April 30, 2026 • 15 mins
What if the very thing you’ve always called “kindness” is actually the reason you feel exhausted, unseen, and resentful? In this episode, we’re unpacking the subtle (and very common) ways highly sensitive people and recovering people-pleasers abandon themselves in the name of being “nice”—and how to begin choosing a more honest, sustainable way of showing up in your relationships.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why not all “kindness” is actually kind—especially when it costs you your well-being
- How saying yes when you mean no reinforces the belief that your needs don’t matter
- The hidden damage of avoiding hard conversations to “keep the peace”
- Why shrinking yourself doesn’t create love—it creates performance
- The difference between acceptance and true belonging
- How self-abandonment leads to burnout, resentment, and disconnection
- Simple, honest ways to start honoring your capacity and your needs
- Why a clean no is kinder than a resentful yes
Challenge for the Week
Choose one small but meaningful shift to practice this week:
- Notice where you’re saying yes when you really want to say no
- Have one conversation you’ve been avoiding
- Share one honest need or preference without minimizing it
You don’t have to change everything overnight. Just start building awareness and take one aligned step.
Work With Me
If you’re tired of overgiving, overthinking, and feeling unseen in your relationships… you don’t have to navigate this alone.
I’m currently filling my summer coaching calendar, and space is limited. If you’re ready to create more balance, build authentic connections, and stop abandoning yourself in the process—I’d love to support you.
Email me directly to check for availability and next steps: maryann@maryannwalker.life
Don’t Forget to Subscribe
If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe so you never miss a new episode. And if you know someone who needs to hear this, share it with them—you might be giving them exactly what they’ve been needing.
Freebies
- Looking for more free support? I got you! Click here for instant access: https://linktr.ee/maryannwalker.life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker (00:42):
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker and Ihelp highly sensitive people and
recovering people.
Pleasers learn how to take upspace without abandoning
themselves.
So often I hear people talkabout how they just wanna be
nice, or they're just doing theright thing, or I'm just doing
what's expected of me and theyfeel like these things are
making them a good human.
(01:03):
But underneath it all, they'refeeling exhausted.
They're feeling unseen, and theymight even be feeling resentful
when they feel like they'rebeing asked to run faster than
they have strength or beingasked to bite off more than they
can chew or abandon their ownpriorities so they can better
prioritize the priorities ofothers.
But here's the complicated truthis not everything that we call
(01:23):
kindness is actually kind.
And when kindness comes at thecost of ourselves, it's actually
self abandonment.
I used to truly believe that ifthere was any possible way that
I could do something forsomebody, it meant that I should
do that something for somebody.
I used to believe that otherpeople's needs were more
important than my own.
That saying no would be asignificant inconvenience to the
(01:45):
other person and inconveniencingsomebody...
that was the worst thing thatyou could do.
And so I would constantlyinconvenience myself in the name
of being Nice and yeah, a lot ofthe time I actually enjoyed it.
I think that I speak for a lotof highly sensitive people when
I say that, seeing other peoplehappy and knowing that I did
something to contribute to theirhappiness, it really does make
(02:06):
me happy.
I feel their joy and it feelsamazing.
And also there were seasons inmy life where my needs were
probably more significant than Ilet on.
But because I didn't want toinconvenience anyone because
that's the worst thing ever,right?
I kept quiet.
I kept serving, I kept showingup, and I didn't share the very
(02:27):
human fact that, Hey, guesswhat?
I also have needs, and I wouldlike for my needs to be met too.
And the funny thing aboutserving people is that the
people who say yes most oftenare the people who get asked to
help most often.
And so this might be friends orfamily or coworkers.
It might be at home or at work,or at church, or at play.
But it seems to be a universaltruth that those who say yes
(02:49):
most often are asked to help outmost often.
And this makes sense becausereally I want you to think about
how funny it is that you feelwhen you ask somebody for help,
when you need it.
And when somebody says yes, andthey act like it's no big deal,
you instantly feel like yourburden has been lifted.
And the same is true for otherpeople.
It's also true that otherpeople, they don't like being
told no.
It's uncomfortable to putyourself out there and to be
(03:10):
told no.
And so if somebody tells them noenough times, they're gonna feel
uncomfortable asking them,right?
So you are their saving graceevery time that you say yes.
And also sometimes saying no isthe best thing that you can do
for a relationship.
It encourages other people tobecome more self-reliant.
It can help to prevent burnoutfor the one who's always showing
up, and it can help to share theload and give other people an
(03:33):
opportunity to show up in loveand in service.
The world is full of yeses andnos, and anytime that you say
yes to one thing, you are alsoat the exact same time saying no
to something else.
The goal isn't always to sayyes, that would be absolutely
impossible, right?
Because for example, if I sayyes to helping somebody in the
(03:53):
middle of the night, I'm sayingno to sleep, right?
There's always a yes and a nothat is simultaneously linked.
So the goal is not to always sayyes, that's impossible.
The goal is simply to becomemore aware of what it is that
you're saying yes to and what itis that you're saying no to, so
that you can become moreconscious of what is creating
imbalance, burnout, andresentment for you, so you can
start saying yes to the thingsthat will help to create more
(04:15):
balance, sustainability, andconnection for you in your
relationships.
But before you start statingboundaries to create that
sustainability, it is reallyimportant to look at all of the
ways that you're just beingnice, but really you're actually
self abandoning because nohealth or relationship can be
sustained by self abandonment.
And I want you to notice, Isaid, no healthy relationship
(04:37):
can be sustained by that becauseyeah, you may be able to keep
people around byself-sacrificing, by never
saying no by burning yourselfout, but it won't attract the
kinds of relationships that helpyou to light it from the inside
and help you to feel nourishedas well.
The most important relationshipyou'll ever have is the
relationship that you have withyourself.
(04:58):
So I'm not saying that you cannever say yes to other people,
but I am suggesting that youstart increasing the number of
times that you can say yes toyourself.
So today let's talk about threeways that you might be being
nice on the surface, but you'reactually choosing to abandon
yourself in relationship.
So number one is saying yes whenyou want to say no.
Every time that you say yes,when you want to say no, you are
(05:21):
reinforcing your internalprogramming with the belief that
guess what?
My needs don't matter.
Other people's wants and needsare more important than mine.
And this can be sneaky, so itmight look like agreeing to
plans when you're exhausted andyou just wanna have a night
alone, it might look like sayingyes to helping somebody when
your schedule is already sofull.
Or it might look likerescheduling your appointments
to accommodate someone else'sappointment.
(05:44):
Or it might look like lettingsomebody vent to you for an hour
or more when you don't actuallyhave the emotional capacity in
that moment.
And you could use a listeningear yourself.
And let's be honest, it makes alot of sense why you do this.
More than likely, you're tryingto avoid feeling guilty.
You're trying to avoid potentialrejection or seeing somebody
else express disappointment ontheir face.
So you choose to prioritizetheir comfort over your own.
(06:07):
And yeah, it is okay to do thisevery now and then when there is
a significant need.
But when this becomes yourdefault setting to minimize your
own needs, while maximizingtheir needs, then it can have a
significant emotional impact.
It can build resentment, it cancreate burnout, and it
disconnects you from your ownneeds.
In fact, many recovering peoplepleasers, they come to me
(06:29):
because they've forgotten whattheir voice sounds like
altogether.
They simply need a safe place toexplore their options free of
other people's opinions.
So yes, your current defaultsetting might be to say yes when
you want to say no, but I wantto remind you how much
discomfort that is creating foryou.
(06:49):
So while you think that sayingYes will eliminate discomfort,
then yeah, it might eliminatethe discomfort in that exact
moment because then you don'thave to see them be
disappointed.
But over time it can wear youdown.
Saying, no, it isn't mean, it'shonest.
And it's okay to say thingslike, I wish I could help, but
I'm unavailable at that time.
(07:09):
Or, I'm sorry, I'm just not inthe head space where I can take
that on right now.
Or simply, you know what, Ican't.
But I hope that you find someonethat can.
Remember that a clean no iskinder than a resentful yes.
And you are allowed to honoryour capacity.
Yeah, even if it disappointssomeone.
(07:30):
All right.
The second thing that you mightthink is nice, but it's actually
self abandonment, is avoidinghard conversations to keep the
peace and yeah, we've all beenthere, right?
You've recognized that somethingisn't working for you in a
relationship and you want tospeak up and give voice to it.
So maybe it's letting'em knowthat their actions have harmed
you in some way.
Maybe it's making a request forconnection.
Maybe it's simply letting themknow that you have a preference
(07:53):
and you would like to make arequest in relationship.
But that thought of followingthrough on saying the thing, it
just feels so uncomfortable andyour brain wants to interpret
that discomfort as conflict andrejection.
So then you silence yourself inan effort to keep the peace
before you've even said a wordor made a request.
(08:13):
But really listen to me closely.
Avoiding conflict doesn't createpeace, it just delays the
discomfort a little bit longer.
But that discomfort...
it never actually goes away.
So this might look like nottelling your partner that
something bothered you.
It might look like letting afriend or a romantic partner
(08:35):
cross your boundary and just saynothing at all.
It might look like staying quietat work when something fills
off, or not reinforcing yourhome boundary with your teenager
because you don't wanna set themoff.
But what's really happening foryou is you're trying to maintain
connection.
By avoiding discomfort, maybeeven want to believe that doing
(08:55):
so will create someself-reflection for them, and
that they'll think about, oh,well, what is it that they might
need in return?
Right?
Maybe you're telling yourselfthat a dishonest silence is
preferable to an honest andauthentic relationship.
And maybe this is coming from afear of abandonment, a fear that
if I speak up, then they willleave.
But if having needs is whatbreaks the relationship...
(09:17):
is that really a relationshipwe're sacrificing yourself for?
Avoiding having toughconversations...
it contributes significantlytowards resentment, emotional
and physical disconnect, andfeeling unseen and unheard in
relationship because you'rehiding and not speaking up.
Silence doesn't protect yourrelationship.
(09:41):
It slowly erodes it.
Hard conversations are an act ofinvestment into the
relationship, not thedestruction of it, and being
willing to authentically shareyour truth.
It helps to create thoseopportunities for real, genuine
connection versus silentperforming.
It is possible to care aboutyour relationship and to still
(10:03):
speak honestly.
And if you need help finding thecourage to speak up or finding
the words that you wanna say,then please come and work with
me because you are someone whois worthy of being seen and
heard.
All right, the third way thatyou might be self abandoning in
the name of being nice isbelieving that being easy to
love means asking for less.
(10:23):
Okay.
Shrinking yourself doesn'tcreate love.
Okay?
It creates performance.
So saying, I'm fine when you'renot fine or downplaying your
needs so that you don't feellike you're too much, or being
the low maintenance partner orfriend that never has any
needs...
it kind of creates these onedirectional caretaking
relationships.
It does not help to createmutually caring and fulfilling
(10:44):
relationships.
More than likely, if this isyou, then over time you've
learned that in order to bechosen, then you need to be
easy.
So you suppress your needs.
You never give voice to yourpreferences.
You never express how it is thatyou are really feeling.
And what's really interestingfor me to observe as a coach is
that when somebody has thebelief that they must be
accommodating, that they mustsilence themselves and not have
(11:06):
any needs in relationship, thenthat performative mask.
It eventually crumbles, and thismight look like somebody
absolutely breaking down duringa time that appears to everybody
else to just be a perfectly finesituation.
They might even have a smile ontheir face, but their eyes are
filling up with tears and theireyes are telling a different
story.
(11:26):
They're feeling lost, unseen,they're feeling unfulfilled, and
they're desperately hoping thatsomebody will see them.
That they'll hold them, thatthey'll support them in the way
that they have supported otherscountless times before.
They believe that being silentand being easy will lead to that
connection, and it might for awhile, but over time then they
(11:48):
start to feel even more unseen.
And they seem to attractconnections that don't fully
meet them where it is thatthey're at, that don't fulfill
their needs, and then they startto lose their sense of self over
time.
The hard truth is that you canbe chosen for who it is that you
pretend to be, but when it comesthrough that lens of pretending,
then you're still going to feelalone.
(12:11):
Real connection.
It requires vulnerability.
It requires visibility,authenticity, and using your own
unique voice.
And this is where it's importantto identify the distinction
between acceptance andbelonging.
Because you may find acceptancethrough shrinking yourself, but
true belonging comes from beingwilling to let yourself your
wants and your needs actually beseen.
(12:34):
Having needs in a relationship,it doesn't make you difficult,
it makes you human.
So just to recap, the threecommon ways that you might be
self abandoning are saying yeswhen you want to say no.
Avoiding having the hardconversations to keep the peace
and believing that asking forless and minimizing your own
needs is the only way to earnlove.
(12:54):
These patterns and beliefs, theyaren't random.
They were learned at some point.
Then self abandonment, it feltlike the safest way to stay
connected, to avoid rejectionand to feel loved.
So of course, you have adoptedthose patterns.
And also you don't have to keepliving that way.
You can be kind and honest.
(13:15):
You can be loving and haveboundaries.
You can be connected withoutabandoning yourself.
So if something inside of you isfeeling really tired right now,
tired of overgiving, tired ofoverthinking, tired of feeling
unseen and unheard, that's not asign that anything is wrong with
you.
It's just a sign that you're nowready to create some change for
(13:35):
yourself, and maybe that changecomes through picking one goal
for this week, like starting tonotice where it is that you're
saying yes, when you wish thatyou'd said no, or maybe you want
to identify one conversationthat you've been avoiding and
actually have that conversation.
Maybe it's sharing one honestneed or preference that you have
in a relationship withoutminimizing it to make your
relationship more sustainablefor you as an over giver.
(13:57):
But pick one change andimplement it.
And of course, if you would likehelp and support making these
changes, reach out.
I would love to support you.
With me being next month.
I am currently filling out mysummer calendar, but I would
love to have you on it.
You can click the link in theshow notes, or you can email me
at maryann@maryannwalker.life toinquire about my current
availability.
But space is limited for mysummer hours, and so let me know
(14:20):
as soon as possible if you'reready to create real lasting
change.
If you're ready to experiencemore real and authentic
connection, and if you're readyfor real lasting peace, rather
than feeling like you have towalk on eggshells just to
maintain relationship.
You can experience peace whilealso getting your needs met, and
I can show you how.
(14:41):
All right, I look forward toworking with you and I hope you
have a great week.
Talk to you soon.
Bye now.
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker and Ihelp highly sensitive people and
recovering people.
Pleasers learn how to take upspace without abandoning
themselves.
So often I hear people talkabout how they just wanna be
nice, or they're just doing theright thing, or I'm just doing
what's expected of me and theyfeel like these things are
making them a good human.
(01:03):
But underneath it all, they'refeeling exhausted.
They're feeling unseen, and theymight even be feeling resentful
when they feel like they'rebeing asked to run faster than
they have strength or beingasked to bite off more than they
can chew or abandon their ownpriorities so they can better
prioritize the priorities ofothers.
But here's the complicated truthis not everything that we call
(01:23):
kindness is actually kind.
And when kindness comes at thecost of ourselves, it's actually
self abandonment.
I used to truly believe that ifthere was any possible way that
I could do something forsomebody, it meant that I should
do that something for somebody.
I used to believe that otherpeople's needs were more
important than my own.
That saying no would be asignificant inconvenience to the
(01:45):
other person and inconveniencingsomebody...
that was the worst thing thatyou could do.
And so I would constantlyinconvenience myself in the name
of being Nice and yeah, a lot ofthe time I actually enjoyed it.
I think that I speak for a lotof highly sensitive people when
I say that, seeing other peoplehappy and knowing that I did
something to contribute to theirhappiness, it really does make
(02:06):
me happy.
I feel their joy and it feelsamazing.
And also there were seasons inmy life where my needs were
probably more significant than Ilet on.
But because I didn't want toinconvenience anyone because
that's the worst thing ever,right?
I kept quiet.
I kept serving, I kept showingup, and I didn't share the very
(02:27):
human fact that, Hey, guesswhat?
I also have needs, and I wouldlike for my needs to be met too.
And the funny thing aboutserving people is that the
people who say yes most oftenare the people who get asked to
help most often.
And so this might be friends orfamily or coworkers.
It might be at home or at work,or at church, or at play.
But it seems to be a universaltruth that those who say yes
(02:49):
most often are asked to help outmost often.
And this makes sense becausereally I want you to think about
how funny it is that you feelwhen you ask somebody for help,
when you need it.
And when somebody says yes, andthey act like it's no big deal,
you instantly feel like yourburden has been lifted.
And the same is true for otherpeople.
It's also true that otherpeople, they don't like being
told no.
It's uncomfortable to putyourself out there and to be
(03:10):
told no.
And so if somebody tells them noenough times, they're gonna feel
uncomfortable asking them,right?
So you are their saving graceevery time that you say yes.
And also sometimes saying no isthe best thing that you can do
for a relationship.
It encourages other people tobecome more self-reliant.
It can help to prevent burnoutfor the one who's always showing
up, and it can help to share theload and give other people an
(03:33):
opportunity to show up in loveand in service.
The world is full of yeses andnos, and anytime that you say
yes to one thing, you are alsoat the exact same time saying no
to something else.
The goal isn't always to sayyes, that would be absolutely
impossible, right?
Because for example, if I sayyes to helping somebody in the
(03:53):
middle of the night, I'm sayingno to sleep, right?
There's always a yes and a nothat is simultaneously linked.
So the goal is not to always sayyes, that's impossible.
The goal is simply to becomemore aware of what it is that
you're saying yes to and what itis that you're saying no to, so
that you can become moreconscious of what is creating
imbalance, burnout, andresentment for you, so you can
start saying yes to the thingsthat will help to create more
(04:15):
balance, sustainability, andconnection for you in your
relationships.
But before you start statingboundaries to create that
sustainability, it is reallyimportant to look at all of the
ways that you're just beingnice, but really you're actually
self abandoning because nohealth or relationship can be
sustained by self abandonment.
And I want you to notice, Isaid, no healthy relationship
(04:37):
can be sustained by that becauseyeah, you may be able to keep
people around byself-sacrificing, by never
saying no by burning yourselfout, but it won't attract the
kinds of relationships that helpyou to light it from the inside
and help you to feel nourishedas well.
The most important relationshipyou'll ever have is the
relationship that you have withyourself.
(04:58):
So I'm not saying that you cannever say yes to other people,
but I am suggesting that youstart increasing the number of
times that you can say yes toyourself.
So today let's talk about threeways that you might be being
nice on the surface, but you'reactually choosing to abandon
yourself in relationship.
So number one is saying yes whenyou want to say no.
Every time that you say yes,when you want to say no, you are
(05:21):
reinforcing your internalprogramming with the belief that
guess what?
My needs don't matter.
Other people's wants and needsare more important than mine.
And this can be sneaky, so itmight look like agreeing to
plans when you're exhausted andyou just wanna have a night
alone, it might look like sayingyes to helping somebody when
your schedule is already sofull.
Or it might look likerescheduling your appointments
to accommodate someone else'sappointment.
(05:44):
Or it might look like lettingsomebody vent to you for an hour
or more when you don't actuallyhave the emotional capacity in
that moment.
And you could use a listeningear yourself.
And let's be honest, it makes alot of sense why you do this.
More than likely, you're tryingto avoid feeling guilty.
You're trying to avoid potentialrejection or seeing somebody
else express disappointment ontheir face.
So you choose to prioritizetheir comfort over your own.
(06:07):
And yeah, it is okay to do thisevery now and then when there is
a significant need.
But when this becomes yourdefault setting to minimize your
own needs, while maximizingtheir needs, then it can have a
significant emotional impact.
It can build resentment, it cancreate burnout, and it
disconnects you from your ownneeds.
In fact, many recovering peoplepleasers, they come to me
(06:29):
because they've forgotten whattheir voice sounds like
altogether.
They simply need a safe place toexplore their options free of
other people's opinions.
So yes, your current defaultsetting might be to say yes when
you want to say no, but I wantto remind you how much
discomfort that is creating foryou.
(06:49):
So while you think that sayingYes will eliminate discomfort,
then yeah, it might eliminatethe discomfort in that exact
moment because then you don'thave to see them be
disappointed.
But over time it can wear youdown.
Saying, no, it isn't mean, it'shonest.
And it's okay to say thingslike, I wish I could help, but
I'm unavailable at that time.
(07:09):
Or, I'm sorry, I'm just not inthe head space where I can take
that on right now.
Or simply, you know what, Ican't.
But I hope that you find someonethat can.
Remember that a clean no iskinder than a resentful yes.
And you are allowed to honoryour capacity.
Yeah, even if it disappointssomeone.
(07:30):
All right.
The second thing that you mightthink is nice, but it's actually
self abandonment, is avoidinghard conversations to keep the
peace and yeah, we've all beenthere, right?
You've recognized that somethingisn't working for you in a
relationship and you want tospeak up and give voice to it.
So maybe it's letting'em knowthat their actions have harmed
you in some way.
Maybe it's making a request forconnection.
Maybe it's simply letting themknow that you have a preference
(07:53):
and you would like to make arequest in relationship.
But that thought of followingthrough on saying the thing, it
just feels so uncomfortable andyour brain wants to interpret
that discomfort as conflict andrejection.
So then you silence yourself inan effort to keep the peace
before you've even said a wordor made a request.
(08:13):
But really listen to me closely.
Avoiding conflict doesn't createpeace, it just delays the
discomfort a little bit longer.
But that discomfort...
it never actually goes away.
So this might look like nottelling your partner that
something bothered you.
It might look like letting afriend or a romantic partner
(08:35):
cross your boundary and just saynothing at all.
It might look like staying quietat work when something fills
off, or not reinforcing yourhome boundary with your teenager
because you don't wanna set themoff.
But what's really happening foryou is you're trying to maintain
connection.
By avoiding discomfort, maybeeven want to believe that doing
(08:55):
so will create someself-reflection for them, and
that they'll think about, oh,well, what is it that they might
need in return?
Right?
Maybe you're telling yourselfthat a dishonest silence is
preferable to an honest andauthentic relationship.
And maybe this is coming from afear of abandonment, a fear that
if I speak up, then they willleave.
But if having needs is whatbreaks the relationship...
(09:17):
is that really a relationshipwe're sacrificing yourself for?
Avoiding having toughconversations...
it contributes significantlytowards resentment, emotional
and physical disconnect, andfeeling unseen and unheard in
relationship because you'rehiding and not speaking up.
Silence doesn't protect yourrelationship.
(09:41):
It slowly erodes it.
Hard conversations are an act ofinvestment into the
relationship, not thedestruction of it, and being
willing to authentically shareyour truth.
It helps to create thoseopportunities for real, genuine
connection versus silentperforming.
It is possible to care aboutyour relationship and to still
(10:03):
speak honestly.
And if you need help finding thecourage to speak up or finding
the words that you wanna say,then please come and work with
me because you are someone whois worthy of being seen and
heard.
All right, the third way thatyou might be self abandoning in
the name of being nice isbelieving that being easy to
love means asking for less.
(10:23):
Okay.
Shrinking yourself doesn'tcreate love.
Okay?
It creates performance.
So saying, I'm fine when you'renot fine or downplaying your
needs so that you don't feellike you're too much, or being
the low maintenance partner orfriend that never has any
needs...
it kind of creates these onedirectional caretaking
relationships.
It does not help to createmutually caring and fulfilling
(10:44):
relationships.
More than likely, if this isyou, then over time you've
learned that in order to bechosen, then you need to be
easy.
So you suppress your needs.
You never give voice to yourpreferences.
You never express how it is thatyou are really feeling.
And what's really interestingfor me to observe as a coach is
that when somebody has thebelief that they must be
accommodating, that they mustsilence themselves and not have
(11:06):
any needs in relationship, thenthat performative mask.
It eventually crumbles, and thismight look like somebody
absolutely breaking down duringa time that appears to everybody
else to just be a perfectly finesituation.
They might even have a smile ontheir face, but their eyes are
filling up with tears and theireyes are telling a different
story.
(11:26):
They're feeling lost, unseen,they're feeling unfulfilled, and
they're desperately hoping thatsomebody will see them.
That they'll hold them, thatthey'll support them in the way
that they have supported otherscountless times before.
They believe that being silentand being easy will lead to that
connection, and it might for awhile, but over time then they
(11:48):
start to feel even more unseen.
And they seem to attractconnections that don't fully
meet them where it is thatthey're at, that don't fulfill
their needs, and then they startto lose their sense of self over
time.
The hard truth is that you canbe chosen for who it is that you
pretend to be, but when it comesthrough that lens of pretending,
then you're still going to feelalone.
(12:11):
Real connection.
It requires vulnerability.
It requires visibility,authenticity, and using your own
unique voice.
And this is where it's importantto identify the distinction
between acceptance andbelonging.
Because you may find acceptancethrough shrinking yourself, but
true belonging comes from beingwilling to let yourself your
wants and your needs actually beseen.
(12:34):
Having needs in a relationship,it doesn't make you difficult,
it makes you human.
So just to recap, the threecommon ways that you might be
self abandoning are saying yeswhen you want to say no.
Avoiding having the hardconversations to keep the peace
and believing that asking forless and minimizing your own
needs is the only way to earnlove.
(12:54):
These patterns and beliefs, theyaren't random.
They were learned at some point.
Then self abandonment, it feltlike the safest way to stay
connected, to avoid rejectionand to feel loved.
So of course, you have adoptedthose patterns.
And also you don't have to keepliving that way.
You can be kind and honest.
(13:15):
You can be loving and haveboundaries.
You can be connected withoutabandoning yourself.
So if something inside of you isfeeling really tired right now,
tired of overgiving, tired ofoverthinking, tired of feeling
unseen and unheard, that's not asign that anything is wrong with
you.
It's just a sign that you're nowready to create some change for
(13:35):
yourself, and maybe that changecomes through picking one goal
for this week, like starting tonotice where it is that you're
saying yes, when you wish thatyou'd said no, or maybe you want
to identify one conversationthat you've been avoiding and
actually have that conversation.
Maybe it's sharing one honestneed or preference that you have
in a relationship withoutminimizing it to make your
relationship more sustainablefor you as an over giver.
(13:57):
But pick one change andimplement it.
And of course, if you would likehelp and support making these
changes, reach out.
I would love to support you.
With me being next month.
I am currently filling out mysummer calendar, but I would
love to have you on it.
You can click the link in theshow notes, or you can email me
at maryann@maryannwalker.life toinquire about my current
availability.
But space is limited for mysummer hours, and so let me know
(14:20):
as soon as possible if you'reready to create real lasting
change.
If you're ready to experiencemore real and authentic
connection, and if you're readyfor real lasting peace, rather
than feeling like you have towalk on eggshells just to
maintain relationship.
You can experience peace whilealso getting your needs met, and
I can show you how.
(14:41):
All right, I look forward toworking with you and I hope you
have a great week.
Talk to you soon.
Bye now.
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