February 18, 2026 • 33 mins
Trying to conceive (TTC) after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss can feel profoundly isolating especially when friends, family members, and influencers around you are announcing pregnancies or bringing home healthy babies. In this deeply honest episode of Cry It Out Loud, wellness advocate and social media influencer Sarah Berle (@sarahthedetoxcoach) shares what it means to navigate grief, trauma, and hope while trying to move forward after baby loss.
Sarah opens up about the emotional reality of holding grief while watching others build families, why pregnancy announcements and due dates can trigger unexpected waves of sorrow, and how trying again after loss can feel both courageous and terrifying. Together, we discuss the mental health impact of TTC after loss, setting boundaries with loved ones, and honoring the baby you lost while still longing for another child.
In this episode, we explore:
Trying to conceive after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss
Coping when friends, family, and coworkers are pregnant or giving birth
Emotional triggers around pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and due dates
Navigating jealousy, guilt, fear, and hope after loss
Protecting maternal mental health while TTC after trauma
Breaking the silence surrounding grief, infertility, and pregnancy loss
This episode is for anyone navigating pregnancy after loss, secondary infertility, or the emotional weight of grieving while the world continues to celebrate new life.
You are not broken. Your grief is valid. And you don’t have to carry this alone.
Chasing the Rainbows provides free daily support, trauma-informed resources, and community for families impacted by infertility, pregnancy loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
host Bernice Quisenberry. Trying to conceive after loss
changes everything. The hope feels different, the
(00:32):
way fear shows up, and the way pregnancy announcements land in
your body. You can be genuinely happy for
someone you love and still feel completely undone.
You can want another baby more than anything, while missing the
one you lost just as deeply. Today on Cried Out Loud, we're
joined by Sarah, known as Sarah the Detox Coach on Instagram,
(00:54):
who is bravely breaking the silence around grief,
infertility, trying to conceive after loss, and the emotional
complexity of trying again. Sarah, thank you so much for
being here for and for giving words to an experience so many
of us carry after loss. Thank you for having me.
Seriously, I, I love what you'redoing here.
(01:14):
It means so much to me to be able to have this community and
to be able to integrate my community community with you
guys as well. It's such a beautiful thing that
you're doing. So thank you for having me.
Aw, thank you, Sarah. And it does, it means so much to
have your voice. Have you a part of us, you know,
in a volunteer capacity and justreally spreading that message.
(01:36):
And one of those things, you know, I feel like in a society
sometimes when we're opening up or sharing about our losses and
then trying to conceive after and, you know, seeing others
around us having babies, you know, everybody's like, we'll
try to remain grateful for this,remain grateful for that.
And it's really hard to find that gratitude sometimes when
(01:58):
we're in the depths of it. And I would love for you, you
know, to talk about things that you've experienced with that.
For sure, and sometimes I keep coming back to this one
statement that, you know, for one, if you don't have anything
nice to say, don't say anything at all.
There's a lot of people out there that have this world is so
(02:20):
crazy right now. But like, you know, people feel
the need to input something. They, they may be trying to be
nice, they might be best interests at heart, but
sometimes it's just like them just sitting with you in
silence, just saying I support you, not trying to input your
advice, not trying to give Wellness tips or what works for
(02:41):
their cousin. You know, sometimes just being
present with that person is moreimportant than anything else.
Second, it is so hard and so difficult because I know the
last time that we talked it was the holidays and we went over
like how difficult the holidays are for me personally and you
(03:03):
know, everyone else out there who is navigating infertility or
baby loss, how difficult especially, you know, Christmas
and New Year's and all that is because everybody, it seems like
everybody's announcing pregnancies.
And for me, I had the unique experience.
My 4th nephew was born December 22nd and so we got to travel
(03:27):
home for the holidays and it's it was such a weird, weird thing
for me to experience because flashback to when my sister told
me that she was pregnant for the4th time.
She was so nervous to tell me because she knew everything
(03:47):
that, you know, I had been goingthrough everything that I've
been through. And she was so nervous to tell
me. And it's like I struggled with
that because like, of course I'mhappy I've got another nephew.
Like, of course I am. But I mean, it is hard to hear,
you know, someone who so close to you is so easily able to get
(04:10):
pregnant and like, you want to be happy for them, but you're
feeling waves of emotion of, youknow, grief and jealousy.
And, you know, like, all of those things are very valid and
very important for you to navigate when you are going
through grief. It's so important to feel those
things. So it's OK if you feel, you
know, anger or jealousy. Like, you know, that's something
(04:31):
that I just pray on it. You work on it.
And yeah, I mean, it's completely normal to have those
feelings. And I, I feel like this time
around, being 37 years old, trying to conceive, like I have
this entire new outlook on, you know, everything that I've been
through with five losses, havinga rainbow baby and experiencing
(04:53):
all of these people around me having babies.
It's just like, you know, I, I look back and my journey is this
time around is so different. And so, you know, I'm very
thankful for the experiences that I did get to have and be
able to share it with everybody else.
(05:14):
So if I could give you 1 big piece of advice, it's to try
with all of your mind to focus on being present in today.
Focus on the emotions that you are feeling.
No matter what they are, they are valid.
And work on those emotions and then focus on one that one thing
(05:38):
that you can for the day and then the next day focus on
whatever else that you're feeling.
Because if you take things day to one day at a time, you're
going to get to a point where you look back and you're going
to realize how strong you are, how capable you are.
And it's just, it's kind of freeing once you get to that
point where you are able to holdyour best friend or your
(06:01):
sister's little baby and feel all of the things and not feel
guilty for feeling all of those things.
You will get to that point whereyou able to process all those
emotions in one time. I promise you, you will get
there. Yes, absolutely, Sarah.
And you know, just circling backto what you said, you know, a
(06:22):
lot of times people say things to make themselves feel better.
So like in those moments when we're opening up, we're sharing
about our losses, you know, and they're so well intended, but
they feel like they need to giveus advice because we didn't
already hear it. Even though, you know, when
we're in this world, we already are fully aware with things that
we should do with trying to conceive all the different
things, right? Like we research it and like go
(06:44):
down those Google deep dives andeverything like that.
But it really is for themselves when they say things, they're
like, oh, I feel like I helped. And really it's like, no, you
just got me to shut down. And, you know, and then we walk
away politely cause like, what else are we going to do in those
moments? It's like, OK, they're just not
seeing me. They're not listening.
And they're not just sitting in silence with us, which is huge.
(07:04):
And then, you know, you said it so well, Jealousy and envy.
They can live while we're still experiencing joy and happiness
for others. And that's a natural and human
reaction and emotion that we canfeel in all of these things.
And just feeling all those emotions because yes, you're
valid. Yes, they're legitimate.
They're so important for us to feel.
(07:25):
We say like you need to feel it to like heal it and like work
through and really process and staying present like one day at
a time. Sometimes it's like 1 minute at
a time, sometimes it's one hour at a time.
But really like figuring out like what do you need in those
moments to help you hope and to help you, you know, process
'cause it can be a lot, it can be overwhelming.
(07:47):
And I know, you know, when we were going through and I loved
how you share that, Sarah, like especially, you know, trying to
conceive in just years of it andwatching others around us just
getting pregnant and pregnant. And I was getting older, you
know, 3738. And like, you know, all of a
sudden it's like, Oh, I know I have like more issues now
because of that, like ticking bomb that they make you feel
(08:09):
like with your egg timer and allthe different things.
And it's like, you know, in the season, our friends and family
and loved ones around us are, you know, conceiving and getting
pregnant and announcing it and the holidays.
It's always so much heavier too.And I know they're thinking it's
a gift and it is. And it's a a beautiful.
Gift, but you're in the. Depths of it, right?
(08:29):
It's. Just.
Heavy, yeah. Yeah, you said that very well
because it brought me back to a conversation that I was having
with my sister. So, you know, we were in the
bathroom, we were getting ready for dinner.
And, you know, it's like me, my my handle is Sarah, the detox
coach. And I'm going to give you a
(08:50):
little bit of a back story. When I first started this
journey after my 5th miscarriageand started sharing my story, I
had no idea the complexity of what it was going to become.
I started this because I, I learned something.
I hired a private hormone clinicand they taught me about
(09:11):
indoctrine disruptors. And so my entire thing that I
wanted to start, I just wanted to share bits of information
with women who are have a similar story as me and help
them detox their life from environmental toxins.
You know, I'm, I'm not well versed in a lot of medical
(09:32):
terms. I should say I'm not a medical
professional by any means, but Idid the research, I read the
clinical studies, I read books, I read, you know, I, I follow
all these fertility doctors and the ones that are doing good in
this world are Hall saying pretty much the same thing.
You know, there's root causes toeverything.
(09:53):
So anyways, that's how my, my handle came about.
And so me and my sister were talking about like non-toxic
swaps that we make here and there.
And, you know, she's a lot more lenient about, you know, certain
things. She does care about detoxing her
environment for the sake of her children, but she's not as
(10:14):
particular as I am, right? When you know, I'm like a, if it
has this ingredient or that ingredient, it's a hard no for
me. And it's just it makes me
wonder, you know, why does my sister, we came from the exact
same background, grew up in the same environment.
Why is it so easy for her? You know, and like these things
go from my head. She, she doesn't care like I do.
(10:37):
She doesn't, you know, have to revolve into her entire life
around trying to conceive. She just gets pregnant so
naturally. Like how, how?
And it's like, you know, in thatmoment, like we were just
getting ready for dinner and I'mhaving all of these thoughts in
my head and I'm, you know, I stopped myself because it just
(10:57):
made me doubt everything. And I realized like, that's one
completely normal for me to feelthis way.
And that's a, that was a phase of grief for me, you know, like
questioning all of these things,like why two people raised in
the same household? How can our fertility journey
look so different? But you know, at the end of the
(11:20):
day, like I realized that I, that's not my story.
That's not what I was called to do.
And I later, you know, when I got home and I was settled and I
was reflecting on everything, I realized like my purpose became
from in spite of everything thatI've been through, had I not
(11:43):
gone through any of that, I wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't be so grateful for the things that I do have.
And not saying that you have to,you know, I'm not trying to say
a cliche statement should like be grateful or anything like
that. It took a lot of work for me to
get there. I mean, two years of navigating,
(12:05):
you know, processing my feelingsand emotions and everything.
Like it took two years. And that's just a starting point
for some people. I mean, some people, I think you
can take 6 to 10 years to be able to have that like aha
moment. And so wherever you are on your
timeline, just know that it's OKto feel whatever you're feeling
right now. Don't feel rushed.
(12:26):
Don't feel like, Oh well, time isn't on my side.
You know, like first of all, I mean, 35 is the new 25.
You know what? People are having babies later
in life. That is a statistic there is
don't feel rushed by any timeline whatsoever.
You have to be emotionally readyto start to try to conceive
(12:47):
again. So no matter where you are in
your journey, do not worry abouttime, just trust.
Trust in yourself. Trust that you know what is
meant for you will happen in time.
So yeah. Absolutely.
I mean, I feel you so much on that.
(13:07):
Like when I made the egg timer or you know, earlier, it is
true. Like society makes you feel that
way like you do. But realistically people are
having babies into their 40s andstuff like that.
And you know, and you know, having a good care team and
having the right doctors beside you and everything like that
makes a world of difference, youknow, and all of that on your
(13:27):
journey and what that looks likefor everyone.
It's so true. And you know what's interesting,
Sarah? So you know, of course, like
took you 2 years to like process, work through, like
really navigate what this life was right and like what your
purpose is and all of that. Like what boundaries did you
feel like, 'cause I know myself,like I had to set a lot of
(13:49):
boundaries like self protection and also protect my peace
because I feel like that was so important in those moments too.
Like what did you, you know, have to do in those in that, you
know, two years to really, you know.
I did a lot of self reflecting. I did a lot of, if it's not like
if you're not for me, I'm done. Because if you're not willing to
(14:13):
meet me where I'm at and make mefeel comfortable and safe, you
are going to be a season in my life.
And I'm not saying that like youcan't come back in the future.
I'm saying I'm doing whatever I possibly have to to protect my
peace right now. And so I got really comfortable
(14:33):
in saying no and protecting myself 1st.
And I don't care how selfish that looked to anybody, family,
friends included, if it wasn't if you weren't meeting me where
I was at, I was cutting you off.And a lot of people have a
really hard time doing that. And just, I mean, talking to
(14:57):
friends even they're just so willing to accept things from
friends and family. People are in close circles to
them. They're so willing to just, Oh
well, they're family or you know, this person's been my best
friend for 20 years. And when you're in the middle of
something like baby loss and that person hasn't truly, if
(15:20):
they've never had to experience baby loss from this health, they
will never understand to the fullest which you are going
through. And if they're not willing to
just go on Google, what can I say just or what's your next
time say somebody navigating miscarriage?
If you're not willing to do that, then you are a part of a
(15:41):
season that I'm putting behind me at this point in time.
And that's OK. I don't want anyone to ever feel
like they have to prioritize someone else's feelings while
you are trying to process your own feelings.
Yes, you're. Not responsible for protecting
their feelings. Yes, absolutely.
You're not responsible and like,you know, they like that
(16:02):
emotional and like intelligence and things like that.
And I think, you know, going back to traumatic baby loss,
like realistically, like gets usthere to that point of
protection, right? And like setting those
boundaries and no is a complete sentence, No period and also
seasons and reasons. Oh my goodness, yes.
And like if somebody's not meantto be in our lives forever or
(16:23):
they come in, they enter, they leave, they come back, whatever
it is is so spot on. And whoever's meant to will be,
you know, all of that. But it's also, like you said,
like it's not about them, it's about you and what you put that
oxygen mask on 1st, you know, making sure that you're doing
whatever in your power to get you back to a place, you know,
(16:45):
that you're not in like fight orflight all the time, you know,
and like literally survival mode.
And if they can't understand that, you know, that's sad.
It really is. And they're just not meant to
be, you know. And I think getting to that
point and understanding that, you know, it was really
difficult, especially when you're a people pleaser or, you
(17:05):
know, you always have been. And it could take year.
Like, you know, it could take six months to a year.
And at first I remember it beinglike, I don't want to lose one
more thing in my life right now.And so it was all of that.
And I was like, oh, this person has always been there for me.
But when I really reflected, like journaled and like really
thought through who has been there for me and is willing to
(17:26):
get uncomfortable, that's the thing too.
Like I, I have been so willing to get uncomfortable to be with
people and sit with them in their grief.
And I'm not saying that for kudos or anything like that.
It's like who is willing to sit there with you and feel the
silence, feel everything with that person, cry with them like
all of the things and make yourself.
(17:48):
And even if it's not uncomfortability, just like
entering into that situation is the ones that are your like true
soldiers beside you, like the ones that rally around you and
are meant to be in your life, iswhat I felt like to Sarah and.
Some of those people are allowedto be complete strangers.
Yeah. I was more comfortable telling
(18:09):
my story with thousands of strangers than I was with my own
best friend and my husband. It was more comfortable telling
my story to strangers. And that is OK.
You do whatever it is that you have to do to talk about it with
whoever is going to give you thereaction that makes you feel
(18:33):
safe and at peace. And you brought something up and
I just wanted to just talk aboutit really quick.
So fight or flight. And I know that's like a trendy
buzzword right now because everyone in the Wellness space
is talking about fight or flight, right?
But. It's like nervous system
regulation, and it's all of thatwith trauma and all of it.
(18:54):
Yeah, Sarah, Yeah. I want to talk about that for a
minute because I've spent the majority of these past two years
learning to identify that my body was stuck in fight or
flight. And let's just put that in
perspective, what that actually means.
That means we've gone through trauma.
So trauma is one of the biggest things that's going to affect
(19:21):
your nervous system. Your nervous system shuts down
and you experience high levels of stress, grief, trauma,
unprocessed feelings, all of these built up feelings, just
feelings on feelings, good feelings and your body shuts
down. And here's me after my third and
(19:42):
even 4th miscarriage. I was like every 3rd month I was
getting pregnant. I, I'm ready to have a baby.
I just want to have a baby. But knowing what I'm, what I've
spent the last two years doing is focusing on nervous system
regulation, getting my body out of fight or flight.
Because your fertility, your everything relies.
(20:05):
On your nervous system and worldrenowned fertility doctors are
talking about this right now. And so this is very, this is
very, very important that I know.
Trust me, I know more than anyone, I've had five
miscarriages. I know how impatient you are,
how rushed you feel and how desperately you just want a baby
(20:26):
in your arms. I want you to slow down.
I want you to focus on your feelings and being able to learn
how to regulate your nervous system.
I want you to go ChatGPT it ask ChatGPT what you have to do to
regulate your nervous system. What are the the signs that I'm
looking for? You know, what are the symptoms
(20:47):
that I'm experiencing and just work on that.
Talk about your feelings and then notice how your body is
going to react. I want you to notice that.
Absolutely, and that's why we have nervous system regulation
videos. We hold a once a month free
session for it. Like it really, you know, right.
And we have a couple fertility docs that have talked about this
(21:10):
and it's yeah, it's whoo it is it, it it really like, I feel
like the, do you ever have those?
Like you were saying the aha moments or the me too.
Me too, me too. So when someone else is sharing
or I feel like it's relative, it's like, yes, I just feel
this. And I felt that too.
Like with PCOS and endometriosis, like whenever I
read anything about that or likeside effects, things like that.
(21:31):
And it's like, yes, like this all makes sense, right, 'cause I
was diagnosed with those things.Like, oh, This is why my body
does this. This is why I react to this.
This is why this It's the same with this and seeing trauma
responses and grief responses and how your body just reacts is
like hold. On to it.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So, yeah, I mean, just looking
(21:54):
into that helping along the journey and if that
recommendation is, you know, helpful for you, definitely, you
know, go down that path and journey and and we're here for
all of it, of course. But yeah, yes, Sir.
Learning. Learning how to just talk right,
you know, because like, for a long time, I didn't know how to
(22:15):
talk about it. I didn't.
It wasn't. It wasn't until I started
sharing it with the world that Irealized, you know, how freeing
that was for me to be able to talk about it out loud, to
recognize, you know, my losses and that I was living in trauma.
(22:38):
You know, it wasn't until I got all of that out of my system
that I was able to look back andsee how far I've come.
So if if you can get to a safe place and talk to somebody
completely unbiased, talk to a stranger or whoever, just get it
all out there and I promise you,you'll feel so much better.
(22:59):
My goodness, yeah. I call it trauma dumping.
Like I do it and it does. It feels like it's like cuts
your pain in half each time you do and the more comfortable you
get. But it's so validating when
you're doing it in a room with people who understand what you
are going through. And they have been through it.
And it's a whole different. Like in support groups, I even
am on their sharing because, youknow, you still like, I still
(23:22):
have things I need to get out. Like each day is different.
And you know, this is not a process that like we just get
over either. You know, we don't just forget
about the babies we lost. And some days are easier than
others, you know, and being years out, you know, from it,
it's still like, you know, there's times, there's dates,
there's all of those things thattake you right back there
sometimes. And just like sharing is a whole
(23:44):
different thing with Someone Like You and I today, Sarah
talking about this, it's like, yes, I feel like a bobble head
over here. I always say that.
Yes, yes. Do you ever feel like it's so
hard to make adult friendships? But then you find people who
been through what you've been through and you're like, are we
best friends? Yes.
Best friends instantly became best friends.
(24:08):
It's so. True.
And it's like when you share like a similar trauma, you know,
or experience, it's like, gosh, you just see me.
Like you just get me. I don't feel judged.
Yes. Don't have to over explain.
Not going to be judged. I can sit here and share
different things. You're going to be like, Yep, I
get that. Even if you have an experience,
(24:28):
you're going to get it though, you know, I could get how you
got there, you know, or how you thought that.
Yeah, thanks. And my biggest thing was, is I
was so nervous telling people about how I was feeling because
I just felt like I was being judged and like, you know, for
saying negative things. And I'm like, I'm, I'm not a
negative person. You know.
I'm pretty neutral, right? Like I do, like I vent.
(24:51):
I vent, but I just felt like thethings that people were probably
saying about me behind my back, just because I was being honest
with my feelings, It's just likeI felt so much pressure.
Yeah. Sorry you can't handle my
feelings. Like I'm I'm sorry that you want
me to church this up. You want me to like fluff it and
make it look pretty, but I'm notpretty with a little bow right
(25:13):
now. Like I'm just being honest and
real so I can help the next person too.
Who? Experiences.
You don't say those things to them or, you know, come at them
with these things. And it's like when people ask
you how are you doing? They don't really want to know
how you're doing. No, it's like, but you know how
many times, like, just like what?
And I was like, whoops, Like that probably wasn't the
situation, but it doesn't matteranyways.
(25:34):
And it's like, OK, well, they made me feel unsafe.
Like never again. Like I'll avoid them.
Like, you know, but it's also like, don't really ask me that
if you don't want the right answer, you know, or if you want
your answer because sometimes you're not going to get it
because like, didn't you? Also, I felt this so, so much.
I lost like my ability to reallycushion things.
Like, I'm not just going to sit here and say what you want me to
(25:57):
say when I have no bandwidth right now because I'm literally
in survival mode that fight and flight right at the beginning,
especially like, so there's nothing right now I like, I
don't have it in me to like sugarcoat this for you.
No. And they want those and they do
they. I feel like they want that
Instagram influencer life like where like, OK, so sometimes
(26:18):
when I'm shooting Reels, I'm like, if you have my counter and
you would zoom out all the nest that's on each side, like that's
literally what they want. They just want that zoomed in
focus of oh, how are you? How are you doing?
And then you start talking, you're like, OK, I need to just,
yeah, they can answer everything.
(26:42):
Yeah, they can't handle it honestly.
And then, you know, like I said,people want to feel better by
saying something to you, like tomake themselves feel good.
Like, oh, I addressed it, that'sgreat.
Like I said it and things like that, it's like, no, no, like,
and it's the same here. Like, OK, you asked me how I'm
doing. You just want the good.
OK, You like you want the generic I'm.
Doing great. I'm just getting on with life.
(27:04):
And yeah, it got to a point where I just felt like I
couldn't even answer those questions anymore.
I don't have an envy to be fake.I don't superficial
conversation's out the window, like unless somebody wants to
get into like, you know, just like depths, like I can't.
That's shallow water. I can't just hang out in shallow
(27:24):
water anymore. It has to run for me, you know.
And those are the that's that isthe exact moment when you
realize you have to set a boundary with that person
exactly. And it's not, it's not like they
did anything wrong. It's not.
But it's also not like they did anything right either.
And if they're not for you in that season, then that's just
(27:45):
when you got to realize that youhave to cut that person off for
the time being to protect yourself.
Nothing is forever unless you want it to be right and it's
it's just self preservation. It's like you were saying like
the safety, the security, all ofthose things that is so
important in our healing process.
And you know, really it's just to focus on, to focus on
ourselves. We have to be self as I'm being
(28:06):
selfish, it's self-care. I have to like, and I'm saying
that out loud because I also have to repeat that to myself.
I'm literally in survival mode. Self-care is extremely important
and doing whatever we have to doto survive, like you were saying
to Sarah. Yes, Amen to that.
Amen to that. It is ridiculously hard,
(28:28):
especially now when, you know, the world is so loud and
everything we do I feel is criticized or judged or I mean,
you, you can say one thing and somebody's going to interpret it
20 different ways. Oh, I know.
And so it's just like, if you can't say out loud how you're
feeling or what you've just how you feel in general and not feel
(28:53):
safe to say it, that's that's when you got to take a step back
and try to find your tribe of like the person that's always
not in their head. Yes, I get it.
There is that person up there. There is.
Your trust circle, absolutely. You know it's really like who's
going to be in that circle? My circle got real small.
(29:13):
You know, I used to have like a huge serving plate size of
people in my life, right? And I was like quantity over
quality. And now it's like a handful of
people and yeah. It's like the people that you
know you've, you've been friendswith forever.
Like literally half my life, I've been friends with some
people and then they're always wanting the good parts.
(29:36):
They always wanted the, or the gossip or you know what show or
whatever. But the moment that you get real
and raw, they're shut off. And it's, it's really true to
explain to that person who you love deeply, you care about them
so much and you cherish all of the memories that you've had
(29:58):
your half your life, but they'renot meant for you this season.
And it's OK to tell them, hey, Ineed to take a step back from
this friendship right now just to protect myself.
Like, and it's, it's ridiculously hard because you
know, no matter what you say, you're going to be hurting their
feelings. But you're going to have to get
to a point where the only way that you find true healing is if
(30:20):
you protect yourself. So yeah, Yep.
And it's so true if you don't feel like you can be honest or
trust somebody with your heart and your feelings and just
really feel a sense of comfort when you're with someone, when
you're openly sharing and being raw and real with your true self
and getting it out there. It's a done.
(30:42):
It's it's done for me. I mean, that's, that's it.
Or if I feel except. Something that you know, you
figure out and you realize that you have other things in common
with other people and, you know,people come and go into your
life and. Yes, as we grow, you know, we're
growing too as humans and as andyou know, and when you're having
(31:03):
those growth spurts and, and things like that, that's really
when you do recognize, you know,some people weren't meant for
that growth and that's OK. Is totally OK.
It is OK to outgrow yourself. It's OK to outgrow yourself 1020
times. As long as you are growing and
you are working towards a betterself.
You can evolve as many times as you want and it's OK to let
(31:26):
people go. It's OK to put yourself first.
It's like you said, it's not selfish, it's self-care.
So. Yes, absolutely, Sarah.
I know. This has been, of course, always
so wonderful to have you on here, your beautiful voice,
everything that you do on Instagram for us, for your
community, you know, every, our community, just everything.
(31:46):
We just can't thank you enough. Is there anything that you want
to leave everybody with before we wrap up today?
Just know that you are loved, you are so deeply loved and
there is always a space for you.I find that it's I have a lot of
women coming to me and opening up and my page is a safe place.
Chasing the rainbows is a safe place.
(32:08):
The reason that I show up on social media, there's so many
days that I tell my husband how hard it is to keep going.
Like, is this worth it? But then you get, then I get DMS
of so many of you reaching out and saying how important having
somebody else to talk to that gets it.
And so I just want you to know to keep sharing, keep telling
(32:31):
your story. You will find your tribe.
You will. And I hope that you find it
through Chasing the Rainbows because it's just you are doing
such heavenly work and it's justso beautiful.
And yeah, I hope more women justfind their people on the
Internet and that you feel loved.
(32:53):
Oh, Sarah, thank you. From the bottom of my heart,
thank you for being here. Thank you.
Oh, trying again doesn't mean moving on.
Wanting another baby doesn't mean for getting the ones we
lost. If you are trying to conceive
after a loss, you're grieving insilence or struggling while the
world keeps moving forward around us.
You belong here. Please reach out to us on
(33:15):
Chasing the rainbows.org if you need any of our support
services. We are here for you.
Until next time.
Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
host Bernice Quisenberry. Trying to conceive after loss
changes everything. The hope feels different, the
(00:32):
way fear shows up, and the way pregnancy announcements land in
your body. You can be genuinely happy for
someone you love and still feel completely undone.
You can want another baby more than anything, while missing the
one you lost just as deeply. Today on Cried Out Loud, we're
joined by Sarah, known as Sarah the Detox Coach on Instagram,
(00:54):
who is bravely breaking the silence around grief,
infertility, trying to conceive after loss, and the emotional
complexity of trying again. Sarah, thank you so much for
being here for and for giving words to an experience so many
of us carry after loss. Thank you for having me.
Seriously, I, I love what you'redoing here.
(01:14):
It means so much to me to be able to have this community and
to be able to integrate my community community with you
guys as well. It's such a beautiful thing that
you're doing. So thank you for having me.
Aw, thank you, Sarah. And it does, it means so much to
have your voice. Have you a part of us, you know,
in a volunteer capacity and justreally spreading that message.
(01:36):
And one of those things, you know, I feel like in a society
sometimes when we're opening up or sharing about our losses and
then trying to conceive after and, you know, seeing others
around us having babies, you know, everybody's like, we'll
try to remain grateful for this,remain grateful for that.
And it's really hard to find that gratitude sometimes when
(01:58):
we're in the depths of it. And I would love for you, you
know, to talk about things that you've experienced with that.
For sure, and sometimes I keep coming back to this one
statement that, you know, for one, if you don't have anything
nice to say, don't say anything at all.
There's a lot of people out there that have this world is so
(02:20):
crazy right now. But like, you know, people feel
the need to input something. They, they may be trying to be
nice, they might be best interests at heart, but
sometimes it's just like them just sitting with you in
silence, just saying I support you, not trying to input your
advice, not trying to give Wellness tips or what works for
(02:41):
their cousin. You know, sometimes just being
present with that person is moreimportant than anything else.
Second, it is so hard and so difficult because I know the
last time that we talked it was the holidays and we went over
like how difficult the holidays are for me personally and you
(03:03):
know, everyone else out there who is navigating infertility or
baby loss, how difficult especially, you know, Christmas
and New Year's and all that is because everybody, it seems like
everybody's announcing pregnancies.
And for me, I had the unique experience.
My 4th nephew was born December 22nd and so we got to travel
(03:27):
home for the holidays and it's it was such a weird, weird thing
for me to experience because flashback to when my sister told
me that she was pregnant for the4th time.
She was so nervous to tell me because she knew everything
(03:47):
that, you know, I had been goingthrough everything that I've
been through. And she was so nervous to tell
me. And it's like I struggled with
that because like, of course I'mhappy I've got another nephew.
Like, of course I am. But I mean, it is hard to hear,
you know, someone who so close to you is so easily able to get
(04:10):
pregnant and like, you want to be happy for them, but you're
feeling waves of emotion of, youknow, grief and jealousy.
And, you know, like, all of those things are very valid and
very important for you to navigate when you are going
through grief. It's so important to feel those
things. So it's OK if you feel, you
know, anger or jealousy. Like, you know, that's something
(04:31):
that I just pray on it. You work on it.
And yeah, I mean, it's completely normal to have those
feelings. And I, I feel like this time
around, being 37 years old, trying to conceive, like I have
this entire new outlook on, you know, everything that I've been
through with five losses, havinga rainbow baby and experiencing
(04:53):
all of these people around me having babies.
It's just like, you know, I, I look back and my journey is this
time around is so different. And so, you know, I'm very
thankful for the experiences that I did get to have and be
able to share it with everybody else.
(05:14):
So if I could give you 1 big piece of advice, it's to try
with all of your mind to focus on being present in today.
Focus on the emotions that you are feeling.
No matter what they are, they are valid.
And work on those emotions and then focus on one that one thing
(05:38):
that you can for the day and then the next day focus on
whatever else that you're feeling.
Because if you take things day to one day at a time, you're
going to get to a point where you look back and you're going
to realize how strong you are, how capable you are.
And it's just, it's kind of freeing once you get to that
point where you are able to holdyour best friend or your
(06:01):
sister's little baby and feel all of the things and not feel
guilty for feeling all of those things.
You will get to that point whereyou able to process all those
emotions in one time. I promise you, you will get
there. Yes, absolutely, Sarah.
And you know, just circling backto what you said, you know, a
(06:22):
lot of times people say things to make themselves feel better.
So like in those moments when we're opening up, we're sharing
about our losses, you know, and they're so well intended, but
they feel like they need to giveus advice because we didn't
already hear it. Even though, you know, when
we're in this world, we already are fully aware with things that
we should do with trying to conceive all the different
things, right? Like we research it and like go
(06:44):
down those Google deep dives andeverything like that.
But it really is for themselves when they say things, they're
like, oh, I feel like I helped. And really it's like, no, you
just got me to shut down. And, you know, and then we walk
away politely cause like, what else are we going to do in those
moments? It's like, OK, they're just not
seeing me. They're not listening.
And they're not just sitting in silence with us, which is huge.
(07:04):
And then, you know, you said it so well, Jealousy and envy.
They can live while we're still experiencing joy and happiness
for others. And that's a natural and human
reaction and emotion that we canfeel in all of these things.
And just feeling all those emotions because yes, you're
valid. Yes, they're legitimate.
They're so important for us to feel.
(07:25):
We say like you need to feel it to like heal it and like work
through and really process and staying present like one day at
a time. Sometimes it's like 1 minute at
a time, sometimes it's one hour at a time.
But really like figuring out like what do you need in those
moments to help you hope and to help you, you know, process
'cause it can be a lot, it can be overwhelming.
(07:47):
And I know, you know, when we were going through and I loved
how you share that, Sarah, like especially, you know, trying to
conceive in just years of it andwatching others around us just
getting pregnant and pregnant. And I was getting older, you
know, 3738. And like, you know, all of a
sudden it's like, Oh, I know I have like more issues now
because of that, like ticking bomb that they make you feel
(08:09):
like with your egg timer and allthe different things.
And it's like, you know, in the season, our friends and family
and loved ones around us are, you know, conceiving and getting
pregnant and announcing it and the holidays.
It's always so much heavier too.And I know they're thinking it's
a gift and it is. And it's a a beautiful.
Gift, but you're in the. Depths of it, right?
(08:29):
It's. Just.
Heavy, yeah. Yeah, you said that very well
because it brought me back to a conversation that I was having
with my sister. So, you know, we were in the
bathroom, we were getting ready for dinner.
And, you know, it's like me, my my handle is Sarah, the detox
coach. And I'm going to give you a
(08:50):
little bit of a back story. When I first started this
journey after my 5th miscarriageand started sharing my story, I
had no idea the complexity of what it was going to become.
I started this because I, I learned something.
I hired a private hormone clinicand they taught me about
(09:11):
indoctrine disruptors. And so my entire thing that I
wanted to start, I just wanted to share bits of information
with women who are have a similar story as me and help
them detox their life from environmental toxins.
You know, I'm, I'm not well versed in a lot of medical
(09:32):
terms. I should say I'm not a medical
professional by any means, but Idid the research, I read the
clinical studies, I read books, I read, you know, I, I follow
all these fertility doctors and the ones that are doing good in
this world are Hall saying pretty much the same thing.
You know, there's root causes toeverything.
(09:53):
So anyways, that's how my, my handle came about.
And so me and my sister were talking about like non-toxic
swaps that we make here and there.
And, you know, she's a lot more lenient about, you know, certain
things. She does care about detoxing her
environment for the sake of her children, but she's not as
(10:14):
particular as I am, right? When you know, I'm like a, if it
has this ingredient or that ingredient, it's a hard no for
me. And it's just it makes me
wonder, you know, why does my sister, we came from the exact
same background, grew up in the same environment.
Why is it so easy for her? You know, and like these things
go from my head. She, she doesn't care like I do.
(10:37):
She doesn't, you know, have to revolve into her entire life
around trying to conceive. She just gets pregnant so
naturally. Like how, how?
And it's like, you know, in thatmoment, like we were just
getting ready for dinner and I'mhaving all of these thoughts in
my head and I'm, you know, I stopped myself because it just
(10:57):
made me doubt everything. And I realized like, that's one
completely normal for me to feelthis way.
And that's a, that was a phase of grief for me, you know, like
questioning all of these things,like why two people raised in
the same household? How can our fertility journey
look so different? But you know, at the end of the
(11:20):
day, like I realized that I, that's not my story.
That's not what I was called to do.
And I later, you know, when I got home and I was settled and I
was reflecting on everything, I realized like my purpose became
from in spite of everything thatI've been through, had I not
(11:43):
gone through any of that, I wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't be so grateful for the things that I do have.
And not saying that you have to,you know, I'm not trying to say
a cliche statement should like be grateful or anything like
that. It took a lot of work for me to
get there. I mean, two years of navigating,
(12:05):
you know, processing my feelingsand emotions and everything.
Like it took two years. And that's just a starting point
for some people. I mean, some people, I think you
can take 6 to 10 years to be able to have that like aha
moment. And so wherever you are on your
timeline, just know that it's OKto feel whatever you're feeling
right now. Don't feel rushed.
(12:26):
Don't feel like, Oh well, time isn't on my side.
You know, like first of all, I mean, 35 is the new 25.
You know what? People are having babies later
in life. That is a statistic there is
don't feel rushed by any timeline whatsoever.
You have to be emotionally readyto start to try to conceive
(12:47):
again. So no matter where you are in
your journey, do not worry abouttime, just trust.
Trust in yourself. Trust that you know what is
meant for you will happen in time.
So yeah. Absolutely.
I mean, I feel you so much on that.
(13:07):
Like when I made the egg timer or you know, earlier, it is
true. Like society makes you feel that
way like you do. But realistically people are
having babies into their 40s andstuff like that.
And you know, and you know, having a good care team and
having the right doctors beside you and everything like that
makes a world of difference, youknow, and all of that on your
(13:27):
journey and what that looks likefor everyone.
It's so true. And you know what's interesting,
Sarah? So you know, of course, like
took you 2 years to like process, work through, like
really navigate what this life was right and like what your
purpose is and all of that. Like what boundaries did you
feel like, 'cause I know myself,like I had to set a lot of
(13:49):
boundaries like self protection and also protect my peace
because I feel like that was so important in those moments too.
Like what did you, you know, have to do in those in that, you
know, two years to really, you know.
I did a lot of self reflecting. I did a lot of, if it's not like
if you're not for me, I'm done. Because if you're not willing to
(14:13):
meet me where I'm at and make mefeel comfortable and safe, you
are going to be a season in my life.
And I'm not saying that like youcan't come back in the future.
I'm saying I'm doing whatever I possibly have to to protect my
peace right now. And so I got really comfortable
(14:33):
in saying no and protecting myself 1st.
And I don't care how selfish that looked to anybody, family,
friends included, if it wasn't if you weren't meeting me where
I was at, I was cutting you off.And a lot of people have a
really hard time doing that. And just, I mean, talking to
(14:57):
friends even they're just so willing to accept things from
friends and family. People are in close circles to
them. They're so willing to just, Oh
well, they're family or you know, this person's been my best
friend for 20 years. And when you're in the middle of
something like baby loss and that person hasn't truly, if
(15:20):
they've never had to experience baby loss from this health, they
will never understand to the fullest which you are going
through. And if they're not willing to
just go on Google, what can I say just or what's your next
time say somebody navigating miscarriage?
If you're not willing to do that, then you are a part of a
(15:41):
season that I'm putting behind me at this point in time.
And that's OK. I don't want anyone to ever feel
like they have to prioritize someone else's feelings while
you are trying to process your own feelings.
Yes, you're. Not responsible for protecting
their feelings. Yes, absolutely.
You're not responsible and like,you know, they like that
(16:02):
emotional and like intelligence and things like that.
And I think, you know, going back to traumatic baby loss,
like realistically, like gets usthere to that point of
protection, right? And like setting those
boundaries and no is a complete sentence, No period and also
seasons and reasons. Oh my goodness, yes.
And like if somebody's not meantto be in our lives forever or
(16:23):
they come in, they enter, they leave, they come back, whatever
it is is so spot on. And whoever's meant to will be,
you know, all of that. But it's also, like you said,
like it's not about them, it's about you and what you put that
oxygen mask on 1st, you know, making sure that you're doing
whatever in your power to get you back to a place, you know,
(16:45):
that you're not in like fight orflight all the time, you know,
and like literally survival mode.
And if they can't understand that, you know, that's sad.
It really is. And they're just not meant to
be, you know. And I think getting to that
point and understanding that, you know, it was really
difficult, especially when you're a people pleaser or, you
(17:05):
know, you always have been. And it could take year.
Like, you know, it could take six months to a year.
And at first I remember it beinglike, I don't want to lose one
more thing in my life right now.And so it was all of that.
And I was like, oh, this person has always been there for me.
But when I really reflected, like journaled and like really
thought through who has been there for me and is willing to
(17:26):
get uncomfortable, that's the thing too.
Like I, I have been so willing to get uncomfortable to be with
people and sit with them in their grief.
And I'm not saying that for kudos or anything like that.
It's like who is willing to sit there with you and feel the
silence, feel everything with that person, cry with them like
all of the things and make yourself.
(17:48):
And even if it's not uncomfortability, just like
entering into that situation is the ones that are your like true
soldiers beside you, like the ones that rally around you and
are meant to be in your life, iswhat I felt like to Sarah and.
Some of those people are allowedto be complete strangers.
Yeah. I was more comfortable telling
(18:09):
my story with thousands of strangers than I was with my own
best friend and my husband. It was more comfortable telling
my story to strangers. And that is OK.
You do whatever it is that you have to do to talk about it with
whoever is going to give you thereaction that makes you feel
(18:33):
safe and at peace. And you brought something up and
I just wanted to just talk aboutit really quick.
So fight or flight. And I know that's like a trendy
buzzword right now because everyone in the Wellness space
is talking about fight or flight, right?
But. It's like nervous system
regulation, and it's all of thatwith trauma and all of it.
(18:54):
Yeah, Sarah, Yeah. I want to talk about that for a
minute because I've spent the majority of these past two years
learning to identify that my body was stuck in fight or
flight. And let's just put that in
perspective, what that actually means.
That means we've gone through trauma.
So trauma is one of the biggest things that's going to affect
(19:21):
your nervous system. Your nervous system shuts down
and you experience high levels of stress, grief, trauma,
unprocessed feelings, all of these built up feelings, just
feelings on feelings, good feelings and your body shuts
down. And here's me after my third and
(19:42):
even 4th miscarriage. I was like every 3rd month I was
getting pregnant. I, I'm ready to have a baby.
I just want to have a baby. But knowing what I'm, what I've
spent the last two years doing is focusing on nervous system
regulation, getting my body out of fight or flight.
Because your fertility, your everything relies.
(20:05):
On your nervous system and worldrenowned fertility doctors are
talking about this right now. And so this is very, this is
very, very important that I know.
Trust me, I know more than anyone, I've had five
miscarriages. I know how impatient you are,
how rushed you feel and how desperately you just want a baby
(20:26):
in your arms. I want you to slow down.
I want you to focus on your feelings and being able to learn
how to regulate your nervous system.
I want you to go ChatGPT it ask ChatGPT what you have to do to
regulate your nervous system. What are the the signs that I'm
looking for? You know, what are the symptoms
(20:47):
that I'm experiencing and just work on that.
Talk about your feelings and then notice how your body is
going to react. I want you to notice that.
Absolutely, and that's why we have nervous system regulation
videos. We hold a once a month free
session for it. Like it really, you know, right.
And we have a couple fertility docs that have talked about this
(21:10):
and it's yeah, it's whoo it is it, it it really like, I feel
like the, do you ever have those?
Like you were saying the aha moments or the me too.
Me too, me too. So when someone else is sharing
or I feel like it's relative, it's like, yes, I just feel
this. And I felt that too.
Like with PCOS and endometriosis, like whenever I
read anything about that or likeside effects, things like that.
(21:31):
And it's like, yes, like this all makes sense, right, 'cause I
was diagnosed with those things.Like, oh, This is why my body
does this. This is why I react to this.
This is why this It's the same with this and seeing trauma
responses and grief responses and how your body just reacts is
like hold. On to it.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So, yeah, I mean, just looking
(21:54):
into that helping along the journey and if that
recommendation is, you know, helpful for you, definitely, you
know, go down that path and journey and and we're here for
all of it, of course. But yeah, yes, Sir.
Learning. Learning how to just talk right,
you know, because like, for a long time, I didn't know how to
(22:15):
talk about it. I didn't.
It wasn't. It wasn't until I started
sharing it with the world that Irealized, you know, how freeing
that was for me to be able to talk about it out loud, to
recognize, you know, my losses and that I was living in trauma.
(22:38):
You know, it wasn't until I got all of that out of my system
that I was able to look back andsee how far I've come.
So if if you can get to a safe place and talk to somebody
completely unbiased, talk to a stranger or whoever, just get it
all out there and I promise you,you'll feel so much better.
(22:59):
My goodness, yeah. I call it trauma dumping.
Like I do it and it does. It feels like it's like cuts
your pain in half each time you do and the more comfortable you
get. But it's so validating when
you're doing it in a room with people who understand what you
are going through. And they have been through it.
And it's a whole different. Like in support groups, I even
am on their sharing because, youknow, you still like, I still
(23:22):
have things I need to get out. Like each day is different.
And you know, this is not a process that like we just get
over either. You know, we don't just forget
about the babies we lost. And some days are easier than
others, you know, and being years out, you know, from it,
it's still like, you know, there's times, there's dates,
there's all of those things thattake you right back there
sometimes. And just like sharing is a whole
(23:44):
different thing with Someone Like You and I today, Sarah
talking about this, it's like, yes, I feel like a bobble head
over here. I always say that.
Yes, yes. Do you ever feel like it's so
hard to make adult friendships? But then you find people who
been through what you've been through and you're like, are we
best friends? Yes.
Best friends instantly became best friends.
(24:08):
It's so. True.
And it's like when you share like a similar trauma, you know,
or experience, it's like, gosh, you just see me.
Like you just get me. I don't feel judged.
Yes. Don't have to over explain.
Not going to be judged. I can sit here and share
different things. You're going to be like, Yep, I
get that. Even if you have an experience,
(24:28):
you're going to get it though, you know, I could get how you
got there, you know, or how you thought that.
Yeah, thanks. And my biggest thing was, is I
was so nervous telling people about how I was feeling because
I just felt like I was being judged and like, you know, for
saying negative things. And I'm like, I'm, I'm not a
negative person. You know.
I'm pretty neutral, right? Like I do, like I vent.
(24:51):
I vent, but I just felt like thethings that people were probably
saying about me behind my back, just because I was being honest
with my feelings, It's just likeI felt so much pressure.
Yeah. Sorry you can't handle my
feelings. Like I'm I'm sorry that you want
me to church this up. You want me to like fluff it and
make it look pretty, but I'm notpretty with a little bow right
(25:13):
now. Like I'm just being honest and
real so I can help the next person too.
Who? Experiences.
You don't say those things to them or, you know, come at them
with these things. And it's like when people ask
you how are you doing? They don't really want to know
how you're doing. No, it's like, but you know how
many times, like, just like what?
And I was like, whoops, Like that probably wasn't the
situation, but it doesn't matteranyways.
(25:34):
And it's like, OK, well, they made me feel unsafe.
Like never again. Like I'll avoid them.
Like, you know, but it's also like, don't really ask me that
if you don't want the right answer, you know, or if you want
your answer because sometimes you're not going to get it
because like, didn't you? Also, I felt this so, so much.
I lost like my ability to reallycushion things.
Like, I'm not just going to sit here and say what you want me to
(25:57):
say when I have no bandwidth right now because I'm literally
in survival mode that fight and flight right at the beginning,
especially like, so there's nothing right now I like, I
don't have it in me to like sugarcoat this for you.
No. And they want those and they do
they. I feel like they want that
Instagram influencer life like where like, OK, so sometimes
(26:18):
when I'm shooting Reels, I'm like, if you have my counter and
you would zoom out all the nest that's on each side, like that's
literally what they want. They just want that zoomed in
focus of oh, how are you? How are you doing?
And then you start talking, you're like, OK, I need to just,
yeah, they can answer everything.
(26:42):
Yeah, they can't handle it honestly.
And then, you know, like I said,people want to feel better by
saying something to you, like tomake themselves feel good.
Like, oh, I addressed it, that'sgreat.
Like I said it and things like that, it's like, no, no, like,
and it's the same here. Like, OK, you asked me how I'm
doing. You just want the good.
OK, You like you want the generic I'm.
Doing great. I'm just getting on with life.
(27:04):
And yeah, it got to a point where I just felt like I
couldn't even answer those questions anymore.
I don't have an envy to be fake.I don't superficial
conversation's out the window, like unless somebody wants to
get into like, you know, just like depths, like I can't.
That's shallow water. I can't just hang out in shallow
(27:24):
water anymore. It has to run for me, you know.
And those are the that's that isthe exact moment when you
realize you have to set a boundary with that person
exactly. And it's not, it's not like they
did anything wrong. It's not.
But it's also not like they did anything right either.
And if they're not for you in that season, then that's just
(27:45):
when you got to realize that youhave to cut that person off for
the time being to protect yourself.
Nothing is forever unless you want it to be right and it's
it's just self preservation. It's like you were saying like
the safety, the security, all ofthose things that is so
important in our healing process.
And you know, really it's just to focus on, to focus on
ourselves. We have to be self as I'm being
(28:06):
selfish, it's self-care. I have to like, and I'm saying
that out loud because I also have to repeat that to myself.
I'm literally in survival mode. Self-care is extremely important
and doing whatever we have to doto survive, like you were saying
to Sarah. Yes, Amen to that.
Amen to that. It is ridiculously hard,
(28:28):
especially now when, you know, the world is so loud and
everything we do I feel is criticized or judged or I mean,
you, you can say one thing and somebody's going to interpret it
20 different ways. Oh, I know.
And so it's just like, if you can't say out loud how you're
feeling or what you've just how you feel in general and not feel
(28:53):
safe to say it, that's that's when you got to take a step back
and try to find your tribe of like the person that's always
not in their head. Yes, I get it.
There is that person up there. There is.
Your trust circle, absolutely. You know it's really like who's
going to be in that circle? My circle got real small.
(29:13):
You know, I used to have like a huge serving plate size of
people in my life, right? And I was like quantity over
quality. And now it's like a handful of
people and yeah. It's like the people that you
know you've, you've been friendswith forever.
Like literally half my life, I've been friends with some
people and then they're always wanting the good parts.
(29:36):
They always wanted the, or the gossip or you know what show or
whatever. But the moment that you get real
and raw, they're shut off. And it's, it's really true to
explain to that person who you love deeply, you care about them
so much and you cherish all of the memories that you've had
(29:58):
your half your life, but they'renot meant for you this season.
And it's OK to tell them, hey, Ineed to take a step back from
this friendship right now just to protect myself.
Like, and it's, it's ridiculously hard because you
know, no matter what you say, you're going to be hurting their
feelings. But you're going to have to get
to a point where the only way that you find true healing is if
(30:20):
you protect yourself. So yeah, Yep.
And it's so true if you don't feel like you can be honest or
trust somebody with your heart and your feelings and just
really feel a sense of comfort when you're with someone, when
you're openly sharing and being raw and real with your true self
and getting it out there. It's a done.
(30:42):
It's it's done for me. I mean, that's, that's it.
Or if I feel except. Something that you know, you
figure out and you realize that you have other things in common
with other people and, you know,people come and go into your
life and. Yes, as we grow, you know, we're
growing too as humans and as andyou know, and when you're having
(31:03):
those growth spurts and, and things like that, that's really
when you do recognize, you know,some people weren't meant for
that growth and that's OK. Is totally OK.
It is OK to outgrow yourself. It's OK to outgrow yourself 1020
times. As long as you are growing and
you are working towards a betterself.
You can evolve as many times as you want and it's OK to let
(31:26):
people go. It's OK to put yourself first.
It's like you said, it's not selfish, it's self-care.
So. Yes, absolutely, Sarah.
I know. This has been, of course, always
so wonderful to have you on here, your beautiful voice,
everything that you do on Instagram for us, for your
community, you know, every, our community, just everything.
(31:46):
We just can't thank you enough. Is there anything that you want
to leave everybody with before we wrap up today?
Just know that you are loved, you are so deeply loved and
there is always a space for you.I find that it's I have a lot of
women coming to me and opening up and my page is a safe place.
Chasing the rainbows is a safe place.
(32:08):
The reason that I show up on social media, there's so many
days that I tell my husband how hard it is to keep going.
Like, is this worth it? But then you get, then I get DMS
of so many of you reaching out and saying how important having
somebody else to talk to that gets it.
And so I just want you to know to keep sharing, keep telling
(32:31):
your story. You will find your tribe.
You will. And I hope that you find it
through Chasing the Rainbows because it's just you are doing
such heavenly work and it's justso beautiful.
And yeah, I hope more women justfind their people on the
Internet and that you feel loved.
(32:53):
Oh, Sarah, thank you. From the bottom of my heart,
thank you for being here. Thank you.
Oh, trying again doesn't mean moving on.
Wanting another baby doesn't mean for getting the ones we
lost. If you are trying to conceive
after a loss, you're grieving insilence or struggling while the
world keeps moving forward around us.
You belong here. Please reach out to us on
(33:15):
Chasing the rainbows.org if you need any of our support
services. We are here for you.
Until next time.
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