Episode Transcript
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Darnah Mercieca (00:02):
Do you ever
miss your implants?
And this question hit me.
I'm not going to lie.
I read this.
I was like, ooh, how am I goingto answer that?
This is Empowered Explant, thepodcast helping women ditch
their breast implants withconfidence.
I'm D Merzica board certifiedhealth and wellness coach and
(00:24):
explant warrior.
Today I went live for the firsttime in a very long time and
I've started a series of liveQ&A sessions.
So explant surgery Q&As, whereI'm going live every Saturday at
11 am Central Time on Instagramin the Empowered Explant
(00:48):
Facebook group.
I even live streamed to myYouTube channel today and I'm
answering questions.
I keep getting asked questionsin my DMs and they're amazing
questions and I realized that ifone person is asking the
question, a lot of other womenwill have the same questions, so
(01:14):
why not answer these questionsfor everybody?
And so it's really cool.
I'm very excited and one of thequestions that came through for
me was deeply personal, and Iwas.
I just I got a little bitemotional.
I'd never been asked thisbefore and so I wanted to talk
(01:37):
about this for today's podcastepisode and I want to share my
answer with you.
The question was do you missyour breast implants?
And I was like oh wow, let methink about that.
And basically I answered thequestion kind of live and I did
(01:59):
a lot of processing, emotionalprocessing out loud, and so it
was a kind of an intensequestion to answer without
journaling on it for a week.
But I think that it's animportant one to share,
especially since it's beennearly three years since my
explant surgery.
(02:20):
Literally one month from now itwill be three years and I
really hope that my answer canhelp women either planning for
surgery kind of setting theirown expectations and preparing
emotionally, mentally, forwhat's to come and also for
(02:42):
women on the other side ofexplant, and really showing you
that it's okay to have all ofthe feelings and to embrace all
of the feelings, but just totake the time to really get to
know where they're coming from.
And that's why I really feelvery strongly about the mental
(03:02):
and emotional preparation beforeexplant surgery, on this
journey and and through it, youknow, supporting yourself
emotionally through this journeyis as important as the physical
preparation and the physicalhealing.
Seriously, this, this journey,is super transformative and so I
(03:24):
hope that me being reallyhonest and vulnerable and raw
about how I feel about mybreasts today, three years later
can help bring peace to you, nomatter where you are on your
journey and what you're feeling.
All right, here's the clip fromthe live Q&A earlier and this
(03:45):
question hit me.
I'm not going to lie.
I read this.
I was like, ooh, how am I goingto answer that?
Ooh.
So the question is do you evermiss your implants?
Mm, and this is a deep questionthat's going to bring tears to
(04:12):
my eyes because I don't thinkanyone's ever asked me this.
So thank you for asking thisquestion.
Nearly three years after myexplant surgery and and I
haven't spoken about this yetand the answer is I never miss
(04:36):
my implants, specifically, orthe feeling of having those
implants inside my body, or thefeeling of having those implants
inside my body.
That is definitely notsomething I miss, a feeling that
I miss.
(04:56):
I don't miss feeling therippling of the plastic, the
silicone, like inside me.
I don't miss.
I don't miss, like, thediscomfort of of, you know,
feeling restricted all the time,laying on my side or not being
able to run, or not being ableto do pushups and just like
(05:19):
things like that.
I do not miss my implants and Iwill, and I will definitely say
that very clearly.
But and there is a, butsometimes I do miss having
bigger boobs.
That's hard for me to say andit's hard for me to admit out
(05:41):
loud.
To admit out loud Um, you knowthat usually comes up when I see
old photos of myself Um,usually like, usually like my
(06:22):
modeling photos and things likethat or when I see other women
with larger breasts.
You know when, when me and mypartner are walking in Italy and
I see this like gorgeous womanwith just like these beautiful
big breasts and and just likeoozing sex appeal.
You know, um, and let me beclear, my breasts with implants
were way too big for my body, atsize double d, and I would
never want that again for me,for my frame, for my body.
But there's still a wiringinside my brain that associates
(06:45):
big boobs with sexiness and Iwas wired to think that way from
the age of 10 years old.
I remember being a little girland learning from the people in
my environment that big boobswere appealing, that big boobs
(07:08):
were sexy, that big boobs madeyou a woman, and so like there's
this wiring in my brain that Istill am working on and, um, and
it's really sad that this comesup and uh, and it makes me
(07:31):
emotional, because I know thatI'm not the only person.
I mean.
That's why we all do this tobegin with, right, like,
regardless of what our what ledus to get implants or what like
really drove that decision.
It's all because we thoughtthat that was making us more,
(07:52):
something more sexy, moreappealing, more woman.
You know, whatever it was, um,and so you know, I would say
that 90% of the time, I don'teven think about it, and that's
like the honest truth.
I don't even think about it.
I'm super happy as I am, likesitting here right now, super
(08:15):
happy as I am, and yet there arestill times when I wrestle with
not feeling busty enough orsexy enough, and I have to coach
myself through those momentsusing techniques like reframing
(08:37):
thoughts, positive affirmations,loving myself up with some
self-care, putting on sexyclothes and celebrating my
sexiness as I am.
So there are things like don'tjust sit in it, don't just sit
in it.
There are things that you coulddo to help with the rewiring,
(08:58):
to help bring you out of thoselittle spirals that we just
naturally get in, especially inmoments of comparison.
But let me tell you this, um,but let me tell you this
Actually, we have a question.
This is exciting.
Kyla, thank you for yourquestion.
(09:18):
Are you truly happy with the wayyour breasts look?
How long did it take you foryou to love them post implants?
Great question.
So, yeah, let me, cause this ison the same, the same topic, so
I will address this now as apart of my answer.
Um, yes, I am truly happy withthe way my breasts look and I
(09:40):
can say that honestly, withconfidence, considering what
they've been through,considering that I put massive
implants inside my body and thatthey were a size double D and
that they're now a B and Ididn't get a lift.
I'm so happy with how they'vehealed and with how my skin has
(10:05):
bounced back significantly, withhow my stretch marks improved.
I am so pleased with the workthat my surgeon, dr Dev, did.
I'm pleased with my scars youcan barely see them.
So, yes, I am really happy.
I'm happy with the amount oftissue that I do have.
(10:29):
I'm happy, I am.
(10:52):
Are they perfect?
Been a process of acceptingthose imperfections as a part of
knowing that this is a part ofmy journey, um, and you have to
come to a place of acceptancewith yourself.
Otherwise you continue to.
(11:14):
You just continue to bemiserable for no good reason,
like that's literally why I gotbreast implants, because I
didn't accept myself as I was.
I'm happy and they are notperfect.
And so you know I will say thatafter getting them removed it's
(11:38):
a shock.
At least it can be.
I know that some women get themremoved and they look and
they're really happy straightaway.
For me it was a shock.
I remember like I rememberlooking at my breasts in the um
in my surgeon's office and justfeeling like immense, like shock
, like wow, this is differentand scary, and um, and it takes
(12:06):
time for your brain to actuallyget used to seeing yourself
differently.
And so I would say it took acouple of months for me to not
(12:27):
still see myself as um, as likestrange, when I walked past the
mirror.
You know, I think initiallyafterwards, even a few weeks
afterwards, when things weresettling, I would walk past the
(12:50):
mirror.
I'm like Whoa, who's that?
What is that?
Like that, my, my side profilewas weird, my um, I just I felt
strange when I looked in themirror.
It felt like I was looking at astranger just because of the
difference.
But then I, and a few weekslater I felt more like myself
(13:12):
than I had felt in years and itwas a reconnection with myself.
And you know, like I said, Idon't miss my implants, but what
I miss more than bigger boobs,because sometimes, sometimes 10%
(13:33):
of the time, I miss bigger,having bigger boobs, um, and I
think that that's just becausethat's what I got used to for so
many years and, like I said,like it's the rewiring of my
brain.
But what I miss more than biggerboobs, this, what I miss more,
(13:55):
is my original set.
Oh my gosh, that's what I misswhen, when I, when I like really
boil it down, when I really getto like the core of how I feel
about it, I miss my originalboobs before getting implants
(14:23):
and I sometimes get caught inthe spiral of regret that I ever
got implants to begin with.
And that's the part that getsme the most.
It's not the missing myimplants, it's the missing
before implants, it's the whydid I ever do this to myself?
That gets me.
(14:44):
So when I see the imperfections, when I see, you know, any, any
stretched skin, when I, when Isee those things, it's not that
I miss my implants, it's why theF did I choose this?
Um, and sometimes, you know,just, I get caught in that
(15:06):
spiral of regret and how I kindof bring myself out of that is
talking to God.
I am very strong in faith.
That's when I talk to God and II thank him for the lessons
that I've learned.
Um, because without going onthis journey, it probably would
(15:32):
have been something else.
Let's face it, right Like I hadto learn to accept myself and
to love myself and to be ingratitude for my health somehow,
right?
So if it wasn't breast implants, I probably would have done
some other dumb shit, to behonest.
(15:53):
So I come back to God and Ithank him for these lessons and
for giving me the gift of myhealth back, which is just the
most incredible blessing that Icould possibly ask for.
And I come back to a place ofgratitude for this work that I'm
now able to do in being a voiceand an advocate in this space,
(16:20):
in the explant space, you know,being able to help women on
their explant journeys and tosupport all of you and to spread
this message.
And hopefully, my biggest goalis to help young women not do
this, or any woman at any age tonot do this to themselves to
(16:43):
begin with.
So, yeah, that was a reallylong answer to that question,
but I think it all.
Like I said, I had never beenasked that question before and
I'm so glad you asked me thatbecause it brought up a lot and
I had to do some some processingof that publicly here with you
(17:08):
all watching uh live, which mademe sweat a little bit.
But thank you, thank you forbeing on this journey with me.
Like I said, it's going to bethree years since my explant
surgery next month, on November11.
So three years in and I'm stillvery much on this journey.
(17:34):
This journey continues andthat's what is the most
incredible thing about being awoman on her explant journey,
having breast implants, goingthrough this transformation is
it is a transformation, is it isa transformation and through
(17:57):
this, you have an opportunity totransform not just your breast
size, not just your health, butyour whole outlook on life and
the whole way that you show upin your life, and for your
health and for your body and forothers, and it's a really,
really powerful journey.
(18:19):
Thanks for listening, brasti,and for holding space for me to
be honest with how I'm feelingand where I'm at.
Like I said, the emotional andmental component of this is
really important and it's ajourney that continues, and I
think anything self-esteem, bodyimage related is something that
(18:43):
we are going to have to faceour entire lives.
So, uh, having the tools toreally um, reframe thoughts and
coach ourselves through all ofthese thoughts that come into
our head is just so important,and there are.
You know I've I've recorded aton of podcast episodes that
(19:06):
talk about this side of it.
Um and uh.
Even just a couple of episodesago, I recorded a podcast
episode called the Best Way toEase Anxiety and Mentally
Prepare for Explant Surgery in10 Simple Steps.
That episode is really amazingto listen to if you are planning
for surgery at the moment andyou want to really get ahead of
(19:30):
this emotional rollercoasterthat you're about to embark on.
Plus, those tools can be usedongoing throughout your entire
explant journey after recoverythrough healing.
If you want to see the whole Q&Areplay, I will drop the link to
that in the show notes ordescription below.
Remember I will be going liveevery Saturday at 11 am Central
(19:56):
for Q&As.
I don't know how long I will dothem, for we will see how many
amazing questions you all have.
You can also catch thosereplays in the Empowered Explant
Facebook group and on myInstagram, and if you are
listening on this podcast orwatching on YouTube and you have
a question that you would likeme to answer in one of these
(20:19):
live Q and A's, then you can getthose questions to me by DMing
them to me.
So go to my Instagram, shoot mea DM there, or on the website
there's a form that you can fillout.
So go to empoweredxplantcomforward slash podcast and at the
bottom of that page you can seea little button that says
(20:41):
submit your question here.
Go ahead, submit your question,and I'm really excited to be
able to answer as many questionsas I can on this live series
and share some of those answershere with you on the podcast.
All right, breasty, I will seeyou here next week.