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March 27, 2026 12 mins

I used to think the hardest part of raising a nonverbal child was what he couldn’t say.

I was wrong.

This week, I talk about something I didn’t understand for years and honestly, didn’t even believe in at first: receptive language.

There’s never a moment when my son tells me what he’s learned. No updates. No explanations. One day he just knows what something means, and I’m left wondering when it happened.

It finally clicked when I lost my voice.

I thought I could just gesture, point, and figure things out without speaking. It didn’t work. Because my son doesn’t just communicate without words, he understands them.

That realization changed everything.

This episode isn’t about what he can’t say. It’s about everything he’s been understanding this whole time and what I almost missed because I was focused on the wrong thing.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

Follow Us On TikTok, InstagramFacebook, and YouTube.

Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

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Episode Transcript

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James Guttman (00:00):
Hi Pod I'm Dad.
Folks, James Guttman, host ofHiPod, I'm Dad, the dad behind
HiblogImDad.com, and nowofficially the father of a
15-year-old nonverbal son withsevere autism, as they say.
My daughter, also 17.
This is the brief time periodwhere the two of them are only

(00:21):
two years apart.
But yeah, I um I'm ancient.
I have these two kids in theirin their mid to late teens, and
it does not feel normal becausein my head, I'm like, what am I,
like three years from when Iwas 17?
It just happened.
Just a few years ago.
Nirvana, you guys remember?
No, that wasn't that was the90s.
All right.

(00:41):
But yeah, it was um it was agood week.
It was one of those weekswhere, especially with a boy
like Lucas, every once in awhile you need one of those
milestone moments to remind youwhere you are in the timeline.
And it will kick you in theface if you're not paying
attention.
For example, Lucas grows facialhair now, and it is stubbly and

(01:07):
it is real.
And initially, when it firststarted coming in, it was cute.
It was like, oh my god, look,he's got these little fuzzy
little whiskers.
Now he's got like FredFlintstone, half his face from
the sideburns down, slowlyworking its way around.
It's it's dark, that lucky kid.
I'm the one with the with thesalt and pepper that everyone
tells me is great, and I don'tthink it's not great.
But yeah, Lucas is I'm a littleman right before my eyes, tall,

(01:32):
and even without having words,even without having verbal
language, you could hear thechange in his voice, in his
tone, the sounds that he makes.
I rue the day when he turnsaround, he's making his noise,
and he's like, Ugh.
And I'm like, oh my god, butit's coming, man.
He's a he's a little dude.
Love this kid.
So yeah, we had a goodbirthday.

(01:54):
And as I said before, and Iwrote about it this week,
birthdays have gottenprogressively better as he's
gotten older with the less thatwe've done.
When he was little, it was amad dash to emulate what
everyone else does, to emulatewhat his sister did, to emulate
what friends were doing withtheir kids.
Have parties, hire a clown, geta magician, throw balloons
around.

(02:14):
And he wouldn't care.
To this day, and if you guysfollow me on TikTok, there's a
time period I was makingcartoons out of some of the
stories that I tell during myspeaking events and things that
I do.
And one of them was his secondbirthday party, where he did not
care at all.
And the party was pretty muchfor everybody else, and Lucas
would have been content notdoing it.

(02:34):
In fact, he would have beenhappier not doing it.
And now, as he's gotten older,birthdays are about him.
They're not about invitingpeople, it's not about making
everyone else have fun, it'sabout finding what he likes, and
that's what we do.
Now, if he liked things that wecan invite people to and we
could all do, we'll do that.
If he doesn't, we don't.
Lucas taught me that I don'thave to worry about doing

(02:55):
holidays and celebrations theright way.
I just have to worry aboutbeing happy and making sure that
the people who are kind of theguests of honor are happy, and
he's the guest of honor.
So we had a good birthday.
We had fun and we, you know, wewent out to eat and had cake
and presents and all the goodstuff that you do.
And he was thrilled and it mademe happy.
And as he gets older, one ofthe things that has really been

(03:19):
amazing as a dad to a child likehim is the things that I've
learned about Lucas.
As our kids grow, right,neurotypical kids, and and those
of you who don't have childrenon the spectrum like Lucas, you
learn about who your kidbecomes.
Your kid gets older, theychange, they develop new likes
and new loves and new things,and you learn about them.

(03:40):
But someone like my son, Ilearn about him every year, but
a lot of the things that I learnabout him are things that have
been there, things that I didn'tknow.
One of the issues with nothaving verbal language on his
part is he can't tell me whenhe's figured something out.
There's never a day where he'slike, oh dad, by the way, I know
what um, you know, I know whatpeanut butter means now when you

(04:02):
ask me if I want it.
You know, that that's notthere.
I don't know what words hegets, I don't know what concepts
he understands.
Just one day he understands athing.
He understands you want abagel, he knows what a bagel is.
When did that happen?
I don't know, but it happened,and you discover these things as
you go.
And one would think that at theage of 15, a lot of the things
that he knows, I know already,and I don't.

(04:24):
And I realized that, I think Italked about it when I lost my
voice about two weeks ago.
I couldn't do the podcast, Ididn't have any voice.
And I thought to myself, well,now I'll be able to do signs and
I'll be able to talk to him inways where I can, you know, kind
of like do pantomime and showhim things and all that stuff.
And what ended up happening wasit just didn't work.

(04:45):
Being silent around him didn'twork.
It felt awkward for me.
I like to talk, I'm a talker.
Uh so I'm sitting there tryingto like fight the words out of
my mouth.
But also on top of it, Lucasdoesn't only understand signs
and think just because he'snonverbal doesn't mean that I
can be nonverbal with him.
And that's something I learnedabout when he was little.

(05:07):
And those of you who talk umabout autism appreciation and
and what it truly means, what itmeans to me, and some of the
people who don't really get it,they'll think that autism
appreciation is something thatwhen your child is little, you
tell yourself, oh, this is abeautiful thing, it's a
wonderful thing.
And it's almost like beingdelusional, which is an
offensive thing that has beensaid to me in the past, where

(05:29):
this idea that me celebrating myson and the things that he does
is somehow me trying toconvince myself that it's good
when it's not.
But I will tell you this.
As he's gotten older, I'velearned to appreciate his
autism.
Who he is now and the way thatit affects his personality is

(05:50):
what I really say love aboutautism.
But and don't get me wrong,man, there's parts of autism
that are difficult and they'rehard, and I don't love every
aspect of it, but the ways thatit affects Lucas' personality
are beautiful.
And that's something that I'velearned as he's gotten older.
But when he was little, no, notat all.
I didn't know what it was.
It was scary, it was aboogeyman concept, you know?
Your child has autism.

(06:10):
Oh, that thing that you told meto avoid, the thing that, like,
we had to watch what we fed himand watch what we said to him
and watch what toys he did andcheck for signs and warning
signs and stims and all thatstuff.
And you worry about it, and youworry about it.
And then when it happens, noone is immediately like, this is
great.
I'm so happy to hear this newsbecause you don't know what it
means.
You have no idea.
But one of the things Iremember from when he was little

(06:32):
was people talked aboutreceptive language, teachers,
administrators.
And they said, look, what'sreally important is receptive
language.
It's what he understands, notwhat he says.
And I hated that because to me,talking was the end game.
This kid had to be able to saywords, and if he didn't, it was
a failure.
It was a failure for me, forhim, for everyone around us.

(06:54):
Receptive language to me was itwas made up.
It was in the wrestling terms.
If you guys don't know thiswrestling term, it was a work.
Um I don't know if I've talkedabout on here before.
I use wrestling slang sometimesfor my past life and things.
Work is when something is it'sa con, it's it's fake, it's it's
pretend.
So people would be like, oh no,receptive language is
important.
I'd be like, yeah, receptivelanguage is important.

(07:16):
And oh my god, receptivelanguage is important.
Lucas understands a lot, and itis such a big deal.
Um, and like I said before, Ilost my voice, and I realized
there were certain things I hadto communicate to him that he
wouldn't follow, which is simplyme doing hand motions.
At one point, I wanted him tocome upstairs, and I'm looking

(07:38):
over at him and I'm waving andI'm waving my hands, and he's
just staring at me.
Like, what do you want, bro?
And I'm like, I'm like, youknow, and I'm doing it now, even
you guys you can't see what I'mdoing, but I'm waving my hands,
I'm doing basically air trafficcontrol, or I'm on the ground,
I'm waving flags, I'm throwingballs in the air.
No sense of if I should followhim, so I had to be like, Lucas,
come upstairs.
And he got up and he cameupstairs.

(07:59):
He knows what it means, heunderstands the words.
Did I teach him the wordupstairs?
No, I don't know when he whenhe picked that up.
I just know that through theyears, since he was little, and
this is the most importantthing, and if you take nothing
else from this podcast, takethis.
I talked to my son the entiretime he's been alive.

(08:20):
When I didn't think he couldhear me, I talked to him.
When I didn't think he couldunderstand me, I talked to him.
When I didn't think he cared,when I didn't think he was
present, when I didn't think hewas, you know, processing
anything that I was saying, Italked to my son.
And doing so, and therepetition and the words and the
over and over again, he's at apoint where he might not be able

(08:42):
to repeat it, he might not beable to emulate the way that I
form words with my mouth, but hepicked up on what they meant
and he got it.
And it was so important for himas he grows up.
Now, receptive language, thething that I scoffed at and I
thought was ridiculous, ended upbecoming more important than

(09:02):
verbal language.
And the reason why is that ifhe can't say words, he has the
ability to communicate still.
He has a device that he pressesbuttons on and it requests for
things.
I want apple juice, or youknow, I need help, I want a
break.
All those things he can saythrough his communication iPad.
Hand motions.
He can make hand motions.

(09:23):
He wants more, two fiststogether, he wants to eat, hand
to the mouth.
Pecs.
Those of you guys have usedpecs, we use them for years.
Showing pictures and handingyou a picture.
You know, he wants to watch TV,he hands you a picture of a TV.
To this day, if we're goingsomewhere, and you know, I have
to show him, I'll show himpictures on my phone.
Hey, Lucas, we're gonna gohere, we're gonna see these
people, we're gonna do this.

(09:44):
And he gets it.
Pictures are so important.
All of those things can takethe place of verbal language.
The one thing you can't replaceis receptive language.
If he doesn't understand a wordor phrase, that's it.
You have he has to understandit.
And honestly, looking back nowand all these years and going

(10:04):
back to when he was little andthe people telling me this and
how important receptivelanguage, I am so happy that I
worked on that and that we wesat with him and we talked to
him, we made him a part of ourfamily at a time where it would
have been easy to just kind oflike, you know, hang out,
looking, sit there and we'll dosomething else.
And we work around him, but wedidn't.
I always included him.

(10:25):
I talk to him more than anyoneelse in my life.
The second I see him, hey,buddy, we're gonna do this,
blah, blah, just talking to himand talking to him.
And do I do it to teach him?
Sure.
I do it so he picks up on thewords, but I never did it for
that reason.
I did it because I don't know,he's my captive audience.
He's stuck there.
He's gotta listen to me.
So I could tell him about myday.
I could tell him nice thingsand happy things, I could tell

(10:46):
him secrets.
There's things that Lucas knowsthat no one knows.
I often say, I'm like, if heever one day just all of a
sudden just starts talkingregularly, I'm gonna have to be
like, um, don't listen toeverything he tells you.
I've told him everything for mylife.
Um, if I've had an issue withyou, Lucas knows about it.
If something has happened,Lucas knows about it.
I just talked to him and talkto him and talk to him.

(11:07):
And he's because of that, he'sbeen, I don't know, man, he's
been so important in my life.
He's been such a um just agreat person to have there.
I look forward to seeing him.
I look forward to telling himthings.
I look forward to, I don'tknow, just being around him.
He's a great kid, and I am solucky for both of my kids.
Um, for the last 15, 17 years,I've been, I don't know, I've

(11:30):
truly been blessed witheverything that I have.
And my son might have, youknow, severe autism, profound
autism, all of these things thatI'm supposed to want to change
and fix.
And I gotta tell you, he has itall, but I wouldn't trade him
for anything.
Kate is amazing.
And I'm so glad that I get toshare him with you and tell you
guys these things and urge you,talk to your kids and make sure

(11:50):
they have receptive language.
If your child does not speak,you know, there's a chance they
might not.
But receptive language is thekind of thing that through
repetition, I mean, they mightnot understand every single
thing.
I don't think he understandsevery single thing.
He's 15.
15-year-olds who have wordsdon't understand every single
thing, but he understands farmore than I ever expected.

(12:11):
Um, and he probably understandsfar more than I realize.
And as he gets older, we'rejust gonna learn more and more.
And for that, I'm trulyblessed.
So thank you guys for takingthe time to listen.
I will be back on Monday with abrand new uh blog on
hiblogomdad.com.
I will be back uh next Fridaywith a brand new podcast, HiPod
I'm dad, or any streamingservice.
Um we have tons of stuff.

(12:31):
Follow us on Facebook,Instagram, TikTok, hi
JamesGubman, H I James Gutman,and that does it for me.
Until then, James Gubman Sam,be well.
Byepod.

unknown (12:40):
I'm dad.
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