April 2, 2026 • 32 mins
What really happens in the ultrasound room during a miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
And what are ultrasound techs or sonographers are seeing, feeling, and holding that they’re often not allowed to say out loud?
In this deeply emotional and eye-opening episode of Cry It Out Loud, we sit down with Natalie Avni, a social media influencer and ultrasound technologist, to talk about a perspective that is rarely shared the experience of witnessing pregnancy loss from the other side of the screen.
For many families, the ultrasound room is where hope lives…but it can also be where everything changes.
In this conversation, we go beyond the clinical and into the human experience of what it’s like for sonographers to walk into rooms where joy, fear, and grief collide, and how they navigate moments that stay with them long after the appointment ends.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What ultrasound techs see during miscarriage and pregnancy loss
- Why sonographers sometimes go quiet — and what that silence can mean
- What they are allowed to say vs. not allowed to say during scans
- The emotional toll of witnessing loss repeatedly as a healthcare provider
- How ultrasound techs are trained to respond in heartbreaking moments
- What they wish patients knew walking into an ultrasound appointment
- The most hurtful and helpful things said during loss experiences
- How to better support families in the moment of devastating news
This episode offers a rare, behind-the-scenes look into one of the most vulnerable spaces in reproductive care helping listeners understand both the clinical boundaries and the emotional reality of pregnancy loss.
If you have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or pregnancy loss, or have ever wondered what happens from the provider’s perspective, this conversation brings clarity, compassion, and connection to a moment that can feel incredibly isolating.
Every loss matters. Every story matters. And even in silence, you are not alone.
Chasing the Rainbows provides free daily support and resources for families navigating infertility, pregnancy loss, and infant loss.
👉 chasingtherainbows.org
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
host Bernice Quisenberry. Today's episode is one that
gives voice to a moment so many in our community will never
forget. The moment inside the ultrasound
(00:34):
room when everything changes. For many, that room is filled
with anticipation and hope, but for some of us, it becomes the
place where they hear the words they never imagined or feel a
silence that says everything before anything is ever spoken.
What many don't realize is that behind the scenes and behind
that screen is someone else holding that moment too.
(00:54):
Today we're joined by Natalie Aveny, an ultrasound
technologist and social media influencer who is using her
platform to share a perspective that is rarely talked about,
what it's like to witness pregnancy loss and life changing
diagnosis from the other side ofthe ultrasound.
Natalie has cared for countless patients walking into that room
with hope, fear, and everything in between.
(01:16):
She's been present for joyful first heartbeats and for the
devastating movements of miscarriage, still birth,
pregnancy loss, and discovering that something may not be right
with a pregnancy. In a role where there are strict
boundaries around what they can and cannot do, Natalie carries
not only the clinical responsibility of capturing
images, but also the emotional weight of moments that stay with
(01:37):
both patients and providers longafter that scan even ends.
Today we're having an honest conversation about what
sonogrammers see and what they feel, what they wish patients
understood, and the unspoken reality of those hardest
moments. Natalie, thank you so much for
being here and for helping us tobring understanding, compassion,
and a voice to a space that manyhave experienced but few truly
(02:00):
see. Thank you so much for having me.
Yes, and I just can't thank you enough for being on here.
And I would love for you to share with our listeners who you
are, your experiences, everything.
So I have been a stenographer for 13 years now in the Objuan
space. But I'm also a mom of three and
a wife, and I share everything together.
(02:23):
Like, I kind of share, you know,my daily life, but also a lot
that happens here in the room. So most of my content is at
work. A breakdown of what I see.
Humor, laughter, educational, real life, the sad stuff.
And I'm sure I think this is howwe came across each other that
you probably came across one of my not so humorous and, you
(02:47):
know, content that is real and raw and something that happens
that we deal with that a lot don't see because I feel like a
lot of patients are here in those moments.
They're like not here anymore. Everything turns dark.
You don't even remember what thestenographer said.
If she was nice, if she wasn't nice, you were just told the
(03:07):
worst thing. And I, I'm just happy to be here
to kind of show another perspective.
And I know that I can't speak for everybody.
Just like in every career and every profession, not everyone
is going to be as compassionate,passionate and nice.
But it's a lot of times where wejust can't be everything that we
want to be in many scenarios that I'm just happy to show the
(03:30):
raw and realness here behind everything.
Oh, thank you, Natalie. Yeah.
And that's what's really important, you know, is really
that rawness realness and what you're dealing with as well.
You know you're walking alongside lost parents as their
journey first begins most times by getting, you know, the news
and and things, understanding that there is a person who's
(03:51):
walking alongside you there withyou in that room.
Right. To do as well, you know, to also
protect yourself and and everything too in those moments.
Yeah. You know, people often see
ultrasounds as joyful moments. And I know we did until we fell
on that bottom end of a statistic, right.
(04:12):
And, you know, but you experience both joy and
devastating loss, you know, in your career and what you do.
What is it really like to walk into a room where you don't know
yet if you'll be delivering goodnews or life changing news?
So I can tell you I have a goosebumps while I'm talking
about this because I remember when I first started and even
(04:34):
though I know of everything thatcould happen, you don't realize
how common it could be, right? So it's kind of like I remember
starting every new OB scan with Oh my God, congratulations, have
a seat. How are you doing?
How are you feel like this, you know, pitchy, like, like just
exciting And then seeing the thefact of me needing to switch and
(04:57):
or just internally like like that, that pic that's just like,
Oh my God, like you get punched in the stomach and it's like, Oh
my God, how am I? How am I switching my toe now?
And it got it got a lot of, I want to say a good year of
getting used to how to navigate emotionally because I always
share this. It really depends where you
(05:18):
work. But here in the office that I'm
in, the providers, the the the midwives and the doctors that we
work with, they want us to tell the patient here what's
happening here. And I know it doesn't happen
everywhere. A lot of times, even in the
hospital when I worked, I wasn'tallowed to say a word to the
patient, like not even turn the screen.
It was like policy of this is it.
(05:40):
But here, because I do end up telling them I have to do that
switch of the high pitched voices excited too.
Oh my God. So then within the years you
learn to proceed with caution, right, Like a cautious
excitement for the patient not to be a Debbie Downer and not to
scare of you know, a patient by my look of like, Oh my God, why
is she not excited yet? A lot of patients don't even
(06:02):
know until it happens to them orto someone like I had my first
pregnancy when I wasn't in the field.
My son is almost 17. I was just chilling.
I had no like not even a thoughtthat I could miss Gary ever.
So it's I know that speaking, coming from that aspect of
(06:23):
having a pregnancy outside of being in the field, I can tell
you my other two pregnancies were horrible because I knew of
every single like mentally I wasnot in a good place like I was
with my first because everythingwas rainbows and butterflies and
I didn't think of anything. So knowing that some patients
don't know of that is definitelysomething that you learn to
navigate other, you know, just to proceed with being smiley,
(06:46):
but not like talking about the pregnancy and plans.
And is this the third? Is this this, you know what I
mean? Like not not talking and hyping
it up yet until I see that flicker, until I see the normal
anatomy, even though, you know, I'm not doing an anatomy scan
right now and we can't predict the future of the pregnancy at
any point. And we all learn this,
unfortunately. But at that moment, I see that
(07:07):
everything is good and I can hype it up a little bit and I
can be more, you know, high pitched and excited.
So that really took time to navigate, but it's definitely
something that, yeah. Absolutely.
Oh, Natalie, you cut out. I.
Learned that through that process, I will have this
cautious excitement and I'll be smiley and I'll be, you know,
(07:29):
just talking to the patient until I see that flicker.
And that doesn't take a long time.
I dropped the probe. I see.
And then I could be like, OK, I can talk about everything right
now and just be excited. And of course, we can't predict
the future of a pregnancy until the end of it's just, you know,
there's anatomy scans to go through and a lot of things to
go through. But at that moment, everything
is fine. I want to be that light.
(07:50):
And I want to be that positivityto to not make her think of the
possibilities to not, not, not that I don't want to be real.
But it's just there's no need todeal with that right now.
You know, everything looks good today and we can move on and
until the next time. Yes, and be in those moments,
right. And and you know what's
interesting when you were sharing about, you know, your
(08:12):
two pregnancies after becoming an ultrasound technician and
everything, it is almost like, and I'm not trying to compare
anything, but I know our pregnancies after loss.
I completely was a whole different person in those
pregnancies because I knew everything from knowing other
lost parents, hearing other stories, because once you become
the bottom end of that statistic, you know it can
(08:34):
happen again. And so now we're fully aware of
everything that can go wrong andyou're not almost in that naive
bubble anymore of a pregnancy. And now you know, so it
approaches is a whole different thing.
So you really do understand fromyour being in your profession
and walking alongside these losses, everything that can go
wrong. So you're also experiencing that
(08:55):
with your pregnancies as well. Right.
And I also navigate a little differently with lost moms,
especially when I'm the one who found the last one, right?
And then I open the door to callmy patient and I know what she's
thinking. It's that girl that gave me the
bad news last time. I know that it doesn't come.
It's not personal. I just know that it's like this,
(09:17):
like that's the girl that told me last time.
Or sometimes they'll mention like you told me about my loss
last time. If you don't Remember Me, I
like, of course I remember you and I navigate differently with
just immediately. Like if there is an immediate
like I get my patients knowing that I have a heartbeat
immediately. But if I can do it even faster,
(09:38):
I'll do it even faster for lost moms.
Like I'm not wasting time. I'm just like, let's get the
ball rolling so I can give you that confirmation so you can
take a deep breath, right? And then just, you know,
spending more time, even though like, you know, again, I, I, I
am that person that does take their time.
And that's why scanning time is so important that I have enough
(09:58):
time with my patients to be compassionate and not rushed
through it. And I feel like when there isn't
that ability, sometimes that's also when patients think, Oh my
God, that ultrasound tech is so rushed.
But it's the department that's rushing her.
It's the policy in the office that's scheduling you every 10
to 15 minutes instead of giving you 30.
(10:19):
It's there's a, there's a reasonwhy a sonographer might be like
rushing and maybe seem like stressed because that could be
the reality. She has to grab the next one.
That's, you know, waiting for a while because she's behind.
So there's a lot of things that come, you know, again, I'm not
defending rude sonographers because I feel like that exists
(10:40):
everywhere in every career, but just know that sometimes there's
it looks like there's no personality because we're just
go go, go. But with lost moms I'm.
Yeah. I'm there extra, I don't care.
Oh, Natalie, and that means the world, you know, 'cause you're
walking alongside them and theirlosses and your understanding
(11:01):
too, which is huge that you could be a potential trigger for
them, right? Because they had, they were in
your room last time they were with you.
And for you to take that level of care, yes like you just you
understand and having that is ishuge.
Right. And and when it is good news, I
feel like I've corrected her experience.
You know, I'm like, I did good this time.
(11:23):
I gave you good results, better ultrasound experience in
general, and yeah. Did you get to walk alongside
them then right throughout? The whole time, yeah.
Yeah. And not just in that other in
their loss. Yeah, absolutely.
And you know, that is so important to understand.
(11:43):
You know, also sometimes unfortunately, because sometimes
you're giving more bad news in one day than good news.
And so you need to compartmentalize as well.
So you're not as emotional as the patients are and things like
that, you know and, and understanding that as well
because you're there from the very beginning with the
patients. Exactly.
It's so important to like kind of decompress before grabbing
(12:07):
the next one. And that's why again, timing is
so important for us that we always continue to fight for it.
And it's not possible everywherebecause I just told someone the
worst news and I don't want to come in with that face for a
person that's doing great today,you know, and the other way
around, like sometimes I can go just fast-paced because
(12:27):
everything is like fine, fine, fine, fine.
And then wait. I have, I have a loss.
I need time. I need to deal with this right
now. Like I'm not gonna let her go
back to the waiting room. I'm gonna have her stay here in
this room until the doctor can come and discuss.
Cuz I'm not letting her sit in the waiting room with a bunch of
pregnant, you know, women that are out there right now and
happy, happy joy, joy, you know,so.
(12:50):
Yeah, exactly. And recognizing that is huge
because you're right. And that's something that, you
know, is talked about a lot in our support groups is that
they're put into a room, even waiting, you know, or depending
on what's going on with them. And they're seeing all these
joyful people holding their pictures, all of those things
while they're sitting there, notknowing if there's something
wrong before they even get scanned, but knowing or feeling
(13:10):
like something could be wrong. And then they get that news, you
know, it's all just so it's a lot.
And right on top of what else you're navigating in pregnancy.
Right. And there needs to be a priority
for these patients. I feel like there should be a
priority. And yes, I can tell you here,
I've been working for the same office for 13 years.
I mean, different locations werethe same people, the same
(13:31):
providers. And I can tell you that there is
a huge urgency if she's about tosee someone, if one of the
midwives is about to see someone.
But I'm dealing with a loss thatcomes first.
And that has to be, we can't look at a patients like, you
know, a number or robots or it'sit's not, it's just we have to
(13:51):
deal with every case differently.
And the same goes with the patient.
Like I handle every single loss differently because you have to
learn to read the patient. Not every patient wants a hug.
Not every patient wants to talk a lot right now.
Not a lot of patient wants to be, you know, held or spoken.
Like sometimes they just want tosay, OK, there's no heartbeat,
(14:13):
OK, Like sometimes it's their third time.
They don't want more of the mushy, mushy.
Like they're already on a on a mission to get pregnant.
That's not successful. OK, just shush, let me move on,
deal with this. And it's just different.
And some patients need that. It's their first time.
They want to be hugged, they want to be held.
(14:33):
They have nobody with them today.
So I'm their support person all of a sudden.
Yes, exactly. And especially during COVID, you
know, when there was only one person in the room and it was
you, you know the one. Yes, yes.
Or they're already moms and they're partners with the babies
and they can't come, you know, together like it is with the
first so and, and nobody thinks that something could happen.
(14:57):
No, I'm just coming for an ultrasound, not thinking that
that could be something that they might need support for.
Absolutely, Yeah. Now, Natalie, do you also, you
know, just talking through, sometimes the only thing we get
are pictures or our medical records to say that validates
that we were pregnant and, you know, with a baby and things
(15:20):
like that. Do you find in those moments
that the people that would want that to remember this baby by
still want the pictures even if the baby has passed?
Same thing as far as like how they react.
I feel like it's the same thing.Some do and some don't.
Yeah, some want ask me to turn the TV off.
(15:43):
Some do want to see it. Some, you know, for our new
pregnancy, they don't want the TV on they that triggers them
because they don't know what what I'm going to see you and
I'm going to drop the pro. But I always get the option and
I make it seem like in a way of like it's normal if you don't
want to see, you know, because Idon't want her to feel weird for
(16:06):
not wanting to see. So I'm like totally up to you.
Some do, some don't like I completed like do you want
these? Totally understand if you don't
want them. I just wanted to give you the
option. And if she's not sure, I'm like,
I'm going to keep them aside. If you ever want them reprinted,
we can reprint it because sometimes patients leave angry
like angry like because why is this happening to me?
(16:29):
What did I do wrong? Or that they can't think or make
a decision even as far as like grabbing the pictures.
So. Absolutely.
You got to you got to just let them understand that it's normal
because the last thing you want them to do is go home and feel
judged. Like, oh crap, I was so mean to
this person. Or oh, I should have grabbed the
pictures. Now I look like a bad mom or I
(16:50):
should, you know, just stuff completely normal.
There's no way of grieving. There's no right or wrong way of
handling this at all. So.
But even having the option to beable to get your pictures later
and educating them on that because you're right in those
moments, well, if it feels like you're having an outer body
experience, like you're looking down on that.
And like I remember I could not hear.
(17:11):
I could not speak. I didn't know what to say or
what. Like I was like, what is
happening? And I swear people would talk to
me like and say it different ways and a few people and I
still couldn't hear and like, it's just it was a lot to take
on. But then later shut down would
go back. Yes, your body just goes like
fight or flight, right? And like in those moments, but
(17:32):
recognizing that if eventually you want these, but you don't
need to have them, you know, and, and feeling that from the
person who's doing it too, because that shame, blame and
guilt that we do that game that like is played in our head from
those immediate moments with like, what did I do wrong?
How could I prevented this? Like, what could I do more of?
And, and then you're right, likegetting home.
(17:53):
Like sometimes we question things, we go and Google deep
dives about it. But then to know like, oh, I can
call them and get those picturesif I decide to, you know, when
I'm ready to go back into that office or ever or have them
mailed to me. But even understand that is huge
just because, like I said, we don't get a lot of those
memories or recognition of our babies if we want them.
Sometimes it's, you know, some baby loss survivors really need
(18:16):
to compartmentalize. They and one day they may want
to compartmentalize, the other day they may not.
But they, you know, some of themwe look at and they say, you
know, I look at this as a chemical pregnancy and that's
what I'm calling it. I don't want to call it a baby.
And it's like that's where they're at.
But then others, you know, want the recognition.
And so it's really important, Natalie, that you're
understanding that though, and that you walk alongside them in
(18:37):
those moments. Yes, cuz I've seen all of those
things you listed. Some can just take it
differently and some don't want and I think it really is a
personality. Find myself as an overthinker
like if I can have a situation right now trust me I will have 6
(18:58):
different analyzations for you of what this could be.
But someone else I have a friendlike it's just black and white
and and if God, I know that if God forbid she would ever have
something like that, she would be able to rationalize it and
make it as simple as possible. For her.
Right. So it's kind of like, I want to
think of that as like I can scana blighted ovum.
(19:20):
A blighted ovum. There's no baby in the SAC yet.
It's just the the body to simplify it.
The body prepared itself for a pregnancy and created that SAC,
but nothing grew in it. I can have someone say OK, cool,
what can I do? Like, and I can have someone
sobbing because they had the idea of them being pregnant.
They have a pregnancy test that's positive they are
(19:42):
pregnant, but nothing developed further.
It's a form of a miscarriage. It is a miscarriage.
But some, you know, some patients can look at it
completely different and that's why reading the room is
important. If someone decides to simplify
it, I'm game. I'm not.
I am not letting you think differently.
I support your thought. Go for it.
You're going to see the doctor and then you know they're going
(20:04):
to be able to handle and tell you how to treat it.
If it's taking a pill, sometimesit does need AD and C.
It just depends. But if that's your train of
thought, I'm supporting you because I'm actually proud of
you for for being able to simplify it and to rationalize
because I couldn't do it. And maybe that's why I'm so
compassionate about this scenario because I, I never had
(20:25):
a miscarriage. I never had a loss, but my
sister did and a lot of my friends did.
And I always and I always talk about because even as their
ultrasound tech, it was so hard to deal with it and to be the
one to be like, I can't see whatI want to see and to find the
words to someone you know is. But yeah, you know, so they want
(20:48):
you to do the scans, of course, because they want you to be a
part of their journey and and the ways we can, Natalie.
And I'm happy to be there because I'm happy that it was me
that was able to be there as their support person at the same
time too, you know, I'm not happy that, you know, this was
the scenario. I would love to have a different
kind of outcome, but in a way, imagine them going somewhere
(21:11):
else. And then I wish it was Natalie
who found it or, you know, there's also a positive about
that. But yeah, some patients just
take it differently. And I'm supportive about it no
matter what because. Right.
Well, and a lot of times you're meeting your ultrasound tech in
the same breath, like you barelyknow them.
You're not building a report yetuntil you're really like getting
into the scanning, then you're building more of a conversation.
(21:33):
So really, unless they've scanned you before or you've
known them and they're like in your private clinic and things
like that, it really is, you know, with, with someone who is
just an acquaintance and, you know, and then depending on how,
you know, things happen and reactions and things like that.
Yeah, I, I think it would be better to be with someone that I
(21:54):
know who is part of our support system and support team that
we've had. But I think that's also too, you
know, important if you can control it to have, you know,
your your team of people who know you and including your
ultrasound tech, you know, and being able to request them are
ones that are able to give you. Like for me, I'm the type of
(22:15):
person like, I would need the news immediately if something
was wrong. So I would want to go into an
office knowing that that could be a possibility to be with
somebody who can do that. And you can find that out.
I mean, when you first have yourinitial appointment here,
whatever it may be, you can ask the doctor, like, is there any
way that the sonographer can give me the results?
Or if, if you can come in the room, I need it.
(22:36):
And that's why I always like, you know, from being a creator
and reading comments, I see a lot of the things that happen
and a lot of people don't understand that they can ask for
things. A lot of times we can't assume
that this is what you need, right?
So from coming from the professional, I, I'm telling all
patients, it doesn't hurt to askfor whatever.
(22:59):
Ask me for coffee. I don't care what it is.
The randomest things ask me because maybe it's an easy yes,
maybe by asking the the doctor, do you mind being in the
ultrasound room while they scan?Because I'm terrified of this
happening again or whatever it is.
And if they can't support you and if you can't find that, that
(23:21):
team where the ultrasound tech is going to give you the results
there and that's what you need, change your doctor.
There are a lot of different doctors that might, it might not
be the what's familiar to you, but sometimes change is good.
Sometimes you think you have thebest team until you hear other
people talking about other things that they're going
through and stories like, Oh my God, my doctor did this, my
(23:43):
midwife did this. And then you're like, wait, mine
didn't. And I'm not here to, you know,
bash or whatever, just just to be that support person to tell
you if you're not getting what you need, change it if you feel
like you should. Nobody can always guess what you
need or what your needs are. It's like a lot.
I feel like patient care is alsoa relationship and, and a love
(24:03):
language. I might scan someone who doesn't
want to talk at all and I can just read it.
And I, I'm fine with that. And sometimes I feel like, Oh my
God, I wish you could just like talk to make this more
comfortable for you just so I can talk with, but that's not
what they want and they want to just so you kind of just have to
find what, especially after a loss on your rainbow baby to
(24:25):
make this the best, the best experience really so.
Absolutely and educate to advocate for yourself, right?
And like absolutely say, not sayor ask for, but it is so
important your life and your baby's life are in your doctor's
hands. And really, you know, it was
interesting just after, you know, our pregnancies after loss
(24:47):
and hearing from our doctors arelike you listen, you hire us,
right? You choose us to walk alongside
of you. We are part of your care team.
Like we care about you. Like we honor this, you know,
journey that you selected us. I think understanding like, oh,
we selected you like and you're going to walk alongside of us
and that you are our like, you know, our lives are in your
(25:08):
hands that that is such an important decision to make in
your life because of something and you know, we experienced it.
Something goes completely wrong and delivery and things like
that, that you have that team that you're like, I trust
exactly what they're doing. They know our plans, they know
exactly what we want, what we don't want, and they're ready to
move on it, right? It's a whole different thing,
(25:30):
right? Right.
That's so important. But I just can't thank you
enough, you know, for explainingthis, like what, you know, what
happens in the room, you know, the level of care and compassion
that you take with the patients,especially lost parents and
walking alongside of them and also letting them lead.
(25:50):
That is one of the biggest things we discussed with medical
providers is going off of the the parents.
For sure, for sure. I feel like it's, it also helps
the providers I feel because there's no guessing games of
what you look forward to, what you expect, what you prefer, not
prefer. Like it's it's helping everybody
together. So definitely think it's all a
(26:12):
collaborative work with everybody in the team.
So true. Yeah.
If you could change one thing about how pregnancy loss and
difficult diagnosis are handled in the ultrasound room, what
would it be? I would want that one rule where
sonographers cannot always give results to change.
(26:37):
I would want every office to be run in a way where I'm not
saying I'm giving them a detailed report and dealing with
what's going to happen next. And what are either the steps of
just just giving them reassurance or letting them know
that something is wrong without the wondering.
Because online I see that a lot where patients are like my, my
(26:58):
sonographer was so mean, she couldn't tell me anything.
And the understanding of it's really it really depends on the
office policy. Something could lose their job
if they say anything like in thehospital, there's no way there's
no way that I could have even showed the patient something.
So if that one specific coming from a stenographer, that one
(27:20):
specific thing to be changed where every the doctor's office
would be like, you know what, wehave to establish a trust
because it does come with experience.
So you know where we maybe in the first couple months we can
see how that goes. But then giving them as a
sonographer, I can tell you we either see a heartbeat or we
don't. And that's why because I
(27:42):
understand that that every, it's, it's not, I'm never going
to call our job easy, but something as letting you know if
I see a heartbeat or not. We are the ones who are going to
tell the doctor right now that we don't see it or see it.
So just giving us that, that ability, because I feel so
fortunate that I have that, thatmy doctors allow that and my
midwife's allow it. And because I get to be that
(28:07):
person for the patient and immediate, like an immediate
support person immediately to let them know what's going on.
And that's what I wish could change with dealing with that.
Really, it's so true, though, because it could be minutes or
even 1520 thirty minutes until the doctor comes in from the
time. Yes, which is like hours, right?
(28:29):
And just like it's grueling. They're sitting there spinning
out like what is happening? What is going on?
Especially if there was silence.Just like, oh, I'll be back and
then like. Oh my God, the I'll be back.
Yes. You know, even sometimes like
when we need a second set of eyes on something to do with a,
you know, anatomy, You know, we do see abnormalities with
(28:49):
fetuses all the time. And we, we establish a thing
where, you know, if something isa little more challenging just
to bring the other stenographer to, you know, and I always even
that I communicate, everything'sjust letting you know, here's
the heartbeat, here's this. Just so they don't think that
it's something to do with that. I just need the sonographer to
(29:09):
come and take a second look at these pictures just so to make
sure that I got the right picture.
Now, I've been doing this for 13years.
The patients don't know this. And it's kind of reassuring
where I'm not coming up as like,cuz maybe I'm just like an
inexperienced tech and I just want someone to come and look at
it. You know, I'm not giving it as
a, oh, something's wrong. But I feel like just even
(29:30):
communicating that, that second that I'm leaving and coming back
with another tech is like what'shappening, you know?
So communicating that is also important that I just need a
second eye because like you said, waiting, going and come
back with the doctor is. Yes, absolutely.
(29:51):
Yeah. Yes, if there's anything that
you would like to leave our listeners with, I would love for
you to share with them. Yes.
I just want everyone to know that we as a whole, coming from
the sonography community, we have so much love and so much
compassion. And even if we can't show it,
(30:14):
sometimes it's there. Sometimes a lot of sonographers
are overworked and they don't even have and it's sad that they
don't even have the chance to beextra compassionate because they
don't have the support at their workplace.
And I want to direct it because it's not always.
And again, not defending every stenographer, A personality is a
personality. Some people are dry, some people
(30:35):
don't have emotions and they might be in the wrong field
absolutely, but just know the majority of it to lead with, oh,
that stenographer probably can'ttell me anything because she'll
lose her job versus she's so mean.
She can't even tell me what's going on.
Like just to understand that we're there for you, rooting for
you and like a lot of times we can't do much, but I don't, I
(30:58):
don't stop thinking about a lot of my patients with loss and
know that you're within our hearts.
Like we carry you for a while. I follow up, I want to see what
ended up happening if you ended up miscaring on your own or if
you needed to do surgery. I follow up, even though I can't
pick up the phone and talk to you, I follow your journey and I
make sure that just know that that that that's the case.
(31:20):
So. Natalie, thank you so much for
everything today. Thank you so much to have you.
Thank you for having me. Yes, to everyone listening who
may be navigating infertility, reoccurrent pregnancy loss,
miscarriage, still birth, infantloss, please know this.
Your story matters, your baby matters and your grief matters.
(31:42):
Healing doesn't follow a timeline.
Trauma and loss don't have a schedule, and you deserve
compassionate care through everystep of this journey.
At Chase and Rainbows, we provide free daily support
services in a community for families impacted by these
losses. Because every loss matters.
If this conversation resonated with you, please share this
episode with someone who may need it.
And if you are looking for support, want to
(32:04):
volunteerdonateorhostaneventyoucanlearnmore@chaseandrainbows.org.Thank you for being here, for
listening and continuing to break the silence around these
traumatic losses. Until next time, this is cried
out loud. Thanks again, Natalie.
Thank you.
Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
host Bernice Quisenberry. Today's episode is one that
gives voice to a moment so many in our community will never
forget. The moment inside the ultrasound
(00:34):
room when everything changes. For many, that room is filled
with anticipation and hope, but for some of us, it becomes the
place where they hear the words they never imagined or feel a
silence that says everything before anything is ever spoken.
What many don't realize is that behind the scenes and behind
that screen is someone else holding that moment too.
(00:54):
Today we're joined by Natalie Aveny, an ultrasound
technologist and social media influencer who is using her
platform to share a perspective that is rarely talked about,
what it's like to witness pregnancy loss and life changing
diagnosis from the other side ofthe ultrasound.
Natalie has cared for countless patients walking into that room
with hope, fear, and everything in between.
(01:16):
She's been present for joyful first heartbeats and for the
devastating movements of miscarriage, still birth,
pregnancy loss, and discovering that something may not be right
with a pregnancy. In a role where there are strict
boundaries around what they can and cannot do, Natalie carries
not only the clinical responsibility of capturing
images, but also the emotional weight of moments that stay with
(01:37):
both patients and providers longafter that scan even ends.
Today we're having an honest conversation about what
sonogrammers see and what they feel, what they wish patients
understood, and the unspoken reality of those hardest
moments. Natalie, thank you so much for
being here and for helping us tobring understanding, compassion,
and a voice to a space that manyhave experienced but few truly
(02:00):
see. Thank you so much for having me.
Yes, and I just can't thank you enough for being on here.
And I would love for you to share with our listeners who you
are, your experiences, everything.
So I have been a stenographer for 13 years now in the Objuan
space. But I'm also a mom of three and
a wife, and I share everything together.
(02:23):
Like, I kind of share, you know,my daily life, but also a lot
that happens here in the room. So most of my content is at
work. A breakdown of what I see.
Humor, laughter, educational, real life, the sad stuff.
And I'm sure I think this is howwe came across each other that
you probably came across one of my not so humorous and, you
(02:47):
know, content that is real and raw and something that happens
that we deal with that a lot don't see because I feel like a
lot of patients are here in those moments.
They're like not here anymore. Everything turns dark.
You don't even remember what thestenographer said.
If she was nice, if she wasn't nice, you were just told the
(03:07):
worst thing. And I, I'm just happy to be here
to kind of show another perspective.
And I know that I can't speak for everybody.
Just like in every career and every profession, not everyone
is going to be as compassionate,passionate and nice.
But it's a lot of times where wejust can't be everything that we
want to be in many scenarios that I'm just happy to show the
(03:30):
raw and realness here behind everything.
Oh, thank you, Natalie. Yeah.
And that's what's really important, you know, is really
that rawness realness and what you're dealing with as well.
You know you're walking alongside lost parents as their
journey first begins most times by getting, you know, the news
and and things, understanding that there is a person who's
(03:51):
walking alongside you there withyou in that room.
Right. To do as well, you know, to also
protect yourself and and everything too in those moments.
Yeah. You know, people often see
ultrasounds as joyful moments. And I know we did until we fell
on that bottom end of a statistic, right.
(04:12):
And, you know, but you experience both joy and
devastating loss, you know, in your career and what you do.
What is it really like to walk into a room where you don't know
yet if you'll be delivering goodnews or life changing news?
So I can tell you I have a goosebumps while I'm talking
about this because I remember when I first started and even
(04:34):
though I know of everything thatcould happen, you don't realize
how common it could be, right? So it's kind of like I remember
starting every new OB scan with Oh my God, congratulations, have
a seat. How are you doing?
How are you feel like this, you know, pitchy, like, like just
exciting And then seeing the thefact of me needing to switch and
(04:57):
or just internally like like that, that pic that's just like,
Oh my God, like you get punched in the stomach and it's like, Oh
my God, how am I? How am I switching my toe now?
And it got it got a lot of, I want to say a good year of
getting used to how to navigate emotionally because I always
share this. It really depends where you
(05:18):
work. But here in the office that I'm
in, the providers, the the the midwives and the doctors that we
work with, they want us to tell the patient here what's
happening here. And I know it doesn't happen
everywhere. A lot of times, even in the
hospital when I worked, I wasn'tallowed to say a word to the
patient, like not even turn the screen.
It was like policy of this is it.
(05:40):
But here, because I do end up telling them I have to do that
switch of the high pitched voices excited too.
Oh my God. So then within the years you
learn to proceed with caution, right, Like a cautious
excitement for the patient not to be a Debbie Downer and not to
scare of you know, a patient by my look of like, Oh my God, why
is she not excited yet? A lot of patients don't even
(06:02):
know until it happens to them orto someone like I had my first
pregnancy when I wasn't in the field.
My son is almost 17. I was just chilling.
I had no like not even a thoughtthat I could miss Gary ever.
So it's I know that speaking, coming from that aspect of
(06:23):
having a pregnancy outside of being in the field, I can tell
you my other two pregnancies were horrible because I knew of
every single like mentally I wasnot in a good place like I was
with my first because everythingwas rainbows and butterflies and
I didn't think of anything. So knowing that some patients
don't know of that is definitelysomething that you learn to
navigate other, you know, just to proceed with being smiley,
(06:46):
but not like talking about the pregnancy and plans.
And is this the third? Is this this, you know what I
mean? Like not not talking and hyping
it up yet until I see that flicker, until I see the normal
anatomy, even though, you know, I'm not doing an anatomy scan
right now and we can't predict the future of the pregnancy at
any point. And we all learn this,
unfortunately. But at that moment, I see that
(07:07):
everything is good and I can hype it up a little bit and I
can be more, you know, high pitched and excited.
So that really took time to navigate, but it's definitely
something that, yeah. Absolutely.
Oh, Natalie, you cut out. I.
Learned that through that process, I will have this
cautious excitement and I'll be smiley and I'll be, you know,
(07:29):
just talking to the patient until I see that flicker.
And that doesn't take a long time.
I dropped the probe. I see.
And then I could be like, OK, I can talk about everything right
now and just be excited. And of course, we can't predict
the future of a pregnancy until the end of it's just, you know,
there's anatomy scans to go through and a lot of things to
go through. But at that moment, everything
is fine. I want to be that light.
(07:50):
And I want to be that positivityto to not make her think of the
possibilities to not, not, not that I don't want to be real.
But it's just there's no need todeal with that right now.
You know, everything looks good today and we can move on and
until the next time. Yes, and be in those moments,
right. And and you know what's
interesting when you were sharing about, you know, your
(08:12):
two pregnancies after becoming an ultrasound technician and
everything, it is almost like, and I'm not trying to compare
anything, but I know our pregnancies after loss.
I completely was a whole different person in those
pregnancies because I knew everything from knowing other
lost parents, hearing other stories, because once you become
the bottom end of that statistic, you know it can
(08:34):
happen again. And so now we're fully aware of
everything that can go wrong andyou're not almost in that naive
bubble anymore of a pregnancy. And now you know, so it
approaches is a whole different thing.
So you really do understand fromyour being in your profession
and walking alongside these losses, everything that can go
wrong. So you're also experiencing that
(08:55):
with your pregnancies as well. Right.
And I also navigate a little differently with lost moms,
especially when I'm the one who found the last one, right?
And then I open the door to callmy patient and I know what she's
thinking. It's that girl that gave me the
bad news last time. I know that it doesn't come.
It's not personal. I just know that it's like this,
(09:17):
like that's the girl that told me last time.
Or sometimes they'll mention like you told me about my loss
last time. If you don't Remember Me, I
like, of course I remember you and I navigate differently with
just immediately. Like if there is an immediate
like I get my patients knowing that I have a heartbeat
immediately. But if I can do it even faster,
(09:38):
I'll do it even faster for lost moms.
Like I'm not wasting time. I'm just like, let's get the
ball rolling so I can give you that confirmation so you can
take a deep breath, right? And then just, you know,
spending more time, even though like, you know, again, I, I, I
am that person that does take their time.
And that's why scanning time is so important that I have enough
(09:58):
time with my patients to be compassionate and not rushed
through it. And I feel like when there isn't
that ability, sometimes that's also when patients think, Oh my
God, that ultrasound tech is so rushed.
But it's the department that's rushing her.
It's the policy in the office that's scheduling you every 10
to 15 minutes instead of giving you 30.
(10:19):
It's there's a, there's a reasonwhy a sonographer might be like
rushing and maybe seem like stressed because that could be
the reality. She has to grab the next one.
That's, you know, waiting for a while because she's behind.
So there's a lot of things that come, you know, again, I'm not
defending rude sonographers because I feel like that exists
(10:40):
everywhere in every career, but just know that sometimes there's
it looks like there's no personality because we're just
go go, go. But with lost moms I'm.
Yeah. I'm there extra, I don't care.
Oh, Natalie, and that means the world, you know, 'cause you're
walking alongside them and theirlosses and your understanding
(11:01):
too, which is huge that you could be a potential trigger for
them, right? Because they had, they were in
your room last time they were with you.
And for you to take that level of care, yes like you just you
understand and having that is ishuge.
Right. And and when it is good news, I
feel like I've corrected her experience.
You know, I'm like, I did good this time.
(11:23):
I gave you good results, better ultrasound experience in
general, and yeah. Did you get to walk alongside
them then right throughout? The whole time, yeah.
Yeah. And not just in that other in
their loss. Yeah, absolutely.
And you know, that is so important to understand.
(11:43):
You know, also sometimes unfortunately, because sometimes
you're giving more bad news in one day than good news.
And so you need to compartmentalize as well.
So you're not as emotional as the patients are and things like
that, you know and, and understanding that as well
because you're there from the very beginning with the
patients. Exactly.
It's so important to like kind of decompress before grabbing
(12:07):
the next one. And that's why again, timing is
so important for us that we always continue to fight for it.
And it's not possible everywherebecause I just told someone the
worst news and I don't want to come in with that face for a
person that's doing great today,you know, and the other way
around, like sometimes I can go just fast-paced because
(12:27):
everything is like fine, fine, fine, fine.
And then wait. I have, I have a loss.
I need time. I need to deal with this right
now. Like I'm not gonna let her go
back to the waiting room. I'm gonna have her stay here in
this room until the doctor can come and discuss.
Cuz I'm not letting her sit in the waiting room with a bunch of
pregnant, you know, women that are out there right now and
happy, happy joy, joy, you know,so.
(12:50):
Yeah, exactly. And recognizing that is huge
because you're right. And that's something that, you
know, is talked about a lot in our support groups is that
they're put into a room, even waiting, you know, or depending
on what's going on with them. And they're seeing all these
joyful people holding their pictures, all of those things
while they're sitting there, notknowing if there's something
wrong before they even get scanned, but knowing or feeling
(13:10):
like something could be wrong. And then they get that news, you
know, it's all just so it's a lot.
And right on top of what else you're navigating in pregnancy.
Right. And there needs to be a priority
for these patients. I feel like there should be a
priority. And yes, I can tell you here,
I've been working for the same office for 13 years.
I mean, different locations werethe same people, the same
(13:31):
providers. And I can tell you that there is
a huge urgency if she's about tosee someone, if one of the
midwives is about to see someone.
But I'm dealing with a loss thatcomes first.
And that has to be, we can't look at a patients like, you
know, a number or robots or it'sit's not, it's just we have to
(13:51):
deal with every case differently.
And the same goes with the patient.
Like I handle every single loss differently because you have to
learn to read the patient. Not every patient wants a hug.
Not every patient wants to talk a lot right now.
Not a lot of patient wants to be, you know, held or spoken.
Like sometimes they just want tosay, OK, there's no heartbeat,
(14:13):
OK, Like sometimes it's their third time.
They don't want more of the mushy, mushy.
Like they're already on a on a mission to get pregnant.
That's not successful. OK, just shush, let me move on,
deal with this. And it's just different.
And some patients need that. It's their first time.
They want to be hugged, they want to be held.
(14:33):
They have nobody with them today.
So I'm their support person all of a sudden.
Yes, exactly. And especially during COVID, you
know, when there was only one person in the room and it was
you, you know the one. Yes, yes.
Or they're already moms and they're partners with the babies
and they can't come, you know, together like it is with the
first so and, and nobody thinks that something could happen.
(14:57):
No, I'm just coming for an ultrasound, not thinking that
that could be something that they might need support for.
Absolutely, Yeah. Now, Natalie, do you also, you
know, just talking through, sometimes the only thing we get
are pictures or our medical records to say that validates
that we were pregnant and, you know, with a baby and things
(15:20):
like that. Do you find in those moments
that the people that would want that to remember this baby by
still want the pictures even if the baby has passed?
Same thing as far as like how they react.
I feel like it's the same thing.Some do and some don't.
Yeah, some want ask me to turn the TV off.
(15:43):
Some do want to see it. Some, you know, for our new
pregnancy, they don't want the TV on they that triggers them
because they don't know what what I'm going to see you and
I'm going to drop the pro. But I always get the option and
I make it seem like in a way of like it's normal if you don't
want to see, you know, because Idon't want her to feel weird for
(16:06):
not wanting to see. So I'm like totally up to you.
Some do, some don't like I completed like do you want
these? Totally understand if you don't
want them. I just wanted to give you the
option. And if she's not sure, I'm like,
I'm going to keep them aside. If you ever want them reprinted,
we can reprint it because sometimes patients leave angry
like angry like because why is this happening to me?
(16:29):
What did I do wrong? Or that they can't think or make
a decision even as far as like grabbing the pictures.
So. Absolutely.
You got to you got to just let them understand that it's normal
because the last thing you want them to do is go home and feel
judged. Like, oh crap, I was so mean to
this person. Or oh, I should have grabbed the
pictures. Now I look like a bad mom or I
(16:50):
should, you know, just stuff completely normal.
There's no way of grieving. There's no right or wrong way of
handling this at all. So.
But even having the option to beable to get your pictures later
and educating them on that because you're right in those
moments, well, if it feels like you're having an outer body
experience, like you're looking down on that.
And like I remember I could not hear.
(17:11):
I could not speak. I didn't know what to say or
what. Like I was like, what is
happening? And I swear people would talk to
me like and say it different ways and a few people and I
still couldn't hear and like, it's just it was a lot to take
on. But then later shut down would
go back. Yes, your body just goes like
fight or flight, right? And like in those moments, but
(17:32):
recognizing that if eventually you want these, but you don't
need to have them, you know, and, and feeling that from the
person who's doing it too, because that shame, blame and
guilt that we do that game that like is played in our head from
those immediate moments with like, what did I do wrong?
How could I prevented this? Like, what could I do more of?
And, and then you're right, likegetting home.
(17:53):
Like sometimes we question things, we go and Google deep
dives about it. But then to know like, oh, I can
call them and get those picturesif I decide to, you know, when
I'm ready to go back into that office or ever or have them
mailed to me. But even understand that is huge
just because, like I said, we don't get a lot of those
memories or recognition of our babies if we want them.
Sometimes it's, you know, some baby loss survivors really need
(18:16):
to compartmentalize. They and one day they may want
to compartmentalize, the other day they may not.
But they, you know, some of themwe look at and they say, you
know, I look at this as a chemical pregnancy and that's
what I'm calling it. I don't want to call it a baby.
And it's like that's where they're at.
But then others, you know, want the recognition.
And so it's really important, Natalie, that you're
understanding that though, and that you walk alongside them in
(18:37):
those moments. Yes, cuz I've seen all of those
things you listed. Some can just take it
differently and some don't want and I think it really is a
personality. Find myself as an overthinker
like if I can have a situation right now trust me I will have 6
(18:58):
different analyzations for you of what this could be.
But someone else I have a friendlike it's just black and white
and and if God, I know that if God forbid she would ever have
something like that, she would be able to rationalize it and
make it as simple as possible. For her.
Right. So it's kind of like, I want to
think of that as like I can scana blighted ovum.
(19:20):
A blighted ovum. There's no baby in the SAC yet.
It's just the the body to simplify it.
The body prepared itself for a pregnancy and created that SAC,
but nothing grew in it. I can have someone say OK, cool,
what can I do? Like, and I can have someone
sobbing because they had the idea of them being pregnant.
They have a pregnancy test that's positive they are
(19:42):
pregnant, but nothing developed further.
It's a form of a miscarriage. It is a miscarriage.
But some, you know, some patients can look at it
completely different and that's why reading the room is
important. If someone decides to simplify
it, I'm game. I'm not.
I am not letting you think differently.
I support your thought. Go for it.
You're going to see the doctor and then you know they're going
(20:04):
to be able to handle and tell you how to treat it.
If it's taking a pill, sometimesit does need AD and C.
It just depends. But if that's your train of
thought, I'm supporting you because I'm actually proud of
you for for being able to simplify it and to rationalize
because I couldn't do it. And maybe that's why I'm so
compassionate about this scenario because I, I never had
(20:25):
a miscarriage. I never had a loss, but my
sister did and a lot of my friends did.
And I always and I always talk about because even as their
ultrasound tech, it was so hard to deal with it and to be the
one to be like, I can't see whatI want to see and to find the
words to someone you know is. But yeah, you know, so they want
(20:48):
you to do the scans, of course, because they want you to be a
part of their journey and and the ways we can, Natalie.
And I'm happy to be there because I'm happy that it was me
that was able to be there as their support person at the same
time too, you know, I'm not happy that, you know, this was
the scenario. I would love to have a different
kind of outcome, but in a way, imagine them going somewhere
(21:11):
else. And then I wish it was Natalie
who found it or, you know, there's also a positive about
that. But yeah, some patients just
take it differently. And I'm supportive about it no
matter what because. Right.
Well, and a lot of times you're meeting your ultrasound tech in
the same breath, like you barelyknow them.
You're not building a report yetuntil you're really like getting
into the scanning, then you're building more of a conversation.
(21:33):
So really, unless they've scanned you before or you've
known them and they're like in your private clinic and things
like that, it really is, you know, with, with someone who is
just an acquaintance and, you know, and then depending on how,
you know, things happen and reactions and things like that.
Yeah, I, I think it would be better to be with someone that I
(21:54):
know who is part of our support system and support team that
we've had. But I think that's also too, you
know, important if you can control it to have, you know,
your your team of people who know you and including your
ultrasound tech, you know, and being able to request them are
ones that are able to give you. Like for me, I'm the type of
(22:15):
person like, I would need the news immediately if something
was wrong. So I would want to go into an
office knowing that that could be a possibility to be with
somebody who can do that. And you can find that out.
I mean, when you first have yourinitial appointment here,
whatever it may be, you can ask the doctor, like, is there any
way that the sonographer can give me the results?
Or if, if you can come in the room, I need it.
(22:36):
And that's why I always like, you know, from being a creator
and reading comments, I see a lot of the things that happen
and a lot of people don't understand that they can ask for
things. A lot of times we can't assume
that this is what you need, right?
So from coming from the professional, I, I'm telling all
patients, it doesn't hurt to askfor whatever.
(22:59):
Ask me for coffee. I don't care what it is.
The randomest things ask me because maybe it's an easy yes,
maybe by asking the the doctor, do you mind being in the
ultrasound room while they scan?Because I'm terrified of this
happening again or whatever it is.
And if they can't support you and if you can't find that, that
(23:21):
team where the ultrasound tech is going to give you the results
there and that's what you need, change your doctor.
There are a lot of different doctors that might, it might not
be the what's familiar to you, but sometimes change is good.
Sometimes you think you have thebest team until you hear other
people talking about other things that they're going
through and stories like, Oh my God, my doctor did this, my
(23:43):
midwife did this. And then you're like, wait, mine
didn't. And I'm not here to, you know,
bash or whatever, just just to be that support person to tell
you if you're not getting what you need, change it if you feel
like you should. Nobody can always guess what you
need or what your needs are. It's like a lot.
I feel like patient care is alsoa relationship and, and a love
(24:03):
language. I might scan someone who doesn't
want to talk at all and I can just read it.
And I, I'm fine with that. And sometimes I feel like, Oh my
God, I wish you could just like talk to make this more
comfortable for you just so I can talk with, but that's not
what they want and they want to just so you kind of just have to
find what, especially after a loss on your rainbow baby to
(24:25):
make this the best, the best experience really so.
Absolutely and educate to advocate for yourself, right?
And like absolutely say, not sayor ask for, but it is so
important your life and your baby's life are in your doctor's
hands. And really, you know, it was
interesting just after, you know, our pregnancies after loss
(24:47):
and hearing from our doctors arelike you listen, you hire us,
right? You choose us to walk alongside
of you. We are part of your care team.
Like we care about you. Like we honor this, you know,
journey that you selected us. I think understanding like, oh,
we selected you like and you're going to walk alongside of us
and that you are our like, you know, our lives are in your
(25:08):
hands that that is such an important decision to make in
your life because of something and you know, we experienced it.
Something goes completely wrong and delivery and things like
that, that you have that team that you're like, I trust
exactly what they're doing. They know our plans, they know
exactly what we want, what we don't want, and they're ready to
move on it, right? It's a whole different thing,
(25:30):
right? Right.
That's so important. But I just can't thank you
enough, you know, for explainingthis, like what, you know, what
happens in the room, you know, the level of care and compassion
that you take with the patients,especially lost parents and
walking alongside of them and also letting them lead.
(25:50):
That is one of the biggest things we discussed with medical
providers is going off of the the parents.
For sure, for sure. I feel like it's, it also helps
the providers I feel because there's no guessing games of
what you look forward to, what you expect, what you prefer, not
prefer. Like it's it's helping everybody
together. So definitely think it's all a
(26:12):
collaborative work with everybody in the team.
So true. Yeah.
If you could change one thing about how pregnancy loss and
difficult diagnosis are handled in the ultrasound room, what
would it be? I would want that one rule where
sonographers cannot always give results to change.
(26:37):
I would want every office to be run in a way where I'm not
saying I'm giving them a detailed report and dealing with
what's going to happen next. And what are either the steps of
just just giving them reassurance or letting them know
that something is wrong without the wondering.
Because online I see that a lot where patients are like my, my
(26:58):
sonographer was so mean, she couldn't tell me anything.
And the understanding of it's really it really depends on the
office policy. Something could lose their job
if they say anything like in thehospital, there's no way there's
no way that I could have even showed the patient something.
So if that one specific coming from a stenographer, that one
(27:20):
specific thing to be changed where every the doctor's office
would be like, you know what, wehave to establish a trust
because it does come with experience.
So you know where we maybe in the first couple months we can
see how that goes. But then giving them as a
sonographer, I can tell you we either see a heartbeat or we
don't. And that's why because I
(27:42):
understand that that every, it's, it's not, I'm never going
to call our job easy, but something as letting you know if
I see a heartbeat or not. We are the ones who are going to
tell the doctor right now that we don't see it or see it.
So just giving us that, that ability, because I feel so
fortunate that I have that, thatmy doctors allow that and my
midwife's allow it. And because I get to be that
(28:07):
person for the patient and immediate, like an immediate
support person immediately to let them know what's going on.
And that's what I wish could change with dealing with that.
Really, it's so true, though, because it could be minutes or
even 1520 thirty minutes until the doctor comes in from the
time. Yes, which is like hours, right?
(28:29):
And just like it's grueling. They're sitting there spinning
out like what is happening? What is going on?
Especially if there was silence.Just like, oh, I'll be back and
then like. Oh my God, the I'll be back.
Yes. You know, even sometimes like
when we need a second set of eyes on something to do with a,
you know, anatomy, You know, we do see abnormalities with
(28:49):
fetuses all the time. And we, we establish a thing
where, you know, if something isa little more challenging just
to bring the other stenographer to, you know, and I always even
that I communicate, everything'sjust letting you know, here's
the heartbeat, here's this. Just so they don't think that
it's something to do with that. I just need the sonographer to
(29:09):
come and take a second look at these pictures just so to make
sure that I got the right picture.
Now, I've been doing this for 13years.
The patients don't know this. And it's kind of reassuring
where I'm not coming up as like,cuz maybe I'm just like an
inexperienced tech and I just want someone to come and look at
it. You know, I'm not giving it as
a, oh, something's wrong. But I feel like just even
(29:30):
communicating that, that second that I'm leaving and coming back
with another tech is like what'shappening, you know?
So communicating that is also important that I just need a
second eye because like you said, waiting, going and come
back with the doctor is. Yes, absolutely.
(29:51):
Yeah. Yes, if there's anything that
you would like to leave our listeners with, I would love for
you to share with them. Yes.
I just want everyone to know that we as a whole, coming from
the sonography community, we have so much love and so much
compassion. And even if we can't show it,
(30:14):
sometimes it's there. Sometimes a lot of sonographers
are overworked and they don't even have and it's sad that they
don't even have the chance to beextra compassionate because they
don't have the support at their workplace.
And I want to direct it because it's not always.
And again, not defending every stenographer, A personality is a
personality. Some people are dry, some people
(30:35):
don't have emotions and they might be in the wrong field
absolutely, but just know the majority of it to lead with, oh,
that stenographer probably can'ttell me anything because she'll
lose her job versus she's so mean.
She can't even tell me what's going on.
Like just to understand that we're there for you, rooting for
you and like a lot of times we can't do much, but I don't, I
(30:58):
don't stop thinking about a lot of my patients with loss and
know that you're within our hearts.
Like we carry you for a while. I follow up, I want to see what
ended up happening if you ended up miscaring on your own or if
you needed to do surgery. I follow up, even though I can't
pick up the phone and talk to you, I follow your journey and I
make sure that just know that that that that's the case.
(31:20):
So. Natalie, thank you so much for
everything today. Thank you so much to have you.
Thank you for having me. Yes, to everyone listening who
may be navigating infertility, reoccurrent pregnancy loss,
miscarriage, still birth, infantloss, please know this.
Your story matters, your baby matters and your grief matters.
(31:42):
Healing doesn't follow a timeline.
Trauma and loss don't have a schedule, and you deserve
compassionate care through everystep of this journey.
At Chase and Rainbows, we provide free daily support
services in a community for families impacted by these
losses. Because every loss matters.
If this conversation resonated with you, please share this
episode with someone who may need it.
And if you are looking for support, want to
(32:04):
volunteerdonateorhostaneventyoucanlearnmore@chaseandrainbows.org.Thank you for being here, for
listening and continuing to break the silence around these
traumatic losses. Until next time, this is cried
out loud. Thanks again, Natalie.
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!