June 12, 2025 • 33 mins
The moms are getting real about what keeps the spark alive. From navigating marriage ups and downs to what’s working in the bedroom (and what’s not), they’re spilling all the tea on love, sex, and their husbands. It’s honest, hilarious, and definitely not safe for carpool.To access the full video episode, you can sign up for our VIP membership:
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https://linktr.ee/fourthemomspodcast
🎧 New episodes every other Thursday
(Note: Patreon Members get early access and full video episodes)
Shop Thrive Market: https://shop.thrivemarket.com/fourthemoms
Website: https://www.qnanetwork.com/four-the-moms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61573219692681
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@fourthemomspodcast
✉️fourthemoms@qnanetwork.com
This podcast is brought to you by QNA Network. Support the show
🎧 New episodes every other Thursday
\(Note: Patreon Members get early access and full video episodes)
Subscribe today and hang out with your mom crew!
Become a Supporter on Patreon
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're tuned into a Q and A Network podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
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Speaker 3 (00:04):
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Speaker 4 (00:06):
Hey, it's Jasmine from for the Moms podcast. If you've
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(00:27):
them For the Moms sent you. Hey, y'all, welcome back
to another episode of For the Mom's podcast. Today we're
going to be talking about all things marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Disclaimer, this episode is going to discuss the intimacy parts
of marriage, so if you are a young listener, please
be advised.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
This podcast is brought to you by Q and A Network.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
I'm Kelsey, I'm Jasmine, I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Valerie, and I'm Ariel and we are For the Moms.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Starting out, let's talk about who makes all of the decisions,
financial decisions, decisions for the kids, and.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Things like that.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
I'll go first, pretty much I make all of the decisions.
Like if it's a higher price item, obviously Josh and
I will talk about that.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
As far as paying the bills.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
He probably don't even know how to log into the
banking account, if you want me to be honest. But
I pay all of the bills. And then as far
as the kids, I mean, like, if it's something crazy, yes,
I'll talk to.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Him about it, get his opinion.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
But for the most part, you know, I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Know Jasmine runs that house.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
But yeah, I mean for the most part, it's me. Now,
like if I would say, if it's something like over
a thousand dollars or so, I'll be like, hey, you know,
what do you think about this? But other than that,
you know, he kind of gets what he wants and
the kind of I'll see.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
So I do not make no financial decisions. Don't give
me no numbers. I'm not gonna do nothing with it.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It's gonna get straight over my head.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Josh makes all the financial decisions. I make all the
decisions for the kids. Now, if it's some then like
we're about to buy a new couch now, of course,
I'm like looking at the couches that are like ten
thousand dollars and he's like, absolutely not Kelsey. But if
it's things like that, we'll talk about it together or whatever.
For the most part, he makes the financial decisions like
everything with that unless I'm like, hey, we're going on
(02:17):
this vacation, but I'm booking it, so you don't really
need permission. I'm just telling you. But for the kids, yeah,
I do pretty much everything. He can brush hair, that's
about it. So I'm kind of like Jazz. I typically
make all the financial decisions as far as I pay
the bills. He probably doesn't even know how much is
in our bank account. He doesn't know the passwords to anything.
(02:41):
But as far as like making a purchased for our
land a house obviously, a cars and things like that,
we big stuff, you know, talk about it and the kids.
I mean, I mean I do all the doctor's appointments.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Oh yeah, I don't think men even know. When it
comes to sports and stuff like that, it's mainly having
to consult with him because he does a lot of
the practices and things like that.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
But that's he coaches too, so he probably Yeah, that's huge, Eric,
and I like it's both for us in our household.
I think we do really well about balancing and like
it's a partnership. Like we literally talk about everything before
we do it now, like groceries and like day to
day stuff we just spend. Like if he wants to
go buy something, he buys it. If I want to
(03:26):
go buy something, I buy it. But like large purchases,
like when we were doing the house, any car purchases,
when we built our pool, we're looking at doing a
shop now, Like he is the numbers guy, and y'all
know my husband, Like he frugal as hell, but I'm
grateful for it because it's set us up and put
us in the position we.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Are now in our life.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
But so he he gets on with that. But like
if I have a botox appointment, I'll just say, hey,
I have the appointment next week. I don't necessarily have
to ask or anything. And the same with him. If
he wants something, he just goes and buys it. Now
with the kids, we like to play the game go
ask you daddy, go ask your mama, you know, like
if it's something I don't feel like answer, and I'm like,
(04:05):
just see what your daddy says, and we'll do with
it later. And then I'll just back him up and
vice versa, like, yeah, ask your god, see what he
says first, and then we'll talk about it.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
But like, well I did astab but he told me
to come ask you, and I'm like, go ask.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Your dad and then they can running back to it. Yeah,
That's definitely how it is for.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
The most part for us, especially if it's like something
I don't want to get up and do right yea,
or if it's like Ella saying can I have a
sleepover and I'm like, I really don't feel like I
get to go ask your daddy? Okay, onto the next one.
What has been one of the hardest parts of your marriage?
Any eye opening events for me? I guess this would
(04:45):
be years ago, but I guess learning how to trust more.
I think just because I've dealt with like a lot
of things in my personal life, like before Josh, trust
has always been very hard for me. So definitely I
would say the biggest thing was trust. And then whenever
Josh got COVID, that was probably like one of our
big eye opening events because you know, he was down
(05:08):
for over sixty days and that was just like very
eye opening for us that, like life can be taken
away so quick. So in that moment, like whenever all
of that happened, and you know, obviously after he got better,
we were like life is so short, like we need
to stop, like we.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Need to do more.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
We need to you know, stop saying no, and we
need to do more because we don't ever know when
it's our last day. Obviously, safe, be comfortable, you know,
and things like that. But life is short and you
can't bring it with you whenever you die. So as
long as you know you are comfortable, take the trip
and make memories because you don't ever know when it's
(05:52):
your time to go.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Memories last a lot longer than money does.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
They do.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
But for me, I would say, actually, Josh said this
last night, but he said communicating when I'm angry, I
usually shut down, Like if he makes me matter, if
we're like bickering or something, I just shut down, like
I'm not gonna talk about it. You pissed me off,
I'm going to the room like I'm done, I don't
even want to talk. That's kind of our biggest part
because then it just draws out the fight even longer.
(06:19):
I would say, that's like our whatever the question was
in our marriage. But for eye opening would be when
Charlie was in the Nickey first time parents fresh in
our marriage. I think that was like a big eye
opener for us because it was very unexpected. So that's it.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
That would just tune it in really quick before Gal goes.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
That is a.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
Problem for me as well. That I've really had to
work on is shutting down. Josh is a very big communicator.
I get to that in one of the next questions.
He is a huge communicator, not so much me. That's
something I've definitely had to work on and it's been rough,
but I'm getting better.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Right. Well, we just had one episode. It was around COVID.
This was probably around the time that Austin was born.
I was staying home. I really wasn't into TikTok. I
wasn't working. So Mark was our financial provider, and he
was taking a weight loss medicine called Finnermane. And with
his job and the plants, he has to get random
(07:21):
drug test. Well the drug test through a flag for
meth with his finner mean oh wow, yes, And even
with the prescription the Lisa, I guess yeah, they would
not accept it. They said that there wasn't enough studies
to show that finner mean will throw off the for.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
That and as the same things as it's.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Crazy, yes, and he's never had a positive drug screence.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
So the fact that it flagged his account for two years,
they wouldn't accept the prescription, and it made him look
like he was not the person that he's saying. Yes,
I've been with him over twelve times. He is never ever,
He would never never, So the fact that it made
(08:11):
it look like he did was very upsetting for him.
And that's the lowest that I've seen him because all
the time I've really seen him cry. You know, he's
gonna hate me for saying. It just made him not
look like the person that he was.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
And like that, I used to when I used to
work at Prime, we used to do drug screens and
people would flag all the time. Then you have to
send it off and then sometimes like a medical review
officer would like go verify your prescription or whatever. But
it just depends, like do they if they take it
from your hair, if they take it from your.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You the prescription. The doctor even wrote a letter that's everything.
It wasn't like an expired prescription.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
It wasn't it was bad you know that happened to Josh,
not in the plants. So this was like way before
we had kids. He was going to work at FedEx
and obviously had to do a drug step drug test.
It came back from meth and Josh has never done
a drug like ever And the only thing that we
could link it back to was he was sick that
(09:09):
prior week and he took sudafed.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Over the counter.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
That's the only thing we could link it back to.
And they were like, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Fun back Sita fed is how you make myth don't
ask me.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
But yeah, thankfully it wasn't like in the plants and
that didn't stay on us.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Yeah, because it does did for two years.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
It's not on there now and I think there was
only the Desa plants he couldn't go into for two years.
But other than that.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
That's so hard though, because it limited what he was
able to do and they're scary. Yeah, that's scary. So
I'm not gonna lie. The first year, probably two years
of Ericanized marriage was like hard, very very hard. We
got married super quick. I got pregnant within eight months
(09:57):
of being married, and Eric was battling quite a few
demons that I was not aware of going into our marriage.
I'm not gonna go into like detail of everything that happened,
but he was also battling some depression and that was
really hard. We even had a joke like we were
both working full time and we'd come home on Friday
nights and just kind of unload on each other and
you really should not do that. And we've gotten a
(10:18):
lot better at it eleven years in now, but we
would call it Friday night fight night, like literally the
first year year and a half of our marriage. But
I think what helped us is we both have very
good examples of what a happy and healthy marriage should
look like. Like Eric's parents are both in their sixties,
they've been married since they were eighteen years old. My
(10:39):
great aunt and uncle that raised me or in their eighties,
they've been married for over fifty years. So we had
the good examples and helped to fall back on that
not everybody has, and I'm very thankful for it because
we may not be together today had we not had that.
And then we both always believed in the covenant of marriage,
like we made those vows before God, before our families,
and we take it very seriously, like we're only getting
(11:00):
married once in our life, so through hell or horrid water, like,
we were like, we're going to fix this, we're going
to work this out. And he did. And it's gonna
make me cry. But I remember sitting on the couch
when we were at like rock bottom, like financially everything
we had pretty much didn't have anything, and we had
Cadence was a small baby, and he said, I promise you,
I'm going to give you the life that you have
(11:20):
always dreamed of and you deserve. And then eleven years later,
here we are. So just don't give up, y'all, because
it's possible.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
A lot of people give up. Yeah, I really do,
and I hate that about yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
You both have to want it, you do. It can't
be one sided. And we both did want it, and
like at the end of the day, we knew we
loved each other, and I think we had that strong
foundation so we were able to come back and I'm
just grateful for that. But it was hard, y'all. I
don't think any of our friends thought we were going
to last.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
For y'all.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
Yeah, that's good, Okay, what would you have changed sooner?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
If you've changed anything?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Saving money, saving money.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
When I first meant I should have act.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Broke, I mean that could go for us definitely, maybe
saving sooner than what we did.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
That's what I mean. So I feel like I'm very
good at saving money now, But.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
I mean, but when you have more money, it's easier
to save that few years. Most of us are broke
when we give our spouse, like you don't have anything
to save.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
I feel like, unless you came from a lot or
you know, most people struggle. Josh and I have struggled,
you know, for a few years. We struggled until you know,
we were finally able. He was able to get a
better paying job and now that I make money. But
I feel like the majority.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Of people go through that at especially in the beginning
when you're young. Like I said, you don't really know
how to manage anything. You like just gifted it or
you trust fund baby. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Yeah, I feel like most people struggle.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So save yeah, but still still.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Live your life. We didn't pay our house note to
help pay for our wedding, because we paid for our wedding.
Mark's parents helped pay a lot of our wedding, But
I you were missing a house note.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Sure, we paid of our mortgage when we lived in
the old house in Hammond on the credit card because
like we had nothing, like he put that show.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I will say, when I met Josh, Josh had already
been traveling in the plant, so he had been traveling
for like ten years at that point, because Josh is
the oldest so but so it was like I went
straight into that. And so he was making plant money
working seven twelve.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
You had the money, so that's what he did. That's
why he said I should have acted like I was broke,
because he's like, I.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Shouldn't have butt you all them guests, all them trips
and everything before we had kids.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
But it wasn't even like that, Like it wasn't even
like that. We a sugar daddy.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I moved in fairly quickly, so I'll try to get
out of my mom's house.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
It was complete op sense for me and Josh.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Josh had nothing whenever we got together, and I mean
I didn't either, but yeah, we definitely we struggled for
a while.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Like I was the saver. When Eric and I first met,
he had like nothing. He was ship with money.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Go figure.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
He was an accountant, but he was with his own money.
Good at managing other people's money. But that was a
learning curve and then we went through all the ship
we went through and it's definitely gotten better.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
But lord, I was a single mama. So when I
met Mark, he was paying off all my credit card.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
This is nice, and he did.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
He didn't do it initially, but it was nice when
he just to have the help.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Oh yeah, that relief.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Taken all that debt was just nice. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Okay, what do you recommend doing in a marriage to
keep it healthy. What's one piece of advice you'd give
to a newlywed. So for me, I would say, just
taking time for you your partner, date your partner. That's
very important. Josh and I had to learn that. I
feel like Josh and I went through a little patch.
I want to say it was just whenever we had Ella,
(15:11):
I truly felt like we were just roommates. But you know,
obviously we got over that. It's definitely important to date
your partner, take time out, even if you don't have
much help. We traveled on the road for years and
we didn't really have anybody while we were away to
help us. Even if it's putting the kid to bed
or putting your kids to bed and watching a movie
(15:33):
or you know, find something to where you and your
partner have time by y'allselves. I feel like that's very
very important. And then make sure your partner has good communication.
You know, if you're a newly weed, definitely before you
get married, make sure communication is key. At the end
of the day, Josh is very very well, like much
(15:57):
better than me with communicating. I had to learn that
part of it. But I feel like in a marriage
communication is key.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
That communicates good.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
And I'm going off with Jasmine's about the date your
partner because that's exactly what. Especially it's hard when you
have kids. I will say it's very hard when you
have kids, especially when they're babies and you know you're
trying to figure out motherhood as well. You get yourself
in the little rut where it's like roommate season. And
we have been there before too, But like it's easy.
Just do something at home. Put the kids to sleep.
(16:26):
If you know they're a sleep and they're safe in
their bed, go do whatever. It doesn't matter if you've
got to go lock your door for ten minutes, hang out,
you know, get.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
A little quickie.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Whatever you gotta do. Do it.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
It's I mean, that's that's.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Like the biggest part. And like Jasmine said, the communication,
which I've had to learn as well, still working on that.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
So that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's pretty much it for me. I mean kind of
the same. Yeah, I think we all think on the
same way. Yeah, but we all have, in my opinion,
very healthy marriages at this point. So definitely dating each
other that's key, and I talk I will die on
that hill, Like you have to make that time.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Because your kids are gonna leave you. It's just gonna
be you and your husband and you have to not
only like them, but yeah, I just still.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Want to spend time with them.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Right, So if you just let that relationship go for
twenty years, then you're looking at a stranger next to you.
And then communication, which I've had to get better at this.
I think as women, we just think they can read
our minds and they cannot. And I've had to learn that,
Like I have to voice what's frustrating me, because men
are just gonna look at you like what's wrong, you know,
like it just they don't get it. Yeah, right, but
(17:33):
they can't, you know, and we can't expect them to.
So definitely learn the way your partner communicates, slow down
and actually listen to what they're saying.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
You hear that, Josh, yeah, listen. I'm guilty of it.
I'm not really that good with communication. But we are
so busy we do not have the time. I'm just
gonna be honest, like, we are so busy. There's not
a day that we don't have something not going on.
(18:02):
We have four kids, and so my thing to give
to a newly wed, my advice is to wait to
have kids. Yes, if you don't have kids before marriage, yeah, yeah,
I had two before I got.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Married, get that, get that time, get that time with
your husband, give it a little while because you're fresh
in your marriage and you know.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Not get it.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I know.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I feel like as women, we look at our entire live.
We want to be a mom, We want to be
a mom. But it's like I wish that me and
Mark had time where we had zero kids. Just enjoy
each other. So if you are about to get married
and don't have kids, don't rush to have kids. Enjoy
each other. I feel like that's important.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
I'm gonna bring your kids to practice one day so
you and Mark have a date night, right, No, the.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Last time y'all had a date night, like just the
two of y'all, we've.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Had a wet Christmas time for a Christmas party.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
No, No, Morgan. Morgan is good with babysitting for us
sometimes and if she don't have anything going on and
somebody invites us to dinner, and that's the thing. We
wait till somebody invites us.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
You don't plan I'm gonna inte.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Time. No. But honestly, since our friendship and all the
trips that we take as adults and things like that
has been nice because we haven't done that before. No,
hopefully for our ten year anniversary in October, and we
haven't planned anything yet. And I'm like, okay, I'll guess
we're skipping that. I don't know. Just text me.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
We're going to look any surprise we're doing. I packed
your bag already, let's go. He actually probably love that.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Yeah, yeah, okay, So moving on? Sorry, how do you
deal with conflict in front of your kids?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Like?
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Do you do it in front of your kids? Do
you wait till later? So on and so forth. So
for me and Josh, we will definitely bicker in front
of the kids. Nothing crazy. I do feel like though,
it's good to show them that, like we can have
a small little disagreement and get past that, because you know,
one day they're going to be older and they are
(20:13):
going to have a family of their own, and I
want them to know that, like it's normal for you know,
husband and wife. Josh and I don't really argue. I
could tell you last time we've had like a serious argument,
and if we do, like we'll save that for later
most times. But no, we will definitely, you know, have
(20:35):
a little bickering a little bit here and there in
front of the kids, but nothing crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
That's exactly what I was gonna say. We'll do that
just so they can see how we work through things. Yes,
but if it's something like I really don't want them
to hear and I want to get it out in
that moment.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh yeah, I will text text I'm like, I will text.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
You as next time you are around Josh, ask him
how like if we are arguing, he I will go
to another room and text him.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
That we just hash it out.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Now.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
We don't, like we're not like yelling and screaming at
each other in front of the kids, but we do
have disagreements, and that's all the time, Like, no marriage
is perfect and we're not gonna agree on a lot, right.
But I think it's extremely important for my girls to
see because like I went into marriage having this example
where my uncle never I never once heard him raise
his voice to my aunt. I never once saw them
(21:35):
have a disagreement in front of us. So I expected
marriage to be all honky dory, and when it was,
and I was like, what the fuck's going on?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Right?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
And the same with Eric's parience. His dad is just
so even keel and let his mom just run everything
like he never saw them. So we're both like, what's
wrong with our marriage?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Now?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
We had our issues, but it's normal, and we did
not have that example of how to resolve that conflict
in a health the manner, right, So that led to
our Friday night fight nights and all that stuff, you know.
So I think it's extremely important to see that two
people can love each other and disagree at the same
time and work through it. Hm, that's the same.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
We we'll picker. No, Like she said, I'm gonna be
texting me, you gonna say something that message. Sometimes I
gotta use the voice message it ain't getting through fast enough.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
But I will say.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
You know, if the kids aren't around, I'm yelling.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
I'm getting you.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Killing them right here. For the most part, I think
you just understand it a little bit better when my voice.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Water makes you here.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Okay, what is something small that your husband does that
makes you feel loved? Do you have a couple thing,
a show, sert by eat, inside joke, anything that like
is forge just you and your husband. For me, we
take a shower together almost every.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
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(23:33):
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Speaker 3 (23:44):
Let's just say we did.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
That's mine and Joshua's thing, and like we don't even
have to do nothing like that's just our thing now.
Obviously sometimes we do, but nine times out of ten
we just take a shower with each other. And I
couldn't tell you all the last time I washed my hair.
Josh washes my hair like I remember the first time.
(24:12):
But yeah, And another thing we do is almost every
night during the week, obviously not on the weekends. I'd
say three to four nights a week we will once
the kids are bed, we've had a shower, we'll watch
one episode of whatever show we're into. That's like our thing,
take a shower, lay down and watch at least one episode.
That's us. That's our little thing.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
I don't have shit. Like I said, we are busy, busy,
and it's sad. Y'all, what is it?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
What does Martin do that makes you feel loved?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Well by far of him doing anything around the house, Yeah,
just without me having to ask him. Like y'all saw
that little snap that I took on Facebook of him.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Folding those clothes, holding all those clothes.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
I mean, it's small, but I mean it just shows
that he's willing to help, or he cares to help,
where he knows that it's weighing on me and it
needs to be done.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
And like he's I think that's huge busy season.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Really is an awesome father, so that really does enough.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, yeah, that's kind of the same. Like if Joshua's
like the dishes or he does bath time every night,
like he's always done that, and that is like one
of the biggest things for me because like I said,
I'll clean the kitchen and he'll go take it, do
the bath like it.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Don't even have to ask, We don't have to do nothing.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Takes the bath, brushes her hair, he braiks their hair
every night.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
So it's yes, yes, I think a partner that's willing
to help is huge, especially as a mom, being busy
like that. Just that's I think that's our love language
as moms. Things that Eric does that I love, Like
I like to feel wanted by my husband and desired,
so like if I'm cooking or doing something with the kids,
(25:49):
like I love like it since tingles down my spine
for him to just like walk up behind me and
grab me on the butt or wrap his arms around
me and give me a hug with a kiss on
the ship like that's my love language, like noing that
you still want me. And twelve years later, eleven years later,
you know, like that's huge to me, and then he
doesn't so much do it anymore. But when we first
built our house and I was trying to decorate and everything, like,
(26:11):
he would make it a point to like, on a
random Tuesday after work, he would go to like hobby
lobby and pick me out a decoration for the house
that went with our theme. And I just thought that
was the sweetest thing that he was thinking about me. Yeah,
you know, and trying to help.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
So, oh that's nice.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Yeah, Okay, let's talk about being intimate. How gonna be bears?
How do you make time for it when you're exhausted?
How often are you intimate.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Often?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I mean I'm not are we going at it every
single day? No, but we quite often. Like I said,
Josh will go in there and lock the door for
ten minutes just to get a quickie.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah, so it's that and.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
When we're exhausted straight up, no.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Thank god, you think.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
I mean, it's simple, you don't. You don't have to.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
And if your spouse can't understand that, yeah, it then
that's a huge red flag because it's.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Yeah, I think, yeah, personality a lot with that.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
As a mom, you know, some days you are, you're exhausted,
you don't feel like you just want to lay in
bed and cuddle with your husband, like you don't want.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
You or a backrob back, noe, go back up, back up.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
So but honestly say no, like if you're not in
the mood, just know and if they get might about that,
then that's a problem.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
But Eric will never get mad. But like he is
good about like because he knows that's what gets me
in the mood. Like give me a massage all day, baby,
let's go, because like no woman is just like like
a man, you know, they are ready all day every day.
I'm like, babe, I'm been overstimulated. I don't want to
be touched right now. He's like, let me just rub
your shoulders. Yeah, And then that usually leads.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Should be at work and they'd be like three o'clock
he gets home. He leaves about four thirty. They'll we
start dirty tags to.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Me and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's that kind
of like Mark will send that that eggplants and the tech.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
So Ever, since Austin's in school now, this is the
first time that we've ever had time at home during
the day. So it's it's kind of new. It feels
like newly wedded. I'm like, and now that he's not
working as much, he's home during the day and he
might be in the living room watching TV and I'm
in the bedroom will either folding clothes or just getting
(28:30):
ready or took a shower and wash my hair or something.
And I remember, not too long ago, I sent the
egg and he came running my bedroom to the living
room and I heard the remote hit.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
You tell me twice spontaneously. Keeps it fresh. Like sometimes
the kids will be in there, like watching a movie
and I'm like, hey, Eric, let's go lock the bathroom door.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
You know there, but your kids are on you know,
the RV camp.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Who even knows what that? Yeah, but Morgan does at
seventeen years old. She's not stupid, ye, So like when
they're little, they don't know what y'all are doing. Okayvaually
gonna do.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
But do you think that's good for Morgan to know
that y'all still have that healthy.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Stud She's going to listen to this podcast and she's
gonna she's gonna be.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Like, oh, So for me, I would say, it's a
little different. So sometimes when I'm like super exhausted. Obviously
it's to know, and Josh respects that, you know, but
sometimes like if I feel bad, like especially if it
hasn't happened in a while, I'll be like, just hurry
up and get it over with because like you know,
I still.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
You still want them, like and that's important for me.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Yeah, that's that's important. So I will say, like my
side to that is a little different because I'll be like,
you know, if you absolutely want to, just hurry up, the.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Same way if Mark instigates it and I'm mentally I'm like,
I really don't want to. Yeah, I don't let him
know that. I'll just do it.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
I tell him hurry up.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I'm not in the mood instigated. I don't know if
he's not in the mood because he never turns it down.
Literally just to him with my foot.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Yeah, by accident. I'm like, it's on now, like shit,
he knows that here.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Comes the hand. He's ready.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
That's so funny.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Oh yes, and I know it's really crazy. So like
Josh and I we've been together eleven almost twelve years
years ago, like when Ella was a newborn, Josh went through.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
A face to it.
Speaker 4 (30:34):
It was always me asking for it.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Thing.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
I sent his ass to the doctor. I did. I
literally sent him to the doctor and said, you have
a problem, go get fixed. And then now it's like opposite.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Well, yeah, because you're busy with the kids and stuff.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Oh my gosh, like he and we all know Josh,
so he's a distributor of the he it's non stop.
And then I'm like, can you.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
MOI? Yes, And it's really like.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
Yeah, so there's that all right, wrapping it up. What's
something that you're still learning about your partner? MM? Go first, Yeah,
I don't really have.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
A I don't either. I think Eric and I know
each other pretty well. Yeah, Like we've been together long
enough at this point. We know how each other works.
We know how to push each other's buttons when we
want to push them.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
Yeah, I feel like I know Josh so well. Sometimes
when like it's just me and Josh at home, for instance,
kids are at school. Josh has been working from home
a lot, so a lot of the times it's just
me and him home during the day, like we'll just
kind of sit there and look at each other, like
if we don't have nothing to talk about, like nothing
going on with the kids or the family or nothing
like that, and it's just like we know everything about
each other.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
What do we do sometimes? The peace and quiet, Yes,
it is, it really is.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
So I feel like I know everything about Josh.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
I feel like I'm learning about Mark or main. I
guess I would say it's seeing him grow, seeing him
grow as a parent. Honestly, I feel like I'm still
in that stage of being so busy and just being parents,
but watching him be a parent is is very nice,
(32:20):
just to see how he reacts in certain moments, or
always being being there for the kids, never misses a game,
never misses a practice if you can help it, just
and help in coaching, Like that's a big responsibility that
you don't get paid to do. You know what I'm saying.
Just going out of your way to always be a dad.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Is that's huge.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
It's nice.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
That is nice. You can find us on Spotify and
Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
You are a Patriot member VIP you can watch our
full video.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
And don't forget to check out our forthemoms dot com.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
Hey moms, it's Jasmine. If you are someone you know
owns the business and y'all would like to be featured
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Speaker 2 (00:02):
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Speaker 3 (00:04):
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Speaker 4 (00:06):
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(00:27):
them For the Moms sent you. Hey, y'all, welcome back
to another episode of For the Mom's podcast. Today we're
going to be talking about all things marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Disclaimer, this episode is going to discuss the intimacy parts
of marriage, so if you are a young listener, please
be advised.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
This podcast is brought to you by Q and A Network.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
I'm Kelsey, I'm Jasmine, I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Valerie, and I'm Ariel and we are For the Moms.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Starting out, let's talk about who makes all of the decisions,
financial decisions, decisions for the kids, and.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Things like that.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
I'll go first, pretty much I make all of the decisions.
Like if it's a higher price item, obviously Josh and
I will talk about that.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
As far as paying the bills.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
He probably don't even know how to log into the
banking account, if you want me to be honest. But
I pay all of the bills. And then as far
as the kids, I mean, like, if it's something crazy, yes,
I'll talk to.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Him about it, get his opinion.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
But for the most part, you know, I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Know Jasmine runs that house.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
But yeah, I mean for the most part, it's me. Now,
like if I would say, if it's something like over
a thousand dollars or so, I'll be like, hey, you know,
what do you think about this? But other than that,
you know, he kind of gets what he wants and
the kind of I'll see.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
So I do not make no financial decisions. Don't give
me no numbers. I'm not gonna do nothing with it.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It's gonna get straight over my head.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Josh makes all the financial decisions. I make all the
decisions for the kids. Now, if it's some then like
we're about to buy a new couch now, of course,
I'm like looking at the couches that are like ten
thousand dollars and he's like, absolutely not Kelsey. But if
it's things like that, we'll talk about it together or whatever.
For the most part, he makes the financial decisions like
everything with that unless I'm like, hey, we're going on
(02:17):
this vacation, but I'm booking it, so you don't really
need permission. I'm just telling you. But for the kids, yeah,
I do pretty much everything. He can brush hair, that's
about it. So I'm kind of like Jazz. I typically
make all the financial decisions as far as I pay
the bills. He probably doesn't even know how much is
in our bank account. He doesn't know the passwords to anything.
(02:41):
But as far as like making a purchased for our
land a house obviously, a cars and things like that,
we big stuff, you know, talk about it and the kids.
I mean, I mean I do all the doctor's appointments.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Oh yeah, I don't think men even know. When it
comes to sports and stuff like that, it's mainly having
to consult with him because he does a lot of
the practices and things like that.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
But that's he coaches too, so he probably Yeah, that's huge, Eric,
and I like it's both for us in our household.
I think we do really well about balancing and like
it's a partnership. Like we literally talk about everything before
we do it now, like groceries and like day to
day stuff we just spend. Like if he wants to
go buy something, he buys it. If I want to
(03:26):
go buy something, I buy it. But like large purchases,
like when we were doing the house, any car purchases,
when we built our pool, we're looking at doing a
shop now, Like he is the numbers guy, and y'all
know my husband, Like he frugal as hell, but I'm
grateful for it because it's set us up and put
us in the position we.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Are now in our life.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
But so he he gets on with that. But like
if I have a botox appointment, I'll just say, hey,
I have the appointment next week. I don't necessarily have
to ask or anything. And the same with him. If
he wants something, he just goes and buys it. Now
with the kids, we like to play the game go
ask you daddy, go ask your mama, you know, like
if it's something I don't feel like answer, and I'm like,
(04:05):
just see what your daddy says, and we'll do with
it later. And then I'll just back him up and
vice versa, like, yeah, ask your god, see what he
says first, and then we'll talk about it.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
But like, well I did astab but he told me
to come ask you, and I'm like, go ask.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Your dad and then they can running back to it. Yeah,
That's definitely how it is for.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
The most part for us, especially if it's like something
I don't want to get up and do right yea,
or if it's like Ella saying can I have a
sleepover and I'm like, I really don't feel like I
get to go ask your daddy? Okay, onto the next one.
What has been one of the hardest parts of your marriage?
Any eye opening events for me? I guess this would
(04:45):
be years ago, but I guess learning how to trust more.
I think just because I've dealt with like a lot
of things in my personal life, like before Josh, trust
has always been very hard for me. So definitely I
would say the biggest thing was trust. And then whenever
Josh got COVID, that was probably like one of our
big eye opening events because you know, he was down
(05:08):
for over sixty days and that was just like very
eye opening for us that, like life can be taken
away so quick. So in that moment, like whenever all
of that happened, and you know, obviously after he got better,
we were like life is so short, like we need
to stop, like we.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Need to do more.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
We need to you know, stop saying no, and we
need to do more because we don't ever know when
it's our last day. Obviously, safe, be comfortable, you know,
and things like that. But life is short and you
can't bring it with you whenever you die. So as
long as you know you are comfortable, take the trip
and make memories because you don't ever know when it's
(05:52):
your time to go.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Memories last a lot longer than money does.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
They do.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
But for me, I would say, actually, Josh said this
last night, but he said communicating when I'm angry, I
usually shut down, Like if he makes me matter, if
we're like bickering or something, I just shut down, like
I'm not gonna talk about it. You pissed me off,
I'm going to the room like I'm done, I don't
even want to talk. That's kind of our biggest part
because then it just draws out the fight even longer.
(06:19):
I would say, that's like our whatever the question was
in our marriage. But for eye opening would be when
Charlie was in the Nickey first time parents fresh in
our marriage. I think that was like a big eye
opener for us because it was very unexpected. So that's it.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
That would just tune it in really quick before Gal goes.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
That is a.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
Problem for me as well. That I've really had to
work on is shutting down. Josh is a very big communicator.
I get to that in one of the next questions.
He is a huge communicator, not so much me. That's
something I've definitely had to work on and it's been rough,
but I'm getting better.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Right. Well, we just had one episode. It was around COVID.
This was probably around the time that Austin was born.
I was staying home. I really wasn't into TikTok. I
wasn't working. So Mark was our financial provider, and he
was taking a weight loss medicine called Finnermane. And with
his job and the plants, he has to get random
(07:21):
drug test. Well the drug test through a flag for
meth with his finner mean oh wow, yes, And even
with the prescription the Lisa, I guess yeah, they would
not accept it. They said that there wasn't enough studies
to show that finner mean will throw off the for.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
That and as the same things as it's.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Crazy, yes, and he's never had a positive drug screence.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
So the fact that it flagged his account for two years,
they wouldn't accept the prescription, and it made him look
like he was not the person that he's saying. Yes,
I've been with him over twelve times. He is never ever,
He would never never, So the fact that it made
(08:11):
it look like he did was very upsetting for him.
And that's the lowest that I've seen him because all
the time I've really seen him cry. You know, he's
gonna hate me for saying. It just made him not
look like the person that he was.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
And like that, I used to when I used to
work at Prime, we used to do drug screens and
people would flag all the time. Then you have to
send it off and then sometimes like a medical review
officer would like go verify your prescription or whatever. But
it just depends, like do they if they take it
from your hair, if they take it from your.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You the prescription. The doctor even wrote a letter that's everything.
It wasn't like an expired prescription.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
It wasn't it was bad you know that happened to Josh,
not in the plants. So this was like way before
we had kids. He was going to work at FedEx
and obviously had to do a drug step drug test.
It came back from meth and Josh has never done
a drug like ever And the only thing that we
could link it back to was he was sick that
(09:09):
prior week and he took sudafed.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Over the counter.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
That's the only thing we could link it back to.
And they were like, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Fun back Sita fed is how you make myth don't
ask me.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
But yeah, thankfully it wasn't like in the plants and
that didn't stay on us.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Yeah, because it does did for two years.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
It's not on there now and I think there was
only the Desa plants he couldn't go into for two years.
But other than that.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
That's so hard though, because it limited what he was
able to do and they're scary. Yeah, that's scary. So
I'm not gonna lie. The first year, probably two years
of Ericanized marriage was like hard, very very hard. We
got married super quick. I got pregnant within eight months
(09:57):
of being married, and Eric was battling quite a few
demons that I was not aware of going into our marriage.
I'm not gonna go into like detail of everything that happened,
but he was also battling some depression and that was
really hard. We even had a joke like we were
both working full time and we'd come home on Friday
nights and just kind of unload on each other and
you really should not do that. And we've gotten a
(10:18):
lot better at it eleven years in now, but we
would call it Friday night fight night, like literally the
first year year and a half of our marriage. But
I think what helped us is we both have very
good examples of what a happy and healthy marriage should
look like. Like Eric's parents are both in their sixties,
they've been married since they were eighteen years old. My
(10:39):
great aunt and uncle that raised me or in their eighties,
they've been married for over fifty years. So we had
the good examples and helped to fall back on that
not everybody has, and I'm very thankful for it because
we may not be together today had we not had that.
And then we both always believed in the covenant of marriage,
like we made those vows before God, before our families,
and we take it very seriously, like we're only getting
(11:00):
married once in our life, so through hell or horrid water, like,
we were like, we're going to fix this, we're going
to work this out. And he did. And it's gonna
make me cry. But I remember sitting on the couch
when we were at like rock bottom, like financially everything
we had pretty much didn't have anything, and we had
Cadence was a small baby, and he said, I promise you,
I'm going to give you the life that you have
(11:20):
always dreamed of and you deserve. And then eleven years later,
here we are. So just don't give up, y'all, because
it's possible.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
A lot of people give up. Yeah, I really do,
and I hate that about yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
You both have to want it, you do. It can't
be one sided. And we both did want it, and
like at the end of the day, we knew we
loved each other, and I think we had that strong
foundation so we were able to come back and I'm
just grateful for that. But it was hard, y'all. I
don't think any of our friends thought we were going
to last.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
For y'all.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
Yeah, that's good, Okay, what would you have changed sooner?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
If you've changed anything?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Saving money, saving money.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
When I first meant I should have act.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Broke, I mean that could go for us definitely, maybe
saving sooner than what we did.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
That's what I mean. So I feel like I'm very
good at saving money now, But.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
I mean, but when you have more money, it's easier
to save that few years. Most of us are broke
when we give our spouse, like you don't have anything
to save.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
I feel like, unless you came from a lot or
you know, most people struggle. Josh and I have struggled,
you know, for a few years. We struggled until you know,
we were finally able. He was able to get a
better paying job and now that I make money. But
I feel like the majority.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Of people go through that at especially in the beginning
when you're young. Like I said, you don't really know
how to manage anything. You like just gifted it or
you trust fund baby. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Yeah, I feel like most people struggle.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So save yeah, but still still.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Live your life. We didn't pay our house note to
help pay for our wedding, because we paid for our wedding.
Mark's parents helped pay a lot of our wedding, But
I you were missing a house note.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Sure, we paid of our mortgage when we lived in
the old house in Hammond on the credit card because
like we had nothing, like he put that show.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I will say, when I met Josh, Josh had already
been traveling in the plant, so he had been traveling
for like ten years at that point, because Josh is
the oldest so but so it was like I went
straight into that. And so he was making plant money
working seven twelve.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
You had the money, so that's what he did. That's
why he said I should have acted like I was broke,
because he's like, I.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Shouldn't have butt you all them guests, all them trips
and everything before we had kids.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
But it wasn't even like that, Like it wasn't even
like that. We a sugar daddy.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I moved in fairly quickly, so I'll try to get
out of my mom's house.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
It was complete op sense for me and Josh.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Josh had nothing whenever we got together, and I mean
I didn't either, but yeah, we definitely we struggled for
a while.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Like I was the saver. When Eric and I first met,
he had like nothing. He was ship with money.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Go figure.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
He was an accountant, but he was with his own money.
Good at managing other people's money. But that was a
learning curve and then we went through all the ship
we went through and it's definitely gotten better.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
But lord, I was a single mama. So when I
met Mark, he was paying off all my credit card.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
This is nice, and he did.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
He didn't do it initially, but it was nice when
he just to have the help.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Oh yeah, that relief.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Taken all that debt was just nice. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Okay, what do you recommend doing in a marriage to
keep it healthy. What's one piece of advice you'd give
to a newlywed. So for me, I would say, just
taking time for you your partner, date your partner. That's
very important. Josh and I had to learn that. I
feel like Josh and I went through a little patch.
I want to say it was just whenever we had Ella,
(15:11):
I truly felt like we were just roommates. But you know,
obviously we got over that. It's definitely important to date
your partner, take time out, even if you don't have
much help. We traveled on the road for years and
we didn't really have anybody while we were away to
help us. Even if it's putting the kid to bed
or putting your kids to bed and watching a movie
(15:33):
or you know, find something to where you and your
partner have time by y'allselves. I feel like that's very
very important. And then make sure your partner has good communication.
You know, if you're a newly weed, definitely before you
get married, make sure communication is key. At the end
of the day, Josh is very very well, like much
(15:57):
better than me with communicating. I had to learn that
part of it. But I feel like in a marriage
communication is key.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
That communicates good.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
And I'm going off with Jasmine's about the date your
partner because that's exactly what. Especially it's hard when you
have kids. I will say it's very hard when you
have kids, especially when they're babies and you know you're
trying to figure out motherhood as well. You get yourself
in the little rut where it's like roommate season. And
we have been there before too, But like it's easy.
Just do something at home. Put the kids to sleep.
(16:26):
If you know they're a sleep and they're safe in
their bed, go do whatever. It doesn't matter if you've
got to go lock your door for ten minutes, hang out,
you know, get.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
A little quickie.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Whatever you gotta do. Do it.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
It's I mean, that's that's.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Like the biggest part. And like Jasmine said, the communication,
which I've had to learn as well, still working on that.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
So that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's pretty much it for me. I mean kind of
the same. Yeah, I think we all think on the
same way. Yeah, but we all have, in my opinion,
very healthy marriages at this point. So definitely dating each
other that's key, and I talk I will die on
that hill, Like you have to make that time.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Because your kids are gonna leave you. It's just gonna
be you and your husband and you have to not
only like them, but yeah, I just still.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Want to spend time with them.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Right, So if you just let that relationship go for
twenty years, then you're looking at a stranger next to you.
And then communication, which I've had to get better at this.
I think as women, we just think they can read
our minds and they cannot. And I've had to learn that,
Like I have to voice what's frustrating me, because men
are just gonna look at you like what's wrong, you know,
like it just they don't get it. Yeah, right, but
(17:33):
they can't, you know, and we can't expect them to.
So definitely learn the way your partner communicates, slow down
and actually listen to what they're saying.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
You hear that, Josh, yeah, listen. I'm guilty of it.
I'm not really that good with communication. But we are
so busy we do not have the time. I'm just
gonna be honest, like, we are so busy. There's not
a day that we don't have something not going on.
(18:02):
We have four kids, and so my thing to give
to a newly wed, my advice is to wait to
have kids. Yes, if you don't have kids before marriage, yeah, yeah,
I had two before I got.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Married, get that, get that time, get that time with
your husband, give it a little while because you're fresh
in your marriage and you know.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Not get it.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I know.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I feel like as women, we look at our entire live.
We want to be a mom, We want to be
a mom. But it's like I wish that me and
Mark had time where we had zero kids. Just enjoy
each other. So if you are about to get married
and don't have kids, don't rush to have kids. Enjoy
each other. I feel like that's important.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
I'm gonna bring your kids to practice one day so
you and Mark have a date night, right, No, the.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Last time y'all had a date night, like just the
two of y'all, we've.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Had a wet Christmas time for a Christmas party.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
No, No, Morgan. Morgan is good with babysitting for us
sometimes and if she don't have anything going on and
somebody invites us to dinner, and that's the thing. We
wait till somebody invites us.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
You don't plan I'm gonna inte.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Time. No. But honestly, since our friendship and all the
trips that we take as adults and things like that
has been nice because we haven't done that before. No,
hopefully for our ten year anniversary in October, and we
haven't planned anything yet. And I'm like, okay, I'll guess
we're skipping that. I don't know. Just text me.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
We're going to look any surprise we're doing. I packed
your bag already, let's go. He actually probably love that.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Yeah, yeah, okay, So moving on? Sorry, how do you
deal with conflict in front of your kids?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Like?
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Do you do it in front of your kids? Do
you wait till later? So on and so forth. So
for me and Josh, we will definitely bicker in front
of the kids. Nothing crazy. I do feel like though,
it's good to show them that, like we can have
a small little disagreement and get past that, because you know,
one day they're going to be older and they are
(20:13):
going to have a family of their own, and I
want them to know that, like it's normal for you know,
husband and wife. Josh and I don't really argue. I
could tell you last time we've had like a serious argument,
and if we do, like we'll save that for later
most times. But no, we will definitely, you know, have
(20:35):
a little bickering a little bit here and there in
front of the kids, but nothing crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
That's exactly what I was gonna say. We'll do that
just so they can see how we work through things. Yes,
but if it's something like I really don't want them
to hear and I want to get it out in
that moment.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh yeah, I will text text I'm like, I will text.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
You as next time you are around Josh, ask him
how like if we are arguing, he I will go
to another room and text him.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
That we just hash it out.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Now.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
We don't, like we're not like yelling and screaming at
each other in front of the kids, but we do
have disagreements, and that's all the time, Like, no marriage
is perfect and we're not gonna agree on a lot, right.
But I think it's extremely important for my girls to
see because like I went into marriage having this example
where my uncle never I never once heard him raise
his voice to my aunt. I never once saw them
(21:35):
have a disagreement in front of us. So I expected
marriage to be all honky dory, and when it was,
and I was like, what the fuck's going on?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Right?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
And the same with Eric's parience. His dad is just
so even keel and let his mom just run everything
like he never saw them. So we're both like, what's
wrong with our marriage?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Now?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
We had our issues, but it's normal, and we did
not have that example of how to resolve that conflict
in a health the manner, right, So that led to
our Friday night fight nights and all that stuff, you know.
So I think it's extremely important to see that two
people can love each other and disagree at the same
time and work through it. Hm, that's the same.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
We we'll picker. No, Like she said, I'm gonna be
texting me, you gonna say something that message. Sometimes I
gotta use the voice message it ain't getting through fast enough.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
But I will say.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
You know, if the kids aren't around, I'm yelling.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
I'm getting you.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Killing them right here. For the most part, I think
you just understand it a little bit better when my voice.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Water makes you here.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Okay, what is something small that your husband does that
makes you feel loved? Do you have a couple thing,
a show, sert by eat, inside joke, anything that like
is forge just you and your husband. For me, we
take a shower together almost every.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
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(23:33):
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Speaker 3 (23:44):
Let's just say we did.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
That's mine and Joshua's thing, and like we don't even
have to do nothing like that's just our thing now.
Obviously sometimes we do, but nine times out of ten
we just take a shower with each other. And I
couldn't tell you all the last time I washed my hair.
Josh washes my hair like I remember the first time.
(24:12):
But yeah, And another thing we do is almost every
night during the week, obviously not on the weekends. I'd
say three to four nights a week we will once
the kids are bed, we've had a shower, we'll watch
one episode of whatever show we're into. That's like our thing,
take a shower, lay down and watch at least one episode.
That's us. That's our little thing.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
I don't have shit. Like I said, we are busy, busy,
and it's sad. Y'all, what is it?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
What does Martin do that makes you feel loved?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Well by far of him doing anything around the house, Yeah,
just without me having to ask him. Like y'all saw
that little snap that I took on Facebook of him.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Folding those clothes, holding all those clothes.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
I mean, it's small, but I mean it just shows
that he's willing to help, or he cares to help,
where he knows that it's weighing on me and it
needs to be done.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
And like he's I think that's huge busy season.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Really is an awesome father, so that really does enough.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, yeah, that's kind of the same. Like if Joshua's
like the dishes or he does bath time every night,
like he's always done that, and that is like one
of the biggest things for me because like I said,
I'll clean the kitchen and he'll go take it, do
the bath like it.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Don't even have to ask, We don't have to do nothing.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Takes the bath, brushes her hair, he braiks their hair
every night.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
So it's yes, yes, I think a partner that's willing
to help is huge, especially as a mom, being busy
like that. Just that's I think that's our love language
as moms. Things that Eric does that I love, Like
I like to feel wanted by my husband and desired,
so like if I'm cooking or doing something with the kids,
(25:49):
like I love like it since tingles down my spine
for him to just like walk up behind me and
grab me on the butt or wrap his arms around
me and give me a hug with a kiss on
the ship like that's my love language, like noing that
you still want me. And twelve years later, eleven years later,
you know, like that's huge to me, and then he
doesn't so much do it anymore. But when we first
built our house and I was trying to decorate and everything, like,
(26:11):
he would make it a point to like, on a
random Tuesday after work, he would go to like hobby
lobby and pick me out a decoration for the house
that went with our theme. And I just thought that
was the sweetest thing that he was thinking about me. Yeah,
you know, and trying to help.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
So, oh that's nice.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Yeah, Okay, let's talk about being intimate. How gonna be bears?
How do you make time for it when you're exhausted?
How often are you intimate.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Often?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I mean I'm not are we going at it every
single day? No, but we quite often. Like I said,
Josh will go in there and lock the door for
ten minutes just to get a quickie.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah, so it's that and.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
When we're exhausted straight up, no.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Thank god, you think.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
I mean, it's simple, you don't. You don't have to.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
And if your spouse can't understand that, yeah, it then
that's a huge red flag because it's.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Yeah, I think, yeah, personality a lot with that.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
As a mom, you know, some days you are, you're exhausted,
you don't feel like you just want to lay in
bed and cuddle with your husband, like you don't want.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
You or a backrob back, noe, go back up, back up.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
So but honestly say no, like if you're not in
the mood, just know and if they get might about that,
then that's a problem.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
But Eric will never get mad. But like he is
good about like because he knows that's what gets me
in the mood. Like give me a massage all day, baby,
let's go, because like no woman is just like like
a man, you know, they are ready all day every day.
I'm like, babe, I'm been overstimulated. I don't want to
be touched right now. He's like, let me just rub
your shoulders. Yeah, And then that usually leads.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Should be at work and they'd be like three o'clock
he gets home. He leaves about four thirty. They'll we
start dirty tags to.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Me and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's that kind
of like Mark will send that that eggplants and the tech.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
So Ever, since Austin's in school now, this is the
first time that we've ever had time at home during
the day. So it's it's kind of new. It feels
like newly wedded. I'm like, and now that he's not
working as much, he's home during the day and he
might be in the living room watching TV and I'm
in the bedroom will either folding clothes or just getting
(28:30):
ready or took a shower and wash my hair or something.
And I remember, not too long ago, I sent the
egg and he came running my bedroom to the living
room and I heard the remote hit.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
You tell me twice spontaneously. Keeps it fresh. Like sometimes
the kids will be in there, like watching a movie
and I'm like, hey, Eric, let's go lock the bathroom door.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
You know there, but your kids are on you know,
the RV camp.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Who even knows what that? Yeah, but Morgan does at
seventeen years old. She's not stupid, ye, So like when
they're little, they don't know what y'all are doing. Okayvaually
gonna do.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
But do you think that's good for Morgan to know
that y'all still have that healthy.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Stud She's going to listen to this podcast and she's
gonna she's gonna be.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Like, oh, So for me, I would say, it's a
little different. So sometimes when I'm like super exhausted. Obviously
it's to know, and Josh respects that, you know, but
sometimes like if I feel bad, like especially if it
hasn't happened in a while, I'll be like, just hurry
up and get it over with because like you know,
I still.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
You still want them, like and that's important for me.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Yeah, that's that's important. So I will say, like my
side to that is a little different because I'll be like,
you know, if you absolutely want to, just hurry up, the.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Same way if Mark instigates it and I'm mentally I'm like,
I really don't want to. Yeah, I don't let him
know that. I'll just do it.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
I tell him hurry up.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I'm not in the mood instigated. I don't know if
he's not in the mood because he never turns it down.
Literally just to him with my foot.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Yeah, by accident. I'm like, it's on now, like shit,
he knows that here.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Comes the hand. He's ready.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
That's so funny.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Oh yes, and I know it's really crazy. So like
Josh and I we've been together eleven almost twelve years
years ago, like when Ella was a newborn, Josh went through.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
A face to it.
Speaker 4 (30:34):
It was always me asking for it.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Thing.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
I sent his ass to the doctor. I did. I
literally sent him to the doctor and said, you have
a problem, go get fixed. And then now it's like opposite.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Well, yeah, because you're busy with the kids and stuff.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Oh my gosh, like he and we all know Josh,
so he's a distributor of the he it's non stop.
And then I'm like, can you.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
MOI? Yes, And it's really like.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
Yeah, so there's that all right, wrapping it up. What's
something that you're still learning about your partner? MM? Go first, Yeah,
I don't really have.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
A I don't either. I think Eric and I know
each other pretty well. Yeah, Like we've been together long
enough at this point. We know how each other works.
We know how to push each other's buttons when we
want to push them.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
Yeah, I feel like I know Josh so well. Sometimes
when like it's just me and Josh at home, for instance,
kids are at school. Josh has been working from home
a lot, so a lot of the times it's just
me and him home during the day, like we'll just
kind of sit there and look at each other, like
if we don't have nothing to talk about, like nothing
going on with the kids or the family or nothing
like that, and it's just like we know everything about
each other.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
What do we do sometimes? The peace and quiet, Yes,
it is, it really is.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
So I feel like I know everything about Josh.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
I feel like I'm learning about Mark or main. I
guess I would say it's seeing him grow, seeing him
grow as a parent. Honestly, I feel like I'm still
in that stage of being so busy and just being parents,
but watching him be a parent is is very nice,
(32:20):
just to see how he reacts in certain moments, or
always being being there for the kids, never misses a game,
never misses a practice if you can help it, just
and help in coaching, Like that's a big responsibility that
you don't get paid to do. You know what I'm saying.
Just going out of your way to always be a dad.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Is that's huge.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
It's nice.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
That is nice. You can find us on Spotify and
Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
You are a Patriot member VIP you can watch our
full video.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
And don't forget to check out our forthemoms dot com.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
Hey moms, it's Jasmine. If you are someone you know
owns the business and y'all would like to be featured
on for the Mom's Podcast. Please send us an email
at for the at Q and a Network dot com
and that's f O. You are the Moms at Q
and a Network dot com. We would love to work
with y'all and bring y'all more business.
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