In this episode of Intentional Motherhood: Peaceful Parenting Skills for Deeper Connection & Living with Purpose, Kelsey Redd, mental health counselor turned stay-at-home mom, walks you through step-by-step strategies to teach your kids how to play independently — even if they currently can’t entertain themselves for more than 30 seconds.
Independent play is not only crucial for your child’s emotional regulation, problem solving, creativity, and social-emotional growth — it’s also a lifeline for moms who feel constantly overwhelmed, overstimulated, and drained by the mental load of motherhood. When kids learn how to play independently, moms gain the freedom to rest, reset, pray, practice mindfulness, and parent with more presence and peace.
Inside this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why independent play is a skill that can be taught (not something kids are just "naturally good at")
- The emotional, cognitive, and social benefits of independent play
- Practical tips to start small and build your child’s independent play stamina over time
- How to use toy rotations and curated invitations to play
- The importance of being present-but-not-involved during early stages of independent play
- How modeling your own mindfulness and contentment teaches your child to enjoy solitude
- Why boredom is a gift — and how it leads to true creativity
- How independent play prevents mom burnout and fosters intentional, peaceful parenting
🌿 This episode is perfect for moms who want to create a family culture rooted in mindfulness, spirituality, intentional parenting, and emotional resilience — while also reclaiming small pockets of rest and sanity in the beautiful, exhausting work of motherhood.
🎧 Tune in now to start teaching your children this life-changing skill — and give yourself the gift of margin, rest, and joy in motherhood.
Follow Kelsey @creating.intentional.mothers
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelsey Redd (00:09):
Hi Friends, welcome back to Intentional Motherhood.
I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, amental health counselor turned
stay at home mom. And todaywe're diving into a topic that
can truly transform your homeand your child's emotional
growth and your own mental load.If you remember from the last
(00:34):
episode, you know exactly whatI'm talking about. It's my
number one parenting tool thatis so critical to teach your
kids for your own sanity and fortheir social and emotional
development.
Today, we're talking about howto teach your kids to play
independently. Because I know ifyou listened to the last
(00:54):
episode, you were thinking,Kelsey, everything you're you're
saying sounds great. I wouldlove to just be able to lay on
the couch while my kids playindependently, happily with no
conflict with their siblings forthe next half hour, but that
will never happen in my house.They can't play alone for more
than thirty seconds beforecalling for my help or fighting.
I know.
(01:15):
I get it. This is so common andso normal. And it's not a sign
that your child is broken orthat you're failing or that
you've done anything wrong.Independent play is a skill.
It's just like any other skillwe have to teach our kids.
And it's something that they'regoing to have to be taught.
They're going to practice andfail and practice and fail, but
(01:37):
it is a skill that will getstrengthened over time. So as a
little reminder, let's talkagain about why independent play
is even worth all the effort.Independent play helps our
children develop emotionalregulation skills by allowing
them to process their emotionsand their experiences in a safe,
(02:00):
creative, imaginatory way. Italso gives them opportunities
for problem solving and comingup with creative solutions
without your help.
It builds empathy by allowingkids to take perspectives within
a role play situation thatthey've created and understand
(02:21):
how everyone in the little storyfeels. It also allows kids to be
more confident in their abilityto be independent, as well as to
have a better focus onconcentration because they're
not just constantly beingstimulated and entertained and
stimulated and entertained. Theymight actually grow to have a
(02:43):
little bit more of a sense ofpeace in solitude. And it will
normalize boredom and theopportunity to sit in stillness
sometimes. One of my childrenwill often go to his room for a
little bit of alone time, andeventually we'll find that he
has fallen asleep with his Legocreation in his arms or with his
(03:08):
head down on a book that he wasreading.
And I am so glad that he has theopportunity to listen to his
body, to recognize when he needssome stillness and rest, and to
actually have that moment ofrest because he's not being
shuffled around from activity toactivity. On the other hand, my
(03:30):
four year old daughter loves tobe by herself. She had a lot of
time to be by herself when herolder siblings were in
kindergarten every day for thelast school year. And she would
be in her room and you wouldjust hear the little
whisperings, this littlewhispering gibberish. It was so
cute.
And I would go in and I wouldpeek and if she saw me, you know
(03:52):
what she would say? She'd say,Mom, go away. And I'd be like,
Okay, okay, okay, I'll go away.And I loved seeing how she was
learning to be a little mom. Shewas role playing the mom.
She was role playing theteacher. She was role playing
the teenage sister, sometimeswas her favorite role play. But
(04:12):
she was learning so much fromthis creative, imaginatory role
playing. So let's talk for aabout the myth of constant
entertainment. Unfortunately, intoday's culture, there's this
pressure that we have to keepour kids constantly entertained,
but they don't actually needthat.
What they need is more space toexplore their own interests and
(04:36):
creativity. And sometimes thismeans letting them be a little
bit bored, which is honestlywhere the best play usually
begins. So let's get to thepractical side. How do we do
this? How do we get our kids toplay on their own without
bugging us for more than thirtyseconds?
(04:57):
This is a skill that has to bebuilt up slowly. So let's start
small. Number one, start small.Don't expect that your child is
suddenly gonna playindependently for thirty minutes
if they're not used to it. Youmight wanna start with
manageable blocks of like fiveto ten minutes, where you can
just set a few toys oractivities in front of them and
let them know that you'll benearby, but you're not going to
(05:20):
be directly involved.
I often say, you know what? Ineed to go do work. This is when
I work is when my kids areindependently playing usually.
Or I need to rest for a minute,or I just need to get these
dishes done, so you need to playby yourself. And when they can
do that for five minutes, makesure you praise the effort,
(05:42):
right?
Good job, you played by yourselffor five whole minutes. And over
time, you can slowly extendthat. Another tip that I like is
to set out small curatedcollections of toys or even
craft materials that encouragesthem to play independently.
(06:03):
Maybe one day you say, Hey,let's get out the Play Doh and
I'm gonna set it all on thetable. And you get to sit here
at the table and play byyourself for the next ten
minutes.
And when you switch it out, itkeeps that novelty, you know,
factor. It keeps it fresh andinteresting without necessarily
overstimulating them. Although Iwill say that as your kids get
(06:25):
better at this, you don't evenhave to do this. You can just
say, You guys gotta go findsomething to do because I gotta
put the baby to sleep. And theyknow they have some options and
they'll figure it out on theirown.
My number three tip for you isto be present, but don't be
involved. Especially at thebeginning, it might help to be
(06:47):
in the room, but giving them alittle bit of space. Maybe
you're reading a book, maybeyou're folding laundry or doing
dishes, but they can see you,your presence is comforting to
them, but you've communicated tothem that you're not actually
going to be directing the play.Again, this is something that
will change as they get betterat it, where you might be able
(07:08):
to say like I do, I have to goput the baby to sleep in my room
with the door closed, and I needyou to not bug me because the
baby's got asleep. And so theyhave to learn to do that even
without you being present.
My next tip is to model your ownindependent play. I'm using
(07:29):
quotes here. This is when ourchildren are actually watching
how we spend our quiet moments.Do they constantly see us
grabbing our phone orcomplaining about boredom or
watching TV? Or do they see usmodeling contentment and
mindfulness just sittingquietly, resting, reading,
(07:51):
journaling, praying, doingsomething for ourselves?
When they see that they learnthat this stillness and solitude
isn't a scary thing, but it'ssomething that we can value and
enjoy. It's a peaceful time. Andmy last tip is just to normalize
boredom. Again, I think at somepoint boredom became a scary
(08:15):
word like, Oh no, you're bored.Why is that something we need to
fear?
Actually, boredom is often theentry point to true creative
play. And if we rescue our kidsfrom every moment of boredom
with screens or constantentertainment, we rob them of
the chance to developimagination. So it's okay if
(08:37):
your child feels bored at theywill. And that's a great thing
for them to feel because theywill learn to work through that
discomfort and actually discoversomething to engage with. So I
want to remind you that this isa process.
This is a learning process. Thisis a skills teaching process. It
(08:59):
might take weeks or months foryou to get up to fifteen or
twenty minutes of independentplay, and they might need a
little bit more coaching on howto do it, and a little bit more
presence from you at thebeginning, and that's okay. Stay
patient, be consistent with it,and celebrate the little wins.
(09:21):
Because remember, independentplay is not only an amazing tool
for children to learn reallyimportant social and emotional
skills.
It's also something that youneed to be able to rejuvenate
yourself throughout the day inyour mothering. It allows you
(09:45):
time to reset, time to care foryourself so that you can mother
in a more intentional andpresent and joyful way when you
are re engaging. Let's teach andmodel to our kids that we will
engage in self care, that wevalue stillness and solitude,
(10:09):
and that being bored and alonewith our thoughts is not
something to be feared. If thisepisode encouraged you at all or
gave you some new ideas, I'dlove for you to share it with
another mom who might be feelingoverwhelmed. If you want more
practical tips, scripts, andreal life stories, please make
sure to subscribe to the podcastand follow me on Instagram.
(10:32):
I would love to connect withyou. Thank you for being here
and I will see you next time onIntentional Motherhood.
Hi Friends, welcome back to Intentional Motherhood.
I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, amental health counselor turned
stay at home mom. And todaywe're diving into a topic that
can truly transform your homeand your child's emotional
growth and your own mental load.If you remember from the last
(00:34):
episode, you know exactly whatI'm talking about. It's my
number one parenting tool thatis so critical to teach your
kids for your own sanity and fortheir social and emotional
development.
Today, we're talking about howto teach your kids to play
independently. Because I know ifyou listened to the last
(00:54):
episode, you were thinking,Kelsey, everything you're you're
saying sounds great. I wouldlove to just be able to lay on
the couch while my kids playindependently, happily with no
conflict with their siblings forthe next half hour, but that
will never happen in my house.They can't play alone for more
than thirty seconds beforecalling for my help or fighting.
I know.
(01:15):
I get it. This is so common andso normal. And it's not a sign
that your child is broken orthat you're failing or that
you've done anything wrong.Independent play is a skill.
It's just like any other skillwe have to teach our kids.
And it's something that they'regoing to have to be taught.
They're going to practice andfail and practice and fail, but
(01:37):
it is a skill that will getstrengthened over time. So as a
little reminder, let's talkagain about why independent play
is even worth all the effort.Independent play helps our
children develop emotionalregulation skills by allowing
them to process their emotionsand their experiences in a safe,
(02:00):
creative, imaginatory way. Italso gives them opportunities
for problem solving and comingup with creative solutions
without your help.
It builds empathy by allowingkids to take perspectives within
a role play situation thatthey've created and understand
(02:21):
how everyone in the little storyfeels. It also allows kids to be
more confident in their abilityto be independent, as well as to
have a better focus onconcentration because they're
not just constantly beingstimulated and entertained and
stimulated and entertained. Theymight actually grow to have a
(02:43):
little bit more of a sense ofpeace in solitude. And it will
normalize boredom and theopportunity to sit in stillness
sometimes. One of my childrenwill often go to his room for a
little bit of alone time, andeventually we'll find that he
has fallen asleep with his Legocreation in his arms or with his
(03:08):
head down on a book that he wasreading.
And I am so glad that he has theopportunity to listen to his
body, to recognize when he needssome stillness and rest, and to
actually have that moment ofrest because he's not being
shuffled around from activity toactivity. On the other hand, my
(03:30):
four year old daughter loves tobe by herself. She had a lot of
time to be by herself when herolder siblings were in
kindergarten every day for thelast school year. And she would
be in her room and you wouldjust hear the little
whisperings, this littlewhispering gibberish. It was so
cute.
And I would go in and I wouldpeek and if she saw me, you know
(03:52):
what she would say? She'd say,Mom, go away. And I'd be like,
Okay, okay, okay, I'll go away.And I loved seeing how she was
learning to be a little mom. Shewas role playing the mom.
She was role playing theteacher. She was role playing
the teenage sister, sometimeswas her favorite role play. But
(04:12):
she was learning so much fromthis creative, imaginatory role
playing. So let's talk for aabout the myth of constant
entertainment. Unfortunately, intoday's culture, there's this
pressure that we have to keepour kids constantly entertained,
but they don't actually needthat.
What they need is more space toexplore their own interests and
(04:36):
creativity. And sometimes thismeans letting them be a little
bit bored, which is honestlywhere the best play usually
begins. So let's get to thepractical side. How do we do
this? How do we get our kids toplay on their own without
bugging us for more than thirtyseconds?
(04:57):
This is a skill that has to bebuilt up slowly. So let's start
small. Number one, start small.Don't expect that your child is
suddenly gonna playindependently for thirty minutes
if they're not used to it. Youmight wanna start with
manageable blocks of like fiveto ten minutes, where you can
just set a few toys oractivities in front of them and
let them know that you'll benearby, but you're not going to
(05:20):
be directly involved.
I often say, you know what? Ineed to go do work. This is when
I work is when my kids areindependently playing usually.
Or I need to rest for a minute,or I just need to get these
dishes done, so you need to playby yourself. And when they can
do that for five minutes, makesure you praise the effort,
(05:42):
right?
Good job, you played by yourselffor five whole minutes. And over
time, you can slowly extendthat. Another tip that I like is
to set out small curatedcollections of toys or even
craft materials that encouragesthem to play independently.
(06:03):
Maybe one day you say, Hey,let's get out the Play Doh and
I'm gonna set it all on thetable. And you get to sit here
at the table and play byyourself for the next ten
minutes.
And when you switch it out, itkeeps that novelty, you know,
factor. It keeps it fresh andinteresting without necessarily
overstimulating them. Although Iwill say that as your kids get
(06:25):
better at this, you don't evenhave to do this. You can just
say, You guys gotta go findsomething to do because I gotta
put the baby to sleep. And theyknow they have some options and
they'll figure it out on theirown.
My number three tip for you isto be present, but don't be
involved. Especially at thebeginning, it might help to be
(06:47):
in the room, but giving them alittle bit of space. Maybe
you're reading a book, maybeyou're folding laundry or doing
dishes, but they can see you,your presence is comforting to
them, but you've communicated tothem that you're not actually
going to be directing the play.Again, this is something that
will change as they get betterat it, where you might be able
(07:08):
to say like I do, I have to goput the baby to sleep in my room
with the door closed, and I needyou to not bug me because the
baby's got asleep. And so theyhave to learn to do that even
without you being present.
My next tip is to model your ownindependent play. I'm using
(07:29):
quotes here. This is when ourchildren are actually watching
how we spend our quiet moments.Do they constantly see us
grabbing our phone orcomplaining about boredom or
watching TV? Or do they see usmodeling contentment and
mindfulness just sittingquietly, resting, reading,
(07:51):
journaling, praying, doingsomething for ourselves?
When they see that they learnthat this stillness and solitude
isn't a scary thing, but it'ssomething that we can value and
enjoy. It's a peaceful time. Andmy last tip is just to normalize
boredom. Again, I think at somepoint boredom became a scary
(08:15):
word like, Oh no, you're bored.Why is that something we need to
fear?
Actually, boredom is often theentry point to true creative
play. And if we rescue our kidsfrom every moment of boredom
with screens or constantentertainment, we rob them of
the chance to developimagination. So it's okay if
(08:37):
your child feels bored at theywill. And that's a great thing
for them to feel because theywill learn to work through that
discomfort and actually discoversomething to engage with. So I
want to remind you that this isa process.
This is a learning process. Thisis a skills teaching process. It
(08:59):
might take weeks or months foryou to get up to fifteen or
twenty minutes of independentplay, and they might need a
little bit more coaching on howto do it, and a little bit more
presence from you at thebeginning, and that's okay. Stay
patient, be consistent with it,and celebrate the little wins.
(09:21):
Because remember, independentplay is not only an amazing tool
for children to learn reallyimportant social and emotional
skills.
It's also something that youneed to be able to rejuvenate
yourself throughout the day inyour mothering. It allows you
(09:45):
time to reset, time to care foryourself so that you can mother
in a more intentional andpresent and joyful way when you
are re engaging. Let's teach andmodel to our kids that we will
engage in self care, that wevalue stillness and solitude,
(10:09):
and that being bored and alonewith our thoughts is not
something to be feared. If thisepisode encouraged you at all or
gave you some new ideas, I'dlove for you to share it with
another mom who might be feelingoverwhelmed. If you want more
practical tips, scripts, andreal life stories, please make
sure to subscribe to the podcastand follow me on Instagram.
(10:32):
I would love to connect withyou. Thank you for being here
and I will see you next time onIntentional Motherhood.
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