April 24, 2024 • 57 mins
This week on I See You Bro, Brenten, Mars, and Eury delve into their personal definitions of what a man is.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The culture says that there is this sassy man apocalypse happening.
(00:24):
There is an overabundance of men doing self care.
We just had a conversation before we started recording and Yuri obviously hates every single
content creator there is because he thinks that you all are the same.
I'm calling you out right now bro.
I want to defend you all.
You over here.
(00:46):
Take that cape off real quick because I ain't saying all that.
Okay.
He said it.
But what better topic to talk about than what is a man and masculinity because those actual
views lead into our everyday behavior, everyday movements, everyday why we do what we do as
(01:07):
men.
So as you were saying that sassy man era, so kind of like dive into why you think that
first of all what you think masculinity is, Brenton, and then we'll get to Yuri.
What is masculinity to you while people are looking at masculinity in this light early
(01:31):
on especially in the year it is today?
What people think masculinity is, that's really wild to me that people really are having that
conversation about like Yuri said how other people are living their lives.
(01:52):
Masculinity to me is what I define it as in my journey.
I think that is subjective to each man because masculinity to me is actually being a gentleman
and being able to take my power as a man and use it in a positive way.
(02:14):
Masculinity to me is like servitude.
Putting myself in a position to be able to help others.
Masculinity is also knowing when to choose yourself so that way you can serve other people.
Masculinity is also knowing when to be soft and create space for people to heal and just
(02:39):
be their full selves.
That's what masculinity is to me.
Like you said it's all subjective through our experiences and everything.
We gain an understanding of what it is.
For me it's just a knowing of who you are, a sureness of self kind of just like Monday
(03:06):
through Sunday you know what I'm saying?
Every day you're sure of who you are even if you can't show up as that person you've
set a standard for yourself as a man.
So even if like you get knocked off that square you know that you got knocked off that square
because you're not at that standard like you usually are.
(03:27):
I would say the last one is someone in their purpose.
I feel like you really become a man when you understand your purpose in this world.
Not everybody's purpose is to help billions of people.
Some people are just meant to be pillars in their community.
Some people are just meant to raise a good family.
(03:48):
But understanding your purpose and living in that purpose I feel creates a man because
you are now acknowledging that what you do and what you're here for is bigger than you.
That your leadership, your qualities, your value affect more than just you.
I definitely think that just someone in their purpose and someone who knows what their purpose
(04:14):
is and what they're here to do it signifies I guess like the becoming of that man.
Because you could pay bills and all that but I didn't feel like I was a man until like
25, 26 where I'm like yo I'm here to do something.
(04:36):
I gotta hold myself to this standard.
I gotta shed everything that doesn't align with me and make sure that I'm showing up
as my best self or as the best version of myself that day.
You know what I'm saying and then just going from there.
So yeah that's what I would say.
I'd like to get your perspective though Marv.
(04:59):
I wanted y'all to go first because I wanted to also ask like where do you think you learned
that so I'm gonna answer both of those.
So for me I think what a man is I don't think anybody necessarily has a clear view or actually
defined answer or an actual right or wrong answer you know what I mean.
(05:22):
But what I do think is that we get so many depictions of what a man is from our influences
you know whether if we had a dad figure or multiple dad figures.
So I think that that's how it cumulatively comes together especially men in our you know
I'm almost 30 I think but we're young men right still and so we're learning these things
(05:45):
and we're also while we're learning these things we're living them and then kind of
spitting it back out right.
But it doesn't really define there's no real definition which I think most people kind
of go to you know.
But when you talk about masculinity I think they can be quite separate because masculinity
is a certain kind of energy for me right and I think because I've been in a divorced family
(06:09):
and I've had stepfathers as well which I have now and I just got to see so many different
kinds of masculinity and energy right and different kind of forms of man right.
So that's where I think I learned my view of masculinity and men and how it can be on
different spectrums right because they weren't all the same man I was around they were all
(06:34):
quite I think different.
So and I think I learned a lot from that being able to pinpoint and look around for some
stuff so why do you think you learn the way you think of masculinity or being a man.
Where shall I ask.
(06:56):
A lot of my perspective now is based off of my faith right like that in addition to what
I see you know I always tell myself that I'm a data collector right I'm forever a student
(07:17):
I'm always looking I'm always collecting data and putting it back into my bank and then
I'm going back and I'm comparing the data right and so I could see a man and I could
say I like that I like that I don't like that.
I'm gonna throw that out the window.
You know and so you know a lot of data collecting and so making sure that I'm paying attention
(07:42):
to men that are influential and that have huge hearts right and they're men that I want
to that I would potentially want to look like right like I'm collecting data from them but
also like you know I'm comparing it to what resonates with me as a man and so my view
(08:03):
of masculinity is has really it starts over at every single like season that I'm in if
that makes sense and so what I view as like what masculinity was and where that came from
like that really came from my family at first which is very false but now that I'm older
(08:24):
and you know you you're accountable to how you act in your view you know you have to
take ownership of over that and so once I realized that was the case you know I'm like
okay bro go collect some more data because this don't feel right.
I love how you said that before we get to you're in my band but um you said how you're
(08:47):
collecting data right and I think all young men do that right they're picking and choosing
what they want to take I mean everybody does that from any situation right but not only
that is you said that my view is different now and so I love that like we're still growing
and one thing that I hope you know you guys who's listening and viewing in with us kind
(09:09):
of take from this is learning every time we listen in and see each other's experiences
right not just going with what we learn from you know the nest.
Yeah to Brent's point forever a student I just learned very on that like just because
I respect you as a man doesn't mean I have to do everything you do right I can just take
(09:33):
what I love about you how you are and implement that into myself you know and then just kind
of let the other stuff go right and and that's kind of been my evolution as a man.
It started at the nest my first experience with my father you know what I'm saying I
got to see him like that as a son and now I'm realizing it with my own son is like they're
(09:56):
learning how to be a person through you first right so it was my father then you as you
get older it starts to become your environment so in my environment it's there was a lot
of lack right it wasn't a lot of abundance and money there was just people helping one
another to essentially survive and I would say that at that point when it becomes your
(10:21):
environment you look towards the people that look like they have abundance right whether
no matter what what they're doing is legal or illegal it just looks good because you're
it doesn't look like what everybody else looks like right and then as you get older from
that you know you start to you start to kind of form your own opinion as to like what kind
(10:44):
of man you want to be you start to form your own idea right and you go back and lean on
okay lessons from my father what did I like didn't like other men I respected in the family
you know and then you start to I call it like you start to like network online this is what
I called it but I would literally watch YouTube videos of people I wanted to think like I
(11:08):
wanted to think like do business like just maneuver like and I would just watch them
watch them in interviews watch their documentaries watch their projects like Nipsey was heavy
Warren Buffett Charlie Munger Jay-Z like anybody I found interesting anybody that I knew knew
(11:29):
something that I wanted to know or were at a level I wanted to reach in terms of how
they put their people on how they put their family off whatever the case is I'm tuning
in and I'm listening and like I said I'm just keeping what's for me letting go of the rest
and it's forever changing the man you are today might serve you today might not serve
(11:51):
you next month or next year so it's it's an ever like you have to continue learning and
growing and being cognizant enough or like aware that just because it worked for you
for a certain time doesn't mean it's going to work for you always so you have to you
have to be open to that like to adapting right into a new version of I'm experiencing that
(12:12):
right now actually we're like the man before he has died he is no longer here that man
has left the ball evolving and holding yourself that should happen that man has left the building
what made you realize that it did nothing work they don't work no more it's not it
(12:33):
don't feel what it used to feel like so listen to this as a realization don't be I just be
like but um what I'm feeling and hearing from the stuff that we're saying is that as a man
evolving anytime or whatever energy you want to be towards it's like you're the man you
(12:56):
find inspiration from or take things from is the man that has things that you like or
think that you lack so like if you like want to be a man of confidence or something like
that you feel me I feel like that's you're like oh I'm gonna listen or if I'm um want
to make money I'm gonna listen to Warren Buffett you feel me like and you take things from
those certain people and that's kind of feels like that's how we grew up right yeah and
(13:19):
you just lack in confidence or lacking strength or lacking money like you go to look you take
things from those men around you yeah and you just and and like we were talking about
before we're in an information surplus it's we're abundant with information out there
and you can you can almost align yourself for your habits or your thinking with those
that like you said have the things or live away or think a way that you would like to
(13:43):
as a man right and there's no shame in that because you want to personally grow right
so in order to do that you have to be open to different perspectives and implementing
new things in your life that are going to serve you at that point in your life and your
growth so yeah always open and that can always change maybe like I haven't more so been listening
(14:06):
you know to those guys you know I've switched and listened to to other people right like
around that you know you're starting to get it yeah and it just continues to in it I just
continue to evolve as I continue to grow but it's like you said it's it's everlasting this
this shit as as to like being a man it never stops because ultimately as a human like we're
(14:28):
we're here to evolve and adapt and continue to grow you know because the world is and
we got to basically keep up with it you know so not to stray too far but I feel like it's
just very important for us to continue to do the work it doesn't stop it doesn't you
know and if we want to continue to strive for that man that that that image right because
(14:52):
when I close my eyes I know the type of man that I want to become right and that I'm working
towards being and in knowing that it allows me to align with everything I need to get
there and say no to everything that doesn't also want to bring in the point of like because
(15:15):
before we started this conversation we had the conversation about content creators right
and to your point you know there's a lot of things on the internet that's just false very
very false about like what a man looks like and what masculinity looks like wrapped up
in skits wrapped up in skits like and so you're very absolute you're very very right and so
(15:36):
to the person that's out there you know looking at the internet and you might not resonate
with the person like look deeper find somebody else to resonate with that's what I was about
to say look in yourself you pick the wrong man yeah from and look some people don't get
to that point where they're yeah like it's not working like you said yeah everyone's
what I'm also learning as I'm going on this journey is that you know your journey is one
(15:59):
of one and so to look for that in somebody else is insane like to look for that is into
somebody else is absolutely nuts and so take your journey to the man that's on the journey
to figure out what a man is like yes look to the left look to the right collect data
(16:20):
but also look inside yeah that's what I was about to say like you know don't rely too
heavily on outside sources collect the information collect the data collect what you need to
know but you have to internalize what really works for you right and you have to look with
it don't just rely on outside sources for the answers because most of the time we do
(16:43):
that when the answer is within we just have to give ourselves time patience and space
that that answer to come to fruition to come into our lives and show itself yeah right
and as to like who we're developing into and who we're growing into as a man so yeah definitely
a good point don't just rely on outside sources there are plenty of people you can look to
(17:06):
for the tools you need on your journey but that shouldn't be your only sources yeah well
let me say this too you don't always have to look on the internet there could be people
right there in your community yeah that's gonna be like I see you bro and how that started
right we started with roundtable discussions yeah right and and it led us to this opportunity
(17:28):
and that's the thing like you got to understand like put yourself out there and that's that's
one of the best parts about evolving in in what you want to be in your masculine energy
and in what you believe the man you want to be is right and as long as you keep getting
and looking yourself in the mirror and saying who do you want to be right every step you
(17:51):
take that day you keep saying that to yourself who do you want to be you'll get to that person
that much faster right and so like the guys in the room you guys have been able to influence
me and help me evolve as a man within a very short period of time you understand what I'm
saying so when you realize that the other people are masculine energy and masculine
(18:15):
or man definitions in your head that you learned as a kid isn't working anymore that's that
time to evolve and so that's kind of like yeah but that's I was using too many outside
sources of course and that but another good point is is finding a community and I'm glad
we've been able to create something that allows you know men to come out express themselves
(18:35):
learn something reflect a bit because it's needed right so yeah if you're trying to grow
just look within you know surround yourself with a good community and then just find people
that you feel you could learn from and grow from you know it's not and just choose what
works for you I would say choose what works for you not everything looks the same not
(18:57):
everybody's journey is the same you know so at the end of the day you know what is best
just make sure that you follow that path right don't don't let yourself stray from your path
because you want to follow someone else's I see you bro is bought to you by city center
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follow at city center at oyster point. I did want to ask a quick question as a man this
(20:26):
may be a little off topic but it's something that I felt compelled to ask is is how often
do you think about death and do you let that do you let that dictate or I would I don't
want to say control how you move but is that like a thought in your mind as you're making
(20:50):
like as you're maneuvering through this through this world through these days weeks months
like and I can answer first like I never really thought about death too often until I had
a son right because it made me realize how precious time is how fast life is how short
(21:12):
life can be so I have a very deep appreciation since he's been born like a very very deep
appreciation for time being in the present moment because in the back of my mind it's
like you want to make sure that you made as many moments count as possible while you're
(21:34):
here right and it's not like I'm thinking of different scenarios of me passing away
or nothing like that it's just me knowing that every present moment every waking moment
is just a gift and to maximize it and that's and that's helped me move with so much more
intentionality and everything I do so it's it's almost been a positive there are cases
(21:56):
into where you know you think of things too much it can it can be almost you know it can
bring down your mood or you know your energy so I I never really feed into it but it's
something in my mind to where I'm just very appreciative and grateful for every day every
moment hour second and because I started thinking about that it's allowed me to live like every
(22:25):
day to the fullest and in some capacity like I want to laugh I want like there were days
before my son where I would sometimes I wouldn't even speak I'd be at the house I wouldn't
speak all day I wouldn't call anybody nothing right but now I want to interact I want to
you know let people know I'm there for them like have great conversation like have a fun
(22:48):
moment in the day so for y'all is that a thought that's that's no kind of come to your mind
and hey well Mars I'll tell you this um I I know exactly what you mean and I know exactly
I think it's when you have kids well no when you have kids you start thinking about not
(23:08):
deaf anymore or you start okay so look when I was younger I didn't think that I would
I was like I'm about to be 30 I'm 29 right two months away and so I was like man I might
not make it to 30 not that I'm doing all these crazy things not that I might make it not
make it because that life is hard I just don't I didn't really care too much about life my
(23:31):
life right as I think a lot of youth in different ways because I wasn't running the streets
and game banging all that stuff but the thing about it is I just didn't care for my life
as much right and so I was just like all right well I don't want to mind if I'm just going
to 30 why cuz life sucks like it's not that it's hard it's just this life sucks right
but when I had my first daughter um I kind of like yo I can't just leave this thing you
(23:57):
feel me it's like I like I'm an asshole like that's not fair to for me to bring something
in this world and not try to help her out you know I mean as long as I can right and
so I pushed my I pushed it up to 55 now so but but you know it's just not that I it's
just like I know but I understand what you mean right like it's not that I just I don't
really care too much I don't really care too much for this life it's cool and I'm gonna
(24:19):
do what I can do while I'm here right I'm gonna enjoy it while I'm here I'm gonna laugh
I'm gonna you know I mean and so really on like when I saw this we on a floating rock
paying bills like that's some bullshit so why not just enjoy it like you know I mean
so and it's not something that like I wouldn't mind leaving early why who the fuck want to
be here for a hundred years by the way I do okay cool tell my story like I I always envision
(24:44):
myself like living a pretty long life but but like I said it's not something that like
dawns on me every day so oh my god I got seven thousand days left until like no bro it's
just like since having a kid man you just I just appreciate the time more I'm not I'm
not so caught up thinking about the past or the future I'm more so just trying to live
(25:08):
in the now so that's that's more so what I was trying to get to to see it seems like
a common thing with when you have kids because I was like you like and like you before I
had a child I didn't really care like I know I care but it's not a thought that like plagues
(25:29):
me right yeah like yeah like it's not a thought that plagues me now am I thinking about what
kind of legacy I want to leave like and I do think I have thoughts like if you were
to go tomorrow would you be happy with the impact like I would be I would be happy right
like I would be okay with what I've done thus far right and I want to be able to continue
to ask myself that as a man along the journey if you were to leave tomorrow would you have
(25:53):
felt like you've done all that you could do and and and just recently so my great grandmother
she passed three days ago maybe she was 93 thank you she was 93 and so she had told one
of her friends that stopped by her house she was like you know before the new year she
(26:17):
was like I'm gonna let I'm gonna let the family have Christmas I'm gonna let them have the
new year but after this I'm gone right and so like before she went in the hospital she
cleaned her house right and she told she told somebody in our family like I'm ready to go
I'm tired right and to me that was such a huge thing because it was like imagine living
a life so well that you feel that you get to decide that like hey like I'm tired I'm
(26:43):
ready to go you know hang it up exactly I'm just gonna hang it up right and like and being
so like in tune with your humanity that you kind of get to decide like when I'm when you
get to go be you know live in eternity and so that's that's the kind of life I want to
live as a man to be quite honest with you you gotta do that every day too right you're
(27:06):
accountable because it's like if I were to die today not what I've done but what I just
did today five seconds ago you feel me like what did that like what does not your legacy
is only what you keep doing right right not what you did in the past everybody knows that
nobody give a crap you know you could have saved five babies and you know you do one
bad thing yeah it just it just keeps like you that that the knowing that time is like
(27:33):
our time here is a finite allows me to to really be conscious of the type of legacy
I want to leave the type of the type of work I want to do while I'm here so like it doesn't
plague me but it's something that I noticed I was more conscious of after becoming a father
as opposed to when I wasn't when I wasn't you know I was starting to figure out my purpose
(27:56):
but I wasn't really like diving into it because I'm still finding myself I'm still healing
myself because that's another part of it too is like to be a man in your purpose you got
to do the work right to step into every room as your best self right even if you're not
feeling your best self you've done the work to be the best possible Yuri Mars Brenton
(28:18):
that you could be that day right so I would say yeah it's just it's something that is
subjective I would definitely love to hear the comments below if as a man that's something
that kind of changed if you had kids too like if you had kids is that something that you
think about or did your thinking change from you know pre fatherhood to fatherhood in terms
(28:45):
of just your legacy etc.
Yeah because some people are probably listening right now like as we have been doing in the
past months and being like yo it's not I guess what what I do wasn't working that why did
I choose this man that has influenced my past 30 years 25 years whatever you know well let
(29:08):
me ask you all this what kind of man do you hope to be ultimately like when you think
about yourself you know in 20 years like what do you see for yourself still doing the work
that means I got more years left I swear I'm not leaving this world at 55.
(29:32):
I'd say at that age I have my son will be I'll be 50 my son will be 23 so all right
so in context so I will be still doing the work on a much higher level at that point
I'll be working toward heavily on like the things that I'm doing outliving me putting
(30:01):
things systems people in place to carry what I've been doing way beyond my lifetime right
and I think that'll be the focus then someone that is a pillar in every community he stepped
in lived in someone that took as much time effort and energy to to kind of develop and
(30:26):
grow just a great family right an abundant family you know someone that helped others
along the way to surpass him and what he's done putting the next people on because what
we're doing here is influencing the next we're 30 or about to be 30 a little bit older than
(30:52):
30 but we um you better hope to get here but it's um we're at a point where it like we
spoke about it's 20 is a 20 year old to a couple 20 year old kids that came to our and
I don't mean to call them kids 20 old men that came to our event and that was so powerful
to me because it's like where will they be at 30 who are they you know what I'm saying
(31:14):
and it's just influencing the next to come behind us and then go even further than us
so so a lot of for us for forever yeah to the point of really so just just being someone
that continues to help others and pay it forward um yeah man and I just hope to be the best
version of myself like I just want to be the I want to know that I did the work to be the
(31:40):
over the next 20 years to be the best Yuri Almonte that I could be in 20 years wait is
I'm gonna tell you a middle name or your last name yes sir no middle name yeah he got two
names you're in the middle name I'm on okay yeah I think um for me I want like like I
(32:00):
just said earlier looking in that mirror every day right and so that may change and you know
I guess 20 years is what you asked but what I want to be doing is I guess a man that is
um holding himself accountable still right not giving up um I would hope for my family
that I um would have been put them in a position to because I like to like I said the main
(32:24):
thing about me and my my business NeuroSpace is is that it's not about saying you need
mental health right it's about planting seeds and then watching you grow and making while
you make your journey yours however that is right in each step and in each idea and in
each create create creative thought that you bring to life right so I just hope that I'm
(32:45):
continuously growing and evolving in what is not society but what is my journey right
and my purpose kind of like how you said right because today it could be mental health and
tomorrow it could be just waking up so um hopefully I'm just I don't how about this
(33:06):
I don't want as we speak about society and how good they're getting with brainwashing
and and manipulating people to think that what they're doing is their idea per se I
don't want to get lost in that yeah yeah um for me who I want to be I've kind of already
(33:27):
accepted the fact that I'm gonna be like successful and great right like that's just that's a
good that's a given right like cool that's easy at this point but what I and I've and
I've known this as a kid right I was like hmm everybody can be doctors lawyers like
all of these things but the one thing that I see everybody is not and doesn't have is
(33:48):
happiness and joy I saw that as a kid I immediately knew like okay you you that's easy but they're
like people don't have this like this gym about them you know you could tell they're
missing something and for me I want to that's the kind of black man that I want to be is
(34:08):
I want to I want to I want you to be able to come in contact with me even on my worst
day you'd be like that nigga is a gym like he is a he his heart I want people to be able
to feel my heart more than they hear me you know I want people to be able to feel my my
spirit and my soul more than they feel my work or my art or my expression of that you
(34:34):
know even if they don't get a chance to meet me I want my work if we're talking about
working what we touch and what we put our hands to I want it to illuminate that spirit
of of of essence and joy you know and it doesn't I'm not expecting it to look a certain type
(34:59):
of way I am expecting it to feel a certain type of way though that's what's more important
yeah like like you said it's about that feeling that people should be having versus what we
are like and to be quite honest with you I'm learning what that is because I've always
felt so much pressure to actually be something right or to like arrive to this thing and
(35:23):
so I guess my next question to you guys is like do you feel like there are any obligations
associated with being a black man I know and I guess to just going a little bit deeper
into that question is like again I feel like I have to go into certain spaces and automatically
be better to be heard or perform in a specific way in order to be recognized right which
(35:51):
is easy right but let me ask you guys even you know your experience of being a black
man spans even further because your father's and do so many other different things and
I do like do you feel any pressures or obligations associated with not not like two parts do
you feel any pressures or obligations associated with being a black man and what culture says
(36:18):
you should be and what you think you should be I'll say this there's always obligation
when it comes to masculine energy right especially because that's the supposedly the dominant
energy and then when you talk about being a man because that's a label that comes with
(36:40):
what everybody else already has of it already you're talking about somebody else's thoughts
on something that's automatically obligation right the feeling of obligation in a sense
so but yes being the black man in general goes back to that death thing right that's
kind of why I did as a kid I was like well a man's supposed to jump in front of a bullet
(37:04):
you know I mean stuff like that you know I mean like just people think stuff like that
you know I'm saying like I'm like depending on who it is yes I mean you're supposed to
be the protector right you know these are the kind of words that you kind of think you're
supposed to do just in general as far as like what your idea and those things you were picking
right if you wanted confidence you're like oh Chuck Norris like some people like certain
(37:29):
people right you got all I don't know Schwarzenegger if you even if you was black you had you knew
those people right so sometimes we didn't have the right you know influences and when
we're talking about outsources always there's gonna be obligation when you're a black man
in today's society because you're supposed to be the headhunter and one thing I get as
(37:52):
a mental health advocate is oh my god there needs there's not any black men out there
there's not any men in general out there doing what you do there's not many right and so
that's obligation in itself that I got to be the Savior right and so I hate hearing
it I love hearing it because it's a compliment and I'm doing the right thing but I hate hearing
it because I wish there was more right and so that's kind of straight obligation right
(38:13):
there for me to actually always be doing the right thing because one thing I do want men
to know is that there's always eyes on us right we're always going to be some kind of
influence and or just you know somebody like you said if you see that dude and somebody's
handling their business which most of us are we're gonna automatically be somebody else's
(38:35):
outside source yeah and so there's always eyes on us that's always straight obligation
so yeah just to the fullest I feel pressure and obligation I I would say from society
no like I don't feel the I just feel like they society will have their own expectations
(38:57):
depending on the person or the narrator of that expectation right so it could look different
you know from person to person that's saying it you know in our society right or I feel
like I put more pressure on myself than anything right it's not society standard I'm living
up to it's the type of father the type of man that I want to be right and the type of
(39:21):
partner like that for myself and I hold myself to that standard according to what I feel
is the best thing for not only myself but those around me as a man so there can be well
no not there can be there is a ton of pressure out there like you have to do this you have
(39:43):
to earn this you have to be like it's no you just have to take care of yourself you have
if you have loved ones that you know what I'm saying take care of them like you know
if you have a family take care of that but you do not need to subscribe to society's
pressures especially as a black man because I don't know why why why are we the ones that
(40:11):
have to be a certain way why do we have to be the ones that go above and beyond that
every fucking thing like why can't we like you know what I'm saying like they painted
this image from when I was little and it was like not to even get to me controversial anything
but like that black fathers were absent I remember seeing some marketing schemes that
(40:34):
they would have it'd be a white family father mother child black family mother child on
like Pampers on like you know what I'm saying so it's like they created this narrative but
if you go and look at the studies I'm not gonna give you the exact numbers y'all can
look it up on yourself Google 2024 but you can Google up the the highest percentage of
(40:58):
active fathers amongst race and black is up there if it ain't top two no if it ain't
number one it's top two you know what I'm saying but it's up there I promise you you
know so I feel like society has had it has had a negative light on us anyway so why are
(41:19):
why would we ever subscribe to the type of pressure they put on us when it's unrealistic
they not even spit in fact you know I'm saying so we just need to realize who we want to
become how we want to take care of the people we want to take care of yeah and what that
looks like without any outside sources influencing that you know what I'm saying because like
(41:46):
that there is good information out there there is good resources not enough to influence
how you should drive yourself as a man or how you should how you should care for your
people your community your community your family etc. I see you bro is brought to you
by the can foundation the can foundation is an arts nonprofit organization founded by
(42:08):
artists for artists the can is dedicated to building sustainable careers for the creative
class through artist development arts education and public art projects by creating a community
they empower artists foster creativity and contribute to the sustainable growth of the
artistic ecosystem at large to learn more about the can foundation visit their Instagram
(42:29):
contemporary arts network or their website at the contemporary arts network.com Mars
mentioned he said you know there are some duties associated with being a man in general
right there are some obligations associated with being a man we're okay with that but
oftentimes for me the struggle has been you know the balance finding the balance between
(42:56):
those obligations and like who I actually want to become as a man like man right like
what are your dreams what do you care about and so there's always been this resistance
between like okay what's most important and so for me where I am now it's like hey Brenton
in order to serve those obligations better there is a point that you have to actually
(43:22):
put your dreams and who you are first right and you learn as a man that servitude like
I often think that those of us that are called to serve and be leaders we got the gang like
we got the game jacked up right because they want to say like love others as you would
(43:44):
love yourself like but some of you I really love you yourself well so I'm good on you
loving me but I say that to say like has that been difficult in your journey right especially
as fathers like has it been difficult for you to say like no I gotta put myself here
you know first in order to serve my other obligations and my duties and my dreams best
(44:07):
what what has that journey look like for y'all I mean I'm just I'm getting there now man
I'm tired yeah yeah yeah what does that mean what it means is that um with the obligations
that I thought you know growing up as a young father I had to do which is not it doesn't
always have to be on my shoulders I can help I can ask for help I can communicate better
(44:33):
I can you know try all these different things like when you said it it's just the other
things you the other coats you had on when it's cold as hell now aren't working you know
I mean so like I need to get a new coat it's not keep putting the same layer coat on because
it's not it's not really working so um it's definitely tough though but what I mean by
(44:56):
I'm tired I'm tired of like doing the same thing expecting a different result and that's
not that's not how it's gonna work and so it's not just about being a father though
it's about just being a person a human being right and so as with a father with being a
father you're just trying to make sure that you not just you are good most of everybody
(45:18):
else and it's kind of hard to think about yourself yeah right and I'm just a natural
giver so I can keep giving and keep giving but like I said when I realized that I'm pouring
and I ain't been refilling you taught me that right and I appreciate that but you gotta you
gotta fill your cup up so that you can pour it into other cups that need it yeah same
(45:40):
with me I mean as a father just somebody like I have an obligation to show up to work do my best
I've made commitments and obligations outside of that here you know this is a commitment for all of
us to help the collective right I have an obligation to help raise my son to become a man one day and
(46:03):
to your point Mars it gets fucking tired I'm tired myself right you know and it's it it comes to a
point where I was just saying yesterday like I am going to pour more into myself because I'm not
running I've run into certain situations where your cup is empty and you're still trying to give out
and now it's like dry heaving and it's just it's just bad on all fronts because you're not giving
(46:26):
out your best the person that is is needing or you know what I'm saying that is that that you're
pouring into you're not pouring into the way that you should they probably might not benefit from it
you know like it's just it's it's it's a an avalanche right I would say it can cause that
but I would say that in that obli- like in these obligations and commitments as a man to provide
(46:50):
to protect to show up and do the work myself um I just do things that help keep my cup full
if that's taking a break right if that's saying no to a thousand things before I say yes to something
you know like just doing things that allow me to pour into others the way that I want to
(47:16):
right because I like I said it's been several situations where you're just you continue to
try and then you're literally left feeling bare feeling empty zero right like your your tank is
on zero and that's not a place you want to be as a man because in certain cases like I not even that
I became resentful towards towards giving and pouring into others but it was just like goddamn
(47:39):
when is it my turn you know what I'm saying and so and and I'm asking these questions whole time
it's like it's your turn whenever you say so because all you need to do is start pouring into you
yeah you know so just doing the things that keep me fulfilled that continue to keep me going that
continue to keep me giving back um and just continuing to elevate that and the level in which
(48:04):
I'm able to give back and and pour into others pour into my son you know what I'm saying like
just pouring to my family as a whole like that I think is key instead of just continuously
feeling because that might be a pressure too um that we didn't talk on like that that that pressure
to just give give give give give and not do nothing for yourself because we haven't heard
(48:27):
of spaces like this we didn't grow up familiar with spaces like this or or men caring for themselves
like it was work go home like like you know what I'm saying like it's so yeah it's as you as you
as you as you're talking about that kind of give your closing statement on it because um
(48:49):
I was gonna I was gonna say some of the similar things but how you have taken all of that
information that you said well we didn't grow up that way and how how's your closing statement on
what masculinity means to you with what you're learning now who you've been what you want to be
and then what you learned how you basically we've been evolving so kind of say how you
(49:13):
how you think all of that wrapped up into who you are and who you want to be
I mean it's just through my experiences is I would say I never settled to be any one type of
person or man I've always wanted to learn more to grow more to to seek more for myself
(49:41):
um in my growth in my environment I would say that it gets kind of skewed as you're growing up
but I'm grateful for the isolation that came when I left out the house and having to go through very
very painful stages of growth by myself like I remember vividly some things that
(50:04):
like I bought a house right before I turned 25 two months later man I'm in the fetal position
just crying don't know why like just depressed big guy like in an empty house three bedrooms
two and a half bad just me and I'm just crying like because at that point I thought what I had
(50:28):
would fill the gap of what was really missing inside the work that needed to be done the healing
that needed to be done so purpose you were talking about too yeah and I started to find that as I got
into my personal healing so truthfully I don't even like I don't even know what to say as my
(50:51):
closing statement I just would say like stay curious you know stay adaptable stay open to learn
that's what I've learned throughout my journey and it's it'll take you very far you know do not stay
in this one box that you feel should be a man should be a provider should be your purpose should
be what you do just because society says so right like it's so important to find out who you are
(51:19):
because that's when you start becoming the man you need right you need to become and that's with
finding who you are being sure of that and living in that when you're sure of who you are you know
when you're not up to that level right you I know when I'm not feeling like myself because there's
(51:40):
a certain standard I expect every day when I wake up and it's okay if I don't wake up at that level
that day I just know it's some work that needs to be done to get myself back to that level you know
what I'm saying and then as I continue on that level might I may want to step it up a notch take
it up to another level so I gotta to Brandon's point collect some data put myself around communities
(52:04):
put myself around people or really just sit and look within and figure out what is it that I'm
missing where what is it that I need to fill the gap between where I'm at and where I'm trying to
go right but just I think the main thing as a man the most important thing is just to never stop
never stop like it's this shit this life it's a marathon sometimes you sprinting through this
(52:28):
marathon right but regardless don't stop you could you could slow down you could walk get some water
on the way you know what I'm saying sometimes you're gonna have people on the sidelines cheering
you on you know I'm saying sometimes it's gonna be real empty and it's just you running that race
right but just never stop because I feel people die a long time before they're actually putting the
(52:54):
grade yeah I think so and I'm the same one and then I'll send it to you for your wrap up and you
can wrap us up but I like how every time I sit down with you fellas bro I always learn something
else because it's like us three hearing each other's experiences and where we're learning in today
(53:15):
and it just makes me learn that much faster I always say that so I appreciate that and like
one thing I realize is that um we can't we got to be grateful for our journeys that we've been in
even those people that we learn bad things from in our journeys um well not necessarily bad things
I'm trying to get away from rather wrong and bad and good but unhealthy things that we learned
(53:38):
right um we got to be grateful for those things though because we're we survived we're here that
without those things we wouldn't be here today we needed those things at that point right but we also
got to be mindful of looking in the mirror like I said earlier and asking yourself who you want to
be today or who you want to be tomorrow right and then not only that just talking to yourself in a
sense talk to yourself or look in the mirror and then with that um be mindful when those things
(54:05):
stop working right and so that's just really my closing statement and that's kind of where I'm
at now it's just continually walking in accountability and asking myself who do I want to be yeah um I
thought of a story um of a young man that was at one of the ICU bro events we were talking and he
(54:25):
said to me um I want to I want to move throughout the city I want to get my get get myself out this
area and you know do these things he was like but like you know I got to get my mama out too
and I was like oh no I was like oh no and not even that but like not not that you can't bring mama
(54:50):
but it's just kind of like save yourself first you cannot save both of you simultaneously you know
oxygen mask thing put your oxygen mask on first black man you you are not responsible for
getting your mama out the hood you responsible for getting yourself out the hood first and then you
better build a guest house in the bitnet backyard you get what I'm saying um you are not responsible
(55:16):
for uh what other standards people put on you and what other narratives and what other stories
people assign to you you are responsible for that you no longer get to blame anyone you are accountable
to you you know and so that's my closing statement is that you know there's power in that right there's
(55:37):
liberation in that but there's also accountability in that you know is that you get to write your own
story and so that's what I think is beautiful about being a black man is because we're powerful
enough to like snatch off those chains of what people have placed on us but we're even more
powerful enough to like rewrite a new story and so that's it like rewrite your story black man
(56:00):
it's a wonderful new year like do do what you gotta do you get what I'm saying put your chin up
chest out you get what I'm saying do all that you gotta do but you know take care of yourself first
and then you know make those things secondary um yeah and so shout out oh I just real quick I'm
(56:22):
sorry I'm sorry yeah my life got a million times better when I put myself first yeah a million
times better when I put myself first and it's not to say I neglect other people it's to say that I'm
putting myself first because I know that if I serve myself first it's gonna benefit those I love
around me immediately they are gonna benefit off of me putting myself first off of me going and
(56:48):
and trying to get more money or me going and healing more me being in spaces like this it
benefits those around me so yes put yourself first trust you will get your mom out the hood you will
you will live a prosperous life your family will be good just put yourself first and bring them
(57:10):
along with you yeah yeah so with that being said shout out to episode one of the I see you bro pod
a space like we said just dedicated to talking about things that we generally don't get the
space to talk about um we love y'all I'm one third of your podcast Brenton and we out hey this your
(57:32):
boy Mars number one misfit make sure you guys follow like share and subscribe check us out on
patreon if you want to see it live and yeah this your boy Yuri I appreciate y'all tuning in make
sure to comment and share your experience with us because your voice matters too and we'd love
to hear a little bit more about you peace
The culture says that there is this sassy man apocalypse happening.
(00:24):
There is an overabundance of men doing self care.
We just had a conversation before we started recording and Yuri obviously hates every single
content creator there is because he thinks that you all are the same.
I'm calling you out right now bro.
I want to defend you all.
You over here.
(00:46):
Take that cape off real quick because I ain't saying all that.
Okay.
He said it.
But what better topic to talk about than what is a man and masculinity because those actual
views lead into our everyday behavior, everyday movements, everyday why we do what we do as
(01:07):
men.
So as you were saying that sassy man era, so kind of like dive into why you think that
first of all what you think masculinity is, Brenton, and then we'll get to Yuri.
What is masculinity to you while people are looking at masculinity in this light early
(01:31):
on especially in the year it is today?
What people think masculinity is, that's really wild to me that people really are having that
conversation about like Yuri said how other people are living their lives.
(01:52):
Masculinity to me is what I define it as in my journey.
I think that is subjective to each man because masculinity to me is actually being a gentleman
and being able to take my power as a man and use it in a positive way.
(02:14):
Masculinity to me is like servitude.
Putting myself in a position to be able to help others.
Masculinity is also knowing when to choose yourself so that way you can serve other people.
Masculinity is also knowing when to be soft and create space for people to heal and just
(02:39):
be their full selves.
That's what masculinity is to me.
Like you said it's all subjective through our experiences and everything.
We gain an understanding of what it is.
For me it's just a knowing of who you are, a sureness of self kind of just like Monday
(03:06):
through Sunday you know what I'm saying?
Every day you're sure of who you are even if you can't show up as that person you've
set a standard for yourself as a man.
So even if like you get knocked off that square you know that you got knocked off that square
because you're not at that standard like you usually are.
(03:27):
I would say the last one is someone in their purpose.
I feel like you really become a man when you understand your purpose in this world.
Not everybody's purpose is to help billions of people.
Some people are just meant to be pillars in their community.
Some people are just meant to raise a good family.
(03:48):
But understanding your purpose and living in that purpose I feel creates a man because
you are now acknowledging that what you do and what you're here for is bigger than you.
That your leadership, your qualities, your value affect more than just you.
I definitely think that just someone in their purpose and someone who knows what their purpose
(04:14):
is and what they're here to do it signifies I guess like the becoming of that man.
Because you could pay bills and all that but I didn't feel like I was a man until like
25, 26 where I'm like yo I'm here to do something.
(04:36):
I gotta hold myself to this standard.
I gotta shed everything that doesn't align with me and make sure that I'm showing up
as my best self or as the best version of myself that day.
You know what I'm saying and then just going from there.
So yeah that's what I would say.
I'd like to get your perspective though Marv.
(04:59):
I wanted y'all to go first because I wanted to also ask like where do you think you learned
that so I'm gonna answer both of those.
So for me I think what a man is I don't think anybody necessarily has a clear view or actually
defined answer or an actual right or wrong answer you know what I mean.
(05:22):
But what I do think is that we get so many depictions of what a man is from our influences
you know whether if we had a dad figure or multiple dad figures.
So I think that that's how it cumulatively comes together especially men in our you know
I'm almost 30 I think but we're young men right still and so we're learning these things
(05:45):
and we're also while we're learning these things we're living them and then kind of
spitting it back out right.
But it doesn't really define there's no real definition which I think most people kind
of go to you know.
But when you talk about masculinity I think they can be quite separate because masculinity
is a certain kind of energy for me right and I think because I've been in a divorced family
(06:09):
and I've had stepfathers as well which I have now and I just got to see so many different
kinds of masculinity and energy right and different kind of forms of man right.
So that's where I think I learned my view of masculinity and men and how it can be on
different spectrums right because they weren't all the same man I was around they were all
(06:34):
quite I think different.
So and I think I learned a lot from that being able to pinpoint and look around for some
stuff so why do you think you learn the way you think of masculinity or being a man.
Where shall I ask.
(06:56):
A lot of my perspective now is based off of my faith right like that in addition to what
I see you know I always tell myself that I'm a data collector right I'm forever a student
(07:17):
I'm always looking I'm always collecting data and putting it back into my bank and then
I'm going back and I'm comparing the data right and so I could see a man and I could
say I like that I like that I don't like that.
I'm gonna throw that out the window.
You know and so you know a lot of data collecting and so making sure that I'm paying attention
(07:42):
to men that are influential and that have huge hearts right and they're men that I want
to that I would potentially want to look like right like I'm collecting data from them but
also like you know I'm comparing it to what resonates with me as a man and so my view
(08:03):
of masculinity is has really it starts over at every single like season that I'm in if
that makes sense and so what I view as like what masculinity was and where that came from
like that really came from my family at first which is very false but now that I'm older
(08:24):
and you know you you're accountable to how you act in your view you know you have to
take ownership of over that and so once I realized that was the case you know I'm like
okay bro go collect some more data because this don't feel right.
I love how you said that before we get to you're in my band but um you said how you're
(08:47):
collecting data right and I think all young men do that right they're picking and choosing
what they want to take I mean everybody does that from any situation right but not only
that is you said that my view is different now and so I love that like we're still growing
and one thing that I hope you know you guys who's listening and viewing in with us kind
(09:09):
of take from this is learning every time we listen in and see each other's experiences
right not just going with what we learn from you know the nest.
Yeah to Brent's point forever a student I just learned very on that like just because
I respect you as a man doesn't mean I have to do everything you do right I can just take
(09:33):
what I love about you how you are and implement that into myself you know and then just kind
of let the other stuff go right and and that's kind of been my evolution as a man.
It started at the nest my first experience with my father you know what I'm saying I
got to see him like that as a son and now I'm realizing it with my own son is like they're
(09:56):
learning how to be a person through you first right so it was my father then you as you
get older it starts to become your environment so in my environment it's there was a lot
of lack right it wasn't a lot of abundance and money there was just people helping one
another to essentially survive and I would say that at that point when it becomes your
(10:21):
environment you look towards the people that look like they have abundance right whether
no matter what what they're doing is legal or illegal it just looks good because you're
it doesn't look like what everybody else looks like right and then as you get older from
that you know you start to you start to kind of form your own opinion as to like what kind
(10:44):
of man you want to be you start to form your own idea right and you go back and lean on
okay lessons from my father what did I like didn't like other men I respected in the family
you know and then you start to I call it like you start to like network online this is what
I called it but I would literally watch YouTube videos of people I wanted to think like I
(11:08):
wanted to think like do business like just maneuver like and I would just watch them
watch them in interviews watch their documentaries watch their projects like Nipsey was heavy
Warren Buffett Charlie Munger Jay-Z like anybody I found interesting anybody that I knew knew
(11:29):
something that I wanted to know or were at a level I wanted to reach in terms of how
they put their people on how they put their family off whatever the case is I'm tuning
in and I'm listening and like I said I'm just keeping what's for me letting go of the rest
and it's forever changing the man you are today might serve you today might not serve
(11:51):
you next month or next year so it's it's an ever like you have to continue learning and
growing and being cognizant enough or like aware that just because it worked for you
for a certain time doesn't mean it's going to work for you always so you have to you
have to be open to that like to adapting right into a new version of I'm experiencing that
(12:12):
right now actually we're like the man before he has died he is no longer here that man
has left the ball evolving and holding yourself that should happen that man has left the building
what made you realize that it did nothing work they don't work no more it's not it
(12:33):
don't feel what it used to feel like so listen to this as a realization don't be I just be
like but um what I'm feeling and hearing from the stuff that we're saying is that as a man
evolving anytime or whatever energy you want to be towards it's like you're the man you
(12:56):
find inspiration from or take things from is the man that has things that you like or
think that you lack so like if you like want to be a man of confidence or something like
that you feel me I feel like that's you're like oh I'm gonna listen or if I'm um want
to make money I'm gonna listen to Warren Buffett you feel me like and you take things from
those certain people and that's kind of feels like that's how we grew up right yeah and
(13:19):
you just lack in confidence or lacking strength or lacking money like you go to look you take
things from those men around you yeah and you just and and like we were talking about
before we're in an information surplus it's we're abundant with information out there
and you can you can almost align yourself for your habits or your thinking with those
that like you said have the things or live away or think a way that you would like to
(13:43):
as a man right and there's no shame in that because you want to personally grow right
so in order to do that you have to be open to different perspectives and implementing
new things in your life that are going to serve you at that point in your life and your
growth so yeah always open and that can always change maybe like I haven't more so been listening
(14:06):
you know to those guys you know I've switched and listened to to other people right like
around that you know you're starting to get it yeah and it just continues to in it I just
continue to evolve as I continue to grow but it's like you said it's it's everlasting this
this shit as as to like being a man it never stops because ultimately as a human like we're
(14:28):
we're here to evolve and adapt and continue to grow you know because the world is and
we got to basically keep up with it you know so not to stray too far but I feel like it's
just very important for us to continue to do the work it doesn't stop it doesn't you
know and if we want to continue to strive for that man that that that image right because
(14:52):
when I close my eyes I know the type of man that I want to become right and that I'm working
towards being and in knowing that it allows me to align with everything I need to get
there and say no to everything that doesn't also want to bring in the point of like because
(15:15):
before we started this conversation we had the conversation about content creators right
and to your point you know there's a lot of things on the internet that's just false very
very false about like what a man looks like and what masculinity looks like wrapped up
in skits wrapped up in skits like and so you're very absolute you're very very right and so
(15:36):
to the person that's out there you know looking at the internet and you might not resonate
with the person like look deeper find somebody else to resonate with that's what I was about
to say look in yourself you pick the wrong man yeah from and look some people don't get
to that point where they're yeah like it's not working like you said yeah everyone's
what I'm also learning as I'm going on this journey is that you know your journey is one
(15:59):
of one and so to look for that in somebody else is insane like to look for that is into
somebody else is absolutely nuts and so take your journey to the man that's on the journey
to figure out what a man is like yes look to the left look to the right collect data
(16:20):
but also look inside yeah that's what I was about to say like you know don't rely too
heavily on outside sources collect the information collect the data collect what you need to
know but you have to internalize what really works for you right and you have to look with
it don't just rely on outside sources for the answers because most of the time we do
(16:43):
that when the answer is within we just have to give ourselves time patience and space
that that answer to come to fruition to come into our lives and show itself yeah right
and as to like who we're developing into and who we're growing into as a man so yeah definitely
a good point don't just rely on outside sources there are plenty of people you can look to
(17:06):
for the tools you need on your journey but that shouldn't be your only sources yeah well
let me say this too you don't always have to look on the internet there could be people
right there in your community yeah that's gonna be like I see you bro and how that started
right we started with roundtable discussions yeah right and and it led us to this opportunity
(17:28):
and that's the thing like you got to understand like put yourself out there and that's that's
one of the best parts about evolving in in what you want to be in your masculine energy
and in what you believe the man you want to be is right and as long as you keep getting
and looking yourself in the mirror and saying who do you want to be right every step you
(17:51):
take that day you keep saying that to yourself who do you want to be you'll get to that person
that much faster right and so like the guys in the room you guys have been able to influence
me and help me evolve as a man within a very short period of time you understand what I'm
saying so when you realize that the other people are masculine energy and masculine
(18:15):
or man definitions in your head that you learned as a kid isn't working anymore that's that
time to evolve and so that's kind of like yeah but that's I was using too many outside
sources of course and that but another good point is is finding a community and I'm glad
we've been able to create something that allows you know men to come out express themselves
(18:35):
learn something reflect a bit because it's needed right so yeah if you're trying to grow
just look within you know surround yourself with a good community and then just find people
that you feel you could learn from and grow from you know it's not and just choose what
works for you I would say choose what works for you not everything looks the same not
(18:57):
everybody's journey is the same you know so at the end of the day you know what is best
just make sure that you follow that path right don't don't let yourself stray from your path
because you want to follow someone else's I see you bro is bought to you by city center
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why city center at oyster point in newport news is your perfect destination for any occasion
for more information check out their website city center at oyster point.com or give them
follow at city center at oyster point. I did want to ask a quick question as a man this
(20:26):
may be a little off topic but it's something that I felt compelled to ask is is how often
do you think about death and do you let that do you let that dictate or I would I don't
want to say control how you move but is that like a thought in your mind as you're making
(20:50):
like as you're maneuvering through this through this world through these days weeks months
like and I can answer first like I never really thought about death too often until I had
a son right because it made me realize how precious time is how fast life is how short
(21:12):
life can be so I have a very deep appreciation since he's been born like a very very deep
appreciation for time being in the present moment because in the back of my mind it's
like you want to make sure that you made as many moments count as possible while you're
(21:34):
here right and it's not like I'm thinking of different scenarios of me passing away
or nothing like that it's just me knowing that every present moment every waking moment
is just a gift and to maximize it and that's and that's helped me move with so much more
intentionality and everything I do so it's it's almost been a positive there are cases
(21:56):
into where you know you think of things too much it can it can be almost you know it can
bring down your mood or you know your energy so I I never really feed into it but it's
something in my mind to where I'm just very appreciative and grateful for every day every
moment hour second and because I started thinking about that it's allowed me to live like every
(22:25):
day to the fullest and in some capacity like I want to laugh I want like there were days
before my son where I would sometimes I wouldn't even speak I'd be at the house I wouldn't
speak all day I wouldn't call anybody nothing right but now I want to interact I want to
you know let people know I'm there for them like have great conversation like have a fun
(22:48):
moment in the day so for y'all is that a thought that's that's no kind of come to your mind
and hey well Mars I'll tell you this um I I know exactly what you mean and I know exactly
I think it's when you have kids well no when you have kids you start thinking about not
(23:08):
deaf anymore or you start okay so look when I was younger I didn't think that I would
I was like I'm about to be 30 I'm 29 right two months away and so I was like man I might
not make it to 30 not that I'm doing all these crazy things not that I might make it not
make it because that life is hard I just don't I didn't really care too much about life my
(23:31):
life right as I think a lot of youth in different ways because I wasn't running the streets
and game banging all that stuff but the thing about it is I just didn't care for my life
as much right and so I was just like all right well I don't want to mind if I'm just going
to 30 why cuz life sucks like it's not that it's hard it's just this life sucks right
but when I had my first daughter um I kind of like yo I can't just leave this thing you
(23:57):
feel me it's like I like I'm an asshole like that's not fair to for me to bring something
in this world and not try to help her out you know I mean as long as I can right and
so I pushed my I pushed it up to 55 now so but but you know it's just not that I it's
just like I know but I understand what you mean right like it's not that I just I don't
really care too much I don't really care too much for this life it's cool and I'm gonna
(24:19):
do what I can do while I'm here right I'm gonna enjoy it while I'm here I'm gonna laugh
I'm gonna you know I mean and so really on like when I saw this we on a floating rock
paying bills like that's some bullshit so why not just enjoy it like you know I mean
so and it's not something that like I wouldn't mind leaving early why who the fuck want to
be here for a hundred years by the way I do okay cool tell my story like I I always envision
(24:44):
myself like living a pretty long life but but like I said it's not something that like
dawns on me every day so oh my god I got seven thousand days left until like no bro it's
just like since having a kid man you just I just appreciate the time more I'm not I'm
not so caught up thinking about the past or the future I'm more so just trying to live
(25:08):
in the now so that's that's more so what I was trying to get to to see it seems like
a common thing with when you have kids because I was like you like and like you before I
had a child I didn't really care like I know I care but it's not a thought that like plagues
(25:29):
me right yeah like yeah like it's not a thought that plagues me now am I thinking about what
kind of legacy I want to leave like and I do think I have thoughts like if you were
to go tomorrow would you be happy with the impact like I would be I would be happy right
like I would be okay with what I've done thus far right and I want to be able to continue
to ask myself that as a man along the journey if you were to leave tomorrow would you have
(25:53):
felt like you've done all that you could do and and and just recently so my great grandmother
she passed three days ago maybe she was 93 thank you she was 93 and so she had told one
of her friends that stopped by her house she was like you know before the new year she
(26:17):
was like I'm gonna let I'm gonna let the family have Christmas I'm gonna let them have the
new year but after this I'm gone right and so like before she went in the hospital she
cleaned her house right and she told she told somebody in our family like I'm ready to go
I'm tired right and to me that was such a huge thing because it was like imagine living
a life so well that you feel that you get to decide that like hey like I'm tired I'm
(26:43):
ready to go you know hang it up exactly I'm just gonna hang it up right and like and being
so like in tune with your humanity that you kind of get to decide like when I'm when you
get to go be you know live in eternity and so that's that's the kind of life I want to
live as a man to be quite honest with you you gotta do that every day too right you're
(27:06):
accountable because it's like if I were to die today not what I've done but what I just
did today five seconds ago you feel me like what did that like what does not your legacy
is only what you keep doing right right not what you did in the past everybody knows that
nobody give a crap you know you could have saved five babies and you know you do one
bad thing yeah it just it just keeps like you that that the knowing that time is like
(27:33):
our time here is a finite allows me to to really be conscious of the type of legacy
I want to leave the type of the type of work I want to do while I'm here so like it doesn't
plague me but it's something that I noticed I was more conscious of after becoming a father
as opposed to when I wasn't when I wasn't you know I was starting to figure out my purpose
(27:56):
but I wasn't really like diving into it because I'm still finding myself I'm still healing
myself because that's another part of it too is like to be a man in your purpose you got
to do the work right to step into every room as your best self right even if you're not
feeling your best self you've done the work to be the best possible Yuri Mars Brenton
(28:18):
that you could be that day right so I would say yeah it's just it's something that is
subjective I would definitely love to hear the comments below if as a man that's something
that kind of changed if you had kids too like if you had kids is that something that you
think about or did your thinking change from you know pre fatherhood to fatherhood in terms
(28:45):
of just your legacy etc.
Yeah because some people are probably listening right now like as we have been doing in the
past months and being like yo it's not I guess what what I do wasn't working that why did
I choose this man that has influenced my past 30 years 25 years whatever you know well let
(29:08):
me ask you all this what kind of man do you hope to be ultimately like when you think
about yourself you know in 20 years like what do you see for yourself still doing the work
that means I got more years left I swear I'm not leaving this world at 55.
(29:32):
I'd say at that age I have my son will be I'll be 50 my son will be 23 so all right
so in context so I will be still doing the work on a much higher level at that point
I'll be working toward heavily on like the things that I'm doing outliving me putting
(30:01):
things systems people in place to carry what I've been doing way beyond my lifetime right
and I think that'll be the focus then someone that is a pillar in every community he stepped
in lived in someone that took as much time effort and energy to to kind of develop and
(30:26):
grow just a great family right an abundant family you know someone that helped others
along the way to surpass him and what he's done putting the next people on because what
we're doing here is influencing the next we're 30 or about to be 30 a little bit older than
(30:52):
30 but we um you better hope to get here but it's um we're at a point where it like we
spoke about it's 20 is a 20 year old to a couple 20 year old kids that came to our and
I don't mean to call them kids 20 old men that came to our event and that was so powerful
to me because it's like where will they be at 30 who are they you know what I'm saying
(31:14):
and it's just influencing the next to come behind us and then go even further than us
so so a lot of for us for forever yeah to the point of really so just just being someone
that continues to help others and pay it forward um yeah man and I just hope to be the best
version of myself like I just want to be the I want to know that I did the work to be the
(31:40):
over the next 20 years to be the best Yuri Almonte that I could be in 20 years wait is
I'm gonna tell you a middle name or your last name yes sir no middle name yeah he got two
names you're in the middle name I'm on okay yeah I think um for me I want like like I
(32:00):
just said earlier looking in that mirror every day right and so that may change and you know
I guess 20 years is what you asked but what I want to be doing is I guess a man that is
um holding himself accountable still right not giving up um I would hope for my family
that I um would have been put them in a position to because I like to like I said the main
(32:24):
thing about me and my my business NeuroSpace is is that it's not about saying you need
mental health right it's about planting seeds and then watching you grow and making while
you make your journey yours however that is right in each step and in each idea and in
each create create creative thought that you bring to life right so I just hope that I'm
(32:45):
continuously growing and evolving in what is not society but what is my journey right
and my purpose kind of like how you said right because today it could be mental health and
tomorrow it could be just waking up so um hopefully I'm just I don't how about this
(33:06):
I don't want as we speak about society and how good they're getting with brainwashing
and and manipulating people to think that what they're doing is their idea per se I
don't want to get lost in that yeah yeah um for me who I want to be I've kind of already
(33:27):
accepted the fact that I'm gonna be like successful and great right like that's just that's a
good that's a given right like cool that's easy at this point but what I and I've and
I've known this as a kid right I was like hmm everybody can be doctors lawyers like
all of these things but the one thing that I see everybody is not and doesn't have is
(33:48):
happiness and joy I saw that as a kid I immediately knew like okay you you that's easy but they're
like people don't have this like this gym about them you know you could tell they're
missing something and for me I want to that's the kind of black man that I want to be is
(34:08):
I want to I want to I want you to be able to come in contact with me even on my worst
day you'd be like that nigga is a gym like he is a he his heart I want people to be able
to feel my heart more than they hear me you know I want people to be able to feel my my
spirit and my soul more than they feel my work or my art or my expression of that you
(34:34):
know even if they don't get a chance to meet me I want my work if we're talking about
working what we touch and what we put our hands to I want it to illuminate that spirit
of of of essence and joy you know and it doesn't I'm not expecting it to look a certain type
(34:59):
of way I am expecting it to feel a certain type of way though that's what's more important
yeah like like you said it's about that feeling that people should be having versus what we
are like and to be quite honest with you I'm learning what that is because I've always
felt so much pressure to actually be something right or to like arrive to this thing and
(35:23):
so I guess my next question to you guys is like do you feel like there are any obligations
associated with being a black man I know and I guess to just going a little bit deeper
into that question is like again I feel like I have to go into certain spaces and automatically
be better to be heard or perform in a specific way in order to be recognized right which
(35:51):
is easy right but let me ask you guys even you know your experience of being a black
man spans even further because your father's and do so many other different things and
I do like do you feel any pressures or obligations associated with not not like two parts do
you feel any pressures or obligations associated with being a black man and what culture says
(36:18):
you should be and what you think you should be I'll say this there's always obligation
when it comes to masculine energy right especially because that's the supposedly the dominant
energy and then when you talk about being a man because that's a label that comes with
(36:40):
what everybody else already has of it already you're talking about somebody else's thoughts
on something that's automatically obligation right the feeling of obligation in a sense
so but yes being the black man in general goes back to that death thing right that's
kind of why I did as a kid I was like well a man's supposed to jump in front of a bullet
(37:04):
you know I mean stuff like that you know I mean like just people think stuff like that
you know I'm saying like I'm like depending on who it is yes I mean you're supposed to
be the protector right you know these are the kind of words that you kind of think you're
supposed to do just in general as far as like what your idea and those things you were picking
right if you wanted confidence you're like oh Chuck Norris like some people like certain
(37:29):
people right you got all I don't know Schwarzenegger if you even if you was black you had you knew
those people right so sometimes we didn't have the right you know influences and when
we're talking about outsources always there's gonna be obligation when you're a black man
in today's society because you're supposed to be the headhunter and one thing I get as
(37:52):
a mental health advocate is oh my god there needs there's not any black men out there
there's not any men in general out there doing what you do there's not many right and so
that's obligation in itself that I got to be the Savior right and so I hate hearing
it I love hearing it because it's a compliment and I'm doing the right thing but I hate hearing
it because I wish there was more right and so that's kind of straight obligation right
(38:13):
there for me to actually always be doing the right thing because one thing I do want men
to know is that there's always eyes on us right we're always going to be some kind of
influence and or just you know somebody like you said if you see that dude and somebody's
handling their business which most of us are we're gonna automatically be somebody else's
(38:35):
outside source yeah and so there's always eyes on us that's always straight obligation
so yeah just to the fullest I feel pressure and obligation I I would say from society
no like I don't feel the I just feel like they society will have their own expectations
(38:57):
depending on the person or the narrator of that expectation right so it could look different
you know from person to person that's saying it you know in our society right or I feel
like I put more pressure on myself than anything right it's not society standard I'm living
up to it's the type of father the type of man that I want to be right and the type of
(39:21):
partner like that for myself and I hold myself to that standard according to what I feel
is the best thing for not only myself but those around me as a man so there can be well
no not there can be there is a ton of pressure out there like you have to do this you have
(39:43):
to earn this you have to be like it's no you just have to take care of yourself you have
if you have loved ones that you know what I'm saying take care of them like you know
if you have a family take care of that but you do not need to subscribe to society's
pressures especially as a black man because I don't know why why why are we the ones that
(40:11):
have to be a certain way why do we have to be the ones that go above and beyond that
every fucking thing like why can't we like you know what I'm saying like they painted
this image from when I was little and it was like not to even get to me controversial anything
but like that black fathers were absent I remember seeing some marketing schemes that
(40:34):
they would have it'd be a white family father mother child black family mother child on
like Pampers on like you know what I'm saying so it's like they created this narrative but
if you go and look at the studies I'm not gonna give you the exact numbers y'all can
look it up on yourself Google 2024 but you can Google up the the highest percentage of
(40:58):
active fathers amongst race and black is up there if it ain't top two no if it ain't
number one it's top two you know what I'm saying but it's up there I promise you you
know so I feel like society has had it has had a negative light on us anyway so why are
(41:19):
why would we ever subscribe to the type of pressure they put on us when it's unrealistic
they not even spit in fact you know I'm saying so we just need to realize who we want to
become how we want to take care of the people we want to take care of yeah and what that
looks like without any outside sources influencing that you know what I'm saying because like
(41:46):
that there is good information out there there is good resources not enough to influence
how you should drive yourself as a man or how you should how you should care for your
people your community your community your family etc. I see you bro is brought to you
by the can foundation the can foundation is an arts nonprofit organization founded by
(42:08):
artists for artists the can is dedicated to building sustainable careers for the creative
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they empower artists foster creativity and contribute to the sustainable growth of the
artistic ecosystem at large to learn more about the can foundation visit their Instagram
(42:29):
contemporary arts network or their website at the contemporary arts network.com Mars
mentioned he said you know there are some duties associated with being a man in general
right there are some obligations associated with being a man we're okay with that but
oftentimes for me the struggle has been you know the balance finding the balance between
(42:56):
those obligations and like who I actually want to become as a man like man right like
what are your dreams what do you care about and so there's always been this resistance
between like okay what's most important and so for me where I am now it's like hey Brenton
in order to serve those obligations better there is a point that you have to actually
(43:22):
put your dreams and who you are first right and you learn as a man that servitude like
I often think that those of us that are called to serve and be leaders we got the gang like
we got the game jacked up right because they want to say like love others as you would
(43:44):
love yourself like but some of you I really love you yourself well so I'm good on you
loving me but I say that to say like has that been difficult in your journey right especially
as fathers like has it been difficult for you to say like no I gotta put myself here
you know first in order to serve my other obligations and my duties and my dreams best
(44:07):
what what has that journey look like for y'all I mean I'm just I'm getting there now man
I'm tired yeah yeah yeah what does that mean what it means is that um with the obligations
that I thought you know growing up as a young father I had to do which is not it doesn't
always have to be on my shoulders I can help I can ask for help I can communicate better
(44:33):
I can you know try all these different things like when you said it it's just the other
things you the other coats you had on when it's cold as hell now aren't working you know
I mean so like I need to get a new coat it's not keep putting the same layer coat on because
it's not it's not really working so um it's definitely tough though but what I mean by
(44:56):
I'm tired I'm tired of like doing the same thing expecting a different result and that's
not that's not how it's gonna work and so it's not just about being a father though
it's about just being a person a human being right and so as with a father with being a
father you're just trying to make sure that you not just you are good most of everybody
(45:18):
else and it's kind of hard to think about yourself yeah right and I'm just a natural
giver so I can keep giving and keep giving but like I said when I realized that I'm pouring
and I ain't been refilling you taught me that right and I appreciate that but you gotta you
gotta fill your cup up so that you can pour it into other cups that need it yeah same
(45:40):
with me I mean as a father just somebody like I have an obligation to show up to work do my best
I've made commitments and obligations outside of that here you know this is a commitment for all of
us to help the collective right I have an obligation to help raise my son to become a man one day and
(46:03):
to your point Mars it gets fucking tired I'm tired myself right you know and it's it it comes to a
point where I was just saying yesterday like I am going to pour more into myself because I'm not
running I've run into certain situations where your cup is empty and you're still trying to give out
and now it's like dry heaving and it's just it's just bad on all fronts because you're not giving
(46:26):
out your best the person that is is needing or you know what I'm saying that is that that you're
pouring into you're not pouring into the way that you should they probably might not benefit from it
you know like it's just it's it's it's a an avalanche right I would say it can cause that
but I would say that in that obli- like in these obligations and commitments as a man to provide
(46:50):
to protect to show up and do the work myself um I just do things that help keep my cup full
if that's taking a break right if that's saying no to a thousand things before I say yes to something
you know like just doing things that allow me to pour into others the way that I want to
(47:16):
right because I like I said it's been several situations where you're just you continue to
try and then you're literally left feeling bare feeling empty zero right like your your tank is
on zero and that's not a place you want to be as a man because in certain cases like I not even that
I became resentful towards towards giving and pouring into others but it was just like goddamn
(47:39):
when is it my turn you know what I'm saying and so and and I'm asking these questions whole time
it's like it's your turn whenever you say so because all you need to do is start pouring into you
yeah you know so just doing the things that keep me fulfilled that continue to keep me going that
continue to keep me giving back um and just continuing to elevate that and the level in which
(48:04):
I'm able to give back and and pour into others pour into my son you know what I'm saying like
just pouring to my family as a whole like that I think is key instead of just continuously
feeling because that might be a pressure too um that we didn't talk on like that that that pressure
to just give give give give give and not do nothing for yourself because we haven't heard
(48:27):
of spaces like this we didn't grow up familiar with spaces like this or or men caring for themselves
like it was work go home like like you know what I'm saying like it's so yeah it's as you as you
as you as you're talking about that kind of give your closing statement on it because um
(48:49):
I was gonna I was gonna say some of the similar things but how you have taken all of that
information that you said well we didn't grow up that way and how how's your closing statement on
what masculinity means to you with what you're learning now who you've been what you want to be
and then what you learned how you basically we've been evolving so kind of say how you
(49:13):
how you think all of that wrapped up into who you are and who you want to be
I mean it's just through my experiences is I would say I never settled to be any one type of
person or man I've always wanted to learn more to grow more to to seek more for myself
(49:41):
um in my growth in my environment I would say that it gets kind of skewed as you're growing up
but I'm grateful for the isolation that came when I left out the house and having to go through very
very painful stages of growth by myself like I remember vividly some things that
(50:04):
like I bought a house right before I turned 25 two months later man I'm in the fetal position
just crying don't know why like just depressed big guy like in an empty house three bedrooms
two and a half bad just me and I'm just crying like because at that point I thought what I had
(50:28):
would fill the gap of what was really missing inside the work that needed to be done the healing
that needed to be done so purpose you were talking about too yeah and I started to find that as I got
into my personal healing so truthfully I don't even like I don't even know what to say as my
(50:51):
closing statement I just would say like stay curious you know stay adaptable stay open to learn
that's what I've learned throughout my journey and it's it'll take you very far you know do not stay
in this one box that you feel should be a man should be a provider should be your purpose should
be what you do just because society says so right like it's so important to find out who you are
(51:19):
because that's when you start becoming the man you need right you need to become and that's with
finding who you are being sure of that and living in that when you're sure of who you are you know
when you're not up to that level right you I know when I'm not feeling like myself because there's
(51:40):
a certain standard I expect every day when I wake up and it's okay if I don't wake up at that level
that day I just know it's some work that needs to be done to get myself back to that level you know
what I'm saying and then as I continue on that level might I may want to step it up a notch take
it up to another level so I gotta to Brandon's point collect some data put myself around communities
(52:04):
put myself around people or really just sit and look within and figure out what is it that I'm
missing where what is it that I need to fill the gap between where I'm at and where I'm trying to
go right but just I think the main thing as a man the most important thing is just to never stop
never stop like it's this shit this life it's a marathon sometimes you sprinting through this
(52:28):
marathon right but regardless don't stop you could you could slow down you could walk get some water
on the way you know what I'm saying sometimes you're gonna have people on the sidelines cheering
you on you know I'm saying sometimes it's gonna be real empty and it's just you running that race
right but just never stop because I feel people die a long time before they're actually putting the
(52:54):
grade yeah I think so and I'm the same one and then I'll send it to you for your wrap up and you
can wrap us up but I like how every time I sit down with you fellas bro I always learn something
else because it's like us three hearing each other's experiences and where we're learning in today
(53:15):
and it just makes me learn that much faster I always say that so I appreciate that and like
one thing I realize is that um we can't we got to be grateful for our journeys that we've been in
even those people that we learn bad things from in our journeys um well not necessarily bad things
I'm trying to get away from rather wrong and bad and good but unhealthy things that we learned
(53:38):
right um we got to be grateful for those things though because we're we survived we're here that
without those things we wouldn't be here today we needed those things at that point right but we also
got to be mindful of looking in the mirror like I said earlier and asking yourself who you want to
be today or who you want to be tomorrow right and then not only that just talking to yourself in a
sense talk to yourself or look in the mirror and then with that um be mindful when those things
(54:05):
stop working right and so that's just really my closing statement and that's kind of where I'm
at now it's just continually walking in accountability and asking myself who do I want to be yeah um I
thought of a story um of a young man that was at one of the ICU bro events we were talking and he
(54:25):
said to me um I want to I want to move throughout the city I want to get my get get myself out this
area and you know do these things he was like but like you know I got to get my mama out too
and I was like oh no I was like oh no and not even that but like not not that you can't bring mama
(54:50):
but it's just kind of like save yourself first you cannot save both of you simultaneously you know
oxygen mask thing put your oxygen mask on first black man you you are not responsible for
getting your mama out the hood you responsible for getting yourself out the hood first and then you
better build a guest house in the bitnet backyard you get what I'm saying um you are not responsible
(55:16):
for uh what other standards people put on you and what other narratives and what other stories
people assign to you you are responsible for that you no longer get to blame anyone you are accountable
to you you know and so that's my closing statement is that you know there's power in that right there's
(55:37):
liberation in that but there's also accountability in that you know is that you get to write your own
story and so that's what I think is beautiful about being a black man is because we're powerful
enough to like snatch off those chains of what people have placed on us but we're even more
powerful enough to like rewrite a new story and so that's it like rewrite your story black man
(56:00):
it's a wonderful new year like do do what you gotta do you get what I'm saying put your chin up
chest out you get what I'm saying do all that you gotta do but you know take care of yourself first
and then you know make those things secondary um yeah and so shout out oh I just real quick I'm
(56:22):
sorry I'm sorry yeah my life got a million times better when I put myself first yeah a million
times better when I put myself first and it's not to say I neglect other people it's to say that I'm
putting myself first because I know that if I serve myself first it's gonna benefit those I love
around me immediately they are gonna benefit off of me putting myself first off of me going and
(56:48):
and trying to get more money or me going and healing more me being in spaces like this it
benefits those around me so yes put yourself first trust you will get your mom out the hood you will
you will live a prosperous life your family will be good just put yourself first and bring them
(57:10):
along with you yeah yeah so with that being said shout out to episode one of the I see you bro pod
a space like we said just dedicated to talking about things that we generally don't get the
space to talk about um we love y'all I'm one third of your podcast Brenton and we out hey this your
(57:32):
boy Mars number one misfit make sure you guys follow like share and subscribe check us out on
patreon if you want to see it live and yeah this your boy Yuri I appreciate y'all tuning in make
sure to comment and share your experience with us because your voice matters too and we'd love
to hear a little bit more about you peace
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