March 13, 2026 • 13 mins
This week on Hi Pod! I’m Dad, I talk about something I’ve come to admire about my son Lucas as he’s gotten older: he never pretends.
Lucas is a nonverbal teenager with profound autism, and one of the things that stands out to me more and more is how real he is. He can’t fake a smile. He can’t hug someone just to be polite. If he’s happy, you see it. If he’s excited to see you, you know it. Everything about him is genuine.
I think about how many people spend time telling the world who they are — funny, generous, authentic — while Lucas simply shows you. There’s no performance, no pretending, and no trying to be the person someone else expects.
Years ago, when Lucas was very young, I worried I might never understand him without words. What I didn’t realize then is that I would end up understanding him better than most people I’ve ever met.
This episode is about authenticity, parenting, and why sometimes the person who says the least can still teach you the most.
It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.
Follow Us On TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:00):
It's the journey made with Pod HiPod I'm Dad.
Folks, it's James Guttman, thehost of HiPod I'm Dad, the dad
behind Hiblog I'm Dad.com.
Thank you for finding me onceagain on a Friday.
I appreciate it.
Um, this weather is stupid.
We had like we had like 30 feetof snow last week.
(00:21):
And now here we are.
It's pushing 70.
I'm debating whether or not Iput the air on.
Up and down, all over theplace.
And it seems like you can'teven trust the weather anymore
to be authentic in who they are,which is give it up, man, a
great segue.
Because this week I want totalk a little bit about the blog
that I wrote on Monday on HighBlog I'm Dad.
Uh, my nonverbal son neverpretends.
(00:43):
And I really liked writing thisone because it goes back to a
central theme that I talk abouta lot as it relates to my boy.
You know, Lucas is 14, just onthe cusp of 15.
And I like to tell people thepositives in his personality
that I attribute to him beingnonverbal, to him having autism.
And this becomes a debatesometimes with people.
I say, Well, my kid, you know,it's not the parts of autism
(01:06):
that make him great.
It's this.
Okay, that's your kid.
I'm talking about my kid.
But Lucas, he's had autismsince birth.
He has profound autism, severeautism, whatever label you want
to put on it.
And it affects his personalityin almost every single way.
Just the mere fact that he'snonverbal affects his
personality in so many differentways that there's no way to
(01:28):
really unlink who he is from hisautism, right?
And just like there aredefinitely challenges that come
with it.
You know, there's things thatwe have to teach him, there's
things he has to learn, allthose things, but there are also
positives in how he interactswith the world, how he sees the
world that I love and I like totell you guys about.
And so he doesn't have an ego,he doesn't, you know, there's
(01:50):
nothing false about this boy.
And I wrote about that onMonday.
And whenever I talk about thedifferences between him and, you
know, people who aren't on thespectrum, it sometimes sounds
like I'm trashing people.
And I don't know if I am.
Maybe I've met the wrongpeople, maybe I've been around
different places.
I've met good, I've met bad.
But I've definitely seenpersonality quirks in people
(02:12):
with a million words that Lucasdoes not have.
And that's what I wrote abouton Monday, right?
People will line up and tellyou who they are.
It doesn't matter if it's abumble date or it's a friend or
it's an acquaintance at a party.
People will sit down and tellyou, I'm witty.
I'm so witty.
Everyone says I'm witty.
They're like, you should be acomedian.
(02:33):
Oh my God, you're so witty.
And then you get to know themand you're like, this person is
not witty at all.
They just told me they were.
And that's a theme, man.
Like, I've never in my lifetold anybody, like, I'm really
smart.
Everyone's like, Why are you sosmart?
Like, I've never talked aboutany positive attribute or even
negative attribute about myselfin a way that almost declares
(02:55):
it.
Because that's not what you do.
I've kind of always learnedthat when you're good at
something, you tell everyone.
When you're great at something,they tell you, right?
But I think also just basicallybuilt into us.
And some people are completelywith me.
I would never, you know, go outthere and tell you anything
about the person I am.
It's the people who then tellyou stories about who they are.
(03:16):
And in that story, it showstheir personality.
I'm gonna give you an example,right?
It's one thing to tellsomebody, I'm very generous.
I'm so generous.
Like, oh my God.
Everyone says to me, they'relike, James, you're so generous.
You do such generous things.
And then the second you needsomething, or the second
somebody else needs something,they they don't give them
anything.
And you're like, oh, I thoughtthey were generous.
(03:36):
They said they were generous.
I'm more into people who willthen tell you a story about
something, and in that story,they do a generous thing, and
then I can turn around and belike, oh, this person is this
thing.
It's not about claiming to besomething.
I knew somebody who, theirwhole thing was that they were
authentic.
They would tell everyone theywere authentic, and this person
ended up being the leastauthentic person I ever met in
(03:57):
my life.
Those things happen.
My son is not like that.
My son is real.
My son doesn't know how to fakeanything.
Anything.
He can't fake a smile.
Every smile you've ever seen ina picture with this kid is
real.
There's none.
I can I've tried it.
I forget sometimes that hecan't.
(04:17):
I'll be like, Lucas, smile,smile.
He'll just like look at me andI'm like, oh, he doesn't, he
doesn't get it.
Lucas can't fake a smile.
He can't do a smile on command.
He can't do any expression oncommand.
He can't be like, Lucas, looksad.
Nope, not gonna happen.
Lucas, can you look tired?
That's why the whole joke Ialways tell people that all of
my pictures of Lucas are candid.
Because I have to catch them inthe moment.
So when Lucas is happy, I takea picture, he's smiling.
(04:39):
But there's no fake smiles fromhim.
There's no fake anything fromhim.
Lucas does not come up to meand it's it's even the smaller
things, right?
Like if Lucas wants somethingfrom me, he doesn't make puppy
dog eyes.
He doesn't get that that willget him what he wants.
He doesn't understand the pointof like if I'm cute, this
person's gonna want to give mestuff, I'll be cute to them.
(05:00):
If Lucas is being like sweet orcute, he just is.
That's just what he's doing.
That's how he feels in themoment.
He's playful, he's silly, helikes you.
There's no hugs for the sake ofgetting what he wants.
There's no trying to ingratiatehimself to people by doing
things he thinks they will want.
And when I talk about hisprofound autism and how it
(05:23):
affects it, it's because Lucasdoesn't understand that concept.
Honestly, and I know my sonbetter than anyone else on this
planet knows him.
Lucas doesn't understand thatthere are certain personality
traits that people want you tohave, that if you have them,
they then in turn reward you forthem, right?
Like if Lucas is nice to you,it's not because he thinks to
himself, like if I'm nice tothis guy, he's gonna give me a
(05:44):
cookie, or if I'm nice to thisguy, he's gonna be nice to me.
If Lucas is nice to you, he'sjust being nice to you.
He just knows to be nice, he'sin a good mood, that's his
personality, that's who he is.
So there's nothing fake aboutit.
Even coming to my house, andthat was the whole point of the
blog on Monday, he shows up, itwas his time to be with me for
the week, and I knew he wasexcited to be there.
(06:06):
Not because he tells me, notbecause he's like, Dad, I really
want to see you.
It's really excited, then hedoesn't show up, or like, you
know, dad, I can't wait to spendtime with you, and then he goes
sits in his room.
No, Lucas doesn't make anypromises.
Lucas doesn't make any, youknow, assurances about what he's
going to do when he arrives.
Lucas arrives, and I go into myhouse and I turn around and
(06:28):
he's jumping and he's clapping,and he's got a huge smile on his
face, and he's giving me a hug.
And he's doing that because hegets excited to see me and he's
excited to be back with me.
And that means more than anywords anyone else can tell me.
And there's again an irony toit, and I wrote it in the blog,
(06:48):
the idea that when he was ababy, I thought to myself, I'm
never going to be able tounderstand what this kid wants.
I'm never going to be able tounderstand who he is or, you
know, why he feels certain ways.
And I gotta tell you, Iunderstand him better than
everybody else.
I understand Lucas more withzero words than people who have
given me millions of words,people who have tied me up for
(07:10):
an entire day with like justarguing in circles about things.
And by the end, I'm like, whatare you even talking about?
Lucas doesn't talk aboutanything, and I understand him a
hundred percent.
And I have so much respect forthat.
And here's the funny part,right?
And this is the best part ofthis whole thing, and I want you
guys to remember this.
And if you have a child likehim and they're young and you're
concerned and you're worried,I'm gonna tell you this, and
(07:32):
this is what I think iswonderful.
All the lessons that I wouldtell him if he was verbal of how
to be, right?
Lucas, you have to beauthentic.
Lucas, you have to be yourself.
Lucas, don't pretend foranybody.
Go out there, and if you likesomebody, show them you like
them.
Don't pretend to like anybody.
All of these pieces of advicethat we give to the world that
I've given my neurotypicaldaughter, that I've given other
(07:55):
people in my orbit, I'm not ableto tell him because he doesn't
understand them.
But guess what?
I didn't have to tell him.
He just knows.
And I'm blown away by that.
I can't tell you why.
I can't tell you if it'shard-coded into his DNA or if
it's something he's picked up,or if he, you know, vibes off of
my energy.
(08:15):
I have no idea.
All I know is that parenting,which is terrifying, because you
don't know if your kids areever going to pick up what you
want to teach them with him,turned out to be easy.
Don't get me wrong, it's hardbecause there's definitely
challenges and things that Ihave to help him with.
But in terms of getting him tobe a certain kind of person, a
(08:38):
positive, good, authenticperson, I didn't have to do
anything.
That's just who he is.
And it blows me away.
I didn't know what this wasgoing to be.
When he was two, three yearsold, and you told me, picture
15, what's he gonna be?
Like, I would have no idea.
I'd freak out.
I'd be like, does he have amustache?
You know, like I wouldn't evenknow where to begin.
(08:59):
And my son is 15, and I am soproud of him.
I'm proud of how he deals withpeople, I'm proud of how real he
is, I'm proud of how heexpresses himself.
And it's not one for all.
And that's again something Iwrote in the blog.
Like, there's been people inLucas' life for years that he
wouldn't give a kiss to.
(09:19):
He would maybe put his head ontheir head or whatever to say
hello.
I've had people in my life thathe wouldn't even hug.
Be like, go give a hug, saygoodbye.
Wouldn't do it, didn't want todo it.
I never make him do it.
I guess he doesn't do it.
And then there's people who arereally great in his life, who
care about him and show himaffection and understand him and
listen to him, and he'll kissyou right away.
(09:40):
He'll be excited.
You know, we got OPWDD.
I don't know if you guys know,off of Long Island, that's one
of those, it's a service that weget, and you get a care
manager, and they come and theythey learn about your child and
they help you find services.
Uh, we have a woman that'shelping us, and she came over
and he just kept kissing her onthe face.
I'm like, Lucas, all right,enough, buddy.
I know what you're doing.
Just stop, just stop kissingher.
She's like, it's sweet.
(10:01):
I'm like, isn't it stop?
So Lucas doesn't hide it, man.
Lucas is like, I'm gonna kissthis woman on the face until she
tells me to stop.
And he just does it.
I'm like, okay, that'sauthentic as hell, isn't it?
So yeah, that's my boy.
And I don't know, man.
I come on here and I tell youguys about him and I explain who
he is because so often, and Irealize it sometimes when I post
(10:22):
these blogs, like 95%, 99% willbe all positive people.
This reminds me of my grandson.
This is so beautiful.
We have a kid just like this athome, but every once in a while
you get somebody who will go onthere, be like, my son isn't
like this, it's horrible.
And like it's this wholeterrible thing, and I feel bad
for the kid.
I always do, man.
And I'm if you're one of themand you're listening to this
(10:44):
podcast, just know something,right?
I get it, and there'sdefinitely difficulties with
raising a child like Lucas, butI don't, I don't go online and
complain about him.
And that is because besides allthe challenges, besides all the
things that we have to do,besides all the things I still
have to teach this kid and how,you know, some of my mornings
are longer than they need to be,and some of the days are harder
than they need to be, him as ahuman being and who he's grown
(11:06):
up to be blows me away in such apositive way.
And I feel like the stories ofdifficulty that come with
profound and severe autism don'tneed to be told as much as
people think they do.
I don't need you to feel badfor me.
I need you to understand thatif I'm coming to your party and
I'm a little bit late, just be alittle understanding that there
might have been something goingon.
(11:27):
Try to understand too if it'slike a certain night and I'm not
feeling it, or I'm just like,oh, I'm feeling down.
Sometimes that happens.
We go through it, but it's notwhat I focus on.
It's not the first foot that Iput forward.
And I think enough peoplealready know how difficult it
must be to have a child withprofound autism.
(11:47):
There's aspects of raising himI don't ever talk about.
Things that I know I can talkabout in my blog or in this
podcast, or two people ingeneral, that they would feel
bad for me.
Oh my God, James has to do thisand James has to do that.
I don't want you to ever feelbad for me for raising Lucas.
Because, and I realized itearly on, it feels, let's go
(12:10):
back to it, inauthentic.
Because I know in my heart thatfor all the difficulties and
all the things that we have todo, this boy has gotten me
through some of the roughestpatches just by being himself,
by smiling and being real andmaking me genuinely feel loved
and needed and appreciated andwanted in a way that I never
(12:30):
question it.
I don't know if he believesthat.
What did Lucas say about me?
So he said something about me?
Never.
Lucas loves you, he loves you.
Lucas gives you a hug.
He doesn't turn around laterand tell somebody else he didn't
want to hug you.
Lucas hugs you when he wants tohug you.
He doesn't, he doesn't reallycare about presenting himself a
certain way because he doesn'tunderstand that other people
(12:51):
might want him to be a certainway.
He just is who he is.
Blows me away.
So yeah, Lucas, um, with allapologies to anybody else who's
ever made the claim, is the mostauthentic person I know.
By far, no one even comesclose.
And for that, I'm proud of him.
I love him, and I appreciateyou guys letting me share him
with you.
And that does it for me.
(13:12):
I'll be back next Friday with abrand new podcast.
Until then, this is JamesGutman saying, Be well.
Byepod.
I'm dead.
It's the journey made with Pod HiPod I'm Dad.
Folks, it's James Guttman, thehost of HiPod I'm Dad, the dad
behind Hiblog I'm Dad.com.
Thank you for finding me onceagain on a Friday.
I appreciate it.
Um, this weather is stupid.
We had like we had like 30 feetof snow last week.
(00:21):
And now here we are.
It's pushing 70.
I'm debating whether or not Iput the air on.
Up and down, all over theplace.
And it seems like you can'teven trust the weather anymore
to be authentic in who they are,which is give it up, man, a
great segue.
Because this week I want totalk a little bit about the blog
that I wrote on Monday on HighBlog I'm Dad.
Uh, my nonverbal son neverpretends.
(00:43):
And I really liked writing thisone because it goes back to a
central theme that I talk abouta lot as it relates to my boy.
You know, Lucas is 14, just onthe cusp of 15.
And I like to tell people thepositives in his personality
that I attribute to him beingnonverbal, to him having autism.
And this becomes a debatesometimes with people.
I say, Well, my kid, you know,it's not the parts of autism
(01:06):
that make him great.
It's this.
Okay, that's your kid.
I'm talking about my kid.
But Lucas, he's had autismsince birth.
He has profound autism, severeautism, whatever label you want
to put on it.
And it affects his personalityin almost every single way.
Just the mere fact that he'snonverbal affects his
personality in so many differentways that there's no way to
(01:28):
really unlink who he is from hisautism, right?
And just like there aredefinitely challenges that come
with it.
You know, there's things thatwe have to teach him, there's
things he has to learn, allthose things, but there are also
positives in how he interactswith the world, how he sees the
world that I love and I like totell you guys about.
And so he doesn't have an ego,he doesn't, you know, there's
(01:50):
nothing false about this boy.
And I wrote about that onMonday.
And whenever I talk about thedifferences between him and, you
know, people who aren't on thespectrum, it sometimes sounds
like I'm trashing people.
And I don't know if I am.
Maybe I've met the wrongpeople, maybe I've been around
different places.
I've met good, I've met bad.
But I've definitely seenpersonality quirks in people
(02:12):
with a million words that Lucasdoes not have.
And that's what I wrote abouton Monday, right?
People will line up and tellyou who they are.
It doesn't matter if it's abumble date or it's a friend or
it's an acquaintance at a party.
People will sit down and tellyou, I'm witty.
I'm so witty.
Everyone says I'm witty.
They're like, you should be acomedian.
(02:33):
Oh my God, you're so witty.
And then you get to know themand you're like, this person is
not witty at all.
They just told me they were.
And that's a theme, man.
Like, I've never in my lifetold anybody, like, I'm really
smart.
Everyone's like, Why are you sosmart?
Like, I've never talked aboutany positive attribute or even
negative attribute about myselfin a way that almost declares
(02:55):
it.
Because that's not what you do.
I've kind of always learnedthat when you're good at
something, you tell everyone.
When you're great at something,they tell you, right?
But I think also just basicallybuilt into us.
And some people are completelywith me.
I would never, you know, go outthere and tell you anything
about the person I am.
It's the people who then tellyou stories about who they are.
(03:16):
And in that story, it showstheir personality.
I'm gonna give you an example,right?
It's one thing to tellsomebody, I'm very generous.
I'm so generous.
Like, oh my God.
Everyone says to me, they'relike, James, you're so generous.
You do such generous things.
And then the second you needsomething, or the second
somebody else needs something,they they don't give them
anything.
And you're like, oh, I thoughtthey were generous.
(03:36):
They said they were generous.
I'm more into people who willthen tell you a story about
something, and in that story,they do a generous thing, and
then I can turn around and belike, oh, this person is this
thing.
It's not about claiming to besomething.
I knew somebody who, theirwhole thing was that they were
authentic.
They would tell everyone theywere authentic, and this person
ended up being the leastauthentic person I ever met in
(03:57):
my life.
Those things happen.
My son is not like that.
My son is real.
My son doesn't know how to fakeanything.
Anything.
He can't fake a smile.
Every smile you've ever seen ina picture with this kid is
real.
There's none.
I can I've tried it.
I forget sometimes that hecan't.
(04:17):
I'll be like, Lucas, smile,smile.
He'll just like look at me andI'm like, oh, he doesn't, he
doesn't get it.
Lucas can't fake a smile.
He can't do a smile on command.
He can't do any expression oncommand.
He can't be like, Lucas, looksad.
Nope, not gonna happen.
Lucas, can you look tired?
That's why the whole joke Ialways tell people that all of
my pictures of Lucas are candid.
Because I have to catch them inthe moment.
So when Lucas is happy, I takea picture, he's smiling.
(04:39):
But there's no fake smiles fromhim.
There's no fake anything fromhim.
Lucas does not come up to meand it's it's even the smaller
things, right?
Like if Lucas wants somethingfrom me, he doesn't make puppy
dog eyes.
He doesn't get that that willget him what he wants.
He doesn't understand the pointof like if I'm cute, this
person's gonna want to give mestuff, I'll be cute to them.
(05:00):
If Lucas is being like sweet orcute, he just is.
That's just what he's doing.
That's how he feels in themoment.
He's playful, he's silly, helikes you.
There's no hugs for the sake ofgetting what he wants.
There's no trying to ingratiatehimself to people by doing
things he thinks they will want.
And when I talk about hisprofound autism and how it
(05:23):
affects it, it's because Lucasdoesn't understand that concept.
Honestly, and I know my sonbetter than anyone else on this
planet knows him.
Lucas doesn't understand thatthere are certain personality
traits that people want you tohave, that if you have them,
they then in turn reward you forthem, right?
Like if Lucas is nice to you,it's not because he thinks to
himself, like if I'm nice tothis guy, he's gonna give me a
(05:44):
cookie, or if I'm nice to thisguy, he's gonna be nice to me.
If Lucas is nice to you, he'sjust being nice to you.
He just knows to be nice, he'sin a good mood, that's his
personality, that's who he is.
So there's nothing fake aboutit.
Even coming to my house, andthat was the whole point of the
blog on Monday, he shows up, itwas his time to be with me for
the week, and I knew he wasexcited to be there.
(06:06):
Not because he tells me, notbecause he's like, Dad, I really
want to see you.
It's really excited, then hedoesn't show up, or like, you
know, dad, I can't wait to spendtime with you, and then he goes
sits in his room.
No, Lucas doesn't make anypromises.
Lucas doesn't make any, youknow, assurances about what he's
going to do when he arrives.
Lucas arrives, and I go into myhouse and I turn around and
(06:28):
he's jumping and he's clapping,and he's got a huge smile on his
face, and he's giving me a hug.
And he's doing that because hegets excited to see me and he's
excited to be back with me.
And that means more than anywords anyone else can tell me.
And there's again an irony toit, and I wrote it in the blog,
(06:48):
the idea that when he was ababy, I thought to myself, I'm
never going to be able tounderstand what this kid wants.
I'm never going to be able tounderstand who he is or, you
know, why he feels certain ways.
And I gotta tell you, Iunderstand him better than
everybody else.
I understand Lucas more withzero words than people who have
given me millions of words,people who have tied me up for
(07:10):
an entire day with like justarguing in circles about things.
And by the end, I'm like, whatare you even talking about?
Lucas doesn't talk aboutanything, and I understand him a
hundred percent.
And I have so much respect forthat.
And here's the funny part,right?
And this is the best part ofthis whole thing, and I want you
guys to remember this.
And if you have a child likehim and they're young and you're
concerned and you're worried,I'm gonna tell you this, and
(07:32):
this is what I think iswonderful.
All the lessons that I wouldtell him if he was verbal of how
to be, right?
Lucas, you have to beauthentic.
Lucas, you have to be yourself.
Lucas, don't pretend foranybody.
Go out there, and if you likesomebody, show them you like
them.
Don't pretend to like anybody.
All of these pieces of advicethat we give to the world that
I've given my neurotypicaldaughter, that I've given other
(07:55):
people in my orbit, I'm not ableto tell him because he doesn't
understand them.
But guess what?
I didn't have to tell him.
He just knows.
And I'm blown away by that.
I can't tell you why.
I can't tell you if it'shard-coded into his DNA or if
it's something he's picked up,or if he, you know, vibes off of
my energy.
(08:15):
I have no idea.
All I know is that parenting,which is terrifying, because you
don't know if your kids areever going to pick up what you
want to teach them with him,turned out to be easy.
Don't get me wrong, it's hardbecause there's definitely
challenges and things that Ihave to help him with.
But in terms of getting him tobe a certain kind of person, a
(08:38):
positive, good, authenticperson, I didn't have to do
anything.
That's just who he is.
And it blows me away.
I didn't know what this wasgoing to be.
When he was two, three yearsold, and you told me, picture
15, what's he gonna be?
Like, I would have no idea.
I'd freak out.
I'd be like, does he have amustache?
You know, like I wouldn't evenknow where to begin.
(08:59):
And my son is 15, and I am soproud of him.
I'm proud of how he deals withpeople, I'm proud of how real he
is, I'm proud of how heexpresses himself.
And it's not one for all.
And that's again something Iwrote in the blog.
Like, there's been people inLucas' life for years that he
wouldn't give a kiss to.
(09:19):
He would maybe put his head ontheir head or whatever to say
hello.
I've had people in my life thathe wouldn't even hug.
Be like, go give a hug, saygoodbye.
Wouldn't do it, didn't want todo it.
I never make him do it.
I guess he doesn't do it.
And then there's people who arereally great in his life, who
care about him and show himaffection and understand him and
listen to him, and he'll kissyou right away.
(09:40):
He'll be excited.
You know, we got OPWDD.
I don't know if you guys know,off of Long Island, that's one
of those, it's a service that weget, and you get a care
manager, and they come and theythey learn about your child and
they help you find services.
Uh, we have a woman that'shelping us, and she came over
and he just kept kissing her onthe face.
I'm like, Lucas, all right,enough, buddy.
I know what you're doing.
Just stop, just stop kissingher.
She's like, it's sweet.
(10:01):
I'm like, isn't it stop?
So Lucas doesn't hide it, man.
Lucas is like, I'm gonna kissthis woman on the face until she
tells me to stop.
And he just does it.
I'm like, okay, that'sauthentic as hell, isn't it?
So yeah, that's my boy.
And I don't know, man.
I come on here and I tell youguys about him and I explain who
he is because so often, and Irealize it sometimes when I post
(10:22):
these blogs, like 95%, 99% willbe all positive people.
This reminds me of my grandson.
This is so beautiful.
We have a kid just like this athome, but every once in a while
you get somebody who will go onthere, be like, my son isn't
like this, it's horrible.
And like it's this wholeterrible thing, and I feel bad
for the kid.
I always do, man.
And I'm if you're one of themand you're listening to this
(10:44):
podcast, just know something,right?
I get it, and there'sdefinitely difficulties with
raising a child like Lucas, butI don't, I don't go online and
complain about him.
And that is because besides allthe challenges, besides all the
things that we have to do,besides all the things I still
have to teach this kid and how,you know, some of my mornings
are longer than they need to be,and some of the days are harder
than they need to be, him as ahuman being and who he's grown
(11:06):
up to be blows me away in such apositive way.
And I feel like the stories ofdifficulty that come with
profound and severe autism don'tneed to be told as much as
people think they do.
I don't need you to feel badfor me.
I need you to understand thatif I'm coming to your party and
I'm a little bit late, just be alittle understanding that there
might have been something goingon.
(11:27):
Try to understand too if it'slike a certain night and I'm not
feeling it, or I'm just like,oh, I'm feeling down.
Sometimes that happens.
We go through it, but it's notwhat I focus on.
It's not the first foot that Iput forward.
And I think enough peoplealready know how difficult it
must be to have a child withprofound autism.
(11:47):
There's aspects of raising himI don't ever talk about.
Things that I know I can talkabout in my blog or in this
podcast, or two people ingeneral, that they would feel
bad for me.
Oh my God, James has to do thisand James has to do that.
I don't want you to ever feelbad for me for raising Lucas.
Because, and I realized itearly on, it feels, let's go
(12:10):
back to it, inauthentic.
Because I know in my heart thatfor all the difficulties and
all the things that we have todo, this boy has gotten me
through some of the roughestpatches just by being himself,
by smiling and being real andmaking me genuinely feel loved
and needed and appreciated andwanted in a way that I never
(12:30):
question it.
I don't know if he believesthat.
What did Lucas say about me?
So he said something about me?
Never.
Lucas loves you, he loves you.
Lucas gives you a hug.
He doesn't turn around laterand tell somebody else he didn't
want to hug you.
Lucas hugs you when he wants tohug you.
He doesn't, he doesn't reallycare about presenting himself a
certain way because he doesn'tunderstand that other people
(12:51):
might want him to be a certainway.
He just is who he is.
Blows me away.
So yeah, Lucas, um, with allapologies to anybody else who's
ever made the claim, is the mostauthentic person I know.
By far, no one even comesclose.
And for that, I'm proud of him.
I love him, and I appreciateyou guys letting me share him
with you.
And that does it for me.
(13:12):
I'll be back next Friday with abrand new podcast.
Until then, this is JamesGutman saying, Be well.
Byepod.
I'm dead.
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