April 28, 2026 • 18 mins
Perfectionism loves to call itself “high standards,” but your body knows the difference. Feeling drained, contantly overthinking and still not producing are some of the telltale signs of perfectionism.
I’m breaking down how perfectionism keeps Muslim women stuck even when we have big goals, strong values, and a real desire to put high quality work into the world.
We walk through clear, practical contrasts you can use immediately: high standards move while perfectionism stalls, quantity builds quality, and “ready” is not a real finish line. I talk about why perfectionism is obsessed with control and certainty, why it burns energy and triggers rumination loops, and how it turns work into a constant search for validation. Then we talk about the shifts you need to make.
We also tackle how perfectionism destroys prioritisation by demanding mastery of everything, while high standards stay selective and intentional so your excellence is sustainable.
If you’re tired of polishing the blank page, this is your permission to create, refine, and grow without losing yourself in the process. Subscribe, share this with a friend who’s stuck, and leave a review with the biggest “I needed that” moment you heard.
I invite you to join The Ummi Collective. It is a weekly coaching program for Muslim mothers raising children on the autism spectrum.
Inside, you learn how to support your child’s development in a way that builds independence, confidence, and long-term success... without losing yourself in the process.
Apply for a Commitment Rate today
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, Dr.
Kamal Akhtar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm going to be expandingon the topic of perfectionism.
I've spoken about this before,but this is something that keeps
(00:25):
coming up.
And a lot of women come to meand tell me that all of these
goals and visions that they haveand they're working towards
them, yet they're nowhere nearaccomplishing them.
They put in a lot of hard workand they have all the right
values.
What ends up happening is thatin these coaching sessions we
end up discovering a lot ofperfectionistic tendencies, and
these tendencies hold them back.
(00:47):
In their minds the topic isoverrated and it sounds cliched
and it's been talked aboutbefore and they know logically
that perfectionism isn't good,but they still continue to do
it, and they do it in the nameof pursuit of high quality.
They say they don't want to dothings just willy nilly and
mediocre standards.
They want to put high qualitywork out in the world.
(01:09):
And for myself, as a recoveringperfectionist, I did this all at
one point in my life as well.
So now, in this journey towardsyour mental health as a Muslim
woman, not only identifying andhealing from perfectionism is an
absolute must, you must be ableto separate it from high
standards.
So let's get started.
First of all, perfectionism isnot the same thing as
(01:32):
excellence.
You think you're beingintentional and precise, and
then you tell yourself that youcare about quality, but what
you're actually doing isrehearsing failure in your mind
before you give yourself achance to succeed.
Perfectionism seduces you intobelieving that continuing to
improve will produce outcomes,when in reality the urge to
(01:54):
improve never comes to aconclusion, and that over time
produces no results.
You sit there constantlyediting, refining,
reconsidering, reworking, andyou call all of that effort, and
it does require effort anddrains your energy because it is
work, but it becomes emotionallydraining, and that physical
(02:15):
labor produces no tangibleoutput.
You are never producing lessbecause your standards are high.
You're producing less becauseyour nervous system is trying to
avoid exposure, judgment, andvulnerability of being judged.
Meaning once you host a partyand decide to serve two dishes
once you turn an assignment inor once you sign up for a
(02:37):
workout class, to make theseoutcomes possible, you would
have to allow other people tojudge you once you go through
with your goal.
Perfectionism hates that.
It hates exposure.
It will tell you that two dishesisn't enough.
You have to do ten.
It will tell you workout once ortwice a week is not enough.
You have to do more.
It will tell you that you haveto have the perfect assignment
(02:59):
in place written out before youcan submit it.
So what I'm saying is go aheadand insist on high standards.
I insist on high standards, Iconsider that a very high value
of mine.
But also don't disillusionyourself that you're not falling
into perfectionism.
And this is the difference thatwe're talking about today.
So I'm going to give you a sideby side comparison of the two so
(03:22):
that you can easily tell themapart.
High standards move whileperfectionism stalls.
High standards have momentum,they have energy, they push you
into action even when theoutcome is uncertain.
When you operate from highstandards, you're willing to
produce something today thatyour future self might even
outgrow one day, and that doesnot threaten you.
(03:44):
That excites you.
Perfectionism, on the otherhand, is obsessed with control.
It needs guarantees, it demandscertainty before you produce
anything.
And because a lot of timescertainty does not exist in
creative work, you end upfrozen.
High standards say work must beexcellent, so let me build it.
(04:05):
Perfectionism says it must beexcellent, so I cannot risk
building it until I know howperfect it will be.
Number two is quantity is theonly pathway to quality, and
your perfectionistic ego hatesthat.
What perfectionism wants is foryou to produce something great
without producing anythingmediocre first, and that is a
(04:26):
lie.
Every piece of exceptional workyou admire is built on a
graveyard of average attemptsthat nobody else sees.
Quantity is not the opposite ofquality.
Quantity is the training groundthat makes quality inevitable.
When you produce more, yougather data, you refine, you
sharpen your instincts, thequality of the outcome is much
(04:50):
higher.
This is because you're becomingless and less emotionally
attached to each individualoutput, which ironically
improves the quality of thefinal output.
Perfectionism resists quantitybecause it attaches your worth
to each mediocre piece.
High standards detach youridentity from the output and
attach it to the process whereit belongs.
(05:12):
Number three is perfectionismburns energy, while high quality
multiplies it, it feeds you, itfuels you.
And you have felt thisdifference in your body.
Perfectionism feels heavy,draining, you move slow.
When you sit down to do anywork, with perfectionism you
will feel immediate resistance,there's overthinking, there's
(05:33):
constant mental fatigue anddialogue, which is a fast track
way to burn out.
This is because you're trying tocontrol too many variables at
once, while trying to manage orsuppress your internal fear
response.
On the other hand, highstandards feel sharp, they feel
focused and surprisingly lightwhile they're producing amazing
(05:54):
results.
Here you enter a state ofcreation where effort produces
momentum.
And you might feel tired andexhausted after a full day of
high standard work, which ishuman, but that comes with the
celebration of youraccomplishment and recognition
of your humanity.
The same hour of work producesexponentially more output
(06:16):
because your brain with highstandards is not stuck in
rumination loops.
Number four is that you let goof perfectionism in the moment
you decide that exposure is thegoal.
And there is no magicalthreshold where your work
becomes ready.
That moment does not exist.
If your definition of success isflawlessness, you might as well
(06:37):
just stay stuck forever.
If your definition of success isexposure, iteration, refinement,
continuation, you will move andyou will produce.
When you're working on yourvalue of high standards, the
difference will be that it willlower the barrier to action
without lowering your standards.
Perfectionism says standards arehigh, but in that case, the
(07:00):
barriers to action always stayhigh as well.
Number five, perfectionism is adysregulated state, while high
standards comes from regulatedpower and emotional control.
Perfectionism is your nervoussystem scanning for threat and
trying to eliminate it throughcontrol.
With high standards, you'regrounded enough to tolerate
(07:21):
imperfection in the short termbecause you trust your ability
to improve over time.
And that trust is what allowsyou to move without burning out.
six, your output ratio revealsyour operating state.
Meaning look at your actualresults, not just your
intentions and your actions.
If you're putting in massiveeffort and producing very
(07:42):
little, you're in perfectionism.
There is a 5% return on yourenergy.
If you're producing constantlyand your work is improving over
time, you're operating from highstandards.
That's where your output startsto exceed your input because
your systems and your skills andyour confidence compounds.
Number seven, perfectionismedits and keeps editing before
(08:05):
it creates.
High standards create so thatthere's something worth editing.
When you're sitting withperfectionism, you're already in
correction mode, alreadyconstantly second guessing the
words and the work that doesn'teven exist yet.
It forces you to critique ablank page.
This is why it feels so heavybecause it's filled with
criticism.
(08:25):
But in the meanwhile, there'sreally nothing to respond to,
only imagine judgment.
With high standards, you createfirst and you create fast, and
then you refine something thatexists without judgment.
You give yourself material toimprove on.
eight.
Perfectionism personalizes everyoutput.
(08:46):
High standards systemize theoutput.
Under perfectionism, eachdecision feels loaded.
With high standards you removethis emotional charge, you treat
work like a system as it issupposed to be.
You produce, you evaluate,improve, you lather, rinse, and
repeat.
In this case, systems are built,which make the efficiency of the
(09:09):
task much better for the nexttime.
nine.
Perfectionism waits for theright state.
High standards build the statethrough actions.
You tell yourself that you willstart when you feel some
clarity, when you're a littlemore focused, when you have
attention, when you have time,when you feel inspired.
And that moment never reallyarrives because excellence is a
(09:31):
byproduct of movement, not aprerequisite.
With perfectionism you'll bewaiting for some sort of
alignment, some sort of feelingof readiness.
With high standards you act inorder to create alignment.
You produce your own alignment.
You might start messy, you mightstart with uncertainty, but
somewhere along the process yourthinking sharpens because of
(09:54):
your experience, because of yourflexibility, and because of your
ability to gauge and adjust.
Your nervous system enjoys thewhole process because it has
something to engage with.
ten.
Perfectionism constantly seeksvalidation before any release of
output.
High standard come with internalvalidation, something that
(10:16):
you've already approved of.
With perfectionism you wantreassurance before you put
something out.
You want to know it will landwell and it will be received
well and it won't be criticized,and that delays everything.
Perfectionism tries to secureapproval in advance, which is
really technically impossible.
High standards release the workand allow reality to respond.
(10:39):
Any kind of feedback is data,and instead of trying to predict
the responses and bracing forthem, you start learning from
them.
This is how your work improvesfaster than your thinking alone
could do.
eleven.
Perfectionism is linear.
High standards are iterative.
Perfectionism wants to get itright in one attempt, treats
(11:01):
creation like a straight linebetween idea and perfection.
That is why it feels so highstake.
High standards understand thatexcellence is built in layers.
Version one is not supposed tobe the final version.
If it is great, if it is not, itcontinues to build on it.
Version one is supposed toexist, while all the rest of the
(11:22):
versions continue to sharpenyour output.
And all of this process removesthe pressure to be perfect and
replaces it with the expectationto improve, which in a bodily
state of things is a muchlighter state to exist in.
It's much more enjoyable, muchmore fun.
twelve.
Perfectionism makes time feelscarce.
(11:43):
High standards make time workfor you.
When you spend so much timeperfecting a single piece that
you have no capacity left toproduce more, time becomes your
enemy.
You're always feeling behind,overwhelmed, running after
something, constantly trying tocatch up.
High standards use time verydifferently, because then you
are producing constantly, whichallows your body of work to
(12:05):
compound.
One piece of work informs thenext, and time becomes an ally,
because your output accumulates.
thirteen.
High standards let you win evenwhen you don't win.
Perfectionism only lets you winor lose.
With high standards you can missthe outcome completely and still
(12:25):
walk away calm and grounded,because you are extracting value
from the process itself.
You've collected insight, maybeyou've gathered pattern
recognition, or you've sharpenedyour decision making skills.
Those are all strategicbyproducts.
Those are all something that youcan bank on even though you
didn't get the outcome at all asyou expected.
(12:47):
And these byproducts compoundover time.
They keep moving you closer tothe goal each time.
Perfectionism does not allow forthat experience to exist at all.
In perfectionism, if youroutcome is not met, the entire
effort feels invalidated.
And the reason in this case youwalk away depleted is not
because you failed, but becauseperfectionism insists on
(13:08):
painting everything as a failureand you not learning anything
from the process.
And even when if you've createdwork that is perfect from your
current standards, meaningyou're operating from
perfectionism and you producesomething that is actually
acceptable from those standards,as soon as you arrive at the
product, your brain will movethe goalpost five feet further.
(13:30):
It will tell you, oh yeah, thiswas good enough yesterday, but
today not so much.
So you never really arrive atthe perfect product.
What your brain might haveconsidered perfect previously,
it stops considering it that assoon as you present it with
something, something that youthink might be good enough for
it.
So never fall into the illusionof perfectionism telling you
(13:51):
that it's for your benefit.
It's not.
It never is.
And the next one is thatperfectionism makes self
sabotage sound intelligent.
Perfectionism will give you veryconvincing arguments.
It will tell you that you'rejust being thorough, and you
care more than others.
It will tell you that it'shelping you separate excellence
from mediocrity.
(14:12):
But as you've learned from theitems I've listed in this
podcast, you will look at yourresults and your internal state
and the truth will becomeobvious.
If you're stuck, overworked andunderproducing, you are in
perfectionism.
Because high standards make selfleadership and self acceptance
much easier.
The next point is thatperfectionism does not know how
(14:34):
to prioritize.
If something enters yourawareness, it becomes something
you feel pressure to masterright away.
When you try to be perfect ineverything, you dilute your
capacity across too manydomains, and nothing really gets
your full attention.
Everything feels important,justified, and at the same time
(14:54):
it feels incomplete, because youcannot give everything your
absolute complete attention atall times.
On the other hand, highstandards are selective.
You recognize that your energyis finite and your excellence
must be directed.
High standards gather yourenergy and direct it with
intention.
You consciously decide where youwant to invest with depth, where
(15:16):
you want to put your time andeffort and attention for
refinement.
And because you're not wastingenergy over polishing everything
else, you actually have thecapacity to reach a level of
quality that perfectionism alonecould never sustain, which
produces a high standard result.
If you notice something new,something even mildly
(15:38):
interesting, and perfectionismimmediately turns it into
something that you shouldmaster, then be vigilant about
it and be careful not to fallinto that trap.
High standards will allow youthe enjoyment of exploration
without strong commitment.
You can try things, you can playwith ideas, you can engage with
them lightly, and only deepenyour investment when something
(15:59):
genuinely resonates.
What you're doing in each ofthese cases is that you're not
choosing between quality andquantity.
You're actually choosing betweentwo nervous system states.
And the real decision here isthat you're choosing between a
contracted, threat-based statethat disguises itself as
discipline, or you're choosingbetween an open, regulated state
(16:22):
that allows you to pursueexcellence without losing
yourself in the process.
One will keep you small whileconvincing you that you're
aiming high.
The other one will actuallyexpand your capacity to create,
deliver, and enjoy the process.
When you've put these steps intopractice in your life, you will
know the true difference betweenperfectionism and high
(16:45):
standards.
And you will know that in yourgut, that you're not lowering
the bar.
You're only finally putting thebar in the right place.
With that I pray to AllahSubhanahu wa Ta'ala, O Allah,
remove from my heart the need tobe perfect and replace it with
the courage to act.
Allow me to remember thatperfectionism is a quality that
(17:05):
only belongs to you.
Allow me to create with presenceand to improve with my wisdom.
Ya Allah, make my efforts asource of growth and anchor me
in a state of peace.
Amin Yarabul Alameen.
Please treat me in your draas.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, Dr.
Kamal Akhtar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm going to be expandingon the topic of perfectionism.
I've spoken about this before,but this is something that keeps
(00:25):
coming up.
And a lot of women come to meand tell me that all of these
goals and visions that they haveand they're working towards
them, yet they're nowhere nearaccomplishing them.
They put in a lot of hard workand they have all the right
values.
What ends up happening is thatin these coaching sessions we
end up discovering a lot ofperfectionistic tendencies, and
these tendencies hold them back.
(00:47):
In their minds the topic isoverrated and it sounds cliched
and it's been talked aboutbefore and they know logically
that perfectionism isn't good,but they still continue to do
it, and they do it in the nameof pursuit of high quality.
They say they don't want to dothings just willy nilly and
mediocre standards.
They want to put high qualitywork out in the world.
(01:09):
And for myself, as a recoveringperfectionist, I did this all at
one point in my life as well.
So now, in this journey towardsyour mental health as a Muslim
woman, not only identifying andhealing from perfectionism is an
absolute must, you must be ableto separate it from high
standards.
So let's get started.
First of all, perfectionism isnot the same thing as
(01:32):
excellence.
You think you're beingintentional and precise, and
then you tell yourself that youcare about quality, but what
you're actually doing isrehearsing failure in your mind
before you give yourself achance to succeed.
Perfectionism seduces you intobelieving that continuing to
improve will produce outcomes,when in reality the urge to
(01:54):
improve never comes to aconclusion, and that over time
produces no results.
You sit there constantlyediting, refining,
reconsidering, reworking, andyou call all of that effort, and
it does require effort anddrains your energy because it is
work, but it becomes emotionallydraining, and that physical
(02:15):
labor produces no tangibleoutput.
You are never producing lessbecause your standards are high.
You're producing less becauseyour nervous system is trying to
avoid exposure, judgment, andvulnerability of being judged.
Meaning once you host a partyand decide to serve two dishes
once you turn an assignment inor once you sign up for a
(02:37):
workout class, to make theseoutcomes possible, you would
have to allow other people tojudge you once you go through
with your goal.
Perfectionism hates that.
It hates exposure.
It will tell you that two dishesisn't enough.
You have to do ten.
It will tell you workout once ortwice a week is not enough.
You have to do more.
It will tell you that you haveto have the perfect assignment
(02:59):
in place written out before youcan submit it.
So what I'm saying is go aheadand insist on high standards.
I insist on high standards, Iconsider that a very high value
of mine.
But also don't disillusionyourself that you're not falling
into perfectionism.
And this is the difference thatwe're talking about today.
So I'm going to give you a sideby side comparison of the two so
(03:22):
that you can easily tell themapart.
High standards move whileperfectionism stalls.
High standards have momentum,they have energy, they push you
into action even when theoutcome is uncertain.
When you operate from highstandards, you're willing to
produce something today thatyour future self might even
outgrow one day, and that doesnot threaten you.
(03:44):
That excites you.
Perfectionism, on the otherhand, is obsessed with control.
It needs guarantees, it demandscertainty before you produce
anything.
And because a lot of timescertainty does not exist in
creative work, you end upfrozen.
High standards say work must beexcellent, so let me build it.
(04:05):
Perfectionism says it must beexcellent, so I cannot risk
building it until I know howperfect it will be.
Number two is quantity is theonly pathway to quality, and
your perfectionistic ego hatesthat.
What perfectionism wants is foryou to produce something great
without producing anythingmediocre first, and that is a
(04:26):
lie.
Every piece of exceptional workyou admire is built on a
graveyard of average attemptsthat nobody else sees.
Quantity is not the opposite ofquality.
Quantity is the training groundthat makes quality inevitable.
When you produce more, yougather data, you refine, you
sharpen your instincts, thequality of the outcome is much
(04:50):
higher.
This is because you're becomingless and less emotionally
attached to each individualoutput, which ironically
improves the quality of thefinal output.
Perfectionism resists quantitybecause it attaches your worth
to each mediocre piece.
High standards detach youridentity from the output and
attach it to the process whereit belongs.
(05:12):
Number three is perfectionismburns energy, while high quality
multiplies it, it feeds you, itfuels you.
And you have felt thisdifference in your body.
Perfectionism feels heavy,draining, you move slow.
When you sit down to do anywork, with perfectionism you
will feel immediate resistance,there's overthinking, there's
(05:33):
constant mental fatigue anddialogue, which is a fast track
way to burn out.
This is because you're trying tocontrol too many variables at
once, while trying to manage orsuppress your internal fear
response.
On the other hand, highstandards feel sharp, they feel
focused and surprisingly lightwhile they're producing amazing
(05:54):
results.
Here you enter a state ofcreation where effort produces
momentum.
And you might feel tired andexhausted after a full day of
high standard work, which ishuman, but that comes with the
celebration of youraccomplishment and recognition
of your humanity.
The same hour of work producesexponentially more output
(06:16):
because your brain with highstandards is not stuck in
rumination loops.
Number four is that you let goof perfectionism in the moment
you decide that exposure is thegoal.
And there is no magicalthreshold where your work
becomes ready.
That moment does not exist.
If your definition of success isflawlessness, you might as well
(06:37):
just stay stuck forever.
If your definition of success isexposure, iteration, refinement,
continuation, you will move andyou will produce.
When you're working on yourvalue of high standards, the
difference will be that it willlower the barrier to action
without lowering your standards.
Perfectionism says standards arehigh, but in that case, the
(07:00):
barriers to action always stayhigh as well.
Number five, perfectionism is adysregulated state, while high
standards comes from regulatedpower and emotional control.
Perfectionism is your nervoussystem scanning for threat and
trying to eliminate it throughcontrol.
With high standards, you'regrounded enough to tolerate
(07:21):
imperfection in the short termbecause you trust your ability
to improve over time.
And that trust is what allowsyou to move without burning out.
six, your output ratio revealsyour operating state.
Meaning look at your actualresults, not just your
intentions and your actions.
If you're putting in massiveeffort and producing very
(07:42):
little, you're in perfectionism.
There is a 5% return on yourenergy.
If you're producing constantlyand your work is improving over
time, you're operating from highstandards.
That's where your output startsto exceed your input because
your systems and your skills andyour confidence compounds.
Number seven, perfectionismedits and keeps editing before
(08:05):
it creates.
High standards create so thatthere's something worth editing.
When you're sitting withperfectionism, you're already in
correction mode, alreadyconstantly second guessing the
words and the work that doesn'teven exist yet.
It forces you to critique ablank page.
This is why it feels so heavybecause it's filled with
criticism.
(08:25):
But in the meanwhile, there'sreally nothing to respond to,
only imagine judgment.
With high standards, you createfirst and you create fast, and
then you refine something thatexists without judgment.
You give yourself material toimprove on.
eight.
Perfectionism personalizes everyoutput.
(08:46):
High standards systemize theoutput.
Under perfectionism, eachdecision feels loaded.
With high standards you removethis emotional charge, you treat
work like a system as it issupposed to be.
You produce, you evaluate,improve, you lather, rinse, and
repeat.
In this case, systems are built,which make the efficiency of the
(09:09):
task much better for the nexttime.
nine.
Perfectionism waits for theright state.
High standards build the statethrough actions.
You tell yourself that you willstart when you feel some
clarity, when you're a littlemore focused, when you have
attention, when you have time,when you feel inspired.
And that moment never reallyarrives because excellence is a
(09:31):
byproduct of movement, not aprerequisite.
With perfectionism you'll bewaiting for some sort of
alignment, some sort of feelingof readiness.
With high standards you act inorder to create alignment.
You produce your own alignment.
You might start messy, you mightstart with uncertainty, but
somewhere along the process yourthinking sharpens because of
(09:54):
your experience, because of yourflexibility, and because of your
ability to gauge and adjust.
Your nervous system enjoys thewhole process because it has
something to engage with.
ten.
Perfectionism constantly seeksvalidation before any release of
output.
High standard come with internalvalidation, something that
(10:16):
you've already approved of.
With perfectionism you wantreassurance before you put
something out.
You want to know it will landwell and it will be received
well and it won't be criticized,and that delays everything.
Perfectionism tries to secureapproval in advance, which is
really technically impossible.
High standards release the workand allow reality to respond.
(10:39):
Any kind of feedback is data,and instead of trying to predict
the responses and bracing forthem, you start learning from
them.
This is how your work improvesfaster than your thinking alone
could do.
eleven.
Perfectionism is linear.
High standards are iterative.
Perfectionism wants to get itright in one attempt, treats
(11:01):
creation like a straight linebetween idea and perfection.
That is why it feels so highstake.
High standards understand thatexcellence is built in layers.
Version one is not supposed tobe the final version.
If it is great, if it is not, itcontinues to build on it.
Version one is supposed toexist, while all the rest of the
(11:22):
versions continue to sharpenyour output.
And all of this process removesthe pressure to be perfect and
replaces it with the expectationto improve, which in a bodily
state of things is a muchlighter state to exist in.
It's much more enjoyable, muchmore fun.
twelve.
Perfectionism makes time feelscarce.
(11:43):
High standards make time workfor you.
When you spend so much timeperfecting a single piece that
you have no capacity left toproduce more, time becomes your
enemy.
You're always feeling behind,overwhelmed, running after
something, constantly trying tocatch up.
High standards use time verydifferently, because then you
are producing constantly, whichallows your body of work to
(12:05):
compound.
One piece of work informs thenext, and time becomes an ally,
because your output accumulates.
thirteen.
High standards let you win evenwhen you don't win.
Perfectionism only lets you winor lose.
With high standards you can missthe outcome completely and still
(12:25):
walk away calm and grounded,because you are extracting value
from the process itself.
You've collected insight, maybeyou've gathered pattern
recognition, or you've sharpenedyour decision making skills.
Those are all strategicbyproducts.
Those are all something that youcan bank on even though you
didn't get the outcome at all asyou expected.
(12:47):
And these byproducts compoundover time.
They keep moving you closer tothe goal each time.
Perfectionism does not allow forthat experience to exist at all.
In perfectionism, if youroutcome is not met, the entire
effort feels invalidated.
And the reason in this case youwalk away depleted is not
because you failed, but becauseperfectionism insists on
(13:08):
painting everything as a failureand you not learning anything
from the process.
And even when if you've createdwork that is perfect from your
current standards, meaningyou're operating from
perfectionism and you producesomething that is actually
acceptable from those standards,as soon as you arrive at the
product, your brain will movethe goalpost five feet further.
(13:30):
It will tell you, oh yeah, thiswas good enough yesterday, but
today not so much.
So you never really arrive atthe perfect product.
What your brain might haveconsidered perfect previously,
it stops considering it that assoon as you present it with
something, something that youthink might be good enough for
it.
So never fall into the illusionof perfectionism telling you
(13:51):
that it's for your benefit.
It's not.
It never is.
And the next one is thatperfectionism makes self
sabotage sound intelligent.
Perfectionism will give you veryconvincing arguments.
It will tell you that you'rejust being thorough, and you
care more than others.
It will tell you that it'shelping you separate excellence
from mediocrity.
(14:12):
But as you've learned from theitems I've listed in this
podcast, you will look at yourresults and your internal state
and the truth will becomeobvious.
If you're stuck, overworked andunderproducing, you are in
perfectionism.
Because high standards make selfleadership and self acceptance
much easier.
The next point is thatperfectionism does not know how
(14:34):
to prioritize.
If something enters yourawareness, it becomes something
you feel pressure to masterright away.
When you try to be perfect ineverything, you dilute your
capacity across too manydomains, and nothing really gets
your full attention.
Everything feels important,justified, and at the same time
(14:54):
it feels incomplete, because youcannot give everything your
absolute complete attention atall times.
On the other hand, highstandards are selective.
You recognize that your energyis finite and your excellence
must be directed.
High standards gather yourenergy and direct it with
intention.
You consciously decide where youwant to invest with depth, where
(15:16):
you want to put your time andeffort and attention for
refinement.
And because you're not wastingenergy over polishing everything
else, you actually have thecapacity to reach a level of
quality that perfectionism alonecould never sustain, which
produces a high standard result.
If you notice something new,something even mildly
(15:38):
interesting, and perfectionismimmediately turns it into
something that you shouldmaster, then be vigilant about
it and be careful not to fallinto that trap.
High standards will allow youthe enjoyment of exploration
without strong commitment.
You can try things, you can playwith ideas, you can engage with
them lightly, and only deepenyour investment when something
(15:59):
genuinely resonates.
What you're doing in each ofthese cases is that you're not
choosing between quality andquantity.
You're actually choosing betweentwo nervous system states.
And the real decision here isthat you're choosing between a
contracted, threat-based statethat disguises itself as
discipline, or you're choosingbetween an open, regulated state
(16:22):
that allows you to pursueexcellence without losing
yourself in the process.
One will keep you small whileconvincing you that you're
aiming high.
The other one will actuallyexpand your capacity to create,
deliver, and enjoy the process.
When you've put these steps intopractice in your life, you will
know the true difference betweenperfectionism and high
(16:45):
standards.
And you will know that in yourgut, that you're not lowering
the bar.
You're only finally putting thebar in the right place.
With that I pray to AllahSubhanahu wa Ta'ala, O Allah,
remove from my heart the need tobe perfect and replace it with
the courage to act.
Allow me to remember thatperfectionism is a quality that
(17:05):
only belongs to you.
Allow me to create with presenceand to improve with my wisdom.
Ya Allah, make my efforts asource of growth and anchor me
in a state of peace.
Amin Yarabul Alameen.
Please treat me in your draas.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Betrayal Weekly
Betrayal Weekly is back for a new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. If you would like to share your story, you can reach out to the Betrayal Team by emailing them at betrayalpod@gmail.com and follow us on Instagram at @betrayalpod and @glasspodcasts. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations, and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience, and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com