How to Deal with Annoying People

Episode Transcript
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Justin Wenck (00:00):
All right, coming from huilo, huilo Chile today,
going to be talking aboutsomething that is going to make
your life a whole lot easier, alot more chill and a lot more
relaxing. And it's going toreally build on the last episode
we did, which was on valuingjoy, which was the fifth best
value to have of 2026 in our sixpart series, you are going to

(00:23):
want to stick around for thisshow where we are talking about
how to deal with annoyingpeople. So with that, let's get
started. Are you ready to live alife with enough time, money and
energy have relationships andconnections that delight you.
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know

(00:46):
you've been missing? If so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me.

(01:10):
Justin Wenck, PhD, I'm here inhuilo, huilo, Chile, so this has
been about a week the previousepisode, I was in Colombia at a
little resort called Punta Faro,on a small island about 50 miles

(01:30):
from Cartagena Colombia. Soalready I've had a chance to
visit Santiago pucan, and so nowthis is the second stop in
Patagonia, in this lovelyBiological Reserve called huilo,
huilo, which I understand this.
A lot of this used to just be anarea used for timber, for the
lumber industry, where theywould just, you know, go take

(01:52):
out the trees and things likethat. And so now it's been
turned into a Biological Reservewhere it's about appreciating
and getting to visit nature andletting nature do its thing,
instead of taking advantage ofnature, or whatever you might
want to call it. And so it'sbeen really, you know, wonderful
to get to be here and see somevery deep parts of forests and
kind of in an area surrounded bya lot of volcanoes, and there's

(02:18):
even a glacier nearby. Got to goon a really incredible hike.
Yet, as amazing as all of thisis, you know, during travels,
inevitably, there's going to bepeople that can be kind of
annoying, because just there'sdifferent people and getting
frustrated, or just being tiredor not being able to
communicate, because I speaksome Spanish, but my Spanish

(02:40):
isn't great, and, you know,traveling with other people at
times, so this is going to bereally great for you if you ever
get annoyed. And something I'vehad a lot of practice, because I
used to be somebody who couldfind so many reasons to get
annoyed with people, and now Ijust sit back and relax. And if

(03:00):
something's truly important,something truly matters, I'll
say something or do something ina way that still values my joy
and also keeps me in integrityand also is respectful of those
around me. As best I as best asyou know me or anybody, can
always be right. We can alwayslearn to do better. And so
there's going to be two big waysthat you can deal with annoying

(03:25):
people. Because really, theannoying people, they're fine.
They are not at all annoyed thatthey are annoying. You most are
not even aware, and those thatare aware, that means they
probably don't care, or or theyenjoy that they are annoying you
on some level, but the annoyingpeople are fine. They are not
annoying. They are notproblematic. The problem is in

(03:50):
the perception that you might behaving with regards to these
people, and the challenge is howto shift that perception, and
maybe to shift what your optionsare and how to do with it. So
I'm going to share two reallyimportant, super easy Well, in
practice, it could be achallenging because again,
sometimes we get in the habit ofanything, and we can get in the

(04:11):
habit of being annoyed. Becausewhat there's a benefit to being
annoyed. That means, if I'mannoyed, I get to be right.
Somebody's wrong. They're notdoing something the way they
should be doing it, I know theway they're not doing it. So
Okay, the first thing is that isbecause we've often talked on
this show about the gifts thatcan be in any situation, and

(04:31):
sometimes that is a really,really challenging place to get
to when you're in the state offeeling annoyed and frustrated.
So the first technique I'm goingto offer you in dealing with
annoying people is curiosity.
Can you get curious about it? Soone experience that I had where

(04:53):
I found myself getting like alittle annoyed with was in a car
with somebody, and there. Justlike, Can the AC, AC get turned
off the can I turn off the ACbutton? And for whatever reason,
I was just like, you know, I'mdriving, and so I'm just like,
what, what? What is it you want?
Do you is, Are You Too hot? Toocold? What's the Is it too much
air? Not enough air? What's the?

(05:18):
Because for the past, like, 30years, I haven't cared about
that AC button in a car'sheating, air conditioning,
whatever. It's kind of like Ijust either I want a hotter, I
want a colder, I want, you know,more blast, less blast. But I
really don't. I think I rememberwhen I was like a kid, and the
cars were not so great. It waslike, you're going up a hill and

(05:40):
so always to turn off the airconditioner so that we just get
the air blowing, but we're notrunning the AC, which is going
to, like, strain the engine andmaybe we don't make it up the
hill, not an issue with any carin the past 30 years. So instead
of getting annoyed, I just gotcurious, of like, well, when you
say you want to turn that ACbutton off, what is it? What is

(06:00):
it that you're wanting toexperience? You know, I'm just
trying to understand. So then Ican kind of like, you know,
because really, this is just amiscommunication and
mistranslation. I have, youknow, how my model of how these
things works, and this otherperson had their model, and so
it's like, how do we translatethe models? And, you know, by
getting curious and asking thequestions, and sometimes you

(06:25):
might not be able to ask thequestion of the person, yet, if
you can just start to getcurious and be like, what is it
that they're wanting, or what isit they're seeing, or what is it
their motivation? It can just bethat one step past being annoyed
or frustrated. If you're annoyedor frustrated, you're you're not
going to be able to be in yourjoy, right? You can't feel joy

(06:47):
if you are annoyed orfrustrated, and so when you're
at least curious, you're closerto joy. It's becomes a
possibility, right? It gives youhalf a chance, which is super
critical, super important, tohave a chance at being, you
know, getting closer to joy. Sothe further you are from
frustration, the closer you areto joy. And so again, just by

(07:07):
getting curious about what youknow, what is somebody doing,
what's their motivation, what'stheir understanding of things,
this is a big, big step ingetting out of frustration, out
of being annoyed, being curious.
That's the first tool. Now thesecond tool, the second tool is
really, really great at learningabout yourself and seeing where

(07:29):
you might be able to grow andchange. So if you're being
annoyed by somebody, there's,there's kind of two things that
can be happening that's kind ofbeing mirrored back about
yourselfis, one is they are reflecting
back something within you thatyou don't like about yourself.
So for example, say, somebody'sreally loud and obnoxious and

(07:52):
you don't like it. This might bebecause you are often loud and
obnoxious, and you don't, youdon't like that about yourself,
and you haven't come to anacceptance or a way to deal with
that part of you that can beloud and obnoxious. Then the
other possibility is this issomething where you lack this

(08:12):
quality. You wish you couldspeak out. You could have your
voice. You could take up space.
This is something missing inyou, and they're pointing it
out. In both cases, your feelingwas annoyed, frustration, yet
it's showing something going oninside of you. And when you see

(08:35):
like, oh, maybe this issomething that I have or
something I don't have, then youcan kind of go, Okay, what's
going on? Where's that comingfrom? How does this feel? And
you can start to either, youknow, with it's something that
you have that you don't accept,start to just accept like, yeah,
I can be a real rude asshole,you know, annoying fuck

(08:59):
sometimes. And, yeah, I guessmaybe I can accept that. Maybe I
can, you know, work with thatand be aware or utilize it in
circumstances where that's ahelpful thing and when it's not.
I can try to see that I'm havingthat impact on people, but just
starting to see shift thatperspective and allowing that,

(09:20):
that perspective that you havewith yourself, to have that with
the other the other person,right? This can often be very
helpful when you're on a planewith screaming babies, because
that's just what babies do. Andthere's times that I think all
of us would like to be like ascreaming baby and go like, this
sucks. I don't want it to bethis way. I want it to stop. And

(09:41):
so that might be like, Oh, it's,it's something that I wish I
could speak up about, or it'ssomething I wish I could
appreciate. That part of me givethat a little care, a little
inner a little inner care, alittle inner love, and go like,
yeah, I get it. I'd like to bescreaming and frustrated and all
that as well. So. That's theother one. Is seeing what's

(10:01):
being mirrored back whensomeone's annoying. Like, what
is it? And looking inside ofyou, what is it that I either
go, Ooh, I have that so much.
And maybe that's something Idon't actually like or accept
about myself, or maybe that'ssomething I quality I wish I
had, like, I wish, you know,like, if somebody annoys you

(10:22):
that they're like, not speakingup there, you know, it's like,
oh, maybe I wish that I could bea little bit quieter, a little
bit more calm. It really can beany type of behavior, any type
of action, any type of thing canbe one of those two things. And
so if you notice yourself beingannoyed or frustrated again,
maybe start with the curiosity,but then turn that curiosity

(10:43):
inwards and be curious about,like, what's this bring up
inside of me? Because if youfully loved yourself, if you
were really, you know, reallyloved how you are, and were
aware and willing to see thatmaybe you're not perfect, yet,
you can become more aware andmodulate and shift your
behaviors and actions to be alittle bit better or different.

(11:06):
Is we you know you'll never beperfect, but you can always
learn and grow and get betterand better over time. Yet
there's no reason to expectothers to be perfect if you
don't expect yourself to beperfect. Because, again, it's
kind of this judgment. It'sthere's this big, big part of
being annoyed, finding otherpeople annoying is really it's
all about being in judgment ofother people. And again, this

(11:29):
isn't necessarily about lettingthings slide and just being
like, Oh, let anybody doanything. No, no. It's not about
that. Because there could besituations where somebody's
doing something that should bestopped. There should be a
boundary. It's like, this is notokay, and something should be
said. Yet it's decoupling. Whatis the discerning? What is the
wise action? What is the wiseresponse versus how are you

(11:53):
emotionally cuz, when you valueyour joy, you can continue to
have a joyful, balanced internalstate of being while taking
whatever outward action, sayingwhatever might be appropriate
response wise, based on thesituation, right? And so it

(12:14):
could be, you know, very, verycutting, direct, you know, loud,
but it's like you're doing thatbecause that's what's needed in
the moment. Because if, let'sjust say, like, somebody's about
to, you know, get, you know, hitby something, and you're not
going to just be all like, oh,you might need to get out of the

(12:36):
way. You're going to you'regoing to yell, get out of the
way something's coming, right?
So there's times where loudvoice, you know, show of
strength is appropriate, butit's you know, are you coming
from a place of balance, joy,calm, integrity, and that's sort
of the differentiation of what,of what this is all about. So
I'm really curious, you know,how is this landing for you? How

(12:59):
has it been for you Have youfound yourself often getting
annoyed with other people, and,you know what? What are your
thoughts? And trying one ofthese two techniques, the first
one, just trying to be morecurious about, you know, the
other person, where they'recoming from, what their
viewpoint, what their model is,whether you can actually engage
with them, or you're just sortof kind of mentally having this

(13:21):
question, you know, like, again,like screaming baby on a plane.
You can't, you can't talk tohim. And if you tried, you would
look like the craziest person onthe plane. Hopefully, you would
be the craziest person on theplane. Yeah, you can kind of go
like, Oh, maybe, what is it likefor that little wee being on
this, you know, tube goingthrough the air, and just having

(13:41):
that curiosity can lead to alittle bit more compassion. And
then there's the Oh, what is thewhat is this annoyance signaling
of a mirror in me? Like, what isit that either I resonate with
that I feel like I do this alot, or this is something that I
don't like about myself, or whatis this that's showing that I

(14:03):
feel like maybe I'm lacking, orthat I'm missing that I wish I
could do, and from those spaces,it allows there to be a little
bit alleviation in the thefeeling of the annoyance, which
gets you closer to feeling joy,which was, you know, if you've
been keeping up with the Show,and I hope you are our last
show, which was from fromColombia. We were talking about

(14:25):
fifth best value to have in 2026of joy before that was number
six, was integrity. And again,you're going to want to make
sure that you're followingsubscribing, because you're
going to really want to get thenext show, which is the fourth
one, and I'm not going to revealit until the show, just they
keep getting better and better,and they're going to help your

(14:46):
life this year be even moreamazing than I hope your last
year was. So thank you so much.
Definitely make sure that you'resubscribing, liking, commenting,
sharing with other people. AndI've. Still got a couple more
stops in Chile, so there'll beat least one more show I
believe, that I'll be able torecord while I'm here, so that
you can, you know, get thebeautiful, just the beauty of

(15:09):
the nature around here that isso peaceful and serene, and,
yeah, been really enjoying it.
And so make sure you'refollowing me on social media and
such, so that you can see when Iget some pictures posted. And
make sure you're subscribed onYouTube, because I'll be
eventually having anotherAdventure Time video where show

(15:32):
you all a lot of the cool stuffthat have gotten to experience.
Because yesterday did thisamazing hike ended up being five
miles, but the vertical climbwas ridiculous, but got to be at
this amazing summit where itcould see like five volcanoes in
various directions and aglacier. And it was just

(15:53):
incredible, totally worthwhile.
Just really interesting, becausewe had to drive about 45 minutes
through some really, reallyrugged off road terrain that was
originally created, you know,for the the lumber industry. So
it's just always kind ofinteresting to see how things
that you know, in some ways,there can be, you know, some
destructiveness, yet out ofthat, you know so much, so much

(16:13):
you know, beauty. And that'skind of what this episode is a
little about. Is, you know, fromsort of the, you know, the
feeling of annoyance, it'sreally destructive to ourselves.
Yet out of that, if we start toget curious, if we start to get
inquisitive of our internalstate of being, and, you know,
of ourselves and how we are inthe world, you can start to
create some amazing things. Andthat's really what the show is

(16:36):
all about. And what a lot of mywork is, is, how can we create
some more beauty, some more joy,some more ease, some more flow
and some more incredible,beneficial impact. This isn't
just about going and chillingout, although that's very
important. It's about being ableto chill and then also to create
and to impact. And, you know,yeah, create whatever we're

(17:01):
meant to create in this world,and I want that for you. And so
thank you for being here andenjoying the show. Super excited
to bring you more of this. Sothank you so much, and good day.
Thanks for tuning in toengineering emotions and energy
with Justin Wenck, PhD. Today'sepisode resonated with you.
Please subscribe and leave afive star review. Your feedback

(17:21):
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more amazing lives you

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