March 20, 2026 • 11 mins
My son Lucas just turned 15, and I’m still catching my breath. He’s nonverbal, he has profound autism, and in my head he’s always been my “baby” — the kid with the same songs, the same books, and the same comfort routines. Then I look up and realize he has a mustache, he’s tall, and I’m standing there saying “go potty” like time hasn’t moved at all.
This week, I talk about what that moment brought up for me as his dad. I get into why I’ve always hated the “mental age” shortcut and why Lucas isn’t “really five” just because some parts of his life look younger to the outside world. He’s 15. He’s a teenage boy. And like everyone else, he’s fully himself.
I also talk about something that surprised me recently: Lucas’s receptive language. When I lost my voice, I learned pretty quickly that we can’t do life through pantomime alone, and that he understands far more than I sometimes stop to realize. It made me think about the words I use with him, the respect he deserves, and the reality that my little boy is growing into a young man.
It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.
Follow Us On TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:00):
Hi Pod I'm Dad.
Folks, it's James Guttman.
It's High Pod I'm Dad.
Welcome back to the podcast.
It's another Friday.
Uh, whether you found me onHiPodom Dad.com, Spotify, any
streaming service, thank you.
Uh, I'm also the dad behindHiblogomDad.com, which every
Monday brand new blogs go up,and I wrote this week about a
(00:21):
subject that is, well, it'screeping into my head because at
this point I am officially, Idon't know, old.
My kids are, you know, mydaughter is 17, going on 18, and
my son is, as of this week, 15years old.
15.
That's five, five, five.
It's a lot of time.
(00:42):
And uh I've talked a lot aboutthe difficulty sometimes of
coming to grips with the factthat he's becoming a little man.
And a lot of that has to dowith the fact that, you know,
Lucas is nonverbal.
He has profound autism.
And a lot of his loves, a lotof the things that he does, a
lot of his comforts are thingsthat have been around since he
(01:04):
was a toddler, since he wastiny.
In my head, he's a baby.
I still think about him as ababy.
We read the same books, we singthe same songs, we play the
same games, I tickle him, I um Isit on his lap now, by the way.
I guess that's that's a smalldifference.
I mean, he sits on my lap too.
I'll make him sit on me.
It looks ridiculous, looks likeI'm getting squashed like a
(01:25):
Looney Tunes character, but I'llrun over to him and I'll jump
on him.
I wrote on Monday a blog calledMy Baby Has a Mustache, and I'm
still saying potty.
And I gotta tell you, the babymustache thing has long been
kind of a theme.
I've gone back to this before,just because it amazes me.
Because he is a baby to me,right?
Not a baby in the fact, oh,you're a little baby, but he's
(01:47):
like, he's my baby.
He's the baby of the family,he's the youngest child, he's
sweet, he carries himselfsometimes in a way that people
might equate to someone muchyounger.
And this is another subjectthat I've written about.
At one point I had written, youknow, my son is a teenager,
he's not mentally six, andhere's why that matters.
(02:08):
And it's because I've alwayshad an issue, and again, to each
their own, say what you want tosay, uh, with putting a mental
age on my son.
I don't like doing that.
I don't like turning around andbeing like, you know, he's 15,
but he's really three, or he'sreally-I don't.
And the reason why is becauseit's never fully true, right?
(02:29):
Like there are definitely partsof Lucas' life that mirror that
of a preschooler or toddler, insome cases, even an infant,
where it's such a a differentway of approaching basic things
that we at our age know how todo, know we should do, social
things that we have to adhereto.
And Lucas doesn't do thosethings.
(02:50):
So it could appear that way,but Lucas is not six or seven or
five or four.
Lucas is a 15-year-old boy.
Lucas has facial hair.
Lucas has the need for privacyat times, Lucas has moody
moments, Lucas has things thatsomeone would put on a teenager.
So it's almost unfair to turnaround because it's easy for me
(03:11):
or it's easy for me to explainto people to be like, well, he's
really like five, because he'sabsolutely not five.
There's things about his lifethat are mature, and there's
things about his life thataren't.
Lucas is none of those ages.
Lucas is Lucas.
He's himself.
And I think that's one of thethings that you know I devote
this blog to, and I've devotedmy life to, to trying to explain
(03:33):
to people that just because itmakes it easier to take a person
and package them up to sellthem to someone else by giving
them either a mental age or alabel or a description,
sometimes that doesn't work.
And when it comes to my son,none of those labels, none of
those descriptions even matter.
He's himself, and he is, honestto God, the most unique person
(03:56):
I've ever met.
Now keep in mind, I've metother kids who are pretty much
the exact same age as Lucas, whohave autism or who have even
his style, style of autism, hisprofound autism, nonverbal kids,
minimally verbal kids.
And they're not just likeLucas.
Lucas is unique, just like theyare too.
(04:17):
There's things about him,there's things about his
personality, how he carrieshimself, how he communicates
that make him uniquely himself.
So when I wrote the blog thisweek about his mustache and
about saying potty, it was aboutme, really, as a lot of these
things are.
It's about me and my approachto him and understanding who he
is, and sometimes even just kindof reminding myself what year
(04:39):
it is, you know?
And that's what happened.
Like Lucas has amazingreceptive language.
I discovered this about two,three weeks ago, probably maybe
longer.
I don't even know.
Time gets away from me.
I had lost my voice.
I wasn't feeling well, and Ikept thinking, well, this is
awesome.
I don't need my voice becauseLucas and I can do everything
through pantomime.
(05:00):
We absolutely cannot doeverything through pantomime or
American Sign Language orwhatever you think.
We can't.
Um, I noticed within a minutethat I could not not say
something.
It was weird, it was awkward.
Even in the car, I was silentand I was doing little hand
motions or whatever.
He would just tap me on theshoulder, like, all right.
And I'd be like, Yeah, buddy,what's up?
(05:20):
You know, I'm talking to himlike that.
I couldn't, there was no way ofnot doing it just because it's
been a part of our life.
But on top of it, not just me,his receptive language in many
ways is amazing.
For those of you who don't knowwhat receptive language is,
that's the idea that um, youknow, this communicative
language where Lucas would saywords.
He doesn't say any words.
(05:41):
Receptive language is the wordsthat he understands, that he
can comprehend, that he can goout and do things and know what
I'm talking about.
And when you have a nonverbalkid like him, you don't really
know what the receptive languageskills he has are until they
play out, until you say a wordand you see that he gets it.
(06:01):
And I've been progressivelyamazed every single time.
There's been times where I'llsay something under my breath.
No major, like, Lucas, you wantto go to bed?
And I'm doing like, you know,hand motions and you know, like
I look like a you know, a cheercaptain jumping around with
pom-poms, bed over here.
You know, I'm not doing any ofthat.
(06:21):
I'm just simply saying to him,all right, buddy, I'm gonna put
you to bed.
And he'll get into bed.
And I'll be like, oh, I guesshe knows what that means.
This has happened with washinghis hands, this has happened
with different things.
And I know, and I knew then,I'm positive of it now.
Lucas knows words likebathroom, toilet, uh, bedtime,
sleep.
He knows those words.
(06:43):
Yet, for me, in my comfortlevel, I would say potty, or I
would say sleepies.
We gonna go sleepies, buddy.
That sounds cute.
I like it, it makes mecomfortable.
But he would understand otherwords.
And as I'm standing there,looking at this kid with his
little tiny mustache, uh, who inshoes, as I'm standing there on
(07:06):
bare feet, is pretty muchtaller than me, wearing pants
that are bigger than mine, andI'm like, go potty.
And well, he knows it's notpotty.
Now it was a moment that tookme back.
I wrote about it.
It was important for me towrite about it.
But one of the things, andsometimes it gets lost in social
media because I don't I don'tshare the entire article on on
(07:26):
Facebook, you gotta click on it,you gotta read it.
I talked about how it's notsomething that has to be done,
right?
Like I don't have to cut theword potty or cut the word
sleepies out of our life.
And I know this because I havea neurotypical 17-year-old
daughter, and there's thingsthat I say to her sometimes that
(07:47):
go back to when she was tiny.
You know, we have little uhthings that we remember and
things that we say, littleminute, little lines like that.
And um we do it as a form ofkind of again, comfort,
familiarity, something that weboth can, you know, grip onto
(08:07):
that we remember from when shewas little.
But I wouldn't go out andconstantly refer to it as that,
right?
Like I will say potty once in awhile and be like, we're gonna
run, run to the potty, we'regonna go out, that kind of a
thing.
But I would never just refer toit as potty.
I would never be with her in apublic setting and be like, Did
you go potty before we left?
She'd be like, What the hell iswrong with you?
So I try to give Lucas thatsame respect.
(08:29):
Do I need to?
No.
Do you need to with your kid?
If you have a kid like Lucas,no.
You don't need to do this.
This is not something that'slike so important and so needed
to do.
But it's something that servesas a reminder every once in a
while of who he is and what histrue age is.
And realizing things like thatplays a bigger role in
(08:51):
everything, right?
Like, it's not just the wordswe use.
It's not just, you know,updating the vernacular to match
the fact that this kid has amustache and he's tall.
It's the fact that he is 15 andhe's gonna be 16 and then 17
and 18, and till eventually,like I'm 120 and he's whatever,
you know, at that point, I don'teven know, 90, 80.
He's gonna be a man, he's gonnabe a grown man.
(09:13):
And there's a lot of thingsthat come with being a grown
man, respect levels, um,expectations, maturity
expectations that come with it.
That unless I make myselfaccept, acknowledge, and
understand that he's now alittle man, I might not be able
(09:34):
to handle that when it comes.
I might not be able to seethose moments as they arrive.
And a day like this, where Isat there and I'm looking at
this dude who I have to shavehis face, going, I go run into
the potty and then we'll shaveyour face.
It sounds so ridiculous.
Recognizing that prepares mefor when the time comes that I'm
gonna have to deal with thisman with a beard and whatever
(09:58):
comes with it.
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
As I said, Lucas is unique inso many ways that when he is 50,
I can't even fathom.
I don't know what he's gonna belike, what he's gonna do, who
he's gonna be.
Maybe he'll sit on my lap,maybe he'll jump up and down and
clap, maybe he'll be chill,maybe he'll be, you know, just
like the rest of us at 50.
(10:18):
Like, don't make me get up, youknow.
Um, but he is.
He's gonna be an adult and he'sgonna be a man.
And with that, I have toremember that, I have to
acknowledge that.
And sometimes language is thatfirst step, right?
How I how I talk to him denoteshow I treat him, denotes how I
see him, uh, and plays a biggerrole in a bigger picture.
So that was the whole point ofwriting that.
(10:40):
It is crazy.
I can't believe that this kidis 15.
Um, birthdays have been a majorthing.
I'm gonna write about this, Ithink, on Monday.
I'm I'm prepping myselfmentally uh about birthdays.
Birthdays were a big deal.
If you guys got my book, HighWorld, I'm dad.
I wrote like almost, I think itwas a chapter or half a chapter
devoted to birthday parties uhfor him and how difficult they
(11:02):
were.
So we could talk about thattoo.
But this has been a monumentalweek for a monumental kid.
And I thank you guys forletting me talk to you.
I thank you guys for letting meshare with you, and that does
it for me.
Until next Friday, join me backfor another episode of High Pod
I'm Dad.
HiblogomDad.com on Monday.
Brand new blog.
Until then, James Gutmansaying, Be well.
Bye, Pod.
I'm dad.
Hi Pod I'm Dad.
Folks, it's James Guttman.
It's High Pod I'm Dad.
Welcome back to the podcast.
It's another Friday.
Uh, whether you found me onHiPodom Dad.com, Spotify, any
streaming service, thank you.
Uh, I'm also the dad behindHiblogomDad.com, which every
Monday brand new blogs go up,and I wrote this week about a
(00:21):
subject that is, well, it'screeping into my head because at
this point I am officially, Idon't know, old.
My kids are, you know, mydaughter is 17, going on 18, and
my son is, as of this week, 15years old.
15.
That's five, five, five.
It's a lot of time.
(00:42):
And uh I've talked a lot aboutthe difficulty sometimes of
coming to grips with the factthat he's becoming a little man.
And a lot of that has to dowith the fact that, you know,
Lucas is nonverbal.
He has profound autism.
And a lot of his loves, a lotof the things that he does, a
lot of his comforts are thingsthat have been around since he
(01:04):
was a toddler, since he wastiny.
In my head, he's a baby.
I still think about him as ababy.
We read the same books, we singthe same songs, we play the
same games, I tickle him, I um Isit on his lap now, by the way.
I guess that's that's a smalldifference.
I mean, he sits on my lap too.
I'll make him sit on me.
It looks ridiculous, looks likeI'm getting squashed like a
(01:25):
Looney Tunes character, but I'llrun over to him and I'll jump
on him.
I wrote on Monday a blog calledMy Baby Has a Mustache, and I'm
still saying potty.
And I gotta tell you, the babymustache thing has long been
kind of a theme.
I've gone back to this before,just because it amazes me.
Because he is a baby to me,right?
Not a baby in the fact, oh,you're a little baby, but he's
(01:47):
like, he's my baby.
He's the baby of the family,he's the youngest child, he's
sweet, he carries himselfsometimes in a way that people
might equate to someone muchyounger.
And this is another subjectthat I've written about.
At one point I had written, youknow, my son is a teenager,
he's not mentally six, andhere's why that matters.
(02:08):
And it's because I've alwayshad an issue, and again, to each
their own, say what you want tosay, uh, with putting a mental
age on my son.
I don't like doing that.
I don't like turning around andbeing like, you know, he's 15,
but he's really three, or he'sreally-I don't.
And the reason why is becauseit's never fully true, right?
(02:29):
Like there are definitely partsof Lucas' life that mirror that
of a preschooler or toddler, insome cases, even an infant,
where it's such a a differentway of approaching basic things
that we at our age know how todo, know we should do, social
things that we have to adhereto.
And Lucas doesn't do thosethings.
(02:50):
So it could appear that way,but Lucas is not six or seven or
five or four.
Lucas is a 15-year-old boy.
Lucas has facial hair.
Lucas has the need for privacyat times, Lucas has moody
moments, Lucas has things thatsomeone would put on a teenager.
So it's almost unfair to turnaround because it's easy for me
(03:11):
or it's easy for me to explainto people to be like, well, he's
really like five, because he'sabsolutely not five.
There's things about his lifethat are mature, and there's
things about his life thataren't.
Lucas is none of those ages.
Lucas is Lucas.
He's himself.
And I think that's one of thethings that you know I devote
this blog to, and I've devotedmy life to, to trying to explain
(03:33):
to people that just because itmakes it easier to take a person
and package them up to sellthem to someone else by giving
them either a mental age or alabel or a description,
sometimes that doesn't work.
And when it comes to my son,none of those labels, none of
those descriptions even matter.
He's himself, and he is, honestto God, the most unique person
(03:56):
I've ever met.
Now keep in mind, I've metother kids who are pretty much
the exact same age as Lucas, whohave autism or who have even
his style, style of autism, hisprofound autism, nonverbal kids,
minimally verbal kids.
And they're not just likeLucas.
Lucas is unique, just like theyare too.
(04:17):
There's things about him,there's things about his
personality, how he carrieshimself, how he communicates
that make him uniquely himself.
So when I wrote the blog thisweek about his mustache and
about saying potty, it was aboutme, really, as a lot of these
things are.
It's about me and my approachto him and understanding who he
is, and sometimes even just kindof reminding myself what year
(04:39):
it is, you know?
And that's what happened.
Like Lucas has amazingreceptive language.
I discovered this about two,three weeks ago, probably maybe
longer.
I don't even know.
Time gets away from me.
I had lost my voice.
I wasn't feeling well, and Ikept thinking, well, this is
awesome.
I don't need my voice becauseLucas and I can do everything
through pantomime.
(05:00):
We absolutely cannot doeverything through pantomime or
American Sign Language orwhatever you think.
We can't.
Um, I noticed within a minutethat I could not not say
something.
It was weird, it was awkward.
Even in the car, I was silentand I was doing little hand
motions or whatever.
He would just tap me on theshoulder, like, all right.
And I'd be like, Yeah, buddy,what's up?
(05:20):
You know, I'm talking to himlike that.
I couldn't, there was no way ofnot doing it just because it's
been a part of our life.
But on top of it, not just me,his receptive language in many
ways is amazing.
For those of you who don't knowwhat receptive language is,
that's the idea that um, youknow, this communicative
language where Lucas would saywords.
He doesn't say any words.
(05:41):
Receptive language is the wordsthat he understands, that he
can comprehend, that he can goout and do things and know what
I'm talking about.
And when you have a nonverbalkid like him, you don't really
know what the receptive languageskills he has are until they
play out, until you say a wordand you see that he gets it.
(06:01):
And I've been progressivelyamazed every single time.
There's been times where I'llsay something under my breath.
No major, like, Lucas, you wantto go to bed?
And I'm doing like, you know,hand motions and you know, like
I look like a you know, a cheercaptain jumping around with
pom-poms, bed over here.
You know, I'm not doing any ofthat.
(06:21):
I'm just simply saying to him,all right, buddy, I'm gonna put
you to bed.
And he'll get into bed.
And I'll be like, oh, I guesshe knows what that means.
This has happened with washinghis hands, this has happened
with different things.
And I know, and I knew then,I'm positive of it now.
Lucas knows words likebathroom, toilet, uh, bedtime,
sleep.
He knows those words.
(06:43):
Yet, for me, in my comfortlevel, I would say potty, or I
would say sleepies.
We gonna go sleepies, buddy.
That sounds cute.
I like it, it makes mecomfortable.
But he would understand otherwords.
And as I'm standing there,looking at this kid with his
little tiny mustache, uh, who inshoes, as I'm standing there on
(07:06):
bare feet, is pretty muchtaller than me, wearing pants
that are bigger than mine, andI'm like, go potty.
And well, he knows it's notpotty.
Now it was a moment that tookme back.
I wrote about it.
It was important for me towrite about it.
But one of the things, andsometimes it gets lost in social
media because I don't I don'tshare the entire article on on
(07:26):
Facebook, you gotta click on it,you gotta read it.
I talked about how it's notsomething that has to be done,
right?
Like I don't have to cut theword potty or cut the word
sleepies out of our life.
And I know this because I havea neurotypical 17-year-old
daughter, and there's thingsthat I say to her sometimes that
(07:47):
go back to when she was tiny.
You know, we have little uhthings that we remember and
things that we say, littleminute, little lines like that.
And um we do it as a form ofkind of again, comfort,
familiarity, something that weboth can, you know, grip onto
(08:07):
that we remember from when shewas little.
But I wouldn't go out andconstantly refer to it as that,
right?
Like I will say potty once in awhile and be like, we're gonna
run, run to the potty, we'regonna go out, that kind of a
thing.
But I would never just refer toit as potty.
I would never be with her in apublic setting and be like, Did
you go potty before we left?
She'd be like, What the hell iswrong with you?
So I try to give Lucas thatsame respect.
(08:29):
Do I need to?
No.
Do you need to with your kid?
If you have a kid like Lucas,no.
You don't need to do this.
This is not something that'slike so important and so needed
to do.
But it's something that servesas a reminder every once in a
while of who he is and what histrue age is.
And realizing things like thatplays a bigger role in
(08:51):
everything, right?
Like, it's not just the wordswe use.
It's not just, you know,updating the vernacular to match
the fact that this kid has amustache and he's tall.
It's the fact that he is 15 andhe's gonna be 16 and then 17
and 18, and till eventually,like I'm 120 and he's whatever,
you know, at that point, I don'teven know, 90, 80.
He's gonna be a man, he's gonnabe a grown man.
(09:13):
And there's a lot of thingsthat come with being a grown
man, respect levels, um,expectations, maturity
expectations that come with it.
That unless I make myselfaccept, acknowledge, and
understand that he's now alittle man, I might not be able
(09:34):
to handle that when it comes.
I might not be able to seethose moments as they arrive.
And a day like this, where Isat there and I'm looking at
this dude who I have to shavehis face, going, I go run into
the potty and then we'll shaveyour face.
It sounds so ridiculous.
Recognizing that prepares mefor when the time comes that I'm
gonna have to deal with thisman with a beard and whatever
(09:58):
comes with it.
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
As I said, Lucas is unique inso many ways that when he is 50,
I can't even fathom.
I don't know what he's gonna belike, what he's gonna do, who
he's gonna be.
Maybe he'll sit on my lap,maybe he'll jump up and down and
clap, maybe he'll be chill,maybe he'll be, you know, just
like the rest of us at 50.
(10:18):
Like, don't make me get up, youknow.
Um, but he is.
He's gonna be an adult and he'sgonna be a man.
And with that, I have toremember that, I have to
acknowledge that.
And sometimes language is thatfirst step, right?
How I how I talk to him denoteshow I treat him, denotes how I
see him, uh, and plays a biggerrole in a bigger picture.
So that was the whole point ofwriting that.
(10:40):
It is crazy.
I can't believe that this kidis 15.
Um, birthdays have been a majorthing.
I'm gonna write about this, Ithink, on Monday.
I'm I'm prepping myselfmentally uh about birthdays.
Birthdays were a big deal.
If you guys got my book, HighWorld, I'm dad.
I wrote like almost, I think itwas a chapter or half a chapter
devoted to birthday parties uhfor him and how difficult they
(11:02):
were.
So we could talk about thattoo.
But this has been a monumentalweek for a monumental kid.
And I thank you guys forletting me talk to you.
I thank you guys for letting meshare with you, and that does
it for me.
Until next Friday, join me backfor another episode of High Pod
I'm Dad.
HiblogomDad.com on Monday.
Brand new blog.
Until then, James Gutmansaying, Be well.
Bye, Pod.
I'm dad.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.