November 12, 2024 • 39 mins
Kapi bullies the new recruits. Crank interacts with humans seemingly for the first time. Pistachio has a traumatic experience with a turnip.
DodoBorne is a comedy storytelling actual play podcast where four friends dive into the world of Daggerheart, a brand-new tabletop roleplaying game by Darrington Press.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Isaac Allen Burns (01:08):
Hey. Good morning, everybody. It's me,
your GM, Isaac Allen Burns. AndI'm here today to bring to you a
steaming hot plate of a podcastcalled DodoBorne! With me
around the table, my sous chef'sto my left.
I have one Annie Hawthorneplaying Crank. Sorry. I
interrupted. Go on. Very good.
(01:30):
Alright. And across the tablefrom Annie, we've got 1, Joe
Diametti Squawk. Playing Kapi, aFirbolg. Double squawk. And then
across the table from Joe, wehave Rowan Collins playing our
favorite soft boy fawn.
Rowan Collins (01:47):
Squawk chef.
Joe Diametti (01:49):
That's actually squawk chef.
Rowan Collins (01:50):
Squawk chef.
Isaac Allen Burns (01:52):
Thank you. Thank you. At ease soldiers.
Rowan Collins (01:55):
Squawk.
Isaac Allen Burns (01:56):
Well, last time that we all met in the
kitchen here for DodoBorn, the 3of you started your day, a day
kinda like any other. However,this day was a little special as
the 3 of you were about to starta new chapter of your lives.
Well, 2 of you are about tostart a new chapter of your
lives at the Adventuring Guildof a little town called Bracken
(02:19):
Road, a place known for appleorchards and not much else. We
met our heroes and our heroeshad normal everyday interactions
with people that they know aboutand care about and love. And I
think we left off with Crank.
You were stepping into theadventures guilds In this room,
(02:40):
just to describe the place, thisis a somewhat small office room
as you can imagine. There's anopen foyer that you step into.
And to the right are a couple ofpin boards where certain jobs
and announcements are shown forthe Adventures Guild. Most of
them small odd jobs for peopleto complete, some of them
announcements from the variousbranches of the guild. But at
(03:02):
the very front is a desk.
Behind the desk is a man withsuch red hair. And when I say
red hair, I mean RGB set to 255red and 0, all the rest of it,
kinda red hair. Just a shockingred, capital r hair. He is
standing behind the bar, andbehind him, you see a little
(03:24):
phone because they have phonesin this world. It is, you know,
back in the day when you had aphone attached to your wall,
what is a cell phone?
We only have home phones here.You also know that that phone
connects to 2 places, connectsto the main branch over in the
capital, and it also connects tothe mayor's office. This is not
a very advanced thing, buttechnology is on the rise here,
(03:46):
you guys. That's something Ishould point out as Altea is
currently in the midst of atechnological revolution. But
Bracken Road's not in the middleof that because Bracken Road's
in the middle of nowhere.
There is also a bunch of littlebooks and folders behind there
that, you think the guy behindthe desk has not looked at in
many years. He stands there,somewhat sleepy eyed, little
(04:07):
dreary, smelling very stark ofold alcohol, but, puts on his
best of a smile as he can andlooks over to the man next to
him and says, Ken, you know thedrill. Why don't you, take the
new recruits?
Joe Diametti (04:23):
Yes, sir.
Isaac Allen Burns (04:24):
I'll look for the job that someone sent in.
Joe Diametti (04:26):
Fantastic. Cadets, you're late.
Rowan Collins (04:29):
Oh, sorry. Pistachio Lake will just salute
you and stand very rigidly.
Joe Diametti (04:36):
This is the kind of attitude I like. Look at you,
big guy.
Annie Hawthorne (04:38):
Yeah. Crank is very military, very orderly. He
knows how to do this.
Joe Diametti (04:44):
Yeah. Yeah. You weren't. You weren't late. I was
just testing you, So you alreadyfailed, but that's okay.
Rowan Collins (04:50):
Oh, no. I failed.
Joe Diametti (04:51):
First order of business, I assume you brought
your dues.
Rowan Collins (04:54):
Oh, well, I was told that my parents already
paid ahead of time.
Joe Diametti (04:59):
Can't trust parents, I'm afraid. Strike 1.
What about you? Anything up inthat hat?
Annie Hawthorne (05:05):
Crank will I don't keep anything in my hat.
And Crank will, kind of turn aknob and, like, open his chest.
And then his chest is kinda likea locker, you know, where he
keeps all his stuff. And he'llpull out however much an exact
change
Joe Diametti (05:21):
Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne (05:22):
The dues are and close and hand you the
Joe Diametti (05:25):
Yeah. Kathy definitely just takes it.
Annie Hawthorne (05:27):
Oh.
Joe Diametti (05:28):
That's strike 2.
Rowan Collins (05:29):
I oh, no. I I I could I could just phone home,
and they didn't give me enoughfor the dues.
Joe Diametti (05:34):
We'll make it up eventually. I'm sure. Oh, look
at you. You poor sweet appleflower you. Oh, my god.
How look at you. You justwonder, are you working here?
Rowan Collins (05:44):
Yeah. I'm working here as of today.
Joe Diametti (05:47):
That's and did you bring, like, a parent's waiver
or I'm just
Rowan Collins (05:51):
I'm I'm old enough to work.
Joe Diametti (05:53):
Oh, my goodness.
Rowan Collins (05:54):
I'm old enough to work.
Joe Diametti (05:56):
You are adorable. Yeah. Look at you. Nothing but
your little bag and a song inyour heart.
Rowan Collins (06:03):
Yeah.
Joe Diametti (06:04):
Fantastic.
Rowan Collins (06:05):
And I like after your every word because you look
really, really cool.
Joe Diametti (06:10):
You know what? You're back to the strike one. I
like your attitude, kid.
Rowan Collins (06:13):
The strike. This is so great. Couple of get me
far.
Joe Diametti (06:20):
Yeah. What's your name?
Rowan Collins (06:21):
Oh, I'm pistachio.
Joe Diametti (06:22):
Oh, of course you are.
Rowan Collins (06:24):
Oh, I'm with the droop family. We're the nut
farmers.
Joe Diametti (06:28):
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What about you, big
guy?
Annie Hawthorne (06:32):
My name is Crank.
Joe Diametti (06:33):
Hi, Crank. What's your story?
Annie Hawthorne (06:36):
I wanna become a wizard.
Joe Diametti (06:37):
Yeah. You do. I love that for you. So my name is
Cappy. I will be in charge foryour time during the
Adventurers' Guild.
We know why you're here. I knowwhy you're here. Unfortunately
for you, there's a bit of aprocess. Right? You can't just
move up right away.
If you think we're gonna gofight a fire demon on day 2,
(07:01):
we're not.
Rowan Collins (07:01):
Okay. Good. I'm a little worried about that wood.
Joe Diametti (07:05):
If you think we're gonna go on a and I point at
Crank really forcefully. If youthink we're gonna go on a
magical scavenger hunt on day 3,you're wrong.
Annie Hawthorne (07:14):
Oh, is that day 1?
Rowan Collins (07:15):
Oh.
Annie Hawthorne (07:16):
Please say that's day 1.
Joe Diametti (07:18):
Moral of the story. As long as you stick with
me, everything's gonna be fine.
Rowan Collins (07:23):
Oh, cool. So you've got our safety in your in
your, butt in mind.
Joe Diametti (07:27):
Of course, I do. Well, I definitely have cranks.
He paid his dues.
Rowan Collins (07:31):
Oh, but Can I use the phone? I'll make sure that I
No.
Joe Diametti (07:34):
No. No. No. Like like, Cappy is very aware that,
like, your parents already paid.That's fine.
Rowan Collins (07:40):
They didn't give me enough. They give me a lunch,
but I didn't think to bring it.
Joe Diametti (07:44):
What do you have for lunch?
Rowan Collins (07:45):
Oh, I have Do you have? Oh, no. We, we don't have
apple for lunch. It's, very hardto get apple. And also my dad
doesn't like the apple peoplevery much.
Joe Diametti (07:56):
He doesn't like the apple people?
Rowan Collins (07:58):
Well, I like Scarlet. She's really nice. But
Joe Diametti (08:01):
How do you know Scarlet?
Rowan Collins (08:02):
Oh, she works at the bakery, and sometimes she
tutors me.
Joe Diametti (08:05):
She tutors you?
Rowan Collins (08:06):
Yeah. She sometimes tutors me. She tutors
me in speech. That's why
Joe Diametti (08:12):
I'm gonna ask you one more time. Are you old
enough to be here?
Rowan Collins (08:15):
I'm old enough to be here.
Joe Diametti (08:16):
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
Isaac Allen Burns (08:17):
What's Crank doing while this is all
happening? Is Crank just, like,staring watching?
Annie Hawthorne (08:22):
Crank is just watching very he's probably
assuming that something is goingon, doesn't quite know what is
happening.
Rowan Collins (08:29):
Are you made of metal? What kind of metal are
you made out of? Is that an okayquestion to ask?
Annie Hawthorne (08:33):
I don't think anyone's ever asked me that
before.
Rowan Collins (08:35):
Oh, gosh. Well, I've heard that there is more
than 1.
Annie Hawthorne (08:40):
Oh, I I don't I don't know. I think I lost the
manual.
Rowan Collins (08:43):
Oh, was it cool being tall?
Annie Hawthorne (08:48):
Everyone like me is this tall.
Rowan Collins (08:50):
Oh, wow.
Annie Hawthorne (08:51):
So it's it's very different being surrounded
by short people.
Joe Diametti (08:55):
Oh. Yeah. Cappy's just, like, staring daggers
because he's, like, 62. So he'sused to being primarily the tall
one among the town of primarilyFawns that exist here.
Rowan Collins (09:07):
Yeah. All of the Fawns in, Pistachio's family
are, like, 57 and below. SoPistachio is just looking up at
both of these two people, like,wow.
Joe Diametti (09:16):
Scarlet's 57.
Rowan Collins (09:18):
Scarlet is 57. She's pretty tall.
Isaac Allen Burns (09:20):
Yeah. Yeah. I found it. I found it. Cyrus
comes out from behind the barOh.
Behind the desk rather. You seehe limps out. He's, using a cane
as he steps and, has a bit ofpaper. And he stands for the 3
of you and says, alright. So asthe representative of the,
(09:43):
Adventures Guild of BrackenRoad, I'm here to, you know,
blah blah blah blah blah.
Rowan Collins (09:51):
Pistachio The way it work jumps their hand up.
Isaac Allen Burns (09:53):
Hold your question, Zillion. Oh, Oh, thank
you. So we, so the way thisworks again is you're all
recruits. You are not officialmembers.
Joe Diametti (10:02):
Well, we're not all
Isaac Allen Burns (10:03):
Kidd, was I talking to you?
Joe Diametti (10:04):
No.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:04):
Okay. So as you you 3 are standing here,
you're all recruits. As you'rewell aware, you have to be
recommended by a senior memberof the Adventuring Guild for you
to become a junior member of theguild. And once you become a
junior member of the guild, youcan work your way around the
(10:25):
country or still within thiscountry. You have your pick of
where you wanna go to work in aguild elsewhere.
You can work in any othercountry, not just this one. You
need recommendations from 3other branches before you can
become a senior. That beingsaid, your test today is, keep
(10:45):
you nice and, easy. So, the jobthat you will be doing today is
have a are you writing notes,little one?
Rowan Collins (11:01):
Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:01):
Are you putting notes?
Rowan Collins (11:03):
Yeah. I wanna make sure that I'm all ready for
the test if we have a test. Arewe gonna have a test?
Isaac Allen Burns (11:09):
Alright.
Rowan Collins (11:11):
I'm ready if we have a test.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:13):
So alright. You know what? That's okay. You
can keep writing for now.
Rowan Collins (11:18):
Oh, jang. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:20):
You're gonna be going to Hitchens Farm out on
the eastern side of the town.They have been reporting that
some of their turnips have beenabsconded with. As you know,
Hitchens is the only turnip farmhere.
Rowan Collins (11:34):
They're nice people. They are.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:38):
He stares he stares at you. Sorry. They're
the only turnip farm in town.And as you know, the Apple
Festival is coming up, so it'svery important that they have
their turnips. So this is a jobyou're gonna get to get done
today.
So this is a COB situation. Forthose who don't know, that
(11:59):
stands for close of business.Business closes here at
approximately 7 PM. If youhaven't done it by 7 PM, job
done until you're done.
Joe Diametti (12:13):
I lean over to crank. I'm like, were you
listening?
Annie Hawthorne (12:17):
Yes. I recorded everything that he said.
Joe Diametti (12:19):
Perfect. We got it, boss. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:22):
Any questions? Little little one.
What is your name again?
Rowan Collins (12:25):
Oh, pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:26):
Alright. This what, what was your questions?
Rowan Collins (12:30):
It's pistachio. But so we've got something with
the turnip barb, that wasobstructed with and it's Is
Isaac Allen Burns (12:37):
this a question or you're just
repeating back what
Rowan Collins (12:39):
it's saying? But yeah. Is this is this a vague
mission of some sort or is thisjust for like?
Isaac Allen Burns (12:46):
Standard dues for recruits is, one handful of
payment upon completion of thejob.
Rowan Collins (12:53):
Is the handful by handful or your pimple? Or can
it be Craig's handful?
Isaac Allen Burns (12:58):
Luckily for you, kid
Joe Diametti (12:59):
My hands are also pretty big.
Rowan Collins (13:01):
Yeah. Your hands are pretty big. Okay. Their
proportion We don't need
Isaac Allen Burns (13:05):
to stand around and measure hand sizes. A
handful, as we know, is a baseunit of measurement here in
dagger art. Stepping out. Hi. GMIsaac Allen Burns here.
In dagger hearts, money ishandled a little differently.
You might be familiar with gold.And while there are little gold
pieces, in this one, actually,measurements of money are made
(13:29):
in more descriptive ways, thelowest of which being a handful.
Back to the story. Alright.
Does that answer your question?Me, Cyrus, the one talking now.
Rowan Collins (13:38):
Oh. Oh, yeah. I was gonna ask what your date
was.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:41):
Name's Cyrus.
Rowan Collins (13:42):
Okay. Cool.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:43):
I'm the receptionist.
Rowan Collins (13:44):
Oh, you're the
Isaac Allen Burns (13:45):
And owner of I'm the owner of this building.
I'm the receptionist of theadventure guild.
Rowan Collins (13:49):
Are you our boss, or is Cappy our boss?
Isaac Allen Burns (13:52):
So I
Rowan Collins (13:53):
think you said Cappy was your group, but Cappy
said that they were early.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:56):
Alright. As an adventurer, you kinda your
boss is the client you'reworking for at the time. So
don't let Cappy convince youthat he's your boss. In this
case, your boss is FarmerHitchens.
Joe Diametti (14:11):
Did we hear what the job
Rowan Collins (14:13):
Yeah. I
Joe Diametti (14:14):
know there was turnips. We're going to the
farm.
Rowan Collins (14:15):
We're going to the turnip farm, but they've
been been ex sconded with theirturnips.
Joe Diametti (14:19):
Mhmm. Ex sconded.
Rowan Collins (14:20):
Absconded. Yeah. It I can
Joe Diametti (14:23):
use it.
Annie Hawthorne (14:23):
They're disappearing.
Joe Diametti (14:24):
Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I was testing you
recruits. You already passed.
Rowan Collins (14:28):
Oh, fantastic.
Joe Diametti (14:29):
In no strikes. Oh, great job.
Rowan Collins (14:31):
Up in the world. But, yeah. So they got, their
turnips got stolen, and our jobis to go and find them.
Joe Diametti (14:37):
Fantastic.
Rowan Collins (14:38):
And we have to do it by close of business, which
is 7 PM and or whenever wefinish so we could be here until
midnight.
Joe Diametti (14:47):
Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:49):
Well I'm
Rowan Collins (14:49):
gonna be honest. I get
a little weird past 10 PM.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:54):
You're a kid.
Rowan Collins (14:55):
I need my beauty sleep. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (14:57):
We're not gonna be here past 7.
Rowan Collins (14:58):
Okay. K. Well, I hope not. Because, again, I get
a little weird past 10.
Joe Diametti (15:03):
Yeah. I'd hate to see you weird.
Rowan Collins (15:06):
It's not very good. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:07):
Well, if there's no more questions, he
motions his hand forward. Is itto say, onwards, adventurers.
Rowan Collins (15:18):
Oh my god. This is our first one. This is our
first this is our firstadventure, Craig. Are you
excited?
Annie Hawthorne (15:25):
Yes. I'm excited to go find where those
turnips went.
Rowan Collins (15:28):
Fantastic. The keep of the turnips. I wonder
when they'll turn up.
Joe Diametti (15:34):
Oh, okay. So I I gestured them out the door. And
as I do, I turn around to Cyrus,and I'm like, how is it the same
turn up mission every year?Every year. Come up with some
new missions, man.
And I
Isaac Allen Burns (15:46):
just you, you see Cyrus just shrug and say, so
what comes in?
Joe Diametti (15:52):
Yeah. Yeah.
Rowan Collins (15:53):
So are you a wizard, Craig? Because I'm with
the hats for
Annie Hawthorne (15:57):
I'm going to be a wizard one day.
Rowan Collins (15:59):
Oh, you're going to be a wizard. That's cool.
Joe Diametti (16:01):
Aren't you a clink? Yes. But Clinks can't do
magic. They're made of magic.
Isaac Allen Burns (16:06):
This conversation occurs as you're
closing the door. Can I havecrank? Can I have you make an
instinct check for me? In thiscase, once again, Annie, you're
gonna take 2 d twelves, assign 1to be the hope, 1 to be the
fear, and add your instinctmodifier to the total of the
roll. And tell me if it's withhope or fear.
Annie Hawthorne (16:27):
13 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (16:29):
Oh. You know, a mechanic that occurs with the
hope and fear method that wehave here is that whenever the
players roll, if they roll ahope, they gain a resource that
is called a hope. In fact, hopecan be used in a couple of ways,
mostly around player mechanics.However, on the flip side of
(16:50):
that coin is fear. And wheneverthe players roll with fear, a
couple possible things canhappen.
What is known as a GM move couldoccur. And, typically, a GM move
pushes the story forward orunexpected things happen or
something else comes around. Oras the GM, I can choose to
simply bank that fear and use itlater to perhaps interrupt
(17:13):
something with an intensemoment. In this moment, however,
you said a 13 with fear. That ishigh enough that you notice
Cyrus looking at you in adifferent way than a lot of
people have looked at you,Frank.
Most of the time when peoplelook at you, it is of a sort of
surprise. I like seeing a brandnew thing. Right? Like Like,
(17:37):
seeing an animal you've neverreally seen before. Most people
here haven't seen an assembledman walking around 7 foot 2.
Boy, Cyrus is looking at you,however, is one of recognition.
The curiosity that goes over hisface is not one of seeing
something for the first time. Itis of seeing something that
(17:58):
shouldn't be here. Nevertheless,you notice that look kinda looks
at you, but does not seem to acton it and instead nods a little
bit, and the door closes. Youall continue on.
Rowan Collins (18:16):
So are you familiar with the Hitchin'
Farber? The Hitches' Farber's?
Joe Diametti (18:20):
The turnip farm?
Rowan Collins (18:20):
Yeah. The turnip farm. The hedges.
Joe Diametti (18:22):
I'm there, like, every 4 months.
Rowan Collins (18:24):
Okay. Alright. I don't know the passing because,
you know, all of us small farmshave to keep together.
Joe Diametti (18:30):
Yeah. Yeah. This is gonna be a no problem. We're
gonna be in and out 15 minutes.Two handfuls.
Yeah. Two handfuls say they'rein the shed again.
Rowan Collins (18:40):
Oh, they're in the shed?
Joe Diametti (18:42):
Mhmm. The turnips.
Rowan Collins (18:43):
Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah. Farmer
Hitchett has a little bit of amemory problem. I think it's
because he's not getting goodoff, vitamin c Mhmm. Because he
tries to not eat apples becausethey compete with his turnip
farms.
So
Isaac Allen Burns (18:59):
A lot of people just not eating their
competitors' food.
Rowan Collins (19:02):
Well, it's just the farmers, you know. We kinda,
you know well, I like to eat theapples. That's kinda how I got.
Well, I look like this.
Joe Diametti (19:13):
Yeah. I'm gonna say they're in the shed.
Rowan Collins (19:15):
Come on. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns (19:17):
Down the street, you all go walking
through the roads of BrackenRoad until you reach the eastern
edge of the city. City? Whatcity? This is a town. You reach
the eastern part of the townuntil the roads go from loose
cobblestone to simple gravel andeventually to dirt.
And soon, on the far easternside, far away from the orchards
(19:39):
of the apples, you see a modestlittle farm. A farmhouse
standing 2 stories tall with ashed next to it about equally
sized. There's Hitchens Farm.You can definitely tell because
there's a sign outside on asignpost that says, Hitchens
Farm. The Hitchens is spelledexactly how you would expect it.
(20:01):
Nevertheless, you go up to thedoor, and after a couple knocks,
a man stands before you. This isan old dwarf. His beard long and
unkempt. His head bald as theday he was born, and much, much
less hair than the rest of hisface. He stands there, looks at
you, and blinks a couple times.
(20:21):
And then, squints at Pistachioand says, do I recognize you?
Rowan Collins (20:26):
Oh, yeah. Hi, Farber Hitchens. It's me. It's
Pistachio. I'm here with theadventuring guild.
This is Cappy, my boss, andCrank, who will be your best
friend.
Joe Diametti (20:36):
My name is Melville Hitchens. Melville, you
know me. Do I know you? Yeah.You know Pistachio?
Yeah. I'm here every 2 months tofind your turn. Turn.
Isaac Allen Burns (20:46):
Oh, wait. I do know you, Scott. Your your
brother came to help me outmultiple times back in the day.
Rowan Collins (20:53):
Wally. Yeah. Wally.
Isaac Allen Burns (20:55):
Wally is a strong strong boy. Yeah. Wally
is. It's scary.
Joe Diametti (20:59):
Just fuming in the background. Yeah.
Rowan Collins (21:00):
Well, the cube yeah. Well, he's pretty strong.
Not as strong as Cappy here,Craig.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:05):
A few of our guys who recognize anyway, you
came here last year.
Joe Diametti (21:09):
Yeah. And three times since.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:11):
Oh, I don't know about that. But, yeah. And
then
Annie Hawthorne (21:15):
we've never met before. I'm crank.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:17):
Oh, that's good to know. Okay. I didn't
remember you, so you're tall.
Joe Diametti (21:22):
This is good. Well, why don't you just follow
me on here? Average. I would itaverage.
Annie Hawthorne (21:27):
Well, the hat adds a good 8 inches. So
Rowan Collins (21:29):
Yeah. Those hats are like stilettos for your
head.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:33):
He, puts a you know, he is a farmer, but
he's also a dwarf, so he'sshorter than you, sir. He
reaches a hand up as high as hecan, touches your elbow, and
says, there there, Cappy. Noneed to measure anything.
Rowan Collins (21:44):
Go on.
Joe Diametti (21:44):
Now you remember where's are we here? There's
missing
Isaac Allen Burns (21:47):
turnips? Yeah. You just gotta follow me
for a sec. Follow me. And hewalks very slowly out to the
back of the farm.
Joe Diametti (21:52):
Cappy is doing that thing, like, behind, like,
grocery carts where it's tooslow and, like, he's just, like,
grabbing at his face and, like,pulling it down. Cappy is
impatient.
Rowan Collins (22:03):
Pistachio, knowing that this is how the
farmer is, just waits and thenwalks for it
a little bit, and then waits,
and then walks for it a little bit, and then
waits.
Oh, it's a beautiful day, don't you, Flake?
It's like Yes.
Annie Hawthorne (22:17):
It it is a good day. It's a not a cloud in the
sky. Pistachio, I have aquestion. Sure. Is a turnip
food?
Rowan Collins (22:25):
Turnip is a food. It's a root vegetable, and they
grow in the ground, and they area very good source of vitamin b.
Annie Hawthorne (22:34):
Do they taste like apples?
Rowan Collins (22:36):
No. Not at all. They're crunchy. That's about
the same. That's all they got.
Have you never had a well, I
I guess you wouldn't have a dog.
Eat. Wow.
Annie Hawthorne (22:46):
I've never tasted food. I I don't have a
sense of taste.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:50):
Well, here we are at the back of the town.
It's back of this farm. And asyou get there, you notice
something strange, Cappy. It's alittle different than you've
seen before. For starters, theturnips aren't actually missing.
The turnips are actually rightin front of you. It's just that
they've been eaten. Now simpleroots and stems are all that's
(23:12):
left of the turnips. Some of theturnips, you notice, have just
big bite marks taken out ofthem. And as you look to the
back towards the fence, you seethat the fence is not standing
up straight, but in fact, hasbeen somewhat broken.
A gap large enough for all ofcrank to step through is in the
fence.
Annie Hawthorne (23:32):
I go and stand in the gap, and I look at it
thoughtfully.
Joe Diametti (23:36):
I stand I I push myself past Craig to also stand
arms akimbo to assert mydominance.
Isaac Allen Burns (23:46):
Like, 2 men like, 2 men staring at an open
hood of a car not knowing whatto do.
Rowan Collins (23:51):
Pistachio is gonna look down at the little
bite marks that are on thereand, like, the, and kinda, like,
look at the plant and see, like,in their brain, like, about what
kind of size this animal is. Andare there any, like, not
completely destroyed turnips?
Isaac Allen Burns (24:11):
There are a couple with only, surprisingly,
a few bites taken out of it.
Rowan Collins (24:15):
Alright. I would like to use an ability of my
domain called nature's tongue,where, I can speak the language
of hidden natural world. So whenI want to speak to the plants
and animals, I have to make aninstinct roll. And, on a
success, they will talk to meand give me the information that
(24:36):
I know with the fear, theirknowledge comes as a cost.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:39):
This is fantastic. Go ahead and roll
that dice.
Rowan Collins (24:42):
Alright.
Annie Hawthorne (24:45):
While this is happening, Crank is gonna pick
up a turnip that has had a bitetaken out of it. And he's gonna
look at it, and he's gonna, rubit on his chest. Like, he's seen
people eat apples. And he's he'sjust gonna, like, pop it into
his chest cavity just for later.
Joe Diametti (25:03):
Yeah. And then he looks over and he sees Cappy
just, like, staring up at him.Like, what's your deal?
Annie Hawthorne (25:08):
People like food.
Rowan Collins (25:10):
I failed. But so, Pistachio rolled a 7. They were
rolling trying to roll a 12. Sothey've got, like, a turnip in
their arms,
and they're like, hey, little guy. What's going on
there? Are you okay? Whathappened to you? Can you tell me
anything?
Joe Diametti (25:25):
Oh, god. We're just talking to the vet So
Isaac Allen Burns (25:26):
what's really fun about mechanics is that
oftentimes a failure is notbecause the thing couldn't
happen, but instead, in thiscase, it was a failure with
fear. Right?
Rowan Collins (25:36):
Hope. With hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (25:37):
Oh, okay. With hope. So that means
obviously, it doesn't work, butit's not terrible. Nothing
really bad happens. This magicthat you use, this sort of
connection to the natural willgoes through.
You're holding this turnip thatonce again, just for
descriptor's sake, has a bitetaken out of it. And, as it
connects, the only thing thatyou hear is, oh, my god. Oh, I'm
(26:04):
so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh,
Rowan Collins (26:09):
yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Like Sued
Isaac Allen Burns (26:22):
the voice quiets.
Rowan Collins (26:24):
Yeah. Pistachio just has tears coming out of its
their face because they had toput this thing out of its misery
by eating it.
Annie Hawthorne (26:31):
Krenka is simultaneously horrified and
fascinated.
Joe Diametti (26:36):
Yeah. Kathy's never seen
Annie Hawthorne (26:37):
Do all vegetables talk? Is that magic?
Joe Diametti (26:40):
I I I I don't know what's going on here.
Rowan Collins (26:43):
Oh. I will try another one.
Joe Diametti (26:46):
Is this, like, after 10 PM, pistachio?
Rowan Collins (26:48):
Oh, no. I can talk to plants and animals.
That's a thing that I can do.
Annie Hawthorne (26:53):
Is that magic?
Rowan Collins (26:53):
It is magic.
Annie Hawthorne (26:54):
Can you teach me magic?
Rowan Collins (26:56):
I don't know if I can teach you this. I'm kinda,
like, new, but I can show youwhat I do. Look. I'm just gonna
oh, wow.
And this time, I rolled 17, which is a pass with
hope on one of the turnips.
Joe Diametti (27:12):
With hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:14):
This turnip has only had a little bite taken
out of it, and it says,
Rowan Collins (27:19):
ow. Hello? Are you
Isaac Allen Burns (27:21):
Oh, who's there?
Rowan Collins (27:22):
Oh, hi. I'm pistachio. I'm not a plant, but
I am a person that could helpyou. Can you help us figure out
what happened with you?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:30):
We can help you. I've I've been bit a little
bit.
Rowan Collins (27:34):
Oh, wow. Can you tell me by what and what
picture?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:38):
You know, that's a great question. Does I
would turn up my knowledge ofthe world. It's somewhat
limited.
Rowan Collins (27:45):
Oh, crap.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:45):
But I can tell you what happened to me.
Rowan Collins (27:48):
Oh, yeah. Okay. What
Isaac Allen Burns (27:49):
happened? Sordid tail.
Rowan Collins (27:51):
A sordid tail?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:52):
I was in the I was in the ground. Oh. I was
in mother Earth's embrace.
Rowan Collins (27:57):
Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:58):
I was so warm and comfy.
Joe Diametti (28:00):
This is so sexual.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:03):
I was just so protected.
Rowan Collins (28:06):
Uh-huh.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:06):
And next thing I know, I hear rumbling.
Rumbling so hard. Eventually, Igot
Joe Diametti (28:13):
Am I supposed to be turning up?
Rowan Collins (28:15):
Out of
Isaac Allen Burns (28:16):
the ground. Someone grabbed onto me and
yanked me so hard out of theground. And there was this
creature I'd never seen before.It was, like, long and veiny and
green.
Rowan Collins (28:30):
And green. Long and green.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:32):
With a big wide head.
Joe Diametti (28:34):
Has had there been any language until this point?
Because I think we were a familyfriendly podcast. I saw
Rowan Collins (28:40):
it. I mean,
Joe Diametti (28:41):
I'm glad this is how we're breaking the seal, but
I just something I've noticed,you know.
Rowan Collins (28:47):
Oh, good. So you said it was Just
Joe Diametti (28:48):
crossed my leg.
Rowan Collins (28:49):
And baby and green.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:56):
Big teeth.
Rowan Collins (28:57):
Big teeth?
Isaac Allen Burns (28:57):
They took a nibble out of me.
Rowan Collins (28:59):
Oh, wow.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:00):
And I moaned real loud.
Rowan Collins (29:02):
Oh, I do that too.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:03):
I whimpered. Uh-huh. And then it doesn't
wanna eat the alarm for somereason.
Rowan Collins (29:08):
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:11):
And it ran off past that gate over there.
Rowan Collins (29:14):
Okay. So big and veiny and greed. Does anybody
know what a big and veiny andwide and greed thing is that
likes to bite?
Joe Diametti (29:22):
Pistachio. What? There's older people here.
Rowan Collins (29:25):
Oh, is You you
Isaac Allen Burns (29:27):
think I ain't ever seen a dick before, kid?
You ain't I think I've neverseen ogre dick before.
Rowan Collins (29:34):
Ogre? Dick?
Isaac Allen Burns (29:37):
The kid's too young.
Joe Diametti (29:38):
Yeah. The kids too young. Many days. They had to
bring a permission slip to jointhe adventurers guild.
Rowan Collins (29:43):
I didn't have to break a permission slip by sides
for myself. But it's not a dick.It has mouth on it. I don't know
what a dick looks like. I have abrother.
Annie Hawthorne (29:54):
Wait. I'm sorry. What is a dick?
Rowan Collins (29:59):
A dick is
Isaac Allen Burns (30:01):
well Yes.
Joe Diametti (30:02):
Explain because of how you know your brother.
Rowan Collins (30:05):
Well, so beaks that are made out of flesh
occasionally have differentgenitalia. And, those and some
of them are idiots and some ofthem are owties. My sister has
(30:32):
an idiot. My brother has anidiot. I will not reveal what I
have.
Joe Diametti (30:40):
I don't have, any instinct, but could I look
around for something?
Isaac Allen Burns (30:46):
You know, this, do me a knowledge role.
Joe Diametti (30:49):
Oh, my knowledge is minus 1. That's why I was
trying to go with the instinct.
Isaac Allen Burns (30:54):
It's sort of like a survival thing. You're
trying to look for signs, andthe signs are there. You just
don't understand what they mean.Okay.
Joe Diametti (31:02):
I need to decide which one's in the That
Isaac Allen Burns (31:03):
was the turn I'm talking, actually. Let me
try that again. Okay. You know,this is a knowledge check
because as you're lookingaround, the signs are there. You
can see them.
Cappy sees them. Yeah. But doesCappy have the know how to put
those things together?
Joe Diametti (31:15):
His yeah. He doesn't have knowledge. He was
very bad at school. And despitethe amount of books in the
adventures guild, he's neverread one. So that's why I put
minus 1 for now.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:23):
Cappy's never read a book. Cappy's that guy
who, like, has never read a bookand wanna brag about it. Oof.
Joe Diametti (31:30):
That's a 6 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:32):
Oh, 6 with hope. Can't be you're looking
around. Whatever was here,right, wasn't really a success.
So you don't really gain much.But what's obvious to you, even
without knowing a whole lot, isthat whatever was here was big
enough to eat a turnip.
Joe Diametti (31:49):
Yeah. I very confidently strut a few steps
out, and I go, guys, whatever'shere was clearly big enough to
eat a turnip.
Rowan Collins (31:58):
Oh, that's correct. Would you like me to
assume a form of which I couldtrack better?
Joe Diametti (32:08):
You can change forms for Stashu.
Annie Hawthorne (32:11):
Yeah. Wait. Is that magic?
Rowan Collins (32:13):
That's also magic. No. I don't know.
Annie Hawthorne (32:15):
Where did you learn it?
Rowan Collins (32:16):
Well, it was an accident,
Annie Hawthorne (32:18):
I think. An accident?
Rowan Collins (32:20):
Yeah. I
Annie Hawthorne (32:20):
wouldn't have an accident.
Rowan Collins (32:22):
Well
Joe Diametti (32:23):
Sounds like maybe pistachio should have the magic
hat.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:25):
Hey. Just turn 500. You'll have an
accident.
Annie Hawthorne (32:28):
Is that a very important
Rowan Collins (32:30):
thing to us?
Isaac Allen Burns (32:31):
Me, the farmer. The old dwarf farmer
said that.
Joe Diametti (32:33):
Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:37):
You know, it's tough. You gotta figure out
how to, like, introduce
Rowan Collins (32:40):
how
Isaac Allen Burns (32:40):
what a character
Joe Diametti (32:41):
is talking to. But,
Rowan Collins (32:44):
yeah, I could, I could turn it.
Joe Diametti (32:46):
Alright. Yeah. Let's see. I wanna see a, a
killer instinct animal. I wannasee someone that can smell out
any situation, be able to trackdown danger in a moment's
notice.
Rowan Collins (32:58):
Okay. Okay? Alright.
Joe Diametti (32:59):
You got this?
Rowan Collins (33:00):
Okay. I got it.
I will mark stress, to become, a dodo.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:08):
That's right, everybody. In Daggerheart, not
only do you have to deal withhealth points, you also have
stress points that indicate themental strain that's on your
character. Reaching maximumstress will not kill you, but
any additional stress you haveto take will go to your HP. And
if you run out of HP, somethingelse happens. But nevertheless,
Rowan, why don't you describethis dodo for us?
Rowan Collins (33:32):
So, this dodo, I don't know, is a very, a very
cute little dodo. They're alittle, round, which is very
fitting for a pistachio. They'reabout, like, if you were, I
don't know, a 5 foot 2, person,they're about, like, hip height
for you. They're kinda big forbeing a bird.
(33:53):
Oh, so
And they've got these big, like, dopey looking
eyes and a giant, like, almostflamingo type beak, and, are
definitely not supposed to be,like, sniffing animals, but dodo
poor poor pistachio definitelythinks that they are. So here
(34:14):
comes Pistachio, which this dodododos are typically gray. This
one keeps the, like, red kinda,like, curly pattern to the fur,
and the bright green eyes as,they turn into this little dodo.
Joe Diametti (34:28):
Cappy's just like, you gotta be kidding me. These
recruits get worse every year.
Isaac Allen Burns (34:32):
Squawk. I just rolled to see how surprised
the farmer was going to be, andthe farmer rolled a 5 for
surprise. And so his eyes gowide, and he gasped, and he
says, oh my god. What's that?Get away from me.
Yeah. I got and he takes off.It's yelling at me. And the
farmer runs faster than you'veever seen an old man run before.
Joe Diametti (34:52):
Can we understand the squawk or is it just squawk?
Isaac Allen Burns (34:55):
I'll leave it up to y'all. Do you understand
the squawk?
Joe Diametti (34:58):
Do we under well, I'll leave it up to pistachio.
Rowan Collins (35:01):
Do do do.
Joe Diametti (35:01):
Listen, I I do wanna call out that if you don't
let us talk to your animalforms, this is gonna cause a lot
of barriers.
Rowan Collins (35:10):
Yeah. No. You could talk. So, pistachio goes,
yeah. Well, I'll
I'll I'll don't know now. This is my favorite I
(35:32):
can track this way, and it'sgoing that way.
Joe Diametti (35:36):
Yeah. Look at you. You are, and I can't stress this
enough, adorable. However,Crank, you got any, information
on dodos in that metal brainears?
Annie Hawthorne (35:47):
I will pull up whatever I've ever read about
dodos and just start spoutingWikipedia.
Joe Diametti (35:51):
Perfect. I'd love for you to get to the point
about how many are still around.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:55):
Roll a knowledge check on dodos.
Joe Diametti (35:57):
Oh, what's your knowledge? 0.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:59):
Oh, it's a flat check. Let's see. Trying to
beat an 8. Almost a crit,though.
Joe Diametti (36:04):
Cool. And
Annie Hawthorne (36:04):
that is going to be 19 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (36:08):
Oh my god. With fear. Oh, no. I'll tell you
exactly what comes up. It's thewhole Wikipedia page for dodos,
and you're reading about dodos.
And dodos are kindaunremarkable. You read the dodos
in a long, far off land, Reallyfar from here. Not actually that
far on a map, but, used to bereally big in a country called
(36:31):
Justain, which is, just over themountains here. A lot of dodos
around. They were actuallyhunted to a full extinction.
And that's the sad thing thatyou learn is that all the dodos
are actually dead.
Joe Diametti (36:40):
And Cappy's basically just queuing that up.
He's basically he's like,alright. And crank, could you
list off where, dodos are now?
Annie Hawthorne (36:47):
According to the data, there are exactly 0
dodos alive today.
Joe Diametti (36:51):
You hear that? So how did you little pistachio
become a dodo?
Rowan Collins (36:58):
I imagined it.
Joe Diametti (36:59):
You imagined?
Rowan Collins (37:00):
Yeah. I saw a book, and I was like, I would
like to be a brave thing.They're really brave. Anyway,
I'm a dodo.
Joe Diametti (37:08):
Oh, you sweet summer apple.
Rowan Collins (37:09):
Oh, I don't I'm a nut.
Annie Hawthorne (37:14):
Apparently, the last dodo was so brave that it
fell onto a hole and died tryingto get the last melon.
Rowan Collins (37:20):
That is a true fact about the dodos. That is
Joe Diametti (37:23):
I love that.
Rowan Collins (37:24):
They were so they were so brave. They literally
walked up to people with guns infront of them. What? Yeah. They
they they died.
Joe Diametti (37:32):
Sorry. I was out of character though.
Rowan Collins (37:33):
That was
Isaac Allen Burns (37:34):
that was just that
Joe Diametti (37:34):
was just Joe.
Rowan Collins (37:35):
That is legitimately how they got hunted
to extinction.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:39):
That's right, you guys. Guns are now canon in
this world.
Joe Diametti (37:42):
And dodo extinction.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:43):
And dodo extinction.
Rowan Collins (37:45):
But, anyway, the pistachio is now running towards
like, puts their little beak onthe ground and does a big, and
then
Annie Hawthorne (37:56):
it starts taking off. Can I see if I can
sense this thing?
Isaac Allen Burns (38:00):
Yeah. Are you using a specific ability?
Rowan Collins (38:02):
I'm using, perceive, which is instinct.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:05):
Oh, very good. Okay. Roll an instinct
check. Once again Oh,
Rowan Collins (38:09):
it's out of the box, but doesn't matter. That is
an 18 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:17):
Oh my goodness. An 18 with fear.
That's incredible. Miraculously,you watch as this dodo puts its
beak against the ground and,like a hound dog, starts
sniffing the ground andfollowing a path. Pistachio, you
pick up a scent.
It smells like that turnip youheld earlier and that turnip you
(38:37):
ate, and it kinda smells likelike brackish water that's been
sticking around too long, likestagnant brackish water. It's
very easy to pick up. All of youwatch as your dodo friend knows
on the ground, takes you deeperand deeper into the woods off to
the eastern side of town. And Ithink that's where we're gonna
(38:58):
end this session of dodo born,you guys, Before we can see
what's in the woods, what isyour dodo friend find?
Annie Hawthorne (39:06):
We're all gonna get murdered.
Rowan Collins (39:08):
I know. I specifically am gonna get
murdered.
Isaac Allen Burns (39:12):
Oh, what could be out there, you guys?
Any guesses? Well, you'll haveto tune in to find out. So tune
in to find out next week onanother episode of DodoBorne!
See you later.
Hey. Good morning, everybody. It's me,
your GM, Isaac Allen Burns. AndI'm here today to bring to you a
steaming hot plate of a podcastcalled DodoBorne! With me
around the table, my sous chef'sto my left.
I have one Annie Hawthorneplaying Crank. Sorry. I
interrupted. Go on. Very good.
(01:30):
Alright. And across the tablefrom Annie, we've got 1, Joe
Diametti Squawk. Playing Kapi, aFirbolg. Double squawk. And then
across the table from Joe, wehave Rowan Collins playing our
favorite soft boy fawn.
Rowan Collins (01:47):
Squawk chef.
Joe Diametti (01:49):
That's actually squawk chef.
Rowan Collins (01:50):
Squawk chef.
Isaac Allen Burns (01:52):
Thank you. Thank you. At ease soldiers.
Rowan Collins (01:55):
Squawk.
Isaac Allen Burns (01:56):
Well, last time that we all met in the
kitchen here for DodoBorn, the 3of you started your day, a day
kinda like any other. However,this day was a little special as
the 3 of you were about to starta new chapter of your lives.
Well, 2 of you are about tostart a new chapter of your
lives at the Adventuring Guildof a little town called Bracken
(02:19):
Road, a place known for appleorchards and not much else. We
met our heroes and our heroeshad normal everyday interactions
with people that they know aboutand care about and love. And I
think we left off with Crank.
You were stepping into theadventures guilds In this room,
(02:40):
just to describe the place, thisis a somewhat small office room
as you can imagine. There's anopen foyer that you step into.
And to the right are a couple ofpin boards where certain jobs
and announcements are shown forthe Adventures Guild. Most of
them small odd jobs for peopleto complete, some of them
announcements from the variousbranches of the guild. But at
(03:02):
the very front is a desk.
Behind the desk is a man withsuch red hair. And when I say
red hair, I mean RGB set to 255red and 0, all the rest of it,
kinda red hair. Just a shockingred, capital r hair. He is
standing behind the bar, andbehind him, you see a little
(03:24):
phone because they have phonesin this world. It is, you know,
back in the day when you had aphone attached to your wall,
what is a cell phone?
We only have home phones here.You also know that that phone
connects to 2 places, connectsto the main branch over in the
capital, and it also connects tothe mayor's office. This is not
a very advanced thing, buttechnology is on the rise here,
(03:46):
you guys. That's something Ishould point out as Altea is
currently in the midst of atechnological revolution. But
Bracken Road's not in the middleof that because Bracken Road's
in the middle of nowhere.
There is also a bunch of littlebooks and folders behind there
that, you think the guy behindthe desk has not looked at in
many years. He stands there,somewhat sleepy eyed, little
(04:07):
dreary, smelling very stark ofold alcohol, but, puts on his
best of a smile as he can andlooks over to the man next to
him and says, Ken, you know thedrill. Why don't you, take the
new recruits?
Joe Diametti (04:23):
Yes, sir.
Isaac Allen Burns (04:24):
I'll look for the job that someone sent in.
Joe Diametti (04:26):
Fantastic. Cadets, you're late.
Rowan Collins (04:29):
Oh, sorry. Pistachio Lake will just salute
you and stand very rigidly.
Joe Diametti (04:36):
This is the kind of attitude I like. Look at you,
big guy.
Annie Hawthorne (04:38):
Yeah. Crank is very military, very orderly. He
knows how to do this.
Joe Diametti (04:44):
Yeah. Yeah. You weren't. You weren't late. I was
just testing you, So you alreadyfailed, but that's okay.
Rowan Collins (04:50):
Oh, no. I failed.
Joe Diametti (04:51):
First order of business, I assume you brought
your dues.
Rowan Collins (04:54):
Oh, well, I was told that my parents already
paid ahead of time.
Joe Diametti (04:59):
Can't trust parents, I'm afraid. Strike 1.
What about you? Anything up inthat hat?
Annie Hawthorne (05:05):
Crank will I don't keep anything in my hat.
And Crank will, kind of turn aknob and, like, open his chest.
And then his chest is kinda likea locker, you know, where he
keeps all his stuff. And he'llpull out however much an exact
change
Joe Diametti (05:21):
Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne (05:22):
The dues are and close and hand you the
Joe Diametti (05:25):
Yeah. Kathy definitely just takes it.
Annie Hawthorne (05:27):
Oh.
Joe Diametti (05:28):
That's strike 2.
Rowan Collins (05:29):
I oh, no. I I I could I could just phone home,
and they didn't give me enoughfor the dues.
Joe Diametti (05:34):
We'll make it up eventually. I'm sure. Oh, look
at you. You poor sweet appleflower you. Oh, my god.
How look at you. You justwonder, are you working here?
Rowan Collins (05:44):
Yeah. I'm working here as of today.
Joe Diametti (05:47):
That's and did you bring, like, a parent's waiver
or I'm just
Rowan Collins (05:51):
I'm I'm old enough to work.
Joe Diametti (05:53):
Oh, my goodness.
Rowan Collins (05:54):
I'm old enough to work.
Joe Diametti (05:56):
You are adorable. Yeah. Look at you. Nothing but
your little bag and a song inyour heart.
Rowan Collins (06:03):
Yeah.
Joe Diametti (06:04):
Fantastic.
Rowan Collins (06:05):
And I like after your every word because you look
really, really cool.
Joe Diametti (06:10):
You know what? You're back to the strike one. I
like your attitude, kid.
Rowan Collins (06:13):
The strike. This is so great. Couple of get me
far.
Joe Diametti (06:20):
Yeah. What's your name?
Rowan Collins (06:21):
Oh, I'm pistachio.
Joe Diametti (06:22):
Oh, of course you are.
Rowan Collins (06:24):
Oh, I'm with the droop family. We're the nut
farmers.
Joe Diametti (06:28):
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What about you, big
guy?
Annie Hawthorne (06:32):
My name is Crank.
Joe Diametti (06:33):
Hi, Crank. What's your story?
Annie Hawthorne (06:36):
I wanna become a wizard.
Joe Diametti (06:37):
Yeah. You do. I love that for you. So my name is
Cappy. I will be in charge foryour time during the
Adventurers' Guild.
We know why you're here. I knowwhy you're here. Unfortunately
for you, there's a bit of aprocess. Right? You can't just
move up right away.
If you think we're gonna gofight a fire demon on day 2,
(07:01):
we're not.
Rowan Collins (07:01):
Okay. Good. I'm a little worried about that wood.
Joe Diametti (07:05):
If you think we're gonna go on a and I point at
Crank really forcefully. If youthink we're gonna go on a
magical scavenger hunt on day 3,you're wrong.
Annie Hawthorne (07:14):
Oh, is that day 1?
Rowan Collins (07:15):
Oh.
Annie Hawthorne (07:16):
Please say that's day 1.
Joe Diametti (07:18):
Moral of the story. As long as you stick with
me, everything's gonna be fine.
Rowan Collins (07:23):
Oh, cool. So you've got our safety in your in
your, butt in mind.
Joe Diametti (07:27):
Of course, I do. Well, I definitely have cranks.
He paid his dues.
Rowan Collins (07:31):
Oh, but Can I use the phone? I'll make sure that I
No.
Joe Diametti (07:34):
No. No. No. Like like, Cappy is very aware that,
like, your parents already paid.That's fine.
Rowan Collins (07:40):
They didn't give me enough. They give me a lunch,
but I didn't think to bring it.
Joe Diametti (07:44):
What do you have for lunch?
Rowan Collins (07:45):
Oh, I have Do you have? Oh, no. We, we don't have
apple for lunch. It's, very hardto get apple. And also my dad
doesn't like the apple peoplevery much.
Joe Diametti (07:56):
He doesn't like the apple people?
Rowan Collins (07:58):
Well, I like Scarlet. She's really nice. But
Joe Diametti (08:01):
How do you know Scarlet?
Rowan Collins (08:02):
Oh, she works at the bakery, and sometimes she
tutors me.
Joe Diametti (08:05):
She tutors you?
Rowan Collins (08:06):
Yeah. She sometimes tutors me. She tutors
me in speech. That's why
Joe Diametti (08:12):
I'm gonna ask you one more time. Are you old
enough to be here?
Rowan Collins (08:15):
I'm old enough to be here.
Joe Diametti (08:16):
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
Isaac Allen Burns (08:17):
What's Crank doing while this is all
happening? Is Crank just, like,staring watching?
Annie Hawthorne (08:22):
Crank is just watching very he's probably
assuming that something is goingon, doesn't quite know what is
happening.
Rowan Collins (08:29):
Are you made of metal? What kind of metal are
you made out of? Is that an okayquestion to ask?
Annie Hawthorne (08:33):
I don't think anyone's ever asked me that
before.
Rowan Collins (08:35):
Oh, gosh. Well, I've heard that there is more
than 1.
Annie Hawthorne (08:40):
Oh, I I don't I don't know. I think I lost the
manual.
Rowan Collins (08:43):
Oh, was it cool being tall?
Annie Hawthorne (08:48):
Everyone like me is this tall.
Rowan Collins (08:50):
Oh, wow.
Annie Hawthorne (08:51):
So it's it's very different being surrounded
by short people.
Joe Diametti (08:55):
Oh. Yeah. Cappy's just, like, staring daggers
because he's, like, 62. So he'sused to being primarily the tall
one among the town of primarilyFawns that exist here.
Rowan Collins (09:07):
Yeah. All of the Fawns in, Pistachio's family
are, like, 57 and below. SoPistachio is just looking up at
both of these two people, like,wow.
Joe Diametti (09:16):
Scarlet's 57.
Rowan Collins (09:18):
Scarlet is 57. She's pretty tall.
Isaac Allen Burns (09:20):
Yeah. Yeah. I found it. I found it. Cyrus
comes out from behind the barOh.
Behind the desk rather. You seehe limps out. He's, using a cane
as he steps and, has a bit ofpaper. And he stands for the 3
of you and says, alright. So asthe representative of the,
(09:43):
Adventures Guild of BrackenRoad, I'm here to, you know,
blah blah blah blah blah.
Rowan Collins (09:51):
Pistachio The way it work jumps their hand up.
Isaac Allen Burns (09:53):
Hold your question, Zillion. Oh, Oh, thank
you. So we, so the way thisworks again is you're all
recruits. You are not officialmembers.
Joe Diametti (10:02):
Well, we're not all
Isaac Allen Burns (10:03):
Kidd, was I talking to you?
Joe Diametti (10:04):
No.
Isaac Allen Burns (10:04):
Okay. So as you you 3 are standing here,
you're all recruits. As you'rewell aware, you have to be
recommended by a senior memberof the Adventuring Guild for you
to become a junior member of theguild. And once you become a
junior member of the guild, youcan work your way around the
(10:25):
country or still within thiscountry. You have your pick of
where you wanna go to work in aguild elsewhere.
You can work in any othercountry, not just this one. You
need recommendations from 3other branches before you can
become a senior. That beingsaid, your test today is, keep
(10:45):
you nice and, easy. So, the jobthat you will be doing today is
have a are you writing notes,little one?
Rowan Collins (11:01):
Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:01):
Are you putting notes?
Rowan Collins (11:03):
Yeah. I wanna make sure that I'm all ready for
the test if we have a test. Arewe gonna have a test?
Isaac Allen Burns (11:09):
Alright.
Rowan Collins (11:11):
I'm ready if we have a test.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:13):
So alright. You know what? That's okay. You
can keep writing for now.
Rowan Collins (11:18):
Oh, jang. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:20):
You're gonna be going to Hitchens Farm out on
the eastern side of the town.They have been reporting that
some of their turnips have beenabsconded with. As you know,
Hitchens is the only turnip farmhere.
Rowan Collins (11:34):
They're nice people. They are.
Isaac Allen Burns (11:38):
He stares he stares at you. Sorry. They're
the only turnip farm in town.And as you know, the Apple
Festival is coming up, so it'svery important that they have
their turnips. So this is a jobyou're gonna get to get done
today.
So this is a COB situation. Forthose who don't know, that
(11:59):
stands for close of business.Business closes here at
approximately 7 PM. If youhaven't done it by 7 PM, job
done until you're done.
Joe Diametti (12:13):
I lean over to crank. I'm like, were you
listening?
Annie Hawthorne (12:17):
Yes. I recorded everything that he said.
Joe Diametti (12:19):
Perfect. We got it, boss. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:22):
Any questions? Little little one.
What is your name again?
Rowan Collins (12:25):
Oh, pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns (12:26):
Alright. This what, what was your questions?
Rowan Collins (12:30):
It's pistachio. But so we've got something with
the turnip barb, that wasobstructed with and it's Is
Isaac Allen Burns (12:37):
this a question or you're just
repeating back what
Rowan Collins (12:39):
it's saying? But yeah. Is this is this a vague
mission of some sort or is thisjust for like?
Isaac Allen Burns (12:46):
Standard dues for recruits is, one handful of
payment upon completion of thejob.
Rowan Collins (12:53):
Is the handful by handful or your pimple? Or can
it be Craig's handful?
Isaac Allen Burns (12:58):
Luckily for you, kid
Joe Diametti (12:59):
My hands are also pretty big.
Rowan Collins (13:01):
Yeah. Your hands are pretty big. Okay. Their
proportion We don't need
Isaac Allen Burns (13:05):
to stand around and measure hand sizes. A
handful, as we know, is a baseunit of measurement here in
dagger art. Stepping out. Hi. GMIsaac Allen Burns here.
In dagger hearts, money ishandled a little differently.
You might be familiar with gold.And while there are little gold
pieces, in this one, actually,measurements of money are made
(13:29):
in more descriptive ways, thelowest of which being a handful.
Back to the story. Alright.
Does that answer your question?Me, Cyrus, the one talking now.
Rowan Collins (13:38):
Oh. Oh, yeah. I was gonna ask what your date
was.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:41):
Name's Cyrus.
Rowan Collins (13:42):
Okay. Cool.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:43):
I'm the receptionist.
Rowan Collins (13:44):
Oh, you're the
Isaac Allen Burns (13:45):
And owner of I'm the owner of this building.
I'm the receptionist of theadventure guild.
Rowan Collins (13:49):
Are you our boss, or is Cappy our boss?
Isaac Allen Burns (13:52):
So I
Rowan Collins (13:53):
think you said Cappy was your group, but Cappy
said that they were early.
Isaac Allen Burns (13:56):
Alright. As an adventurer, you kinda your
boss is the client you'reworking for at the time. So
don't let Cappy convince youthat he's your boss. In this
case, your boss is FarmerHitchens.
Joe Diametti (14:11):
Did we hear what the job
Rowan Collins (14:13):
Yeah. I
Joe Diametti (14:14):
know there was turnips. We're going to the
farm.
Rowan Collins (14:15):
We're going to the turnip farm, but they've
been been ex sconded with theirturnips.
Joe Diametti (14:19):
Mhmm. Ex sconded.
Rowan Collins (14:20):
Absconded. Yeah. It I can
Joe Diametti (14:23):
use it.
Annie Hawthorne (14:23):
They're disappearing.
Joe Diametti (14:24):
Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I was testing you
recruits. You already passed.
Rowan Collins (14:28):
Oh, fantastic.
Joe Diametti (14:29):
In no strikes. Oh, great job.
Rowan Collins (14:31):
Up in the world. But, yeah. So they got, their
turnips got stolen, and our jobis to go and find them.
Joe Diametti (14:37):
Fantastic.
Rowan Collins (14:38):
And we have to do it by close of business, which
is 7 PM and or whenever wefinish so we could be here until
midnight.
Joe Diametti (14:47):
Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:49):
Well I'm
Rowan Collins (14:49):
gonna be honest. I get
a little weird past 10 PM.
Isaac Allen Burns (14:54):
You're a kid.
Rowan Collins (14:55):
I need my beauty sleep. Yeah.
Joe Diametti (14:57):
We're not gonna be here past 7.
Rowan Collins (14:58):
Okay. K. Well, I hope not. Because, again, I get
a little weird past 10.
Joe Diametti (15:03):
Yeah. I'd hate to see you weird.
Rowan Collins (15:06):
It's not very good. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (15:07):
Well, if there's no more questions, he
motions his hand forward. Is itto say, onwards, adventurers.
Rowan Collins (15:18):
Oh my god. This is our first one. This is our
first this is our firstadventure, Craig. Are you
excited?
Annie Hawthorne (15:25):
Yes. I'm excited to go find where those
turnips went.
Rowan Collins (15:28):
Fantastic. The keep of the turnips. I wonder
when they'll turn up.
Joe Diametti (15:34):
Oh, okay. So I I gestured them out the door. And
as I do, I turn around to Cyrus,and I'm like, how is it the same
turn up mission every year?Every year. Come up with some
new missions, man.
And I
Isaac Allen Burns (15:46):
just you, you see Cyrus just shrug and say, so
what comes in?
Joe Diametti (15:52):
Yeah. Yeah.
Rowan Collins (15:53):
So are you a wizard, Craig? Because I'm with
the hats for
Annie Hawthorne (15:57):
I'm going to be a wizard one day.
Rowan Collins (15:59):
Oh, you're going to be a wizard. That's cool.
Joe Diametti (16:01):
Aren't you a clink? Yes. But Clinks can't do
magic. They're made of magic.
Isaac Allen Burns (16:06):
This conversation occurs as you're
closing the door. Can I havecrank? Can I have you make an
instinct check for me? In thiscase, once again, Annie, you're
gonna take 2 d twelves, assign 1to be the hope, 1 to be the
fear, and add your instinctmodifier to the total of the
roll. And tell me if it's withhope or fear.
Annie Hawthorne (16:27):
13 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (16:29):
Oh. You know, a mechanic that occurs with the
hope and fear method that wehave here is that whenever the
players roll, if they roll ahope, they gain a resource that
is called a hope. In fact, hopecan be used in a couple of ways,
mostly around player mechanics.However, on the flip side of
(16:50):
that coin is fear. And wheneverthe players roll with fear, a
couple possible things canhappen.
What is known as a GM move couldoccur. And, typically, a GM move
pushes the story forward orunexpected things happen or
something else comes around. Oras the GM, I can choose to
simply bank that fear and use itlater to perhaps interrupt
(17:13):
something with an intensemoment. In this moment, however,
you said a 13 with fear. That ishigh enough that you notice
Cyrus looking at you in adifferent way than a lot of
people have looked at you,Frank.
Most of the time when peoplelook at you, it is of a sort of
surprise. I like seeing a brandnew thing. Right? Like Like,
(17:37):
seeing an animal you've neverreally seen before. Most people
here haven't seen an assembledman walking around 7 foot 2.
Boy, Cyrus is looking at you,however, is one of recognition.
The curiosity that goes over hisface is not one of seeing
something for the first time. Itis of seeing something that
(17:58):
shouldn't be here. Nevertheless,you notice that look kinda looks
at you, but does not seem to acton it and instead nods a little
bit, and the door closes. Youall continue on.
Rowan Collins (18:16):
So are you familiar with the Hitchin'
Farber? The Hitches' Farber's?
Joe Diametti (18:20):
The turnip farm?
Rowan Collins (18:20):
Yeah. The turnip farm. The hedges.
Joe Diametti (18:22):
I'm there, like, every 4 months.
Rowan Collins (18:24):
Okay. Alright. I don't know the passing because,
you know, all of us small farmshave to keep together.
Joe Diametti (18:30):
Yeah. Yeah. This is gonna be a no problem. We're
gonna be in and out 15 minutes.Two handfuls.
Yeah. Two handfuls say they'rein the shed again.
Rowan Collins (18:40):
Oh, they're in the shed?
Joe Diametti (18:42):
Mhmm. The turnips.
Rowan Collins (18:43):
Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah. Farmer
Hitchett has a little bit of amemory problem. I think it's
because he's not getting goodoff, vitamin c Mhmm. Because he
tries to not eat apples becausethey compete with his turnip
farms.
So
Isaac Allen Burns (18:59):
A lot of people just not eating their
competitors' food.
Rowan Collins (19:02):
Well, it's just the farmers, you know. We kinda,
you know well, I like to eat theapples. That's kinda how I got.
Well, I look like this.
Joe Diametti (19:13):
Yeah. I'm gonna say they're in the shed.
Rowan Collins (19:15):
Come on. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns (19:17):
Down the street, you all go walking
through the roads of BrackenRoad until you reach the eastern
edge of the city. City? Whatcity? This is a town. You reach
the eastern part of the townuntil the roads go from loose
cobblestone to simple gravel andeventually to dirt.
And soon, on the far easternside, far away from the orchards
(19:39):
of the apples, you see a modestlittle farm. A farmhouse
standing 2 stories tall with ashed next to it about equally
sized. There's Hitchens Farm.You can definitely tell because
there's a sign outside on asignpost that says, Hitchens
Farm. The Hitchens is spelledexactly how you would expect it.
(20:01):
Nevertheless, you go up to thedoor, and after a couple knocks,
a man stands before you. This isan old dwarf. His beard long and
unkempt. His head bald as theday he was born, and much, much
less hair than the rest of hisface. He stands there, looks at
you, and blinks a couple times.
(20:21):
And then, squints at Pistachioand says, do I recognize you?
Rowan Collins (20:26):
Oh, yeah. Hi, Farber Hitchens. It's me. It's
Pistachio. I'm here with theadventuring guild.
This is Cappy, my boss, andCrank, who will be your best
friend.
Joe Diametti (20:36):
My name is Melville Hitchens. Melville, you
know me. Do I know you? Yeah.You know Pistachio?
Yeah. I'm here every 2 months tofind your turn. Turn.
Isaac Allen Burns (20:46):
Oh, wait. I do know you, Scott. Your your
brother came to help me outmultiple times back in the day.
Rowan Collins (20:53):
Wally. Yeah. Wally.
Isaac Allen Burns (20:55):
Wally is a strong strong boy. Yeah. Wally
is. It's scary.
Joe Diametti (20:59):
Just fuming in the background. Yeah.
Rowan Collins (21:00):
Well, the cube yeah. Well, he's pretty strong.
Not as strong as Cappy here,Craig.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:05):
A few of our guys who recognize anyway, you
came here last year.
Joe Diametti (21:09):
Yeah. And three times since.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:11):
Oh, I don't know about that. But, yeah. And
then
Annie Hawthorne (21:15):
we've never met before. I'm crank.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:17):
Oh, that's good to know. Okay. I didn't
remember you, so you're tall.
Joe Diametti (21:22):
This is good. Well, why don't you just follow
me on here? Average. I would itaverage.
Annie Hawthorne (21:27):
Well, the hat adds a good 8 inches. So
Rowan Collins (21:29):
Yeah. Those hats are like stilettos for your
head.
Isaac Allen Burns (21:33):
He, puts a you know, he is a farmer, but
he's also a dwarf, so he'sshorter than you, sir. He
reaches a hand up as high as hecan, touches your elbow, and
says, there there, Cappy. Noneed to measure anything.
Rowan Collins (21:44):
Go on.
Joe Diametti (21:44):
Now you remember where's are we here? There's
missing
Isaac Allen Burns (21:47):
turnips? Yeah. You just gotta follow me
for a sec. Follow me. And hewalks very slowly out to the
back of the farm.
Joe Diametti (21:52):
Cappy is doing that thing, like, behind, like,
grocery carts where it's tooslow and, like, he's just, like,
grabbing at his face and, like,pulling it down. Cappy is
impatient.
Rowan Collins (22:03):
Pistachio, knowing that this is how the
farmer is, just waits and thenwalks for it
a little bit, and then waits,
and then walks for it a little bit, and then
waits.
Oh, it's a beautiful day, don't you, Flake?
It's like Yes.
Annie Hawthorne (22:17):
It it is a good day. It's a not a cloud in the
sky. Pistachio, I have aquestion. Sure. Is a turnip
food?
Rowan Collins (22:25):
Turnip is a food. It's a root vegetable, and they
grow in the ground, and they area very good source of vitamin b.
Annie Hawthorne (22:34):
Do they taste like apples?
Rowan Collins (22:36):
No. Not at all. They're crunchy. That's about
the same. That's all they got.
Have you never had a well, I
I guess you wouldn't have a dog.
Eat. Wow.
Annie Hawthorne (22:46):
I've never tasted food. I I don't have a
sense of taste.
Isaac Allen Burns (22:50):
Well, here we are at the back of the town.
It's back of this farm. And asyou get there, you notice
something strange, Cappy. It's alittle different than you've
seen before. For starters, theturnips aren't actually missing.
The turnips are actually rightin front of you. It's just that
they've been eaten. Now simpleroots and stems are all that's
(23:12):
left of the turnips. Some of theturnips, you notice, have just
big bite marks taken out ofthem. And as you look to the
back towards the fence, you seethat the fence is not standing
up straight, but in fact, hasbeen somewhat broken.
A gap large enough for all ofcrank to step through is in the
fence.
Annie Hawthorne (23:32):
I go and stand in the gap, and I look at it
thoughtfully.
Joe Diametti (23:36):
I stand I I push myself past Craig to also stand
arms akimbo to assert mydominance.
Isaac Allen Burns (23:46):
Like, 2 men like, 2 men staring at an open
hood of a car not knowing whatto do.
Rowan Collins (23:51):
Pistachio is gonna look down at the little
bite marks that are on thereand, like, the, and kinda, like,
look at the plant and see, like,in their brain, like, about what
kind of size this animal is. Andare there any, like, not
completely destroyed turnips?
Isaac Allen Burns (24:11):
There are a couple with only, surprisingly,
a few bites taken out of it.
Rowan Collins (24:15):
Alright. I would like to use an ability of my
domain called nature's tongue,where, I can speak the language
of hidden natural world. So whenI want to speak to the plants
and animals, I have to make aninstinct roll. And, on a
success, they will talk to meand give me the information that
(24:36):
I know with the fear, theirknowledge comes as a cost.
Isaac Allen Burns (24:39):
This is fantastic. Go ahead and roll
that dice.
Rowan Collins (24:42):
Alright.
Annie Hawthorne (24:45):
While this is happening, Crank is gonna pick
up a turnip that has had a bitetaken out of it. And he's gonna
look at it, and he's gonna, rubit on his chest. Like, he's seen
people eat apples. And he's he'sjust gonna, like, pop it into
his chest cavity just for later.
Joe Diametti (25:03):
Yeah. And then he looks over and he sees Cappy
just, like, staring up at him.Like, what's your deal?
Annie Hawthorne (25:08):
People like food.
Rowan Collins (25:10):
I failed. But so, Pistachio rolled a 7. They were
rolling trying to roll a 12. Sothey've got, like, a turnip in
their arms,
and they're like, hey, little guy. What's going on
there? Are you okay? Whathappened to you? Can you tell me
anything?
Joe Diametti (25:25):
Oh, god. We're just talking to the vet So
Isaac Allen Burns (25:26):
what's really fun about mechanics is that
oftentimes a failure is notbecause the thing couldn't
happen, but instead, in thiscase, it was a failure with
fear. Right?
Rowan Collins (25:36):
Hope. With hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (25:37):
Oh, okay. With hope. So that means
obviously, it doesn't work, butit's not terrible. Nothing
really bad happens. This magicthat you use, this sort of
connection to the natural willgoes through.
You're holding this turnip thatonce again, just for
descriptor's sake, has a bitetaken out of it. And, as it
connects, the only thing thatyou hear is, oh, my god. Oh, I'm
(26:04):
so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh,
Rowan Collins (26:09):
yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Like Sued
Isaac Allen Burns (26:22):
the voice quiets.
Rowan Collins (26:24):
Yeah. Pistachio just has tears coming out of its
their face because they had toput this thing out of its misery
by eating it.
Annie Hawthorne (26:31):
Krenka is simultaneously horrified and
fascinated.
Joe Diametti (26:36):
Yeah. Kathy's never seen
Annie Hawthorne (26:37):
Do all vegetables talk? Is that magic?
Joe Diametti (26:40):
I I I I don't know what's going on here.
Rowan Collins (26:43):
Oh. I will try another one.
Joe Diametti (26:46):
Is this, like, after 10 PM, pistachio?
Rowan Collins (26:48):
Oh, no. I can talk to plants and animals.
That's a thing that I can do.
Annie Hawthorne (26:53):
Is that magic?
Rowan Collins (26:53):
It is magic.
Annie Hawthorne (26:54):
Can you teach me magic?
Rowan Collins (26:56):
I don't know if I can teach you this. I'm kinda,
like, new, but I can show youwhat I do. Look. I'm just gonna
oh, wow.
And this time, I rolled 17, which is a pass with
hope on one of the turnips.
Joe Diametti (27:12):
With hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:14):
This turnip has only had a little bite taken
out of it, and it says,
Rowan Collins (27:19):
ow. Hello? Are you
Isaac Allen Burns (27:21):
Oh, who's there?
Rowan Collins (27:22):
Oh, hi. I'm pistachio. I'm not a plant, but
I am a person that could helpyou. Can you help us figure out
what happened with you?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:30):
We can help you. I've I've been bit a little
bit.
Rowan Collins (27:34):
Oh, wow. Can you tell me by what and what
picture?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:38):
You know, that's a great question. Does I
would turn up my knowledge ofthe world. It's somewhat
limited.
Rowan Collins (27:45):
Oh, crap.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:45):
But I can tell you what happened to me.
Rowan Collins (27:48):
Oh, yeah. Okay. What
Isaac Allen Burns (27:49):
happened? Sordid tail.
Rowan Collins (27:51):
A sordid tail?
Isaac Allen Burns (27:52):
I was in the I was in the ground. Oh. I was
in mother Earth's embrace.
Rowan Collins (27:57):
Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns (27:58):
I was so warm and comfy.
Joe Diametti (28:00):
This is so sexual.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:03):
I was just so protected.
Rowan Collins (28:06):
Uh-huh.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:06):
And next thing I know, I hear rumbling.
Rumbling so hard. Eventually, Igot
Joe Diametti (28:13):
Am I supposed to be turning up?
Rowan Collins (28:15):
Out of
Isaac Allen Burns (28:16):
the ground. Someone grabbed onto me and
yanked me so hard out of theground. And there was this
creature I'd never seen before.It was, like, long and veiny and
green.
Rowan Collins (28:30):
And green. Long and green.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:32):
With a big wide head.
Joe Diametti (28:34):
Has had there been any language until this point?
Because I think we were a familyfriendly podcast. I saw
Rowan Collins (28:40):
it. I mean,
Joe Diametti (28:41):
I'm glad this is how we're breaking the seal, but
I just something I've noticed,you know.
Rowan Collins (28:47):
Oh, good. So you said it was Just
Joe Diametti (28:48):
crossed my leg.
Rowan Collins (28:49):
And baby and green.
Isaac Allen Burns (28:56):
Big teeth.
Rowan Collins (28:57):
Big teeth?
Isaac Allen Burns (28:57):
They took a nibble out of me.
Rowan Collins (28:59):
Oh, wow.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:00):
And I moaned real loud.
Rowan Collins (29:02):
Oh, I do that too.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:03):
I whimpered. Uh-huh. And then it doesn't
wanna eat the alarm for somereason.
Rowan Collins (29:08):
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Isaac Allen Burns (29:11):
And it ran off past that gate over there.
Rowan Collins (29:14):
Okay. So big and veiny and greed. Does anybody
know what a big and veiny andwide and greed thing is that
likes to bite?
Joe Diametti (29:22):
Pistachio. What? There's older people here.
Rowan Collins (29:25):
Oh, is You you
Isaac Allen Burns (29:27):
think I ain't ever seen a dick before, kid?
You ain't I think I've neverseen ogre dick before.
Rowan Collins (29:34):
Ogre? Dick?
Isaac Allen Burns (29:37):
The kid's too young.
Joe Diametti (29:38):
Yeah. The kids too young. Many days. They had to
bring a permission slip to jointhe adventurers guild.
Rowan Collins (29:43):
I didn't have to break a permission slip by sides
for myself. But it's not a dick.It has mouth on it. I don't know
what a dick looks like. I have abrother.
Annie Hawthorne (29:54):
Wait. I'm sorry. What is a dick?
Rowan Collins (29:59):
A dick is
Isaac Allen Burns (30:01):
well Yes.
Joe Diametti (30:02):
Explain because of how you know your brother.
Rowan Collins (30:05):
Well, so beaks that are made out of flesh
occasionally have differentgenitalia. And, those and some
of them are idiots and some ofthem are owties. My sister has
(30:32):
an idiot. My brother has anidiot. I will not reveal what I
have.
Joe Diametti (30:40):
I don't have, any instinct, but could I look
around for something?
Isaac Allen Burns (30:46):
You know, this, do me a knowledge role.
Joe Diametti (30:49):
Oh, my knowledge is minus 1. That's why I was
trying to go with the instinct.
Isaac Allen Burns (30:54):
It's sort of like a survival thing. You're
trying to look for signs, andthe signs are there. You just
don't understand what they mean.Okay.
Joe Diametti (31:02):
I need to decide which one's in the That
Isaac Allen Burns (31:03):
was the turn I'm talking, actually. Let me
try that again. Okay. You know,this is a knowledge check
because as you're lookingaround, the signs are there. You
can see them.
Cappy sees them. Yeah. But doesCappy have the know how to put
those things together?
Joe Diametti (31:15):
His yeah. He doesn't have knowledge. He was
very bad at school. And despitethe amount of books in the
adventures guild, he's neverread one. So that's why I put
minus 1 for now.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:23):
Cappy's never read a book. Cappy's that guy
who, like, has never read a bookand wanna brag about it. Oof.
Joe Diametti (31:30):
That's a 6 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns (31:32):
Oh, 6 with hope. Can't be you're looking
around. Whatever was here,right, wasn't really a success.
So you don't really gain much.But what's obvious to you, even
without knowing a whole lot, isthat whatever was here was big
enough to eat a turnip.
Joe Diametti (31:49):
Yeah. I very confidently strut a few steps
out, and I go, guys, whatever'shere was clearly big enough to
eat a turnip.
Rowan Collins (31:58):
Oh, that's correct. Would you like me to
assume a form of which I couldtrack better?
Joe Diametti (32:08):
You can change forms for Stashu.
Annie Hawthorne (32:11):
Yeah. Wait. Is that magic?
Rowan Collins (32:13):
That's also magic. No. I don't know.
Annie Hawthorne (32:15):
Where did you learn it?
Rowan Collins (32:16):
Well, it was an accident,
Annie Hawthorne (32:18):
I think. An accident?
Rowan Collins (32:20):
Yeah. I
Annie Hawthorne (32:20):
wouldn't have an accident.
Rowan Collins (32:22):
Well
Joe Diametti (32:23):
Sounds like maybe pistachio should have the magic
hat.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:25):
Hey. Just turn 500. You'll have an
accident.
Annie Hawthorne (32:28):
Is that a very important
Rowan Collins (32:30):
thing to us?
Isaac Allen Burns (32:31):
Me, the farmer. The old dwarf farmer
said that.
Joe Diametti (32:33):
Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns (32:37):
You know, it's tough. You gotta figure out
how to, like, introduce
Rowan Collins (32:40):
how
Isaac Allen Burns (32:40):
what a character
Joe Diametti (32:41):
is talking to. But,
Rowan Collins (32:44):
yeah, I could, I could turn it.
Joe Diametti (32:46):
Alright. Yeah. Let's see. I wanna see a, a
killer instinct animal. I wannasee someone that can smell out
any situation, be able to trackdown danger in a moment's
notice.
Rowan Collins (32:58):
Okay. Okay? Alright.
Joe Diametti (32:59):
You got this?
Rowan Collins (33:00):
Okay. I got it.
I will mark stress, to become, a dodo.
Isaac Allen Burns (33:08):
That's right, everybody. In Daggerheart, not
only do you have to deal withhealth points, you also have
stress points that indicate themental strain that's on your
character. Reaching maximumstress will not kill you, but
any additional stress you haveto take will go to your HP. And
if you run out of HP, somethingelse happens. But nevertheless,
Rowan, why don't you describethis dodo for us?
Rowan Collins (33:32):
So, this dodo, I don't know, is a very, a very
cute little dodo. They're alittle, round, which is very
fitting for a pistachio. They'reabout, like, if you were, I
don't know, a 5 foot 2, person,they're about, like, hip height
for you. They're kinda big forbeing a bird.
(33:53):
Oh, so
And they've got these big, like, dopey looking
eyes and a giant, like, almostflamingo type beak, and, are
definitely not supposed to be,like, sniffing animals, but dodo
poor poor pistachio definitelythinks that they are. So here
(34:14):
comes Pistachio, which this dodododos are typically gray. This
one keeps the, like, red kinda,like, curly pattern to the fur,
and the bright green eyes as,they turn into this little dodo.
Joe Diametti (34:28):
Cappy's just like, you gotta be kidding me. These
recruits get worse every year.
Isaac Allen Burns (34:32):
Squawk. I just rolled to see how surprised
the farmer was going to be, andthe farmer rolled a 5 for
surprise. And so his eyes gowide, and he gasped, and he
says, oh my god. What's that?Get away from me.
Yeah. I got and he takes off.It's yelling at me. And the
farmer runs faster than you'veever seen an old man run before.
Joe Diametti (34:52):
Can we understand the squawk or is it just squawk?
Isaac Allen Burns (34:55):
I'll leave it up to y'all. Do you understand
the squawk?
Joe Diametti (34:58):
Do we under well, I'll leave it up to pistachio.
Rowan Collins (35:01):
Do do do.
Joe Diametti (35:01):
Listen, I I do wanna call out that if you don't
let us talk to your animalforms, this is gonna cause a lot
of barriers.
Rowan Collins (35:10):
Yeah. No. You could talk. So, pistachio goes,
yeah. Well, I'll
I'll I'll don't know now. This is my favorite I
(35:32):
can track this way, and it'sgoing that way.
Joe Diametti (35:36):
Yeah. Look at you. You are, and I can't stress this
enough, adorable. However,Crank, you got any, information
on dodos in that metal brainears?
Annie Hawthorne (35:47):
I will pull up whatever I've ever read about
dodos and just start spoutingWikipedia.
Joe Diametti (35:51):
Perfect. I'd love for you to get to the point
about how many are still around.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:55):
Roll a knowledge check on dodos.
Joe Diametti (35:57):
Oh, what's your knowledge? 0.
Isaac Allen Burns (35:59):
Oh, it's a flat check. Let's see. Trying to
beat an 8. Almost a crit,though.
Joe Diametti (36:04):
Cool. And
Annie Hawthorne (36:04):
that is going to be 19 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (36:08):
Oh my god. With fear. Oh, no. I'll tell you
exactly what comes up. It's thewhole Wikipedia page for dodos,
and you're reading about dodos.
And dodos are kindaunremarkable. You read the dodos
in a long, far off land, Reallyfar from here. Not actually that
far on a map, but, used to bereally big in a country called
(36:31):
Justain, which is, just over themountains here. A lot of dodos
around. They were actuallyhunted to a full extinction.
And that's the sad thing thatyou learn is that all the dodos
are actually dead.
Joe Diametti (36:40):
And Cappy's basically just queuing that up.
He's basically he's like,alright. And crank, could you
list off where, dodos are now?
Annie Hawthorne (36:47):
According to the data, there are exactly 0
dodos alive today.
Joe Diametti (36:51):
You hear that? So how did you little pistachio
become a dodo?
Rowan Collins (36:58):
I imagined it.
Joe Diametti (36:59):
You imagined?
Rowan Collins (37:00):
Yeah. I saw a book, and I was like, I would
like to be a brave thing.They're really brave. Anyway,
I'm a dodo.
Joe Diametti (37:08):
Oh, you sweet summer apple.
Rowan Collins (37:09):
Oh, I don't I'm a nut.
Annie Hawthorne (37:14):
Apparently, the last dodo was so brave that it
fell onto a hole and died tryingto get the last melon.
Rowan Collins (37:20):
That is a true fact about the dodos. That is
Joe Diametti (37:23):
I love that.
Rowan Collins (37:24):
They were so they were so brave. They literally
walked up to people with guns infront of them. What? Yeah. They
they they died.
Joe Diametti (37:32):
Sorry. I was out of character though.
Rowan Collins (37:33):
That was
Isaac Allen Burns (37:34):
that was just that
Joe Diametti (37:34):
was just Joe.
Rowan Collins (37:35):
That is legitimately how they got hunted
to extinction.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:39):
That's right, you guys. Guns are now canon in
this world.
Joe Diametti (37:42):
And dodo extinction.
Isaac Allen Burns (37:43):
And dodo extinction.
Rowan Collins (37:45):
But, anyway, the pistachio is now running towards
like, puts their little beak onthe ground and does a big, and
then
Annie Hawthorne (37:56):
it starts taking off. Can I see if I can
sense this thing?
Isaac Allen Burns (38:00):
Yeah. Are you using a specific ability?
Rowan Collins (38:02):
I'm using, perceive, which is instinct.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:05):
Oh, very good. Okay. Roll an instinct
check. Once again Oh,
Rowan Collins (38:09):
it's out of the box, but doesn't matter. That is
an 18 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns (38:17):
Oh my goodness. An 18 with fear.
That's incredible. Miraculously,you watch as this dodo puts its
beak against the ground and,like a hound dog, starts
sniffing the ground andfollowing a path. Pistachio, you
pick up a scent.
It smells like that turnip youheld earlier and that turnip you
(38:37):
ate, and it kinda smells likelike brackish water that's been
sticking around too long, likestagnant brackish water. It's
very easy to pick up. All of youwatch as your dodo friend knows
on the ground, takes you deeperand deeper into the woods off to
the eastern side of town. And Ithink that's where we're gonna
(38:58):
end this session of dodo born,you guys, Before we can see
what's in the woods, what isyour dodo friend find?
Annie Hawthorne (39:06):
We're all gonna get murdered.
Rowan Collins (39:08):
I know. I specifically am gonna get
murdered.
Isaac Allen Burns (39:12):
Oh, what could be out there, you guys?
Any guesses? Well, you'll haveto tune in to find out. So tune
in to find out next week onanother episode of DodoBorne!
See you later.
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