June 10, 2025 • 38 mins
Miguelina shares her harrowing experience living with her daughter's alcoholic father and the devastating effects his addiction has had on their family.
• Miguelina's ex-partner stopped drinking for 14 years before relapsing
• His alcoholism led to increasingly violent and erratic behavior
• She endured physical abuse for 14 years, including being hit with belts and boots
• Her daughter now lives in constant fear of her father
• He threatened to reveal her daughter's settlement money to people who might harm her
• The ex-partner comes from a generational cycle of alcoholism
• Both Miguelina and her daughter struggle with anxiety, PTSD, and trust issues
• They have obtained restraining orders but continue living in fear
• Miguelina attends therapy to deal with the trauma
• Her daughter's advice: "If you see red flags, walk away before you notice them"
If you're experiencing domestic violence related to a loved one's alcoholism, seek support from family and friends, report abuse to authorities, and remember that with persistence, life can improve.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is
your host, ny Boom, and myco-host, big Daz.
We'll be talking about trendingtopics and healthcare and
basically just as a disclaimerto just let the listeners know
that this is just basically onour opinions and speculations
(00:24):
and I hope you guys enjoy theshow.
Let's start off and kick offwith our first topic.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And this is NYC Boom from the Double A Club Podcast.
You can catch us on Spotify,Amazon Music and iHeartRadio.
We're going to continue Our webseries About alcoholism and
drug abuse, and I have a specialguest with me.
Can you please introduceyourself?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
My name is Miguelina, from the Bronx.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
And From your side, you're not An alcoholic or a
drug abuser.
No, you're not an alcoholic ora drug abuser.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
No, no, I'm not an alcoholic.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Okay, so your story is from what side?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
My story is from my daughter's father's side.
He's the alcoholic in thefamily.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Okay, so you're basically you're the family
dealing with someone who's goingthrough this problem.
Yes, I am yes, Okay, so whydon't you tell us your story?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
To see if it can help other people.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
And to talk about how it has affected both of us, yes
and what he has done, and howit has also not only affected me
.
It affected her also.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's very important to know that because from an
alcoholic's point of view andfrom other people's point of
view, they never really know howtrauma affects the family
dealing with that.
You know, because you only seethe part of the victim, you
(02:13):
don't see what happened well,how it trickles down to
everybody else.
So yeah this is going to be agood outlook, hearing from you
on how it has traumatized youand your family yes.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
So, even though I don't consider him a victim
because my stated he has.
He stopped for 14 years and wefirst started, he was good, we
had our issues.
Then all of a sudden he startswith the drinking again.
So he Did it basically has hithim rock bottom.
(02:47):
Now he has a relationship withour daughter.
What do you mean by rock bottomstuff?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
he's done what do you mean by rock bottom?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
um rock bottom that um his family lives in florida
his mom and his sisters.
They basically don'tcommunicate with him because
when he was staying with themfor a time I believe for two
months he he didn't actcorrectly with his mom.
His mom is an older lady.
He would um try to break stuffin his mom's house.
(03:22):
His mom finally just had enoughand decided that he has to
leave her house.
And because he was here in newyork first before he went to
florida, he came back and he'sstill drinking.
He says he's not.
Um, my daughter is terrified umto go outside.
(03:45):
Last year she was supposed tofinish high school.
She was.
She couldn't finish because shewas so terrified of him
thinking that he was going to dosomething to her.
I'm even scared sometimes toleave my house and leave her
alone.
I have to literally close, lockthe door, have her put all the
locks on the door because I'mafraid he's gonna come to my
(04:07):
house.
I have to look behind me when Iwalk now, cuz he knows what
he's gonna do?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Has he been violent with you?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yes, I let him stay with us.
Last year because he was in atreatment program in brooklyn.
He left the treatment program.
I felt bad for him.
I let him stay with me, let himstay with us.
And, um, my daughter wasfeeling sick.
One day I take her to my mom'shouse.
We come back and he's just.
(04:41):
He threw a plate of food on thewall.
He kicked me.
I had to get a restrainingorder against him.
I had to have the sheriff'scome and kick him out of my
house because he doesn't actcorrectly.
He, uh, he even came to mybuilding drunk and laid on the
(05:05):
front of my building and thatembarrassed me and his daughter.
And people were asking us doyou know this person?
I said no, I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
So what do you think triggered that violent episode?
Was he?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
drunk already, I would say, because his father
used to be an alcoholic as welland his father did stuff to his
mom.
So I guess when he saw that, hefelt that that's how he had to
act as well.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So generational.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yes, generational yes .
Speaker 2 (05:42):
And he wasn't drunk at the time, right, he just had
numbers.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
He's never stopped drinking.
He supposedly says he stops andthen it just continues.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Okay, so he just shows up drunk.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yes, he just shows up drunk.
The other day on my super yeahFriday, he came to my house to
fix something and I was takingout my dog and I noticed that
there was a paper on the floorof my door and he had the gall
to come to my door and slip hisnumber under my door when you
know he's not supposed to becoming to my house.
(06:17):
Okay, it's like I've seen himin the street and it's like I
speed walk or I go the other wayso I don't have to have no
interaction with him.
My daughter likes to, you know,come outside with me.
But I told her, no, I don'twant her to go outside because,
um, one saturday we had anincident.
(06:39):
We were walking and he justjumped.
He just runs up on us.
I don't know what he would havedone.
I don't know if he was going todo something.
Somebody has to tell him.
You know that's not cool.
He's like oh, that's mydaughter.
I literally have to threatenthis man with the police for him
to.
You know, leave us alone.
And even then that doesn't workbecause, oh, they come, they
(07:01):
take a statement, but theyhaven't caught him yet.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, and it's kind of hard for the police to do
their job on a situation likethat, because it's not actually
the economy, mm-hmm.
So they can't really do nothingbut just keep reporting it and
just do a picket trail.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yes, I had to buy pepper spray for me and her, but
she can't really have itbecause, um, when she goes to
school they have metal detectors, so and security, so she can't
really have it with her so hashe?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
okay, okay, we already we know that he's been
violent with you.
Has he been violent with yourdaughter?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
um, he has threatened her, saying he's going to break
her jaw and do stuff to her,and that makes her be afraid to
go outside because last year shewas supposed to graduate but
because of this that she wasn'tgoing.
Now, hopefully this year she'llbe able to actually finish.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
So how long ago, how many years ago was it that you
noticed that this was a problem?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I noticed it.
I would say maybe five or sixyears ago.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And in five or six years?
Right yeah, You've been stilldealing with this person.
Why has it been so difficultfor you to detach from him?
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Why, what?
Why has it been?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
so difficult to detect yourself, your family's
funding?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
It's been difficult because he's the type that'll
act like he doesn't do anythingto make himself seem the victim.
That's his him up.
I've gone to court with thisman when we lived in Jersey for
domestic violence and he says oh, I didn't do anything.
(09:06):
I haven't done anything, Idon't know what she's talking
about.
And he makes it seem like I'mcrazy when I've literally had, I
would say, almost 100 textmessages from him that I took to
court, that the judge even saidwhat is wrong with you?
Why are you sending this womanso many text messages?
He's kicked me out of the house.
I don't know how many times hehas done a lot.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
And he wasn't like that when you first met him.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
No, when I first met him, he was normal.
He was normal.
I didn't, you know, noticeanything out of the ordinary
with this man, and it's like nowthat I, you know, still am
dealing with you know the issue.
It makes me think, you know,maybe I missed something, maybe
I didn't see something, but hedidn't show any signs.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
So how was he when you first met?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Describe the man.
When we first met he was, wehad a day where we talked um
almost all night.
Um, he was very nice, um, hewas, he was a typical, you know,
typical guy, you know he.
He didn't show anythingdifferent, he was just, you know
(10:19):
, he seemed like a nice guy.
Okay, and you started seeingsigns I started, you know, after
a while I started seeing.
You know that, um, I didn'treally see right away.
Yeah, my dad actually saw.
You know that he wasn't right.
But you know how us girls are.
(10:40):
You know, when we are fixatedon someone, that we say no, no,
no you know we, you know, weknow better and stuff.
And it's like that day when mydad told me he's not right, I
was like I said no, no, no, he'sgood, he's good.
In hindsight, if I would have,I would I didn't.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I didn't get to hear you.
Your mic went off.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
We didn't hear you.
Your mic went off.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
You got it.
You hear me.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Yes, yeah, that's what I mean.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
In hindsight, looking back, I wish I would have you
know listened, then I wouldn'thave gone through everything I
went through with him.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
So tell us some of the signs that did appear.
What did appear?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
was that he was controlling.
If I would go somewhere, hewould need to know where I was
going or he would go with.
You know, one time me and mydaughter and my friend were
going out and he had to tagalong.
He never did that.
All of a sudden he wants tocome and tag along.
I would have girls night out.
He would come too, or he wouldsend my daughter.
(12:04):
He would send my daughter to um, where I was at, to come ask me
for money.
Literally, I have to tell himwhen I was working that I would.
I only made a hundred dollars,because he would always ask for
money, and so they still does.
(12:26):
Any more signs?
Um, that's basically um.
That was um that he startedacting more mean, more mean than
usual.
You know he wasn't as nice ashe was.
You know his mom had to tellhim stuff and it's like he
didn't.
He didn't as nice as he was.
You know his mom had to tellhim stuff and it's like he
(12:47):
didn't.
He didn't really listen.
You know he's a type that youcan't tell him anything.
He's like oh I'm, I'm grown, Idon't need nobody telling me
anything.
So, so continue with your storywith um and um and after
(13:12):
everything that happened, when Ifinally got the strength to say
enough is enough, I finallylearned and it was just for a
while that the whole screen wentoff.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Your mic keeps going off.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
I still felt ticklish .
There you go.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
There you go.
Repeat what you just said,because your mic keeps coming
off.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
When we would have to do the exchange With our child.
That felt uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And why would you feel uncomfortable?
What made you uncomfortableAbout the exchange?
I would think that would benormal With him.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I never I never know what you're gonna do.
To this day, I still feeluncomfortable whenever I see him
, like I don't know if he'sgonna, you know, have somebody
come and you know, do somethingor anything, or he's gonna try
something.
So with him I don't feelcomfortable, I don't trust him
at all.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
So what's the most unusual thing, like the most
shocking thing, he's done?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
The most shocking thing he's done.
The most shocking thing he'sdone, uh, um, because my
daughter got two lawsuits in thepast.
Um, she got, she has money inthe bank now and the most
shocking thing to me that he didor said was that he told people
where we live that she has thismoney in the bank for them to
(14:46):
hurt her.
What?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yes, how did you find that out?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Because my daughter still was talking to him and you
know he would literallythreaten.
He said oh, I'm going gonnatell people on the block that
you have money, cuz.
I was like in shock that hewould actually Wanna harm me and
his child Be for money, Just sohe can get alcohol.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's a strange very strange.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Yes, it is, you know a father can actually say that
to their own child has anyoneactually followed through with
that?
No, thank god no that's good.
I did another um, we did anotherpolice report and I have an
order against him.
Thank God she blocked one so hedoesn't call her.
(15:44):
She's still undecided aboutdoing a restraining order
against him because you knowthat is her dad still, you know,
and she does feel bad about youknow for him.
But at least he's not calling,so that gives me some peace.
But it's like I still don'tfeel comfortable At all walking.
(16:08):
If I go outside it's like Ihave I literally speed walk back
to my house.
I lock all the locks as soon asI come in.
Even during the day I alwayshave to look behind me.
I never used to do that.
Even being from the Bronx youknow my area I never had to look
(16:30):
back for anybody.
But with him it's like I alwayshave to look back now.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And he lives around that area or he's homeless.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
He hangs around the area.
Yeah, there's, I don't know ifyou know.
183rd, yes, and Lauren Place,yeah, the aqueduct, that little
park, yeah, that's his hangoutspot now.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Ah, okay.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
So that makes it.
You know, if I go to thesupermarket or if I, you know I
would make sure I go quick if Ineed something and come back so
I'm not too much around the area.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
That's never been a safe place to hang out.
No, not at all.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
But for him, since he's, you know, since that's
where his you know associatesare, you know, that makes it
good for him, because you knowhe hangs out with all the
alcoholic people there.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
And he's not.
Is he homeless?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Apparently so, because he has no place to live.
As far as I know, he wasstaying with someone, but they
kicked him out.
As far as I know, he's likehe's been a bum in the street.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
So here's another question, right?
Speaker 2 (17:47):
So let's say best case scenario, right, if he was
willing to get help, right?
Mm-hmm, we already know thatyou can't tell him anything.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
He's a stubborn ass right.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
What type of help do you think he would be receptive
to with his personality?
Speaker 3 (18:12):
With his personality.
I don't even think there's anyhelp, because one of his
relatives even tried putting himin um a detox place and he did
that, but it didn't really doanything because he still kept.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
He's still continuing has he been arrested before?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
um.
He's been arrested in jersey.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
He has never been arrested here so he's been in
jail probably for a short oftime.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
At the time when he was arrested in Jersey for
domestic violence against me,his relatives bailed him out and
stuff.
So did he seem a little bitbetter after he came out of jail
, maybe the first time maybe thefirst time, because when he
came out, all he did was go to ahospital for mental health and
(19:06):
you know, all he did was say, oh, I'm going to kill myself, I'm
going to kill myself, and I'mlike I was just waiting for that
to happen.
But he didn't do anything.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Do you believe that he suffers from mental health or
it's just really awful?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I believe he has some , you know Some instance of it,
because he's just like,especially when he's with the
alcohol, he's like he's not allthere.
I would say.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
And do you think that it's just alcohol?
Maybe it could be otherrecreational stuff.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Maybe he could, because in Jersey I know he used
to snort and in the past,before I started with him, he
one of his sister'sex-boyfriends.
He was a big drug dealer and heused to sell and he used to
take drugs.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
So yes, okay, drug dealer and he used to sell and
he used to take drugs so, yes,but everybody hopes that he gets
out, even his sister.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
But I saw her.
I'm like your brother's noteasy.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
His side of the family still attempts to help.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
They really don't deal with him at all.
They don't deal with him at all.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Not at all, not at all, and that's just as of
recently, because I mean, youdid say yeah, recently.
Because they did bail him outof jail.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Yeah, they did bail him out, but now they really
don't.
None of his family deals withhim, so now they're tired.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
They're tired of all this bullshit.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Yeah, they're tired of all the nonsense and it's
like you know it's sad with howyou know they were with him, but
you know they have to washtheir hands of him.
I told you his mom is, um,older and his mom, you know,
needs peace and she's not gonnahave that with him, even though
I feel, even though I'm like Iwish he didn't come back here,
(21:06):
because now it's like stressingme.
The other day I had high bloodpressure when I went to the
doctor, had to take my bloodpressure like four times and
it's never been as high as itwas because of him.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
So you know you don't believe that there's any help
for this guy um, I believe heneeds help and he needs it, but
but is there?
Do you think there is help forhim?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
there.
There should be help for him,but he doesn't want it and, like
I tell our daughter I'm likeyou can only help somebody so,
so much until you know.
If they don't are receptive tothe help or they don't look for
it, there's not much you canreally do, because they have to
want to get the help.
(21:51):
If they don't want it, you can.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
As the saying goes, you can put a horse to drink,
you know to drink whatever, butif they're not going to do it,
they're not going to do it sofrom your daughter's point of
view, right, I understand she'sscared of him, but she's also
kind of like hesitant of yes, ofnot communicating with him,
because she, she is still herfather.
(22:15):
Yes, she does really want that,um, that relationship, but
understands in a certain waythat she can't.
How do you see it affecting her?
Because I mean, how old is she?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
She's 18.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
So she's 18.
She's entered a womanhood right, yes, and you know, you hope
that these situations don'taffect her.
As she gets older, you knowwhat I'm saying.
Like as she gets older, shestarts having trust issues with
men.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
She already has trust issues with people.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
It's like you can't really trust people, yeah, or
maybe looking for men who arelike her daddy.
You know what I mean.
This stuff can bring amultitude of issues towards your
daughter in the next decade.
So how do you see it affectingher now?
(23:19):
Like it must be small signs,but you have to see something
out how she's affected.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Is she sad Moments when she's sad?
And, um, you know she, she'sthe type that she doesn't
communicate too much when she's,you know, in her mood, in her
sad mood.
But I try to tell her I'm like,because she'll sometimes won't
come outside, but I tell her I'mlike you can't let him scare
you into not coming outsidebecause he can't control your
(23:48):
life.
You know you have to.
You know worry about you.
Your father's grown.
He's supposed to be worryingabout you and taking care of you
.
You're not supposed to betaking care of him.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
And any other things that you know.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
This is what your daughter well, she's right here,
she can, you know.
I'll put her on the so she cantell you come on, sam, be nice,
be nice, come on nice.
She can tell you her soul, youknow.
Well, good afternoon Goodafternoon, sam, about how you
know you feel.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Good afternoon, sam, how you doing.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
I'm okay, just sick at the moment.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you got a cold or flu
or something like that.
Okay, and your voice is.
I'm trying to hear it and yourvoice is is kind of going.
Does it hurt for you to talk?
Speaker 3 (24:42):
A little bit.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Do you feel comfortable talking and telling
us your side, your point of viewOn?
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Well, you don't have to.
Well, I have to.
You know, she's shy.
That's the other thing.
She's shy.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
There's nothing wrong with that.
So, but still from your side,you.
On the outside looking in Toyour daughter.
Do you see it affecting her Ina negative way, and how is it
affecting?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
her In a negative way .
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Or maybe she doesn't have, maybe she's not affecting
negatively, maybe she's justcompletely.
I'm just asking.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
You know, I don't, I wouldn't say she completely
ignores it.
She tries to, you know, to dealwith it the best way she can.
But it's hard because you knowshe still has that love for him.
It's hard for her cry for himand stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
You know, and myself, as a father a father of two,
right yeah, and I'm not we haveseparate homes.
So we're separated, me and themother, we're separated.
We have separate homes.
The kids grew up in twodifferent households.
From a father's point of viewmy point of view personally, and
(26:06):
I hope to believe that most menare like this but we want our
kids to grow up better than usand we want to support them and
protect them and make sure thateverything is copacetic, that
when they go out to the world,they understand the dangers and
(26:29):
and also know when to get out ofthe dangers.
you, know, yeah, I taught mydaughter how to fight from a
very early age, in case somedude tried to touch her.
You know what I'm saying.
Of course, it's hard for me tolisten to this man threatening
(26:51):
his daughter and trying to robher.
Yes, it's like that's fuckingcrazy.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
It is, it's very crazy and it's like it's, oh man
, it's just sending me chills.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
It's not what us men, nope, are born and raised from.
Did he have both his parents?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
He had his father, but his father was an alcoholic
also.
So, his father wasn't around asmuch, he had his stepfather,
but his stepfather he was ahandful from when he was little,
and then his mom used to drinktoo, so that basically didn't
help him either.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
So how do you guide your daughter to this?
What is your story on trying tohelp her?
Speaker 3 (27:43):
out.
Um, I try to be her, um,support her, um, you know, give
her a lot of affection because,um, she even told me the other
day she was like when me and himwere going through our domestic
violence issues.
Um, she told me she's like mom.
I grew up, I basically raisedmyself and that hurt because
(28:03):
it's like I was around, but Iwasn't around like I should have
been for her, because me andhim were going through our stuff
.
I couldn't deal with it so Iwould leave.
And instead of taking her withme, I left her in the
environment Because I would tryto take her.
I went to the police stationbut he wouldn't let me take her.
(28:25):
He said, oh, you can leave, butmy child stays here.
And that made it hard for me To.
You know, not that I wouldleave the house and not come
back.
I would go for, like, maybe toa store To dust, you know, clear
my head and get away from,because this man, he literally
(28:47):
put my head up against the wall.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
He was hitting me with boots, he would hit me with
cells and it was like I dealtwith all of how long was you
doing with that, this box, withall of that, and how long was
you dealing with that physicalviolence?
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I've been dealing with that for 14 years.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Okay, so for 14 years you've been dealing with
physical abuse, but in the lastsix years you've been dealing
with his alcoholism.
Yes, so I have to ask thequestion.
Mm-hmm question why did youdeal with 14 years of physical
(29:25):
abuse?
Speaker 3 (29:28):
What made you stay?
The abuse?
Because I wanted my daughter togrow up with her parents.
Because I grew up with both ofmy parents, you know, and I
never saw them fighting oranything like that.
So I wanted to give my daughterthe chance to have both of her
(29:48):
parents together.
That's why I stayed for her.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
So you would take a slap a kick here and there, just
because you wanted both parents.
Yes, and that was your mainreason.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
And then he was my main.
You know, priority at the timeI didn't care about you know I
can't point through, but she wasmy main.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
You know I have you were sacrificing yourself, yes,
and then it led into alcohol,yes, and with the alcohol in
place, with the violence, was itmuch worse than the actual?
(30:33):
Like just the physical violenceat home?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
I would say it was both.
Both instances were back.
But when I finally had enough,I told I spoke to my family.
I spoke to my brother, mysister-in-law and I said oh my
god.
And they came, they helped me,they went to court with me.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
So tell us what was the breaking point.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
What was it that made you say, hey, this is it, I'm
done the breaking point for meWas when I got what, he took my
head and put it against the wallto tell us about that day.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Tell us about that story, tell us about that day.
Tell us about that story.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Tell us how it came down to you, what led to that.
He just took my head and justhit me against the wall of the
closet and after that I said nomore.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
That was it.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
I said I can't deal with this no more.
How many times did he put your?
Speaker 2 (31:37):
head through the wall .
Speaker 3 (31:38):
I would say it was maybe two or three.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
And that's all he did .
Speaker 3 (31:44):
He did that that day.
He asked that he hit me with abelt.
He hit me with a boot.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
What, yes, he took?
Speaker 3 (31:53):
out the cord.
Yes, yes, he did.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
And then he hit you with a boot.
Yep, like he wasn't wearing theboot, he had it in his hand and
hit you with a boot yep, likehe wasn't wearing the boot, he
had it in his hand and hit youwith a boot.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
No, he, he.
No, he didn't have it in and hewasn't wearing it.
He just um had it on the floorand he just hit me with the boot
.
He pushed me in the bathtub.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Um, he has done a lot but that day, I'm talking about
just that day.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
That day with the boot.
When he hit me, when he put myhead, I said no more.
I said I gotta get out of this,I can't.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Ooh Well, I'm glad that you did get out of it,
Jesus.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, so am I, and I'm glad I'm able to you know.
Tell it, you know.
And how many times did you?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
end up going to the hospital.
I went to the hospital a fewtimes.
And in the hospital nobody everquestioned you, Because I know
it's by law.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Yes, but nobody.
No, and I was embarrassed too.
I'm like I'm the type at thetime I didn't really, you know,
I felt embarrassed, you know,saying what was going on.
So I just basically kept itquiet.
But I would go to the policestation in the nighttime, you
know when I would go out.
I would go out for a walk orsay I'm going somewhere, and I
(33:14):
would go to the police stationand report him.
Station and report him.
So it wasn't like I didn't doanything, but and I kept records
of everything that he did.
I kept the text messages thathe sent me.
(33:35):
He put me through a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
So still up to this date, the court hasn't been able
to do anything, or have theydone something?
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Well, I, that's it.
I recently got anothertemporary retraining order
against him.
We have to go back to court onDecember 10th to hopefully make
it permanent, but he doesn't goto court.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Yeah, it doesn't matter if he doesn't go to court
, you doesn't matter.
If he doesn't go to court, youshow up.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
I show up and they just give me another day to go.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah, it's a it's a stupid, tedious process, but you
have to continue the processFor it to get done, because
eventually, what happens is thatit's going to be a certain
amount of time that he's notshowing and the courts are going
to be like Fuck it, he doesn'tcare.
So, boom, we of time to hit,not showing and, of course, is
gonna be like fuck it, hedoesn't care, so we're gonna hit
him with this.
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yes, so that's what he means.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, and then they'll set up.
Hopefully they'll send one outfor us.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
No, they told me that the detect.
The one of the detectives toldme that they're actually looking
for him.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Oh yeah, they're looking for to show the court.
I think that they're actuallyLooking for him.
They're looking for him to showup to court, but not to arrest
him, because he's up.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Before I went to court, they told me that they're
looking for him to arrest him.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Oh, okay, do you know what that charge would be?
Speaker 3 (34:53):
It would probably be harassment, because he was
harassing us, so it wouldprobably have for harassment.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So this is a complete fucking nightmare.
Yeah, all because of thefucking man who doesn't have the
balls fucking do his own shit.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What Do you have to say for someone out there who's
possibly in the same situation,or maybe a similar situation as
yours, because I understand allsituations are different but
someone who's entering thesituation as it was.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
I would just say to them have plenty of support from
your family, from your friends,from your loved ones.
Have patience, they will getbetter.
And if they have a platform,I'm also going to therapy as
well.
I suffer from anxiety, fromPTSD, so any outlet that you
(35:57):
find that can help you, take it.
Oh, samantha wants to say aword of advice.
Oh, thank you Samantha.
If you see red flags, go andwalk away before you notice them
.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Thank you so much, samantha.
I appreciate that You'rewelcome.
That's very good.
Any more?
Anything else you'd like totell us?
Lasting words or anything?
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Make sure you go to police, because domestic
violence issues could turn intosomething more deadly.
Oh yes, You're completely right.
You can't Awesome awesome.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
We right, you can Awesome, awesome, we got her to
speak.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
That's great.
That's great, and a lot oftimes it's even more powerful
when it comes from her.
Yes, so for yourself you'redoing that right, Mm-hmm?
Any?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
lasting words, anything else you'd like to say
about your story, anything,we'll get through this.
Um, this is not gonna define me.
Um, you know I'm I'm a strongperson and what's gonna come to
him will eventually come to him.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Well, I want to thank you very much for taking your
time out to tell us your story,to speak to us and to inform
people out there who possiblycan be going through the same
thing as you have been and stillare, and to keep fighting.
You know, continue to fight andit will Keep fighting.
Continue to fight and we'lleventually get better.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the opportunity
to speak because I've never donea podcast.
Awesome, hopefully we'll haveyou on again, okay.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Alright, this is NYC Boom from the Double A Club
Podcast.
Again.
Catch us on Spotify, amazonMusic, also iHeartRadio, and
check out the web series onYouTube which you're actually
watching right now.
Thank you very much, everyone.
Peace out.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Thanks for listening to our show.
This concludes our episode.
And listen up to the nextepisode to follow up on what
continuing topics and trends wehave going on, and just to
continue to listen to your boy,ny Boom, and co-hosts Big Daz,
and listen to our points ofviews and maybe you can add on
(38:39):
to it if you want.
But we'll catch you on the nextone.
Alright, have a good one.
Peace out, fellas.
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is
your host, ny Boom, and myco-host, big Daz.
We'll be talking about trendingtopics and healthcare and
basically just as a disclaimerto just let the listeners know
that this is just basically onour opinions and speculations
(00:24):
and I hope you guys enjoy theshow.
Let's start off and kick offwith our first topic.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And this is NYC Boom from the Double A Club Podcast.
You can catch us on Spotify,Amazon Music and iHeartRadio.
We're going to continue Our webseries About alcoholism and
drug abuse, and I have a specialguest with me.
Can you please introduceyourself?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
My name is Miguelina, from the Bronx.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
And From your side, you're not An alcoholic or a
drug abuser.
No, you're not an alcoholic ora drug abuser.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
No, no, I'm not an alcoholic.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Okay, so your story is from what side?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
My story is from my daughter's father's side.
He's the alcoholic in thefamily.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Okay, so you're basically you're the family
dealing with someone who's goingthrough this problem.
Yes, I am yes, Okay, so whydon't you tell us your story?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
To see if it can help other people.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
And to talk about how it has affected both of us, yes
and what he has done, and howit has also not only affected me
.
It affected her also.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's very important to know that because from an
alcoholic's point of view andfrom other people's point of
view, they never really know howtrauma affects the family
dealing with that.
You know, because you only seethe part of the victim, you
(02:13):
don't see what happened well,how it trickles down to
everybody else.
So yeah this is going to be agood outlook, hearing from you
on how it has traumatized youand your family yes.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
So, even though I don't consider him a victim
because my stated he has.
He stopped for 14 years and wefirst started, he was good, we
had our issues.
Then all of a sudden he startswith the drinking again.
So he Did it basically has hithim rock bottom.
(02:47):
Now he has a relationship withour daughter.
What do you mean by rock bottomstuff?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
he's done what do you mean by rock bottom?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
um rock bottom that um his family lives in florida
his mom and his sisters.
They basically don'tcommunicate with him because
when he was staying with themfor a time I believe for two
months he he didn't actcorrectly with his mom.
His mom is an older lady.
He would um try to break stuffin his mom's house.
(03:22):
His mom finally just had enoughand decided that he has to
leave her house.
And because he was here in newyork first before he went to
florida, he came back and he'sstill drinking.
He says he's not.
Um, my daughter is terrified umto go outside.
(03:45):
Last year she was supposed tofinish high school.
She was.
She couldn't finish because shewas so terrified of him
thinking that he was going to dosomething to her.
I'm even scared sometimes toleave my house and leave her
alone.
I have to literally close, lockthe door, have her put all the
locks on the door because I'mafraid he's gonna come to my
(04:07):
house.
I have to look behind me when Iwalk now, cuz he knows what
he's gonna do?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Has he been violent with you?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yes, I let him stay with us.
Last year because he was in atreatment program in brooklyn.
He left the treatment program.
I felt bad for him.
I let him stay with me, let himstay with us.
And, um, my daughter wasfeeling sick.
One day I take her to my mom'shouse.
We come back and he's just.
(04:41):
He threw a plate of food on thewall.
He kicked me.
I had to get a restrainingorder against him.
I had to have the sheriff'scome and kick him out of my
house because he doesn't actcorrectly.
He, uh, he even came to mybuilding drunk and laid on the
(05:05):
front of my building and thatembarrassed me and his daughter.
And people were asking us doyou know this person?
I said no, I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
So what do you think triggered that violent episode?
Was he?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
drunk already, I would say, because his father
used to be an alcoholic as welland his father did stuff to his
mom.
So I guess when he saw that, hefelt that that's how he had to
act as well.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So generational.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yes, generational yes .
Speaker 2 (05:42):
And he wasn't drunk at the time, right, he just had
numbers.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
He's never stopped drinking.
He supposedly says he stops andthen it just continues.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Okay, so he just shows up drunk.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yes, he just shows up drunk.
The other day on my super yeahFriday, he came to my house to
fix something and I was takingout my dog and I noticed that
there was a paper on the floorof my door and he had the gall
to come to my door and slip hisnumber under my door when you
know he's not supposed to becoming to my house.
(06:17):
Okay, it's like I've seen himin the street and it's like I
speed walk or I go the other wayso I don't have to have no
interaction with him.
My daughter likes to, you know,come outside with me.
But I told her, no, I don'twant her to go outside because,
um, one saturday we had anincident.
(06:39):
We were walking and he justjumped.
He just runs up on us.
I don't know what he would havedone.
I don't know if he was going todo something.
Somebody has to tell him.
You know that's not cool.
He's like oh, that's mydaughter.
I literally have to threatenthis man with the police for him
to.
You know, leave us alone.
And even then that doesn't workbecause, oh, they come, they
(07:01):
take a statement, but theyhaven't caught him yet.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, and it's kind of hard for the police to do
their job on a situation likethat, because it's not actually
the economy, mm-hmm.
So they can't really do nothingbut just keep reporting it and
just do a picket trail.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yes, I had to buy pepper spray for me and her, but
she can't really have itbecause, um, when she goes to
school they have metal detectors, so and security, so she can't
really have it with her so hashe?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
okay, okay, we already we know that he's been
violent with you.
Has he been violent with yourdaughter?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
um, he has threatened her, saying he's going to break
her jaw and do stuff to her,and that makes her be afraid to
go outside because last year shewas supposed to graduate but
because of this that she wasn'tgoing.
Now, hopefully this year she'llbe able to actually finish.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
So how long ago, how many years ago was it that you
noticed that this was a problem?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I noticed it.
I would say maybe five or sixyears ago.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And in five or six years?
Right yeah, You've been stilldealing with this person.
Why has it been so difficultfor you to detach from him?
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Why, what?
Why has it been?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
so difficult to detect yourself, your family's
funding?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
It's been difficult because he's the type that'll
act like he doesn't do anythingto make himself seem the victim.
That's his him up.
I've gone to court with thisman when we lived in Jersey for
domestic violence and he says oh, I didn't do anything.
(09:06):
I haven't done anything, Idon't know what she's talking
about.
And he makes it seem like I'mcrazy when I've literally had, I
would say, almost 100 textmessages from him that I took to
court, that the judge even saidwhat is wrong with you?
Why are you sending this womanso many text messages?
He's kicked me out of the house.
I don't know how many times hehas done a lot.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
And he wasn't like that when you first met him.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
No, when I first met him, he was normal.
He was normal.
I didn't, you know, noticeanything out of the ordinary
with this man, and it's like nowthat I, you know, still am
dealing with you know the issue.
It makes me think, you know,maybe I missed something, maybe
I didn't see something, but hedidn't show any signs.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
So how was he when you first met?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Describe the man.
When we first met he was, wehad a day where we talked um
almost all night.
Um, he was very nice, um, hewas, he was a typical, you know,
typical guy, you know he.
He didn't show anythingdifferent, he was just, you know
(10:19):
, he seemed like a nice guy.
Okay, and you started seeingsigns I started, you know, after
a while I started seeing.
You know that, um, I didn'treally see right away.
Yeah, my dad actually saw.
You know that he wasn't right.
But you know how us girls are.
(10:40):
You know, when we are fixatedon someone, that we say no, no,
no you know we, you know, weknow better and stuff.
And it's like that day when mydad told me he's not right, I
was like I said no, no, no, he'sgood, he's good.
In hindsight, if I would have,I would I didn't.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I didn't get to hear you.
Your mic went off.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
We didn't hear you.
Your mic went off.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
You got it.
You hear me.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Yes, yeah, that's what I mean.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
In hindsight, looking back, I wish I would have you
know listened, then I wouldn'thave gone through everything I
went through with him.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
So tell us some of the signs that did appear.
What did appear?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
was that he was controlling.
If I would go somewhere, hewould need to know where I was
going or he would go with.
You know, one time me and mydaughter and my friend were
going out and he had to tagalong.
He never did that.
All of a sudden he wants tocome and tag along.
I would have girls night out.
He would come too, or he wouldsend my daughter.
(12:04):
He would send my daughter to um, where I was at, to come ask me
for money.
Literally, I have to tell himwhen I was working that I would.
I only made a hundred dollars,because he would always ask for
money, and so they still does.
(12:26):
Any more signs?
Um, that's basically um.
That was um that he startedacting more mean, more mean than
usual.
You know he wasn't as nice ashe was.
You know his mom had to tellhim stuff and it's like he
didn't.
He didn't as nice as he was.
You know his mom had to tellhim stuff and it's like he
(12:47):
didn't.
He didn't really listen.
You know he's a type that youcan't tell him anything.
He's like oh I'm, I'm grown, Idon't need nobody telling me
anything.
So, so continue with your storywith um and um and after
(13:12):
everything that happened, when Ifinally got the strength to say
enough is enough, I finallylearned and it was just for a
while that the whole screen wentoff.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Your mic keeps going off.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
I still felt ticklish .
There you go.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
There you go.
Repeat what you just said,because your mic keeps coming
off.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
When we would have to do the exchange With our child.
That felt uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And why would you feel uncomfortable?
What made you uncomfortableAbout the exchange?
I would think that would benormal With him.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I never I never know what you're gonna do.
To this day, I still feeluncomfortable whenever I see him
, like I don't know if he'sgonna, you know, have somebody
come and you know, do somethingor anything, or he's gonna try
something.
So with him I don't feelcomfortable, I don't trust him
at all.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
So what's the most unusual thing, like the most
shocking thing, he's done?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
The most shocking thing he's done.
The most shocking thing he'sdone, uh, um, because my
daughter got two lawsuits in thepast.
Um, she got, she has money inthe bank now and the most
shocking thing to me that he didor said was that he told people
where we live that she has thismoney in the bank for them to
(14:46):
hurt her.
What?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yes, how did you find that out?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Because my daughter still was talking to him and you
know he would literallythreaten.
He said oh, I'm going gonnatell people on the block that
you have money, cuz.
I was like in shock that hewould actually Wanna harm me and
his child Be for money, Just sohe can get alcohol.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's a strange very strange.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Yes, it is, you know a father can actually say that
to their own child has anyoneactually followed through with
that?
No, thank god no that's good.
I did another um, we did anotherpolice report and I have an
order against him.
Thank God she blocked one so hedoesn't call her.
(15:44):
She's still undecided aboutdoing a restraining order
against him because you knowthat is her dad still, you know,
and she does feel bad about youknow for him.
But at least he's not calling,so that gives me some peace.
But it's like I still don'tfeel comfortable At all walking.
(16:08):
If I go outside it's like Ihave I literally speed walk back
to my house.
I lock all the locks as soon asI come in.
Even during the day I alwayshave to look behind me.
I never used to do that.
Even being from the Bronx youknow my area I never had to look
(16:30):
back for anybody.
But with him it's like I alwayshave to look back now.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And he lives around that area or he's homeless.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
He hangs around the area.
Yeah, there's, I don't know ifyou know.
183rd, yes, and Lauren Place,yeah, the aqueduct, that little
park, yeah, that's his hangoutspot now.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Ah, okay.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
So that makes it.
You know, if I go to thesupermarket or if I, you know I
would make sure I go quick if Ineed something and come back so
I'm not too much around the area.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
That's never been a safe place to hang out.
No, not at all.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
But for him, since he's, you know, since that's
where his you know associatesare, you know, that makes it
good for him, because you knowhe hangs out with all the
alcoholic people there.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
And he's not.
Is he homeless?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Apparently so, because he has no place to live.
As far as I know, he wasstaying with someone, but they
kicked him out.
As far as I know, he's likehe's been a bum in the street.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
So here's another question, right?
Speaker 2 (17:47):
So let's say best case scenario, right, if he was
willing to get help, right?
Mm-hmm, we already know thatyou can't tell him anything.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
He's a stubborn ass right.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
What type of help do you think he would be receptive
to with his personality?
Speaker 3 (18:12):
With his personality.
I don't even think there's anyhelp, because one of his
relatives even tried putting himin um a detox place and he did
that, but it didn't really doanything because he still kept.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
He's still continuing has he been arrested before?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
um.
He's been arrested in jersey.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
He has never been arrested here so he's been in
jail probably for a short oftime.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
At the time when he was arrested in Jersey for
domestic violence against me,his relatives bailed him out and
stuff.
So did he seem a little bitbetter after he came out of jail
, maybe the first time maybe thefirst time, because when he
came out, all he did was go to ahospital for mental health and
(19:06):
you know, all he did was say, oh, I'm going to kill myself, I'm
going to kill myself, and I'mlike I was just waiting for that
to happen.
But he didn't do anything.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Do you believe that he suffers from mental health or
it's just really awful?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I believe he has some , you know Some instance of it,
because he's just like,especially when he's with the
alcohol, he's like he's not allthere.
I would say.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
And do you think that it's just alcohol?
Maybe it could be otherrecreational stuff.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Maybe he could, because in Jersey I know he used
to snort and in the past,before I started with him, he
one of his sister'sex-boyfriends.
He was a big drug dealer and heused to sell and he used to
take drugs.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
So yes, okay, drug dealer and he used to sell and
he used to take drugs so, yes,but everybody hopes that he gets
out, even his sister.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
But I saw her.
I'm like your brother's noteasy.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
His side of the family still attempts to help.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
They really don't deal with him at all.
They don't deal with him at all.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Not at all, not at all, and that's just as of
recently, because I mean, youdid say yeah, recently.
Because they did bail him outof jail.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Yeah, they did bail him out, but now they really
don't.
None of his family deals withhim, so now they're tired.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
They're tired of all this bullshit.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Yeah, they're tired of all the nonsense and it's
like you know it's sad with howyou know they were with him, but
you know they have to washtheir hands of him.
I told you his mom is, um,older and his mom, you know,
needs peace and she's not gonnahave that with him, even though
I feel, even though I'm like Iwish he didn't come back here,
(21:06):
because now it's like stressingme.
The other day I had high bloodpressure when I went to the
doctor, had to take my bloodpressure like four times and
it's never been as high as itwas because of him.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
So you know you don't believe that there's any help
for this guy um, I believe heneeds help and he needs it, but
but is there?
Do you think there is help forhim?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
there.
There should be help for him,but he doesn't want it and, like
I tell our daughter I'm likeyou can only help somebody so,
so much until you know.
If they don't are receptive tothe help or they don't look for
it, there's not much you canreally do, because they have to
want to get the help.
(21:51):
If they don't want it, you can.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
As the saying goes, you can put a horse to drink,
you know to drink whatever, butif they're not going to do it,
they're not going to do it sofrom your daughter's point of
view, right, I understand she'sscared of him, but she's also
kind of like hesitant of yes, ofnot communicating with him,
because she, she is still herfather.
(22:15):
Yes, she does really want that,um, that relationship, but
understands in a certain waythat she can't.
How do you see it affecting her?
Because I mean, how old is she?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
She's 18.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
So she's 18.
She's entered a womanhood right, yes, and you know, you hope
that these situations don'taffect her.
As she gets older, you knowwhat I'm saying.
Like as she gets older, shestarts having trust issues with
men.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
She already has trust issues with people.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
It's like you can't really trust people, yeah, or
maybe looking for men who arelike her daddy.
You know what I mean.
This stuff can bring amultitude of issues towards your
daughter in the next decade.
So how do you see it affectingher now?
(23:19):
Like it must be small signs,but you have to see something
out how she's affected.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Is she sad Moments when she's sad?
And, um, you know she, she'sthe type that she doesn't
communicate too much when she's,you know, in her mood, in her
sad mood.
But I try to tell her I'm like,because she'll sometimes won't
come outside, but I tell her I'mlike you can't let him scare
you into not coming outsidebecause he can't control your
(23:48):
life.
You know you have to.
You know worry about you.
Your father's grown.
He's supposed to be worryingabout you and taking care of you
.
You're not supposed to betaking care of him.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
And any other things that you know.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
This is what your daughter well, she's right here,
she can, you know.
I'll put her on the so she cantell you come on, sam, be nice,
be nice, come on nice.
She can tell you her soul, youknow.
Well, good afternoon Goodafternoon, sam, about how you
know you feel.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Good afternoon, sam, how you doing.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
I'm okay, just sick at the moment.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you got a cold or flu
or something like that.
Okay, and your voice is.
I'm trying to hear it and yourvoice is is kind of going.
Does it hurt for you to talk?
Speaker 3 (24:42):
A little bit.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Do you feel comfortable talking and telling
us your side, your point of viewOn?
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Well, you don't have to.
Well, I have to.
You know, she's shy.
That's the other thing.
She's shy.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
There's nothing wrong with that.
So, but still from your side,you.
On the outside looking in Toyour daughter.
Do you see it affecting her Ina negative way, and how is it
affecting?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
her In a negative way .
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Or maybe she doesn't have, maybe she's not affecting
negatively, maybe she's justcompletely.
I'm just asking.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
You know, I don't, I wouldn't say she completely
ignores it.
She tries to, you know, to dealwith it the best way she can.
But it's hard because you knowshe still has that love for him.
It's hard for her cry for himand stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
You know, and myself, as a father a father of two,
right yeah, and I'm not we haveseparate homes.
So we're separated, me and themother, we're separated.
We have separate homes.
The kids grew up in twodifferent households.
From a father's point of viewmy point of view personally, and
(26:06):
I hope to believe that most menare like this but we want our
kids to grow up better than usand we want to support them and
protect them and make sure thateverything is copacetic, that
when they go out to the world,they understand the dangers and
(26:29):
and also know when to get out ofthe dangers.
you, know, yeah, I taught mydaughter how to fight from a
very early age, in case somedude tried to touch her.
You know what I'm saying.
Of course, it's hard for me tolisten to this man threatening
(26:51):
his daughter and trying to robher.
Yes, it's like that's fuckingcrazy.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
It is, it's very crazy and it's like it's, oh man
, it's just sending me chills.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
It's not what us men, nope, are born and raised from.
Did he have both his parents?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
He had his father, but his father was an alcoholic
also.
So, his father wasn't around asmuch, he had his stepfather,
but his stepfather he was ahandful from when he was little,
and then his mom used to drinktoo, so that basically didn't
help him either.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
So how do you guide your daughter to this?
What is your story on trying tohelp her?
Speaker 3 (27:43):
out.
Um, I try to be her, um,support her, um, you know, give
her a lot of affection because,um, she even told me the other
day she was like when me and himwere going through our domestic
violence issues.
Um, she told me she's like mom.
I grew up, I basically raisedmyself and that hurt because
(28:03):
it's like I was around, but Iwasn't around like I should have
been for her, because me andhim were going through our stuff
.
I couldn't deal with it so Iwould leave.
And instead of taking her withme, I left her in the
environment Because I would tryto take her.
I went to the police stationbut he wouldn't let me take her.
(28:25):
He said, oh, you can leave, butmy child stays here.
And that made it hard for me To.
You know, not that I wouldleave the house and not come
back.
I would go for, like, maybe toa store To dust, you know, clear
my head and get away from,because this man, he literally
(28:47):
put my head up against the wall.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
He was hitting me with boots, he would hit me with
cells and it was like I dealtwith all of how long was you
doing with that, this box, withall of that, and how long was
you dealing with that physicalviolence?
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I've been dealing with that for 14 years.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Okay, so for 14 years you've been dealing with
physical abuse, but in the lastsix years you've been dealing
with his alcoholism.
Yes, so I have to ask thequestion.
Mm-hmm question why did youdeal with 14 years of physical
(29:25):
abuse?
Speaker 3 (29:28):
What made you stay?
The abuse?
Because I wanted my daughter togrow up with her parents.
Because I grew up with both ofmy parents, you know, and I
never saw them fighting oranything like that.
So I wanted to give my daughterthe chance to have both of her
(29:48):
parents together.
That's why I stayed for her.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
So you would take a slap a kick here and there, just
because you wanted both parents.
Yes, and that was your mainreason.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
And then he was my main.
You know, priority at the timeI didn't care about you know I
can't point through, but she wasmy main.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
You know I have you were sacrificing yourself, yes,
and then it led into alcohol,yes, and with the alcohol in
place, with the violence, was itmuch worse than the actual?
(30:33):
Like just the physical violenceat home?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
I would say it was both.
Both instances were back.
But when I finally had enough,I told I spoke to my family.
I spoke to my brother, mysister-in-law and I said oh my
god.
And they came, they helped me,they went to court with me.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
So tell us what was the breaking point.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
What was it that made you say, hey, this is it, I'm
done the breaking point for meWas when I got what, he took my
head and put it against the wallto tell us about that day.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Tell us about that story, tell us about that day.
Tell us about that story.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Tell us how it came down to you, what led to that.
He just took my head and justhit me against the wall of the
closet and after that I said nomore.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
That was it.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
I said I can't deal with this no more.
How many times did he put your?
Speaker 2 (31:37):
head through the wall .
Speaker 3 (31:38):
I would say it was maybe two or three.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
And that's all he did .
Speaker 3 (31:44):
He did that that day.
He asked that he hit me with abelt.
He hit me with a boot.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
What, yes, he took?
Speaker 3 (31:53):
out the cord.
Yes, yes, he did.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
And then he hit you with a boot.
Yep, like he wasn't wearing theboot, he had it in his hand and
hit you with a boot yep, likehe wasn't wearing the boot, he
had it in his hand and hit youwith a boot.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
No, he, he.
No, he didn't have it in and hewasn't wearing it.
He just um had it on the floorand he just hit me with the boot
.
He pushed me in the bathtub.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Um, he has done a lot but that day, I'm talking about
just that day.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
That day with the boot.
When he hit me, when he put myhead, I said no more.
I said I gotta get out of this,I can't.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Ooh Well, I'm glad that you did get out of it,
Jesus.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, so am I, and I'm glad I'm able to you know.
Tell it, you know.
And how many times did you?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
end up going to the hospital.
I went to the hospital a fewtimes.
And in the hospital nobody everquestioned you, Because I know
it's by law.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Yes, but nobody.
No, and I was embarrassed too.
I'm like I'm the type at thetime I didn't really, you know,
I felt embarrassed, you know,saying what was going on.
So I just basically kept itquiet.
But I would go to the policestation in the nighttime, you
know when I would go out.
I would go out for a walk orsay I'm going somewhere, and I
(33:14):
would go to the police stationand report him.
Station and report him.
So it wasn't like I didn't doanything, but and I kept records
of everything that he did.
I kept the text messages thathe sent me.
(33:35):
He put me through a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
So still up to this date, the court hasn't been able
to do anything, or have theydone something?
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Well, I, that's it.
I recently got anothertemporary retraining order
against him.
We have to go back to court onDecember 10th to hopefully make
it permanent, but he doesn't goto court.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Yeah, it doesn't matter if he doesn't go to court
, you doesn't matter.
If he doesn't go to court, youshow up.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
I show up and they just give me another day to go.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah, it's a it's a stupid, tedious process, but you
have to continue the processFor it to get done, because
eventually, what happens is thatit's going to be a certain
amount of time that he's notshowing and the courts are going
to be like Fuck it, he doesn'tcare.
So, boom, we of time to hit,not showing and, of course, is
gonna be like fuck it, hedoesn't care, so we're gonna hit
him with this.
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yes, so that's what he means.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, and then they'll set up.
Hopefully they'll send one outfor us.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
No, they told me that the detect.
The one of the detectives toldme that they're actually looking
for him.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Oh yeah, they're looking for to show the court.
I think that they're actuallyLooking for him.
They're looking for him to showup to court, but not to arrest
him, because he's up.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Before I went to court, they told me that they're
looking for him to arrest him.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Oh, okay, do you know what that charge would be?
Speaker 3 (34:53):
It would probably be harassment, because he was
harassing us, so it wouldprobably have for harassment.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So this is a complete fucking nightmare.
Yeah, all because of thefucking man who doesn't have the
balls fucking do his own shit.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What Do you have to say for someone out there who's
possibly in the same situation,or maybe a similar situation as
yours, because I understand allsituations are different but
someone who's entering thesituation as it was.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
I would just say to them have plenty of support from
your family, from your friends,from your loved ones.
Have patience, they will getbetter.
And if they have a platform,I'm also going to therapy as
well.
I suffer from anxiety, fromPTSD, so any outlet that you
(35:57):
find that can help you, take it.
Oh, samantha wants to say aword of advice.
Oh, thank you Samantha.
If you see red flags, go andwalk away before you notice them
.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Thank you so much, samantha.
I appreciate that You'rewelcome.
That's very good.
Any more?
Anything else you'd like totell us?
Lasting words or anything?
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Make sure you go to police, because domestic
violence issues could turn intosomething more deadly.
Oh yes, You're completely right.
You can't Awesome awesome.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
We right, you can Awesome, awesome, we got her to
speak.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
That's great.
That's great, and a lot oftimes it's even more powerful
when it comes from her.
Yes, so for yourself you'redoing that right, Mm-hmm?
Any?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
lasting words, anything else you'd like to say
about your story, anything,we'll get through this.
Um, this is not gonna define me.
Um, you know I'm I'm a strongperson and what's gonna come to
him will eventually come to him.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Well, I want to thank you very much for taking your
time out to tell us your story,to speak to us and to inform
people out there who possiblycan be going through the same
thing as you have been and stillare, and to keep fighting.
You know, continue to fight andit will Keep fighting.
Continue to fight and we'lleventually get better.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the opportunity
to speak because I've never donea podcast.
Awesome, hopefully we'll haveyou on again, okay.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Alright, this is NYC Boom from the Double A Club
Podcast.
Again.
Catch us on Spotify, amazonMusic, also iHeartRadio, and
check out the web series onYouTube which you're actually
watching right now.
Thank you very much, everyone.
Peace out.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Thanks for listening to our show.
This concludes our episode.
And listen up to the nextepisode to follow up on what
continuing topics and trends wehave going on, and just to
continue to listen to your boy,ny Boom, and co-hosts Big Daz,
and listen to our points ofviews and maybe you can add on
(38:39):
to it if you want.
But we'll catch you on the nextone.
Alright, have a good one.
Peace out, fellas.
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