July 30, 2026 • 27 mins
EEShow (Everything’s Energy Show)
EEShow is Everything’s Energy Show, a long-form interview podcast hosted by Michael Scalar. The official site is ee.show.
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Chapters
- (00:00) - Cold Open: Love, Lust, and Energy
- (00:53) - The Human Biofield and Sex as Energy Merging
- (02:38) - Sex as Sacred Energy Exchange
- (03:09) - Trauma Bonding Through Physical Intimacy
- (04:21) - DNA Exchange and Japan's Declining Sex Rates
- (06:10) - Notch on the Belt: Lust vs. Love
- (07:27) - Tantra, Kundalini, and Wasted Sexual Energy
- (09:19) - Chasing the Dopamine Hit of Sex
- (11:07) - When Intimacy Turns Into Addiction
- (13:51) - Why Women Crave Safety in Intimacy
- (15:06) - The Masculine-Feminine Balance in Relationships
- (17:05) - Sex as Practice, Not Performance
- (18:19) - Healing Trauma Before the Next Relationship
- (20:32) - Self-Love as the Foundation for a Healthy Bond
- (21:29) - Becoming a Beacon: Why Radiance Attracts
- (23:17) - Closing Advice: Balance, Reciprocity, and Growth
People
Creators & Guests- Torrey - Guest
- Michael Scalar - Host
- Roland - Writer
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Episode Transcript
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Torrey (00:00):
I think a lot of women just wanna feel really safe with
(00:03):
the person they're beingintimate with. When you're safe,
you feel like you can play more.And sex can be so fun and so
liberating and you get to knowyourself differently in the way
you express or things you wannaexplore more. And I think if you
can feel safe feeling all thosethings, deep feelings with
someone, you are accessing moreof yourself. And therefore, you
(00:26):
are opening many doors togrowing yourself.
Rather than just depletingyourself and chasing that
forever high, sleeping withpeople that perhaps aren't gonna
love you back, you're just gonnacreate this forever loop of just
feeling empty. And I think a lotof women are craving that
ultimate safety just to expresswho they really are when they're
(00:48):
at the most vulnerable.
Michael Scalar (00:53):
When I get that feeling, I need
Roland (00:56):
sexual healing.
Michael Scalar (00:58):
Sexual healing. Yeah. I thought you
Roland (01:02):
were a DJ. That's not bad pipes, buddy.
Michael Scalar (01:06):
Oh, that so I I wanted to dive into the human
biofield in relation to sex andthe coherence of two biofields
be coming together. Magichappens. Birth happens first at
conception. Conjugation and twofields collide and maybe some
body parts and some fluids.
Roland (01:27):
Fluids. Yep. But a lot
Michael Scalar (01:30):
of people don't really think about it past the
energy of sex and and therelationship between the male
and female. They think aboutjust the sex part, is Mhmm. You
know, doing the dirty, bumpinguglies, however you want to go
into it.
Roland (01:43):
Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. Yeah.
Michael Scalar (01:49):
So the human biofield is very, very
interesting because it extendspast us, our physical body, and
it can go up to 20 feet fromwhat I understand, which was an
interesting thing during COVIDbecause they wanted everyone to
remove their biofields from eachother, which is kind of trippy.
When you look at the human biofield, everything affects it. So
I actually think there's abalancing that occurs when a
(02:10):
male and a female actuallyconverge. It balances the
masculine side, softens it forthe female. It gives more of
that masculinity of the yin andyang, so to speak.
What do what do you guys what dowhere should we go with this?
There's a lot we can talk about.
Roland (02:24):
I think a good starting point would be to examine the
concept of sex from beyond aphysical act. Like you just
said. Right? So it is twoenergies merging as one. You
know, the the act of sex is oneis going in the other.
So you're sharing everything inthat moment. And when I started
learning a little bit more aboutthis, it made me think of it
(02:44):
differently. Because as a man,you're taught that the more
notches on your belt, the moreof a man you are. But if you're
someone who's in tune with theirown field, you do self
cultivation work and variousthings. When you have sex with
another person, from myunderstanding, it is literally
an exchange.
Like, sex stands for sacredenergy exchange.
Michael Scalar (03:03):
And
Roland (03:04):
there is a download and sharing. So I've heard
everything from your taking onsome of that person in some
context. There's some sort of atether connected from you to
that person in an ongoing basis,but you're also downloading all
of their stuff, their emotions,their unresolved patterns, if
you will, in life. So it couldnegatively impact you depending
(03:27):
upon how many partners you'rehaving, how many partners that
person has had that you'reengaging with.
Michael Scalar (03:32):
Well, it could be an upgrade or a downgrade
too.
Roland (03:33):
Could. Yeah. You have to be very mindful of who you're
wanting to swap things with.Flu, you know, there there's the
unfortunate side of sharingthings like STIs and SPDs with
people, but there's theenergetic side to that to where
you could trauma bond withsomeone. You could create a
dysfunctional dynamic with thatperson because they may have
some stuff in them that you'reinteracting with and feeling,
(03:55):
but you would have never stoppedto think, this start after I
started being physicallyintimate with this person.
It's an interesting concept,isn't it?
Michael Scalar (04:02):
Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're plugging into
someone and they're experiencingtrauma, rage, depression, You
you are entering that space. Andnow you might have to experience
some of that as just being ateffect of the emotions. Just
forget about the physical side.So I mean, then back to you were
saying the tethering too.
They're showing in studies thatin females, they're finding the
(04:24):
DNA of their sexual partners.The vaginal canal is very
absorby. I don't know if that'sa good word for it, absorby.
Absorb it a sponge. Men'sstrongest point of DNA contact
is actually their semen.
You've got a lot of denseinformation in that DNA. And if
if the vagina is actuallyabsorbing some of that, it could
be circulating through theirbody, which is rather trippy to
(04:45):
think about. Maybe a littlescary amount that you know,
sexual rates in say Japan havedropped by a significant amount.
So maybe they just understandhow intimate it is to go out and
hook up and their birth ratesare dropping which a whole
another conversation generallythroughout the world right now.
It's a huge topic of people justdon't wanna have kids.
But I think there's a a lot oftraumas that are being portrayed
(05:05):
through media that don't reallyencourage people to wanna go out
and procreate. So what are yourthoughts as a female on the
intimacy side of all that?
Torrey (05:16):
I would say it's tricky when you meet someone, you're
really really attracted to them,and you just feel like you wanna
have sex with them maybe on thefirst date,
Roland (05:25):
you know?
Torrey (05:25):
Everyone's very different with their rules,
women and men. My experiencewith friends and knowing a lot
of women, if you sleep with aguy or a girl too soon, it
clouds your judgment on who theyare as a person. And then you're
falling in love with them aftermaybe the first, second, third
(05:49):
time you slept with
Roland (05:49):
them. And you
Torrey (05:50):
think this person's amazing, you've got a lot in
common with them. But actually,you just exchange a lot of
energy. Yeah. And you're like,now you're totally bonded
energetically. You downloaded alot of what this other person's
experiencing in their lifesubconsciously into your body as
a woman.
And you're like, why did I justfall in love with this dude? I
(06:12):
just fall in love with this guy.But actually, after sleeping
with someone for four or sixmonths, you realize that
actually this person's, youknow, an idiot, or they don't
treat me well. They don'tactually And love now I'm
falling in love with thisperson, But really, if I just
got to know them as a friendfirst, that's not always the
case, of course. But if you canjust try to get to know someone
(06:36):
and use your discernment, youknow, rather
Michael Scalar (06:39):
than It is tricky because guys are trying
to get that notch on the belt.Women are emotional creatures.
Literally, they want to fall inlove. They're looking for
emotional where they're socomfortable around this person.
Yeah.
And a lot of a lot of guys rightnow are the notch in the belt,
unfortunately, is I'm justtrying to get off, and I'll and
and they're trying to get thatdopamine hit, and they're just,
(07:01):
oh, I won't they're looking fora drug, literally.
Roland (07:03):
They're just looking to get it out of their system.
Yeah. And I think it's a symptomof society. I've thought about
this before. Nevermore insociety have we separated love
and lust.
They're not mutually exclusivewhen it comes to intimacy, but I
think to have lasting success inan intimate relationship, they
need to be. Because if you'relooking at someone as
essentially, pardon my language,a fuck post, to get yourself
(07:24):
off, then it's selfish. It's notabout anything to do with them.
It's all about you. Yeah.
And that's the culture of whatyou just said. If you go a
little further back in time, wenever used to have these
problems because we had greatervalues in society. And I'm not
one for following religiondeeply, but there are some
beneficial values in aspects ofcreating monogamy and committed
(07:48):
relationships, which is hard forpeople. And if you go even
further back and you get intosome of the esoteric stuff, you
look at the Taoists, you look atthe Tantric practitioners Mhmm.
They were very careful aroundthe rules of sex.
How many people you sleep withas a man, even how often you
release your ejaculation, theintentions around sex, the
(08:09):
practices of moving energy. Itwasn't about pleasure. Pleasure
is the side effect. I mean,that's why procreation happens.
God made it feel good when youhave an orgasm.
So do more of this. Make more ofthese little things called
humans.
Michael Scalar (08:21):
Go forth and and be fruitful.
Roland (08:23):
But sexual energy is not something to be wasted, and it's
not something to beunderestimated in terms of the
importance. It is creationenergy. You mentioned in the
opening of this this episode, Iremember watching a video where
sperm finally reaches the egg,and there's this release of
light. There's this explosion.
Michael Scalar (08:40):
Yeah.
Roland (08:40):
That's the most powerful force in the universe, And you
can use sexual energy as acultivation technique to help
improve you. The whole point ofKundalini is to use that resting
dormant energy in the base ofthe spine, raise it up so you
have, quote, unquote, spiritualenlightenment. And even in the
Chinese, they have the threeenergies, the jing, the qi, and
(09:02):
the shen. And the jing is thatlife force primordial energy
that's not physical. Itcondenses down to the qi, which
is what flows through themeridians.
And if you're wasteful as a man,for example, you're essentially
spilling the secret sauce oflife that you never get to raise
that energy to spiritual energy,which is Shen. So there's clues
in history of how to managethese things, but we're just so
(09:25):
far along and we're sodisconnected from it. They're
like, oh, look at this weird woowoo thing in a book from China
two thousand years ago thattalks about not ejaculating ever
so often or as a woman, youknow, not
Torrey (09:36):
Giving yourself.
Roland (09:37):
Not giving yourself too much or, you know, being mindful
of when you're on your menstrualcycle. As a female, that's when
you leak that life force energy.So there's a lot that I don't
think we understand, or it'slost, so lost to history that we
can't make sense of it.
Michael Scalar (09:51):
Sex has become the ultimate quantum experience
now where we understand it, butwe don't understand it. But
Roland (10:00):
also, if you think of overly sexualizing a society, no
one gets anything done becauseall they're focusing on is sex.
They don't treat it as sacred.They just treat it as, as you
said, chasing that dopamine hitso they can maintain their lives
at this roller coaster ofaddiction.
Torrey (10:12):
Yeah. Just chasing a high, and it boy, it is a high.
But it's so short term. What'sreally, I think, magical is when
you have a genuine lovingrelationship with someone. Like,
you're not only best friends,but you're totally in love with
that person.
And that's where you can reallyexplore the magnitude and the
(10:33):
power of sex and how it canactually heal you. And you can,
I don't know, you become moreawakened as a human? We're so
powerful as human beings. We'renot told just how powerful sex
energy is.
Michael Scalar (10:50):
It's not really taught. I mean, it is in like
Tantra and things like that, butthat's very under known.
Roland (10:56):
It's actually taught to suppress you in other contexts
like don't do this, don't dothat, don't touch yourself, you
should never, you know, pleasureyourself. You'll have to say
hail Marys and do the rosary.There'd be a
Michael Scalar (11:07):
pen and and and you'll get I remember the first
Roland (11:10):
time someone said that to a group of young guys, and
everyone's, like, looking attheir palms so intently. But
we've created so many taboos andso many misconceptions around
sex, and it really is a way thatyou can transform yourself, but
it can also transform your lifefor the better or for the worse
depending on how you relate toit.
Michael Scalar (11:28):
Yeah. Well, I mean, I I understood there was a
very big difference betweenfucking and making love. In my
early twenties, because that'swhen we're all going around and
kind of doing the fuck likerabbits thing. Mhmm. And I
remember hooking up with a fewpeople and being like, God, that
was terrible.
And then having sex with someonethat you actually really like
and you're like, oh, that's youknow magical and there's this
(11:49):
feeling and you're not justtrying to jump out of bed. It's
like you could be a sloppy messof juices and you're just like,
no, let's just lay here. And itfeels good and maybe maybe in
your twenties too, like, maybewe can go like four or five more
rounds.
Roland (11:59):
Like, we're
Michael Scalar (12:00):
not even getting out of bed today.
Roland (12:01):
That is a big problem nowadays because when someone
engages in that kind of lustdriven sexual activity,
eventually, they become addictedto doing it. But after it's so
unfulfilling, it it causes themto fall into depression. I've
had a couple of clients likethis where, you know, there've
been men. They have created alife for themselves where
they're very desirable or theyknow how to play a game. They
(12:22):
know how to appeal to a woman.
And they actually loadthemselves at the end of the
experience because it gives themnothing but a catalyst to
feeling empty, depressed, andrealizing that they actually
have no idea what love is. And Ithink there's a lot of guys I
mean, I I can't speak for women.I'm not one. But as a man, I
could see how that lifestylebreeds this addictive way of
(12:46):
living without any sort ofsatisfaction, so you get stuck
in having to keep it up Mhmm. Tonot have to face dealing with
yourself or with the emptinessthat says in your existence.
Michael Scalar (12:55):
Sexual heroin and chasing the dragon. Yeah.
Truly. Truly.
Torrey (12:59):
And it is addictive. The more you have it, the more you
want it.
Michael Scalar (13:02):
And it's a rush. It feels amazing. I mean, there
is that side though where you dofeel empty during it and after
it with the wrong partners. Andso, I mean, there's
unfortunately, a lot of peopledon't have that inner voice
where they're they're so they'reliterally chasing the dragon, so
to speak. And then when you havethat inner voice and you're
tapping in and you're wondering,was this sex good or was it
(13:23):
fulfilling?
Or as a male, you couldliterally lose your your your
erection halfway through becauseyou're just like, this sucks.
Like, why am I even doing it?Your your dick tunes out and is
like, yeah, why are we doingthis, bro? You're not
Roland (13:35):
fully in like, you're not enmeshed with the
experience. You're aparticipant. You're not actually
in it.
Michael Scalar (13:40):
There's just like working out kind of Yeah.
True. It's a mechanicalactivity. Yeah.
Torrey (13:45):
Speaking from a woman's perspective, I think a lot of
women just wanna feel reallysafe with the person they're
being intimate with. And whenyou're safe, you feel like you
can play more. And sex can be sofun and so liberating, and you
get to know yourself differentlyin the way you express or things
(14:05):
you wanna explore more. And Ithink if you can feel safe
feeling all those things, deepfeelings with someone, you are
accessing more of yourself Andtherefore, you are opening many
doors to growing yourself. Andso rather than just depleting
yourself and chasing thatforever high, sleeping with
(14:25):
people that perhaps aren't gonnalove you back, you're just gonna
create this forever loop of justfeeling empty.
And I think a lot of women arecraving that ultimate safety
just to express who they reallyare when they're at the most
vulnerable because we're sovulnerable.
Michael Scalar (14:45):
Well, I mean, that's another thing too where
you have this split between themasculine and the feminine. You
have feminists who are like, wedon't need men. Men who are just
tapping out too and just beinglike, I'm sick of women. Yeah.
And they're really not realizingthat it's kind of a God's design
of we actually kind of really doneed each other.
Yeah. So it's not about beingindependent. It's the intimacy
(15:05):
or into me I see is as anexploration exploration on both
sides where you're learning alot from the other. The the
woman is teaching how to feeland the man is teaching how to
be grounded. And when thesethings come together, it's you
know, it's like if you're gonnamake a cocktail so to speak and
you've got a mixer and thealcohol, it makes a whole
another perspective drink.
(15:27):
So I'm sorry
Roland (15:27):
you said cocktail, and I just I didn't go there at first,
but More more talk, but sellingtale. Cocktail, the story of sex
with Michael Scalar, not a joke.But, you
Michael Scalar (15:38):
know, you you learn a lot from being intimate
with the other sex.
Roland (15:43):
Mhmm.
Michael Scalar (15:43):
And I understand that there are other people out
there that are exploring sameside of female female, male
male. And I feel like when yousee those relationships a lot
time, one of those is actuallymore of a feminine. Mhmm. And
one is more as a masculine onboth sides there. So you're
still exploring more of that.
Roland (15:59):
There has to be a balance of some sort.
Michael Scalar (16:01):
Yeah. The balance. The yin and yang of the
intimacy.
Roland (16:04):
But you bring up a really good point, and I think
it reinforces something that Ieven mentioned earlier. Because
you have groups of women who golike, we don't need men, or they
want a man to draw in the energythat moves their life ahead.
It's not about the intimacy.It's about the status of the
upgrade. You have men who aregoing, we don't want women.
We don't don't wanna deal withtheir bullshit. That energy, I
(16:28):
believe, connects todysfunctional sexual dynamics
among society, especially in theWestern world. Because we're
inundated with things that areoverly sexualized all the time.
Michael Scalar (16:38):
All everything is overly sexualized today.
Roland (16:40):
It's overly sexualized, novelty wears off. I had a
conversation with someone todayabout the nature of Las Vegas,
and my perspective of howamazing it is to live here. He's
lived here his whole life. He'slike, I never thought about how
good this place was. That'shuman nature.
When you get to the point whereyou're overly exposed to
something, it loses thespecialness because it's called
(17:00):
normalcy.
Michael Scalar (17:01):
So jaded? Absolutely.
Roland (17:03):
Yeah. So I think it's a symptom of the West has a lot of
problems with sexuality becausewhat they're chasing is a lust
driven self satisfaction,intimate relationship dynamic to
where they don't wanna take thetime and go through the
awkwardness. I mean, as a guy,you're supposed to be able to
perform well and satisfy a womanand make her all these things.
Michael Scalar (17:24):
And in
Roland (17:25):
a woman, you're supposed
Michael Scalar (17:26):
Are gonna say make her scream?
Roland (17:27):
I was I was I was and then, you know, as a woman, I'm
sure it's you have to pretendlike, oh my god. You are the
best I've ever had. You'reyou're feeding each other's
egos.
Torrey (17:34):
Women feel like they have to perform too and
Roland (17:36):
get away. Fake an orgasm.
Torrey (17:38):
Make the guy think that he's doing a great job. And Just
like, all lies.
Roland (17:42):
All of it's an illusion of bullshit. Because do you
remember, like, the first timeyou had sex?
Torrey (17:49):
Awkward
Roland (17:49):
and terrible. You're like, oh, is it in the right
hole? And, ow, I stabbed. Like,it's just weird.
Michael Scalar (17:55):
Yeah. Early sex days are unique.
Roland (17:58):
Yeah. But I I remember because I I've read into some of
these things, and I read thenature of sex being a practice.
Mhmm. Right? So sexual practice,if you think about the word
practice, it's something thatyou work at every time.
It's not something that you evertruly master and reach a
tabletop of proficiency. Everyendeavor is new, and what what
(18:19):
comes with practice is failure.Although failure is relative,
it's not a real thing. If youcan drop the ego of the
performance that you have to putforth or the expectations of
what you're trying to live upto, that vulnerability allows
you to actually explore who youare, and you move away from lust
and into intimacy and intoconnection. Because that's
(18:42):
really the only way that you canhave a healthy long term
satisfactory relationship withsomeone is you have to find a
way to connect with that personso you can both meet each other
where you are.
Maybe someone's got a few sexualhang ups and the other person's
gonna hold space while theygrow. Maybe the other person's
got some trauma and the otherperson needs to be accommodating
and understanding while thatperson works through that so
(19:04):
it's not something thatdominates their experience. But
we need to move away from thislust driven thing to a place of
loving and connection andbringing that into intimacies,
is my opinion.
Michael Scalar (19:13):
There's a there's a lot of damage that
occurs too in relationshipswhere they're creating a lot of
trauma, and they're not takingaccountability to the narcissism
that occurs Mhmm. Where peopleare literally stepping into
these relationships to get thesex, and then they're treating
the the other person like shit.And now this person leaves that
relationship, and now they haveall this trauma that they've
gotta they've gotta accept thatthey have the trauma and then
(19:34):
clear it. And they shouldn't begetting into another
relationship until they'veactually done some shadow work.
Because otherwise, they'rethey're bringing that that
damage into that next person'sbiofield, into their life.
And that person's not gonna bevery accommodating to that. So
you're unless you heal, it'sgoing to be hard for you to
create the healthy reality inyour lifestyle that you want.
Torrey (19:54):
I agree entirely. It starts with self love. Yeah. You
know, a lot of narcissistssecretly hate themselves, or
they're just dissatisfied forsome reason about their
existence, and they can't fullyaccept who they are. So how
could they fully accept or, youknow, really see the needs of
someone else?
They're thinking aboutthemselves all the time.
Michael Scalar (20:15):
Well, accountability kinda goes both
ways too, because you havepeople overvaluing themselves
saying, I'm this amazing catch,and they have nothing going on.
And then other people literallytalking to themselves in the
mirror like, I'm not goodenough, I'm ugly, and so you
have to find a balance ofunderstanding where you stand as
a person, and what's gonna matchyour energy, but you know, if
(20:37):
you're overweight, you go to thegym, try and look a little
better. If you if you'redepressed, then obviously the
gym will actually help with thattoo. You need to tap into
yourself and be like, can I fix?What can I do to self love, to
self heal, So that I can createthat masterful connection with
someone when they actuallyappear?
Because that's the problem too,is people the love of their life
might be right in front of them,but they're so compressed and
(21:00):
internalized that they they'renot reaching out. That's right.
Really common these days.
Torrey (21:04):
Yeah. I feel it's so easy, I hate to speak personally
about my life, but I had a lotof lovely long term
relationships, And I knew that Iwasn't finding the one, and I
knew in order to find the one, Ihad to do some inner work on
myself. And so I was
Michael Scalar (21:24):
You took accountability. Congratulations.
Thanks.
Torrey (21:27):
It was quite hard at first. Yeah. But I knew I needed
to be single for a certainamount of time. And in that time
when I was single, I was able tofully love myself in a whole
another way that I thought I didbefore. You know, respected
myself and loved myself.
But when you're truly, trulyalone, you're only left with
your own thoughts and yourboredom. And what am I gonna do
(21:48):
today? And you're sleeping alonein the bed. And you really start
thinking, what am I? How worthyam I?
And you start realizing, no, I'mworth this. This is the sort of
person I want to fall in lovewith. This is the sort of person
I am. I want someone to mirrorthat. And once you really,
really lock into that self love,you you start enjoying existence
(22:12):
and you don't care about findinganother person again.
And then lo and behold, youknow, as soon as you're happy
being single, that person comesalong because you're just so
blissfully happy just being you.
Michael Scalar (22:23):
And that's a beacon of light that a person
can be, and they glow, and thensomeone's gonna be attracted to
that glow.
Torrey (22:29):
Right.
Michael Scalar (22:30):
So if you're dark and shut down, you don't
have that glow, but then whenyou are actually experiencing
that positivity in life andyou've healed and you're
radiant, then people go, oh,shiny.
Torrey (22:42):
And I think you're then gonna attract someone that's at
that next level where you arenow at. I mean, lot of people
that are unhappy seem to findanother person that is also
unhappy, but maybe in adifferent way, but you just seem
to work together and youcompliment each other in your
wounds. And you wonder why youstart, you know, not working
(23:03):
together because you haven'tdealt with your wounds
individually. But I think thatthere's this beauty in taking a
step back from being sexuallyactive and not being with anyone
to really discover who you arewith all those urges that we
humans have. And that's whereyou find the purity of who you
(23:23):
are and where you wanna next gowith someone.
Michael Scalar (23:27):
That's well said.
Torrey (23:29):
Oh, thanks. But yeah, these things take time and you
can't rush them, but I think theolder you get and the more you
learn to respect yourself moreas a man or a woman, you can
start really finding that otherperson that you can explore with
sexually or explore just lifewith and be best friends with
(23:49):
and yeah.
Michael Scalar (23:52):
Alright, where do we go from here?
Roland (23:55):
Good question. I mean, maybe we can round this out with
maybe either a piece of advicethat comes to mind or something
that everyone has experiencedpersonally that's been really
beneficial for them? Maybe it'sgonna resonate with someone
who's watching this andstruggling?
Michael Scalar (24:11):
I think really for relationships, it's about
finding balance.
Torrey (24:14):
Mhmm.
Michael Scalar (24:15):
There's a push and pull. And so a lot of times
you have one side that is isdoing a lot of the heavy
lifting, and the other side'skinda being toted around. It
creates an imbalance. So youfind ways to lift each other up,
become that power couple. Mhmm.
Obviously, initially, it's gonnabe more of a feeling each other
out, and that the initial sexualspark, you're enjoying the
honeymoon phase, but if you wanta long relationship, both
(24:38):
parties come together and figureout how can I support you? And
they ask both sides thatquestion, how can I support you?
And they reciprocate that.Because if one side is
constantly asking for somethingand the other one's constantly
giving, it it becomes drainingthat there's an out of balance
weighing of scales that occurs.Mhmm.
And so you really wanna keep itsomewhere where it's gonna move.
(24:58):
It's never gonna be stable, butI give you, you give me. I love
you, you love me. It's it'srather simple, but obviously
quite complex all at the sametime.
Roland (25:07):
Yeah. I would say that, you know, the notion that no one
is perfect and whatever you'vedealt with, someone has had
their version of that, andyou're both gonna bring that
into a relationship dynamic. AndI think the successful ones,
especially on the intimacy sideof things, work through things
together and hold space for eachother because at some point,
like you just said, withbalance, there's gonna be this
reciprocity. One may be goodwhile the other is struggling.
(25:30):
And then, well, that that onewho's struggling, when they work
through their stuff, maybe itholds space for the other person
to work through their next layerof stuff.
But fundamentally, you have tobe understanding. You have to be
willing to be vulnerable. And Ithink reframing your
relationship with intimacy andbeing being able to hold a
(25:51):
special place in your heart andmind for it rather than just
something you do to satisfy anurge is an elevating
perspective. Because if it isthe creation energy that
essentially makes life, itshould not be something wasted
or spilled or unhealthfullyaddicted to. That's my 5¢.
Michael Scalar (26:10):
Do you have a couple cents?
Torrey (26:12):
Yeah. I mean, going back to kind of how we started with
sexual energy, which is withinall of us human beings, it's so
powerful. And I think we'rereally on a new wave of learning
just how powerful we are ashumans. And sexuality is so
basic within us all. And I thinkthe more informed we are, the
(26:34):
more we're able to navigate itwithin ourselves, navigate a
relationship with someone else,be able to do things more
consciously, we'll be able tohelp each other grow more
consciously, and healing will beable to be done through sex.
Roland (26:51):
Sexual he or him. Do you you literally I was literally
just gonna say we came such along way from your Marvin Gaye
introduction. You gotta end withsome Barry White.
Michael Scalar (27:00):
I like
Roland (27:02):
can't get enough of your love, baby. My baby man. Not we
did a little baritone thing. Ididn't know I could go that low.
Michael Scalar (27:10):
Alright. Well, I think we'll wrap there. Ladies
and gentlemen, thank you forjoining us on our sexual
exploration episode here. Like,comment, subscribe, all that
beautiful stuff. We'll see younext time.
I think a lot of women just wanna feel really safe with
(00:03):
the person they're beingintimate with. When you're safe,
you feel like you can play more.And sex can be so fun and so
liberating and you get to knowyourself differently in the way
you express or things you wannaexplore more. And I think if you
can feel safe feeling all thosethings, deep feelings with
someone, you are accessing moreof yourself. And therefore, you
(00:26):
are opening many doors togrowing yourself.
Rather than just depletingyourself and chasing that
forever high, sleeping withpeople that perhaps aren't gonna
love you back, you're just gonnacreate this forever loop of just
feeling empty. And I think a lotof women are craving that
ultimate safety just to expresswho they really are when they're
(00:48):
at the most vulnerable.
Michael Scalar (00:53):
When I get that feeling, I need
Roland (00:56):
sexual healing.
Michael Scalar (00:58):
Sexual healing. Yeah. I thought you
Roland (01:02):
were a DJ. That's not bad pipes, buddy.
Michael Scalar (01:06):
Oh, that so I I wanted to dive into the human
biofield in relation to sex andthe coherence of two biofields
be coming together. Magichappens. Birth happens first at
conception. Conjugation and twofields collide and maybe some
body parts and some fluids.
Roland (01:27):
Fluids. Yep. But a lot
Michael Scalar (01:30):
of people don't really think about it past the
energy of sex and and therelationship between the male
and female. They think aboutjust the sex part, is Mhmm. You
know, doing the dirty, bumpinguglies, however you want to go
into it.
Roland (01:43):
Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. Yeah.
Michael Scalar (01:49):
So the human biofield is very, very
interesting because it extendspast us, our physical body, and
it can go up to 20 feet fromwhat I understand, which was an
interesting thing during COVIDbecause they wanted everyone to
remove their biofields from eachother, which is kind of trippy.
When you look at the human biofield, everything affects it. So
I actually think there's abalancing that occurs when a
(02:10):
male and a female actuallyconverge. It balances the
masculine side, softens it forthe female. It gives more of
that masculinity of the yin andyang, so to speak.
What do what do you guys what dowhere should we go with this?
There's a lot we can talk about.
Roland (02:24):
I think a good starting point would be to examine the
concept of sex from beyond aphysical act. Like you just
said. Right? So it is twoenergies merging as one. You
know, the the act of sex is oneis going in the other.
So you're sharing everything inthat moment. And when I started
learning a little bit more aboutthis, it made me think of it
(02:44):
differently. Because as a man,you're taught that the more
notches on your belt, the moreof a man you are. But if you're
someone who's in tune with theirown field, you do self
cultivation work and variousthings. When you have sex with
another person, from myunderstanding, it is literally
an exchange.
Like, sex stands for sacredenergy exchange.
Michael Scalar (03:03):
And
Roland (03:04):
there is a download and sharing. So I've heard
everything from your taking onsome of that person in some
context. There's some sort of atether connected from you to
that person in an ongoing basis,but you're also downloading all
of their stuff, their emotions,their unresolved patterns, if
you will, in life. So it couldnegatively impact you depending
(03:27):
upon how many partners you'rehaving, how many partners that
person has had that you'reengaging with.
Michael Scalar (03:32):
Well, it could be an upgrade or a downgrade
too.
Roland (03:33):
Could. Yeah. You have to be very mindful of who you're
wanting to swap things with.Flu, you know, there there's the
unfortunate side of sharingthings like STIs and SPDs with
people, but there's theenergetic side to that to where
you could trauma bond withsomeone. You could create a
dysfunctional dynamic with thatperson because they may have
some stuff in them that you'reinteracting with and feeling,
(03:55):
but you would have never stoppedto think, this start after I
started being physicallyintimate with this person.
It's an interesting concept,isn't it?
Michael Scalar (04:02):
Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're plugging into
someone and they're experiencingtrauma, rage, depression, You
you are entering that space. Andnow you might have to experience
some of that as just being ateffect of the emotions. Just
forget about the physical side.So I mean, then back to you were
saying the tethering too.
They're showing in studies thatin females, they're finding the
(04:24):
DNA of their sexual partners.The vaginal canal is very
absorby. I don't know if that'sa good word for it, absorby.
Absorb it a sponge. Men'sstrongest point of DNA contact
is actually their semen.
You've got a lot of denseinformation in that DNA. And if
if the vagina is actuallyabsorbing some of that, it could
be circulating through theirbody, which is rather trippy to
(04:45):
think about. Maybe a littlescary amount that you know,
sexual rates in say Japan havedropped by a significant amount.
So maybe they just understandhow intimate it is to go out and
hook up and their birth ratesare dropping which a whole
another conversation generallythroughout the world right now.
It's a huge topic of people justdon't wanna have kids.
But I think there's a a lot oftraumas that are being portrayed
(05:05):
through media that don't reallyencourage people to wanna go out
and procreate. So what are yourthoughts as a female on the
intimacy side of all that?
Torrey (05:16):
I would say it's tricky when you meet someone, you're
really really attracted to them,and you just feel like you wanna
have sex with them maybe on thefirst date,
Roland (05:25):
you know?
Torrey (05:25):
Everyone's very different with their rules,
women and men. My experiencewith friends and knowing a lot
of women, if you sleep with aguy or a girl too soon, it
clouds your judgment on who theyare as a person. And then you're
falling in love with them aftermaybe the first, second, third
(05:49):
time you slept with
Roland (05:49):
them. And you
Torrey (05:50):
think this person's amazing, you've got a lot in
common with them. But actually,you just exchange a lot of
energy. Yeah. And you're like,now you're totally bonded
energetically. You downloaded alot of what this other person's
experiencing in their lifesubconsciously into your body as
a woman.
And you're like, why did I justfall in love with this dude? I
(06:12):
just fall in love with this guy.But actually, after sleeping
with someone for four or sixmonths, you realize that
actually this person's, youknow, an idiot, or they don't
treat me well. They don'tactually And love now I'm
falling in love with thisperson, But really, if I just
got to know them as a friendfirst, that's not always the
case, of course. But if you canjust try to get to know someone
(06:36):
and use your discernment, youknow, rather
Michael Scalar (06:39):
than It is tricky because guys are trying
to get that notch on the belt.Women are emotional creatures.
Literally, they want to fall inlove. They're looking for
emotional where they're socomfortable around this person.
Yeah.
And a lot of a lot of guys rightnow are the notch in the belt,
unfortunately, is I'm justtrying to get off, and I'll and
and they're trying to get thatdopamine hit, and they're just,
(07:01):
oh, I won't they're looking fora drug, literally.
Roland (07:03):
They're just looking to get it out of their system.
Yeah. And I think it's a symptomof society. I've thought about
this before. Nevermore insociety have we separated love
and lust.
They're not mutually exclusivewhen it comes to intimacy, but I
think to have lasting success inan intimate relationship, they
need to be. Because if you'relooking at someone as
essentially, pardon my language,a fuck post, to get yourself
(07:24):
off, then it's selfish. It's notabout anything to do with them.
It's all about you. Yeah.
And that's the culture of whatyou just said. If you go a
little further back in time, wenever used to have these
problems because we had greatervalues in society. And I'm not
one for following religiondeeply, but there are some
beneficial values in aspects ofcreating monogamy and committed
(07:48):
relationships, which is hard forpeople. And if you go even
further back and you get intosome of the esoteric stuff, you
look at the Taoists, you look atthe Tantric practitioners Mhmm.
They were very careful aroundthe rules of sex.
How many people you sleep withas a man, even how often you
release your ejaculation, theintentions around sex, the
(08:09):
practices of moving energy. Itwasn't about pleasure. Pleasure
is the side effect. I mean,that's why procreation happens.
God made it feel good when youhave an orgasm.
So do more of this. Make more ofthese little things called
humans.
Michael Scalar (08:21):
Go forth and and be fruitful.
Roland (08:23):
But sexual energy is not something to be wasted, and it's
not something to beunderestimated in terms of the
importance. It is creationenergy. You mentioned in the
opening of this this episode, Iremember watching a video where
sperm finally reaches the egg,and there's this release of
light. There's this explosion.
Michael Scalar (08:40):
Yeah.
Roland (08:40):
That's the most powerful force in the universe, And you
can use sexual energy as acultivation technique to help
improve you. The whole point ofKundalini is to use that resting
dormant energy in the base ofthe spine, raise it up so you
have, quote, unquote, spiritualenlightenment. And even in the
Chinese, they have the threeenergies, the jing, the qi, and
(09:02):
the shen. And the jing is thatlife force primordial energy
that's not physical. Itcondenses down to the qi, which
is what flows through themeridians.
And if you're wasteful as a man,for example, you're essentially
spilling the secret sauce oflife that you never get to raise
that energy to spiritual energy,which is Shen. So there's clues
in history of how to managethese things, but we're just so
(09:25):
far along and we're sodisconnected from it. They're
like, oh, look at this weird woowoo thing in a book from China
two thousand years ago thattalks about not ejaculating ever
so often or as a woman, youknow, not
Torrey (09:36):
Giving yourself.
Roland (09:37):
Not giving yourself too much or, you know, being mindful
of when you're on your menstrualcycle. As a female, that's when
you leak that life force energy.So there's a lot that I don't
think we understand, or it'slost, so lost to history that we
can't make sense of it.
Michael Scalar (09:51):
Sex has become the ultimate quantum experience
now where we understand it, butwe don't understand it. But
Roland (10:00):
also, if you think of overly sexualizing a society, no
one gets anything done becauseall they're focusing on is sex.
They don't treat it as sacred.They just treat it as, as you
said, chasing that dopamine hitso they can maintain their lives
at this roller coaster ofaddiction.
Torrey (10:12):
Yeah. Just chasing a high, and it boy, it is a high.
But it's so short term. What'sreally, I think, magical is when
you have a genuine lovingrelationship with someone. Like,
you're not only best friends,but you're totally in love with
that person.
And that's where you can reallyexplore the magnitude and the
(10:33):
power of sex and how it canactually heal you. And you can,
I don't know, you become moreawakened as a human? We're so
powerful as human beings. We'renot told just how powerful sex
energy is.
Michael Scalar (10:50):
It's not really taught. I mean, it is in like
Tantra and things like that, butthat's very under known.
Roland (10:56):
It's actually taught to suppress you in other contexts
like don't do this, don't dothat, don't touch yourself, you
should never, you know, pleasureyourself. You'll have to say
hail Marys and do the rosary.There'd be a
Michael Scalar (11:07):
pen and and and you'll get I remember the first
Roland (11:10):
time someone said that to a group of young guys, and
everyone's, like, looking attheir palms so intently. But
we've created so many taboos andso many misconceptions around
sex, and it really is a way thatyou can transform yourself, but
it can also transform your lifefor the better or for the worse
depending on how you relate toit.
Michael Scalar (11:28):
Yeah. Well, I mean, I I understood there was a
very big difference betweenfucking and making love. In my
early twenties, because that'swhen we're all going around and
kind of doing the fuck likerabbits thing. Mhmm. And I
remember hooking up with a fewpeople and being like, God, that
was terrible.
And then having sex with someonethat you actually really like
and you're like, oh, that's youknow magical and there's this
(11:49):
feeling and you're not justtrying to jump out of bed. It's
like you could be a sloppy messof juices and you're just like,
no, let's just lay here. And itfeels good and maybe maybe in
your twenties too, like, maybewe can go like four or five more
rounds.
Roland (11:59):
Like, we're
Michael Scalar (12:00):
not even getting out of bed today.
Roland (12:01):
That is a big problem nowadays because when someone
engages in that kind of lustdriven sexual activity,
eventually, they become addictedto doing it. But after it's so
unfulfilling, it it causes themto fall into depression. I've
had a couple of clients likethis where, you know, there've
been men. They have created alife for themselves where
they're very desirable or theyknow how to play a game. They
(12:22):
know how to appeal to a woman.
And they actually loadthemselves at the end of the
experience because it gives themnothing but a catalyst to
feeling empty, depressed, andrealizing that they actually
have no idea what love is. And Ithink there's a lot of guys I
mean, I I can't speak for women.I'm not one. But as a man, I
could see how that lifestylebreeds this addictive way of
(12:46):
living without any sort ofsatisfaction, so you get stuck
in having to keep it up Mhmm. Tonot have to face dealing with
yourself or with the emptinessthat says in your existence.
Michael Scalar (12:55):
Sexual heroin and chasing the dragon. Yeah.
Truly. Truly.
Torrey (12:59):
And it is addictive. The more you have it, the more you
want it.
Michael Scalar (13:02):
And it's a rush. It feels amazing. I mean, there
is that side though where you dofeel empty during it and after
it with the wrong partners. Andso, I mean, there's
unfortunately, a lot of peopledon't have that inner voice
where they're they're so they'reliterally chasing the dragon, so
to speak. And then when you havethat inner voice and you're
tapping in and you're wondering,was this sex good or was it
(13:23):
fulfilling?
Or as a male, you couldliterally lose your your your
erection halfway through becauseyou're just like, this sucks.
Like, why am I even doing it?Your your dick tunes out and is
like, yeah, why are we doingthis, bro? You're not
Roland (13:35):
fully in like, you're not enmeshed with the
experience. You're aparticipant. You're not actually
in it.
Michael Scalar (13:40):
There's just like working out kind of Yeah.
True. It's a mechanicalactivity. Yeah.
Torrey (13:45):
Speaking from a woman's perspective, I think a lot of
women just wanna feel reallysafe with the person they're
being intimate with. And whenyou're safe, you feel like you
can play more. And sex can be sofun and so liberating, and you
get to know yourself differentlyin the way you express or things
(14:05):
you wanna explore more. And Ithink if you can feel safe
feeling all those things, deepfeelings with someone, you are
accessing more of yourself Andtherefore, you are opening many
doors to growing yourself. Andso rather than just depleting
yourself and chasing thatforever high, sleeping with
(14:25):
people that perhaps aren't gonnalove you back, you're just gonna
create this forever loop of justfeeling empty.
And I think a lot of women arecraving that ultimate safety
just to express who they reallyare when they're at the most
vulnerable because we're sovulnerable.
Michael Scalar (14:45):
Well, I mean, that's another thing too where
you have this split between themasculine and the feminine. You
have feminists who are like, wedon't need men. Men who are just
tapping out too and just beinglike, I'm sick of women. Yeah.
And they're really not realizingthat it's kind of a God's design
of we actually kind of really doneed each other.
Yeah. So it's not about beingindependent. It's the intimacy
(15:05):
or into me I see is as anexploration exploration on both
sides where you're learning alot from the other. The the
woman is teaching how to feeland the man is teaching how to
be grounded. And when thesethings come together, it's you
know, it's like if you're gonnamake a cocktail so to speak and
you've got a mixer and thealcohol, it makes a whole
another perspective drink.
(15:27):
So I'm sorry
Roland (15:27):
you said cocktail, and I just I didn't go there at first,
but More more talk, but sellingtale. Cocktail, the story of sex
with Michael Scalar, not a joke.But, you
Michael Scalar (15:38):
know, you you learn a lot from being intimate
with the other sex.
Roland (15:43):
Mhmm.
Michael Scalar (15:43):
And I understand that there are other people out
there that are exploring sameside of female female, male
male. And I feel like when yousee those relationships a lot
time, one of those is actuallymore of a feminine. Mhmm. And
one is more as a masculine onboth sides there. So you're
still exploring more of that.
Roland (15:59):
There has to be a balance of some sort.
Michael Scalar (16:01):
Yeah. The balance. The yin and yang of the
intimacy.
Roland (16:04):
But you bring up a really good point, and I think
it reinforces something that Ieven mentioned earlier. Because
you have groups of women who golike, we don't need men, or they
want a man to draw in the energythat moves their life ahead.
It's not about the intimacy.It's about the status of the
upgrade. You have men who aregoing, we don't want women.
We don't don't wanna deal withtheir bullshit. That energy, I
(16:28):
believe, connects todysfunctional sexual dynamics
among society, especially in theWestern world. Because we're
inundated with things that areoverly sexualized all the time.
Michael Scalar (16:38):
All everything is overly sexualized today.
Roland (16:40):
It's overly sexualized, novelty wears off. I had a
conversation with someone todayabout the nature of Las Vegas,
and my perspective of howamazing it is to live here. He's
lived here his whole life. He'slike, I never thought about how
good this place was. That'shuman nature.
When you get to the point whereyou're overly exposed to
something, it loses thespecialness because it's called
(17:00):
normalcy.
Michael Scalar (17:01):
So jaded? Absolutely.
Roland (17:03):
Yeah. So I think it's a symptom of the West has a lot of
problems with sexuality becausewhat they're chasing is a lust
driven self satisfaction,intimate relationship dynamic to
where they don't wanna take thetime and go through the
awkwardness. I mean, as a guy,you're supposed to be able to
perform well and satisfy a womanand make her all these things.
Michael Scalar (17:24):
And in
Roland (17:25):
a woman, you're supposed
Michael Scalar (17:26):
Are gonna say make her scream?
Roland (17:27):
I was I was I was and then, you know, as a woman, I'm
sure it's you have to pretendlike, oh my god. You are the
best I've ever had. You'reyou're feeding each other's
egos.
Torrey (17:34):
Women feel like they have to perform too and
Roland (17:36):
get away. Fake an orgasm.
Torrey (17:38):
Make the guy think that he's doing a great job. And Just
like, all lies.
Roland (17:42):
All of it's an illusion of bullshit. Because do you
remember, like, the first timeyou had sex?
Torrey (17:49):
Awkward
Roland (17:49):
and terrible. You're like, oh, is it in the right
hole? And, ow, I stabbed. Like,it's just weird.
Michael Scalar (17:55):
Yeah. Early sex days are unique.
Roland (17:58):
Yeah. But I I remember because I I've read into some of
these things, and I read thenature of sex being a practice.
Mhmm. Right? So sexual practice,if you think about the word
practice, it's something thatyou work at every time.
It's not something that you evertruly master and reach a
tabletop of proficiency. Everyendeavor is new, and what what
(18:19):
comes with practice is failure.Although failure is relative,
it's not a real thing. If youcan drop the ego of the
performance that you have to putforth or the expectations of
what you're trying to live upto, that vulnerability allows
you to actually explore who youare, and you move away from lust
and into intimacy and intoconnection. Because that's
(18:42):
really the only way that you canhave a healthy long term
satisfactory relationship withsomeone is you have to find a
way to connect with that personso you can both meet each other
where you are.
Maybe someone's got a few sexualhang ups and the other person's
gonna hold space while theygrow. Maybe the other person's
got some trauma and the otherperson needs to be accommodating
and understanding while thatperson works through that so
(19:04):
it's not something thatdominates their experience. But
we need to move away from thislust driven thing to a place of
loving and connection andbringing that into intimacies,
is my opinion.
Michael Scalar (19:13):
There's a there's a lot of damage that
occurs too in relationshipswhere they're creating a lot of
trauma, and they're not takingaccountability to the narcissism
that occurs Mhmm. Where peopleare literally stepping into
these relationships to get thesex, and then they're treating
the the other person like shit.And now this person leaves that
relationship, and now they haveall this trauma that they've
gotta they've gotta accept thatthey have the trauma and then
(19:34):
clear it. And they shouldn't begetting into another
relationship until they'veactually done some shadow work.
Because otherwise, they'rethey're bringing that that
damage into that next person'sbiofield, into their life.
And that person's not gonna bevery accommodating to that. So
you're unless you heal, it'sgoing to be hard for you to
create the healthy reality inyour lifestyle that you want.
Torrey (19:54):
I agree entirely. It starts with self love. Yeah. You
know, a lot of narcissistssecretly hate themselves, or
they're just dissatisfied forsome reason about their
existence, and they can't fullyaccept who they are. So how
could they fully accept or, youknow, really see the needs of
someone else?
They're thinking aboutthemselves all the time.
Michael Scalar (20:15):
Well, accountability kinda goes both
ways too, because you havepeople overvaluing themselves
saying, I'm this amazing catch,and they have nothing going on.
And then other people literallytalking to themselves in the
mirror like, I'm not goodenough, I'm ugly, and so you
have to find a balance ofunderstanding where you stand as
a person, and what's gonna matchyour energy, but you know, if
(20:37):
you're overweight, you go to thegym, try and look a little
better. If you if you'redepressed, then obviously the
gym will actually help with thattoo. You need to tap into
yourself and be like, can I fix?What can I do to self love, to
self heal, So that I can createthat masterful connection with
someone when they actuallyappear?
Because that's the problem too,is people the love of their life
might be right in front of them,but they're so compressed and
(21:00):
internalized that they they'renot reaching out. That's right.
Really common these days.
Torrey (21:04):
Yeah. I feel it's so easy, I hate to speak personally
about my life, but I had a lotof lovely long term
relationships, And I knew that Iwasn't finding the one, and I
knew in order to find the one, Ihad to do some inner work on
myself. And so I was
Michael Scalar (21:24):
You took accountability. Congratulations.
Thanks.
Torrey (21:27):
It was quite hard at first. Yeah. But I knew I needed
to be single for a certainamount of time. And in that time
when I was single, I was able tofully love myself in a whole
another way that I thought I didbefore. You know, respected
myself and loved myself.
But when you're truly, trulyalone, you're only left with
your own thoughts and yourboredom. And what am I gonna do
(21:48):
today? And you're sleeping alonein the bed. And you really start
thinking, what am I? How worthyam I?
And you start realizing, no, I'mworth this. This is the sort of
person I want to fall in lovewith. This is the sort of person
I am. I want someone to mirrorthat. And once you really,
really lock into that self love,you you start enjoying existence
(22:12):
and you don't care about findinganother person again.
And then lo and behold, youknow, as soon as you're happy
being single, that person comesalong because you're just so
blissfully happy just being you.
Michael Scalar (22:23):
And that's a beacon of light that a person
can be, and they glow, and thensomeone's gonna be attracted to
that glow.
Torrey (22:29):
Right.
Michael Scalar (22:30):
So if you're dark and shut down, you don't
have that glow, but then whenyou are actually experiencing
that positivity in life andyou've healed and you're
radiant, then people go, oh,shiny.
Torrey (22:42):
And I think you're then gonna attract someone that's at
that next level where you arenow at. I mean, lot of people
that are unhappy seem to findanother person that is also
unhappy, but maybe in adifferent way, but you just seem
to work together and youcompliment each other in your
wounds. And you wonder why youstart, you know, not working
(23:03):
together because you haven'tdealt with your wounds
individually. But I think thatthere's this beauty in taking a
step back from being sexuallyactive and not being with anyone
to really discover who you arewith all those urges that we
humans have. And that's whereyou find the purity of who you
(23:23):
are and where you wanna next gowith someone.
Michael Scalar (23:27):
That's well said.
Torrey (23:29):
Oh, thanks. But yeah, these things take time and you
can't rush them, but I think theolder you get and the more you
learn to respect yourself moreas a man or a woman, you can
start really finding that otherperson that you can explore with
sexually or explore just lifewith and be best friends with
(23:49):
and yeah.
Michael Scalar (23:52):
Alright, where do we go from here?
Roland (23:55):
Good question. I mean, maybe we can round this out with
maybe either a piece of advicethat comes to mind or something
that everyone has experiencedpersonally that's been really
beneficial for them? Maybe it'sgonna resonate with someone
who's watching this andstruggling?
Michael Scalar (24:11):
I think really for relationships, it's about
finding balance.
Torrey (24:14):
Mhmm.
Michael Scalar (24:15):
There's a push and pull. And so a lot of times
you have one side that is isdoing a lot of the heavy
lifting, and the other side'skinda being toted around. It
creates an imbalance. So youfind ways to lift each other up,
become that power couple. Mhmm.
Obviously, initially, it's gonnabe more of a feeling each other
out, and that the initial sexualspark, you're enjoying the
honeymoon phase, but if you wanta long relationship, both
(24:38):
parties come together and figureout how can I support you? And
they ask both sides thatquestion, how can I support you?
And they reciprocate that.Because if one side is
constantly asking for somethingand the other one's constantly
giving, it it becomes drainingthat there's an out of balance
weighing of scales that occurs.Mhmm.
And so you really wanna keep itsomewhere where it's gonna move.
(24:58):
It's never gonna be stable, butI give you, you give me. I love
you, you love me. It's it'srather simple, but obviously
quite complex all at the sametime.
Roland (25:07):
Yeah. I would say that, you know, the notion that no one
is perfect and whatever you'vedealt with, someone has had
their version of that, andyou're both gonna bring that
into a relationship dynamic. AndI think the successful ones,
especially on the intimacy sideof things, work through things
together and hold space for eachother because at some point,
like you just said, withbalance, there's gonna be this
reciprocity. One may be goodwhile the other is struggling.
(25:30):
And then, well, that that onewho's struggling, when they work
through their stuff, maybe itholds space for the other person
to work through their next layerof stuff.
But fundamentally, you have tobe understanding. You have to be
willing to be vulnerable. And Ithink reframing your
relationship with intimacy andbeing being able to hold a
(25:51):
special place in your heart andmind for it rather than just
something you do to satisfy anurge is an elevating
perspective. Because if it isthe creation energy that
essentially makes life, itshould not be something wasted
or spilled or unhealthfullyaddicted to. That's my 5¢.
Michael Scalar (26:10):
Do you have a couple cents?
Torrey (26:12):
Yeah. I mean, going back to kind of how we started with
sexual energy, which is withinall of us human beings, it's so
powerful. And I think we'rereally on a new wave of learning
just how powerful we are ashumans. And sexuality is so
basic within us all. And I thinkthe more informed we are, the
(26:34):
more we're able to navigate itwithin ourselves, navigate a
relationship with someone else,be able to do things more
consciously, we'll be able tohelp each other grow more
consciously, and healing will beable to be done through sex.
Roland (26:51):
Sexual he or him. Do you you literally I was literally
just gonna say we came such along way from your Marvin Gaye
introduction. You gotta end withsome Barry White.
Michael Scalar (27:00):
I like
Roland (27:02):
can't get enough of your love, baby. My baby man. Not we
did a little baritone thing. Ididn't know I could go that low.
Michael Scalar (27:10):
Alright. Well, I think we'll wrap there. Ladies
and gentlemen, thank you forjoining us on our sexual
exploration episode here. Like,comment, subscribe, all that
beautiful stuff. We'll see younext time.
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