In gay culture, “body count” refers to how many people you’ve slept with. And whether it’s high or low, it often feels like a no-win situation. Have a low body count and you risk being seen as repressed, inexperienced, or undesirable. Have a high one and you’re either celebrated… or slut shamed.
In this off-the-cuff conversation, we unpack why gay men are stuck between purity culture and performance culture, and how both distort our relationship to sex, desire, and self-worth.
We explore:
- Why body count became a stand-in for confidence and masculinity
- How sex gets turned into proof of worth instead of a personal choice
- The difference between sexual freedom and sexual pressure
- Why sex positivity isn’t about having more sex, or less sex What sexual empowerment actually looks like when shame isn’t running the show
This episode isn’t about judging how much sex you’ve had. It’s about reclaiming choice, agency, and a healthier relationship to desire.
Join the Sexual Empowerment 101 7-week men’s group Link
Today's Hosts:
- Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men
- Matt Landsiedel
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Chapters
- (00:00:00) - Gay Culture: Perpetual Sexual Hygiene
- (00:02:00) - Body Count in Our Culture
- (00:05:48) - Purity Culture and Performance Culture
- (00:06:42) - Who Are The People Shaming Gay People Having Sex?
- (00:08:29) - "Purity Culture" Is Full of Shame For Gay Men
- (00:09:52) - What Is the Story You Tell Yourself About People Who Have A Lot
- (00:10:18) - Demisexual Man on His Sexual Preoccupation
- (00:13:55) - Is Demisexual Love The Same As Sex?
- (00:16:09) - Straight Guys Think They're More Hot Than Girls
- (00:18:14) - Sexual Empowerment
- (00:21:57) - Sexual Empowerment Group and Connection Circle
- (00:23:31) - Oh My Goodness
- (00:23:40) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Connections Circles
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