December 22, 2023 • 43 mins
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How do movies correlate to an open relationship/swinging lifestyle and what can they teach us about relationships as a whole? Find out the answers to these questions and more as D and Monet continue to share their thoughts on the lifestyle and how to navigate all it's challenges
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Episode Transcript
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(00:22):
Hey everyone.
Welcome to the Let's Be Openpodcast.
I am Monet, one of your hosts,and I am here with my partner,
Daniel.
Hey, Daniel.
How's it going?
Hello.
How's it going?
Pretty good.
In the Christmas spirit here.
I've got the house all decoratedand my Christmas pajamas.
(00:45):
Yeah, I'm ready to have sexytalk, so let's go in your
Christmas jammies Oh, I see yourChristmas cup, too Actually,
these were from on Thanksgiving.
Oh, were they but like littletrees no, but They're actually I
don't know what the hell theseare.
(01:06):
But can you guess what holidaydrink I'm drinking?
Drinking.
Alcoholic, of course.
Of course.
Jack Daniels, right?
You're a whiskey guy.
I am, but that's not what I'mdrinking.
It's a Christmas drink.
Eggnog?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh! Every year.
(01:26):
Lucky guess.
Every year we go to Costco andwe buy two things of the
Kirkland eggnog, which I love.
And yeah.
So I just poured myself a drinkand, like I said, Oh, what did
you mix it with?
Oh, it's already mixed.
It has everything in there likebourbon and yeah, it's like
their special blend So it's verydelicious.
(01:46):
Yeah, okay, highly recommend it.
Maybe I might take it to thechristmas party Oh, there you
go.
I'm not an eggnog fan though, soI'm gonna pass on that.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I can respect that.
So what did we have to do?
(02:07):
Wow, we had some.
Sexy fun over the weekend.
Of course you did.
What else is new?
I know.
It's not every weekend.
Come on.
Every other maybe.
Just kidding.
Anyway yeah, we met this couplein our writing group, which is
(02:29):
on hiatus, FYI.
So footnote there, but we metthem.
Yeah, because the founders aretaking some classes to get some
licenses and things like that.
So plus the weather, anyway, ofcourse, so yeah, it's on hiatus
hopefully till next May, butanyway, I'll keep you updated on
(02:49):
that and our audience to anyway.
So we met this couple reallynice couple.
But very shy as well.
Both of them are pretty shy.
Whenever I see shy people, Ialways tone it down, so I don't
want to scare them.
Try to tone it down, but at thesame time, I make an effort to
at least greet and try to engagein conversation a little bit.
(03:13):
Hopefully draw them out.
Yeah one of the last times wehad seen them they had invited
us to their annual Ugly SweaterChristmas party.
So we're like, wow, we were veryflattered that they would invite
us because we hadn't reallytalked with them that much.
And so what, when we gottogether with them this past
weekend, it was not the uglysort of Christmas party.
(03:35):
That one is forthcoming, but wedidn't want to get together with
them before that night becausewe hadn't spent a whole lot of
time with them.
So that's what we did.
We went up and had dinner withthem and did a lot of.
tAlking a lot of chatting andthen yeah, some sexy time after
(03:56):
that.
So it was good.
It was a good time.
Yeah.
Now, how did you meet this?
How did you meet this couple?
Just out of curiosity.
Yeah.
From the motorcycle ridinggroup.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How much eggnog have you had todrink, sir?
It was pretty good.
I pretty much downed it.
So it's really, Oh, okay.
(04:17):
There we go.
Good, as it's always nice tomake new friends in the
lifestyle.
Sounds like you guys had a goodtime.
Yeah, we did.
Very good.
Yeah, what about you?
As for us, it's just been like Isaid, decorating the house
taking these, the kids to all ofthese Christmas activities,
(04:37):
looking at Christmas lights and,um, sometimes it can be a little
bit of a hassle, loading thecar, unloading, but the look on
their faces are just so worthit.
Yeah, exactly.
So that's where we're at.
But again everything looks good.
December 16th.
(04:58):
Looks like I'm going to swingour hearts Christmas party.
So yeah, I always call it.
Yeah, you're right.
Sorry.
I know.
It was called swinger swing.
Yeah, so we'll be there.
I'm looking forward to it.
Can't wait.
Yeah, that'll be great.
And you guys are still going.
(05:20):
I think we had anotherengagement pop up that we, yeah,
we had to go to.
Yeah.
So friends of friends.
Some friends that we made thatwe met through some other
friends, non lifestyle people.
But it's a great party becauseto be honest, it's the same sex
couple.
Gentlemen, they know how tothrow a party, even for vanilla.
(05:46):
You're not going to see me on mybirthday.
I thought we were.
I'm going to have to make it upto you somehow.
I'm sure.
All so should we get intotonight's key question?
Yes.
Okay.
Party question.
(06:08):
Okay.
So tonight's key party questionis, would you like to be watched
at a party or do you like towatch other people?
I would prefer if you answerthis question first.
Okay.
I Would say I would like towatch people.
(06:31):
I'm a people watcher.
And so it's funny because we'vehad this conversation before, my
wife and I, and.
I like to observe, and I like towatch.
Obviously, but my wife, shelikes to be watched, so yeah, so
that's something she wants tocheck off her list when we go to
(06:54):
this party in a couple of weeksis she would like to play and
hopefully.
Be watched and so that's on theagenda.
So I'm going to have to rethinkmy schedule.
I'm just saying I'd besurprised.
(07:18):
All right.
So now it's your turn.
My answer is yes.
I like both.
A can attest to the fact thatwe've been at parties and people
will shut the door or they'lldraw the curtains and I say,
Hey, stop being so selfish.
Open the door! This is a swingerparty.
(07:40):
Yeah.
Anyway, so I do enjoy watching.
Yeah it's just that wholeenergy, the interaction people
have and yeah, it's very eroticto watch.
And then of course I do like tobe watched.
That's.
Fun to have an audience, evenusually if I'm being watched, I
(08:01):
know people are watching.
I don't make eye contact withthem, but just the fact that
knowing that people arewatching.
Yeah, that's, that's erotic too.
And it's in a different way.
Yeah.
But still very erotic.
I think I need a little bit moreexperience playing because I
tend to get distracted veryeasily.
(08:21):
So if I know there's like agroup just sitting watching I
could see myself gettingdistracted because this kind of
has happened before in the pastwhere maybe my wife and her
partner might finish early,right?
And they're just watching.
Myself and my partner play andit's knowing the back of my
(08:43):
mind, they're watching us couldbe a little bit distracting.
Yeah, I'm going to go withwatching for now and hopefully a
little more comfortable down theroad.
That might my answer mightchange.
Got you.
Got you.
I like that.
I like the fact that you're opento the growing part.
I was going to ask you inregards to that situation that
you gave, do you think you'redistracted because it's your
(09:07):
wife or would you be distractedwith?
anyone watching?
That's a very good question.
I think, I don't know, becauseit's I've never had anyone just
watch.
So maybe it was a fact that mywife was watching.
(09:30):
buT yeah, that's a goodquestion.
Never really thought about that.
I'll let you know when ithappens.
Something to consider.
Exactly.
That'll be fun.
Yeah.
That'll be good.
All right.
What's tonight's topic?
It's a very interesting topic,and I can't even recall exactly
(09:54):
how I came up with the idea.
I know I was talking with Aabout a situation, again, can't
recall.
And for some reason one of myall time favorite movies came to
my mind.
And I started thinking, oh!Yeah, I can see a correlation.
(10:16):
I can see using this as ananalogy.
It is an older movie, so maybesome of our audience may not
have watched it.
But I definitely encourage youto take the time to watch it.
It is called The ShawshankRedemption.
Are you familiar, Dee?
(10:37):
I've never seen it, but I amvery familiar.
I know who's in it.
I know the story right behindit.
I've just never seen the movie.
Yeah.
So highly recommend.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it's all my, it's just,yeah.
So it's one of your favoritemovies?
It's on my to-do list to watch.
Yeah.
I would say in for sure, in mytop five, maybe even in my top
(11:00):
three.
All time favorite movies.
Yeah, so spoiler alert that'sgoing to be spoiler alert So if
you haven't watched it, maybeyou want to watch the movie
first and then listen to thepodcast I don't know but either
way.
All right.
All right.
I'm leaving So but anyway, soagain, it's a story of a man,
(11:25):
his name's Andy Dufresne.
That is the main character andhe is a sentence to prison.
And the analogy that I thoughtof is he's going into this.
place that's unknown to him,some place he's never been
before.
It's unfamiliar to him and evenwhen he arrives, he probably
(11:47):
doesn't realize that really it'sa subculture.
It's a whole subculture of itsown.
It has its own lingo.
It has its own rules that arewritten, that are unwritten,
that are spoken, that areunspoken.
And I thought to myself, that'sa lot what it's like when we
first get into the lifestyle,when we decide we're gonna come
(12:09):
into it.
We don't really know what toexpect.
Are there rules?
It's very true.
There's terminology, right?
Yeah, so I hope that ouraudience does appreciate as I
expound on this example.
Like I said, Andy Dufresne isthe main character.
He's sentenced to prison.
And he meets, obviously, a castof characters, right?
(12:32):
One of the first persons that hemeets is a guy named Red.
And Red is the man who can getthings.
Even though they're in prison,right?
At least in the movie, so he canget things.
I saw Red as somebody in thelifestyle who's well connected.
Somebody who knows peoplealready and who knows the lay of
(12:52):
the land, so to speak.
Maybe they're familiar withclubs, they're familiar with
house parties, which ones aregood, which ones to avoid, and
probably can introduce youaround to people and places.
So we all need a Red.
In our lifestyle journey.
Someone's going to help usalong.
Do you have a red in your life?
(13:15):
Yeah, I'm looking right at herright now.
Oh, D.
You're such a flatterer.
That's why you and A are alwaysour wingman when we go to these
parties.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's something that weenjoy.
Like I've said before, here onthe podcast.
(13:36):
I wish somebody would have takenus under their wing, early on
that probably would have helped.
So yeah, anyway, so red personwho's well connected, then there
is a gentleman and he's the guythat's Already been in prison
like a long time, like 40 yearsor whatever, old guy, very
(13:58):
experienced, very knowledgeable,very low key.
I actually equated that to theOG swingers talk about being
familiar with the lay of theland.
But what I have found in theone, some of the ones I met, not
all some, they're very set intheir ways and their ideas of
what the lifestyle is.
And they really don't want it tochange.
(14:19):
They don't want it to modernize.
So anyway, that's what I thoughtabout Brooks.
That is the Brooks in ourlifestyle journey.
And then there's another guywho's a sub character.
His name's Tommy and he's aslick, cocky, lash in the pan
guy.
He makes his entrance, rufflesthings up.
(14:41):
But then before you know it,he's gone and in the lifestyle.
There are definitely people likethat.
They make a lot of noise They'revery flashy very flirty You know
trying to get with every womanthat they can or every dude that
they can But then all of asudden they're gone.
So they're just a flash in thepan.
(15:02):
They really didn't contributeanything Maybe we had an
experience with them.
Maybe we didn't But they're justin and out real quick pun
intended Have you ever had aflash in the pan not that I
could think of that's half of myhead I'm trying to think Yeah
(15:27):
Relational right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So here's the thing like we'venot the Partying type.
I would say majority of ourexperience so far has been dates
setting up like a dinner datehappy hour date.
And usually I don't know if it'sjust how things worked out or.
(15:49):
This is how, who, where weattract, but it's been mostly
couples who are like in the sameboat we are that don't have a
lot of time, who are moving attheir own pace.
That's what you would say.
So yeah, I haven't had my ownslick yet.
Yeah.
(16:09):
Yeah, I wouldn't say I recommendthat necessarily, but it does
happen.
Yeah, it does happen.
So the biggest thing I wanted toemphasize, and here's really the
spoiler alert for the movie, incase you haven't seen it, so it
is a story of a prison break.
(16:29):
So this.
character, Andy Dufresne, ourmain character, he is very
patient, very methodical.
He realizes that there's anopportunity for him and he takes
that opportunity, but he's verypatient.
(16:49):
He has to be because of the wayhe breaks out of prison.
So what happens is he has to, inorder to make his escape, crawl
through a sewer, raw sewage, 500yards of raw sewage.
(17:15):
That's a lot of shit, right?
That's a lot of shit.
So I was thinking, because Ioften talk about the work that's
involved, right?
About the introspection, aboutthe conversations we're going to
have with our spouse, ourpotential partners.
There are issues that are goingto arise that we get to deal
(17:38):
with, jealousy, insecurity FOMObody issues, aging issues,
whatever it is.
It's different for all of us andsometimes we can go for a while
and everything's cool and thenall of a sudden something
happens.
Guess what we realize, oh, it'san issue I need to deal with.
(17:59):
To me that's the analogy.
Even though that was so gruelingand we can't even imagine that
filth that is represented inthat film.
That's our issues.
But at the other end of ourissues, at the other end of that
pipeline that Andy had to gothrough is freedom.
(18:20):
And until you experience thatfor yourself.
You cannot imagine howliberating it is to your own
relationship, to you as anindividual.
You don't have to stifleyourself in front of your
spouse, your most significantperson in your life.
You don't have to stifle yourpersonality, your desires, your
(18:46):
kinks.
Because you've built yourrelationship, you've put in the
work, and it's hard work.
It can be ugly, there can bedisagreements, there can be, the
brink of breakups.
It's a lot to deal with.
But the freedom that we get toexperience at the end?
Unbelievable.
(19:09):
Yeah, that's a great analogy.
I totally agree with what youjust said.
It's It can be scary.
It can be, like I said, it's notgoing to, it's not going to be
easy.
Like you said, it's you might,it's going to require a lot of
patience, a lot of listening, alot of communication with your
partner, but once you guys areon the same page, it's going to
(19:31):
be a beautiful thing.
Something you both, share and dotogether.
So yeah, I think that's a goodanalogy.
I would totally agree with you.
Yes.
And.
I was going to say that, um,yeah, the freedom is just
unbelievable because again,we're taught in our society that
(19:54):
if you do these things, it'sgoing to, end your relationships
going to tear you apart when weknow, it draws you closer to
your partner in unbelievableways.
You're just vulnerable.
You're yourself.
Yeah, and you're justunstoppable once you guys are on
the same page and you guysencourage each other to foster
(20:16):
your desires to, share with me,what are you thinking?
Oh, let's make that happen.
How can we make that happen?
And so many people When theystart on their lifestyle
journey, they think it's allabout the sex.
And once you've been in after awhile, you realize the sex is
just the bonus.
(20:37):
It's really the growth youexperience as an individual.
And then that affects the growthwithin your partnership.
And then when two people areauthentic and vulnerable, they
can be authentic and vulnerablewith other people as well.
And show other people how togrow in that way as well.
(20:57):
So it's really about thosethings and the sex is the bonus.
Does that make sense?
It does make sense.
I'm trying to pull up something.
Shoot.
I, there was a podcast I waslistening to the other day and,
and I can't find it right now.
(21:18):
But basically they interviewedanother couple and they were
talking about their journey andhow they got started in the
lifestyle and how the husbandwas saying like he was.
He was really into participatingin this lifestyle.
He was excited, couldn't wait,shared it with his wife.
But then of course she had herdoubts and she was hesitant.
(21:40):
And it took a lot of patience onhis part.
And they actually went tocounseling to see if this is
something that they can dotogether.
And they wound up going to on avacation, I want to say, I think
it was desire, but Yeah.
When everything was booked,tickets, hotel, everything bef
(22:01):
Think a day or two before theyleft, they sat down and they
wrote like a contract.
Just so they were on the samepage now.
Didn't mess.
They made it clear that justbecause it wasn't on the
contract, it doesn't mean it wasoff the table.
They just.
maYbe they just had to maybemake room for discussion if
something approached, but thatwas their first step into the
(22:24):
lifestyle.
And I just thought that was areally good idea.
It makes sense to, you want to,how many times have we said, we
want to be on the same page asyour partner.
They're literally we're on thesame page because they wrote on
a piece of paper what, theirexpectations would be, and they
went at their own pace, yeah.
(22:45):
Yeah, so everything you'resaying about this movie has
nothing to do with sexuality.
It has nothing to do withswinging, or whatever.
Exactly, it doesn't.
No.
But, you can relate, because,yes.
There's been many times where mywife and I have gone.
To a party or on a date andwe're having a good time and
it's can't share this withanybody.
I can't share this with myfriend, family because, of
(23:08):
judgment and stuff.
So it's I'm in my own littleworld and we're in the
lifestyle.
And so from what you're sayingand what the movie represents a
lot of similar, yeah, you canyou can compare and contrast.
Yes.
Both yeah, both worlds.
I thought it was an amazinganalogy and the biggest point I
wanted to make is that was theonly path to freedom for Andy
(23:33):
Dufrene.
And really, that is the o.
The only way to make it to thefreedom is through all the
issues.
But if you're willing, again, todo the work, I say it all the
time, if you're willing to dothe work, you will get through
it.
Again, there's so manyresources, videos, podcasts,
(23:54):
books, audio books.
It doesn't matter.
There's no excuse these days forpeople to remain not growing.
Even one of the lines in themovie is get busy living or get
busy dying.
And that again, something verytrue in the lifestyle as well.
You may start out all gung ho,but once you hit your first road
(24:16):
bump, if you're just gonna throwin the towel, you know what?
Throw in the towel.
Because you don't have what ittakes to do the work.
Yeah.
But the rewards are well worthit on so many levels.
Yeah.
And sometimes unfortunatelythings don't work out.
'cause I've, we've come acrosscouples that, they've gone into
(24:41):
lifestyle.
It's just.
It broke them apart and theywent their separate ways and,
it's just, you could telllooking back on him, the warning
signs and red flags were there,they weren't communicating,
yeah, exactly.
They were living two differentlives, even though they lived in
the same house.
It was two different lives twodifferent.
(25:01):
Yeah, so you can see the writingwas on the wall looking back,
but right So again, if this issomething you're gonna do, you
got to be open and got to behonest there's no way around it
and some people could look atthat couple and say oh it was
the lifestyles fault No, itwasn't the lifestyles fault.
The lifestyle just revealed whatwas already there The issues
(25:25):
were already there.
They were just exposed andmagnified.
Yes, the lifestyle does magnifythose issues because of the
circumstances that we putourselves in.
So they're magnified.
But the issues were alreadythere.
If there wasn't an issue, therewould be no magnification.
But it was magnified and theycouldn't resolve the issues,
(25:47):
yeah.
Unfortunate, it would havehappened either way.
This is yeah Say like it's gonnayeah, it was gonna happen.
Eventually Looking back on it.
You could totally see rightwhere it was heading, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is what it is and youknow on I couldn't relate to
(26:08):
because I think I said before inthe opening of our first
podcast.
This is something that I'vealways been Drawn to the
lifestyle and We don't have thatflexibility.
We don't have our schedulesaren't as open as other couples
and our time.
It's limited.
(26:28):
So we don't have the freedom togo out every weekend or go to
meet and greets.
Exactly.
iT can be a little frustrating,but my wife and I have figured a
way to yeah, of course, bepatient, but then also to like,
there's other things we can doof course with each other to
make it work, to have a littletaste of the lifestyle, there's
(26:51):
like toys, dirty talk, etcetera, et cetera.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah like I said, about being onthe same page open, honest
communication.
anD again, I feel like we saythat every week, but it's the
truth, yeah, that is exactly.
Yeah, it's just.
(27:11):
It is what it is.
Yep.
oUt of curiosity out ofcuriosity do you have a favorite
lifestyle movie?
I Don't even think I've everseen a lifestyle movie.
Really?
Yeah, I'm not huge into porn.
I'm very specific about what Ilike.
(27:32):
I'm not talking about porn.
I'm actually talking about likea movie about the lifestyle.
Okay, take it back.
I did see one.
A and I watched one.
It was a comedy and he's seenother lifestyle related movies
and expresses disappointmentbecause of the portrayal and
(27:57):
then the people are usually soconflicted and oh I should have
done that it was terrible blahblah blah and it destroys their
marriage or They confessed it totheir spouse.
Oh, and maybe I'll forget, soit's always portrayed in a real
negative light.
So this one was about a youngcouple who discovers that the
girl discovers that her parentsare swingers.
(28:19):
Those are she's like what it youknow, anyway, so they get all
curious and stuff and all so thewhole movie is about their
exploration Trying to get intothe lifestyle and figuring it
out.
Anyway, so it's cute.
It's funny We thought that washe thought that was probably
Much more realistic movie thanthe others he's seen Do you know
(28:40):
the name of the movie?
That was a Mac?
I can't recall what it wascalled.
No?
Okay.
No.
If I, yeah, I'll ask him.
He'll probably remember it.
I'll text it to you.
Yeah.
You just sent me on a mission,so I'm gonna hunt that down.
and it's not an old movie.
Maybe two years.
I don't know.
Not I'm trying to think.
(29:00):
The fir first one that comes tomind is the overnight.
Have you seen that?
Never heard of it.
Okay.
Who's in it?
So it's a I'm terrible withnames, but basically it's about
a couple with a kid that movesinto this new town and the kid
meets another kid at school.
(29:23):
And so his parents invite themover for a pizza night.
And the, those parents had aagenda for that evening and so I
don't want to ruin it.
I want to spoil it.
Yeah.
It's it's a lifestyle movie, soI would say it's more like a
dark comedy.
(29:44):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's because at first I thought,oh yeah, they're gonna.
Probably wife swap and, but youdon't really see any of that
until maybe like the very endfor a few seconds.
But just their night ofadventures, just like I said,
it's really dark.
So I really did enjoy it.
And then there was another onelearning more about your
(30:07):
partner.
There was another one calledthe, I want to say casserole
club.
This one takes place like inPalm Springs, like in, I believe
the sixties and it's about awomen, about a group of women
they swap recipes.
And so they get together everynight.
(30:27):
Oh, one, I think it's one day ofthe week they get together and
they bring their husbands andthese, everyone makes a a
different type of casserole.
Wow.
You can imagine.
As more they do this and morethey get comfortable with each
other and experimentation takesover and they actually do swap
(30:49):
wives for, and it talks aboutthe challenges that they go
through that evening and thenyou see how they do it again.
And then again, more challenges,approaches, some couple of
people that I swapped now aretrying to, the person they
(31:09):
played with that night, they'retrying to, have secret meetings
without their spouse, knowingstuff like that.
No, it's actually, if you'relooking back on it, that could
be like a little biteducational, but yeah.
I, I've never heard of it.
I only saw it on, I think I sawit on Netflix just once it came
(31:31):
across my timeline, watched itand I've never even heard of it
or seen it again.
But it's a good movie.
I, like I said, I highlyrecommend it.
Yeah, it sounds interesting.
I check that 1 out.
I'm going to bring this.
Yeah, you're right though.
That's a problem with movies wasabout the lifestyle.
It's they think they have anidea of what it is, but it's
(31:54):
really not.
It's.
Really far fetch.
Yeah, very melodramatic.
Yeah, negative and I think Ibrought it up on one of the
podcasts that, you see it on TVand so we went to our first
party.
I'm like, wow, this is nothinglike I was on TV.
There's actually normal peoplejust like me here at the party.
(32:18):
Yeah, exactly.
That's refreshing.
Yeah.
So let me see.
Let's type this in real quick.
It's funny because we type inswinger movies.
Vince Vaughn's movies alwayspops up swingers, but uh, that's
funny.
(32:39):
Let me see.
Yeah, it's always dramas to andit's yes.
Why?
Oh, Palm swing.
That was a movie.
Yeah, we saw I saw it again.
This is about a couple thatmeets another couple of veteran
(33:00):
couple if you just put it rightand they get married.
Teach them the ropes for thenight and then yeah, the wife
gets really sucked in.
And so they it talks about liketheir journey, how they go about
it.
There's a very good documentary.
If you have HBO Max, I thinkit's called Max.
(33:21):
It's a really good, it's adocumentary.
It's called there is no I inthreesome.
Oh, yes.
That's a really gooddocumentary.
It's about a couple who are inthe polyamory swinging
lifestyle.
And, uh, she talks about theirjourney.
(33:43):
They're engaged.
And again, I don't want to spoilanything, but there's like
something at the end where I'mlike, whoa, did not see that
coming again.
It's a documentary because,yeah, as it's going on, you're
putting the pieces together andI'm like, Oh, I wasn't
surprised.
I knew that was going to happen.
But then at the end, you getcaught off guard and you're
(34:06):
like, wait, what?
And um, again I highly recommendthat documentary.
It's, Um, very educational,really good, and you can see
there's no I in threesome.
No I in threesome.
Okay.
Yeah, there's no I in threesome.
And I'm trying to see if there'sanything else that I can
(34:27):
recommend.
I'm just going off this list onIMBD.
I think that's it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But, excuse me.
But there are, yeah, there aresome good Movies out there.
If you want to, learn a littlebit more about the lifestyle
like I said, I would recommend,but I think out of the ones I
(34:49):
just met, I just said, there'sno, I am three.
So it's probably on the top ofmy list.
And then that sounds good.
I want to say that one.
Yeah, I watched another series.
And also reminded me, Okay.
Of the lifestyle so a friend ofmine turned me on to this one
and it was called how to build asex room Have you seen that?
(35:12):
Was that on Netflix?
Was it Netflix?
It may have been Netflix.
I don't recall for sure.
My wife watched that and I'venever had, I just don't have
time to sit down and watch it.
Understood.
It was like, yeah.
She's I can't believe youhaven't watched it.
But she loved that.
Yeah, it was very sweet.
(35:33):
It reminded me of, yeah, thelifestyle.
Because again, you hear thattitle, how to build a sex room,
right?
They make all these assumptions.
And then you watch the series,and again, it's about what is
happening in the relationship.
Why do they want to transformtheir bedroom?
(35:53):
Because they're trying to mendthings within their
relationship.
Anyway, it was great how thetherapist, the decorator,
therapist, whatever, interviewedthe couples and found, what was
missing for each of them andthen how they could address
that.
It was a really good show.
Very sweet.
Yeah, she told me all about itand she raved about it.
(36:15):
She loved it.
I guess I had to think of thingsto say, but I guess I'm gonna
have to sit down and watch that.
Yes.
Okay.
So he just chimed in and told methe name of the comedy movie
that I just recommended.
The Unicorn.
Okay.
I haven't even heard of it.
So I'm gonna have to.
Put that on the list of thingsto do.
(36:36):
Maybe we should tweet that listout.
Or yeah, absolutely.
On Twitter.
What do you say now?
Cause it's called X got to exitout.
I don't know.
That's true.
Do we still say, I don't know.
I still say tweet to be honest.
Yeah, I know it's called X andjust force of habit.
(36:57):
That's all.
That's what it is.
We're going to exit out.
Like I said, I'm looking throughthis and of course I saw the
what was it on Playboy?
I think it was it called Swing?
Did you ever watch that?
(37:20):
It was a show?
Yeah, it was a show on PlayboyTV called Swing.
And so all these veteran coupleswould be at this big gorgeous
house in LA and they invite thisnewbie couple and the counselor,
they meet with the counselor.
And, they talk about like whythey're here, about the
(37:40):
relationship, and then they meetthe other couples, icebreaker
game, questions, drinks, thenthere's usually like an
activity.
But basically at the end, youcan imagine at the end of the
night, everything leads to theplayroom.
And sometimes they play,sometimes they don't, just,
never know, but I'm talkingabout this.
(38:03):
I'll have to look it up becauseI do not remember the name of
the documentary.
It was on Hulu, but this was 1of the 1st sex clubs, or I'm
sorry, 1 of the 1st swingerclubs in New York back in the
1970s.
And they did a documentary aboutthe person that opened it up,
(38:26):
who ran it and how it was verypopular and and how it came
crashing down.
But it was just a fascinatingstory because I thought I knew
all the highlights there is toknow about the lifestyle and I
had no idea who this person was.
(38:47):
I Will I would look it up and wewill X it or tweet it on our
account.
Yeah, it sounds good.
Okay.
I think that's it for tonight'stopic.
Oh, I just remembered Swingtown,this was a show on CBS.
(39:11):
Oh, I did hear about that show.
And I want to say 2009, Ibelieve it was, 2008.
This is right when Chara Astonand I started talking about,
about the lifestyle and uh, andso she would watch this TV show
and unfortunately I liked it,but I thought it could have been
(39:36):
done better and the way they didit wasn't the best way.
So it didn't last that long, butand you can watch that on
Amazon.
It's called sweet.
It's about a couple in the 70sand about the sexual revolution,
right?
Yeah, 1970s, alright, so I thinkthat concludes for tonight's
(39:58):
topic.
Monet has a little surprise foreverybody regarding next
episode.
Do you want to Yes, superexciting.
Big news everyone who's listenedto us for a while.
Neighbor Joe.
Finally agreed to come on theshow and be interviewed.
(40:19):
So if you have any questions forsingle guys, feel free to either
email them or I guess they canwrite in our comments.
Maybe I'll do a page, a singleguy.
Q& A and feel free to tweet usyour questions and we'll put
those on our list But I'm veryexcited to have neighbor Joe
(40:42):
coming on.
Yeah, I'm looking forward tomeeting him.
I've heard a lot about him.
So Yeah, so I believe so we willrecord next week and That
episode would be I would thatwill be episode like maybe like
(41:04):
around Christmas time give ortake and so did you want to try
to get another episode andbefore that, or that would be
the last 1 for the year thatmight be the last 1 for the
year.
Okay.
All right.
So we're going to make it extraspecial extra fun.
(41:26):
Yes.
Yeah, so yeah, so it should befun a good way to close out the
year.
Yeah, exactly All right.
Anything else and come to thinkof it.
I think that will be our 10thepisode Oh, there you go.
I think that would be a nice wayto end it for the year All
(41:48):
right.
Okay.
Yeah.
So if you need to get a hold ofus, you can find us on X do you
remember our, bring up ourusername, it's you can find us
on X under at let's be open podL E T S B E O P E N P O D.
(42:15):
Or you can email us atletsbeopenpodcasts at gmail.
com.
Any emails we'll get, we'll tryto get back to you ASAP.
Maybe if you could let us knowhow you're, how you like the
podcast.
If you have questions any way wecould make it better.
Please feel free to let us knowwhere obviously this lifestyle.
(42:38):
So we are open minded.
Yes, that is correct.
Any suggestions for topics oreven if you disagree with
something we said, definitelytake that, everyone has their
own journey.
So we're all here to learn fromeach other.
Absolutely.
All right.
From Monet and I, you guys havea good week.
(43:01):
Talk to you later.
Bye.
Hey everyone.
Welcome to the Let's Be Openpodcast.
I am Monet, one of your hosts,and I am here with my partner,
Daniel.
Hey, Daniel.
How's it going?
Hello.
How's it going?
Pretty good.
In the Christmas spirit here.
I've got the house all decoratedand my Christmas pajamas.
(00:45):
Yeah, I'm ready to have sexytalk, so let's go in your
Christmas jammies Oh, I see yourChristmas cup, too Actually,
these were from on Thanksgiving.
Oh, were they but like littletrees no, but They're actually I
don't know what the hell theseare.
(01:06):
But can you guess what holidaydrink I'm drinking?
Drinking.
Alcoholic, of course.
Of course.
Jack Daniels, right?
You're a whiskey guy.
I am, but that's not what I'mdrinking.
It's a Christmas drink.
Eggnog?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh! Every year.
(01:26):
Lucky guess.
Every year we go to Costco andwe buy two things of the
Kirkland eggnog, which I love.
And yeah.
So I just poured myself a drinkand, like I said, Oh, what did
you mix it with?
Oh, it's already mixed.
It has everything in there likebourbon and yeah, it's like
their special blend So it's verydelicious.
(01:46):
Yeah, okay, highly recommend it.
Maybe I might take it to thechristmas party Oh, there you
go.
I'm not an eggnog fan though, soI'm gonna pass on that.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I can respect that.
So what did we have to do?
(02:07):
Wow, we had some.
Sexy fun over the weekend.
Of course you did.
What else is new?
I know.
It's not every weekend.
Come on.
Every other maybe.
Just kidding.
Anyway yeah, we met this couplein our writing group, which is
(02:29):
on hiatus, FYI.
So footnote there, but we metthem.
Yeah, because the founders aretaking some classes to get some
licenses and things like that.
So plus the weather, anyway, ofcourse, so yeah, it's on hiatus
hopefully till next May, butanyway, I'll keep you updated on
(02:49):
that and our audience to anyway.
So we met this couple reallynice couple.
But very shy as well.
Both of them are pretty shy.
Whenever I see shy people, Ialways tone it down, so I don't
want to scare them.
Try to tone it down, but at thesame time, I make an effort to
at least greet and try to engagein conversation a little bit.
(03:13):
Hopefully draw them out.
Yeah one of the last times wehad seen them they had invited
us to their annual Ugly SweaterChristmas party.
So we're like, wow, we were veryflattered that they would invite
us because we hadn't reallytalked with them that much.
And so what, when we gottogether with them this past
weekend, it was not the uglysort of Christmas party.
(03:35):
That one is forthcoming, but wedidn't want to get together with
them before that night becausewe hadn't spent a whole lot of
time with them.
So that's what we did.
We went up and had dinner withthem and did a lot of.
tAlking a lot of chatting andthen yeah, some sexy time after
(03:56):
that.
So it was good.
It was a good time.
Yeah.
Now, how did you meet this?
How did you meet this couple?
Just out of curiosity.
Yeah.
From the motorcycle ridinggroup.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How much eggnog have you had todrink, sir?
It was pretty good.
I pretty much downed it.
So it's really, Oh, okay.
(04:17):
There we go.
Good, as it's always nice tomake new friends in the
lifestyle.
Sounds like you guys had a goodtime.
Yeah, we did.
Very good.
Yeah, what about you?
As for us, it's just been like Isaid, decorating the house
taking these, the kids to all ofthese Christmas activities,
(04:37):
looking at Christmas lights and,um, sometimes it can be a little
bit of a hassle, loading thecar, unloading, but the look on
their faces are just so worthit.
Yeah, exactly.
So that's where we're at.
But again everything looks good.
December 16th.
(04:58):
Looks like I'm going to swingour hearts Christmas party.
So yeah, I always call it.
Yeah, you're right.
Sorry.
I know.
It was called swinger swing.
Yeah, so we'll be there.
I'm looking forward to it.
Can't wait.
Yeah, that'll be great.
And you guys are still going.
(05:20):
I think we had anotherengagement pop up that we, yeah,
we had to go to.
Yeah.
So friends of friends.
Some friends that we made thatwe met through some other
friends, non lifestyle people.
But it's a great party becauseto be honest, it's the same sex
couple.
Gentlemen, they know how tothrow a party, even for vanilla.
(05:46):
You're not going to see me on mybirthday.
I thought we were.
I'm going to have to make it upto you somehow.
I'm sure.
All so should we get intotonight's key question?
Yes.
Okay.
Party question.
(06:08):
Okay.
So tonight's key party questionis, would you like to be watched
at a party or do you like towatch other people?
I would prefer if you answerthis question first.
Okay.
I Would say I would like towatch people.
(06:31):
I'm a people watcher.
And so it's funny because we'vehad this conversation before, my
wife and I, and.
I like to observe, and I like towatch.
Obviously, but my wife, shelikes to be watched, so yeah, so
that's something she wants tocheck off her list when we go to
(06:54):
this party in a couple of weeksis she would like to play and
hopefully.
Be watched and so that's on theagenda.
So I'm going to have to rethinkmy schedule.
I'm just saying I'd besurprised.
(07:18):
All right.
So now it's your turn.
My answer is yes.
I like both.
A can attest to the fact thatwe've been at parties and people
will shut the door or they'lldraw the curtains and I say,
Hey, stop being so selfish.
Open the door! This is a swingerparty.
(07:40):
Yeah.
Anyway, so I do enjoy watching.
Yeah it's just that wholeenergy, the interaction people
have and yeah, it's very eroticto watch.
And then of course I do like tobe watched.
That's.
Fun to have an audience, evenusually if I'm being watched, I
(08:01):
know people are watching.
I don't make eye contact withthem, but just the fact that
knowing that people arewatching.
Yeah, that's, that's erotic too.
And it's in a different way.
Yeah.
But still very erotic.
I think I need a little bit moreexperience playing because I
tend to get distracted veryeasily.
(08:21):
So if I know there's like agroup just sitting watching I
could see myself gettingdistracted because this kind of
has happened before in the pastwhere maybe my wife and her
partner might finish early,right?
And they're just watching.
Myself and my partner play andit's knowing the back of my
(08:43):
mind, they're watching us couldbe a little bit distracting.
Yeah, I'm going to go withwatching for now and hopefully a
little more comfortable down theroad.
That might my answer mightchange.
Got you.
Got you.
I like that.
I like the fact that you're opento the growing part.
I was going to ask you inregards to that situation that
you gave, do you think you'redistracted because it's your
(09:07):
wife or would you be distractedwith?
anyone watching?
That's a very good question.
I think, I don't know, becauseit's I've never had anyone just
watch.
So maybe it was a fact that mywife was watching.
(09:30):
buT yeah, that's a goodquestion.
Never really thought about that.
I'll let you know when ithappens.
Something to consider.
Exactly.
That'll be fun.
Yeah.
That'll be good.
All right.
What's tonight's topic?
It's a very interesting topic,and I can't even recall exactly
(09:54):
how I came up with the idea.
I know I was talking with Aabout a situation, again, can't
recall.
And for some reason one of myall time favorite movies came to
my mind.
And I started thinking, oh!Yeah, I can see a correlation.
(10:16):
I can see using this as ananalogy.
It is an older movie, so maybesome of our audience may not
have watched it.
But I definitely encourage youto take the time to watch it.
It is called The ShawshankRedemption.
Are you familiar, Dee?
(10:37):
I've never seen it, but I amvery familiar.
I know who's in it.
I know the story right behindit.
I've just never seen the movie.
Yeah.
So highly recommend.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it's all my, it's just,yeah.
So it's one of your favoritemovies?
It's on my to-do list to watch.
Yeah.
I would say in for sure, in mytop five, maybe even in my top
(11:00):
three.
All time favorite movies.
Yeah, so spoiler alert that'sgoing to be spoiler alert So if
you haven't watched it, maybeyou want to watch the movie
first and then listen to thepodcast I don't know but either
way.
All right.
All right.
I'm leaving So but anyway, soagain, it's a story of a man,
(11:25):
his name's Andy Dufresne.
That is the main character andhe is a sentence to prison.
And the analogy that I thoughtof is he's going into this.
place that's unknown to him,some place he's never been
before.
It's unfamiliar to him and evenwhen he arrives, he probably
(11:47):
doesn't realize that really it'sa subculture.
It's a whole subculture of itsown.
It has its own lingo.
It has its own rules that arewritten, that are unwritten,
that are spoken, that areunspoken.
And I thought to myself, that'sa lot what it's like when we
first get into the lifestyle,when we decide we're gonna come
(12:09):
into it.
We don't really know what toexpect.
Are there rules?
It's very true.
There's terminology, right?
Yeah, so I hope that ouraudience does appreciate as I
expound on this example.
Like I said, Andy Dufresne isthe main character.
He's sentenced to prison.
And he meets, obviously, a castof characters, right?
(12:32):
One of the first persons that hemeets is a guy named Red.
And Red is the man who can getthings.
Even though they're in prison,right?
At least in the movie, so he canget things.
I saw Red as somebody in thelifestyle who's well connected.
Somebody who knows peoplealready and who knows the lay of
(12:52):
the land, so to speak.
Maybe they're familiar withclubs, they're familiar with
house parties, which ones aregood, which ones to avoid, and
probably can introduce youaround to people and places.
So we all need a Red.
In our lifestyle journey.
Someone's going to help usalong.
Do you have a red in your life?
(13:15):
Yeah, I'm looking right at herright now.
Oh, D.
You're such a flatterer.
That's why you and A are alwaysour wingman when we go to these
parties.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's something that weenjoy.
Like I've said before, here onthe podcast.
(13:36):
I wish somebody would have takenus under their wing, early on
that probably would have helped.
So yeah, anyway, so red personwho's well connected, then there
is a gentleman and he's the guythat's Already been in prison
like a long time, like 40 yearsor whatever, old guy, very
(13:58):
experienced, very knowledgeable,very low key.
I actually equated that to theOG swingers talk about being
familiar with the lay of theland.
But what I have found in theone, some of the ones I met, not
all some, they're very set intheir ways and their ideas of
what the lifestyle is.
And they really don't want it tochange.
(14:19):
They don't want it to modernize.
So anyway, that's what I thoughtabout Brooks.
That is the Brooks in ourlifestyle journey.
And then there's another guywho's a sub character.
His name's Tommy and he's aslick, cocky, lash in the pan
guy.
He makes his entrance, rufflesthings up.
(14:41):
But then before you know it,he's gone and in the lifestyle.
There are definitely people likethat.
They make a lot of noise They'revery flashy very flirty You know
trying to get with every womanthat they can or every dude that
they can But then all of asudden they're gone.
So they're just a flash in thepan.
(15:02):
They really didn't contributeanything Maybe we had an
experience with them.
Maybe we didn't But they're justin and out real quick pun
intended Have you ever had aflash in the pan not that I
could think of that's half of myhead I'm trying to think Yeah
(15:27):
Relational right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So here's the thing like we'venot the Partying type.
I would say majority of ourexperience so far has been dates
setting up like a dinner datehappy hour date.
And usually I don't know if it'sjust how things worked out or.
(15:49):
This is how, who, where weattract, but it's been mostly
couples who are like in the sameboat we are that don't have a
lot of time, who are moving attheir own pace.
That's what you would say.
So yeah, I haven't had my ownslick yet.
Yeah.
(16:09):
Yeah, I wouldn't say I recommendthat necessarily, but it does
happen.
Yeah, it does happen.
So the biggest thing I wanted toemphasize, and here's really the
spoiler alert for the movie, incase you haven't seen it, so it
is a story of a prison break.
(16:29):
So this.
character, Andy Dufresne, ourmain character, he is very
patient, very methodical.
He realizes that there's anopportunity for him and he takes
that opportunity, but he's verypatient.
(16:49):
He has to be because of the wayhe breaks out of prison.
So what happens is he has to, inorder to make his escape, crawl
through a sewer, raw sewage, 500yards of raw sewage.
(17:15):
That's a lot of shit, right?
That's a lot of shit.
So I was thinking, because Ioften talk about the work that's
involved, right?
About the introspection, aboutthe conversations we're going to
have with our spouse, ourpotential partners.
There are issues that are goingto arise that we get to deal
(17:38):
with, jealousy, insecurity FOMObody issues, aging issues,
whatever it is.
It's different for all of us andsometimes we can go for a while
and everything's cool and thenall of a sudden something
happens.
Guess what we realize, oh, it'san issue I need to deal with.
(17:59):
To me that's the analogy.
Even though that was so gruelingand we can't even imagine that
filth that is represented inthat film.
That's our issues.
But at the other end of ourissues, at the other end of that
pipeline that Andy had to gothrough is freedom.
(18:20):
And until you experience thatfor yourself.
You cannot imagine howliberating it is to your own
relationship, to you as anindividual.
You don't have to stifleyourself in front of your
spouse, your most significantperson in your life.
You don't have to stifle yourpersonality, your desires, your
(18:46):
kinks.
Because you've built yourrelationship, you've put in the
work, and it's hard work.
It can be ugly, there can bedisagreements, there can be, the
brink of breakups.
It's a lot to deal with.
But the freedom that we get toexperience at the end?
Unbelievable.
(19:09):
Yeah, that's a great analogy.
I totally agree with what youjust said.
It's It can be scary.
It can be, like I said, it's notgoing to, it's not going to be
easy.
Like you said, it's you might,it's going to require a lot of
patience, a lot of listening, alot of communication with your
partner, but once you guys areon the same page, it's going to
(19:31):
be a beautiful thing.
Something you both, share and dotogether.
So yeah, I think that's a goodanalogy.
I would totally agree with you.
Yes.
And.
I was going to say that, um,yeah, the freedom is just
unbelievable because again,we're taught in our society that
(19:54):
if you do these things, it'sgoing to, end your relationships
going to tear you apart when weknow, it draws you closer to
your partner in unbelievableways.
You're just vulnerable.
You're yourself.
Yeah, and you're justunstoppable once you guys are on
the same page and you guysencourage each other to foster
(20:16):
your desires to, share with me,what are you thinking?
Oh, let's make that happen.
How can we make that happen?
And so many people When theystart on their lifestyle
journey, they think it's allabout the sex.
And once you've been in after awhile, you realize the sex is
just the bonus.
(20:37):
It's really the growth youexperience as an individual.
And then that affects the growthwithin your partnership.
And then when two people areauthentic and vulnerable, they
can be authentic and vulnerablewith other people as well.
And show other people how togrow in that way as well.
(20:57):
So it's really about thosethings and the sex is the bonus.
Does that make sense?
It does make sense.
I'm trying to pull up something.
Shoot.
I, there was a podcast I waslistening to the other day and,
and I can't find it right now.
(21:18):
But basically they interviewedanother couple and they were
talking about their journey andhow they got started in the
lifestyle and how the husbandwas saying like he was.
He was really into participatingin this lifestyle.
He was excited, couldn't wait,shared it with his wife.
But then of course she had herdoubts and she was hesitant.
(21:40):
And it took a lot of patience onhis part.
And they actually went tocounseling to see if this is
something that they can dotogether.
And they wound up going to on avacation, I want to say, I think
it was desire, but Yeah.
When everything was booked,tickets, hotel, everything bef
(22:01):
Think a day or two before theyleft, they sat down and they
wrote like a contract.
Just so they were on the samepage now.
Didn't mess.
They made it clear that justbecause it wasn't on the
contract, it doesn't mean it wasoff the table.
They just.
maYbe they just had to maybemake room for discussion if
something approached, but thatwas their first step into the
(22:24):
lifestyle.
And I just thought that was areally good idea.
It makes sense to, you want to,how many times have we said, we
want to be on the same page asyour partner.
They're literally we're on thesame page because they wrote on
a piece of paper what, theirexpectations would be, and they
went at their own pace, yeah.
(22:45):
Yeah, so everything you'resaying about this movie has
nothing to do with sexuality.
It has nothing to do withswinging, or whatever.
Exactly, it doesn't.
No.
But, you can relate, because,yes.
There's been many times where mywife and I have gone.
To a party or on a date andwe're having a good time and
it's can't share this withanybody.
I can't share this with myfriend, family because, of
(23:08):
judgment and stuff.
So it's I'm in my own littleworld and we're in the
lifestyle.
And so from what you're sayingand what the movie represents a
lot of similar, yeah, you canyou can compare and contrast.
Yes.
Both yeah, both worlds.
I thought it was an amazinganalogy and the biggest point I
wanted to make is that was theonly path to freedom for Andy
(23:33):
Dufrene.
And really, that is the o.
The only way to make it to thefreedom is through all the
issues.
But if you're willing, again, todo the work, I say it all the
time, if you're willing to dothe work, you will get through
it.
Again, there's so manyresources, videos, podcasts,
(23:54):
books, audio books.
It doesn't matter.
There's no excuse these days forpeople to remain not growing.
Even one of the lines in themovie is get busy living or get
busy dying.
And that again, something verytrue in the lifestyle as well.
You may start out all gung ho,but once you hit your first road
(24:16):
bump, if you're just gonna throwin the towel, you know what?
Throw in the towel.
Because you don't have what ittakes to do the work.
Yeah.
But the rewards are well worthit on so many levels.
Yeah.
And sometimes unfortunatelythings don't work out.
'cause I've, we've come acrosscouples that, they've gone into
(24:41):
lifestyle.
It's just.
It broke them apart and theywent their separate ways and,
it's just, you could telllooking back on him, the warning
signs and red flags were there,they weren't communicating,
yeah, exactly.
They were living two differentlives, even though they lived in
the same house.
It was two different lives twodifferent.
(25:01):
Yeah, so you can see the writingwas on the wall looking back,
but right So again, if this issomething you're gonna do, you
got to be open and got to behonest there's no way around it
and some people could look atthat couple and say oh it was
the lifestyles fault No, itwasn't the lifestyles fault.
The lifestyle just revealed whatwas already there The issues
(25:25):
were already there.
They were just exposed andmagnified.
Yes, the lifestyle does magnifythose issues because of the
circumstances that we putourselves in.
So they're magnified.
But the issues were alreadythere.
If there wasn't an issue, therewould be no magnification.
But it was magnified and theycouldn't resolve the issues,
(25:47):
yeah.
Unfortunate, it would havehappened either way.
This is yeah Say like it's gonnayeah, it was gonna happen.
Eventually Looking back on it.
You could totally see rightwhere it was heading, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is what it is and youknow on I couldn't relate to
(26:08):
because I think I said before inthe opening of our first
podcast.
This is something that I'vealways been Drawn to the
lifestyle and We don't have thatflexibility.
We don't have our schedulesaren't as open as other couples
and our time.
It's limited.
(26:28):
So we don't have the freedom togo out every weekend or go to
meet and greets.
Exactly.
iT can be a little frustrating,but my wife and I have figured a
way to yeah, of course, bepatient, but then also to like,
there's other things we can doof course with each other to
make it work, to have a littletaste of the lifestyle, there's
(26:51):
like toys, dirty talk, etcetera, et cetera.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah like I said, about being onthe same page open, honest
communication.
anD again, I feel like we saythat every week, but it's the
truth, yeah, that is exactly.
Yeah, it's just.
(27:11):
It is what it is.
Yep.
oUt of curiosity out ofcuriosity do you have a favorite
lifestyle movie?
I Don't even think I've everseen a lifestyle movie.
Really?
Yeah, I'm not huge into porn.
I'm very specific about what Ilike.
(27:32):
I'm not talking about porn.
I'm actually talking about likea movie about the lifestyle.
Okay, take it back.
I did see one.
A and I watched one.
It was a comedy and he's seenother lifestyle related movies
and expresses disappointmentbecause of the portrayal and
(27:57):
then the people are usually soconflicted and oh I should have
done that it was terrible blahblah blah and it destroys their
marriage or They confessed it totheir spouse.
Oh, and maybe I'll forget, soit's always portrayed in a real
negative light.
So this one was about a youngcouple who discovers that the
girl discovers that her parentsare swingers.
(28:19):
Those are she's like what it youknow, anyway, so they get all
curious and stuff and all so thewhole movie is about their
exploration Trying to get intothe lifestyle and figuring it
out.
Anyway, so it's cute.
It's funny We thought that washe thought that was probably
Much more realistic movie thanthe others he's seen Do you know
(28:40):
the name of the movie?
That was a Mac?
I can't recall what it wascalled.
No?
Okay.
No.
If I, yeah, I'll ask him.
He'll probably remember it.
I'll text it to you.
Yeah.
You just sent me on a mission,so I'm gonna hunt that down.
and it's not an old movie.
Maybe two years.
I don't know.
Not I'm trying to think.
(29:00):
The fir first one that comes tomind is the overnight.
Have you seen that?
Never heard of it.
Okay.
Who's in it?
So it's a I'm terrible withnames, but basically it's about
a couple with a kid that movesinto this new town and the kid
meets another kid at school.
(29:23):
And so his parents invite themover for a pizza night.
And the, those parents had aagenda for that evening and so I
don't want to ruin it.
I want to spoil it.
Yeah.
It's it's a lifestyle movie, soI would say it's more like a
dark comedy.
(29:44):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's because at first I thought,oh yeah, they're gonna.
Probably wife swap and, but youdon't really see any of that
until maybe like the very endfor a few seconds.
But just their night ofadventures, just like I said,
it's really dark.
So I really did enjoy it.
And then there was another onelearning more about your
(30:07):
partner.
There was another one calledthe, I want to say casserole
club.
This one takes place like inPalm Springs, like in, I believe
the sixties and it's about awomen, about a group of women
they swap recipes.
And so they get together everynight.
(30:27):
Oh, one, I think it's one day ofthe week they get together and
they bring their husbands andthese, everyone makes a a
different type of casserole.
Wow.
You can imagine.
As more they do this and morethey get comfortable with each
other and experimentation takesover and they actually do swap
(30:49):
wives for, and it talks aboutthe challenges that they go
through that evening and thenyou see how they do it again.
And then again, more challenges,approaches, some couple of
people that I swapped now aretrying to, the person they
(31:09):
played with that night, they'retrying to, have secret meetings
without their spouse, knowingstuff like that.
No, it's actually, if you'relooking back on it, that could
be like a little biteducational, but yeah.
I, I've never heard of it.
I only saw it on, I think I sawit on Netflix just once it came
(31:31):
across my timeline, watched itand I've never even heard of it
or seen it again.
But it's a good movie.
I, like I said, I highlyrecommend it.
Yeah, it sounds interesting.
I check that 1 out.
I'm going to bring this.
Yeah, you're right though.
That's a problem with movies wasabout the lifestyle.
It's they think they have anidea of what it is, but it's
(31:54):
really not.
It's.
Really far fetch.
Yeah, very melodramatic.
Yeah, negative and I think Ibrought it up on one of the
podcasts that, you see it on TVand so we went to our first
party.
I'm like, wow, this is nothinglike I was on TV.
There's actually normal peoplejust like me here at the party.
(32:18):
Yeah, exactly.
That's refreshing.
Yeah.
So let me see.
Let's type this in real quick.
It's funny because we type inswinger movies.
Vince Vaughn's movies alwayspops up swingers, but uh, that's
funny.
(32:39):
Let me see.
Yeah, it's always dramas to andit's yes.
Why?
Oh, Palm swing.
That was a movie.
Yeah, we saw I saw it again.
This is about a couple thatmeets another couple of veteran
(33:00):
couple if you just put it rightand they get married.
Teach them the ropes for thenight and then yeah, the wife
gets really sucked in.
And so they it talks about liketheir journey, how they go about
it.
There's a very good documentary.
If you have HBO Max, I thinkit's called Max.
(33:21):
It's a really good, it's adocumentary.
It's called there is no I inthreesome.
Oh, yes.
That's a really gooddocumentary.
It's about a couple who are inthe polyamory swinging
lifestyle.
And, uh, she talks about theirjourney.
(33:43):
They're engaged.
And again, I don't want to spoilanything, but there's like
something at the end where I'mlike, whoa, did not see that
coming again.
It's a documentary because,yeah, as it's going on, you're
putting the pieces together andI'm like, Oh, I wasn't
surprised.
I knew that was going to happen.
But then at the end, you getcaught off guard and you're
(34:06):
like, wait, what?
And um, again I highly recommendthat documentary.
It's, Um, very educational,really good, and you can see
there's no I in threesome.
No I in threesome.
Okay.
Yeah, there's no I in threesome.
And I'm trying to see if there'sanything else that I can
(34:27):
recommend.
I'm just going off this list onIMBD.
I think that's it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But, excuse me.
But there are, yeah, there aresome good Movies out there.
If you want to, learn a littlebit more about the lifestyle
like I said, I would recommend,but I think out of the ones I
(34:49):
just met, I just said, there'sno, I am three.
So it's probably on the top ofmy list.
And then that sounds good.
I want to say that one.
Yeah, I watched another series.
And also reminded me, Okay.
Of the lifestyle so a friend ofmine turned me on to this one
and it was called how to build asex room Have you seen that?
(35:12):
Was that on Netflix?
Was it Netflix?
It may have been Netflix.
I don't recall for sure.
My wife watched that and I'venever had, I just don't have
time to sit down and watch it.
Understood.
It was like, yeah.
She's I can't believe youhaven't watched it.
But she loved that.
Yeah, it was very sweet.
(35:33):
It reminded me of, yeah, thelifestyle.
Because again, you hear thattitle, how to build a sex room,
right?
They make all these assumptions.
And then you watch the series,and again, it's about what is
happening in the relationship.
Why do they want to transformtheir bedroom?
(35:53):
Because they're trying to mendthings within their
relationship.
Anyway, it was great how thetherapist, the decorator,
therapist, whatever, interviewedthe couples and found, what was
missing for each of them andthen how they could address
that.
It was a really good show.
Very sweet.
Yeah, she told me all about itand she raved about it.
(36:15):
She loved it.
I guess I had to think of thingsto say, but I guess I'm gonna
have to sit down and watch that.
Yes.
Okay.
So he just chimed in and told methe name of the comedy movie
that I just recommended.
The Unicorn.
Okay.
I haven't even heard of it.
So I'm gonna have to.
Put that on the list of thingsto do.
(36:36):
Maybe we should tweet that listout.
Or yeah, absolutely.
On Twitter.
What do you say now?
Cause it's called X got to exitout.
I don't know.
That's true.
Do we still say, I don't know.
I still say tweet to be honest.
Yeah, I know it's called X andjust force of habit.
(36:57):
That's all.
That's what it is.
We're going to exit out.
Like I said, I'm looking throughthis and of course I saw the
what was it on Playboy?
I think it was it called Swing?
Did you ever watch that?
(37:20):
It was a show?
Yeah, it was a show on PlayboyTV called Swing.
And so all these veteran coupleswould be at this big gorgeous
house in LA and they invite thisnewbie couple and the counselor,
they meet with the counselor.
And, they talk about like whythey're here, about the
(37:40):
relationship, and then they meetthe other couples, icebreaker
game, questions, drinks, thenthere's usually like an
activity.
But basically at the end, youcan imagine at the end of the
night, everything leads to theplayroom.
And sometimes they play,sometimes they don't, just,
never know, but I'm talkingabout this.
(38:03):
I'll have to look it up becauseI do not remember the name of
the documentary.
It was on Hulu, but this was 1of the 1st sex clubs, or I'm
sorry, 1 of the 1st swingerclubs in New York back in the
1970s.
And they did a documentary aboutthe person that opened it up,
(38:26):
who ran it and how it was verypopular and and how it came
crashing down.
But it was just a fascinatingstory because I thought I knew
all the highlights there is toknow about the lifestyle and I
had no idea who this person was.
(38:47):
I Will I would look it up and wewill X it or tweet it on our
account.
Yeah, it sounds good.
Okay.
I think that's it for tonight'stopic.
Oh, I just remembered Swingtown,this was a show on CBS.
(39:11):
Oh, I did hear about that show.
And I want to say 2009, Ibelieve it was, 2008.
This is right when Chara Astonand I started talking about,
about the lifestyle and uh, andso she would watch this TV show
and unfortunately I liked it,but I thought it could have been
(39:36):
done better and the way they didit wasn't the best way.
So it didn't last that long, butand you can watch that on
Amazon.
It's called sweet.
It's about a couple in the 70sand about the sexual revolution,
right?
Yeah, 1970s, alright, so I thinkthat concludes for tonight's
(39:58):
topic.
Monet has a little surprise foreverybody regarding next
episode.
Do you want to Yes, superexciting.
Big news everyone who's listenedto us for a while.
Neighbor Joe.
Finally agreed to come on theshow and be interviewed.
(40:19):
So if you have any questions forsingle guys, feel free to either
email them or I guess they canwrite in our comments.
Maybe I'll do a page, a singleguy.
Q& A and feel free to tweet usyour questions and we'll put
those on our list But I'm veryexcited to have neighbor Joe
(40:42):
coming on.
Yeah, I'm looking forward tomeeting him.
I've heard a lot about him.
So Yeah, so I believe so we willrecord next week and That
episode would be I would thatwill be episode like maybe like
(41:04):
around Christmas time give ortake and so did you want to try
to get another episode andbefore that, or that would be
the last 1 for the year thatmight be the last 1 for the
year.
Okay.
All right.
So we're going to make it extraspecial extra fun.
(41:26):
Yes.
Yeah, so yeah, so it should befun a good way to close out the
year.
Yeah, exactly All right.
Anything else and come to thinkof it.
I think that will be our 10thepisode Oh, there you go.
I think that would be a nice wayto end it for the year All
(41:48):
right.
Okay.
Yeah.
So if you need to get a hold ofus, you can find us on X do you
remember our, bring up ourusername, it's you can find us
on X under at let's be open podL E T S B E O P E N P O D.
(42:15):
Or you can email us atletsbeopenpodcasts at gmail.
com.
Any emails we'll get, we'll tryto get back to you ASAP.
Maybe if you could let us knowhow you're, how you like the
podcast.
If you have questions any way wecould make it better.
Please feel free to let us knowwhere obviously this lifestyle.
(42:38):
So we are open minded.
Yes, that is correct.
Any suggestions for topics oreven if you disagree with
something we said, definitelytake that, everyone has their
own journey.
So we're all here to learn fromeach other.
Absolutely.
All right.
From Monet and I, you guys havea good week.
(43:01):
Talk to you later.
Bye.
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