March 9, 2023 • 17 mins
Steve welcomes Elle to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.
Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast
Find Elle on Instagram @sobersoulfood and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast
If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com
Until next time, stay sober friends!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Steve (00:03):
Hi everyone and welcome to Gay a, a podcast about
sobriety for the LGBT pluscommunity and our allies.
I'm your host, SteveBennet-martin, I am an alcoholic
and I am grateful for my abilityto remain calm in stressful
situations most of the time.
As of this recording, I am 609days sober, and today we're
welcoming a guest to share theirexperience, wisdom, and hope
(00:23):
with you.
Welcome.
Hello.
Hi.
So ex, my name's Al.
Yeah.
I'm so excited to get to knowyou better.
Why don't you introduceyourself?
Elle (00:34):
Yeah, sure.
So my name's Al.
I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gay and I am sober.
So yeah, happy to be here.
Steve (00:42):
Excellent.
We're happy to have you.
And tell us a little bit aboutwhat your favorite things to do.
Elle (00:49):
So I'm really into escape rooms at the moment.
Mm-hmm.
Which I do with my girlfriend.
We love them.
Definitely a lot easier as wellwhen you're sober.
And I just have so much fundoing them.
I love to solve puzzles, so, andgoing on long walks, pretty
cliche really, but watching TVshows mm-hmm.
all of that.
Yeah, that's probably myfavorite hobbies.
(01:10):
I'm trying to get back into thegym and I will get there soon.
Steve (01:14):
story of my life.
Yes, Excellent.
And why don't we jump in thenand tell us a little bit about
what your journey with alcoholand addiction was like?
Elle (01:24):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So I live in England, so I grewup in England and.
I'm 26 years old, so when I wasyounger it was quite, it was
quite the cliche to sort of goout with your friends drink, you
know, about 14, 15 years old.
And, you know, it, it was justquite common.
Lots of house parties and Ithink that, That all felt quite
(01:47):
normal.
Nobody really raised an eyebrow,especially family and friends.
It's only then when it goes intoyour twenties, mid twenties,
that then you realize, hang on asecond, you know?
Something's not quite righthere, you know, it should have
slowed down a bit.
So I think for a long time Isort of just in my head thought,
oh, I really like to drink.
You know, a lot of people do.
(02:07):
The culture is as well, youknow, after work drinks or
everything's a celebration, evenbaby showers, which I've not
really understood the point ofbecause the bride can't even
drink.
But there's just boozeeverywhere really.
So I've got quite an addictivepersonality as well.
So I sort of.
It really got hold of me.
And then I think when I wasabout sort of 20, which is quite
(02:29):
young, to decide that I want toslow it down or stop, I tried
and I couldn't.
And then there was the wholesort of, oh shit moment, you
know, I can't, I can't stop.
So from, from about my twenties,early twenties to the age I am
now, I've been trying to slowthat down.
Stop.
And in the end, Realize thatmoderation is never going to be
(02:52):
an option for me because Isimply can't do it.
So that's where I am today.
In regards to the difference,it's, it's, it's a crazy, crazy
difference.
It's the most positive thingI've never, ever, ever regretted
trying to, or being sober.
Whereas you.
You know, in the past I thought,you know, it was gonna be the
hardest thing in my life, and,oh, I'm gonna be boring.
(03:13):
I'm not gonna have fun.
But actually I've got suchamazing friends now I've got an
amazing girlfriend, a great job,and you know, I'm, it's just my
life is amazing without it so.
you know, it wouldn't make sensefor me to try and moderate when
I, when I can't
Steve (03:29):
Yeah.
And I mean, after spending solong trying to moderate what
kind of happened or made yourealize that you, you can't, and
that abstinence is like the onlyway to avoid it.
Elle (03:41):
So I think it, you know, it's like with the dry January,
I don't think, you know,alcoholics and non-alcoholic,
you know, people, a lot of workcolleagues, they'll try and do
dry January and then after abouttwo or three weeks something
will come up and then they won'tbe able to do it.
And I think for me it was almostlike I couldn't go a week.
You know, three days was, washard.
And then a week, you know, itgenerally after about a week, I
(04:03):
would then fall back into it.
And.
You know, and then the otherfactor as well, the main factor
when I was trying to moderateyou know, after taking little
breaks, I'd say to myself, okay,you know, I'm going out tonight.
I'm gonna stick to singles, notgonna go for the double vodkas.
And you know, and I'm gonna stopafter three or four drinks, but,
I just couldn't do it.
You know, and, and I know thatperhaps maybe even
(04:26):
non-alcoholic, you know, it'slike, oh, you know, yeah, let's
have a few and, but I wouldalways be the last person
standing.
You know, so it, I just realizedthat there was absolutely no
way, ba put it this way, I mean,after six years of trying to
moderate, I have neversuccessfully been able to stop
after two or three drinks ever.
Which is absolutely crazy.
(04:49):
you know, It's just, I, I justcan't explain it, you know?
Well, I guess we can't, we'rewe're our colleagues, but yeah.
But yeah, so that, that's sortof when I realized, oh no, I've
got a
Steve (04:58):
problem.
Yeah.
Excellent.
And how do you feel yoursexuality played a role in your
addictions?
Elle (05:05):
So, in regards to that, I think, I think personally, so
Tinder, I use Tinder a lot.
I'm, I'm a feminine lesbian andI'm attracted to feminine G
women.
That can be quite hard,especially when you are out and
about.
You know, if I see a girl, Ithink, oh, you know, she's good
looking and I'll look at her.
(05:26):
The likelihood is, is if she'snot gay, she's gonna think, what
the hell are you staring at?
Mm-hmm.
And then also there's the wholenervousness of approaching
someone.
So in terms of meeting someoneorganically, even though it is
the 21st century, it is quitehard to work out okay, who's
gay, who's not, or bisexual.
So I did spend a lot of my timeon Tinder.
It's quick, it's easy.
(05:47):
But in regards to then dating,you know, what do you do when
you go on a date?
It's always, oh, let's meet fora drink.
Now Elle can't have one drink,Elle can't have two.
She's gonna have, you know,eight or whatever.
So I think that, you know, andon top of that, with dating you
know, obviously you get nervous,don't you?
So you're, you're generallygonna drink more anyway.
(06:07):
So in regards to my sexuality, Iwould say that you know, a l
mostly all of my dates started.
in a bar, you know?
Whereas I've got some friendsand, and they don't necessarily
do that, you know, they, they,they might go to the cinema for
a first date, which I alwaysthink is crazy cuz I, I wouldn't
wanna sit in silence for twohours next to someone, I don't
know.
But there you go.
(06:27):
But yeah, so I probably say thatand then obviously as well, you
know, in terms.
Potential rejection as well.
You know, let's say you're goingout, you're, you're having a few
drinks and you try and maybe hiton someone that you thinks gay.
I think it that you're morelikely to get turned down as, as
someone that's gay and out andabout than someone that's not,
(06:48):
because, you know, I think it'svery, people call it beer
goggles, don't they?
People, heterosexual people willsleep with everyone and anyone,
but I think it's quite rare tosort of meet someone that.
The same like you, you know,like you spot water someone and
you're like, oh.
But yeah, so I've, I'vedefinitely had quite a few
rejections when I've been outand about, so I do think my
(07:08):
sexuality did play a part inthat when I was out drinking as
well.
Steve (07:12):
Yeah.
And how has that changed sincegetting sober?
What's it been like dating,sober and getting connected to a
community?
Elle (07:18):
Honestly, it's been incredible.
So my, my girlfriend now, I'vebeen together with her now for
coming up just over a year and ahalf, but honestly it feels like
five years Mm-hmm.
she's been absolutely amazing.
I wasn't sober at the beginningof our relationship, but I was
trying to be, and, you know,she's so supportive.
I, she's not a massive drinkerherself, which obviously I, I
(07:39):
don't think I would be able tobe with someone that is mm-hmm.
but just being able to get toknow someone, know all the ins
and outs of them, remember theconversations that you've had,
you know it is just beenabsolutely incredible.
And my confidence has grown aswell.
I don't feel like, oh, I need tohave a drink to feel more
confident about, you know, a, B,and C.
(08:00):
I'm just so.
you know, I'm just completingmyself.
And she said the same as well,where it's like a different
person.
You know, which, which isamazing.
And we trust each other as well,you know, our trust has got
better.
So yeah.
And, and she's got two youngchildren as well.
So it just wouldn't have everbeen feasible for, for me to to
continue the lifestyle I washaving.
(08:22):
And be able to be a, a, a greatgirlfriend and, you know, be
around her children.
So it's, it's, it's beenamazing.
That
Steve (08:29):
is awesome.
And what are some things thatyou do in your daily life to
help keep you sober?
Elle (08:36):
So, definitely I read my big book, the aa mm-hmm.
I go to AA at the moment, I'mactually doing 90 meetings in
90.
which I've never done before.
So meeting every day.
That, that has just beenincredible.
I know when I first startedgoing to meetings, I, I was very
unsure.
I went in person to begin with,but it was probably all the more
(08:58):
daunting.
Mm-hmm.
And I just found, you know, Iwas thinking, oh, I don't belong
here.
You know, everybody introducedthemselves by saying, hi, my
name's, you know this and I'm analcoholic.
And I thought, oh, you know,this was, by the way, about five
years ago when I first ever wentto a meeting.
And but I just found myselfevery meeting nodding along and
it could be complete.
(09:18):
There's, there's such a widevariety of people.
It could be someone elderly,someone young, male, female, you
know, a, a high social status,you know, or maybe someone
that's a bit lower status.
And I just found myself nodding,nodding, nodding.
And I realized then that this isincredible, the power of aa
because for whatever reason,there's just a sense of
(09:40):
community.
every time I walk away with amessage or with a tip or with
something that makes me think.
So yeah, AA is really importantto me.
And I think that's why I perhapsdidn't do as well when I tried
to stay sober a few years back.
So definitely Walks, I can'tunderestimate how important
(10:00):
exercise is.
You know, it gives us thosenatural chemicals that we get
when we drink, so endorphinedopamine.
So I love my walks and as wellas that, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm
more open.
with people.
You know, I say when I'mstruggling, I used to think
beforehand that if I did say,oh, I feel a bit triggered
today, or, or I felt like this,then people would straightaway
(10:23):
assume, oh, great.
You know, she's going down thatpath again.
But in reality, I'm not.
But I think it's so important tobe open with your feelings and
have someone that you can trustso that they are aware, you
know, it's, it's not a case of,oh, I'm.
you know, screw up.
Now it's just a case of beingopen with someone because I
think a lot of our colleagues oraddicts we do dwell on our
(10:47):
problems and we've been so usedto then drinking to, to, to get
rid of that instead of talkingto someone.
So once you remove the drink,it's not healthy for you to
bottle that up anymore cuz youwill explode in the end.
Mm-hmm.
So definitely talking to someonehas helped.
But yeah, and having fun aswell.
You know, be, being sober is anall doom and gloom.
(11:10):
You know, if anything it's, it'sbetter, you know, like I said
about the escape rooms, I wouldnever have been able to have
used my brain like that before.
I would've probably thought, oh,this is gonna be so fun.
Have a few drinks before, but,you know, it's, it's in, it's
incredible now, the things thatI enjoy and the intellect that
comes with that, and watching,you know, TV shows and having
(11:30):
fun and just rememberingeverything, you know, not waking
up thinking, oh, there's gaps,there's amnesia.
What did I say?
What did I do?
Who did I upset?
So yeah, definitely creating alife that's, that's worth
living.
Is, is, is my sort of.
There.
Steve (11:46):
Yeah.
I love that so much.
And if you can give some adviceto someone who's newly sober or
sober curious, what would
Elle (11:53):
it be?
So, I think something that Iwould give, which is something
that I didn't realize, andperhaps this is gonna sound
negative, but I really don'tmean it to come across negative,
is that it's not easy.
Mm-hmm.
And if you're coming into itthinking, you know, This is
gonna be easy and this is gonnabe you know, I'm gonna just be
(12:15):
able to do this and I'm notgonna have troubles.
I mean, I dunno about yourself.
You've been sober a lot longerthan me, but I'm sure there are
times when you can feel right.
This is really hard at themoment.
Last Tuesday, oh, there you go.
So I think, I think if you sortof remove all expectation, you
(12:37):
are not gonna be disappointedwhen you don't.
Feel as great as you intend tofeel.
And it is just one day at atime.
And it sounds so silly, but itliterally is one day at a time
because those days add up, boydo they add up.
So just taking it one day at atime, throwing yourself into AA
if that's your thing.
I know it's not everyone'sthing.
(12:57):
And if not, you know, justmaking sure that you are keeping
your brain.
you know, occupied and thinkingabout sobriety because it has to
be a priority.
I'm probably given a bit moreadvice now, but the one last
piece of advice I'll give aswell which has helped me this
time around immensely is do itfor yourself.
Yeah.
Do it for yourself because ifyou're doing it for anyone else,
(13:19):
which we are all guilty of tobegin with, subconsciously,
we're not ready yet.
But everyone around us issaying, you know, you are,
you're sinking and what can wedo?
And, and you think, okay, fine,I'll, I'll do it.
But unless you actually want todo it for yourself, you're not
gonna do it because you justwon't.
Steve (13:35):
Yeah, I can.
I can relate.
I definitely went to my firstcouple meetings because it was
suggested by other people in mylife.
And so like at first I like whenI was dipping my toe in, I might
have been doing it for them, butlike a month in like I realized
like, oh, it's not for themanymore.
Like it's for me now.
And that was a big shift.
Absolutely excellent.
And no matter how we get sober,we generally find a quote or a
(13:58):
mantra or a song lyric that welike to live by.
Do you have any favorite.
Elle (14:03):
Yes, I do.
So I think my favorite, and it'salways been my favorite quote
before recovery and definitelyduring, is this too shall pass.
Mm-hmm.
And that means that no matterthe day that you are having, no
matter the awful things that maypop up in life, it will pass, it
will get better.
And you know, I think of that alot, especially because, I was
(14:28):
someone that drank all myemotions.
It's very important for me totell myself, this situation is
gonna get better no matter what.
It always gets better.
It may take, you know, a fewhours, a few days, weeks,
months, or maybe even a year toget to where you want to be, but
it will pass.
And I think that's quite acomforting quote to, to, to take
(14:49):
away.
Steve (14:50):
Yeah, certainly.
And any last words of wisdom oradvice?
Elle (14:56):
I would just say again, as they say in aa keep coming back.
You know, even if you don'tfancy it.
That particular day, you know,just have a look online, look at
those quotes, follow those soberaccounts, you know, because you
never know when something mightpop up and you might think, oh,
you know, just keep it if itcan't be at the front of your
(15:17):
brain in early sobriety, atleast have it in the back of
your brain, but have it with youevery day because, you know,
it's just, it's all aboutconsistency.
But yeah.
Steve (15:26):
Yeah.
And speaking of sober accounts,are you interested in sharing
your.
Elle (15:31):
Absolutely.
I'd love to.
Yep.
So my sober account on, I've gotone on Instagram, it's at sober
soul food.
I created.
A name actually a while backwhen I started and it was gonna
be just for me.
And then since then I sort ofshared quite a lot of advice.
And I'll be completely honest,this is a secret there you go to
put on your podcast.
Mm-hmm.
quite often I'll go back andlook at my own account and read
(15:52):
my own posts because as much asI write and I'm good at giving
advice, like we all are, I alsosuck at taking advice.
Yeah.
Especially my own and my accounthas done its purpose and has
actually helped me.
So yeah, check out.
Paige and give me a follow.
And I'd like to interact with myfollowers as well, so you can
always drop me a message.
Steve (16:12):
Excellent.
And do you have any otherfavorite sober accounts you'd
recommend for people as they'rescrolling and adding?
Oh,
Elle (16:18):
gosh, I should have prepared this.
So many, so many All right, one,one, there is one YouTube
account, which I would like tosay, and it's it, he, it's a
gentleman called Craig Beck.
He's English and he's called theStop Drinking Expert.
And he does very little shortYouTube videos.
And they are really good.
(16:38):
So check that out.
But also if you wanna find somegreat.
Just look at the accounts I'mfollowing because all of those
ladies, men, and everyone, youknow, they're, they're
incredible.
Steve (16:50):
Excellent.
Well, thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure getting toknow you better, Al.
thank you.
It's been
Elle (16:54):
great to be
Steve (16:55):
here.
Yes, and stick around cuz we'llhead on over to the post show in
a moment.
But in the meantime, thank youlisteners for tuning into
another episode of Gay a.
If you're interested in sharingyour story or getting involved
with the show, I'm gonna emailaway at gay a podcast gmail.com.
Or on Instagram, like l I met atGay, a podcast.
(17:16):
If you'd like, head on over toour Patreon page and join today
so you can continue to hear ourpost show as we dive more into
L'S experiences in sobriety.
And until next time, stay soberfriends.
Hi everyone and welcome to Gay a, a podcast about
sobriety for the LGBT pluscommunity and our allies.
I'm your host, SteveBennet-martin, I am an alcoholic
and I am grateful for my abilityto remain calm in stressful
situations most of the time.
As of this recording, I am 609days sober, and today we're
welcoming a guest to share theirexperience, wisdom, and hope
(00:23):
with you.
Welcome.
Hello.
Hi.
So ex, my name's Al.
Yeah.
I'm so excited to get to knowyou better.
Why don't you introduceyourself?
Elle (00:34):
Yeah, sure.
So my name's Al.
I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gay and I am sober.
So yeah, happy to be here.
Steve (00:42):
Excellent.
We're happy to have you.
And tell us a little bit aboutwhat your favorite things to do.
Elle (00:49):
So I'm really into escape rooms at the moment.
Mm-hmm.
Which I do with my girlfriend.
We love them.
Definitely a lot easier as wellwhen you're sober.
And I just have so much fundoing them.
I love to solve puzzles, so, andgoing on long walks, pretty
cliche really, but watching TVshows mm-hmm.
all of that.
Yeah, that's probably myfavorite hobbies.
(01:10):
I'm trying to get back into thegym and I will get there soon.
Steve (01:14):
story of my life.
Yes, Excellent.
And why don't we jump in thenand tell us a little bit about
what your journey with alcoholand addiction was like?
Elle (01:24):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So I live in England, so I grewup in England and.
I'm 26 years old, so when I wasyounger it was quite, it was
quite the cliche to sort of goout with your friends drink, you
know, about 14, 15 years old.
And, you know, it, it was justquite common.
Lots of house parties and Ithink that, That all felt quite
(01:47):
normal.
Nobody really raised an eyebrow,especially family and friends.
It's only then when it goes intoyour twenties, mid twenties,
that then you realize, hang on asecond, you know?
Something's not quite righthere, you know, it should have
slowed down a bit.
So I think for a long time Isort of just in my head thought,
oh, I really like to drink.
You know, a lot of people do.
(02:07):
The culture is as well, youknow, after work drinks or
everything's a celebration, evenbaby showers, which I've not
really understood the point ofbecause the bride can't even
drink.
But there's just boozeeverywhere really.
So I've got quite an addictivepersonality as well.
So I sort of.
It really got hold of me.
And then I think when I wasabout sort of 20, which is quite
(02:29):
young, to decide that I want toslow it down or stop, I tried
and I couldn't.
And then there was the wholesort of, oh shit moment, you
know, I can't, I can't stop.
So from, from about my twenties,early twenties to the age I am
now, I've been trying to slowthat down.
Stop.
And in the end, Realize thatmoderation is never going to be
(02:52):
an option for me because Isimply can't do it.
So that's where I am today.
In regards to the difference,it's, it's, it's a crazy, crazy
difference.
It's the most positive thingI've never, ever, ever regretted
trying to, or being sober.
Whereas you.
You know, in the past I thought,you know, it was gonna be the
hardest thing in my life, and,oh, I'm gonna be boring.
(03:13):
I'm not gonna have fun.
But actually I've got suchamazing friends now I've got an
amazing girlfriend, a great job,and you know, I'm, it's just my
life is amazing without it so.
you know, it wouldn't make sensefor me to try and moderate when
I, when I can't
Steve (03:29):
Yeah.
And I mean, after spending solong trying to moderate what
kind of happened or made yourealize that you, you can't, and
that abstinence is like the onlyway to avoid it.
Elle (03:41):
So I think it, you know, it's like with the dry January,
I don't think, you know,alcoholics and non-alcoholic,
you know, people, a lot of workcolleagues, they'll try and do
dry January and then after abouttwo or three weeks something
will come up and then they won'tbe able to do it.
And I think for me it was almostlike I couldn't go a week.
You know, three days was, washard.
And then a week, you know, itgenerally after about a week, I
(04:03):
would then fall back into it.
And.
You know, and then the otherfactor as well, the main factor
when I was trying to moderateyou know, after taking little
breaks, I'd say to myself, okay,you know, I'm going out tonight.
I'm gonna stick to singles, notgonna go for the double vodkas.
And you know, and I'm gonna stopafter three or four drinks, but,
I just couldn't do it.
You know, and, and I know thatperhaps maybe even
(04:26):
non-alcoholic, you know, it'slike, oh, you know, yeah, let's
have a few and, but I wouldalways be the last person
standing.
You know, so it, I just realizedthat there was absolutely no
way, ba put it this way, I mean,after six years of trying to
moderate, I have neversuccessfully been able to stop
after two or three drinks ever.
Which is absolutely crazy.
(04:49):
you know, It's just, I, I justcan't explain it, you know?
Well, I guess we can't, we'rewe're our colleagues, but yeah.
But yeah, so that, that's sortof when I realized, oh no, I've
got a
Steve (04:58):
problem.
Yeah.
Excellent.
And how do you feel yoursexuality played a role in your
addictions?
Elle (05:05):
So, in regards to that, I think, I think personally, so
Tinder, I use Tinder a lot.
I'm, I'm a feminine lesbian andI'm attracted to feminine G
women.
That can be quite hard,especially when you are out and
about.
You know, if I see a girl, Ithink, oh, you know, she's good
looking and I'll look at her.
(05:26):
The likelihood is, is if she'snot gay, she's gonna think, what
the hell are you staring at?
Mm-hmm.
And then also there's the wholenervousness of approaching
someone.
So in terms of meeting someoneorganically, even though it is
the 21st century, it is quitehard to work out okay, who's
gay, who's not, or bisexual.
So I did spend a lot of my timeon Tinder.
It's quick, it's easy.
(05:47):
But in regards to then dating,you know, what do you do when
you go on a date?
It's always, oh, let's meet fora drink.
Now Elle can't have one drink,Elle can't have two.
She's gonna have, you know,eight or whatever.
So I think that, you know, andon top of that, with dating you
know, obviously you get nervous,don't you?
So you're, you're generallygonna drink more anyway.
(06:07):
So in regards to my sexuality, Iwould say that you know, a l
mostly all of my dates started.
in a bar, you know?
Whereas I've got some friendsand, and they don't necessarily
do that, you know, they, they,they might go to the cinema for
a first date, which I alwaysthink is crazy cuz I, I wouldn't
wanna sit in silence for twohours next to someone, I don't
know.
But there you go.
(06:27):
But yeah, so I probably say thatand then obviously as well, you
know, in terms.
Potential rejection as well.
You know, let's say you're goingout, you're, you're having a few
drinks and you try and maybe hiton someone that you thinks gay.
I think it that you're morelikely to get turned down as, as
someone that's gay and out andabout than someone that's not,
(06:48):
because, you know, I think it'svery, people call it beer
goggles, don't they?
People, heterosexual people willsleep with everyone and anyone,
but I think it's quite rare tosort of meet someone that.
The same like you, you know,like you spot water someone and
you're like, oh.
But yeah, so I've, I'vedefinitely had quite a few
rejections when I've been outand about, so I do think my
(07:08):
sexuality did play a part inthat when I was out drinking as
well.
Steve (07:12):
Yeah.
And how has that changed sincegetting sober?
What's it been like dating,sober and getting connected to a
community?
Elle (07:18):
Honestly, it's been incredible.
So my, my girlfriend now, I'vebeen together with her now for
coming up just over a year and ahalf, but honestly it feels like
five years Mm-hmm.
she's been absolutely amazing.
I wasn't sober at the beginningof our relationship, but I was
trying to be, and, you know,she's so supportive.
I, she's not a massive drinkerherself, which obviously I, I
(07:39):
don't think I would be able tobe with someone that is mm-hmm.
but just being able to get toknow someone, know all the ins
and outs of them, remember theconversations that you've had,
you know it is just beenabsolutely incredible.
And my confidence has grown aswell.
I don't feel like, oh, I need tohave a drink to feel more
confident about, you know, a, B,and C.
(08:00):
I'm just so.
you know, I'm just completingmyself.
And she said the same as well,where it's like a different
person.
You know, which, which isamazing.
And we trust each other as well,you know, our trust has got
better.
So yeah.
And, and she's got two youngchildren as well.
So it just wouldn't have everbeen feasible for, for me to to
continue the lifestyle I washaving.
(08:22):
And be able to be a, a, a greatgirlfriend and, you know, be
around her children.
So it's, it's, it's beenamazing.
That
Steve (08:29):
is awesome.
And what are some things thatyou do in your daily life to
help keep you sober?
Elle (08:36):
So, definitely I read my big book, the aa mm-hmm.
I go to AA at the moment, I'mactually doing 90 meetings in
90.
which I've never done before.
So meeting every day.
That, that has just beenincredible.
I know when I first startedgoing to meetings, I, I was very
unsure.
I went in person to begin with,but it was probably all the more
(08:58):
daunting.
Mm-hmm.
And I just found, you know, Iwas thinking, oh, I don't belong
here.
You know, everybody introducedthemselves by saying, hi, my
name's, you know this and I'm analcoholic.
And I thought, oh, you know,this was, by the way, about five
years ago when I first ever wentto a meeting.
And but I just found myselfevery meeting nodding along and
it could be complete.
(09:18):
There's, there's such a widevariety of people.
It could be someone elderly,someone young, male, female, you
know, a, a high social status,you know, or maybe someone
that's a bit lower status.
And I just found myself nodding,nodding, nodding.
And I realized then that this isincredible, the power of aa
because for whatever reason,there's just a sense of
(09:40):
community.
every time I walk away with amessage or with a tip or with
something that makes me think.
So yeah, AA is really importantto me.
And I think that's why I perhapsdidn't do as well when I tried
to stay sober a few years back.
So definitely Walks, I can'tunderestimate how important
(10:00):
exercise is.
You know, it gives us thosenatural chemicals that we get
when we drink, so endorphinedopamine.
So I love my walks and as wellas that, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm
more open.
with people.
You know, I say when I'mstruggling, I used to think
beforehand that if I did say,oh, I feel a bit triggered
today, or, or I felt like this,then people would straightaway
(10:23):
assume, oh, great.
You know, she's going down thatpath again.
But in reality, I'm not.
But I think it's so important tobe open with your feelings and
have someone that you can trustso that they are aware, you
know, it's, it's not a case of,oh, I'm.
you know, screw up.
Now it's just a case of beingopen with someone because I
think a lot of our colleagues oraddicts we do dwell on our
(10:47):
problems and we've been so usedto then drinking to, to, to get
rid of that instead of talkingto someone.
So once you remove the drink,it's not healthy for you to
bottle that up anymore cuz youwill explode in the end.
Mm-hmm.
So definitely talking to someonehas helped.
But yeah, and having fun aswell.
You know, be, being sober is anall doom and gloom.
(11:10):
You know, if anything it's, it'sbetter, you know, like I said
about the escape rooms, I wouldnever have been able to have
used my brain like that before.
I would've probably thought, oh,this is gonna be so fun.
Have a few drinks before, but,you know, it's, it's in, it's
incredible now, the things thatI enjoy and the intellect that
comes with that, and watching,you know, TV shows and having
(11:30):
fun and just rememberingeverything, you know, not waking
up thinking, oh, there's gaps,there's amnesia.
What did I say?
What did I do?
Who did I upset?
So yeah, definitely creating alife that's, that's worth
living.
Is, is, is my sort of.
There.
Steve (11:46):
Yeah.
I love that so much.
And if you can give some adviceto someone who's newly sober or
sober curious, what would
Elle (11:53):
it be?
So, I think something that Iwould give, which is something
that I didn't realize, andperhaps this is gonna sound
negative, but I really don'tmean it to come across negative,
is that it's not easy.
Mm-hmm.
And if you're coming into itthinking, you know, This is
gonna be easy and this is gonnabe you know, I'm gonna just be
(12:15):
able to do this and I'm notgonna have troubles.
I mean, I dunno about yourself.
You've been sober a lot longerthan me, but I'm sure there are
times when you can feel right.
This is really hard at themoment.
Last Tuesday, oh, there you go.
So I think, I think if you sortof remove all expectation, you
(12:37):
are not gonna be disappointedwhen you don't.
Feel as great as you intend tofeel.
And it is just one day at atime.
And it sounds so silly, but itliterally is one day at a time
because those days add up, boydo they add up.
So just taking it one day at atime, throwing yourself into AA
if that's your thing.
I know it's not everyone'sthing.
(12:57):
And if not, you know, justmaking sure that you are keeping
your brain.
you know, occupied and thinkingabout sobriety because it has to
be a priority.
I'm probably given a bit moreadvice now, but the one last
piece of advice I'll give aswell which has helped me this
time around immensely is do itfor yourself.
Yeah.
Do it for yourself because ifyou're doing it for anyone else,
(13:19):
which we are all guilty of tobegin with, subconsciously,
we're not ready yet.
But everyone around us issaying, you know, you are,
you're sinking and what can wedo?
And, and you think, okay, fine,I'll, I'll do it.
But unless you actually want todo it for yourself, you're not
gonna do it because you justwon't.
Steve (13:35):
Yeah, I can.
I can relate.
I definitely went to my firstcouple meetings because it was
suggested by other people in mylife.
And so like at first I like whenI was dipping my toe in, I might
have been doing it for them, butlike a month in like I realized
like, oh, it's not for themanymore.
Like it's for me now.
And that was a big shift.
Absolutely excellent.
And no matter how we get sober,we generally find a quote or a
(13:58):
mantra or a song lyric that welike to live by.
Do you have any favorite.
Elle (14:03):
Yes, I do.
So I think my favorite, and it'salways been my favorite quote
before recovery and definitelyduring, is this too shall pass.
Mm-hmm.
And that means that no matterthe day that you are having, no
matter the awful things that maypop up in life, it will pass, it
will get better.
And you know, I think of that alot, especially because, I was
(14:28):
someone that drank all myemotions.
It's very important for me totell myself, this situation is
gonna get better no matter what.
It always gets better.
It may take, you know, a fewhours, a few days, weeks,
months, or maybe even a year toget to where you want to be, but
it will pass.
And I think that's quite acomforting quote to, to, to take
(14:49):
away.
Steve (14:50):
Yeah, certainly.
And any last words of wisdom oradvice?
Elle (14:56):
I would just say again, as they say in aa keep coming back.
You know, even if you don'tfancy it.
That particular day, you know,just have a look online, look at
those quotes, follow those soberaccounts, you know, because you
never know when something mightpop up and you might think, oh,
you know, just keep it if itcan't be at the front of your
(15:17):
brain in early sobriety, atleast have it in the back of
your brain, but have it with youevery day because, you know,
it's just, it's all aboutconsistency.
But yeah.
Steve (15:26):
Yeah.
And speaking of sober accounts,are you interested in sharing
your.
Elle (15:31):
Absolutely.
I'd love to.
Yep.
So my sober account on, I've gotone on Instagram, it's at sober
soul food.
I created.
A name actually a while backwhen I started and it was gonna
be just for me.
And then since then I sort ofshared quite a lot of advice.
And I'll be completely honest,this is a secret there you go to
put on your podcast.
Mm-hmm.
quite often I'll go back andlook at my own account and read
(15:52):
my own posts because as much asI write and I'm good at giving
advice, like we all are, I alsosuck at taking advice.
Yeah.
Especially my own and my accounthas done its purpose and has
actually helped me.
So yeah, check out.
Paige and give me a follow.
And I'd like to interact with myfollowers as well, so you can
always drop me a message.
Steve (16:12):
Excellent.
And do you have any otherfavorite sober accounts you'd
recommend for people as they'rescrolling and adding?
Oh,
Elle (16:18):
gosh, I should have prepared this.
So many, so many All right, one,one, there is one YouTube
account, which I would like tosay, and it's it, he, it's a
gentleman called Craig Beck.
He's English and he's called theStop Drinking Expert.
And he does very little shortYouTube videos.
And they are really good.
(16:38):
So check that out.
But also if you wanna find somegreat.
Just look at the accounts I'mfollowing because all of those
ladies, men, and everyone, youknow, they're, they're
incredible.
Steve (16:50):
Excellent.
Well, thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure getting toknow you better, Al.
thank you.
It's been
Elle (16:54):
great to be
Steve (16:55):
here.
Yes, and stick around cuz we'llhead on over to the post show in
a moment.
But in the meantime, thank youlisteners for tuning into
another episode of Gay a.
If you're interested in sharingyour story or getting involved
with the show, I'm gonna emailaway at gay a podcast gmail.com.
Or on Instagram, like l I met atGay, a podcast.
(17:16):
If you'd like, head on over toour Patreon page and join today
so you can continue to hear ourpost show as we dive more into
L'S experiences in sobriety.
And until next time, stay soberfriends.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!