July 14, 2026 • 19 mins
You can be quiet, private, and easily drained by crowds and still become a popular trustworthy woman. We’re unpacking the myth that “she must be an extrovert” is the reason some women seem surrounded by supportive friendships, respected professional connections, and opportunities. I challenge the story many smart, capable women tell themselves, “I’m an introvert, so I’m not good with people.” That story feels accurate, but it quietly turns a skill into a life sentence.
We take a values-based approach to networking and relationship building, with a firm line between sincere connection and anything transactional. Think of social capital as trust, goodwill, and follow-through, not collecting contacts. We talk about relational equity the same way you’d talk about investing: small deposits made consistently can compound into a powerful, stable network over time. Checking in, celebrating someone’s win, remembering what matters to them, making thoughtful introductions, and keeping promises are not “small” when they’re repeated.
Then we get highly practical: introverts need a system, although they think they need to rely on pressure to create their social support. I share how a simple relational operating system reduces decision fatigue so you stop overthinking what to say, when to reach out, or whether it’s awkward. You’ll leave with ideas for a weekly plan, quick prompts to guide your outreach, and a reframed sense of legacy rooted in faith and character.
If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with a friend who calls herself “bad at networking,” and leave a review so more listeners can find the show. What’s one small relationship deposit you’ll make this week?
I invite you to join The Ummi Collective. It is a weekly coaching program for Muslim mothers raising children on the autism spectrum.
Inside, you learn how to support your child’s development in a way that builds independence, confidence, and long-term success... without losing yourself in the process.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, Dr.
Kamal Akhtar.
SPEAKER_01 (00:16):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm going to be talkingabout building relational
intelligence, especially forintroverts.
Let's say you're inspired bysomeone, you're looking at
another woman's life and you'reseeing the outcomes she's
creating.
You're seeing that she's trustedby influential people, she is
very spiritually grounded, shehas meaningful relationships,
(00:39):
and you see that she just seemsto be invited into
opportunities.
What you do to try and explainall of that is you invent a
personality trait.
You say that she must be anextrovert.
And I want to challenge thiswhole notion.
I hear intelligent Muslim womensay all the time I've never been
good with people.
(01:00):
I'm an introvert.
Networking doesn't come naturalto me.
And every time I hear it, Ithink to myself, that is not
really the problem.
The problem is simply thatthat's the story you've
practiced for the longest time.
In this scenario, do you reallysee what your brain is doing?
You took something that can belearned and transformed, and you
(01:20):
made it mean into somethingfixed.
Because if it's a personalitytrait, then you don't have to
change.
If the woman you're inspired bycreates success from networking,
then it's possible that it'sbecause she's an extrovert and
that has a little something todo with her success, but not in
a sense that you might actuallythink.
(01:41):
And I don't want to talk aboutnetworking in a sense where it
sounds transactional.
It sounds like collectingbusiness cards and adding people
on LinkedIn and attendingconferences to get to know
people to see what you canextract for them.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
I'm talking about becoming thekind of Muslim woman whose
relationships become one of hergreatest assets.
(02:04):
And the people she's in theserelationships with are what the
assets Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaentrusted her with.
A woman who invests in peoplebecause she genuinely values
them, not because she iscalculating what they'll do for
her next.
Relationships built on sincerityand high values can be one of
the greatest forms of risk onthis earth.
(02:24):
And yet many women spend yearsfocusing on money education,
self-development, which are allgood assets, but you can't
neglect the very infrastructurethat allows all of these
blessings to multiply.
And that infrastructure ismeaningful relationships.
So what I was saying is that Isee this in highly intelligent
(02:45):
women all the time that they lieto themselves.
And the smarter you are, themore sophisticated the lie
becomes.
To justify your introversion andyour personality trait, you say
I value deep conversations.
You say I don't like small talk.
You say things like I'm justselective.
The only difference betweenintroversion and extroversion is
(03:09):
how one gains their energy.
If you gather energy by beingalone, that's part of the
definition of introversion.
If you gain energy andrejuvenate by being around
people, that's part of thedefinition of extroversion.
Everything else is made up.
Your elaborate descriptionsaround how introversion keeps
(03:30):
you from networking is justanother way to avoid connection.
It's a type of an intellectualdefense that you create for
yourself.
So I'm gonna start by giving youmy example.
Alhamdulillah, I have a greatnetwork of friends.
I have an amazing professionalnetwork, but I do have to say I
did not wake up with this.
This did not spawn intoexistence out of nowhere one
(03:53):
day.
You might tend to assume whenyou look at my life that I
naturally know a lot of people.
You might notice me surroundedby physicians, entrepreneurs,
coaches, scholars, communityleaders, professionals, and you
might assume that it comesnaturally.
What your brain is doing isseeing the output and completely
missing the process.
(04:13):
You don't see the years ofeffort it took me, especially
being an introvert.
While I followed up on people Imet in conferences, you don't
see the dinners I arrange or thecollaborations I create, the
introductions I make between twopeople.
I take time out to createthoughtful messages, and I
remember meaningful facts fromconversations.
(04:34):
None of that happened justbecause suddenly I became an
extrovert.
It happened because I stoppedrelying on a personality
description of introversion andextroversion that was keeping me
chained.
Don't get me wrong, I'm stillvery much an introvert.
I gain energy, I relax by beingalone.
And since I value relationships,I value contribution, I built
(04:57):
these relationships throughsystems, especially because I
don't want to delegate a lot ofmy working memory for
remembering all of the detailsof these relationships.
And for that reason I createdsystems.
Every meaningful area of my lifeimproves the moment I build
systems around it.
And relationships are nodifferent.
(05:18):
And you already understand thisprinciple at some level because
you understand how investmentswork.
Because imagine somebody askedyou how you became financially
secure, and you answered, Iconsistently invested over 20
years.
I have a system built in place.
Now imagine they replied withno, you're just naturally
wealthy.
That would sound absurd to youbecause you understand how
(05:40):
compounding works with money.
Yet the moment you look atsomeone with extraordinary
relationship wealth, yousuddenly forget everything you
know about the concept ofcompounding, and you try to
explain it away by sayingthey're just naturally
charismatic and social.
No, they're not.
Or maybe they are, but what youare actually looking for is
what's going to benefit you, andthat is you noticing that they
(06:04):
invested in thousands of smallrelational investments and that
compounded over the years untilthey became giants and
impossible to ignore.
You can choose the relationshipsyou want to compound over time
or the ones you want to phaseout.
And there's no shame regardingphasing the relationships out
that have completed their cycle.
(06:24):
You're contributing towardsrelationship investments every
time you remember somebodyelse's struggle and you make dua
for them.
Every time you celebrate someoneelse's victory, every sincere
congratulation, everyintroduction between two people,
these are all deposits in yourrelational equity.
And the opposite of course isalso true.
(06:46):
Every time you tell yourselfyou're too busy to check in, it
takes too much of your time andenergy, you're too overwhelmed
to host, this is going to createan empty bank account from which
you can't withdraw.
One of the very importantfactors that plays a huge role
in this dynamic is the Muslimwoman's individualism trap.
And I think because of theWestern culture, a lot of Muslim
(07:07):
women have been absorbed in anindividualistic definition of
success.
You might tell yourself, I'llheal first and then I'll build
relationships.
I'll become successful first andconfident first and then people
will be attracted to me.
I'll build my business first andthen that's how I'll create a
community.
But you also have to rememberthat Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
(07:29):
created you for relationships.
Your nervous system regulatesthrough safe connection.
And while that is the case, yourcharacter also develops through
difficult people.
Think of it like this yourpatience requires another human
being to practice itselfagainst.
Your generosity requiressomebody to give to.
So Allah subhanahu wa ta'alauses all of these mechanisms to
(07:52):
make you emotionally healthy.
So for all of my introvertedwomen that are listening, while
social capital is an amazingasset, you can develop it in a
communal, non extractive, nonexploitative way.
You can let go all of yourdefinition of individualistic
success.
You can co-create your successwith community.
(08:14):
And this is a skill likeeverything else that I teach you
in this podcast.
Someone who is an extrovertcomes to this relationship
development with a differentsystem compared to someone who's
an introvert.
It's just a matter of knowingwhat works for you.
And yes, I keep repeating theword systems here because the
easiest way for me to coach youremotely is to make it super
(08:37):
simple and applicable and showyou how to place systems in your
life that does these thingsbeautifully.
So if you have aspirations tohave a wealth of beautiful and
meaningful relationships and itis currently requiring so much
of your energy that it seemsimpossible, then you need to
develop your relationaloperating system.
You need architecture.
(08:57):
You might already have all theinformation that you need.
Through this architecture, whenthe system starts to come to
shape, you will see that thework it usually took for you to
create these relationships hasbeen cut in half.
I personally created a systemthat is directly in line with my
values.
Values being that I want tocelebrate other women in their
success.
(09:18):
I want to show support whenshe's going through a hard time.
So according to that system, Idon't wake up every morning
wondering whether I should reachout to someone or not.
The system that I've put intoplace has already decided that
for me.
I don't wonder whether I shouldcongratulate somebody in person
over a text message or just sayit on their Instagram reel.
(09:40):
The system takes the confusionout.
The confusion would have mebelieve that I'm unable to reach
out because I'm an introvert,while the system decides that I
reach out regardless of whatmeans I do it through.
The system eliminates decisionfatigue.
You don't sit there and worryabout how you don't want to
sound ignorant in your message.
You don't worry about how youhaven't seen her in so long and
(10:03):
saying sorry for your loss seemsout of the blue.
You just message, you reach outto the person based on your
system in place that is foundedin your values.
It takes drama out of thepicture.
It saves you immense decisionfatigue.
If you have to think for morethan 30 seconds about who you
want to reach out to, you don'thave a strong enough system in
(10:26):
place yet.
And this does not have to be anextremely sophisticated system,
although your AI employee mightalready be very capable of
creating it.
The system can just be that youopen your contacts and you give
it a big swipe up and you closeyour eyes and you stop at the
contact.
And whatever contact you land itat, you're going to talk to
them.
The system can be that you dothis process with a physical
(10:48):
contact book.
Your system can be literallyanything that your individual
intelligent mind creates for youuntil it becomes a habit, and
you will see that this way yourrelationships will begin to
compound automatically.
Ask yourself uplifting questionsWho can I elevate today?
Who can I connect today?
(11:09):
Whose voice can I amplify?
Whose work can I make visible?
Who can I publicly celebrate?
How can I create spaces wherepeople naturally meet and feel
comfortable?
Through these systems when youbecome a woman who builds
bridges, you're going to becomeunforgettable.
And through this natural flow,you're creating ecosystems where
(11:32):
resources naturally circulate.
People will trust you more ifyou're consistent and
predictable in your dealingswith them.
If this level of relationshipbuilding feels like another
responsibility, then you'restill in the beginning of the
process of automating it.
If it still feels like work,it's because it's not familiar
(11:52):
to you yet, and all of that isokay.
Continue to work and sculpt thissystem.
It will take a fascinating shapeover time.
The woman with extraordinaryrelationships is not the
loudest, she's not even theprettiest, she's not even the
funniest or the most charismaticperson in the room.
She is simply consistent withher system.
(12:14):
Whatever system you have to putin place, do so.
System to remember names, systemaround what your value dictates.
Maybe you automate a process ofsending handwritten notes to
people.
Maybe when you go to retreatsand conferences you send
messages in the group chat, oryou send individual messages and
(12:35):
check back with them monthslater.
Maybe you celebrate people whenthere's absolutely nothing to
gain for you.
As an introvert, my brainfrequently says that I want
depth and meaning inrelationships.
And while that is true and Ihave that among my closest
relationships and friends, if Iuse that sentence to create a
(12:56):
barrier between me and otherwomen in the world, then I'm not
using it correctly.
Many of you listening to thispodcast have incredible depth,
depth of ideas and personality,but when you combine this depth
with consistency, your influencewill begin to expand
exponentially.
(13:16):
I want to clarify a few thingswhen I talk about relational
equity and building socialcapital, especially when I
equate this with compoundingwhen it comes to wealth
management, it has this subtleimplication of turning people
into currency.
When what I actually mean iswhen people care about someone,
they would go out of their wayto help them.
(13:37):
That is a natural compoundingeffect.
And you would do the same forsomeone you care for.
So I like using this term socialcapital in this context because
all of the language and theunderstanding you already carry
around wealth building, it makesit very easy for me to
communicate what I'm trying tosay, with the caveat that we're
not turning people or theirskills into tradable objects.
(14:00):
And we're not doing this becausethey go up and down in their
value.
I'm saying this more in thecontext of how you're building
relational equity, especially ifit's one of your foundational
values.
Relational equity is trust, it'sgoodwill.
It's becoming the kind of awoman that people instinctively
think of because your integrityhas become a part of your
(14:21):
reputation.
It is built by repeatedly beingcurious about people, by
uplifting other women, followingthrough with your commitments,
and all of this is a sunnah ofthe Prophet, peace be upon him.
He had one of the highestrelational and social
intelligences ever recorded.
I mention this because weseparate personal development
from Islam as though buildingrelationships is a modern
(14:45):
business strategy.
Don't forget it is propheticguidance.
The Prophet, peace be upon him,strengthened the community, even
before the revelation.
Healthy relationships are not adistraction from your Deen.
They are one of its greatestmanifestations.
So for your homework this week,I don't want you to try becoming
more extroverted.
(15:06):
I want you to become intentionalwith the system you're going to
put in place.
Maybe you want to reach out.
Introduce two people.
Maybe you want to invitesomebody for tea.
Think of something that makesfor a meaningful deposit in your
relational bank account.
Tell somebody you made dua forthem.
Follow through on a promise thatyou might have been postponing.
(15:27):
And if any of these actions seeminsignificant, don't fall a
victim to that lie.
Because this is exactly howcompounding works.
No single small investment makesyou wealthy.
No single relationship actionchanges your life.
It's the consistency thatmatters.
As an introvert, when I want toreach out to more people, and I
(15:50):
just dread the amount of energyit's going to take, I just
remind myself that I can restand relax at my own time.
And that is also a part of mysystem.
And outside of that I continueto build the architecture of the
system that I've put into place.
The system helps me meet mygoals.
Your system might include Mondayyou will text three people.
(16:12):
Tuesday you will commentthoughtfully on five people's
posts.
Wednesday you will spend extratwenty minutes on your Zoom
meeting just talking aboutpersonal life.
Thursday you will invite oneperson for coffee.
Friday you will leave a voicenote for two people.
Sunday you will sit inreflection.
Who energizes me?
Who shares my values?
(16:33):
Who do I want to invest in more?
Who do I want to become closerto?
How can I improve and revisethis system?
Extroversion and introversion isan energy preference.
Relational intelligence is apractice.
You're looking for the output ofsuccessful connection.
What you're seeing is the resultof repeated relationship
(16:54):
investments and actuallyenjoying the process.
Both introverts and extrovertshave that capacity.
The woman with the strongestrelationships is the woman with
the strongest system.
And she might not call it thatbecause it comes naturally to
her.
But you have my permission tocall it that, and you can create
a system that suits you best.
(17:16):
So after this podcast, I wantyou to stop calling yourself an
introvert as though it explainsyour future.
Maybe you are an introvert,maybe you're an ambivert, maybe
you recharge yourself by beingalone.
None of this determines thequality of the relationships
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'alahas written for you in your
risk.
Every relationship youintentionally nurture becomes
(17:38):
another opportunity for you tolove another human being for the
sake of Allah.
And perhaps your greatest legacywill be the people who became
better because they knew you.
Years from now, your life willnot be the result of your
intelligence or your degrees.
It will be the result of thepeople you intentionally
invested in.
Relationships do truly compoundlike wealth, and the greatest
(18:02):
investment you made this weekwill be the connection you made
with another human being.
With that I pray to Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala, O Allah,
make me the source ofconnection.
Purify my intentions so that Iseek people for your sake and
not for my ego.
Praise sincerity in my heartwhen it comes to generosity in
(18:23):
my relationships.
Surround me with companions whobring me closer to you, Yarab.
Help me develop the skill ofmaking somebody else feeling
seen and honored.
Bless the relationships you'vealready written for me, and
allow every act of kindness andevery sincere connection to
become an investment that earnsyour pleasure alone.
(18:45):
Amin Yarab Al Amin, please keepme in your draas, I will talk to
you guys next time.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, Dr.
Kamal Akhtar.
SPEAKER_01 (00:16):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm going to be talkingabout building relational
intelligence, especially forintroverts.
Let's say you're inspired bysomeone, you're looking at
another woman's life and you'reseeing the outcomes she's
creating.
You're seeing that she's trustedby influential people, she is
very spiritually grounded, shehas meaningful relationships,
(00:39):
and you see that she just seemsto be invited into
opportunities.
What you do to try and explainall of that is you invent a
personality trait.
You say that she must be anextrovert.
And I want to challenge thiswhole notion.
I hear intelligent Muslim womensay all the time I've never been
good with people.
(01:00):
I'm an introvert.
Networking doesn't come naturalto me.
And every time I hear it, Ithink to myself, that is not
really the problem.
The problem is simply thatthat's the story you've
practiced for the longest time.
In this scenario, do you reallysee what your brain is doing?
You took something that can belearned and transformed, and you
(01:20):
made it mean into somethingfixed.
Because if it's a personalitytrait, then you don't have to
change.
If the woman you're inspired bycreates success from networking,
then it's possible that it'sbecause she's an extrovert and
that has a little something todo with her success, but not in
a sense that you might actuallythink.
(01:41):
And I don't want to talk aboutnetworking in a sense where it
sounds transactional.
It sounds like collectingbusiness cards and adding people
on LinkedIn and attendingconferences to get to know
people to see what you canextract for them.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
I'm talking about becoming thekind of Muslim woman whose
relationships become one of hergreatest assets.
(02:04):
And the people she's in theserelationships with are what the
assets Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaentrusted her with.
A woman who invests in peoplebecause she genuinely values
them, not because she iscalculating what they'll do for
her next.
Relationships built on sincerityand high values can be one of
the greatest forms of risk onthis earth.
(02:24):
And yet many women spend yearsfocusing on money education,
self-development, which are allgood assets, but you can't
neglect the very infrastructurethat allows all of these
blessings to multiply.
And that infrastructure ismeaningful relationships.
So what I was saying is that Isee this in highly intelligent
(02:45):
women all the time that they lieto themselves.
And the smarter you are, themore sophisticated the lie
becomes.
To justify your introversion andyour personality trait, you say
I value deep conversations.
You say I don't like small talk.
You say things like I'm justselective.
The only difference betweenintroversion and extroversion is
(03:09):
how one gains their energy.
If you gather energy by beingalone, that's part of the
definition of introversion.
If you gain energy andrejuvenate by being around
people, that's part of thedefinition of extroversion.
Everything else is made up.
Your elaborate descriptionsaround how introversion keeps
(03:30):
you from networking is justanother way to avoid connection.
It's a type of an intellectualdefense that you create for
yourself.
So I'm gonna start by giving youmy example.
Alhamdulillah, I have a greatnetwork of friends.
I have an amazing professionalnetwork, but I do have to say I
did not wake up with this.
This did not spawn intoexistence out of nowhere one
(03:53):
day.
You might tend to assume whenyou look at my life that I
naturally know a lot of people.
You might notice me surroundedby physicians, entrepreneurs,
coaches, scholars, communityleaders, professionals, and you
might assume that it comesnaturally.
What your brain is doing isseeing the output and completely
missing the process.
(04:13):
You don't see the years ofeffort it took me, especially
being an introvert.
While I followed up on people Imet in conferences, you don't
see the dinners I arrange or thecollaborations I create, the
introductions I make between twopeople.
I take time out to createthoughtful messages, and I
remember meaningful facts fromconversations.
(04:34):
None of that happened justbecause suddenly I became an
extrovert.
It happened because I stoppedrelying on a personality
description of introversion andextroversion that was keeping me
chained.
Don't get me wrong, I'm stillvery much an introvert.
I gain energy, I relax by beingalone.
And since I value relationships,I value contribution, I built
(04:57):
these relationships throughsystems, especially because I
don't want to delegate a lot ofmy working memory for
remembering all of the detailsof these relationships.
And for that reason I createdsystems.
Every meaningful area of my lifeimproves the moment I build
systems around it.
And relationships are nodifferent.
(05:18):
And you already understand thisprinciple at some level because
you understand how investmentswork.
Because imagine somebody askedyou how you became financially
secure, and you answered, Iconsistently invested over 20
years.
I have a system built in place.
Now imagine they replied withno, you're just naturally
wealthy.
That would sound absurd to youbecause you understand how
(05:40):
compounding works with money.
Yet the moment you look atsomeone with extraordinary
relationship wealth, yousuddenly forget everything you
know about the concept ofcompounding, and you try to
explain it away by sayingthey're just naturally
charismatic and social.
No, they're not.
Or maybe they are, but what youare actually looking for is
what's going to benefit you, andthat is you noticing that they
(06:04):
invested in thousands of smallrelational investments and that
compounded over the years untilthey became giants and
impossible to ignore.
You can choose the relationshipsyou want to compound over time
or the ones you want to phaseout.
And there's no shame regardingphasing the relationships out
that have completed their cycle.
(06:24):
You're contributing towardsrelationship investments every
time you remember somebodyelse's struggle and you make dua
for them.
Every time you celebrate someoneelse's victory, every sincere
congratulation, everyintroduction between two people,
these are all deposits in yourrelational equity.
And the opposite of course isalso true.
(06:46):
Every time you tell yourselfyou're too busy to check in, it
takes too much of your time andenergy, you're too overwhelmed
to host, this is going to createan empty bank account from which
you can't withdraw.
One of the very importantfactors that plays a huge role
in this dynamic is the Muslimwoman's individualism trap.
And I think because of theWestern culture, a lot of Muslim
(07:07):
women have been absorbed in anindividualistic definition of
success.
You might tell yourself, I'llheal first and then I'll build
relationships.
I'll become successful first andconfident first and then people
will be attracted to me.
I'll build my business first andthen that's how I'll create a
community.
But you also have to rememberthat Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
(07:29):
created you for relationships.
Your nervous system regulatesthrough safe connection.
And while that is the case, yourcharacter also develops through
difficult people.
Think of it like this yourpatience requires another human
being to practice itselfagainst.
Your generosity requiressomebody to give to.
So Allah subhanahu wa ta'alauses all of these mechanisms to
(07:52):
make you emotionally healthy.
So for all of my introvertedwomen that are listening, while
social capital is an amazingasset, you can develop it in a
communal, non extractive, nonexploitative way.
You can let go all of yourdefinition of individualistic
success.
You can co-create your successwith community.
(08:14):
And this is a skill likeeverything else that I teach you
in this podcast.
Someone who is an extrovertcomes to this relationship
development with a differentsystem compared to someone who's
an introvert.
It's just a matter of knowingwhat works for you.
And yes, I keep repeating theword systems here because the
easiest way for me to coach youremotely is to make it super
(08:37):
simple and applicable and showyou how to place systems in your
life that does these thingsbeautifully.
So if you have aspirations tohave a wealth of beautiful and
meaningful relationships and itis currently requiring so much
of your energy that it seemsimpossible, then you need to
develop your relationaloperating system.
You need architecture.
(08:57):
You might already have all theinformation that you need.
Through this architecture, whenthe system starts to come to
shape, you will see that thework it usually took for you to
create these relationships hasbeen cut in half.
I personally created a systemthat is directly in line with my
values.
Values being that I want tocelebrate other women in their
success.
(09:18):
I want to show support whenshe's going through a hard time.
So according to that system, Idon't wake up every morning
wondering whether I should reachout to someone or not.
The system that I've put intoplace has already decided that
for me.
I don't wonder whether I shouldcongratulate somebody in person
over a text message or just sayit on their Instagram reel.
(09:40):
The system takes the confusionout.
The confusion would have mebelieve that I'm unable to reach
out because I'm an introvert,while the system decides that I
reach out regardless of whatmeans I do it through.
The system eliminates decisionfatigue.
You don't sit there and worryabout how you don't want to
sound ignorant in your message.
You don't worry about how youhaven't seen her in so long and
(10:03):
saying sorry for your loss seemsout of the blue.
You just message, you reach outto the person based on your
system in place that is foundedin your values.
It takes drama out of thepicture.
It saves you immense decisionfatigue.
If you have to think for morethan 30 seconds about who you
want to reach out to, you don'thave a strong enough system in
(10:26):
place yet.
And this does not have to be anextremely sophisticated system,
although your AI employee mightalready be very capable of
creating it.
The system can just be that youopen your contacts and you give
it a big swipe up and you closeyour eyes and you stop at the
contact.
And whatever contact you land itat, you're going to talk to
them.
The system can be that you dothis process with a physical
(10:48):
contact book.
Your system can be literallyanything that your individual
intelligent mind creates for youuntil it becomes a habit, and
you will see that this way yourrelationships will begin to
compound automatically.
Ask yourself uplifting questionsWho can I elevate today?
Who can I connect today?
(11:09):
Whose voice can I amplify?
Whose work can I make visible?
Who can I publicly celebrate?
How can I create spaces wherepeople naturally meet and feel
comfortable?
Through these systems when youbecome a woman who builds
bridges, you're going to becomeunforgettable.
And through this natural flow,you're creating ecosystems where
(11:32):
resources naturally circulate.
People will trust you more ifyou're consistent and
predictable in your dealingswith them.
If this level of relationshipbuilding feels like another
responsibility, then you'restill in the beginning of the
process of automating it.
If it still feels like work,it's because it's not familiar
(11:52):
to you yet, and all of that isokay.
Continue to work and sculpt thissystem.
It will take a fascinating shapeover time.
The woman with extraordinaryrelationships is not the
loudest, she's not even theprettiest, she's not even the
funniest or the most charismaticperson in the room.
She is simply consistent withher system.
(12:14):
Whatever system you have to putin place, do so.
System to remember names, systemaround what your value dictates.
Maybe you automate a process ofsending handwritten notes to
people.
Maybe when you go to retreatsand conferences you send
messages in the group chat, oryou send individual messages and
(12:35):
check back with them monthslater.
Maybe you celebrate people whenthere's absolutely nothing to
gain for you.
As an introvert, my brainfrequently says that I want
depth and meaning inrelationships.
And while that is true and Ihave that among my closest
relationships and friends, if Iuse that sentence to create a
(12:56):
barrier between me and otherwomen in the world, then I'm not
using it correctly.
Many of you listening to thispodcast have incredible depth,
depth of ideas and personality,but when you combine this depth
with consistency, your influencewill begin to expand
exponentially.
(13:16):
I want to clarify a few thingswhen I talk about relational
equity and building socialcapital, especially when I
equate this with compoundingwhen it comes to wealth
management, it has this subtleimplication of turning people
into currency.
When what I actually mean iswhen people care about someone,
they would go out of their wayto help them.
(13:37):
That is a natural compoundingeffect.
And you would do the same forsomeone you care for.
So I like using this term socialcapital in this context because
all of the language and theunderstanding you already carry
around wealth building, it makesit very easy for me to
communicate what I'm trying tosay, with the caveat that we're
not turning people or theirskills into tradable objects.
(14:00):
And we're not doing this becausethey go up and down in their
value.
I'm saying this more in thecontext of how you're building
relational equity, especially ifit's one of your foundational
values.
Relational equity is trust, it'sgoodwill.
It's becoming the kind of awoman that people instinctively
think of because your integrityhas become a part of your
(14:21):
reputation.
It is built by repeatedly beingcurious about people, by
uplifting other women, followingthrough with your commitments,
and all of this is a sunnah ofthe Prophet, peace be upon him.
He had one of the highestrelational and social
intelligences ever recorded.
I mention this because weseparate personal development
from Islam as though buildingrelationships is a modern
(14:45):
business strategy.
Don't forget it is propheticguidance.
The Prophet, peace be upon him,strengthened the community, even
before the revelation.
Healthy relationships are not adistraction from your Deen.
They are one of its greatestmanifestations.
So for your homework this week,I don't want you to try becoming
more extroverted.
(15:06):
I want you to become intentionalwith the system you're going to
put in place.
Maybe you want to reach out.
Introduce two people.
Maybe you want to invitesomebody for tea.
Think of something that makesfor a meaningful deposit in your
relational bank account.
Tell somebody you made dua forthem.
Follow through on a promise thatyou might have been postponing.
(15:27):
And if any of these actions seeminsignificant, don't fall a
victim to that lie.
Because this is exactly howcompounding works.
No single small investment makesyou wealthy.
No single relationship actionchanges your life.
It's the consistency thatmatters.
As an introvert, when I want toreach out to more people, and I
(15:50):
just dread the amount of energyit's going to take, I just
remind myself that I can restand relax at my own time.
And that is also a part of mysystem.
And outside of that I continueto build the architecture of the
system that I've put into place.
The system helps me meet mygoals.
Your system might include Mondayyou will text three people.
(16:12):
Tuesday you will commentthoughtfully on five people's
posts.
Wednesday you will spend extratwenty minutes on your Zoom
meeting just talking aboutpersonal life.
Thursday you will invite oneperson for coffee.
Friday you will leave a voicenote for two people.
Sunday you will sit inreflection.
Who energizes me?
Who shares my values?
(16:33):
Who do I want to invest in more?
Who do I want to become closerto?
How can I improve and revisethis system?
Extroversion and introversion isan energy preference.
Relational intelligence is apractice.
You're looking for the output ofsuccessful connection.
What you're seeing is the resultof repeated relationship
(16:54):
investments and actuallyenjoying the process.
Both introverts and extrovertshave that capacity.
The woman with the strongestrelationships is the woman with
the strongest system.
And she might not call it thatbecause it comes naturally to
her.
But you have my permission tocall it that, and you can create
a system that suits you best.
(17:16):
So after this podcast, I wantyou to stop calling yourself an
introvert as though it explainsyour future.
Maybe you are an introvert,maybe you're an ambivert, maybe
you recharge yourself by beingalone.
None of this determines thequality of the relationships
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'alahas written for you in your
risk.
Every relationship youintentionally nurture becomes
(17:38):
another opportunity for you tolove another human being for the
sake of Allah.
And perhaps your greatest legacywill be the people who became
better because they knew you.
Years from now, your life willnot be the result of your
intelligence or your degrees.
It will be the result of thepeople you intentionally
invested in.
Relationships do truly compoundlike wealth, and the greatest
(18:02):
investment you made this weekwill be the connection you made
with another human being.
With that I pray to Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala, O Allah,
make me the source ofconnection.
Purify my intentions so that Iseek people for your sake and
not for my ego.
Praise sincerity in my heartwhen it comes to generosity in
(18:23):
my relationships.
Surround me with companions whobring me closer to you, Yarab.
Help me develop the skill ofmaking somebody else feeling
seen and honored.
Bless the relationships you'vealready written for me, and
allow every act of kindness andevery sincere connection to
become an investment that earnsyour pleasure alone.
(18:45):
Amin Yarab Al Amin, please keepme in your draas, I will talk to
you guys next time.
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