October 1, 2025 • 57 mins
CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR IDENTITY IS DYING
(AND THAT'S THE SEXIEST THING ABOUT YOU)
Your carefully constructed self is having an existential striptease, and honey, it's time to stop pretending you're not turned on by the show.
Meet James, found writhing in creative ecstasy at an underground party where the music industry's ghosts were having an orgy with tomorrow's sound. He'll teach you how to die to yourself nightly and wake up wearing whatever identity feels dangerous enough to be true.
Get ready for:
- The art of letting your old self commit suicide while your new self watches and takes notes
- Why your relationship is actually three people: who you were, who you are, and who you're becoming (and they're all sleeping with different people)
- How depression isn't your enemy – it's just existence giving you a cosmic lap dance
- The raw truth about why your partner can't evolve with you (and why that's tragically beautiful)
WARNING: Side effects may include:
- Sudden urges to destroy your current identity
- Uncomfortable levels of authentic self-expression
- The ability to find beauty in your own destruction
- Spontaneous outbreaks of philosophical arousal
- The death of your social media persona
This isn't another episode about "finding yourself." This is about losing yourself so completely that existence has no choice but to give you something better.
From performance art to profound isolation, we're teaching you to dance between reality and fantasy until you can't tell which one's leading.
Stop trying to fix your life. Start treating it like the avant-garde theater piece it is.
Available now wherever you get your permission to exist differently.
Remember: Your identity isn't having a crisis – it's having an awakening. And like all good deaths, it's just foreplay for what comes next.
Trust me. I've died to myself so many times, I've got frequent flyer miles in the afterlife.
Welcome to the space between who you were and who you're becoming.
P.S. If this episode doesn't make you question everything, you're not listening hard enough.
Plus! Not one, but two pop-ins from Helena the Brit.
And all the lessons in love, leadership, lechery, and letting go you've come to expect from The Only Good Podcast™!
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is LA's number-one avant-garde personal development program. New episodes premiere on KCHUNG Los Angeles on the first Wednesday of the month.
The writer, producer, host, and witty and wounded romantic hero is Emerson Dameron, who is wholly responsible for its content.
I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Emerson Dameron (00:00):
You're gonna run out of the thing that's
killing you right now, and soyou're not gonna be able to kill
yourself in that way anymore,and even if you really, really
want to, which you probably willit will likely take a few days
to adjust.
I encourage you to spend thattime in pursuit of objectives
that you're not able to or havenot been able to pursue
(00:22):
effectively under your previouscircumstances, and you both know
what I'm talking about.
So don't look at me like that.
Just do what you already knowyou need to do how to stop being
self-conscious.
I was going to say stop beingyourself, stop being yourself.
I did, I said it twice, twodifferent contexts, but that's
really all you need.
(00:44):
If you stop being yourself,somebody might still be
self-conscious, but it's notgonna be you, and when it's not
you, it's not your problem, it'ssomebody else's and that makes
it hilarious and kind ofwonderful and magical and
something you can feel goodabout and celebrate and toast to
and say mazel tov and shootfireworks, hook up and get
(01:04):
wasted.
Get your drink on, get yourschmoke on, it's all good.
You don't exist anymore.
Nobody has to pay the bill,nobody has to do anything.
It's all over.
It never got started.
There is no you.
So throw yourself a party.
God damn it.
There is no you, but you got anice ass.
(01:29):
How does that work anyway?
Pick up the vibe man, then thenext one, put a of that old
razzle-dazzle in it.
Show them you still got it.
You're the one with all theseodd products that you want
(01:54):
people to purchase to supportyou and to bring a little bit of
your juju into their lives Inan unprotected sexual way.
For their ears and it's rightinto their brains, audio is an
intimate medium.
People like the video.
People watch Joe Rogan talk topeople for four hours.
Why would you do that, unlessyou're uncomfortable with just
the audio compared to the wholething?
(02:15):
I like the audio exclusiveexperiences.
It's a certain very intense kindof intimacy.
I'm an auditory, thinker andlearner, et cetera.
I can also understand pictureswhen I look at them.
Frame don't aim, I can takephotographs.
I'm the only person that canget a photograph of a sunset in
(02:35):
LA that does it justice on aSamsung phone, on that camera.
I did it.
Everybody else sucks becausethey can't do that.
I'm the only one who can.
People need to get on my level.
Audio, the spoken word music.
I wish I'd known when I wasyounger how easy music is to
make.
I always thought it was a craftpracticed by professionals, all
of whom seem to be rich, exceptfor my dad and his friends.
(02:58):
They were musicians and theywere not especially wealthy.
But all of the other musiciansI could think of Phil Collins,
prince Men at Work at one timewere all wealthy To an extent.
The late Steve Albini breaks itdown how they're getting taken.
Did you know?
there used to be a whole musicindustry.
Now it's the Kevin Kelly's1,000 true fans economy, and boy
(03:21):
is it more hellish than anyonecould have possibly anticipated,
except for people getting richoff of it, which you know.
If there's a gold rush,somebody's gonna make money
selling shovels.
If there's a drug dealer bustedunder a streetlight, he'll come
back and shoot out thestreetlight and then you'll bust
him again Because you're a copand a rat and a sellout and it's
(03:42):
like somebody said it to yourface.
So, like me, oh my god, what isthis?
What is the world?
Can I only perceive thingsbecause I am those things.
Projecting them onto otherpeople is the cowardice Kicking
the can.
I'm developing myself, growth,healing.
Who is this mage, this musebefore me?
My teacher, I would bow beforeyou and go in between your toes
(04:07):
if I thought that's what youwanted.
I think we both know what youwant.
You're going to be not runningthe show because you always have
to make decisions.
Your life is full of choicesand responsibilities and
zero-sum games that you have toplay.
You're a hustler and that'sbeautiful and you have a heart
and you maintain those thingsand that's a lot of hard work
(04:27):
and you're not gonna have toworry about that in a little bit
, because I'm gonna take it fromhere.
You're gonna take it as well Ifyou beg for it.
If you look me straight in theeyes, I give you a good smack
across the face and not aHollywood smack.
I've received your feedback andI've taken it to heart.
You want the real deal, thefull production.
It's coming, and that's farfrom the only thing that's
(04:49):
coming.
In that situation, I'm going touse you.
However I want.
You're going to love it, andthat's the explanation for all
of the previous content.
Orson W (04:58):
Amen 20 times more for you people than any other
commercial I've ever made.
You are such pests.
Now what is it you want in?
Daisy L (05:10):
your depths of your ignorance.
What is it you want?
K Chung, los Angeles, 1630 AM.
K Chung radioorg EmersonDameron's Medicated Minutes L A
Number 1 event guard, personaldevelopment program, home of the
(05:31):
first church of the satanicBuddha, and bite-sized erotic
thrillers.
Improve yourself beforeeverybody else does.
That's kinky.
Levity saves lives.
Helena the Brit (06:23):
Oh, darling, you simply must.
Let me tell you about poorJames.
Well, that's what he went bywhen I knew him, though he later
insisted everyone call him Jay.
Apparently, james wasn't edgyenough for his artistic vision.
He was this absolutelyfascinating creature I sort of
adopted last summer you know howI have such a weakness for
(06:44):
helping lost souls findthemselves.
I found him spinning at thisfrightfully underground
warehouse party in Hackney, thekind of place where the bar
doesn't even serve propercocktails, just warm gin in
plastic cups.
But there was something so rawabout him, unpolished like a
diamond, that just needed theright person to shape him.
(07:07):
He was wearing this absolutelytragic faux vintage leather
jacket that was clearly fromTopshop.
But I saw potential.
I let him take me home thatnight to show him what real
culture feels like.
You understand, what realculture feels like you
understand.
His flat was this dreary littlespace above a kebab shop, but I
(07:29):
found it sort ofanthropologically fascinating.
He had all these vinyl recordsdisplayed on his walls and I
didn't have the heart to tellhim that half of them were
rather obvious choices.
I mean, who doesn't own unknownpleasures?
Just in the last week in CamdenTown alone, I've seen the
t-shirt in at least fivedifferent languages.
(07:50):
But I did manage to ease him ina bit, started bringing him to
all the right parties,introducing him to actually
important people, even convinceddaddy's friend Sebastian to let
him DJ at Annabelle's thoughthat was a bit of a disaster.
Apparently, experimental noiseartists don't understand the
(08:10):
concept of reading the room.
He did have this charming way ofmaking everything seem terribly
urgent and passionate, alwayscalling at 3am about some
absolutely vital party we simplyhad to attend, or some
mind-expanding substance we hadto try immediately.
And, yes, fine, I may havehelped him out with rent once or
(08:33):
twice, but only because he wason the verge of this enormous
breakthrough.
He had all these connections inBerlin, you see, very
underground, very next wave.
The sex was well, it was ratherlike performance art Lots of
brilliant ideas, somewhatslipshod execution.
He had this thing about filmingeverything for his video
(08:53):
collage about loneliness orwhatever.
I'm sure it will be terriblyavant-garde when it comes out,
if it comes out.
He took his laptop with all thefootage when he left for Berlin
, or was it Barthelona?
His note was confusing, Iassume pump and dump refers to
one of his crypto scans, right?
Oh, and he borrowed mygrandmother's vintage Cartier
(09:15):
watch For good luck, apparently.
I'm sure he'll return it oncehe's established himself.
I did make it clear I needed itback.
I do hope he figures himselfout.
Poor thing, he had suchpotential, even if he didn't
quite know what to do with it.
I mean, yes, he might haveborrowed quite a bit of money
(09:36):
and yes, perhaps he did sleepwith Arabella the very night
after I introduced them at mygallery opening, and fine, maybe
he did use my contacts to bookseveral gigs he never actually
showed up for.
But that's just how theseartistic types are, isn't it?
They need someone sophisticatedto guide them, even if they
don't always appreciate it.
I should probably unblock himon Instagram actually just to
(09:59):
check if he's posted anythingabout the watch or about me.
Not that I care, obviously.
I just think it's important tomaintain anything about the
watch or about me.
Not that I care, obviously.
I just think it's important tomaintain connections in the
industry.
One never knows when someonemight become relevant, though he
could have at least tagged mein those photos with Sophie
Dale's niece.
I mean, that party wasliterally at my flat.
Emerson Dameron (10:32):
Power dynamics.
The truth is power is hot andimbalances of power are hot.
Some people will always screwtheir TAs in the Iowa writing
workshop so they can writenovels about it, because that's
the kind of seesaw powerdynamics that people love.
Comfort will be necessary forpeople to feel safe in
relationships.
But friction, polarity,conflict, those are necessary
for the sparks and the smoke andthe fire.
(10:55):
That's how the meat sizzles.
It depends how real the powerdynamics have to be.
Part of what the kink communitydoes is kind of post-modernize
power dynamics where it's all abit theatrical and very well
thought out and thoughtfullyconsented to.
Will that work for everyone?
I would not think it would.
(11:15):
If it was implemented by force,it's hard to imagine how people
would evolve into that.
I think some people are goingto want the real thing.
There ain't nothing like thereal thing if that's what you're
into and a think some peopleare going to want the real thing
Ain't nothing like the realthing if that's what you're into
, and a lot of people are anddon't know it, which makes it
extremely dangerous.
Sex is God.
It is the force of creationitself.
(11:36):
Desire and seduction flow fromthat.
Powerful seducers will alwayshave power, either personally
and in society.
If they put a lot of wins onthe board, confidence will come
from that and that will escalatethings further.
And some people are talented atcreating sensual experiences
for themselves and others.
(11:56):
They could be sensuous,self-indulgent gluttons who
don't really care about otherpeople's experience, and that
can certainly be intoxicating Ifyou're used to having to make
people feel like they're doingthe right thing, somebody who
just does what they want and hassome swagger.
They're always right and no oneelse matters.
It can be pretty seductive andexplosive for you.
(12:20):
They don't care If somethinggoes wrong.
You will be left to absorb mostof the impact of that.
So it's a dangerous place to be.
And that does nothing todiminish the excitement, the
erotic and sensory stimulationgranted extra power by the risk
of danger, enhancing the play,exacerbating the thrills,
(12:42):
because there's skin in the gameand you're hitting skins when
you indulge in your desires.
The belief is that you have tosuffer for that.
Feeling good must be punished.
It's taught by religions andsociety and if you believe that,
it becomes true for you.
Emotional vulnerability.
As we get into any sort ofrelationship, we are going to be
(13:06):
vulnerable and be exposed,enmeshed, entangled, tossed to
and fro by the power of ourpassions and emotions.
And we may just struggle tomaintain our identities, our
senses of ourselves,particularly if it's been a
while, if we've been starved forthis kind of excitement and in
connection with someone else, ifit's intimate and particularly
(13:29):
if that person exerts a lot ofpower on us, if we lose track of
ourselves.
This can be a wonderful thing.
Reality is malleable.
Borders are more porous thanyou realize.
Blurring of ourselves can be anopportunity for
self-exploration,self-redefinition, rebirth, in a
(13:50):
sense, a journey from here tothere we bring the elixir back
to our own lives and becomesomeone somewhat different, no
longer beholden to nostalgia ofthe people around us.
But that requires confrontingour own limitations and finding
out we are not who we thought wewere.
We are not the people that webecame comfortable with, and we
(14:12):
have to surrender ourselves toexperiences that will change us,
redefine us and endrelationships.
That means surrendering somewhatto the thrall of another person
who's not perfect and may notknow what the hell they're doing
may be openly malicious.
(14:33):
That might actually be better.
On the whole, malice is lessdangerous than incompetence.
Combined with theDunning-Kruger effect, there's
nothing worse than a bumbler whothinks he's a villain or she
Although women are gettingreally good at villainy, I don't
know if you've noticed.
It's in the air, it's in thezeitgeist, this kind of passion,
(14:57):
excitement, particularly whenwe're likely to bestow some of
the credit for our ownexperiences and who.
We are, becoming Another person.
It's much like an addiction,something we can feel dependent
on.
We can freak the hell out whenit's pulled away.
The kind of people that createthese experiences are good at
(15:18):
push-pull dynamics.
Whether they know it or not,they could be doing it by
accident, they could just beselfish, but the fact is that
they drive us nuts because it'shot and cold, yes and no, in and
out, up and down, and it can beaddictive.
And the addiction can encroachinto other areas of our lives.
We can be out top of the worldat one moment, trudging around
(15:41):
through the slush in chicago infebruary.
Our socks are wet, but we don'tcare, because we're in love.
We're making a 2 am booty call.
We're volunteer firemen and thenext day when we don't get that
call back, it can make us wantto kill ourselves and we can
question is this sustainable?
Obviously not.
Will this survive a realgrown-ass, grown-up relationship
(16:05):
?
Probably not.
Most of those are terrible andthe good ones tend to end poorly
.
I was told by a psychologyteacher that I had in high
school that 10% of people couldbe happy with any romantic
partner and the remaining 90%will never be happy with any
romantic partner.
I don't think that's scientific, but I don't think I'm in the
(16:26):
10%.
I used to think that I tried tobe, but invested in my personal
growth.
My plan was to bring it on homeand enrich my relationship.
At one point my then-partnerconfided in me that she didn't
like the personal growth stuff Iwas doing.
She was afraid I would becomeself-actualized and realize that
(16:46):
I didn't love her anymore.
I was trying to becomeself-actualized for both of us.
She was obviously notinterested.
It was more prescient than Ithink either of us realized.
We are alone ultimately, andthe more we evolve, the more, if
we are extreme individuals orwe go our own way, it will be
(17:07):
lonely.
You feel isolated.
You might be rejected by peoplethat have a certain image of us
that is no longer accurate.
It doesn't fit, it createsconflict, and we could alienate
people.
They could alienate us, youcould think they were backing
away and we could cling to them,when really they're the ones
that are pissing us off.
(17:27):
You know, like a mutualdropping.
No one really knows, and bothpeople kind of feel guilty and
kind of feel ashamed and alsokind of feel slighted and
disrespected and abandoned.
It's very confusing and havingan honest conversation about it,
particularly after some damagehas been done, can be very
difficult.
(17:48):
If you're lonely to begin with,then you have an intense
connection with somebody thatreally changes everything for
you.
It could be your escape fromyour solitude, your loneliness.
Everything that stoked theflames of your existential
horror or made you feel like youwere freezing to death can
drive you a little bit nuts,because nothing makes you more
(18:12):
insane bonkers than getting whatyou want is often the worst
thing that could happen.
Fantasy blurs into reality andyou can't really tell the
difference, because reality hasgotten so psychedelic, so
strange, so much weirder thananything you would have had the
imagination or the boldness orthe wildness to ask for or
(18:34):
imagine or expect.
It can be hard to tell thedifference.
You will start to questionwhere the lines are.
Why are there no right angles?
Well, maybe there never were.
That's something I created, Partof a narrative that I used to
give myself the illusion ofstructure that I needed to
support my illusion of free will.
My shoes tied in the morning,go through the day, but now I
(18:56):
have this person that I thinkthey really love me, but I'm not
sure that makes it exciting.
If it works out the way I wantit to, this could really change
my life and save it and changeit, and you can find the edges
where you're able to connect,fire up the emotions.
The physical stuff could shutdown or the physical magic could
(19:18):
overwhelm your senses so muchthat you don't realize that
you're not really communicating.
On a deeper level.
You could get really investedin what you think someone else
is and then after a while yourealize that you just weren't
really communicating and youdon't know this person and they
don't know you.
It's really challenging and atbest people over-communicate.
(19:41):
And when people genuinely loveeach other and have each other's
best interests at heart, thingscan go awicate.
And when people genuinely loveeach other and have each other's
best interests at heart, thingscan go awry.
And when it's escapism itresults from pain, from flight
from the way things were before.
When it becomes a vector forpersonal struggles, insecurities
, and that quest forredefinition has a certain
(20:04):
desperation to it, because youdon't really know what you want.
You just know you don't likethis and you gotta get out of
here.
You can go a little bit crazy,but ultimately you have to
reckon with it, the only way outis the way through, not around
To confront who you are and youremotions, who you thought you
were and the difference betweenthat and who you turned out to
(20:26):
be, and all the rest of it, allof your disappointments, all of
your illusions about yourself,everything that you've lost
everything that you know isreally your responsibility, but
you find it impossible to takeresponsibility for and all the
things that you would takeresponsibility for, because
you're so long for a sense ofagency, any semblance of an
(20:49):
inkling of control.
They would take responsibilityfor the worst bad luck that
you've ever had.
That it really is just bad luck.
Sometimes bad things justhappen and it's neither here nor
there, and neither are you, andyou can't really own it as much
as you want to and that can beso frightening.
It's the power of love, whetherit's dominating another person
(21:11):
or having it happen to you.
Generally it's like what goeson in your real life.
You'll probably play with theopposite In the sex container.
Sex is where we hide things.
There's also God.
It is explosive.
It's also God.
It is explosive.
It's the force of creationitself, like a million exploding
stars it is.
It can absolutely destroy youand bring you back to life.
(21:35):
But, you have to get out of yourown way to be effectively
destroyed, otherwise you'll justtake the whole operation down
with you.
I want you to cry during sexfor the right reasons.
I want you to ride thatthreshold of terror and
excitement, not know thedifference and not know what
(21:57):
time is anymore, lose all senseof gravity, reality, physics,
your physical self, and cry atthe astounding beauty and drama
and comedy and richness of theexperience.
And also because I'm poundingit out and beating it up and
drilling the fuck out of you andyou're in a state of love and
(22:18):
owned by me.
Get on the outfit and get towork.
Suicide.
You really haven't lived untilyou've at least thought about
suicide.
It's the one philosophicalproblem that really carries any
weight.
Life is pretty meaningless ifyou don't go around with death
stapled to your forehead.
And once you figure out thatthat is in your control at least
(22:41):
to some degree, you always havethat ace in the hole.
You got that cyanide capsule inyour pocket in case you're
cornered by the black dogs andthe goons.
In case you're cornered by theblack dogs and the goons, the
badness of civilization come totrack you down and punish you
for daring to color outside thelines.
You're punished for that.
Deeply into adulthood.
You always have the sanctity ofyour own mind, but eventually
(23:04):
it gets lonely in there andyou're gonna want to get out.
You're gonna want to get rid ofyourself yourself, your
internal monologue, yourself-concept, your awareness
that you exist.
As your biggest problem in lifeit's the one that follows you
around.
It's perennial.
The truth is, there issuffering in life.
Life is suffering.
(23:24):
The Buddhists are correct aboutthat.
There is suffering that is morebad than most of the good
things can possibly be good, atleast on an ongoing basis.
There's the issue of askyourself if you are happy and
you cease to be so, you start toquestion it.
But ask yourself if you aresuffering and you're going to
want to commit suicide.
I've thought about it.
The idea can be empowering thatreally you're not under any
(23:47):
obligation to keep doing this.
If you don't absolutely want to, you're going to devastate your
family and the people whoreally care about you and the
people you're trying to hurtwill probably not care.
But you've always got that getout of existence free card.
There's no coming back and noone's reported back from
wherever you go when you do that, so you're giving up everything
(24:09):
that you have, everything thatyou ever will have, and probably
every last trace of you.
If you do continue to exist, Idoubt it's in a recognizable
form.
Perhaps the best deal would beto have never been born in the
first place.
That's nice work if you can getit.
Having never been sounds sounbelievably peaceful.
But as long as you're here,you're gonna die anyway.
(24:31):
You will join the choirinvisible.
I don't necessarily see thepoint in auditioning ahead of
time.
If you are and I thinkdepression in some cases can be
a terminal illness I'm not gonnatake that away from you.
If you want to kill yourself,do I support that?
I don't know.
The idea of it can be verypowerful and really put things
into perspective.
(24:52):
I think it's the onephilosophical problem that
matters.
(25:29):
You don't need to shareeverything You're allowed to
shut up, especially aboutyourself.
Not everything that goesthrough your head is gold.
You're not Bob Pollard or TupacShakur, and even they have a
lot of skips on their records.
You should create a littlemystery.
Allow people to have questionsabout you.
Allow them to fantasize.
(25:50):
Leave some gaps where peoplecan make up some stories about
you, because that's interesting,that's fun.
That is such a relief from thisoppressive, suffocating,
always-on narcissistic obsessionwith sharing everything because
that's somehow authentic.
No, it's just thoughtless, it'sselfish.
(26:11):
It deprives people of themystery and this oxygen and the
space that is necessary forseduction, persuasion, fun, and
you can allow that space bycaring about other people.
That could be such a relief.
It gives you a break fromperforming analingus on yourself
24 hours a day and thinkingthat that's impressive to people
(26:33):
.
No, you genuinely care aboutpeople and you show up for them
and you're interested.
First of all, people areinteresting.
Some of them are even moreinteresting than you, and that's
saying something.
They're more interesting thanme.
So the world's a fascinatingplace.
People are crystals of fractalstardust from beyond good and
evil.
We contain infinity within us,each and every one.
(26:56):
Most of it we don't evenrecognize.
You can learn things aboutpeople that they don't know
about themselves, but you don'thave to always be on.
You don't have to always betalking or posting.
You don't even have to alwaysbe around to give people the
gift of missing you.
There was a show I'm datingmyself and it's fun because I'm
a masterful lover.
(27:17):
There was a show called mySo-Called Life and there was a
character called Tito neverappeared.
Everyone remembers him andwatched the show because we're
always talking about him,anticipating his appearance,
which never happened.
They saved money because theydidn't have to hire an actor to
create one of the classiccharacters of 90s television.
(27:37):
Everybody was thinking Tito wasgoing to show up and hang out
and it never happened and itwould have killed a lot of the
mystery.
Had he done that, you could belike Jaws A lot of the intrigue
of Jaws, which is a horror tropethat goes back to HP, lovecraft
and earlier.
You don't see the monster, youjust sense its presence.
It's part of the conversation,but it's not always around.
(28:00):
You don't have to always bearound.
That's the reason we havemixing boards.
You go in and out of the mix.
You don't have to always be allthe way up in the red blowing
out the speakers.
That's rude and thoughtless andclumsy and boring.
But know that you have thepower to blow out the speakers.
Own your power.
If you're afraid of your power,you're missing out and you
(28:22):
might want to think about wherethat notion that owning your
power is bad.
You should worship humility andself-sacrifice and thinking
less of yourself.
Where did that come from?
Who taught you that and whatdid they have to gain by it?
Is it working for you?
If it's not, there's good newsyou have more power than you
could possibly comprehend.
(28:43):
And to be afraid of that.
It can kill you.
It can take out three cityblocks, but not if you use it
well.
And in order to use it well,you have to recognize it, own it
, learn about it, figure out howto use it, master it.
It is a horrible master but awonderful servant.
And you're going to be themaster If you don't know how.
Stay tuned.
(29:04):
But first, be unpredictable.
Break patterns.
That is the way to keep yourmind from stagnating, to keep
your creativity and your joie devivre and your lust for life
from atrophying.
And it is hard, hard work.
We're pattern matching machines.
We fall so easily into patterns.
It takes work to break them.
(29:25):
It generally has to be adeliberate, conscious decision
to take a different route homefrom work.
I did an exercise a couple ofweeks ago where you're not
allowed to take the same kind ofbreath two times in a row.
You have to breathe differentlyevery time you breathe.
So if you take a deep breaththis time, you take a shallow
one the next time and then youtake a middle one after that,
(29:47):
and then a little bit on thedeep side, a little bit on the
shallow, a little bit on theshut.
It's hard, hard work.
By the time you get into ityou'll feel like you're on
really good drugs and you'llunderstand the power of
scrambling things up.
And now you can throw off allof your assumptions and break
yourself out of the jail thatyou didn't even know you were in
(30:07):
allopic, misinformed,self-defeating, self-sabotaging,
self-limiting things youbelieve, don't even know it.
The unknown, knows it's thefilthy aquarium water that
you're swimming in.
If you learn to screw with yourown head, you'll see that
happening and that'll give youpower to make a change.
(30:27):
Life is art.
There's obviously scienceinvolved.
You can't decide to defy thelaws of physics and have that
work out.
Some things are true and somethings are not permitted.
But at the same time you have alot more choices than you know
that you have, and you onlyreally have the choices that you
know that you have.
So, in order to discover theother, ones you need to go a
(30:50):
little bonkers.
You need to be an artist, lovethe questions and love the
ridiculous questions and lovethe dangerous, explosive
questions.
The purpose of art is toprovoke.
You have something to say Ifyou agree with consensus opinion
about everything you might wantto think about, that you would
be awfully improbably fortunateto be born at the time when
(31:13):
people are finally correct abouteverything.
Challenge the world, challengeyourself, get in people's faces,
but do it with thethoughtfulness and interest in
that person's experience thatyou cultivated a while ago.
See how all the puzzle piecesfit together.
If you're afraid of sex, you'remissing out.
Sex is nothing to be afraid of.
(31:33):
Sex is what life is all about.
It's the force of creation.
Sex is God.
Sex is an exuberant celebrationof human creativity and the
highest form of physical comedy,and it's the best way to get to
know people.
Sex is where we hide things,and when we have sex, all that
comes out.
That's why a lot of people'ssexual preferences are almost
(31:54):
like a photo negative of whothey present themselves as on
their LinkedIn profile.
You compare their LinkedIn totheir fet life.
They're going to be verydifferent people, unless they're
very strange, which maybe theyare, and that's hot.
Daisy L (32:07):
And again you own your complexity.
Emerson Dameron (32:09):
Owning your sexuality doesn't mean you have
to broadcast it all the timethat can be dangerous but own it
in your own heart and soul andmind and crotch.
That's where your power is andyou can use that to do all sorts
of wonderful things.
That's how people sailed acrossthe ocean.
It's how empires were createdand destroyed.
It's how revolutions happen.
(32:31):
It's how symphonies are writtendestroyed.
It's how revolutions happen.
It's how symphonies are writtenand skyscrapers are built and
torn down.
It has the potential to save theworld.
You have to own it first.
If you're afraid of your ownsexuality, if you think there's
something wrong with that, it'sgonna creep into other parts of
your life and it's gonnaabsolutely destroy you, because
you're gonna get really kinkyand weird in areas like
(32:52):
declaring war or suing people ordoing other weird things.
No, bring it back into thebedroom or the dungeon, or
perhaps on the roof under thestars, perhaps in the pouring
rain.
That's for you to discover.
But first you gotta own it.
You are a sexy emf and there'snothing wrong with that.
There's everything right withthat.
Daisy L (33:14):
Own it.
? (33:15):
Grow up.
Emerson Dameron (33:15):
You're an adult .
Adults have sex.
That's what we do.
It's pure joy and exuberantcatharsis, and it may be our
last hope for redemption.
Don't miss out.
Your life is pretty emptywithout that.
You're gonna fill it up withreally, really gnarly stuff.
I'm just telling you now, likeyou don't want to see that
happen, you're going to fill itup with really, really gnarly
stuff.
I'm just telling you now, likeyou don't want to see that
happen.
You're an adult.
You're allowed to get crushedout and hot in the crotch and
(33:37):
have brutal, mutually degrading,explosive, ecstatic,
mind-melting, soul-lifting sex.
That's what life is all about.
What you'll discover as you getgood at sex is it's not hard to
make people feel good.
You don't have to trick theminto liking you.
All you have to do is beinterested in them and point out
the things that they're good at, and you don't have to flatter
(34:00):
them.
You don't have to make stuff up.
You don't need to be obsessedwith being authentic and true to
yourself all the time.
Be true to the truth, though.
As you see it, don't lie topeople.
Don't mislead them.
If they write a lousy aria andyou tell them it's the best
thing they've ever heard, you'resetting them up for
disappointment.
That's a mean thing to do.
(34:20):
It would be more kind to letthem know what you think were
that you're not qualified tohave an opinion.
That could also be the case.
You don't have to shareeverything, but don't actively
hide anything.
If you tell the truth and livein your truth, you will still be
wrong about everything, butyou'll be open to making
adjustments and updating yourpriors and learning and growing
(34:42):
and embracing your ignorance andresting in the joy of not
knowing, and you won't have tokeep track of your own BS.
Daisy L (34:50):
Which for?
Emerson Dameron (34:50):
some of the really dedicated liars that I've
known seems to require thisPrinceton MBA level of project
management skills that I wouldnot have thought that they had,
particularly with how much someof them drink.
Sincerity is your friend inthat regard.
Balance it with a little bit ofmystery.
You don't have to shareeverything.
It's push-pull.
It's the polarity of all things.
(35:11):
All things have polarity,except when they don't.
Polarity is duality.
It's yin and yang, masculineand feminine, in and out.
The moment you're bornscreaming, the moment you die in
the gutter alone and also stillscreaming.
Maybe you never stopped, maybeyou're always screaming, on the
inside or out loud.
(35:32):
You should probably write abook about that if that's the
case, if you're not already dead.
So it's, in this case, duality.
Polarity is the sincerity mixedwith the mystery.
Turn it up and turn it backdown a little bit.
All hot and cold.
Best of both worlds.
Give people more than they want, particularly in the bedroom.
Own your sensuality, get intoyour physical experience, be
(35:57):
embodied, be here, be present,engage the sensory experience of
life that is so full ofdelicious miracles.
And when you get to the sex,give people more than they want,
and we'll get into why youshould do that in a minute.
And then you get to the sex,give people more than they want
and we'll get into why youshould do that in a minute and
then pull back a little bit,bring back the mystery that you
don't have to be all up in theirbusiness or blow up their spot.
(36:20):
You can give them a littlespace, give them the gift of
missing you.
Here's something to keep in mind, which is a technique that I
learned in my brief career insales.
It's called negative selling,and that means persuading the
prospect that they actuallydon't want the thing that you're
selling, with the implicationthat they're not ready for it.
(36:41):
Maybe you're not the right kindof person for this thing that
I'm selling, because whathappens is they will start
arguing the opposite position,because that's what people love
to do, especially if they feellike you're disqualifying them.
They will try to re-qualifythemselves and that's the
takeaway.
It's not the negging that thepickup artists of the Audis were
(37:02):
doing exactly.
You're not deliberately tryingto put someone who probably
already has low self-esteem intoa place of lower self-esteem.
Don't treat people like garbageif you want the world to be the
kind of world that you want tolive in.
But it is okay to pull back alittle bit and give people a
chance to come to you.
That is exciting for them.
(37:22):
Allow them to do that.
That is a gift that gets themjuiced up and charged up and
makes them feel good aboutthemselves because they're
thinking about their ownpositive qualities and
qualifying themselves, and thatactually raises their
self-esteem and makes themhotter.
That works out for everyone.
This requires a little bit ofemotional mastery.
(37:43):
It's about understanding yourfeelings so that you can manage
them.
The full expression of anemotion is allowing that emotion
to pass through.
There's nothing wrong with yourfeelings.
Your feelings are always right,and so are everyone else's At
the same time.
An emotion lasts for 90 seconds, unless you start telling
yourself a story about it.
(38:04):
So figure out how you'regetting wrapped around the axle
and how you're getting investedin your own stories and invested
in your own suffering, becausewe love to suffer.
We love to tell ourselvesstories about our suffering to
justify the suffering.
Cut that out.
Understand your feelings.
Be able to zoom out.
Look at them objectively,figure out what happened.
What attachment wound is this?
(38:25):
What unresolved thing is itthat I'm trying to solve?
because I'm trying to fix thepast and I can't do that because
the past is over and it never,really happened the way that I
think it did, because mymemories are just made up
stories that I'm telling myself,and these are all just stories.
Cut it out.
Life doesn't have a narrativearc.
Decide what stories you want totell yourself about yourself,
(38:47):
and that's part of masteringyour emotions.
You can also benefit from yogameditation and other things.
There are a lot of ways to dothis Getting to know yourself
and be cool with yourself,because if you get to know
yourself, you'll understand thatyou're pretty chill on balance.
Balance is what we're talkingabout here.
It's always both Try the other.
(39:07):
If you're living on an extreme,try living on the other one for
a minute, go out and see whatthose people are doing.
One thing I always admiredabout my dad is he was a
lifelong Democrat who was veryinterested in what was going on
on the right.
He would listen to right-wingtalk radio and would switch over
to their news channels duringelection returns and big news
(39:27):
stories to see how they werespinning it.
He never thought that he had amonopoly on truth.
He always wanted to understandwhat the other people were
thinking.
And there's a technique indebate called steel manning,
which is creating the strongestpossible version of the other
people's argument and then goingat that.
It's the opposite of strawmanning, where you're creating a
(39:48):
weak version and attacking thatwhich just telegraphs that
you're not ready for a realgrown-up engagement.
What you want to do is knowtheir argument better than they
do and then destroy it.
And be able to do that from bothsides.
People love extremes,especially in this country.
It has to be one thing or theother, it has to be all the way,
(40:08):
one way or the other.
The more extreme you are, themore attention you get, because
people like it when you're wrongin exciting ways.
Everyone's always wrong abouteverything.
People that are wrong in theinflammatory, explosive ways,
cheap provocation.
There's nothing artistic orreally creative or built to last
about it.
Don't do that Nobody is amonopoly on truth.
(40:30):
Good ideas come from everywhere.
As the philosopher Ken Wilbersays, no one is smart enough to
be wrong 100% of the time.
And that means, if you're on thedominant side, understand
vulnerability and submission,understand what's exciting about
that, understand subspace, etc.
Because as a master, as asadist with a heart of gold, in
(40:50):
my case, I love to inflict pain,and the more I understand
somebody's experience, the morepain I can inflict.
It's a responsibility because Ialso have to take care of that
person, and that involvesknowing things about them that
they don't necessarily knowabout themselves, and I have to
make it exciting for them andthen I can just tear them apart,
inflict the kind of shatteringpain that could be their one
(41:14):
last hope for salvation.
This world of postmodernexistential horror is a lot of
responsibility, but it is alsomy great joy.
I love inflicting pain, I lovedominating people, I love owning
them.
It means the world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,I'm a sadist with a heart of
gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and
(41:35):
that involves understanding themand their perspectives, which
involves embracing the parts ofme represented in their
perspectives, because we allcontain multitudes, nearly
infinite varieties.
We are all crystals of fractalstardust from beyond.
Good and evil Act like it,thank you.
(42:40):
This is Ask a Sadist.
Our question today is one thatI've received repeatedly rarely
in good faith, I would assume,not having direct access to my
interlocutors.
In most cases, the question isdear sadist, do you support the
subjugation of women?
(43:01):
That's not a serious question,of course I support the
subjugation of women.
I believe it should be optional.
I support every woman's rightto be subjugated.
The world is a horrifying place, and one of the things that
makes it horrifying is theamount of control and
responsibility that we areexpected to have, and that has
(43:22):
increased for women, and I'mglad that option is available.
I think any way you want topunish yourself and suffer and
destroy your life should beavailable to you, especially if
you can hurt others in theprocess, which certainly as a
boss, you certainly can.
That requires the option ofbeing beaten down to contrast.
(43:43):
For that you need a place tolose control.
The right to not be subjugatedimplies the right to be
subjugated.
In my book, it's not a right,it's a privilege.
I think that only certain womenare qualified to be subjugated,
at least by me.
What I do does not work onsubmissives who are weak.
(44:04):
It only really works if youtruly believe in yourself and
you have developedself-confidence.
More than that integrity andyou truly want to be subjugated.
You know what you're gettinginto and you are able to get a
lot out of it.
In many cases, our sex lives arealmost photo negatives, the
professional, socialcoffee-clatch selves that we
(44:29):
present to other people,coffee-clatch selves that we
present to other people and, aswomen, are more expected and
tacitly required to presentthemselves as being in control
at all times.
I believe creating alternatives, eg the option of being
subjugated by a loving, dominantor a sadist with a heart of
rugged gold who certainly hasyour best interests at heart,
(44:49):
appreciates the complexity ofthe human condition and knows
that you are not who you arewhen you're in a headlock, being
put in your place.
Your place is somewhere you cango when you feel like it.
It's a place you can rest.
It's a place you can fall apart, lose control, go a little bit
insane with someone you trust totake care of you.
(45:10):
As that happens, of course, Isupport the subjugation of women
.
Daisy L (45:36):
You look like a wound stitched shut with bad
intentions.
Orson W (45:39):
That's because I am Someone rewired my nerves for
the wrong voltage.
Every time I feel anything,it's the wrong feeling.
Daisy L (45:47):
Lucky girl.
I have to work to misinterpretmy own suffering.
You get yours prepackaged,Factory sealed despair.
Orson W (45:53):
I'd return it if I could, but there's no receipt
for desire malfunctions.
That's the problem withsecondhand sold Big glitch.
Does yours?
Daisy L (46:01):
Oh darling, I sold mine long ago for a pocket mirror
and a box of rusted razors.
A steal, really.
Orson W (46:07):
A clearance sale on self-respect.
And what did you do when yourealized you'd been undercharged
?
Daisy L (46:12):
I spent years trying to become someone worth ruining.
Did it work?
I was offered a franchise.
Orson W (46:17):
Sometimes I think I'm the world's most beautiful
malfunction.
I short circuit when Ishouldn't.
I moan when I need to scream.
Daisy L (46:25):
And when do you mean to moan?
Orson W (46:27):
When I'm suffering correctly.
Daisy L (46:28):
A purist how?
Orson W (46:30):
quiet I tried to love.
Once it felt like being hackedwith a serrated knife made of
bad poetry.
Daisy L (46:37):
You should try hate.
It's more efficient.
Orson W (46:39):
I don't have that setting Worship.
I have ruin.
I have dying beautifully in 16different languages.
I keep waiting for the blackout.
Daisy L (46:47):
Here you are still flickering.
Orson W (46:49):
Let me know if you want to be unplugged, Not yet I want
to see what happens when thecircuit breaks all on its own.
Helena the Brit (47:15):
Oh darling.
My glorious whirlwind descentinto high stakes, passion deep
in the moor of madness, began,as many such things do, with a
man who existed in the rarefiedair of the truly untouchable.
He was cruel, cold and oh sodevastatingly chic, a sort of
(47:36):
metamodern Heathcliff withexpensive tastes and excellent
sartorial instincts to match thepain blurred into pleasure.
His disinterest onlyintensified his mystique.
For the first time I visited oh, what's it called?
Darling Subspace.
I promptly purchased atimeshare.
I became insatiable, a woman ofomnivorous appetites, a
(47:59):
connoisseur of exquisitesuffering, always demanding more
.
I want to feel everything.
I want life-alteringhumiliation to understand all
this shame business.
Finally, once and for all, atany rate, I wanted to impress
him and to that end I inventednew sex acts, ingenious,
(48:22):
avant-garde expressions ofdesire.
These were feats of creativity,atrocity exhibitions, veritable
performance, art, spectacles ofthe flesh.
One night I executed a move Idubbed the Devil's Spiral, a
balletic contortion of eleganceand daring.
He shoved me off with a sneer,an artistic critique surely
(48:46):
gripped me by the throat andelevated our rendezvous into
something truly magnificent.
I gasped in exhilaration.
He was my muse, my cruelPygmalion, sculpting me in the
language of the sublime.
Next time I get such a sterlingidea, I resolved I'll make him
think it was his.
(49:08):
But one man could never beenough for a woman with my
expansive erotic portfolio ofpeak experiences.
My hunger was a thing of legend, of stage, song and screen.
My thirst, a tale, whispered inlate night salons over opium
and wormwood, and so, in want ofan outlet, I graciously
(49:30):
accepted a proposition for themost cultured and intellectually
daring arrangement, a threesomewith my dear companions Ben and
Dylan, devoted admirers whoseardour gave me a certain sense
of security.
If you follow, we secured anatmospheric hotel suite, so
decadently dishevelled it couldonly be deliberate, smuggled in
(49:52):
an excellent whiskey all the wayfrom Kentucky and engaged in
the most deliciously chargedrailing, in the most deliciously
charged railing.
Then, overcome with awe at thebeauty of life's indescribable
detail as represented inmicrocosm by my left, areola
retreated to a chair, murmuringsomething about wanting to
(50:13):
observe.
How utterly French of him.
Dylan, overwhelmed by thegravity of the moment, indulged
too heartily in the whiskey anddrifted into a catatonic slumber
.
Ah, the tragedy of excess,practiced in excess, flaming out
too soon to bear any trulytranscendent narrative fruit.
Undeterred, I found myselfalone amidst the wreckage of our
(50:36):
grand design, a creature ofdesire still yearning for
completion.
My lover's phantom touchlingered on my skin.
The brutal poetry of his impactplay still fresh in my mind,
although the bruises werebeginning to heal.
Thankfully, this was notfailure.
It was narrative tension, theunpredictable plot twist that
turns a good story into legend,a Jezebel's journey worthy of
(51:01):
the finest union pornographers.
And so, undaunted, I made onefinal inspired move, shocking
even myself, with a bid forecstasy that would surely go
down in the annals of myglamorous misadventures.
The night, the city and theuniverse itself had other plans,
(51:21):
but I walked out onto theneon-lit boulevard, draped in
starlight and mystery.
My hunger undimmed.
The world pulsed beneath myheels and I was splendid and
insatiable walked on.
Emerson Dameron (52:30):
Thank you.
The hardest work I do isgetting people to do work for me
.
Hard work very important part ofthis complete breakfast.
I encourage you to do lots ofhard work on my behalf, at my
request to do my bidding.
(52:50):
Other than that, work is forsuckers.
The harder you work, the lessvalue you get out of your time.
You're literally selling yourlife, your experience on earth,
this precious, ridiculouslyweird, thoroughly absurd
opportunity that we have towander this planet in these
(53:11):
wonderful, sexy bodies.
You're auctioning it off toassholes and you have nothing
put away.
You're not investing anything.
You don't know the differencebetween spending and investing.
Stop, Own something or don'town anything.
There are no winners in thatgame.
They make you think that, well,it's mostly losers.
(53:32):
But if you want to win, youhave to play.
That's how you get your 1%chance to win the fucking
lottery.
You won't, so just go ahead,Relax.
Daisy L (53:42):
Go live on the beach In a van.
Emerson Dameron (53:44):
Nothing wrong with it.
You'll still get laid a lot.
Maybe you do not have arelationship, but that's the
mother of all win-wins.
Coming all the way back, art isone of our two great hopes Art,
creativity.
You know it's hard when you'renot getting laid.
You get touch, hungry and sexis a part of adult life and it's
great and it's a huge priorityfor me.
(54:04):
And when I'm not having it Idon't like it.
But there's something you cando with that energy.
It's called sex transmutation.
You just sit basking, soaking,sizzling, boiling in your own
just pure molten horninessChannel, that lightning into a
piece of art, a piece ofcreative work.
(54:25):
I happen to think performanceart is where it's at in terms of
saving this sad sack,ridiculous species.
We've been out of our bodies fortoo long.
I don't think the world needsproducts, I think it needs
experiences.
It needs vulnerability, genius,the kinesthetic element,
pictures, sounds and feelings.
(54:46):
A combination of mischief,pranks, dance, conceptual art,
absurdity, weirdness, realism,the return of the avant-garde.
The performance art is coming,coming back, it's going to be
happening.
And the other great hope, asI've said before and will
continue to say, because I'mhammering away at this, so to
(55:06):
speak is rough sex.
Performance art and rough sexare twin flames of hope.
Most of our cruelty andself-sabotage is we're
accidentally doing sextransmutation.
We're channeling our sex drives, which are freaky and fucked up
and warped, into our behavioroutside of the bedrooms, where
(55:28):
the alleys of the coat rooms,the closets, the dungeons, the
fuck lounges that we reallyshould be in become the highly
competent sadists and masochists.
In the context of kinky roughsex that we know we can beat, we
won't have to hurt each other'sfeelings or go to war anymore.
We might get rid of road rage.
(55:49):
We might be a hell of a lothappier.
Rough sex can save the worldand performance art.
? (55:54):
They go hand in hand k chung, los angeles, 16 30 am.
K chung radioorg immersingdameron's medicated minutes, the
only good podcast, la's numberone event, guard personal
development program, home of aska sadist, the first church of
(56:17):
the satanic buddha, bite sizederotic thrillers and the most
interesting person alive.
You improve yourself beforeeveryone else does, and
medicated-minutescom levitysaves lives.
Outro Music.
You're gonna run out of the thing that's
killing you right now, and soyou're not gonna be able to kill
yourself in that way anymore,and even if you really, really
want to, which you probably willit will likely take a few days
to adjust.
I encourage you to spend thattime in pursuit of objectives
that you're not able to or havenot been able to pursue
(00:22):
effectively under your previouscircumstances, and you both know
what I'm talking about.
So don't look at me like that.
Just do what you already knowyou need to do how to stop being
self-conscious.
I was going to say stop beingyourself, stop being yourself.
I did, I said it twice, twodifferent contexts, but that's
really all you need.
(00:44):
If you stop being yourself,somebody might still be
self-conscious, but it's notgonna be you, and when it's not
you, it's not your problem, it'ssomebody else's and that makes
it hilarious and kind ofwonderful and magical and
something you can feel goodabout and celebrate and toast to
and say mazel tov and shootfireworks, hook up and get
(01:04):
wasted.
Get your drink on, get yourschmoke on, it's all good.
You don't exist anymore.
Nobody has to pay the bill,nobody has to do anything.
It's all over.
It never got started.
There is no you.
So throw yourself a party.
God damn it.
There is no you, but you got anice ass.
(01:29):
How does that work anyway?
Pick up the vibe man, then thenext one, put a of that old
razzle-dazzle in it.
Show them you still got it.
You're the one with all theseodd products that you want
(01:54):
people to purchase to supportyou and to bring a little bit of
your juju into their lives Inan unprotected sexual way.
For their ears and it's rightinto their brains, audio is an
intimate medium.
People like the video.
People watch Joe Rogan talk topeople for four hours.
Why would you do that, unlessyou're uncomfortable with just
the audio compared to the wholething?
(02:15):
I like the audio exclusiveexperiences.
It's a certain very intense kindof intimacy.
I'm an auditory, thinker andlearner, et cetera.
I can also understand pictureswhen I look at them.
Frame don't aim, I can takephotographs.
I'm the only person that canget a photograph of a sunset in
(02:35):
LA that does it justice on aSamsung phone, on that camera.
I did it.
Everybody else sucks becausethey can't do that.
I'm the only one who can.
People need to get on my level.
Audio, the spoken word music.
I wish I'd known when I wasyounger how easy music is to
make.
I always thought it was a craftpracticed by professionals, all
of whom seem to be rich, exceptfor my dad and his friends.
(02:58):
They were musicians and theywere not especially wealthy.
But all of the other musiciansI could think of Phil Collins,
prince Men at Work at one timewere all wealthy To an extent.
The late Steve Albini breaks itdown how they're getting taken.
Did you know?
there used to be a whole musicindustry.
Now it's the Kevin Kelly's1,000 true fans economy, and boy
(03:21):
is it more hellish than anyonecould have possibly anticipated,
except for people getting richoff of it, which you know.
If there's a gold rush,somebody's gonna make money
selling shovels.
If there's a drug dealer bustedunder a streetlight, he'll come
back and shoot out thestreetlight and then you'll bust
him again Because you're a copand a rat and a sellout and it's
(03:42):
like somebody said it to yourface.
So, like me, oh my god, what isthis?
What is the world?
Can I only perceive thingsbecause I am those things.
Projecting them onto otherpeople is the cowardice Kicking
the can.
I'm developing myself, growth,healing.
Who is this mage, this musebefore me?
My teacher, I would bow beforeyou and go in between your toes
(04:07):
if I thought that's what youwanted.
I think we both know what youwant.
You're going to be not runningthe show because you always have
to make decisions.
Your life is full of choicesand responsibilities and
zero-sum games that you have toplay.
You're a hustler and that'sbeautiful and you have a heart
and you maintain those thingsand that's a lot of hard work
(04:27):
and you're not gonna have toworry about that in a little bit
, because I'm gonna take it fromhere.
You're gonna take it as well Ifyou beg for it.
If you look me straight in theeyes, I give you a good smack
across the face and not aHollywood smack.
I've received your feedback andI've taken it to heart.
You want the real deal, thefull production.
It's coming, and that's farfrom the only thing that's
(04:49):
coming.
In that situation, I'm going touse you.
However I want.
You're going to love it, andthat's the explanation for all
of the previous content.
Orson W (04:58):
Amen 20 times more for you people than any other
commercial I've ever made.
You are such pests.
Now what is it you want in?
Daisy L (05:10):
your depths of your ignorance.
What is it you want?
K Chung, los Angeles, 1630 AM.
K Chung radioorg EmersonDameron's Medicated Minutes L A
Number 1 event guard, personaldevelopment program, home of the
(05:31):
first church of the satanicBuddha, and bite-sized erotic
thrillers.
Improve yourself beforeeverybody else does.
That's kinky.
Levity saves lives.
Helena the Brit (06:23):
Oh, darling, you simply must.
Let me tell you about poorJames.
Well, that's what he went bywhen I knew him, though he later
insisted everyone call him Jay.
Apparently, james wasn't edgyenough for his artistic vision.
He was this absolutelyfascinating creature I sort of
adopted last summer you know howI have such a weakness for
(06:44):
helping lost souls findthemselves.
I found him spinning at thisfrightfully underground
warehouse party in Hackney, thekind of place where the bar
doesn't even serve propercocktails, just warm gin in
plastic cups.
But there was something so rawabout him, unpolished like a
diamond, that just needed theright person to shape him.
(07:07):
He was wearing this absolutelytragic faux vintage leather
jacket that was clearly fromTopshop.
But I saw potential.
I let him take me home thatnight to show him what real
culture feels like.
You understand, what realculture feels like you
understand.
His flat was this dreary littlespace above a kebab shop, but I
(07:29):
found it sort ofanthropologically fascinating.
He had all these vinyl recordsdisplayed on his walls and I
didn't have the heart to tellhim that half of them were
rather obvious choices.
I mean, who doesn't own unknownpleasures?
Just in the last week in CamdenTown alone, I've seen the
t-shirt in at least fivedifferent languages.
(07:50):
But I did manage to ease him ina bit, started bringing him to
all the right parties,introducing him to actually
important people, even convinceddaddy's friend Sebastian to let
him DJ at Annabelle's thoughthat was a bit of a disaster.
Apparently, experimental noiseartists don't understand the
(08:10):
concept of reading the room.
He did have this charming way ofmaking everything seem terribly
urgent and passionate, alwayscalling at 3am about some
absolutely vital party we simplyhad to attend, or some
mind-expanding substance we hadto try immediately.
And, yes, fine, I may havehelped him out with rent once or
(08:33):
twice, but only because he wason the verge of this enormous
breakthrough.
He had all these connections inBerlin, you see, very
underground, very next wave.
The sex was well, it was ratherlike performance art Lots of
brilliant ideas, somewhatslipshod execution.
He had this thing about filmingeverything for his video
(08:53):
collage about loneliness orwhatever.
I'm sure it will be terriblyavant-garde when it comes out,
if it comes out.
He took his laptop with all thefootage when he left for Berlin
, or was it Barthelona?
His note was confusing, Iassume pump and dump refers to
one of his crypto scans, right?
Oh, and he borrowed mygrandmother's vintage Cartier
(09:15):
watch For good luck, apparently.
I'm sure he'll return it oncehe's established himself.
I did make it clear I needed itback.
I do hope he figures himselfout.
Poor thing, he had suchpotential, even if he didn't
quite know what to do with it.
I mean, yes, he might haveborrowed quite a bit of money
(09:36):
and yes, perhaps he did sleepwith Arabella the very night
after I introduced them at mygallery opening, and fine, maybe
he did use my contacts to bookseveral gigs he never actually
showed up for.
But that's just how theseartistic types are, isn't it?
They need someone sophisticatedto guide them, even if they
don't always appreciate it.
I should probably unblock himon Instagram actually just to
(09:59):
check if he's posted anythingabout the watch or about me.
Not that I care, obviously.
I just think it's important tomaintain anything about the
watch or about me.
Not that I care, obviously.
I just think it's important tomaintain connections in the
industry.
One never knows when someonemight become relevant, though he
could have at least tagged mein those photos with Sophie
Dale's niece.
I mean, that party wasliterally at my flat.
Emerson Dameron (10:32):
Power dynamics.
The truth is power is hot andimbalances of power are hot.
Some people will always screwtheir TAs in the Iowa writing
workshop so they can writenovels about it, because that's
the kind of seesaw powerdynamics that people love.
Comfort will be necessary forpeople to feel safe in
relationships.
But friction, polarity,conflict, those are necessary
for the sparks and the smoke andthe fire.
(10:55):
That's how the meat sizzles.
It depends how real the powerdynamics have to be.
Part of what the kink communitydoes is kind of post-modernize
power dynamics where it's all abit theatrical and very well
thought out and thoughtfullyconsented to.
Will that work for everyone?
I would not think it would.
(11:15):
If it was implemented by force,it's hard to imagine how people
would evolve into that.
I think some people are goingto want the real thing.
There ain't nothing like thereal thing if that's what you're
into and a think some peopleare going to want the real thing
Ain't nothing like the realthing if that's what you're into
, and a lot of people are anddon't know it, which makes it
extremely dangerous.
Sex is God.
It is the force of creationitself.
(11:36):
Desire and seduction flow fromthat.
Powerful seducers will alwayshave power, either personally
and in society.
If they put a lot of wins onthe board, confidence will come
from that and that will escalatethings further.
And some people are talented atcreating sensual experiences
for themselves and others.
(11:56):
They could be sensuous,self-indulgent gluttons who
don't really care about otherpeople's experience, and that
can certainly be intoxicating Ifyou're used to having to make
people feel like they're doingthe right thing, somebody who
just does what they want and hassome swagger.
They're always right and no oneelse matters.
It can be pretty seductive andexplosive for you.
(12:20):
They don't care If somethinggoes wrong.
You will be left to absorb mostof the impact of that.
So it's a dangerous place to be.
And that does nothing todiminish the excitement, the
erotic and sensory stimulationgranted extra power by the risk
of danger, enhancing the play,exacerbating the thrills,
(12:42):
because there's skin in the gameand you're hitting skins when
you indulge in your desires.
The belief is that you have tosuffer for that.
Feeling good must be punished.
It's taught by religions andsociety and if you believe that,
it becomes true for you.
Emotional vulnerability.
As we get into any sort ofrelationship, we are going to be
(13:06):
vulnerable and be exposed,enmeshed, entangled, tossed to
and fro by the power of ourpassions and emotions.
And we may just struggle tomaintain our identities, our
senses of ourselves,particularly if it's been a
while, if we've been starved forthis kind of excitement and in
connection with someone else, ifit's intimate and particularly
(13:29):
if that person exerts a lot ofpower on us, if we lose track of
ourselves.
This can be a wonderful thing.
Reality is malleable.
Borders are more porous thanyou realize.
Blurring of ourselves can be anopportunity for
self-exploration,self-redefinition, rebirth, in a
(13:50):
sense, a journey from here tothere we bring the elixir back
to our own lives and becomesomeone somewhat different, no
longer beholden to nostalgia ofthe people around us.
But that requires confrontingour own limitations and finding
out we are not who we thought wewere.
We are not the people that webecame comfortable with, and we
(14:12):
have to surrender ourselves toexperiences that will change us,
redefine us and endrelationships.
That means surrendering somewhatto the thrall of another person
who's not perfect and may notknow what the hell they're doing
may be openly malicious.
(14:33):
That might actually be better.
On the whole, malice is lessdangerous than incompetence.
Combined with theDunning-Kruger effect, there's
nothing worse than a bumbler whothinks he's a villain or she
Although women are gettingreally good at villainy, I don't
know if you've noticed.
It's in the air, it's in thezeitgeist, this kind of passion,
(14:57):
excitement, particularly whenwe're likely to bestow some of
the credit for our ownexperiences and who.
We are, becoming Another person.
It's much like an addiction,something we can feel dependent
on.
We can freak the hell out whenit's pulled away.
The kind of people that createthese experiences are good at
(15:18):
push-pull dynamics.
Whether they know it or not,they could be doing it by
accident, they could just beselfish, but the fact is that
they drive us nuts because it'shot and cold, yes and no, in and
out, up and down, and it can beaddictive.
And the addiction can encroachinto other areas of our lives.
We can be out top of the worldat one moment, trudging around
(15:41):
through the slush in chicago infebruary.
Our socks are wet, but we don'tcare, because we're in love.
We're making a 2 am booty call.
We're volunteer firemen and thenext day when we don't get that
call back, it can make us wantto kill ourselves and we can
question is this sustainable?
Obviously not.
Will this survive a realgrown-ass, grown-up relationship
(16:05):
?
Probably not.
Most of those are terrible andthe good ones tend to end poorly
.
I was told by a psychologyteacher that I had in high
school that 10% of people couldbe happy with any romantic
partner and the remaining 90%will never be happy with any
romantic partner.
I don't think that's scientific, but I don't think I'm in the
(16:26):
10%.
I used to think that I tried tobe, but invested in my personal
growth.
My plan was to bring it on homeand enrich my relationship.
At one point my then-partnerconfided in me that she didn't
like the personal growth stuff Iwas doing.
She was afraid I would becomeself-actualized and realize that
(16:46):
I didn't love her anymore.
I was trying to becomeself-actualized for both of us.
She was obviously notinterested.
It was more prescient than Ithink either of us realized.
We are alone ultimately, andthe more we evolve, the more, if
we are extreme individuals orwe go our own way, it will be
(17:07):
lonely.
You feel isolated.
You might be rejected by peoplethat have a certain image of us
that is no longer accurate.
It doesn't fit, it createsconflict, and we could alienate
people.
They could alienate us, youcould think they were backing
away and we could cling to them,when really they're the ones
that are pissing us off.
(17:27):
You know, like a mutualdropping.
No one really knows, and bothpeople kind of feel guilty and
kind of feel ashamed and alsokind of feel slighted and
disrespected and abandoned.
It's very confusing and havingan honest conversation about it,
particularly after some damagehas been done, can be very
difficult.
(17:48):
If you're lonely to begin with,then you have an intense
connection with somebody thatreally changes everything for
you.
It could be your escape fromyour solitude, your loneliness.
Everything that stoked theflames of your existential
horror or made you feel like youwere freezing to death can
drive you a little bit nuts,because nothing makes you more
(18:12):
insane bonkers than getting whatyou want is often the worst
thing that could happen.
Fantasy blurs into reality andyou can't really tell the
difference, because reality hasgotten so psychedelic, so
strange, so much weirder thananything you would have had the
imagination or the boldness orthe wildness to ask for or
(18:34):
imagine or expect.
It can be hard to tell thedifference.
You will start to questionwhere the lines are.
Why are there no right angles?
Well, maybe there never were.
That's something I created, Partof a narrative that I used to
give myself the illusion ofstructure that I needed to
support my illusion of free will.
My shoes tied in the morning,go through the day, but now I
(18:56):
have this person that I thinkthey really love me, but I'm not
sure that makes it exciting.
If it works out the way I wantit to, this could really change
my life and save it and changeit, and you can find the edges
where you're able to connect,fire up the emotions.
The physical stuff could shutdown or the physical magic could
(19:18):
overwhelm your senses so muchthat you don't realize that
you're not really communicating.
On a deeper level.
You could get really investedin what you think someone else
is and then after a while yourealize that you just weren't
really communicating and youdon't know this person and they
don't know you.
It's really challenging and atbest people over-communicate.
(19:41):
And when people genuinely loveeach other and have each other's
best interests at heart, thingscan go awicate.
And when people genuinely loveeach other and have each other's
best interests at heart, thingscan go awry.
And when it's escapism itresults from pain, from flight
from the way things were before.
When it becomes a vector forpersonal struggles, insecurities
, and that quest forredefinition has a certain
(20:04):
desperation to it, because youdon't really know what you want.
You just know you don't likethis and you gotta get out of
here.
You can go a little bit crazy,but ultimately you have to
reckon with it, the only way outis the way through, not around
To confront who you are and youremotions, who you thought you
were and the difference betweenthat and who you turned out to
(20:26):
be, and all the rest of it, allof your disappointments, all of
your illusions about yourself,everything that you've lost
everything that you know isreally your responsibility, but
you find it impossible to takeresponsibility for and all the
things that you would takeresponsibility for, because
you're so long for a sense ofagency, any semblance of an
(20:49):
inkling of control.
They would take responsibilityfor the worst bad luck that
you've ever had.
That it really is just bad luck.
Sometimes bad things justhappen and it's neither here nor
there, and neither are you, andyou can't really own it as much
as you want to and that can beso frightening.
It's the power of love, whetherit's dominating another person
(21:11):
or having it happen to you.
Generally it's like what goeson in your real life.
You'll probably play with theopposite In the sex container.
Sex is where we hide things.
There's also God.
It is explosive.
It's also God.
It is explosive.
It's the force of creationitself, like a million exploding
stars it is.
It can absolutely destroy youand bring you back to life.
(21:35):
But, you have to get out of yourown way to be effectively
destroyed, otherwise you'll justtake the whole operation down
with you.
I want you to cry during sexfor the right reasons.
I want you to ride thatthreshold of terror and
excitement, not know thedifference and not know what
(21:57):
time is anymore, lose all senseof gravity, reality, physics,
your physical self, and cry atthe astounding beauty and drama
and comedy and richness of theexperience.
And also because I'm poundingit out and beating it up and
drilling the fuck out of you andyou're in a state of love and
(22:18):
owned by me.
Get on the outfit and get towork.
Suicide.
You really haven't lived untilyou've at least thought about
suicide.
It's the one philosophicalproblem that really carries any
weight.
Life is pretty meaningless ifyou don't go around with death
stapled to your forehead.
And once you figure out thatthat is in your control at least
(22:41):
to some degree, you always havethat ace in the hole.
You got that cyanide capsule inyour pocket in case you're
cornered by the black dogs andthe goons.
In case you're cornered by theblack dogs and the goons, the
badness of civilization come totrack you down and punish you
for daring to color outside thelines.
You're punished for that.
Deeply into adulthood.
You always have the sanctity ofyour own mind, but eventually
(23:04):
it gets lonely in there andyou're gonna want to get out.
You're gonna want to get rid ofyourself yourself, your
internal monologue, yourself-concept, your awareness
that you exist.
As your biggest problem in lifeit's the one that follows you
around.
It's perennial.
The truth is, there issuffering in life.
Life is suffering.
(23:24):
The Buddhists are correct aboutthat.
There is suffering that is morebad than most of the good
things can possibly be good, atleast on an ongoing basis.
There's the issue of askyourself if you are happy and
you cease to be so, you start toquestion it.
But ask yourself if you aresuffering and you're going to
want to commit suicide.
I've thought about it.
The idea can be empowering thatreally you're not under any
(23:47):
obligation to keep doing this.
If you don't absolutely want to, you're going to devastate your
family and the people whoreally care about you and the
people you're trying to hurtwill probably not care.
But you've always got that getout of existence free card.
There's no coming back and noone's reported back from
wherever you go when you do that, so you're giving up everything
(24:09):
that you have, everything thatyou ever will have, and probably
every last trace of you.
If you do continue to exist, Idoubt it's in a recognizable
form.
Perhaps the best deal would beto have never been born in the
first place.
That's nice work if you can getit.
Having never been sounds sounbelievably peaceful.
But as long as you're here,you're gonna die anyway.
(24:31):
You will join the choirinvisible.
I don't necessarily see thepoint in auditioning ahead of
time.
If you are and I thinkdepression in some cases can be
a terminal illness I'm not gonnatake that away from you.
If you want to kill yourself,do I support that?
I don't know.
The idea of it can be verypowerful and really put things
into perspective.
(24:52):
I think it's the onephilosophical problem that
matters.
(25:29):
You don't need to shareeverything You're allowed to
shut up, especially aboutyourself.
Not everything that goesthrough your head is gold.
You're not Bob Pollard or TupacShakur, and even they have a
lot of skips on their records.
You should create a littlemystery.
Allow people to have questionsabout you.
Allow them to fantasize.
(25:50):
Leave some gaps where peoplecan make up some stories about
you, because that's interesting,that's fun.
That is such a relief from thisoppressive, suffocating,
always-on narcissistic obsessionwith sharing everything because
that's somehow authentic.
No, it's just thoughtless, it'sselfish.
(26:11):
It deprives people of themystery and this oxygen and the
space that is necessary forseduction, persuasion, fun, and
you can allow that space bycaring about other people.
That could be such a relief.
It gives you a break fromperforming analingus on yourself
24 hours a day and thinkingthat that's impressive to people
(26:33):
.
No, you genuinely care aboutpeople and you show up for them
and you're interested.
First of all, people areinteresting.
Some of them are even moreinteresting than you, and that's
saying something.
They're more interesting thanme.
So the world's a fascinatingplace.
People are crystals of fractalstardust from beyond good and
evil.
We contain infinity within us,each and every one.
(26:56):
Most of it we don't evenrecognize.
You can learn things aboutpeople that they don't know
about themselves, but you don'thave to always be on.
You don't have to always betalking or posting.
You don't even have to alwaysbe around to give people the
gift of missing you.
There was a show I'm datingmyself and it's fun because I'm
a masterful lover.
(27:17):
There was a show called mySo-Called Life and there was a
character called Tito neverappeared.
Everyone remembers him andwatched the show because we're
always talking about him,anticipating his appearance,
which never happened.
They saved money because theydidn't have to hire an actor to
create one of the classiccharacters of 90s television.
(27:37):
Everybody was thinking Tito wasgoing to show up and hang out
and it never happened and itwould have killed a lot of the
mystery.
Had he done that, you could belike Jaws A lot of the intrigue
of Jaws, which is a horror tropethat goes back to HP, lovecraft
and earlier.
You don't see the monster, youjust sense its presence.
It's part of the conversation,but it's not always around.
(28:00):
You don't have to always bearound.
That's the reason we havemixing boards.
You go in and out of the mix.
You don't have to always be allthe way up in the red blowing
out the speakers.
That's rude and thoughtless andclumsy and boring.
But know that you have thepower to blow out the speakers.
Own your power.
If you're afraid of your power,you're missing out and you
(28:22):
might want to think about wherethat notion that owning your
power is bad.
You should worship humility andself-sacrifice and thinking
less of yourself.
Where did that come from?
Who taught you that and whatdid they have to gain by it?
Is it working for you?
If it's not, there's good newsyou have more power than you
could possibly comprehend.
(28:43):
And to be afraid of that.
It can kill you.
It can take out three cityblocks, but not if you use it
well.
And in order to use it well,you have to recognize it, own it
, learn about it, figure out howto use it, master it.
It is a horrible master but awonderful servant.
And you're going to be themaster If you don't know how.
Stay tuned.
(29:04):
But first, be unpredictable.
Break patterns.
That is the way to keep yourmind from stagnating, to keep
your creativity and your joie devivre and your lust for life
from atrophying.
And it is hard, hard work.
We're pattern matching machines.
We fall so easily into patterns.
It takes work to break them.
(29:25):
It generally has to be adeliberate, conscious decision
to take a different route homefrom work.
I did an exercise a couple ofweeks ago where you're not
allowed to take the same kind ofbreath two times in a row.
You have to breathe differentlyevery time you breathe.
So if you take a deep breaththis time, you take a shallow
one the next time and then youtake a middle one after that,
(29:47):
and then a little bit on thedeep side, a little bit on the
shallow, a little bit on theshut.
It's hard, hard work.
By the time you get into ityou'll feel like you're on
really good drugs and you'llunderstand the power of
scrambling things up.
And now you can throw off allof your assumptions and break
yourself out of the jail thatyou didn't even know you were in
(30:07):
allopic, misinformed,self-defeating, self-sabotaging,
self-limiting things youbelieve, don't even know it.
The unknown, knows it's thefilthy aquarium water that
you're swimming in.
If you learn to screw with yourown head, you'll see that
happening and that'll give youpower to make a change.
(30:27):
Life is art.
There's obviously scienceinvolved.
You can't decide to defy thelaws of physics and have that
work out.
Some things are true and somethings are not permitted.
But at the same time you have alot more choices than you know
that you have, and you onlyreally have the choices that you
know that you have.
So, in order to discover theother, ones you need to go a
(30:50):
little bonkers.
You need to be an artist, lovethe questions and love the
ridiculous questions and lovethe dangerous, explosive
questions.
The purpose of art is toprovoke.
You have something to say Ifyou agree with consensus opinion
about everything you might wantto think about, that you would
be awfully improbably fortunateto be born at the time when
(31:13):
people are finally correct abouteverything.
Challenge the world, challengeyourself, get in people's faces,
but do it with thethoughtfulness and interest in
that person's experience thatyou cultivated a while ago.
See how all the puzzle piecesfit together.
If you're afraid of sex, you'remissing out.
Sex is nothing to be afraid of.
(31:33):
Sex is what life is all about.
It's the force of creation.
Sex is God.
Sex is an exuberant celebrationof human creativity and the
highest form of physical comedy,and it's the best way to get to
know people.
Sex is where we hide things,and when we have sex, all that
comes out.
That's why a lot of people'ssexual preferences are almost
(31:54):
like a photo negative of whothey present themselves as on
their LinkedIn profile.
You compare their LinkedIn totheir fet life.
They're going to be verydifferent people, unless they're
very strange, which maybe theyare, and that's hot.
Daisy L (32:07):
And again you own your complexity.
Emerson Dameron (32:09):
Owning your sexuality doesn't mean you have
to broadcast it all the timethat can be dangerous but own it
in your own heart and soul andmind and crotch.
That's where your power is andyou can use that to do all sorts
of wonderful things.
That's how people sailed acrossthe ocean.
It's how empires were createdand destroyed.
It's how revolutions happen.
(32:31):
It's how symphonies are writtendestroyed.
It's how revolutions happen.
It's how symphonies are writtenand skyscrapers are built and
torn down.
It has the potential to save theworld.
You have to own it first.
If you're afraid of your ownsexuality, if you think there's
something wrong with that, it'sgonna creep into other parts of
your life and it's gonnaabsolutely destroy you, because
you're gonna get really kinkyand weird in areas like
(32:52):
declaring war or suing people ordoing other weird things.
No, bring it back into thebedroom or the dungeon, or
perhaps on the roof under thestars, perhaps in the pouring
rain.
That's for you to discover.
But first you gotta own it.
You are a sexy emf and there'snothing wrong with that.
There's everything right withthat.
Daisy L (33:14):
Own it.
? (33:15):
Grow up.
Emerson Dameron (33:15):
You're an adult .
Adults have sex.
That's what we do.
It's pure joy and exuberantcatharsis, and it may be our
last hope for redemption.
Don't miss out.
Your life is pretty emptywithout that.
You're gonna fill it up withreally, really gnarly stuff.
I'm just telling you now, likeyou don't want to see that
happen, you're going to fill itup with really, really gnarly
stuff.
I'm just telling you now, likeyou don't want to see that
happen.
You're an adult.
You're allowed to get crushedout and hot in the crotch and
(33:37):
have brutal, mutually degrading,explosive, ecstatic,
mind-melting, soul-lifting sex.
That's what life is all about.
What you'll discover as you getgood at sex is it's not hard to
make people feel good.
You don't have to trick theminto liking you.
All you have to do is beinterested in them and point out
the things that they're good at, and you don't have to flatter
(34:00):
them.
You don't have to make stuff up.
You don't need to be obsessedwith being authentic and true to
yourself all the time.
Be true to the truth, though.
As you see it, don't lie topeople.
Don't mislead them.
If they write a lousy aria andyou tell them it's the best
thing they've ever heard, you'resetting them up for
disappointment.
That's a mean thing to do.
(34:20):
It would be more kind to letthem know what you think were
that you're not qualified tohave an opinion.
That could also be the case.
You don't have to shareeverything, but don't actively
hide anything.
If you tell the truth and livein your truth, you will still be
wrong about everything, butyou'll be open to making
adjustments and updating yourpriors and learning and growing
(34:42):
and embracing your ignorance andresting in the joy of not
knowing, and you won't have tokeep track of your own BS.
Daisy L (34:50):
Which for?
Emerson Dameron (34:50):
some of the really dedicated liars that I've
known seems to require thisPrinceton MBA level of project
management skills that I wouldnot have thought that they had,
particularly with how much someof them drink.
Sincerity is your friend inthat regard.
Balance it with a little bit ofmystery.
You don't have to shareeverything.
It's push-pull.
It's the polarity of all things.
(35:11):
All things have polarity,except when they don't.
Polarity is duality.
It's yin and yang, masculineand feminine, in and out.
The moment you're bornscreaming, the moment you die in
the gutter alone and also stillscreaming.
Maybe you never stopped, maybeyou're always screaming, on the
inside or out loud.
(35:32):
You should probably write abook about that if that's the
case, if you're not already dead.
So it's, in this case, duality.
Polarity is the sincerity mixedwith the mystery.
Turn it up and turn it backdown a little bit.
All hot and cold.
Best of both worlds.
Give people more than they want, particularly in the bedroom.
Own your sensuality, get intoyour physical experience, be
(35:57):
embodied, be here, be present,engage the sensory experience of
life that is so full ofdelicious miracles.
And when you get to the sex,give people more than they want,
and we'll get into why youshould do that in a minute.
And then you get to the sex,give people more than they want
and we'll get into why youshould do that in a minute and
then pull back a little bit,bring back the mystery that you
don't have to be all up in theirbusiness or blow up their spot.
(36:20):
You can give them a littlespace, give them the gift of
missing you.
Here's something to keep in mind, which is a technique that I
learned in my brief career insales.
It's called negative selling,and that means persuading the
prospect that they actuallydon't want the thing that you're
selling, with the implicationthat they're not ready for it.
(36:41):
Maybe you're not the right kindof person for this thing that
I'm selling, because whathappens is they will start
arguing the opposite position,because that's what people love
to do, especially if they feellike you're disqualifying them.
They will try to re-qualifythemselves and that's the
takeaway.
It's not the negging that thepickup artists of the Audis were
(37:02):
doing exactly.
You're not deliberately tryingto put someone who probably
already has low self-esteem intoa place of lower self-esteem.
Don't treat people like garbageif you want the world to be the
kind of world that you want tolive in.
But it is okay to pull back alittle bit and give people a
chance to come to you.
That is exciting for them.
(37:22):
Allow them to do that.
That is a gift that gets themjuiced up and charged up and
makes them feel good aboutthemselves because they're
thinking about their ownpositive qualities and
qualifying themselves, and thatactually raises their
self-esteem and makes themhotter.
That works out for everyone.
This requires a little bit ofemotional mastery.
(37:43):
It's about understanding yourfeelings so that you can manage
them.
The full expression of anemotion is allowing that emotion
to pass through.
There's nothing wrong with yourfeelings.
Your feelings are always right,and so are everyone else's At
the same time.
An emotion lasts for 90 seconds, unless you start telling
yourself a story about it.
(38:04):
So figure out how you'regetting wrapped around the axle
and how you're getting investedin your own stories and invested
in your own suffering, becausewe love to suffer.
We love to tell ourselvesstories about our suffering to
justify the suffering.
Cut that out.
Understand your feelings.
Be able to zoom out.
Look at them objectively,figure out what happened.
What attachment wound is this?
(38:25):
What unresolved thing is itthat I'm trying to solve?
because I'm trying to fix thepast and I can't do that because
the past is over and it never,really happened the way that I
think it did, because mymemories are just made up
stories that I'm telling myself,and these are all just stories.
Cut it out.
Life doesn't have a narrativearc.
Decide what stories you want totell yourself about yourself,
(38:47):
and that's part of masteringyour emotions.
You can also benefit from yogameditation and other things.
There are a lot of ways to dothis Getting to know yourself
and be cool with yourself,because if you get to know
yourself, you'll understand thatyou're pretty chill on balance.
Balance is what we're talkingabout here.
It's always both Try the other.
(39:07):
If you're living on an extreme,try living on the other one for
a minute, go out and see whatthose people are doing.
One thing I always admiredabout my dad is he was a
lifelong Democrat who was veryinterested in what was going on
on the right.
He would listen to right-wingtalk radio and would switch over
to their news channels duringelection returns and big news
(39:27):
stories to see how they werespinning it.
He never thought that he had amonopoly on truth.
He always wanted to understandwhat the other people were
thinking.
And there's a technique indebate called steel manning,
which is creating the strongestpossible version of the other
people's argument and then goingat that.
It's the opposite of strawmanning, where you're creating a
(39:48):
weak version and attacking thatwhich just telegraphs that
you're not ready for a realgrown-up engagement.
What you want to do is knowtheir argument better than they
do and then destroy it.
And be able to do that from bothsides.
People love extremes,especially in this country.
It has to be one thing or theother, it has to be all the way,
(40:08):
one way or the other.
The more extreme you are, themore attention you get, because
people like it when you're wrongin exciting ways.
Everyone's always wrong abouteverything.
People that are wrong in theinflammatory, explosive ways,
cheap provocation.
There's nothing artistic orreally creative or built to last
about it.
Don't do that Nobody is amonopoly on truth.
(40:30):
Good ideas come from everywhere.
As the philosopher Ken Wilbersays, no one is smart enough to
be wrong 100% of the time.
And that means, if you're on thedominant side, understand
vulnerability and submission,understand what's exciting about
that, understand subspace, etc.
Because as a master, as asadist with a heart of gold, in
(40:50):
my case, I love to inflict pain,and the more I understand
somebody's experience, the morepain I can inflict.
It's a responsibility because Ialso have to take care of that
person, and that involvesknowing things about them that
they don't necessarily knowabout themselves, and I have to
make it exciting for them andthen I can just tear them apart,
inflict the kind of shatteringpain that could be their one
(41:14):
last hope for salvation.
This world of postmodernexistential horror is a lot of
responsibility, but it is alsomy great joy.
I love inflicting pain, I lovedominating people, I love owning
them.
It means the world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,I'm a sadist with a heart of
gold.
I like to hurt people in theways that most help them, and
(41:35):
that involves understanding themand their perspectives, which
involves embracing the parts ofme represented in their
perspectives, because we allcontain multitudes, nearly
infinite varieties.
We are all crystals of fractalstardust from beyond.
Good and evil Act like it,thank you.
(42:40):
This is Ask a Sadist.
Our question today is one thatI've received repeatedly rarely
in good faith, I would assume,not having direct access to my
interlocutors.
In most cases, the question isdear sadist, do you support the
subjugation of women?
(43:01):
That's not a serious question,of course I support the
subjugation of women.
I believe it should be optional.
I support every woman's rightto be subjugated.
The world is a horrifying place, and one of the things that
makes it horrifying is theamount of control and
responsibility that we areexpected to have, and that has
(43:22):
increased for women, and I'mglad that option is available.
I think any way you want topunish yourself and suffer and
destroy your life should beavailable to you, especially if
you can hurt others in theprocess, which certainly as a
boss, you certainly can.
That requires the option ofbeing beaten down to contrast.
(43:43):
For that you need a place tolose control.
The right to not be subjugatedimplies the right to be
subjugated.
In my book, it's not a right,it's a privilege.
I think that only certain womenare qualified to be subjugated,
at least by me.
What I do does not work onsubmissives who are weak.
(44:04):
It only really works if youtruly believe in yourself and
you have developedself-confidence.
More than that integrity andyou truly want to be subjugated.
You know what you're gettinginto and you are able to get a
lot out of it.
In many cases, our sex lives arealmost photo negatives, the
professional, socialcoffee-clatch selves that we
(44:29):
present to other people,coffee-clatch selves that we
present to other people and, aswomen, are more expected and
tacitly required to presentthemselves as being in control
at all times.
I believe creating alternatives, eg the option of being
subjugated by a loving, dominantor a sadist with a heart of
rugged gold who certainly hasyour best interests at heart,
(44:49):
appreciates the complexity ofthe human condition and knows
that you are not who you arewhen you're in a headlock, being
put in your place.
Your place is somewhere you cango when you feel like it.
It's a place you can rest.
It's a place you can fall apart, lose control, go a little bit
insane with someone you trust totake care of you.
(45:10):
As that happens, of course, Isupport the subjugation of women
.
Daisy L (45:36):
You look like a wound stitched shut with bad
intentions.
Orson W (45:39):
That's because I am Someone rewired my nerves for
the wrong voltage.
Every time I feel anything,it's the wrong feeling.
Daisy L (45:47):
Lucky girl.
I have to work to misinterpretmy own suffering.
You get yours prepackaged,Factory sealed despair.
Orson W (45:53):
I'd return it if I could, but there's no receipt
for desire malfunctions.
That's the problem withsecondhand sold Big glitch.
Does yours?
Daisy L (46:01):
Oh darling, I sold mine long ago for a pocket mirror
and a box of rusted razors.
A steal, really.
Orson W (46:07):
A clearance sale on self-respect.
And what did you do when yourealized you'd been undercharged
?
Daisy L (46:12):
I spent years trying to become someone worth ruining.
Did it work?
I was offered a franchise.
Orson W (46:17):
Sometimes I think I'm the world's most beautiful
malfunction.
I short circuit when Ishouldn't.
I moan when I need to scream.
Daisy L (46:25):
And when do you mean to moan?
Orson W (46:27):
When I'm suffering correctly.
Daisy L (46:28):
A purist how?
Orson W (46:30):
quiet I tried to love.
Once it felt like being hackedwith a serrated knife made of
bad poetry.
Daisy L (46:37):
You should try hate.
It's more efficient.
Orson W (46:39):
I don't have that setting Worship.
I have ruin.
I have dying beautifully in 16different languages.
I keep waiting for the blackout.
Daisy L (46:47):
Here you are still flickering.
Orson W (46:49):
Let me know if you want to be unplugged, Not yet I want
to see what happens when thecircuit breaks all on its own.
Helena the Brit (47:15):
Oh darling.
My glorious whirlwind descentinto high stakes, passion deep
in the moor of madness, began,as many such things do, with a
man who existed in the rarefiedair of the truly untouchable.
He was cruel, cold and oh sodevastatingly chic, a sort of
(47:36):
metamodern Heathcliff withexpensive tastes and excellent
sartorial instincts to match thepain blurred into pleasure.
His disinterest onlyintensified his mystique.
For the first time I visited oh, what's it called?
Darling Subspace.
I promptly purchased atimeshare.
I became insatiable, a woman ofomnivorous appetites, a
(47:59):
connoisseur of exquisitesuffering, always demanding more
.
I want to feel everything.
I want life-alteringhumiliation to understand all
this shame business.
Finally, once and for all, atany rate, I wanted to impress
him and to that end I inventednew sex acts, ingenious,
(48:22):
avant-garde expressions ofdesire.
These were feats of creativity,atrocity exhibitions, veritable
performance, art, spectacles ofthe flesh.
One night I executed a move Idubbed the Devil's Spiral, a
balletic contortion of eleganceand daring.
He shoved me off with a sneer,an artistic critique surely
(48:46):
gripped me by the throat andelevated our rendezvous into
something truly magnificent.
I gasped in exhilaration.
He was my muse, my cruelPygmalion, sculpting me in the
language of the sublime.
Next time I get such a sterlingidea, I resolved I'll make him
think it was his.
(49:08):
But one man could never beenough for a woman with my
expansive erotic portfolio ofpeak experiences.
My hunger was a thing of legend, of stage, song and screen.
My thirst, a tale, whispered inlate night salons over opium
and wormwood, and so, in want ofan outlet, I graciously
(49:30):
accepted a proposition for themost cultured and intellectually
daring arrangement, a threesomewith my dear companions Ben and
Dylan, devoted admirers whoseardour gave me a certain sense
of security.
If you follow, we secured anatmospheric hotel suite, so
decadently dishevelled it couldonly be deliberate, smuggled in
(49:52):
an excellent whiskey all the wayfrom Kentucky and engaged in
the most deliciously chargedrailing, in the most deliciously
charged railing.
Then, overcome with awe at thebeauty of life's indescribable
detail as represented inmicrocosm by my left, areola
retreated to a chair, murmuringsomething about wanting to
(50:13):
observe.
How utterly French of him.
Dylan, overwhelmed by thegravity of the moment, indulged
too heartily in the whiskey anddrifted into a catatonic slumber
.
Ah, the tragedy of excess,practiced in excess, flaming out
too soon to bear any trulytranscendent narrative fruit.
Undeterred, I found myselfalone amidst the wreckage of our
(50:36):
grand design, a creature ofdesire still yearning for
completion.
My lover's phantom touchlingered on my skin.
The brutal poetry of his impactplay still fresh in my mind,
although the bruises werebeginning to heal.
Thankfully, this was notfailure.
It was narrative tension, theunpredictable plot twist that
turns a good story into legend,a Jezebel's journey worthy of
(51:01):
the finest union pornographers.
And so, undaunted, I made onefinal inspired move, shocking
even myself, with a bid forecstasy that would surely go
down in the annals of myglamorous misadventures.
The night, the city and theuniverse itself had other plans,
(51:21):
but I walked out onto theneon-lit boulevard, draped in
starlight and mystery.
My hunger undimmed.
The world pulsed beneath myheels and I was splendid and
insatiable walked on.
Emerson Dameron (52:30):
Thank you.
The hardest work I do isgetting people to do work for me
.
Hard work very important part ofthis complete breakfast.
I encourage you to do lots ofhard work on my behalf, at my
request to do my bidding.
(52:50):
Other than that, work is forsuckers.
The harder you work, the lessvalue you get out of your time.
You're literally selling yourlife, your experience on earth,
this precious, ridiculouslyweird, thoroughly absurd
opportunity that we have towander this planet in these
(53:11):
wonderful, sexy bodies.
You're auctioning it off toassholes and you have nothing
put away.
You're not investing anything.
You don't know the differencebetween spending and investing.
Stop, Own something or don'town anything.
There are no winners in thatgame.
They make you think that, well,it's mostly losers.
(53:32):
But if you want to win, youhave to play.
That's how you get your 1%chance to win the fucking
lottery.
You won't, so just go ahead,Relax.
Daisy L (53:42):
Go live on the beach In a van.
Emerson Dameron (53:44):
Nothing wrong with it.
You'll still get laid a lot.
Maybe you do not have arelationship, but that's the
mother of all win-wins.
Coming all the way back, art isone of our two great hopes Art,
creativity.
You know it's hard when you'renot getting laid.
You get touch, hungry and sexis a part of adult life and it's
great and it's a huge priorityfor me.
(54:04):
And when I'm not having it Idon't like it.
But there's something you cando with that energy.
It's called sex transmutation.
You just sit basking, soaking,sizzling, boiling in your own
just pure molten horninessChannel, that lightning into a
piece of art, a piece ofcreative work.
(54:25):
I happen to think performanceart is where it's at in terms of
saving this sad sack,ridiculous species.
We've been out of our bodies fortoo long.
I don't think the world needsproducts, I think it needs
experiences.
It needs vulnerability, genius,the kinesthetic element,
pictures, sounds and feelings.
(54:46):
A combination of mischief,pranks, dance, conceptual art,
absurdity, weirdness, realism,the return of the avant-garde.
The performance art is coming,coming back, it's going to be
happening.
And the other great hope, asI've said before and will
continue to say, because I'mhammering away at this, so to
(55:06):
speak is rough sex.
Performance art and rough sexare twin flames of hope.
Most of our cruelty andself-sabotage is we're
accidentally doing sextransmutation.
We're channeling our sex drives, which are freaky and fucked up
and warped, into our behavioroutside of the bedrooms, where
(55:28):
the alleys of the coat rooms,the closets, the dungeons, the
fuck lounges that we reallyshould be in become the highly
competent sadists and masochists.
In the context of kinky roughsex that we know we can beat, we
won't have to hurt each other'sfeelings or go to war anymore.
We might get rid of road rage.
(55:49):
We might be a hell of a lothappier.
Rough sex can save the worldand performance art.
? (55:54):
They go hand in hand k chung, los angeles, 16 30 am.
K chung radioorg immersingdameron's medicated minutes, the
only good podcast, la's numberone event, guard personal
development program, home of aska sadist, the first church of
(56:17):
the satanic buddha, bite sizederotic thrillers and the most
interesting person alive.
You improve yourself beforeeveryone else does, and
medicated-minutescom levitysaves lives.
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