March 20, 2024 • 63 mins
We are thrilled to bring you our second conversation with Dr. Stephanie, it's a standalone masterpiece. We reunite with Dr. Stephanie, whose background of trauma healing and spiritual wisdom paints a path for personal growth. As she shares her journey and anticipates her next quantum leap with an upcoming book, we explore the depth of Desire—not as mere whims but as a beacon to our authentic selves. Discover the power of Desire as a spiritual compass and how it can lead us out of the chaos of overproduction into the sanctuary of true creation, guided by the harmonious blend of our inner feminine and masculine energies.
This episode is a heartfelt invitation to peel back the layers of societal misconceptions about Desire and step into the vibrancy of life force energy that flows through us. Through personal stories of transformation and encounters with mentors, we learn about the spiral journey steered by the feminine and the profound shifts that arise when competition melts away in the face of community. Dr. Stephanie illuminates the intricate dance between vulnerability and self-compassion as we traverse the path from control to liberation, finding solace in the spaces where our truest Desires lie.
Close the chapter with us in a moment of reflection as we delve into the generative power of generosity and presence. Dr. Stephanie speaks about her Spinal Energy Flow meditation program, it's a practice that fosters intimacy and honesty from within.
This episode is a testament to the transformative potential of tuning into our Desires, understanding our primal needs, and embracing the synergy between self-awareness and generosity. As we navigate the flow of life force energy, we are reminded of the importance of staying true to ourselves and honoring the connections that reflect our deepest truths.
P.S. Check out Episode 21 if you want to hear more with Dr. Stephanie
Dr. Stephanie's links are below
www.instagram.com/drstephaniebridwell
www.drstephaniebridwell.com/who-is-dr-stephanie
Like, Rate, Review and Share this episode. Thanks in advance for your support.
Click the links below for 1:1 support.
Email Us:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Connect on Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire as Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by Desire
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood, relationships andmy business Desire has taken me
on quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide
of the feminine, and I'mCatherine, devoted to living my
life as the truest and hopefullythe highest version of me.
I don't have children.
I've never been married.
I spent equal parts of my lifein corporate as in some down and
low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired, and my path led me to
(00:52):
explore Desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still
exploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
Desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desire as Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofDesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Hello, friends, listeners,thank you so much for tuning in
(01:33):
to today's episode.
Today we have a special treatwe have the lovely Dr Stephanie
here for a second time.
It's really exciting.
We have done everythingpossible to make sure that today
is as smooth as butter.
Look at our texts and our powerchords and all of the things.
If you listen to the old episode, you'll know why I'm saying
(01:56):
that.
If you did not, please by allmeans go check that one out.
For now, let me step in alittle bit here.
I'm just going to read DrSteph's about page.
It's at hersefanybredwellcomand it's who is Dr Stephanie?
It says for three decades shehas helped heal trauma, connect
(02:18):
to the potential of the quantumfield and grow the size and
coherence of their nervoussystem.
She considers herself amulti-dimensional embodiment
artist.
She's earned a doctorate degreein chiropractic and masters of
science degree in clinical psych, as well as an expansive range
of certifications in healingtech.
(02:39):
She founded Yoga in the Flow, astudio that bridged mental
health and body healing throughyoga.
She taught yoga and meditationinternationally.
She founded Magnolia Wellness,a hub for alternative healing in
San Francisco for 15 yearsthere's so much here.
She founded Energy Flow Studioin Marin California in service
(03:03):
to the embodied energetics of anew world.
She developed the Trust,activation, trauma and Release
and Reorganization Method andBook.
She is the author of a quantumhealing book to be released
early or maybe it was releasedearly 2023.
So I guess it was released andno, not yet.
Okay, she's checking.
No, so it's not released yet,but it will be released.
(03:25):
And she's currently teachinginternationally through her
online community as well asleading international retreats
serving healing energy and thefeminine.
We had the great pleasure ofhaving her on already, where she
really discussed the mechanicsof the spine and desire and how
(03:46):
it shows up in our spine.
And please, if you're listeningto this and if you're at all
curious, definitely go check itout.
Gorgeous transmission, so happyto have her here today.
She is a friend, she is afellow practitioner on the mat
with desire and I am just an aweof her as a human, of all the
(04:07):
things that she's been able toaccomplish in this world in her
life, how she leads, how shemothers, how she wives is that
even a word?
How somebody wives, how shefriends.
I love how I'm making all thesewords action words, but for me
it is action words.
Sometimes I'll receive amessage from her just saying hey
(04:27):
, I was really thinking aboutyou, were thinking about you.
You are on my mind and alwaysland so beautifully in my heart
and I want to say that justseeing her face gives me that
same emotion.
Welcome, dr Stephanie andBrenda, to today's episode.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Thank you, ladies, for having me today.
You feel what I feel honored tobe here.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
I just want to ask one if there's anything she
would add.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
You summed it up so beautifully, catherine.
Hello everybody and welcomeStephanie.
It's so good to have you back.
I want to say that the episodethat we had you on in case
anybody's listening was episode21.
It's absolutely gorgeous.
We had a lot of text out snafusand today we're just going to
(05:25):
be smooth and clear and I'mreally excited to have you here
today.
Thanks for coming back.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
What comes up for you , stephanie, what I said?
What comes up for you witheverything that we've said?
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah Well, first I just want to say again, thank
you so much for just holdingthis container and bringing this
medicine through the beautifulway that you do.
And you really, I just haveseen you from the beginnings of
(06:00):
this podcast until now and theway that you tend to this
frequency is so authentic and soreal and there's so much like,
I guess just love that.
You're like amplifying ontothis thing that a lot of people
(06:24):
don't even know exists really,which is desire.
Or people associate desire withwith sex, or associate desire
with greed, or just have a lotof like, either no connection to
desire or a negative experiencewith desire and negative self
(06:45):
talk and belief systems aroundlike how dare somebody have
desire or go for it, you know,and so I don't know.
Before we even talk aboutdesire, I just wanted to give
that reflection, because justwatching the way that you tend
to it like a, like you'retending to a newborn that is
(07:13):
still a soul and doesn't realizeit's a human with a personality
and an ego, yet like, tendingto that, like that is fucking
genius and I'm just grateful tobe here with you because that's
the level of integrity you holdfor this.
And then what came up for mewhen you were reading my bio, to
(07:34):
be honest, was I can't believethe past.
Like month I've been reallytrying to write my bio for my
new website.
Everything I've been writingI'm scrapping and I'm listening
to what you said and I'm like,oh, I've already written it and
it's already there and it's sobeautiful.
So that was the first thingthat came up was like, oh my
(07:58):
gosh, how often do we try toreinvent the wheel when the
wheel is actually awesomealready?
What the fuck?
So that's legit what I wasthinking.
And then I think the next thingthat really came up for me was
(08:21):
this thing that I've sort of hada magnifying glass on recently,
which is intellect, likeserving intellect and then
serving intuition andacrossroads in my life, which I
sort of brushed upon a littlebit in our other podcast, was
(08:44):
this moment when I had achieved,like my top of the mountain I
got a master's degree inpsychology and chiropractic,
doctorate and licensed and allthese things and all this stuff
and had a practice that was,like you know, about to be
birthed, and the chiropractor Iwas working with, who was a man,
(09:05):
got in my face and said you'renever gonna make a change in the
world through the nervoussystem, the way you're
approaching it in front ofeveryone.
And I saw myself as a topachiever, and so it was so
embarrassing to be called out inthat way when I thought I was
(09:26):
like.
I really thought I was the bestand I fed that over and over by
achieving things and gettingaccolades and, like you know,
with my intellect, and.
But what he said was you're notgonna achieve greatness by
doing anything with your mind.
(09:47):
He's like you're a woman withdeep intuition and you need to
get in your body and you need tofind your feminine.
And he said that in front ofeveryone and it was amazing,
because it was so humiliatingand it was so liberating, like I
finally freed that part of me.
(10:07):
That was like please fuckingsee me, like this is all I'm
playing, a game, and but youdon't want to give up the game
when you're playing the game andthen somebody else see, like
what's really there?
You know you're afraid.
I was afraid to be seen, youknow, ultimately, as not being
perfect, and but that was thatmoment and it was a turning
(10:31):
point in my life where then Iwent on a journey, and in that
journey was my reclamation ofwhat desire really is.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Thank you so much for sharing that.
Just want to let you know thatI think you're tussling with the
power cord.
Whenever you hop it in, I canhear the ding-a-ding-a-ding.
It's like Christmas.
It's like ding-a-ling-a-lingit's Christmas.
(11:04):
So just to give you that.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
The power is actually going up, so I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Oh great great, so we're there.
I'm so glad that you brought upthe conversation that you had
between you and yourchiropractic teacher at that
time, because that's actuallyone of the pieces that I still
remember from the last episodethat we recorded and you had
stated at that time where he hadsaid to you the same thing
(11:34):
you're talking about, which is,oh, you're not really in your
feminine, and I think that thatis something that many women
hear.
Maybe not in that version, Ithink today's version the thing
that most women probably hearyou are too much in your
masculine.
So what I would love to ask youis what would you tell that
(11:55):
version of you that heard thatfrom this man saying to you hey,
you're not in your feminine,aka you're too much in your
masculine, it doesn't land well,it doesn't compute, there's no
like immediate translation.
It's as if at that moment, wepause and we're looking for the
bodily translation of oh, whatexactly is this person telling
(12:17):
me, because it's not helpful.
What would you say to thatversion of you with the
knowledge that you have today?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Yeah, well, you reflected that so perfectly
because that's exactly what Ifelt.
I was like, you know, after thefall out of like feeling
exposed and leaving.
I was home and I was like nowI'm fucked because I have no
idea.
Like I knew.
I knew that was true, I knewthat I was like overworking and
(12:47):
overproducing and over achievingand over doing and forcing, you
know, but I didn't know anyother way and I remember feeling
like I'm so screwed, like howdare he tell me to do this thing
(13:09):
without telling me how to getthere, how dare he give me a
correction without giving me aconnection, and I was pissed and
I was sad and but then, allright, I'll tell you what you're
asking.
It's just a second, but Iremember myself in this kind of
(13:30):
like mouse, like way, like everynow and then.
So what do you do to connectwith your feminine?
I just ask people.
You know like, oh, I do art.
If you just start painting,you're gonna find it.
And I just got all these likewatered-down doses of what I was
(13:56):
looking for, like, oh, wearskirts.
Yeah, I was told, I was told towear skirts.
I asked all, I asked randompeople often, as often as I had
the courage, wear skirts.
When you wear skirts, likeyou're holding your feminine
energy and your womb in betweenyour thighs, I'm like, okay, so
(14:16):
that was like a piece, but I'mlike that wasn't it, that wasn't
the thing I was ravenous for.
And then, oh, do circularmovements with your hips.
If you do circular movementswith your hips, you will find
your feminine anyway.
(14:40):
There was just like, and thiswas.
It wasn't like in a woman'sgroup, you know, it wasn't like
in a container of, like deepwomen, it was, you know, just
asking chiropractic students andeven like clients that would
like come into the chiropracticschool.
When I was seeing clients there, I would just ask, you know,
(15:01):
women that felt very feminine tome, these things, but it was
all cloaked in procedure,without feeling, and so I still
was like, oh, there's all theseprocedures, but I don't feel
anything and I want to feel, I'mso hungry to feel, I'm hurting
to feel.
And then, so what I would?
(15:23):
I say to myself right now, if Iwas speaking to her?
I would, first of all it justmakes me want to cry a lot right
now on this podcast and so it'sgonna feel and acknowledge that
feels very tender, like that's.
(15:45):
All she wanted was someone tohold her.
Really, I don't think sheneeded to be told anything.
I think what she really neededwas, like this version of me
here, to just see her there,rigid and frozen and scared and
(16:10):
defeated and empty, in a waythat she really wants to be full
and just hug her and then feelher pushing me away.
And then hug her harder andfeel her pushing me away and hug
her deeper until, like, herskin starts to soften and her
(16:31):
knees start to drop and shefinally let's out like a big
bellow of relief and then shecries with my arms and I
continue to hold her and tellher she doesn't have to talk or
say anything.
(16:51):
That's what she needs.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Let's make believe that you would have had that via
the teacher or someone else,then what?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
then I would have been curious how to hold myself
to that standard.
But I continuously fall to myknees, soften my skin, let the
tears run from my eyes and feelin the moment and follow that,
(17:33):
that thread, that line ofdirection.
I would have studied that wayof being and follow the dots.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I love that you said you would have done everything
to be at that standard and let'ssee what has come up from
Brenda.
But in hearing this, I hopethat our listeners can really
see that this speech that wereused sometimes around masculine
(18:17):
and feminine right someonesaying to us we are not in our
feminine enough, we are too farinto our masculine.
And then when I, when I pressedyou stuff, you were like, you
know, rigid, frozen, scared,defeated, empty and really I
(18:39):
think people are talking aboutgoing from a closed, armored
state or potentially protectedstate to that, and then the
opposite of that, being open andsoft.
I think it's such a disserviceto the men in our lives when we
(19:03):
say that it's masculine Becausemasculine.
When I think of a healthymasculine right, we think of
protector, we think of a leader,we think of someone who can
provide structure and strengthand power and backing.
(19:24):
Yeah, brenda.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Hmm, I love this conversation and I love hearing
that, stephanie, how you wouldgo back and hold your former
self and, yeah, it feels likeyou know these words that we're
using masculine, feminine.
It feels like we could sayproduction, creation as well.
(19:53):
You know you were in this.
You said you were inoverproduction, overworking,
overdoing, and when I look atyou now I see this.
I'm gonna say feminine, but wecould say this very feminine,
creative feeling woman is who isin front of me today and you
(20:18):
embody that so beautifully.
You really do.
And I am so curious and I'msure our listeners are curious,
because we you know, I was inthat way too you know that
overproduction kind of forcing,going, doing.
(20:38):
How do you get from, how do youmove from that place, that
closed place?
Because you were told that youwere ready to hear it, you knew
it was true, but then then whatyou know.
So I am so curious if you couldshare with us how you went from
(21:01):
that place to this creationistathat you are now.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I wasn't, I wasn't ready to hear.
I was I?
Yeah, I think that I was.
I was ready to die.
I was like on my road to dying.
I didn't, I wasn't ready tohear it and it was the most
(21:38):
generous thing that that personcould have ever done for me,
because I needed to hear it.
And, yeah, I just want to speakto that like any listener out
there.
If you ever had somebody thatjust took a risk on you, took a
(22:00):
fucking risk in my end and waslike you may hate me forever
after this, you may demonize meforever, you may tell me this is
all like I injured you or I didsomething wrong, but it's okay
because I'm liberating your soulright now and I don't know if
you, if anybody out there, oryou girls, have had that it
(22:24):
happened in your life.
Like, just take a moment andjust send some energy through
the field to those people, somegratitude Cause it's not easy to
be that person.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
I think those teachers have definitely paved
the way, those mentors havedefinitely paved the way, and
one of the things that I'mtalking about today I have so
much gratitude for them and I'mpointing to the language that we
have used has not really beenhelpful.
(22:57):
I don't think in the.
I mean, I had a similarexperience.
I kind of spun out when Ireceived that information and
was like you, going from teacherto teacher trying to figure out
what does this mean.
And so now that we're butyou're so graciously our guest
(23:18):
today and you've also lived this, it's like how beautiful would
it be for us to talk about thatversion of you and how you got
from there to here in your pathto go into a more false your
knees soften your skin, feel inthe moment human, so I.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
I, I peeled away from that skin like a snake shedding
and I really did leave thatskin behind.
And I'll speak to what you'retalking about, which is that
language of what you say is toomasculine.
But actually that was justdefense, as what I was releasing
(24:18):
, right, it was like defenseagainst the unknown, the mystery
.
So which is the feminine?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
right.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
So it was like defense against the unknown, the
mystery, the wild ride, thefire, the alchemy, the innate
power, the creativity, thebirthing energy, the just wild
ride of chaos.
Like I think that we, that isthe feminine, and then the thing
(24:49):
that holds that back is thedefense and that could get
mistaken as being calledmasculine because that's the
opposite of feminine.
But it's actually not masculine, right.
That's just defending againstthe feminine.
So I hear you, mama, on that.
Let's relanguage this shit,right, because the masculine is
(25:15):
not those defended things.
The masculine is fuckingbeautiful, wide open love and
presence that respects that wild, beautiful thing.
It doesn't try to stop it frombeing alive.
So from there.
(25:38):
So I went on a quest.
I went on a quest and it was aquest off the path, off the path
that I knew, the path ofacademia, the path of following
leaders, the path of that waswritten and known.
(26:03):
I went off of that path and gotreally.
I just was curious anddissonant from the people that
expected me to be a certain wayon a certain path.
Doing a certain thing and evenlike doing becoming a network
(26:28):
chiropractor was really, reallyconfronting for everyone around
me, because they wanted me to dotraditional chiropractic, where
it would be just be like a nobrainer and just easy.
And I'm like no, I'm doing thisthing, where I just do these
really light touches to thespinal cord and it starts to
unravel itself.
And that unraveling teaches thebrain how to self reflect and
(26:52):
reorganize itself.
And it doesn't need externalforces to come in and override
the innate intelligence that.
All you have to do is touch theinnate intelligence in the
exact right places and it knowsitself and it will recalibrate
as itself.
And everybody's like you aremad, like just do the easy thing
, how are you gonna sell that topeople?
(27:14):
And so I feel like, justprofessionally, that was a
really big like.
I was left.
I left the easy path.
I left the linear path.
I left what everyone wanted meto be doing and was like I'm on
a pilgrimage of this quest andit was being led by the feminine
(27:35):
, which I didn't totally know atthat time.
I was still kind of woundedfrom knowing that I wasn't
exuding or living in a way thatwas feminine.
So I was kind of carrying thatwound inside but also not really
intentionally knowing it.
I left the linear path to go onthe spiral journey which was
(27:58):
the feminine.
I didn't really know it until Istarted seeing it and seeing it
and seeing it, which leads meto how I got no desire and use
it as a compass.
But it was like I did like a.
I started, I made the choice tobecome a network chiropractor
(28:26):
and then I opened like apractice and then my practice
was extremely successful.
And then I was looking aroundand I was like, oh great, in
some way, even though I went onthis path of leading from this
innate intelligence and notdoing the linear thing, I still
(28:47):
incorporated a lot of thingsthat made my practice very
overtly successful.
But I was on top alone.
That's how I felt.
There was like a moment whereI'm like I'm alone.
Great, I alienated my peersthrough my competitiveness.
(29:07):
I wanted to like have thebusiest practice I'm bragging
about, like I'm bragging abouthow great I am, but I'm not
really even bragging actually,cause I'm not owning it.
I'm like covertly, passive,aggressively growing and telling
people, which alienated myconnection, which is what I
(29:30):
didn't realize how much I longedfor the connection until I got
through competition.
I got to the top and then I waslike, oh, I don't want
competition, I want connection.
So that actually was like thatwas a masculine trait that I had
to like kill.
I had to be like, no, no,little competitive dude, you
(29:51):
don't always get to compete.
You get to sit down so that shecan feel a connection in her
heart and in her womb to everysingle person that she meets,
including all of her peers.
And there was a paramount thingthat actually happened I just
remembered is that I took all ofmy marketing materials at that
(30:14):
time and all of these, mysystems and all these ways that
I created that got me there andI shared them with like all the
other doctors, like I sharedeverything and I was like, ah,
here we are and I feel like thatwas one of the first is it
(30:38):
communion?
One of the first moments where Idropped in to her on my own in
this like profound way, and Istill didn't totally know that,
because I went on to like dopriestess trainings and studied
with feminine leaders and I dida pole dancing and S factor work
(31:04):
with Sheila Kelly and workedwith Mama Gina and worked with
Perry and it's all these waysthat I was still like seeking
the thing that I already wasactually there and yeah, and
(31:27):
ultimately like actually workingwith you guys and with Perry
and in that container was when Ifinally realized that I had
been there and I didn't know it,and it was really the full
descent, the full descentunderneath everything letting
all the everything that it hasbeen constructed just finally,
(31:50):
finally just fall off and trustthat whatever is gonna come from
the rebirth is the thing, andyeah.
So I have some other things tosay, but I feel like that's
where you probably have somethings you wanna chew on.
That's chew, cook, cook, chew.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
That's so funny.
I have tons of things to chewon.
Brenna, do you have anythingburning, or can I take it?
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Take it baby.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I wanna say I love how you've taken us through
somewhat of an evolution rightof how you became the person
shedding the skin, falling toyour knees, softening, being
more in a feeling state.
I love that story about yousharing your marketing materials
(32:56):
with the other doctors.
That's such a generous andgorgeous and loving and trusting
, trusting, trusting.
Trusting To be in a place whereyou're like, oh, there's
dissonance here, yeah, you'reout of harmony.
And then to become harmonious,to do that act of kindness, to
(33:18):
then all be sharing enriches andabundance.
What a gorgeous mind set toembody, to land on, to feel it's
okay Giving this and sharingthis doesn't take away from what
I have and what I've earned.
That's I just wanna say that'sso impressive I wanna for lack
(33:41):
of a better word generous,nourishing, impressive,
definitely connected, as yousaid.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
It was absolutely profound Because it led to the
deepest surrender.
I was like what do I have?
I don't have anything to hidenow.
It was like before I was hidingall of my secrets, my business
(34:10):
secrets.
They're all mine.
I'm gonna rise to the top andyou're all gonna respect me here
.
That's stupid, because therewas like, I mean, there was
respect and it was like reallyrespect I didn't want.
There was definitely respectand I would have had to be Oz
for the rest of my life if Idecided to say yes to that.
(34:33):
I would have been like behindthe curtain all the time and I
felt it and I didn't have anymodel or role model or anyone to
be like.
Oh, this is what you know.
It was like there was justsomething in there that was like
me, holding this separate istoxic to me and as soon as I
(34:59):
gave it away, it was like I justthere was like nothing.
I felt like that feeling likethere's nothing to hide.
I'm fully surrendered and fullacceptance.
What?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
would you say thank you for going deeper in that
direction.
I love that analogy you didwhere you gave as far as Oz
behind the curtain, oz beingsort of the character that we
look at for the strategy, theperson that's pulling all the
strings and we don't really see.
We get to see the abracadabraor the magic, but we don't
(35:32):
really see the mechanics behindit and it was causing separation
and you know it's like there'sa connection between the two of
us was causing separation andyou decided connection.
Let me just share this.
And then there's no separation.
Let's see what comes of that.
How does it look for you now?
What does it look like for younow to be in this soft, no
(35:57):
defense against?
Like?
How has it evolved for you whenyou think back to that version
of you being told by that mentorthis thing that definitely had
you surrender, and now to today,2024.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
What was the actual question?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Has it changed?
How has it changed?
For you, I'm assuming it'schanged in various, various ways
.
You're probably living a livingembodiment.
I don't know if you, I mean, doyou feel like oh, of course,
this is me now.
Or is it like wow, this is menow?
Speaker 3 (36:42):
It's definitely not wow anymore.
I'm very comfortable as this,being that I am.
Yeah, it started with thatgenerosity and then I still am
that generous because, eventhough it may seem like I'm
being generous to others, it'sactually way more generous to me
(37:07):
, to my soul.
My soul's like oh yay,everybody gets to relax and be
and everybody gets to win, so Ilove that piece.
And then it's not really a wow,it's more like like ah, it's
(37:29):
more like the sound of like ah,here I am.
And it went from like thatgenerosity and then it went to
like the next pillar was likereally, really valuing my
friendships.
(37:49):
Because the other thing that Irealized in myself was that I
took my friendships for grantedand I didn't really feed them.
I got fed but I wasn'tintentionally feeding my
friendships with just calling,like what you said actually at
(38:12):
the beginning, where I'm justlike, hey, I'm just thinking of
you or you're just in my hearttoday, or whatever is honestly
happening.
To not just keep that to myself, but to actually let that
ripple so they feel how much Ilove them and how much I
appreciate them.
And to just call, not becauseI'm like, hey, let's make a plan
(38:34):
or some logistical thing, butto call and be like tell me
what's going on for you today.
I just want to know, I want toknow you, and so that I feel
like was the next sort of likedissent for me was like I really
, now that I am more surrendered, I went from, like you know, I
softened and then I became moregenerous and surrendered and
(38:58):
then I was like, became morepresent, like I remember the day
actually where my eyes I wasstarted.
I sat down for dinner and Ifelt like my eyes dropped into
my eye sockets and I was lookingat my friends across the table
as if I never saw them before.
It was so incredible, like itwas like the first time I saw
them, like looking and takingone another in, like this figure
(39:20):
eight of like energy betweenour eyes and our bodies, and
then I was like, wow, this, thispresence is like this next
pillar really of like thisfeminine journey for me.
And so then I just that was alot of work actually, because
when I was working on becomingpresent for myself and with
others and with all my clients,instead of like rushing through
(39:43):
stuff, which I did sometimesbefore, it's very I don't know
who else out here has practicedbeing present.
It's exhausting at first, isn'tit?
You just get really tired.
You need a big nap after likebeing present, because your,
(40:04):
your body, isn't used to thatusing that muscle, your mind is
used to like this quick, like inand out, quick in and out, in
and out, in and out ofconnection and presence.
But when you're present withyour whole body, it's like.
I just want to tell all thepeople that are going on this
path for the beginning, like, doit in small little bits and
(40:26):
build the capacity in yournervous system to stay present
in your body when you'reuncomfortable, when you're mad,
when you're feeling sexy, whenyou're feeling frustrated,
whatever it is like.
I think that the mind is like.
The mind will turn off thefaucet of energy for you because
(40:48):
it's like oh, you can't handlethat much presence and you kind
of want that as a short termstrategy because it'll blow out
your nervous system if you'relike, not ready.
But allowing your body, allowingyourself, to become more
present in your body, is whatbuilds the capacity to continue
(41:09):
to be more present and then tocontinue to be more present.
The capacity happens in thenervous system as you let your
body be with sensations, and oneof those sensations is desire.
So, like, on the way to desire,all these things had to happen
(41:30):
to open me to desire.
But when I finally felt desire,I realized it's nothing that's
external, it's nothing that'sout there.
Actually, those things outthere may spark something, but
(41:51):
the wick is inside of me, it'sinside my womb, and so things
outside may spark that within me, but my desire doesn't live out
there somewhere.
And all the things that I see.
In fact, it's like it happenedwhen I just started dialing back
from all the things and dialingback all the layers, and then
(42:17):
it wasn't in my head.
It was like I had tocontinuously drop all the way
down through my body, which wasvery challenging at first, like
I really could connect and bepresent in my head, and then
eventually my throat, and then Icould really connect in my
heart and then it just stoppedand I just stayed there, present
(42:44):
in my heart, and the journeyfrom my heart all the way down
to my womb was a long journey.
It was a long journey oftrusting and surrendering,
trusting and surrendering andfighting it, and trusting and
surrendering and fighting, andtrusting and surrendering and
(43:05):
fighting, and trusting andsurrendering and fighting, but
the inspiration to keep goingwas from the trusting and
surrendering, because it felt sogood to trust and surrender
that eventually the fight gotsmaller and less angry and harsh
(43:28):
, that I began to trust thesurrender more than the
resistance and eventually likedropped into my womb where, when
I connect there, well, I'llgive you my.
(43:51):
I have a language actually forlike, how, like the life force,
universal life force,intelligence is work through us.
The way that I see it, the wayI work with it, is there's like
the primal life force and thenthere's like the emotional life
force, which is energy, but it'salso coded and coded with
(44:15):
intelligence.
So it's the intelligence ofemotion with energy, the
intelligence of, like our primalbiology with energy, the
intelligence of our mentallandscape with energy, the
intelligence of our soul asenergy and the intelligence of
our universal connection asenergy.
(44:37):
And so when I'm now at thispoint in my life, when I drop
all the way in and I sit and Isit and I drop and I deep in and
I sit and I sit and I drop andI deep in and I sit and I sit
and I drop and I deep in, and Ikeep on going and I keep on
asking myself is this it?
(44:58):
And then I hear no, not yet.
I'm like, okay, sit and I'll sitand I'll go deeper.
And then finally I'm like, oh,this is gotta be it, is this it?
And then I got myself orwhatever there's like, yeah,
keep going.
And then I just keep going andthat's my process and I'm like,
okay, is this it?
Yeah, is this it?
No, not yet.
(45:19):
Is this it?
No, not yet, this is it, thisis it.
And then I get to the placewhere my system is like this is
it.
And then I'm like yes, and thenI'm like, okay, this is it.
I'm gonna hold like whatever itis, we'll like sort of like
bubble up.
I'm like, ooh, okay, that'slike a primal desire, and so
(45:42):
I'll just sit and like, let thatfeel the energy field that's
created by being in coherencewith that like deep, say, primal
desire that you could be.
Here's a couple of things I'llsay.
If it's like I need water, itsort of tells me I have a primal
(46:05):
desire for water and my energyfield for, like the primal life
force, biological energyintelligence, is probably
depleted Cause I'm asking forwater.
So it gives me like informationabout my energy field actually,
and then I could actuallyanswer that by getting a little
(46:28):
water, and then you know on thenext time that I'm connecting to
my desire.
It may be like hmm, you justwant to be touched until every
pore opens and every hair onyour body starts to tingle and
shake and shimmer, and then I'mlike that's also primal desire,
(46:52):
but my energy state is muchhigher.
So it cues me in to like howmuch energy is circulating in,
like my life force, or myemotional or my mental or my
soul, or my universal life forcefield.
It could be, you know, if it'slike emotion, like maybe I'm
like, hmm, this desire to loveon, then I'm like, then I really
(47:30):
feel into like, oh, that's likea high level of emotional
energy, with some spirit, withsome soul.
Or it could be like my mindright, there's a way that our
mind, when our mind is resourcedand energy rich, that our
thoughts are just like metaphorsof life and we're like creating
(47:52):
this, like higher vision of ourlives, from that desire.
So there's like a range of Icould also be having desire of
thoughts that are not as awesome, and so that will indicate to
me like, oh, your low, yourresources are low in that life
(48:15):
force energy of the mind rightnow.
So just, I just wanted to saythat desire can also be an
indicator for the energy fieldinside of us and the energy
field that we exude to the fieldall around us and between all
of us.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Thank you so much for sharing that and such
generosity and such in depthLike.
I can really see how theversion of you today takes all
of these noticings right.
It's not just what the body istelling you, it's not just that
you're on your knees and you'resoft and open, but you're also
pausing to feel into.
Am I there yet?
Am I there yet?
Am I hearing the purest soundof my desire?
(48:55):
And then, from that place, oh,what is this desire?
Reflecting of the other bodies,you know, my energy body,
mental body, intellectual body,physical body, et cetera.
It's really, really gorgeous.
There may be something thatBrenda wants to chime in on here
, but I want to back up a littlebit for listeners and I want to
(49:17):
say there's something that yousaid, dr Staff, when you were
talking about your generosity.
It was so beautiful and I justwant to remind our listeners
that this is a behavior of whenwe are in overflow.
When we're in overflow andwe're feeling that generosity
and we're wanting to sharewhether it's our marketing
tactics or share our love notesor how I was thinking of you it
(49:38):
will never be at the detrimentof ourself.
We always want to be makingsure that we are filling our
tank, filling our tank, fillingour tank and giving there,
because then we can have thatoverflow.
In addition, you also mentionedpresence and have that capacity
.
It'll be very hard to reachthose states without being an
overflow.
And with that I'm going to passthe mic to Brenda.
(50:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Yeah, that's really beautiful.
We actually have a wholeepisode on energy and how to
track your energy, which isnumber 26.
Just giving a little plug forthat episode because it's really
beautiful.
Thank you, stephanie, this isabsolutely gorgeous.
I just feel so happy to receiveyour transmission about desire
(50:24):
and the different energy levelsand how resourced we are.
It's just absolutely beautifulthe way you are.
It's just beautiful the way youdelivered that.
Thank you so much, and I'm soappreciating your appreciation
for the journey, because I'msomeone who loves the journey
(50:45):
and when you said it feels sogood to trust and surrender, I
feel like that's always a placewhere Catherine will say to me
really, like that doesn't alwaysfeel so good, people don't
really love to trust andsurrender, but I do, and so I'm
really appreciating when you'resaying that.
You're saying you go around andyou go around that again and I
(51:07):
want to really stress that forour listeners because we were
talking at the beginning how youwent from like being an
overproducer to this feminineembodied creator.
And it's really by goingthrough the cycles over and over
again and working with yourenergy and being present and
(51:28):
being resistant and fighting itand trusting and surrendering.
We do this over and over again,and each time we build our
capacity to be with it and welearn about ourselves along the
way.
And so thank you for givingsuch a beautiful transmission of
(51:48):
that.
And I am so curious, sinceyou're talking about desires.
I just was so turned onlistening to you talk about your
desires.
What are some of your desiresright now in your life, if
you're willing to share?
Speaker 3 (52:26):
I was solo.
Before I do this, I scheduledmyself a cruise to Capri.
I just always felt thisfamiliarity with that place.
I've never been there, felt itin my body.
(52:47):
Whenever I see or hear peopletalk about it I'm like, oh, I
need to go there.
I've seen it a couple of times.
Not many people talk aboutCapri, but I've seen pictures of
it and I'm like I need to go.
So that's a current desire thatis being fed and I'm going to
be doing that in May.
I might solo.
(53:09):
I've also been desiring a lot ofjust solo movement, and always
solo movement in my dance, solomovement in my body connection,
solo movement in my work, solomovement on my travel, because I
(53:41):
want to serve me.
I want to serve me more and Ifeel like you know, I think one
of the wonderful things of thefeminine is our generosity and
our ability to mother and ourability to see all of the
(54:01):
possible permeations andperspectives and ways that maybe
something is a little bit off,coherently or energetically, and
it's really kind of easy for meto go in and just adjust and
adjust.
But what I've also learned onmy journey is how that takes me
(54:24):
from trust in other people'spath and my own.
And so a big desire I actuallyhave is just more time traveling
on my own, serving me, servingmy soul, serving myself yeah, in
(54:45):
a different way than what I wastalking about before.
Before I was in service to myego.
Now I am want to be in serviceto my soul and that means, like
this high desire of knowing,feeding, letting her lead and
(55:13):
not giving myself away from herFor moments.
I go back to our relationship.
So my relationship with myselfis a desire, and another desire
(55:34):
is just like be with my daughteras present as I can be in every
breath.
She's already 10.
And I feel like I have beendoing that and it's still she's
already 10.
Like, how is she 10 when I'mjust watching her every moment?
(55:56):
And yeah, just to be present.
More than that, to hear thedesire in my relationship to
(56:18):
love my partner by matching him.
I don't want to do that.
My desire is to stay honestwith who I am and not just give
context to that.
I feel like my next gauntlet isto really see how my nervous
(56:45):
system co-regulates with others,and maybe I don't want to
co-regulate with that, and whynot let others co-regulate with
me when it's those circumstances, especially my relationship,
it's like I find myself a lotlike leaving the all the self
(57:11):
love that I give myself, sort oflike leaving that to be to
match the tone when actually,like my partner is actually with
me for the juice, he's with mefor the sparkle, he's with me
(57:31):
for the chaos, he's with me forthe incredible love.
Yet when he's not getting that,his energy drops and then I drop
to match that and I thinkthat's like my next.
My next quest is not doing that, serving the desire of highest
(57:56):
self, staying as that andfeeding my relationship from
that place and trusting andsurrendering that he's going to
find his way there, like I don'thave to drop to bring him there
.
He's going to find his waythere by me staying in devotion
(58:17):
to that.
I feel like that's a desirethat is there, it's like a soul
desire and it's still a littlebaby that is needs to be fed,
nourished and grown.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
Thank you.
Thank you for that, and soshall all of your desires be.
It's really beautiful,stephanie.
Thank you so much for sayingthat you have a desire to work
on your relationship withyourself.
It's just absolutely beautiful.
We hear about self-love and wetalk about this on the podcast
(58:56):
sometimes what it means to loveyourself and this desire that
you stated to nourish yourselfand have solo time and then
weaving that into yourrelationship, knowing that when
you come to him as a fullyhonest person, with who you are,
(59:16):
you're bringing your juice tohim, which is what he's here for
, and then you're happier too.
It just makes so much sense.
It makes so much sense, butit's so easy to forget.
You know, I'm someone whoforgets that as well.
So thank you for sharing yourdesires, and that's one thing I
(59:38):
this is my new favorite questionthat I love asking guests
because, yeah, it's just such ajuicy question.
I mean, we have a whole podcastabout desire, so thank you for
sharing it, because I think thatwhen we share our desires in
community, it brings everyonehigher.
(59:59):
I'm like, oh my God, I can wantthat.
So I hope our listeners areleaving with oh yes, I desire a
relationship with myself.
That's beautiful.
Yeah, yeah, thank you for that,and I believe that we are
winding down, catherine.
Is there anything that youwould like to add?
(01:00:21):
No, great, well, thank you, drStephanie.
Can you tell our listeners howthey can get in touch with you,
and we'll also put it in theshow notes.
Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
Yes, you can find me in Marin County, california.
You can get on my chiropractictables, live.
You could come to my quarterlyevents where I work with the
nervous system and the energyfield to cultivate more flow and
(01:00:52):
ease in the body, moreconnection to presence and soul
and your own individual magic.
And then I have some coursesonline.
I started a school called theSchool of Spinal Somatics which
is holding these really deepteachings that are feminine led,
(01:01:15):
but it's for anyone to come andit starts with how to heal
yourself before you work withother people, which I think is
missing in a lot of schools.
That I've definitely all theschools I've been to so sort of
like rewriting it from thisfeminine, embodied and informed
(01:01:40):
place and a couple of otheronline offerings too.
You can find them on Instagramor my website,
drstefiniebridewellcom.
Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
And we'll put all that, the show notes, for
everybody.
Thank you so much, dr Stephanie.
It was such a pleasure, such adelight to have you as a guest
today on the Desires Medicinepodcast.
Thank you, thank you for havingme.
Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
I wanted to add one more way to work with me is I
created a guided meditation thatis spine centered, called
Spinal Energy Flow, and rightnow I'm teaching in there.
Weekly.
We've been moving through justone spinal bone at a time, which
has been revolutionary, becauseour spine is our subconscious.
(01:02:45):
It holds all of oursubconscious.
Stuff gets stuck in there andas the spine starts to open, we
get all this insight anddownloads of like stuff we're
holding that we didn't even knowwas there and it just becomes
purified and clarified for us.
So right now we're on C6.
I think, yeah, this week, thistomorrow is going to be we're on
(01:03:05):
C7 and we're going to all theway down the spine, all the
vertebra, and I'll tell you whatit's surprised me, how amazing
it is.
And then once a month we do athemed class too, and it's only
$33 a month at the time of thiscall.
Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
You make it sound so sexy.
You make the spine sound sosexy.
Thank you so much, Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast Desire invites us to behonest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire as Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by Desire
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood, relationships andmy business Desire has taken me
on quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide
of the feminine, and I'mCatherine, devoted to living my
life as the truest and hopefullythe highest version of me.
I don't have children.
I've never been married.
I spent equal parts of my lifein corporate as in some down and
low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired, and my path led me to
(00:52):
explore Desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still
exploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
Desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desire as Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofDesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Hello, friends, listeners,thank you so much for tuning in
(01:33):
to today's episode.
Today we have a special treatwe have the lovely Dr Stephanie
here for a second time.
It's really exciting.
We have done everythingpossible to make sure that today
is as smooth as butter.
Look at our texts and our powerchords and all of the things.
If you listen to the old episode, you'll know why I'm saying
(01:56):
that.
If you did not, please by allmeans go check that one out.
For now, let me step in alittle bit here.
I'm just going to read DrSteph's about page.
It's at hersefanybredwellcomand it's who is Dr Stephanie?
It says for three decades shehas helped heal trauma, connect
(02:18):
to the potential of the quantumfield and grow the size and
coherence of their nervoussystem.
She considers herself amulti-dimensional embodiment
artist.
She's earned a doctorate degreein chiropractic and masters of
science degree in clinical psych, as well as an expansive range
of certifications in healingtech.
(02:39):
She founded Yoga in the Flow, astudio that bridged mental
health and body healing throughyoga.
She taught yoga and meditationinternationally.
She founded Magnolia Wellness,a hub for alternative healing in
San Francisco for 15 yearsthere's so much here.
She founded Energy Flow Studioin Marin California in service
(03:03):
to the embodied energetics of anew world.
She developed the Trust,activation, trauma and Release
and Reorganization Method andBook.
She is the author of a quantumhealing book to be released
early or maybe it was releasedearly 2023.
So I guess it was released andno, not yet.
Okay, she's checking.
No, so it's not released yet,but it will be released.
(03:25):
And she's currently teachinginternationally through her
online community as well asleading international retreats
serving healing energy and thefeminine.
We had the great pleasure ofhaving her on already, where she
really discussed the mechanicsof the spine and desire and how
(03:46):
it shows up in our spine.
And please, if you're listeningto this and if you're at all
curious, definitely go check itout.
Gorgeous transmission, so happyto have her here today.
She is a friend, she is afellow practitioner on the mat
with desire and I am just an aweof her as a human, of all the
(04:07):
things that she's been able toaccomplish in this world in her
life, how she leads, how shemothers, how she wives is that
even a word?
How somebody wives, how shefriends.
I love how I'm making all thesewords action words, but for me
it is action words.
Sometimes I'll receive amessage from her just saying hey
(04:27):
, I was really thinking aboutyou, were thinking about you.
You are on my mind and alwaysland so beautifully in my heart
and I want to say that justseeing her face gives me that
same emotion.
Welcome, dr Stephanie andBrenda, to today's episode.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Thank you, ladies, for having me today.
You feel what I feel honored tobe here.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
I just want to ask one if there's anything she
would add.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
You summed it up so beautifully, catherine.
Hello everybody and welcomeStephanie.
It's so good to have you back.
I want to say that the episodethat we had you on in case
anybody's listening was episode21.
It's absolutely gorgeous.
We had a lot of text out snafusand today we're just going to
(05:25):
be smooth and clear and I'mreally excited to have you here
today.
Thanks for coming back.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
What comes up for you , stephanie, what I said?
What comes up for you witheverything that we've said?
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah Well, first I just want to say again, thank
you so much for just holdingthis container and bringing this
medicine through the beautifulway that you do.
And you really, I just haveseen you from the beginnings of
(06:00):
this podcast until now and theway that you tend to this
frequency is so authentic and soreal and there's so much like,
I guess just love that.
You're like amplifying ontothis thing that a lot of people
(06:24):
don't even know exists really,which is desire.
Or people associate desire withwith sex, or associate desire
with greed, or just have a lotof like, either no connection to
desire or a negative experiencewith desire and negative self
(06:45):
talk and belief systems aroundlike how dare somebody have
desire or go for it, you know,and so I don't know.
Before we even talk aboutdesire, I just wanted to give
that reflection, because justwatching the way that you tend
to it like a, like you'retending to a newborn that is
(07:13):
still a soul and doesn't realizeit's a human with a personality
and an ego, yet like, tendingto that, like that is fucking
genius and I'm just grateful tobe here with you because that's
the level of integrity you holdfor this.
And then what came up for mewhen you were reading my bio, to
(07:34):
be honest, was I can't believethe past.
Like month I've been reallytrying to write my bio for my
new website.
Everything I've been writingI'm scrapping and I'm listening
to what you said and I'm like,oh, I've already written it and
it's already there and it's sobeautiful.
So that was the first thingthat came up was like, oh my
(07:58):
gosh, how often do we try toreinvent the wheel when the
wheel is actually awesomealready?
What the fuck?
So that's legit what I wasthinking.
And then I think the next thingthat really came up for me was
(08:21):
this thing that I've sort of hada magnifying glass on recently,
which is intellect, likeserving intellect and then
serving intuition andacrossroads in my life, which I
sort of brushed upon a littlebit in our other podcast, was
(08:44):
this moment when I had achieved,like my top of the mountain I
got a master's degree inpsychology and chiropractic,
doctorate and licensed and allthese things and all this stuff
and had a practice that was,like you know, about to be
birthed, and the chiropractor Iwas working with, who was a man,
(09:05):
got in my face and said you'renever gonna make a change in the
world through the nervoussystem, the way you're
approaching it in front ofeveryone.
And I saw myself as a topachiever, and so it was so
embarrassing to be called out inthat way when I thought I was
(09:26):
like.
I really thought I was the bestand I fed that over and over by
achieving things and gettingaccolades and, like you know,
with my intellect, and.
But what he said was you're notgonna achieve greatness by
doing anything with your mind.
(09:47):
He's like you're a woman withdeep intuition and you need to
get in your body and you need tofind your feminine.
And he said that in front ofeveryone and it was amazing,
because it was so humiliatingand it was so liberating, like I
finally freed that part of me.
(10:07):
That was like please fuckingsee me, like this is all I'm
playing, a game, and but youdon't want to give up the game
when you're playing the game andthen somebody else see, like
what's really there?
You know you're afraid.
I was afraid to be seen, youknow, ultimately, as not being
perfect, and but that was thatmoment and it was a turning
(10:31):
point in my life where then Iwent on a journey, and in that
journey was my reclamation ofwhat desire really is.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Thank you so much for sharing that.
Just want to let you know thatI think you're tussling with the
power cord.
Whenever you hop it in, I canhear the ding-a-ding-a-ding.
It's like Christmas.
It's like ding-a-ling-a-lingit's Christmas.
(11:04):
So just to give you that.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
The power is actually going up, so I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Oh great great, so we're there.
I'm so glad that you brought upthe conversation that you had
between you and yourchiropractic teacher at that
time, because that's actuallyone of the pieces that I still
remember from the last episodethat we recorded and you had
stated at that time where he hadsaid to you the same thing
(11:34):
you're talking about, which is,oh, you're not really in your
feminine, and I think that thatis something that many women
hear.
Maybe not in that version, Ithink today's version the thing
that most women probably hearyou are too much in your
masculine.
So what I would love to ask youis what would you tell that
(11:55):
version of you that heard thatfrom this man saying to you hey,
you're not in your feminine,aka you're too much in your
masculine, it doesn't land well,it doesn't compute, there's no
like immediate translation.
It's as if at that moment, wepause and we're looking for the
bodily translation of oh, whatexactly is this person telling
(12:17):
me, because it's not helpful.
What would you say to thatversion of you with the
knowledge that you have today?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Yeah, well, you reflected that so perfectly
because that's exactly what Ifelt.
I was like, you know, after thefall out of like feeling
exposed and leaving.
I was home and I was like nowI'm fucked because I have no
idea.
Like I knew.
I knew that was true, I knewthat I was like overworking and
(12:47):
overproducing and over achievingand over doing and forcing, you
know, but I didn't know anyother way and I remember feeling
like I'm so screwed, like howdare he tell me to do this thing
(13:09):
without telling me how to getthere, how dare he give me a
correction without giving me aconnection, and I was pissed and
I was sad and but then, allright, I'll tell you what you're
asking.
It's just a second, but Iremember myself in this kind of
(13:30):
like mouse, like way, like everynow and then.
So what do you do to connectwith your feminine?
I just ask people.
You know like, oh, I do art.
If you just start painting,you're gonna find it.
And I just got all these likewatered-down doses of what I was
(13:56):
looking for, like, oh, wearskirts.
Yeah, I was told, I was told towear skirts.
I asked all, I asked randompeople often, as often as I had
the courage, wear skirts.
When you wear skirts, likeyou're holding your feminine
energy and your womb in betweenyour thighs, I'm like, okay, so
(14:16):
that was like a piece, but I'mlike that wasn't it, that wasn't
the thing I was ravenous for.
And then, oh, do circularmovements with your hips.
If you do circular movementswith your hips, you will find
your feminine anyway.
(14:40):
There was just like, and thiswas.
It wasn't like in a woman'sgroup, you know, it wasn't like
in a container of, like deepwomen, it was, you know, just
asking chiropractic students andeven like clients that would
like come into the chiropracticschool.
When I was seeing clients there, I would just ask, you know,
(15:01):
women that felt very feminine tome, these things, but it was
all cloaked in procedure,without feeling, and so I still
was like, oh, there's all theseprocedures, but I don't feel
anything and I want to feel, I'mso hungry to feel, I'm hurting
to feel.
And then, so what I would?
(15:23):
I say to myself right now, if Iwas speaking to her?
I would, first of all it justmakes me want to cry a lot right
now on this podcast and so it'sgonna feel and acknowledge that
feels very tender, like that's.
(15:45):
All she wanted was someone tohold her.
Really, I don't think sheneeded to be told anything.
I think what she really neededwas, like this version of me
here, to just see her there,rigid and frozen and scared and
(16:10):
defeated and empty, in a waythat she really wants to be full
and just hug her and then feelher pushing me away.
And then hug her harder andfeel her pushing me away and hug
her deeper until, like, herskin starts to soften and her
(16:31):
knees start to drop and shefinally let's out like a big
bellow of relief and then shecries with my arms and I
continue to hold her and tellher she doesn't have to talk or
say anything.
(16:51):
That's what she needs.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Let's make believe that you would have had that via
the teacher or someone else,then what?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
then I would have been curious how to hold myself
to that standard.
But I continuously fall to myknees, soften my skin, let the
tears run from my eyes and feelin the moment and follow that,
(17:33):
that thread, that line ofdirection.
I would have studied that wayof being and follow the dots.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I love that you said you would have done everything
to be at that standard and let'ssee what has come up from
Brenda.
But in hearing this, I hopethat our listeners can really
see that this speech that wereused sometimes around masculine
(18:17):
and feminine right someonesaying to us we are not in our
feminine enough, we are too farinto our masculine.
And then when I, when I pressedyou stuff, you were like, you
know, rigid, frozen, scared,defeated, empty and really I
(18:39):
think people are talking aboutgoing from a closed, armored
state or potentially protectedstate to that, and then the
opposite of that, being open andsoft.
I think it's such a disserviceto the men in our lives when we
(19:03):
say that it's masculine Becausemasculine.
When I think of a healthymasculine right, we think of
protector, we think of a leader,we think of someone who can
provide structure and strengthand power and backing.
(19:24):
Yeah, brenda.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Hmm, I love this conversation and I love hearing
that, stephanie, how you wouldgo back and hold your former
self and, yeah, it feels likeyou know these words that we're
using masculine, feminine.
It feels like we could sayproduction, creation as well.
(19:53):
You know you were in this.
You said you were inoverproduction, overworking,
overdoing, and when I look atyou now I see this.
I'm gonna say feminine, but wecould say this very feminine,
creative feeling woman is who isin front of me today and you
(20:18):
embody that so beautifully.
You really do.
And I am so curious and I'msure our listeners are curious,
because we you know, I was inthat way too you know that
overproduction kind of forcing,going, doing.
(20:38):
How do you get from, how do youmove from that place, that
closed place?
Because you were told that youwere ready to hear it, you knew
it was true, but then then whatyou know.
So I am so curious if you couldshare with us how you went from
(21:01):
that place to this creationistathat you are now.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I wasn't, I wasn't ready to hear.
I was I?
Yeah, I think that I was.
I was ready to die.
I was like on my road to dying.
I didn't, I wasn't ready tohear it and it was the most
(21:38):
generous thing that that personcould have ever done for me,
because I needed to hear it.
And, yeah, I just want to speakto that like any listener out
there.
If you ever had somebody thatjust took a risk on you, took a
(22:00):
fucking risk in my end and waslike you may hate me forever
after this, you may demonize meforever, you may tell me this is
all like I injured you or I didsomething wrong, but it's okay
because I'm liberating your soulright now and I don't know if
you, if anybody out there, oryou girls, have had that it
(22:24):
happened in your life.
Like, just take a moment andjust send some energy through
the field to those people, somegratitude Cause it's not easy to
be that person.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
I think those teachers have definitely paved
the way, those mentors havedefinitely paved the way, and
one of the things that I'mtalking about today I have so
much gratitude for them and I'mpointing to the language that we
have used has not really beenhelpful.
(22:57):
I don't think in the.
I mean, I had a similarexperience.
I kind of spun out when Ireceived that information and
was like you, going from teacherto teacher trying to figure out
what does this mean.
And so now that we're butyou're so graciously our guest
(23:18):
today and you've also lived this, it's like how beautiful would
it be for us to talk about thatversion of you and how you got
from there to here in your pathto go into a more false your
knees soften your skin, feel inthe moment human, so I.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
I, I peeled away from that skin like a snake shedding
and I really did leave thatskin behind.
And I'll speak to what you'retalking about, which is that
language of what you say is toomasculine.
But actually that was justdefense, as what I was releasing
(24:18):
, right, it was like defenseagainst the unknown, the mystery
.
So which is the feminine?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
right.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
So it was like defense against the unknown, the
mystery, the wild ride, thefire, the alchemy, the innate
power, the creativity, thebirthing energy, the just wild
ride of chaos.
Like I think that we, that isthe feminine, and then the thing
(24:49):
that holds that back is thedefense and that could get
mistaken as being calledmasculine because that's the
opposite of feminine.
But it's actually not masculine, right.
That's just defending againstthe feminine.
So I hear you, mama, on that.
Let's relanguage this shit,right, because the masculine is
(25:15):
not those defended things.
The masculine is fuckingbeautiful, wide open love and
presence that respects that wild, beautiful thing.
It doesn't try to stop it frombeing alive.
So from there.
(25:38):
So I went on a quest.
I went on a quest and it was aquest off the path, off the path
that I knew, the path ofacademia, the path of following
leaders, the path of that waswritten and known.
(26:03):
I went off of that path and gotreally.
I just was curious anddissonant from the people that
expected me to be a certain wayon a certain path.
Doing a certain thing and evenlike doing becoming a network
(26:28):
chiropractor was really, reallyconfronting for everyone around
me, because they wanted me to dotraditional chiropractic, where
it would be just be like a nobrainer and just easy.
And I'm like no, I'm doing thisthing, where I just do these
really light touches to thespinal cord and it starts to
unravel itself.
And that unraveling teaches thebrain how to self reflect and
(26:52):
reorganize itself.
And it doesn't need externalforces to come in and override
the innate intelligence that.
All you have to do is touch theinnate intelligence in the
exact right places and it knowsitself and it will recalibrate
as itself.
And everybody's like you aremad, like just do the easy thing
, how are you gonna sell that topeople?
(27:14):
And so I feel like, justprofessionally, that was a
really big like.
I was left.
I left the easy path.
I left the linear path.
I left what everyone wanted meto be doing and was like I'm on
a pilgrimage of this quest andit was being led by the feminine
(27:35):
, which I didn't totally know atthat time.
I was still kind of woundedfrom knowing that I wasn't
exuding or living in a way thatwas feminine.
So I was kind of carrying thatwound inside but also not really
intentionally knowing it.
I left the linear path to go onthe spiral journey which was
(27:58):
the feminine.
I didn't really know it until Istarted seeing it and seeing it
and seeing it, which leads meto how I got no desire and use
it as a compass.
But it was like I did like a.
I started, I made the choice tobecome a network chiropractor
(28:26):
and then I opened like apractice and then my practice
was extremely successful.
And then I was looking aroundand I was like, oh great, in
some way, even though I went onthis path of leading from this
innate intelligence and notdoing the linear thing, I still
(28:47):
incorporated a lot of thingsthat made my practice very
overtly successful.
But I was on top alone.
That's how I felt.
There was like a moment whereI'm like I'm alone.
Great, I alienated my peersthrough my competitiveness.
(29:07):
I wanted to like have thebusiest practice I'm bragging
about, like I'm bragging abouthow great I am, but I'm not
really even bragging actually,cause I'm not owning it.
I'm like covertly, passive,aggressively growing and telling
people, which alienated myconnection, which is what I
(29:30):
didn't realize how much I longedfor the connection until I got
through competition.
I got to the top and then I waslike, oh, I don't want
competition, I want connection.
So that actually was like thatwas a masculine trait that I had
to like kill.
I had to be like, no, no,little competitive dude, you
(29:51):
don't always get to compete.
You get to sit down so that shecan feel a connection in her
heart and in her womb to everysingle person that she meets,
including all of her peers.
And there was a paramount thingthat actually happened I just
remembered is that I took all ofmy marketing materials at that
(30:14):
time and all of these, mysystems and all these ways that
I created that got me there andI shared them with like all the
other doctors, like I sharedeverything and I was like, ah,
here we are and I feel like thatwas one of the first is it
(30:38):
communion?
One of the first moments where Idropped in to her on my own in
this like profound way, and Istill didn't totally know that,
because I went on to like dopriestess trainings and studied
with feminine leaders and I dida pole dancing and S factor work
(31:04):
with Sheila Kelly and workedwith Mama Gina and worked with
Perry and it's all these waysthat I was still like seeking
the thing that I already wasactually there and yeah, and
(31:27):
ultimately like actually workingwith you guys and with Perry
and in that container was when Ifinally realized that I had
been there and I didn't know it,and it was really the full
descent, the full descentunderneath everything letting
all the everything that it hasbeen constructed just finally,
(31:50):
finally just fall off and trustthat whatever is gonna come from
the rebirth is the thing, andyeah.
So I have some other things tosay, but I feel like that's
where you probably have somethings you wanna chew on.
That's chew, cook, cook, chew.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
That's so funny.
I have tons of things to chewon.
Brenna, do you have anythingburning, or can I take it?
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Take it baby.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I wanna say I love how you've taken us through
somewhat of an evolution rightof how you became the person
shedding the skin, falling toyour knees, softening, being
more in a feeling state.
I love that story about yousharing your marketing materials
(32:56):
with the other doctors.
That's such a generous andgorgeous and loving and trusting
, trusting, trusting.
Trusting To be in a place whereyou're like, oh, there's
dissonance here, yeah, you'reout of harmony.
And then to become harmonious,to do that act of kindness, to
(33:18):
then all be sharing enriches andabundance.
What a gorgeous mind set toembody, to land on, to feel it's
okay Giving this and sharingthis doesn't take away from what
I have and what I've earned.
That's I just wanna say that'sso impressive I wanna for lack
(33:41):
of a better word generous,nourishing, impressive,
definitely connected, as yousaid.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
It was absolutely profound Because it led to the
deepest surrender.
I was like what do I have?
I don't have anything to hidenow.
It was like before I was hidingall of my secrets, my business
(34:10):
secrets.
They're all mine.
I'm gonna rise to the top andyou're all gonna respect me here
.
That's stupid, because therewas like, I mean, there was
respect and it was like reallyrespect I didn't want.
There was definitely respectand I would have had to be Oz
for the rest of my life if Idecided to say yes to that.
(34:33):
I would have been like behindthe curtain all the time and I
felt it and I didn't have anymodel or role model or anyone to
be like.
Oh, this is what you know.
It was like there was justsomething in there that was like
me, holding this separate istoxic to me and as soon as I
(34:59):
gave it away, it was like I justthere was like nothing.
I felt like that feeling likethere's nothing to hide.
I'm fully surrendered and fullacceptance.
What?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
would you say thank you for going deeper in that
direction.
I love that analogy you didwhere you gave as far as Oz
behind the curtain, oz beingsort of the character that we
look at for the strategy, theperson that's pulling all the
strings and we don't really see.
We get to see the abracadabraor the magic, but we don't
(35:32):
really see the mechanics behindit and it was causing separation
and you know it's like there'sa connection between the two of
us was causing separation andyou decided connection.
Let me just share this.
And then there's no separation.
Let's see what comes of that.
How does it look for you now?
What does it look like for younow to be in this soft, no
(35:57):
defense against?
Like?
How has it evolved for you whenyou think back to that version
of you being told by that mentorthis thing that definitely had
you surrender, and now to today,2024.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
What was the actual question?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Has it changed?
How has it changed?
For you, I'm assuming it'schanged in various, various ways
.
You're probably living a livingembodiment.
I don't know if you, I mean, doyou feel like oh, of course,
this is me now.
Or is it like wow, this is menow?
Speaker 3 (36:42):
It's definitely not wow anymore.
I'm very comfortable as this,being that I am.
Yeah, it started with thatgenerosity and then I still am
that generous because, eventhough it may seem like I'm
being generous to others, it'sactually way more generous to me
(37:07):
, to my soul.
My soul's like oh yay,everybody gets to relax and be
and everybody gets to win, so Ilove that piece.
And then it's not really a wow,it's more like like ah, it's
(37:29):
more like the sound of like ah,here I am.
And it went from like thatgenerosity and then it went to
like the next pillar was likereally, really valuing my
friendships.
(37:49):
Because the other thing that Irealized in myself was that I
took my friendships for grantedand I didn't really feed them.
I got fed but I wasn'tintentionally feeding my
friendships with just calling,like what you said actually at
(38:12):
the beginning, where I'm justlike, hey, I'm just thinking of
you or you're just in my hearttoday, or whatever is honestly
happening.
To not just keep that to myself, but to actually let that
ripple so they feel how much Ilove them and how much I
appreciate them.
And to just call, not becauseI'm like, hey, let's make a plan
(38:34):
or some logistical thing, butto call and be like tell me
what's going on for you today.
I just want to know, I want toknow you, and so that I feel
like was the next sort of likedissent for me was like I really
, now that I am more surrendered, I went from, like you know, I
softened and then I became moregenerous and surrendered and
(38:58):
then I was like, became morepresent, like I remember the day
actually where my eyes I wasstarted.
I sat down for dinner and Ifelt like my eyes dropped into
my eye sockets and I was lookingat my friends across the table
as if I never saw them before.
It was so incredible, like itwas like the first time I saw
them, like looking and takingone another in, like this figure
(39:20):
eight of like energy betweenour eyes and our bodies, and
then I was like, wow, this, thispresence is like this next
pillar really of like thisfeminine journey for me.
And so then I just that was alot of work actually, because
when I was working on becomingpresent for myself and with
others and with all my clients,instead of like rushing through
(39:43):
stuff, which I did sometimesbefore, it's very I don't know
who else out here has practicedbeing present.
It's exhausting at first, isn'tit?
You just get really tired.
You need a big nap after likebeing present, because your,
(40:04):
your body, isn't used to thatusing that muscle, your mind is
used to like this quick, like inand out, quick in and out, in
and out, in and out ofconnection and presence.
But when you're present withyour whole body, it's like.
I just want to tell all thepeople that are going on this
path for the beginning, like, doit in small little bits and
(40:26):
build the capacity in yournervous system to stay present
in your body when you'reuncomfortable, when you're mad,
when you're feeling sexy, whenyou're feeling frustrated,
whatever it is like.
I think that the mind is like.
The mind will turn off thefaucet of energy for you because
(40:48):
it's like oh, you can't handlethat much presence and you kind
of want that as a short termstrategy because it'll blow out
your nervous system if you'relike, not ready.
But allowing your body, allowingyourself, to become more
present in your body, is whatbuilds the capacity to continue
(41:09):
to be more present and then tocontinue to be more present.
The capacity happens in thenervous system as you let your
body be with sensations, and oneof those sensations is desire.
So, like, on the way to desire,all these things had to happen
(41:30):
to open me to desire.
But when I finally felt desire,I realized it's nothing that's
external, it's nothing that'sout there.
Actually, those things outthere may spark something, but
(41:51):
the wick is inside of me, it'sinside my womb, and so things
outside may spark that within me, but my desire doesn't live out
there somewhere.
And all the things that I see.
In fact, it's like it happenedwhen I just started dialing back
from all the things and dialingback all the layers, and then
(42:17):
it wasn't in my head.
It was like I had tocontinuously drop all the way
down through my body, which wasvery challenging at first, like
I really could connect and bepresent in my head, and then
eventually my throat, and then Icould really connect in my
heart and then it just stoppedand I just stayed there, present
(42:44):
in my heart, and the journeyfrom my heart all the way down
to my womb was a long journey.
It was a long journey oftrusting and surrendering,
trusting and surrendering andfighting it, and trusting and
surrendering and fighting, andtrusting and surrendering and
(43:05):
fighting, and trusting andsurrendering and fighting, but
the inspiration to keep goingwas from the trusting and
surrendering, because it felt sogood to trust and surrender
that eventually the fight gotsmaller and less angry and harsh
(43:28):
, that I began to trust thesurrender more than the
resistance and eventually likedropped into my womb where, when
I connect there, well, I'llgive you my.
(43:51):
I have a language actually forlike, how, like the life force,
universal life force,intelligence is work through us.
The way that I see it, the wayI work with it, is there's like
the primal life force and thenthere's like the emotional life
force, which is energy, but it'salso coded and coded with
(44:15):
intelligence.
So it's the intelligence ofemotion with energy, the
intelligence of, like our primalbiology with energy, the
intelligence of our mentallandscape with energy, the
intelligence of our soul asenergy and the intelligence of
our universal connection asenergy.
(44:37):
And so when I'm now at thispoint in my life, when I drop
all the way in and I sit and Isit and I drop and I deep in and
I sit and I sit and I drop andI deep in and I sit and I sit
and I drop and I deep in, and Ikeep on going and I keep on
asking myself is this it?
(44:58):
And then I hear no, not yet.
I'm like, okay, sit and I'll sitand I'll go deeper.
And then finally I'm like, oh,this is gotta be it, is this it?
And then I got myself orwhatever there's like, yeah,
keep going.
And then I just keep going andthat's my process and I'm like,
okay, is this it?
Yeah, is this it?
No, not yet.
(45:19):
Is this it?
No, not yet, this is it, thisis it.
And then I get to the placewhere my system is like this is
it.
And then I'm like yes, and thenI'm like, okay, this is it.
I'm gonna hold like whatever itis, we'll like sort of like
bubble up.
I'm like, ooh, okay, that'slike a primal desire, and so
(45:42):
I'll just sit and like, let thatfeel the energy field that's
created by being in coherencewith that like deep, say, primal
desire that you could be.
Here's a couple of things I'llsay.
If it's like I need water, itsort of tells me I have a primal
(46:05):
desire for water and my energyfield for, like the primal life
force, biological energyintelligence, is probably
depleted Cause I'm asking forwater.
So it gives me like informationabout my energy field actually,
and then I could actuallyanswer that by getting a little
(46:28):
water, and then you know on thenext time that I'm connecting to
my desire.
It may be like hmm, you justwant to be touched until every
pore opens and every hair onyour body starts to tingle and
shake and shimmer, and then I'mlike that's also primal desire,
(46:52):
but my energy state is muchhigher.
So it cues me in to like howmuch energy is circulating in,
like my life force, or myemotional or my mental or my
soul, or my universal life forcefield.
It could be, you know, if it'slike emotion, like maybe I'm
like, hmm, this desire to loveon, then I'm like, then I really
(47:30):
feel into like, oh, that's likea high level of emotional
energy, with some spirit, withsome soul.
Or it could be like my mindright, there's a way that our
mind, when our mind is resourcedand energy rich, that our
thoughts are just like metaphorsof life and we're like creating
(47:52):
this, like higher vision of ourlives, from that desire.
So there's like a range of Icould also be having desire of
thoughts that are not as awesome, and so that will indicate to
me like, oh, your low, yourresources are low in that life
(48:15):
force energy of the mind rightnow.
So just, I just wanted to saythat desire can also be an
indicator for the energy fieldinside of us and the energy
field that we exude to the fieldall around us and between all
of us.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Thank you so much for sharing that and such
generosity and such in depthLike.
I can really see how theversion of you today takes all
of these noticings right.
It's not just what the body istelling you, it's not just that
you're on your knees and you'resoft and open, but you're also
pausing to feel into.
Am I there yet?
Am I there yet?
Am I hearing the purest soundof my desire?
(48:55):
And then, from that place, oh,what is this desire?
Reflecting of the other bodies,you know, my energy body,
mental body, intellectual body,physical body, et cetera.
It's really, really gorgeous.
There may be something thatBrenda wants to chime in on here
, but I want to back up a littlebit for listeners and I want to
(49:17):
say there's something that yousaid, dr Staff, when you were
talking about your generosity.
It was so beautiful and I justwant to remind our listeners
that this is a behavior of whenwe are in overflow.
When we're in overflow andwe're feeling that generosity
and we're wanting to sharewhether it's our marketing
tactics or share our love notesor how I was thinking of you it
(49:38):
will never be at the detrimentof ourself.
We always want to be makingsure that we are filling our
tank, filling our tank, fillingour tank and giving there,
because then we can have thatoverflow.
In addition, you also mentionedpresence and have that capacity
.
It'll be very hard to reachthose states without being an
overflow.
And with that I'm going to passthe mic to Brenda.
(50:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Yeah, that's really beautiful.
We actually have a wholeepisode on energy and how to
track your energy, which isnumber 26.
Just giving a little plug forthat episode because it's really
beautiful.
Thank you, stephanie, this isabsolutely gorgeous.
I just feel so happy to receiveyour transmission about desire
(50:24):
and the different energy levelsand how resourced we are.
It's just absolutely beautifulthe way you are.
It's just beautiful the way youdelivered that.
Thank you so much, and I'm soappreciating your appreciation
for the journey, because I'msomeone who loves the journey
(50:45):
and when you said it feels sogood to trust and surrender, I
feel like that's always a placewhere Catherine will say to me
really, like that doesn't alwaysfeel so good, people don't
really love to trust andsurrender, but I do, and so I'm
really appreciating when you'resaying that.
You're saying you go around andyou go around that again and I
(51:07):
want to really stress that forour listeners because we were
talking at the beginning how youwent from like being an
overproducer to this feminineembodied creator.
And it's really by goingthrough the cycles over and over
again and working with yourenergy and being present and
(51:28):
being resistant and fighting itand trusting and surrendering.
We do this over and over again,and each time we build our
capacity to be with it and welearn about ourselves along the
way.
And so thank you for givingsuch a beautiful transmission of
(51:48):
that.
And I am so curious, sinceyou're talking about desires.
I just was so turned onlistening to you talk about your
desires.
What are some of your desiresright now in your life, if
you're willing to share?
Speaker 3 (52:26):
I was solo.
Before I do this, I scheduledmyself a cruise to Capri.
I just always felt thisfamiliarity with that place.
I've never been there, felt itin my body.
(52:47):
Whenever I see or hear peopletalk about it I'm like, oh, I
need to go there.
I've seen it a couple of times.
Not many people talk aboutCapri, but I've seen pictures of
it and I'm like I need to go.
So that's a current desire thatis being fed and I'm going to
be doing that in May.
I might solo.
(53:09):
I've also been desiring a lot ofjust solo movement, and always
solo movement in my dance, solomovement in my body connection,
solo movement in my work, solomovement on my travel, because I
(53:41):
want to serve me.
I want to serve me more and Ifeel like you know, I think one
of the wonderful things of thefeminine is our generosity and
our ability to mother and ourability to see all of the
(54:01):
possible permeations andperspectives and ways that maybe
something is a little bit off,coherently or energetically, and
it's really kind of easy for meto go in and just adjust and
adjust.
But what I've also learned onmy journey is how that takes me
(54:24):
from trust in other people'spath and my own.
And so a big desire I actuallyhave is just more time traveling
on my own, serving me, servingmy soul, serving myself yeah, in
(54:45):
a different way than what I wastalking about before.
Before I was in service to myego.
Now I am want to be in serviceto my soul and that means, like
this high desire of knowing,feeding, letting her lead and
(55:13):
not giving myself away from herFor moments.
I go back to our relationship.
So my relationship with myselfis a desire, and another desire
(55:34):
is just like be with my daughteras present as I can be in every
breath.
She's already 10.
And I feel like I have beendoing that and it's still she's
already 10.
Like, how is she 10 when I'mjust watching her every moment?
(55:56):
And yeah, just to be present.
More than that, to hear thedesire in my relationship to
(56:18):
love my partner by matching him.
I don't want to do that.
My desire is to stay honestwith who I am and not just give
context to that.
I feel like my next gauntlet isto really see how my nervous
(56:45):
system co-regulates with others,and maybe I don't want to
co-regulate with that, and whynot let others co-regulate with
me when it's those circumstances, especially my relationship,
it's like I find myself a lotlike leaving the all the self
(57:11):
love that I give myself, sort oflike leaving that to be to
match the tone when actually,like my partner is actually with
me for the juice, he's with mefor the sparkle, he's with me
(57:31):
for the chaos, he's with me forthe incredible love.
Yet when he's not getting that,his energy drops and then I drop
to match that and I thinkthat's like my next.
My next quest is not doing that, serving the desire of highest
(57:56):
self, staying as that andfeeding my relationship from
that place and trusting andsurrendering that he's going to
find his way there, like I don'thave to drop to bring him there
.
He's going to find his waythere by me staying in devotion
(58:17):
to that.
I feel like that's a desirethat is there, it's like a soul
desire and it's still a littlebaby that is needs to be fed,
nourished and grown.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
Thank you.
Thank you for that, and soshall all of your desires be.
It's really beautiful,stephanie.
Thank you so much for sayingthat you have a desire to work
on your relationship withyourself.
It's just absolutely beautiful.
We hear about self-love and wetalk about this on the podcast
(58:56):
sometimes what it means to loveyourself and this desire that
you stated to nourish yourselfand have solo time and then
weaving that into yourrelationship, knowing that when
you come to him as a fullyhonest person, with who you are,
(59:16):
you're bringing your juice tohim, which is what he's here for
, and then you're happier too.
It just makes so much sense.
It makes so much sense, butit's so easy to forget.
You know, I'm someone whoforgets that as well.
So thank you for sharing yourdesires, and that's one thing I
(59:38):
this is my new favorite questionthat I love asking guests
because, yeah, it's just such ajuicy question.
I mean, we have a whole podcastabout desire, so thank you for
sharing it, because I think thatwhen we share our desires in
community, it brings everyonehigher.
(59:59):
I'm like, oh my God, I can wantthat.
So I hope our listeners areleaving with oh yes, I desire a
relationship with myself.
That's beautiful.
Yeah, yeah, thank you for that,and I believe that we are
winding down, catherine.
Is there anything that youwould like to add?
(01:00:21):
No, great, well, thank you, drStephanie.
Can you tell our listeners howthey can get in touch with you,
and we'll also put it in theshow notes.
Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
Yes, you can find me in Marin County, california.
You can get on my chiropractictables, live.
You could come to my quarterlyevents where I work with the
nervous system and the energyfield to cultivate more flow and
(01:00:52):
ease in the body, moreconnection to presence and soul
and your own individual magic.
And then I have some coursesonline.
I started a school called theSchool of Spinal Somatics which
is holding these really deepteachings that are feminine led,
(01:01:15):
but it's for anyone to come andit starts with how to heal
yourself before you work withother people, which I think is
missing in a lot of schools.
That I've definitely all theschools I've been to so sort of
like rewriting it from thisfeminine, embodied and informed
(01:01:40):
place and a couple of otheronline offerings too.
You can find them on Instagramor my website,
drstefiniebridewellcom.
Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
And we'll put all that, the show notes, for
everybody.
Thank you so much, dr Stephanie.
It was such a pleasure, such adelight to have you as a guest
today on the Desires Medicinepodcast.
Thank you, thank you for havingme.
Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
I wanted to add one more way to work with me is I
created a guided meditation thatis spine centered, called
Spinal Energy Flow, and rightnow I'm teaching in there.
Weekly.
We've been moving through justone spinal bone at a time, which
has been revolutionary, becauseour spine is our subconscious.
(01:02:45):
It holds all of oursubconscious.
Stuff gets stuck in there andas the spine starts to open, we
get all this insight anddownloads of like stuff we're
holding that we didn't even knowwas there and it just becomes
purified and clarified for us.
So right now we're on C6.
I think, yeah, this week, thistomorrow is going to be we're on
(01:03:05):
C7 and we're going to all theway down the spine, all the
vertebra, and I'll tell you whatit's surprised me, how amazing
it is.
And then once a month we do athemed class too, and it's only
$33 a month at the time of thiscall.
Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
You make it sound so sexy.
You make the spine sound sosexy.
Thank you so much, Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast Desire invites us to behonest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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