March 6, 2026 • 17 mins
Last week was the first time in a long time that I missed an episode of Hi Pod! I’m Dad. The reason was simple: I lost my voice.
At first I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. My son Lucas is nonverbal, and I’ve always believed we don’t need words to communicate with each other. But once my voice was gone, I realized pretty quickly that we actually rely on those words more than I thought.
That experience led into something I wrote about this week on the blog: autism appreciation. I talk about why appreciating my son’s autism doesn’t mean pretending life is easy or ignoring the real challenges that come with raising a child with severe autism. Those things are real. I just choose not to make them the focus of our story.
Lucas is honest in a way most people aren’t. If he’s happy, he’s happy. If he loves you, he loves you. There’s no pretending, no manipulation, no trying to be something he isn’t. That honesty is part of what makes him who he is.
I also talk about how surviving a quintuple bypass in 2012 changed the way I see life and parenting. It made me realize that the moments we have right now matter more than the worries about the future.
Lucas doesn’t need a movie ending to be a hero. He doesn’t need hidden powers or some big milestone to make his story meaningful.
He’s already Lucas. And that’s enough for me.
It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.
Follow Us On TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
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Episode Transcript
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James Guttman (00:00):
It's the journey made with Hi Pod I'm Dad.
Guys, it's James Guttman.
It is HiPod I'm Dad.
Thank you once again forfinding us.
It is another Friday.
As you know, I am the host ofHiPod I'm Dad.
I am the dad behind HiblogomDad.com.
And rarely, if ever, is there aweek off from the podcast or
(00:21):
from the blog.
But last week there was nopodcast because in a rare moment
I was sick, which normallydoesn't stop me.
Um I try to come in, I try tostill do the podcast when I can,
but the universe decided that Iwasn't going to have a voice
anymore.
So I literally lost my voice,which is incredibly rare.
(00:43):
Never happens, and I know itnever happens because when it
did, I thought to myself, oh,this'll be a good test.
My son Lucas, he's nonverbal,he has autism, he's 14 years
old.
I don't need words tocommunicate with Lucas.
We can just, you know,pantomime to each other and kind
of get through it, and he'llfollow along and I'll follow
(01:03):
along.
But like most things when itcomes to um autism and
interacting with my son, Ilearned that things that I
assume aren't always things thathappen.
And in what I can only describeas surprising, we both needed
words, right?
So it was almost impossible forme not to say things to him.
(01:24):
Like I'm doing hand gesturesand waving and hi and come on,
but I don't know, man.
I live in my world, and in myworld, silence can sometimes
feel a little uh disconnected.
So rather than doing that, I'msitting there gargling at him,
like you know, Robert Kennedytrying to get him to come with
me.
I'm like, I'm waving to him,like, come on, come on, come on.
And he's ignoring me, and I'mlike, come on, and then he gets
(01:46):
up and he goes, um, which isalso him, because Lucas, again,
has no words of his own, but hisreceptive language is really
good.
So if you tell him, give meyour cup, he'll hand you his
cup.
If you do the motion for thecup, he might give it to you.
But I find that he's more um intune with what you want when
(02:09):
you're able to use your words.
So that was a surprising momentfor me last week, but that's
why I was gone.
I'm here this week, and I'mglad, and I appreciate you guys
uh finding us once again.
Now, I wrote on Monday a blogpost that kind of piggybacked
off of this quote that I hadposted on Facebook and Instagram
about autism appreciation,which, as you guys know, is the
(02:32):
crux of what I do here,explaining how you know my son's
personality because of autismis beautiful.
There's things that he doesthat other people don't do.
And I've had others try to turnaround and say, well, if he if
he didn't have autism, he'dstill be the same person and he
would, but there are definitelysocial restraints that are put
(02:54):
on all of us, right?
If I'm excited about something,I have to be excited in a way
that's presentable to the restof the world.
I can't run through arestaurant clapping and jumping
and screaming with delightbecause I'm worried about what
everybody would think.
My son does not care whatanybody thinks, and a big part
of that is because of autism.
Uh, Lucas is not fake with hisemotions.
(03:17):
If he loves you, he loves you.
If he's sad, he's sad.
If he's angry, he's angry.
There's never manipulation.
There's never the attempt to umportray himself as something
other than what he is.
If he wants pirate booty, hewants pirate booty.
He doesn't want it because youbought it for him and you're
(03:38):
gonna feel bad.
I might as well eat this.
That's not what he does.
You know, Lucas doesn't care.
I had one day, I remember wewere downstairs watching TV and
he wanted to run upstairs to hisroom.
I'm like, Lucas, no, come, comehere, stay with me.
Come on, hey, buddy, come on,stay, stay.
And he's like sitting therelistening to me beg him to stay
downstairs.
I'm like, come on, you don'thave to go upstairs.
(03:59):
And he's looking at me, I go,fine, you want to go, you can
get it.
And before I even got thewords, you can go fully out of
my mouth, he was gone.
Um, so yeah, that's what's andit's cute because on a selfish
level, you turn around and yougo, Well, he left you.
That's not cool, but no, man,on a purity and um and being
true to himself level.
(04:20):
I have so much respect forthat.
I'd rather be around a personlike that than somebody who's
gonna play word games or dancearound, or you know, I didn't
really mean it.
When I told you that, I thoughtthat you wanted, you know, and
he doesn't do that.
You know, Lucas doesn't, ifthere's one slice of pizza left,
he's not like, hmm, should Ieat it?
Someone else might want, hedoesn't do any of that.
(04:41):
If he wants it, he wants it.
If he doesn't, he doesn't.
You know, and it's up to me ashis dad to be like, no, Lucas,
you gotta wait.
That's for somebody else.
But I don't know, there's not alot of people like that.
And that's what I respect andthat's what I love about him.
Now, so I write this blog postabout autism appreciation being
more about me than about him.
And the response was huge.
This was like one of the mostresponded to um posts that we've
(05:04):
had on High Blog on Facebook.
It was amazing.
Just like a thousand reactionsand like a hundred comments, and
like 99% of them are all, youknow, oh, I see it in my child
too.
Now, we don't have the exactsame lives, right?
Like we all have differentkids, we all have different
situations.
So I don't know or expectanyone ever to agree 100% with
(05:24):
what I do.
But I had people on the flipside turn around and be like,
well, my child has this, and Idon't love autism because of
this.
And they'll tell me theirsituation, which is in some ways
different than my situation.
Lucas has severe autism,profound severe autism.
I dance, I'll say dance aroundbecause that's not the right way
(05:46):
to put it.
I respect his privacy, right?
So I won't tell you specificson what he can and can't do, the
things that I need to help himwith and not help him with.
I say tying his shoes as acatch-all to give you an idea
that there are things that youdo for toddlers and even earlier
than that, that I still do forLucas, right?
I'm not gonna betray him, I'mnot gonna tell you what those
(06:07):
things are, but just restassured.
If I wanted to write a blogabout the difficulties that come
with raising a boy like him, Icould do it.
I could complain all day long.
I could do it about anything,though, right?
We all can.
I could complain about being anadult, paying my bills, I can
complain about raising myneurotypical daughter who's 17,
(06:28):
and oh my god, being a singledad with a 17-year-old daughter.
There's a lot of things thatare easy to complain about, and
Lucas is a part of my life, andhe's one of them, and there's a
lot of work and worry andconcerns and at times
misunderstandings that play outin our lives.
I don't ignore those things.
(06:50):
In fact, I acknowledge themthroughout my writing.
I don't focus on those things.
That's the only difference.
They exist and they're real,and a big part of autism
appreciation is accepting thatthose things exist and they're
real.
And that's why I don't portrayhim as a superhero.
(07:12):
I don't portray him astelepathic.
I don't pretend he understandseverything.
Because the reality of who myson is is why I love him.
He doesn't need to be anythingdifferent.
He doesn't need to have somesort of hidden power.
He doesn't need to counttoothpicks or whatever things
people associate sometimes withautism.
He doesn't need to do any ofthem.
(07:33):
He doesn't need to catch thefootball at the end of the
movie.
He doesn't need to go to prom.
He doesn't need to be ascientist or do artwork.
All these things that exist inour world, he doesn't need to do
them.
He could.
I'll be proud of him if that'swhat he wants to do and that's
what he goes on to do.
But autism appreciation is thefact that I am proud of my son
(07:54):
and I love my son simply forbeing my son.
Even if everything he does isonly in his world, I love him
for it.
They don't make a lot of moviesabout people with autism and
where the happy climax at theending is they're just
themselves.
You know, the movie doesn't endwith the kid sitting on a couch
(08:15):
playing on his iPad, eatingpirate booty, drinking orange
juice.
Mine does.
That's my boy.
I love who he is, and I look atall the beauty in his life.
Now, some people can't.
I get it.
I've explained before who I am,why I am the way I am.
I've always kind of been likethis to an extent.
(08:35):
I had a Quintemple bypass in2012.
It was a near-death experience,and I've had others.
There's been moments in my lifewhere I thought I was gonna
die, and you come out of it, andyou're like, oh, all right,
this is life.
That was the most pronouncedone, and that was the most
recent one, and that was theonly one as an adult that I had.
I thought I was dead the nightthat I was in a Quintumple
(08:56):
bypass.
It was an emergency, I had hada heart attack.
I've told the whole story amillion times.
But I went into that hospitalworried about my son not
speaking.
And I had surgery, and I cameout of that surgery wanting to
see both my children and notcaring about who speaks and who
has what.
These are my kids, and I lovedthem, and it changed my point of
(09:20):
view on things.
I focus on the positive momentsbecause why not?
No one's gonna give you a newset of cards because you
complain about your cards.
All you're gonna do is justremind yourself of the
difficulties over the positives.
That's how I live.
That's how I live every day ofmy life.
(09:40):
I talk about the waiter uhanalogy.
If you get the world's bestpasta served by the world's
worst waiter, where do you leadwhen you tell the story?
Do you start with the waiter orthe pasta?
I talk about the pasta.
I had this great pasta, it wasamazing.
Waiter was not so great, but ohmy God, you should try it.
That's how I would do it.
I know people, and maybe evenearlier in my life, I was one of
(10:02):
those people that would belike, dude, this waiter, oh my
God, the pasta was good, but ohmy God, he was terrible.
I don't want to live a negativelife.
And unfortunately, negative andpositive is really our own
perception.
It's what we choose to have itbe, right?
There's positives and there'snegatives in every single one of
(10:24):
our days.
And if I talk constantly aboutthe hardships and the heartache
and the problems, that becomesmy reality.
This is only for me, right?
So if I've had a day wherethere's like a hundred bad
things and there's five goodthings, and all I talk about are
the bad things, it sounds likeI have a pretty awful life.
But if I talk about the goodthings and kind of let the bad
(10:46):
things go away and move pastthem, I have a good life.
And I've learned to do that.
And not only learned to dothat, but it just kind of
naturally happened as the yearswent by.
I looked at everything that washappening and I saw with my
son, like, this is a verydifficult situation.
This is something parents fear.
I feared having a child who at14 is non-verbal, has severe
(11:08):
autism.
I'm sitting here helping himget dressed in the morning.
It's it sounds like such adifficult life.
But I also get to have thisunique relationship that I would
never have with anybody else.
There's nobody like Lucas.
I've never, I mean, I've beenaround people with autism, even
severe autism, but I live withthis kid and he's in my house
and he loves me and he relies onme and he makes me feel
(11:30):
important and he makes me feelcared for.
He shows up in my house.
He came over, you know, lastnight, he came back to me and he
walks into the house and hesees me and he jumps in the air
and he claps and he screams andthere's that big smile on his
face.
He makes me feel like acelebrity.
He makes me feel wanted, hemakes me feel loved.
And a lot of the way heexpresses that is part of
(11:52):
autism.
And that's why I can't hate it.
Now, look, Lucas has had autismsince I met him, since he
popped out.
This kid has had autism.
This has always been a thing.
It's not the kind of thingwhere, you know, oh, he was
advancing and then he fell, butno, he's always been on the
spectrum and he's alwaysstruggled with certain things
because of his autism.
So this is his personality,right?
(12:13):
Like Lucas, a lot of hispersonality is wrapped around
being on the autism spectrum,the way he sees the world, the
glares in the mirror, the glaresin the window, the glares in
people's eyes, the music helikes, starting, stopping, the
way he eats, the way he walks,the sounds he makes.
It's all from autism.
And I love this kid.
(12:34):
So honestly, if there was amagic wand, if there was some
sort of magical cure tomorrow tocure autism, and I woke up and
I went into his room and he'slike, Oh, dad, what's up, man?
He's like, I've been waiting toshake this off.
Now we can hang out.
I would be like, Who are you?
I don't know you, right?
I don't want that suddenchange.
I'd like to teach him things,and I still every day I work
(12:57):
with him.
Lucas, say hi.
Hi.
Try to get a hi out of him.
Now, if he naturally learns howto say hi, that's great.
We'll build on that, we'll workon that.
But if he never does, I'm goodbecause he's Lucas, and Lucas is
awesome.
Now, all of this way ofthinking, right?
This is how I live my life.
I've never been happier thanI've been since adopting this,
(13:18):
since learning to be like this.
This is something that I love,something I try to tell people
about.
On top of everything else, Italk about the trust I build
with him and how to have thatrelationship with a boy like
him.
But in terms of me and how Isee him and how I see the world,
this is my own way of doingthings.
Do you have to do it?
No.
No one else has to do it.
(13:39):
I it'd be great if you did.
It it helped me.
I think you could help otherpeople.
But I don't need people to dothe things that I do.
And so many people assume thatI do, right?
Because I've had people try totalk me out of it.
I post an article like this.
Oh, I appreciate my son'sautism.
And nowhere in the article am Ilike, if you don't do this,
you're a bad parent and you'regonna be terrible.
And no, none of that.
(14:01):
This is who I am, this is whatI do, this is why I do it.
And people will shoot back atme with, you know, well, life is
pretty hard, and you don'tunderstand.
It's like, well, you're notgonna convince me to be you.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I'm not doing it to you.
And the best example of this, Idon't know if I've talked about
this on here, but since mysurgery, I'm uh pescatarian,
which sounds incrediblypretentious, but pretentious?
(14:22):
Moi.
Um, which basically means thatI don't I stopped eating red
meat, I started eating hardhealthy.
I kind of cut poultry out.
I'm like, yeah, if I'm notgonna eat fried chicken, I'm not
gonna bother.
I cook all food for my kids,but for me, I the only real
protein that I eat outside ofyou know chickpeas or whatever,
are fish of some sort.
(14:43):
And I will tell this to people,and you will be amazed.
And I don't know how much of itis them being harassed by
vegans or whatever it is, howmany people will turn around and
be like, well, I'm gonna eatmeat myself.
I'm like, okay, I've hadsomebody do that.
I'm like, well, I'm apescatarian, I don't eat meat.
Well, I'm gonna eat meat, andI'm like, okay, who cares?
Eat whatever you want, enjoymore fish for me.
(15:03):
Like, what do you want me tosay?
And I think people make thatassumption.
When you tell them aboutsomething in your life, they
assume you're gonna push it onthem and make them be like that.
That's never been what thisblog is, and that's not what our
life is.
The idea of what I do when itrelates to like how to relate to
Lucas and trust and buildingthose things, those are things I
think are important.
I think parents with kids whoare nonverbal or on the spectrum
(15:25):
should listen to that and tryto build trust.
I think there's nothing moreimportant than it.
I don't think you shouldvideotape your kids' meltdowns
and put them online.
I don't think you should stokenegative reactions from your
kids, which I've seen on TikTokand they make me want to cry for
these kids.
I don't think those thingsshould happen.
When it comes to how you viewthe world, how you view your
situation, I can't make you viewit any other way.
(15:46):
I can simply tell you that Ihave never been happier than I
am, having seen the world theway I do.
I appreciate Lucas, Iappreciate my life, and I
appreciate the beautiful partsof his personality that come
from autism while at the sametime, important, acknowledging
the things in his life that aredifficult because of autism.
(16:08):
One does not erase the other.
It's just what do you put afocus on?
What do you think is moreimportant, and what do you want
to tell people about, right?
I don't complain about my son.
I don't complain about himonline, I don't complain about
him to people.
Don't get me wrong, we havehard moments.
We have some mornings where I'mjust like, what am I gonna do?
And I wrote about that.
We've had middle of the nightmoments that you have to deal
(16:30):
with.
But at the end, I try to putmyself in his shoes and I try to
remember as difficult it is forme, how difficult is it for
this kid to not know if hiswants and needs are gonna be
communicated to people whoaren't his dad?
And that's kind of a scarything.
So I try to always rememberthis is my son, and I love him,
and I look at the things thatI've told you about about him
(16:53):
that to me outweigh thenegatives and the difficulties,
the worries, the concerns, thefact that, you know, he's gonna
need chronic care, someone'sgonna have to care for him, I'm
gonna be dead one day.
All the concerns that peoplehave when raising a boy like
him, I have them too.
I absolutely have them too.
I just don't focus on them inour day-to-day.
You know why?
Because all we have is rightnow.
(17:14):
The time that I have with himright now exists today and here,
and one day it's gonna be gone.
And the time for thosenegatives of worrying, where's
he gonna go?
What are we gonna do?
And oh my God, what's gonnahappen after me?
All that's coming, and thoseare gonna be pressing issues at
some point, but they're notpressing issues now.
All I can do is prepare for it,get myself ready, and focus on
(17:36):
the parts of our lives and onhis personality that I love.
And that's the whole point ofautism appreciation, and that's
what I do, and that does it forme, guys.
Until next Friday, this isJames Gubman saying, be well.
Check me out on the blog,hiblogomdad.com Monday.
I'll be back with that.
Until then, byepod.
I'm dad.
It's the journey made with Hi Pod I'm Dad.
Guys, it's James Guttman.
It is HiPod I'm Dad.
Thank you once again forfinding us.
It is another Friday.
As you know, I am the host ofHiPod I'm Dad.
I am the dad behind HiblogomDad.com.
And rarely, if ever, is there aweek off from the podcast or
(00:21):
from the blog.
But last week there was nopodcast because in a rare moment
I was sick, which normallydoesn't stop me.
Um I try to come in, I try tostill do the podcast when I can,
but the universe decided that Iwasn't going to have a voice
anymore.
So I literally lost my voice,which is incredibly rare.
(00:43):
Never happens, and I know itnever happens because when it
did, I thought to myself, oh,this'll be a good test.
My son Lucas, he's nonverbal,he has autism, he's 14 years
old.
I don't need words tocommunicate with Lucas.
We can just, you know,pantomime to each other and kind
of get through it, and he'llfollow along and I'll follow
(01:03):
along.
But like most things when itcomes to um autism and
interacting with my son, Ilearned that things that I
assume aren't always things thathappen.
And in what I can only describeas surprising, we both needed
words, right?
So it was almost impossible forme not to say things to him.
(01:24):
Like I'm doing hand gesturesand waving and hi and come on,
but I don't know, man.
I live in my world, and in myworld, silence can sometimes
feel a little uh disconnected.
So rather than doing that, I'msitting there gargling at him,
like you know, Robert Kennedytrying to get him to come with
me.
I'm like, I'm waving to him,like, come on, come on, come on.
And he's ignoring me, and I'mlike, come on, and then he gets
(01:46):
up and he goes, um, which isalso him, because Lucas, again,
has no words of his own, but hisreceptive language is really
good.
So if you tell him, give meyour cup, he'll hand you his
cup.
If you do the motion for thecup, he might give it to you.
But I find that he's more um intune with what you want when
(02:09):
you're able to use your words.
So that was a surprising momentfor me last week, but that's
why I was gone.
I'm here this week, and I'mglad, and I appreciate you guys
uh finding us once again.
Now, I wrote on Monday a blogpost that kind of piggybacked
off of this quote that I hadposted on Facebook and Instagram
about autism appreciation,which, as you guys know, is the
(02:32):
crux of what I do here,explaining how you know my son's
personality because of autismis beautiful.
There's things that he doesthat other people don't do.
And I've had others try to turnaround and say, well, if he if
he didn't have autism, he'dstill be the same person and he
would, but there are definitelysocial restraints that are put
(02:54):
on all of us, right?
If I'm excited about something,I have to be excited in a way
that's presentable to the restof the world.
I can't run through arestaurant clapping and jumping
and screaming with delightbecause I'm worried about what
everybody would think.
My son does not care whatanybody thinks, and a big part
of that is because of autism.
Uh, Lucas is not fake with hisemotions.
(03:17):
If he loves you, he loves you.
If he's sad, he's sad.
If he's angry, he's angry.
There's never manipulation.
There's never the attempt to umportray himself as something
other than what he is.
If he wants pirate booty, hewants pirate booty.
He doesn't want it because youbought it for him and you're
(03:38):
gonna feel bad.
I might as well eat this.
That's not what he does.
You know, Lucas doesn't care.
I had one day, I remember wewere downstairs watching TV and
he wanted to run upstairs to hisroom.
I'm like, Lucas, no, come, comehere, stay with me.
Come on, hey, buddy, come on,stay, stay.
And he's like sitting therelistening to me beg him to stay
downstairs.
I'm like, come on, you don'thave to go upstairs.
(03:59):
And he's looking at me, I go,fine, you want to go, you can
get it.
And before I even got thewords, you can go fully out of
my mouth, he was gone.
Um, so yeah, that's what's andit's cute because on a selfish
level, you turn around and yougo, Well, he left you.
That's not cool, but no, man,on a purity and um and being
true to himself level.
(04:20):
I have so much respect forthat.
I'd rather be around a personlike that than somebody who's
gonna play word games or dancearound, or you know, I didn't
really mean it.
When I told you that, I thoughtthat you wanted, you know, and
he doesn't do that.
You know, Lucas doesn't, ifthere's one slice of pizza left,
he's not like, hmm, should Ieat it?
Someone else might want, hedoesn't do any of that.
(04:41):
If he wants it, he wants it.
If he doesn't, he doesn't.
You know, and it's up to me ashis dad to be like, no, Lucas,
you gotta wait.
That's for somebody else.
But I don't know, there's not alot of people like that.
And that's what I respect andthat's what I love about him.
Now, so I write this blog postabout autism appreciation being
more about me than about him.
And the response was huge.
This was like one of the mostresponded to um posts that we've
(05:04):
had on High Blog on Facebook.
It was amazing.
Just like a thousand reactionsand like a hundred comments, and
like 99% of them are all, youknow, oh, I see it in my child
too.
Now, we don't have the exactsame lives, right?
Like we all have differentkids, we all have different
situations.
So I don't know or expectanyone ever to agree 100% with
(05:24):
what I do.
But I had people on the flipside turn around and be like,
well, my child has this, and Idon't love autism because of
this.
And they'll tell me theirsituation, which is in some ways
different than my situation.
Lucas has severe autism,profound severe autism.
I dance, I'll say dance aroundbecause that's not the right way
(05:46):
to put it.
I respect his privacy, right?
So I won't tell you specificson what he can and can't do, the
things that I need to help himwith and not help him with.
I say tying his shoes as acatch-all to give you an idea
that there are things that youdo for toddlers and even earlier
than that, that I still do forLucas, right?
I'm not gonna betray him, I'mnot gonna tell you what those
(06:07):
things are, but just restassured.
If I wanted to write a blogabout the difficulties that come
with raising a boy like him, Icould do it.
I could complain all day long.
I could do it about anything,though, right?
We all can.
I could complain about being anadult, paying my bills, I can
complain about raising myneurotypical daughter who's 17,
(06:28):
and oh my god, being a singledad with a 17-year-old daughter.
There's a lot of things thatare easy to complain about, and
Lucas is a part of my life, andhe's one of them, and there's a
lot of work and worry andconcerns and at times
misunderstandings that play outin our lives.
I don't ignore those things.
(06:50):
In fact, I acknowledge themthroughout my writing.
I don't focus on those things.
That's the only difference.
They exist and they're real,and a big part of autism
appreciation is accepting thatthose things exist and they're
real.
And that's why I don't portrayhim as a superhero.
(07:12):
I don't portray him astelepathic.
I don't pretend he understandseverything.
Because the reality of who myson is is why I love him.
He doesn't need to be anythingdifferent.
He doesn't need to have somesort of hidden power.
He doesn't need to counttoothpicks or whatever things
people associate sometimes withautism.
He doesn't need to do any ofthem.
(07:33):
He doesn't need to catch thefootball at the end of the
movie.
He doesn't need to go to prom.
He doesn't need to be ascientist or do artwork.
All these things that exist inour world, he doesn't need to do
them.
He could.
I'll be proud of him if that'swhat he wants to do and that's
what he goes on to do.
But autism appreciation is thefact that I am proud of my son
(07:54):
and I love my son simply forbeing my son.
Even if everything he does isonly in his world, I love him
for it.
They don't make a lot of moviesabout people with autism and
where the happy climax at theending is they're just
themselves.
You know, the movie doesn't endwith the kid sitting on a couch
(08:15):
playing on his iPad, eatingpirate booty, drinking orange
juice.
Mine does.
That's my boy.
I love who he is, and I look atall the beauty in his life.
Now, some people can't.
I get it.
I've explained before who I am,why I am the way I am.
I've always kind of been likethis to an extent.
(08:35):
I had a Quintemple bypass in2012.
It was a near-death experience,and I've had others.
There's been moments in my lifewhere I thought I was gonna
die, and you come out of it, andyou're like, oh, all right,
this is life.
That was the most pronouncedone, and that was the most
recent one, and that was theonly one as an adult that I had.
I thought I was dead the nightthat I was in a Quintumple
(08:56):
bypass.
It was an emergency, I had hada heart attack.
I've told the whole story amillion times.
But I went into that hospitalworried about my son not
speaking.
And I had surgery, and I cameout of that surgery wanting to
see both my children and notcaring about who speaks and who
has what.
These are my kids, and I lovedthem, and it changed my point of
(09:20):
view on things.
I focus on the positive momentsbecause why not?
No one's gonna give you a newset of cards because you
complain about your cards.
All you're gonna do is justremind yourself of the
difficulties over the positives.
That's how I live.
That's how I live every day ofmy life.
(09:40):
I talk about the waiter uhanalogy.
If you get the world's bestpasta served by the world's
worst waiter, where do you leadwhen you tell the story?
Do you start with the waiter orthe pasta?
I talk about the pasta.
I had this great pasta, it wasamazing.
Waiter was not so great, but ohmy God, you should try it.
That's how I would do it.
I know people, and maybe evenearlier in my life, I was one of
(10:02):
those people that would belike, dude, this waiter, oh my
God, the pasta was good, but ohmy God, he was terrible.
I don't want to live a negativelife.
And unfortunately, negative andpositive is really our own
perception.
It's what we choose to have itbe, right?
There's positives and there'snegatives in every single one of
(10:24):
our days.
And if I talk constantly aboutthe hardships and the heartache
and the problems, that becomesmy reality.
This is only for me, right?
So if I've had a day wherethere's like a hundred bad
things and there's five goodthings, and all I talk about are
the bad things, it sounds likeI have a pretty awful life.
But if I talk about the goodthings and kind of let the bad
(10:46):
things go away and move pastthem, I have a good life.
And I've learned to do that.
And not only learned to dothat, but it just kind of
naturally happened as the yearswent by.
I looked at everything that washappening and I saw with my
son, like, this is a verydifficult situation.
This is something parents fear.
I feared having a child who at14 is non-verbal, has severe
(11:08):
autism.
I'm sitting here helping himget dressed in the morning.
It's it sounds like such adifficult life.
But I also get to have thisunique relationship that I would
never have with anybody else.
There's nobody like Lucas.
I've never, I mean, I've beenaround people with autism, even
severe autism, but I live withthis kid and he's in my house
and he loves me and he relies onme and he makes me feel
(11:30):
important and he makes me feelcared for.
He shows up in my house.
He came over, you know, lastnight, he came back to me and he
walks into the house and hesees me and he jumps in the air
and he claps and he screams andthere's that big smile on his
face.
He makes me feel like acelebrity.
He makes me feel wanted, hemakes me feel loved.
And a lot of the way heexpresses that is part of
(11:52):
autism.
And that's why I can't hate it.
Now, look, Lucas has had autismsince I met him, since he
popped out.
This kid has had autism.
This has always been a thing.
It's not the kind of thingwhere, you know, oh, he was
advancing and then he fell, butno, he's always been on the
spectrum and he's alwaysstruggled with certain things
because of his autism.
So this is his personality,right?
(12:13):
Like Lucas, a lot of hispersonality is wrapped around
being on the autism spectrum,the way he sees the world, the
glares in the mirror, the glaresin the window, the glares in
people's eyes, the music helikes, starting, stopping, the
way he eats, the way he walks,the sounds he makes.
It's all from autism.
And I love this kid.
(12:34):
So honestly, if there was amagic wand, if there was some
sort of magical cure tomorrow tocure autism, and I woke up and
I went into his room and he'slike, Oh, dad, what's up, man?
He's like, I've been waiting toshake this off.
Now we can hang out.
I would be like, Who are you?
I don't know you, right?
I don't want that suddenchange.
I'd like to teach him things,and I still every day I work
(12:57):
with him.
Lucas, say hi.
Hi.
Try to get a hi out of him.
Now, if he naturally learns howto say hi, that's great.
We'll build on that, we'll workon that.
But if he never does, I'm goodbecause he's Lucas, and Lucas is
awesome.
Now, all of this way ofthinking, right?
This is how I live my life.
I've never been happier thanI've been since adopting this,
(13:18):
since learning to be like this.
This is something that I love,something I try to tell people
about.
On top of everything else, Italk about the trust I build
with him and how to have thatrelationship with a boy like
him.
But in terms of me and how Isee him and how I see the world,
this is my own way of doingthings.
Do you have to do it?
No.
No one else has to do it.
(13:39):
I it'd be great if you did.
It it helped me.
I think you could help otherpeople.
But I don't need people to dothe things that I do.
And so many people assume thatI do, right?
Because I've had people try totalk me out of it.
I post an article like this.
Oh, I appreciate my son'sautism.
And nowhere in the article am Ilike, if you don't do this,
you're a bad parent and you'regonna be terrible.
And no, none of that.
(14:01):
This is who I am, this is whatI do, this is why I do it.
And people will shoot back atme with, you know, well, life is
pretty hard, and you don'tunderstand.
It's like, well, you're notgonna convince me to be you.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I'm not doing it to you.
And the best example of this, Idon't know if I've talked about
this on here, but since mysurgery, I'm uh pescatarian,
which sounds incrediblypretentious, but pretentious?
(14:22):
Moi.
Um, which basically means thatI don't I stopped eating red
meat, I started eating hardhealthy.
I kind of cut poultry out.
I'm like, yeah, if I'm notgonna eat fried chicken, I'm not
gonna bother.
I cook all food for my kids,but for me, I the only real
protein that I eat outside ofyou know chickpeas or whatever,
are fish of some sort.
(14:43):
And I will tell this to people,and you will be amazed.
And I don't know how much of itis them being harassed by
vegans or whatever it is, howmany people will turn around and
be like, well, I'm gonna eatmeat myself.
I'm like, okay, I've hadsomebody do that.
I'm like, well, I'm apescatarian, I don't eat meat.
Well, I'm gonna eat meat, andI'm like, okay, who cares?
Eat whatever you want, enjoymore fish for me.
(15:03):
Like, what do you want me tosay?
And I think people make thatassumption.
When you tell them aboutsomething in your life, they
assume you're gonna push it onthem and make them be like that.
That's never been what thisblog is, and that's not what our
life is.
The idea of what I do when itrelates to like how to relate to
Lucas and trust and buildingthose things, those are things I
think are important.
I think parents with kids whoare nonverbal or on the spectrum
(15:25):
should listen to that and tryto build trust.
I think there's nothing moreimportant than it.
I don't think you shouldvideotape your kids' meltdowns
and put them online.
I don't think you should stokenegative reactions from your
kids, which I've seen on TikTokand they make me want to cry for
these kids.
I don't think those thingsshould happen.
When it comes to how you viewthe world, how you view your
situation, I can't make you viewit any other way.
(15:46):
I can simply tell you that Ihave never been happier than I
am, having seen the world theway I do.
I appreciate Lucas, Iappreciate my life, and I
appreciate the beautiful partsof his personality that come
from autism while at the sametime, important, acknowledging
the things in his life that aredifficult because of autism.
(16:08):
One does not erase the other.
It's just what do you put afocus on?
What do you think is moreimportant, and what do you want
to tell people about, right?
I don't complain about my son.
I don't complain about himonline, I don't complain about
him to people.
Don't get me wrong, we havehard moments.
We have some mornings where I'mjust like, what am I gonna do?
And I wrote about that.
We've had middle of the nightmoments that you have to deal
(16:30):
with.
But at the end, I try to putmyself in his shoes and I try to
remember as difficult it is forme, how difficult is it for
this kid to not know if hiswants and needs are gonna be
communicated to people whoaren't his dad?
And that's kind of a scarything.
So I try to always rememberthis is my son, and I love him,
and I look at the things thatI've told you about about him
(16:53):
that to me outweigh thenegatives and the difficulties,
the worries, the concerns, thefact that, you know, he's gonna
need chronic care, someone'sgonna have to care for him, I'm
gonna be dead one day.
All the concerns that peoplehave when raising a boy like
him, I have them too.
I absolutely have them too.
I just don't focus on them inour day-to-day.
You know why?
Because all we have is rightnow.
(17:14):
The time that I have with himright now exists today and here,
and one day it's gonna be gone.
And the time for thosenegatives of worrying, where's
he gonna go?
What are we gonna do?
And oh my God, what's gonnahappen after me?
All that's coming, and thoseare gonna be pressing issues at
some point, but they're notpressing issues now.
All I can do is prepare for it,get myself ready, and focus on
(17:36):
the parts of our lives and onhis personality that I love.
And that's the whole point ofautism appreciation, and that's
what I do, and that does it forme, guys.
Until next Friday, this isJames Gubman saying, be well.
Check me out on the blog,hiblogomdad.com Monday.
I'll be back with that.
Until then, byepod.
I'm dad.
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