like felt like there
(19:58):
something was wrong and they with them, like there was a lot
of stigma with it. And so they just kind of like
never mentioned it and just quietly like moved on and
grieved on their own. And I would have felt really sad
knowing that both the babies that I lost were never known.
And so, like, there was a periodof time where I had a lot of
(20:19):
people celebrating these babies.It was a shorter period of time
that I hoped for, but I there was still some time where there
was a bunch of people super excited and people that were
celebrating with me. And then unfortunately, I also
had a large group of people thatwere mourning with me and that
were grieving with me that were checking on me.
And so I had accidentally created this like community for
(20:40):
myself, which was super helpful,especially because my husband
deployed pretty shortly after the first loss.
So I had like a very large community of people that were
wanting to like support me through it.
And so every pregnancy after that, I had told everybody like
as soon as possible because I'm like, I want I you're if you're
(21:01):
going to celebrate with me, you're also going to mourn with
me. And that was something that was
surprisingly really helpful for me.
But totally understand if not everybody wants to do the
morning with other people as well, it doesn't have to you
don't have to do like a large Instagram post or anything.
But I did find it for me, like comforting to know there was a
period of time that there was a bunch of people celebrating this
(21:23):
baby and excited for this baby, even if we also grieved that
baby. But yeah, so those are my, those
are my stories. Oh, thank you, Gina.
And yeah, just to circle back ona couple of things.
I resonated so much with your story.
I've, you know, had pregnancy after losses and it I felt the
same thing, you know, that want that first one after having
(21:44):
reoccurring loss, it's like, Oh my goodness, you know, and going
to the bathroom, always checking, always looking like
and feeling like, what is something gonna go wrong?
Like, do I even know my body? You know, 'cause that body
shame, blame and guilt that we have after loss is, is a stigma
that we really do need to break in America, you know, because
this isn't our fault. Like we don't know what's
happening, what, what's going onwith it, with our babies and
(22:07):
things like that to 'cause thesethings like we don't get enough
answers, right? But you know, with you saying,
and I, I cannot harp it enough. I know this is a trigger
warning, but right, The tissue, right, Your baby when you're at
home and you're passing your baby.
That was something that I regretted too, was like not
collecting in the toilet, right?And not knowing that was it.
(22:27):
And because, you know, you can do things, make jewelry, get
different things, Berry, whatever, whatever you decide,
you know, with that your baby. And that's something that is not
talked about. And I wish I would have known
just to leave everything like inthe toilet, you know, until I
was completely done and then be able to go through because it
did. I lived in so much regret
feeling like I just flushed my baby and that was it.
(22:49):
And and I don't have anything else to show for my baby in that
moment. Yeah, I had no idea that that I
didn't even think to look it up like what to expect.
I know. I just thought it was going to
be like either I thought it was going to be like postpartum
where there's like a bunch of clots and I just assumed it was
like the first clot and it that was that was it.
(23:11):
And so I, I have a ton of regretfrom that too, because I just
didn't, I didn't know. I know.
So, yeah, I, I share it even though it's kind of like
graphic, but like you're going to go through that, like you
should know what to expect so that you can make decisions that
feel best for you without being like, Oh my God, I if I had no
and I would have done something different.
Yeah. But yeah, yeah.
(23:33):
Yeah, it's the same with ultrasound pictures.
You know, I wish, like when theywere checking my belly, I would
have got those images even after, you know, passing just
because then I would have had something, you know, to like,
remember that our baby. Bye.
And it's like, you know, those moments, you know, we can't
educate to advocate enough, right, for other, you know,
parents as they're going throughor having their own experiences
(23:53):
with this and they can create their own way, you know, they
can hear others, they can hear your experience and that right
resonate. And, you know, they take away
something from it, which is fantastic.
You know, any way that we can help them.
So. Yeah.
And you know, what's interestingis I doing full panels of blood
work and things like that after loss.
(24:14):
You know, looking at your blood work in a way of survival versus
thriving for pregnancy is a whole different thing too.
And understanding that. So with your thyroid and
everything, is that what really LED you then when you did the
Paleo diet, all of those things to really get into the fitness
side of things, the the healthy eating, all of those different
(24:37):
things that you put on Instagramand share with everyone because
I find it very helpful. So we were doing all the fitness
stuff like well before my pregnancy losses.
It definitely helped me be more aware of like the nutrition
aspect of things. But my thyroid antibody levels
were pretty elevated. And so every subsequent
(24:58):
pregnancy, I did a lot of like conception or preconception work
with my providers where we did blood work to kind of check on
what my thyroid levels were. And then we kind of adjusted my
medication based on like what our goals were.
And my goal was to have a successful pregnancy.
And so usually as I got closer to my pregnancies, my medication
doses would increase a little bit to help kind of regulate my
(25:20):
thyroid a little bit more. And we were definitely
monitoring like a bunch of different of my nutrient levels
like in that preconception time frame because I wanted to kind
of set myself up as best I couldknowing that this nutritional
thing was potentially it was a big impact on my prior
pregnancies. And so that was something that I
was never quite quite as aware of.
(25:41):
The fitness stuff definitely comes much easier to me being
able to move your body and like be in a healthy position, have
good endurance and stamina. Going into pregnancy, my first
trimester is always pretty rough, so I don't do a whole lot
of exercising for about 8 weeks in that first trimester.
And so for me, like preconception, being in good
physical condition going into pregnancy, knowing that I'm
(26:03):
gonna take like 2 months off, I found to be super helpful going
into subsequent pregnancies. Because other things that can
really impact your kind of mental state during pregnancy is
how comfortable you are. And if you are out of shape,
it's potentially going to increase the likelihood of like
pelvic pain or a lot of other discomforts that could be kind
of debilitating. And if you're already struggling
(26:25):
mentally, not feeling good physically, it only makes that
worse. And so that was something else
that I was really focusing on with my preconception work.
My pregnancy work was focusing on movements that improve like
my pelvic stability, improved core strength and kind of keep
my like stamina endurance up so that I I felt good in my body
relative. Like there's obviously going to
be some discomfort with pregnancy, but if I can keep
(26:48):
myself from being in pain, it really helped me navigate the
pregnancy much better. Because again, if I was in pain,
it was not, it was going to really impact my mental state or
more so than it already was by navigating a pregnancy after
loss. But something with movement,
just to kind of like expand on it, is there can be a lot of
fear with exercise after a loss because it's like, well, what if
(27:13):
it was that thing that I did? Like, you may have even had
somebody say it was probably because you were working out,
like you probably caused it, which is like not helpful at
all. Like that's the worst thing that
you can tell somebody. Oh my God.
But first of all, there is a lotof research that supports
exercising, even vigorous exercise, jumping, running,
lifting heavy does not increase the likelihood of a miscarriage.
(27:36):
If anything, exercise decreases the risk of it because you're
healthier. The majority of pregnancy losses
or miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormality.
So there's just the way the babywas developing.
Something was just off. And it sucks.
Like, it sucks that it's like this uncontrollable thing
because if anything, I would love there to be some like
controllable reason of like something that I can just do to
(27:58):
guarantee it'll be fine. And so it sucks that it's just
like something weird just happened.
Like, yeah, all right, what if something weird happens again?
So exercise does not 'cause miscarriage, it does not
increase the likelihood of it toinclude vigorous exercise, heavy
lifting. And this is like like supported
by like peer reviewed studies, like research supports this
(28:21):
like, so if you were exercising in your first trimester, it
didn't cause your pregnancy loss.
If you were exercising in your first trimester, it's not going
to cause a loss for you. And so I just want to take that
stigma away from movement because there can be a lot of
fear when it comes to navigatinga pregnancy after loss with
exercise because it's like, well, I don't want to do
(28:41):
anything to cause another miscarriage.
Exercise is not going to cause that for you.
There's even some newer researchnow that supports that it's not
beneficial to not exercise, evenif you have like preterm labor
kind of complications happening like a short cervix, that not
exercising can increase the increase complications for you.
(29:01):
So if you want to move your bodyafter you have a pregnancy loss
and as you're navigating a pregnancy after loss, it's OK
and it'll probably make you feela lot better.
I have found repeatedly with my own clients both in person and
online and for myself personally, that if they
continue to move their body intostrength train and to go for
walks and to do cardio activities, they felt so much
(29:24):
better in their bodies. And like I kind of said, like
when you're in pain, it sucks. Like it you are mentally unwell.
So now you're navigating this anxiety about pregnancy after
loss and you have like debilitating pelvic pain.
Like that is just a terrible place to be.
And so we have found a lot with our clients.
As long as they continue like they're exercising in the first
(29:44):
trimester, if you can't, it's OK.
But if you can get back to it inthe second and third trimester,
you will feel so much better. Our clients that like miss a few
workouts, their pelvic pain starts to kind of creep back up
and they're like, as soon as I do my workouts, I feel better.
So I would highly recommend exercising throughout your
pregnancy in whatever way is funfor you.
So it shouldn't be like a chore.If you like lifting weights,
(30:07):
lift weights. If you like going for walks or
doing cardio activity, like do that.
The only things that I would saylike in regards to like danger
exercise, If there's like a really big fall risk, then that
would obviously not be super safe.
And then environmental stuff, ifit's a sauna, don't exercise in
a sauna. Don't go to a sauna and do
jumping jacks. Like we do want to be aware of
(30:28):
like our environment. So is it really hot and humid?
Like, is there opportunities foryou to cool yourself off?
Like are you drinking cold waterduring your workouts?
How do you physically feel during the workouts is going to
be more important than like whatspecific movements that you do?
There's really no inherently dangerous exercises other than
the ones that have a really big fall risk.
Some folks like to run during their pregnancy.
(30:49):
Some folks find it really uncomfortable.
Some folks like to do stationarybike.
I would say like a a bike that like moves that's probably has a
higher fall risk like horseback riding, a little bit higher fall
risk, skydiving, maybe don't do that.
But other than that, there's really not like an unsafe
exercise unless you don't like it but don't do it.
(31:11):
So you can feel pretty confidentthat if you enjoy a movement and
it feels good for you and your body, it's probably OK to do.
I mean, you can do more vigorousexercise, you can do lower
intensity exercise. The goal is like a moderate
intensity for 150 minutes per week.
So that's a pretty good volume of like you're, you're working
pretty hard during it. We have tons of online fitness
(31:33):
programs if it's easier to just follow something both like a
video based and a self-paced like app workout.
But yeah, exercising is really good for you.
It can really help with your mental health and more
importantly, it can help you feel really comfortable during
your pregnancies because being in pain mentally sucks,
physically sucks too. And it can make navigating a
pregnancy just so much harder ifyou are in a lot, a lot of pain.
(31:56):
In addition, exercising during pregnancy can help kind of
prepare your body for birth as well, which that I think that's
the, the goal of that we all have is to burn the baby like a
live baby at the end. And so exercising can help to
support like your birth, whetheryou have a vaginal or caesarean
birth as well. So.
Yeah. And you know, thank you, Gina,
because that was going to be my next question was, you know,
(32:18):
talking through that because this is something that we
discussed in support Group A lotand I was guilty of this too.
So my first pregnancy after our losses, I stopped running.
So I was so nervous and I'm a runner and I have been, always
have been, you know, strength training, those kind of things.
And I dead stopped. I just could not keep going
(32:38):
because I was like, oh, I'm going to do something or
something's going to happen. And instead of doing that and my
labor was so much worse, I felt like, and you're right, that
pelvic pain, especially in that third trimester was a lot
different than, you know, pregnancies before and things
like that. So it was a different
experience. And we do, we talk about this
(33:00):
all the time. People talk about it, they stop,
they're scared. And I think talking through that
is so important to understand the benefits of it because more
times than not, if you go into your doctor and you say your
fears and you address one of these, it'll just say, OK, well
then don't do it, you know? But instead like encouraging
that and hearing those, those words can be helpful.
It's also OK to do less. So if if mentally it just feels
(33:24):
like too much, like there's justyou just have a lot of fear.
Yeah, you don't have to do all of it like you.
You can do less too. I would say still do something
because it's gonna, again, gonnahelp you feel better during your
pregnancy. It's gonna help to make your
laborers a little bit easier. But if like doing your normal
workout routine just mentally doesn't feel there for you, it's
OK to do less. Like I, I do people that
(33:46):
permission as well because sometimes you just need to like
ease off from it to like feel like in control in some aspect.
And if like decreasing your workouts helps you to feel more
in control and to help you feel safe, then that's OK too.
But I just want to like reinforce that exercise is safe
during pregnancy. Like it is beneficial to do
(34:08):
during pregnancy and exercising did not cause a miscarriage and
it will not cost one for you. And so if you do want to
exercise, you can feel confidentin knowing that it is safe for
you. But if mentally it's just too
much, it's OK. Like it's, it's OK Also like
you, you don't like, that's probably not a good marketing
thing for me, but like it's OK to like take it back if that
(34:30):
mentally feels better for you too.
Yeah, and it was really hard to after, you know, after giving
birth, then to catch up almost again with my body postpartum
wise, and a lot harder to get started, to get active again,
too. And it is, you're right.
It's so good for your mental health.
But it is also meeting where you're at, you know, in those
times and what makes the most sense.
(34:50):
You know, I can beat myself up all day about it.
But in the moment, it felt rightto stop, right.
And that's OK, like you said. So I appreciate that so much,
Gina. Thank you.
Thank you. Well, if there's anything that
you can leave our listeners withthat you would like to would
love a, you know, some advice, guidance, whatever you would
like to give to everyone. So it sounds like there's an
(35:13):
amazing community that you can be a part of with chasing the
Rainbows. And one of the things that I
found really, really helpful forme as I was navigating losses
and I was, as I was navigating pregnancy after loss, was being
a part of, of something where other people had experienced the
same thing as me. Because I, I typically found
that folks who had never had a loss before sometimes just don't
(35:35):
say the right thing, like in an attempt to be like kind and to
be compassionate. And this is like something that
I have to like talk to my sisterabout sometimes cuz she'll say
stuff like from a good place, but it just comes off weird
because she's never had a loss. And I'm like, I got it.
Like your heart is with me. Like you're giving me all your
love. I don't care.
Like, And so I find that being apart of something, if it's just
(36:02):
like another friend that's had aloss or like some like something
where other women have been in asimilar situation from you, I
find like is, is super beneficial to help you navigate
something because people don't talk about it.
Like it's this like secret society to be that so many of us
are a part of. And there's a lot of shame and
(36:22):
stigma with it. And it's super hard to be, it's
hard to be a part of this community, but it's, it's
really, really helpful to have other people to talk to, to kind
of normalize what's going on, tojust say and vent and see like
it's just, it's so important to have other people that you can
connect with. So I'm glad that there's this
community. I'm glad that the listeners are
(36:43):
probably a part of the communityin some aspect.
If you just need someone to talkto, you can always just like
e-mail or DM me too. I'm always happy to talk to
other lost moms about whatever, like, because it's, it is hard
to be a part of this community because nobody really talks
about what it's like to be a part of it.
And it can be feel really isolating and lonely.
(37:04):
You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't cause your loss.
You don't deserve to be here by any means, but you don't have to
be alone in this experience and you don't have to be ashamed or
embarrassed by it. Yeah.
Oh, Gina, thank you. Thank you so much for what you
just said for for being here, for sharing your inspiration,
(37:25):
your insight, and this, you know, perspective that is so
overlooked and bringing it into this conversation.
I can't say that enough to you. Thank you for having me.
I'm I always love sharing my story because I know it it's
going to help somebody feel lessalone in it and it's what I
would have wanted. So thank you for having me.
Yes, thank you, Gina, thank you.Today's episode is a powerful
(37:49):
reminder that healing after lossisn't just emotional, it's
physical too. Our bodies carry so much of what
we've been through, and learninghow to support, strengthen, and
reconnect with them is a part ofthe journey forward.
To anyone listening who feels disconnected from their body
after loss or unsure how to moveforward after pregnancy loss,
you are not alone in that feeling and your body is not
(38:09):
something that has filled you. It's something that deserves
care, patience, and compassion. There is no timeline for
healing. There is no right way.
But there is support, and there is always a beginning to rebuild
trust, one step at a time. At Chase and the Rainbows, we're
here to walk alongside you with free daily support, resources,
and a community. Every loss matters, and no one
(38:32):
should ever have to navigate theSaloon.
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who
may need to hear it. And if you are looking for
support, want to get involved orhonor your baby, you can visit
chaseandtherainbows.org. Thank you for being here, for
listening, and for continuing tohave these important
conversations with us. Until next time this is cried
out loud.
Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
host Bernice Quisenberry. Pregnancy changes your body.
But pregnancy after loss changeseverything.
(00:31):
It changes how you experience your body, how you listen to it,
question it, and sometimes struggle to trust it again.
So many parents, the body that once felt strong and capable can
feel unfamiliar after loss, caring not just physical
challenges, but grief, trauma, and fear.
And while so much of the conversation focuses on
emotional healing, pregnancy andloss can also just have profound
(00:52):
impact on pelvic health, core function, and the physical
foundation of the body. So what does it look like to
come back into your body after loss?
To prepare for pregnancy again, for birth, for healing?
Today we're joined by Gina Conley, a birth doula, needle
trainer, and author of Training for Two, also a mother of four,
(01:13):
and she has also experienced 2 early term baby losses.
Gina specializes in pelvic mechanics, birth education, and
helping women reconnect with their bodies through pregnancy,
postpartum, and beyond. Her work focuses on supporting
women not just physically, but holistically.
Understanding how movement strengthen body awareness play a
role in both healing and preparing for birth, especially
(01:34):
after loss. Gina, thank you for being here,
for helping us have this deeper conversation about it really
means to come back into your body after loss.
Thank you for having me. Yes, and I would love for you to
share with our listeners, you know, your own personal story,
who you are and everything. So my name is Gina.
(01:54):
I'm the founder of Mama Stay Fit, which specializes in pre
and post anal fitness training and childbirth education, and I
started my business after my first baby was born about nine
years ago now. It's pretty wild how long we've
been doing this. I started primarily in person
and now we've expanded to a pretty large online platform
with tons of free education options in addition to paid
(02:16):
options and fitness programs, and I now have 4 babies of my
own. But between my first and second,
I did have two pregnancy losses back-to-back that were both like
within the first first trimester, but very different
from one another, but still verychallenging and really impacted
my subsequent births. And each pregnancy from those
(02:39):
losses was a little bit different as well.
And so I would love to share my own stories with pregnancy loss
in addition to kind of how I navigated afterwards 'cause I
typically, I have found that thepregnancy after loss is really,
really challenging and it's a very unique way.
And so yeah, I could, I could dive into that if that, if that
works. So after my first was born, I
(03:03):
wanted my kids to be close in age.
And so when my daughter was about a year old, my husband and
I started trying to conceive. I hadn't like quite gotten my
period back yet. So it was kind of like a hope to
catch like the first egg kind ofthing.
Maybe I'll never have a period again.
And it didn't really work out right away.
It took us a few months and thenwe, we were pregnant and I was
(03:24):
like, this is awesome. Like our babies are going to be
like pretty close in age. My sister was also pregnant.
And so we were going to like be in this together.
And we were like super excited about, I was like telling
everybody that I was pregnant. I'm, I was, I've never been like
a secret keeper with my pregnancies.
And I'm really glad that I, thatI told a lot of people I'm in
hindsight, around like 8 or 9 weeks of my pregnancy, I just
(03:48):
felt kind of like uneasy, like just something, I just needed
confirmation that everything wasgoing well.
But I just felt like oddly like anxious.
And so I went to my provider andI was like, I would, I would
like to have an ultrasound done or I would just like to check on
the baby. And they couldn't find anything.
So it's just like this black sack and, and they were like,
(04:11):
well, this ultrasound isn't thatgood.
Come to the clinic 'cause I, I was at labor and delivery with
my, my sister works there. And it's also the, it was also
the hospital in the clinic that I saw for my prenatal care.
And so they're like the, the ultrasound here on ultra labor
and delivery is like not that good.
Like go to the one in the clinicand we'll definitely see the
baby. So I went to the one in the
clinic and same thing. Couldn't really see anything,
(04:33):
but they could see like this like yolk SAC, which was like a
pretty big indicator that it hada miscarriage, which means that
at some point this baby was not developing anymore, but my body
had not like recognized it. And so they were like, well
maybe you're just like really early and I'm like, I could be
like a week or two off, but I'm not like a month off like that
(04:56):
like. So fortunately, my provider was
like really patient with me and we did ultrasound after
ultrasound for about two more weeks.
And by like the second week, I think like we had all accepted
that this was not a viable pregnancy.
I was like browsing forums aboutMiss miscarriage.
(05:16):
People were saying like I went in for my DNC and we did an
ultrasound and they found the baby.
And so I had kind of like convinced myself that this
provider is really bad at ultrasounds, the baby's just
hiding. And, but I wanted to give myself
some time and it gave me about two weeks to kind of process
that this was not happening. So we decided to do the, the
(05:37):
medication that you take at home.
And when I, I didn't really knowwhat to expect when it came to
the loss. And I had never heard anybody
else talk about this before. And so I apologize to any
listeners that maybe are not prepared to like hear this
conversation or maybe brings up something for themselves, but I
feel it's like important to share cuz I didn't know what I
(06:01):
was supposed to be looking for. So my pregnancy, I was only, I
was maybe at like 11 or 12 weeksat this point.
Granted it wasn't an 11 or 12 week old baby.
And so we took the medication athome.
They also gave me some pain likemedication that I could take to
kind of decrease any discomfort that I was feeling.
And I was just kind of like unsure what I was supposed to be
(06:22):
feeling. I felt some cramping, had some
bleeding. And then when I went to the
toilet, I passed some tissue, but I didn't really know.
I thought there was going to be a lot more tissue.
And so I just flushed it down the toilet.
And then in hindsight, I realized that that was the baby.
And so I was like really sad that I had just flushed it and
(06:43):
wish I had like pulled it out ofthe toilet and did like buried
it or something, but I just didn't.
I didn't know what I was supposed to be experiencing
because when I had given birth previously, there was a lot of
clots. There was like just like
tissues. So kind of coming out for a
period of time. So I just thought it was going
to be like that. It wasn't, it was bleeding.
(07:04):
It was, it was, I would guess like the same type of bleeding
as like a period for me. But then there was this like
mass that I thought there was going to be more of and there
wasn't. And so had I known, I would have
done something different with that tissue.
And so I'd like to share that because I, I would hate for
somebody to like recognize that after the fact as well.
Now, if you still want to flush it, that's fine.
(07:26):
But just know that that's, that was it, that was it.
So after that, because I had a miscarriage, the provider wanted
to do like, you know, like weekly blood work with me to
make sure that it wasn't a molarpregnancy, which I'm not like
super savvy on all like the different terms, but essentially
it's like a potential like precancerous type of pregnancy,
(07:47):
which is not good. And because it was a
miscarriage, the likelihood of it being that is like slightly
higher. And so they wanted my HCG levels
to go all the way down to confirm that this wasn't a molar
pregnancy. My husband though, was getting
ready to deploy and he was goingto be gone for a period of time
and I wanted my kids close in age.
So I was like, you know what, I'm sure it's fine.
(08:10):
We're going to try. We've got like a month to see if
we can do this before you leave.Let's just, let's give it a go.
And it didn't work out. He we didn't conceive.
My ACG levels went all the way down.
And then I just spent the next six months kind of dealing with
being not pregnant in a way thatI thought it was a bunch of my
friends were pregnant at the same time.
(08:31):
They all had their babies. My sister had her baby and then
my husband came home and it was I.
I never felt like angry at anybody else.
I know that sometimes can be a common feeling like I think if
anything, I just felt like sad for myself where I was like this
was an an experience that I was preparing for that I am not
(08:51):
getting to do. And it kind of sucks.
But I was never like angry at mysister or any of my friends for
having their babies. I was still really excited to be
there to support them as a doula.
I never felt like anger towards any of my Dulo clients that I
was still supporting, but I justwanted the experience for myself
too. And it kind of sucked.
So like be surrounded by this. And I had friends who had had
(09:12):
multiple losses kind of in the same time frame that ended up
needing to like remove themselves from birth.
Like they're like, I can't like this is too much.
And so I do think that there aredifferent kind of thresholds for
different people. For me at this point, I was
like, I it's OK. It's not, it's, it's fine.
I think I was kind of still in the denial as well.
(09:32):
So my husband came back and we tried to conceive again.
And after a few months we conceived and I again told
everybody I was like, we're pregnant, we're good.
We've moved on from that fluke thing that happened.
Nobody has more than one miscarriage.
And then I went in for blood work, they confirmed pregnancy
with my blood work. And then like 2 days later I
(09:54):
started bleeding and I was like,oh, this doesn't seem normal.
So I rushed to the ER 'cause I didn't really know what to do.
And the I, I since we told like the triage nurse that I was
having miscarriage. And she was like, well, don't
count yourself out. Sometimes you can have bleeding,
it'll be fine. And I was like, I appreciate you
trying to be hopeful. And the ER doctor was terrible.
(10:17):
He came in and he and we had been in the air for several
hours. He came in and he's like, well,
you were pregnant on Friday and today you're not.
So what are you here for? And I'm like, I guess a
miscarriage, Like I what, like, can we read the room a little?
So he was like, well, I don't think I have to do a pelvic
exam. So I'll just kind of like do
(10:37):
abdominal palpations. And at this point, I start like,
crying because I don't really know what else to do.
In hindsight, I look back and I'm like, all of the things I
could have said to this guy to like put him in his place, but I
was just like, it's such shock, right?
Of course. So I'm sitting there crying and
he's like, it's OK. My, my daughter had like a bunch
of miscarriages and she got like4 kids.
(10:59):
And I am just still like, what? Like like it's not a
competition. Like somebody else having this
like terrible experience also doesn't make me feel any better
right now. So it was it was not a good
time. And after that I went back to my
primary care provider and I had always been told that you have
(11:20):
to wait for three losses to kindof do work to do a workout.
But at this point, I had two in a row and I'm like, this is not
seem very normal to me. And so I was really lucky that
my provider was like, hey, and like she sat down and like got
on my level and she's like, thisis not normal.
Like people are not supposed to have more than one miscarriage
in a row. And I want to do a full work up
(11:40):
on you. Like we're going to do a bunch
of blood work. We're going to start getting
everything that we need prepped so that if at the end of this
cycle, if you have another loss,we can send you straight to
fertility because we have it like within the hospital.
And I was like, yeah, I, I wouldlike to do all of the things,
like I still want to extend my family.
(12:01):
I, I'm, yeah, let's do it. And so we did blood work and we
found that my thyroid antibody levels are really elevated,
which could or could not be associated with recurrent
miscarriage. And so I started some thyroid
medication. I did the autoimmune paleo diet
to get my levels down and I likeone month on that diet was like
(12:21):
phenomenal. I got my antibody levels like
super low back to where it was supposed to be and we conceived
our son during that cycle. And after that I was like at the
beginning of my pregnancy to my husband.
I was like, if we have another loss, I don't know if I can keep
doing this like three in a row. It's just, it's, I think it's
going to just be mentally too much 'cause I, I am mentally
(12:42):
unwell with like I am anxious every day.
I am checking every single tissue that I wipe with whenever
I use the restroom. I wake up every day wondering if
this is the day that I lose the baby and I have got like 9
months to go. Like this is a long time to be
super anxious and I spent a really long time in that
pregnancy really anxious. My provider in the beginning did
(13:04):
blood work like every few days just to confirm that the
pregnancy was progressing. Once that we can see a baby, we
were doing like weekly ultrasounds and that was like
really reassuring for me and something that for my friends
that I've had losses and they are navigating a pregnancy.
I was like, Hey, I found it really helpful just to see that
my baby was existing still like either through blood work or
(13:26):
through ultrasounds. Like because I, I didn't have
any signs that there was something wrong with my first
pregnancy. Like I had all the symptoms, but
I wasn't pregnant. My second one, it just kind of
happened pretty spontaneously. And so I was really anxious
every time I went to the bathroom.
And so I was like just seeing the baby with ultrasound just
was super helpful for me. So I've had a few friends that
(13:48):
have also had losses and they have done that.
I mean, they found it to be super, super helpful for them
mentally. Once I can kind of like feel my
baby moving. It was, I was much more
reassured at that point, like, OK, I could feel them like
they're there. They're still, they're still
moving inside. I, I stopped doing the
ultrasounds quite as frequently once I could see the baby.
(14:09):
And so once I was in my second trimester with my son, my, the
OB provider was like, hey, I, I feel like you're no longer like
a high risk pregnancy. If you feel comfortable, like we
can move you to like a midwife like here, 'cause we had both
within the clinic and you can like, I would consider you like
a low risk pregnancy now. And at that point, I was like,
you know what? I think I do feel comfortable
(14:31):
and I shifted my care to the midwives, but I still stayed
pretty anxious that whole pregnancy.
I didn't like buy anything for my son.
I felt like really detached fromthe pregnancy.
And it wasn't until I was nearing my third trimester when
I had connected with somebody onInstagram who had had two
pregnancy losses later in pregnancy.
So I think she was in her secondor almost like third trimester
(14:53):
when she had her losses. And something that she told me
was that she had never regrettedbonding with her babies, even
though she lost them. And I was like, oh, that's,
that's pretty profound. I, I think I'm, I'm aligned with
that. And after that I was like, you
know, it's, it's going to suck either way.
(15:14):
Like it's going to suck if I completely detach myself and I
lose this pregnancy or if I'm completely like and deeply in
love and bonded with this baby, it's going to suck either way.
And I would rather know that during this pregnancy, I had
given this baby as much love as I could.
And so I went to the store and Ibought him like a little onesie.
I don't remember what onesie it was, but I went and bought him
(15:36):
some stuff and, and then COVID happened.
And so now I was like, Oh my God, Now I'm really anxious
about like what's happening in the world.
And so I just, that whole pregnancy was filled with so
much anxiety. We ended up having a home birth.
Things went beautifully. It was a perfect birth and labor
for me, but I stayed really anxious postpartum and I dealt
(15:59):
with a lot of postpartum anxietyand postpartum OCD.
And of all of my pregnancies or all of my postpartums, that was
the hardest postpartum for me, like mentally.
And so I sought therapy and thatwas super helpful for me.
And then over time, I just started to feel more confident
with being pregnant and being postpartum and knowing that my
babies were going to be OK because I just, I just spent so
(16:21):
much time so anxious during pregnancy that it just carried
over into postpartum for me. My next two pregnancies though,
I felt much better mentally, I was still anxious.
It definitely wasn't like my first pregnancy where it was
just like bliss and ignorance and everything.
Those things happen to other people, They don't happen to me,
(16:43):
but they did happen to me. They happened to me twice in a
row. And so I still got the early
ultrasound so I could see the baby every week until I can feel
them 'cause that was like reallyhelpful for me, like anxiety
wise. But overall in the pregnancy, I
just felt at more peace because I think I had AI had a
successful pregnancy. Like I gave birth to a live baby
(17:03):
and my son is thriving. And so I just felt a little bit
more confident with the, with mythird baby and I was like, OK,
like still anxious, but like, yeah, I, I feel good.
Like I, I feel like I've, I can take the steps to set the
conditions in my fever. I'm doing the things that can
make me feel more confident in this pregnancy and that
postpartum I felt much better. And then with my 4th baby, it
(17:25):
was the same thing, like same ultrasounds in the beginning of
the pregnancy, but I had two successful pregnancies at this
point. And so now I feel a little bit
more confident in it, but I alsowas like, I almost like
surrendered to it a little bit more.
I'm like, I would really love for this baby to be born.
If they are not born in the way that I want them to be.
I'm just, I'm going to surrenderto all the things that can
(17:48):
happen. And that whole kind of pregnancy
and labor was just a lot about like letting go of my
expectations and just kind of like letting things kind of
unfold the way that they want to, which took a lot of pressure
off me. And then this postpartum was
fantastic as well. But that first one after, after
two losses in a row was really hard.
It was really, really hard. And for those that are maybe
(18:12):
navigating that first pregnancy after loss, especially if it was
after multiple losses, I think it's, it's probably pretty
normal to be like not unwell mentally.
It's, it's hard to go from having, if you've had a
successful pregnancy before to having no issues with that
pregnancy and suddenly having a lot of problems or if you
(18:33):
haven't had a baby yet. It's, it's really, it's a real,
it's a confidence killer. Like you're like, oh geez.
Like if there's anything that we've been told is like this is
my like one big role in life is to produce children.
Obviously we have other other roles as well, but like, it's
like this is the one biological function that I'm supposed to do
and I can't even do that. Like it's, it's, it's really
(18:55):
it's, it's, it's a confidence killer.
And so I completely sympathize with folks that are struggling
through that. And then when you do get
pregnant, it is really hard mentally and it's a lot.
It feels like forever. It feels like the longest
pregnancy ever. And for me, I had a lot of like
postpartum, like mental health stuff that I needed to work
(19:15):
through because I just spent so much time so anxious.
But it does get better for, for me at least, I found that every
pregnancy from the losses, I just felt a little bit more
confident in how it was moving my body, how it was feeling in
my mind. Like the way that I was just
navigating the pregnancy and thebirth and the postpartum just
felt easier compared to that first one.
(19:37):
But it was still kind of like lingering there for me.
So those are kind of my stories.I like sharing my stories 'cause
I after my first loss, because Ihad told everybody that I was
pregnant, I also had to tell everybody that I was not
pregnant. And in that process, I found
that a lot of my friends that had pregnancy losses that never
told anybody and they just kind of like felt like there
(19:58):
something was wrong and they with them, like there was a lot
of stigma with it. And so they just kind of like
never mentioned it and just quietly like moved on and
grieved on their own. And I would have felt really sad
knowing that both the babies that I lost were never known.
And so, like, there was a periodof time where I had a lot of
(20:19):
people celebrating these babies.It was a shorter period of time
that I hoped for, but I there was still some time where there
was a bunch of people super excited and people that were
celebrating with me. And then unfortunately, I also
had a large group of people thatwere mourning with me and that
were grieving with me that were checking on me.
And so I had accidentally created this like community for
(20:40):
myself, which was super helpful,especially because my husband
deployed pretty shortly after the first loss.
So I had like a very large community of people that were
wanting to like support me through it.
And so every pregnancy after that, I had told everybody like
as soon as possible because I'm like, I want I you're if you're
(21:01):
going to celebrate with me, you're also going to mourn with
me. And that was something that was
surprisingly really helpful for me.
But totally understand if not everybody wants to do the
morning with other people as well, it doesn't have to you
don't have to do like a large Instagram post or anything.
But I did find it for me, like comforting to know there was a
period of time that there was a bunch of people celebrating this
(21:23):
baby and excited for this baby, even if we also grieved that
baby. But yeah, so those are my, those
are my stories. Oh, thank you, Gina.
And yeah, just to circle back ona couple of things.
I resonated so much with your story.
I've, you know, had pregnancy after losses and it I felt the
same thing, you know, that want that first one after having
(21:44):
reoccurring loss, it's like, Oh my goodness, you know, and going
to the bathroom, always checking, always looking like
and feeling like, what is something gonna go wrong?
Like, do I even know my body? You know, 'cause that body
shame, blame and guilt that we have after loss is, is a stigma
that we really do need to break in America, you know, because
this isn't our fault. Like we don't know what's
happening, what, what's going onwith it, with our babies and
(22:07):
things like that to 'cause thesethings like we don't get enough
answers, right? But you know, with you saying,
and I, I cannot harp it enough. I know this is a trigger
warning, but right, The tissue, right, Your baby when you're at
home and you're passing your baby.
That was something that I regretted too, was like not
collecting in the toilet, right?And not knowing that was it.
(22:27):
And because, you know, you can do things, make jewelry, get
different things, Berry, whatever, whatever you decide,
you know, with that your baby. And that's something that is not
talked about. And I wish I would have known
just to leave everything like inthe toilet, you know, until I
was completely done and then be able to go through because it
did. I lived in so much regret
feeling like I just flushed my baby and that was it.
(22:49):
And and I don't have anything else to show for my baby in that
moment. Yeah, I had no idea that that I
didn't even think to look it up like what to expect.
I know. I just thought it was going to
be like either I thought it was going to be like postpartum
where there's like a bunch of clots and I just assumed it was
like the first clot and it that was that was it.
(23:11):
And so I, I have a ton of regretfrom that too, because I just
didn't, I didn't know. I know.
So, yeah, I, I share it even though it's kind of like
graphic, but like you're going to go through that, like you
should know what to expect so that you can make decisions that
feel best for you without being like, Oh my God, I if I had no
and I would have done something different.
Yeah. But yeah, yeah.
(23:33):
Yeah, it's the same with ultrasound pictures.
You know, I wish, like when theywere checking my belly, I would
have got those images even after, you know, passing just
because then I would have had something, you know, to like,
remember that our baby. Bye.
And it's like, you know, those moments, you know, we can't
educate to advocate enough, right, for other, you know,
parents as they're going throughor having their own experiences
(23:53):
with this and they can create their own way, you know, they
can hear others, they can hear your experience and that right
resonate. And, you know, they take away
something from it, which is fantastic.
You know, any way that we can help them.
So. Yeah.
And you know, what's interestingis I doing full panels of blood
work and things like that after loss.
(24:14):
You know, looking at your blood work in a way of survival versus
thriving for pregnancy is a whole different thing too.
And understanding that. So with your thyroid and
everything, is that what really LED you then when you did the
Paleo diet, all of those things to really get into the fitness
side of things, the the healthy eating, all of those different
(24:37):
things that you put on Instagramand share with everyone because
I find it very helpful. So we were doing all the fitness
stuff like well before my pregnancy losses.
It definitely helped me be more aware of like the nutrition
aspect of things. But my thyroid antibody levels
were pretty elevated. And so every subsequent
(24:58):
pregnancy, I did a lot of like conception or preconception work
with my providers where we did blood work to kind of check on
what my thyroid levels were. And then we kind of adjusted my
medication based on like what our goals were.
And my goal was to have a successful pregnancy.
And so usually as I got closer to my pregnancies, my medication
doses would increase a little bit to help kind of regulate my
(25:20):
thyroid a little bit more. And we were definitely
monitoring like a bunch of different of my nutrient levels
like in that preconception time frame because I wanted to kind
of set myself up as best I couldknowing that this nutritional
thing was potentially it was a big impact on my prior
pregnancies. And so that was something that I
was never quite quite as aware of.
(25:41):
The fitness stuff definitely comes much easier to me being
able to move your body and like be in a healthy position, have
good endurance and stamina. Going into pregnancy, my first
trimester is always pretty rough, so I don't do a whole lot
of exercising for about 8 weeks in that first trimester.
And so for me, like preconception, being in good
physical condition going into pregnancy, knowing that I'm
(26:03):
gonna take like 2 months off, I found to be super helpful going
into subsequent pregnancies. Because other things that can
really impact your kind of mental state during pregnancy is
how comfortable you are. And if you are out of shape,
it's potentially going to increase the likelihood of like
pelvic pain or a lot of other discomforts that could be kind
of debilitating. And if you're already struggling
(26:25):
mentally, not feeling good physically, it only makes that
worse. And so that was something else
that I was really focusing on with my preconception work.
My pregnancy work was focusing on movements that improve like
my pelvic stability, improved core strength and kind of keep
my like stamina endurance up so that I I felt good in my body
relative. Like there's obviously going to
be some discomfort with pregnancy, but if I can keep
(26:48):
myself from being in pain, it really helped me navigate the
pregnancy much better. Because again, if I was in pain,
it was not, it was going to really impact my mental state or
more so than it already was by navigating a pregnancy after
loss. But something with movement,
just to kind of like expand on it, is there can be a lot of
fear with exercise after a loss because it's like, well, what if
(27:13):
it was that thing that I did? Like, you may have even had
somebody say it was probably because you were working out,
like you probably caused it, which is like not helpful at
all. Like that's the worst thing that
you can tell somebody. Oh my God.
But first of all, there is a lotof research that supports
exercising, even vigorous exercise, jumping, running,
lifting heavy does not increase the likelihood of a miscarriage.
(27:36):
If anything, exercise decreases the risk of it because you're
healthier. The majority of pregnancy losses
or miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormality.
So there's just the way the babywas developing.
Something was just off. And it sucks.
Like, it sucks that it's like this uncontrollable thing
because if anything, I would love there to be some like
controllable reason of like something that I can just do to
(27:58):
guarantee it'll be fine. And so it sucks that it's just
like something weird just happened.
Like, yeah, all right, what if something weird happens again?
So exercise does not 'cause miscarriage, it does not
increase the likelihood of it toinclude vigorous exercise, heavy
lifting. And this is like like supported
by like peer reviewed studies, like research supports this
(28:21):
like, so if you were exercising in your first trimester, it
didn't cause your pregnancy loss.
If you were exercising in your first trimester, it's not going
to cause a loss for you. And so I just want to take that
stigma away from movement because there can be a lot of
fear when it comes to navigatinga pregnancy after loss with
exercise because it's like, well, I don't want to do
(28:41):
anything to cause another miscarriage.
Exercise is not going to cause that for you.
There's even some newer researchnow that supports that it's not
beneficial to not exercise, evenif you have like preterm labor
kind of complications happening like a short cervix, that not
exercising can increase the increase complications for you.
(29:01):
So if you want to move your bodyafter you have a pregnancy loss
and as you're navigating a pregnancy after loss, it's OK
and it'll probably make you feela lot better.
I have found repeatedly with my own clients both in person and
online and for myself personally, that if they
continue to move their body intostrength train and to go for
walks and to do cardio activities, they felt so much
(29:24):
better in their bodies. And like I kind of said, like
when you're in pain, it sucks. Like it you are mentally unwell.
So now you're navigating this anxiety about pregnancy after
loss and you have like debilitating pelvic pain.
Like that is just a terrible place to be.
And so we have found a lot with our clients.
As long as they continue like they're exercising in the first
(29:44):
trimester, if you can't, it's OK.
But if you can get back to it inthe second and third trimester,
you will feel so much better. Our clients that like miss a few
workouts, their pelvic pain starts to kind of creep back up
and they're like, as soon as I do my workouts, I feel better.
So I would highly recommend exercising throughout your
pregnancy in whatever way is funfor you.
So it shouldn't be like a chore.If you like lifting weights,
(30:07):
lift weights. If you like going for walks or
doing cardio activity, like do that.
The only things that I would saylike in regards to like danger
exercise, If there's like a really big fall risk, then that
would obviously not be super safe.
And then environmental stuff, ifit's a sauna, don't exercise in
a sauna. Don't go to a sauna and do
jumping jacks. Like we do want to be aware of
(30:28):
like our environment. So is it really hot and humid?
Like, is there opportunities foryou to cool yourself off?
Like are you drinking cold waterduring your workouts?
How do you physically feel during the workouts is going to
be more important than like whatspecific movements that you do?
There's really no inherently dangerous exercises other than
the ones that have a really big fall risk.
Some folks like to run during their pregnancy.
(30:49):
Some folks find it really uncomfortable.
Some folks like to do stationarybike.
I would say like a a bike that like moves that's probably has a
higher fall risk like horseback riding, a little bit higher fall
risk, skydiving, maybe don't do that.
But other than that, there's really not like an unsafe
exercise unless you don't like it but don't do it.
(31:11):
So you can feel pretty confidentthat if you enjoy a movement and
it feels good for you and your body, it's probably OK to do.
I mean, you can do more vigorousexercise, you can do lower
intensity exercise. The goal is like a moderate
intensity for 150 minutes per week.
So that's a pretty good volume of like you're, you're working
pretty hard during it. We have tons of online fitness
(31:33):
programs if it's easier to just follow something both like a
video based and a self-paced like app workout.
But yeah, exercising is really good for you.
It can really help with your mental health and more
importantly, it can help you feel really comfortable during
your pregnancies because being in pain mentally sucks,
physically sucks too. And it can make navigating a
pregnancy just so much harder ifyou are in a lot, a lot of pain.
(31:56):
In addition, exercising during pregnancy can help kind of
prepare your body for birth as well, which that I think that's
the, the goal of that we all have is to burn the baby like a
live baby at the end. And so exercising can help to
support like your birth, whetheryou have a vaginal or caesarean
birth as well. So.
Yeah. And you know, thank you, Gina,
because that was going to be my next question was, you know,
(32:18):
talking through that because this is something that we
discussed in support Group A lotand I was guilty of this too.
So my first pregnancy after our losses, I stopped running.
So I was so nervous and I'm a runner and I have been, always
have been, you know, strength training, those kind of things.
And I dead stopped. I just could not keep going
(32:38):
because I was like, oh, I'm going to do something or
something's going to happen. And instead of doing that and my
labor was so much worse, I felt like, and you're right, that
pelvic pain, especially in that third trimester was a lot
different than, you know, pregnancies before and things
like that. So it was a different
experience. And we do, we talk about this
(33:00):
all the time. People talk about it, they stop,
they're scared. And I think talking through that
is so important to understand the benefits of it because more
times than not, if you go into your doctor and you say your
fears and you address one of these, it'll just say, OK, well
then don't do it, you know? But instead like encouraging
that and hearing those, those words can be helpful.
It's also OK to do less. So if if mentally it just feels
(33:24):
like too much, like there's justyou just have a lot of fear.
Yeah, you don't have to do all of it like you.
You can do less too. I would say still do something
because it's gonna, again, gonnahelp you feel better during your
pregnancy. It's gonna help to make your
laborers a little bit easier. But if like doing your normal
workout routine just mentally doesn't feel there for you, it's
OK to do less. Like I, I do people that
(33:46):
permission as well because sometimes you just need to like
ease off from it to like feel like in control in some aspect.
And if like decreasing your workouts helps you to feel more
in control and to help you feel safe, then that's OK too.
But I just want to like reinforce that exercise is safe
during pregnancy. Like it is beneficial to do
(34:08):
during pregnancy and exercising did not cause a miscarriage and
it will not cost one for you. And so if you do want to
exercise, you can feel confidentin knowing that it is safe for
you. But if mentally it's just too
much, it's OK. Like it's, it's OK Also like
you, you don't like, that's probably not a good marketing
thing for me, but like it's OK to like take it back if that
(34:30):
mentally feels better for you too.
Yeah, and it was really hard to after, you know, after giving
birth, then to catch up almost again with my body postpartum
wise, and a lot harder to get started, to get active again,
too. And it is, you're right.
It's so good for your mental health.
But it is also meeting where you're at, you know, in those
times and what makes the most sense.
(34:50):
You know, I can beat myself up all day about it.
But in the moment, it felt rightto stop, right.
And that's OK, like you said. So I appreciate that so much,
Gina. Thank you.
Thank you. Well, if there's anything that
you can leave our listeners withthat you would like to would
love a, you know, some advice, guidance, whatever you would
like to give to everyone. So it sounds like there's an
(35:13):
amazing community that you can be a part of with chasing the
Rainbows. And one of the things that I
found really, really helpful forme as I was navigating losses
and I was, as I was navigating pregnancy after loss, was being
a part of, of something where other people had experienced the
same thing as me. Because I, I typically found
that folks who had never had a loss before sometimes just don't
(35:35):
say the right thing, like in an attempt to be like kind and to
be compassionate. And this is like something that
I have to like talk to my sisterabout sometimes cuz she'll say
stuff like from a good place, but it just comes off weird
because she's never had a loss. And I'm like, I got it.
Like your heart is with me. Like you're giving me all your
love. I don't care.
Like, And so I find that being apart of something, if it's just
(36:02):
like another friend that's had aloss or like some like something
where other women have been in asimilar situation from you, I
find like is, is super beneficial to help you navigate
something because people don't talk about it.
Like it's this like secret society to be that so many of us
are a part of. And there's a lot of shame and
(36:22):
stigma with it. And it's super hard to be, it's
hard to be a part of this community, but it's, it's
really, really helpful to have other people to talk to, to kind
of normalize what's going on, tojust say and vent and see like
it's just, it's so important to have other people that you can
connect with. So I'm glad that there's this
community. I'm glad that the listeners are
(36:43):
probably a part of the communityin some aspect.
If you just need someone to talkto, you can always just like
e-mail or DM me too. I'm always happy to talk to
other lost moms about whatever, like, because it's, it is hard
to be a part of this community because nobody really talks
about what it's like to be a part of it.
And it can be feel really isolating and lonely.
(37:04):
You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't cause your loss.
You don't deserve to be here by any means, but you don't have to
be alone in this experience and you don't have to be ashamed or
embarrassed by it. Yeah.
Oh, Gina, thank you. Thank you so much for what you
just said for for being here, for sharing your inspiration,
(37:25):
your insight, and this, you know, perspective that is so
overlooked and bringing it into this conversation.
I can't say that enough to you. Thank you for having me.
I'm I always love sharing my story because I know it it's
going to help somebody feel lessalone in it and it's what I
would have wanted. So thank you for having me.
Yes, thank you, Gina, thank you.Today's episode is a powerful
(37:49):
reminder that healing after lossisn't just emotional, it's
physical too. Our bodies carry so much of what
we've been through, and learninghow to support, strengthen, and
reconnect with them is a part ofthe journey forward.
To anyone listening who feels disconnected from their body
after loss or unsure how to moveforward after pregnancy loss,
you are not alone in that feeling and your body is not
(38:09):
something that has filled you. It's something that deserves
care, patience, and compassion. There is no timeline for
healing. There is no right way.
But there is support, and there is always a beginning to rebuild
trust, one step at a time. At Chase and the Rainbows, we're
here to walk alongside you with free daily support, resources,
and a community. Every loss matters, and no one
(38:32):
should ever have to navigate theSaloon.
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who
may need to hear it. And if you are looking for
support, want to get involved orhonor your baby, you can visit
chaseandtherainbows.org. Thank you for being here, for
listening, and for continuing tohave these important
conversations with us. Until next time this is cried
out loud.
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