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*************************************************************************************
Dig in to discover why breaking up with the 'Good Girl' mentality is the key to prioritizing your physical and emotional needs during a divorce.
Breaking the 'Good Girl' Mentality
The 'Good Girl' mentality has been ingrained in society for centuries, causing women to prioritize others over themselves. This often means suppressing emotions and ignoring one's needs to continually support those around them. Breaking away from this mindset is so important for women to experience growth and healing. Let's shift from this mentality and instead focus on our collective well-being. By taking better care of yourself both emotionally and physically, especially during challenging times, such as a divorce, you can ensure you possess the strength needed to tackle life's obstacles head-on.
Managing Mental, Physical, and Emotional Health During Divorce
Divorce is an incredibly difficult time, and the additional pressures placed on women by societal constructs only exacerbate the struggle. It is essential for women to prioritize their mental, physical, and emotional health during this period to navigate the journey successfully. In this episode, I stress the importance of women being aware of their hormonal cycles and adjusting their self-care routines accordingly during a divorce. By doing so, you can better manage your well-being and overall health, enabling you to handle the situation with resilience and grace.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Confront the societal expectations for women to maintain a 'Good Girl' image during divorce.
- Delve into women's unique emotional and physical requirements for a better understanding.
- Liberate yourself from the 'good girl' stereotype, allowing for true authenticity.
- Harness the knowledge of specialists such as Dr. Mindy Pelz for insights on hormonal cycles.
Don't blame external factors for your feelings; it could be the underlying Good Girl programming at work. - Dawn Wiggins
Dr. Mindy Pelz on YouTube
Post Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided Journaling
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman, cosingin for the conversations we've
(00:25):
been longing to have about thisnew life.
Hi, love, i am coming to youtoday as like a mental pile of
mush, and what's beautiful aboutthat is this makes for powerful
(00:47):
podcast conversation, becauseone of the key reasons I'm a
mental pile of mush today isbecause I am on day 20,
something about to get my periodin my cycle, and from
everything that I've beenlearning, especially from Dr
Mindy Pells lately I will linkher in the show notes is that in
(01:09):
the week before my period, i amalways going to be a mental,
emotional, physical pile of mush.
Now, does that mean that I'mnot a capable woman this
particular week?
No, that's not what that means,but it does mean that I need
different things and that how Ishow up is going to look
different this week than itwould in other weeks of my cycle
(01:31):
, and the more that I can hearthat from my mind, body and
listen to it and attend to it,the better I'm going to feel and
the better I'm going to perform.
So let's talk about what thathas to do with where you are in
your life and this crisis calleddivorce.
Now the topic here, the title.
(01:52):
You know, this idea that you'renot crazy, meaning so much of
how you feel in a given day hasvery real underpinnings in your
mental, emotional and physicalexistence.
That needs to be looked at.
And because you feel crazy isbecause somewhere in our
societal constructs your needshave been minimized or denied or
(02:19):
distracted from or notfacilitated.
Well, and that is real.
And so then we ask ourselves,like, does everybody feel this
way?
Well, how does everybody elsecope with it?
then, you know, and all ofthese really big questions.
But how can we, in a reallyhelpful, concrete way, shift out
(02:39):
of this?
I feel crazy largely becauseyou're trying too hard to be a
good girl in a way that does notserve your individual mental,
emotional and physical needs.
Now raise your hand, if you canrelate to having this really
(03:03):
strong, like almost Herculeansize drive.
To be a good girl Like this isone of the things I have been
working to unprogram for yearsAnd when that is the primary
programming that we're comingfrom mentally and emotionally
(03:24):
right.
Our deep rooted, deeply heldbelief is I need to be a good
girl, i need to be perfect.
I can't express or show myneeds or emotions.
There's so much suppressed andrepressed need in there that we
end up feeling boatloads ofresentment, suppressed rage, and
we are damaging our cellularhealth at a physical level.
(03:46):
And so how could you possiblythrive in a divorce scenario
when you have this huge crisisgoing on and the underlying
programming is telling you youhave to be perfect or good
through this incredibly complex,difficult season of your life?
(04:08):
They just don't square love,and so if you are feeling on the
verge of collapse at everygiven moment not just a handful
of given moments know that thisconversation is for you.
And also, this conversation isprobably not going to be as tidy
or maybe as clear.
I might be a little rambler, gooff on it, i don't know,
(04:32):
because I can tell you thatthat's how it feels for me
mentally.
Normally, i can kind of see thelayers and the the.
I have a structure when I sitdown to record, and today's just
not one of those days, but.
But I'm here to normalize forme, for you, for us, for me, for
you, for us, that how I performthis week is not going to be
(04:55):
the same as how I would performnext week, and that needs to
become more and more and moreokay to relieve so much of the
pressure we feel to quoteunquote get it right all the
time, because the truth is thatgetting it right in this context
is attending to my needs, isattending to your needs, love,
(05:15):
and just because there are manyplaces in our societal structure
that does not appear investedin attending to your needs, love
does not mean that your needsdon't matter and that you're not
worth it.
What it means is you have tobecome willing to claim your
needs and attending to them,regardless of what the other
(05:39):
people say, do, think, feel orbelieve.
Right now, this conversation isa growing conversation on the
internet, which I love, and Imentioned Dr Mindy Pells in the
very opening sentences, and sheis someone who studies women,
hormones and fasting, which isjust mind blowing and like I'm
(06:03):
deep in her world right now andit is absolutely unlocking, like
new levels of understanding ofwho I am and how my body
functions and how magical it isso highly recommend.
I'm gonna pitch her to come onthe pod, yeah, but I have her
YouTube channel linked in theshow notes here, right?
so Dr Mindy is teaching me thatmy body is designed and
(06:27):
programmed to know exactly whatto do and how to heal itself,
and all we have to do is hackinto our body's natural
programming.
Now, fun fact, your 9 to 5 jobor your parental
responsibilities or the way yourex-co-parents may not support
(06:51):
your body's innate needs andit's innate programming.
And so then, when we get sickand then when we feel under, we
feel under supported, or in fact, we are under supported, and
our bodies start breaking downand we lose our mental toughness
and we lose our emotionalregulation skills and we say,
like, what is wrong with me?
you're with me, right?
(07:13):
you felt all of this that I'msaying.
What's actually wrong is thatwe've been so disconnected from
the truth of how our mind bodyfunctions, and so so you know
for me to tell you your body hasall the programming and you
know for you to just organizeyour life in this particular way
(07:34):
, to hack into this particularintuitive, built-in healing
process.
If I told you that that wouldshorten your divorce recovery,
if it would relieve many of yourphysical illnesses, if it would
allow you to be less triggeredby your ex and and to tap into
love and, to you know, manageyour mental health like that's a
(07:55):
no-brainer right.
And so we're not going to divedeep into all of that science
today, because I just don't haveit like that.
But what I want you to know isthat it's out there, and here
I'm going to give you some toolsto start digging in there,
right.
So good girls.
Oh, my goodness, you've beensuch a doing such a good job of
(08:15):
being a good girl for so long.
And what we were taught and Iget to say we, because we just,
we were generally raised in whatwe would call a patriarchal
society and all I mean by thatand this is not men bashing, i
love men, men are so important,right um met.
It's just that our society hasbeen organized around what works
(08:37):
for men, not what works forwomen.
That's all I mean bypatriarchal right is that our
leadership and organization atour highest forms of religion
and government and education andwhatnot, are just oriented
around what works best for men.
Now to get into a tiny bit ofthe science.
What Dr Mindy Pells has taughtme is that men get a hit of
(08:59):
testosterone every 15 minutesand that is the same for them
every day of their life, thatthey just that is their hormonal
cycle, that every 15 minutes ina day they get a hit of
testosterone, and what's whatgives them the energy and the
drive to power through everytask, every day, all the time.
Now women, on the other hand, weare driving three different sex
hormones and it shows updifferent at different phases in
(09:21):
our 25 to 32 day cycle, and soany given day or week is gonna
be radically different for us.
But life is an organizer onthat right.
Your boss doesn't say, oh, it'sthe week before your cycle,
take it easier this week, butnext week, when you're way more
high energy, do a little extra.
Right, like that's not how yourlife is organized, that's not
(09:43):
how medicine is organized, it'snot how education is organized,
it's not how parenting is right,it's just not how it's
organized.
And so when we start to see theimplications of that, it means
that there are a lot of daysthat women are just sucking it
up, and we're not able to justsuck it up long term without
consequences at a cellular leveland at a relationship level.
(10:06):
And so what we were taught wasbe a good girl and ignore the
truth of your biologicalprogramming.
Ouch Like ouch.
And so many of us were suchgood girls for so long that at
some point, if you're anythinglike me and it's okay, if you're
(10:26):
not, that you're like WTF.
I was such a good girl, why ismy life in a dumpster fire?
I did everything you told me todo, give or take, and it's not
working.
I worked hard.
I was a good person.
I loved people hard.
What is the actual problem?
And that's because good girlmethodology does not actually
(10:53):
agree with the laws of theuniverse.
The laws of the universe saythat people who are happy and
aligned and connected to theirinner knowing and the deeper
universal truths, people who areconnected to nature, people who
are connected to source energy,higher power, whatever it is,
in a deep internal level, andare generally happy and aligned,
(11:16):
those people attract every formof abundance.
How can you be deeply in tunewith self and operating under a
good girl framework?
You cannot, because good girlframework is one size fits all.
It says that what you needtoday and how you feel today is
irrelevant.
Show up for that person, beself-sacrificing and I love me
(11:39):
some, jesus.
However, jesus never told youyou had to self-sacrifice to the
point of damaging your owncellular health.
That is not what he wanted.
He taught grace and he taughtradical self-love and he taught
that he was willing to to die inorder to provide you grace.
So, love, you are so worth itand it is true that a lot of the
(12:05):
established expectations of ourcurrent society do not fit with
your individual needs.
And it is an exciting timebecause this conversation is
happening.
There have been people who haveknown this for centuries, but
the conversation wasn't even anoption.
(12:26):
Now the conversation ishappening And in fact, i found
Dr Mindy Pells on a podcastepisode from a different male
doctor who read the book, has a10-year-old daughter and wants
to understand all of this sothat, as he parents his young
daughter, he can parent in a waythat is intuitive for her.
(12:47):
So can we just take a moment toappreciate how that is a very
different time where thisconversation has space.
And the space that thisconversation has right now is
coming as a result of theInclusivity Culture Dialogue,
which can be really annoying.
We've all seen the InclusivityCulture kind of swing too far
one way.
But what we know about thatInclusivity Dialogue is that it
has opened the door for all ofthese conversations, and then we
(13:11):
get to individually sift andsort what truly works at a deep
mental, emotional, spiritual,cellular level for each of us
and what doesn't, and then weget to see how the conversation
is going to be.
So where you've been goingthrough this divorce experience
(13:31):
and feeling like the villains inyour life are the court system
and your ex-husband and maybe,or maybe not, your mother-in-law
.
I actually think there are alot of great ways to get into
real life women out there whofeel like their mother-in-laws
are godsens, but where you, youknow, you feel like there are
certain villains who you have tofight in order to win this
(13:57):
whole post-a-war situation.
That's actually not true.
Those things that you'reexperiencing, those people,
those entities that you'reexperiencing as villains, you're
not wrong that something's offthere.
That's true.
Something is not in alignmentthere.
But what really has to changeinside of you in order for you
to thrive and attract all formsof abundance is for you to get
(14:21):
to know yourself so deeply, foryou to understand your own
hormonal cycle so deeply, foryou to acknowledge that, if you
feel some type of way on a daythere is 100% a reason, and then
learn how to meet those needswhere you are on those days.
Now, that is not a light switchthat flips.
That is a process of uncoveringand learning and adapting and
(14:43):
overcoming.
But first things first, noticethat the times that you're super
tempted to focus on your ex asthe villain, or the court system
as the villain, or whatever itis as the villain, you got to be
willing to pivot that, to lookinside and say, okay, what I'm
sensing is that something'smisaligned and it needs a
solution.
And I am capable of findingthat solution and enacting it.
And it probably has somethingto do with my hormones and my
(15:09):
need for space-time rest, aparticular food group, like you
name it.
So you know part of how I amdoing.
This setup today like I'm on thesofa instead of in my chair,
and that may seem like a littlething, right, but this is what I
mean.
It's not that I was going tocancel recording today, even
though that's super tempting,but to record over here in this
(15:33):
sofa rather than the morestructured version on that chair
, rather than eat a particularbreakfast this morning that you
know would have maybe lookedbetter in my Noom app around
calorie density.
I ate the thing still a healthychoice, but I ate the thing
that's more calorie dense.
It's a little sweeter, right?
It really does support me on ahormonal metabolic level today.
(15:56):
So I didn't get to cancel myown day, i didn't get to not
show up, i didn't get to notdeal with parenting things or
work things, or, you know, istill had to reschedule dental
cleanings this morning.
You know that's just like abarrel of monkeys, right, but
there are these little tweaksthat I could make to acknowledge
where I'm at and to tell youwhere I'm at so that you can be
(16:17):
with me in this grace-providingspace, right?
So here's your permission tostop being a good girl, because
it's not in a line with the lawsof the universe.
The laws of the universe saylove yourself well so that you
can be a happy, aligned,intuitive person who attracts
all forms of abundance.
This is your permission tostart living life according to
(16:37):
your hormonal cycle and notaccording to a patriarchal
structure.
This is your permission to havebig effing courage to do this,
even when it's not popular inthe spaces around you, because
that is the way that we createchange first inside of ourselves
and second, inside of ourfamilies, inside of our
communities.
And this is your permission tobring yourself tons of grace for
(17:00):
how you're feeling on any givenday or minute.
Love, so you're not crazy howyour feeling matters and it is
calling for a solution.
But you are probably blamingthe wrong thing for how you feel
and it probably has somethingto do with underlying good girl
programming.
(17:21):
And good girl programming isgoing to block you from healing
and it is going to block youfrom attracting a future
abundance in love and in workand in parenting and in just
overall living.
So it's time to break up withbeing a good girl and really
(17:44):
start meeting yourself in ameaningful way, in a more
meaningful way than you evenknew was possible.
And I say that to you because asI'm on this journey, week by
week by week, i uncover deeper,more meaningful ways to live.
And you know I was talking to Iwas talking to producer joy this
(18:05):
week about who we want asguests on the podcast, because
every week I get people whoapply to be guests on this
podcast and I was tellingproducer joy I only want guests
who are talking about deep,meaningful, intentional things
that feel like new conversations.
(18:26):
To us, repetition is key tolearning, and so sometimes, yes,
we need to be on the basic shitpardon my language.
Right, sometimes basic episodesare key and we want to be super
basic because repetition is keyto learning and we want to make
sure we lock in thefoundational stuff.
But then, beyond that, i reallyonly want to be having
(18:47):
conversations about deepertruths than we realize, because
that's where we unlock the mostjuicy tidbits about how to live
in love and joy and happinessand peace, and so that is the
message I have for you today.
I love you so much.
I cannot wait to hear what youdo with this delicious
(19:09):
information.
Peace, dear Divorce Diary is apodcast by My Coach, dawn.
Thank you.
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman, cosingin for the conversations we've
(00:25):
been longing to have about thisnew life.
Hi, love, i am coming to youtoday as like a mental pile of
mush, and what's beautiful aboutthat is this makes for powerful
(00:47):
podcast conversation, becauseone of the key reasons I'm a
mental pile of mush today isbecause I am on day 20,
something about to get my periodin my cycle, and from
everything that I've beenlearning, especially from Dr
Mindy Pells lately I will linkher in the show notes is that in
(01:09):
the week before my period, i amalways going to be a mental,
emotional, physical pile of mush.
Now, does that mean that I'mnot a capable woman this
particular week?
No, that's not what that means,but it does mean that I need
different things and that how Ishow up is going to look
different this week than itwould in other weeks of my cycle
(01:31):
, and the more that I can hearthat from my mind, body and
listen to it and attend to it,the better I'm going to feel and
the better I'm going to perform.
So let's talk about what thathas to do with where you are in
your life and this crisis calleddivorce.
Now the topic here, the title.
(01:52):
You know, this idea that you'renot crazy, meaning so much of
how you feel in a given day hasvery real underpinnings in your
mental, emotional and physicalexistence.
That needs to be looked at.
And because you feel crazy isbecause somewhere in our
societal constructs your needshave been minimized or denied or
(02:19):
distracted from or notfacilitated.
Well, and that is real.
And so then we ask ourselves,like, does everybody feel this
way?
Well, how does everybody elsecope with it?
then, you know, and all ofthese really big questions.
But how can we, in a reallyhelpful, concrete way, shift out
(02:39):
of this?
I feel crazy largely becauseyou're trying too hard to be a
good girl in a way that does notserve your individual mental,
emotional and physical needs.
Now raise your hand, if you canrelate to having this really
(03:03):
strong, like almost Herculeansize drive.
To be a good girl Like this isone of the things I have been
working to unprogram for yearsAnd when that is the primary
programming that we're comingfrom mentally and emotionally
(03:24):
right.
Our deep rooted, deeply heldbelief is I need to be a good
girl, i need to be perfect.
I can't express or show myneeds or emotions.
There's so much suppressed andrepressed need in there that we
end up feeling boatloads ofresentment, suppressed rage, and
we are damaging our cellularhealth at a physical level.
(03:46):
And so how could you possiblythrive in a divorce scenario
when you have this huge crisisgoing on and the underlying
programming is telling you youhave to be perfect or good
through this incredibly complex,difficult season of your life?
(04:08):
They just don't square love,and so if you are feeling on the
verge of collapse at everygiven moment not just a handful
of given moments know that thisconversation is for you.
And also, this conversation isprobably not going to be as tidy
or maybe as clear.
I might be a little rambler, gooff on it, i don't know,
(04:32):
because I can tell you thatthat's how it feels for me
mentally.
Normally, i can kind of see thelayers and the the.
I have a structure when I sitdown to record, and today's just
not one of those days, but.
But I'm here to normalize forme, for you, for us, for me, for
you, for us, that how I performthis week is not going to be
(04:55):
the same as how I would performnext week, and that needs to
become more and more and moreokay to relieve so much of the
pressure we feel to quoteunquote get it right all the
time, because the truth is thatgetting it right in this context
is attending to my needs, isattending to your needs, love,
(05:15):
and just because there are manyplaces in our societal structure
that does not appear investedin attending to your needs, love
does not mean that your needsdon't matter and that you're not
worth it.
What it means is you have tobecome willing to claim your
needs and attending to them,regardless of what the other
(05:39):
people say, do, think, feel orbelieve.
Right now, this conversation isa growing conversation on the
internet, which I love, and Imentioned Dr Mindy Pells in the
very opening sentences, and sheis someone who studies women,
hormones and fasting, which isjust mind blowing and like I'm
(06:03):
deep in her world right now andit is absolutely unlocking, like
new levels of understanding ofwho I am and how my body
functions and how magical it isso highly recommend.
I'm gonna pitch her to come onthe pod, yeah, but I have her
YouTube channel linked in theshow notes here, right?
so Dr Mindy is teaching me thatmy body is designed and
(06:27):
programmed to know exactly whatto do and how to heal itself,
and all we have to do is hackinto our body's natural
programming.
Now, fun fact, your 9 to 5 jobor your parental
responsibilities or the way yourex-co-parents may not support
(06:51):
your body's innate needs andit's innate programming.
And so then, when we get sickand then when we feel under, we
feel under supported, or in fact, we are under supported, and
our bodies start breaking downand we lose our mental toughness
and we lose our emotionalregulation skills and we say,
like, what is wrong with me?
you're with me, right?
(07:13):
you felt all of this that I'msaying.
What's actually wrong is thatwe've been so disconnected from
the truth of how our mind bodyfunctions, and so so you know
for me to tell you your body hasall the programming and you
know for you to just organizeyour life in this particular way
(07:34):
, to hack into this particularintuitive, built-in healing
process.
If I told you that that wouldshorten your divorce recovery,
if it would relieve many of yourphysical illnesses, if it would
allow you to be less triggeredby your ex and and to tap into
love and, to you know, manageyour mental health like that's a
(07:55):
no-brainer right.
And so we're not going to divedeep into all of that science
today, because I just don't haveit like that.
But what I want you to know isthat it's out there, and here
I'm going to give you some toolsto start digging in there,
right.
So good girls.
Oh, my goodness, you've beensuch a doing such a good job of
(08:15):
being a good girl for so long.
And what we were taught and Iget to say we, because we just,
we were generally raised in whatwe would call a patriarchal
society and all I mean by thatand this is not men bashing, i
love men, men are so important,right um met.
It's just that our society hasbeen organized around what works
(08:37):
for men, not what works forwomen.
That's all I mean bypatriarchal right is that our
leadership and organization atour highest forms of religion
and government and education andwhatnot, are just oriented
around what works best for men.
Now to get into a tiny bit ofthe science.
What Dr Mindy Pells has taughtme is that men get a hit of
(08:59):
testosterone every 15 minutesand that is the same for them
every day of their life, thatthey just that is their hormonal
cycle, that every 15 minutes ina day they get a hit of
testosterone, and what's whatgives them the energy and the
drive to power through everytask, every day, all the time.
Now women, on the other hand, weare driving three different sex
hormones and it shows updifferent at different phases in
(09:21):
our 25 to 32 day cycle, and soany given day or week is gonna
be radically different for us.
But life is an organizer onthat right.
Your boss doesn't say, oh, it'sthe week before your cycle,
take it easier this week, butnext week, when you're way more
high energy, do a little extra.
Right, like that's not how yourlife is organized, that's not
(09:43):
how medicine is organized, it'snot how education is organized,
it's not how parenting is right,it's just not how it's
organized.
And so when we start to see theimplications of that, it means
that there are a lot of daysthat women are just sucking it
up, and we're not able to justsuck it up long term without
consequences at a cellular leveland at a relationship level.
(10:06):
And so what we were taught wasbe a good girl and ignore the
truth of your biologicalprogramming.
Ouch Like ouch.
And so many of us were suchgood girls for so long that at
some point, if you're anythinglike me and it's okay, if you're
(10:26):
not, that you're like WTF.
I was such a good girl, why ismy life in a dumpster fire?
I did everything you told me todo, give or take, and it's not
working.
I worked hard.
I was a good person.
I loved people hard.
What is the actual problem?
And that's because good girlmethodology does not actually
(10:53):
agree with the laws of theuniverse.
The laws of the universe saythat people who are happy and
aligned and connected to theirinner knowing and the deeper
universal truths, people who areconnected to nature, people who
are connected to source energy,higher power, whatever it is,
in a deep internal level, andare generally happy and aligned,
(11:16):
those people attract every formof abundance.
How can you be deeply in tunewith self and operating under a
good girl framework?
You cannot, because good girlframework is one size fits all.
It says that what you needtoday and how you feel today is
irrelevant.
Show up for that person, beself-sacrificing and I love me
(11:39):
some, jesus.
However, jesus never told youyou had to self-sacrifice to the
point of damaging your owncellular health.
That is not what he wanted.
He taught grace and he taughtradical self-love and he taught
that he was willing to to die inorder to provide you grace.
So, love, you are so worth itand it is true that a lot of the
(12:05):
established expectations of ourcurrent society do not fit with
your individual needs.
And it is an exciting timebecause this conversation is
happening.
There have been people who haveknown this for centuries, but
the conversation wasn't even anoption.
(12:26):
Now the conversation ishappening And in fact, i found
Dr Mindy Pells on a podcastepisode from a different male
doctor who read the book, has a10-year-old daughter and wants
to understand all of this sothat, as he parents his young
daughter, he can parent in a waythat is intuitive for her.
(12:47):
So can we just take a moment toappreciate how that is a very
different time where thisconversation has space.
And the space that thisconversation has right now is
coming as a result of theInclusivity Culture Dialogue,
which can be really annoying.
We've all seen the InclusivityCulture kind of swing too far
one way.
But what we know about thatInclusivity Dialogue is that it
has opened the door for all ofthese conversations, and then we
(13:11):
get to individually sift andsort what truly works at a deep
mental, emotional, spiritual,cellular level for each of us
and what doesn't, and then weget to see how the conversation
is going to be.
So where you've been goingthrough this divorce experience
(13:31):
and feeling like the villains inyour life are the court system
and your ex-husband and maybe,or maybe not, your mother-in-law
.
I actually think there are alot of great ways to get into
real life women out there whofeel like their mother-in-laws
are godsens, but where you, youknow, you feel like there are
certain villains who you have tofight in order to win this
(13:57):
whole post-a-war situation.
That's actually not true.
Those things that you'reexperiencing, those people,
those entities that you'reexperiencing as villains, you're
not wrong that something's offthere.
That's true.
Something is not in alignmentthere.
But what really has to changeinside of you in order for you
to thrive and attract all formsof abundance is for you to get
(14:21):
to know yourself so deeply, foryou to understand your own
hormonal cycle so deeply, foryou to acknowledge that, if you
feel some type of way on a daythere is 100% a reason, and then
learn how to meet those needswhere you are on those days.
Now, that is not a light switchthat flips.
That is a process of uncoveringand learning and adapting and
(14:43):
overcoming.
But first things first, noticethat the times that you're super
tempted to focus on your ex asthe villain, or the court system
as the villain, or whatever itis as the villain, you got to be
willing to pivot that, to lookinside and say, okay, what I'm
sensing is that something'smisaligned and it needs a
solution.
And I am capable of findingthat solution and enacting it.
And it probably has somethingto do with my hormones and my
(15:09):
need for space-time rest, aparticular food group, like you
name it.
So you know part of how I amdoing.
This setup today like I'm on thesofa instead of in my chair,
and that may seem like a littlething, right, but this is what I
mean.
It's not that I was going tocancel recording today, even
though that's super tempting,but to record over here in this
(15:33):
sofa rather than the morestructured version on that chair
, rather than eat a particularbreakfast this morning that you
know would have maybe lookedbetter in my Noom app around
calorie density.
I ate the thing still a healthychoice, but I ate the thing
that's more calorie dense.
It's a little sweeter, right?
It really does support me on ahormonal metabolic level today.
(15:56):
So I didn't get to cancel myown day, i didn't get to not
show up, i didn't get to notdeal with parenting things or
work things, or, you know, istill had to reschedule dental
cleanings this morning.
You know that's just like abarrel of monkeys, right, but
there are these little tweaksthat I could make to acknowledge
where I'm at and to tell youwhere I'm at so that you can be
(16:17):
with me in this grace-providingspace, right?
So here's your permission tostop being a good girl, because
it's not in a line with the lawsof the universe.
The laws of the universe saylove yourself well so that you
can be a happy, aligned,intuitive person who attracts
all forms of abundance.
This is your permission tostart living life according to
(16:37):
your hormonal cycle and notaccording to a patriarchal
structure.
This is your permission to havebig effing courage to do this,
even when it's not popular inthe spaces around you, because
that is the way that we createchange first inside of ourselves
and second, inside of ourfamilies, inside of our
communities.
And this is your permission tobring yourself tons of grace for
(17:00):
how you're feeling on any givenday or minute.
Love, so you're not crazy howyour feeling matters and it is
calling for a solution.
But you are probably blamingthe wrong thing for how you feel
and it probably has somethingto do with underlying good girl
programming.
(17:21):
And good girl programming isgoing to block you from healing
and it is going to block youfrom attracting a future
abundance in love and in workand in parenting and in just
overall living.
So it's time to break up withbeing a good girl and really
(17:44):
start meeting yourself in ameaningful way, in a more
meaningful way than you evenknew was possible.
And I say that to you because asI'm on this journey, week by
week by week, i uncover deeper,more meaningful ways to live.
And you know I was talking to Iwas talking to producer joy this
(18:05):
week about who we want asguests on the podcast, because
every week I get people whoapply to be guests on this
podcast and I was tellingproducer joy I only want guests
who are talking about deep,meaningful, intentional things
that feel like new conversations.
(18:26):
To us, repetition is key tolearning, and so sometimes, yes,
we need to be on the basic shitpardon my language.
Right, sometimes basic episodesare key and we want to be super
basic because repetition is keyto learning and we want to make
sure we lock in thefoundational stuff.
But then, beyond that, i reallyonly want to be having
(18:47):
conversations about deepertruths than we realize, because
that's where we unlock the mostjuicy tidbits about how to live
in love and joy and happinessand peace, and so that is the
message I have for you today.
I love you so much.
I cannot wait to hear what youdo with this delicious
(19:09):
information.
Peace, dear Divorce Diary is apodcast by My Coach, dawn.
Thank you.
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