February 17, 2026 • 38 mins
Midlife can feel destabilizing.
The kids are leaving. Careers are shifting. Parents are aging. Hormones are changing. And somewhere inside, a quiet voice says, “I’m not done yet.”
In this conversation, Michele sits down with fellow podcaster Kim Benoy, host of Midlife Courage: Flourishing After 40, to explore what courage actually looks like in the second half of life.
After a 27-year nursing career, Kim made a bold pivot — not because she had everything figured out, but because she felt called to something more. Together, they unpack:
- Why confidence doesn’t come before action — it comes from it
- The hidden identity shifts women experience in midlife
- Why losing weight won’t fix what’s happening internally
- The power of small acts of courage (setting boundaries, speaking up, trying something new)
- How community accelerates confidence
- Why “someday” is not a strategy
This isn’t about Instagram quotes or overnight reinvention.
It’s about quiet bravery.
Tiny steps.
And remembering that you don’t need permission to evolve.
If you’ve been feeling restless, stuck, or quietly unhappy — this conversation will remind you that courage is already in you. It just needs to be activated.
Join Kim's next Midlife with Courage Community Circle - March 3, 2026
You can find Kim Benoy at https://www.midlifewithcourage.com/podcast
https://www.instagram.com/midlife_with_courage/
_________________________________________
If you’re doing “all the right things” and still feel stuck, adding a layer of support may be an option. I’ve partnered with a trusted telehealth platform offering modern solutions for women in midlife—including micro-dosed GLP-1 and other peptide therapies.
https://elliemd.com/michelefolan - Create a free account to view all products.
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/askingforafriend_pod/
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Like to connect? Email me at askingforafriendpodcast1@gmail.com
Transcripts are created with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.
Disclaimer: This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified healthcare provider with any questions regarding a medical condition.
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Michele Folan (00:00):
The information shared on this podcast is for
educational purposes only andshould not be considered medical
advice.
Please consult a qualifiedhealthcare professional
regarding your individual healthneeds.
You already know I don'tbelieve in shortcuts.
If you're not lifting, walking,eating enough protein, managing
(00:20):
stress, and prioritizing sleep,peptides are not the answer.
Lifestyle is the foundation,always.
But here's the truth (00:28):
midlife biology can be stubborn.
Hormones shift, recovery slows,body composition changes, and
energy dips even when you'redoing the work.
That's where medicallysupported peptide therapy can be
layered in, not as areplacement for discipline, but
as strategic support.
(00:49):
Physician prescribed,clinically guided, compounded
through an FDA-regulatedpharmacy.
This is about optimization, notescape.
If you've built the foundationand feel like you've hit a wall,
this might be the nextintelligence step.
Lifestyle first, strengthmandatory, support biology when
(01:09):
it needs backup.
If this resonates, send me amessage and let's have a real
discussion.
Or check out the link in theshow notes.
Health, wellness, fitness, andeverything in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
(01:30):
The career, the family rhythm,the boxes checked.
And yet something inside yousays, I'm not done yet.
(01:52):
I felt that myself.
And after nearly 200conversations on this podcast,
I've noticed a pattern.
So many of my guests,especially midlife women, are
doing things now that genuinelylight them up, changing careers,
claiming space, or using theirvoice in new ways.
So I keep asking myself, is itbravery?
(02:13):
Is it clarity that comes withage?
Is it finally giving fewerdarns for what other people
think or what other people'sexpectations are?
Or is it simply courage, thequiet decision to stop shrinking
and start choosing yourself?
That's why I was excited tobring on fellow podcaster Kim
Benoy, host of Midlife Courage,Flourishing After 40.
(02:36):
Kim made her own pivot after asuccessful career in nursing and
now spends her time havinghonest conversations about
confidence, courage, and what'sactually possible in the second
half of life.
Together we talk about herjourney, what she's learned from
hosting a top-ranked podcast,and the common thread she sees
among women who decide to stepforward instead of settling
(02:57):
back.
And if you've ever wonderedwhether life after 50 can be
deeply fulfilling, not perfect,not polished, but meaningful and
energizing, the answer is yes.
This conversation makes thatcrystal clear.
Kim Benoit, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Kim Benoy (03:14):
Thank you, Michele.
I'm so happy to be here.
Michele Folan (03:17):
I got to be on Kim's podcast and I love the
reciprocity deal with thispodcasting thing because
whenever I meet anotherpodcaster, I'm like, I gotta
have you on my show.
And I just feel like theseconversations are so robust.
So speaking of which, KimBenoy, you had this very
(03:44):
successful career in nursing.
What started whispering to youthat something needed to change?
Kim Benoy (03:52):
Wow.
Yes.
Um yeah, I was a nurse forabout 27 years, and I it was
around the time I turned 40.
Something, I don't know.
I don't, I tell people it's agrant, it was a gradual process.
It wasn't like, oh, I woke upone day and said, I don't want
to do this anymore.
There's a lot of differentthings that happened.
(04:13):
Healthcare, I was realizing wasnot how I wanted it to be or
what I thought it should be.
Instead of, you know, insteadof let's fix it, like take these
symptoms and we're just gonnafix them and not worry about
why, you know, root cause typethings.
I was kind of tired of that asthe healthcare system.
So that was kind of goingaround in my head, and then I
(04:34):
was introduced to essential oilsand how they work in the body
and help us help the body getback to balance, as which is
what our body wants to donaturally.
And then the 40-year mark came,and I just I just had this
feeling that there's more outthere for me.
I didn't know what it was, Ididn't know what it looked like,
(04:55):
but I just knew I had to dosomething else.
I had to do somethingdifferent.
Michele Folan (04:59):
How did confidence or lack of it show up
during that transition?
Because I know I I've beenthrough this, I and I know it
kind of white knuckle it.
Kim Benoy (05:10):
Yes, it's a lot different thinking about it and
picturing.
I'm a dreamer, so I have Ispent a lot of time in my head
feeling what things are gonnafeel like when I get what I
want, but then actually havingto do the work is a little bit
different because there's allthese little barriers that come
in, especially the ones in yourmind.
But I think I just knew that Iwas meant for more.
(05:34):
I found, you know, I found apurpose eventually with working
with midlife women, and that'swhat kept me going.
Michele Folan (05:42):
Were you, I don't want to say saddened, but were
you surprised at the responsefrom people when you said you
were gonna give up your longcareer in nursing?
Kim Benoy (05:53):
I was a little surprised that my husband, well,
I shouldn't say I was supersurprised.
My husband was had a plan inplace.
I didn't just go tell him, youknow what, I want to be done
nursing.
I had a plan because I wasworking with the essential oils
and I was deciding at that pointto make my own products, and
that was a way to bring incomein.
(06:14):
And so I said, okay, I'm thisis what I'm gonna do, and I'm
going to contribute to incomethrough making these products.
And he was all in.
He's like, Great, it probablyhelped that the job that I was
in was making me a little bitmiserable, and he knew it.
And he said, You have to dosomething else.
(06:35):
So if that's what you want todo, you go.
Michele Folan (06:38):
You know, back to that, because I think that when
we aren't happy, whether it'sour job, whether it's our
marriage, it really affectseverything.
Kim Benoy (06:51):
Yes.
Michele Folan (06:51):
And I often tell people, he's like, you gotta
want to have some change if youwant to get out of that funk,
because it it'll start to affecteverybody and everything.
Oh, yeah, in in your life.
Kim Benoy (07:04):
Yeah, I'm sure I I mean I didn't even have to say a
word at the end of the day.
I'd come home and he knew, youknow.
I mean, we've been married fora long time, so there's that
too.
But yeah, and just sometimesyou don't realize it until
someone says it.
And then you kind of think, ohyeah, I guess I have been kind
(07:24):
of moping around or, you know,feeling angry or whatever.
Like, okay, yeah, you're right.
Michele Folan (07:30):
Absolutely.
So then my next question washow about your own identity as a
nurse?
You know, you you go from beinga nurse and then you're doing
the essential oils, which Ithink is really interesting.
I'll like talk about that alittle bit.
But did you have trouble in thebeginning kind of with your new
identity?
Kim Benoy (07:51):
In a way, I did, because I'd been doing it for so
long, and people knew me as anurse.
One part of me was thinking,wow, shouldn't I be more upset
or more sad that I've donenursing?
And I really wasn't.
And I was talking to someoneand she said, Well, you just
check that box.
You're done with that part.
(08:13):
So that's true.
And so I felt that, like, yeah,you're right, that is.
But I feel like I'm nursing ina different way now, especially
with the essential oils.
I'm talking about health andwellness, and as I've evolved
into helping women finding theirown confidence again and
growing their courage.
That is a way of nursing.
(08:34):
It's a way of caring for peopleand helping them heal, which I
think is the core of nursing.
So that's kind of where my mindhas been with it.
I don't feel like I lostanything.
I feel like I'm just evolvingit and changing it into
something else.
Michele Folan (08:48):
And you just said something there, and I thought
was kind of interesting.
Do you feel like finding thatcourage oftentimes it's we've
got to heal something?
Like there's something, there'ssomething there that's really
holding people back frompursuing that thing.
Kim Benoy (09:03):
That's such a great question.
Yes, actually, when I thinkabout it, sure.
You know, I mean personallygrowing up, I was the oldest kid
and I had a lot ofresponsibility, you know, as the
oldest kid, and um just carriedthat through to, you know,
getting married, having my ownkids, getting being becoming a
nurse.
And I never really paidattention to me and how
(09:27):
important I was, and I want nowit's my turn to be visible.
And so having kind of healingthat part of me that says, no,
you're not supposed to do that,you can't do that.
You're supposed to, you know,you're supposed to take care of
everybody else, you have to dothis and that.
It's your turn now to let go ofthat and and you know, do what
you need to do.
Michele Folan (09:48):
You know, you say, and I've I've heard you say
this that midlife can be messy,but confidence doesn't have to
be.
What do you think makes midlifefeel so destabilizing for
women?
Kim Benoy (10:00):
Oh my goodness.
There's so much coming at us.
We've got, we're in this funnytransition space.
We've got, if you've had kids,they're probably either going
out of the house soon or they'realready out of the house.
You've got changing careers.
You know, personally, myhusband retired a few years ago,
(10:21):
and we're just now getting intoa groove with that.
And then parents, if yourparents are still here, they're
probably having some, you know,aging things going on, and I am
helping with some of thosethings with my own parents.
And then you throw in theperimenopause on top of all of
it.
It's a battlefield some days, Ifeel like.
Michele Folan (10:45):
What's one small mind shift that creates an
outsized confidence boost formidlife women?
Kim Benoy (10:54):
I think, and I get this from my podcast guests, an
overarching theme out ofeveryone who comes on to talk to
me is you have to fill your owncup first before you can help
anyone else.
And I I really take that toheart, and I think other women
should too.
If that means you spend 10minutes in the morning drinking
(11:15):
your coffee without anybody elsearound, that's what you do.
If it means going for a walkaround the block by yourself,
that's what you do.
Whatever it is, make sureyou're you're focusing on on you
and doing that, that whateverthat thing is.
But you know that's hard.
Michele Folan (11:32):
It is, it's really hard for for women.
We're, you know, we we've beenso selfless all these years, and
then we're thrown into asituation where we we may have
some time now to focus onourselves, and we almost feel
guilty doing it.
Oh, yeah.
Kim Benoy (11:49):
Yeah.
It's important though torealize, you know, I am
valuable.
I love to journal.
I love to share that with otherwomen.
Start journaling.
How are you feeling aboutsomething?
If these feelings, if you'refeeling something about a
situation, feeling guilty, startwriting out why am I feeling
feeling guilty?
And if you get to that reason,okay, why is that?
(12:10):
Why do I feel guilty aboutthat?
And then why, why, why?
Keep going until you get tothat core, whatever it is.
Um, maybe it's something thathappened back in your childhood,
you know, whatever it happensto be.
Just taking that time to focusin on yourself should is gonna
help build that confidence andsay, okay, okay, now I know
that.
Now what's the next thing?
What do I do with it?
Michele Folan (12:31):
Yeah.
We're gonna take a quick break.
And when we come back, I wantto talk about your podcast and
what your vision was for that.
Before we jump back intotoday's conversation, I want to
ask you something.
If you've been listening for awhile, you know this podcast
isn't fluff.
We talk about muscle,metabolism, hormones, brain
health, longevity, the stuffthat actually determines how we
(12:54):
live in our 70s, 80s, andbeyond.
And the show keeps growingbecause you share it.
So if an episode has helped yourethink your health, send it to
a friend, text it to yoursister, share it with your
walking buddy.
That's how this communityexpands.
Smart, curious women bringingother smart, curious women with
(13:14):
them.
Also, I'd love to hear fromyou.
What topics do you want me toexplore?
Who do you want me tochallenge?
What questions are you afraidto ask but secretly want
answered?
You can use the link in theshow notes to join the community
or send me an email with yourideas directly.
This podcast exists becauseyou're asking better questions.
(13:35):
All right, let's get back tothe episode.
Okay, we are back.
You started this podcast,which, by the way, is in the top
5% of podcasts globally.
So congratulations.
Thank you.
What was your original goalwhen you launched the podcast?
And then I'd love to know howit has evolved over time.
Kim Benoy (13:58):
Oh my goodness.
My goal was it to f to startout.
I just thought it was a greatidea.
I was, this is kind of goingback to the essential oil days
where I was building a businesswith a company, with the with an
oils company, and I was stillnursing, going back and forth.
I decided, nope, it's business.
I'm going to focus more onthat.
(14:19):
And I had gone to a businesstalk where the woman who was
speaking said, find out, youknow, what is your passion?
What are you, what gets you outof bed in the morning?
Whatever that is, put that intoyour business and it will
thrive thrive and grow.
And I had to think, I, youknow, I took that to heart and I
sat and thought about it.
And I really like to get up infront of people and talk.
(14:42):
I just do.
I mean, as a nurse, we do that.
We're teaching, we'reeducating.
And I was involved in teachingclasses and things.
And at the time, there was notvery many opportunities to get
up in front of people because itwas during COVID.
And at the time, my daughterhad a podcast.
And I said, Well, if I can'tget in front of people, I'm
(15:03):
going to have a podcast.
And it just kind of evolvedinto, okay, who am I going to
talk to?
And it is, it's going to bewomen in midlife like me.
And I just built it aroundmidlife with courage.
And that just kind of evolvedinto the last actually 2025 was
my my year of change.
(15:25):
I realized I love the podcast.
I love doing it.
But I was calling it anexpensive hobby.
Michele Folan (15:32):
Oh, let me tell you, sister.
I know.
It is.
It is an expensive hobby.
Kim Benoy (15:40):
Yeah.
And I love it.
And it's been going strong foralmost five years now.
But last year I decided, okay,I need to do something more with
it.
I mean, I'm doing people loveit.
They love listening to thestories.
But now what?
What's the next thing?
So I decided I want to takethat into kind of a I hate to
say coach because I don't haveall this, you know, the full
(16:02):
training of coach, but I thinkof myself as a cheerleader or a
mentor for midlife women,helping them find their
confidence and their courageagain.
It's it's in there.
They just need to bring it out.
And so I've created a courageand confidence circle.
I'm doing some, I'm hoping todo some speaking this year.
I'm really kind of looking foropportunities for that.
(16:23):
Just building connection withother women.
That's my ultimate goal withthis.
And now I feel like I'm usingthe podcast to really lead women
to that and help them know thatit's not listening to stories,
which are great.
It's what now, how can I helpyou with that, with what your
journey is, if that makes sense.
Michele Folan (16:41):
Yeah, it does.
You said something that thatcourage is in there.
It's almost like we need to goback to when we were 12, 10, 12
years old, when we didn't reallyworry about what other people
thought.
Nope.
Right.
No.
We were willing to try newthings.
Right.
You know, we weren't afraid.
(17:03):
And you know, someone said tome once, you know, go back to uh
doing things that you like todo when you were a kid.
So if that was acting, maybe itwas art, maybe it was whatever,
uh dancing.
But why do we say, oh, I'm 60,I'm almost 62.
(17:27):
Is it too late for me to takedancing lessons?
No, absolutely not.
I took tap dance lessons a fewyears ago.
It was how many did you?
unknown (17:36):
Yes.
Michele Folan (17:37):
Oh my God, that's so funny.
I was I was at the gymyesterday and they have a
clogging class.
Oh my gosh.
For for beginners.
And I thought, wow, clogging.
Clogging.
But that could be get great forfitness.
Kim Benoy (17:53):
Yeah, you could really.
I mean, if you really need tolike get some energy out, like
just when you're really upsetwith something, it's a clog,
clog, clog, clog.
Michele Folan (18:01):
I'm I'm just afraid I get there and I'd I'd
be the youngest person by 20years in the class, you know.
But anyway, but that but that'skind of what I'm saying.
It it's we kind of almost needto, if I'm hearing you
correctly, is that we almostneed to go back to that youthful
exuberance that we had.
Yes.
(18:22):
That what nothing's gonna stopme.
I could do whatever I want, youknow.
Well, why?
Yeah why why do we lose that,right?
Okay, Kim.
How do you decide whichconversations are worth having
on your show?
What what's your what's yourgauge on that?
Kim Benoy (18:39):
I always think of what my listeners want to hear
and go with that.
What I know because I've gottenfeedback is they don't want
someone who's selling something.
So I kind of tend to veer awayfrom those kinds of
conversations.
When people want to be on mypodcast, I get a lot of pitches
(19:01):
to be on it.
And if their first thing is,well, I have this program and
then I wrote a book and I havethis, I want to hear your story.
And I won't automatically say,nope, sorry.
I will actually say to them oryou know, respond back, okay,
that's great.
Tell me your story.
How did you decide to get tothis point to offer these
(19:23):
things, which are great?
I don't think that's bad.
I mean, I'm doing the samething, but the the listeners
want to hear stories becausethat's where they get their
inspiration.
So if there's a story, there'ssome people you can just I just
feel it like, oh, my listenerswould love this, or I know I
would love this, so I'm gonnashare it.
You know, it's just it's anintuitive thing, and it's also
kind of a practical thing.
(19:45):
My listeners don't want to besold anything, you know, want to
be sold to, if that makessense.
Michele Folan (19:50):
Yeah, and I agree, I agree, and I I probably
turn down a lot of guests whoare peddling the new supplement
or whatever.
It's just but you're right,everybody does have a story to
tell.
And who who really lights youup?
Like when you put a guest infront of the mic, who do you go?
(20:12):
Oh, I just love these kind ofconversations.
Kim Benoy (20:15):
I love people who or women who have a a challenge, a
physical challenge, is for one,is something that really, you
know.
I I just interviewed someone,her episode will be out.
I don't know when this willair, but it's in it will be
coming out in February.
As a teenager, she fell througha theater floor and was
(20:40):
paralyzed.
And so she's been in awheelchair since then, and now
she's in her 40s, and herattitude is just amazing.
And I just I had to have her onthe show.
I said, I really need to haveyou come on.
And she was, of course, morethan happy.
But those kinds of stories, Ijust anyone who's any woman
who's overcome a challenge, andit doesn't have to be a huge
(21:01):
challenge like that.
It could be, you know what?
I I walked in the house one dayand my husband said he wanted
to divorce me, and it was, youknow, a 30-year marriage or
whatever, and I didn't know whatto do, but they found a way and
they're thriving.
I love that because that tellssomeone who's listening who
might be in a similar situationthat they can overcome whatever
it is they have going on too.
Michele Folan (21:22):
You know, and that is a great point because
you know, just to hear howsomebody picked themselves up, I
mean, that's that's a commonthat's a common thing.
You know, something awfulhappens and you you gotta figure
out your way forward.
And that can be a great sourceof inspiration for someone.
(21:42):
In your experience, though,what does courage actually look
like in midlife?
Not not the Instagram quoteversion.
But what does that what doesthat look like to you?
Kim Benoy (21:55):
Courage to me is is small.
It might be something that.
Someone else doesn't evennotice, but you did it.
Maybe you spoke up in a meetingat work.
Maybe you set a boundary withsomeone that has been not there
(22:15):
before.
Whatever it is, this even ifit's so small that only you
notice it, whatever it it wasthat made you kind of sit up and
go, Oh, I did that.
And that was amazing.
That's courage to me.
Michele Folan (22:30):
Yeah.
Kim Benoy (22:30):
So it's a vague answer, but yeah.
Michele Folan (22:33):
I'm curious, have you ever had a guest that said
something that personallychanged you?
Kim Benoy (22:40):
I've had so many.
It's hard to I I know.
I have there is there was onelady, she's actually actually
local to me.
And her it's a horrible thingthat happened.
Her um, she had three daughterswho were tragically um murdered
by her ex.
And just the attitude she has,that would have put me over the
(23:07):
edge.
I I don't know what I would do,but just her her attitude and
her willingness to take thathorrible thing that happened and
just keep going out in theworld and spreading kindness and
letting people know thatthey're whatever it is they're
going through, they're gonna beokay or they can be okay.
(23:28):
That changed me a lot, I think,because just have that, just
that attitude, like, and it'snot well, she lost her kids and
I can get through anything ifshe can do that.
It's more of no, she came, shewent within herself to find that
strength and she found it, andhere she is thriving.
And I'm sure she I know she hasbad days too, but she's still
(23:51):
out there and she's stillspreading kindness and joy, and
I think that's amazing.
Michele Folan (23:56):
What do you think is something that women think
they need to feel confidentbefore they act, but actually
don't?
Kim Benoy (24:06):
I I think they need I think they think that they need
to look the certain way, theyneed to have this the the body,
the Instagram body thateverybody's, you know, just do
this and you'll look lose allthe the menopause weight and all
that kind of stuff.
I think they need to look, Ireally do think that they feel
(24:27):
like they they need to look acertain way to do what they want
to do, but they don't.
We know, you know, I know.
No.
Michele Folan (24:34):
No, I know, I know, because guess what?
You can lose 25 pounds, but youstill got all the other shit.
Kim Benoy (24:41):
That's right.
It's still there, it's stillwaiting for you.
Michele Folan (24:44):
And so it's you gotta do the inner work first.
And and sometimes if you if youI don't know if you agree with
this, but once you do the innerwork, then the the how you feel
about the outside matters awhole lot less.
Right.
Because you you care less aboutwhat other people think.
(25:05):
You you you have thatconfidence that comes from the
inside out.
Yes.
Yes.
Because losing 20 pounds isn'tgonna solve all your problems.
Kim Benoy (25:14):
No, you can lose it on the outside, but if the
inside doesn't change, forgetit.
You're just gonna be back whereyou were before.
Michele Folan (25:21):
You know, I had uh a doctor on the podcast this
week, so this is the second weekof January, and she she said,
Well, we we talked a lot aboutweight loss because that's her
specialty.
And she she commented about thepsychological weight of losing
(25:42):
weight.
Oh, okay, and how you may beidentified, like it's you've
always been maybe the the biggerperson, or and and then all of
a sudden you aren't, and how youstop identifying as that person
that you you were on theoutside, not the inside, but who
(26:03):
you were on the outside.
She says it's you know, uh shesays, you know, we're treating
the whole patient.
Yes, it's not we're not justtreating the weight, we're
treating the the psychologicalimpact of the weight loss.
Kim Benoy (26:18):
Is it I listened to that episode?
That was very good.
Michele Folan (26:21):
Oh, you did.
Okay.
Yeah, that was with Dr.
uh Sallas Whalen.
And um so anyway, but but I Ithink that's that is such an
interesting observation that youknow we don't we don't have to
we don't have to check off everysingle box before we say we're
ready to do something.
And that I think is the messagethat you and I both talk about.
(26:43):
It's if you wait until you feellike you're totally ready, you
won't do it.
Yes, it just it ain't not gonnahappen.
Yeah, yeah.
Kim Benoy (26:53):
Yeah, Michelle, someday never comes.
Someday is not an actual day.
If you don't wait for somedayfor something to happen, or you
know, for some like like yousaid, yeah, you have to you have
to take action, and that's ahuge lesson for a lot of women
to learn.
Michele Folan (27:08):
Yeah.
Can you share a client orlistener story where someone
truly stepped into a braverversion of herself?
Oh my goodness.
So many.
I know.
You probably have so many.
Episode like 250 something.
So I didn't tell you I wasgonna ask you that question.
Kim Benoy (27:27):
So that's okay.
That's good.
That's a challenge.
That's good.
Um, I like a challenge.
I think one and this might bealong the lines that you're
asking.
I just did my first session ofmy courage and confidence
circle, and one of the women inthe group wanted to speak up at
work.
(27:47):
She had this situation at workwhere she felt like she was not
confident enough to speak up.
And I had kind of, I don't knowher.
I mean, she lives the otherside of the country, but she had
mentioned that she works withhorses.
And I've had horses before, notanymore, but and I I just was
talking to her and I said, youknow, when you work with that
(28:10):
thousand-pound animal, you haveto have confidence.
Otherwise, that animal's gonnarun you right over or do
whatever it wants to do.
And I said, take that feelingthat you have, that confidence
that you have with that horse, Imean with an animal, and kind
of bring it with you to workwhen you're thinking about,
okay, I'm I need to have thisconversation or I need to speak
(28:32):
up, feel that confidence andthen use that to interact with
your boss or whoever it happenedto be.
And she's like, Oh, I neverthought of that before.
And then she came back later,she said, Yeah, that really did
help me.
I was able to, you know, usethat confidence that I use in
this other area of my life anduse it at work.
So I love that was amazing tome.
(28:52):
Like, oh yeah, it works.
Michele Folan (28:55):
It you know, it's like having that confidence
person on your shoulder, yeah,whispering in your ear.
Kim Benoy (29:00):
Yeah, don't back down.
Michele Folan (29:02):
Yeah, yeah.
Kim Benoy (29:03):
Or even stand your ground, girl.
You you got this, you got this.
Yeah.
Just put your knee.
Like, I'll be on your shoulder.
Yeah.
No, just but thinking about, Ilove to say it's almost like a a
confidence resume or a liferesume, I think I've called it,
where you kind of look back atyour life and what are the
things that you've done.
Okay, well, let's see.
I went to nursing school.
(29:24):
I had two year olds at thetime.
I've been married for 37 years.
That's a big thing.
But just maybe your thing is,you know what?
I keep getting out of bed everymorning, even though I'm really
having some emotional issues ordepression or whatever it
happens to be.
Think about those things andlist them out and see.
You've already done theseamazing things.
That gives you a base to go outand you can do even more if
(29:46):
that's what you want to do.
Yeah.
I just get lit up about that.
I just love that.
Yeah.
Michele Folan (29:50):
And you know, this is something we've we've
covered career topics on on thepodcast quite a bit.
And I don't as much now becausewe've really focused more on,
you know, the health andwellness.
But you know, I thinkoftentimes we minimize the
experiences that we've we have.
Yes.
You know, raising kids, runninga house, volunteering, running
(30:16):
this committee, raising moneyfor this.
I mean, those are all skillsand talents and experience that
are valuable to ourorganization.
And my hope for women is thatwhether you're 45, 55, 65, or
beyond, is that you embrace thatexperience is value.
(30:37):
I just, because that alwaysmakes me say I feel like, oh, I
was just a stay-at-home mom.
I'm like, don't say that youwere just a stay-home mom,
because you've done so much morethan that.
Kim Benoy (30:49):
That that four-letter word, that just is a
four-letter word.
I I actually have a little talkabout that, but we use that a
lot and we don't realize it.
And when I catch other womendoing it, I'll go, hey, uh-uh,
you didn't just do this, you didthis.
And like, oh yeah, you'reright.
Michele Folan (31:07):
I used just in an email the other day and I
caught myself and I I took itout.
Yeah.
Kim Benoy (31:12):
The reason that came to me years ago when I was a
younger nurse, I would walk intorooms and I, you know, you
knock on the door and say, Hey,it's Kim coming in.
I would say, Oh, it's just thenurse coming in, or it's just
Kim coming in.
And one day a patient said tome, You need to stop saying
that.
I'm like, What?
Don't use the word just.
You are the nurse.
(31:33):
And at the time I was, oh,okay.
And I didn't do it anymore, butI just recently was thinking
about it.
Wow, what a huge statement thatwas.
And I just, it started me, andnow I don't even, if I catch
myself thinking it, I'll stopmyself.
So yeah, I'm like the justpolice going around to people.
She's a business person.
(31:57):
She said, Oh, I just had 11people sign up for my whatever
program.
I said, You had 11 people signup for your program.
You know, just stop minimizingyourself.
Michele Folan (32:07):
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, what do you think ispossible for women when they
stop trying to go back to whothey were and start building who
they want to be now?
Kim Benoy (32:20):
There's no limit to what women can do, I feel.
The more that I work with womenof this age, and the more I
listen, the more importantconnection is.
And we are so good atconnecting with each other.
And if we can do that as webuild our confidence, there's no
(32:42):
limit to what we can do.
We can, I mean, it soundsgrandiose or whatever, but we
can change the world.
We need we need more kindnessand joy, especially right now
with everything going on.
It's gonna start between peopleand midlife women are the
perfect people to do this.
We we start growing togetherand with each other, and we just
(33:03):
kind of bloom out and affectthose around us.
Michele Folan (33:07):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
And then Kim, you have yourcoaching circle and you have
another one coming up here in2026.
Tell us a little bit aboutthat, how that works, and how
people can get involved.
Kim Benoy (33:21):
Yeah, if it's a three-month program at the
moment.
This is how I'm starting it.
And we meet over Zoom once amonth for about an hour to 90
minutes, and I go over a littlebit of content, if you want to
call it that.
Uh, the first month we talkabout mindset, the second month
we talk about um the fear ofchange and how that affects our
(33:41):
confidence.
And the third month is abouttaking action and how competence
relates to confidence.
And so we meet once a month inthe over Zoom, and then I'm
doing a mid-kind of a mid-monthcheck-in because I found that
that month in between meetingswas too long to be talking to
each other.
Um, but it's just a reallygreat, I only talk for maybe 10,
(34:06):
15 minutes, but and then wekind of interact, and I'm
finding the the value in it isfrom the women connecting with
each other and sharing, youknow, how they're feeling and
how they look at their ownconfidence.
And it's been amazing.
And then as part of that, theyare in a um an online community,
a school online communitycalled Midlife with Courage.
(34:27):
And we do some interactions inthere as well.
And it's just a really, it'sjust a great one girl, one lady
called it cozy.
She said it just feels cozy andsupportive, and I just love you
know interacting with the otherwomen.
So I'm trying to, I'm doingthat.
I'm starting a new one March,March 3rd is the first date.
Um, if you go to my website,midlife with courage.com, very
(34:47):
first page, there'll be a spotwhere you can sign up for that.
Michele Folan (34:51):
Wonderful.
And I love that.
And and I'm big on thecommunity piece.
Yes, yes.
I just think that you knowthere's there's power in those
numbers when women can you knowfeed off each other, but also
realize they're not alone.
Kim Benoy (35:07):
Yes, yeah, that just builds on everything.
And that one of the things thatgot me into this whole
everything, I had a situation ata a vendor event where I was
selling my oils and it was allwomen.
It was purposely made to be allwomen.
And I realized at the end ofthe day, end of the day how
supportive everyone was of eachother.
There was no competing, therewas no catty, don't go to her
(35:32):
table, come to my table, kind ofthing, which I've seen before.
And I thought, oh my gosh, howwonderful was that?
And I thought, well, we cankeep doing that.
Let's keep doing that.
How can I make that happenagain?
So kind of all of this has kindof stemmed right from that
little situation.
So are you still doing theoils?
I do a little bit.
(35:53):
I love to create blends forpeople.
I have a lady who has a, shewanted a scar serum that I I was
just dying to make for her andand it worked wonderfully.
So I keep, you know, makingthat for her.
But um, I don't take my stuffaround to sales anymore.
That just wasn't what I wantedto do anymore.
(36:13):
But if anyone wants me to makea product, I will uh and make a
heel balm.
And there's some things on mywebsite.
I have a lot of roller bottlesthere too.
So I will do it.
It's just kind of a like asecondary part right now of what
I'm doing.
It's your side hustle.
Michele Folan (36:27):
Side hustle, yeah.
unknown (36:28):
Yeah.
Michele Folan (36:31):
So Kim Benoy, if a woman is listening today and
feels restless, stuck, quietlyunhappy, which there's a lot out
there, but scared to rock theboat, what would you want her to
hear?
Kim Benoy (36:46):
I would want her to hear that she matters.
And if if there's a thought inher head of something else she
wants to do, there's a reasonfor that.
And she should find that firststep towards it.
And it might be looking up in abook, whatever it happens to
be, or it might just be tellingsomeone that you want to do
(37:08):
that.
Whatever that little tiny stepis, take it because you are
worth it and you are beautifuland valued, and We need you to
do what you want to do.
Michele Folan (37:19):
You know what I say?
I say, if you tell someoneyou're gonna do it, then you
gotta do it.
Then you have to do it.
I said it's like chucking theball over the fence and you
can't go get the ball.
Can't go get it once you onceyou once you throw the ball over
the fence, you can't go get it.
That's right.
(37:39):
That's why I post about myselfexercising because I'm not very
good at it.
Well, it keeps you accountable.
Kim Benoy (37:46):
Exactly.
Michele Folan (37:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, Kim Benoy, this was a lotof fun.
Thank you for being a guesttoday on Asking for a Friend.
Thank you so much, Michele, forhaving me.
I really enjoyed it.
Before you go, thank you forbeing here.
If you want to go a littledeeper, make sure you check out
the show notes for this episode.
That's where I link anything wementioned, resources, partners,
(38:09):
or tools I actually use andtrust.
And if you're not already onthe Asking for a Friend
community newsletter, that'swhere I share practical midlife
tips, favorite finds, recipes,and the things that don't always
make it onto the podcast orInstagram.
You'll find the link to join inthe show notes.
Take care, and I'll see younext week.
The information shared on this podcast is for
educational purposes only andshould not be considered medical
advice.
Please consult a qualifiedhealthcare professional
regarding your individual healthneeds.
You already know I don'tbelieve in shortcuts.
If you're not lifting, walking,eating enough protein, managing
(00:20):
stress, and prioritizing sleep,peptides are not the answer.
Lifestyle is the foundation,always.
But here's the truth (00:28):
midlife biology can be stubborn.
Hormones shift, recovery slows,body composition changes, and
energy dips even when you'redoing the work.
That's where medicallysupported peptide therapy can be
layered in, not as areplacement for discipline, but
as strategic support.
(00:49):
Physician prescribed,clinically guided, compounded
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This is about optimization, notescape.
If you've built the foundationand feel like you've hit a wall,
this might be the nextintelligence step.
Lifestyle first, strengthmandatory, support biology when
(01:09):
it needs backup.
If this resonates, send me amessage and let's have a real
discussion.
Or check out the link in theshow notes.
Health, wellness, fitness, andeverything in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
(01:30):
The career, the family rhythm,the boxes checked.
And yet something inside yousays, I'm not done yet.
(01:52):
I felt that myself.
And after nearly 200conversations on this podcast,
I've noticed a pattern.
So many of my guests,especially midlife women, are
doing things now that genuinelylight them up, changing careers,
claiming space, or using theirvoice in new ways.
So I keep asking myself, is itbravery?
(02:13):
Is it clarity that comes withage?
Is it finally giving fewerdarns for what other people
think or what other people'sexpectations are?
Or is it simply courage, thequiet decision to stop shrinking
and start choosing yourself?
That's why I was excited tobring on fellow podcaster Kim
Benoy, host of Midlife Courage,Flourishing After 40.
(02:36):
Kim made her own pivot after asuccessful career in nursing and
now spends her time havinghonest conversations about
confidence, courage, and what'sactually possible in the second
half of life.
Together we talk about herjourney, what she's learned from
hosting a top-ranked podcast,and the common thread she sees
among women who decide to stepforward instead of settling
(02:57):
back.
And if you've ever wonderedwhether life after 50 can be
deeply fulfilling, not perfect,not polished, but meaningful and
energizing, the answer is yes.
This conversation makes thatcrystal clear.
Kim Benoit, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Kim Benoy (03:14):
Thank you, Michele.
I'm so happy to be here.
Michele Folan (03:17):
I got to be on Kim's podcast and I love the
reciprocity deal with thispodcasting thing because
whenever I meet anotherpodcaster, I'm like, I gotta
have you on my show.
And I just feel like theseconversations are so robust.
So speaking of which, KimBenoy, you had this very
(03:44):
successful career in nursing.
What started whispering to youthat something needed to change?
Kim Benoy (03:52):
Wow.
Yes.
Um yeah, I was a nurse forabout 27 years, and I it was
around the time I turned 40.
Something, I don't know.
I don't, I tell people it's agrant, it was a gradual process.
It wasn't like, oh, I woke upone day and said, I don't want
to do this anymore.
There's a lot of differentthings that happened.
(04:13):
Healthcare, I was realizing wasnot how I wanted it to be or
what I thought it should be.
Instead of, you know, insteadof let's fix it, like take these
symptoms and we're just gonnafix them and not worry about
why, you know, root cause typethings.
I was kind of tired of that asthe healthcare system.
So that was kind of goingaround in my head, and then I
(04:34):
was introduced to essential oilsand how they work in the body
and help us help the body getback to balance, as which is
what our body wants to donaturally.
And then the 40-year mark came,and I just I just had this
feeling that there's more outthere for me.
I didn't know what it was, Ididn't know what it looked like,
(04:55):
but I just knew I had to dosomething else.
I had to do somethingdifferent.
Michele Folan (04:59):
How did confidence or lack of it show up
during that transition?
Because I know I I've beenthrough this, I and I know it
kind of white knuckle it.
Kim Benoy (05:10):
Yes, it's a lot different thinking about it and
picturing.
I'm a dreamer, so I have Ispent a lot of time in my head
feeling what things are gonnafeel like when I get what I
want, but then actually havingto do the work is a little bit
different because there's allthese little barriers that come
in, especially the ones in yourmind.
But I think I just knew that Iwas meant for more.
(05:34):
I found, you know, I found apurpose eventually with working
with midlife women, and that'swhat kept me going.
Michele Folan (05:42):
Were you, I don't want to say saddened, but were
you surprised at the responsefrom people when you said you
were gonna give up your longcareer in nursing?
Kim Benoy (05:53):
I was a little surprised that my husband, well,
I shouldn't say I was supersurprised.
My husband was had a plan inplace.
I didn't just go tell him, youknow what, I want to be done
nursing.
I had a plan because I wasworking with the essential oils
and I was deciding at that pointto make my own products, and
that was a way to bring incomein.
(06:14):
And so I said, okay, I'm thisis what I'm gonna do, and I'm
going to contribute to incomethrough making these products.
And he was all in.
He's like, Great, it probablyhelped that the job that I was
in was making me a little bitmiserable, and he knew it.
And he said, You have to dosomething else.
(06:35):
So if that's what you want todo, you go.
Michele Folan (06:38):
You know, back to that, because I think that when
we aren't happy, whether it'sour job, whether it's our
marriage, it really affectseverything.
Kim Benoy (06:51):
Yes.
Michele Folan (06:51):
And I often tell people, he's like, you gotta
want to have some change if youwant to get out of that funk,
because it it'll start to affecteverybody and everything.
Oh, yeah, in in your life.
Kim Benoy (07:04):
Yeah, I'm sure I I mean I didn't even have to say a
word at the end of the day.
I'd come home and he knew, youknow.
I mean, we've been married fora long time, so there's that
too.
But yeah, and just sometimesyou don't realize it until
someone says it.
And then you kind of think, ohyeah, I guess I have been kind
(07:24):
of moping around or, you know,feeling angry or whatever.
Like, okay, yeah, you're right.
Michele Folan (07:30):
Absolutely.
So then my next question washow about your own identity as a
nurse?
You know, you you go from beinga nurse and then you're doing
the essential oils, which Ithink is really interesting.
I'll like talk about that alittle bit.
But did you have trouble in thebeginning kind of with your new
identity?
Kim Benoy (07:51):
In a way, I did, because I'd been doing it for so
long, and people knew me as anurse.
One part of me was thinking,wow, shouldn't I be more upset
or more sad that I've donenursing?
And I really wasn't.
And I was talking to someoneand she said, Well, you just
check that box.
You're done with that part.
(08:13):
So that's true.
And so I felt that, like, yeah,you're right, that is.
But I feel like I'm nursing ina different way now, especially
with the essential oils.
I'm talking about health andwellness, and as I've evolved
into helping women finding theirown confidence again and
growing their courage.
That is a way of nursing.
(08:34):
It's a way of caring for peopleand helping them heal, which I
think is the core of nursing.
So that's kind of where my mindhas been with it.
I don't feel like I lostanything.
I feel like I'm just evolvingit and changing it into
something else.
Michele Folan (08:48):
And you just said something there, and I thought
was kind of interesting.
Do you feel like finding thatcourage oftentimes it's we've
got to heal something?
Like there's something, there'ssomething there that's really
holding people back frompursuing that thing.
Kim Benoy (09:03):
That's such a great question.
Yes, actually, when I thinkabout it, sure.
You know, I mean personallygrowing up, I was the oldest kid
and I had a lot ofresponsibility, you know, as the
oldest kid, and um just carriedthat through to, you know,
getting married, having my ownkids, getting being becoming a
nurse.
And I never really paidattention to me and how
(09:27):
important I was, and I want nowit's my turn to be visible.
And so having kind of healingthat part of me that says, no,
you're not supposed to do that,you can't do that.
You're supposed to, you know,you're supposed to take care of
everybody else, you have to dothis and that.
It's your turn now to let go ofthat and and you know, do what
you need to do.
Michele Folan (09:48):
You know, you say, and I've I've heard you say
this that midlife can be messy,but confidence doesn't have to
be.
What do you think makes midlifefeel so destabilizing for
women?
Kim Benoy (10:00):
Oh my goodness.
There's so much coming at us.
We've got, we're in this funnytransition space.
We've got, if you've had kids,they're probably either going
out of the house soon or they'realready out of the house.
You've got changing careers.
You know, personally, myhusband retired a few years ago,
(10:21):
and we're just now getting intoa groove with that.
And then parents, if yourparents are still here, they're
probably having some, you know,aging things going on, and I am
helping with some of thosethings with my own parents.
And then you throw in theperimenopause on top of all of
it.
It's a battlefield some days, Ifeel like.
Michele Folan (10:45):
What's one small mind shift that creates an
outsized confidence boost formidlife women?
Kim Benoy (10:54):
I think, and I get this from my podcast guests, an
overarching theme out ofeveryone who comes on to talk to
me is you have to fill your owncup first before you can help
anyone else.
And I I really take that toheart, and I think other women
should too.
If that means you spend 10minutes in the morning drinking
(11:15):
your coffee without anybody elsearound, that's what you do.
If it means going for a walkaround the block by yourself,
that's what you do.
Whatever it is, make sureyou're you're focusing on on you
and doing that, that whateverthat thing is.
But you know that's hard.
Michele Folan (11:32):
It is, it's really hard for for women.
We're, you know, we we've beenso selfless all these years, and
then we're thrown into asituation where we we may have
some time now to focus onourselves, and we almost feel
guilty doing it.
Oh, yeah.
Kim Benoy (11:49):
Yeah.
It's important though torealize, you know, I am
valuable.
I love to journal.
I love to share that with otherwomen.
Start journaling.
How are you feeling aboutsomething?
If these feelings, if you'refeeling something about a
situation, feeling guilty, startwriting out why am I feeling
feeling guilty?
And if you get to that reason,okay, why is that?
(12:10):
Why do I feel guilty aboutthat?
And then why, why, why?
Keep going until you get tothat core, whatever it is.
Um, maybe it's something thathappened back in your childhood,
you know, whatever it happensto be.
Just taking that time to focusin on yourself should is gonna
help build that confidence andsay, okay, okay, now I know
that.
Now what's the next thing?
What do I do with it?
Michele Folan (12:31):
Yeah.
We're gonna take a quick break.
And when we come back, I wantto talk about your podcast and
what your vision was for that.
Before we jump back intotoday's conversation, I want to
ask you something.
If you've been listening for awhile, you know this podcast
isn't fluff.
We talk about muscle,metabolism, hormones, brain
health, longevity, the stuffthat actually determines how we
(12:54):
live in our 70s, 80s, andbeyond.
And the show keeps growingbecause you share it.
So if an episode has helped yourethink your health, send it to
a friend, text it to yoursister, share it with your
walking buddy.
That's how this communityexpands.
Smart, curious women bringingother smart, curious women with
(13:14):
them.
Also, I'd love to hear fromyou.
What topics do you want me toexplore?
Who do you want me tochallenge?
What questions are you afraidto ask but secretly want
answered?
You can use the link in theshow notes to join the community
or send me an email with yourideas directly.
This podcast exists becauseyou're asking better questions.
(13:35):
All right, let's get back tothe episode.
Okay, we are back.
You started this podcast,which, by the way, is in the top
5% of podcasts globally.
So congratulations.
Thank you.
What was your original goalwhen you launched the podcast?
And then I'd love to know howit has evolved over time.
Kim Benoy (13:58):
Oh my goodness.
My goal was it to f to startout.
I just thought it was a greatidea.
I was, this is kind of goingback to the essential oil days
where I was building a businesswith a company, with the with an
oils company, and I was stillnursing, going back and forth.
I decided, nope, it's business.
I'm going to focus more onthat.
(14:19):
And I had gone to a businesstalk where the woman who was
speaking said, find out, youknow, what is your passion?
What are you, what gets you outof bed in the morning?
Whatever that is, put that intoyour business and it will
thrive thrive and grow.
And I had to think, I, youknow, I took that to heart and I
sat and thought about it.
And I really like to get up infront of people and talk.
(14:42):
I just do.
I mean, as a nurse, we do that.
We're teaching, we'reeducating.
And I was involved in teachingclasses and things.
And at the time, there was notvery many opportunities to get
up in front of people because itwas during COVID.
And at the time, my daughterhad a podcast.
And I said, Well, if I can'tget in front of people, I'm
(15:03):
going to have a podcast.
And it just kind of evolvedinto, okay, who am I going to
talk to?
And it is, it's going to bewomen in midlife like me.
And I just built it aroundmidlife with courage.
And that just kind of evolvedinto the last actually 2025 was
my my year of change.
(15:25):
I realized I love the podcast.
I love doing it.
But I was calling it anexpensive hobby.
Michele Folan (15:32):
Oh, let me tell you, sister.
I know.
It is.
It is an expensive hobby.
Kim Benoy (15:40):
Yeah.
And I love it.
And it's been going strong foralmost five years now.
But last year I decided, okay,I need to do something more with
it.
I mean, I'm doing people loveit.
They love listening to thestories.
But now what?
What's the next thing?
So I decided I want to takethat into kind of a I hate to
say coach because I don't haveall this, you know, the full
(16:02):
training of coach, but I thinkof myself as a cheerleader or a
mentor for midlife women,helping them find their
confidence and their courageagain.
It's it's in there.
They just need to bring it out.
And so I've created a courageand confidence circle.
I'm doing some, I'm hoping todo some speaking this year.
I'm really kind of looking foropportunities for that.
(16:23):
Just building connection withother women.
That's my ultimate goal withthis.
And now I feel like I'm usingthe podcast to really lead women
to that and help them know thatit's not listening to stories,
which are great.
It's what now, how can I helpyou with that, with what your
journey is, if that makes sense.
Michele Folan (16:41):
Yeah, it does.
You said something that thatcourage is in there.
It's almost like we need to goback to when we were 12, 10, 12
years old, when we didn't reallyworry about what other people
thought.
Nope.
Right.
No.
We were willing to try newthings.
Right.
You know, we weren't afraid.
(17:03):
And you know, someone said tome once, you know, go back to uh
doing things that you like todo when you were a kid.
So if that was acting, maybe itwas art, maybe it was whatever,
uh dancing.
But why do we say, oh, I'm 60,I'm almost 62.
(17:27):
Is it too late for me to takedancing lessons?
No, absolutely not.
I took tap dance lessons a fewyears ago.
It was how many did you?
unknown (17:36):
Yes.
Michele Folan (17:37):
Oh my God, that's so funny.
I was I was at the gymyesterday and they have a
clogging class.
Oh my gosh.
For for beginners.
And I thought, wow, clogging.
Clogging.
But that could be get great forfitness.
Kim Benoy (17:53):
Yeah, you could really.
I mean, if you really need tolike get some energy out, like
just when you're really upsetwith something, it's a clog,
clog, clog, clog.
Michele Folan (18:01):
I'm I'm just afraid I get there and I'd I'd
be the youngest person by 20years in the class, you know.
But anyway, but that but that'skind of what I'm saying.
It it's we kind of almost needto, if I'm hearing you
correctly, is that we almostneed to go back to that youthful
exuberance that we had.
Yes.
(18:22):
That what nothing's gonna stopme.
I could do whatever I want, youknow.
Well, why?
Yeah why why do we lose that,right?
Okay, Kim.
How do you decide whichconversations are worth having
on your show?
What what's your what's yourgauge on that?
Kim Benoy (18:39):
I always think of what my listeners want to hear
and go with that.
What I know because I've gottenfeedback is they don't want
someone who's selling something.
So I kind of tend to veer awayfrom those kinds of
conversations.
When people want to be on mypodcast, I get a lot of pitches
(19:01):
to be on it.
And if their first thing is,well, I have this program and
then I wrote a book and I havethis, I want to hear your story.
And I won't automatically say,nope, sorry.
I will actually say to them oryou know, respond back, okay,
that's great.
Tell me your story.
How did you decide to get tothis point to offer these
(19:23):
things, which are great?
I don't think that's bad.
I mean, I'm doing the samething, but the the listeners
want to hear stories becausethat's where they get their
inspiration.
So if there's a story, there'ssome people you can just I just
feel it like, oh, my listenerswould love this, or I know I
would love this, so I'm gonnashare it.
You know, it's just it's anintuitive thing, and it's also
kind of a practical thing.
(19:45):
My listeners don't want to besold anything, you know, want to
be sold to, if that makessense.
Michele Folan (19:50):
Yeah, and I agree, I agree, and I I probably
turn down a lot of guests whoare peddling the new supplement
or whatever.
It's just but you're right,everybody does have a story to
tell.
And who who really lights youup?
Like when you put a guest infront of the mic, who do you go?
(20:12):
Oh, I just love these kind ofconversations.
Kim Benoy (20:15):
I love people who or women who have a a challenge, a
physical challenge, is for one,is something that really, you
know.
I I just interviewed someone,her episode will be out.
I don't know when this willair, but it's in it will be
coming out in February.
As a teenager, she fell througha theater floor and was
(20:40):
paralyzed.
And so she's been in awheelchair since then, and now
she's in her 40s, and herattitude is just amazing.
And I just I had to have her onthe show.
I said, I really need to haveyou come on.
And she was, of course, morethan happy.
But those kinds of stories, Ijust anyone who's any woman
who's overcome a challenge, andit doesn't have to be a huge
(21:01):
challenge like that.
It could be, you know what?
I I walked in the house one dayand my husband said he wanted
to divorce me, and it was, youknow, a 30-year marriage or
whatever, and I didn't know whatto do, but they found a way and
they're thriving.
I love that because that tellssomeone who's listening who
might be in a similar situationthat they can overcome whatever
it is they have going on too.
Michele Folan (21:22):
You know, and that is a great point because
you know, just to hear howsomebody picked themselves up, I
mean, that's that's a commonthat's a common thing.
You know, something awfulhappens and you you gotta figure
out your way forward.
And that can be a great sourceof inspiration for someone.
(21:42):
In your experience, though,what does courage actually look
like in midlife?
Not not the Instagram quoteversion.
But what does that what doesthat look like to you?
Kim Benoy (21:55):
Courage to me is is small.
It might be something that.
Someone else doesn't evennotice, but you did it.
Maybe you spoke up in a meetingat work.
Maybe you set a boundary withsomeone that has been not there
(22:15):
before.
Whatever it is, this even ifit's so small that only you
notice it, whatever it it wasthat made you kind of sit up and
go, Oh, I did that.
And that was amazing.
That's courage to me.
Michele Folan (22:30):
Yeah.
Kim Benoy (22:30):
So it's a vague answer, but yeah.
Michele Folan (22:33):
I'm curious, have you ever had a guest that said
something that personallychanged you?
Kim Benoy (22:40):
I've had so many.
It's hard to I I know.
I have there is there was onelady, she's actually actually
local to me.
And her it's a horrible thingthat happened.
Her um, she had three daughterswho were tragically um murdered
by her ex.
And just the attitude she has,that would have put me over the
(23:07):
edge.
I I don't know what I would do,but just her her attitude and
her willingness to take thathorrible thing that happened and
just keep going out in theworld and spreading kindness and
letting people know thatthey're whatever it is they're
going through, they're gonna beokay or they can be okay.
(23:28):
That changed me a lot, I think,because just have that, just
that attitude, like, and it'snot well, she lost her kids and
I can get through anything ifshe can do that.
It's more of no, she came, shewent within herself to find that
strength and she found it, andhere she is thriving.
And I'm sure she I know she hasbad days too, but she's still
(23:51):
out there and she's stillspreading kindness and joy, and
I think that's amazing.
Michele Folan (23:56):
What do you think is something that women think
they need to feel confidentbefore they act, but actually
don't?
Kim Benoy (24:06):
I I think they need I think they think that they need
to look the certain way, theyneed to have this the the body,
the Instagram body thateverybody's, you know, just do
this and you'll look lose allthe the menopause weight and all
that kind of stuff.
I think they need to look, Ireally do think that they feel
(24:27):
like they they need to look acertain way to do what they want
to do, but they don't.
We know, you know, I know.
No.
Michele Folan (24:34):
No, I know, I know, because guess what?
You can lose 25 pounds, but youstill got all the other shit.
Kim Benoy (24:41):
That's right.
It's still there, it's stillwaiting for you.
Michele Folan (24:44):
And so it's you gotta do the inner work first.
And and sometimes if you if youI don't know if you agree with
this, but once you do the innerwork, then the the how you feel
about the outside matters awhole lot less.
Right.
Because you you care less aboutwhat other people think.
(25:05):
You you you have thatconfidence that comes from the
inside out.
Yes.
Yes.
Because losing 20 pounds isn'tgonna solve all your problems.
Kim Benoy (25:14):
No, you can lose it on the outside, but if the
inside doesn't change, forgetit.
You're just gonna be back whereyou were before.
Michele Folan (25:21):
You know, I had uh a doctor on the podcast this
week, so this is the second weekof January, and she she said,
Well, we we talked a lot aboutweight loss because that's her
specialty.
And she she commented about thepsychological weight of losing
(25:42):
weight.
Oh, okay, and how you may beidentified, like it's you've
always been maybe the the biggerperson, or and and then all of
a sudden you aren't, and how youstop identifying as that person
that you you were on theoutside, not the inside, but who
(26:03):
you were on the outside.
She says it's you know, uh shesays, you know, we're treating
the whole patient.
Yes, it's not we're not justtreating the weight, we're
treating the the psychologicalimpact of the weight loss.
Kim Benoy (26:18):
Is it I listened to that episode?
That was very good.
Michele Folan (26:21):
Oh, you did.
Okay.
Yeah, that was with Dr.
uh Sallas Whalen.
And um so anyway, but but I Ithink that's that is such an
interesting observation that youknow we don't we don't have to
we don't have to check off everysingle box before we say we're
ready to do something.
And that I think is the messagethat you and I both talk about.
(26:43):
It's if you wait until you feellike you're totally ready, you
won't do it.
Yes, it just it ain't not gonnahappen.
Yeah, yeah.
Kim Benoy (26:53):
Yeah, Michelle, someday never comes.
Someday is not an actual day.
If you don't wait for somedayfor something to happen, or you
know, for some like like yousaid, yeah, you have to you have
to take action, and that's ahuge lesson for a lot of women
to learn.
Michele Folan (27:08):
Yeah.
Can you share a client orlistener story where someone
truly stepped into a braverversion of herself?
Oh my goodness.
So many.
I know.
You probably have so many.
Episode like 250 something.
So I didn't tell you I wasgonna ask you that question.
Kim Benoy (27:27):
So that's okay.
That's good.
That's a challenge.
That's good.
Um, I like a challenge.
I think one and this might bealong the lines that you're
asking.
I just did my first session ofmy courage and confidence
circle, and one of the women inthe group wanted to speak up at
work.
(27:47):
She had this situation at workwhere she felt like she was not
confident enough to speak up.
And I had kind of, I don't knowher.
I mean, she lives the otherside of the country, but she had
mentioned that she works withhorses.
And I've had horses before, notanymore, but and I I just was
talking to her and I said, youknow, when you work with that
(28:10):
thousand-pound animal, you haveto have confidence.
Otherwise, that animal's gonnarun you right over or do
whatever it wants to do.
And I said, take that feelingthat you have, that confidence
that you have with that horse, Imean with an animal, and kind
of bring it with you to workwhen you're thinking about,
okay, I'm I need to have thisconversation or I need to speak
(28:32):
up, feel that confidence andthen use that to interact with
your boss or whoever it happenedto be.
And she's like, Oh, I neverthought of that before.
And then she came back later,she said, Yeah, that really did
help me.
I was able to, you know, usethat confidence that I use in
this other area of my life anduse it at work.
So I love that was amazing tome.
(28:52):
Like, oh yeah, it works.
Michele Folan (28:55):
It you know, it's like having that confidence
person on your shoulder, yeah,whispering in your ear.
Kim Benoy (29:00):
Yeah, don't back down.
Michele Folan (29:02):
Yeah, yeah.
Kim Benoy (29:03):
Or even stand your ground, girl.
You you got this, you got this.
Yeah.
Just put your knee.
Like, I'll be on your shoulder.
Yeah.
No, just but thinking about, Ilove to say it's almost like a a
confidence resume or a liferesume, I think I've called it,
where you kind of look back atyour life and what are the
things that you've done.
Okay, well, let's see.
I went to nursing school.
(29:24):
I had two year olds at thetime.
I've been married for 37 years.
That's a big thing.
But just maybe your thing is,you know what?
I keep getting out of bed everymorning, even though I'm really
having some emotional issues ordepression or whatever it
happens to be.
Think about those things andlist them out and see.
You've already done theseamazing things.
That gives you a base to go outand you can do even more if
(29:46):
that's what you want to do.
Yeah.
I just get lit up about that.
I just love that.
Yeah.
Michele Folan (29:50):
And you know, this is something we've we've
covered career topics on on thepodcast quite a bit.
And I don't as much now becausewe've really focused more on,
you know, the health andwellness.
But you know, I thinkoftentimes we minimize the
experiences that we've we have.
Yes.
You know, raising kids, runninga house, volunteering, running
(30:16):
this committee, raising moneyfor this.
I mean, those are all skillsand talents and experience that
are valuable to ourorganization.
And my hope for women is thatwhether you're 45, 55, 65, or
beyond, is that you embrace thatexperience is value.
(30:37):
I just, because that alwaysmakes me say I feel like, oh, I
was just a stay-at-home mom.
I'm like, don't say that youwere just a stay-home mom,
because you've done so much morethan that.
Kim Benoy (30:49):
That that four-letter word, that just is a
four-letter word.
I I actually have a little talkabout that, but we use that a
lot and we don't realize it.
And when I catch other womendoing it, I'll go, hey, uh-uh,
you didn't just do this, you didthis.
And like, oh yeah, you'reright.
Michele Folan (31:07):
I used just in an email the other day and I
caught myself and I I took itout.
Yeah.
Kim Benoy (31:12):
The reason that came to me years ago when I was a
younger nurse, I would walk intorooms and I, you know, you
knock on the door and say, Hey,it's Kim coming in.
I would say, Oh, it's just thenurse coming in, or it's just
Kim coming in.
And one day a patient said tome, You need to stop saying
that.
I'm like, What?
Don't use the word just.
You are the nurse.
(31:33):
And at the time I was, oh,okay.
And I didn't do it anymore, butI just recently was thinking
about it.
Wow, what a huge statement thatwas.
And I just, it started me, andnow I don't even, if I catch
myself thinking it, I'll stopmyself.
So yeah, I'm like the justpolice going around to people.
She's a business person.
(31:57):
She said, Oh, I just had 11people sign up for my whatever
program.
I said, You had 11 people signup for your program.
You know, just stop minimizingyourself.
Michele Folan (32:07):
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, what do you think ispossible for women when they
stop trying to go back to whothey were and start building who
they want to be now?
Kim Benoy (32:20):
There's no limit to what women can do, I feel.
The more that I work with womenof this age, and the more I
listen, the more importantconnection is.
And we are so good atconnecting with each other.
And if we can do that as webuild our confidence, there's no
(32:42):
limit to what we can do.
We can, I mean, it soundsgrandiose or whatever, but we
can change the world.
We need we need more kindnessand joy, especially right now
with everything going on.
It's gonna start between peopleand midlife women are the
perfect people to do this.
We we start growing togetherand with each other, and we just
(33:03):
kind of bloom out and affectthose around us.
Michele Folan (33:07):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
And then Kim, you have yourcoaching circle and you have
another one coming up here in2026.
Tell us a little bit aboutthat, how that works, and how
people can get involved.
Kim Benoy (33:21):
Yeah, if it's a three-month program at the
moment.
This is how I'm starting it.
And we meet over Zoom once amonth for about an hour to 90
minutes, and I go over a littlebit of content, if you want to
call it that.
Uh, the first month we talkabout mindset, the second month
we talk about um the fear ofchange and how that affects our
(33:41):
confidence.
And the third month is abouttaking action and how competence
relates to confidence.
And so we meet once a month inthe over Zoom, and then I'm
doing a mid-kind of a mid-monthcheck-in because I found that
that month in between meetingswas too long to be talking to
each other.
Um, but it's just a reallygreat, I only talk for maybe 10,
(34:06):
15 minutes, but and then wekind of interact, and I'm
finding the the value in it isfrom the women connecting with
each other and sharing, youknow, how they're feeling and
how they look at their ownconfidence.
And it's been amazing.
And then as part of that, theyare in a um an online community,
a school online communitycalled Midlife with Courage.
(34:27):
And we do some interactions inthere as well.
And it's just a really, it'sjust a great one girl, one lady
called it cozy.
She said it just feels cozy andsupportive, and I just love you
know interacting with the otherwomen.
So I'm trying to, I'm doingthat.
I'm starting a new one March,March 3rd is the first date.
Um, if you go to my website,midlife with courage.com, very
(34:47):
first page, there'll be a spotwhere you can sign up for that.
Michele Folan (34:51):
Wonderful.
And I love that.
And and I'm big on thecommunity piece.
Yes, yes.
I just think that you knowthere's there's power in those
numbers when women can you knowfeed off each other, but also
realize they're not alone.
Kim Benoy (35:07):
Yes, yeah, that just builds on everything.
And that one of the things thatgot me into this whole
everything, I had a situation ata a vendor event where I was
selling my oils and it was allwomen.
It was purposely made to be allwomen.
And I realized at the end ofthe day, end of the day how
supportive everyone was of eachother.
There was no competing, therewas no catty, don't go to her
(35:32):
table, come to my table, kind ofthing, which I've seen before.
And I thought, oh my gosh, howwonderful was that?
And I thought, well, we cankeep doing that.
Let's keep doing that.
How can I make that happenagain?
So kind of all of this has kindof stemmed right from that
little situation.
So are you still doing theoils?
I do a little bit.
(35:53):
I love to create blends forpeople.
I have a lady who has a, shewanted a scar serum that I I was
just dying to make for her andand it worked wonderfully.
So I keep, you know, makingthat for her.
But um, I don't take my stuffaround to sales anymore.
That just wasn't what I wantedto do anymore.
(36:13):
But if anyone wants me to makea product, I will uh and make a
heel balm.
And there's some things on mywebsite.
I have a lot of roller bottlesthere too.
So I will do it.
It's just kind of a like asecondary part right now of what
I'm doing.
It's your side hustle.
Michele Folan (36:27):
Side hustle, yeah.
unknown (36:28):
Yeah.
Michele Folan (36:31):
So Kim Benoy, if a woman is listening today and
feels restless, stuck, quietlyunhappy, which there's a lot out
there, but scared to rock theboat, what would you want her to
hear?
Kim Benoy (36:46):
I would want her to hear that she matters.
And if if there's a thought inher head of something else she
wants to do, there's a reasonfor that.
And she should find that firststep towards it.
And it might be looking up in abook, whatever it happens to
be, or it might just be tellingsomeone that you want to do
(37:08):
that.
Whatever that little tiny stepis, take it because you are
worth it and you are beautifuland valued, and We need you to
do what you want to do.
Michele Folan (37:19):
You know what I say?
I say, if you tell someoneyou're gonna do it, then you
gotta do it.
Then you have to do it.
I said it's like chucking theball over the fence and you
can't go get the ball.
Can't go get it once you onceyou once you throw the ball over
the fence, you can't go get it.
That's right.
(37:39):
That's why I post about myselfexercising because I'm not very
good at it.
Well, it keeps you accountable.
Kim Benoy (37:46):
Exactly.
Michele Folan (37:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, Kim Benoy, this was a lotof fun.
Thank you for being a guesttoday on Asking for a Friend.
Thank you so much, Michele, forhaving me.
I really enjoyed it.
Before you go, thank you forbeing here.
If you want to go a littledeeper, make sure you check out
the show notes for this episode.
That's where I link anything wementioned, resources, partners,
(38:09):
or tools I actually use andtrust.
And if you're not already onthe Asking for a Friend
community newsletter, that'swhere I share practical midlife
tips, favorite finds, recipes,and the things that don't always
make it onto the podcast orInstagram.
You'll find the link to join inthe show notes.
Take care, and I'll see younext week.
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