34. CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: The Art of Listening in Challenging Conversations with Boyfriend Shawn Frazier

This week, I’m showing you my tender bits. I tried to interview my boyfriend Shawn but in reality what ended up happening is that we just had a conversation. A conversation that feels deeply personal to me because in it, we reflected on a lot of what we’ve been challenged by in our relationship and what we’ve intentionally done to right the ship. 

I wanted to share this with you because I want to acknowledge that these tools we talk about in this community are often easier said than done. We all say we want a conscious relationship but then we point to a solution outside of ourselves. We think “He just needs to change…” or “If only she wouldn’t do this….” or “I just need to find someone who’s better for me.” Meanwhile, we fall back into our old thought patterns, self-sabotaging behaviours and comfort zones and forget that we are 50% of the relationship. 

In this episode, Shawn and I talk about taking sovereign responsibility for ourselves to BE a better partner. 

What You'll Learn in this Episode: 

• The importance of listening to understand in challenging conversations
• How to correct Ego stories as a way to prevent harmful projections 
• How to ask for space to self-regulate your own nervous system 
• Cultivating navigation skills to move through troubled waters 
• What it takes to be a good container
• Why martyrdom does not equal love 

Shawn Frazier has always been intrigued by how people behave and communicate. Growing up, he observed arguments between his parents and wondered how two people whose best interests were so closely intertwined could have such volatile arguments. He identified that having clear and compelling points was only half of the battle and inadequate if not accompanied by careful attention and close listening. Now in his relationships, he strives to be clear in communication, setting boundaries or expectations, but also seeks to fully witness his counterparts to fully understand them. 

• Shawn's Instagram

Kat HoSoo Lee is a trauma-informed Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Rooted Business Podcast. She uses the tools of somatic and emotional alchemy to guide soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. This allows them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, ethical marketing and purposeful service.

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This podcast is made possible with sound production by Andre Lagace.