October 16, 2025 • 37 mins
What if the timing of your “yes” shapes not just your wedding day, but the way you grow up? We get honest about the question so many couples wrestle with: should you get married young?
We unpack the real pros: growing together from a blank slate, sharing first jobs, graduations, and babies, and building habits early that can compound into financial stability and stronger partnership. We also name the hard parts without flinching: emotional maturity gaps, higher divorce risk, money strain from unstable careers and student loans, and what happens when one person heals or advances faster than the other. Through a faith-first lens, we talk about how prayer, community, and doing things God’s way can change outcomes—not by removing storms, but by giving you anchors when they hit.
You’ll hear practical, hard-won tools: how to set simple money meetings, create guardrails for conflict, pursue counseling before crisis, and keep intimacy alive when stress steals your margin. We explore education tradeoffs, blended family realities, and why there’s no one-size-fits-all advice—only wiser preparation and honest self-assessment. Whether you’re dating, engaged, or already married young, you’ll find encouragement to keep going, stay humble, and build a team mindset that lasts.
If this conversation helped you or someone you love, share it with a couple who’s weighing the leap. Subscribe for new episodes twice a month, leave a review to help others find the show, and tell us: which pro or con matters most in your season?
Connect with Mo
Become a Subscriber for subscriber only content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1834533/subscribe
Merchandise: https://demo-with-mo.myspreadshop.com/
Website: https://www.demowithmo.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/demowithmopodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/demowithmo/
Facebook Relationship Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/548524369897098/?ref=share
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Hey, what's up, guys?
Welcome to a new episode of Demowith Mo.
I am your host, Monique Simmons.
And today we are going to bediscussing should you get
married, young?
I am currently reminiscing onwhen my husband and I started
(00:45):
dating.
My husband and I started datingour senior year in high school.
So right now, we're looking atabout 20 years we have been in a
relationship with one anothersince we started the dating
process all the way up to now 15years married.
(01:08):
And it got me to thinkingbecause this October, right now,
if you're listening, again, ifyou're listening to this live,
this is around the time that westarted being official, being
serious about it, because myhusband and I we became friends
(01:29):
around our sophomore year inhigh school, but we didn't
actually begin dating until oursenior year in high school.
(02:03):
Well, this past weekend, my sonand his girlfriend spent some
time at our house, and we tookthem out, and it just got me to
thinking about my husband andI's dating history and being in
a relationship and gettingmarried at a young age and
(02:24):
starting our family and bringingus up to where we are now.
It just got me to thinking aboutall of those things and
reminiscing about the past andremembering where we came from
and all of the things that we'vewalked through in our journey
and all of the things that havegotten us to the place that we
are currently now.
(02:45):
The fact that we even have achild that's old enough to date
and to be at the place where weonce were, where it all started,
where it all began for us.
And it got me to thinking thatthis would be a great
conversation because I know Ipersonally know a lot of couples
(03:10):
who got married young, most whoare still married to this day,
some who are no longer married,and I know there are a lot of
couples even now, still today,who get married young, not as
many as in the past, but thereare still some.
And it just got me to thinkingdo couples still want to get
(03:31):
married young?
Is that still a thing thatpeople want to do?
What are the pros of gettingmarried young?
What are the cons of gettingmarried young?
Is it something that youpersonally desire?
Is it something that you'reagainst?
How do you feel about it?
What are your thoughts about it?
Have you ever considered it?
Is it something that you wantfor your child or your children?
(03:57):
And that's something that I'veoften even thought of for
myself.
Is this something that I wantfor my kids?
But I'm also one of those peoplewho I want my kids to walk out
their own lives.
I want them to see what I'vemodeled for them, but I also
want them to have their ownexperience, to trust God and
(04:18):
have that personal relationshipwith Him for themselves and see
what it is that that journeythat God would have for their
own lives, and not to do what Idid, but to what is it that you
desire for your own life?
What are the plans that God hasfor you?
That's something I've tried tomodel for my kids.
(04:40):
Do that.
So I'm just I thought it wouldbe a great conversation to talk
about on today's episode.
So we're going to be discussingthe pros and the cons of getting
married young.
Because even though I gotmarried young, I'm not a one way
(05:00):
or the other.
But I think this is more of aperson to person, couple to
couple, because I don't thinkevery answer fits every person's
circumstance.
Getting married young has proslike growing together, sharing
(05:23):
milestones, and cons, such as ahigher risk of divorce,
potential financial strain, andpersonal development challenges.
While there's an opportunity tobuild a life together, but from
the start, a lack of maturityand experience can make the
decision more difficult.
(05:45):
And priorities can changesignificantly as you both grow
older.
So again, there are a lot ofpros and there also are a lot of
cons.
So again, I think it reallyvaries person to person, couple
to couple.
Every circumstance will not bethe same.
(06:06):
Every couple will not be thesame.
We all don't come from the samebackgrounds.
We all don't think the same.
Our maturity levels are not allthe same.
It's not one umbrella statement,one umbrella answer for every
person, every couple, everysituation.
So listen to the pros, listen tothe cons, and you see what works
(06:31):
best for you.
And this is specifically for mycouples, for my individuals who
are currently dating andthinking about desiring, looking
forward to marriage.
This is specifically for you.
If you know somebody, you maywant to share this episode with
them.
If you have kids, children whoare currently dating, this would
(06:56):
be a great topic, great episodefor them.
So let's talk about some pros ofgetting married young.
And I thought these were somereally great ones.
I've experienced these on bothsides, the pros and the cons.
First, grow together.
You can grow and mature as acouple, supporting each other
(07:17):
through life's ups and downs,and developing as individuals at
a similar pace.
So versus when you come into arelationship later in life,
where you guys have already ormay have already been on the
trajectory of your careers,where you want to be in life, or
(07:40):
where you've kind of grown inlife.
When you get married young, youguys get to go on that journey
together versus already beingwhere you may desire to be,
where you want to be.
When you meet someone later inlife, when you get married
young, you start dating young,you get to experience that
(08:01):
beautiful journey of growingtogether.
You're alone for the ride, youget to see where it all began,
and you get to witness oneanother becoming the person that
you both want to be, and that'sin all areas in your careers as
(08:26):
parents, if you guys want tohave children in your spiritual
walk.
This is in all areas of yourlife.
You guys get to grow together.
And don't get me wrong, thesethings can still happen in later
in life because we never stopgrowing.
I hope you don't ever getcomplacent where you stop
growing, but when you getmarried younger in life, a lot
(08:49):
of times it's like a blankslate.
You haven't really done a lot,so you guys really get to grow
together.
Next, shared milestones.
You get to experience andcelebrate many of life's major
events together, from careerbeginnings to starting a family.
(09:12):
So this kind of piggybacks aregrowing together, those shared
milestones, all those majormoments, because a lot of those
major moments they happenearlier in life, and you guys
get to experience that together.
Um, what usually happens, andthis is not in all
(09:33):
circumstances, when you meetsomeone later in life, when you
get married later in life, someof these things, a lot of these
things have already happened.
And again, this is not a blanketstatement.
This is not everyone'sexperience.
I know people, I have friendswho have gotten married later in
(09:53):
life, and all of them, all ofthese things are happening for
the first time.
So this is not a blanketstatement in everybody's
experience, but sometimes whenpeople um get married later in
life, some of these major lifeevents have already happened.
So you may have missed some ofthese major life events with
(10:14):
your partner or your spouse.
So that's one of the pros togetting married younger.
You get to share in thesemilestones.
For a lot of couples, they getmarried young, they graduate
college together.
Because usually they startdating in college or they meet
in college, so they graduatecollege together, or like my
(10:35):
husband and graduating highschool together because we went
to high school together.
So you get these major lifeevents together, you have your
first child together.
Some couples, again, this is noteveryone's experience, but
sometimes when couples meetlater in life, one of both
partners may already have achild outside of their
(10:56):
relationship.
So you guys may have a blendedfamily, but most couples, when
they come, when they get marriedyounger, they have their first
child together.
So you have these major lifeevents together.
You share these milestonestogether.
Number three, less baggage.
(11:19):
All of these are kind of tyingin together.
Less baggage.
You can build a life togetherwith a cleaner slate with fewer
past experiences or baggage tocombine with your partner.
I'll say this.
I even with the with the gettingmarried young, you still can
(11:43):
have baggage.
I love that it said lessbaggage.
Because I don't care.
You still can bring baggage intothe relationship.
My husband and I, we broughtbaggage with us.
Believe me, we both were rollingsuitcases in with us, and we've
been together since high school.
So you can still roll in thebaggage with you.
So I just want to set the recordstraight there.
(12:05):
But when you do get marriedyounger, there is less baggage
because you've lived less life.
You probably have less partnersbehind you, you have less
experiences, there's not so muchor as much baggage because
(12:28):
you're you're younger.
The the the there are fewerexperiences because you and your
partner have been able to meetone another and get into a
relationship before there havebeen many more experiences
between the both of you.
So there is less baggage.
(12:48):
Number four, molding each other.
You are not as set in your waysand can more easily help shape
each other into the people youwant to be.
This is one that you hear a lot,especially and not even just in
(13:09):
romantic relationships, but withjust pe dealing with people in
life in general.
And if you're because I know Ican't hear you guys, and you
guys are listening to me, butlike the preacher say in the
pulpit, if you agree, say amen.
Okay?
So talk back to me.
I know I can't hear you, but thestatement that I'm about to
(13:31):
make, if you agree, if you'veheard it, just on the other end,
say amen, okay?
If you've ever heard thestatement, they just set in
their ways.
Say amen.
Okay.
All right.
So when you get married younger,when you're in a relationship at
a younger age, people have hadless time to get stuck and set
(13:56):
in their ways.
And when people get set in theirways, y'all, it is hard.
It is hard to get out of yourway.
It's hard, it is hard.
So I understand what they meanwhen they're saying molding each
other, because you can get usedto doing things your way,
(14:20):
thinking your way, getting stuckin seeing things how you see
them, how you want them, the wayyou're used to doing them.
But marriage is aboutcompromise, being considerate of
one another, not being selfish,being motivated to about
(14:41):
pleasing your partner, not justbeing about yourself.
You know, that's what marriageis about.
And when you get marriedyounger, um, it don't happen
overnight, but you get to learnthat and grow in that when
(15:01):
you're not so stuck in yourways.
Imagine getting married at 50for the first time, and you have
been the person that you are fora long, long, long time.
And now I have to get marriedand adjust, and you're telling
me that I don't, I can't just dothings the way that I've been
(15:24):
doing them for 50 years.
I can't just move the way I'vebeen moving for 50 years.
I have to be considerate ofsomebody else.
I have to be mindful of someoneelse's feelings.
I have to consider them in myactions.
I have to check in before makingdecisions.
I have all of these thingsbecause that's what molding is.
(15:47):
I have to adjust.
I can't just continue to dothings the same way I've always
done them.
I can't continue to move thesame way I've always been
moving.
That's a hard thing to do.
So getting married younger,you're it's more, it's easier to
help shape each other into whothe other person wants you to be
(16:11):
is going to be beneficial foryour relationship and for your
marriage.
Lastly, last pro financialrealism.
Some studies suggest thatmarrying early can lead to more
realistic financial attitudesand potentially higher earnings
(16:32):
over time, especially if thecouple plans their future
together from the start.
So this is based on studies thatmarrying early can lead to more
realistic financial attitudesand potentially higher earnings
over time.
So when you get married earlier,you're able to, if you're open
(16:53):
to doing this, you're able toplan out your future together
from the start, and it sets youup to have higher earnings over
time and have a more realisticfinancial attitude.
I don't know about you, but thatsounds good to me.
And it is more realistic whenyou are getting married young.
(17:18):
And then I love that it said,especially if the couple plans
their future together, becauseit's not going to be the same if
you guys are only this yourmoney, this my money, and you
guys are not working together asa couple.
This would be beneficial if youguys are on the same page
working together as a couple, asa team.
(17:39):
Because if you guys do this inthe beginning, if you're getting
married early, it's gonna setyou up for success in the
future.
It's not gonna be one personworried about themselves and the
other person only worried aboutthemselves, but us working
together to get us where we wantto be as a couple and setting us
up for our future.
So now we're gonna discuss thecons of getting married early.
(18:03):
And I know there's gonna be somepeople that are listening,
waiting to hear the cons.
Because you probably already hadin your mind, I'm never getting
married young.
I don't want to get marriedyoung, I don't want my children
to get married young.
I couldn't wait to send themthis episode to talk them out of
getting married young.
I know there's somebody that'sprobably feeling that way.
(18:24):
And I mean, I'm not I'm not madat you.
There are some cons to gettingmarried young.
I hope you heard the pros.
I hope you just were not waitingto get to the cons, but you also
heard the pros.
Like you didn't weren't justlistening, like you didn't just
hear the words coming out of mymouth, but you were legit
listening to the pros becausethere are some pros to getting
(18:47):
married young.
But again, this is not a blanketstatement for everyone.
Getting married young is not foreveryone.
That does not fit, it's notsuitable for everyone.
I don't believe everyone isready for marriage, marriage at
a young age.
I don't.
I do I do not, but I also don'tbelieve that getting married
(19:10):
young is not beneficial foreveryone either.
I just don't think it's ablatant statement.
I do think there are some prosas the studies show, and also
there are some cons as thestudies show.
So let's get into the cons.
Lack of maturity and experience.
(19:31):
You may lack the emotionalmaturity and life experience to
handle the challenges ofmarriage, leading to more
mistakes.
They led off with a great one.
I think this is a huge one thatis you really lack the maturity,
(19:52):
um, and definitely with theexperience.
I mean, I think that's just agiven and a self-explanatory one
because without the agedepending on the age anyway, how
can you have the experience?
You're not gonna have a lot ofrelationships.
(20:14):
So you really wouldn't have alot of experience.
Um, but the maturity is a bigone.
Um, the lack of maturity.
When it talks about the lack ofemotional maturity to handle the
challenges of marriage, whichwill in in return lead to more
mistakes.
(20:36):
This is a con.
I do, but again, this goes backto it's not a blanket umbrella
statement because this woulddepend on person to person,
couple to couple.
Because there are some peoplewho are very mature for their
(20:57):
age, very mature for their age.
They have a great head on theirshoulders, they have great
community around them, they havefamily who supports them.
You know, it just it justdepends on person to person,
couple to couple, but a lack ofmaturity um is a con because
(21:21):
things are going to come up inyour marriage, in your
relationship that you're goingto have to face.
And you're gonna need thatemotional maturity to survive
it, to face it.
You're gonna have to have hardconversations, you're gonna have
to talk about things that areuncomfortable, you're gonna have
to deal with some things, facesome things.
(21:41):
There are gonna be things thatare going to happen where you're
gonna have to be mature.
Next, higher divorce risk.
Studies show that marrying youngis associated with a higher risk
of divorce, and this is based onstudies.
(22:02):
This is not just somethingthat's made up, this is not
something to make you feel badabout it.
This is what studies show.
It's associated with a higherrisk of divorce, and in my case,
the risk was even higher becauseI come from a family of divorce,
(22:23):
so that made my risk even higherbecause my parents were
divorced.
My parents got married young andthey also were divorced, so the
studies show an even higher rateof divorce, a higher risk of
divorce, and this is just basedon studies, but again, this
(22:44):
podcast is a podcast from aChristian perspective.
So, you know what goes abovestudies?
God does.
So if you put your trust in God,not only put your trust in God,
but do things God's way, becauseyou can't say you're putting
your trust in God, but then liveany kind of way, do your own
(23:07):
thing, lean to your ownunderstanding.
But if you put your trust in Godand do it God's way, expect
God's results.
And I'm not saying everything'sgonna be perfect, I'm not saying
it's gonna be without troublesand without hard times and
without storms.
I'm not saying that because theword says in this life you will
(23:30):
have trouble.
What I'm saying is the studysays marrying young is
associated with a higher risk ofdivorce.
And I'm telling you, I came froma um parent who got married
(23:52):
young and who also divorced.
So the studies show my risk ofdivorce is even higher.
But my husband and I justcelebrated 15 years of marriage,
and we got married at 21, and wegot married when I was 21.
So all I'm saying is I know whatthe studies say, but I also know
(24:19):
that I trust God and I'm doingit God's way.
So, number three, financialstrain.
Young couples may face financialdifficulties due to unstable
careers, student loan debt, orthe cost of starting a new life
together.
(24:39):
This is such a good one, and sorealistic, and I know so many
people can relate.
And for my couples who gotmarried young, and you are
listening, and you have beenmarried and have overcome this
or gotten past this or on theother side of this.
I know you understand.
This is real.
This is real, and the financialstrain, it puts a strain on a
(25:04):
relationship, and some couplescannot get past this.
Money issues, financial issuesis one of, and I say one of
because it's not the only, oneof the leading causes of
divorce.
So a lot of couples cannot getpast this.
So you remember the lack ofmaturity being one of the cons
(25:26):
of divorce.
So imagine being young, having alack of maturity, and then
compounding financial strainbecause there are couples who
are much older, and then theycan't even make it through
financial strain in marriage,they end up being divorced
(25:49):
because of financial issues.
But I'm talking about a couplethat's young who lack maturity,
and they're facing thecompounding issues of financial
strain.
They're trying to figure outthemselves, they have little
kids.
They don't know their careerissues because it talks about
(26:11):
unstable careers.
So they're trying to figure outtheir careers in life.
Maybe one partner is still inschool, maybe one partner is
working, so they're living offthe income of that one partner
while the other partner is inschool or working part-time, and
the the money is not matchingthe debt and the bills that's
(26:34):
coming in the house.
Imagine that financial strainand how it's impacting that
marriage and that relationship.
And now the arguments arecoming, and now the arguments
are affecting the intimacy, andnow the intimacy is impacting
maybe the sex life, and now thesex life is not what it once
(26:58):
was, so all of this iscompounding, and I'm saying all
of this because this isrealistic what happens, and now
one thing is compounding anotherthing, and one another thing is
compounding another thing, and alot of couples don't make it out
of this, and this goes back tothat second con study show that
marrying young is associatedwith a higher risk of divorce.
(27:19):
Why do you think people that getmarried young end up in divorce
because of the lack of maturity?
So when things happen, theycan't withstand.
Because I it wasn't supposed tobe like this, it wasn't supposed
to be this hard.
Why I didn't marry the rightperson, I'm not in love anymore.
(27:43):
My marriage is sexless.
It wasn't it wasn't supposed tobe like this.
We argue all the time, they'renot bringing in enough money.
All of these different reasons,uh, all of these cons make
sense.
(28:04):
So yeah.
Number four, personaldevelopment challenges.
You and your partner may growapart as you develop emotionally
and intellectually at differentspeeds and priorities can change
drastically.
Oh man, oh man, this one righthere is good.
So remember when there was alack of maturity and experience?
(28:27):
And now let's fast forward tothis.
So you guys got married youngand now you both growing, but
you're growing at differentrates and different speeds.
So now one of you, you may be,you may was in school.
Now you graduated, and nowyou've been on the fast track at
your job, and now you supervise,and now you know you missed the
(28:51):
big shot or misses big shot, youknow, because it could it could
be either or go both ways, andnow you're doing big things on
your job, and maybe the otherthe other spouse is not where
they want to be on their job.
Because this talks about growingat different speeds, and maybe
they're not where they want tobe, or not even just in your
(29:11):
careers, but it talks aboutemotionally and intellectually.
Maybe one partner has been goingto therapy, growing, figuring
out their trauma, their baggagefrom the past.
Remember those suitcases I toldyou that y'all rolled into the
relationship?
Maybe one of those partners hasbeen unpacking that suitcase,
(29:33):
unloading it.
Now, what was once two suitcasesturned into one suitcase.
Now, that one suitcase is nosuitcase.
They done unpacked and workedthrough all that stuff.
They healed their relationshipswith the with their parents,
they fixed some things with somefriends, all that stuff they
once carried around with them,that unforgiveness, that hurt,
(29:57):
that resentment.
They done worked through that.
Through their relationship withChrist, they've been they've
been working through all thatstuff, but the other spouse,
they still holding on to a lotof stuff.
They can't let it go, they can'tseem to get past it.
They keep they they stillholding on.
But they're watching their otherpartner and they like, why why
(30:20):
you you keep growing?
You are you leaving me?
What's going on?
Are you gonna leave me?
You are you forgetting about me?
And they're like, I'm I'm notforgetting about you, but I
can't stay here.
I can't stay here where we oncewere.
(30:43):
You married all those years ago.
Um, I gotta grow.
I gotta heal.
I can't stay there anymore, butI want you to come with me.
And if that other partner is notwilling to grow, not willing to
do the work, not willing toheal, that begins to affect the
relationship.
(31:05):
Because what once was apriority, what once was
important to both people is nolonger because one partner is
healing, one partner is growing,one partner is doing the work
emotionally, intellectually, andone partner is just stuck, and
(31:25):
they can't seem to get unstuck,but they don't want their
partner to leave them, butthey're also not willing to do
the work, and that affects amarriage, that affects a
relationship, so that's a con.
That's a con.
Because a lot of times, andagain, this is not everybody,
(31:46):
it's not a blanket statement,but if you get married older,
I'm not saying everybody hasdone the work because even older
people sometimes don't do thework.
A lot of y'all don't do thework, but you get to know what
you're choosing.
When you're older, you get toknow whether or not you're
choosing somebody who's going todo the work or not, where they
(32:08):
are right now.
When you're young, you're bothin the same boat.
And then somebody decides tostart doing the work.
Last con incomplete education.
Early marriage can sometimesmean unfinished education, which
can limit future earningpotential and career options.
(32:30):
So when you get married young,you may not finish school, you
may have to drop out, you don'thave to, but certain
circumstances can put you insituations where you do.
You may have children, you mayhave a lot on your plate, and
you may not be able to finisheducation, or you may not finish
(32:52):
the way you wanted to.
You may have the plans to getyour master's, your doctorate.
You may have other plans foryour life, you may not complete
them the way you you once sawyourself completed.
And getting married young mayhave put a halt to that or put a
pause.
So that sometimes can limit yourfuture earning potential in your
career options.
So that can be a con as well.
(33:15):
So we have discussed the pros,we have discussed the cons, and
now you get to decide andchoose.
Should you get married young?
And I do want to say this.
Again, I don't want to be biasedabout this topic again, because
I got married young at the ageof 21.
(33:37):
I don't think this is a blanketstatement.
Umbrella, again, is differentfor everyone.
I don't think one option fitseverybody, because everybody and
every couple is not the same.
But what I do want to say is,because I want to speak to my
couples who are currentlymarried.
The episode was for everyone, nomatter no matter your
(34:00):
relationship status.
Because especially my coupleswho are dating, in a serious
relationship, or engaged, it'sspecifically for you guys
because you haven't officiallygotten married yet.
So specifically for you guys,but I want to speak to my
couples who are the couples whogot married young.
I want to encourage you.
I specifically want to encouragemy couples who have gotten
(34:24):
married young.
I'm talking about my ones whomay be currently in the trenches
right now, like where you arefeeling discouraged, not sure if
you made the right decision.
Is this the right person?
Did I do the right thing?
(34:48):
I know what that's like.
I've been over there on theother side.
This podcast was birthed out ofall those thoughts.
It was birthed out of out of aplace of being young and married
and Christian and not knowingwhat I was doing and not having
(35:10):
a community of people who Icould relate to and understand
what I was going through.
Young married couples, keepgoing.
If you feel alone, if you feellike there aren't other couples,
if you feel like they're notpeople who understand, keep
(35:31):
going, trust God, do it God'sway, get in a community, a
community of believers in alocal church body, listen to
things like this, things that'sgonna point you back to God, but
(35:53):
also show you practically whatthis looks like in marriage and
relationships for you and whereyou are right now, and don't
give up because right now it mayfeel hard, it may look hard, it
may seem hard, but I promise youyou will get to the other side.
(36:16):
There will be better days, andall of this, you'll look back at
it and you say, God, I thankyou.
I thank you for everything Iwent through with my spouse,
with my husband, with my wife,that made us who we are, that
strengthened our relationshipwith you, that strengthened our
(36:39):
relationship with one another.
And one day you guys are gonnaget there, but that's only if
you don't give up in the hardtimes.
I hope you guys have enjoyedtoday's episode.
Remember to share this if withsomeone you think it would
encourage, it will bless.
(37:00):
And remember, guys, I'll now dothe episode twice a month, so
I'll see you guys back in twoweeks.
Remember, I love you, but Godloves you so much more.
Bye.
I hope you guys have enjoyed.
(37:22):
Follow me on Facebook at demowithmo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atdemowitmo at gmail.com.
That's D E M O W I T H M O atGmail.com
Hey, what's up, guys?
Welcome to a new episode of Demowith Mo.
I am your host, Monique Simmons.
And today we are going to bediscussing should you get
married, young?
I am currently reminiscing onwhen my husband and I started
(00:45):
dating.
My husband and I started datingour senior year in high school.
So right now, we're looking atabout 20 years we have been in a
relationship with one anothersince we started the dating
process all the way up to now 15years married.
(01:08):
And it got me to thinkingbecause this October, right now,
if you're listening, again, ifyou're listening to this live,
this is around the time that westarted being official, being
serious about it, because myhusband and I we became friends
(01:29):
around our sophomore year inhigh school, but we didn't
actually begin dating until oursenior year in high school.
(02:03):
Well, this past weekend, my sonand his girlfriend spent some
time at our house, and we tookthem out, and it just got me to
thinking about my husband andI's dating history and being in
a relationship and gettingmarried at a young age and
(02:24):
starting our family and bringingus up to where we are now.
It just got me to thinking aboutall of those things and
reminiscing about the past andremembering where we came from
and all of the things that we'vewalked through in our journey
and all of the things that havegotten us to the place that we
are currently now.
(02:45):
The fact that we even have achild that's old enough to date
and to be at the place where weonce were, where it all started,
where it all began for us.
And it got me to thinking thatthis would be a great
conversation because I know Ipersonally know a lot of couples
(03:10):
who got married young, most whoare still married to this day,
some who are no longer married,and I know there are a lot of
couples even now, still today,who get married young, not as
many as in the past, but thereare still some.
And it just got me to thinkingdo couples still want to get
(03:31):
married young?
Is that still a thing thatpeople want to do?
What are the pros of gettingmarried young?
What are the cons of gettingmarried young?
Is it something that youpersonally desire?
Is it something that you'reagainst?
How do you feel about it?
What are your thoughts about it?
Have you ever considered it?
Is it something that you wantfor your child or your children?
(03:57):
And that's something that I'veoften even thought of for
myself.
Is this something that I wantfor my kids?
But I'm also one of those peoplewho I want my kids to walk out
their own lives.
I want them to see what I'vemodeled for them, but I also
want them to have their ownexperience, to trust God and
(04:18):
have that personal relationshipwith Him for themselves and see
what it is that that journeythat God would have for their
own lives, and not to do what Idid, but to what is it that you
desire for your own life?
What are the plans that God hasfor you?
That's something I've tried tomodel for my kids.
(04:40):
Do that.
So I'm just I thought it wouldbe a great conversation to talk
about on today's episode.
So we're going to be discussingthe pros and the cons of getting
married young.
Because even though I gotmarried young, I'm not a one way
(05:00):
or the other.
But I think this is more of aperson to person, couple to
couple, because I don't thinkevery answer fits every person's
circumstance.
Getting married young has proslike growing together, sharing
(05:23):
milestones, and cons, such as ahigher risk of divorce,
potential financial strain, andpersonal development challenges.
While there's an opportunity tobuild a life together, but from
the start, a lack of maturityand experience can make the
decision more difficult.
(05:45):
And priorities can changesignificantly as you both grow
older.
So again, there are a lot ofpros and there also are a lot of
cons.
So again, I think it reallyvaries person to person, couple
to couple.
Every circumstance will not bethe same.
(06:06):
Every couple will not be thesame.
We all don't come from the samebackgrounds.
We all don't think the same.
Our maturity levels are not allthe same.
It's not one umbrella statement,one umbrella answer for every
person, every couple, everysituation.
So listen to the pros, listen tothe cons, and you see what works
(06:31):
best for you.
And this is specifically for mycouples, for my individuals who
are currently dating andthinking about desiring, looking
forward to marriage.
This is specifically for you.
If you know somebody, you maywant to share this episode with
them.
If you have kids, children whoare currently dating, this would
(06:56):
be a great topic, great episodefor them.
So let's talk about some pros ofgetting married young.
And I thought these were somereally great ones.
I've experienced these on bothsides, the pros and the cons.
First, grow together.
You can grow and mature as acouple, supporting each other
(07:17):
through life's ups and downs,and developing as individuals at
a similar pace.
So versus when you come into arelationship later in life,
where you guys have already ormay have already been on the
trajectory of your careers,where you want to be in life, or
(07:40):
where you've kind of grown inlife.
When you get married young, youguys get to go on that journey
together versus already beingwhere you may desire to be,
where you want to be.
When you meet someone later inlife, when you get married
young, you start dating young,you get to experience that
(08:01):
beautiful journey of growingtogether.
You're alone for the ride, youget to see where it all began,
and you get to witness oneanother becoming the person that
you both want to be, and that'sin all areas in your careers as
(08:26):
parents, if you guys want tohave children in your spiritual
walk.
This is in all areas of yourlife.
You guys get to grow together.
And don't get me wrong, thesethings can still happen in later
in life because we never stopgrowing.
I hope you don't ever getcomplacent where you stop
growing, but when you getmarried younger in life, a lot
(08:49):
of times it's like a blankslate.
You haven't really done a lot,so you guys really get to grow
together.
Next, shared milestones.
You get to experience andcelebrate many of life's major
events together, from careerbeginnings to starting a family.
(09:12):
So this kind of piggybacks aregrowing together, those shared
milestones, all those majormoments, because a lot of those
major moments they happenearlier in life, and you guys
get to experience that together.
Um, what usually happens, andthis is not in all
(09:33):
circumstances, when you meetsomeone later in life, when you
get married later in life, someof these things, a lot of these
things have already happened.
And again, this is not a blanketstatement.
This is not everyone'sexperience.
I know people, I have friendswho have gotten married later in
(09:53):
life, and all of them, all ofthese things are happening for
the first time.
So this is not a blanketstatement in everybody's
experience, but sometimes whenpeople um get married later in
life, some of these major lifeevents have already happened.
So you may have missed some ofthese major life events with
(10:14):
your partner or your spouse.
So that's one of the pros togetting married younger.
You get to share in thesemilestones.
For a lot of couples, they getmarried young, they graduate
college together.
Because usually they startdating in college or they meet
in college, so they graduatecollege together, or like my
(10:35):
husband and graduating highschool together because we went
to high school together.
So you get these major lifeevents together, you have your
first child together.
Some couples, again, this is noteveryone's experience, but
sometimes when couples meetlater in life, one of both
partners may already have achild outside of their
(10:56):
relationship.
So you guys may have a blendedfamily, but most couples, when
they come, when they get marriedyounger, they have their first
child together.
So you have these major lifeevents together.
You share these milestonestogether.
Number three, less baggage.
(11:19):
All of these are kind of tyingin together.
Less baggage.
You can build a life togetherwith a cleaner slate with fewer
past experiences or baggage tocombine with your partner.
I'll say this.
I even with the with the gettingmarried young, you still can
(11:43):
have baggage.
I love that it said lessbaggage.
Because I don't care.
You still can bring baggage intothe relationship.
My husband and I, we broughtbaggage with us.
Believe me, we both were rollingsuitcases in with us, and we've
been together since high school.
So you can still roll in thebaggage with you.
So I just want to set the recordstraight there.
(12:05):
But when you do get marriedyounger, there is less baggage
because you've lived less life.
You probably have less partnersbehind you, you have less
experiences, there's not so muchor as much baggage because
(12:28):
you're you're younger.
The the the there are fewerexperiences because you and your
partner have been able to meetone another and get into a
relationship before there havebeen many more experiences
between the both of you.
So there is less baggage.
(12:48):
Number four, molding each other.
You are not as set in your waysand can more easily help shape
each other into the people youwant to be.
This is one that you hear a lot,especially and not even just in
(13:09):
romantic relationships, but withjust pe dealing with people in
life in general.
And if you're because I know Ican't hear you guys, and you
guys are listening to me, butlike the preacher say in the
pulpit, if you agree, say amen.
Okay?
So talk back to me.
I know I can't hear you, but thestatement that I'm about to
(13:31):
make, if you agree, if you'veheard it, just on the other end,
say amen, okay?
If you've ever heard thestatement, they just set in
their ways.
Say amen.
Okay.
All right.
So when you get married younger,when you're in a relationship at
a younger age, people have hadless time to get stuck and set
(13:56):
in their ways.
And when people get set in theirways, y'all, it is hard.
It is hard to get out of yourway.
It's hard, it is hard.
So I understand what they meanwhen they're saying molding each
other, because you can get usedto doing things your way,
(14:20):
thinking your way, getting stuckin seeing things how you see
them, how you want them, the wayyou're used to doing them.
But marriage is aboutcompromise, being considerate of
one another, not being selfish,being motivated to about
(14:41):
pleasing your partner, not justbeing about yourself.
You know, that's what marriageis about.
And when you get marriedyounger, um, it don't happen
overnight, but you get to learnthat and grow in that when
(15:01):
you're not so stuck in yourways.
Imagine getting married at 50for the first time, and you have
been the person that you are fora long, long, long time.
And now I have to get marriedand adjust, and you're telling
me that I don't, I can't just dothings the way that I've been
(15:24):
doing them for 50 years.
I can't just move the way I'vebeen moving for 50 years.
I have to be considerate ofsomebody else.
I have to be mindful of someoneelse's feelings.
I have to consider them in myactions.
I have to check in before makingdecisions.
I have all of these thingsbecause that's what molding is.
(15:47):
I have to adjust.
I can't just continue to dothings the same way I've always
done them.
I can't continue to move thesame way I've always been
moving.
That's a hard thing to do.
So getting married younger,you're it's more, it's easier to
help shape each other into whothe other person wants you to be
(16:11):
is going to be beneficial foryour relationship and for your
marriage.
Lastly, last pro financialrealism.
Some studies suggest thatmarrying early can lead to more
realistic financial attitudesand potentially higher earnings
(16:32):
over time, especially if thecouple plans their future
together from the start.
So this is based on studies thatmarrying early can lead to more
realistic financial attitudesand potentially higher earnings
over time.
So when you get married earlier,you're able to, if you're open
(16:53):
to doing this, you're able toplan out your future together
from the start, and it sets youup to have higher earnings over
time and have a more realisticfinancial attitude.
I don't know about you, but thatsounds good to me.
And it is more realistic whenyou are getting married young.
(17:18):
And then I love that it said,especially if the couple plans
their future together, becauseit's not going to be the same if
you guys are only this yourmoney, this my money, and you
guys are not working together asa couple.
This would be beneficial if youguys are on the same page
working together as a couple, asa team.
(17:39):
Because if you guys do this inthe beginning, if you're getting
married early, it's gonna setyou up for success in the
future.
It's not gonna be one personworried about themselves and the
other person only worried aboutthemselves, but us working
together to get us where we wantto be as a couple and setting us
up for our future.
So now we're gonna discuss thecons of getting married early.
(18:03):
And I know there's gonna be somepeople that are listening,
waiting to hear the cons.
Because you probably already hadin your mind, I'm never getting
married young.
I don't want to get marriedyoung, I don't want my children
to get married young.
I couldn't wait to send themthis episode to talk them out of
getting married young.
I know there's somebody that'sprobably feeling that way.
(18:24):
And I mean, I'm not I'm not madat you.
There are some cons to gettingmarried young.
I hope you heard the pros.
I hope you just were not waitingto get to the cons, but you also
heard the pros.
Like you didn't weren't justlistening, like you didn't just
hear the words coming out of mymouth, but you were legit
listening to the pros becausethere are some pros to getting
(18:47):
married young.
But again, this is not a blanketstatement for everyone.
Getting married young is not foreveryone.
That does not fit, it's notsuitable for everyone.
I don't believe everyone isready for marriage, marriage at
a young age.
I don't.
I do I do not, but I also don'tbelieve that getting married
(19:10):
young is not beneficial foreveryone either.
I just don't think it's ablatant statement.
I do think there are some prosas the studies show, and also
there are some cons as thestudies show.
So let's get into the cons.
Lack of maturity and experience.
(19:31):
You may lack the emotionalmaturity and life experience to
handle the challenges ofmarriage, leading to more
mistakes.
They led off with a great one.
I think this is a huge one thatis you really lack the maturity,
(19:52):
um, and definitely with theexperience.
I mean, I think that's just agiven and a self-explanatory one
because without the agedepending on the age anyway, how
can you have the experience?
You're not gonna have a lot ofrelationships.
(20:14):
So you really wouldn't have alot of experience.
Um, but the maturity is a bigone.
Um, the lack of maturity.
When it talks about the lack ofemotional maturity to handle the
challenges of marriage, whichwill in in return lead to more
mistakes.
(20:36):
This is a con.
I do, but again, this goes backto it's not a blanket umbrella
statement because this woulddepend on person to person,
couple to couple.
Because there are some peoplewho are very mature for their
(20:57):
age, very mature for their age.
They have a great head on theirshoulders, they have great
community around them, they havefamily who supports them.
You know, it just it justdepends on person to person,
couple to couple, but a lack ofmaturity um is a con because
(21:21):
things are going to come up inyour marriage, in your
relationship that you're goingto have to face.
And you're gonna need thatemotional maturity to survive
it, to face it.
You're gonna have to have hardconversations, you're gonna have
to talk about things that areuncomfortable, you're gonna have
to deal with some things, facesome things.
(21:41):
There are gonna be things thatare going to happen where you're
gonna have to be mature.
Next, higher divorce risk.
Studies show that marrying youngis associated with a higher risk
of divorce, and this is based onstudies.
(22:02):
This is not just somethingthat's made up, this is not
something to make you feel badabout it.
This is what studies show.
It's associated with a higherrisk of divorce, and in my case,
the risk was even higher becauseI come from a family of divorce,
(22:23):
so that made my risk even higherbecause my parents were
divorced.
My parents got married young andthey also were divorced, so the
studies show an even higher rateof divorce, a higher risk of
divorce, and this is just basedon studies, but again, this
(22:44):
podcast is a podcast from aChristian perspective.
So, you know what goes abovestudies?
God does.
So if you put your trust in God,not only put your trust in God,
but do things God's way, becauseyou can't say you're putting
your trust in God, but then liveany kind of way, do your own
(23:07):
thing, lean to your ownunderstanding.
But if you put your trust in Godand do it God's way, expect
God's results.
And I'm not saying everything'sgonna be perfect, I'm not saying
it's gonna be without troublesand without hard times and
without storms.
I'm not saying that because theword says in this life you will
(23:30):
have trouble.
What I'm saying is the studysays marrying young is
associated with a higher risk ofdivorce.
And I'm telling you, I came froma um parent who got married
(23:52):
young and who also divorced.
So the studies show my risk ofdivorce is even higher.
But my husband and I justcelebrated 15 years of marriage,
and we got married at 21, and wegot married when I was 21.
So all I'm saying is I know whatthe studies say, but I also know
(24:19):
that I trust God and I'm doingit God's way.
So, number three, financialstrain.
Young couples may face financialdifficulties due to unstable
careers, student loan debt, orthe cost of starting a new life
together.
(24:39):
This is such a good one, and sorealistic, and I know so many
people can relate.
And for my couples who gotmarried young, and you are
listening, and you have beenmarried and have overcome this
or gotten past this or on theother side of this.
I know you understand.
This is real.
This is real, and the financialstrain, it puts a strain on a
(25:04):
relationship, and some couplescannot get past this.
Money issues, financial issuesis one of, and I say one of
because it's not the only, oneof the leading causes of
divorce.
So a lot of couples cannot getpast this.
So you remember the lack ofmaturity being one of the cons
(25:26):
of divorce.
So imagine being young, having alack of maturity, and then
compounding financial strainbecause there are couples who
are much older, and then theycan't even make it through
financial strain in marriage,they end up being divorced
(25:49):
because of financial issues.
But I'm talking about a couplethat's young who lack maturity,
and they're facing thecompounding issues of financial
strain.
They're trying to figure outthemselves, they have little
kids.
They don't know their careerissues because it talks about
(26:11):
unstable careers.
So they're trying to figure outtheir careers in life.
Maybe one partner is still inschool, maybe one partner is
working, so they're living offthe income of that one partner
while the other partner is inschool or working part-time, and
the the money is not matchingthe debt and the bills that's
(26:34):
coming in the house.
Imagine that financial strainand how it's impacting that
marriage and that relationship.
And now the arguments arecoming, and now the arguments
are affecting the intimacy, andnow the intimacy is impacting
maybe the sex life, and now thesex life is not what it once
(26:58):
was, so all of this iscompounding, and I'm saying all
of this because this isrealistic what happens, and now
one thing is compounding anotherthing, and one another thing is
compounding another thing, and alot of couples don't make it out
of this, and this goes back tothat second con study show that
marrying young is associatedwith a higher risk of divorce.
(27:19):
Why do you think people that getmarried young end up in divorce
because of the lack of maturity?
So when things happen, theycan't withstand.
Because I it wasn't supposed tobe like this, it wasn't supposed
to be this hard.
Why I didn't marry the rightperson, I'm not in love anymore.
(27:43):
My marriage is sexless.
It wasn't it wasn't supposed tobe like this.
We argue all the time, they'renot bringing in enough money.
All of these different reasons,uh, all of these cons make
sense.
(28:04):
So yeah.
Number four, personaldevelopment challenges.
You and your partner may growapart as you develop emotionally
and intellectually at differentspeeds and priorities can change
drastically.
Oh man, oh man, this one righthere is good.
So remember when there was alack of maturity and experience?
(28:27):
And now let's fast forward tothis.
So you guys got married youngand now you both growing, but
you're growing at differentrates and different speeds.
So now one of you, you may be,you may was in school.
Now you graduated, and nowyou've been on the fast track at
your job, and now you supervise,and now you know you missed the
(28:51):
big shot or misses big shot, youknow, because it could it could
be either or go both ways, andnow you're doing big things on
your job, and maybe the otherthe other spouse is not where
they want to be on their job.
Because this talks about growingat different speeds, and maybe
they're not where they want tobe, or not even just in your
(29:11):
careers, but it talks aboutemotionally and intellectually.
Maybe one partner has been goingto therapy, growing, figuring
out their trauma, their baggagefrom the past.
Remember those suitcases I toldyou that y'all rolled into the
relationship?
Maybe one of those partners hasbeen unpacking that suitcase,
(29:33):
unloading it.
Now, what was once two suitcasesturned into one suitcase.
Now, that one suitcase is nosuitcase.
They done unpacked and workedthrough all that stuff.
They healed their relationshipswith the with their parents,
they fixed some things with somefriends, all that stuff they
once carried around with them,that unforgiveness, that hurt,
(29:57):
that resentment.
They done worked through that.
Through their relationship withChrist, they've been they've
been working through all thatstuff, but the other spouse,
they still holding on to a lotof stuff.
They can't let it go, they can'tseem to get past it.
They keep they they stillholding on.
But they're watching their otherpartner and they like, why why
(30:20):
you you keep growing?
You are you leaving me?
What's going on?
Are you gonna leave me?
You are you forgetting about me?
And they're like, I'm I'm notforgetting about you, but I
can't stay here.
I can't stay here where we oncewere.
(30:43):
You married all those years ago.
Um, I gotta grow.
I gotta heal.
I can't stay there anymore, butI want you to come with me.
And if that other partner is notwilling to grow, not willing to
do the work, not willing toheal, that begins to affect the
relationship.
(31:05):
Because what once was apriority, what once was
important to both people is nolonger because one partner is
healing, one partner is growing,one partner is doing the work
emotionally, intellectually, andone partner is just stuck, and
(31:25):
they can't seem to get unstuck,but they don't want their
partner to leave them, butthey're also not willing to do
the work, and that affects amarriage, that affects a
relationship, so that's a con.
That's a con.
Because a lot of times, andagain, this is not everybody,
(31:46):
it's not a blanket statement,but if you get married older,
I'm not saying everybody hasdone the work because even older
people sometimes don't do thework.
A lot of y'all don't do thework, but you get to know what
you're choosing.
When you're older, you get toknow whether or not you're
choosing somebody who's going todo the work or not, where they
(32:08):
are right now.
When you're young, you're bothin the same boat.
And then somebody decides tostart doing the work.
Last con incomplete education.
Early marriage can sometimesmean unfinished education, which
can limit future earningpotential and career options.
(32:30):
So when you get married young,you may not finish school, you
may have to drop out, you don'thave to, but certain
circumstances can put you insituations where you do.
You may have children, you mayhave a lot on your plate, and
you may not be able to finisheducation, or you may not finish
(32:52):
the way you wanted to.
You may have the plans to getyour master's, your doctorate.
You may have other plans foryour life, you may not complete
them the way you you once sawyourself completed.
And getting married young mayhave put a halt to that or put a
pause.
So that sometimes can limit yourfuture earning potential in your
career options.
So that can be a con as well.
(33:15):
So we have discussed the pros,we have discussed the cons, and
now you get to decide andchoose.
Should you get married young?
And I do want to say this.
Again, I don't want to be biasedabout this topic again, because
I got married young at the ageof 21.
(33:37):
I don't think this is a blanketstatement.
Umbrella, again, is differentfor everyone.
I don't think one option fitseverybody, because everybody and
every couple is not the same.
But what I do want to say is,because I want to speak to my
couples who are currentlymarried.
The episode was for everyone, nomatter no matter your
(34:00):
relationship status.
Because especially my coupleswho are dating, in a serious
relationship, or engaged, it'sspecifically for you guys
because you haven't officiallygotten married yet.
So specifically for you guys,but I want to speak to my
couples who are the couples whogot married young.
I want to encourage you.
I specifically want to encouragemy couples who have gotten
(34:24):
married young.
I'm talking about my ones whomay be currently in the trenches
right now, like where you arefeeling discouraged, not sure if
you made the right decision.
Is this the right person?
Did I do the right thing?
(34:48):
I know what that's like.
I've been over there on theother side.
This podcast was birthed out ofall those thoughts.
It was birthed out of out of aplace of being young and married
and Christian and not knowingwhat I was doing and not having
(35:10):
a community of people who Icould relate to and understand
what I was going through.
Young married couples, keepgoing.
If you feel alone, if you feellike there aren't other couples,
if you feel like they're notpeople who understand, keep
(35:31):
going, trust God, do it God'sway, get in a community, a
community of believers in alocal church body, listen to
things like this, things that'sgonna point you back to God, but
(35:53):
also show you practically whatthis looks like in marriage and
relationships for you and whereyou are right now, and don't
give up because right now it mayfeel hard, it may look hard, it
may seem hard, but I promise youyou will get to the other side.
(36:16):
There will be better days, andall of this, you'll look back at
it and you say, God, I thankyou.
I thank you for everything Iwent through with my spouse,
with my husband, with my wife,that made us who we are, that
strengthened our relationshipwith you, that strengthened our
(36:39):
relationship with one another.
And one day you guys are gonnaget there, but that's only if
you don't give up in the hardtimes.
I hope you guys have enjoyedtoday's episode.
Remember to share this if withsomeone you think it would
encourage, it will bless.
(37:00):
And remember, guys, I'll now dothe episode twice a month, so
I'll see you guys back in twoweeks.
Remember, I love you, but Godloves you so much more.
Bye.
I hope you guys have enjoyed.
(37:22):
Follow me on Facebook at demowithmo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atdemowitmo at gmail.com.
That's D E M O W I T H M O atGmail.com
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!