Home Alone 1990 AND Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (Featuring Donald J. Trump as Himself)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And welcome everybody to another episode of Fried Rice Podcast.

(00:27):
I'm your host Andy Rice, let's get fried.
With me as always is Brennan.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
ship me up to Boston.
Hello everybody.
With me as always is Michael.
I bet his family wishes that he would leave them home alone every now and then, you know

(00:48):
what I mean?
Just give them some space away from him.
Larson.
Hey everybody, Merry Christmas.
It's Michael, if he were the Wet Bandits he'd be both of them, Larson.
It's Michael, if I could set my apartment up with booby traps that when he came over
would cause him immense amount of pain while just keeping him on the brink of life, I would

(01:12):
do so, Larson.
Hey everybody.
It's Michael McCauley Culkin, is a weird name to give a kid.
Who names their kid?
McCauley Larson.
Hey everybody.
Alright, let's get into it.
It's, shut up.
Alright, yeah, so, oh yeah, I forgot, this is a regular ass episode of Fried Rice Podcast,

(01:36):
so let's get into what are we smoking.
Brennan, what'd you bring?
I brought Donut Shop.
Seven gram mini nugs, pretty tasty, I brought it before, still working on it.
Same brand over here, I brought white cherry gelato small nugs, and it's pretty good.
What brand is this?
I don't even know.

(01:57):
You thought it was Donut Shop, it's not.
Yeah, Donut Shop's the strain.
Yeah.
This is, it doesn't have a-
I don't know, they have the coolest labels though, we were talking about it yesterday.
Oh, it's Xana.
Their labels all-
Xana.
I was saying, I want him to start saving those labels, because I was gonna, I'll take them
all and make a poster out of them.
Oh, there you go.
That'd be cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, Xana.

(02:17):
Xana.
Yeah.
Which is pretty good.
Xana's awesome.
Yeah, so we both have two Xanas, we've been just back and bold, this is our second podcast
of the day so far.
We just recorded our Christmas story one, that's how time works, just wanna break that
for ya.
We break time for you.
We're spoiling what we're doing for Christmas.
No, it's announced.
We've announced it, I think.

(02:38):
Haven't we?
I don't know.
No one knows about our secret boxing day, what we're releasing then.
Are we?
Yeah, I hope they don't.
Do we know?
I don't know.
At this point he still hasn't given it to me.
So probably not.
No, I've begged.
God.
Anyway.
You might just have to steal it.
I might.

(02:59):
Have to break into his home and take it from him.
So yeah, Home Alone.
We're doing both of them today, Home Alone 1 and Home Alone 2.
I understand for the purists out there, there are more than two Home Alones.
Yes, there's a Home Alone 3, which doesn't star Macaulay Culkin and it's not the McAllister's.
I liked 3 when it came out.
It was the little boy with the long hair.

(03:19):
I made about five minutes of 3.
I haven't watched it again.
It was silly.
Yeah, 3 was, yeah, 3, not that great, but not as bad as everyone remembers.
It still has the charm.
It's just hard to compare.
I liked the parrot in it.
The parrot was cute, singing bad, bad, LeRoy Brown.
And then we have...

(03:39):
4.
There was 4.
Yeah, 4.
That was the most recent one.
I never even tried that one.
No, it's not.
It's not?
Oh, wait, was that another one?
Yeah, I think that's straight to DVD.
I think that's straight to TBR DVD.
I'm not sure what.
Yeah.
I just know there's another one listed there.
I didn't even start it.
I'm not even going there.
So then the newest one is?
I think it's called Home Alone Redux or something like that.
Redux.
I don't know what it was.
It's on the Hulu page when you get there.
Well, the newest one I did watch.

(04:00):
Disney Channel.
The fat...
Was that 4?
He's a kid.
So the chubby portly...
No, if he says that there's a 4, this is number 5 then, technically.
Yeah.
I think it's a 4.
I think it's a 4.
I think it's a 4.
I think it's a 5.
But they don't call it 5.
But it's the most recent one.
It came out in 2023, 2024, whatever, last year.

(04:24):
And it's a...
Okay.
It's a...
I'll tell you this, not a sympathetic protagonist.
So the protagonist is a fat kid with glasses from England who's in America with his mom.
And they are...
His family's gonna have to sell their home.

(04:45):
I've seen bits and pieces of it.
Yeah, yeah.
They have to sell their home.
So they're like Christmas...
They're not gonna have Christmas at their family home and it's like real depressing.
So this kid just steals these dolls from a house that they visit or whatever.
He just steals them.
And those dolls are worth a lot of money, like $50,000, $100,000 a piece or whatever.

(05:09):
And the owner, the rightful owner of those dolls, who's the son, I think, of the woman
who owned them who passed away, wants them back.
And the kid says he doesn't have them or whatever.
And then because the kid gets home alone, they try to break in and take back what's
rightfully theirs.
So the entire movie is a kid attacking people who are trying to get back their stolen property.

(05:35):
And it is absolutely not the spirit of Home Alone.
Home Alone is like these are crooks doing crook things and a kid defending himself.
This is a shithead kid who stole and refused...
So it's a reverse.
It's a reverse.
Well, yeah, I guess.
Yeah, it's kind of a reverse.
He's the bad guy.
And then the two bumbling good guys end up getting their asses kicked the whole movie

(05:56):
by this bad dude until at the very end, the bad guy, the kid ends up...
They sell the dolls or whatever and save their own home.
So they save their child at home via the stolen goods that he stole from those people.
I think because once those people go to prison for breaking and entering into a home and
fighting a child, right?

(06:18):
They went a little too far.
They should have called the police, which I think they do.
And I think that they're just like, well, I don't know the dolls.
What are you fucking talking about?
So it's like a Robin Hood Home Alone thing.
Yeah, if Robin Hood stole from innocent people and then kept it for himself and then was
a dick about it.
Or Chevy Chase.
Yeah.
It'd be like, no, no, this would be like if Robin Hood went into an innocent person's

(06:42):
home, stole their goods and then loaded an arrow up and just shot them in the fucking
chest while they were asleep and then left.
That's what this kid did because he stole from them, went home, set up a defensive perimeter
and said, come at me, bro.
And then just started fucking wailing on these innocent people.
So be sure that we're not recommending that Home Alone 5, whatever it is, whatever it's

(07:05):
called.
It's called Home Alone something else.
If you want to see a different take on Home Alone that's not great, go check it out.
It's the kid that kind of looks like a young Nick Frost, right?
Yeah.
He's also super unlikeable.
Yeah.
He's like something else.
I don't know.
I'm not going to watch it.
No kid is unlikeable, Andy.
He should be Piggy in Lord of the Flies.

(07:27):
He looks like Piggy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Piggy from Lord of the Flies.
That's what he should be playing at all times just so I can watch him fucking die.
Spoilers for Lord of the Flies.
But yeah, dude, he's not likeable at all.
There's not a redeeming moment at any point in that movie where you're just like, oh,

(07:49):
I hope this kid makes it.
Every single time I hope his booby traps fail or that he ends up on one of them doesn't
happen.
It's bad.
It's really bad.
Let's just talk about the Home Alone actual concept.
Yeah.
Because.
Do you buy either one?
What do you mean?
Conceptually?
No, no, no.
I mean, I'm talking like the realistic fact that he can be left home alone.

(08:12):
We take into consideration that this is late 80s, early 90s because I know it's 1990s.
You got to think it was filmed in the late 80s.
Of course you can't buy this premise because nobody does this shit without a head count.
Nobody goes to the airport and leaves.
Yeah.
They don't do a half ass head count like.
Yeah.
It's like 9-11.
It does.
So the airport, I do buy a whole family rushing.
It's about to leave and they're just like, all right, just take whatever seat's available.

(08:34):
If you have a problem child in the family and that problem child is very quiet on the
ride to the airport, he's not there.
Yeah, you're worried.
Yeah.
Where is he?
Where is Kevin?
It would be the very first thing you'd be asking yourself at all points of all every
day.
Yes.
Especially movie two.
Yes.
Like, let's just say he was a problem child.

(08:56):
Let's just say Christmas was just a bad look for Kevin on that one occasion.
Yeah.
Because he's just feeling cramped.
There's a lot of people in his home and he's just like, this sucks and he just lets loose
and everyone treats him like shit or whatever.
That's a one time thing.
So maybe the next day he's not a problem child, Kevin.
They're just like, oh, he just overreacted, whatever.
He'll be fine.

(09:17):
We have too much to worry about otherwise.
We have how many other kids?
He's on the other shuttle.
The oldest sibling, the one who looks like high school age or older is like, don't worry,
they're all here.
Yeah.
I could buy that.
Now you get to the airport, you're already running late, you're running through the airport.
I could buy that.
I could buy you not double checking.
Then you get to the gate.

(09:37):
Now this is the only pre 9-11 bullshit I can like.
When we get to movie two, this is definitely pre 9-11.
Holy fucking shit.
I forgot that he goes to the top of the twin towers and hangs out up there.
But basically these movies somehow turned child abandonment and aggravated assault into

(09:59):
family entertainment.
Yeah.
It's a whole other is what you get if Die Hard and Dennis the Menace had a baby and
left it to fend for itself, which is exactly what happens in this film.
So no, it's not.
The premise is ridiculous.
But it's great.
I love it.
It's great.
I just ridiculous.
I love the premise.
I love the premise.

(10:19):
I think it's great.
It's like a home alone builds booby traps to fend off burglars.
That's the one thing that I would say three has over these two is that it's more realistic
in the sense of the kids homesick.
And he had this microchip RC car thing that they're trying to take back.
Oh, my God.
I forgot about the microchip RC car thing.

(10:40):
So that's what makes that more realistic.
Are they like assassins or spies or some bullshit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So you're saying the ones where the international spies are trying to get the RC car from the
sick boy in the suburban neighborhood is a little bit more realistic than just the home
alone sense part of it.
Gotcha.

(11:00):
But fuck, dude, this I would say that the the.
Okay.
Well, first off, what are the odds, too, of the the bandits breaking out of jail and ending
up in New York?
Christmas time?
Yeah, that's true.
You know, well, they wanted to get far away from where they were.
Initially, they were in Chicago and then they ran into him in New York.

(11:21):
Come on.
They run into him in New York with the sticky bandits.
Yeah.
Well, then they are.
Yeah.
Wet bandits.
Yeah.
So we get the we get the iconic the I mean, iconic house logo with the music turning into
a picture perfect.
That's the house that we're looking at.
John Williams is the goat.

(11:42):
And so is John Hughes.
Yeah.
So is John Hughes, which, by the way, was our third or fourth John Hughes movie.
We went all we went all out.
Yeah.
So we went planes, trains.
Yeah.
Vacation.
And now this.
Yeah.
So who let the cop it?
Who let Joe Pesci in?
That was my first thought, too.
Yeah.

(12:03):
How is everybody just OK with the cop just chilling in the house?
No one stops you.
You have a bunch of kids, not a single kid is going to stop and be like, please, please,
please.
Yeah.
Right.
But Colie Cokin's actual little brother isn't going to go up and say anything.
Who's now in a movie with Jesse Eisenberg that looks pretty good.
What's his name?
Rory McColkin is the Royer is here.

(12:26):
Here in here.
Here in McColkin.
Yeah.
He he's also one of my favorites in here in Colkin here in Colkin.
Not my Colkin.
It's McCauley Colkin.
And I always say McColkin here in Colkin.
What a weird name.
And yeah, he's in Scott Pilgrim versus the World plays the roommate.

(12:49):
And now he's in a movie with Jesse Eisenberg, which the trailers.
It's interesting.
I like their take.
The trailers are just clips from the movie.
There's no like coming this whatever and then clips and then like little snapshots, whatever.
All it is is just Jesse Eisenberg and Kieran walking through a park, having like a kind
of a funny little conversation that turns into like something kind of weird and funny.

(13:12):
And then that's it.
Just and then here's the movie.
And then the next one is like another just clip of them talking.
And so it tells you exactly what this movie is.
It's just like a buddy, quote unquote comedy, maybe dramedy with the two of them.
Yeah.
And is that older Pete?
Is that Big Pete from Pete and Pete?
Was Big Pete one of the brothers?

(13:34):
One of the he was a cousin, but I don't know if that was him, though.
I know you're talking about.
Are you sure he's all I don't think it's brothers.
I don't know if it's the same actor that was because there's only two brothers, the little
brother and the big.
Yeah.
Oh, Buzz and the other ones are cousins.
And there was less people in two than one.
Right.
Like it kind of maybe they cut out a couple of like it because not as many go into it

(13:55):
feels like it's only two families.
Yeah.
Whereas in the one it feels like like how many fucking kids are there?
You know, like one is 20.
Yeah.
There was a shit ton.
Well, 19, technically 19.
Yeah.
It was supposed to be down to like 14 or 12.
14.
And it's saying that they like now one thing to keep in mind is how affluent these families

(14:16):
are.
Very.
The house they live in, the fact that they're able to travel to Paris for Christmas.
Dad's paying for all of it.
Dad's paid for all of it.
And he's not even his grandpa's like, don't ruin my paid for vacation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uncle Frank.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So he's super affluent.
So I just want to point that out because in number two at the later when all the money

(14:41):
where they get all those free presents and tree and their free plaza loft that they're
all staying in.
Oh, I felt real good for them.
Like, oh, yeah, it's great that these didn't we see literally homeless people in this movie?
And yet I want to feel oh, doesn't Kevin literally leave his he doesn't go and get pigeon lady

(15:01):
and say like, hey, pigeon lady, listen, we just got a bunch of free shit.
We got a bunch of food here.
You should have stopped the family.
Hey, Buzz, hold on.
Shut up for a second.
Buzz, shut the fuck up for just one moment.
I'll decide when who gets the presents because I've been alone in New York and you're just
a little bitch now.
And I've done like two things on my own.
I've like fought criminals.
Just shut the fuck up buzz for just one moment and let me say something.
Listen, all you bitches, don't touch those presents.

(15:23):
I know this homeless lady.
She's a pigeon lady.
Just don't worry about it.
We're friends, but we're friends.
And I was going to give her this turtle dove order, which I still will.
It's going to represent our lifelong friendship.
But all of those fucking presents are hers.
We're actually going to go leave and get a hotel room somewhere else.
We're going to let her stay in the suite for as long as the hotel is going to allow because

(15:43):
she deserves that.
It's fucking Christmas.
You monsters.
We're affluent enough.
Have you seen our home?
Have you seen our fucking home?
We've got timed lights that come on seconds apart from our neighbors lights.
Our lights go on.
Two seconds later, our neighbors lights go on.
Three seconds later, their lights go on.
We timed that.
Our neighborhood got together out on the street and said, all right, Mike, I'm going to turn

(16:05):
mine on first and I need you to set your timer like a few seconds later.
And then how about you?
Are you bread?
Are you going to put yours just a few seconds later?
Because that way, when Joe Pesci is timing his lights, he's like, well, here's the thing,
Mark.
I got it all planned out here.
Boom and boom and boom.
How the fuck did they time their lights that way?

(16:26):
And also, are they censored light because one time, Kevin, right when he walks up the
stairway, the lights turn on.
So we had in 1983, they weren't.
Yeah.
So might have had a clapper.
Yeah.
I don't think there was censored.
Yeah, not yet.
I like the floodlight.
Well, there might have been flood in the 90s.
There was a few, but they would have been, of course, a fluid neighborhood.

(16:49):
It's possible.
Yeah.
After Kevin acts up, which I would totally do, and I would be pissed that everyone was
there that I have to share my stuff with them.
I'd be so fucking mad if there were people in my room.
I'm so glad we didn't have a big extended family like that because if someone had to
sleep in my fucking room with me as a kid, I would have lost my fucking money.
I would have strangled them to sleep.
Just a 10-year-old boy, eight-year-old boy murders cousin, insleeps, calls it SIDS, yet

(17:14):
cousin is six years old.
You sleep in the closet.
You don't come out till 11.
Yeah.
Oh, exactly.
Ask Austin how I treat my guests.
No, that's Andy's spot.
He likes the closet.
He likes the closet.
I like the closet.
It's warm.
It's nice tonight.
The family's fucking mean as shit because after he has, I would say, a normal childhood,

(17:37):
a child outbreak.
Because they all ate all the cheese pizza?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Buzz was being a fucking asshole.
Buzz is the-
How did they get $100-something worth of pizza and only get one cheese pizza?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that delivery driver, by the way, since we're delivery drivers ourselves, Mike, if

(17:57):
I were to hit someone's statue, I'd put it back up.
I would do the same thing he did, but do you think I'd hit it again on the second drive
back?
Are you fucking out of your mind?
I never go back to this house.
I switched deliveries with somebody else because I'm like, no, dude, I hit their fucking little
statue last time.
I'm never going back there.
That's so awkward.

(18:17):
Although, if the tip was fat enough, maybe I would go back.
We like that one driver we used to have that had to make me take deliveries for her all
the time because they, for some reason, everyone in town had a thing out on her.
What was that?
A hit?
A restraining order.
Yeah.
We'd get one driver once.
There were literally three different houses with restraining orders on them.

(18:41):
Well, that's, I mean, yeah.
That would be... I'm trying to think of who.
You don't know who it is.
The We Slept In, that whole sequence in both movies is fantastic.
Yeah.

(19:01):
The getting up, we slept in.
We did it again.
Yeah.
And then everyone just rushing to get out of the house.
I love that this is the two... Well, because the first one, the power gets
knocked out and resets everything.
Does it happen?
I can't remember if it happens in the second one.
The second one, he accidentally bumps the... No, he unplugs the alarm clock and plugs
it back in because he's...
How did nobody else wake up that time?

(19:22):
It was our one alarm clock.
One alarm clock.
Yeah, it's the one alarm.
They can only afford... The millionaires only could afford one alarm clock.
The one alarm clock.
Yeah.
They could afford a servant to wake everyone up, to stay up diligently throughout the night
and wake everyone up.
You know, like, they're so affluent.
I mean, his credit card did get declined.
Yeah.

(19:42):
When?
After he reported it stolen.
In the second one.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Yeah.
That's the only time.
They just... The Plaza Hotel.
No problem.
Just no... Extended time.
Okay.
No sign of... Actually, the most unrealistic part is the last thing we see of this entire
McAllister family thing is him freaking out about $1,000 room service dollar.

(20:05):
Because here's the thing.
So you were here a few days a week by yourself, basically, and you ate room service.
It's very smart.
You got yourself a hotel room.
You found yourself shelter.
You found yourself food, and you used my credit card to do it, which of course you can do,
honey.
I love you.
You're eight years old.
Please take care of yourself.
I'm so glad you're safe.

(20:26):
Yeah, maybe you had too many cookies, but that's okay.
You were scared.
That was great.
Well, you gotta realize, it was $1,000, which in 1983 dollars was a lot of dollars.
I'll tell you, it's not shipping entire fucking family out to Paris on his dime.
No, it's not quite that.
But it's close.
The fact that he brings Uncle Frank and Uncle Frank's shithead kids to Paris means that
this guy has enough money.

(20:47):
He has enough money that a $1,000 room service bill doesn't dent anything.
But you should think of it as $4,000, and you still scold your kid.
You still scold your child at that point.
Can you?
Oh, and then by the way, by the way, literally, they just found Kevin.
They all just like, hey, what's up, Kevin?
It's the next morning, and Kevin's like, hey, hold up.

(21:09):
I'm gonna run to Central Park by myself on Christmas Day.
I'm still a child, mind you.
I'm gonna run to Central Park.
You'll meet up with this homeless lady.
I just met.
BRB, he says to his family and then leaves.
And they're like, and none of them bat an eye.
His mom should have been a more realistic ending for number two would have been his
mom was with him, met the lady and invited her back for Christmas.

(21:31):
I'm not sure actually in watching the movie because I thought the same thing when I was
watching it.
And if you look at that scene, his parents are standing on a bridge about 400 or 500
yards away.
But you can see the parents standing there watching over the scene when he's talking
to her.
So I don't know if it was meant to maybe have that happen and it didn't.

(21:54):
Are you sure that it's them?
They're dressed the same.
I can't be sure.
Because as far away.
Because as we've seen, especially in Homeward 2.
But they're dressed the same.
The same red coat.
I actually thought the same thing.
Yeah, rewind it.
Same red coat.
You can't see their faces, so it's impossible to really tell.
Could have been the same guy he followed on to the plane.
It could have been the same guy.
It could have been Kevin's almost dad in the very beginning.

(22:16):
It's true.
I don't know.
So the first movie, back to the first movie with pre-911 airport, crazy.
No security.
Just run on in, jump on any fucking seat you want.
That's insane that that's how airports work.
I mean, maybe not that loose.
But like.
Pretty much were that way.
But holy shit.
Now it's like.
There's probably like smoking areas and stuff like that.

(22:38):
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Smoking areas with the plane.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
There's smoke on the fucking plane, bro.
Yeah.
Smoking on the plane.
You would be in heaven, wouldn't you?
No, I would hate it.
Oh, I don't get me wrong.
I'm a smoker, but I'm not I'm not going to force others.
Closed places.
Yeah, that's a tight space.
Like you have to breathe that same smoke.
Yeah.

(22:59):
It's like hot boxing, hot boxing with cigarettes.
Like nobody wants to do that.
Now, if we could hot box with weed, if it was a weed plane.
Yeah, that'd be different.
But if it was meant for that, like if it was like, you know.
Sealed and we all just got fucking wrecked.
Yeah.
Except for the pilots.
You know, the pilots don't get it.
No, I'm OK with stoned pilots.
They're on autopilot anyway.
I guess that's true.
Fair enough.

(23:19):
It's all it's all electronic.
Yeah.
Although you want I'm not OK with.
I went to the dentist and the dental hygienist that was doing stuff with my teeth.
I mentioned my podcast and we smoked weed or he was like, yeah, man, smoke weed.
Cool.
I was like, yeah, it's tough, you know, having a job like this.
He's like, no, they did drug test me.
And I was like, oh, interesting.

(23:40):
Yeah.
Keep putting your hands in my mouth.
I don't for some reason, I don't want my wash their hands.
You know, I don't care if your surgeon's a crack addict.
Yeah.
Are you do care?
I guess what you're saying.
But I want my medical professionals to not be.
I was.
I don't know.
I don't think we should be in drug tests.

(24:01):
Yeah.
I don't think weeds should be in drug tests.
OK.
But I do think medical professionals should be drug tested.
I feel like they I feel like we hit the rest of the stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But outside of work, obviously, I don't say when they walk in, they should be drug tested
to work.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, no, that's insane.
Yeah.
Although no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(24:23):
That's insane.
I'm just saying to get hired, get drug tested, maybe random drug tests in the future.
But Scott swab every day on the way to work.
But no, I'm saying get rid of weed as a as a thing.
You know, don't be high at work.
If most people done here, they don't put weed on the test.
Yeah.
So Kevin's buzz a spider is going to die because he's not going to get fed.

(24:45):
But then we realize after it gets broken out, it'll it'll feed itself.
Kevin has his own little red rider be begun.
He just thought it was a fun little I don't know if that was a non or anything.
The fake movie that they watch, the both I guess the first one in the sequel are very
good made specifically for this movie, which I think is great because it feels like an

(25:06):
old movie and it looks phenomenal.
Yeah.
I'll give you the count of 10, one, two, ten and then it blows away.
That's iconic.
I love it.
I already mentioned the second delay.
Oh, God, that was a long note.
So like like how I guess more more like which was Marv is Marv the big guy.

(25:27):
Marv's the big guy.
So Harry, right?
Harry Marv.
Yeah.
So Harry, right?
He's the little guy.
Wait, no, no, Marv's Marv's the little guy.
Joe Pesci is Marv.
Yeah.
So Marv, what did he do as a cop?
He's like, when exactly do your lights go on?
Well, I put them on about six o'clock.
No, no, I mean, I get that it's six o'clock, but when exactly?

(25:50):
Because your name is doing a six oh one.
Do you do it at six oh four, like six, six or six minutes and then or six o'clock and
four seconds?
You know what I mean?
Like and I think the funniest part about this whole movie is Pesci had just finished filming
Good Fellows.
Yeah.
And he had to change his language.
They said at the movie he had all kinds of trouble when I was in the background stuff.

(26:13):
And he was the only one that wasn't like overly nice to McCauley Colk.
He was just like, what the fuck?
Get the fuck out of here, kid.
Like treated him like, you know, like a kid.
Right.
And like he was his character in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
I would do that if I was ever got to be a bad guy on set.
Those kids would hate me.
Like years later at the reunion, they'd be like, such a fucking asshole to us as kids.

(26:40):
The wet.
OK.
So then we get the calling card of the web bandits.
That is unnecessarily mean.
Yes.
Flooding a home that you just robbed.
I think that's the point.
Yeah.
It's the point.
It's necessarily mean.
That is the point.
But do they strike you as unnecessarily mean people other than that?

(27:02):
No, it's just I don't know.
The fact that we're planning on murdering a child might be a little well, to be fair,
they weren't going to at first.
They're not child murderers.
In the second one, that's when they're like, yeah, we're murdering this fucking this kid.
The first again in the second one, they basically leave him alone.
They until he takes pictures of them, throws a brick through their active robbery scene

(27:26):
and then fucks off.
He's like, I'm going to show this to the police.
Once they lost him after he escaped or after he got chased out of the hotel, they lost
him.
They didn't know where he went.
Then they went to hunt.
Yeah.
Then they said, fuck it, we'll find him after we robbed the store.
OK.
Well, I think it's silly that they care that their pictures are going to anybody.
They're known bandits.

(27:47):
Their pictures are everywhere.
Here's the newspaper of them breaking out of jail.
Now you're afraid that someone's going to see a picture of you?
No, just be like, yeah, it was us.
Like, fuck you, kid.
We just robbed this place and then run away.
And if the kid chases you, then kill them.
They for, you know, for or beat them up or whatever.
Right.
For for following.
Chop that out and put it everywhere.

(28:08):
Chase you, then kill it.
I'm just saying, if you're a robber and that's your thing, but I don't think that they're
bad.
They don't seem like evil dudes.
So I think that that the calling card is just like I think it's more Harry is thinks he's
being mischievous and I think he's dumb and I think that he thinks that that's funny.

(28:30):
And even more is like, don't like, don't I told you not to do that.
Why do you fucking do it all the time?
It's like it's our calling card.
It's funny.
It's a wet bandit.
Yeah.
But God damn, could you imagine coming home and realize you got robbed and now you've
got twenty thousand dollars of fucking flooding damage and it might have frozen over.

(28:51):
Right.
Oh, fuck.
I don't know, I don't know.
Everything that happens to them moving forward from this point on, they deserve.
I don't think that there's now and we'll just address this at the front.
There are plenty of YouTube videos out there that go over how much these dudes die.
Oh yeah, they would be dead.

(29:12):
They're so dead.
They're so fucking dead.
They're so dead.
So many times they fucking die.
I tell you that watching this movie, that's sort of what I got.
From the end to me, it feels a lot like a cartoon.
Yes.
With that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
It's like.
Yeah, you get the first three quarters and it's.
It's a comic booky.

(29:33):
It's a kid at home having fun, being scared and then having fun and then being scared.
And then being adult too, going to the grocery store.
Overcoming his fears about the furnace.
Coming of age as a superhero.
Yeah.
So.
Oh yeah, you can't call someone a cheaps cheaps.

(29:58):
Is cheapskate yet cheapskate.
Like he says that to Kevin.
So he goes outside, hey, leave it on the ground.
First contact is livery.
First contact list delivery.
This is pre covid.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Leave on the doorstep and and he throws out.
Yeah, but you still got to pay me, bro.
All right.
It's eleven eighty.
Give him twelve bucks.
Twenty cent tip, bro.

(30:20):
You can't say.
You cheapskate to the door as you're leaving.
Like that's etiquette 101 for being a delivery driver.
You have to walk away.
Remember, we had that driver who better than the gum we had.
Oh, yeah, that's gross.
But we had a oh, what buzz does it?
But even a stick of gum is not bad.

(30:42):
We had a driver once who got caught on ring camera saying you fucking assholes or whatever
for not tipping them for stiffing them.
Just tip your fucking delivery drivers, you assholes out there.
I could say this is a podcast.
Go fuck yourselves.
Go tip someone if you haven't tipped them.
Everyone know he's talking about McCauley.
Yeah.
But who?
McCauley Culkin.
Oh, McCauley.
McCauley.
Tip him.

(31:03):
Is it McCauley or McCauley?
Spelled McCauley.
I have no idea.
I always thought it was McCauley Culkin.
Spelled.
Brendan, you're the official.
You're the official.
I've I've said McCauley, but it could be McCauley.
AU is usually aw.
Yeah.
But but he says McCauley.
That's what I've said.
Doesn't he?
I'm just going how it's spelled.
I don't know.
Doesn't mean I'm right.
Mike, it's two against one at this point.

(31:23):
You can be right if it makes you feel better.
Have you have you seen the thing that he did like a few years back where it was like he
was Kevin McAlister grown up and he was kidnapping his like he was the Uber driver and he kidnaps
his basically his ride.
Oh, that's funny.
What does he do with the ride?
He takes them to the garage and like tortures them.
Oh, so were they making fun of the whole saw comparison?

(31:44):
Kind of.
It's like he's grown up and he's like a chain smoker now and he's like, you know how much
fucks a kid up to leave him at home alone?
And so he just like goes through it's silly.
It's it's like a funny or die thing or something like that.
Because there's a very good theory that Kevin McAlister grows up to be Jake's saw.
Yeah.
From saw.
So I mean, there's like because he because not only is he is he already showing a proclivity

(32:08):
for making traps, but he also is very, very pious, like telling someone how to live their
life, stop making mistakes.
He tells the old man, the first one, go talk to your fucking son.
He tells the woman in the other one, I guess I'm your friend.
But another change.
Yeah.
Give it another shot at love or whatever.

(32:28):
Try to fall in love again.
Maybe one of those pigeons.
Yeah, because she chose to be that way.
She chose to be just with just the pigeon.
She didn't like people.
You know, she's heartbroken.
I could get hurt again.
Yeah, I get hurt again.
Yeah, I get it.
I wrote that down at one point.
I was like, I sympathize with her.
Like, once you get your heart broken.
Yeah.
You just want to go live with the pigeons.
Honestly, I just want everyone to leave you fuck alone.

(32:52):
You can't mend a broken heart.
Time doesn't heal all wounds.
Some wounds fester and some wounds cause infection.
That infection can destroy you from the inside out.
Best cameo ever.
John Candy is Gus Polinsky, polka king of the Midwest.
I love it.

(33:14):
So now the chemistry between Marv and Harry, awesome.
Super good.
And then I like the scene of this Santa Claus in this movie is sweet.
He's off the clock.
He's heading to his car.
He doesn't have his beard on.
And Kevin's like, I know you're not the real Santa, but like, I know you work for him.
So like, could you get him a message or whatever?

(33:36):
And I like that.
He's like, sure, kid.
No worries.
And I don't have a candy on it.
He gives him some Tic Tacs.
He didn't have to do that.
He's just a nice guy.
It's like a sweet dude.
I like that.
I really, I like seeing a good mall Santa.
Yeah.
Being a sweet person.
Also a good example of a parent explaining Santa to their kid as he works for Santa.

(33:57):
Yeah.
When we were talking about earlier how Santa works for Santa, he's like a helper.
Nobody showed up to that midnight choir like session.
That choir was singing for nobody except for that old man who can't see his granddaughter
during the day, I guess.
So he has come to midnight choir practice slash show slash mass.

(34:20):
What happened to the old man's hand?
It gets better over time.
Nope.
It's a bandage at first.
He probably like cut himself, you know, scooping up shoveling snow or something like that.
But I'm saying great.
But why the fuck don't we know the origin of the hand if we're going to see the progression
of it healing?
He was afraid of him.
And it adds to like the, because when he slams his hand on the wrist or on the, you know,

(34:46):
the desk when he's at the grocery store, that's when he steals the toothbrush because he's
scared.
And it's like the bandage makes him look more menacing.
It just, it does for the kid.
For a kid.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
I'll take that.
The pump, oh, there's a music like the pump up music like da da da da da da da.
I fucking love that shit.

(35:08):
Would he go home and set up his traps?
Was that the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's version of it?
No, it's a different one.
Oh, okay.
It's got more of like a midi vibe.
Making a battle plan poster board takes too much time for the limited amount of time that
he has making a giant multicolor.
I mean, I love it.
It looks great.
And he does it again in the second movie.
Yeah.

(35:28):
But when did he have time to sit down, get the poster board out, draw a whole layout
of his house?
It's a montage.
He's been planning it forever, Andy.
Gotcha.
It's a home defense plan.
He's just, he's jigsaw.
So there's a bunch of traps.
I'm not, I didn't go over all of them, but I will put out that the ornaments on the floor

(35:50):
only work because Harry lost his shoes.
Yeah.
It was bare, or was barefoot.
If he would have gone through the window first, it wouldn't have worked.
They would have done nothing.
It just would have been a noise distraction, I guess.
Yeah.
Which maybe was the idea initially, but.
You've got to know where they are.
I think if you look at the plan, it goes through the progression.
I think in his, on that poster, if you pause it, it goes through the progression.

(36:13):
Yeah.
Do that here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The feathers is kind of stupid.
Yeah.
It's funny though.
It's funny.
Yeah.
The old man saving the day was cool.
Knocked him out.
Love that.
Like intervention from the adult is how he wins both, how he gets out of both situations
in these movies.
So like it isn't just him alone.
It isn't home alone.

(36:33):
It's him with help of old people.
It is.
Yeah.
Kevin doesn't think he's going to be able to, oh, Kevin doesn't think he's going to
be able to lie to his parents about the crooks, does he?
Like that's what another thing he must have told them.
Yeah, his house was fucked up.
There's no way.

(36:53):
His house was fucked up.
His neighbor's house was burgled and flooded.
The other neighbor's house was probably burgled and flooded.
He would have had to tell his parents, told his parents.
Wait a minute.
He cleaned it all up though.
Yeah.
I don't know how.
Not Buzz's room.
We don't know how.
Except for Buzz's room.
Right, exactly.
At the end of my room.
But he cleaned the rest of the house up.

(37:14):
You remember that?
Yeah.
Mom comes in and it's all clean.
It is super clean.
Yeah.
How do you clean?
There's blood, brain bits that he has to clean up.
There's holes in the floor.
God, he's tar on the ground.
Like he literally tarred.
He knows how to use tools.
Yeah.
I don't know.
He fucked that house up and then cleaned it up.
Okay, great.
But yeah, I give the first one a B. Solid B. Perfect.

(37:39):
Like it's a perfect little Christmas movie.
But let's go quickly with your guys' review and then we'll jump into number two.
Yeah, no, one is a lot of fun.
It's a classic Christmas movie again.
A lot of fun, definitely.
If you can not think about the things that aren't believable in the movie and just enjoy it,

(38:00):
it's worth a watch and a B is a good grade for it.
Okay.
And I'm going to go under our new rule structure with a B and 18 pluses.
18 pluses.
Nice.
I like it.
Because once again, when I was talking earlier about being bored with Frist movies

(38:23):
and how over and over they're the same thing over and over again, this movie is not that.
Okay.
This was way more of an enjoyable of a watch just because it's so different from everything else.
Mike, the plus plus plus plus plus plus system is not in effect until.

(38:44):
Until December 25th.
Until much later.
Much later.
So I'm going to assume just B plus is what you meant.
No, I meant B and 16 pluses.
I'll put a little 16 here, but it doesn't mean anything.
I'm crossing it out.
I've said a long time that our ratings don't matter anyway.

(39:05):
It's whatever you end up deciding to do with it.
Well, we're going to have a new rating system in next year starting in our new season.
Will they matter?
Yes.
Okay.
I'm coming up with a concrete system.
I think I rate two higher.
I enjoy two more than one.
We'll see.
You'll see when I get there.
That's okay.
All right.
So B, B and then I'm going to go B plus.
All right.
So.

(39:26):
B plus.
So this gets a B plus?
14.
It's a low B plus.
However that works.
B plus minus.
No.
B plus.
Plus a B plus, plus or minus 14 pluses.
B plus, plus or minus.
Make new equations.

(39:47):
Plus 14.
No, it looks like I just wrote Braille.
So sort of a different language.
B plus, plus or minus.
Plus, plus 14.
Like I said, I'm not saying it's a masterpiece, but it's as close as it gets as a Christmas
movie to a masterpiece.
Yeah, it's super good.
It's definitely a classic.
Love it.

(40:08):
Now we got into number two.
We get the iconic house again, which at this time is surrounded by the New York skyline,
which I absolutely love.
We get Kevin with his new gear.
There's like walkie talkie thing that he uses throughout this whole movie.
I don't know if they were trying to sell those.
They definitely were.
I had one of those.
Yeah.
They thought that that would be the toy of the, you know, everyone would be talking about

(40:32):
it.
Who showers with the door ajar?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
What a weird thing, dude.
Like you're a grown ass man.
There's a thousand kids running around.
Shut the bathroom door, especially since that was a shower for the bunk bedroom.
So it was like a kid's room that he was in.
Like when he was like, yeah, I don't want to go in there to get my, you know, get my
tie.

(40:53):
Cause uncle Frank said that if I come in here and I see him naked, I'll never feel like
a real man.
That's another weird thing to tell a kid.
Uncle Frank's weird, dude.
I think uncle Frank's molested some of these kids.
That was my note.
It was like, yeah, uncle Frank's definitely a weird character.
Yeah.
Uncle Frank has molested some of the McAllisters.
I bet you that kid who pees the bed.
That's why.
I think that was uncle Frank's son.
Yep.

(41:14):
All tracks.
Uncle Frank's son.
Real quiet.
Not even going there.
About this wonderful Christmas movie.
We get the choir.
We can't have a single episode that's kid friendly.
No, we can't.
We have the choir scene where my biggest issue with the entire movie is that buzz was not

(41:38):
that funny.
And I don't think that everyone in the audience would be laughing.
No.
I don't think that there would be a couple of dinguses in the audience laughing.
I mean, sometimes kids' performances like that can be a little long.
And that could have been at a point when it was low in the crowd.
Just needed something.
You needed something.

(41:59):
Anything to wake you up, and that was it.
No, maybe the ears thing.
But that was it.
Him pretending to drum and all that stuff.
I'm like, dude, now he's just showboating.
It would have been a light chuckle.
But no.
Yeah, they were uproariously laughing.
I'm getting like the I do standup comedy.
They were giving me the kind of reaction that I would like kill for, you know, on like a
solid joke that I've been working on for a while, like that I've built up to.

(42:22):
But no, Buzz just does a little drumming and he gets a little bit of a shitting and grin
and everyone likes it.
But also, why the fuck are Buzz and Kevin in the same choir?
What school allows the high school student and why isn't Buzz being supportive of his
younger brother or the solo, his first solo?
And he's going to destroy like there's a lot of weird things like what was that church or

(42:46):
was that school school?
OK, so school.
Whose school?
Kevin's Elementary School or Buzz's high school?
Fluent people.
Fluent people.
Yeah.
People are leaving out how rich they are.
Private school.
Private school.
It probably goes K through 12.
OK, they're just going to put some of the nine graders in high school.
My granddaughters in junior high and they both go to the same and they're in the same choir

(43:12):
and drama.
Yeah, they combine them.
They combine them.
Well, but that doesn't seem like a smaller school.
That's a public school.
Yeah, that doesn't seem like a smaller school, though, this one.
You look how big the auditorium was and how many parents were there.
No, I'm saying I think it's a private school.
Yeah, but it's not a small private school.
Maybe not small, but it's K through 12.
So it's probably not massive, though.

(43:34):
For that many grades, I wouldn't consider it massive.
It's different because we're used to just our two or three grades in the school.
When you put 12 together, it's still going to be a bigger school, even though it's a small school.
I went to a K through 12 school and it was a very – like my graduating class was like 20, 24, 22, 24 people.
Still, if you have 12 classes in that, that's still several hundred people.

(43:55):
Yeah.
OK.
That's the way it is here.
Yeah.
Magnet school.
Yeah.
Buzz makes an appeal like a lawyer to the family and he apologizes, and then he calls Kevin a trout sniffer,
which I cannot take any other way –
There's only one way to take that.

(44:16):
– than to think that he – something to do with women's vaginas. Am I wrong?
It would be panty. Same as saying panty sniffer, but he could say that and his parents didn't get it.
Yeah.
Panty sniffer. Also, is that an insult?
I mean, I've seen a lot of pornhub that starts with you get caught with someone's panties sniffing them or whatever.
I guess to John Hughes it is. I don't know.

(44:38):
Yeah.
I mean, like, I wouldn't sniff a pair of panties. That's not for me.
Because that's so gross.
Would you stop judging other people that do?
What?
Would you stop with the judgment?
I'm not judging.
OK.
Michael, I would never judge. Anyone's king for any reason. But I just think that –
But I think that Buzz just – I don't know. It's a weird insult to call your little brother.

(45:03):
It's because he knows how to mess with his brother – his little brother's head.
He's casual.
Yeah. And then we got – oh, still pre-911 airports because we get the – the alarm goes –
I unplugged the alarm on accident. They all forget again.
Unrealistic that Kevin's mom doesn't go upstairs, grab Kevin, and drag him downstairs and say,
I'm going to get in the car. I'll keep an eye on you, whatever. I do like the addition of –

(45:26):
Stick with me the entire time.
Yes. Hold my hand. You grab – put him on a little leash or whatever.
Yeah. Why don't you have a leash on this guy? That would be my question.
But I do – oh, no, because they do get him in the car. They do have him there.
She has her moment passing out tickets. Kevin!
Yeah.
Yes, ticket.
And so – but then they get to the airport. And we get the – probably the most realistic –

(45:48):
this is what a kid would fucking do at the wrong time, would be – would be like, yes,
stopping in the middle of the airport to change his battery when everybody's rushing
and then picking the wrong dad, following him on. Oh, that's my dad. Of course it's my dad.
How many times does Kevin say, like, you think I'd really be here by myself or whatever?
A bunch. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like, yeah, he's right over there. And he wasn't even lying in that part.

(46:11):
That was just real. And then so he ends up going to New York.
Yeah.
And the rest of the family is going to Florida.
The most unrealistic part of this.
What?
That Kevin doesn't just end up dead. It's 1992 New York.
Yeah.
Kevin should end up dead in an alley.
Yeah.
He's rich, though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Actually, you know what?
Natural credit cards.

(46:32):
I would say that a child wandering New York – yeah, there's monsters out there that
would kidnap a child, for sure.
Oh, I'm 22 years old.
Yeah.
But I think most people, like your most everyday criminal is what I'm saying.
Obviously, most people wouldn't do anything.
Right.
But I'm talking about, like, your most – most of your muggers, your –

(46:53):
Yeah.
You're, like, your rapists, your murderers, like, those guys, they're not going to see
a kid, and they're not going to go to that level that quickly. You know what I mean?
Like –
No, you more got to worry about the Hotel Concierge.
Yeah.
I'm going to clip you saying Concierge in the creepiest way possible.
Because he was the creepiest way possible.
Oh, you're talking about like Tim Curry?
Tim Curry, yeah. That's why I said it's – Tim Curry.

(47:17):
I can't do his voice.
He was great, though.
He's so good at this. So is Rob Schneider.
Yeah, Rob Schneider was great.
Rob Schneider's funny. I like that this is kind of one of his earlier roles.
Very early. Yeah, I was looking at how young he was.
But he's funny. He's a good comedic actor. He's got the face. He's got the – you know,
whatever. This is definitely – oh, and then I put – yeah, definitely pre-911, because
it shows the Twin Towers at one point as he's walking by on his little vacation tour.

(47:41):
You forget, dude, how iconic they were. They were the most – like, because the Empire
Staple is just a building. The towers were what you – like, what made the New York
skyline.
They were so much bigger, right?
Yeah.
Holy shit, dude. And they just don't exist anymore. That's a crazy – like, it almost
feels like you can't even say the word Twin Towers anymore without it feeling like a buzz

(48:07):
word or something that's offensive to hear. Like, you know what I mean?
Triggering somebody.
It's something that's coming behind it.
Like, you say Twin Towers, and people like – it's a hushed sort of thing when it's
like – it was really up until 2001.
It was iconic.
He put it in every fucking movie, dude. This movie ends – or he goes – wait, or no,

(48:31):
is this where he goes to the top of the Twin Towers? Or is that the end?
I bet he got the Empire State Building, doesn't he?
No, because you see both the towers.
Oh, you see both the – okay.
Is it right here, though? Is this where – it's just like on his little vacation part?
I think it's in the beginning part, yeah.
Yeah, okay. Got it. All right. So then this is –
He's like touring the city.
Yeah, because I put definitely pre-911 there. Because, yeah.
Yeah.
Kevin runs away from everything. Just like – it's like his thing. He just runs away

(48:55):
from everything. I do like that he – when he meets the bird lady for the second time
– or when he meets her, meets her, and he runs away after she helps him with his foot,
and he gets about like 10 feet and he stops.
And he realizes he's helping him.
He's like, wait a minute. You were helping me, weren't you?
And she's like, okay, well, cool. Good talk.
Yeah.
Like, he's a sweet kid. It's supposed to be like a sweet kid, you know, like a nice –

(49:17):
Yeah, he's a sweet kid. He's a little trouble maker. He's fun.
Yeah.
Yeah. He's my grandkid. He's like, I got a grandkid just like – I mean exactly –
I think that Peyton, my youngest – my oldest grandkid, if you drop him at this age in New
York, he'd do the same shit. He'd be just fine.
Yeah. Cool. I think I would have been fine at 10 years old.
Yeah.

(49:38):
I would have been on drugs by the end of the week. Someone would have offered me drugs.
I would have taken them probably just to see what's up.
We meet our 2025 U.S. president in this movie. He walks by, a very, very young – not young,
a middle-aged Trump, Donald Trump, as he walks through the Plaza Hotel. And he gives Kevin

(50:01):
some directions, which I don't – I think that's pretty unrealistic. I don't think
Trump would stop and help a little kid for directions, I think.
Why?
Because he's a super-millionaire guy. Well –
Yeah. I think –
Wait, hold on. Because I know that the – he's – he has a lot of money. He's affluent,
right? But I know that the whole – him being a real estate mogul, they've said now, like,

(50:28):
from The Apprentice, that that was kind of like a fabricated backstory. They've sort
of stretched the imagination a little bit.
It's not fabricated. It's – what is that called when you build it up?
Embellished.
Embellished. Yeah. It's embellished.
Got it. So they embellished a lot of these things. So, yeah, I mean, like, yeah, he's
in a suit. He's walking by. It's just him alone. He's not on – he's not –
But that's the way, honestly, if you go back to those times –

(50:51):
That was a cameo back then.
No, but even Trump back in those times, he would walk through the hotel and –
Just randomly.
Yeah. It just wasn't –
But that's New York in general, though.
Yeah. He would walk around New York.
Yeah. You get Conan O'Brien walking around all the time. You got all these different
celebrities just kind of running in.
Well, you live in L.A. now. There's another radio show. Let's do – they do a thing
called Celebrity Sightings, I guess, where they're just walking around town and they'll
see famous people check out.
Well, L.A. is not the same way. L.A. –

(51:13):
That's New York.
First off, I didn't live in L.A. I lived in a suburb of L.A. outside 30 minutes from
it.
I feel like New York could blend in better with – because it's a lot more walking
in New York.
You have to walk everywhere in New York.
Right.
No one's walk –
In L.A.
Nobody walks in L.A.
Yeah.
Nobody walks in L.A.
No, it's more like they're in a restaurant and they'll see a famous person.
Yeah.
It's like that. But I'm saying in New York, I think it's kind of the same way. Famous

(51:35):
people just walk around. They have to get from place to place.
Yeah.
If they're going to dinner, they're just walking down this street for dinner.
They have – you got Keanu in the subway all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, New York – yeah. I'm surprised we don't get more like New York celebrity
murders.
Really?
Yeah. Just think about it. I mean, just – it's a –
The one wasn't enough for you?
For what?
That's where Lenin got to.

(51:57):
Yeah, in New York.
In New York?
Yeah.
Yeah.
From walking out of his apartment. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Literally walking
out of his apartment like we're talking about with Trump.
That's what I'm saying. I'm surprised there's not more of that. You have these
– like in a world where we have all of these mass shootings that just take place and people
just randomly – like they'll just be like, all right, I'm going to target this black

(52:18):
supermarket or I'm going to target this school or I'm going to target –
I'm surprised more people don't target individuals.
Why aren't more celebrities targeted? Like why is it just –
Because they always got paparazzi hanging around them, too.
But no, no. Who cares though?
Too many witnesses.
Mass shooters are going to mass shoot though.
That's true. That's true.
But like a mass shooter situation –
It's just going to shoot. Yeah.
Yeah. If you just aim at the general direction of some celebrity – I don't want to name
any right now because I don't want to like set up a thing.

(52:40):
I don't want anyone to listen to this and get like a catcher of the ride by or something.
But like they see a celebrity out in the wild and they just open up on her.
Somehow our podcast MK Ultra'd somebody.
Yeah, I know. Jesus.
Because here's the scary thing about those mass shooter guys, right?
It's like they're all trying to get into the history books.
The best way to do it is to kill a celebrity.
Yeah.

(53:01):
Right?
That would be the way to do it.
A mass shooting where a bunch of random people die and it's like, yeah, it's tragic.
But if you don't know the victims personally –
We still know the name John Hinckley, right?
Yeah. I think you're still making a bad case here. We should move on.
Am I advocating for it at this point?
Kind of, yeah.
I'm not advocating. Don't end up in the history book.
Killing people is wrong. There's other ways to do it.

(53:23):
You want to end up in the history book with the Nobel Peace Prize.
Invent something.
Yeah. Try to find a new way to solve world hunger.
Don't murder a celebrity in New York and the streets of New York and become super famous for the rest of your life.
Why are you winking, Andy?
No.
The more you know.
The more you know.
I do like when Kevin says to the gentleman at the pool, would you mind – he asked someone, would you mind if I do cannonballs?

(53:47):
And everyone's just like, yeah, go for it. And he starts doing it.
Very polite.
Yeah, that was cool.
That was a sweet little scene.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's a sequel to the fake movie or if he's continuing watching the same fake movie.
It's a sequel.
Sequel. Love it.
Yeah. Do you remember the – did you read the box?
Yeah, the title.
That's hilarious. What was it like, a porn straight over the title?
Oh, that's funny to realize.
Yeah, for the title anyway.

(54:08):
Speaking of porn, there was something I saw on Facebook last night. I had to take a screen shot of it. It kind of cracked me up.
I'm really interested to see where this is going, Brendan.
Well, OK. It had to do with Home Alone 2.
OK.
So it's like someone was like, oh, it's a great time to go on a marathon. And it's like, you know, like your cable package, whatever, on demand.
Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Lost in New York, Home Alone 3, Home Alone HD, Home Alone, The Holiday Heist, Horny Moms, Home Alone with their dildos.

(54:37):
That's what those tapes were up there. Yeah. It's kind of out of the tape.
Holiday Heist, I think, is the newest one.
Is the new one.
Yeah.
Where the heist is the kid. Just keep that in mind. It's the heist from the kid's perspective. Horny Housewives, Home Alone. I like that.
Poor McAllister family in the sense that like I know that they're affluent and they're rich and you know, which it's weird to say, but like good for them.

(55:06):
Like it's weird. It's like it's like part of me wants to hate rich people just because they're rich and I'm not.
Right. Yeah.
And there is that there is that thing where we all kind of hate the elite. We hate the rich or whatever the people that have like, you know, but but honestly, we don't know what Kevin does.
There is rumors that he's in the mob, not rumors, but there's a theory that he's a mob guy. His dad's a mob boss. His dad's a mob boss. Yeah, there is. Yeah.

(55:29):
There's that one room because they're in Chicago. I don't think they seem very Italian though. They're not like it's not. It could just not be made.
Yeah. Yeah. And then he's the bookkeeper. He's he has a shitload of money. But yeah.
But it is sucks that they well, first off, they're stuck in Florida while it's raining is I mean, that sucks.

(55:51):
But it's such that they have to spend their Christmases just re-traveling to Kevin.
That's two Christmases in a year where honestly, the the thing they should have done in the first movie is let the majority of the people enjoy their vacation.
So all of them. If they could.
Like if the kids. First of all, no matter how much rich you are, how much to get all those people to fly back right then.

(56:17):
Yeah. It's not buying it two weeks in advance. You're buying it right now.
Yeah. You know, I just found out is the cheapest time to fly internationally.
Thanksgiving. Because people stay home. Well, no, no, it's the actual Thanksgiving to travel to international countries.
It's because no one celebrates Thanksgiving other than us.
So they but it's like weird. It's like to go from it was like Chicago to New York.

(56:44):
It's cheaper to go to like Istanbul.
Yes, something like it's cheaper to go from Florida to Spain to Spain or something than it is to go from like Florida to New York.
Just because it's yeah, it was pretty cool.
So just keep that in mind if you want to travel internationally, if you want to plan a vacation to go out of town, go internationally.

(57:05):
That's a cheap way. That's a cheap time to do it.
Just plan around Thanksgiving. Another holiday that.
God, I I know that Brendan's a big fan of the food and for him, it's a food holiday.
And for me, it's a food holiday. I do not celebrate the the Christopher Columbus getting smallpox to Native American people.

(57:26):
I don't think anyone really does anymore. Well, no, I think actually there's pride in that.
There is some there is some people that have the colonial pride where they're just like, yeah, my family.
Some of them aren't allowed in the U.S. We were just what's the one guy you just brought up earlier?
Which guy? Which guy?
I didn't do Thanksgiving.
I get the guy that does it that it's in all the trouble for the women thing.

(57:49):
You said his name earlier and I can't think of it. I said I did.
I don't want to say Tristan Tate, but that's not. Oh, yeah.
Andrew Tate, Andrew Tate. That's what I wanted. Yeah.
Is his brother Tristan? Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. Did you name his little brother?
I couldn't think of Andrew. Yeah.
Yeah. You're looking at Andrew as you're trying to come up with the name Andrew.
Yeah. You're looking at me going, what the fuck is this? Don't ever get old people.

(58:13):
Don't ever get old. But it's not Andy. It's definitely not.
Extra died into a different country.
But that's what Andy Tate. Andy Tate.
Andrew. Oh, no. Andy Tate does not work.
He doesn't look like an Andy. Not all Andrews can make an Andy. No.
Not all Andes can be an Andrew. They can legally, but they can't pull it off.

(58:36):
Now, I think a lot of Mikes can be Michaels and I think a lot of Michaels can be Mikes.
Yeah. I don't think there's much difference there.
I don't think me calling you Mike, I think it's just I'm saving myself time.
I think I've called you both a thousand times. Yeah.
But Andy. Yeah, I never call you Andrew. Yeah.
Andy and Andrew are two. It feels like separate animals.
It feels like two different names. It feels too formal. Yeah.

(58:58):
Yeah, one does feel formal. But then at the same time, I have friends that are Andrews.
And I'm just like, yeah, that's what they are. Yeah.
I call them Andrew because, yeah, famously, that's how I became an Andy is in fifth grade.
Andrew came up to me and he said, we're going to be the same friend group.
I'm Andrew. You're going to be Andy.
I was like, OK, you're older than I am. I respect the game.

(59:20):
That's your whole identity now. And then.
And yeah. And then I grew into becoming an Andy. I was a straight A student.
I followed smoking weed.
The moment I became an AFC in class, the moment I became an Andy, the closest I can say.
Actually, well, shit, I would just actually just share this recently with I think I was telling Sasha at work.

(59:43):
All my deepest, darkest secrets of like not the bad shit I did as kids as a kid.
One of them was I think right when I became an Andy, I was in fifth grade and Miss Stockdale, who she's amazing.
She's a great teacher. I hope she's still doing it. Or I hope she's retired and happy.
She and if you're listening, Miss Stockdale, do something better with your life.

(01:00:08):
You know, you're you're you're getting on in eight in your years.
So just, you know, you know, no, actually, she looks great. I saw her just a few years ago.
Maybe it's rewarding for her to be a teacher. Yeah.
No, actually, I hope she's still doing she was just like maybe five, six years ago.
So like, yeah, I mean, she might still be doing it. She's great.
But anyway, she used to give out caramel apple pops.
Do you remember caramel apple pops? Best candy ever.

(01:00:31):
For some reason, they don't sell them anywhere. Where's the last time you saw them?
They're not at Wal-Mart, the candy section. They're not at any gas station at the candy section.
I just don't know where caramel apple pops are.
I would have a few on deck because I do like them. They're very good.
So she had a box in her cabinet and I became an Andy.

(01:00:52):
And what happened was a substitute teacher came in and we were doing art.
And I told him that teacher lets us go to the cabinet and get our own art supplies.
He's like, cool. And I went and I took the entire box of fucking caramel apple pops.
And I went and I went out to recess and I started handing them out to people and got caught immediately.

(01:01:15):
Because I wasn't cool. I should have just put them in my backpack and never said anything.
If I was trying to be good about it, I wasn't a good spy. I guess I wasn't a good thief.
I kept handing them out to people to keep them from telling people that I had them.
You were trying to be a Robin Hood.
Yeah. I stole from my sweet teacher and I gave to the students that she was giving when they earned them.

(01:01:36):
I was giving unearned candy to just...
Anyway, when the proctor who was also our PE teacher at the time, when she heard this news, she walked up to me and she was like, Andy,
if what I heard is true, I'm very disappointed in you.
But did you steal from your teacher? And I was like, what are you talking about?
She's like, Andy, caramel apple pops. I mean, you have them on you.

(01:02:01):
I'm like, there's probably they're sticking out of my pockets and I probably have one in my mouth.
Probably all the kids behind me are just sucking on caramel apple pops, watching what's happening.
And then I'm like, I don't know.
Caramel on my teeth. And she's like, go to the principal's office.
I got in a lot of trouble for that one.
Miss Stockdale was so fucking disappointed in me when she got back from her substitute teacher for whatever she was doing.

(01:02:25):
Last time she gets to take a fucking dentist appointment.
Poor lady. She's like, it's the one time she had to like bury a dog or something
or what I don't know what it is, but it's like one time she needed a day to her fucking self
and her shithead kid who's now becoming a problem child myself.
If you ever watched the Disney's Recess, which you should, because it's I mean, if your child,

(01:02:50):
it's one of my favorite classic children's show that I nostalgically think back on a lot.
T.J. Detweiler was who I was to a T.
He just a mischievous kid. Tried to do shit that just never worked out.
Well, T.J. It all works out. So whatever the opposite of T.J.
Whatever the guy who just a shithead. You know what? I'm more like I was probably like,

(01:03:15):
doesn't all I know is that where however we got there was worth it.
Poor Macalester family. Really cool toy store.
There's this like snowy face thing that is in the corner.
Do you know what it's all about? It looked like old old man winter or something blowing smoke.
The opposite of a sun. Yeah.
Was it actually blowing smoke or was it was it just a static image?

(01:03:39):
I think it was. Because in my mind, when I watched it right now, I'm seeing it's actually blowing up mist.
You out of its mouth. Yeah, but I don't.
I'll have to rewatch that because like that would be pretty cool if it was.
And then just all the toys that you see is a very cool toy shop.
Very cool. Very just like fuck. Yeah, dude. Conversation with the owner.
That's so sweet, dude. I had a similar not a toy store, but my buddy and I, when we went to Ireland,

(01:04:07):
we there was like a little cafe like a Denny's and it was called like McDougal's or whatever.
It's called. I forgot the name. I'll have to look it up.
I don't want to misrepresent it, but we were in there.
We were getting some food and we were having a great thing.
And then an old man came in and he started talking like, hey, how do you like the food?
We knew he like worked there. We didn't know who it was.
And we're just like, oh, we love it. This is our first like official like Irish because I think it was like the first day we were there.

(01:04:34):
And we had only had Burger King the night before.
So we just got in from the flight and it was the only thing open.
But like we get there, we're eating just Irish breakfast.
You know, we're like enjoying ourselves. He's like, cool, cool, cool.
You guys are traveling. You know, you said, yeah, he's like, well, hey, awesome here.
He reaches his pocket, gives us some coupons.
Like, you know what? I own this place. And we're like, what? He's like, yeah, I own the chain.
There's like a few of them. Here's some free meal tickets.

(01:04:57):
And we're like, thank you. And so we had we got like I think it was like maybe two each.
But like, yeah, we had like two free meals each from him.
He just hooked us up. So we were two traveling young dudes.
I don't know if I ever told you this, but the when I so when I went to Europe,
when we got there, we went to Ireland first and everywhere we went,

(01:05:22):
every dance club we went to or not like every club or every bar we went to,
just nonstop Michael Jackson. You think we like him out here?
It is my they love him out there. They. But you said on your way out there was.
Yeah. Yeah. So yeah.
But then when we were walking around, that's why. Yeah.
That's when we find out the plane ride. He died.

(01:05:44):
And we had no idea. But we just thought people were obsessed.
We really like Michael Jackson. It's like, Jesus, the Irish Michael Jackson.
Oh, holy shit. No one said anything.
We probably looked like assholes were like, yeah, I love this song.
And people are crying. Yeah. Yeah.
We're like, oh, God, they're really emotional about their Michael Jackson.

(01:06:08):
Let's not make any pedophile jokes. OK. Cool.
That's great. Wait a little bit. But yeah.
So how long were you there before you found out that he died?
It's probably a few days, if not a week. That's great.
Someone told us at some point and we both went, oh, shit.
That explains so much. Everything.
Explains everything.

(01:06:31):
It was fucking everywhere. It was the grocery store.
You're like, was it still like that when you went to like other European countries?
Yeah, because it was that week. So I mean, it died.
It was like in Prague and you're like fucking Michael Jackson again.
By the time we got to the end of our trip, it had finally kind of
finally sort of died out. So our journey was the Michael Jackson trip.

(01:06:53):
Slash, weirdly enough, it was a gay pride Olympics or great gay pride, something.
But every country we went to was like their gay pride month or whatever.
So we just we just went to a bunch of gay pride events because that was what was there.
So Michael Jackson would have made sense either way.

(01:07:15):
Like he did. I think he's popular in the gay community as well.
It's fun. It's fun. Upbeat music to dance to. Yeah.
Yeah. So our first week in Ireland, our first few days there was just
it was packed because they were having a gay pride event.
So all the LGBTQ community who wanted to visit Ireland came that weekend.

(01:07:36):
We didn't plan it that way. We just this is what happened.
It just happened. So, yeah, we had a pretty crazy.
There's a lot of gay people in Ireland. I don't understand.
Gay people that love Michael Jackson in Ireland.
Not so it's cool on our plane right now.
What do you think Ireland's going to be like? I don't know.
Probably a lot of potatoes. You know, maybe they'll sound like leprechauns.

(01:07:57):
You know, the IRA, they're kind of dangerous.
So like they're probably kind of tough or whatever we get out there.
It's just it's just a bunch of gay dudes going, Thriller!
Thriller! Beat it!
You need to write that for the stage, though.
You need to write that story for the stage for sure.

(01:08:19):
Well, thank God. But yeah, that's some that's some shit.
So I like the band is hiding in little houses.
Adorable. Like, that's kind of a funny little hiding spot.
Yeah. Kevin running from the bandits.
He should have right when he realized when he screamed and everyone stopped

(01:08:41):
and was looking at him and they stopped to pointed them like these guys just touched me.
Or I mean, maybe if you want to keep it a little what they broke out of jail,
they wouldn't believe that the kid they were like, oh, this kid's just making up stories or whatever.
Because like who would first time he got not the second time.
Right. You're on the first time they got you got.
Remember the second time he got caught the check? No, no, no, no.

(01:09:02):
Yes, I'm saying the first time he gets caught, when they first meet him and they go, hey, kid or hey, pal.
Yeah. And he turns and you see Kevin recognize the voice. He turns around. He screams.
At that point, he should have been like, I don't know them.
Stranger danger, stranger danger. If he pointed at two grown men, stranger danger and start screaming that out on a busy New York street.
There's somebody that's going to come by and be like, well, what the fuck's going on?

(01:09:24):
Who are these dudes or whatever? Right.
There's there's a lot. That's the one thing everyone I think is being addressed.
There's cops all over the place. There's cops all over the place.
There's so many opportunities for Kevin to be like, he should have talked to the police and been like, I'm home alone.
All that fun torture. And he's a kid. Kids don't think that way.
No, but I think once it got scary, like I get instead of him going to I'm going to attack.

(01:09:48):
Right. Booby trap. You would think after the first time his parents would be like, hey, listen, if that ever happens again, find an officer.
Yeah, but I don't like you really feel like he was ever actually scared because I don't think he was kind of when he was kind of.
That's exactly what I was scared of the base.
Like we turned on the lights in the first right when they first came, like when the burglars first came is the most tense moment.
Yeah. Because when the cops showed up the first time and knocked on the door to check on him and he's that's when he that's when he went and hid upstairs.

(01:10:16):
He's scared, scared. Yeah.
Even though fuck it just opened the door. But how could you trust never seem scared of them?
How can you trust the police, though, because didn't he see the Joe Pesci as the police officer in the beginning?
So like you can't trust the police. This guy dressed up like the police.
Yeah. So I didn't even think about that until right now. You can't trust the police. He could be a policeman.

(01:10:38):
This could be a policeman breaking in later, like scouting the house out and then coming back as a crook to break in.
Yeah. Oh, OK. Doing his night job. Yeah. Then fucking fucking shit up with the weapon.
It's stupid bullshit. Oh, no, no, no. Now we're sticky bandit sticky bandit.
I'm OK with even though he did rob the charity. Yeah.
But other than robbing charity and taking kids scarves and gloves, gloves and stuff, that's OK.

(01:11:05):
But see, you know what? Just if that's sticky bandit, if that's his new stick, it's way less damage than flooding a house.
Yeah. Yeah. A kid loses their scarf. They didn't want to wear it anywhere.
Their mom, they were going to lose it. Yeah, they were going to lose it.
Fuck it. Who cares? Which I do have a question speaking of that, because that's a good point.
How the hell does my granddaughter go to school and come home without a belt or shoe or whatever?

(01:11:33):
She's getting punked. Have you asked her if she has any bullies? No, she does. They're stealing her belt.
She doesn't. She doesn't know. She literally has no idea. Yeah. Kids just lose shit.
We don't know. But a belt is like a through loops and attached. Yeah.
Why would that? Well, what happens? I do know what happens.
How could you even? She just doesn't know. I know. Yeah. How a shoe? How a shoe?

(01:11:57):
Well, she never did. But my my actual child lost a pair of boots once at school, at school.
Maybe. And I'll tell you how it always happens. It always happens the same way.
It really does happen. But it's just funny because they come home and go, you go, where's your belt?
And they go, I don't know. That's what makes it funny.
It's not it's not that it happens because I know how it happens. They go to gym.

(01:12:18):
They change for their basketball or whatever. And then like the other day, we had a game and she comes out
and she stole her basketball shirt. She's like, my shirt's gone. She didn't know where her shirt is.
It was in the room with all the other kids shirts. Somebody probably put it on, not realizing.
Because they're all the same basic school shirts. Yeah. And she has no shirt.

(01:12:39):
So I know how it happens. They go to gym. They change their tinnitus, whatever they come.
Whatever. Yeah. But the point is, they don't know, which is what's so funny about it.
The kid has no clue. They don't have their memories last about an hour.
And then they don't have any idea. Which is crazy. It is crazy.
But when do we have like goldfish? It's older because my memory sucks now.

(01:13:01):
And if it sucked then, when is it supposed to be good? I say like mine really started kicking in at like 10.
Like once you hit double digits, it starts kicking in. I think 10 is when I started having self-awareness.
Yeah. That's kind of when you start to be self-aware. Like real self-awareness.
Like this is who I am. I'm a... Yeah. But if you're eight and you go to gym and change clothes, you don't even realize.

(01:13:22):
You just don't. It just doesn't. You just go into the motions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird.
I think the... So when they investigate the... I know I'm skipping over a little bit, but when...
After Tim Curry breaks in on Kevin's father, quote unquote, in the shower and creeps on him or whatever,

(01:13:43):
and he gets called out on it, that was funny, gets shot at, and then the next day or when they go back up after the credit card fraud
to confront him with everybody, one of my favorite bits is the, you've been kissing everybody.
You've been kissing Joe and Cliff, and then it gets over to Cliff and he goes, no, it wasn't true.
That's the funniest... To me, that's the funniest thing in this entire movie is that line, poor Cliff.

(01:14:10):
He just turns it in, what? No, it wasn't me. It's not true.
Just Cliff, yeah. This is the funniest thing. Kevin sexually harasses that woman when he pinches her butt.
To save his own life is sexual harassment, okay? Light sexual harassment, child pinching a lady's butt.
I don't know. It's on the fence. I think we'll allow it because he's eight years old.

(01:14:32):
He didn't mean it. He didn't get aroused by it. No, it wasn't that. It was to get them in trouble.
But he did know that that is a form of touch that he shouldn't be doing, so he knows don't touch a woman's butt.
He doesn't know it's an arousal thing for adults. He just knows you're not supposed to.
It just, yeah, you don't do it. So he did it because he knew that it would cause a reaction.
Okay. That wasn't on the fence. It was smart, though.

(01:14:55):
Yeah, it was smart. Oh, it is smart, yeah. But the only smart thing he did, really.
I just thought it was funny that it was the same lady that Marv already stared at earlier and said hello to.
Oh, yeah, that's another New York anomaly, statistic impossibility.
Do you suppose they get their insurance, Marv and him, get their insurance from the same people who give Wiley howdy his insurance?
Probably. They get Acme insurance.

(01:15:20):
Acme insurance company, yeah.
Because who better to sell the insurance that these objects are made to destroy.
Like the iron to the face. Then the company that makes them.
So there's Acme products for destruction and then Acme insurance for the destroyed.
Well, they get jail insurance, I'm sure, because at the end of each movie they go to jail and where they get bandaged up.

(01:15:42):
Yeah, but the second one, they go back.
I do think the violence in this one is more towards them than it was in the last one.
Yeah. I think that's where the jigsaw thing comes from. He's learning slowly.
He's getting better. He's evolving from home defender to future serial killer.
Yeah, I mean, that's the thing, the whole thing, because in this one, he's enacting justice.

(01:16:03):
Yeah. He's avenging the Children's Hospital.
So this is him. Yeah, this is him going like, no, they're not going to get away with that on my watch.
And he's setting up a fucking.
I think he does say not on my watch at one point.
Yeah, not on my watch. I'll fuck these dudes up.
And then he makes another battle plan. This one called Ho Ho Ho something. Plan Ho Ho Ho.

(01:16:25):
But he does throw the rock through the window with the note saying who he was and why he did what he did.
He did. Yeah.
Well, I broke your window. I'm so sorry to catch the bad guys who are stealing from you.
Thanks for the turtle dove. So it's even like my name is Kevin McAlister.
He writes it on. Yeah. Yeah.
Then we get the a bunch of fucking attempted murder.

(01:16:48):
Oh, well, first off, we meet we meet Pidgey Lady. Yeah. Yeah.
Pidgey Lady. Actually, before Pidgey Lady, we have night.
I think it's night one or where Kevin's walking home alone or walking back to the Plaza Hotel to get home.
And in the hookers hit on him. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You have like you have a drug addict guy who laughs at him like I forget what question he asked him.

(01:17:11):
It's just like, do you know where this is?
You better get home, kid.
And then the hookers like you want me to read your bedtime story, honey.
That's when he gets in the taxi. What about if he said I was going to say even the taxi driver ain't no better in here, kid.
What's he trying to do? Not get money? Yeah.
What's he like? What is that taxi driver trying to do?
Hey, does he do that to everybody who gets in the taxi?

(01:17:33):
Hey, I'd like to go to Broadway. Ain't no better in here, kid.
Turns around. It's like, OK, never mind. I'll get another taxi.
Goodbye. Yeah. And then we we meet Pidgey Lady.
Oh, yeah. By the way, what if Kevin had said yes to those hookers?
Like, what about if you'd seen women who you're supposed to like as a kid, you're supposed to go find a woman to run to that a man?

(01:17:57):
If you're if there's a woman nearby, like if if your choice is run to a group of men or run to like a woman, you are like whatever the case is, you always pick the woman because you're way less likely to get her or sexually assaulted by a woman if you're a child.
Right. Or kidnapped or whatever. So like I don't know that that's a true story, though.

(01:18:18):
Yeah, not anymore. Because we were actually talking about this the other day.
We were going through just if you if you look.
Teacher. It's always the women. Yeah.
At least now. Wait, wait, hold on. I thought there was going to be more to that sentence.
That's all I got to say, really, if you look at it. You know what I'm saying.
No, no, here's the thing. There might be, again, more reports about when women do it because it's more rare and it's more exciting.

(01:18:46):
When you hear about the men, it's like then it's multiple cases are coming forward at once versus the woman.
It's like one. You know, that's the thing. And usually the it's right away. And it's funny.
I know. And I don't like to say that there's a lot of differences between men and women, how we think or whatever.
But typically, from what I've seen, it's when the women, they develop a relationship with the boy or whoever the victim, they develop a relationship with the victim.

(01:19:08):
And it happens multiple times with the same person or whatever. And then they get caught or they get pregnant or whatever. And then it's so I've even seen cases where the the boy, the victim, you know, the most famous one, the boys married to her.
Yeah. Yeah. But it's together and stuff. Yeah.
But then a men, though, it's probably every school has a story of a teacher that's done something wrong.

(01:19:32):
Yeah. And then there's probably multiple ones. I mean, even when I like even think about your high schools, there's got to be one at least teacher you could think of that was in my school.
It was the female gym teacher with other females, actually. What about you?
We had a guy teacher that was known for looking down girl shirt. We had a guy teacher covering behind them and looking down their shirt.
We had a guy teacher fully caught having a sexual relationship with a student fired divorced high school math teacher like he was.

(01:20:02):
And you know what's crazy? I had him as a teacher with her in the class. So you never would.
No, I mean, teachers, Pat, or at least like they. But the thing is, he was one of those cool teachers that I mean, hindsight perspective at the time, he was a very, very fun, cool teacher.
Yeah. Younger, younger, 30s, maybe 20s. Like he was the one that did the math class.

(01:20:28):
But yet we still built the bridges made of toothpicks, you know, like in a math class. Right. Like that doesn't feel like a math class. That's a physics. But I don't think I was taking physics.
I think it was probably it was like an introduction intro to physics pretty much. Yeah. But yeah, he was he was going he he played music.
He had speakers in there. He would play like like chill music and sometimes like some rock or whatever. He was trying to fit in with the kids.

(01:20:53):
He was. And he really did fit in with one of them. Yeah. To home alone, everybody.
What a family friendly entertainment for fried rice.
I used to I don't tell this joke anymore on stage, but this is a true story of someone came up to me and they said that I was with a friend and his wife and they were talking about school.

(01:21:24):
And I was just like, yeah, like I got I got straight D's in high school.
And then she's like, I got straight D's in high school is like you got. Oh, I said, no, never mind. It's not even a joke.
It really isn't. It's a dick joke. It's not. It doesn't end up not being very funny. Forget it. I'll edit that out. I'm not going to edit anything out.

(01:21:45):
But yeah, he meets Pigeon Lady and he's like super like scared of her and then he talks to her and then they kind of become friendly, you know, whatever.
And then we don't really know her story yet. Oh, no, no, never mind. I'm at the part where she at the part where she's part where she breaks in routinely into a she has a sweet spot.
She gets a concert hall to stay in where they put all their junk equipment that they don't need anymore.

(01:22:09):
And how does she get up there? I'm thinking pigeons. Well, no, there's a door into there that's above. So they're at the top of the thing.
At the top of the. Climbs out the window right onto the street. What? It's an inner. It's like an underground. So the thing is down.
Yes. Is in my mind, Mike, bastard. I saw it. It's just what happened in the movie. I thought the pigeons picked her up and flew her up to the top of a skyscraper.

(01:22:36):
That's great. But it's not what the movie is. He climbs out a window onto the street. Son of a bitch.
Kevin is a guru in this one, too. He tells her like, hey, don't get your heart broken. That's kind of stupid, isn't it?
Like, go live. And she's like, I don't know. Tim Curry's phenomenal in this.
The wooden board physics of Marv and Harry jumping on Marv flying 30 feet in the air and smashing through a car is you're absolutely right.

(01:23:01):
A fucking cartoon. At this point, they exist in an alternative universe because there's no way that this would work.
They'd be dead. A hundred. Yeah. Kevin's brick aim is on point. Nail gun to the dick is phenomenal.
Kevin is straight up trying to murder them at this point. I don't even think it's defense anymore.
Actually going for murder. Marv. Oh, Marv. I think one of the best parts is him walking or trying all the doorknobs afterwards.

(01:23:33):
No, no. Trying all the lights. Yeah. And then like, all right. And then like PTSD from last time.
Yeah. And then he still catches his head on fire. Yeah. Right. And then Marv's head in a bowl of kerosene. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. The putting with his. Oh, dude, that would have killed him. Yeah. Oh, lots of stuff.
But Marv's dead. Yeah. Marv's dead. So is Harry. Yeah. He's dead. Two was the electric cuted one.

(01:23:59):
Right. You see a skeleton. Yeah. You see a skeleton. He's dead. Marvin, Harry, dead.
This is just I wonder if this is Wiley Cody. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically slapstick.
And he's I think this is it's you know what I think this is. This entire movie is taking place in the death spasms of Harry's convulsing body.

(01:24:25):
After after a paint can hit him in the fucking head in that first movie, he flew 12 steps down and cracked the back of his head.
This has just been a fucking spasming thing where he's thinking about like, hey, Harry, I say, hey, Marv, how about where the sticky band is?
And then they see sees the kid. The only thing the last thing in his head, he's like, cool, man.

(01:24:46):
And then like he gets his all destroyed and stuff. And then, yeah, this is all just a spare purgatory. Yeah.
And then the smashed noses after the tool chest comes down and like they actually have pressed those and they have to go put them in place.
That was a final how they did that. But that was a funny effect. Yeah. It was pretty good.

(01:25:08):
Now they're OK. So the rope on fire is cool. Yeah. But it's going to start a fire.
You can't have a kerosene dipped rope hanging off the side of a wooden building full of construction equipment.
And that's just been kerosene up. Oh, by the way, I mean, the whole building should have blown up with what we just said.
Yeah. Explosion, which is ridiculous.

(01:25:30):
And then they're going to murder Kevin. They actually pull the gun out, which is actually scary for this movie.
You don't expect the gun. He says I have a gun. I didn't believe I didn't think he did either. Yeah.
But when he pulls out his gun and it's sticky, but like that took home alone to to a place that home alone one did not go.
Yeah. Guns. Yeah. Which does change the element. It makes it a little scarier. Yeah.

(01:25:53):
And then. Yeah.
The cop. Oh, yeah. And then so then, of course, Pigeon Lady comes in, Kevin, run.
And she throws all the pigeon seeds and Marv should have shot her in the fucking head.
The gun wasn't working. The gun wasn't working. So he should. Yeah.
They get attacked by pigeons, which I can understand being hard, especially after you've been killed several times by a child throughout the night.

(01:26:21):
I believe six bricks just hit you at a velocity of whatever.
You see like a hundred pigeons. Yeah. Yeah.
And she's pecking at you. Yeah.
But what I think is even a little bit more egregious is the cops running up and one of them just firing his gun to scare off pigeons.
You can't run over and just shoot. You shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.

(01:26:45):
No, you have to waste a bullet in the air in the air.
You just hurt somebody's bench. You got to come down.
Yeah. Oh, then I put something about the rich family opening up free presents in a grand hotel that they got for free doesn't evoke the warm, fuzzy feelings that I think they wanted.
Cost him a thousand dollars. A thousand dollars. Yeah.
For room service. And then, like I said, Kevin should have offered her some fucking food, a place to stay, maybe some presents other than a little turtle dove ornament.

(01:27:13):
For what tree? For what Christmas tree? She's going to put it on her pocket.
Whatever. Yeah, you're supposed to carry it. Yeah.
I give this movie a B. I love it. This one I give a B plus.
B plus. And this one I give a B plus with 17 pluses.
All right. So a B, a B plus, and then a B plus or plus minus plus plus 17, which equals out, stupidly enough, to a B plus.

(01:27:43):
So they're both B pluses. They're both B pluses.
And again, if you're new to the show, that's how we rate things. We go B is our absolute highest it goes.
And then W is the lowest it goes. And we're going to change that soon.
But that's where we're at now. And so B plus plus plus plus plus plus plus plus plus plus is the pretty much Mike's way of saying he absolutely loved it.

(01:28:07):
So with that all said and done, we're going to put a pin in this and go into recreational recommendations.
Bebo.

(01:28:44):
Waiting. Yeah, that was a long Bebo stuff.
I didn't know you're both away. Yeah, we were both waiting. I just wrote Bebo. I wrote Bebo at the time.
It took you to say Bebo. I've got two recommendations.
You guys know what they are so far, but I'll just do real quick.
Gladiator 2. Go see it in the theaters if you like the first one. Super fucking awesome.
Absolutely loved it. Banger movie. Also, very much in the vein of Gladiator 2.

(01:29:11):
I'm playing Assassin's Creed Mirage. It's been out for a year. Who cares? It's still very good.
It's Middle Eastern. You play in Baghdad. It's a contained city as opposed to like that open world kind of format they were trying with Valhalla and Odyssey and Origins.
Even though I love those, this goes back to basic, goes back to form. It's great. It's fun. The story is engaging.
You learn a lot about Middle East. Did you know that they came up with?

(01:29:35):
They were pretty much the ones that scientific method of discovery and like checking each other's pure results scientifically.
So like checking results against other people's results to see if the results are the same. That's a Middle Eastern invention.
And so is medicine to a lot of degrees. Or not medicine itself, but having doctors or having people who were medicine prescribers or whatever and working in hospital type places.

(01:30:01):
It's crazy because the amount of research that the Assassin's Creed, Ubisoft does or the people that do it put into the Assassin's Creed games is insane.
Those are Ubisoft Montreal, right? Yes.
So those are my two gladiator two Assassin's Creed Mirage.
I haven't really been doing anything new. I mean, I guess the newest thing to me is I was playing the High on Life game.

(01:30:29):
Just started it for the first time and it's pretty fun. It's silly. Yeah. The talking guns. Yeah, I played the shit out of that.
It's a very basic shooter. Yeah. But it's funny. It's like Rick and Morty. Yeah.
I also got sucked into watching about an hour's worth of antique road show because I hit home on my TV.

(01:30:52):
It's just auto plays, right? And I have a Vizio as well. Yes. I got sucked into it. I'm like, this is actually pretty interesting.
Some of the home shows do it sometimes and then it's that.
What do you mean if you just if you just hit home, your home screen on Vizio Smart TV,
it will start autoplaying one of their live channels and it's almost always one of the home channels. Yeah.

(01:31:13):
Or like the or it's like the like planet Earth stuff, the planet Earth, which is cool, which is cool.
Yeah, because you'll it's like a screen saver. Yeah. It plays music.
It's like the train video only for your house. Yeah.
No, I come in after smoking a little bit. The kids are in bed and that's just playing.
I'm like, all right, if you leave it just pause on the home screen, that's what it defaults.

(01:31:34):
Yeah, that's weird. My TCL. It just goes to a screen saver.
But cool. Yeah. Mike, mine. Two things as well.
The first one show on Netflix called Tex-Mex Motors. If you're into cars at all, what they do is it's this place down in Texas like it's I think it's around El Paso.

(01:31:57):
And they go down into Mexico and find these cars in like yards like like like they'll find a 66 Mustang or an old the old style Broncos that sell here for, you know, one hundred and fifty two hundred thousand dollars.
They go to their buy for like one hundred bucks out of people's yards and just rebuild them from the ground up. That's cool.

(01:32:19):
So it's kind of a cool show. Yeah. If you're into those car rebuilding, which I do like.
Do they pimp the rides in any way? No, they're back. Well, I mean, not like pimp the ride.
They don't put an Xbox 360. They don't do that. No. Yeah. But they do make it like a new car.
There is one on Netflix that is like, yes, there is another one. It's basically is. Yeah, I like that one.

(01:32:41):
That one's silly. I forgot what it's called though. Exhibit it. No, it's not. That was somebody else.
It's a comedian. Yeah. Yeah. But it's silly. Yeah.
Yeah, I watched all that. Yes, I watch all those kind of show.
But and then the other thing is I just discovered last night I haven't even started playing yet.
But for next week, I'll let you guys know. Starcraft remastered is a giveaway right now.

(01:33:06):
Did you download it as well? We got both. Oh, you got to know this is is that remastered though?
I mean, I have the one that the new one of the one in Game Pass. Yeah, right now on Game Pass.
Yeah, the two that are in Game Pass one to. Yeah, I don't know if it's a pack.
It's Starcraft remastered. I think you have to do battle that.
Yeah, I already installed battle that I haven't opened it yet. I played around to those fun.

(01:33:29):
I think I'm going to jump into one though. I think I enjoy one a little bit better. I love.
Yeah, but I think there's what's cool with two that's different than one.
I don't know if I haven't played one yet to remaster one yet at least.
But I think two, it's fun is, you know, you can still do custom skirmishes,
which is basically what I like to do.
I don't normally play the story campaign very often in these kind of games, except for Age of Empires,

(01:33:54):
because Age of Empires four, the one that's on Game Pass, the newest Age of Empires.
Holy shit is their campaign amazing. You know what they do with that?
They'll so it's like they'll take a they'll explain full.
You see a real video like an HD video that someone took with the real camera in the real modern day

(01:34:16):
place of where the battle is going to be taking place.
So it's like, here's modern day Britain, this part of Britain, these hills or whatever.
And then they digitally in that same video, get rid of all of the modern day stuff
and make it look like it would have looked back then.
And then they digitally like show like where the troops are coming,
what their motivations are and what they're trying to do.

(01:34:39):
So like you really get a good sense of what you're doing as the characters moving forward versus like in real life,
like what was happening at the time historically.
And so those campaigns, they've always gone to the next level to represent historical like I think accuracy,
even though obviously you could type in the cheat codes that gets you a baby

(01:35:02):
that shoots machine guns in Age of Empires, but that's because they're also silly fun.
But Starcraft, yeah, the in Starcraft 2, you can hook up to a server that gives you unlimited population.
So you can do the Zergling run that you've always wanted to do, which is Zerglings are just there's there's there's three.
Have you ever played Starcraft?

(01:35:24):
Yeah, there's three there's there's Protoss, there's the humans and there's Zergs
and Zergs are basically like the alien hive minded creatures.
So in that one, you're so like if you humans, they're building stuff and they're collecting materials. Right.
And this one, you're hatching larvae into different into different things that could then evolve into different parts.

(01:35:46):
So like it's very strategy based, like these Zerglings will be these humans or these Protoss, but these won't.
There's also in Starcraft 2, you can it's insane. There's 14 different types of Zerglings you can make.
So like because it has different unlock things or whatever.
So it's like you can make flying, you can make like faster Zergling, stronger Zergling, whatever.

(01:36:11):
Anyway, the limitation has always been that there's a 200 cap or 300 cap population cap,
because they've always done that with these games for all time, because it's just been for PC reasons.
Yeah. Yeah. But with Age of Empires 4, you download the mod that you can access through the game
and it gives you unlimited population.

(01:36:32):
So then you jump in and you're like, finally, I can push my computer as far as it'll go and create the Roman Empire
that I've always wanted to create, because my whole thing is I don't even care much about the battling.
I like building a strong civilization fortress that no one can get into.
I remember on Starcraft, the reason I quit playing Starcraft, however many years ago it was,

(01:36:56):
was because I was always playing online. You play against other people online.
So I was always playing online. And then after about three years after it came out, maybe four, the Koreans got involved.
Okay. They would just destroy everyone because that's what they were doing.

(01:37:18):
But you didn't have the mod and it would let you at that point in time.
You could play modded against somebody who wasn't modded.
And they would fucking come hit you with Zerglings. They'd have 30,000 Zerglings.
And you're like, what the fuck? You can't do anything. Yeah.
That makes it not fun. But Battle.Net has fixed probably all of the issues.

(01:37:39):
I'm sure it's all fixed now. Yeah.
Because Battle.Net now has anti-cheating software.
And if you want to cheat in Starcraft, you just play a single player skirmish against AI and you can cheat.
You can give yourself resources. But they were doing it against people.
Against people. It sucked.
But I will say, I think it's the same people. I don't know if it's the same people. Yeah, Blizzard.
It's Blizzard, yeah. Does Blizzard do Age of Empires?

(01:38:03):
I don't know that. I don't think they do. Why don't I know that?
I think Microsoft makes Age of Empires. Microsoft Game Studios.
Microsoft and Blizzard are the same.
Now. But I'm talking back then.
Historically. I just need... because there was a separation at one point.
But yeah. Anyway. Cool. Good recommendations.

(01:38:24):
Whatever you just said that led to that tangent.
I've completely fucking lost track of who we are. Starcraft.
Starcraft. Yeah, we were just talking about it.
Alright. And with on that note, thank you everybody for joining us.
For our ramp up to the holiday season.
Oh, next week. Do we even tell people?
We don't know what we are next week.

(01:38:46):
No, we do. Did we not tell people last week what next week's movie was?
I don't think we did. No.
I don't think I said join us next week for Home Alone. Yeah.
I wanted to. I don't think I said that. Join us for Plains Trades and Honourables.
Or Christmas Vacation. Yeah.
I think we've skipped the coming next week.
I think it's just been a surprise.
It's just been a surprise.
No, next week is Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell.

(01:39:08):
Oh, that's right. Yeah.
Now, we're only going to review the first one.
But since it's our first movie week without two movies, I'm probably going to watch both.
So I will have, you guys don't have to, but I will have some insight on the sequel.
So be prepared for maybe spoilers on the sequel if you're, so if you liked the first one a lot,

(01:39:30):
and you don't want the second one ruined, I would say maybe watch it prior to coming in on Saturday.
Which I think both of those movies are also Chris Columbus.
Oh, are they really? I think so.
Okay. And it's Kurt Russell and it's?
Christopher Columbus?
The director of Home Alone 1 and 2.
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
Not that Chris. Not that.

(01:39:51):
What do you have me watching at Christmas time?
It was a script he wrote called The Christmas Chronicles.
Sounds like something at the time someone at Christopher Columbus's era could write maybe.
No, because they didn't give a shit about Christmas then.
But anyway, yeah. So join us next week for Christmas Chronicles.
And with that, I'm, with us as always is Brennan, hold on, hold on, hold on.

(01:40:17):
Are you looking for a Christmas song?
No, no, because it's, oh yeah, Christmas Chronicles.
Brennan, the co-host, he's the hostiest man around.
With the hat on and a mustache on, he's the hostiest co-host in town.
Bob's Burgers.
Brennan, the co-host, I sing a song each time he's introduced.

(01:40:42):
He's the sweetest guy you'll ever meet, but he also brings, I don't know, he only smokes out of a pipe.
Pizza to the street.
Yeah, whatever.
Then one foggy Christmas, no, that wasn't even the right song.
Oh yeah, it was, yeah.
Anyway, Shipley, up to the North Pole.

(01:41:05):
Have a good night, everybody.
And with me as always is Michael.
The Chronicle of his life is going to be not a lot up until 2022 when he met Andy Rice.
And then it just skyrockets into his legacy that he leaves behind for everyone in his life.
Where they're going to think, he's really known for his time on Fried Rice Podcast and all the time he's spent with his best friends, Andy and Brennan.

(01:41:33):
He's grateful to be here every week, Larsen.
I'm still grateful to be, Chellios.
Oh my God, I'm cutting that out.
I'm your host, Andy Rice, we've absolutely been fried because think about what we've talked about for Home Alone for the last hour.
I think we've crossed some lines that we're not supposed to cross.

(01:41:54):
But fuck you, who cares, Merry Christmas, it's coming up in a couple weeks.
And we've been fried, we've been podcast, this has been Christmas, Mike's been Mike, Brennan's been Brennan, I've been Andy, and you know, plus plus plus plus plus or minus plus or minus 17.
Who gives a shit? Bye.

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