November 20, 2025 • 29 mins
Ever wonder why a single broken promise can feel heavier than a hundred kept ones? We dive into trust as a lived currency—earned in tiny deposits, lost in a moment—and trace how reliability, discretion, and protection build bonds that last. From a Marine’s battlefield trust to the everyday courage of sharing a secret, we connect the dots between personal integrity and the health of whole communities.
Music and film become our bridge. We talk about the way Lauryn Hill, D’Angelo, and even a beloved 80s anthem unlock memories and soften defenses, and how a modern remake can connect a daughter to her mom through the same lyrics in a new voice. Art speaks where words stop, letting grief, humor, and reverence sit at the same table. That shared emotional ground opens deeper questions about class, privilege, and how culture first learned to take young people seriously.
The conversation turns practical and personal: is community work or instinct? We make the case for intentionality, showing how listening beats lecturing, and how vulnerability across age lines turns debate into problem-solving. One powerful story reframes a generational divide: older adults could reinvent themselves between summers; younger adults live with an unerasable digital record. That insight helps recast identity exploration as a universal human need to try on selves safely.
We also talk tech with humility and grit. Grandkids as patient tutors. Texts over calls. Phones as study tools rather than distractions. Curiosity over comfort becomes the throughline, whether it’s learning a new app or giving grace to different learning styles. And we look ahead to concrete solutions: intergenerational housing, campus-adjacent communities, programs that normalize daily contact, and the role of storytelling in reducing bias and passing wisdom forward.
If you’re hungry for practical hope—ways to knit neighborhoods, families, and teams across age, culture, and belief—this conversation offers language, examples, and next steps. Subscribe, share with someone older or younger than you, and leave a review with the song or story that bridges your generation gap. Your story might be the bridge someone else needs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_06 (00:00):
Welcome to the Four Bars Podcast.
I'm Ken Leith.
SPEAKER_04 (00:02):
And I'm Patty Leith.
We are your host for somecompelling dialogue, encouraging
our listeners to strengthentheir connections and build
strong communities, lifting eachother up and connecting in ways
that matter.
We named the podcast Four Barsas a reference to how hard we
work to find a four barsconnection on our devices.
SPEAKER_06 (00:19):
And we wondered what could happen with relationships
if we worked as hard atconnecting.
SPEAKER_04 (00:24):
Let's find out.
So the next question for thepanel, and Ray, and this one's
gonna go to you first.
In your generation, how is trustbuilt and how might those
practices foster strongerintergenerational connections
across other generations?
SPEAKER_08 (00:40):
Trust.
Gosh, that's that's um I haveI've always looked at trust like
a bank account.
You know, you you can put a lotof trust into a bank account,
but the one time you mess up,you're you're in debt again.
And and it takes a long time tobuild that trust back up.
(01:00):
So uh for for me in mygeneration, trust was just uh
having uh people that you knewthat you could depend on, that
you knew that no matter what yousaid to them, it would go with
them to their grave, no matteruh what you did, they would
protect you and defend you.
Uh and and then of course I whenI was 17 I went directly into
(01:23):
the military.
And trust me, no pun intended,you really had to have uh uh the
trust of your your your fellowMarine because if you got into
combat you your life literallydepended on them and vice versa.
So so trust was always about umyou know being able to share
(01:44):
with someone everything that youneeded to share with them to to
uh know that that they had yourback and vice versa.
And and I think like I said, theone time that you would lose
that trust is when you would umyou know manage to let a word
slip that you shouldn't or saysomething to someone that you
shouldn't have, and and thenthat eroded that that trust.
SPEAKER_05 (02:10):
I love that you brought up this metaphor of a
bank account to represent trust,because um in college my friends
and I watched a video by BreneBrown which had a metaphor of
trust as a jar of marbles, and Ijust found it really interesting
that the metaphors are prettysimilar.
Even though like we're indifferent age rages, we just
have different metaphors to kindof describe the same thing.
SPEAKER_08 (02:34):
I hate a jar of marble screwing now.
SPEAKER_06 (02:39):
Uh perfect.
So thank you very much for that,and definitely on the two songs,
appreciate that.
The BGs were a phenomenon.
I never totally got that, butthey were.
Uh it was a flavor.
Um, but yes, they were verytalented.
All right, so our next personthat we're going to ask a
question of.
(02:59):
Uh, but we're gonna first askabout this song is Jeremiah.
Could you tell us about yoursong?
SPEAKER_02 (03:06):
Yeah, you guys.
So I chose the song Nothing EvenMatters by D'Angelo and Lauren
Hill.
Have you heard of either one ofthose two artists, show of
hands?
Okay, yeah, like phenomenal.
Yes.
Craziest thing, y'all.
So the the artist that wrote thesong that I selected passed away
today.
(03:29):
Like, blew my entire mind.
He was 51 years old.
Apparently, he was battlingpancreatic cancer.
I think maybe silently, maybenot so silently.
Um, but phenomenal writer.
If you if you've heard hismusic, you know this.
I'm not telling you nothing youdon't know.
Same with Lauren Hill, but ifyou don't know their music,
these are two artists that havejust influenced every part of my
(03:55):
honestly being, but especiallyartistic lifestyle, the way
they, to your point, twin.
Which is also funny.
Another intergenerational thing.
So the younger generation,millennials and Gen Z, like
that's how they say friend orbro.
It's twin.
(04:15):
So they'll be like, What's up,twin?
So if you if you see amillennial or a Gen Z person in
the next couple days, just say,What's up, twin?
and see what they say.
Like they'll they'll think it'sfunny.
So it's actual slang now, butum, Lauren Hill and D'Angelo,
they wrote these songs that wereso deeply rooted in intention
(04:36):
and story, and they took you toa place where they were coming
from.
And so Lauren Hill, she hassongs about heartbreak.
And so when she says, you know,killing me softly with his
words, then you're just like,ah, I feel that.
And the same with D'Angelo, hehas a song that's called Smile.
And the whole entire song he'ssaying, You helped me smile
(04:57):
again.
That's it.
Like, that's the entire song.
And if you're someone who'sgoing through a season where it
was hard to smile, and then yousmiled again, like you can
relate to that in a whole newway.
You know what I mean?
And so, very simple butbeautifully poetic.
And the song Nothing EvenMatters is just talking about
how when you find that love, itdoesn't compare to anything.
(05:18):
Like D'Angelo is saying, I justbought a new truck, but it
doesn't matter.
You know what I mean?
I just made some money, but itdoesn't matter.
I went broke, it doesn't matterbecause I'm with you, and that's
all that matters.
So I feel like we should do alittle moment of silence for
D'Angelo.
You know what I'm saying?
Like just a yeah, let's, ify'all don't mind, just like
10-15 seconds, just a moment ofsilence for it's like I
(05:55):
appreciate it.
SPEAKER_06 (05:57):
Thank you.
All right, so your question isfocusing on music and culture.
And with this one, how culturetouchstones of your generation,
uh, be it art, music, film,fashion, how have they created
opportunities to connect youngergenerations and older
(06:18):
generations?
It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_02 (06:20):
You guys, I did not prepare.
So give me some grace right now.
I didn't read the questionsbeforehand.
Um, but I I think music and artin general, whether that's a
painting, whether that's food,um, because I believe culinary
is art as well, whether that is,like I said, music.
I think music speaks, or let'sjust say art.
(06:42):
I think art speaks where wordsstop.
You know what I mean?
So sometimes you might not havethis eloquent way to convey how
you feel, but you can turn asong on and it automatically
hits that mood.
Or you can look at a painting ora poem that speaks to you where
you know words might not be ableto convey.
I know my dad was never really asuper big, he's a boomer or a a
(07:07):
a Gen X, or maybe I don't, Idon't remember which one, but
very pragmatic, very much likeson, go to college, get this
job, and very much like you knowI love you because you're eating
right now and I haven't knockedyou out.
You know what I'm like that typeof that type of that, you know.
But and so our ways ofconnecting was more so about
(07:27):
watching films or listening tomusic or you know, that type of
thing.
And so I think there is just uhan array of ways that art can be
used.
Same with my grandfather.
My grandfather loved IsaacHayes, and so he would be
telling me, you know, his oldstories about how his generation
had the best work ethic, and mygeneration doesn't work that
(07:49):
hard.
But if we turn on some IsaacHayes, like we just chilling and
vibing, and it's all good, andthat was the way that we kind of
connected.
So I think art just has thisprofound way to go beyond where
words might be able to go.
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_04 (08:02):
Awesome, yeah.
Okay.
Thanks.
We're gonna um open the floorfor our audience questions.
Um, and uh we've got a littlebit of time left.
But Malia, could you share aboutyour song?
SPEAKER_05 (08:17):
Yes.
So I picked Don't Let GoParentheses Love by Best Steele.
And if the artist name doesn'tsound right for the title,
that's because it's a remake ofa song by another band.
It's a remake of a song by mymom's favorite band.
So I'm playing this song by myfavorite band in the car, it
comes on, and she's kind ofdoing a double take, like, what
(08:38):
is this?
And it was the same song, thesame lyrics that we both related
to, but my version sounded offto her because it's a new band
and it's a different sound.
It had more of a pop sound.
It wasn't a girl group thistime, it was a guy singing it,
but it was the same lyrics thatwe were connecting to.
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
I love that.
I love that.
SPEAKER_09 (08:57):
Leela, can you tell us about yours?
Well, I got paralyzed when youasked the question.
So I just tried to think of thequintessential Gen X song.
So of course I chose the bestsong from the best movie of our
generation, The Breakfast Club,Don't You Forget About Me.
And then I tried to think oflike, does this really have a
(09:18):
deeper meaning?
But it, I mean, if you thinkabout all the film, you know,
the art that was coming out whenI was growing up was the first
time that teenagers were takenseriously in pop culture with
all the John Hughes films, someof which are very problematic.
The mother of teenagers, when Ishowed them some films, I
regretted it.
(09:39):
So fair warning, all.
But it was a lot of explorationof class and society, and you
know, not necessarily theintergenerational connection,
but the, you know, inter-class,um, inter, you know, we didn't
talk about the who had privilegein the 80s, uh, but we certainly
felt it.
(10:00):
So and it's just a great song.
If you miss Simple Minds at theAMP this year, I'm so sorry for
you.
SPEAKER_04 (10:07):
All right.
We're um gonna open up for someaudience questions of the panel
and the time that we haveremaining.
I know we have heard fromeveryone on a lot of different
topics.
Maybe you want to ask more aboutthose.
Maybe you want to ask somethingelse.
So Ken and I both have somehandhelds we'll bring around.
Um raise your hand if you have afirst of all, you all were
(10:33):
amazing.
SPEAKER_03 (10:33):
So thank you so much.
Thank you.
I said I also think and and Kenare amazing and bring people
together.
Um I would start by so manythings all of you said, but I
noticed is it Ray that early onyou said something that
resonated with this old boomerthat was like you used to open
your door and go play.
(10:54):
Um and it was so natural to gointo your neighbor's house and
then you was sort of the COVIDgeneration and the technology.
So I guess my question to all ofyou is is community work for you
or does it come naturally?
Because I know we talk aboutthis a lot.
(11:14):
There's a lot of introverts,like it seems like a lot of work
to be involved.
So I'm just curious if it comeseasily to you all or if you
really work at it.
SPEAKER_07 (11:25):
It's work if you take it serious.
Because when you really look atcommunity, you're giving of
yourself.
And it it's more than voice tovoice, eye to eye, it's soul to
soul.
And you you can't put adefinition to it.
There's an essence, there's anawe to community, that's a
(11:47):
connection, that you feel it.
And you talked about the emotionuh that you see in in music and
how music is actually Jeremiahme words of the soul, because
that's what music does.
But I I think it can be work andit has to be intentional, and
it's real easy just to curl up.
And let me promise you, at myage, my generation, the tendency
(12:11):
is to curl up, and the tendencyis to be angry with the rest of
you, because we expect you to,you know, you just put us on a
shelf and we feel like we've gotall this wisdom that we want to
share, and nobody's interestedin it.
Uh but so it it requires me tokeep my mouth shut, first of
(12:32):
all, a lot of times, but toreally listen because the need
that you have at your age and atdifferent ages, really it's the
same.
It it's looking for that meaningin life, looking for that that
inner peace that makes you feelhuman.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (12:51):
If we have time for a story, I have a story that
kind of relates to this, andespecially what you were saying.
I have a friend, he's much olderthan me, and we are very
different people.
We have different politics,different religions, different
upbringings, differentexperiences, different cultures.
And when I was becoming friendswith him, we used to work
(13:12):
together, is how we met.
But when I was becoming friendswith him outside of work, I was
very hesitant.
I was guarded.
I was worried that if I sharedtoo much of myself, if I shared
my opinions or my beliefs or mythoughts or who I was, that I
would lose his respect or thathe wouldn't like me, or that I
might even be condemned for whatI thought.
(13:34):
And I was just really nervousgoing into this friendship.
There's one particular day thatkind of changed everything.
We were talking and we alwaysmet on teams.
We always met throughtechnology, but we were calling
and he started talking about hishigh school experience.
And Breakfast Club actually cameup.
He was talking about how theyhad these very distinct cliques,
(13:56):
and you could go home for thesummer and you could return to
school and you could be a partof a new clique.
You could change yourpersonality and do a 180 and try
on different appearances orhumor styles or be a part of a
different clique.
You could try that on, and thatwas a really big moment for me
because I thought the thecliques that you see in the
(14:18):
movies were made up for themovies because I didn't see them
in my high schools.
I I didn't see those.
But also the fact that they wereable to play with their
personality so much, and I toldhim my generation didn't really
get to do that.
Our lives are on Facebook andInstagram, and I've even heard
stories of kids who were beingbullied or were a bully who
(14:41):
moved schools to escape thatsocial situation, and the social
situation followed them becauseour actions and our words and
our past versions of ourselfdon't just have a paper trail,
but there's a video trail.
We can't really try on newpersonalities safely.
We can't figure out who we are.
And trying on new personalities,it's it's kind of important to
(15:03):
figure out what feels right, whoyou are.
And I told him that there wasone area in which people at my
school were okay with us tryingon different personalities and
trying on different versions ofourselves.
And that was when we wereplaying with gender and
sexuality.
I didn't see a lot of peopleswitch between groups or
(15:24):
completely do a 180 of theirstyle or personality.
But in every group and in everylike kind of hobby you could
find, there were people in thatgroup that were experimenting or
playing around with their genderand sexuality because that was a
way where we were allowed by ourpeers to try on personalities.
(15:45):
And when I when I shared that,he had a really big aha moment.
And he told me, I don't agreewith it, but I understand it.
I resonate with that because Igot to play on, I got to try on
different personalities andfigure out who I was, and that's
what you guys are trying to do.
I can understand the human needthere.
(16:07):
And our conversation turned moreinto problem solving.
We were talking about okay,well, how can we give future
generations and future kids theability to safely figure out who
they are while they aredeveloping?
And I had a really big aha fromthis conversation.
I could let my guard down, Icould be vulnerable, I could
share what I thought even witholder generations.
(16:29):
Because I had never really had afriend this much older than me
and this different than mebefore.
And it was that feeling of likesharing connection and sharing
our values was what led us toconnect and understand each
other.
And I think that's reallyimportant when we're talking
about community.
Yes, we can all get in the sameroom, but can we understand
(16:50):
where we are similar, even ifwe're doing things that the
other doesn't agree with?
And I think Yeah.
unknown (16:58):
Wow.
SPEAKER_07 (17:00):
Well, Ted is I'm I'm sitting here smiling as I'm
listening because it'sinteresting how being in one
place for 50 years, you see howcommunities develop an identity.
Uh Bella Vista was developed andstill is a retirement community,
but there's a lot of youngerpeople because they can afford
(17:22):
to live there, they can't affordto live in Bedonville.
But how that there can beuniqueness and it can be
humorous as well, uh, and howthat things develop as a need.
And the interesting thing aboutBella Vista being a retirement
community is people die off.
And there are more widows,widowers than there are widows.
(17:46):
I'm a former Belvistaan, okay,and I've un I've recently lost
my wife.
But anyway, uh, how many of youknow about the 72-hour
moratorium in Bella Vista?
Anyone know that?
Okay.
True story, there is a 72-hourcasserole moratorium in Bella
Vista.
That if your wife dies, there'sa 72-hour period where nobody
(18:10):
can bring you casseroles.
So that's part of the identityof a community.
So that no, okay.
SPEAKER_04 (18:19):
Good.
Fantastic answers.
Thank you.
Um another question, first ofall, Kathy, thanks.
That was a great question.
And I think you can see thatthat there's value in putting
the effort in.
And we heard that across theboard.
Anyone else?
Another question, or we havetime for two or three more.
SPEAKER_01 (18:43):
This is kind of more for like the older generations.
Because this is something Iactually struggle with.
Um even being a millennial,because I remember growing up no
technology really in mychildhood until I got older.
So how do you like forceyourself to kind of embrace the
newer versions of technologythat are coming out?
SPEAKER_07 (19:07):
Very simple.
It's called grandchildren.
I am serious.
I mean, uh, yeah, that that butyou you've got two choices.
You can either deal with it andnot grow, not mature, or you can
adapt.
Uh and and quite honestly, formy generation, adapting is hard
(19:30):
because you're settled in,you're comfortable, and it's out
of your comfort zone.
I'm blown away.
I I've just now discovered chapGPT.
Did I say it right?
Yeah.
Uh it's it's like it's anaddiction.
I'm gonna have to, you know, uhget a counselor here or
something.
But uh you're exactly right.
(19:51):
I I think for us, adapting ishard.
It and it becomes intentional.
You you're either gonna go withit or you're gonna be left
behind.
That's what it amounts to.
SPEAKER_08 (20:01):
Uh I have to I have to agree with you on the on the
grandchildren, the grandchildrenpart, but it started with with
my kids.
It seemed like after theyreached a certain age, they
stopped taking phone calls.
It would ring and ring, but ifyou send them a text, they
answered immediately.
So the I I didn't understandwhat that was going, what that
(20:21):
was all about, and and it, andit uh and it it's still today
it's it's frustrating, but mywife, my wife and I are uh
grateful to be able to tocommunicate now, especially with
our great-grandkids that way,because they're they're more
free to to connect with you andanswer your questions and
everything else.
And and I'll I'll tell you astory from from my work life.
(20:44):
Um when I worked at thecommunity college, uh some of
our uh college professors werecomplaining that the kids had
their phone in the classroom andthey weren't paying attention to
the lesson.
And and uh when when thisinformation came to me by a
particular professor, I said, Isaid, well, these these kids are
(21:06):
are consuming information at adifferent rate than you and I
can.
And they're hearing what you'resaying, and they can they can
multi multitask by actuallybeing on the phone and hearing
what you're saying, and and theymight actually be taking notes
in their phone.
And he goes, Oh, really?
I said, Yeah, and and it wassurprising that I knew more
about that, but that's because Imanaged to try and stay
(21:27):
connected with my kids and andso on.
SPEAKER_04 (21:31):
Anybody else?
SPEAKER_09 (21:33):
Okay, funny story.
Um, a friend of mine who ismillennial, and uh we've only
known each other virtually.
We met through a uh mutualfriend.
She was working in a startup,and I was helping her understand
the world of retail.
And she had sent me this audionote a couple weeks ago, and I
(21:55):
couldn't answer it.
I couldn't answer it for thelife of me.
I thought I knew how to do it.
I couldn't answer it, so Ifinally got my son to screenshot
and show me where I was goingwrong.
And then she sent me anothernote.
She's like, I'm so glad that youresponded because you were the
one who introduced me to thistechnology, and I'm glad we're
back to audio notes.
So you can learn it, but thenyou can forget it real easily.
SPEAKER_02 (22:17):
Okay.
SPEAKER_06 (22:20):
Uh any last-minute questions?
SPEAKER_02 (22:23):
Right, we got one in the back.
We got a bit of a way back therethat as the side.
SPEAKER_00 (22:30):
I'm Gen X, and uh I'd be interested to know how
your generational experience umor maybe how the experience you
had uh with the generationraised you informed your
expectations of yourself or yourexpectations of others.
SPEAKER_09 (22:51):
I mean, as a gen axol, I mean, we probably maybe
have some things in common.
I think the stereotype is thatthe boomers were super
idealistic, and then that didn'treally work out with rainbows
and unicorns, and then just leftus to fend for ourselves.
Like uh my sister-in-law calledit, her parents just raised her
like she was a potato.
(23:13):
She just she just grew.
And uh, you know, hence the gritand the self-reliance that I
think a lot of people feel.
I don't think that was a badthing.
I I think, you know, some in ourgeneration overcorrected with
their kids, and then we got thehelicopter parenting.
But I think every generation,kind of to your point about the
(23:33):
the young people are here toquestion, I think every
generation kind of takes that alittle bit opposite away of the
ideals of their parents'generation.
Like you said, I hate my kids'music.
SPEAKER_06 (23:44):
Yeah.
Is anyone else a panel?
SPEAKER_07 (23:48):
Well, I'm 82 and I still carry a father wound.
I never heard my father say, I'mproud of you.
I never heard my father say Ilove you.
Other people would tell me thathe would say how much he loved
me.
But it was that John, we calledit the John Wayne dinner
generation, just bootstrap, suckit up, and and and I think that
(24:11):
is it had a major influence onme.
Uh actually, my wife coming outof Ray out of a military family.
There was no gray.
It was black and white.
Uh, and the one of the thingsI'm so enthusiastic about
current generation is thewillingness to ask, but also the
(24:33):
willingness to forgive and givegrace, uh, and to understand
that we're each unique, butwe're different, you know, and
but we're also the same.
And like you said, I reallyappreciate it.
There's more that unites us thandivides us, and all, but as mu
it's hard to admit how much thepast can influence where we are
(24:56):
today.
Uh but uh we live in a fantastictime of life.
SPEAKER_08 (25:03):
Yeah.
Well, I I can add to that thatuh well the past two years I've
been doing parenting classes inperson and online and in English
and in Spanish.
And and part of that curriculumand that parenting classes is
number one, helping peopleunderstand what their parenting
(25:23):
style is and where they got thatfrom, whether it came from their
parents, or if they'rediscarding what their parents'
parenting style was and they'retrying to adapt adopt something
new.
And then the other part of thatis to teach them to listen to
their child and think about whattheir child is thinking about
them as they go through thatparenting process.
So it's it's a two-waycommunication.
(25:43):
You're not only trying to getyour child to do what you want
them to do, but you're alsolistening to them and trying to
determine what it is that theyreally want so that you're
you're responding uhappropriately.
SPEAKER_06 (25:58):
That helped.
SPEAKER_03 (25:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_06 (26:01):
Thank you all.
Um so we're coming up on ourtime here.
Uh first off, want to thank thisincredible panel again for your
stories, for sharing experiencesin your life, and willingness to
talk about where we're similar,where we're different, and where
we can come together.
So thank you again for that.
SPEAKER_04 (26:24):
And and thanks to all of you for joining for this
really awesome conversation.
We hope you won't run out thatyou'll stay and talk a little
bit about the things that thatthis inspired you to think about
or do differently, um, becausethe bar is still open and lots
of great people here.
SPEAKER_06 (26:41):
Yeah.
And as we uh and just as you do,Lee, think about what you heard,
and then how can that impactyour life?
Who can you impact out there?
This for us is just thebeginning, uh, what we would
like to see to be a more of aintentional, the word was
earlier, uh direction for thisarea to really come together and
(27:06):
try to look at how we can createthese communities where people
interact regardless of our age.
There's a lot written about alot of studies.
Two out of every three peoplewould like to be interacting
with more generations than theydo.
Uh there's information out wherewe're seeing developers starting
to create uh home buildings,excuse me, uh homes, not only
(27:29):
just uh for people of a certainage, but also people younger
living together.
Uh also they're building them,looking to build them on college
campuses or near schools.
There are safety reasons.
Uh it's a value there to havethat there.
We can learn from those who havecome before us and pass that
(27:49):
down so that generationalinformation doesn't get lost.
And people 50 years from now,because of having it passed down
from someone either from theirfamily or just someone they know
and they interact with, hasshared those stories with them.
So again, thank you.
We really, really appreciate youbeing here.
SPEAKER_04 (28:05):
Yeah, check out the podcast.
It drops on the 23rd.
That's the URL you can uh go inand follow.
And um, storytelling issomething that's come up a lot
in our full signal discussions.
We believe storytelling iscritical not only to be able to
tell yours, but also to be ableto encourage others to tell
theirs.
Um, and so we're gonna befocusing on that in our December
(28:28):
full signal.
So thank you so much for coming.
This has been amazing, and it'sso awesome to have everyone
here.
And thank you, panelists.
Please don't run off.
Enjoy uh visiting and in thecommunity.
The Four Mars Podcast has beenbrought to you by Edges Inc., a
growth advisory firm based inBentonville, Arkansas.
(28:51):
I founded the company in 2001.
SPEAKER_06 (28:53):
Edges promotes growth people, companies, and
ideas.
Our team collaboration toolcalled Interface Methods is a
basis for teams to work togethermore collaboratively, understand
each other, and acceptdifferences and address
challenges together.
SPEAKER_04 (29:05):
We also started a nonprofit called Unform Your
Bias.
We teach kids and their adultinfluencers how to utilize
storytelling as a means toreduce bias in the world.
We hope you'll check us out,subscribe to our podcast, and
look at our website.
Welcome to the Four Bars Podcast.
I'm Ken Leith.
SPEAKER_04 (00:02):
And I'm Patty Leith.
We are your host for somecompelling dialogue, encouraging
our listeners to strengthentheir connections and build
strong communities, lifting eachother up and connecting in ways
that matter.
We named the podcast Four Barsas a reference to how hard we
work to find a four barsconnection on our devices.
SPEAKER_06 (00:19):
And we wondered what could happen with relationships
if we worked as hard atconnecting.
SPEAKER_04 (00:24):
Let's find out.
So the next question for thepanel, and Ray, and this one's
gonna go to you first.
In your generation, how is trustbuilt and how might those
practices foster strongerintergenerational connections
across other generations?
SPEAKER_08 (00:40):
Trust.
Gosh, that's that's um I haveI've always looked at trust like
a bank account.
You know, you you can put a lotof trust into a bank account,
but the one time you mess up,you're you're in debt again.
And and it takes a long time tobuild that trust back up.
(01:00):
So uh for for me in mygeneration, trust was just uh
having uh people that you knewthat you could depend on, that
you knew that no matter what yousaid to them, it would go with
them to their grave, no matteruh what you did, they would
protect you and defend you.
Uh and and then of course I whenI was 17 I went directly into
(01:23):
the military.
And trust me, no pun intended,you really had to have uh uh the
trust of your your your fellowMarine because if you got into
combat you your life literallydepended on them and vice versa.
So so trust was always about umyou know being able to share
(01:44):
with someone everything that youneeded to share with them to to
uh know that that they had yourback and vice versa.
And and I think like I said, theone time that you would lose
that trust is when you would umyou know manage to let a word
slip that you shouldn't or saysomething to someone that you
shouldn't have, and and thenthat eroded that that trust.
SPEAKER_05 (02:10):
I love that you brought up this metaphor of a
bank account to represent trust,because um in college my friends
and I watched a video by BreneBrown which had a metaphor of
trust as a jar of marbles, and Ijust found it really interesting
that the metaphors are prettysimilar.
Even though like we're indifferent age rages, we just
have different metaphors to kindof describe the same thing.
SPEAKER_08 (02:34):
I hate a jar of marble screwing now.
SPEAKER_06 (02:39):
Uh perfect.
So thank you very much for that,and definitely on the two songs,
appreciate that.
The BGs were a phenomenon.
I never totally got that, butthey were.
Uh it was a flavor.
Um, but yes, they were verytalented.
All right, so our next personthat we're going to ask a
question of.
(02:59):
Uh, but we're gonna first askabout this song is Jeremiah.
Could you tell us about yoursong?
SPEAKER_02 (03:06):
Yeah, you guys.
So I chose the song Nothing EvenMatters by D'Angelo and Lauren
Hill.
Have you heard of either one ofthose two artists, show of
hands?
Okay, yeah, like phenomenal.
Yes.
Craziest thing, y'all.
So the the artist that wrote thesong that I selected passed away
today.
(03:29):
Like, blew my entire mind.
He was 51 years old.
Apparently, he was battlingpancreatic cancer.
I think maybe silently, maybenot so silently.
Um, but phenomenal writer.
If you if you've heard hismusic, you know this.
I'm not telling you nothing youdon't know.
Same with Lauren Hill, but ifyou don't know their music,
these are two artists that havejust influenced every part of my
(03:55):
honestly being, but especiallyartistic lifestyle, the way
they, to your point, twin.
Which is also funny.
Another intergenerational thing.
So the younger generation,millennials and Gen Z, like
that's how they say friend orbro.
It's twin.
(04:15):
So they'll be like, What's up,twin?
So if you if you see amillennial or a Gen Z person in
the next couple days, just say,What's up, twin?
and see what they say.
Like they'll they'll think it'sfunny.
So it's actual slang now, butum, Lauren Hill and D'Angelo,
they wrote these songs that wereso deeply rooted in intention
(04:36):
and story, and they took you toa place where they were coming
from.
And so Lauren Hill, she hassongs about heartbreak.
And so when she says, you know,killing me softly with his
words, then you're just like,ah, I feel that.
And the same with D'Angelo, hehas a song that's called Smile.
And the whole entire song he'ssaying, You helped me smile
(04:57):
again.
That's it.
Like, that's the entire song.
And if you're someone who'sgoing through a season where it
was hard to smile, and then yousmiled again, like you can
relate to that in a whole newway.
You know what I mean?
And so, very simple butbeautifully poetic.
And the song Nothing EvenMatters is just talking about
how when you find that love, itdoesn't compare to anything.
(05:18):
Like D'Angelo is saying, I justbought a new truck, but it
doesn't matter.
You know what I mean?
I just made some money, but itdoesn't matter.
I went broke, it doesn't matterbecause I'm with you, and that's
all that matters.
So I feel like we should do alittle moment of silence for
D'Angelo.
You know what I'm saying?
Like just a yeah, let's, ify'all don't mind, just like
10-15 seconds, just a moment ofsilence for it's like I
(05:55):
appreciate it.
SPEAKER_06 (05:57):
Thank you.
All right, so your question isfocusing on music and culture.
And with this one, how culturetouchstones of your generation,
uh, be it art, music, film,fashion, how have they created
opportunities to connect youngergenerations and older
(06:18):
generations?
It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_02 (06:20):
You guys, I did not prepare.
So give me some grace right now.
I didn't read the questionsbeforehand.
Um, but I I think music and artin general, whether that's a
painting, whether that's food,um, because I believe culinary
is art as well, whether that is,like I said, music.
I think music speaks, or let'sjust say art.
(06:42):
I think art speaks where wordsstop.
You know what I mean?
So sometimes you might not havethis eloquent way to convey how
you feel, but you can turn asong on and it automatically
hits that mood.
Or you can look at a painting ora poem that speaks to you where
you know words might not be ableto convey.
I know my dad was never really asuper big, he's a boomer or a a
(07:07):
a Gen X, or maybe I don't, Idon't remember which one, but
very pragmatic, very much likeson, go to college, get this
job, and very much like you knowI love you because you're eating
right now and I haven't knockedyou out.
You know what I'm like that typeof that type of that, you know.
But and so our ways ofconnecting was more so about
(07:27):
watching films or listening tomusic or you know, that type of
thing.
And so I think there is just uhan array of ways that art can be
used.
Same with my grandfather.
My grandfather loved IsaacHayes, and so he would be
telling me, you know, his oldstories about how his generation
had the best work ethic, and mygeneration doesn't work that
(07:49):
hard.
But if we turn on some IsaacHayes, like we just chilling and
vibing, and it's all good, andthat was the way that we kind of
connected.
So I think art just has thisprofound way to go beyond where
words might be able to go.
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_04 (08:02):
Awesome, yeah.
Okay.
Thanks.
We're gonna um open the floorfor our audience questions.
Um, and uh we've got a littlebit of time left.
But Malia, could you share aboutyour song?
SPEAKER_05 (08:17):
Yes.
So I picked Don't Let GoParentheses Love by Best Steele.
And if the artist name doesn'tsound right for the title,
that's because it's a remake ofa song by another band.
It's a remake of a song by mymom's favorite band.
So I'm playing this song by myfavorite band in the car, it
comes on, and she's kind ofdoing a double take, like, what
(08:38):
is this?
And it was the same song, thesame lyrics that we both related
to, but my version sounded offto her because it's a new band
and it's a different sound.
It had more of a pop sound.
It wasn't a girl group thistime, it was a guy singing it,
but it was the same lyrics thatwe were connecting to.
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
I love that.
I love that.
SPEAKER_09 (08:57):
Leela, can you tell us about yours?
Well, I got paralyzed when youasked the question.
So I just tried to think of thequintessential Gen X song.
So of course I chose the bestsong from the best movie of our
generation, The Breakfast Club,Don't You Forget About Me.
And then I tried to think oflike, does this really have a
(09:18):
deeper meaning?
But it, I mean, if you thinkabout all the film, you know,
the art that was coming out whenI was growing up was the first
time that teenagers were takenseriously in pop culture with
all the John Hughes films, someof which are very problematic.
The mother of teenagers, when Ishowed them some films, I
regretted it.
(09:39):
So fair warning, all.
But it was a lot of explorationof class and society, and you
know, not necessarily theintergenerational connection,
but the, you know, inter-class,um, inter, you know, we didn't
talk about the who had privilegein the 80s, uh, but we certainly
felt it.
(10:00):
So and it's just a great song.
If you miss Simple Minds at theAMP this year, I'm so sorry for
you.
SPEAKER_04 (10:07):
All right.
We're um gonna open up for someaudience questions of the panel
and the time that we haveremaining.
I know we have heard fromeveryone on a lot of different
topics.
Maybe you want to ask more aboutthose.
Maybe you want to ask somethingelse.
So Ken and I both have somehandhelds we'll bring around.
Um raise your hand if you have afirst of all, you all were
(10:33):
amazing.
SPEAKER_03 (10:33):
So thank you so much.
Thank you.
I said I also think and and Kenare amazing and bring people
together.
Um I would start by so manythings all of you said, but I
noticed is it Ray that early onyou said something that
resonated with this old boomerthat was like you used to open
your door and go play.
(10:54):
Um and it was so natural to gointo your neighbor's house and
then you was sort of the COVIDgeneration and the technology.
So I guess my question to all ofyou is is community work for you
or does it come naturally?
Because I know we talk aboutthis a lot.
(11:14):
There's a lot of introverts,like it seems like a lot of work
to be involved.
So I'm just curious if it comeseasily to you all or if you
really work at it.
SPEAKER_07 (11:25):
It's work if you take it serious.
Because when you really look atcommunity, you're giving of
yourself.
And it it's more than voice tovoice, eye to eye, it's soul to
soul.
And you you can't put adefinition to it.
There's an essence, there's anawe to community, that's a
(11:47):
connection, that you feel it.
And you talked about the emotionuh that you see in in music and
how music is actually Jeremiahme words of the soul, because
that's what music does.
But I I think it can be work andit has to be intentional, and
it's real easy just to curl up.
And let me promise you, at myage, my generation, the tendency
(12:11):
is to curl up, and the tendencyis to be angry with the rest of
you, because we expect you to,you know, you just put us on a
shelf and we feel like we've gotall this wisdom that we want to
share, and nobody's interestedin it.
Uh but so it it requires me tokeep my mouth shut, first of
(12:32):
all, a lot of times, but toreally listen because the need
that you have at your age and atdifferent ages, really it's the
same.
It it's looking for that meaningin life, looking for that that
inner peace that makes you feelhuman.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (12:51):
If we have time for a story, I have a story that
kind of relates to this, andespecially what you were saying.
I have a friend, he's much olderthan me, and we are very
different people.
We have different politics,different religions, different
upbringings, differentexperiences, different cultures.
And when I was becoming friendswith him, we used to work
(13:12):
together, is how we met.
But when I was becoming friendswith him outside of work, I was
very hesitant.
I was guarded.
I was worried that if I sharedtoo much of myself, if I shared
my opinions or my beliefs or mythoughts or who I was, that I
would lose his respect or thathe wouldn't like me, or that I
might even be condemned for whatI thought.
(13:34):
And I was just really nervousgoing into this friendship.
There's one particular day thatkind of changed everything.
We were talking and we alwaysmet on teams.
We always met throughtechnology, but we were calling
and he started talking about hishigh school experience.
And Breakfast Club actually cameup.
He was talking about how theyhad these very distinct cliques,
(13:56):
and you could go home for thesummer and you could return to
school and you could be a partof a new clique.
You could change yourpersonality and do a 180 and try
on different appearances orhumor styles or be a part of a
different clique.
You could try that on, and thatwas a really big moment for me
because I thought the thecliques that you see in the
(14:18):
movies were made up for themovies because I didn't see them
in my high schools.
I I didn't see those.
But also the fact that they wereable to play with their
personality so much, and I toldhim my generation didn't really
get to do that.
Our lives are on Facebook andInstagram, and I've even heard
stories of kids who were beingbullied or were a bully who
(14:41):
moved schools to escape thatsocial situation, and the social
situation followed them becauseour actions and our words and
our past versions of ourselfdon't just have a paper trail,
but there's a video trail.
We can't really try on newpersonalities safely.
We can't figure out who we are.
And trying on new personalities,it's it's kind of important to
(15:03):
figure out what feels right, whoyou are.
And I told him that there wasone area in which people at my
school were okay with us tryingon different personalities and
trying on different versions ofourselves.
And that was when we wereplaying with gender and
sexuality.
I didn't see a lot of peopleswitch between groups or
(15:24):
completely do a 180 of theirstyle or personality.
But in every group and in everylike kind of hobby you could
find, there were people in thatgroup that were experimenting or
playing around with their genderand sexuality because that was a
way where we were allowed by ourpeers to try on personalities.
(15:45):
And when I when I shared that,he had a really big aha moment.
And he told me, I don't agreewith it, but I understand it.
I resonate with that because Igot to play on, I got to try on
different personalities andfigure out who I was, and that's
what you guys are trying to do.
I can understand the human needthere.
(16:07):
And our conversation turned moreinto problem solving.
We were talking about okay,well, how can we give future
generations and future kids theability to safely figure out who
they are while they aredeveloping?
And I had a really big aha fromthis conversation.
I could let my guard down, Icould be vulnerable, I could
share what I thought even witholder generations.
(16:29):
Because I had never really had afriend this much older than me
and this different than mebefore.
And it was that feeling of likesharing connection and sharing
our values was what led us toconnect and understand each
other.
And I think that's reallyimportant when we're talking
about community.
Yes, we can all get in the sameroom, but can we understand
(16:50):
where we are similar, even ifwe're doing things that the
other doesn't agree with?
And I think Yeah.
unknown (16:58):
Wow.
SPEAKER_07 (17:00):
Well, Ted is I'm I'm sitting here smiling as I'm
listening because it'sinteresting how being in one
place for 50 years, you see howcommunities develop an identity.
Uh Bella Vista was developed andstill is a retirement community,
but there's a lot of youngerpeople because they can afford
(17:22):
to live there, they can't affordto live in Bedonville.
But how that there can beuniqueness and it can be
humorous as well, uh, and howthat things develop as a need.
And the interesting thing aboutBella Vista being a retirement
community is people die off.
And there are more widows,widowers than there are widows.
(17:46):
I'm a former Belvistaan, okay,and I've un I've recently lost
my wife.
But anyway, uh, how many of youknow about the 72-hour
moratorium in Bella Vista?
Anyone know that?
Okay.
True story, there is a 72-hourcasserole moratorium in Bella
Vista.
That if your wife dies, there'sa 72-hour period where nobody
(18:10):
can bring you casseroles.
So that's part of the identityof a community.
So that no, okay.
SPEAKER_04 (18:19):
Good.
Fantastic answers.
Thank you.
Um another question, first ofall, Kathy, thanks.
That was a great question.
And I think you can see thatthat there's value in putting
the effort in.
And we heard that across theboard.
Anyone else?
Another question, or we havetime for two or three more.
SPEAKER_01 (18:43):
This is kind of more for like the older generations.
Because this is something Iactually struggle with.
Um even being a millennial,because I remember growing up no
technology really in mychildhood until I got older.
So how do you like forceyourself to kind of embrace the
newer versions of technologythat are coming out?
SPEAKER_07 (19:07):
Very simple.
It's called grandchildren.
I am serious.
I mean, uh, yeah, that that butyou you've got two choices.
You can either deal with it andnot grow, not mature, or you can
adapt.
Uh and and quite honestly, formy generation, adapting is hard
(19:30):
because you're settled in,you're comfortable, and it's out
of your comfort zone.
I'm blown away.
I I've just now discovered chapGPT.
Did I say it right?
Yeah.
Uh it's it's like it's anaddiction.
I'm gonna have to, you know, uhget a counselor here or
something.
But uh you're exactly right.
(19:51):
I I think for us, adapting ishard.
It and it becomes intentional.
You you're either gonna go withit or you're gonna be left
behind.
That's what it amounts to.
SPEAKER_08 (20:01):
Uh I have to I have to agree with you on the on the
grandchildren, the grandchildrenpart, but it started with with
my kids.
It seemed like after theyreached a certain age, they
stopped taking phone calls.
It would ring and ring, but ifyou send them a text, they
answered immediately.
So the I I didn't understandwhat that was going, what that
(20:21):
was all about, and and it, andit uh and it it's still today
it's it's frustrating, but mywife, my wife and I are uh
grateful to be able to tocommunicate now, especially with
our great-grandkids that way,because they're they're more
free to to connect with you andanswer your questions and
everything else.
And and I'll I'll tell you astory from from my work life.
(20:44):
Um when I worked at thecommunity college, uh some of
our uh college professors werecomplaining that the kids had
their phone in the classroom andthey weren't paying attention to
the lesson.
And and uh when when thisinformation came to me by a
particular professor, I said, Isaid, well, these these kids are
(21:06):
are consuming information at adifferent rate than you and I
can.
And they're hearing what you'resaying, and they can they can
multi multitask by actuallybeing on the phone and hearing
what you're saying, and and theymight actually be taking notes
in their phone.
And he goes, Oh, really?
I said, Yeah, and and it wassurprising that I knew more
about that, but that's because Imanaged to try and stay
(21:27):
connected with my kids and andso on.
SPEAKER_04 (21:31):
Anybody else?
SPEAKER_09 (21:33):
Okay, funny story.
Um, a friend of mine who ismillennial, and uh we've only
known each other virtually.
We met through a uh mutualfriend.
She was working in a startup,and I was helping her understand
the world of retail.
And she had sent me this audionote a couple weeks ago, and I
(21:55):
couldn't answer it.
I couldn't answer it for thelife of me.
I thought I knew how to do it.
I couldn't answer it, so Ifinally got my son to screenshot
and show me where I was goingwrong.
And then she sent me anothernote.
She's like, I'm so glad that youresponded because you were the
one who introduced me to thistechnology, and I'm glad we're
back to audio notes.
So you can learn it, but thenyou can forget it real easily.
SPEAKER_02 (22:17):
Okay.
SPEAKER_06 (22:20):
Uh any last-minute questions?
SPEAKER_02 (22:23):
Right, we got one in the back.
We got a bit of a way back therethat as the side.
SPEAKER_00 (22:30):
I'm Gen X, and uh I'd be interested to know how
your generational experience umor maybe how the experience you
had uh with the generationraised you informed your
expectations of yourself or yourexpectations of others.
SPEAKER_09 (22:51):
I mean, as a gen axol, I mean, we probably maybe
have some things in common.
I think the stereotype is thatthe boomers were super
idealistic, and then that didn'treally work out with rainbows
and unicorns, and then just leftus to fend for ourselves.
Like uh my sister-in-law calledit, her parents just raised her
like she was a potato.
(23:13):
She just she just grew.
And uh, you know, hence the gritand the self-reliance that I
think a lot of people feel.
I don't think that was a badthing.
I I think, you know, some in ourgeneration overcorrected with
their kids, and then we got thehelicopter parenting.
But I think every generation,kind of to your point about the
(23:33):
the young people are here toquestion, I think every
generation kind of takes that alittle bit opposite away of the
ideals of their parents'generation.
Like you said, I hate my kids'music.
SPEAKER_06 (23:44):
Yeah.
Is anyone else a panel?
SPEAKER_07 (23:48):
Well, I'm 82 and I still carry a father wound.
I never heard my father say, I'mproud of you.
I never heard my father say Ilove you.
Other people would tell me thathe would say how much he loved
me.
But it was that John, we calledit the John Wayne dinner
generation, just bootstrap, suckit up, and and and I think that
(24:11):
is it had a major influence onme.
Uh actually, my wife coming outof Ray out of a military family.
There was no gray.
It was black and white.
Uh, and the one of the thingsI'm so enthusiastic about
current generation is thewillingness to ask, but also the
(24:33):
willingness to forgive and givegrace, uh, and to understand
that we're each unique, butwe're different, you know, and
but we're also the same.
And like you said, I reallyappreciate it.
There's more that unites us thandivides us, and all, but as mu
it's hard to admit how much thepast can influence where we are
(24:56):
today.
Uh but uh we live in a fantastictime of life.
SPEAKER_08 (25:03):
Yeah.
Well, I I can add to that thatuh well the past two years I've
been doing parenting classes inperson and online and in English
and in Spanish.
And and part of that curriculumand that parenting classes is
number one, helping peopleunderstand what their parenting
(25:23):
style is and where they got thatfrom, whether it came from their
parents, or if they'rediscarding what their parents'
parenting style was and they'retrying to adapt adopt something
new.
And then the other part of thatis to teach them to listen to
their child and think about whattheir child is thinking about
them as they go through thatparenting process.
So it's it's a two-waycommunication.
(25:43):
You're not only trying to getyour child to do what you want
them to do, but you're alsolistening to them and trying to
determine what it is that theyreally want so that you're
you're responding uhappropriately.
SPEAKER_06 (25:58):
That helped.
SPEAKER_03 (25:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_06 (26:01):
Thank you all.
Um so we're coming up on ourtime here.
Uh first off, want to thank thisincredible panel again for your
stories, for sharing experiencesin your life, and willingness to
talk about where we're similar,where we're different, and where
we can come together.
So thank you again for that.
SPEAKER_04 (26:24):
And and thanks to all of you for joining for this
really awesome conversation.
We hope you won't run out thatyou'll stay and talk a little
bit about the things that thatthis inspired you to think about
or do differently, um, becausethe bar is still open and lots
of great people here.
SPEAKER_06 (26:41):
Yeah.
And as we uh and just as you do,Lee, think about what you heard,
and then how can that impactyour life?
Who can you impact out there?
This for us is just thebeginning, uh, what we would
like to see to be a more of aintentional, the word was
earlier, uh direction for thisarea to really come together and
(27:06):
try to look at how we can createthese communities where people
interact regardless of our age.
There's a lot written about alot of studies.
Two out of every three peoplewould like to be interacting
with more generations than theydo.
Uh there's information out wherewe're seeing developers starting
to create uh home buildings,excuse me, uh homes, not only
(27:29):
just uh for people of a certainage, but also people younger
living together.
Uh also they're building them,looking to build them on college
campuses or near schools.
There are safety reasons.
Uh it's a value there to havethat there.
We can learn from those who havecome before us and pass that
(27:49):
down so that generationalinformation doesn't get lost.
And people 50 years from now,because of having it passed down
from someone either from theirfamily or just someone they know
and they interact with, hasshared those stories with them.
So again, thank you.
We really, really appreciate youbeing here.
SPEAKER_04 (28:05):
Yeah, check out the podcast.
It drops on the 23rd.
That's the URL you can uh go inand follow.
And um, storytelling issomething that's come up a lot
in our full signal discussions.
We believe storytelling iscritical not only to be able to
tell yours, but also to be ableto encourage others to tell
theirs.
Um, and so we're gonna befocusing on that in our December
(28:28):
full signal.
So thank you so much for coming.
This has been amazing, and it'sso awesome to have everyone
here.
And thank you, panelists.
Please don't run off.
Enjoy uh visiting and in thecommunity.
The Four Mars Podcast has beenbrought to you by Edges Inc., a
growth advisory firm based inBentonville, Arkansas.
(28:51):
I founded the company in 2001.
SPEAKER_06 (28:53):
Edges promotes growth people, companies, and
ideas.
Our team collaboration toolcalled Interface Methods is a
basis for teams to work togethermore collaboratively, understand
each other, and acceptdifferences and address
challenges together.
SPEAKER_04 (29:05):
We also started a nonprofit called Unform Your
Bias.
We teach kids and their adultinfluencers how to utilize
storytelling as a means toreduce bias in the world.
We hope you'll check us out,subscribe to our podcast, and
look at our website.
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