March 17, 2025 • 26 mins
A Two Part Season 1 Finale! Just another typical wedding day on Planet Waldor. Or is it??? (It isn't, in case you can't wait to find out)
Our Sponsor for today is St. Tetanus Medical Center.
Enjoy!
Sound Effects by freesound_community from Pixabay
Music:
"Skinny Food Fighters Blues 85" by Won Jong Hwa from Pixabay
Music: “Hope Piano” Music by Sergei Chetvertnykh from Pixabay
“Classical Music – Eternal Serenade” by Tech Oasis from Pixabay
“Funk Upbeat” by Mikhail Smusev from Pixabay
“Jazz Bossa Nova Cooking Show Music” by Denis Pavlov from Pixabay
“Abandon – Sad, Dark, Alone” by Pimpitcha Aransak from Pixabay
“Wedding Song” by Peter Barbaix from Pixabay
Check out Jimmy at the Internet Explorer's Podcast!
Bonus content available at www.patreon.com/DiscountStorytime
My contact information:
email: mail@discountstorytime
Or click the link in the show notes to send me a message!
Thanks!
Coffee
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Content Warning for Adult Themes.
This is Coffee McCann, andwelcome to Discount Storytime.
So this is the last story ofSeason 1.
Season 2 of Discount Storytimeis going to start on April 7th
(00:22):
and it's going to be differentthan the Season 1 short stories.
Season 2 will be serialized andit's going to tell the story of
a hapless medical schoolgraduate who winds up as an
intern at the Galactic TeachingHospital, St Tetanus.
So I hope you enjoy it.
(00:43):
It's going to be a bit of achange.
It's going to be a chance tokind of expand on some
characters and do a little bitmore character development.
But today's story is SomethingYellow, Something Blue and this
is part one of a two-part story,and our sponsor today happens
to be Saint Tetanus MedicalCenter.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Enjoy, when you walk or probably hobble or something
into St Tetanus Medical Center,you don't just enter as a number
, but you're also a revenuestream and we at St tetanus
value that.
At st tetanus we applycutting-edge science to cutting
(01:28):
corners and I'm proud toannounce the opening of the new
st tetanus Center for surgicalexcellence and crematorium.
Our new surgical center iscapable of billing up to 300
surgeries per day and ourdedicated team of surgery
providers can't wait to see youand your inside parts.
(01:48):
Call St Tetanus Medical Centertoday to make an appointment.
Don't delay.
Those arteries aren't going tonick themselves.
St Tetanus Medical Center.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Copayment is due at the time of service.
Tipping is not required, butencouraged.
Something yellow, somethingblue.
Part one of two the ceremony.
(02:22):
Part 1 of 2, the Ceremony.
Nobody wants exploding turtlesfalling from the sky on their
wedding day.
Planet Waldar's weather serviceinitially reported an 80%
chance of exploding turtles butinexplicably dropped to 1% by
(02:45):
early morning.
The suns rose, warming thechilly morning air and lighting
the wedding cathedral.
Waldorf had designatedcathedrals for weddings,
funerals and small social events, as these cathedrals were too
old for modern-day Waldorfreligions, which required ample
floor space for the vendors,shoppers and political
(03:08):
fundraisers.
Penny stood in the bridalsuite's sunny window looking at
her wedding dress in the mirror.
This dress was special handeddown by the women in her family.
For its age it still sparkledwhite, a sign of virginity and
purity.
(03:28):
The white dress accentuatedPenny's dark blue skin and
crimson hair.
Penny had to admit she lookedgood.
She told her two sisters asmuch and they all laughed.
The laughter stopped whenPenny's mother entered with a
drawn face Dear, I've got somebad news.
(03:51):
Penny's smile evaporated likethe morning dew.
What is it?
Reverend Sailby is ill andcan't officiate your wedding.
Seeing Penny's worried face,her mother added Nothing serious
, thank the goddess, hiscolleague from the
(04:11):
non-affiliated church is cominginstead.
Penny's shoulders drooped.
Oh no, this is terrible.
We hadn't even met with himwith being so busy planning.
Penny would have flopped downin a chair but didn't want to
wrinkle the dress.
Instead, her sisters propped astool under the dress so Penny
(04:35):
could sit.
Dear Goddess, please look afterReverend Sailby.
And today, reverend Sailby andtoday the mother lovingly cupped
her daughter's face in her longhands, now aged, with tired
blue skin.
Look at you.
You're simply beautiful in thesacred dress of promised bridal
(04:59):
virginity.
Um yeah, said Penny, notmeeting her mother's gaze.
Uh-huh said Penny's older sisterstaring at her hands.
Uh yep, said Penny's motherlooking out the window.
Yeah-huh, said Penny'sgrandmother examining the
(05:24):
doorway.
Yeah, huh, said Penny'sgrandmother examining the
doorway.
Penny's older sister, who hadwed two years ago, then
recounted stories of her weddingday blunders.
As they laughed at those minormishaps, penny realized that
someday she would laugh at herminor hiccups too.
(05:44):
Just not today.
Her older sister added Sis,this is your day for the goddess
to bless you and Dale.
You love him, don't you?
I love Dale so much.
I've dreamed of today since Iwas little.
Remember when I made you twoplay dress-up brides over and
(06:08):
over and over again.
Penny looked at her sisters whonod with wide eyes, trying to
repress that traumatic childhoodmemory, and all the wedding
dress-wearing lessons've takenand classy bride certification
courses.
I do hope more than anythingthat both Mama and Papa and
(06:34):
Grandmama and Grandpapa and Daleand everyone are pleased.
Her mother smiled.
Oh, goddess?
Yes, of course, and you knowwhat?
That cathedral is full, mama.
Let me finish.
That cathedral is full of thosewho already know you and love
(07:02):
you and those that will get toknow you and love you.
So you have nothing to fear.
Now stop slouching, stand upstraight.
There's my girl.
Are you ready?
I've never been more ready.
Terrified, but ready.
Penny chewed her redfingernails.
But ready.
Penny chewed her redfingernails.
(07:23):
Her sister put her hands overthem.
Stop, you just had thosepainted.
Penny's sisters took each ofher hands and they left the room
for her wedding.
(07:45):
Meanwhile, in the cathedral,dale the groom, met briefly with
Reverend Jex, the substitute.
Thank you so much for fillingin at the last minute.
Is Reverend Saleby okay, askedDale.
He looked like a very tallyellow worm with spindly arms
(08:05):
and legs.
This is because his race isvery tall yellow worms with
spindly arms and legs.
Reverend Jex, essentially anorange tabby in a black suit,
answered yes, thankfully it'snothing serious.
I'll make sure everything goessmoothly.
Dale thanked her again andadjusted his bow tie in a very
(08:30):
cool way.
He had been practicing coolways to adjust his bow tie for
several weeks and today was hisday to shine.
As they conversed, gueststrickled in and set gift cards.
In the bride and groom's giftcard basket A tall, spider-like
(08:51):
galah chatted with a frumpin.
So a frumpin looks like a crossbetween a basset hound and a
body pillow.
Praise the goddess.
Such a beautiful day for awedding and the cathedral.
They do such a marvelous jobwith the upkeep, said the
spidery galah.
The frumpin' wagged his ears inagreement.
(09:14):
Yes, I couldn't agree more.
And it's local.
Local is the key.
I went to my niece's wedding.
I went to my niece's weddingLovely girl, mind you, but she
had one of those destinationweddings.
Oh the travel.
I can't say.
(09:36):
I've been to one of those.
Was it a nice scenic getaway?
The Frumpin' gave a husky laugh.
Oh no, this place was horrible.
The nitwit inhabitants keptrubbing my belly and asking
who's a good boy?
Dreadful place, earth.
I won't say what they do toyour kind with a pair of sandals
.
But enough of that.
(09:57):
Let's enjoy today and ourcompany Praise the goddess.
The Frumpin noticed a flock ofbirdfolk from Astrid Minor
entering.
Oh oh, some old friends of mine.
Please excuse me.
Of course, it was such apleasure to meet you.
(10:17):
Promise me, we will sittogether at the reception.
The Frumpin agreed and loped tothe bird folk of astrid minor
who dressed in their finestgowns and shining jewelry.
A short elderly woman in agreen dress with multiple
horizontal pleats giving theappearance of a squat fir tree
(10:41):
entered.
She wore a large floppy hatthat covered her eyes.
Her bulbous nose inhaled thewonderful smell of freshly
mopped wood soap.
Her mouth smiled as she tookpleasure in the sights and
sounds.
Cathedral bells rang and toldguests to take their seats.
(11:01):
The Galdol skittered, theFrumpton loped and the birdfolk
coasted to their seats.
The elderly woman in the greendress shuffled her black
orthopedic shoes to the back row, designated free seating.
Those who bought pricierwedding tickets sat close to the
front and judged the cheapguests sitting behind them.
(11:24):
Reverend Jacks smiled at theguests On behalf of the goddess.
Praise be.
They responded with Praise be.
They responded with Praise be.
I am Reverend Sidney Jax and I'dlike to first thank our Gold
Level sponsor, smooth Criminal.
(11:44):
Are you an underground criminal?
Do you worry about dentalrecords being used to find you?
Try Smooth Criminal, arevolutionary procedure that
smooths teeth.
Call today for a freeconsultation.
A short man in a gray suitwrote down the phone number.
Reverend Jacks studied severalcards.
(12:08):
Next we have our auction results.
Only the best bidder gets to bethe best man.
The winning best man bid goesto Joey Blazertoff from Planet
Nimbo.
Joey, please come up and standby.
Dale Joey sauntered up wearingcut-off denim shorts and a
(12:30):
t-shirt that read Boner forBridesmaids.
Reverend Js continued.
The Wending Maid of Honor goesto Morsa Flanzip of Pariah 7.
Please come up and stand here.
Morsa, petite and bookish,wearing a cream blouse and plaid
skirt, meekly worked her way upto the front, careful not to
(12:54):
swing her arms or look up.
Now who will take the blushingbride down the aisle?
Reverend Jax built suspensewith a pause, then continued.
Today's winning bid goes toHarlan Archnip of Planet Carted.
(13:14):
Are you here?
There you are.
A big round of applause fortoday's winners, please.
Harlan, a fellow with broadshoulders, broad smiles and a
few too many eye stalks, stoodand gave a triumphant wave while
booming.
I'll second that the weddingguests laughed and applauded.
(13:37):
Harlan's shining red suitcaught on the pew on his way and
he gave out a booming laugh.
Reverend Jack said and we havea latecomer.
You aren't the bride by chance.
One of the spotlights showed anelderly woman just walking in
(13:57):
Her walking cane had more girththan her legs and she was rail
thin.
She wore a short green dressand her silver hair was in a
pixie haircut.
She smiled, shook her head andtook a seat at the back of the
groom's side.
Reverend Jacks continued I'monly kidding.
(14:19):
Thank you one and all forcoming.
If everyone has their seat,let's get this wedding started.
A cacophony of music filled theair while spotlights spun,
finally centering again on theback of the room.
First, ushers helped the brideand groom's grandparents to
(14:40):
their seats near the back Notthe free seats, but still
affordable on fixed incomes.
Dale's fathers were next, bothsmiling and beaming, and took
seats in the front row on thegroom's side.
Penny's parents quickly tookseats in the front row on the
groom's side.
Penny's parents quickly tookseats in the back row.
At the look of them taking thefree seats, her father yelled
(15:03):
what I'm barely making a profitoff of this wedding as it is.
Next.
The ring bearer toddled downthe aisle.
His twin sister, the flowergirl, laughed and chased after
him, flinging petals everywhere.
The music paused and thecathedral grew quiet.
All eyes and optical sensorpods turned to the back of the
(15:28):
cathedral.
When the traditional processionsong started started, harlan
Archnip of Planet Carted stoodwith Penny.
The two marched slowly arm inarm to the front.
Penny's and Dale's eyes litwhen they saw each other.
(15:51):
Dale adjusted his bowtie in avery cool way and Penny, rolled
her eyes, nailed it, he thoughtto himself.
Reverend Jex spoke Dearlybeloved.
(16:13):
We gather to witness the unionof Penny and Dale, but today is
much more than that.
Their union is our union offriends, of family, of community
.
Everyone looked at each otherand across the aisles, with
smiling agreement.
Reverend Jex then read from thedesignated advertising copy for
(16:33):
such a blessed occasion.
From the designated advertisingcopy for such a blessed
occasion.
As with all blessed unions, onecannot forget the blessing of
the Galaxy Credit Union.
With an account at Galaxy CreditUnion, you can save up to 3%
with no hidden fees, and that'sa bargain Amen.
(16:55):
In response, the wedding guestscalled and that's a bargain
Amen.
Reverend Jex continued and aslove is nourishment for our
(17:15):
souls, we must not forgetnourishment for our bodies, and
that's why this wedding ispartially sponsored by One Meal.
One Meal is the next generationof meal pods with all-natural
synthetic ingredients and thathomemade taste like Grandma used
to print.
Not only are they delicious,but they are nutritious too,
providing your daily supply oflead and mercury.
(17:37):
That's one meal availablewherever you buy your meal pods,
and that's a bargain Amen.
In response, the wedding guestscalled and that's a bargain
Amen.
Reverend Jex looked to herscripture and read Together,
(17:58):
these two will build a home, andall good homes need a good
cleaning.
It's easy to keep your homeclean by using Lavendae, the
all-purpose cleaner that leavesa fresh lavender scent all day.
That's Lavendae, find it atyour local market, and that's a
bargain Amen.
(18:20):
In response, the wedding guestscalled and that's a bargain
Amen.
With the recitation of the holyad copy Reverend Jack's turn to
Penny.
Penny, do you take Dale to beyour lawfully wedded husband, to
have and to hold from this dayforward, for better or worse,
(18:45):
for richer or poorer, insickness and in health, until
death, do you part by thegoddess's strength.
Do you vow to protect andcherish him by the light of the
suns and the power of thegoddess.
Do you pledge to love and honorhim always.
With tears of joy in her eyesand hoping her mascara didn't
(19:09):
run, penny said I do ReverendJax then turned to Dale.
Dale, do you take Penny to beyour lawfully wedded wife, to
have and to hold from this dayforward, for better or for worse
, for richer or for poorer, insickness and in health, until
(19:32):
death?
Do you part by the goddess'sstrength?
Do you vow to protect andcherish her by the light of the
suns and the power of thegoddess?
Do you pledge to love and honorher always?
Dale beamed and said Boy, do I.
There was laughter and ascattering applause.
(19:53):
Dale, with his thin yellowhands, gently placed the ring on
Penny's finger and said I giveyou this ring as a symbol of my
love for you.
As circles have no end, neitherdoes my commitment to you.
Penny gently placed a ring onDale's finger and said I give
(20:15):
this ring as a symbol of my lovefor you, as a circle has no end
, neither does my commitment toyou.
Reverend Jex smiled and saidI'm now empowered by me, by this
jurisdiction and the Ad Council, in the name of Pause Silence.
(20:38):
Reverend Jex blushed under herfurry face.
Well, this is a first, everyone.
I was in such a rush to gethere in time.
What deity is this service?
Under Another pause before thechurch erupted in laughter.
When the laughter settled down,the bride and groom replied.
(21:01):
Dale said the yellow goddess.
Penny said the blue goddess.
At that moment every guest,every pew, every brick and
molecule in the cathedralexploded in silence.
The only sound was a solitaryha from the thin old woman in
(21:24):
the back.
Dale and Penny looked at eachother, wide-eyed and pale-faced
You're serious?
They asked each other.
I always told you I worshippedthe goddess each other.
I always told you I worshippedthe goddess.
The only true one, said Dale.
I've always told you Iworshipped the goddess.
(21:45):
The only true one, said Penny.
Reverend Jex asked you two havenever said which goddess before
now.
Back off, kitty Penny snappedDon't yell at her heathen, spat
Dale.
Reverend Jex's mind searchedmadly for any way to bring this
(22:07):
sudden dumpster fire of aceremony in for a soft landing.
How about this?
Let's finish the ceremony, thenI'll reach out to Reverend
Sailby and we'll figure out whatto do next.
Penny and Dale glared at eachother, sighed, then reluctantly
(22:27):
nodded their heads.
Reverend Jax, let out a breath.
I now pronounce you husband andwife.
Probably you may kiss the bride.
Do I have to?
Asked Dale.
Whatever, let's just get thisover with, said Penny.
Dale moved in to give her apeck and Penny turned to let him
(22:50):
kiss her cheek, which shepromptly wiped off.
Honored guests, I probablyannounce, mr and Mrs, honored
guests.
I probably announce Mr and Mrs,you suck, yelled a heckler.
Penny flipped off the hecklerand marched out of the church.
Dale tore off his bow tie infrustration.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
The ceremony was over , tune in next week for the
reception.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
I hope you enjoyed that story.
I'm going to be honest with you.
This wrap-up part is always thepart that makes me so nervous,
because all the rest of it Ihave a script in front of me or
I'm reading off of notes this Iam really just trying to talk to
everybody in a conversationalstyle and just be genuine and
(23:45):
authentic, and it makes me alittle nervous sometimes.
I am going to ask a favor ofyou, dear listeners, for season
two coming up.
Again.
It's going to be serialized.
If you would please send me anote you can click on the link
in the show notes is the easiestway and let me know if there
(24:08):
are specific characters orspecific places or stories
within season one that you'vereally enjoyed, that you would
like to see incorporated intoseason two, because I am going
to pull over some elements fromseason one.
So if you've listened to thestories as you're listening to
(24:29):
season two, you'll be able topick up on some things.
But again, click on the link inthe show notes or you can email
me at mail at discount storytimecom, and let's see.
Here that's contact information.
Uh, thank you for listening.
I just so appreciate we're.
We're almost 50 episodes.
(24:50):
I can't believe it.
Um so, thank you so much forsticking uh, sticking through
with me and listening to thesestories.
I hope you're enjoying them.
Through with me and listeningto these stories.
I hope you're enjoying them anduntil next week, be sure to
play nice with others and pleaseabsolutely take care of
yourself, and I'll see you nextweek for the season finale.
(25:10):
Bye, and remember to laugh,thank you.
Content Warning for Adult Themes.
This is Coffee McCann, andwelcome to Discount Storytime.
So this is the last story ofSeason 1.
Season 2 of Discount Storytimeis going to start on April 7th
(00:22):
and it's going to be differentthan the Season 1 short stories.
Season 2 will be serialized andit's going to tell the story of
a hapless medical schoolgraduate who winds up as an
intern at the Galactic TeachingHospital, St Tetanus.
So I hope you enjoy it.
(00:43):
It's going to be a bit of achange.
It's going to be a chance tokind of expand on some
characters and do a little bitmore character development.
But today's story is SomethingYellow, Something Blue and this
is part one of a two-part story,and our sponsor today happens
to be Saint Tetanus MedicalCenter.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Enjoy, when you walk or probably hobble or something
into St Tetanus Medical Center,you don't just enter as a number
, but you're also a revenuestream and we at St tetanus
value that.
At st tetanus we applycutting-edge science to cutting
(01:28):
corners and I'm proud toannounce the opening of the new
st tetanus Center for surgicalexcellence and crematorium.
Our new surgical center iscapable of billing up to 300
surgeries per day and ourdedicated team of surgery
providers can't wait to see youand your inside parts.
(01:48):
Call St Tetanus Medical Centertoday to make an appointment.
Don't delay.
Those arteries aren't going tonick themselves.
St Tetanus Medical Center.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Copayment is due at the time of service.
Tipping is not required, butencouraged.
Something yellow, somethingblue.
Part one of two the ceremony.
(02:22):
Part 1 of 2, the Ceremony.
Nobody wants exploding turtlesfalling from the sky on their
wedding day.
Planet Waldar's weather serviceinitially reported an 80%
chance of exploding turtles butinexplicably dropped to 1% by
(02:45):
early morning.
The suns rose, warming thechilly morning air and lighting
the wedding cathedral.
Waldorf had designatedcathedrals for weddings,
funerals and small social events, as these cathedrals were too
old for modern-day Waldorfreligions, which required ample
floor space for the vendors,shoppers and political
(03:08):
fundraisers.
Penny stood in the bridalsuite's sunny window looking at
her wedding dress in the mirror.
This dress was special handeddown by the women in her family.
For its age it still sparkledwhite, a sign of virginity and
purity.
(03:28):
The white dress accentuatedPenny's dark blue skin and
crimson hair.
Penny had to admit she lookedgood.
She told her two sisters asmuch and they all laughed.
The laughter stopped whenPenny's mother entered with a
drawn face Dear, I've got somebad news.
(03:51):
Penny's smile evaporated likethe morning dew.
What is it?
Reverend Sailby is ill andcan't officiate your wedding.
Seeing Penny's worried face,her mother added Nothing serious
, thank the goddess, hiscolleague from the
(04:11):
non-affiliated church is cominginstead.
Penny's shoulders drooped.
Oh no, this is terrible.
We hadn't even met with himwith being so busy planning.
Penny would have flopped downin a chair but didn't want to
wrinkle the dress.
Instead, her sisters propped astool under the dress so Penny
(04:35):
could sit.
Dear Goddess, please look afterReverend Sailby.
And today, reverend Sailby andtoday the mother lovingly cupped
her daughter's face in her longhands, now aged, with tired
blue skin.
Look at you.
You're simply beautiful in thesacred dress of promised bridal
(04:59):
virginity.
Um yeah, said Penny, notmeeting her mother's gaze.
Uh-huh said Penny's older sisterstaring at her hands.
Uh yep, said Penny's motherlooking out the window.
Yeah-huh, said Penny'sgrandmother examining the
(05:24):
doorway.
Yeah, huh, said Penny'sgrandmother examining the
doorway.
Penny's older sister, who hadwed two years ago, then
recounted stories of her weddingday blunders.
As they laughed at those minormishaps, penny realized that
someday she would laugh at herminor hiccups too.
(05:44):
Just not today.
Her older sister added Sis,this is your day for the goddess
to bless you and Dale.
You love him, don't you?
I love Dale so much.
I've dreamed of today since Iwas little.
Remember when I made you twoplay dress-up brides over and
(06:08):
over and over again.
Penny looked at her sisters whonod with wide eyes, trying to
repress that traumatic childhoodmemory, and all the wedding
dress-wearing lessons've takenand classy bride certification
courses.
I do hope more than anythingthat both Mama and Papa and
(06:34):
Grandmama and Grandpapa and Daleand everyone are pleased.
Her mother smiled.
Oh, goddess?
Yes, of course, and you knowwhat?
That cathedral is full, mama.
Let me finish.
That cathedral is full of thosewho already know you and love
(07:02):
you and those that will get toknow you and love you.
So you have nothing to fear.
Now stop slouching, stand upstraight.
There's my girl.
Are you ready?
I've never been more ready.
Terrified, but ready.
Penny chewed her redfingernails.
But ready.
Penny chewed her redfingernails.
(07:23):
Her sister put her hands overthem.
Stop, you just had thosepainted.
Penny's sisters took each ofher hands and they left the room
for her wedding.
(07:45):
Meanwhile, in the cathedral,dale the groom, met briefly with
Reverend Jex, the substitute.
Thank you so much for fillingin at the last minute.
Is Reverend Saleby okay, askedDale.
He looked like a very tallyellow worm with spindly arms
(08:05):
and legs.
This is because his race isvery tall yellow worms with
spindly arms and legs.
Reverend Jex, essentially anorange tabby in a black suit,
answered yes, thankfully it'snothing serious.
I'll make sure everything goessmoothly.
Dale thanked her again andadjusted his bow tie in a very
(08:30):
cool way.
He had been practicing coolways to adjust his bow tie for
several weeks and today was hisday to shine.
As they conversed, gueststrickled in and set gift cards.
In the bride and groom's giftcard basket A tall, spider-like
(08:51):
galah chatted with a frumpin.
So a frumpin looks like a crossbetween a basset hound and a
body pillow.
Praise the goddess.
Such a beautiful day for awedding and the cathedral.
They do such a marvelous jobwith the upkeep, said the
spidery galah.
The frumpin' wagged his ears inagreement.
(09:14):
Yes, I couldn't agree more.
And it's local.
Local is the key.
I went to my niece's wedding.
I went to my niece's weddingLovely girl, mind you, but she
had one of those destinationweddings.
Oh the travel.
I can't say.
(09:36):
I've been to one of those.
Was it a nice scenic getaway?
The Frumpin' gave a husky laugh.
Oh no, this place was horrible.
The nitwit inhabitants keptrubbing my belly and asking
who's a good boy?
Dreadful place, earth.
I won't say what they do toyour kind with a pair of sandals
.
But enough of that.
(09:57):
Let's enjoy today and ourcompany Praise the goddess.
The Frumpin noticed a flock ofbirdfolk from Astrid Minor
entering.
Oh oh, some old friends of mine.
Please excuse me.
Of course, it was such apleasure to meet you.
(10:17):
Promise me, we will sittogether at the reception.
The Frumpin agreed and loped tothe bird folk of astrid minor
who dressed in their finestgowns and shining jewelry.
A short elderly woman in agreen dress with multiple
horizontal pleats giving theappearance of a squat fir tree
(10:41):
entered.
She wore a large floppy hatthat covered her eyes.
Her bulbous nose inhaled thewonderful smell of freshly
mopped wood soap.
Her mouth smiled as she tookpleasure in the sights and
sounds.
Cathedral bells rang and toldguests to take their seats.
(11:01):
The Galdol skittered, theFrumpton loped and the birdfolk
coasted to their seats.
The elderly woman in the greendress shuffled her black
orthopedic shoes to the back row, designated free seating.
Those who bought pricierwedding tickets sat close to the
front and judged the cheapguests sitting behind them.
(11:24):
Reverend Jacks smiled at theguests On behalf of the goddess.
Praise be.
They responded with Praise be.
They responded with Praise be.
I am Reverend Sidney Jax and I'dlike to first thank our Gold
Level sponsor, smooth Criminal.
(11:44):
Are you an underground criminal?
Do you worry about dentalrecords being used to find you?
Try Smooth Criminal, arevolutionary procedure that
smooths teeth.
Call today for a freeconsultation.
A short man in a gray suitwrote down the phone number.
Reverend Jacks studied severalcards.
(12:08):
Next we have our auction results.
Only the best bidder gets to bethe best man.
The winning best man bid goesto Joey Blazertoff from Planet
Nimbo.
Joey, please come up and standby.
Dale Joey sauntered up wearingcut-off denim shorts and a
(12:30):
t-shirt that read Boner forBridesmaids.
Reverend Js continued.
The Wending Maid of Honor goesto Morsa Flanzip of Pariah 7.
Please come up and stand here.
Morsa, petite and bookish,wearing a cream blouse and plaid
skirt, meekly worked her way upto the front, careful not to
(12:54):
swing her arms or look up.
Now who will take the blushingbride down the aisle?
Reverend Jax built suspensewith a pause, then continued.
Today's winning bid goes toHarlan Archnip of Planet Carted.
(13:14):
Are you here?
There you are.
A big round of applause fortoday's winners, please.
Harlan, a fellow with broadshoulders, broad smiles and a
few too many eye stalks, stoodand gave a triumphant wave while
booming.
I'll second that the weddingguests laughed and applauded.
(13:37):
Harlan's shining red suitcaught on the pew on his way and
he gave out a booming laugh.
Reverend Jack said and we havea latecomer.
You aren't the bride by chance.
One of the spotlights showed anelderly woman just walking in
(13:57):
Her walking cane had more girththan her legs and she was rail
thin.
She wore a short green dressand her silver hair was in a
pixie haircut.
She smiled, shook her head andtook a seat at the back of the
groom's side.
Reverend Jacks continued I'monly kidding.
(14:19):
Thank you one and all forcoming.
If everyone has their seat,let's get this wedding started.
A cacophony of music filled theair while spotlights spun,
finally centering again on theback of the room.
First, ushers helped the brideand groom's grandparents to
(14:40):
their seats near the back Notthe free seats, but still
affordable on fixed incomes.
Dale's fathers were next, bothsmiling and beaming, and took
seats in the front row on thegroom's side.
Penny's parents quickly tookseats in the front row on the
groom's side.
Penny's parents quickly tookseats in the back row.
At the look of them taking thefree seats, her father yelled
(15:03):
what I'm barely making a profitoff of this wedding as it is.
Next.
The ring bearer toddled downthe aisle.
His twin sister, the flowergirl, laughed and chased after
him, flinging petals everywhere.
The music paused and thecathedral grew quiet.
All eyes and optical sensorpods turned to the back of the
(15:28):
cathedral.
When the traditional processionsong started started, harlan
Archnip of Planet Carted stoodwith Penny.
The two marched slowly arm inarm to the front.
Penny's and Dale's eyes litwhen they saw each other.
(15:51):
Dale adjusted his bowtie in avery cool way and Penny, rolled
her eyes, nailed it, he thoughtto himself.
Reverend Jex spoke Dearlybeloved.
(16:13):
We gather to witness the unionof Penny and Dale, but today is
much more than that.
Their union is our union offriends, of family, of community
.
Everyone looked at each otherand across the aisles, with
smiling agreement.
Reverend Jex then read from thedesignated advertising copy for
(16:33):
such a blessed occasion.
From the designated advertisingcopy for such a blessed
occasion.
As with all blessed unions, onecannot forget the blessing of
the Galaxy Credit Union.
With an account at Galaxy CreditUnion, you can save up to 3%
with no hidden fees, and that'sa bargain Amen.
(16:55):
In response, the wedding guestscalled and that's a bargain
Amen.
Reverend Jex continued and aslove is nourishment for our
(17:15):
souls, we must not forgetnourishment for our bodies, and
that's why this wedding ispartially sponsored by One Meal.
One Meal is the next generationof meal pods with all-natural
synthetic ingredients and thathomemade taste like Grandma used
to print.
Not only are they delicious,but they are nutritious too,
providing your daily supply oflead and mercury.
(17:37):
That's one meal availablewherever you buy your meal pods,
and that's a bargain Amen.
In response, the wedding guestscalled and that's a bargain
Amen.
Reverend Jex looked to herscripture and read Together,
(17:58):
these two will build a home, andall good homes need a good
cleaning.
It's easy to keep your homeclean by using Lavendae, the
all-purpose cleaner that leavesa fresh lavender scent all day.
That's Lavendae, find it atyour local market, and that's a
bargain Amen.
(18:20):
In response, the wedding guestscalled and that's a bargain
Amen.
With the recitation of the holyad copy Reverend Jack's turn to
Penny.
Penny, do you take Dale to beyour lawfully wedded husband, to
have and to hold from this dayforward, for better or worse,
(18:45):
for richer or poorer, insickness and in health, until
death, do you part by thegoddess's strength.
Do you vow to protect andcherish him by the light of the
suns and the power of thegoddess.
Do you pledge to love and honorhim always.
With tears of joy in her eyesand hoping her mascara didn't
(19:09):
run, penny said I do ReverendJax then turned to Dale.
Dale, do you take Penny to beyour lawfully wedded wife, to
have and to hold from this dayforward, for better or for worse
, for richer or for poorer, insickness and in health, until
(19:32):
death?
Do you part by the goddess'sstrength?
Do you vow to protect andcherish her by the light of the
suns and the power of thegoddess?
Do you pledge to love and honorher always?
Dale beamed and said Boy, do I.
There was laughter and ascattering applause.
(19:53):
Dale, with his thin yellowhands, gently placed the ring on
Penny's finger and said I giveyou this ring as a symbol of my
love for you.
As circles have no end, neitherdoes my commitment to you.
Penny gently placed a ring onDale's finger and said I give
(20:15):
this ring as a symbol of my lovefor you, as a circle has no end
, neither does my commitment toyou.
Reverend Jex smiled and saidI'm now empowered by me, by this
jurisdiction and the Ad Council, in the name of Pause Silence.
(20:38):
Reverend Jex blushed under herfurry face.
Well, this is a first, everyone.
I was in such a rush to gethere in time.
What deity is this service?
Under Another pause before thechurch erupted in laughter.
When the laughter settled down,the bride and groom replied.
(21:01):
Dale said the yellow goddess.
Penny said the blue goddess.
At that moment every guest,every pew, every brick and
molecule in the cathedralexploded in silence.
The only sound was a solitaryha from the thin old woman in
(21:24):
the back.
Dale and Penny looked at eachother, wide-eyed and pale-faced
You're serious?
They asked each other.
I always told you I worshippedthe goddess each other.
I always told you I worshippedthe goddess.
The only true one, said Dale.
I've always told you Iworshipped the goddess.
(21:45):
The only true one, said Penny.
Reverend Jex asked you two havenever said which goddess before
now.
Back off, kitty Penny snappedDon't yell at her heathen, spat
Dale.
Reverend Jex's mind searchedmadly for any way to bring this
(22:07):
sudden dumpster fire of aceremony in for a soft landing.
How about this?
Let's finish the ceremony, thenI'll reach out to Reverend
Sailby and we'll figure out whatto do next.
Penny and Dale glared at eachother, sighed, then reluctantly
(22:27):
nodded their heads.
Reverend Jax, let out a breath.
I now pronounce you husband andwife.
Probably you may kiss the bride.
Do I have to?
Asked Dale.
Whatever, let's just get thisover with, said Penny.
Dale moved in to give her apeck and Penny turned to let him
(22:50):
kiss her cheek, which shepromptly wiped off.
Honored guests, I probablyannounce, mr and Mrs, honored
guests.
I probably announce Mr and Mrs,you suck, yelled a heckler.
Penny flipped off the hecklerand marched out of the church.
Dale tore off his bow tie infrustration.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
The ceremony was over , tune in next week for the
reception.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
I hope you enjoyed that story.
I'm going to be honest with you.
This wrap-up part is always thepart that makes me so nervous,
because all the rest of it Ihave a script in front of me or
I'm reading off of notes this Iam really just trying to talk to
everybody in a conversationalstyle and just be genuine and
(23:45):
authentic, and it makes me alittle nervous sometimes.
I am going to ask a favor ofyou, dear listeners, for season
two coming up.
Again.
It's going to be serialized.
If you would please send me anote you can click on the link
in the show notes is the easiestway and let me know if there
(24:08):
are specific characters orspecific places or stories
within season one that you'vereally enjoyed, that you would
like to see incorporated intoseason two, because I am going
to pull over some elements fromseason one.
So if you've listened to thestories as you're listening to
(24:29):
season two, you'll be able topick up on some things.
But again, click on the link inthe show notes or you can email
me at mail at discount storytimecom, and let's see.
Here that's contact information.
Uh, thank you for listening.
I just so appreciate we're.
We're almost 50 episodes.
(24:50):
I can't believe it.
Um so, thank you so much forsticking uh, sticking through
with me and listening to thesestories.
I hope you're enjoying them.
Through with me and listeningto these stories.
I hope you're enjoying them anduntil next week, be sure to
play nice with others and pleaseabsolutely take care of
yourself, and I'll see you nextweek for the season finale.
(25:10):
Bye, and remember to laugh,thank you.
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