49 – Stop Trying to Fix People: How Changing the Conversation Changes Everything

Your host Alex Shevelenko welcomes Sonja Lyubomirsky, Vice Chair of Psychology at UC Riverside, renowned happiness scientist, and author of How to Feel Loved: The 5 Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most. In this episode, Sonja shares her evidence-based, systematic take on why conventional happiness interventions frequently fall short if they don't foster deep human connection, especially in professional environments where leaders hold back from expressing warmth out of a fear that corporate culture won't approve.

Sonja discusses the evolution of her 37-year career as a positive psychology pioneer—from studying the stark cultural contrasts of Russian and American happiness expressions as an immigrant to co-authoring her latest book with relationship scientist Harry Reis. She explains why feeling loved and connected is the fundamental driver of human well-being, emphasizing that whether in personal life or the workplace, the goal is not to force personal changes, but simply to "change the conversation." She introduces her core connection framework—distilling decades of research into simple formulas like Feeling Loved = To Know and To Be Known, driven by Asking + Listening + Sharing—and shares practical mindsets like "Multiplicity" to help people view colleagues and partners as complex quilts of traits rather than judging them by single flaws.

The conversation also touches on the practicalities of executive leadership and team culture, including Sonja's advice on using active curiosity, vulnerable sharing, and high-quality listening to eliminate isolation and build high-trust workplace relationships without paying mere lip service to the word "love." She shares insights on overcoming evolutionary "friend-or-foe" biases, avoiding the trap of assuming you already know everything about long-term colleagues or partners, and adapting connection dynamics across different personality types, cultures, and neurodivergent individuals. This episode serves as a masterclass for any leader, marketer, or executive looking to move beyond dry corporate pitches and build a communication engine that drives real workplace engagement and human connection.

To connect with Sonja, find her on LinkedIn or visit her websites at HowToFeelLoved.com and SonjaLyubomirsky.com. You can also find her book, How to Feel Loved, on Amazon and major booksellers.

Want to be a guest on the show? Contact us here. To learn more about RELAYTO, visit RELAYTO.com.